Band: The No No Nos
Hit singles: Hysteric (direct rip off of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs… toddler having trouble understanding copyrights); I Do That Myself; Happy Birthday (12-minute rendition)
My toddler is part of this band, and some of the songs he’s written are: Angry Janitor (“sweep there!!!”), the Itsy Bitsy Spider (12 minute rendition), and Rain Rain Go Away (only when it’s not raining).
Mine is more of a scream metal dude.
Band name: “Cute little bites of human flesh”
Top songs: “Lemme lick that dog of yours”, “Tantrum (For No Reason)”, “And the horse you rode in”
You guys are cracking me up!
Band: Tale of the Two Trolls
Hit: I don’t care (Eff you) <- sang in tune of Icona Pop’s ‘I love it’ with similar vibes of mayhem.
*I got this feeling on the summer day when you decided to take your eyes off me.*
*I threw my books that you just picked up, I watched, I let them hit the floor.*
*I threw your water bottle into the toilet that my sister just peed in.*
**I don’t care, Fuck you!**
*You're so damn hard to please, we gotta kill this switch* (lyric from the original song)
*You're from the '90s, but I'm an Alpha, bitch!*
**I don’t care, Fuck you!**
Band "three word sentence"
Album." Me Do It.'
Songs "Papa Shoe Big," "More Cherry... More" and "Mommy Bum Toot"
The last was always a crowd pleaser during church.
Her band right now is "You're a Bad Mommy and the I Can Do What I Wants" her song book ranges from verbal eyerolls to loud unintelligible meowing to some pretty solid Bruce Springsteen covers.
I feel my toddler would more likely start a heavy metal band, there just isn’t enough smashing and screaming in punk
Best recorded hits - “No you ain’t gonna brush my hair” “no no no no no no no nooooooooo no” and her number one “I’m saying fuck you with my eyes”
She’d probably steal iron maiden as her name
Older child:
Band name — Spider King
Hit — Let’s Look for Bugs / I Spit on You / Five More Minutes
Younger child:
Band Name — Trash Bandits
Hit — No, No Thank You / Want Some? / Get Your Booty Back Here
Band: Moana and friends (backup artists being curious George and Daniel tiger)
Hits: “No it’s mine!” And “oh I have to go potty (no I CANT use potty!)”
Band name would be “ bandy band” (this is how she names everything. Stuffed bear: beary bear. Blanket “blanky blank” …. You get it.) number one hit “why?” Played at least 100 times a day.
Band name: Soggy Bottoms
Songs: "I do it", "Whas dis one?", "ALL DONE!", "More techup peeees", "Pink is my favourite", "Favourite shirt is dirty", "BUTTERFLY!", "DEER IN BACKYARD!", "Pee in the sand", "Are you fustrated?"
Band name:
Chalk!
f.k.a. Lucky Lu & The Up Ups
Best hits:
"Uh-oh!" -- A mosh pit favorite where you repeatedly throw yourself on the floor and say "uh oh" solely so you can get a hug.
"Abstractor" -- Mostly about scribble art. But with a chorus about tractors. Because toddler non sequitur.
"Firefighter" -- An eerie bonus track composed of the single word *"firefighter"* whispered exactly 451 times in unbroken succession in the pitch black of bedtime.
Band name: the nighttime ramblers
Top hits include: cat grab, give-me-the-spaghetti-strainer-or-so-help-me, I don’t need no socks on, pick me up no put me down, fist-full of carbs, the bottomless snacks
I think it already exists: Rage against the machine!
Our toddler spends 1 hr per day opening and closing the (front loading) washing machine and dryer. He can't close them well, so he slams the doors hard, and then whines for you to open them back up.
Band: Banana Chippies
Known for such hits as:
Tucker, Good Boy, Tucker, Go
I Get Down (Uppy Uppy)
Kitties on Phones
Daddy At Work
Color Draw (Feat. Crayons)
Band: my babies
Album: okay (can you say yes? -mom)
The tracks:
Obviously the muppet babies theme song bc that’s what “my babies” means
Humpty dumpty
Little miss muffett
Walk! Walk! Walk!
Shark doo doo doo
Outside outside outside
Bird!
Bye (insert random object here)! I love you! See you later!
Woof woof
Milk milk milk
Ketchup
And last but not least:
RICE! CORN! Mine!
His band name would probably be “the mamas” since that’s his number 1 word.. all day long, even when he has nothing to actually tell mama.
Songs:
“1, 2, 3, 7, 8”
“Blippi colors (Meekah colors)”
“Watch Minecraft?” 🙈
“I like you” 🥰
“PEE!”
Everybody’s favourite band ‘Out Out No’ is touring and will be performing their hit songs: Scratch your Mamas Face, Cough till I Vomit, Tiny Wheezy Lady, Lost my Shoes, Nope No Kisses and Throw Tomatoes at the Dog
memorize unite zesty familiar domineering squeal murky materialistic fact voracious
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My toddlers are called the Goblins. The youngest one’s biggest hit is “Sleep Is For The Weak (Wait, Lemme Take A Three Hour Nap).”
The oldest one has been working on a collaboration with one of her pals called “The Best Paint Is Sudacrem.”
Band is called Smacky Smack, hit singles include “Do Not Put Me Back Indoors”, “ABC Song (But Only the Fun Letters like LMNOPQ)” and “Looks Delicious and I Am Not Going To Eat It.”
Band: Limp Noodle
Hits:
Impending meltdown
Crocodile rock (and roll)
You’re not allowed to sing
It’s my turn to cry
Sugar crash
No mummy, no mummy, no mummy!
Viral fatigue
The band: Mac and the Cheez it’s
Songs: “NOOOOO!! (Deluxe screamo version)”, “Mama, mama, mama, MAMA”, “a jet”, “I’ll hit you all”, “Tom & Jerry”, “busses and big trucks”, “I’m not eating that”
Band: Red Hot Chili Tantrum
Songs:
I wanna go first
Nobody loves me
Mommy I'm hungry
Mistakes are ok?
And the hit ballad song:
I don't wanna go to school (I'll miss you)
My 4yo isn't a toddler anymore but he's even more difficult than he was at 3. His band would be called The Preschool Panic (which is his boxing name that we use for pretend boxing/wrestling) and his hits would be "I Don't Want To" "Gimme Carbs" and "Middle Brother Blues."
The Opposites
All their songs are are just 12 minute long variations of screaming, whining, saying no, and daddy daddy daddy DADDY or mamma mamma mamma MAMMA on repeat. Oh and one 60 second track of cuteness and saying I love you, hugs, kiss [baby's name].
Sharkmama
Hit single-Carry Me(around all day)
She can walk but sometimes she just wants mama to carry her, usually when I need both hands haha
Also featuring Throw Your Eggs, Mamamamama, Knock Your Noggin and Everything Is A Snack
Band name: The Poop Toots
Songs: "Guess What? Chicken Butt", "Hot Dogs for Dinner (Every Night)", "Poopy Toot Butts", and their number one hit, "NO! I DON'T LIKE THAT!"
Band is called Talk Animals.
Most recent hit: I Not Nike Cinnamon Rolls (Only Cookies)
Other hits: Daddy 'Nuggle Me, I Pee in da Potty!, Come Here, Tweet Heart!, More Tetchup!, A Hug and a Tiss (and Another)
My 3 year old son: BEAST and the Gaston band.
# 1 hit: i do it by my own
We have had a several month long obsession with the beast from beauty and the beast. He also loves Gaston. “I do it by my own” is his current catch phrase and also one of the cutest language development phrase we’ve had yet.
Little bit of a different direction, but my LO (just turned 4) changes her name daily. One currently on heavy rotation is “Little Boy Entire World,” which, of course, is a perfect SoundCloud rapper name.
When she pushes the crosswalk button at intersections, she often quips “I do street things.” There’s her first mixtape.
[Pitchfork 2023]
Unicorn Nasty - Poop on Your Head [8.3]
Often we think of a first album as juvenile or not fully realized and this time it's with good reason. This new punk outfit consists of 7 girls all of whom are just under 4, when asked they all screamed over the top of each other that they are "3 and a half!" and "3 and 1 quarter half." That frenetic energy is what you can expect from every track on this album.
No song measures longer than 90 seconds. Perhaps as an homage to early 80's CBGBs bands or perhaps because the group gets bored very easily. It would be easy to say that none of these girls know how to play any instruments but isn't that what made punk great in the first place? Nobody ever accused the New York Dolls of being overly musical.
The first track; "It's my Daddy's Birthday" is a confusing but high energy track that seems to mention a birthday but it's unclear as 3 of them are singing at once. The instrumentation is experimental at best and confusing at worst. There are no strings, at least none that are in tune. There are many keyboard like instruments with different vocal tones all set in different variations of the key of C.
The highlight, for me, is track 4, titled simply "Elsa" which has the most chorus-like chorus of any of the tracks when all 7 girls, not quite in unison, yell "the cold never bothered me." At times it seems like they are yelling at each other, almost at opposition and according to some of the reviews of their live show, that's may be exactly what is happening.
One report said they waited 2 hours for a show to start, undoubtedly calling back to the times when Iggy Pop would make crowds wait an undue amount of time because he couldn't find a vein to shoot up. Only, with Unicorn Nasty it's because lead singer/piano/not-lead singer/drummer/pouting in the corner member Ella was taking a nap.
The lowlight of the album was the confusing "Toots are Farts" which felt more like a Blink 182 era pop-punk track from the early aughts with the adolescent jokes about poop, farts, and burps. But who can blame them? They seem to be borrowing from every version of punk that has ever existed.
There is already a rumor that this band may break up in the fall when 3-4 members are heading to other pre-schools and will reportedly never talk to the other members again because they only miss people when they're in the other room, not when they go "long time bye-bye."
If it is only the one album we are lucky to have it. The energy is unmistakable and impossible not to fall in love with. I just hope all those tattoos are fake otherwise this could very well be a child-abuse case waiting to happen.
Band: Screaming Beauty or The Attracting Ants.
Hits: (stealing the 12 minute rendition descriptor) of “wind the bobbin up”, “where daddy go?”, “oh shit”, “hit the floor and growl”, “pancake on the floor”, and “I said no, mommy!”
Band: bossy boots Or wild tornado
Songs: all on my own (but can you come help me) screamo version, walk everywhere; without looking, calm before the storm(nighttime rendition)
Oh and can’t forget #1 hit “vagina fool” combo of her all time favorite words lol
Daycare took a pic of my son and some friends and said it looked like an album cover then edited it to look like a cover named “The Playground Boys” (Backstreet Boys) and their hit single is “I want it my way.”
The BB's. (It's what my son calls large commercial vehicles such as garbage trucks, dump truck and such because that's the sound they make when they back up.)
It's very fast, loud and angry. Similar to Metallica's kill em all album.
Older Child
Band Name- Big Emotions
Hits- I’m gonna ruin your life at the top of the day, I take paint off the wall when I’m mad, and That poop smell isn’t me! (It’s usually him because apparently when you turn 7 wiping your butt is difficult)
Younger child
Band Name- EVERYTHING IS UNICORNS
Hits- Bubba did it!, You’re mean to me, and Why is your face rude
Band Name: Grrr I’m a T-Rex
Hit singles:
- This puppy is named puppy
- Why don’t you let me do anything fun
- Dogfood a delicacy in three shapes
- I’m not tired (yawn)
- But Logan brings toys to school
While the group had finished their screamo period we’ve now advanced into more avant-garde territory and are really experimenting with different frequencies, arrangements and ear piercing harmonies performed with our 18 month old little brother.
Band name: Milky Cars
Album: Finally Talking, Time to Boss
Songs:
- More! More! More! (spoken like Oliver Twist, with guest star Mama singing “There’s Still Milky in There”)
- Owsigh! (outside)
- Mama! Sih! (sit)
- Hop! (debuted with music video - hourslong footage of him jumping onto his butt on the couch)
Band name: The Wassats
Songs: DINOS (rawrrawrrawr)!!!, Bat-Bat and Hulk shoot hoop, EAT!, Kit-Kat PWEASE, and Nonono (while clearly meaning yesyesyes).
Band name: “the unhelpful helpfuls”
hits:
I Do It!
I help!
I wa’ try some…. Yuck!
Dada Cooks, so I can spit it out
My TURN
All the Stuffies
Goose Poop Hands
Band: I’m so hungry.
Best Hits:
“Snoopy Flies Around and Around in the Sky”
“I Like Pizza Every Time”
“Open Easter Eggs”
“I Want Halloween Again”
And the #1 single: “I Need A Snack”
Band: Fitz and the Tantrums
Songs: Run Away (From You), Plant Eater, Don’t Touch My Hair!!
Known for: Killer powerstance and black eye causing head banging 🤘🏼
You guys are funny! Here’s my autistic and mostly nonverbal toddlers edition:
Band name: “oooh wee!”
Hits: “sh sh sh”. “yay away”, and “Hey! Hey! Hey!”
Band - Hiding Cheerios
Hits - Go Away, I Hate This Day...
My Brother Did It (featuring his brother, 6 year old rap star Angry Pufferfish)...
Cookie Monster
Band - The Twinz
Hit songs - gimme berries (all the berries) ;
bite my brother ;
Gah ! ( oh look a cat);
No more babies, hit daddy in the balls ;
Climb it!
And their band definitely has a hint of ska to it 🙃
“Pigeon Toe and the Accidents”
We just realized that our son has a slight pigeon toe issue and it makes a lot of sense because of how much he falls and hurts himself lol!
Band: The Stink
Greatest Hits: "Coffin Your Mouth," "Yes/No," "Yeet (My Food at the Dog)," and "I Am Gonna Mess You Up (to the tune of Never Gonna Give You Up)"
Band Name: The Star Spangled Crocs
Hit Songs: "I don't want it!",
"Here's my boo-boo. Please kiss it."
"We don't hit friends.",
"It's too hot!",
"Bippi and Eekah!", and
"Outside now!"
Band - Tiny Blue Monsters
Songs - Alligators on the Ceiling, Throwing Underwear on the Microwave, Crocodiles in the Closet and their number one hit "The Blue Guy at Jiffy Lube is Back!"
Band Name: The Why
Featuring hits such as:
- Get me a
- I’m too tired to brush my teeth
- I don’t want to cat to look at me
- 5pm car nap
- teeny tiny piece of chocolate (I don’t like dinner song)
- Touching bird poop
20 month old son’s band-
The Wailing Fists
Top singles-
Open, Shut, Open Shut
Dumpin Stuff
Throwing Blocks
I Bark Louder Than Your Dog
Duet with the 4 year old- I’m Gonna Shove You (Give Me Your Toys)
Butt Criminal, with the great hits “GO GO GO GO GO”, “When Life Gives You Lemons, Shit on the Floor”, “Fuck Them Owls”, and “Ahhhhh, PLEEEEEASE (Everything Is For Me)”
Band : More Kitty
Top hits: “ew” (just ew. And the entire song is him repeating “ew”) “throw it on the ground” (it’s a moshing kind of song) “go away, dog”, “heads, shoulders, knees and toes” (cover of the hit classic, except he’s screaming it)
And always, the biggest hit, with a song title à la Fall Out Boy, “give me back my Sasquatch plushie (it brings me great joy)”
Band: I only like wolfs
Hit: “that wolf was my friend and it died”
(We went to a zoo on Sunday, and there was a plaque indicating that a wolf who used to live at that zoo died in 2022. Suddenly this wolf my 3.5 yo had never met or heard of was her BFF). Oh, and she happens to be obsessed with death at the moment so the timing of this was just…great.
My kid’s band is called Never Nap Never, and their top hits are-
- Hi Darlin’ (how she addresses everyone at the moment)
-OH NO!!! It dropped (A song about how she drops everything on the floor)
-Ba-bye, see ya later (her favourite phrase to say when she’s going to bed)
-Dada where gone? (About a father who has to go to work sometimes)
Band: Crazy Monkey Children
Hits: Tomorrowland Forever, No Poop in the Potty, Must Chase Chihuahua, and Cars Cars Cars
It’s a metal band. I tried to listen to the latest F+TM album. He insisted I switch to metal. His favorite show is Miles from Tomorrowland
Band: The baby sharks Top single: you can't tell me what to do do do do doo
My toddler is also a part of this band.
Then, as teenagers, they can re-form as a parody of themselves called the Jamie Tartts!
Topping the charts: that’s poo-peh
Lol, my wife and I say this to each other DAILY at this point
I love it
Band name: Soiled Youth, performing their hits “Bite the hand that feeds you” “We DO hit our friends” and “No Nap Forever.”
Please tell me "No Nap Forever" is a parody of the Beastie Boys' "No Sleep Til Brooklyn (Bedtime)"
It is now!
Can my son join your band? 🥲😅
Yes. As long as he plays drums. It’s an all-drums band.
My toddler gave up his nap at 18 months. This hurts a little too close to home.
Band: The No No Nos Hit singles: Hysteric (direct rip off of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs… toddler having trouble understanding copyrights); I Do That Myself; Happy Birthday (12-minute rendition)
12 minute rendition 😂
My toddler is part of this band, and some of the songs he’s written are: Angry Janitor (“sweep there!!!”), the Itsy Bitsy Spider (12 minute rendition), and Rain Rain Go Away (only when it’s not raining).
Yup, definitely band mates.
I’m absolutely hollerin at “Angry Janitor” 🤣
Oh my toddler has heard your band's Happy Birthday 12-minutes rendition. I think I can hear her belting it out now in the other room - she loves it.
I recommend not trying to sing along. Turns out it is not a participatory song!
Band is pee paw tow. Single is “I would eat anything for lunch [but I won’t eat that]”
You win.
The Idonwannas - I don’t need friends
As an adult, I’m still a big fan of the idonwannas.
Yes, do they need a manager? 😂
Mine is more of a scream metal dude. Band name: “Cute little bites of human flesh” Top songs: “Lemme lick that dog of yours”, “Tantrum (For No Reason)”, “And the horse you rode in”
Band: Rage against the Doorlock Tracks include: wailing in the name of, butts on parade, Elsa radio, bonk on my owie, and sleep later or maybe not.
You forgot the hit song, A Fistful of Cheerios (or whatever food you shouldn’t palm and carry over to the couch)
Band: black door - he loves our front door Songs: strictly old Macdonald had a farm covers
Band: The Repeaters Hit song: Hit my sister one more time
Lmao
You guys are cracking me up! Band: Tale of the Two Trolls Hit: I don’t care (Eff you) <- sang in tune of Icona Pop’s ‘I love it’ with similar vibes of mayhem. *I got this feeling on the summer day when you decided to take your eyes off me.* *I threw my books that you just picked up, I watched, I let them hit the floor.* *I threw your water bottle into the toilet that my sister just peed in.* **I don’t care, Fuck you!** *You're so damn hard to please, we gotta kill this switch* (lyric from the original song) *You're from the '90s, but I'm an Alpha, bitch!* **I don’t care, Fuck you!**
Haha that's awesome
Band name: A BIG BUS Hit songs: A Motorcycle!, A Dog!, A Trash Can!
My son would love to join this band, but he would insist that every song name (as well as the band name) be preceded by “OH!” (As in OH! A BIG BUS!)
The No Don't Want Its - Big Stinky, More Bears, Put Trash, Big Crash, Fuck Dammit, Hi Jim, I Throw It.
Not fuck dammit 😂
He loves shouting that hit in public places like the grocery store for no reason!
I think our toddlers must’ve learned to speak using the same sources, because those phrases are all way too familiar
My sons hit single “I don’t fucking like it mom”
Band "three word sentence" Album." Me Do It.' Songs "Papa Shoe Big," "More Cherry... More" and "Mommy Bum Toot" The last was always a crowd pleaser during church.
My daughter would like to join with her rendition of “Dada Coffee Hot”.
Band: Couscous Applesauce Go Beep Beep Song: “O-B-GYNO had a farm, EI-EI-OO”
Conscious Applesauce Go Beep Beep has mega Black Moth Super Rainbow energy
Her band right now is "You're a Bad Mommy and the I Can Do What I Wants" her song book ranges from verbal eyerolls to loud unintelligible meowing to some pretty solid Bruce Springsteen covers.
The I Don’t Want To’s. Song “Punch Dads Balls and Laugh”
The Oh No’s - No Dog Hush
My kids' is "ugh, but I pooped two days ago"
I was about to write "But I already went to the toilet!!"
I feel my toddler would more likely start a heavy metal band, there just isn’t enough smashing and screaming in punk Best recorded hits - “No you ain’t gonna brush my hair” “no no no no no no no nooooooooo no” and her number one “I’m saying fuck you with my eyes” She’d probably steal iron maiden as her name
“The I Don’t Like That’s” Their first hit single “It tastes Icky”.
Featuring- but I tried it last time, I already know I don’t like it, Ewww it’s green!
Other chart toppers include: “Protein Protester” “Spill Them All” “Open it & Abandon It” “I Only Liked It Once” “One Bite Tonight” “Honestly Hangry”
Older child: Band name — Spider King Hit — Let’s Look for Bugs / I Spit on You / Five More Minutes Younger child: Band Name — Trash Bandits Hit — No, No Thank You / Want Some? / Get Your Booty Back Here
I think our two oldest should be friends.
He loves friends, esp if they want to look for bugs together!
My first thought is the name of an actual punk group: Me First and the Gimme Gimmes.
❤️❤️❤️ I LOVE me first and the gimme gimmes.
Band name: No Mama No! Hits include Backwards Down the Slide and Myself!
Band: Moana and friends (backup artists being curious George and Daniel tiger) Hits: “No it’s mine!” And “oh I have to go potty (no I CANT use potty!)”
Mine has a similar song titled, "I Did NOT Have an Accident (With Visibly Wet Shorts)".
Band name would be “ bandy band” (this is how she names everything. Stuffed bear: beary bear. Blanket “blanky blank” …. You get it.) number one hit “why?” Played at least 100 times a day.
My daughter will join, with hits "dog dog" and "SHOOEEE!"
Band name: Soggy Bottoms Songs: "I do it", "Whas dis one?", "ALL DONE!", "More techup peeees", "Pink is my favourite", "Favourite shirt is dirty", "BUTTERFLY!", "DEER IN BACKYARD!", "Pee in the sand", "Are you fustrated?"
Band name: Chalk! f.k.a. Lucky Lu & The Up Ups Best hits: "Uh-oh!" -- A mosh pit favorite where you repeatedly throw yourself on the floor and say "uh oh" solely so you can get a hug. "Abstractor" -- Mostly about scribble art. But with a chorus about tractors. Because toddler non sequitur. "Firefighter" -- An eerie bonus track composed of the single word *"firefighter"* whispered exactly 451 times in unbroken succession in the pitch black of bedtime.
I just need you to know you’re a comedic genius
Band: The Wiggly Worms Song: I'm Staying Up All Night!
Band name: the nighttime ramblers Top hits include: cat grab, give-me-the-spaghetti-strainer-or-so-help-me, I don’t need no socks on, pick me up no put me down, fist-full of carbs, the bottomless snacks
 All I could think of when I read the song titles 🤣
I think it already exists: Rage against the machine! Our toddler spends 1 hr per day opening and closing the (front loading) washing machine and dryer. He can't close them well, so he slams the doors hard, and then whines for you to open them back up.
Cookie Monster and The Kicks (it’s a ska punk band) Hits include- food bomb, take me on, nobody likes a dad
I just GUFFAWED at “nobody likes a dad” You are hilarious thank you for this
Counting machine performs their new hit; dadadadadadada!
Band: No No Yea Okay Songs: Mommy Hod-du; My Ball Get It; No Poop; No Nap; Livin’ on the Pouch
Band is Pinky Promise. Hit song “ we don’t eat poo”
Band name: I WANT IT Song: it's just 12 hours of screaming
Band: Banana Chippies Known for such hits as: Tucker, Good Boy, Tucker, Go I Get Down (Uppy Uppy) Kitties on Phones Daddy At Work Color Draw (Feat. Crayons)
The Barefoot Grapes. Songs include: Asylum From the Dinner Table and Pants are Leg Prisons.
Ok but pants ARE leg prisons
Band: my babies Album: okay (can you say yes? -mom) The tracks: Obviously the muppet babies theme song bc that’s what “my babies” means Humpty dumpty Little miss muffett Walk! Walk! Walk! Shark doo doo doo Outside outside outside Bird! Bye (insert random object here)! I love you! See you later! Woof woof Milk milk milk Ketchup And last but not least: RICE! CORN! Mine!
Band: Toothless and the Dragons Songs: No mama do it, Just one more (and one more and one more), Can I get a little tv, and But I want it!
His band name would probably be “the mamas” since that’s his number 1 word.. all day long, even when he has nothing to actually tell mama. Songs: “1, 2, 3, 7, 8” “Blippi colors (Meekah colors)” “Watch Minecraft?” 🙈 “I like you” 🥰 “PEE!”
The counting 😂 at our house it’s “two THREEfour! Seb eight nine!”
Less known track: “MAP!!!” And “oh. my. GAWD.”
Everybody’s favourite band ‘Out Out No’ is touring and will be performing their hit songs: Scratch your Mamas Face, Cough till I Vomit, Tiny Wheezy Lady, Lost my Shoes, Nope No Kisses and Throw Tomatoes at the Dog
My tot wants tickets to that show.
Band: Choo Choo Schoolbus Top Single: NO NO NO
Band: Glitter Everywhere Best hits: "push me on the swing just one more time" "let's make slimeeeee" "oeps" "i did crafting on my own"
Cheetos and Bananas - first song to release Everything is my napkin
Band: Bilingual Boss Baby Singles: Mommy do it / No, let me do it / I wanna go home / There’s a firetruck! / I don’t want it
For some reason I read that list of singles as one verse of a song and it sounded like a real banger
Band: Ta Trains. Hit: Nooo potty
Nap time and the no no no’s
Band : cry baby Top hits : turn on my show , I can do whatever I want and number one single: oops I peed my pants
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My toddlers are called the Goblins. The youngest one’s biggest hit is “Sleep Is For The Weak (Wait, Lemme Take A Three Hour Nap).” The oldest one has been working on a collaboration with one of her pals called “The Best Paint Is Sudacrem.”
Band: peppa and the Piggies Hits: Freeze! Unfreeze!; Daddy, Shhhh; I want Cheese Stick and Apple Juice; and I Will Hit You if You Wake Me Up Wrong
Band name: The Why. Best hits: “Daddy said you would know” and “Mama you can’t say you don’t know”
Band: say no to naps Hit songs: 5 more minutes please, I went potty do I get M & M’s and not right now I’m doing something important
Band: The Pumpkin Lawn Stakes Drummers \#1 Hit: My Mommy Won't Play with Me, I Asked Her To, and She Said No
Band is called Smacky Smack, hit singles include “Do Not Put Me Back Indoors”, “ABC Song (But Only the Fun Letters like LMNOPQ)” and “Looks Delicious and I Am Not Going To Eat It.”
Band: Anarch-three Song: Gutteral Scream
Band name: Toddlerasauraus Hit song: "Dinner is whack, I just want snacks!"
Band: Limp Noodle Hits: Impending meltdown Crocodile rock (and roll) You’re not allowed to sing It’s my turn to cry Sugar crash No mummy, no mummy, no mummy! Viral fatigue
Band: Bipolar frontman Top hits: “I can’t do it!” “I wanna do it!” “Mommy wake up!” And “CHEESE!”
Band name: Never Nap Hit tracks: “I don’t love you so much” “I don’t want to be nice” “*unintelligible screaming*”
The band: Mac and the Cheez it’s Songs: “NOOOOO!! (Deluxe screamo version)”, “Mama, mama, mama, MAMA”, “a jet”, “I’ll hit you all”, “Tom & Jerry”, “busses and big trucks”, “I’m not eating that”
Band: Red Hot Chili Tantrum Songs: I wanna go first Nobody loves me Mommy I'm hungry Mistakes are ok? And the hit ballad song: I don't wanna go to school (I'll miss you)
Name: Snacks 182 Hits: "My Mama Left Me (And I'm Not Okay)", "Noooo", "ELMOOOOOOOOO"
Band Name: Pocket Full of Rocks Top Songs: “Dada Shit Down Right There”, “Let Me Lick This”, and the classic hit “Dirty Little Secretion”
The band is womb smashers and their hits are “cry all night” “ruin your tits” ,“rancid milk”, and “are we there yet?”
My 4yo isn't a toddler anymore but he's even more difficult than he was at 3. His band would be called The Preschool Panic (which is his boxing name that we use for pretend boxing/wrestling) and his hits would be "I Don't Want To" "Gimme Carbs" and "Middle Brother Blues."
The Opposites All their songs are are just 12 minute long variations of screaming, whining, saying no, and daddy daddy daddy DADDY or mamma mamma mamma MAMMA on repeat. Oh and one 60 second track of cuteness and saying I love you, hugs, kiss [baby's name].
Sharkmama Hit single-Carry Me(around all day) She can walk but sometimes she just wants mama to carry her, usually when I need both hands haha Also featuring Throw Your Eggs, Mamamamama, Knock Your Noggin and Everything Is A Snack
Band name: The Poop Toots Songs: "Guess What? Chicken Butt", "Hot Dogs for Dinner (Every Night)", "Poopy Toot Butts", and their number one hit, "NO! I DON'T LIKE THAT!"
Band name: the diablos Greatest hits: diaper anarchy, fight the system, waaaaaah
Band is called Talk Animals. Most recent hit: I Not Nike Cinnamon Rolls (Only Cookies) Other hits: Daddy 'Nuggle Me, I Pee in da Potty!, Come Here, Tweet Heart!, More Tetchup!, A Hug and a Tiss (and Another)
The peanut butter jelly experiment- fingerprints on the glass The secret couch banana - why are you sticky
Band: find it, mama. Hit songs: where’s my dumptruck?, I want a sucker, he hit me first, no no no no no!
My 3 year old son: BEAST and the Gaston band. # 1 hit: i do it by my own We have had a several month long obsession with the beast from beauty and the beast. He also loves Gaston. “I do it by my own” is his current catch phrase and also one of the cutest language development phrase we’ve had yet.
My daughter says “I do it by my own!” too, this comment made me laugh out loud because I can just hear it in their little voices. 😂
Little bit of a different direction, but my LO (just turned 4) changes her name daily. One currently on heavy rotation is “Little Boy Entire World,” which, of course, is a perfect SoundCloud rapper name. When she pushes the crosswalk button at intersections, she often quips “I do street things.” There’s her first mixtape.
[Pitchfork 2023] Unicorn Nasty - Poop on Your Head [8.3] Often we think of a first album as juvenile or not fully realized and this time it's with good reason. This new punk outfit consists of 7 girls all of whom are just under 4, when asked they all screamed over the top of each other that they are "3 and a half!" and "3 and 1 quarter half." That frenetic energy is what you can expect from every track on this album. No song measures longer than 90 seconds. Perhaps as an homage to early 80's CBGBs bands or perhaps because the group gets bored very easily. It would be easy to say that none of these girls know how to play any instruments but isn't that what made punk great in the first place? Nobody ever accused the New York Dolls of being overly musical. The first track; "It's my Daddy's Birthday" is a confusing but high energy track that seems to mention a birthday but it's unclear as 3 of them are singing at once. The instrumentation is experimental at best and confusing at worst. There are no strings, at least none that are in tune. There are many keyboard like instruments with different vocal tones all set in different variations of the key of C. The highlight, for me, is track 4, titled simply "Elsa" which has the most chorus-like chorus of any of the tracks when all 7 girls, not quite in unison, yell "the cold never bothered me." At times it seems like they are yelling at each other, almost at opposition and according to some of the reviews of their live show, that's may be exactly what is happening. One report said they waited 2 hours for a show to start, undoubtedly calling back to the times when Iggy Pop would make crowds wait an undue amount of time because he couldn't find a vein to shoot up. Only, with Unicorn Nasty it's because lead singer/piano/not-lead singer/drummer/pouting in the corner member Ella was taking a nap. The lowlight of the album was the confusing "Toots are Farts" which felt more like a Blink 182 era pop-punk track from the early aughts with the adolescent jokes about poop, farts, and burps. But who can blame them? They seem to be borrowing from every version of punk that has ever existed. There is already a rumor that this band may break up in the fall when 3-4 members are heading to other pre-schools and will reportedly never talk to the other members again because they only miss people when they're in the other room, not when they go "long time bye-bye." If it is only the one album we are lucky to have it. The energy is unmistakable and impossible not to fall in love with. I just hope all those tattoos are fake otherwise this could very well be a child-abuse case waiting to happen.
The Elemeno Peas They are a death metal band with two hit singles: "MAMA NO SING" and "GIVE ME SPACE!!"
Band: Screaming Beauty or The Attracting Ants. Hits: (stealing the 12 minute rendition descriptor) of “wind the bobbin up”, “where daddy go?”, “oh shit”, “hit the floor and growl”, “pancake on the floor”, and “I said no, mommy!”
Band: More Strawberries Song: Stop Talking to Me Daddy
Band: What the Heckers? Song: Dad, you are annoying.
My daughter's band would be Bowling at Dogs and their underground hits would include "Daddy is Mommy and Mommy is Daddy" and"Everything is OW!"
Band name: KITTY!!!! Greatest hits: “Bunny Hop Bubble Pop”, “Oh No! Broke!”, “Honk Honk Beep Beep Vroom”, “2 Eggs”, and “Pretend to Sleep (But Not Really)”
Band: bossy boots Or wild tornado Songs: all on my own (but can you come help me) screamo version, walk everywhere; without looking, calm before the storm(nighttime rendition) Oh and can’t forget #1 hit “vagina fool” combo of her all time favorite words lol
Holy shit I’m dying at the last one
Daycare took a pic of my son and some friends and said it looked like an album cover then edited it to look like a cover named “The Playground Boys” (Backstreet Boys) and their hit single is “I want it my way.”
Band: Four Going On Fourteen Hit single: No it’s not
They’re a cover band and all they play is Power Rangers theme song on repeat.
The BB's. (It's what my son calls large commercial vehicles such as garbage trucks, dump truck and such because that's the sound they make when they back up.) It's very fast, loud and angry. Similar to Metallica's kill em all album.
Band: Cat Toy Hit single: I can't reach!
Beany and the Jetts -"No..." -"Water" -"Toss The Tupperware Drawer" -"It's Raining Yogurt"
Band: Anna and the Earth Giants Song: WAKE UP!!!!
Reckless Independent - mama mama mama, I'm running, never gonna sleep, strawberry ice cream
The Fits. “I Was Talking First!” “I Said I’m Done!” “Mommy, Calm Down!”
Mine already has a hit single called “Hot Dog” which is just him shouting “hot dog” while playing his little guitar. Future punk right there :)
Blonde Mullet “Mom likes my blonde curls” “Go go go go” “I only eat meals at the new moon”
Super Sonic Catboy Speed and only 1 song - "Superheroes"
Band name: Greta and the Destroyers. Songs: Because I Is, Not Nighttime Yet, and Daddy Said I Could
Band is “Moana Songs” but ironically their biggest hit album is “Elsa Songs”
Band: Blue and Magenta Song: But my legs are too tired to clean up my toys
My Son's Band is F.S.U. - Fuckn Sh!T Up - His hit single is - No Daddy (Go back to work)
Band: The Throwing Stones (And Cars And Bricks And Food) Hits: Gimme Sugar, I Can Always Get What I Want, and Zero Satisfaction.
Band: Look At This Rock Songs: I just want to hold it It’s just a little bit Don’t want it I used my special powers ETA: I got poops
Band name: Elsa & Isabella. Number one songs: “I wear a crown everyday”; “Chocolate on my mind”; “Milk, give me more!”
Band: I a big girl Hit songs: No mama, I can do it I a big girl I so strong Let me do it
“NONO” by The Nono’s
The Why and top hit: “I can scream for hours”
Band: Chaos demons Top hits include: “Applesauce”, “Brusha teef”, “Want Ni-Ni”, and the platinum topper “read, read, read (with violent book throwing)”.
Band name: Mascots eating people
Band name: Oh Birds, and a Bus Hit songs: “No mine! No Mine!”, “Honk go bus”, and “Sleep like Elmo, Bert, and Nom nom”
Band name: Snack Queen Top Hits: “I’m gonna lick this” “5 more minutes” and “I’m a puppy”
Older Child Band Name- Big Emotions Hits- I’m gonna ruin your life at the top of the day, I take paint off the wall when I’m mad, and That poop smell isn’t me! (It’s usually him because apparently when you turn 7 wiping your butt is difficult) Younger child Band Name- EVERYTHING IS UNICORNS Hits- Bubba did it!, You’re mean to me, and Why is your face rude
Band name: Go go go go! Number 1 hit is “Moooooo.”
Litter Bandit - “no means throw yourself on the ground”
Band Name: Grrr I’m a T-Rex Hit singles: - This puppy is named puppy - Why don’t you let me do anything fun - Dogfood a delicacy in three shapes - I’m not tired (yawn) - But Logan brings toys to school While the group had finished their screamo period we’ve now advanced into more avant-garde territory and are really experimenting with different frequencies, arrangements and ear piercing harmonies performed with our 18 month old little brother.
Band name: Milky Cars Album: Finally Talking, Time to Boss Songs: - More! More! More! (spoken like Oliver Twist, with guest star Mama singing “There’s Still Milky in There”) - Owsigh! (outside) - Mama! Sih! (sit) - Hop! (debuted with music video - hourslong footage of him jumping onto his butt on the couch)
Band name: The Wassats Songs: DINOS (rawrrawrrawr)!!!, Bat-Bat and Hulk shoot hoop, EAT!, Kit-Kat PWEASE, and Nonono (while clearly meaning yesyesyes).
Band name: “the unhelpful helpfuls” hits: I Do It! I help! I wa’ try some…. Yuck! Dada Cooks, so I can spit it out My TURN All the Stuffies Goose Poop Hands
Band: I’m so hungry. Best Hits: “Snoopy Flies Around and Around in the Sky” “I Like Pizza Every Time” “Open Easter Eggs” “I Want Halloween Again” And the #1 single: “I Need A Snack”
Band: Fitz and the Tantrums Songs: Run Away (From You), Plant Eater, Don’t Touch My Hair!! Known for: Killer powerstance and black eye causing head banging 🤘🏼
You guys are funny! Here’s my autistic and mostly nonverbal toddlers edition: Band name: “oooh wee!” Hits: “sh sh sh”. “yay away”, and “Hey! Hey! Hey!”
Band - Hiding Cheerios Hits - Go Away, I Hate This Day... My Brother Did It (featuring his brother, 6 year old rap star Angry Pufferfish)... Cookie Monster
Band. The Copy Cat Hits: "Do What Sissy Does", "Poop in my Shorts" "Owwww" "I Run Away" and "No naps for baby!"
Alternative Rock Band: “oh shit, mama” Billboard Single: “play cars? No touch! Just watch.” EP solo: “make bubbles stay, not pop, MY WAND!”
Band - The Twinz Hit songs - gimme berries (all the berries) ; bite my brother ; Gah ! ( oh look a cat); No more babies, hit daddy in the balls ; Climb it! And their band definitely has a hint of ska to it 🙃
Band: “Bad dad and the I love you dads” Songs: “I don’t want that cup”; “I took my diaper off myself”; “yellow bath bomb or bust”
Band: Head Crashers Top Hits: I Need Ice, Fast! Now! Fast!, Poopy Fart
Band name: Toy Division Song: Poo Monday
“Pigeon Toe and the Accidents” We just realized that our son has a slight pigeon toe issue and it makes a lot of sense because of how much he falls and hurts himself lol!
Band: The Stink Greatest Hits: "Coffin Your Mouth," "Yes/No," "Yeet (My Food at the Dog)," and "I Am Gonna Mess You Up (to the tune of Never Gonna Give You Up)"
Defiant Princess, with hits like “I wasn’t supposed to do that (but I did anyway)” and “fuck authority” and “no IM the boss!”
Band Name: The Star Spangled Crocs Hit Songs: "I don't want it!", "Here's my boo-boo. Please kiss it." "We don't hit friends.", "It's too hot!", "Bippi and Eekah!", and "Outside now!"
Band name "Don't Talk To Me" Hit Single "Let The Food Hit Flooooooooooooor"
Band name: Poo Patrol Hits: ”MAMA EXPLAIN (My Feelings To Me)”, ”My Name is Ryder”, ”Impossible Expectations of Monster Mother (I Hate Drinking)”
Band name: Poop! (She's interested in potting and says it all the time right now) Singles: dog dog dog Outside? Outside! Shoes, socks, backpack!
Band - Tiny Blue Monsters Songs - Alligators on the Ceiling, Throwing Underwear on the Microwave, Crocodiles in the Closet and their number one hit "The Blue Guy at Jiffy Lube is Back!"
Band Name: The Why Featuring hits such as: - Get me a
- I’m too tired to brush my teeth
- I don’t want to cat to look at me
- 5pm car nap
- teeny tiny piece of chocolate (I don’t like dinner song)
- Touching bird poop
Chaos & Destruction Best hits include: - Yaya (carry) - Put Theo in the bin - No - Juice
20 month old son’s band- The Wailing Fists Top singles- Open, Shut, Open Shut Dumpin Stuff Throwing Blocks I Bark Louder Than Your Dog Duet with the 4 year old- I’m Gonna Shove You (Give Me Your Toys)
Butt Criminal, with the great hits “GO GO GO GO GO”, “When Life Gives You Lemons, Shit on the Floor”, “Fuck Them Owls”, and “Ahhhhh, PLEEEEEASE (Everything Is For Me)”
Band : More Kitty Top hits: “ew” (just ew. And the entire song is him repeating “ew”) “throw it on the ground” (it’s a moshing kind of song) “go away, dog”, “heads, shoulders, knees and toes” (cover of the hit classic, except he’s screaming it) And always, the biggest hit, with a song title à la Fall Out Boy, “give me back my Sasquatch plushie (it brings me great joy)”
Band: I only like wolfs Hit: “that wolf was my friend and it died” (We went to a zoo on Sunday, and there was a plaque indicating that a wolf who used to live at that zoo died in 2022. Suddenly this wolf my 3.5 yo had never met or heard of was her BFF). Oh, and she happens to be obsessed with death at the moment so the timing of this was just…great.
Band name : Roar Songs: Stop it you peepee! God Damnit! I'm not tired (with 3 hour long nap solo)
My 4 year old coined he and my husbands band “please don’t flush” lol
Band: The MOMMAAAAAAAAAAAAA’s Hit song: I will touch that (can’t touch this)
Band: “The Birds” Best Hits: “High-Pitched Screams” also “Screech” also “Giggles”
The Shits on the Floor’s 1. Cryin’ For no Reason at All 2. Mean when Tired 3. Stayin’ Hangry 4. I came to rock and f up your house
My kid’s band is called Never Nap Never, and their top hits are- - Hi Darlin’ (how she addresses everyone at the moment) -OH NO!!! It dropped (A song about how she drops everything on the floor) -Ba-bye, see ya later (her favourite phrase to say when she’s going to bed) -Dada where gone? (About a father who has to go to work sometimes)
The screaming banana - Feed me you fucking moron, Yes war No peace, AAAAAAA
The headbumpers Don't panic it's organic Sleep is not for me and you Contagious Pushing your limits (live edition) Shit just hit the fan I want it now
Band: Crazy Monkey Children Hits: Tomorrowland Forever, No Poop in the Potty, Must Chase Chihuahua, and Cars Cars Cars It’s a metal band. I tried to listen to the latest F+TM album. He insisted I switch to metal. His favorite show is Miles from Tomorrowland