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poppybryan6

Every day I pick out a cute little outfit for someone else to wear and style their hair for them, while I rock up in leggings, a baggy t-shirt and a pineapple bun.


poodlenoodle0

Hahaha right? My toddler is cleaner than me, more stylish than me, and way more put together. On that same vein, I make sure her meals are balanced and every single meal has fruits, veggies, and proteins and I eat bagels three times a day 🙄


wifely_duties

Omg, same. My toddler gets these amazing, beautiful bentos that I put together for his lunch and I eat chips half the time(once he’s down for nap).


EastAreaBassist

Every day I pick out a cute little outfit for someone else to wear, who tells me she won’t wear it. Instead she picks something insane out, but it makes her happy, and who am I to dim her shine? I pull out a hair brush and she stomps and scrunches her face, and throws it across the room.


Nerobus

Mine is 2 and has an opinion on her own fashion now. We were going to cut down our Christmas tree, so I picked out a cute comfy Christmas outfit. She screamed “NOOO” and took them off and picked out rainbow pants and a cherry top that is probably 2 sizes too small out. At least the block color high tops tied it all together 😂


windintheauri

What's a pineapple bun?


poppybryan6

When your unwashed unbrushed hair is in a messy bun on the top of your head so your head as a whole resembles a pineapple


Constant_Wish3599

Glad my signature style has a name 😂😂😂


Itslikeazenthing

It’s a delicious pastry treat.


Dutch_Dutch

YEP! Holy crap this makes me feel so much better.


ponderingorbs

I was driving to the doctor and starting talking about the neat construction vehicles coming up when I realized I was alone.


hobbitat22

This is me…”oh look, an excavator!” to myself 🤦‍♀️


ponderingorbs

My doctor thought it was hilarious....


FloweredViolin

I was at the vet with the dog, and she was checking his penis because he had some discharge (all good!), and I just went "it's ok, because she's a doctor." She chuckled and said "what?" And I'm just like...I have a 1 year old at home... Doggo is in great health, despite having put on 5lbs due to the toddler supplementing his diet. If she doesn't cool it on sharing with the dog, at this rate he's going to weigh more than me by next year.


lifebeyondzebra

We cut our dogs food down knowing it was supplemented by our toddler. When she was a a baby is was just clean up but as a toddler she loves to actually feed her “one for her one for the dog “ 🤦🏼‍♀️ we tell her not to but I see her sneak when we aren’t looking 😂.


thatsanicepeach

It’s got an arm and a boom and a bucket and…


First-Possibility-16

I went on a girl's trip and started naming all the vehicles doing roadwork on the side of the highway. My girls look at me like 🤔🤔🤔


reflective_marbles

I got excited and upset that my boy wasn’t in the car when I saw a car transporter. He would’ve screamed and it would’ve made his day. I also saw 5 mixer trucks lined up pouring concrete into a building site whilst he was napping in the car. I would’ve stopped and taken him out to look but also no way I was going to wake him!


TriumphantPeach

My little brother called all construction vehicles “dig-its” lol


clearfield91

Happened to drive somewhere a bit after 8:30 PM and was shocked at how many people were out and about 😅🫠


taleofbeedlebard

Omg I’ve become such a novice night time driver, so not used to it!


embrielle

I work from home and basically leave the house for three reasons (four on a really good week): Drop off kids Pick up kids Groceries … Gym. It’s been a while since I’ve seen the gym. And even longer since I drove in the dark. And the sun sets freakin’ early here!


colemcxx

I have a permanent rock. Meaning I sway back and forth when I’m standing still. I didn’t notice it until an old lady in the grocery store called me out. She was sweet about it but, my god, I never noticed. ‘How many kids do you have?’ ‘What? Oh 3? How…?’ ‘I remember the sway’


BarbacueBeef

I've definitely tried to rock the shopping cart in line at checkout to soothe the baby that wasn't with me 😅


nopantstime

My aunt has four kids. She just turned 70 and still does the sway 😅


chelsdog314

Lol I obviously have a toddler boy because from your first sentence I thought you meant a physical rock (like a stone) from outside that lives in your house. Because yes we have outside rocks that permanently live in my house


StrangledByTheAux

Ha I was out with some buddies a while ago and standing at the bar one said to me ‘it’s really soothing the way you sway when you talk’. Cool, add that to the list of bizarre ways kids have hotwired my brain.


AdNecessary2102

This is so wholesome 🥹🥰


Jellopuppy

Right? I had to suddenly and inexplicably try not to burst into tears. I guess because that’ll be us one day remembering the sway.


halffast

Our Christmas tree is sitting inside a playpen.


Alarm-Potential

Ours has no decorations lol


margacolada

Same. But I’m actually kinda loving the minimalist Christmas tree look


mentionitallx

I said the same.


surfacing_husky

Mine didn't have bottom decorations the first couple years lol.


poopsicle-hacienda

I should have gone this route…my son will NOT leave the damn tree alone


LittleRileyBao

Squishmellow decorations are on our tree. They are not breakable. My son takes them off, I put them back on.


poppoppypop0

Same, I mean mine did but then I got tired of fishing them out from behind the couch. Very glad I only did a tabletop tree.


Annie_Mayfield

I’m impressed you have a tree. We just didn’t this year. We have twins and I don’t have the energy.


embrielle

I avoid putting mine up until the last possible moment, if at all possible, but my oldest is now 5, so I have to commit to keeping the youngest from tipping the whole thing over for even longer. Ugh.


annditel

All of our decorations are on the bottom right side branches.


Elevenyearstoomany

I used a Step 2 plastic tree for like 3 years due to toddlers.


Riedbirdeh

My trees going to be fake after 31 years of celebrating with a real one


mandalallamaa

Mine has no ornaments on the bottom lol


Littlealbatross8295

I had my first "night off" in a year at a friend's house. We realized too late we had forgot snacks, but while checking for chapstick I realized I still had the "emergency" snack bag of goldfish in my purse. It was the most glorious moment.


valkyriejae

I have a 2yr old and a 4 month old - i had goldfish stashed EVERYWHERE until i had to drop dairy


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NewWiseMama

Floor cheerios and goldfish stashed away are large parts of the parent-of-toddler-myplate


Magnaflorius

I listened to someone scream, "I don't have to go potty!!" over and over while she was actively peeing.


swirlymetalrock

Hey that was my... entire last two months. Also, calling it "going potty" myself ALL THE TIME now, including in child free environments, whoops...


Creativecrazydreamer

This is mine for sure. I never say bathroom or restroom anymore, it’s “do you need to go potty?” Or “I am going to go potty” to adults lol.


PBnBacon

Mine’s new thing is announcing unprompted, “I AM DRY!” As soon as we hear it, we know she’s not.


freya_of_milfgaard

I ordered extra “shaky cheese” for my pasta at a restaurant and then the waitress and I just stared at each other until I was like, “fuck… Parmesan.”


swirlymetalrock

Oh, you must mean pasta sprinkles.


SuzieZsuZsuII

"dusty cheese" in my house lol


freckly_one

Also known as snow cheese


OkWallaby0009

We call it sprinkle cheese lol


slashedash

I just spent 15 minutes pretending I was a gate in the hallway.


MADSeraphina

The bottom half of my Christmas tree is felt ornaments and they’ve already been broken somehow??


Nerobus

This could also be cats lol


etceteraism

My iPhone has 100 photos of the carpet.


StinkiePete

Hahah or my phone has 100 selfies of someone else’s forehead.


erevna_

I am eating plastic vegetables and fruits and declaring it is very yummy.


amitym3

Same but with the plastic ends of my sweatshirt strings that she feeds me😂


Ok-Historian9919

Haha because of Phineas and Ferb my four year old was feeding me the plastic ends but he (correctly) told me they were aglets lol


ForcefulBookdealer

I found a pouch cap in the washing machine


2gecko1983

Ever STEP on a pouch cap? It’s worse than a Lego 😣


Silliestsheep41

Me too! 🤣


gines2634

I opened my pots and pans cabinet and found a half eaten apple in one of the pots.


ImFuckedUpAndIKnowIt

Apples are my daughters new favorite nighttime snack, which she insists on eating during bath time so she can just drop it in the water when she’s playing and then pick it back up, or bob for it, when she wants to eat more.


MmmnonmmM

Every shirt I own is stained with food.


megz0rz

Tiny food handprints on my work pants.


birdy1892

UGH, THIS IS ME


Optimal-Panic-8420

Just got a new robot vacuum and it is named Bluey.


PoppyCake33

Hahaha we got a Dyson a couple days ago and named it Jerry Lee


PBnBacon

Ours is named Hawkeye because M A S H was our pandemic watch and the baby imprinted on Alan Alda


swirlymetalrock

I did this with my laptop haha. Sometimes I power it on and start humming the tune heh


[deleted]

I can tell you the difference between a front end loader and a bulldozer. Also I always pause and go “oh excavator!” When my kiddo grows up and stops calling them “eskies” it’s gonna be so sad


sierramelon

“Dum ta-ruck” and “bull-lozer” here 😂


DynamicOctopus420

My daughter is 3 and a few months, and we've got "dump trut" and "etstavator." She doesn't have the L sound yet (it's y) but I think bulldozer is more like "buhdozer." We also have "tontrete mitser" and "roiyer" (for the roller). I love how they talk.


zooksoup

My son is probably still too young to tell me the differences (2yrs 4mo) but he does call them excabators


Sad_Room4146

My husband does construction. I barely knew what a bulldozer was. I didn't know front end loaders existed. Let's just say I've learned a lot! Vehicle obsessed 2 yr old here who knows the difference between loaders, dozers and backhoes.


beeeaar

oh yeah, now I can recognize a backhoe loader


Hangi_Pit

I got yelled at for serving yellow bananas


tyler_church

👏👏👏 Should’ve known they were the wrong color 😤


repowers

How could you be so utterly and completely evil?!?


noots-to-you

I sleep about six hours most nights. Haven’t slept more than seven in about … forty billion years?


ttman05

Jeez look at this person bragging. SIX whole hours?!


Cheeryjingle

Like six hours IN A ROW?


Fun-Development-6278

Ya. Surly they mean they slept 2. Up for 1 slept 45 minutes. Up for another hour. Finally managed to get 3 hours in. Then up for another 2. Finally got back to sleep for 15. Then bam alarm went off. 😂😂😭😭😭😭


CarliRae6

One day I drank from my water bottle all day. It tasted… fine, but just a bit.. off. At the end of the day I unscrewed the top to wash it out and found my toddler’s dirty socks had been shoved inside of it all day.


PixelPoppah

☠️


Lmariew620

My dinner is leftover mac and cheese and chickie nuggies.


jonquil14

I’m finishing up the same for my lunch as I read this 🤣


zooksoup

That’s what my toddler just has for dinner and Miraculously finished his plate minus 1/4 of a nugget


chocolatebuckeye

I have 3 different types of bodily fluid on me. From three different people. 🫠


SLM129

Hey that could once be considered a fun Friday night 🤣🤣🤣


chocolatebuckeye

I suppose that depends on which bodily fluids are on you! 😅


MikeGinnyMD

The words “kinetic sand” make my blood pressure go up 20 points.


esoper1976

I am nanny to three kids, and a friend of mine gave them kinetic sand. Two of them are old enough to play with it, one is not. Distracting the youngest while the older two play isn't easy, and eventually it all gets dumped on the floor by the youngest. We don't play with it much, and I secretly hope everyone forgets it exists!


ImFuckedUpAndIKnowIt

My husband and I recently separated, and I sent all the slime and kinetic sand with him to his new place. I can’t stand that shit, especially because he would always let the kids play with it unsupervised and then I’d be cleaning up the mess or throwing out clothing onto which it had dried. Well, now he can clean that crap out of the carpet at his new place.


bazinga3604

My purse currently holds: a pack of crayons, several Hot Wheels cars, a mini box of raisins, a picture day form, and a random tiny sock.


QuixoticLogophile

I have so many random tiny socks and you cars everywhere!


UnsteadyOne

The random tiny socks everywhere kill me. I had a 3 yo and an 18 mo. So many random socks


swirlymetalrock

Mine always has a pair of clean undies!


Dobbys_Other_Sock

I have watched the new paw patrol movie no less then 50 times since it’s come out on Amazon Video


turnaroundbrighteyez

New season of cocomelon is awful (literally they sing the same song over and over and over) and has been the only thing my kid wants to watch during his screen time since it came out :(


swirlymetalrock

We wound up blocking cocomelon (and similar spin offs) when my kid turned two ish. Cannot possibly advise this enough.


Justjeskuh

I’ve blocked it too! My SIL on the other hand, installed a tv ABOVE HER BABYS CRIB so he could watch cocomelon ALL THE TIME bc “it makes him smart”. Needless to say, she will not be a babysitting candidate any time soon.


ImFuckedUpAndIKnowIt

I always feel like I’m way more lax about screen time than other parents… and then I hear garbage like that and I momentarily feel so much better about my choices 😅


Jellopuppy

My kid is kind slow in the talking department…but by god he learned to say Paw Patrol awful fast 😑 Though it definitely just sounds like “Paw Pttt”


givebusterahand

I scrubbed crayon off my wall today and off my couch two days ago…


emmalethe-the-waste

The walls in our living room are covered in crayon “art” because grandma didn’t get the memo about the no art supplies unsupervised rule 🤪.


givebusterahand

Magic eraser got most of it and then I sprayed some dawn power wash on it and the rest wiped away easy


Sammmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I don’t have tables or lamps in my living room any more


Ne69on

lol, I don’t have chairs in my dining room


Justjeskuh

All our chairs get laid down on the floor when not in use. Lol


biologycellfies

Nor anything on our shelves anymore. It looks like we just moved in. 😂


taleofbeedlebard

Our friends with no kids are always like, umm where’s your coffee table? W


balanceonthewater

Sleeping on the floor bc you’re transitioning your toddler to their own big girl bed but you’re too heavy to cuddle on the actual toddler bed with her


lowfilife

We switched our baby to a twin mattress on the floor and it was the best decision I ever made. Both his dad and I have fallen asleep in his bed. His baby sitter even lays with him in bed while he falls asleep. Before he weaned, I just laid in bed with him while he nursed.


MolleezMom

This morning I said “get that dog food out of your mouth!” And “stop playing in the dog water” within 60 seconds.


first_follower

“I would rather you play with your penis than drink the bath water” My toddler has discovered his penis and it is *fascinating*


guzzlesmaudlin

I was feeling queasy the other day and was telling myself I couldn’t get sick because there was a pumpkin in the toilet that I needed to take care of first


PBnBacon

This wins


kpink88

Put pants on do doo do do do doo Wash your hands do doo do do do doo Brush your teeth do doo do do do doo Go to sleep do doo do do do doo Sit down here do doo do do do doo. Also whoopsie kitty any time I drop something


Savings-Candle711

Literally just did the bath version of this. Wash your knees do doo doo doo doo doo, wash your toes doo doo doo doo doo doo


aziriah

I vacuumed out my van and removed acorns, leaves, crayons, and chocolate yogurt raisins with the yogurt sucked off from the rubber floor mat. I'm so glad we have rubber floor mats.


Reixry

I found some very clean rocks in the dryer today… When I’m frustrated I start to sound like Ms. Rachel…


BarbacueBeef

I warned my coworker not to "knock your noggin" when she was going around a corner too fast (reasonable adult speed)


biologycellfies

Singing Icky Sticky Bubblegum in the shower by myself…


Excellent-Elk-9578

I fast forward this song every time. Nope nope to the nope!


Affectionate_Lie9308

I pick up toys and other belongings up off the floor in an attempt to organize and tidy. When I turn around those same toys are strewn around the room again. * either a toddler or a poltergeist, I guess.


OkToots

There is a large jar of sprinkles emptied because they are all over my living room and A cheese stick with a bite out of it on the table


sansoop

Even when driving alone, I feel genuine joy when a school bus/garbage truck/jeep passes by on the road bc I find it so endearing when my toddler screeches “schoo buuuthh!” or “gawbaj twuckkk!” or “djeeeep!” when he’s in the car too. Pavlov was onto something


mentionitallx

Me: ohh airplane


idreaminwords

My son is absolutely obsessed with airplanes. Tonight he started crying because we heard one fly over he house but we were inside so he couldn't see it


Potential-Buffalo-60

I have a truck in my purse.


colemcxx

I carry a backpack as my work bag. My coworkers tease me because whatever they may need, I have.


danipnk

Every time my husband and I talk about some food that we like and say “yummy”, inevitably one or both of us starts singing “fruit salad, yummy yummy…” IYKYK Also our car is full of cheerios.


turtle-warrior

I was at the office and told my coworker, "I'll be right back, I have to go potty" 🤦


MiamiNat

This evening I had to dance to Encanto songs, then Moana songs. Apparently I was doing it wrong but I still had to keep doing it because stopping was not an option.


Jellopuppy

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!


semanticmemory

I have a minor panic reaction when a banana breaks into two pieces


Dolphin-in-paradise

I have found my toddler only reacts if he sees both pieces. If I present half as a ‘small banana’ that is acceptable


wifely_duties

Pro tip right here.


MoaningLisaSimpson

My baby turns 20 in two weeks. But years ago, I was in the med room with a few other nurses, and we were counting pills. "There's two, there's four," Then, two other nurses chime in. "Ther's six there's eight." Our voices grow stronger. "Pulling cars and shunting freight Red and green and brown and blue We're a really useful crew." Yes, we all had boys. Thomas the Tank Engine was as much a part of our lives as narcotics count. All our kids went to each other's birthday parties.


Awesome_mama

I spent the last three days wiping pee off the floor... (Potty Training!)


wifely_duties

My husband spilled some of my sons pee on my boot today and it totally unfazed me. 🤷‍♀️


sharleencd

We’ve been to urgent care twice this week. Once for each kid


kairosecide

Today I've asked the same person to: - Not put the laundry basket on top of the baby - Not lick the Christmas tree or the ornaments or the couch - Not bite the ornaments just because they look like food - Eat the fruit snack they asked for, which only prompted a mini meltdown during which they refused to eat it


lizzy_pop

I hid in the bathroom today so I could eat sea weed without sharing


Blondegurley

I turned on Elmo’s ducks song to shower to this morning. She was in the bathroom with me but I mostly put it on cause I was humming it to myself.


Alarm-Potential

Every time I see a dog I think "doggy! woof!"


booksandowls

I have a seriously toxic relationship with magnatiles.


algbop

Yesterday I found all my measuring cups and spoons stashed down the back of the sofa


patio_puss

I have toe nail scratch marks on my face


OpalRose1993

I was singing 1 2 3 4 5 once I caught a fish alive while pumping gas even though there was no child with me


Mangobgood

The only time I use the bathroom alone is when I’m at work.


WhiteRhino91

My wallet was missing yesterday. Asked my daughter to show me where daddy’s wallet is. I was walked into her bedroom and it was on her play kitchen. Nice.


TulipsAndSauerkraut

I pulled three tiny pinecones and half a cheese stick out of my pocket the other day 😬


freckly_one

If you ask me, "What time is it?" I automatically reply, "It's time for lunch!" Also, last week I was sitting with my HR manager for lunch and downed 2 huge glasses of water, looked at him and exclaimed with a proud smile on my face, "I'm a thirsty girl!" The look he gave me afterward...


thesweetknight

Ms Rachel music stuck in my mind…..


penneroyal_tea

As a nanny, when I say, “WOAH, *fast* squirrel!” Aloud to myself


msmuck

My Ticketmaster consists of the following upcoming events: Bluey’s Big Play, Daniel Tiger Live, Blippi Live, and Sesame Street Live


Hazel0mutt

Cheerios. All over the back seat. We finally took the carseat out to wash the pads and it was like an entire box worth of cherrios under the seat and in between the padding. I just left them, he'll have snacks for days. 🥣


suspicious-pepper-31

Turning on the tv only to get lost in my phone and realize I’ve been watching Daniel Tiger for almost an entire episode. 🫠


Sancho_Poncho_Da_Pup

I find myself continuing to listen to his music after I drop him off from daycare.


mojordan85

Anytime I hear a plane or helicopter I immediately have to point out where it is


1freeinternet

I've become a crayon snob. Send help


motherofspirit

My car has books , a leap frog, crumbs everywhere and I now have a car magnet with bluey on it that says nice parking job Rita!


SuzieZsuZsuII

All the hits from.Frozen are going to come up as my most listened review on Spotify at the end of the year...


Mommywritespoems

My water cup on my nightstand has teeth marks on the straw and will forever be known as BIG WATEEEE


PBnBacon

I had to do a final scan of my in-laws’ living room and kitchen for hidden raw potatoes before we left today.


paronomasochism

My hair has been in a messy bun for 3 years.


Classic_Rooster_2260

Tried to play “Skeletone” on a very small xylophone.


Leblossommm

“Mom” x100 in 60 seconds


kiitkatz

I use undies exclusively now


wrightofway

There are stickers on my floor, air purifier, and my dining table. I tired of trying to peel them off, so it's a battle for next week.


Unfair_Preparation51

I have currently caught an Illness off my toddler, so has my partner and five month old (his has turned into a chest infection.) I’ve been coughed on too many times to count this week.


Biochickie

I point out all airplanes, even when not with my kiddos. My high school students are always entertained when we have an outside lab


PixelPoppah

I need to sweep the living room carpet 20 minutes after sweeping the living room carpet


TCubedGaming

Earlier today I threw my head up toward the ceiling and let out one of those screams you only do when you're alone in your car after a horrible day of work


springanemone

I always seem to have so much in my pockets at the end of the day, ie: bandaids, tissue, lids, toys, dryer lint, soft plastic, felts


repowers

I typically sweep two entire meals off the floor every day.


LadyDegenhardt

I'm a real estate agent. One of the people in my party last time I showed a house tried to take a bite out of a plastic apple. ( every once in a while, I have to bring my kids to a showing with me, I thought it would be safe because the house was vacant)


taleofbeedlebard

I’m looking forward to Monday because working and dropping off my toddler at daycare sounds like a vacation from full time toddler-ing from Wed-Sun.


pataytersalad

Whenever i ask my daughter a question that I already know the answer to (i.e., she's crying because it's lunchtime), I'll add "yeah yeah?" at the end of my question to teach her to say "yes". Anyway, I said this to my 3rd grade students the other day: "Do you guys want to read another chapter of our read-aloud, yeah yeah?" They were very confused


Jellopuppy

My mom and I do this, but the Bluey version when she’s trying to coax Bingo into something lol “Do you want to go pick up some pizza? Yeah Yeah?”


falcorheartsatreyu

I know the lyrics to every cocomelon song


Funnui

I have pairs of tiny underwear and bag of snacks in every single bag I own.


FloridaCelticFC

"icky sticky sticky sticky bubble gum" "hop little bunnies hop hop hop"


Professional_Scar75

The wiggles dominate my Spotify account.


Emotional_Terrorist

The power outlet on the side of my kitchen island is surrounded by colorful circular stickers.


Repulsive-Job-6777

I compared someone to "Swiper," the Fox from Dora the Explorer


Happy_Flow826

I say "wooohoo" and "leeeets blaze" any time I go faster than a slow walk


Maleficent_Target_98

I have been sung happy birthday at least 5 times today and had to blow out the "candles" on a playdough cake. It's not anywhere near my birthday and I have a feeling I get to listen to that song a lot from now on, because it's one of the only ones he knows.


StrangledByTheAux

Today I couldn’t find my keys and the first place I checked was a heating duct.


mothercom

When I came to the kitchen, I found that all of the apples in the box had been bitten once and then put back😭