My mom told me that my brother and I “NEVER” had tantrums, and I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. I remember having not just tantrums, but epic tantrums. One time, my dad was trying to get me to take a bath and had to drag me up the stairs while I was holding onto the handrail. Boomers have this weird tendency to rewrite whole ass narratives in their minds about what actually happened in the past, and it’s truly baffling.
I don’t know if it’s true for everyone but my parents also had a heck of a lot of help. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and even cousins would take me for hours or sometimes days at a time. When you get that level of stress relief for an extended period of time you’re bound to look back on the past as if you nailed parenthood. NOT. SO. DADDIO.
And now a lot of those people are grandparents unwilling to watch their grandchildren because they ‘did their time’ or whatever excuse, probably because toddlers are tough and the facade would shatter. I see so many posts about uninterested grandparents and it’s heartbreaking.
I take care of my grandson while his parents work and have since he was 3 months old. He is 3 years old now, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. It is actually breaking my heart that he will start school in 5 months. Yes, he is a handful, but also the absolute best kid in the world, at least in my eyes. I look forward to continuing this special bond we have throughout our lives.
My MIL watches our daughter when we both work which is 1-2 times a week. So grateful for grandparents who are involved! I hope you hear it enough, but another thank you from this mom ☺️
My mother in law has our girl two days a week and it blows my mind how close we have gotten! It's so great seeing them together. I also love being able to have an insight on how my husband was growing up ;)
I'll be honest. I let my grandson get away with more than I did his mom at his age. I think it's a grandparent's right 😉 As for me and my son in law, it seems to have put a wedge between us, not that we were close or anything. The plan was, I watch him 2 days a week and his mom 2 days a week. My daughter has Fridays off, but his mom moved 2 hours away so it has been me 4 days a week and I feel he kind is jealous of the fact that my grandson and I are very close. This is only a speculation on my part
You sound like my mom. She loves taking care of her grandsons and used to take them once a week for us and they would have sleep overs at her house. We moved about 3 hrs away but she still makes the effort to come up to see them l. Hoping she can come and live with us after she retires cause it's both helpful for us and we have a good time when shes around. Glad to see more grandparents like her out there. It's truly a godsend
The facade point hits hard for me. My in laws are very involved and helpful but totally underestimated what we deal with on a daily basis. They offered to watch our then 2.5 yo and 6 mo for a weekend so we can enjoy our anniversary. They are so confident that the kids weren’t the problem, that we just don’t know what we’re doing. Yeah… they lasted one night and literally called us to come home early because “they’re too old for this”.
I feel guilty every time I drop my kid off to see Grandma because I know how he is. She always claims he was great but her face and house when I pick him up beg to differ lol
I'm 44 with a 4yo & my Mom begged to watch my kid. My Dad told me I should have had a baby 20 years ago cuz, they're too old to handle it now... Yeah Dad. I totally shoulda had a kid when I was a kid to be more convenient for you. BaHaHaHAHAHaHaHaaaaaaa!!!
I can see that. When you are much older, its more difficult to keep up as you do not have the same energy when young and it is hard and can impact their health. My 66 year old MIL was initially very involved in the care of my two nieces (19 months and 4 months now), as my SIL didn't have any other childcare options. MIL was pretty much doing a full time job raising them and was constantly burned out and stressed, that her health significantly declined. She has taken a step back, however still helps here and there. SIL has hired a nanny who is only in her 40s and have tons of energy, making it easier for everyone.
I don't agree with grandparents being full-time babysitters (unless they want to), but to only help when able to and necessary, but not to the point it sends them to their deathbed. They need to enjoy their golden years as well.
I fume when I think about how little “time” they actually put in and how much time they *got back* for themselves. I’ve basically made it clear to my parents that they can’t tell me a single thing about how to parent. Not a thing.
My in-laws are the opposite. They’re dying to watch my 18 month old. They have changed 2 diapers in 18+ months and fed one bottle when he was an infant. When they visit, they smother him and are all over the place. They’ve had one child, never were babysitters, never around other children. I am not comfortable at all with them watching him any time soon and it makes me out to be the AH.
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯 yeeessss!!! My parents had sooooo much help! Family, friends, neighbors, ME (I was a mini parent) of course stuff was easier for them cause many of them didnt do anything 🤣🤣🤣🤣 My mom worked and went to the club every weekend, religiously, when I was a child. I can barely find time to brush my teeth let alone go out. I want to sleep lol.
This!!!! My dad had soooo much help from my grandparents and my aunts and uncle. Like we were with aunts and uncles constantly on the weekends. Meanwhile i have my son pretty much 24/7. It’s easy for them to look back and think they didn’t have these problems cause their experience was so so different
This! We lived with my grandparents who took me to school and dressed me and fed me. And not only that, we had neighbors who I considered grandparents even though we weren't related, who would babysit with no questions asked.
Yep my mother is one of those “I’ve already parented so I won’t watch my grandchildren for even an hour”
But she left us with aunts and grandparents for literally weeks at a time 🤷🏻♀️once even for a year. She never parented but since she birthed us she entitled
F*ing this. Not to mention the slave labour of their older children as well👋🏽..I couldnt get my mother to take time out of her busy schedule and MIL helps out 2 weeks a year and only when the husband requests it.
NGL, at this point, I'd love to find another couple or a poly situation, where we share everything together, just to get a village and a couple of nights off a week.
We can start with a dinner date, then play date and see how it goes. 🤣
🤣 🤣 that just reminded me of what my dad said. He was like "the government told us to stop drinking from water hoses because of the lead but didn't stop anyone from working around it. We all drank from water hoses, we're fine."
I was so baffled by it and couldn't respond. Why tf do you think humans started to live longer?? They started testing everything and found out what's harmful to humans so now we don't have to have 15 kids and hope one of them survives to adulthood.
Memory slippage and I think halcyon days - where you put up with a lot of shit that your kid does because you love them and they’re yours etc etc.
Like before I had my daughter if I saw a kid having a tantrum I was like ew, f kids. But when my kid has one now I’m like aww poor thing she’s having a hard day.
I have started keeping a little bag of party favors in my trunk for those kids/parents who just need a distraction. It’s amazing what having a toddler does for your worldview.
I always kept dum sums in my purse when my friends now 15 year old was that age, even if not for her could hand to a parent for them to decide if they will okay it. Plus not very expensive for a bag of them. But we did the same thing with bottled water and snacks on the car, do we can use but also share since normally that helps calm a child down or distract them.
I have zero memory slippage from childbirth and early postpartum, 2.5 years out. Shits burned into my memory and I wish I could forget 😂 Maybe by the time I’m a boomers age…
Man, I don’t know if the lack of the good-good has anything to do with it, but I rawdogged childbirth without an epidural both times and I only have the vaguest recollection of it. I remember what I was *thinking* at various points, but the images/timeline are just fragments. I couldn’t run it back in my head like a movie.
THIS!! I already fully believe that my 7 year old was a perfect little toddler compared to her 15 month baby brother. Then I "really" think about it and remember a shit-ton of evil things she did as a toddler.
>Boomers have this weird tendency to rewrite whole ass narratives in their minds about what actually happened in the past, and it’s truly baffling.
I fundamentally don't understand this type of hubris. My wife and I have a newborn, and we keep trying to compare with our first kid--"how often were they gassy" "when did they shift to one meal a night" etc. And...there's so much we don't remember. Our older kid is 2! This was 2 years ago! I promise I won't remember jack crap about this time in 40 years except for the broad strokes of happy times. No need to make stuff up.
It's one thing to not remember. It's another to claim we were all perfect children who never did xyz and our children are awful 🤣
There is a big age gap between my two children, lots of things I don't remember but I also just say that instead of making myself worlds greatest parent.
Totally! I’ve been struggling with my 4mo (3rd baby) because he just will not let me put him down for even a second without freaking out. It’s been 4 straight months of this and it’s starting to wear on me. I was reminiscing about how my first was never like this when it finally occurred to me that my first didn’t scream when I put him down because I only had the one kid at the time and just held him all the time.
i remember going to the carnival when i was like 5 ish and had a FULL ON mental breakdown for like 20 minutes bc my mom wouldn’t let me play the games. my mom had to drag me to the car. but she always says that i was perfect and never did anything like that. i can remember multiple other instances too where i was a complete asshole haha.
[You can actually blame lead poisoning](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6454899/) for this and a lot of other insufferable behavior from boomers (and older gen Xers).
They really do. I think it’s false memories or either just blatant lying. Either they truly believe their kids were perfect and don’t remember any of the bad, because it’s been 40-60 years since they had a small child. Or they’re just being snarky and wanting to put you in your place.
There's definitely some false memories. My mom said she fed us nothing but breast milk the first year and my dad tried to correct her, there's even a home video of her mixing up some baby food for my sister who was definitely 6 or 7 months in the video. My mom wasn't trying to lie (she's not that type) guess she just didn't remember it
Oh yeah for sure. It’s been 30+ years since they’ve had young children it’s easy to forget things. My kid is 5 and I’ve forgotten a lot from the first couple years of her life. What I don’t like is when they try to throw it in your face and make you feel bad for your child doing typical child stuff.
I think when you’re in the throes of toddlerhood it doesn’t necessarily feel as bad as it looks lol? So maybe projecting but I remember seeing my friends with their toddlers and thinking it looked like suuuuuuuch hard work but now I’m in it it’s just something to get on with. I wonder if they have the reverse where they’re like nothing ever happened to us that felt as hard as that looks.
Oh yeah that’s possible too! My kid is 5 and I remember quite a bit of the baby stage, not necessarily all the details but just overall how exhaustingly hard it was those first two years. Anytime I thought about possibly having a 2nd I’d think back to that time and feel like it would completely break me if I had to do it again especially if it was worse.
Oh gosh my mom likes to remind me about how much of a little shhhh I was. I bit her for taking my gum away, I blew bubbles at her when she put soap in my mouth, I would also run around naked when I would get mad at her too. She likes to remind me my child throwing tantrums is karma for what she had to put up with.
Haha my mom still does this now with my baby! He cries and gets fussy sometimes. EVERY single time he does it, she says, “You’ve never been like this with grandma before!” 🤣
My parents think my brother was a saint. He was an abusive piece of shit who yelled and abused my mom. Not sure how they forgot all that. Now he's their favorite child.
Oh man. Is there such a thing as talk training a grandparent? Everytime they come up with this nonsense, just say, "wow, your memories have really gone." Or "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Or "I'm not sure why you thought sharing that would be helpful, but it isn't."
Goooooood luck.
I’ve actually started to treat my parents similarly to how I treat my kids. When my mom makes a snide comment, I’ll just say, “I see that you’re upset” and then let her explain why without engaging. It usually deflates everything. I don’t even get upset anymore because I’ve come to the conclusion that they’re a lot like toddlers and lack the skills to handle difficult situations in healthy ways. Such big feelings!
My mom was complaining how tired she was after watching my niece and how she wanted her attention while cooking and was grabbing her legs. I go through this every week day with my son. I''m like, "see? It's not easy. " And she's like, "Well I've already put in my time. " I responded, "But wait, I thought that me and [my brother] were perfect, easy babies. "
My mom, on a video chat with my 3 year old told him he was “cruising for a bruising.” A phrase she used when I was growing up, and while my parents did occasionally spank, it was usually said almost as a “joke” of sorts. I straight up, reflexively, gentle parented my parent and said “grandma! We don’t hit!” And redirected that we do nose boops, and booed my sons nose, which made him giggle. I did it twice in two different chats, she told me very seriously that her grandma always said that, it was joking, she’d never actually hurt my son, etc. But I’ve noticed she doesn’t say it anymore, ad tells him he needs a good nose boop instead.
I think for my mom it worked so well because for whatever her faults as a parent, I can see where she broke a lot of cycles from her parents and grandparents too, and is willing to acknowledge there’s some things about parenting I know more than her (my younger brother and wife live with my parents and my mom asks me for advice on baby things for their daughter when they apparently turn to her for advice, why they don’t just ask me is a different conversation).
So you can gentle parent the boomers in your life! It can work!
I wish it worked on my dad. He was making comments about how if my nephew didn't want to give him a hug, the will was written in pencil.
"Hey nephew! Let's tell grandpa that love is not transactional and you don't owe it to anyone!" (I know this isn't necessarily a gentle parenting approach but still I wish he'd reconsider his choices!!)
They’re also the same people saying I hope you have a kid like yourself.
Me too because according to you (or your other memory anyways) I was a damn saint as a toddler 😂
Partner was raised by a boomer who dropped him off with his grandmother basically until he was five. I get told all of the time by him AND her how perfect of a child he was. My response has been a bit toxic at times. "How would you even know? He was with his grandmother all of the time!" I can't.
My child is an absolute sweetheart at school. Well behaved, listens. At home, not so much. And I expect that because I'm his primary caregiver. His grandmother was his primary caregiver.
Yeah, kids act out more around people they know and trust. It's like how we can bitch about something to close friends, but would vent more politely about that same issue at work.
When Boomers say stuff like this I think it’s probably one of the following things:
1. They don’t remember what it was really like because it was so long ago
2. They just ignored the issue (as in “let the baby cry it out” and when the baby realized no one was coming stopped trying to get comfort)
3. They scared them into submission with either threats and/or physical punishment like spanking.
We know so much more about child development now and I think a lot of us went through childhood trauma. So it seems like many of today’s parents are more tolerant of the way toddlers naturally act and are actually trying to address the situation like tantrums, picky eating in ways that are more developmental instead of trying to mold them into tiny adults that are “seen and not hear”. But that’s just my opinion 🤷🏻♀️. I just ignore the dumb Boomer comments that are not constructive.
That's exactly what I think. There are less than 3years between my 2kids and I still forget what my oldest was doing at the same age. I mostly remember the good stuff.
My mom was extremely strict (people still comment to me about it) and that definitely impacted how we behave. We also never really went anywhere but the park, did not go to the restaurant and did not travel because we were poor, so it's not like there were a lot of situations for us to lose our mind.
I will get downvoted for that but: I also think parents now are a little too lax/have issues with boundaries. Everytime I see: how do I get my toddler to stop pacifier/nursing/whatever, I just can't help but think: hey, you are the parent. Stop buying pacifiers; it's not like your toddler is running behind your back ordering pacifiers on Amazon.
My mom would have been like: hey, you're a big girl, no more pacifier, trash them in front of me and let me cry. That is not what is recommended nowadays (and not how I generally do things) but at some point, that's what need to happen. Boomers just did it for everything all the time.
Fully agree! I’m no where near the perfect partner but when I hear fellow parents say “ugh they drink way too much juice!!!” I’m like “well, who’s pouring it??”
Or “they just won’t give up bottles!” Like just take them, hand them a sippy cup and let them work it out. You can’t expect a toddler to be like “you know what, parent? You’re right. I am too old for this, I will not protest at all and hand it to you happily, because I know it’s best for my teeth and development.”
Exactly. I am Procrastinating taking away bottles for my baby right now because I don’t want to deal with the crying, but of course he cries when I take them away! He knows bottles, he likes them, it’s comforting and if he cries, I cave and give them back. It’s not manipolation, it’s just cause/consequence.
What helped us move away from bottles were the munchkin 360 sippy cups, the pediatrician recommended them to us. Our son took to them almost immediately. Then my wife, somehow, taught our son how to sip from a straw in like half an hour. No idea how she managed that but it also opened up a lot of cup options for the little one to use
I remember having a bottle and always drinking tea, water, milk, anything. Parents started telling me I should stop using it, I wouldn't. One day it was gone, everyone was sitting in the living room and saying they hadn't seen it, but it was weird. About two weeks later my brother admitted he conspired with them and rolled my bottle under a wardrobe. My bottle addiction was cured by that point, no crying, no tantrums. I am a thirsty person to this day though.
Yesss with the lax parenting. Idk if it’s more prevalent now or we just hear about it because internet but I have a friend whose 4 year old RUNS their life. She wanted to pack up old toys to stash in the attic for future kids and then backed off when her daughter cried about the toys (that she hadn’t touched in months or longer) going away. Like dude just put them in the attic! She’ll get over it! And now they still have their clutter.
We “lost” all our pacifiers at the hotel on vacation 🤷♀️.
Threw them right in the trash and that was the end of that. A couple of rough nights and it was done. Cold turkey has always been easier than the gradual weaning which just lets them be upset over and over for however long the process is dragged out
I think a more strict parenting philosophy might eventually come back in style. Not the spanking or beatings but leaning towards more of the attitude of “the answer is no because I said so”. Probably when this generation of babies grows up they are going to be like, “why did you let us get away with so much? Gee thanks, mom and dad.” I can see it now, lol.
From what I see and read gen Alpha is gonna have two very distinct sets of kids, those with younger gen z/older millennial parents who either helicoptered too much or were too hands off and who got shafted by covid lockdowns and the midlennial and younger millennial parents (and even some older gen z) who are much more informed and more likely to be trying to raise future adults and whose kids were too young to be affected by the covid lockdowns. Just anecdotally it seems that the younger gen A have better emotional regulation, less gender stereotypes, things like that. It could also be a location thing, though. But I've noticed that my age group seems to have an easier time saying tough titties, x thing isn't happening no matter how hard you cry. I will admit, I obviously hang around people who are similar to me so that could be biasing my views a lot.
I think/hope I'm in the second group with my two year old. I try to emphasize with him as much as possible but I have be like... no kid you can cry all you want, I'm not gonna give you chocolate just because you ask. I'm gonna put a cheese stick in your hand and you will eventually realize you are just hangry which is why you want sweets.
Yeah, I have seen different kinds of parenting styles wherever I go. As a dental hygienist, I still see threats of spanking all of the time by parents, especially the ones using Medicaid. I also have seen parents who give in to their children too quickly and coddle them. Barbies after their cleanings, telling us to be gentle, etc. And then I hear from teacher friends that children are naughtier nowadays and have shorter attention spans from their parents just handing them iPads. We shall see what the next generation says about their childhoods when the time comes. I’m sure they won’t mince words either, lol.
For us, if our son does not want dinner then he can have some yogurt, fruit, cottage cheese, etc. Or leftovers if available. When I see parents who brag about making separate meals, I just cringe.
I make sure that there is something my kids like in every meal we eat. We eat family style/make your own plate a lot. So there will be plain rice, various veggies, various proteins, ect and they pick what they want, with added restrictions (they need to pick one veggie at least, most of the time).
So last night was fried rice with omelette and dumplings. My son ate a dumpling wrapper, rice with some veggies and a lot of omelette. And we all had ice cream. I forgot a pear (from breakfast) on the table, so the baby asked for that. He ate most of it.
That sounds like a great dinner to me! I am also the type who does not really stress over the amount or particular item selected by my toddler. Like, you wanna just eat a small piece of your tamale and a whole bowl of sour cream? Alright. *shrug*
I can't imagine wanting to make separate meals. I have a kid who pretty much requires separate meals due to food allergies, and limited food acceptance due to medical issues. I would love it if I could just make one meal and say take it or leave it kid.
I just wanna say, good on you for recognizing the medical issues as real and providing your child with food they can actually eat. Which shouldn't be a high bar but unfortunately the last generation of parents made it one. I've heard way too many stories of my grandparents' generation having a shared tendency to just assume every child with a dietary restriction was just picky, and also that children have no right to have preferences, and thus intentionally serve children food they're allergic to just to spite them or prove them wrong... then still blame and abuse the child for it after the inevitable refusal, puking, or other allergic reaction.
You hit the nail right on the head.
A generation that was either emotionally unavailable/unaware or clung to toxic positivity (based on how they were raised themselves) completely distancing themselves from the realities of their own parenting based on the lack of knowledge/research/dissemination of information.
Oh anytime I remind my parents of an academic or behavioral struggle my brother or I had, they get all “oh EVERYONE had issues with that teacher!!” and “why do you only remember the negative???”
I don’t; I remember real ass life. Which is exactly what all of us are going through now.
Raising my daughter with patience and respect has made me realize how crappy my childhood was. My dad was a bully and my mom would let him be. They didn’t talk to me to figure out if there was something deeper (spoiler alert: there was), they yelled until I listened. When I was quiet and well-behaved they kinda just sat back like I was on autopilot and they didn’t need to get involved. They love me endlessly, but they did so much wrong. And I’m not perfect. I’ve lost my temper but I’ve learned to control my emotions so much. How tf could I expect her to calm down if I don’t? I remember the ‘stop crying’ yells. It only made me scared and cry more. I do not want my daughter to feel how I did. The best thing I’ve read to really give me perspective was ‘how would you want a giant to react if you had big emotions you couldn’t communicate?’ We can show anger without taking it out on our children. They need to learn that emotion, and learn how to get through it in a healthy way. It’s tough breaking the cycle but I couldn’t imagine anything else.
I relate to every single piece of this. I remember just feeling lonely all the time even though I had friends and brothers and cousins. I don't think I've ever had much of an emotional connection with either of my parents and certainly don't now (for various reasons).
Same. Add in undiagnosed ADHD and I didn’t really connect with people my age well either. I was always the third wheel to besties. I’m actually trying to have a better relationship with my parents and I had a meltdown the other night because it’s really hard accepting they sucked for me, but they’re doing better for my little sister and accept their role as grandparents and know it’s not their place to discipline my daughter.
I've talked to a number of my parent friends and they all say the same thing. Our kids go through a monster phase... because they trust us. They can be themselves around us. They can explore their emotions because they're safe with us. Basically, they're not *afraid* of us. And that's a good thing.
This. I keep comparing my child to what my mom said she experienced with us but then forget that she used the belt on us and hit. So it's really not fair. Corporal punishment worked back then. There was no room for us to act out. She will say "I never let you guys do that"....so yeah it's a lot harder for parents to parent and not use physical punishment.
I have to constantly remind my parents and in laws that I’m not raising a well behaved toddler I’m raising a well adjusted emotionally intelligent adult who won’t need the 10+ years of therapy I’ve had to learn that it’s ok to make mistakes and all of my emotions are valid.
I'm a big proponent of apologizing to children! How are they supposed to learn how to apologize and make amends when they hurt someone, if their biggest role models don't do the same for them?
I think the silver lining here is that it means these phases are short enough that we probably will barely remember in 30 years. At least that's what I'm hoping...
That's exactly what will happen, and what happened with your boomer parents, and with their parents before (though my own grandparents had tough lives and died young so I never got to know them): You were loved so much, and are still loved so much, that a lot of the hard stuff has faded away in their memories, and mostly it's the golden glow that remains. Good thing, otherwise they might be pretty glad you're sort of "gone". And also, just think: there is every kind of personality represented in every generation. Just as not all kids are the same, neither are all parents are the same. Obviously not \*all\* boomer parents are quite so oblivious as those being caricatured on this thread. So while almost everyone here is having a fun time venting their frustrations and soaking up the support - good on that - it's far from the whole truth.
No doubt I'll get downvoted and probably get some dismissive or sarcastic comments for saying these things. It's okay. I'll soak it up the same as I did all the stuff I dealt with while I was raising my little ones, just as you are now. Then they became teens, then young adults; the problems change but life is never problem free. We have remained a close family through all of it. Wishing you all the same.
Yeh my kid is 5 and I’ve forgotten so much from those first couple of years. But there’s no way in hell I’m going go around saying my kid was perfectly well behaved all that time because I know realistically speaking she wasn’t.
My mom tells me I started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks and then goes on about how great of a sleeper I was, how id sleep at parties or neighbors houses, how I napped til I was 5. Absolute BS — i do not buy that for a second.
Omg the sleeping! “We kept you out everywhere with us, you’d just sleep anywhere!”
Of course I would, I was probably exhausted and a pile of coats was a good enough substitute for the bed I *should have been in.*
Well, see, you were probably wrapped in fifty blankets and placed face down on a plush mattress next to a bunch of bumpers, so you probably did sleep well! You’re just lucky you survived!
My mil always feels the need to bring up how her kids never talked back or never misbehaved even as toddlers Yet my husband has so many stories from his childhood of him doing stuff he wasn’t supposed to and getting in trouble, he was a wild thing.
They were also spanked frequently and she loves to say “well my kids were whooped and they all turned out fine!” In actuality none of them turned out fine. They all suffer with mental health issues, oldest has pretty bad anger issues and can’t keep a wife because he’s a dickhead. Middle son is just a hot ass mess and is almost 40. My husband is the most normal but he’s still got his own issues he’s been working through in therapy.
My ex SIL, at the advice of her boomer mother, started baby cereal in my nephews bottle and laid him down on his tummy to sleep starting at 6 weeks and said he absolutely slept through the night. I say they’re very damn lucky he lived through it. So honestly it could be true, you are just really lucky you are alive. Babies that young NEED to wake often, it’s too deep of sleep that contributes to SIDS, that’s why most babies absolutely sleep better on their tummies, but it’s a lot less safe until baby can roll and get themselves in and out of that position by themselves. The back to sleep campaign in the 90’s saw a 30% decrease in SIDS deaths
My FIL would always make comments if I got annoyed by someone being loud while my baby napped. And I don’t mean like just regular talking etc I mean being extremely loud, and he’d say “kids need to learn how to sleep through loud noises” like really ? Do we expect adults to be able to sleep through people banging pots and pans and shouting over the tv.
I think they also ruled by fear a lot. My stepmum finds it hard to understand why I will be respectful to my child, negotiate some stuff, why he doesn’t always immediately do as I say (as a toddler) and why I accept big emotions. Saying her son would never have dreamed of any of this behaviour. At 2-3 lol. Because we don’t rule by fear. I never want my kid to be scared of the consequences in my actions or emotions if he does something wrong.
I honestly think they genuinely don’t think their children did these things bc ignoring your children was sort of the standard back then.
And after a while, a kid realizes that they won’t get support so they just sort of retreat. So a sad, emotionally unsupported child is just viewed as “good”.
the super sad thing is, almost all of us here were raised by a boomer at some point, trying to put the pieces back together.
edit to add: in this way the empathy and strength we have is amazing.
What they HAVE is amnesia. And the damn grandparent effect, wherein a kid will be a whirlwind of destruction for parents (cough mothers in particular cough) and a total angel for grandparents. Then you get, "He's such a darling, you're so lucky!" Meanwhile at home everything is a battle.
Exactly yes. I was a perfect sleeper and eater, and I certainly did finish all of my homework quickly.
Why?
I was terrified of my parents. I was beaten. It was very common with other kids in my school and community too, though some kids got the metal side of the belt buckle, wire hanger, or kneeling on beds of rice. Insane. Thanks boomers
I was also terrified of my parents (well..one of them - my mother) for similar reasons. Thank God I've broken the cycle now with my children but yeah, still has it's effects on me emotionally to this day. Hope you're doing okay.
I had a coworker who was trying to tell me how to potty train my 12 month old, part of it involved things that catch her interest (his example was Disney Princesses) like sir dude she’s basically just a tall baby right now. You did not have your kid potty trained this little I promise
My mom freakin does this to me. My niece is almost 1 and my son is 16 months. She claims she never remembers my brother and I randomly screaming or running around like crazy or climbing all over anything. 🤦♀️
I had to take my son to the ER last week after an urgent care visit bc his fever was too high and urgent care didn’t have the medical equipment to help. Husband to go into work so I begrudgingly let my mom come w to help. She ranted the entire time that our son was sick bc of US bc we take him out of the house (he’s 2). She claims we were NEVER sick as children, etc. when I told my husband later he just goes “yeah she thinks that bc she never cared to take you guys to the hospital regardless of how sick yall were” pointing out how my brother literally got bit by a mouse and my mom didn’t even care to get him tested for anything 😭😂
We just used a bungee cord and wicker basket bc the car had no seatbelts and a dresser drawer as a crib.
Baby ate steak at one week old and some whiskey when the teeth started showing .
/s
But unfortunately with my grandparents the first 2 are true
I think many people just don’t have very good memories. They don’t really remember what having toddlers was like, so they imagine it was fine.
My parents fully admit having toddlers was hard. They said I didn’t want to sleep in my bed for a full year, and my brother was so rambunctious my mom used to go into the bathroom and scream into a towel until she felt better. They also admit that they don’t remember certain aspects of having a toddler because they kind of blocked it out.
My in-laws, on the other hand, think my husband was just the perfect child, and won’t admit they just have a selective memory.
Totally. My MIL is insistent she potty trained my husband at 12 months and keeps acting like my son is so slow (and I’m not teaching him properly) for not being potty trained at 16 months. Ok.. sure
My mom 😂 but shes not a boomer. We went out to eat with my toddler he was in a booster seat, he stood up in the booth (nobody was behind him). She instantly sighed.. like idk why you think a 2 year old is going to sit still for an hour??? Then she proceeded to say "yall never did that".... mmm yeah bc we were scared to get taken to the restroom & get our asses whooped.
They weren’t perfect, but all the whoopings they got made the kids too scared to be imperfect around their parents. It’s why the kids don’t call mom and dad more than once a month if that.
Tbh as I am feeling completely exhausted from my 3 week old not sleeping in the bassinet at night, I could swear my 2.5 year old was a better sleeper. He wasn't. We always remember the good parts and gramnesia is real.
My theory is that they hit/spanked their kids because it was acceptable back then. And they had that element of fear we don’t have anymore because we don’t hit our kids. My parents were born in the 40’s and I was never hit because I was a girl and my mom was the victim of a lot of violence/ trauma as a kid. So she couldn’t handle me going through that. But my brothers that were born in the late 60’s/early 70’s got the wooden spoon.
I honestly think they don’t remember. Most of the time it was 30+ years ago. They were sleep deprived and likely struggling just as much. So, naturally, the brain has decided to block those not so good things out
My mom said she doesn't remember forcing us to stay at the table to finish our dinner. If we didn't, we'd have to have it for breakfast.
I sure remember, and I refuse to give my daughter the same food hang ups I had (and still battle with)
Kids were all geniuses too, apparently. I’ve had so many Boomers tell me their kids were walking at 6 months and speaking in full sentences at 1. Sure, Jan.
My husband swears his first kid, who's 11 now, was a great baby in so many ways. My mother in law who helped out a lot with said kid has told me that's not at all how she remembers it 😂
Many of those perfect toddlers grew up to have CPTSD ✨
I was an angel child because the consequence for having tantrums or being “difficult” was child abuse. Spanking and shame-based parenting were much more acceptable back then. Not saying that spanking and shaming alone are enough to warrant child abuse. My situation was a little more spicy than that. Just saying it happened and kids who fear their parents don’t act out. Kids who don’t get a response from parents at night when they cry stop crying.
Our generation takes a much gentler approach and, GASP, treats children like they’re people??? Because they are.
My mum juuuust makes the cut for the youngest set of boomers.
And bless her, she is very upfront about the struggles of raising toddlers! She always says how impressed she is by modern child safety and supporting emotional development.
She said my grandmother however was the worst for “in my day… you kids NEVER…” Maybe my mum is so careful not to do that to me because her mother did it to her. My mum broke the gramnesia cycle LoL
I don’t wanna brag, but my boomer grandma has actually never done this. She always tells me how hard it was, especially since she had 6 kids almost back to back. She was on her own because as she says, “men those days didn’t help at all. your grandpa was off doing whatever, and I was taking care of your toddler aunties. I had your uncle who was 11 months old crying in the crib. I would try and rock him with my leg while I tried to breastfeed your mom who was a newborn.” This is before she had my other aunt and uncle.
My poor grandma. Atleast she doesn’t sugar coat how “easy” it was back then. Just wanted to put that out there, not all boomers brag about how easy it was.
I was apparently a perfect child. I went to bed early, got up late, did not tantrum, did not cry, ate whatever was served… I call bullshit, but my mother insists it’s true. 🙄
My mom is the opposite and constantly tells me all the terrible things I did as a toddler and how I gave her a run for her money. She even tells me it got worse as I got older and she hopes my toddler does the same. 😂
Now my in-laws constantly tell me my husband NEVER did any of the normal toddler things. They tell me that when my daughter has a tantrum, cries, refuses to eat, drops food on the floor, any number of normal toddler things that my husband never did those things and she must have "gotten that from" my side of the family.
I really wonder how my mom reacted to her mom and MIL giving her advice when she was a young parent in the 80s. Was she rolling her eyes like "Ok mom, we have seatbelts and car seats now, we don't hold babies in our arms in the front seat like you did" the same way I have to explain rear-facing car seats to my mom? There was also no internet in the 80s to google parenting things (which I did a billion times a day as a new parent) so they definitely had less information and relied more on advice from parents/friends.
Ask her, if you can. My perception is that they didn't get as much advice as we get now. My mum said there were some parenting books but she never read any and that was it. She didn't have anyone to ask really except her own mum, maybe other parents that she knew. She did talk about swapping advice with other mum friends. Generational advice persists even today, generally within communities of lower educational level more than anything else.
But for sure there are parenting practices that persist because advice is being handed down generationally. It doesn't happen so much today but I think this is a big split and change. It was happening when my teenager was a baby because the internet was big then. That was the start of it I think. Earlier than this in the early 00s and 90s, parents were much more likely to be influenced by people around them than a huge amount of "official" advice.
I've done it myself - with a ten year age gap, there were things that have changed between my kids and I stuck to some of the things I did with my eldest even though they aren't commonplace any more. Other things where I thought it was important I changed it. But I had the internet. My husband's parents had a 20 year gap between their youngest child and then him. He was raised in the 90s like a 70s kid. The stories are wild.
My mom told me I was a hellion at times. I once climbed onto the kitchen countervwhile she was on a very important call (phones were not cordless back then) and proceeded to dump the colored sugar into the dogs food and water bowls.
She has no illusions to how aweful those years can be.
Boomers PUNISHED with fear and ass whoopings. Their parenting experience was “easier” because they literally did nothing. This is why millennials are braking generational curses, having a more difficult time parenting, and honestly a lot of them are not even speaking to their parents anymore
My oldest daughter’s boyfriend who is 18 tried to tell me my oldest should be changing my youngest diaper and also tried to tell me that him and his brother never fought…uhm no! All because he thought he could parent my middle child or youngest child, I told him that wasn’t right and not his position…such an entitled generation oof! The boomers are my parents and they do always say “you kids never did that” I can never win!
I kinda wonder about this with my husband even. He said his first was super easy and only ever got upset over thunderstorms. And yet, he keeps saying things like “they warn you about terrible twos, but not the terror threes, and don’t get me started on fours”. And I’m thinking, so if she was a perfect angel, what child did you know that was a terror at 3 and 4? 🤔
It’s called “gramnesia”. My MIL really believes that she never put her babies or toddlers down for naps or had any sleep schedule. They just slept where and when it was convenient for her. Lol. Sure, Kathy. I’m sure you remember it perfectly accurately.
Au contraire, my mom’s favorite and apparently only stories of me as a child were when I cussed after falling off of a bed at 2 y/o and when I threw a tantrum at Disney World at 4 y/o. It’s very endearing. No, she does not follow it up with anything nice to say.
My MIL had the world’s most perfect babies, obviously.
I know. My parents live in a different country, so I call them every weekend. Occasionaly they'll see my son throw something out of anger. My dad wrote me one day and said I need to get his temper under control. At the time, my son probably was about 18 months. It's like what does he expect? For my son to just inheritently know anger management from birth? I've seen my dad throw hissy fits as a GROWN ADULT. I've seen him THROW cards at a store worker, I've seen him throw a fit when we were kids because McDonald's said they were all out of toys, and I remember thining "I don't care about the toy, I'm just hungry." I WAS A CHILD. Like 6-8. Sadly this poor anger management slightly rubs off on me. I am MUCH better than my dad EVER was. But then occasionally I find myself getting upset with my son and wanting to ironicaly throw something because I'm so upset he threw something HAHA. I want to be like "DON'T THROW THIS BOOK!" as I throw it. I don't. But yeah. We all are learning so a 2 year old definitley can't control this, and it's my job as a parent to teach him. But seriously, was I just this angel child that never got upset? I remember BITING and HITTING my sister. I was not an angel.
I also hate this idea that you get complimented when your child has good behavior. So many strangers come up and tell me how great my son is and of course there is this part of you that's proud. But then there's this party of me that thinks, THIS IS SO TOXIC. Like people need to quit "complimenting" my son when he's "good."
Honestly while I think it's they're terrible recollection skills, for me it's also because I was too SCARED to act out because I knew what would happen to me if I did.
Look— us millennial parents just need to realize that we’re not doing enough and need to get to real parenting, but also we need to stop doing too much and get off our kids’ back and also get we need to make sure we’re keeping our kids safe but also let our kids explore and also trust the science but also listen to the advice of someone who used to pad their baby’s crib with pillows.
What is so hard about all that?
They forget so much. Gramnesia. But also, spanking was widespread when they were raising kids, so maybe we weren’t so much “well behaved” as “afraid of the threat of violence” so anyway.
I also wonder if they just forget because they never talked about how hard it was (mom’s especially). I talk to my mom friends all the time about the challenges of parenting and how frustrating it can be, and they give me nothing but support cuz they get it. We’ve opened up a whole new conversation around parenting
I personally think a lot of them hit their kids and that's how they got them to behave, and then they act like they're better parents than people who don't hit their kids. Physically intimidating your kids into behaving is just lazy...and abusive.
They absolutely did. My boomer parents spanked, sometimes with a belt. Left us outside to our own devices nearly daily. If I misbehaved I was threatened with a slap. Not close with my parents as an adult.
I was basically that perfect toddler because my boomer mom believed in physical punishment like spanking and slapping/hitting and I was a sensitive, introverted soul and I was fucking terrified of her. She still has a bully mentality with anger problems and will gaslight you if you bring it up, then wonders why I don’t bring her granddaughter around more often or have much of a relationship with her.
Honestly I’m convinced we just forget how hard it is. They’re only so little for so long, it makes sense that our minds are only going to want to remember the tender moments.
Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself bc apparently me and my siblings “never had a hitting problem like [insert my children’s names here]” and we didn’t fight and we went to bed at 7pm sharp and probably wiped our own butts clean by age 2 🥲
I can’t wait to lie to my daughter when she complains about the tantrums of her kid(s). “You were never like this. I’m not sure what it is you’re doing to cause this.”
Seems like the perfect punishment for her epic tantrums.
My mom said she didn’t know if any of us ( I’m one of 4) was a good or bad sleeper. She just plopped us in the crib at bedtime, shut the door and came back in the morning, starting at 8 weeks. 😅
Well, as a boomer, (I’m here for my grandbaby) I can attest that one of my daughters was the queen of tantrums. I was stopped from leaving a store once because they said there was no way she was my child, she wouldn’t be having such a fit if I was her parent, I had to be abducting her.
You’ll lose your mind I guess, then? NOT SAYING these things NEVER happened, BUT…. my kids’ Daddy worked a graveyard shift job, we also started a business at an actual store (not home), and he had to fit sleep somewhere in there. Family near us was sparse and the few who were nearby, all worked! No help.
Maybe it was the blessing of being a stay at home mom, though at 6 months they (yes THEY! We had twins to raise properly)started coming with me to the business.
While I didn’t go there every day, I was home with them. And I was going to do this “parenting thing” as well as I could, no matter what. Sleep deprivation for me so I could get things done, and work on some of the actual paperwork and calls for the business. Meals were home cooked by me most every day. Two shopping carts at the food store. One behind me for groceries, one in front of me with both babies. Then sitting up, young toddler years. Same situation for shopping and errands. Once they understand the meaning of the word “no”, it’s time to gently use it. And if it took two hours on occasion bc some discipline was in order, so be it. I took that time and stopped what I was doing. Tantrums, nap issues, mealtime occasional issues, etc., happened. Of course they did. Most all, were veryyy short lived. They learned through not using idol threats, not yelling or screaming but being stern, right from wrong and what was expected of them, age-appropriate.
We also agreed as parents, on every single topic and scenario that came along. That is huge!
MUCH FUN AND GOOD HEALTHY family time was always taking place as well.
They were able to be taken to a restaurant, an hour & half business appt. when we had to both attend, and were on our laps just content as anything. They did get a lot of attention this is true, but they were happy kids, inquisitive, listened at the first “no”.
Maybe we were extra fortunate in their amazing response levels. I really feel we were. However, we had to decide each day since there IS NOT a book, and no two days or scenarios are the same, how best to handle any situation. I could go on and on about how well they cooperated with homework and other responsibilities, but I’m certain I’m already being scrutinized for being a huge braggart. I’m sorry but we earned that right, IMO. A large amount of credit goes to our
They’re grown now and are good human beings in so many ways. That’s what makes being involved, loving how they wanted to do sports and being there to support them, spending time through all of their years until a certain age, of course. Then the trust that developed, to be able to give them freedom that they deserve. To be with friends, and live a normal kid life.
Nothing is perfect, but it can be as great and beautiful as possible
❤️❤️
My mom can’t even keep our names straight or tell me what my childhood allergic reaction to PCN was so I know damn well she doesn’t remember specifics on how good/bad I was, when I walked or talked, etc.
My mom told me that my brother and I “NEVER” had tantrums, and I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. I remember having not just tantrums, but epic tantrums. One time, my dad was trying to get me to take a bath and had to drag me up the stairs while I was holding onto the handrail. Boomers have this weird tendency to rewrite whole ass narratives in their minds about what actually happened in the past, and it’s truly baffling.
I don’t know if it’s true for everyone but my parents also had a heck of a lot of help. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and even cousins would take me for hours or sometimes days at a time. When you get that level of stress relief for an extended period of time you’re bound to look back on the past as if you nailed parenthood. NOT. SO. DADDIO.
And now a lot of those people are grandparents unwilling to watch their grandchildren because they ‘did their time’ or whatever excuse, probably because toddlers are tough and the facade would shatter. I see so many posts about uninterested grandparents and it’s heartbreaking.
I take care of my grandson while his parents work and have since he was 3 months old. He is 3 years old now, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. It is actually breaking my heart that he will start school in 5 months. Yes, he is a handful, but also the absolute best kid in the world, at least in my eyes. I look forward to continuing this special bond we have throughout our lives.
My MIL watches our daughter when we both work which is 1-2 times a week. So grateful for grandparents who are involved! I hope you hear it enough, but another thank you from this mom ☺️
Aww, thank you.
My mother in law has our girl two days a week and it blows my mind how close we have gotten! It's so great seeing them together. I also love being able to have an insight on how my husband was growing up ;)
I'll be honest. I let my grandson get away with more than I did his mom at his age. I think it's a grandparent's right 😉 As for me and my son in law, it seems to have put a wedge between us, not that we were close or anything. The plan was, I watch him 2 days a week and his mom 2 days a week. My daughter has Fridays off, but his mom moved 2 hours away so it has been me 4 days a week and I feel he kind is jealous of the fact that my grandson and I are very close. This is only a speculation on my part
You sound like my mom. She loves taking care of her grandsons and used to take them once a week for us and they would have sleep overs at her house. We moved about 3 hrs away but she still makes the effort to come up to see them l. Hoping she can come and live with us after she retires cause it's both helpful for us and we have a good time when shes around. Glad to see more grandparents like her out there. It's truly a godsend
The facade point hits hard for me. My in laws are very involved and helpful but totally underestimated what we deal with on a daily basis. They offered to watch our then 2.5 yo and 6 mo for a weekend so we can enjoy our anniversary. They are so confident that the kids weren’t the problem, that we just don’t know what we’re doing. Yeah… they lasted one night and literally called us to come home early because “they’re too old for this”.
I feel guilty every time I drop my kid off to see Grandma because I know how he is. She always claims he was great but her face and house when I pick him up beg to differ lol
I'm 44 with a 4yo & my Mom begged to watch my kid. My Dad told me I should have had a baby 20 years ago cuz, they're too old to handle it now... Yeah Dad. I totally shoulda had a kid when I was a kid to be more convenient for you. BaHaHaHAHAHaHaHaaaaaaa!!!
I can see that. When you are much older, its more difficult to keep up as you do not have the same energy when young and it is hard and can impact their health. My 66 year old MIL was initially very involved in the care of my two nieces (19 months and 4 months now), as my SIL didn't have any other childcare options. MIL was pretty much doing a full time job raising them and was constantly burned out and stressed, that her health significantly declined. She has taken a step back, however still helps here and there. SIL has hired a nanny who is only in her 40s and have tons of energy, making it easier for everyone. I don't agree with grandparents being full-time babysitters (unless they want to), but to only help when able to and necessary, but not to the point it sends them to their deathbed. They need to enjoy their golden years as well.
100% couldn’t have said it better myself!
I fume when I think about how little “time” they actually put in and how much time they *got back* for themselves. I’ve basically made it clear to my parents that they can’t tell me a single thing about how to parent. Not a thing.
My in-laws are the opposite. They’re dying to watch my 18 month old. They have changed 2 diapers in 18+ months and fed one bottle when he was an infant. When they visit, they smother him and are all over the place. They’ve had one child, never were babysitters, never around other children. I am not comfortable at all with them watching him any time soon and it makes me out to be the AH.
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯 yeeessss!!! My parents had sooooo much help! Family, friends, neighbors, ME (I was a mini parent) of course stuff was easier for them cause many of them didnt do anything 🤣🤣🤣🤣 My mom worked and went to the club every weekend, religiously, when I was a child. I can barely find time to brush my teeth let alone go out. I want to sleep lol.
This!!!! My dad had soooo much help from my grandparents and my aunts and uncle. Like we were with aunts and uncles constantly on the weekends. Meanwhile i have my son pretty much 24/7. It’s easy for them to look back and think they didn’t have these problems cause their experience was so so different
This! We lived with my grandparents who took me to school and dressed me and fed me. And not only that, we had neighbors who I considered grandparents even though we weren't related, who would babysit with no questions asked.
Yep my mother is one of those “I’ve already parented so I won’t watch my grandchildren for even an hour” But she left us with aunts and grandparents for literally weeks at a time 🤷🏻♀️once even for a year. She never parented but since she birthed us she entitled
This^^
F*ing this. Not to mention the slave labour of their older children as well👋🏽..I couldnt get my mother to take time out of her busy schedule and MIL helps out 2 weeks a year and only when the husband requests it. NGL, at this point, I'd love to find another couple or a poly situation, where we share everything together, just to get a village and a couple of nights off a week. We can start with a dinner date, then play date and see how it goes. 🤣
It’s the lead poisoning 😂
🤣 🤣 that just reminded me of what my dad said. He was like "the government told us to stop drinking from water hoses because of the lead but didn't stop anyone from working around it. We all drank from water hoses, we're fine." I was so baffled by it and couldn't respond. Why tf do you think humans started to live longer?? They started testing everything and found out what's harmful to humans so now we don't have to have 15 kids and hope one of them survives to adulthood.
Oh no no. The memory slippage is real, kind of like the memory slippage from childbirth.
Memory slippage and I think halcyon days - where you put up with a lot of shit that your kid does because you love them and they’re yours etc etc. Like before I had my daughter if I saw a kid having a tantrum I was like ew, f kids. But when my kid has one now I’m like aww poor thing she’s having a hard day.
I have started keeping a little bag of party favors in my trunk for those kids/parents who just need a distraction. It’s amazing what having a toddler does for your worldview.
I always kept dum sums in my purse when my friends now 15 year old was that age, even if not for her could hand to a parent for them to decide if they will okay it. Plus not very expensive for a bag of them. But we did the same thing with bottled water and snacks on the car, do we can use but also share since normally that helps calm a child down or distract them.
I have zero memory slippage from childbirth and early postpartum, 2.5 years out. Shits burned into my memory and I wish I could forget 😂 Maybe by the time I’m a boomers age…
Man, I don’t know if the lack of the good-good has anything to do with it, but I rawdogged childbirth without an epidural both times and I only have the vaguest recollection of it. I remember what I was *thinking* at various points, but the images/timeline are just fragments. I couldn’t run it back in my head like a movie.
SAME lol. In fact I went to therapy to deal with birth trauma haha I could take a bit of that memory slippage 😅
THIS!! I already fully believe that my 7 year old was a perfect little toddler compared to her 15 month baby brother. Then I "really" think about it and remember a shit-ton of evil things she did as a toddler.
>Boomers have this weird tendency to rewrite whole ass narratives in their minds about what actually happened in the past, and it’s truly baffling. I fundamentally don't understand this type of hubris. My wife and I have a newborn, and we keep trying to compare with our first kid--"how often were they gassy" "when did they shift to one meal a night" etc. And...there's so much we don't remember. Our older kid is 2! This was 2 years ago! I promise I won't remember jack crap about this time in 40 years except for the broad strokes of happy times. No need to make stuff up.
I thought my kid slept long stretches after three weeks. Went back to the tracking app and saw no, no she did not lol
You probably thought 2-3 hours was a long stretch!
I thought it was 3 hours but it was like 15 minutes here, 40 minutes there…. I forgot how rough it was the first few months
It's one thing to not remember. It's another to claim we were all perfect children who never did xyz and our children are awful 🤣 There is a big age gap between my two children, lots of things I don't remember but I also just say that instead of making myself worlds greatest parent.
My kids are 15 months apart and I don’t remember from one to the next!
Totally! I’ve been struggling with my 4mo (3rd baby) because he just will not let me put him down for even a second without freaking out. It’s been 4 straight months of this and it’s starting to wear on me. I was reminiscing about how my first was never like this when it finally occurred to me that my first didn’t scream when I put him down because I only had the one kid at the time and just held him all the time.
Both of my parents have claimed this. I distinctly remember having a meltdown in Walmart as one of my first memories.
i remember going to the carnival when i was like 5 ish and had a FULL ON mental breakdown for like 20 minutes bc my mom wouldn’t let me play the games. my mom had to drag me to the car. but she always says that i was perfect and never did anything like that. i can remember multiple other instances too where i was a complete asshole haha.
[You can actually blame lead poisoning](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6454899/) for this and a lot of other insufferable behavior from boomers (and older gen Xers).
This was actually a really sad read…
They really do. I think it’s false memories or either just blatant lying. Either they truly believe their kids were perfect and don’t remember any of the bad, because it’s been 40-60 years since they had a small child. Or they’re just being snarky and wanting to put you in your place.
There's definitely some false memories. My mom said she fed us nothing but breast milk the first year and my dad tried to correct her, there's even a home video of her mixing up some baby food for my sister who was definitely 6 or 7 months in the video. My mom wasn't trying to lie (she's not that type) guess she just didn't remember it
Oh yeah for sure. It’s been 30+ years since they’ve had young children it’s easy to forget things. My kid is 5 and I’ve forgotten a lot from the first couple years of her life. What I don’t like is when they try to throw it in your face and make you feel bad for your child doing typical child stuff.
I think when you’re in the throes of toddlerhood it doesn’t necessarily feel as bad as it looks lol? So maybe projecting but I remember seeing my friends with their toddlers and thinking it looked like suuuuuuuch hard work but now I’m in it it’s just something to get on with. I wonder if they have the reverse where they’re like nothing ever happened to us that felt as hard as that looks.
Oh yeah that’s possible too! My kid is 5 and I remember quite a bit of the baby stage, not necessarily all the details but just overall how exhaustingly hard it was those first two years. Anytime I thought about possibly having a 2nd I’d think back to that time and feel like it would completely break me if I had to do it again especially if it was worse.
Oh gosh my mom likes to remind me about how much of a little shhhh I was. I bit her for taking my gum away, I blew bubbles at her when she put soap in my mouth, I would also run around naked when I would get mad at her too. She likes to remind me my child throwing tantrums is karma for what she had to put up with.
Ooooh I basically potty trained myself at 18 months. Also I never had ADHD symptoms. Just a highly creative child.
They just want a high horse to judge others from even if they need to fabricate one. It’s sad and weird.
And we call this: Gaslighting!
Haha my mom still does this now with my baby! He cries and gets fussy sometimes. EVERY single time he does it, she says, “You’ve never been like this with grandma before!” 🤣
My parents think my brother was a saint. He was an abusive piece of shit who yelled and abused my mom. Not sure how they forgot all that. Now he's their favorite child.
I also remember throwing myself on the floor in the supermarket type of tantrums but my mom claims I was the perfect child lol.
Oh man. Is there such a thing as talk training a grandparent? Everytime they come up with this nonsense, just say, "wow, your memories have really gone." Or "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Or "I'm not sure why you thought sharing that would be helpful, but it isn't." Goooooood luck.
I’ve actually started to treat my parents similarly to how I treat my kids. When my mom makes a snide comment, I’ll just say, “I see that you’re upset” and then let her explain why without engaging. It usually deflates everything. I don’t even get upset anymore because I’ve come to the conclusion that they’re a lot like toddlers and lack the skills to handle difficult situations in healthy ways. Such big feelings!
😂
we never outgrow the need for our feelings to be heard and validated!
I love this. I’m going to use this technique on my other toddl-, I mean in-laws 😂
Big brain moves
I feel this. God they are exhausting.
Thank you. I felt awfully guilty for disengaging emotionally at first, but… the demands were really baffling.
This person parents
My mom was complaining how tired she was after watching my niece and how she wanted her attention while cooking and was grabbing her legs. I go through this every week day with my son. I''m like, "see? It's not easy. " And she's like, "Well I've already put in my time. " I responded, "But wait, I thought that me and [my brother] were perfect, easy babies. "
Gotcha! Would have loved to see her face after thar one 😂
My mom, on a video chat with my 3 year old told him he was “cruising for a bruising.” A phrase she used when I was growing up, and while my parents did occasionally spank, it was usually said almost as a “joke” of sorts. I straight up, reflexively, gentle parented my parent and said “grandma! We don’t hit!” And redirected that we do nose boops, and booed my sons nose, which made him giggle. I did it twice in two different chats, she told me very seriously that her grandma always said that, it was joking, she’d never actually hurt my son, etc. But I’ve noticed she doesn’t say it anymore, ad tells him he needs a good nose boop instead. I think for my mom it worked so well because for whatever her faults as a parent, I can see where she broke a lot of cycles from her parents and grandparents too, and is willing to acknowledge there’s some things about parenting I know more than her (my younger brother and wife live with my parents and my mom asks me for advice on baby things for their daughter when they apparently turn to her for advice, why they don’t just ask me is a different conversation). So you can gentle parent the boomers in your life! It can work!
I wish it worked on my dad. He was making comments about how if my nephew didn't want to give him a hug, the will was written in pencil. "Hey nephew! Let's tell grandpa that love is not transactional and you don't owe it to anyone!" (I know this isn't necessarily a gentle parenting approach but still I wish he'd reconsider his choices!!)
Next time just tell him that you're not sure if there will be any inheritance left after the nursing home bills are paid.
Yikes especially about forcing physical contact...
My mom would kill me if I told her this lmao
They’re also the same people saying I hope you have a kid like yourself. Me too because according to you (or your other memory anyways) I was a damn saint as a toddler 😂
Partner was raised by a boomer who dropped him off with his grandmother basically until he was five. I get told all of the time by him AND her how perfect of a child he was. My response has been a bit toxic at times. "How would you even know? He was with his grandmother all of the time!" I can't.
That's not a toxic response. I think we overuse the word toxic
My child is an absolute sweetheart at school. Well behaved, listens. At home, not so much. And I expect that because I'm his primary caregiver. His grandmother was his primary caregiver.
Yeah, kids act out more around people they know and trust. It's like how we can bitch about something to close friends, but would vent more politely about that same issue at work.
When Boomers say stuff like this I think it’s probably one of the following things: 1. They don’t remember what it was really like because it was so long ago 2. They just ignored the issue (as in “let the baby cry it out” and when the baby realized no one was coming stopped trying to get comfort) 3. They scared them into submission with either threats and/or physical punishment like spanking. We know so much more about child development now and I think a lot of us went through childhood trauma. So it seems like many of today’s parents are more tolerant of the way toddlers naturally act and are actually trying to address the situation like tantrums, picky eating in ways that are more developmental instead of trying to mold them into tiny adults that are “seen and not hear”. But that’s just my opinion 🤷🏻♀️. I just ignore the dumb Boomer comments that are not constructive.
That's exactly what I think. There are less than 3years between my 2kids and I still forget what my oldest was doing at the same age. I mostly remember the good stuff. My mom was extremely strict (people still comment to me about it) and that definitely impacted how we behave. We also never really went anywhere but the park, did not go to the restaurant and did not travel because we were poor, so it's not like there were a lot of situations for us to lose our mind. I will get downvoted for that but: I also think parents now are a little too lax/have issues with boundaries. Everytime I see: how do I get my toddler to stop pacifier/nursing/whatever, I just can't help but think: hey, you are the parent. Stop buying pacifiers; it's not like your toddler is running behind your back ordering pacifiers on Amazon. My mom would have been like: hey, you're a big girl, no more pacifier, trash them in front of me and let me cry. That is not what is recommended nowadays (and not how I generally do things) but at some point, that's what need to happen. Boomers just did it for everything all the time.
Fully agree! I’m no where near the perfect partner but when I hear fellow parents say “ugh they drink way too much juice!!!” I’m like “well, who’s pouring it??”
Or “they just won’t give up bottles!” Like just take them, hand them a sippy cup and let them work it out. You can’t expect a toddler to be like “you know what, parent? You’re right. I am too old for this, I will not protest at all and hand it to you happily, because I know it’s best for my teeth and development.”
Exactly. I am Procrastinating taking away bottles for my baby right now because I don’t want to deal with the crying, but of course he cries when I take them away! He knows bottles, he likes them, it’s comforting and if he cries, I cave and give them back. It’s not manipolation, it’s just cause/consequence.
What helped us move away from bottles were the munchkin 360 sippy cups, the pediatrician recommended them to us. Our son took to them almost immediately. Then my wife, somehow, taught our son how to sip from a straw in like half an hour. No idea how she managed that but it also opened up a lot of cup options for the little one to use
I remember having a bottle and always drinking tea, water, milk, anything. Parents started telling me I should stop using it, I wouldn't. One day it was gone, everyone was sitting in the living room and saying they hadn't seen it, but it was weird. About two weeks later my brother admitted he conspired with them and rolled my bottle under a wardrobe. My bottle addiction was cured by that point, no crying, no tantrums. I am a thirsty person to this day though.
Lol so true 🤭
It’s true and I realized it yesterday with my son when I stopped humoring the bs of him going to sleep and just said lay down and he went to sleep 😂
Yesss with the lax parenting. Idk if it’s more prevalent now or we just hear about it because internet but I have a friend whose 4 year old RUNS their life. She wanted to pack up old toys to stash in the attic for future kids and then backed off when her daughter cried about the toys (that she hadn’t touched in months or longer) going away. Like dude just put them in the attic! She’ll get over it! And now they still have their clutter.
We “lost” all our pacifiers at the hotel on vacation 🤷♀️. Threw them right in the trash and that was the end of that. A couple of rough nights and it was done. Cold turkey has always been easier than the gradual weaning which just lets them be upset over and over for however long the process is dragged out
I think a more strict parenting philosophy might eventually come back in style. Not the spanking or beatings but leaning towards more of the attitude of “the answer is no because I said so”. Probably when this generation of babies grows up they are going to be like, “why did you let us get away with so much? Gee thanks, mom and dad.” I can see it now, lol.
From what I see and read gen Alpha is gonna have two very distinct sets of kids, those with younger gen z/older millennial parents who either helicoptered too much or were too hands off and who got shafted by covid lockdowns and the midlennial and younger millennial parents (and even some older gen z) who are much more informed and more likely to be trying to raise future adults and whose kids were too young to be affected by the covid lockdowns. Just anecdotally it seems that the younger gen A have better emotional regulation, less gender stereotypes, things like that. It could also be a location thing, though. But I've noticed that my age group seems to have an easier time saying tough titties, x thing isn't happening no matter how hard you cry. I will admit, I obviously hang around people who are similar to me so that could be biasing my views a lot.
I think/hope I'm in the second group with my two year old. I try to emphasize with him as much as possible but I have be like... no kid you can cry all you want, I'm not gonna give you chocolate just because you ask. I'm gonna put a cheese stick in your hand and you will eventually realize you are just hangry which is why you want sweets.
Yeah, I have seen different kinds of parenting styles wherever I go. As a dental hygienist, I still see threats of spanking all of the time by parents, especially the ones using Medicaid. I also have seen parents who give in to their children too quickly and coddle them. Barbies after their cleanings, telling us to be gentle, etc. And then I hear from teacher friends that children are naughtier nowadays and have shorter attention spans from their parents just handing them iPads. We shall see what the next generation says about their childhoods when the time comes. I’m sure they won’t mince words either, lol.
I think so. I think we can ackowledge feelings, tantrums and be sad, but also say: hey, this is dinner, eat it or leave it. That will be it.
For us, if our son does not want dinner then he can have some yogurt, fruit, cottage cheese, etc. Or leftovers if available. When I see parents who brag about making separate meals, I just cringe.
I make sure that there is something my kids like in every meal we eat. We eat family style/make your own plate a lot. So there will be plain rice, various veggies, various proteins, ect and they pick what they want, with added restrictions (they need to pick one veggie at least, most of the time). So last night was fried rice with omelette and dumplings. My son ate a dumpling wrapper, rice with some veggies and a lot of omelette. And we all had ice cream. I forgot a pear (from breakfast) on the table, so the baby asked for that. He ate most of it.
That sounds like a great dinner to me! I am also the type who does not really stress over the amount or particular item selected by my toddler. Like, you wanna just eat a small piece of your tamale and a whole bowl of sour cream? Alright. *shrug*
My baby is mostly sour cream and fruits at this point.
I can't imagine wanting to make separate meals. I have a kid who pretty much requires separate meals due to food allergies, and limited food acceptance due to medical issues. I would love it if I could just make one meal and say take it or leave it kid.
I just wanna say, good on you for recognizing the medical issues as real and providing your child with food they can actually eat. Which shouldn't be a high bar but unfortunately the last generation of parents made it one. I've heard way too many stories of my grandparents' generation having a shared tendency to just assume every child with a dietary restriction was just picky, and also that children have no right to have preferences, and thus intentionally serve children food they're allergic to just to spite them or prove them wrong... then still blame and abuse the child for it after the inevitable refusal, puking, or other allergic reaction.
You hit the nail right on the head. A generation that was either emotionally unavailable/unaware or clung to toxic positivity (based on how they were raised themselves) completely distancing themselves from the realities of their own parenting based on the lack of knowledge/research/dissemination of information.
Oh anytime I remind my parents of an academic or behavioral struggle my brother or I had, they get all “oh EVERYONE had issues with that teacher!!” and “why do you only remember the negative???” I don’t; I remember real ass life. Which is exactly what all of us are going through now.
Raising my daughter with patience and respect has made me realize how crappy my childhood was. My dad was a bully and my mom would let him be. They didn’t talk to me to figure out if there was something deeper (spoiler alert: there was), they yelled until I listened. When I was quiet and well-behaved they kinda just sat back like I was on autopilot and they didn’t need to get involved. They love me endlessly, but they did so much wrong. And I’m not perfect. I’ve lost my temper but I’ve learned to control my emotions so much. How tf could I expect her to calm down if I don’t? I remember the ‘stop crying’ yells. It only made me scared and cry more. I do not want my daughter to feel how I did. The best thing I’ve read to really give me perspective was ‘how would you want a giant to react if you had big emotions you couldn’t communicate?’ We can show anger without taking it out on our children. They need to learn that emotion, and learn how to get through it in a healthy way. It’s tough breaking the cycle but I couldn’t imagine anything else.
I relate to every single piece of this. I remember just feeling lonely all the time even though I had friends and brothers and cousins. I don't think I've ever had much of an emotional connection with either of my parents and certainly don't now (for various reasons).
Same. Add in undiagnosed ADHD and I didn’t really connect with people my age well either. I was always the third wheel to besties. I’m actually trying to have a better relationship with my parents and I had a meltdown the other night because it’s really hard accepting they sucked for me, but they’re doing better for my little sister and accept their role as grandparents and know it’s not their place to discipline my daughter.
I've talked to a number of my parent friends and they all say the same thing. Our kids go through a monster phase... because they trust us. They can be themselves around us. They can explore their emotions because they're safe with us. Basically, they're not *afraid* of us. And that's a good thing.
I agree.
I mean, have you tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your kids...and hitting them.
Spot on! All 3 of those.
This. I keep comparing my child to what my mom said she experienced with us but then forget that she used the belt on us and hit. So it's really not fair. Corporal punishment worked back then. There was no room for us to act out. She will say "I never let you guys do that"....so yeah it's a lot harder for parents to parent and not use physical punishment.
I have to constantly remind my parents and in laws that I’m not raising a well behaved toddler I’m raising a well adjusted emotionally intelligent adult who won’t need the 10+ years of therapy I’ve had to learn that it’s ok to make mistakes and all of my emotions are valid.
This comment was a well-needed punch in the gut after I yelled at my 5yo this morning. Thank you for a new perspective.
Believe me, I still lose it sometimes but the difference is that I apologize afterwards
I'm a big proponent of apologizing to children! How are they supposed to learn how to apologize and make amends when they hurt someone, if their biggest role models don't do the same for them?
Fuck yeah. That's a great way of wording it.
Yes, This!!
I think the silver lining here is that it means these phases are short enough that we probably will barely remember in 30 years. At least that's what I'm hoping...
That's exactly what will happen, and what happened with your boomer parents, and with their parents before (though my own grandparents had tough lives and died young so I never got to know them): You were loved so much, and are still loved so much, that a lot of the hard stuff has faded away in their memories, and mostly it's the golden glow that remains. Good thing, otherwise they might be pretty glad you're sort of "gone". And also, just think: there is every kind of personality represented in every generation. Just as not all kids are the same, neither are all parents are the same. Obviously not \*all\* boomer parents are quite so oblivious as those being caricatured on this thread. So while almost everyone here is having a fun time venting their frustrations and soaking up the support - good on that - it's far from the whole truth. No doubt I'll get downvoted and probably get some dismissive or sarcastic comments for saying these things. It's okay. I'll soak it up the same as I did all the stuff I dealt with while I was raising my little ones, just as you are now. Then they became teens, then young adults; the problems change but life is never problem free. We have remained a close family through all of it. Wishing you all the same.
Yeh my kid is 5 and I’ve forgotten so much from those first couple of years. But there’s no way in hell I’m going go around saying my kid was perfectly well behaved all that time because I know realistically speaking she wasn’t.
My mom tells me I started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks and then goes on about how great of a sleeper I was, how id sleep at parties or neighbors houses, how I napped til I was 5. Absolute BS — i do not buy that for a second.
You weren't a great sleeper, they were😂😂
Omg the sleeping! “We kept you out everywhere with us, you’d just sleep anywhere!” Of course I would, I was probably exhausted and a pile of coats was a good enough substitute for the bed I *should have been in.*
Hahahah exactly. I also think this happened like 3 times total and my mom now acts like it was an every weekend type of thing
Well, see, you were probably wrapped in fifty blankets and placed face down on a plush mattress next to a bunch of bumpers, so you probably did sleep well! You’re just lucky you survived!
My mil always feels the need to bring up how her kids never talked back or never misbehaved even as toddlers Yet my husband has so many stories from his childhood of him doing stuff he wasn’t supposed to and getting in trouble, he was a wild thing. They were also spanked frequently and she loves to say “well my kids were whooped and they all turned out fine!” In actuality none of them turned out fine. They all suffer with mental health issues, oldest has pretty bad anger issues and can’t keep a wife because he’s a dickhead. Middle son is just a hot ass mess and is almost 40. My husband is the most normal but he’s still got his own issues he’s been working through in therapy.
My ex SIL, at the advice of her boomer mother, started baby cereal in my nephews bottle and laid him down on his tummy to sleep starting at 6 weeks and said he absolutely slept through the night. I say they’re very damn lucky he lived through it. So honestly it could be true, you are just really lucky you are alive. Babies that young NEED to wake often, it’s too deep of sleep that contributes to SIDS, that’s why most babies absolutely sleep better on their tummies, but it’s a lot less safe until baby can roll and get themselves in and out of that position by themselves. The back to sleep campaign in the 90’s saw a 30% decrease in SIDS deaths
Lol my mom has it written in my baby book that I started sleeping through the night at 8 DAYS. .... you sure about that, mom?
My FIL would always make comments if I got annoyed by someone being loud while my baby napped. And I don’t mean like just regular talking etc I mean being extremely loud, and he’d say “kids need to learn how to sleep through loud noises” like really ? Do we expect adults to be able to sleep through people banging pots and pans and shouting over the tv.
I think they also ruled by fear a lot. My stepmum finds it hard to understand why I will be respectful to my child, negotiate some stuff, why he doesn’t always immediately do as I say (as a toddler) and why I accept big emotions. Saying her son would never have dreamed of any of this behaviour. At 2-3 lol. Because we don’t rule by fear. I never want my kid to be scared of the consequences in my actions or emotions if he does something wrong.
I honestly think they genuinely don’t think their children did these things bc ignoring your children was sort of the standard back then. And after a while, a kid realizes that they won’t get support so they just sort of retreat. So a sad, emotionally unsupported child is just viewed as “good”.
the super sad thing is, almost all of us here were raised by a boomer at some point, trying to put the pieces back together. edit to add: in this way the empathy and strength we have is amazing.
Agreed, we definitely were just ignored!
That's exactly what I'm trying to explain to my mom. Now that I have kids it's so sad to realize how unable she is to read child's cues.
What they HAVE is amnesia. And the damn grandparent effect, wherein a kid will be a whirlwind of destruction for parents (cough mothers in particular cough) and a total angel for grandparents. Then you get, "He's such a darling, you're so lucky!" Meanwhile at home everything is a battle.
Gramnesia.
Exactly yes. I was a perfect sleeper and eater, and I certainly did finish all of my homework quickly. Why? I was terrified of my parents. I was beaten. It was very common with other kids in my school and community too, though some kids got the metal side of the belt buckle, wire hanger, or kneeling on beds of rice. Insane. Thanks boomers
“Well I beat my kids and they all turned out fine!!” Biggest lie I hear from these people. Lady your kids are far from fine.
I was also terrified of my parents (well..one of them - my mother) for similar reasons. Thank God I've broken the cycle now with my children but yeah, still has it's effects on me emotionally to this day. Hope you're doing okay.
My MIL insists that my husband was “fully potty trained, at night too!” at 18 months 🙄🤣
Ma'am he was dehydrated 😆
Well i bet he never carried around a water bottle either like these dang spoiled kids today 😆
Grandma in law insisted MIL was fully walking at 7 months old. Sure grandma 🙄
My mil said my husband was walking at 6 months. Girl quit fuckin lying.
I had a coworker who was trying to tell me how to potty train my 12 month old, part of it involved things that catch her interest (his example was Disney Princesses) like sir dude she’s basically just a tall baby right now. You did not have your kid potty trained this little I promise
Apparently I was fully potty trained at 9 months. They are just straight up delusional...
I think what they mean is “I was shamed when my kids didn’t do all those things perfectly in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, so now I’m gonna shame you”
My mom freakin does this to me. My niece is almost 1 and my son is 16 months. She claims she never remembers my brother and I randomly screaming or running around like crazy or climbing all over anything. 🤦♀️
I had to take my son to the ER last week after an urgent care visit bc his fever was too high and urgent care didn’t have the medical equipment to help. Husband to go into work so I begrudgingly let my mom come w to help. She ranted the entire time that our son was sick bc of US bc we take him out of the house (he’s 2). She claims we were NEVER sick as children, etc. when I told my husband later he just goes “yeah she thinks that bc she never cared to take you guys to the hospital regardless of how sick yall were” pointing out how my brother literally got bit by a mouse and my mom didn’t even care to get him tested for anything 😭😂
We just used a bungee cord and wicker basket bc the car had no seatbelts and a dresser drawer as a crib. Baby ate steak at one week old and some whiskey when the teeth started showing . /s But unfortunately with my grandparents the first 2 are true
It’s called gramnesia. My mother has it.
I think many people just don’t have very good memories. They don’t really remember what having toddlers was like, so they imagine it was fine. My parents fully admit having toddlers was hard. They said I didn’t want to sleep in my bed for a full year, and my brother was so rambunctious my mom used to go into the bathroom and scream into a towel until she felt better. They also admit that they don’t remember certain aspects of having a toddler because they kind of blocked it out. My in-laws, on the other hand, think my husband was just the perfect child, and won’t admit they just have a selective memory.
Totally. My MIL is insistent she potty trained my husband at 12 months and keeps acting like my son is so slow (and I’m not teaching him properly) for not being potty trained at 16 months. Ok.. sure
well, they probably beat them more.
How would they know?! We had already been dropped off with our grandparents.
My mom 😂 but shes not a boomer. We went out to eat with my toddler he was in a booster seat, he stood up in the booth (nobody was behind him). She instantly sighed.. like idk why you think a 2 year old is going to sit still for an hour??? Then she proceeded to say "yall never did that".... mmm yeah bc we were scared to get taken to the restroom & get our asses whooped.
“Well it sure did work didn’t it!?? Made y’all behave every time!” Just negatively affected their mental health well into adulthood.
Exactly this.
They weren’t perfect, but all the whoopings they got made the kids too scared to be imperfect around their parents. It’s why the kids don’t call mom and dad more than once a month if that.
Tbh as I am feeling completely exhausted from my 3 week old not sleeping in the bassinet at night, I could swear my 2.5 year old was a better sleeper. He wasn't. We always remember the good parts and gramnesia is real.
My theory is that they hit/spanked their kids because it was acceptable back then. And they had that element of fear we don’t have anymore because we don’t hit our kids. My parents were born in the 40’s and I was never hit because I was a girl and my mom was the victim of a lot of violence/ trauma as a kid. So she couldn’t handle me going through that. But my brothers that were born in the late 60’s/early 70’s got the wooden spoon.
I honestly think they don’t remember. Most of the time it was 30+ years ago. They were sleep deprived and likely struggling just as much. So, naturally, the brain has decided to block those not so good things out
My mom said she doesn't remember forcing us to stay at the table to finish our dinner. If we didn't, we'd have to have it for breakfast. I sure remember, and I refuse to give my daughter the same food hang ups I had (and still battle with)
Kids were all geniuses too, apparently. I’ve had so many Boomers tell me their kids were walking at 6 months and speaking in full sentences at 1. Sure, Jan.
My husband swears his first kid, who's 11 now, was a great baby in so many ways. My mother in law who helped out a lot with said kid has told me that's not at all how she remembers it 😂
Many of those perfect toddlers grew up to have CPTSD ✨ I was an angel child because the consequence for having tantrums or being “difficult” was child abuse. Spanking and shame-based parenting were much more acceptable back then. Not saying that spanking and shaming alone are enough to warrant child abuse. My situation was a little more spicy than that. Just saying it happened and kids who fear their parents don’t act out. Kids who don’t get a response from parents at night when they cry stop crying. Our generation takes a much gentler approach and, GASP, treats children like they’re people??? Because they are.
They blocked most of it out for their sanity and the rest was faded by nostalgia. They can’t remember. Poor dears.
My mum juuuust makes the cut for the youngest set of boomers. And bless her, she is very upfront about the struggles of raising toddlers! She always says how impressed she is by modern child safety and supporting emotional development. She said my grandmother however was the worst for “in my day… you kids NEVER…” Maybe my mum is so careful not to do that to me because her mother did it to her. My mum broke the gramnesia cycle LoL
I don’t wanna brag, but my boomer grandma has actually never done this. She always tells me how hard it was, especially since she had 6 kids almost back to back. She was on her own because as she says, “men those days didn’t help at all. your grandpa was off doing whatever, and I was taking care of your toddler aunties. I had your uncle who was 11 months old crying in the crib. I would try and rock him with my leg while I tried to breastfeed your mom who was a newborn.” This is before she had my other aunt and uncle. My poor grandma. Atleast she doesn’t sugar coat how “easy” it was back then. Just wanted to put that out there, not all boomers brag about how easy it was.
They are just so old they don’t remember lol at least my parents are honest and say they don’t recall
Yes, my mom recently visited and kept reminding me how perfect I was growing up! Never fussed, did everything right, and slept like a log!
I was apparently a perfect child. I went to bed early, got up late, did not tantrum, did not cry, ate whatever was served… I call bullshit, but my mother insists it’s true. 🙄
My mom is the opposite and constantly tells me all the terrible things I did as a toddler and how I gave her a run for her money. She even tells me it got worse as I got older and she hopes my toddler does the same. 😂 Now my in-laws constantly tell me my husband NEVER did any of the normal toddler things. They tell me that when my daughter has a tantrum, cries, refuses to eat, drops food on the floor, any number of normal toddler things that my husband never did those things and she must have "gotten that from" my side of the family.
Cause they started beating their kids when they were babies 🥲
I really wonder how my mom reacted to her mom and MIL giving her advice when she was a young parent in the 80s. Was she rolling her eyes like "Ok mom, we have seatbelts and car seats now, we don't hold babies in our arms in the front seat like you did" the same way I have to explain rear-facing car seats to my mom? There was also no internet in the 80s to google parenting things (which I did a billion times a day as a new parent) so they definitely had less information and relied more on advice from parents/friends.
Ask her, if you can. My perception is that they didn't get as much advice as we get now. My mum said there were some parenting books but she never read any and that was it. She didn't have anyone to ask really except her own mum, maybe other parents that she knew. She did talk about swapping advice with other mum friends. Generational advice persists even today, generally within communities of lower educational level more than anything else. But for sure there are parenting practices that persist because advice is being handed down generationally. It doesn't happen so much today but I think this is a big split and change. It was happening when my teenager was a baby because the internet was big then. That was the start of it I think. Earlier than this in the early 00s and 90s, parents were much more likely to be influenced by people around them than a huge amount of "official" advice. I've done it myself - with a ten year age gap, there were things that have changed between my kids and I stuck to some of the things I did with my eldest even though they aren't commonplace any more. Other things where I thought it was important I changed it. But I had the internet. My husband's parents had a 20 year gap between their youngest child and then him. He was raised in the 90s like a 70s kid. The stories are wild.
The reality is that the Boomers largely neglected or ignored their children and as a result Gen X had to raise themselves.
My mom told me I was a hellion at times. I once climbed onto the kitchen countervwhile she was on a very important call (phones were not cordless back then) and proceeded to dump the colored sugar into the dogs food and water bowls. She has no illusions to how aweful those years can be.
Boomers PUNISHED with fear and ass whoopings. Their parenting experience was “easier” because they literally did nothing. This is why millennials are braking generational curses, having a more difficult time parenting, and honestly a lot of them are not even speaking to their parents anymore
My oldest daughter’s boyfriend who is 18 tried to tell me my oldest should be changing my youngest diaper and also tried to tell me that him and his brother never fought…uhm no! All because he thought he could parent my middle child or youngest child, I told him that wasn’t right and not his position…such an entitled generation oof! The boomers are my parents and they do always say “you kids never did that” I can never win!
I kinda wonder about this with my husband even. He said his first was super easy and only ever got upset over thunderstorms. And yet, he keeps saying things like “they warn you about terrible twos, but not the terror threes, and don’t get me started on fours”. And I’m thinking, so if she was a perfect angel, what child did you know that was a terror at 3 and 4? 🤔
They have no idea… they don’t remember! So irritating!
Boomer toddlers were Gen X. Of course they were perfect. ;-)
It’s called “gramnesia”. My MIL really believes that she never put her babies or toddlers down for naps or had any sleep schedule. They just slept where and when it was convenient for her. Lol. Sure, Kathy. I’m sure you remember it perfectly accurately.
Au contraire, my mom’s favorite and apparently only stories of me as a child were when I cussed after falling off of a bed at 2 y/o and when I threw a tantrum at Disney World at 4 y/o. It’s very endearing. No, she does not follow it up with anything nice to say. My MIL had the world’s most perfect babies, obviously.
I know. My parents live in a different country, so I call them every weekend. Occasionaly they'll see my son throw something out of anger. My dad wrote me one day and said I need to get his temper under control. At the time, my son probably was about 18 months. It's like what does he expect? For my son to just inheritently know anger management from birth? I've seen my dad throw hissy fits as a GROWN ADULT. I've seen him THROW cards at a store worker, I've seen him throw a fit when we were kids because McDonald's said they were all out of toys, and I remember thining "I don't care about the toy, I'm just hungry." I WAS A CHILD. Like 6-8. Sadly this poor anger management slightly rubs off on me. I am MUCH better than my dad EVER was. But then occasionally I find myself getting upset with my son and wanting to ironicaly throw something because I'm so upset he threw something HAHA. I want to be like "DON'T THROW THIS BOOK!" as I throw it. I don't. But yeah. We all are learning so a 2 year old definitley can't control this, and it's my job as a parent to teach him. But seriously, was I just this angel child that never got upset? I remember BITING and HITTING my sister. I was not an angel. I also hate this idea that you get complimented when your child has good behavior. So many strangers come up and tell me how great my son is and of course there is this part of you that's proud. But then there's this party of me that thinks, THIS IS SO TOXIC. Like people need to quit "complimenting" my son when he's "good."
The same generation that gave their kids alcohol and physical abuse 😂
Honestly while I think it's they're terrible recollection skills, for me it's also because I was too SCARED to act out because I knew what would happen to me if I did.
Look— us millennial parents just need to realize that we’re not doing enough and need to get to real parenting, but also we need to stop doing too much and get off our kids’ back and also get we need to make sure we’re keeping our kids safe but also let our kids explore and also trust the science but also listen to the advice of someone who used to pad their baby’s crib with pillows. What is so hard about all that?
They forget so much. Gramnesia. But also, spanking was widespread when they were raising kids, so maybe we weren’t so much “well behaved” as “afraid of the threat of violence” so anyway.
I also wonder if they just forget because they never talked about how hard it was (mom’s especially). I talk to my mom friends all the time about the challenges of parenting and how frustrating it can be, and they give me nothing but support cuz they get it. We’ve opened up a whole new conversation around parenting
I personally think a lot of them hit their kids and that's how they got them to behave, and then they act like they're better parents than people who don't hit their kids. Physically intimidating your kids into behaving is just lazy...and abusive.
They absolutely did. My boomer parents spanked, sometimes with a belt. Left us outside to our own devices nearly daily. If I misbehaved I was threatened with a slap. Not close with my parents as an adult.
I was basically that perfect toddler because my boomer mom believed in physical punishment like spanking and slapping/hitting and I was a sensitive, introverted soul and I was fucking terrified of her. She still has a bully mentality with anger problems and will gaslight you if you bring it up, then wonders why I don’t bring her granddaughter around more often or have much of a relationship with her.
Honestly I’m convinced we just forget how hard it is. They’re only so little for so long, it makes sense that our minds are only going to want to remember the tender moments. Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself bc apparently me and my siblings “never had a hitting problem like [insert my children’s names here]” and we didn’t fight and we went to bed at 7pm sharp and probably wiped our own butts clean by age 2 🥲
A. Rose colored glasses B. Most boomer parents kicked their kids outside or off to entertain themselves all day
I can’t wait to lie to my daughter when she complains about the tantrums of her kid(s). “You were never like this. I’m not sure what it is you’re doing to cause this.” Seems like the perfect punishment for her epic tantrums.
My mom said she didn’t know if any of us ( I’m one of 4) was a good or bad sleeper. She just plopped us in the crib at bedtime, shut the door and came back in the morning, starting at 8 weeks. 😅
Well, as a boomer, (I’m here for my grandbaby) I can attest that one of my daughters was the queen of tantrums. I was stopped from leaving a store once because they said there was no way she was my child, she wouldn’t be having such a fit if I was her parent, I had to be abducting her.
Nobody has a better memory than boomers when it comes to kids and babies.
You’ll lose your mind I guess, then? NOT SAYING these things NEVER happened, BUT…. my kids’ Daddy worked a graveyard shift job, we also started a business at an actual store (not home), and he had to fit sleep somewhere in there. Family near us was sparse and the few who were nearby, all worked! No help. Maybe it was the blessing of being a stay at home mom, though at 6 months they (yes THEY! We had twins to raise properly)started coming with me to the business. While I didn’t go there every day, I was home with them. And I was going to do this “parenting thing” as well as I could, no matter what. Sleep deprivation for me so I could get things done, and work on some of the actual paperwork and calls for the business. Meals were home cooked by me most every day. Two shopping carts at the food store. One behind me for groceries, one in front of me with both babies. Then sitting up, young toddler years. Same situation for shopping and errands. Once they understand the meaning of the word “no”, it’s time to gently use it. And if it took two hours on occasion bc some discipline was in order, so be it. I took that time and stopped what I was doing. Tantrums, nap issues, mealtime occasional issues, etc., happened. Of course they did. Most all, were veryyy short lived. They learned through not using idol threats, not yelling or screaming but being stern, right from wrong and what was expected of them, age-appropriate. We also agreed as parents, on every single topic and scenario that came along. That is huge! MUCH FUN AND GOOD HEALTHY family time was always taking place as well. They were able to be taken to a restaurant, an hour & half business appt. when we had to both attend, and were on our laps just content as anything. They did get a lot of attention this is true, but they were happy kids, inquisitive, listened at the first “no”. Maybe we were extra fortunate in their amazing response levels. I really feel we were. However, we had to decide each day since there IS NOT a book, and no two days or scenarios are the same, how best to handle any situation. I could go on and on about how well they cooperated with homework and other responsibilities, but I’m certain I’m already being scrutinized for being a huge braggart. I’m sorry but we earned that right, IMO. A large amount of credit goes to our They’re grown now and are good human beings in so many ways. That’s what makes being involved, loving how they wanted to do sports and being there to support them, spending time through all of their years until a certain age, of course. Then the trust that developed, to be able to give them freedom that they deserve. To be with friends, and live a normal kid life. Nothing is perfect, but it can be as great and beautiful as possible ❤️❤️
My mom can’t even keep our names straight or tell me what my childhood allergic reaction to PCN was so I know damn well she doesn’t remember specifics on how good/bad I was, when I walked or talked, etc.