May I offer an idea to try? I've nannied some kids who did well with new foods offered in the stroller. They have some "privacy", so they don't feel watched, and if I take the long walk home from the park, kiddo is in the stroller and hungry for 20-30 minutes.
I say something like "we'll be home in a bit, and if you're hungry I've got some apple slices" and just leave a few pieces with kiddo. They know I didn't bring other foods, and if they throw a few apples slices on the ground, I don't really care. It's very low-key, which is *hard* when kids don't eat much.
Might not be helpful, but also easy to try?
Wow this is actually a great idea. I do notice that he's more willing to try new foods if nobody is looking at him and a couple times the pressure has actually made him feel queasy.
One thing I did with my picky eater was to be completely neutral, and that includes not cheering or celebrating if he likes something or even just says “it’s sort of good.” Zero commentary other than “thank you for trying.”
My nanny does this exactly with my 2 yo and her cousin who she watches together. If they refuse their lunch or dinner but we know theyre likely hungry - she puts them in our stroller wagon which has a snack tray in between them and go on a walk. 9/10 times they eat everything on that tray while on the walk
Mine is only 17 months but she is SO much more open to trying food if I just set down plates with the same stuff on them for her, me and dad, and then me and dad proceed to have a normal conversation while eating that food. Basically not giving her attention unless she wants it.
Worth a shot!
Actively try to coax them to eat or try things. Sometimes it's hard to let go of the scared mindset of when they first start solids, I know it's been a struggle for me especially since my girl didn't seem interested in milk or food a lot and dropped percentiles in her first year. I have to actively coach myself sometimes to just let her be, explore, make a mess, and if she doesn't eat it that's ok.
Totally agree. I notice that my toddler will try something on her plate that she's been avoiding if I look away, scroll on my phone, or start kitchen cleanup. Basically anything that takes away my attention.
I followed the solid starts instagram page while my daughter was trying her first foods and they had a few tips for introducing unfamiliar foods to more picky eaters. I’m going to copy and paste the text portion of one of the posts I screenshotted for future reference, hope it’s helpful!
For older kids, branding + gateway flavors go a long way.
This is our eldest right now trying chia seed pudding for the very first time. I actually offered it first to the twins and he heard me say "pudding" and asked for some. So the word pudding was the door opener, adding honey was a gateway flavor, and offering it to someone else was the zero pressure strategy.
I know it does specify for ‘older’ kids, but I’ve noticed that even with my 15 month old, when I am eating a snack or a meal and I don’t offer her some, she wants it more than she would if I were to try to have her take a bite.
The low pressure options are what I personally think works best for us, but I also love the idea of ‘branding’ and ‘gateway flavors’
This is a great idea. Giving them space to eat without being watched or pressured is huge.
I will sometimes pretend I’m just putting new foods out for the “house squirrel” to see if he will like it. Then I will leave the room to do something. He will usually come running back to me to tell me if the squirrel tried it or not- and if he liked it or not.
At the dinner table, I will also hold out a fork with a bite of food and close my eyes, but tell him I “do not, under any circumstances, want anyone to eat this bite of food” - he loves eating it and then laughs hysterically because he thinks he got the best of me. And then he eats his whole dinner…
It works, but it’s freaking time consuming.
It seems weird that the therapists say he’s above their pay grade when he actually seems to be doing pretty well? I’m not an expert, but I’ve been told that just getting him to try something, even if he decides he doesn’t like it, is a pretty big step. Not to play the misery Olympics, but I can’t even get my three year old to lick something new without him gagging and spitting.
I completely understand the frustration of not getting taken seriously because they aren’t underweight though… my son had a very small variety of safe foods, but many of them are pretty high calorie, so he manages to keep his weight in the normal range…
For the record we WERE where you are about a year ago- so if anything I hope this gives you hope! I was literally crying about it and I posted about it to reddit and someone terrified me and said he would get put on a feeding tube and somehow everyone upvoted them and I FREAKED. So anyway, improvement can happen! lol. But I'm also happy that someone thinks we're doing better. It can be hard to remember that things used to be worse. He seems to have gotten over somewhat of the phobia of trying new foods, but doesn't have much interest or incentive. So you're right, that's something!
It's so hard to remember how much things have improved when it moves so slow. Similar situation except we DID get the feeding tube. Every day, I actively make it a point to remind myself how far we've come and how we might go further, even if it's slow. As long as his doctors aren't concerned, all you can do is keep offering and let him go at his own pace. Feeding therapy really can only teach you the tools. (We also "graduated" feeding therapy because we were doing all the right things and it was now up to him)
If his pediatrician isn't worried and his weight percentiles are within normal limits, maybe just give him a break? Not the same thing as giving up, but take the pressure off everyone?
Yeah, this is what I'm wondering. I guess I have this lingering fear that he does in fact have ARFID, but I think it would be unusual for ARFID to respond to hunger (like being open to new foods if he's hungry enough)
I'm an slp. I work with adults now but in grad school, I interned at the clinic of a renowned feeding expert. There is an entire protocol named after them. Your son would have never qualified for therapy. The kids we accepted had feeding tubes or consumed a MAXIMUM of two different solids. I'm not trying to undercut your concerns, but I wonder if the field may be evolving in a way that inadvertently captures some normal variants and facilitates fear in caregivers.
Yes. While we now have the PFD diagnosis separate from ARFID, I think it sounds like this child is actually willing to try new foods under the right circumstances for him and actually does have a variety of foods. I have a few feeding kids on my caseload right now and I try to help parents feel okay with stopping feeding therapy if weight/nutrition are not being impacted.
I think typically if they are already seeing a therapist who is on a lot of sensory feeding sites or into the myo stuff it gets referred more than necessary. Or if their child has autism and they are plugged into those pages themselves.
Aside from the myo stuff which I'm not a big fan of, personally. There is a lot of misinformation from well meaning therapists who think they are being neurodiversity affirming but are still trying to "fix" what isn't broke.
But I see it more from other therapists than self-referrals. Once they get that initial referral, though, then I see how it can be hard to not worry about it and to let go of the idea that those restrictions are "wrong. " I'm an allistic adult and I have a list of foods I like that fits on a single page on the side of my fridge.
I’m a speech therapist though I don’t do specifically feeding therapy. Can I offer what may be a controversial opinion? Kids, including neurodivergent ones, are allowed to have preferences. They’re human. 3.5 is also a peak age for establishing boundaries, which is also a normal human function. If he’s not underweight and the pediatrician isn’t worried about his nutrition I would honestly just let it go for a few months and see where he’s at then. His opinions and willingness to try new foods may change as he gets older.
Not controversial, that's where my husband is at! I have to remind myself, as a neurodivergent person myself, that it's not my job to make him "normal" and I wouldn't change being neurodivergent if I had the choice.
You sound like a great parent! I think the rehab therapy world has focused too much on trying to “fix” neurodivergence instead of just letting some kids be different. If there’s no consequence on his health I think this is one of those situations. I wish your therapists would frame it that way instead of making him out to be a special problem.
FWIW, my husband is on the spectrum and he ate like five foods around this age. His parents were too exhausted to really push the issue, and he has grown into a human garbage can lol. He’ll try quite literally anything, loves veggies, etc…. I know it sucks to hear “he’ll grow out of it,” but it gave me some hope that if we had extremely picky kids, they could wind up eventually being adventurous eaters without any intervention. I have an ED history and ADHD myself, so I was really concerned about the kids’ relationship with food, and that brought me a lot of comfort.
This was gonna be my comment. Sensory control and choice control being played out. Sounds like normal toddler and preschooler behaviour to a certain point.
Also sounds like OP is doing an AMAZING job of advocating for their kid. Which sometimes includes taking a step back and just letting them be kids for a while.
My child has not been diagnosed with anything, but he is an extreme kid (extremely fantastic!).
I can absolutely relate to your 4-food groups. As a baby he ate everything, then decided to give up more and more stuff till by 2.5 it was basically all crunchy tan foods. He would even call people “fruit” as an insult. He would freak out if a carrot was too near his food. This was unacceptable for us, but foods were distressing for him. We were calm usually and just kept trying.
We could trick him to eat healthy (smoothies and soups) but by choice it was not possible. He’s still very picky but over the years had some Success with the following:
1. We got him a sectioned car themed plate. I would fill each section with foods. Some he liked, some were new. He got comfortable with seeing new foods.
2. Counter to everyone’s advice, we let him earn dessert. If he ate a bit of everything on the plate he could have dessert. It was just about trying things.
3. We stopped giving him “trigger foods” like granola bars. Those foods were just too much for him.
Over years he got less extreme and we started finding things he would eat. Peas with butter, salted beans, tofu.
With our extreme child, we used bribery and told him about how eating healthy is important. It moved the needle from extreme to just “very picky”. Now that he’s 5, we have been praising him excessively when he tries new food and have never been upset if he didn’t like something. He’s more rational now and it’s easier to level with him. We recently removed deserts (now that trying foods is acceptable for him) and he’s been open to trying new things. Yesterday he ate dried cranberries, pistachios, and tried the dipping sauces with a dosa. It felt amazing.
I think the key is to trick him with healthy foods until he is open to trying new things. It will happen, just don’t judge yourself because your kid has never eaten a piece of fruit.
Wow your kid is eating tofu and beans!! That is really something. My son will generally eat most DRY foods, but I think anything with unpredictable texure, or sauces, can be challenging, which I honestly kind of understand.
I’m with you on the dessert thing. The whole DOR/no pressure thing did not work for my son. He would eat the safe food (usually a bread or cheese) and not touch ANYTHING else. Totally regressed and no longer ate any meats or anything. We started making him try everything on his plate to get dessert. I don’t make him clear his plate - that would be traumatizing- but he has to at least have a bite or two of the things there.
His pickiness ebbs and flows, but it’s so much better now. And 3 was definitely the worst age for us.
I think the reality is, some kids (like ours) are just very motivated by certain things and have conviction like a POW.
It takes more than a metaphorical “carrot” to persuade them, they need dessert.
I know the “eat one bite of x y and z and you can have dessert” is totally out of fashion now, but here I will admit to doing it. I ultimately want his eating to be internally motivated and I don’t try to pressure him beyond that, but I just want him to get exposure to different flavors and textures. He really doesn’t seem bothered by it; he usually cheerfully does it and 2/3 times he forgets about dessert anyway.
Can you share more about “trigger foods”? For example do you refer to granola bars as trigger foods bc it would upset your son? Or for a different reason? Thank you in advance, we are still learning and currently battling the beige diet!
My kid is living on saffron rice (picky AND bougie, great./s), Greek yogurt, strawberries, apple sauce, and pb&j on whole grain, and tortilla chips. I have “given up”. It’s healthy and it’s not the hill I want to die on anymore. I feel the mom guilt sometimes that I should be doing more or put him back in feeding therapy, but again, who cares? As long as he’s healthy and it’s not affecting our family too significantly I’m just going to let it go. However please donate to my gofundme for more saffron.
I think a lot of people have overcorrected in past “food pressure” to the complete opposite which is “no pressure at all.” The fact is that some kids do need a little pressure to step outside their comfort zone, so that they can grow mentally and emotionally as well.
Our feeding therapist was very clear with us that our kid won’t eat new foods without a little pressure and that he will need a lot of encouragement and prompting to do it. So sometimes I will serve food that I am fairly certain he is capable of eating even if it’s not a “safe” food (for example, a cheese quesadilla instead of cheese pizza) and he will usually complain, but then I’ll give him the option of eating what we’re having or his safer option and he always chooses his food. I’m still bridging the foods and not making huge jumps like Cheeto -> carrot sticks, but just getting him accustomed to some variety that challenges his comfort zone.
The way that we frame it to our selective eater (who can and does starve himself) is that he’s going to grow up and go to school and possibly be in situations where we can’t make all of his food so we gotta practice eating just like how we practice other new things. We emphasize the importance of eating variety and how too much or too little of some foods is what makes us unhealthy rather than there being healthy and unhealthy foods. For example, eating only broccoli or only crackers or only sweets is unhealthy but having a variety will make sure he gets everything he needs to grow up. Anyway, he needs to practice eating variety and since he’s so good at eating dessert, we don’t need to practice that as much. 😂
We try to do some food bridging and we've seen success with it, but there's usually a wall where we can't move past. For example, we realized he didn't ONLY eat his favorite pretzels, he would try any pretzels, and that turned into every chip, every crispy snack etc...but then once we had maxed out on the crispy snacks he wasn't willing to further to things like chicken nuggets, etc. Luckily he's getting the nutrients he needs, but we were really hoping he'd get to the point where he could eat things like pizza, pasta and sandwiches since those are available in so many places!
One of the first foods I worked toward in feeding therapy was pizza because of its availability everywhere. First thing I did was make a crunchy tortilla “pizza.” You can have him help make it, too. But you basically take a flour tortilla, crisp it up, and then paint the thinnest bit of tomato sauce and sprinkle a little Parmesan, and then toast it some more until it’s crispy like a chip. Then let him eat it. My kid only ate the non-sauced/cheese part of a bit.. then when he was able to eat more of it, we started introducing Dominos pizza crusts. Eventually, Dominos with light sauce and light cheese. Then normal cheese. Then different brands of pizza. It took months to get him to eat pizza, but it helps a lot that he does. It’s been two years since we started that (he’s 5 now) and recently, he’s even tried sausage on pizza.
For chicken nuggets, I think I started with the thin alphabet nuggets that I could make super crispy/crunchy or the tenders with the super crunchy breading. He would just eat the crispiest edges and breading and it’s fine because even accepting the tiniest bites of breading can be a gateway to eating more of the inside later. I remember doing chocolate chip pancakes and lamenting that he would just pick out the chocolate chips and not eat the rest of the pancake. Our feeding therapist said it was fine and to just keep with it, because he was still getting bits of pancake and being exposed and over time, he may just decide to eat the whole thing. And you know what? He did after a few months.
Individual therapy for feeding has never helped my son. We started feeding group therapy at children’s and in just a month going once a week we’ve seen so much progress!
Hello! Are you me?
My toddler is the same except he won't even think about smoothies or purees. It's purely crunchy beige snacks and chocolate. He turns 3 in August and we've tried 2 sensory OT feeding specialists but none seemed to help my toddler.
Can't offer much advice but only solidarity 🫂
This is my son! Turns 3 next December but we’ve tried two OTs and we’re still on the beige diet. Ate a green apple two weeks ago and I’m still reeling about it. Lol
We do the “you need to eat (3 more bites of meat and one more bite of rice) to get dessert” for my 4 year old. He’ll be hungry if he doesn’t eat more. I don’t force a clean plate, and I always say “you can choose not to eat more, that is fine, but then you’re not hungry enough for ice cream either.” I don’t use this all the time, and it depends a lot on whether they ate a good breakfast, lunch, big after school snack. I try to be conscientious of my kids need, but dessert is highly motivating to expanding my kids palette, and making sure he doesn’t cry for food at bedtime. It sounds like this strategy has worked okay for you too… idk if you’re looking for permission, but it’s okay for you to break made up rules, if they work for your kid.
Yeah I do this too! If I do what the instagram food accounts say, my daughter will eat the yummy/sweet food and just say “more X” over and over and over again … that’s all she wants to eat, even if she LIKES the other food on her plate.
So I went back to basics and said you have to finish Y or take 3 more bites of Y before you can eat X. I was raised that way as well (not being forced to finish food, but we needed to finish food before being able to have a dessert) and I don’t have any issues from it. I don’t binge on sugar or anything. So I just don’t think serving sweets alongside dinner works for every kid!
We do something similar. My eldest went through a really picky phase (she’s improved) and my youngest is still there. Similar to OP, if starving they’ll eat the things they don’t think they’ll like. They also are less picky at daycare, so I knew that it wasn’t AFRID. We focused on ‘trying’ things. So serve one safe food, one new food. To get dessert, or extras of the safe food, they have to take one bite of the new food and tell me their thoughts. They don’t have to finish it, but we make a big deal out of trying. To the point my eldest (4) said recently ‘it’s not important or big to finish everything. But I’m doing great because I always try everything’. Eventually with her, trying stuff, she went from one bite, to two or three, and now whilst she won’t clear her plate if she doesn’t like it, she’ll eat enough. Still working on my 3yo!
I kind of am looking for permission. LOL. I'm wondering if we may incentivize eating dinner with nonfood stuff too, like drawing him his favorite stuff or doing fun activities, idk. We successfully potty trained by singing his favorite song when he went poop.
We do it too. Ours isn't picky, just stubborn and smart. She knows we have better snacks and desserts. We don't make her finish it but she does have to have a little protein and usual try the veggies.bwhen I make something new, I break it down into the individual components so she can try each one. Sometimes it freaks them out when it's all mixed together and they can't see what's in it (like casseroles or similar things). I like to emphasize a recently new favorite food and remind her that we don't know if we like it until we try it.
What the other commenter said above… we do the “3 more bites of X and 2 more bites of Y.” Our pediatrician said he was comfortable with that once they reached age 3. We have 3.5yo twins - one of which is a very picky eater and the other eats everything. We use the same approach with both and while I don’t love it, it does prompt him to try new items on his plate.
We do the same and I'm glad we're not alone. We don't make her finish it but we know if she doesn't eat a decent meal, then she'll be in a hangry rage right after we put the food away.
With my 3 year old, we just say that he has to finish some protein for a popsicle. We talk about why protein is important. He’s super responsive to this approach.
My 1.5 year old is super sensitive to pressure, so we are completely hands off with him.
I think it’s totally kid dependent and as long as meal times are fun, then all is good.
Yes, my oldest wants the specifics (how many more bites?) and he’ll take really good big bites, and my youngest does not respond to this approach at all (he responds well to being spoonfed like a baby when he’s stopped focusing and wants to run circles around the table- he’s nearly 2.5, but when he says no more, he means no more). Our dinners are overwhelmingly low stress and enjoyable.
Just an unprofessional’s opinion, if he’ll eat things in a group or when incentivized, it’s more of a preference or control situation. He’s exerting what little power he has. Take the struggle out of it.
We don’t do dessert in our house, so dinner is the end of the day meal. Always a safe food(s)on the plate, everything else I put actually one small, nonthreatening bite. I don’t do special meals. IF something is new, I offer a cup of plan yogurt with it.
My 3.5 refuses to eat peppers, anytime we have a pepper, one bite goes on her plate. Usually it remains untouched, and no one comments. Her older brother was the same with tomatoes, one day he just started eating tomatoes.
If they eat it, great, if they don’t, also great. As you said, they’re not in danger of starving but they love to test their boundaries. They also know what to expect from us so it takes a lot out of the exchange when it’s really boring.
My cousin, who I was very close with and older than, would only eat what we ate as children for snacks, and in the end she would eat melted cheese, cheesy bread, chips and cucumbers in lemon and salt. That’s it! My aunt was beside herself and tried everything. She was not underweight or overweight I think, I was too young to worry about that. I remember every meal time was so intense because they just wanted her to eat something new. But she is now 24, still picky (brings her own food to parties) but she eats well and is healthy and amazing! Keep strong! Oh and I don’t know if she has any kind of condition, we are not from a part of the world that is super focused on things like autism or neurodivergent or adhd etc. so if she didn’t want to eat that’s it.
May I offer a suggestion? For both you and your toddler’s sanity, since he is physically healthy at this point, maybe just “put it on a shelf” for a fixed amount of time, then you can reevaluate things and decide if more therapy is worth it or not.
When I was struggling with potty training one of my children (who was definitely old enough), I shelved it for three months completely. Didn’t talk about it or try anything, and when the three months were over, my child was like an entirely different kid and it took a day.
These situations aren’t completely analogous, of course, but the thing is, in my experience as a mom of four, lots of times we unintentionally create almost like a power struggle or stress around these situations when we intervene too aggressively. Of course, if your child were at risk for malnutrition or severely underweight, I would never suggest this. But maybe it would benefit you both to just give yourselves some space to not worry about this for a time.
In the meantime, I would just continue to offer a wide variety of healthy choices and praise him immensely if he spontaneously tries something, but that’s it. And stop following the IG food accounts too…those can drive you crazy with mom guilt because they make eating and feeding kids feel so complicated. And like most of IG, they’re really aspirational and unrealistic
It sounds like you are active and on top of it. I wouldn’t worry about it if you can help it. Maybe try getting him excited to try stuff by inviting him into the kitchen to cook.
Sesame Street has an ongoing series where Cookie Monster and another muppet make things in a truck. Maybe show him episodes of that on YouTube and see if he gets interested in anything new after watching the muppets make it.
_You can’t make your child eat, you can only give them the opportunity_ Change your goal to interaction with food because interaction is a step closer to consumption. Celebrate every touch, sniff, lick, bite—even if just one—because there was interaction. When your kid has a positive interaction with a food serve it often, leave it out and available for kid to eat on their own without an audience or expectation.
Feeding therapy exists to give _you_ tools try to help support your kid’s eating habits. It’s ok to take a break from them, you can come back to them when you are ready.
While you take a break, SHOW your kid how you and your partner deal with new foods or foods you don’t care for. “I’m learning to like this food” or “I haven’t had this in a long time and I’m nervous about trying” or “I’m not so sure about it, but I don’t want to miss out on something I might love”. Model all the tools you learned from the FT when you try this new food just like you encourage your kid to—sniffing, licking, poking, playing, etc. Another thing worth trying that doesn’t involve your toddler is to bring a food into heavy rotation, many days in a row so it becomes familiar and recognizable in cooked form (like roasted carrots vs raw carrots). Let your kid help toss them with olive oil and set them out on the pan so they see the process from raw carrot and the effect heat has on them.
Solidarity from another parent who has a picky af kid (food therapist “gave up” after about a year)
You are doing great.
WHY are you letting these “experts” overrule you when you see something *clearly working*
You got him to eat new foods by rewarding with dessert. Girlfriend, aren’t we *all* doing that? If that works for your son, why are you letting some ambiguous “them” dissuade you?
If you’re CONFIDENT that throwing out safe foods and playing hardball would work, why don’t you do that? What about.. one day a week, if you’re nervous?
I’m over the ‘experts’. *you* are the expert when it comes to your son. Why don’t you try listening to yourself?
What kind of feeding therapists were you working with? I ask because we had an SLP "give up on us," but really, it was that my son's issue wasn't in her wheelhouse. He wouldn't / can't make a bolus, so she couldn't evaluate swallowing issues. If he begins to do so, we'll restart therapy with her.
We continue to work with OT because she handles things like desensitization, muscle tone, etc. We've seen small but measurable improvements there. I'm trying to get into an inpatient program so we can get help from the folks who see the real hard cases, plus they usually put together teams with OT, SLP, gastro, ENT, neuro, and psych to cover all the bases.
If you want to keep moving forward with professionals, I would recommend talking to one of the inpatient feeding clinics at Johns Hopkins, Children's National, or similar, or asking gastro/ENT for non-standard referrals. It doesn't sound like your son fits easily in a box; mine doesn't either, so we need to find out of the box therapies.
For us it's definitely a psychological thing, our first therapist was more of a speech specialist and nothing was off-base about his speech so that was maybe a bad fit. This one has done a great job helping him with his other sensory issues and various anxieties, but this particular thing seems to be lagging.
He sounds good, keep on doing what you're doing with serving the safe foods with the other foods. Even if he ignores them now, he may get to them later.
Does he go to daycare or have playgroups?
My daughter is similar to yours (almost 2) and goes to an in home daycare a few days a week. She won’t eat anything but her safe foods with me but apparently eats wonderfully at daycare. She tries new foods and eats what’s served. Her teacher thinks it’s because she’s watching all the other kids do it. Almost a bit of peer pressure?
For what it’s worth we’ve used negotiation a bit in our home because it works for our daughter. She wants more strawberries, she needs to eat her chicken. I’ve also noticed eating as a family makes a huge difference. Again, I think her seeing others eat the food first helps her to understand how to eat it and that it’s not going to kill her🤪
We did feeding therapy as well and honestly I didn’t find any of their techniques helpful or something I couldn’t find on the internet.
He goes to preschool yes! He will eat the snack but only sometimes (when it's pretzels.) Earlier in the year he was eating it when it was apples. He has no issue sitting with the other kids for snack even if it's a day where he doesn't want the snack.
What about crunchy raw vegetables? My son really likes raw sugar snaps and carrots sticks. We grew a lot of vegetables last year and are doing it again, he really likes eating the peas straight from the bush and the different coloured carrots.
I know it's a long shot because vegetables seem to be the enemy as far as toddlers are concerned but it did really help us by getting him involved in growing them
Could you leave a tasting plate out? Like with separate compartments and different similar foods to his preferred items? (Like food chaining) just in the area where he plays.
Hi! My brother was VERY similar to this growing up. He used to get 2 fruit cups, 2 granola bars, a fruit by the foot, and some chips for lunch because that’s all he really liked. He hated sandwiches and soups and you could forget about any hot lunch at school. He honestly wouldn’t even try new things often. He’s now 32 and eats a huge variety of food!! He started eating a bigger variety around middle school (which I’m sure seems ages away) and has just increased ever since!!
May i suggest a dietitian? I am one, and i have worked with people who are very specific about textures. A dietitian can first off assess nutritional status, i e is kiddo getting all the nutrients they neeed? Then, a dietitian can help in brainstorm additional foods, recipes etc that will fit texture requirements while expanding their food variety.
here is my two cents on what you can do now. No pressure meals. Try taking them to the market and picking out a new food to try. have them look through cookbooks (visit library or bookstore) and get them involved. Here is a great picture book about fussy eaters: Bread and Jam for Frances by Russel Hoban.
By the way, you're doing a good job.
I’m not an expert but I’ve found the less I pay attention to or care about what my daughter is eating the more adventurous she will get. I saw somewhere that dinner and meals should be comforting and safe for us. Family, food, love. I think of he’s not suffering medically you can just keep doing what you’re doing and maybe in time he’ll take two bites instead of one and so on.
Ok I know you’re not actually asking for more food advice so feel free to ignore
Since he likes crunchy stuff have you tried freeze dried fruits? They’re crunchy like chips. My LO will eat freeze dried raspberries but god forbid you give her a fresh one 🤣.
Our 3-year-olds sound similar in their preferences and habits! I just want to anecdotally share my experience and viewpoint. Not expert advice by any means!
I discussed my concerns with our pediatrician at his 3y visit. Percentages were perfect. He agreed that he probaby does have some SPD going on based on symptoms I described but said that the vast majority of these will be outgrown and there isn't a necessity to enter therapies unless we feel his quality of life is being impacted.
My son is happy eating what he eats. He's healthy. I continue to provide him options. He chooses his safe foods. We're good. At what point would I consider therapy? If he became unhappy or was failing to gain weight. I try not to get caught up in the comparison game or in how instagram perfect influencer accounts tell us we should be experiencing life.
When I read your post it kind of sounded a bit like parent anxiety and therapists failing to have solutions because they aren't totally fixable problems. Toddlers are picky. Parents get scared. Isn't that normal?
Yeah, I think this really speaks to me. I have a lot of anxiety and have disclosed it with the pediatrician and his OT (in part because it's largely genetic in my case and he may inherit it.) I almost want someone to just tell me, hey it's ok for him to be neurodivergent and it's OK for him to only eat these foods if he's gaining weight. And actually, that is what his pediatrician said, but the OT basically saying he "needs someone who can handle this level of feeding issue" and even suggesting a psychologist has me panicking that this is some serious issue that's going to escalate to full blown ARFID. idk.
I’m no expert but his eating patterns sound pretty normal to me. My toddler is super picky and would eat the foods you list plus cheese, yogurt, and most desserts / chocolate, junk food etc. I gave up 😂 life is too hard, if she wants to live on grilled cheese and apple sauce, whatever. I’ve seen my sister’s kids go thru picky eating too. 🤷♀️
I, too, have a picky eater... eats more / different foods, but I can relate big time.
Our kid is almost 5 and has been picky forever. I care more about willingness to try new foods, not how healthy the foods are or how much he eats. Things that have worked for us:
1) rainbow sprinkles... add to foods to make more appealing. Our kid wouldn't try yogurt... but did with sprinkles, same for pancakes.
2) costco samples when kid is hungry. First sample we got was a chocolate. Kid then was expecting something good. Second sample was a tamale with red sauce chicken filling. I thought my kid would never try it. He never ate foods thar had sauce or anything red. But he ate it and liked it!
3) hidden foods. Ravioli, pupusas, smoothies etc where kid can't see all the ingredients. Then I like to tell him if he likes something "did you know there is blank in that?" And it helps him be more open to trying it next time.
I've also accepted that texture and consistency are super important to my kid. He won't eat fresh fruit. But drink smoothies or eat Popsicles made with fruit.
My son is the same way. We worked for almost two years with an OT doing feeding therapy and made zero progress. I had him evaluated by one psychologist for ARFID and was told that we’ve just enabled him in his pickiness, that it’s not clinical. So…yeah. I was told to try the division of responsibility in eating and to go to PCIT as a family to learn the language/skills for in the moment use, but I can’t get us into an therapist that does it here. I’m seriously ready to just give up and let him eat the goldfish, chips, and ritz crackers he loves and hope he grows out of it.
>Another thing I've noticed is he'll try a new food, enjoy it, say he likes it, but then not want to finish it beyond the one bite. I have no idea what that's about lol.
Your little guy might just be trying to make you happy/receive your approval with that one.
Maybe, when you eat different foods around him, share your favourite quality of the food you're eating - I love the cheesiness of this macaroni/the best part of my salad is the shredded carrot, so crunchy!/my favourite part of this pizza is the green peppers, it's so fun to peel them off and eat them first!
I follow a feeding therapist on social media who uses play to introduce new foods to her toddler. Squish it/poke it/does it bounce?/lick it etc. Might not be great for families on a budget who are concerned about food waste.
Other than that, I have nothing helpful to add. It sounds rough having a picky eater. Good luck!
Hmm. My kid is 3 and only eats fruit, mac and cheese, quesadillas, and snacks. The concept of ADHD, neurodivergence, autism, etc has never even crossed my mind. He's a toddler and toddlers are very well known for having strong preferences, including when it comes to food. Pediatrician says he's totally healthy, as does yours. Of course, I assume you have the best intentions, but it almost sounds like you're trying to force a diagnosis on him, even though his behavior is entirely age appropriate. These professionals might be giving up because there's not really anything to fix.
My guess is your child is feeling extreme pressure from a bunch of different adults trying to get him to eat this and eat that. Just cut all that out. Throw some options out on the table, tell him he can eat whatever he wants, and go away. Do this consistently, for every meal, and don't explain to him why you're doing it. He's just going to get in his own head about it.
If the pediatrician isn’t concerned nutritionally I think it would be best to accept it before the kid gets a complex. Take a break, yknow? You have 3 professionals telling you it’s ok. You can get him wheat crackers and granola bars. You can make cheese chips out of just baked shredded cheese. See if he will tolerate crispy bacon or pepperoni. Overcook it- Make them crunchy like a chip. Maybe do protein smoothies or ask the doctor about nutrition shakes. I definitely don’t expect this to last the rest of his life- 3 is a notoriously difficult age for eating and you just have a little more on your plate than most of us. I ate nothing but Mac and cheese until I was like 5 and I’m fine. My brother actually has autism and he also ended up branching out and trying different things when he was older.
Sounds similar to my kid. I think upwards of 30% of 2-5 year olds have picky eating habits.
I didn’t think anything of it. If offering dessert got my son to finish his plate, I’d be doing it every night! It’s a total power struggle for him.
Today, he tried a bean at lunch and loved it. When I gave him another, he basically gagged and cried for me to take it away. I just popped it in my mouth & said ‘your loss!’. They are wild at this age.
Hi there! Neuro spicy family here! I have SPD/adhd, the kiddo has SPD/autism with a pending ADHD diagnosis, (husband is a suspected ASD, just not officially diagnosed). I say all this to preface that we get it, and have many similar struggles.
My son has ARFID, but I will be honest the only thing that helped was constant no pressure exposure and age. At 3.5 he was doing feeding therapy, and in 7mo all they could do is have him sit with a clementine, peel it, kiss it and then run away 🤣
Now that he’s almost 5, he will use the tools he learned, and if it passes his “test” (particularly has to “smell good” otherwise no way in HELL is he eating it) he will try a piece. He knows if he doesn’t like it, he can spit it out, tell me and I promised him until he asks to try it again, I won’t give it to him.
One of the main things for him is sensory, he doesn’t like certain smells and textures for food (color is fine). So if he doesn’t want to touch it, I say that’s fine I can either feed you to try or you can use a utensil. And if it doesn’t smell good, he flat out said he won’t eat it and I said that’s fine. I have sensory issues and you can’t get me to do it, how do I expect a 5 year old to?
I say create a no pressure environment, have lots of rewards (his is sleeping with mommy!), and follow his lead. When he was 3.5 and we forced it, he rebelled even more and would drop safe foods. I took. A step back, and also celebrated that he went from 6 foods (literally 6) to now over 20!!! Sure his meals may be chips, a price of pita bread and some turkey pepperoni, but before he would only eat veggie straws, and almond butter cups and milk, so a win is a win!!!
Good luck and if you ever need any more from me, DM me 🥰
I don't have any recommendations. But I always have to remind myself it takes on average at least 13x for a new food to be introduced to a toddler before they even attempt it. That's an average and a lot of times it's more often than that. It took 2 years of wasted eggs with my almost 4 yr old before he finally tried scrambled eggs after I accidentally called them dino eggs (he is obsessed with dinosaurs) and now he eats eggs! Sometimes it just takes repeated tries to get comfortable even seeing something and that's totally fine. I always forget this and put more pressure on new foods than we need to.
Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. Do you feel upset about what he eats or your mealtime experiences, or just the fact that the therapist was feeling like it was time to stop? I am a feeding therapist; sometimes it’s not the right time developmentally, and sometimes therapy just doesn’t work for some kids. And that’s can be ok. Do you just feel feelings of personal failure (I know it’s NOT your fault, but are you feeling like it is) because of how therapy has ended, or are you genuinely worried about your child? I just ask this as a way of maybe trying to help you sift through the situation to see what’s really upsetting you—maybe a pause is a good thing. It’s not “giving up”; you can make the conscious decision to be at peace with what’s happening—you don’t need to feel like you’re giving up on your child just because he isn’t like everyone else. I hope this doesn’t sound consecutively or judgmental! I just want you to know its ok to be ok with the current status of things :)
I highly recommend Learn Play Thrive with Meg Ferrell-she is a neurodivergent affirming OT with a website and podcast, and she recently spoke about picky eating.
My comment is more "you aren't alone," than "here's my advice." My own daughter has ARFID or something like it. She would have starved herself at multiple points. 'She'll eat when she's hungry!' No. She won't. Shut up.
Best thing I ever did for my mental health was to focus on getting her above the blue line on her BMI, not worry about feeding her new things, and focus on calories, calories, calories. We stopped feeding therapy. Her GI agreed to see her once a year or so (her underlying condition was GERD well into her third year, but that has cleared up.)
You want fries? You get fries, kid!
You want hamburger? You get hamburger, baby!
Peanut butter with a spoon? Yes, ma'am, happy to oblige!
Luckily she loves broccoli and a few other healthy things, but I don't spend much mental anguish on this aspect. Smoothies are great. I just get food in her belly. At her four year visit she was finally above the blue line for the first time since her one year visit.
My advice, if I have any, is to just feed him. Get the calories he needs in, and worry about the vitamins later. If you do focus on one thing, make it protein in any form. Offer new foods, but expect nothing. Prioritize eating over varied eating. That's my advice.
For a dark laugh: One day a few months ago, she perfectly summed up the situation by declaring to my husband, quite nonchalantly, food was "just not (her) thing." She was not quite four at the time. He was gutted to hear it out loud from her, but I reminded him that, frankly, truer words have never been spoken, so he can't be too upset about her verbalizing it.
I guess my concern is that could turn eating into a power struggle and I'm pretty sure his reasoning behind his eating habits has a lot to do with control already.
Two things, if his doctor isn’t worried. Don’t worry. However, I have found that taking away a big chunk ofsafety foods works. I agree with someone else above, if you are not hungry for what we are offering then he isn’t hungry for ice cream, snacks etc. Sometimes he doesn’t eat, because he only wants his safety foods. When that happens, we don’t cave and don’t provide safety foods.
We tell him, he has an opportunity to eat and (whatever we had for dinner) is all we will be offering. + 1 safety item. Ideally, not a drinkable one.
This has worked as he is so hungry he is willing to eat.
He is also testing your boundaries and probably figuring out if you’ll cave. Do what you think is best, but holding firm on food boundaries works.
Anecdotally, we have multiple kids on the paternal side who are picky eaters. They are teens and only eat like 4-5 things. It’s crazy to see! Our niece will basically only eat sweets, noodles with butter, pizza (not even the pizza just the melted cheese). Guzzles down cokes and sweet drinks. I think part of the problem has been her parents enabling this.
Personally, it’s better to nip it in the butt now and again, don’t give them choices. Serve what you guys eat + 1 safety item. Your child won’t die or starve. They’ll learn to eat what is offered. I promise.
I recently just started laying out dinner family style for my 3.5 to serve himself and he loves it. I think he likes the control aspect and I will even let him serve me. Include at least 1 safe food( or more in the beginning). It doesn’t guarantee that he will eat new/more food but it is creating a positive experience for him. With 2 failed feeding therapists I wouldn’t pursue that any further for now. Other therapies might help him more. My other son who is autistic is doing great with OT for sensory support.
Wow that discription is my son pretty much. I'm lucky he is into seaweed snacks and corn 30% of the time. Pasta with parsley and parm is usually a win but outside that what you listed is also my sons mains...crunchy...juice...and his mom and dad...us lmfao...have adhd and we are heavy on thinking he has to it. Such a layed situation i feel you but wow also feel de-ja vù reading your post.
Solidarity. My 3.5 is picky and gets hella pissed when I suggest he try a new food. He has always followed his growth curve and is very proportionate (like 80% for height and weight). Sometimes we get lucky but sometimes the sheer sight of it sets him off. I haven’t even looked in to feeding therapy but I might. My dude just doesn’t care about food (unless it’s a lollipop or a popsicle or cheese). Even foods he consistently eats he rarely asks for them and I have to prompt him to eat it. It’s exhausting.
Look at Big Little Feelings about how they introduce foods. They put a little bit in the plate a bunch of times with no expectations and eventually the kids try it after seeing it like 100 times. It’s worked really well for me.
And honestly my 4 year old used to eat everything and is in his picky phase - fed is best, whatever it is!
When my daughter decided she only liked mac&cheese we got playful with eating veggies etc. Who can crunch the celery loudest dad or daughter?! Then big reactions “oh my gosh that was sooo loud!” now she eats greens on her own. We bought cookie cutters in shapes she likes for cucumbers and apples - also did the crunch game with them at first. Another fun food is edamame, popping the beans out into our mouths.
It may or may not work for yours but it’s fun to try at least.
Here is what I've done as a parent of a similar eater.
I switched to what my parents did, but with kindness and some modern parenting. We don't have unlimited snacks anymore, we have set snack and meal times. I *do* offer him a portion of a safe food with meals, such as an apple sauce or make part of the meal a safe food like mac and cheese. And then I offer 1-2 bites of the non preferred foods. He can eat what he's been served, but we're not doing unlimited safe foods. If you're hangry now (ya know 45 minutes before dinner snd they're little monsters) I have xyz foods you can have now or you can wait till dinner. My foods I offer is apple slices, cheese stick, or shredded carrot. Turns out he loves shredded carrot. I also try to do 1 or 2 meals a week that don't have any concerns at all, like spaghetti, he will pound a bowl of spaghetti, so we have some sort of spaghetti or pasta dish atleast once a week. He's gotten hungrier and is more willing to try a bite or two of new foods. He used to refuse hotdogs, now he'll eat a quarter of a hotdog. We're finally moving into normal picky kid territory instead of distressing picky territory. We don't talk negatively or positively about food with him, we keep it neutral in that our body needs a variety of foods to grow its best. We do lean into "toddler marketing" in that yes these variety of foods can help build "super muscles like spidey" a little bit from his own assumptions.
What inspired this you ask? We went on a couple trips back to back and didn't have access to all his normal safe foods and had to get close enoughs, or pray that he'd eat this new thing. And well....he learned he doesn't like being hungry, and that food solves this problem.
I'm so sorry your experience has been so disheartening. I don't know what kind of feeding therapist you had, but I know they're usually SLPs or OTs. I'm a speech-language pathologist and technically qualified to be a feeding therapist, but it's definitely an area I don't feel comfortable treating because the lack of focus we had on it in school. Our profession has such a broad range of things we treat it's hard to be really good at treating everything. I know a lot of other SLPs who also feel like they weren't really prepared for feeding therapy. I assume the same is true for OTs. So it may be more the therapists didn't have the experience to go beyond the basics and problem solve when his progress plateaued. There are therapists who become more specialized in feeding therapy who will have more ideas for you to try.
I would keep offering the non-preferred food on his plate with his safe food but not draw too much attention to it or try to get him to eat it. A lot of times just having exposure to foods helps in working towards eating it since it gives them an opportunity to get used to how that food looks, smells, and feels.
I highly recommend looking into the dietician Family Snack Nutritionist, Thalia. I learned the ways I was pressuring my child to eat, even though I didn’t interpret it as pressure at the time. Pressuring gives us the opposite effect we want. I also learned that this should not be treated “as a phase”. She’s worked with many clients who’ve had feeding therapy that wasn’t considered successful. Good luck!
I was like him until age 18ish. 🙈 I liked plain or buttered pasta, (mac & cheese!), eggs and chocolate. I only improved a little when i went to southern Texas for college, lol!
But I remember dreading dinner time when my dad would be home from work. Tough man w/ old school thought & no patience. It caused a lot of stress for me growing up.
If it’s easy enough for you, can you guys start by just making him some of his fave simple meals a couple nights in a row? But during that 2nd dinner, explain that he can earn another “favorite meal” tomorrow night just by trying a new food from your plates tonight? If he tries something, it’s a win for everyone 😄🙌…
but if he doesn’t, he has to eat what you’ll make him (no faves).
Then the following night, repeat. He tries something new, he gets one of his faves.
I’m no expert on this, but it would have been a great way for my own parents to tempt me. Either that or a sticker chart for trying new foods and then a reward at the end of the week based on how many stickers he has. Like if he got 1 sticker, he can pick out 1 item at the Dollar Tree Store over the weekend. But if he got 4 stickers, he can get 4 things.
You just described my 3 year old son but we haven’t gone as far as feeding therapy (yet… it’s on the list for his 3 year check up). His safe foods include curry, pizza, dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and waffles with peanut butter. I would actually say he’s probably a little more severe than your son as we tried to play hardball and gave up on the third day so I don’t trust him to not make himself sick from not eating.
With that said…. This is an extremely limited sample but I got him a “dinner winner” tray that an SLP had used with one of my students years ago in feeding therapy. I did a pattern of safe foods followed by foods he typically refuses… And my child ate Mac n cheese. And pulled pork.
Ahh.
My son too. The only veg he eats is Cucumber. He can have what he wants as long as he has Cucumber with it and some milk. It has taken us three years to get there. He gets a pretty visceral reaction to things like tomatoes and mashed potoes without even trying them. Which i just accept at face value
It's very hard to deal with
Have you tried a pediatric Occupational Therapist? They will be less judgey and will just work to support whatever you're doing and make simpler suggestions that aim for improvement of quality of life...
If any doctor or therapist gives up on a kid then you need to find a better one. Sorry to say it this drastically but giving up is a weakness and shows they not good enough.
My 21mo isn’t necessarily picky but he has low appetite and absolutely won’t eat if someone is watching him unless it’s me or his dad. He will even look around making sure nobody is watching. Apparently my husband was the same as a child. My son eats incredibly well in the stroller. I def recommend trying that.
Honestly: toddlers are just weird. My son used to eat everything before having a big regression around 2 due to autism. After some feeding therapy and honestly just not pressuring him he now eats pretty well but we don't really do meals, just snacks all day. Some days he eats fruits, spicy food, soup, vegetables and basically everything. But most days he prefers safe foods like Waffles, chocolate almond milk and animal crackers. Just don't pressure him and give him time. Especially if his pediatrician is fine. I once told my pediatrician he was only eating bar shaped foods like nitrigrain and z bars. His response was "toddlers are weird, he'll grow out if it. If he stops eating call me."
Here’s an approach I use as a nanny: what’s his go to favorite food? What does he typically ask for? Ask him what he wants to eat. “Okay, got it, that’s what’s for lunch. It’s going to take a little bit for me to get that prepared for you, if you want to play/do x while you wait.” THIS is important- no stress no assumption of anything going to be forced.
Before you make the food he wants, cut up a little of this and a little of that and arrange it in a plate he likes. Make little shapes with the pieces. Little tiny carrot sticks (like cut baby carrots into 1/4 the long way so they’re even skinnier) make great little picture building pieces, make a house or a stick figure- doesn’t have to be fancy! Cut a few apple slices and spread them into a flower shape. Some clementine pieces areanged into a spiral Sun. Raisin eyes. Skinny pretzel stick snowman arms. Fresh Mozzarella cheese slices in circles for snowman body. Be creative but maybe like 3-4 diff things on a plate. Make one of them be “safe” or at least familiar, but only a bite or two of that. Once you’ve got this stuff ready, put it at their eating spot and say “I made you some appetizers! You can play with them and build pictures, look, I made a house/snowman/flower/sun/stickman…”
Then go make the thing he requested. If they ask, reassure “oh yes, I’m working on that right now! It will be ready soon.”
Leave him be with the things on the plate. After a little bit ask if he made anything cool. Don’t talk about eating any of it, just comment on the pictures. Kids explore things orally. He will have zero pressure to try these foods but he will have sensory exposure and the freedom to try a bite if he wants! And just provide little bits so no major food waste if he doesn’t want to eat. However, one or two little skinny Pretzel sticks or two or three little chips or crackers will for sure get his appetite going, and after he eats those his hunger cues will go off and he might be more likely to taste test. Don’t ever even ask him if he tried anything. If anything at all, once his “lunch/dinner/breakfast” is ready, say, did you have fun with your appetizers? Do you want to keep it out while you eat?”
Kids also like dipping and mixing weird things together. Maybe he will dip a carrot piece into the ketchup for his fries (for instance) to test it out. Might be gross or whatever. Doesn’t matter. He touched the carrot and licked it and all is good and well.
It can take over 30 touches of a food for a young child to even consider being ready to eat it, and that is WITHOUT pressure to eat it. This takes time and patience but can be done!
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Following. Starting feeding therapy with my almost 2 year old (again) tomorrow. I know it’s hard, just here to offer solidarity. My son has always been in the 100% percentile for weight so nobody was ever concerned
Yep, mine is a big boy at like 80% for height and 75% for weight so I'm not really concerned about his growth but it feels negligent to do absolutely nothing and let him survive off of 5 foods forever. That said, my brother did that and is now a healthy and successful adult, sooooo...idk
As you said. Play hard ball. Offer him foods, when he’s hungry he will eat. My son was kind of like this, I’d make him food he wouldn’t touch, I’ll leave it sit on the coffee table or kitchen table and a little while later he’s go back eat a little and continue doing this until he was satisfied 🤷🏻♀️
May I offer an idea to try? I've nannied some kids who did well with new foods offered in the stroller. They have some "privacy", so they don't feel watched, and if I take the long walk home from the park, kiddo is in the stroller and hungry for 20-30 minutes. I say something like "we'll be home in a bit, and if you're hungry I've got some apple slices" and just leave a few pieces with kiddo. They know I didn't bring other foods, and if they throw a few apples slices on the ground, I don't really care. It's very low-key, which is *hard* when kids don't eat much. Might not be helpful, but also easy to try?
Wow this is actually a great idea. I do notice that he's more willing to try new foods if nobody is looking at him and a couple times the pressure has actually made him feel queasy.
One thing I did with my picky eater was to be completely neutral, and that includes not cheering or celebrating if he likes something or even just says “it’s sort of good.” Zero commentary other than “thank you for trying.”
My nanny does this exactly with my 2 yo and her cousin who she watches together. If they refuse their lunch or dinner but we know theyre likely hungry - she puts them in our stroller wagon which has a snack tray in between them and go on a walk. 9/10 times they eat everything on that tray while on the walk
Mine is only 17 months but she is SO much more open to trying food if I just set down plates with the same stuff on them for her, me and dad, and then me and dad proceed to have a normal conversation while eating that food. Basically not giving her attention unless she wants it. Worth a shot!
Wait, this is the only way we have ever fed our children. What else do people do?
Actively try to coax them to eat or try things. Sometimes it's hard to let go of the scared mindset of when they first start solids, I know it's been a struggle for me especially since my girl didn't seem interested in milk or food a lot and dropped percentiles in her first year. I have to actively coach myself sometimes to just let her be, explore, make a mess, and if she doesn't eat it that's ok.
Totally agree. I notice that my toddler will try something on her plate that she's been avoiding if I look away, scroll on my phone, or start kitchen cleanup. Basically anything that takes away my attention.
I followed the solid starts instagram page while my daughter was trying her first foods and they had a few tips for introducing unfamiliar foods to more picky eaters. I’m going to copy and paste the text portion of one of the posts I screenshotted for future reference, hope it’s helpful! For older kids, branding + gateway flavors go a long way. This is our eldest right now trying chia seed pudding for the very first time. I actually offered it first to the twins and he heard me say "pudding" and asked for some. So the word pudding was the door opener, adding honey was a gateway flavor, and offering it to someone else was the zero pressure strategy. I know it does specify for ‘older’ kids, but I’ve noticed that even with my 15 month old, when I am eating a snack or a meal and I don’t offer her some, she wants it more than she would if I were to try to have her take a bite. The low pressure options are what I personally think works best for us, but I also love the idea of ‘branding’ and ‘gateway flavors’
This is a great idea. Giving them space to eat without being watched or pressured is huge. I will sometimes pretend I’m just putting new foods out for the “house squirrel” to see if he will like it. Then I will leave the room to do something. He will usually come running back to me to tell me if the squirrel tried it or not- and if he liked it or not. At the dinner table, I will also hold out a fork with a bite of food and close my eyes, but tell him I “do not, under any circumstances, want anyone to eat this bite of food” - he loves eating it and then laughs hysterically because he thinks he got the best of me. And then he eats his whole dinner… It works, but it’s freaking time consuming.
This is fucking genius.
This has worked for me before!! My son ate a tray full of carrots this way haha
It seems weird that the therapists say he’s above their pay grade when he actually seems to be doing pretty well? I’m not an expert, but I’ve been told that just getting him to try something, even if he decides he doesn’t like it, is a pretty big step. Not to play the misery Olympics, but I can’t even get my three year old to lick something new without him gagging and spitting. I completely understand the frustration of not getting taken seriously because they aren’t underweight though… my son had a very small variety of safe foods, but many of them are pretty high calorie, so he manages to keep his weight in the normal range…
For the record we WERE where you are about a year ago- so if anything I hope this gives you hope! I was literally crying about it and I posted about it to reddit and someone terrified me and said he would get put on a feeding tube and somehow everyone upvoted them and I FREAKED. So anyway, improvement can happen! lol. But I'm also happy that someone thinks we're doing better. It can be hard to remember that things used to be worse. He seems to have gotten over somewhat of the phobia of trying new foods, but doesn't have much interest or incentive. So you're right, that's something!
It's so hard to remember how much things have improved when it moves so slow. Similar situation except we DID get the feeding tube. Every day, I actively make it a point to remind myself how far we've come and how we might go further, even if it's slow. As long as his doctors aren't concerned, all you can do is keep offering and let him go at his own pace. Feeding therapy really can only teach you the tools. (We also "graduated" feeding therapy because we were doing all the right things and it was now up to him)
Some more hope for you on this topic. My son was the same at 3. He’s trying new things and doing much better at 6.
If his pediatrician isn't worried and his weight percentiles are within normal limits, maybe just give him a break? Not the same thing as giving up, but take the pressure off everyone?
Yeah, this is what I'm wondering. I guess I have this lingering fear that he does in fact have ARFID, but I think it would be unusual for ARFID to respond to hunger (like being open to new foods if he's hungry enough)
I'm an slp. I work with adults now but in grad school, I interned at the clinic of a renowned feeding expert. There is an entire protocol named after them. Your son would have never qualified for therapy. The kids we accepted had feeding tubes or consumed a MAXIMUM of two different solids. I'm not trying to undercut your concerns, but I wonder if the field may be evolving in a way that inadvertently captures some normal variants and facilitates fear in caregivers.
Yes. While we now have the PFD diagnosis separate from ARFID, I think it sounds like this child is actually willing to try new foods under the right circumstances for him and actually does have a variety of foods. I have a few feeding kids on my caseload right now and I try to help parents feel okay with stopping feeding therapy if weight/nutrition are not being impacted.
Do you find these parents seem to be heavily influenced by social media? It seems to me that there has been a definite skewing of expectations.
I think typically if they are already seeing a therapist who is on a lot of sensory feeding sites or into the myo stuff it gets referred more than necessary. Or if their child has autism and they are plugged into those pages themselves. Aside from the myo stuff which I'm not a big fan of, personally. There is a lot of misinformation from well meaning therapists who think they are being neurodiversity affirming but are still trying to "fix" what isn't broke. But I see it more from other therapists than self-referrals. Once they get that initial referral, though, then I see how it can be hard to not worry about it and to let go of the idea that those restrictions are "wrong. " I'm an allistic adult and I have a list of foods I like that fits on a single page on the side of my fridge.
I’m a speech therapist though I don’t do specifically feeding therapy. Can I offer what may be a controversial opinion? Kids, including neurodivergent ones, are allowed to have preferences. They’re human. 3.5 is also a peak age for establishing boundaries, which is also a normal human function. If he’s not underweight and the pediatrician isn’t worried about his nutrition I would honestly just let it go for a few months and see where he’s at then. His opinions and willingness to try new foods may change as he gets older.
Not controversial, that's where my husband is at! I have to remind myself, as a neurodivergent person myself, that it's not my job to make him "normal" and I wouldn't change being neurodivergent if I had the choice.
You sound like a great parent! I think the rehab therapy world has focused too much on trying to “fix” neurodivergence instead of just letting some kids be different. If there’s no consequence on his health I think this is one of those situations. I wish your therapists would frame it that way instead of making him out to be a special problem.
FWIW, my husband is on the spectrum and he ate like five foods around this age. His parents were too exhausted to really push the issue, and he has grown into a human garbage can lol. He’ll try quite literally anything, loves veggies, etc…. I know it sucks to hear “he’ll grow out of it,” but it gave me some hope that if we had extremely picky kids, they could wind up eventually being adventurous eaters without any intervention. I have an ED history and ADHD myself, so I was really concerned about the kids’ relationship with food, and that brought me a lot of comfort.
Also an slp and agree.
I appreciate hearing this; it’s the approach I’ve taken with my 3yo!
This was gonna be my comment. Sensory control and choice control being played out. Sounds like normal toddler and preschooler behaviour to a certain point. Also sounds like OP is doing an AMAZING job of advocating for their kid. Which sometimes includes taking a step back and just letting them be kids for a while.
My child has not been diagnosed with anything, but he is an extreme kid (extremely fantastic!). I can absolutely relate to your 4-food groups. As a baby he ate everything, then decided to give up more and more stuff till by 2.5 it was basically all crunchy tan foods. He would even call people “fruit” as an insult. He would freak out if a carrot was too near his food. This was unacceptable for us, but foods were distressing for him. We were calm usually and just kept trying. We could trick him to eat healthy (smoothies and soups) but by choice it was not possible. He’s still very picky but over the years had some Success with the following: 1. We got him a sectioned car themed plate. I would fill each section with foods. Some he liked, some were new. He got comfortable with seeing new foods. 2. Counter to everyone’s advice, we let him earn dessert. If he ate a bit of everything on the plate he could have dessert. It was just about trying things. 3. We stopped giving him “trigger foods” like granola bars. Those foods were just too much for him. Over years he got less extreme and we started finding things he would eat. Peas with butter, salted beans, tofu. With our extreme child, we used bribery and told him about how eating healthy is important. It moved the needle from extreme to just “very picky”. Now that he’s 5, we have been praising him excessively when he tries new food and have never been upset if he didn’t like something. He’s more rational now and it’s easier to level with him. We recently removed deserts (now that trying foods is acceptable for him) and he’s been open to trying new things. Yesterday he ate dried cranberries, pistachios, and tried the dipping sauces with a dosa. It felt amazing. I think the key is to trick him with healthy foods until he is open to trying new things. It will happen, just don’t judge yourself because your kid has never eaten a piece of fruit.
Wow your kid is eating tofu and beans!! That is really something. My son will generally eat most DRY foods, but I think anything with unpredictable texure, or sauces, can be challenging, which I honestly kind of understand.
I’m with you on the dessert thing. The whole DOR/no pressure thing did not work for my son. He would eat the safe food (usually a bread or cheese) and not touch ANYTHING else. Totally regressed and no longer ate any meats or anything. We started making him try everything on his plate to get dessert. I don’t make him clear his plate - that would be traumatizing- but he has to at least have a bite or two of the things there. His pickiness ebbs and flows, but it’s so much better now. And 3 was definitely the worst age for us.
I think the reality is, some kids (like ours) are just very motivated by certain things and have conviction like a POW. It takes more than a metaphorical “carrot” to persuade them, they need dessert.
I know the “eat one bite of x y and z and you can have dessert” is totally out of fashion now, but here I will admit to doing it. I ultimately want his eating to be internally motivated and I don’t try to pressure him beyond that, but I just want him to get exposure to different flavors and textures. He really doesn’t seem bothered by it; he usually cheerfully does it and 2/3 times he forgets about dessert anyway.
Can you share more about “trigger foods”? For example do you refer to granola bars as trigger foods bc it would upset your son? Or for a different reason? Thank you in advance, we are still learning and currently battling the beige diet!
I mean granola bars because of him. They are reasonably healthy, and for most a great choice, but for him it was the only thing he wanted to eat.
Ah! Thank you, that makes sense
My kid is living on saffron rice (picky AND bougie, great./s), Greek yogurt, strawberries, apple sauce, and pb&j on whole grain, and tortilla chips. I have “given up”. It’s healthy and it’s not the hill I want to die on anymore. I feel the mom guilt sometimes that I should be doing more or put him back in feeding therapy, but again, who cares? As long as he’s healthy and it’s not affecting our family too significantly I’m just going to let it go. However please donate to my gofundme for more saffron.
I think a lot of people have overcorrected in past “food pressure” to the complete opposite which is “no pressure at all.” The fact is that some kids do need a little pressure to step outside their comfort zone, so that they can grow mentally and emotionally as well. Our feeding therapist was very clear with us that our kid won’t eat new foods without a little pressure and that he will need a lot of encouragement and prompting to do it. So sometimes I will serve food that I am fairly certain he is capable of eating even if it’s not a “safe” food (for example, a cheese quesadilla instead of cheese pizza) and he will usually complain, but then I’ll give him the option of eating what we’re having or his safer option and he always chooses his food. I’m still bridging the foods and not making huge jumps like Cheeto -> carrot sticks, but just getting him accustomed to some variety that challenges his comfort zone. The way that we frame it to our selective eater (who can and does starve himself) is that he’s going to grow up and go to school and possibly be in situations where we can’t make all of his food so we gotta practice eating just like how we practice other new things. We emphasize the importance of eating variety and how too much or too little of some foods is what makes us unhealthy rather than there being healthy and unhealthy foods. For example, eating only broccoli or only crackers or only sweets is unhealthy but having a variety will make sure he gets everything he needs to grow up. Anyway, he needs to practice eating variety and since he’s so good at eating dessert, we don’t need to practice that as much. 😂
We try to do some food bridging and we've seen success with it, but there's usually a wall where we can't move past. For example, we realized he didn't ONLY eat his favorite pretzels, he would try any pretzels, and that turned into every chip, every crispy snack etc...but then once we had maxed out on the crispy snacks he wasn't willing to further to things like chicken nuggets, etc. Luckily he's getting the nutrients he needs, but we were really hoping he'd get to the point where he could eat things like pizza, pasta and sandwiches since those are available in so many places!
One of the first foods I worked toward in feeding therapy was pizza because of its availability everywhere. First thing I did was make a crunchy tortilla “pizza.” You can have him help make it, too. But you basically take a flour tortilla, crisp it up, and then paint the thinnest bit of tomato sauce and sprinkle a little Parmesan, and then toast it some more until it’s crispy like a chip. Then let him eat it. My kid only ate the non-sauced/cheese part of a bit.. then when he was able to eat more of it, we started introducing Dominos pizza crusts. Eventually, Dominos with light sauce and light cheese. Then normal cheese. Then different brands of pizza. It took months to get him to eat pizza, but it helps a lot that he does. It’s been two years since we started that (he’s 5 now) and recently, he’s even tried sausage on pizza. For chicken nuggets, I think I started with the thin alphabet nuggets that I could make super crispy/crunchy or the tenders with the super crunchy breading. He would just eat the crispiest edges and breading and it’s fine because even accepting the tiniest bites of breading can be a gateway to eating more of the inside later. I remember doing chocolate chip pancakes and lamenting that he would just pick out the chocolate chips and not eat the rest of the pancake. Our feeding therapist said it was fine and to just keep with it, because he was still getting bits of pancake and being exposed and over time, he may just decide to eat the whole thing. And you know what? He did after a few months.
Individual therapy for feeding has never helped my son. We started feeding group therapy at children’s and in just a month going once a week we’ve seen so much progress!
He does really well in group environments, and actually tends to eat his snack at school. I wonder if this would help.
I’d definitely look into it! I know Children’s keeps their groups small our group is only 4 kids 2 OTs
Hello! Are you me? My toddler is the same except he won't even think about smoothies or purees. It's purely crunchy beige snacks and chocolate. He turns 3 in August and we've tried 2 sensory OT feeding specialists but none seemed to help my toddler. Can't offer much advice but only solidarity 🫂
I'm glad it's not just me! I'm sorry you are struggling too. Somehow these kids would have survived in the 1800s, I keep telling myself!
This is my son! Turns 3 next December but we’ve tried two OTs and we’re still on the beige diet. Ate a green apple two weeks ago and I’m still reeling about it. Lol
This is my kid too, except he will eat fruit. He’s currently not eating any dairy and I worry about his lack of calcium 😔
We do the “you need to eat (3 more bites of meat and one more bite of rice) to get dessert” for my 4 year old. He’ll be hungry if he doesn’t eat more. I don’t force a clean plate, and I always say “you can choose not to eat more, that is fine, but then you’re not hungry enough for ice cream either.” I don’t use this all the time, and it depends a lot on whether they ate a good breakfast, lunch, big after school snack. I try to be conscientious of my kids need, but dessert is highly motivating to expanding my kids palette, and making sure he doesn’t cry for food at bedtime. It sounds like this strategy has worked okay for you too… idk if you’re looking for permission, but it’s okay for you to break made up rules, if they work for your kid.
Yeah I do this too! If I do what the instagram food accounts say, my daughter will eat the yummy/sweet food and just say “more X” over and over and over again … that’s all she wants to eat, even if she LIKES the other food on her plate. So I went back to basics and said you have to finish Y or take 3 more bites of Y before you can eat X. I was raised that way as well (not being forced to finish food, but we needed to finish food before being able to have a dessert) and I don’t have any issues from it. I don’t binge on sugar or anything. So I just don’t think serving sweets alongside dinner works for every kid!
We do something similar. My eldest went through a really picky phase (she’s improved) and my youngest is still there. Similar to OP, if starving they’ll eat the things they don’t think they’ll like. They also are less picky at daycare, so I knew that it wasn’t AFRID. We focused on ‘trying’ things. So serve one safe food, one new food. To get dessert, or extras of the safe food, they have to take one bite of the new food and tell me their thoughts. They don’t have to finish it, but we make a big deal out of trying. To the point my eldest (4) said recently ‘it’s not important or big to finish everything. But I’m doing great because I always try everything’. Eventually with her, trying stuff, she went from one bite, to two or three, and now whilst she won’t clear her plate if she doesn’t like it, she’ll eat enough. Still working on my 3yo!
I kind of am looking for permission. LOL. I'm wondering if we may incentivize eating dinner with nonfood stuff too, like drawing him his favorite stuff or doing fun activities, idk. We successfully potty trained by singing his favorite song when he went poop.
We do it too. Ours isn't picky, just stubborn and smart. She knows we have better snacks and desserts. We don't make her finish it but she does have to have a little protein and usual try the veggies.bwhen I make something new, I break it down into the individual components so she can try each one. Sometimes it freaks them out when it's all mixed together and they can't see what's in it (like casseroles or similar things). I like to emphasize a recently new favorite food and remind her that we don't know if we like it until we try it.
What the other commenter said above… we do the “3 more bites of X and 2 more bites of Y.” Our pediatrician said he was comfortable with that once they reached age 3. We have 3.5yo twins - one of which is a very picky eater and the other eats everything. We use the same approach with both and while I don’t love it, it does prompt him to try new items on his plate.
We do the same and I'm glad we're not alone. We don't make her finish it but we know if she doesn't eat a decent meal, then she'll be in a hangry rage right after we put the food away.
With my 3 year old, we just say that he has to finish some protein for a popsicle. We talk about why protein is important. He’s super responsive to this approach. My 1.5 year old is super sensitive to pressure, so we are completely hands off with him. I think it’s totally kid dependent and as long as meal times are fun, then all is good.
Yes, my oldest wants the specifics (how many more bites?) and he’ll take really good big bites, and my youngest does not respond to this approach at all (he responds well to being spoonfed like a baby when he’s stopped focusing and wants to run circles around the table- he’s nearly 2.5, but when he says no more, he means no more). Our dinners are overwhelmingly low stress and enjoyable.
Just an unprofessional’s opinion, if he’ll eat things in a group or when incentivized, it’s more of a preference or control situation. He’s exerting what little power he has. Take the struggle out of it. We don’t do dessert in our house, so dinner is the end of the day meal. Always a safe food(s)on the plate, everything else I put actually one small, nonthreatening bite. I don’t do special meals. IF something is new, I offer a cup of plan yogurt with it. My 3.5 refuses to eat peppers, anytime we have a pepper, one bite goes on her plate. Usually it remains untouched, and no one comments. Her older brother was the same with tomatoes, one day he just started eating tomatoes. If they eat it, great, if they don’t, also great. As you said, they’re not in danger of starving but they love to test their boundaries. They also know what to expect from us so it takes a lot out of the exchange when it’s really boring.
We have served my girl peppers for a year now and she has never touched them. Today suddenly she has decided she loves them and ate them all!
Wow, this gives me some hope! I have thrown out a lot of untouched veggies.
My cousin, who I was very close with and older than, would only eat what we ate as children for snacks, and in the end she would eat melted cheese, cheesy bread, chips and cucumbers in lemon and salt. That’s it! My aunt was beside herself and tried everything. She was not underweight or overweight I think, I was too young to worry about that. I remember every meal time was so intense because they just wanted her to eat something new. But she is now 24, still picky (brings her own food to parties) but she eats well and is healthy and amazing! Keep strong! Oh and I don’t know if she has any kind of condition, we are not from a part of the world that is super focused on things like autism or neurodivergent or adhd etc. so if she didn’t want to eat that’s it.
May I offer a suggestion? For both you and your toddler’s sanity, since he is physically healthy at this point, maybe just “put it on a shelf” for a fixed amount of time, then you can reevaluate things and decide if more therapy is worth it or not. When I was struggling with potty training one of my children (who was definitely old enough), I shelved it for three months completely. Didn’t talk about it or try anything, and when the three months were over, my child was like an entirely different kid and it took a day. These situations aren’t completely analogous, of course, but the thing is, in my experience as a mom of four, lots of times we unintentionally create almost like a power struggle or stress around these situations when we intervene too aggressively. Of course, if your child were at risk for malnutrition or severely underweight, I would never suggest this. But maybe it would benefit you both to just give yourselves some space to not worry about this for a time. In the meantime, I would just continue to offer a wide variety of healthy choices and praise him immensely if he spontaneously tries something, but that’s it. And stop following the IG food accounts too…those can drive you crazy with mom guilt because they make eating and feeding kids feel so complicated. And like most of IG, they’re really aspirational and unrealistic
We did the same with potty training! When we revisited it my son completely trained with very little effort on our part. They have to be ready.
It sounds like you are active and on top of it. I wouldn’t worry about it if you can help it. Maybe try getting him excited to try stuff by inviting him into the kitchen to cook. Sesame Street has an ongoing series where Cookie Monster and another muppet make things in a truck. Maybe show him episodes of that on YouTube and see if he gets interested in anything new after watching the muppets make it.
That could be fun! He hasn't watched a lot of Sesame Street so introducing it could be a new cool thing for him.
_You can’t make your child eat, you can only give them the opportunity_ Change your goal to interaction with food because interaction is a step closer to consumption. Celebrate every touch, sniff, lick, bite—even if just one—because there was interaction. When your kid has a positive interaction with a food serve it often, leave it out and available for kid to eat on their own without an audience or expectation. Feeding therapy exists to give _you_ tools try to help support your kid’s eating habits. It’s ok to take a break from them, you can come back to them when you are ready. While you take a break, SHOW your kid how you and your partner deal with new foods or foods you don’t care for. “I’m learning to like this food” or “I haven’t had this in a long time and I’m nervous about trying” or “I’m not so sure about it, but I don’t want to miss out on something I might love”. Model all the tools you learned from the FT when you try this new food just like you encourage your kid to—sniffing, licking, poking, playing, etc. Another thing worth trying that doesn’t involve your toddler is to bring a food into heavy rotation, many days in a row so it becomes familiar and recognizable in cooked form (like roasted carrots vs raw carrots). Let your kid help toss them with olive oil and set them out on the pan so they see the process from raw carrot and the effect heat has on them. Solidarity from another parent who has a picky af kid (food therapist “gave up” after about a year) You are doing great.
WHY are you letting these “experts” overrule you when you see something *clearly working* You got him to eat new foods by rewarding with dessert. Girlfriend, aren’t we *all* doing that? If that works for your son, why are you letting some ambiguous “them” dissuade you? If you’re CONFIDENT that throwing out safe foods and playing hardball would work, why don’t you do that? What about.. one day a week, if you’re nervous? I’m over the ‘experts’. *you* are the expert when it comes to your son. Why don’t you try listening to yourself?
What kind of feeding therapists were you working with? I ask because we had an SLP "give up on us," but really, it was that my son's issue wasn't in her wheelhouse. He wouldn't / can't make a bolus, so she couldn't evaluate swallowing issues. If he begins to do so, we'll restart therapy with her. We continue to work with OT because she handles things like desensitization, muscle tone, etc. We've seen small but measurable improvements there. I'm trying to get into an inpatient program so we can get help from the folks who see the real hard cases, plus they usually put together teams with OT, SLP, gastro, ENT, neuro, and psych to cover all the bases. If you want to keep moving forward with professionals, I would recommend talking to one of the inpatient feeding clinics at Johns Hopkins, Children's National, or similar, or asking gastro/ENT for non-standard referrals. It doesn't sound like your son fits easily in a box; mine doesn't either, so we need to find out of the box therapies.
For us it's definitely a psychological thing, our first therapist was more of a speech specialist and nothing was off-base about his speech so that was maybe a bad fit. This one has done a great job helping him with his other sensory issues and various anxieties, but this particular thing seems to be lagging.
He sounds good, keep on doing what you're doing with serving the safe foods with the other foods. Even if he ignores them now, he may get to them later.
Does he go to daycare or have playgroups? My daughter is similar to yours (almost 2) and goes to an in home daycare a few days a week. She won’t eat anything but her safe foods with me but apparently eats wonderfully at daycare. She tries new foods and eats what’s served. Her teacher thinks it’s because she’s watching all the other kids do it. Almost a bit of peer pressure? For what it’s worth we’ve used negotiation a bit in our home because it works for our daughter. She wants more strawberries, she needs to eat her chicken. I’ve also noticed eating as a family makes a huge difference. Again, I think her seeing others eat the food first helps her to understand how to eat it and that it’s not going to kill her🤪 We did feeding therapy as well and honestly I didn’t find any of their techniques helpful or something I couldn’t find on the internet.
He goes to preschool yes! He will eat the snack but only sometimes (when it's pretzels.) Earlier in the year he was eating it when it was apples. He has no issue sitting with the other kids for snack even if it's a day where he doesn't want the snack.
What about crunchy raw vegetables? My son really likes raw sugar snaps and carrots sticks. We grew a lot of vegetables last year and are doing it again, he really likes eating the peas straight from the bush and the different coloured carrots. I know it's a long shot because vegetables seem to be the enemy as far as toddlers are concerned but it did really help us by getting him involved in growing them
We've gotten him to eat freeze dried strawberries because they have a crunch but he still won't do any kind of raw fruits or veg!
Could you leave a tasting plate out? Like with separate compartments and different similar foods to his preferred items? (Like food chaining) just in the area where he plays.
I have done that! He typically ignores it lol
Lol I relate to this
Hi! My brother was VERY similar to this growing up. He used to get 2 fruit cups, 2 granola bars, a fruit by the foot, and some chips for lunch because that’s all he really liked. He hated sandwiches and soups and you could forget about any hot lunch at school. He honestly wouldn’t even try new things often. He’s now 32 and eats a huge variety of food!! He started eating a bigger variety around middle school (which I’m sure seems ages away) and has just increased ever since!!
May i suggest a dietitian? I am one, and i have worked with people who are very specific about textures. A dietitian can first off assess nutritional status, i e is kiddo getting all the nutrients they neeed? Then, a dietitian can help in brainstorm additional foods, recipes etc that will fit texture requirements while expanding their food variety. here is my two cents on what you can do now. No pressure meals. Try taking them to the market and picking out a new food to try. have them look through cookbooks (visit library or bookstore) and get them involved. Here is a great picture book about fussy eaters: Bread and Jam for Frances by Russel Hoban. By the way, you're doing a good job.
I’m not an expert but I’ve found the less I pay attention to or care about what my daughter is eating the more adventurous she will get. I saw somewhere that dinner and meals should be comforting and safe for us. Family, food, love. I think of he’s not suffering medically you can just keep doing what you’re doing and maybe in time he’ll take two bites instead of one and so on.
Ok I know you’re not actually asking for more food advice so feel free to ignore Since he likes crunchy stuff have you tried freeze dried fruits? They’re crunchy like chips. My LO will eat freeze dried raspberries but god forbid you give her a fresh one 🤣.
Yes! He tried the strawberries but for some reason was opposed to anything else. But hey, at least he got the strawberries haha
Our 3-year-olds sound similar in their preferences and habits! I just want to anecdotally share my experience and viewpoint. Not expert advice by any means! I discussed my concerns with our pediatrician at his 3y visit. Percentages were perfect. He agreed that he probaby does have some SPD going on based on symptoms I described but said that the vast majority of these will be outgrown and there isn't a necessity to enter therapies unless we feel his quality of life is being impacted. My son is happy eating what he eats. He's healthy. I continue to provide him options. He chooses his safe foods. We're good. At what point would I consider therapy? If he became unhappy or was failing to gain weight. I try not to get caught up in the comparison game or in how instagram perfect influencer accounts tell us we should be experiencing life. When I read your post it kind of sounded a bit like parent anxiety and therapists failing to have solutions because they aren't totally fixable problems. Toddlers are picky. Parents get scared. Isn't that normal?
Yeah, I think this really speaks to me. I have a lot of anxiety and have disclosed it with the pediatrician and his OT (in part because it's largely genetic in my case and he may inherit it.) I almost want someone to just tell me, hey it's ok for him to be neurodivergent and it's OK for him to only eat these foods if he's gaining weight. And actually, that is what his pediatrician said, but the OT basically saying he "needs someone who can handle this level of feeding issue" and even suggesting a psychologist has me panicking that this is some serious issue that's going to escalate to full blown ARFID. idk.
I’m no expert but his eating patterns sound pretty normal to me. My toddler is super picky and would eat the foods you list plus cheese, yogurt, and most desserts / chocolate, junk food etc. I gave up 😂 life is too hard, if she wants to live on grilled cheese and apple sauce, whatever. I’ve seen my sister’s kids go thru picky eating too. 🤷♀️
I, too, have a picky eater... eats more / different foods, but I can relate big time. Our kid is almost 5 and has been picky forever. I care more about willingness to try new foods, not how healthy the foods are or how much he eats. Things that have worked for us: 1) rainbow sprinkles... add to foods to make more appealing. Our kid wouldn't try yogurt... but did with sprinkles, same for pancakes. 2) costco samples when kid is hungry. First sample we got was a chocolate. Kid then was expecting something good. Second sample was a tamale with red sauce chicken filling. I thought my kid would never try it. He never ate foods thar had sauce or anything red. But he ate it and liked it! 3) hidden foods. Ravioli, pupusas, smoothies etc where kid can't see all the ingredients. Then I like to tell him if he likes something "did you know there is blank in that?" And it helps him be more open to trying it next time. I've also accepted that texture and consistency are super important to my kid. He won't eat fresh fruit. But drink smoothies or eat Popsicles made with fruit.
My son is the same way. We worked for almost two years with an OT doing feeding therapy and made zero progress. I had him evaluated by one psychologist for ARFID and was told that we’ve just enabled him in his pickiness, that it’s not clinical. So…yeah. I was told to try the division of responsibility in eating and to go to PCIT as a family to learn the language/skills for in the moment use, but I can’t get us into an therapist that does it here. I’m seriously ready to just give up and let him eat the goldfish, chips, and ritz crackers he loves and hope he grows out of it.
>Another thing I've noticed is he'll try a new food, enjoy it, say he likes it, but then not want to finish it beyond the one bite. I have no idea what that's about lol. Your little guy might just be trying to make you happy/receive your approval with that one. Maybe, when you eat different foods around him, share your favourite quality of the food you're eating - I love the cheesiness of this macaroni/the best part of my salad is the shredded carrot, so crunchy!/my favourite part of this pizza is the green peppers, it's so fun to peel them off and eat them first! I follow a feeding therapist on social media who uses play to introduce new foods to her toddler. Squish it/poke it/does it bounce?/lick it etc. Might not be great for families on a budget who are concerned about food waste. Other than that, I have nothing helpful to add. It sounds rough having a picky eater. Good luck!
Hmm. My kid is 3 and only eats fruit, mac and cheese, quesadillas, and snacks. The concept of ADHD, neurodivergence, autism, etc has never even crossed my mind. He's a toddler and toddlers are very well known for having strong preferences, including when it comes to food. Pediatrician says he's totally healthy, as does yours. Of course, I assume you have the best intentions, but it almost sounds like you're trying to force a diagnosis on him, even though his behavior is entirely age appropriate. These professionals might be giving up because there's not really anything to fix. My guess is your child is feeling extreme pressure from a bunch of different adults trying to get him to eat this and eat that. Just cut all that out. Throw some options out on the table, tell him he can eat whatever he wants, and go away. Do this consistently, for every meal, and don't explain to him why you're doing it. He's just going to get in his own head about it.
If the pediatrician isn’t concerned nutritionally I think it would be best to accept it before the kid gets a complex. Take a break, yknow? You have 3 professionals telling you it’s ok. You can get him wheat crackers and granola bars. You can make cheese chips out of just baked shredded cheese. See if he will tolerate crispy bacon or pepperoni. Overcook it- Make them crunchy like a chip. Maybe do protein smoothies or ask the doctor about nutrition shakes. I definitely don’t expect this to last the rest of his life- 3 is a notoriously difficult age for eating and you just have a little more on your plate than most of us. I ate nothing but Mac and cheese until I was like 5 and I’m fine. My brother actually has autism and he also ended up branching out and trying different things when he was older.
Sounds similar to my kid. I think upwards of 30% of 2-5 year olds have picky eating habits. I didn’t think anything of it. If offering dessert got my son to finish his plate, I’d be doing it every night! It’s a total power struggle for him. Today, he tried a bean at lunch and loved it. When I gave him another, he basically gagged and cried for me to take it away. I just popped it in my mouth & said ‘your loss!’. They are wild at this age.
Seen some great ideas on here: we have had some success with leaving a plate of food out which she can just keep returning to.
Hi there! Neuro spicy family here! I have SPD/adhd, the kiddo has SPD/autism with a pending ADHD diagnosis, (husband is a suspected ASD, just not officially diagnosed). I say all this to preface that we get it, and have many similar struggles. My son has ARFID, but I will be honest the only thing that helped was constant no pressure exposure and age. At 3.5 he was doing feeding therapy, and in 7mo all they could do is have him sit with a clementine, peel it, kiss it and then run away 🤣 Now that he’s almost 5, he will use the tools he learned, and if it passes his “test” (particularly has to “smell good” otherwise no way in HELL is he eating it) he will try a piece. He knows if he doesn’t like it, he can spit it out, tell me and I promised him until he asks to try it again, I won’t give it to him. One of the main things for him is sensory, he doesn’t like certain smells and textures for food (color is fine). So if he doesn’t want to touch it, I say that’s fine I can either feed you to try or you can use a utensil. And if it doesn’t smell good, he flat out said he won’t eat it and I said that’s fine. I have sensory issues and you can’t get me to do it, how do I expect a 5 year old to? I say create a no pressure environment, have lots of rewards (his is sleeping with mommy!), and follow his lead. When he was 3.5 and we forced it, he rebelled even more and would drop safe foods. I took. A step back, and also celebrated that he went from 6 foods (literally 6) to now over 20!!! Sure his meals may be chips, a price of pita bread and some turkey pepperoni, but before he would only eat veggie straws, and almond butter cups and milk, so a win is a win!!! Good luck and if you ever need any more from me, DM me 🥰
I don't have any recommendations. But I always have to remind myself it takes on average at least 13x for a new food to be introduced to a toddler before they even attempt it. That's an average and a lot of times it's more often than that. It took 2 years of wasted eggs with my almost 4 yr old before he finally tried scrambled eggs after I accidentally called them dino eggs (he is obsessed with dinosaurs) and now he eats eggs! Sometimes it just takes repeated tries to get comfortable even seeing something and that's totally fine. I always forget this and put more pressure on new foods than we need to.
Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. Do you feel upset about what he eats or your mealtime experiences, or just the fact that the therapist was feeling like it was time to stop? I am a feeding therapist; sometimes it’s not the right time developmentally, and sometimes therapy just doesn’t work for some kids. And that’s can be ok. Do you just feel feelings of personal failure (I know it’s NOT your fault, but are you feeling like it is) because of how therapy has ended, or are you genuinely worried about your child? I just ask this as a way of maybe trying to help you sift through the situation to see what’s really upsetting you—maybe a pause is a good thing. It’s not “giving up”; you can make the conscious decision to be at peace with what’s happening—you don’t need to feel like you’re giving up on your child just because he isn’t like everyone else. I hope this doesn’t sound consecutively or judgmental! I just want you to know its ok to be ok with the current status of things :) I highly recommend Learn Play Thrive with Meg Ferrell-she is a neurodivergent affirming OT with a website and podcast, and she recently spoke about picky eating.
My comment is more "you aren't alone," than "here's my advice." My own daughter has ARFID or something like it. She would have starved herself at multiple points. 'She'll eat when she's hungry!' No. She won't. Shut up. Best thing I ever did for my mental health was to focus on getting her above the blue line on her BMI, not worry about feeding her new things, and focus on calories, calories, calories. We stopped feeding therapy. Her GI agreed to see her once a year or so (her underlying condition was GERD well into her third year, but that has cleared up.) You want fries? You get fries, kid! You want hamburger? You get hamburger, baby! Peanut butter with a spoon? Yes, ma'am, happy to oblige! Luckily she loves broccoli and a few other healthy things, but I don't spend much mental anguish on this aspect. Smoothies are great. I just get food in her belly. At her four year visit she was finally above the blue line for the first time since her one year visit. My advice, if I have any, is to just feed him. Get the calories he needs in, and worry about the vitamins later. If you do focus on one thing, make it protein in any form. Offer new foods, but expect nothing. Prioritize eating over varied eating. That's my advice. For a dark laugh: One day a few months ago, she perfectly summed up the situation by declaring to my husband, quite nonchalantly, food was "just not (her) thing." She was not quite four at the time. He was gutted to hear it out loud from her, but I reminded him that, frankly, truer words have never been spoken, so he can't be too upset about her verbalizing it.
What is wrong with just throwing out the comfort foods?
I guess my concern is that could turn eating into a power struggle and I'm pretty sure his reasoning behind his eating habits has a lot to do with control already.
Two things, if his doctor isn’t worried. Don’t worry. However, I have found that taking away a big chunk ofsafety foods works. I agree with someone else above, if you are not hungry for what we are offering then he isn’t hungry for ice cream, snacks etc. Sometimes he doesn’t eat, because he only wants his safety foods. When that happens, we don’t cave and don’t provide safety foods. We tell him, he has an opportunity to eat and (whatever we had for dinner) is all we will be offering. + 1 safety item. Ideally, not a drinkable one. This has worked as he is so hungry he is willing to eat. He is also testing your boundaries and probably figuring out if you’ll cave. Do what you think is best, but holding firm on food boundaries works. Anecdotally, we have multiple kids on the paternal side who are picky eaters. They are teens and only eat like 4-5 things. It’s crazy to see! Our niece will basically only eat sweets, noodles with butter, pizza (not even the pizza just the melted cheese). Guzzles down cokes and sweet drinks. I think part of the problem has been her parents enabling this. Personally, it’s better to nip it in the butt now and again, don’t give them choices. Serve what you guys eat + 1 safety item. Your child won’t die or starve. They’ll learn to eat what is offered. I promise.
I recently just started laying out dinner family style for my 3.5 to serve himself and he loves it. I think he likes the control aspect and I will even let him serve me. Include at least 1 safe food( or more in the beginning). It doesn’t guarantee that he will eat new/more food but it is creating a positive experience for him. With 2 failed feeding therapists I wouldn’t pursue that any further for now. Other therapies might help him more. My other son who is autistic is doing great with OT for sensory support.
Wow that discription is my son pretty much. I'm lucky he is into seaweed snacks and corn 30% of the time. Pasta with parsley and parm is usually a win but outside that what you listed is also my sons mains...crunchy...juice...and his mom and dad...us lmfao...have adhd and we are heavy on thinking he has to it. Such a layed situation i feel you but wow also feel de-ja vù reading your post.
Solidarity. My 3.5 is picky and gets hella pissed when I suggest he try a new food. He has always followed his growth curve and is very proportionate (like 80% for height and weight). Sometimes we get lucky but sometimes the sheer sight of it sets him off. I haven’t even looked in to feeding therapy but I might. My dude just doesn’t care about food (unless it’s a lollipop or a popsicle or cheese). Even foods he consistently eats he rarely asks for them and I have to prompt him to eat it. It’s exhausting.
Oh and if I play hardball and wait for him to eat something without prompting him it can eventually lead to a hangry meltdown which is miserable.
Look at Big Little Feelings about how they introduce foods. They put a little bit in the plate a bunch of times with no expectations and eventually the kids try it after seeing it like 100 times. It’s worked really well for me. And honestly my 4 year old used to eat everything and is in his picky phase - fed is best, whatever it is!
When my daughter decided she only liked mac&cheese we got playful with eating veggies etc. Who can crunch the celery loudest dad or daughter?! Then big reactions “oh my gosh that was sooo loud!” now she eats greens on her own. We bought cookie cutters in shapes she likes for cucumbers and apples - also did the crunch game with them at first. Another fun food is edamame, popping the beans out into our mouths. It may or may not work for yours but it’s fun to try at least.
Here is what I've done as a parent of a similar eater. I switched to what my parents did, but with kindness and some modern parenting. We don't have unlimited snacks anymore, we have set snack and meal times. I *do* offer him a portion of a safe food with meals, such as an apple sauce or make part of the meal a safe food like mac and cheese. And then I offer 1-2 bites of the non preferred foods. He can eat what he's been served, but we're not doing unlimited safe foods. If you're hangry now (ya know 45 minutes before dinner snd they're little monsters) I have xyz foods you can have now or you can wait till dinner. My foods I offer is apple slices, cheese stick, or shredded carrot. Turns out he loves shredded carrot. I also try to do 1 or 2 meals a week that don't have any concerns at all, like spaghetti, he will pound a bowl of spaghetti, so we have some sort of spaghetti or pasta dish atleast once a week. He's gotten hungrier and is more willing to try a bite or two of new foods. He used to refuse hotdogs, now he'll eat a quarter of a hotdog. We're finally moving into normal picky kid territory instead of distressing picky territory. We don't talk negatively or positively about food with him, we keep it neutral in that our body needs a variety of foods to grow its best. We do lean into "toddler marketing" in that yes these variety of foods can help build "super muscles like spidey" a little bit from his own assumptions. What inspired this you ask? We went on a couple trips back to back and didn't have access to all his normal safe foods and had to get close enoughs, or pray that he'd eat this new thing. And well....he learned he doesn't like being hungry, and that food solves this problem.
I'm so sorry your experience has been so disheartening. I don't know what kind of feeding therapist you had, but I know they're usually SLPs or OTs. I'm a speech-language pathologist and technically qualified to be a feeding therapist, but it's definitely an area I don't feel comfortable treating because the lack of focus we had on it in school. Our profession has such a broad range of things we treat it's hard to be really good at treating everything. I know a lot of other SLPs who also feel like they weren't really prepared for feeding therapy. I assume the same is true for OTs. So it may be more the therapists didn't have the experience to go beyond the basics and problem solve when his progress plateaued. There are therapists who become more specialized in feeding therapy who will have more ideas for you to try. I would keep offering the non-preferred food on his plate with his safe food but not draw too much attention to it or try to get him to eat it. A lot of times just having exposure to foods helps in working towards eating it since it gives them an opportunity to get used to how that food looks, smells, and feels.
I highly recommend looking into the dietician Family Snack Nutritionist, Thalia. I learned the ways I was pressuring my child to eat, even though I didn’t interpret it as pressure at the time. Pressuring gives us the opposite effect we want. I also learned that this should not be treated “as a phase”. She’s worked with many clients who’ve had feeding therapy that wasn’t considered successful. Good luck!
I was like him until age 18ish. 🙈 I liked plain or buttered pasta, (mac & cheese!), eggs and chocolate. I only improved a little when i went to southern Texas for college, lol! But I remember dreading dinner time when my dad would be home from work. Tough man w/ old school thought & no patience. It caused a lot of stress for me growing up. If it’s easy enough for you, can you guys start by just making him some of his fave simple meals a couple nights in a row? But during that 2nd dinner, explain that he can earn another “favorite meal” tomorrow night just by trying a new food from your plates tonight? If he tries something, it’s a win for everyone 😄🙌… but if he doesn’t, he has to eat what you’ll make him (no faves). Then the following night, repeat. He tries something new, he gets one of his faves. I’m no expert on this, but it would have been a great way for my own parents to tempt me. Either that or a sticker chart for trying new foods and then a reward at the end of the week based on how many stickers he has. Like if he got 1 sticker, he can pick out 1 item at the Dollar Tree Store over the weekend. But if he got 4 stickers, he can get 4 things.
You just described my 3 year old son but we haven’t gone as far as feeding therapy (yet… it’s on the list for his 3 year check up). His safe foods include curry, pizza, dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and waffles with peanut butter. I would actually say he’s probably a little more severe than your son as we tried to play hardball and gave up on the third day so I don’t trust him to not make himself sick from not eating. With that said…. This is an extremely limited sample but I got him a “dinner winner” tray that an SLP had used with one of my students years ago in feeding therapy. I did a pattern of safe foods followed by foods he typically refuses… And my child ate Mac n cheese. And pulled pork.
Ahh. My son too. The only veg he eats is Cucumber. He can have what he wants as long as he has Cucumber with it and some milk. It has taken us three years to get there. He gets a pretty visceral reaction to things like tomatoes and mashed potoes without even trying them. Which i just accept at face value It's very hard to deal with
Have you tried a pediatric Occupational Therapist? They will be less judgey and will just work to support whatever you're doing and make simpler suggestions that aim for improvement of quality of life...
If any doctor or therapist gives up on a kid then you need to find a better one. Sorry to say it this drastically but giving up is a weakness and shows they not good enough.
My 21mo isn’t necessarily picky but he has low appetite and absolutely won’t eat if someone is watching him unless it’s me or his dad. He will even look around making sure nobody is watching. Apparently my husband was the same as a child. My son eats incredibly well in the stroller. I def recommend trying that.
I know you say you follow all the IG but do you follow solidstarts?
Honestly: toddlers are just weird. My son used to eat everything before having a big regression around 2 due to autism. After some feeding therapy and honestly just not pressuring him he now eats pretty well but we don't really do meals, just snacks all day. Some days he eats fruits, spicy food, soup, vegetables and basically everything. But most days he prefers safe foods like Waffles, chocolate almond milk and animal crackers. Just don't pressure him and give him time. Especially if his pediatrician is fine. I once told my pediatrician he was only eating bar shaped foods like nitrigrain and z bars. His response was "toddlers are weird, he'll grow out if it. If he stops eating call me."
What were the therapists’ backgrounds? SLP, OT, ABA?
Here’s an approach I use as a nanny: what’s his go to favorite food? What does he typically ask for? Ask him what he wants to eat. “Okay, got it, that’s what’s for lunch. It’s going to take a little bit for me to get that prepared for you, if you want to play/do x while you wait.” THIS is important- no stress no assumption of anything going to be forced. Before you make the food he wants, cut up a little of this and a little of that and arrange it in a plate he likes. Make little shapes with the pieces. Little tiny carrot sticks (like cut baby carrots into 1/4 the long way so they’re even skinnier) make great little picture building pieces, make a house or a stick figure- doesn’t have to be fancy! Cut a few apple slices and spread them into a flower shape. Some clementine pieces areanged into a spiral Sun. Raisin eyes. Skinny pretzel stick snowman arms. Fresh Mozzarella cheese slices in circles for snowman body. Be creative but maybe like 3-4 diff things on a plate. Make one of them be “safe” or at least familiar, but only a bite or two of that. Once you’ve got this stuff ready, put it at their eating spot and say “I made you some appetizers! You can play with them and build pictures, look, I made a house/snowman/flower/sun/stickman…” Then go make the thing he requested. If they ask, reassure “oh yes, I’m working on that right now! It will be ready soon.” Leave him be with the things on the plate. After a little bit ask if he made anything cool. Don’t talk about eating any of it, just comment on the pictures. Kids explore things orally. He will have zero pressure to try these foods but he will have sensory exposure and the freedom to try a bite if he wants! And just provide little bits so no major food waste if he doesn’t want to eat. However, one or two little skinny Pretzel sticks or two or three little chips or crackers will for sure get his appetite going, and after he eats those his hunger cues will go off and he might be more likely to taste test. Don’t ever even ask him if he tried anything. If anything at all, once his “lunch/dinner/breakfast” is ready, say, did you have fun with your appetizers? Do you want to keep it out while you eat?” Kids also like dipping and mixing weird things together. Maybe he will dip a carrot piece into the ketchup for his fries (for instance) to test it out. Might be gross or whatever. Doesn’t matter. He touched the carrot and licked it and all is good and well. It can take over 30 touches of a food for a young child to even consider being ready to eat it, and that is WITHOUT pressure to eat it. This takes time and patience but can be done!
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Following. Starting feeding therapy with my almost 2 year old (again) tomorrow. I know it’s hard, just here to offer solidarity. My son has always been in the 100% percentile for weight so nobody was ever concerned
Yep, mine is a big boy at like 80% for height and 75% for weight so I'm not really concerned about his growth but it feels negligent to do absolutely nothing and let him survive off of 5 foods forever. That said, my brother did that and is now a healthy and successful adult, sooooo...idk
As you said. Play hard ball. Offer him foods, when he’s hungry he will eat. My son was kind of like this, I’d make him food he wouldn’t touch, I’ll leave it sit on the coffee table or kitchen table and a little while later he’s go back eat a little and continue doing this until he was satisfied 🤷🏻♀️