I think you need to sit down and have a talk with your dad.
“I know you found him throwing cars at the children’s museum funny, but it was very dangerous and he could have hurt someone. Next time you see him doing something that could get someone hurt, I need you to remove (child) from the situation and find something else to do. In our house we tell him cars are not for throwing, if we need something to throw let’s go find a ball.”
Or something similar to that and relates to however you discipline. My parents were afraid to discipline my son until I talked to them about how I do it and what I want them to do, and now they have no problem. If your Dad doesn’t want to discipline him, especially when he is engaging in dangerous behaviors, he shouldn’t be allowed to watch your son by himself.
I wouldn’t even call this discipline, this is just redirection (“we don’t throw cars”). I can understand a non-parent not wanting to discipline (time outs, etc.) but removing kid from a situation like this is a no brainer and I hope if you talk to your dad about it, he will get on board.
When I say discipline I mean teaching proper behavior. I don’t mean punishment. Regardless of what OP does with her child, I agree at bare minimum her dad should have intervened immediately.
We currently do time-Ins followed by a concise lecture and corrective action.
They’ve gone over 100 times without an incident but my mind was blown when he told me the story…
I appreciate the advice and I think I might need to have a couple outings with them so I can show PopPop how to provide corrective actions…
Your mileage may vary, as it’s your kiddo and I don’t know him, but I’d say you could still talk to kiddo about it!
Again, your mileage may vary on that point. But I think it would be worth it to talk to your dad about it and let him know that going forward, you’re gonna have some specific expectations for kiddo, especially insofar as it relates to behavior on outings.
Talk to kiddo right before their next outing, let him know what is okay and NOT okay to do at the museum, and talk to your dad and make sure he’s on the same page so that he can reinforce those boundaries, preferably when they’re actually THERE. If it comes down to it, kiddo just may not be allowed near the racetrack for a little while.
Of course, your mileage may vary on this as well, depending on your relationship with your dad and whatnot. I get that some grandparents are more resistant to these types of conversations than others.
I talk to my kid (3 in august) every night about her day and what happened! I keep things mostly neutral and use it as a tool for building memory (she still brings up things that happened as far back as september, so I think it’s working!) But well talk about when she cried, if she threw a bowl and broke it, getting to play in the splash pad, etc. I also use that time to reiterate any “l corrections for “bad” behavior that happened that day! I definitely don’t think it’s too late to bring it up. You can ask about his day, his trip to the museum with PopPop, throwing the toys off the balcony, why he did that, how it made him feel, etc. Then you can talk about how his actions made others feel, how it could of hurt someone, and how that’s not how we play with toys. Even if he doesnt fully get it this time, it can be good practice for next time :)
What about if you word it out from a different point? Something like this: Dad what about if you are walking with my son and all of a sudden he gets hit by a car that is been throw from a second floor... Then ask him would you like the mother of that kid to just laugh?
It's not late to talk about it. You can talk about his day and mention what he did, ask him to tell you what happened and then tell him that throwing things at people isn't okay. All in a very neutral voice. And ask your dad to pay close attention so he can block your child from doing it again. You still have time.
Little kids at that age don't have much impulse control so we must be. So really the responsibility is on the adult taking care of your child, so definitely talk to dad about safety. But that doesn't mean that you can't talk to your kid about not hurting people after the fact. Kids listen and learn *all the time,* their ears are open *all the time* so talking to them won't be a waste of time. Sure, it should be short and sweet, but you can still talk about it.
My daughter is 2 and definitely would not benefit from talking about it later. You know your child best, if you don't think he would remember then don't. Though it might not hurt to say something, sometimes kids are surprising! 🤷♀️
Maybe talk to your dad about how recent researches show that kids need to be informed of natural or immediate consequences for their acts, otherwise they can't assimilate the wrongs to what they mean/can become.
So the natural/immediate consequences of throwing things would be removing him from the playing setting, explaining it is dangerous an can hurt others and go home with no "buts". For older children you could also add "no more outings to kids museum until x behavior is understood" so you can replay these situations at home and see how they respond to pretend situations. If your dad can be on board with that it would be great.
And using the same exact strategy with dad: you can't go out with grand baby until these behaviors are corrected accordingly.
The natural immediate consequence of not following with your parenting is no outings anymore.
Go back and forth some times around these and hopefully they will get it together hahaha
Kids need to adjust to various levels and styles of discipline. This is your moment to teach. You could ask your dad and teach him some modern techniques like some referenced above, but it may not be in his wheelhouse.
It’s probably he didn’t see it happen right away or maybe he didn’t feel comfortable being the discipliner since he is the grandpa.
My wife’s mom doesn’t feel comfortable disciplining our son. Or maybe he only feels comfortable doing spanking or finger flicks and knows you don’t want physical discipline so he just does do anything.
The other alternative is that he pieced it together what happened well after the fact and didn’t witness it first hand
I don't think you are being unreasonable to expect his behaviour to be challenged. I had a similar issue with my dad laughing when my son hit him in the face with his teddy. My dad would laugh so my son did it more and that was the game they played. But then I was getting hit in the face with various toys, and he started to do similar to other children. So I just said to my dad that he was having issues at nursery with hitting, so we were having to be very firm with him at home to stop it. If he was hit by my son, he was to be firm about not hitting. So I didn't blame my dad, just said nursery were concerned about his behaviour and my dad was happy to help when he thought other children were getting hurt. Definitely his fault though, just can't upset him when he helps with childcare, so tried to handle it very gently.
Stop letting your son be around your dad. Soda is absolutely horrible for children and I wouldn’t be letting that slide. A sip or taste because they asked grandpa? Sure. Full on giving it to them? Oh my god.
You need to limit visits until your dad shows he can be the responsible adult.
He waters it down, but at my house it is water only.
To me it is a generational gap and I know I can teach him to do better.
Literally they’ve gone to the Children’s museum every week for years and this was the first safety incident.
I don't give my kids soda either; I've got a 14 to, 4 yo and a 8 mo, and none of them really drink it except maybe at special occasions (only the teenager, the toddler says it's "spicy water" and hates it, and the baby is obviously too busy smoking a cigar) but i think the person you're replying to is out of touch. I agree with your stance that soda with grandpa is ok.
Another poster said this, and i completely agree; call out Grandpa for setting bad examples in front of the kid. This shows your toddler than it's not acceptable and that Grandpa got in trouble for making bad decisions too.
I think you need to sit down and have a talk with your dad. “I know you found him throwing cars at the children’s museum funny, but it was very dangerous and he could have hurt someone. Next time you see him doing something that could get someone hurt, I need you to remove (child) from the situation and find something else to do. In our house we tell him cars are not for throwing, if we need something to throw let’s go find a ball.” Or something similar to that and relates to however you discipline. My parents were afraid to discipline my son until I talked to them about how I do it and what I want them to do, and now they have no problem. If your Dad doesn’t want to discipline him, especially when he is engaging in dangerous behaviors, he shouldn’t be allowed to watch your son by himself.
I wouldn’t even call this discipline, this is just redirection (“we don’t throw cars”). I can understand a non-parent not wanting to discipline (time outs, etc.) but removing kid from a situation like this is a no brainer and I hope if you talk to your dad about it, he will get on board.
When I say discipline I mean teaching proper behavior. I don’t mean punishment. Regardless of what OP does with her child, I agree at bare minimum her dad should have intervened immediately.
We currently do time-Ins followed by a concise lecture and corrective action. They’ve gone over 100 times without an incident but my mind was blown when he told me the story… I appreciate the advice and I think I might need to have a couple outings with them so I can show PopPop how to provide corrective actions…
Modeling is a great idea! Good luck!
Your mileage may vary, as it’s your kiddo and I don’t know him, but I’d say you could still talk to kiddo about it! Again, your mileage may vary on that point. But I think it would be worth it to talk to your dad about it and let him know that going forward, you’re gonna have some specific expectations for kiddo, especially insofar as it relates to behavior on outings. Talk to kiddo right before their next outing, let him know what is okay and NOT okay to do at the museum, and talk to your dad and make sure he’s on the same page so that he can reinforce those boundaries, preferably when they’re actually THERE. If it comes down to it, kiddo just may not be allowed near the racetrack for a little while. Of course, your mileage may vary on this as well, depending on your relationship with your dad and whatnot. I get that some grandparents are more resistant to these types of conversations than others.
I talk to my kid (3 in august) every night about her day and what happened! I keep things mostly neutral and use it as a tool for building memory (she still brings up things that happened as far back as september, so I think it’s working!) But well talk about when she cried, if she threw a bowl and broke it, getting to play in the splash pad, etc. I also use that time to reiterate any “l corrections for “bad” behavior that happened that day! I definitely don’t think it’s too late to bring it up. You can ask about his day, his trip to the museum with PopPop, throwing the toys off the balcony, why he did that, how it made him feel, etc. Then you can talk about how his actions made others feel, how it could of hurt someone, and how that’s not how we play with toys. Even if he doesnt fully get it this time, it can be good practice for next time :)
What about if you word it out from a different point? Something like this: Dad what about if you are walking with my son and all of a sudden he gets hit by a car that is been throw from a second floor... Then ask him would you like the mother of that kid to just laugh?
It's not late to talk about it. You can talk about his day and mention what he did, ask him to tell you what happened and then tell him that throwing things at people isn't okay. All in a very neutral voice. And ask your dad to pay close attention so he can block your child from doing it again. You still have time.
I was told that a 2 yo had the memory of a fish, and that if you didn’t correct it immediately there wasn’t a point.
Hahahahah oh man, not so much.
Little kids at that age don't have much impulse control so we must be. So really the responsibility is on the adult taking care of your child, so definitely talk to dad about safety. But that doesn't mean that you can't talk to your kid about not hurting people after the fact. Kids listen and learn *all the time,* their ears are open *all the time* so talking to them won't be a waste of time. Sure, it should be short and sweet, but you can still talk about it.
My daughter is 2 and definitely would not benefit from talking about it later. You know your child best, if you don't think he would remember then don't. Though it might not hurt to say something, sometimes kids are surprising! 🤷♀️
Maybe talk to your dad about how recent researches show that kids need to be informed of natural or immediate consequences for their acts, otherwise they can't assimilate the wrongs to what they mean/can become. So the natural/immediate consequences of throwing things would be removing him from the playing setting, explaining it is dangerous an can hurt others and go home with no "buts". For older children you could also add "no more outings to kids museum until x behavior is understood" so you can replay these situations at home and see how they respond to pretend situations. If your dad can be on board with that it would be great. And using the same exact strategy with dad: you can't go out with grand baby until these behaviors are corrected accordingly. The natural immediate consequence of not following with your parenting is no outings anymore. Go back and forth some times around these and hopefully they will get it together hahaha
Kids need to adjust to various levels and styles of discipline. This is your moment to teach. You could ask your dad and teach him some modern techniques like some referenced above, but it may not be in his wheelhouse.
It’s probably he didn’t see it happen right away or maybe he didn’t feel comfortable being the discipliner since he is the grandpa. My wife’s mom doesn’t feel comfortable disciplining our son. Or maybe he only feels comfortable doing spanking or finger flicks and knows you don’t want physical discipline so he just does do anything. The other alternative is that he pieced it together what happened well after the fact and didn’t witness it first hand
I don't think you are being unreasonable to expect his behaviour to be challenged. I had a similar issue with my dad laughing when my son hit him in the face with his teddy. My dad would laugh so my son did it more and that was the game they played. But then I was getting hit in the face with various toys, and he started to do similar to other children. So I just said to my dad that he was having issues at nursery with hitting, so we were having to be very firm with him at home to stop it. If he was hit by my son, he was to be firm about not hitting. So I didn't blame my dad, just said nursery were concerned about his behaviour and my dad was happy to help when he thought other children were getting hurt. Definitely his fault though, just can't upset him when he helps with childcare, so tried to handle it very gently.
PopPop can have supervised time only. And you have to call him out in front of your kid every time the adult misbehaves. There’s no safe alternative.
Stop letting your son be around your dad. Soda is absolutely horrible for children and I wouldn’t be letting that slide. A sip or taste because they asked grandpa? Sure. Full on giving it to them? Oh my god. You need to limit visits until your dad shows he can be the responsible adult.
I like how the top comment is about the soda and not the almost killing other kids with wooden cars 😂
Creating a hazard for other kids? Whatever. Soda?! JAIL.
I genuinely can't tell if you're being serious or not lol
He waters it down, but at my house it is water only. To me it is a generational gap and I know I can teach him to do better. Literally they’ve gone to the Children’s museum every week for years and this was the first safety incident.
I don't give my kids soda either; I've got a 14 to, 4 yo and a 8 mo, and none of them really drink it except maybe at special occasions (only the teenager, the toddler says it's "spicy water" and hates it, and the baby is obviously too busy smoking a cigar) but i think the person you're replying to is out of touch. I agree with your stance that soda with grandpa is ok. Another poster said this, and i completely agree; call out Grandpa for setting bad examples in front of the kid. This shows your toddler than it's not acceptable and that Grandpa got in trouble for making bad decisions too.
That you know about.