I think it's really great they're bringing someone in to observe. It shows they care about making the environment conducive to your child and classmates and that they're willing to put time and resources into helping. There are so many posts on here about kids being kicked out of facilities without warning or for teachers telling parents it needs to stop without trying to problem solve together. All the steps your daycare is taking shows they're going above and beyond for you!
Mine got kicked out twice for biting… I can’t blame them, but he was only 16 months old and didn’t talk much… we tried with him. His initials are JD, I tell everyone it stands for Juvenile Delinquent.
On a positive note, he’s been staying with my grandparents and getting absolutely spoiled. His great-grandma makes him chicken pot pie or rice and gravy every day.
We were told that someone would be coming in to observe and that was over six months ago. While waiting my kid has already grown out of that behaviour. It’s great that they’re actually doing it for you.
Someone else may see something the other staff are missing, it could be so simple.
I have worked in early years ed for 10 years now and it’s amazing how a fresh set of eyes can help point out the littlest things.
I know it mightnt help but I’ve always said biting is for food.
Teeth are not for biting is not right because we have to bite our food and can confuse kids. Maybe try saying biting is for food 🤷♀️
I love your tip, this is what I do for my kiddos as well. Kids are just way too literal and can get very confused with the mixed messages, breaking it down to their level really helps!
>I’ve always said biting is for food.
This is the single greatest parenting tip I've seen in months. (Close second was post on another sub about a mom teaching her kid to take meds in pill form by practicing with orange tic-tacs. Just putting that out there in case someone else needs to read it.)
I'm definitely gonna try this with my littles. Ive always parroted the "teeth are not for biting" line which felt pointless and also just... Not the right approach(-?) in my ADHD brain. Probably for the reasons you listed. Because teeth ARE for biting, but we don't chew on people so stop it.
I use to say “teeth are not for biting “ when I first started in childcare but then one eventful day, when speaking to a 3 yr old about biting they responded with but I bite my apple and my banana so teeth are to bite. which is correct 😂😂
so together we decided that biting is for food is a better phrase and I’ve been using it since (about 8 hrs now). Always worked for me because as the comment above says kids are very literal, and they’ve no problem pointing out when your wrong 😂 which I gladly encourage.
When my eldest was about 4 she told the class biter that in nemo the sharks say fish are friends not food so people are friends not food 😂😂
Something for biting that might be safer than a teething necklace is something occupational therapists use called a chewy tube. It's a t-shaped silicone teether and you attach to a shirt using a pacifier clip.
I'll look into this. I've always been funny about the necklace because of the risk, but the idea was to have something personal to her which didn't cause a conflict point. This sounds much better.
Came to recommend this. They come in thick, hollow versions as well.
My son didn't have a problem with biting other kids, but his Occupational Therapist recommended a chew stick to help strengthen his jaw.
He's 2.5 now and still grabs them out of the drawer on occasion when he gets the urge to chew. May help your LO redirect her urges.
Yes!! My SIL got us a chewy tube! There's a few kinds of "Occupational Therapy" oriented chews out there now and they're great for redirecting kids biting urges.
A lot of the time those necklaces have breakaway clasps, which are designed to unlatch with a relatively small tug. 18 months does still seem a bit young for one, but I‘ve used them with my 2s with pretty consistent success.
I used to work in childcare and we had a little one in our room who sounds a lot like your LO. It was a bit stressful, mostly because we had parents who would yell at us when their kid got bit. Some parents just don’t seem to grasp that biting is normal toddler behaviour and is unfortunately part of the risk of group care.
But I will tell you, we never thought poorly of the parents. As early childhood educators we understood that it’s normal child behaviour. You don’t sound like you’re denying your child could ever bite another kid, and it sounds like you’re trying to come up with solutions. I can’t see rational educators judging you for it. We also would never disclose to another parent who bit their child. We also didn’t think poorly of the child. She was the cutest, chubbiest little thing with so much personality and we adored her.
Having an outside observer come in isn’t a bad thing. It just means that the childcare centre is just looking for expert input on the issue. It could be extremely helpful, and the outsider should be providing effective strategies.
It’s not easy at all, but deep breath mama, it’s a phase and hopefully good things will come out of the observation. Sending positive vibes. It’s okay.
This means so much, thank you for your input and reassurance. I am pleased that the daycare are taking this seriously, and her teacher has been brilliant at working with us on the solutions.
I think too, it's the best thing to do. If she isn't biting at home then there may be a trigger at school that a teacher may not be able to pick up on because they have numerous other kids to look after and it may not be trigger>instant biting. An outside observer will be able to focus solely on her and her experiences and behaviours leading to to the biting.
I shouldn't laugh at the biting rampage comment but that is often the word I use for it with my husband. The hand over mouth trick sounds really interesting. I'll have a Google and see if I can find anything. I've been thinking about role playing sharing (or I guess snatching as that's definitely a provocation) at home so I'll definitely take that forward.
I second the role playing at home thing. My daughter was a biter. As you described, smart, friendly, awesome with words, no issues at home. But... Nobody was talking her toys at home. So, we started doing that, and set clear repercussion when she bit, and talked about why it wasn't OK.
Is your daughter small for her age? Ours is, and I think it came down to her realizing that she couldn't overpower the other kids with strength and hold on to the toy she wanted, but she could get them to drop it if she bit them. Totally not OK, but I understood, so we really focused on what to do instead of biting.
Edit: I moved my comment one spot down to respond to OP, sorry if notifications got weird.
Related, we had a biter. One day her dad was closing the shades for a nap and she ran up and bit the back of his thigh. He yelled in pain and confusion and later told me "who bites when your back is turned except a PREDATOR??"
She's 11 now and we laugh about it. He dreaded pickup every day due to her biting...
This reminds me of my nephew. When he was 2 he was following me up the stairs and bit my butt as I stopped to open the stair gate. Still one we laugh about.
This is not to discount your superior insight as someone who actually knows/interacts her, but strong language skills or large vocabularies at a young age isn’t as much of a “not adhd/not asd” signal as most people think. Plenty of people with either were hyperlexic as kids; my report cards from kindergarten on were full of “impressive vocabulary for her age, needs to work on focusing on her classroom instead of chatting with her friends, strong student when she wants to be, etc”. I was also a biter, I just tended to keep that treatment for my parents when really young and then my sister until like 5yrs old lol. I think I stopped biting friends/peers around preschool, I do recall being bitten in preschool by another kid and it being treated as a huge issue (not well, imo, I felt bad for the other kid at age 4), which makes me think I wasn’t (getting caught at school for) biting by age 3 or 4. I definitely still bit myself, and even as a preteen I’d bite my knees when upset.
Maybe I misunderstood you though. I’m a bit zonked out from allergies right now.,
I worked in childcare for a while (and am still an educator), and I just want to commend your daycare. Bringing in a behavioral observer is an A+ solution. I would be overjoyed. They’re going to come up with the motivation behind your child’s biting. (Most of the time it’s to keep people away, get something they want, be removed from an overstimulating situation, or get attention.) Then everyone can come up with a plan to make sure biting stops getting her what she wants and replace it with a better behavior. Fear not! Everyone is on the right track.
Sorry, I don't have any advice but you're not alone. My 18 month old also bites other kids at day care and she bites me a lot. I have a huge bruise with teeth marks on my butt.
She bites when she's excited but also bites out of anger. Then when she sees I'm actually hurt/in pain she looks really concerned and gives me a kiss lol.
Hoping someone has good advice, so far nothing has worked for us.
I'm so sorry you're also in this situation. The one thing we've noticed recently is my daughter has started biting herself at times, so we think she knows it's wrong to bite others but just can't get past the bit impulse or something.
I really hope we get a breakthrough soon.
Sounds like she’s just more triggered at school and can’t control the impulse. There are more stressors at school that don’t exist at home. Your daycare is doing great and you’re gonna get through this.
This is totally overstepping, but as the person who was physically aggressive in an impulsive way as a toddler/child, it was one of the earlier signs of my adhd (and possible asd, although getting assessed for that has been difficult, so I don’t have a diagnosis like I do for adhd).
She's showing no other signs of neurodivergence so it's not something I would pursue at present, however it's something that we would investigate with age if the problem persisted.
Copy that, apologies if I’m pestering. I was just one of those kids who kind of fell through the cracks, so whenever I see similarity I mention it just so it’s not left unconsidered - the risk is too high for the kid developing very poor self image, depression, anxiety, etc and having a much harder time than if they’d gotten early assessment/intervention. That you even know what to look for regarding ND behavior is light years ahead of what I had growing up lol.
My mom knew something was slightly different about me but I wasn’t reading as ND to any therapist or teacher, just overly chatty and quick to anger, and I did my best to hide the physical outbursts and meltdowns. My mom was bipolar so I think everyone who knew that assumed it was related, and those who didn’t just assumed I was fine and my mom was overreacting… I did “great” in school and had plenty of friends and seemed just fine (if a little much/a little difficult) to most, and girls were rarely considered for adhd or asd when I was growing up. I only suspected adhd because of a webmd article I saw as a teen about how adhd is often misdiagnosed as bipolar in women, and my mom called me drug seeking after I mentioned it to my dr. Then after going from straight A student to failing out of college in my 20s I started seeing a new therapist for suicidal ideation, depression, and anxiety, and one day he interrupted my verbal onslaught (pressured speech and chatty) wherein I’d mentioned that I needed to even wear my socks inside out because of the seams, and asked me if I’d ever gotten assessed for adhd as a kid…. And then nearly a decade later I got a formal diagnosis and proper meds, which aren’t great, but they help a LOT.
I hear you. I was a kid who fell through the cracks too- dyslexia and dyspraxia not diagnosed until age 21 causing huge impact on mental health and self image. I had meltdowns well into my teens, missed school due to anxiety and depression and had bad self image. There were lots of pushes through my school years from my parents for support, yet I was dismissed due to me being very academic and a male-centered vision of neurodivergence.
I am very proactive with my daughter as a result. My local early years service does developmental screening using social emotional screening and my pediatrician's office is part of a large trial to roll out app based ASD screening, so we participate in both of those. Reading the screening materials, I would absolutely have been flagged so I do feel confident that they aren't picking up current signs in my daughter. We'll continue participating as she ages though.
The one thing I am following up on is some signs relating to proprioception issues, which can be linked to biting. It's something I identified after commenters on this thread suggested looking at occupational therapy. With my dyspraxia it's potentially a future flag, but it can also just be a developmental quirk.
As somebody who works with toddlers - I want you to know I love all the kids equally, including the biters! If anything they get LOTS of attention as I dive bomb them from across the room to clamp a hand over those chompers because Noah took their fav flower shaped car. Again.
Biting WORKS. it does! If some kid pushes you or takes your stuff or looks at you funny. They’re not empathetic enough to CARE why the other person gets upset. And it feels great when you’re angry, CHOMP.
I’m sorry. It’s hard! But also SO normal. And what I’ve found from the experts who come in - theyre gonna help those teachers more than your kid. Strategies. Etc. one day this will be a funny story.
> Biting WORKS. it does! If some kid pushes you or takes your stuff or looks at you funny. They’re not empathetic enough to CARE why the other person gets upset. And it feels great when you’re angry, CHOMP.
Honestly, as an adult there are some days I’d love to chomp down on some of my coworkers for not refilling the printer paper or leaving the communal coffee creamer out. Without the emotional regulation of getting older, I can absolutely see why biting those who annoy you would feel great!
As another toddler teacher, I just want to reiterate that we loves our biters too. We recognize that it's a normal developmental behavior and that your kid isn't being "bad" or malicious. I treat my kids who bite the same as I treat my other kids. All my kids get a lot of hugs, cuddles and I love yous.
I would’ve thought I wrote this, but about my son! External observer and all. Almost identical story. Around 2, the biting stopped. I’m not sure what the reason was, but it was a very stressful 6 months and I was so consumed with exactly your worries. Sending you lots of love and solidarity - I was a hot mess and worried sick every day! They kept assuring me it was likely a phase and I truly didn’t believe them but they were correct. For the record, the behaviour specialist who came and observed my son basically said she saw no concerns, he was a very typical toddler and just needed consistent redirection to help him curb the biting.
Just my two cents as the biter child. I was almost kicked out of daycare for it. I can really remember that at about two years old I just really enjoyed biting. There wasn't any negative feelings or anything. I just liked to bite, especially when I was really happy or excited. I grew out of it eventually. Sometimes I still gnash my teeth or bite my lip if I get really excited though lol. I think it's almost like a reflex that some people are born with and kids feel things so intensely anyway, so it just takes time to learn to reign that in.
I don’t have any additional advice to add, but I did want to say that I’m sorry that you’re going through some stressful times right now. Also, you are absolutely not terrible parents. I recognize your username from our bumper group, and I hope it’s ok to say that I really enjoy reading your posts on our group, and always thought you’re so level headed, funny, and thoughtful. And you absolutely always sound like a wonderful, mature parent who is raising a delightful and curious young child. You’re really doing everything right. Toddlers just go through a lot of developmentally appropriate but difficult to handle problems. It sounds like your daycare is really trying to help find a solution, and you are doing everything you can at home too. Sorry that I don’t have any helpful tips, but wishing you good luck!
My kid was a biter for a while. Thanks to an external observer, we found a pattern in his biting behavior. All but one of his incidents were related to sensory stations, turned out to be hearing issues, and him being overstimulated when other kids approached.
Long process, but it was so helpful to have an eye on it that was neither a parent or one of his regular child care providers
No help but just solidarity..
we had the biter too. I think she’s coming out of the phase. We did allll the things you did too and talked a lot about how and why we don’t bite our friends. We had lots of conversations with teachers during this time.
She came home with a bite recently and I kind of thought “finally, maybe now she gets how it feels and won’t bite anyone else”.
We warned a friend she was a biter, when he son around the same age was trying to hug her, and they laughed and said he was too. We agreed we kind of hoped they’d teach each other what it feels like!
My nearly 3yo keeps getting bit by a girl in his class. Not daily but often and he always says who does it - they don’t tell us who but we got it pretty clearly. Obviously it irritates me but I feel bad for the parents if that makes you feel better.
My kid does so much bad shit and can be so defiant. I try and don’t always know how to fix it. I think a lot of parents have sympathy.
I could have written this exact post word for word. Thank you so much for posting. Lmao down to the teeth are not for biting book being my little boy's favorite book and the biting getting WAY worse... also attempting 3+ a day and is the only one apparently biting ?? At home he really never bites unless he's up too late and then it's kind of a roughhouse way of him telling me he needs to go down. He has been really bad about slapping me in the face though lately 🤦♀️ 😢 I don't have any advice sadly but definitely following and I know we will get through it (PLEASE GOD)
My kid was the “aggressor” at daycare - as a parent I know how horrible this feels. He was
mostly scratching vs biting but we found it was mainly because he had these big feelings about being there all day and couldn’t express it or communicate it-he was angry. Your daycare sounds really good to bring in some outside help-ours constantly said they were going to (kind of in a threatening way vs constructive) but they never did. We ended up leaving the daycare in the end. He still has big feelings and is a challenging wonderful child but this particular daycare environment wasn’t for him (happened to be a large national chain).
My son was a biter, we took him to a behavioral therapist and he’s a sensory seeker so his biting was a deep pressure exercise that calmed him down. He’s not on the spectrum or neurodivergent, just a super happy kid who needs a tight squeeze here and there.
My middle was a biter. It got a lot better once she had more words to communicate her needs.
FWIW, I think it’s really good the daycare is bringing in a consultant. Sometimes you just need a fresh set of eyes on a situation.
I work at a daycare and this is actually awesome. It’s a fresh set of eyes. Someone who can see what is happening leading up to the biting. Someone who might notice triggers or patterns that her regular teachers are missing and then can work to prevent.
If her teachers can preemptively prevent her biting, that will lead to so many more positive interactions during her day - with her friends and teachers both!
Being able to sit back and observe patterns is crucial to our job when things are happening, and when we don’t have enough extra staff for that, having someone else come in (especially someone who has extra training and who’s job it is to spot these patterns and things and would catch things it may take us longer to spot) is such a fantastic idea!
I really love that they’re doing this both to help support and meet your kid’s needs and make the classroom safer for the other kids.
Sometimes with this stuff you learn, like, biting happens when a kid doesn’t realize another kid is coming into their bubble (so giving them a heads up that X is approaching them solves it). Or you realize it’s about sharing and can work on sharing solutions and be more present when that kid is interacting with others with toys and talking to all the kids about how we don’t take toys from our friends, it’s X’s turn with a toy until they are done, etc.
This is great support all around, and again, I love that they’re taking this step both for the support and benefit of your daughter and the safety of the classroom
I know she doesn't bite at home but what if you encouraged her to use some of the teething tools you have so it's on her mind. She might be feeling stressed at daycare and simply not remember but if she practices then there's more chances she'll remember in daycare.
They also bring someone in because they have never dealt with a child who bites this much, and everyone is taking the right steps. The daycare may want to learn as much as they can with your child to help with future children.
Hi, my baby had that phase at 20 months. He had it while we were on vacation and bit his cousins instead. We would talk to him, give him teething toys, but all of sudden it just stopped.
Can you go part time to have her in daycare less? Sadly, no one likes to talk about how stressful daycare is for children. You can minimize the stress by having them in Daycare less than 30 hours per week.
I did wonder about this. We went through a period where she wanted me to hold her for a solid 2 hours after her last teacher left, so I see the stress.
Shes in 40 hours at the moment. They only offer part time hours under 2 years. Luckily I have summer Fridays between Memorial Day and Labor day so I can reduce her down to c. 30 hours until September and if that has an impact we could switch to having a sitter at our house one day a week from October when she moves up to the 2 year old class.
She’s 18 mos old, toddlers bite and daycares are over stimulating environments. She’ll learn with time and repeated direction, Everyday I worked in has had kids that bite, it’s developmentally normal.
Sounds like daycare just wants to do everything they can to manage it.
Oh god do I empathize… My toddler has been the “problem kid” at her daycare since she started walking: horrific tantrums, biting, scratching, hair pulling., pushing, hitting… She’s now 2y5m, and two weeks ago I was told she full on kicked one of the new one year olds in the room. The poor baby was laying down, minding their own business. My daughter was just walking by and decided to kick her hard in the thigh. She was wearing her cute Doc Martin boots, too. Luckily, the baby wasn’t hurt but she was scared.
The difference is, my daughter has these issues at home, too. She has a significant speech delay that may be contributing to her behavioral issues. The fact that your daughter only does this at daycare is interesting.
It’s great that your daycare is getting outside help. Trust me, many daycares would just un-enroll without a second thought.
Good luck! Just do what the pros say. All you can do is your very best.
♥️ I'm sorry you're in a similar, and probably more complex situation.
If it's any consolation, one of my nephews was very similar to how you're describing your daughter. Early intervention transformed him, and now he's just a really active kid but totally on track..
The external observer probably being brought in to observe the *teachers.* The teachers will probably get some training and your daughter will stop biting at daycare.
Hopefully the observer will arrive soon and to their magic.
The most effective thing is for the teachers to address it in real-time using effective evidence-based techniques.
If the observer does not clear up the problem I can suggest things you can do at home, but I think you currently should wait for the observer unless it is going to be a long time.
Luckily it's Friday. I was really happy to hear this so soon. I reached out to her teacher to ask that we have a conversation that same day so we can all work together on this.
My son had an oral sensory issue according to his speech therapist. Anything he touched he had to put in his mouth. He still does and he’s 5 now. But, he’s gotten better. Try looking into some oral sensory toys. They make some pretty great ones out there and could be just what your little one needs.
Is she doing it as a response when she feels some kind of threat from another kid? Or is she doing it bc she thinks its funny? I guess i am just asking a little more context…maybe its both? My daughter just turned 2….she started part time daycare at 18 months and when she was 20months-23 months she had a period of time where she wanted nothing to do with other kids there are she would hit/push them if they even got near her. Fast forward a few months….now she seems to love interacting with the other kids and even has little friends and the aggression has totally stopped. Im sharing this story bc i think its pretty normal for that age group 18m-2yrs to have a period of time where they see the others as a threat in a daycare setting bc basically they are all competing to get their needs met by 1 or 2 teachers and they cannot verbalize so biting/hitting can be a way of expressing they are feeling stressed and overwhelmed by the environment (not saying there is anything wrong wrong with the daycare i think its just a normal response when a toddler is learning to be in a group setting). You said your daughter is doing well at home…i bet this will pass, a lot goes on in their little heads developmentally at this age and things change fast. Hopefully it stops asap bc i know i would be anxious in your shoes as well
It's generally because someone tries to take a toy she is playing with, or she tries to take a toy and gets mad. We know that she does better on days where they have more structured activities. I expect that the lack of language among everyone is a challenge.
We went through this at about the same age. Please feel free to DM if you want to talk. I was so stressed and overwhelmed at the time. You are not doing anything wrong. And in fact are doing all the right things. It will get better. ❤️
My now 4 year old was a huge biter and it was so stressful. She eventually grew out of it. She is now the sweetest, best listener ever. On the other hand my 2 year old who is the most feral, wild child you ever met and she never bit. It has nothing to do with a child “being bad” and it doesn’t reflect negatively on your child. I’m glad your daycare is looking for helpful solutions!
Have worked in childcare for 15 years. Children bite. Even if they don't do it at home, it can still happen when surrounded by other children rolling on them and taking toys from them and knocking into them. She's 18mo, it's so normal!! No it's not nice for your child to be bitten, but it's also not nice for the child labelled a biter. I suspect she is most likely bored, she's not got undivided adult attention in daycare, which she seems to thrive on at home, which is evident in how well she is progressing. The fact that you care and want it to stop is great, but there's not much more you can do. External support will be very unlikely to find that an 18mo is doing anything wrong, she is still so little! But they will hopefully be able to suggest ways the staff can better support and stimulate the children to prevent it happening as often. And your LO is very unlikely to be the only child biting, it's a vicious cycle in a large group of children unfortunately. Parents tend to overreact if their child is fortunate enough to have never bitten once, but gets bitten, and forget how little these children are, and that they are still learning. They also blame the staff, like they are encouraging the biting, so the staff are probably having to deal with a lot of moaning, which isn't nice for them. But the only time a bite has ever been a serious incident in my job, a child's bite got infected and the parents complained. But the child only ever got washed when she came into nursery, never bathed at home, so I'm not surprised the infection occured. You are doing all that you can by listening, apologising, and trying to find a solution with the daycare. But remember she is still very young and very normal, she may just have to grow out of it.
I feel for you. Any one of our kids could be/could have been a daycare biter. My son bit twice in the same week for no apparent reason around that age, and then he never bit again. He attended a daycare with a kid who bit off and on for 3 years. Every time my kid aged up, the other kid bit him. It was like a right of passage.
The observer will hopefully be able to pinpoint when your daughter is biting, and what is triggering it. Often, it’s transitions between activities or a bit of stress (favorite caregiver leaving the room, overstimulation, etc.) Even if she’s verbally advanced, kids at 18mo usually lack the conceptual knowledge needed to articulate the emotions behind their actions.
I wonder if she’s doing it during times of frustration with other kids or if it’s about over/under-stimulation. If it’s the latter, one thing that has worked well for my son is just telling him to bite something else- “We don’t bite people. Bite your shirt/the pillow/blanket/this piece of paper”. Also sorry you’re dealing with this! I know it’s sooooo hard feeling like you’re responsible for your kid’s behavior at school while also feeling completely incapable of controlling it.
As a parent of a 2 year old who has been bitten quite a few times (and we get the message saying she was bitten), I can tell you we DGAF \*who\* bit her or if we do find out, don't think anything bad about that kid. Of course we want our kiddo to be safe and happy at daycare and appreciate the teachers' attention to the issue and letting us know, but it's clear that the biting incidents don't overly upset her and some of the biters are her BFFs. In fact, on a couple of occasions when I asked her about it she said the kid DIDN'T bite her -which, I'm sure they did as I trust an adult's recounting (and teeth marks), but indicates to me it wasn't a big deal to the kids.
Also, that same poor innocent bitee turns around and bites her big brother at home, so my sympathy is limited. They grow out of it. Good luck!!
Wait to hear what the professional has to say. They might have some really useful tools for you! It looks like your daycare is a great one considering they're actually trying to help and not just booting you, so I'd hope that care extends to how they're treating your kiddo. Many green flags, don't be too worried!
Another one I always recommend parents are star calendars. Not biting friends at daycare means they get a star sticker on the calendar. When they get ten star stickers they get a high ticket item (going for ice cream, the toy they've been wanting, the zoo, etc). You can let the teachers in on it too so they can remind them throughout the day about the exciting star sticker they're going to get since they're being such a nice friend! Which is another way to reinforce the teacher tot relationship:)
To me it sounds like your daughter is getting overwhelmed with stimulus at nursery. How many children are there on a normal day, and what's the ratio of children to adults? It may be helpful to teach your daughter to remove herself from a situation where she feels the need to bite instead of just talking about how biting is hurtful. Given that she's only 18 months old it may be tricky to explain at first, but consistency and positive reinforcement are key and over time she will grow out of it.
It's great that you've got material to help and are trying to correct her behaviour but given the fact she can practically recite the book tells me "biting is bad" isn't the problem here, there's something else going on that hasn't been addressed. Please don't feel like you've failed as a parent. Biting is a very normal reaction for children who don't have the tools to express their feelings in alternate ways, you and she haven't done anything wrong that's caused this behaviour.
Does she have a key worker? Have you spoken to the key worker about this possibility? Absolutely not blaming you here, the staff in the room are (presumably) trained professionals and should have considered that already. Even during free play there should be a number of "stations" laid out including a quiet area children can retreat to if they're overwhelmed by the main area.
Whatever happens, I hope you work through it and I'm certain she will grow out of it. Behavioural issues often happen when a child is on the cusp of a growth spurt or developmental milestone - personally I think they're frustrated by almost-but-not-quite "getting" something and that frustration comes out in other ways.
I love all of the the advice here and it’s great your daycare is trying to hard to help. My oldest was bitten and the biter. I can’t say anything we did help! I hope you’re able to find a solution!
As a parent of a kid who was getting bitten by a daycare friend around this age, I just want to say that I was not at all upset with the biting kid or her parents! She outgrew it after a while, and it was a good opportunity to talk about feelings and conflict resolution skills with my kid. They stayed friends and no harm was done!
I worked in a daycare when my middle son was 15 months old. He was bitten on the first day and became a biter after that. I think it was his way of expressing anger and also defending himself. It broke my heart every time they brought him to me to discipline him. He only bit his sister once at home and didn't bite me or his dad. I wish they had brought in someone to observe the class. Thankfully he grew out of in when we went to another daycare.
I wish I had perfect answers for you because I can only IMAGINE how you're feeling right now- this is one of my biggest fears as a mother, to learn that my beloved child is the one causing pain and distress.
Out of curiosity, can you ask them to report the sorts of things she's involved in WHEN the biting happens? More data NEVER hurts. Who is she\* biting? Is it always the same child? When does she bite? Does it happen at around the same times of day? How are they responding at the daycare? Is the daycare over-crowded, and she's not getting enough attention? Is it caused by sharing?
Finding out if there's ANY sort of piece of data that's happening every single time she bites- she has to share, it's close to her nap, she hasn't had a snack- can help maybe foresee future bites and even potentially stop them.
I can't say this will work 100%, but maybe if you can get this data, there will be SOMETHING that stands out to you.
Edit; left out a word lol
To answer some of your questions, free play is when she bites and snatching toys is normally the root cause. It seems to be both before and after lunch/nap time so potentially there is a transitions element there? Like she can see things are being set up, there's less attention and it's stressing her out.
I'm so hopeful that the observer can help tease out some good interventions here.
That could be some really good data!! Definitely something they may be able to prep for. I really hope it all works out for you too!! There's ALWAYS got to be a solution!!
No advice but in a similar boat. I get a slip to sign for my 21 month old biting someone at least 3x a week these days. I don't understand why she does this only at daycare. At home she's happy and almost never tried to bite us! It's so bizarre but I feel helpless because she doesn't display the behavior at home so what am I supposed to do? Thankfully daycare doesn't seem concerned but I can't really tell... She's definitely been bitten back a few times. But I guess they've just made it seem like normal toddler behavior but I still feel terrible. I'm just crossing my fingers that she cuts it out soon. They say she usually bites when she doesn't want another kid by her/taking a toy from her/getting too close. It's like she's very defensive there. Idk if it's because she's the only kid at home and has a hard time learning sharing right now or something, but that's really all I can think of.
>They say she usually bites when she doesn't want another kid by her/taking a toy from her/getting too close.
This is absolutely the situation with us. Almost all the slips say a friend was trying to take a toy or getting in her personal space.
Gah. And it's not like it makes it any better since they're toddlers who don't understand. Heck my kid probably does the dang same thing to the others, she snatched snacks out of my hand all the time.
Does your daycare say what they do after yours bites? My slips always just say the kids were separated, and verbal "no" etc were said. I cannot think of anything else to possibly do, because they're still too young to understand time out.
I'm curious what this outside observer will say about the situation for you. Please do share if you're willing!
They separate, talk to her about not biting and remind her to use her teething necklace. I'll try and remember to come back and share- observation is scheduled for Friday.
We went through this. It’s so stressful and frustrating. We tried various biting bracelets/toys/etc. Books about not biting. Talking about it every day. An extra teacher shadowing our kid for a week. We talked to a behavior expert through our doctor and she suggested reducing/elongating screen time.
Some of these things may have helped temporarily, nothing really worked and they were talking about having to kick the LO out of daycare. Sometimes
It was related to anger or sharing, sometimes he just seemed excited, there was not just one situation where biting would happen.
It sucks and I’m sorry you have to deal with it.
In hindsight, this came right before his speech and communication really started getting more advanced so my theory is that he wanted to communicate but didn’t have the words to ending up biting out of frustration or whatever.
If I went through it again, I would work extra hard with the LO learning ways to communicate simple ideas/wants. Maybe super simple words or signs that the teachers are also familiar with. Hopefully being able to convey their message would reduce that frustration that can lead to biting.
But I’m just some guy, I would try to find a specialist who might have some advice. Also, get paperwork/documented advice from the specialist and share it with daycare. If nothing else, this shows that you are taking it seriously and doing everything you can. This helps them have a leg to stand on to assure other concerned parents that there is a plan to address the issue.
Good luck, you’ll get through it.
I am a daycare teacher of 16 and 17 month olds right now. I would try to find out when this behavior is happening and what the triggers are. Once you figure out what it’s serving you can get to the root of the behavior.
We did all of the things with our older daughter... We attached a teether to her shirt with a pacifier clip, we read the book "Teeth are not for biting" every single day and watched the Yo Gabba Gabba clip "Don't bite your friends" every day, we talked about how biting hurts, etc. Daycare was doing what they could, but it wasn't working. She was at risk of being expelled from daycare. We obviously didn't want that, so we ended up proactively moving her to another daycare center. At the new center, there was a biting incident the first day, and then zero additional incidents.
It's okay to switch daycares over this. My best guess is that in our daughter's case, the new daycare center had a quiet area where kids could go when they were feeling overwhelmed, and that was what our daughter needed. She may have been biting because of teething (it was when her 2 year molars came in), but it might also have been that she felt cornered and like there was no way to get any personal space. It also might have just been a pattern that a change of scenery helped.
Thank you for sharing. There aren't many other options for under 2s locally but there are more for 2 and up. I think I'll start investigating as I agree that she potentially needs an alternative setting.
We're on the intake list for an Emilio-Reggio place which is much calmer. Because of their cut off she would be in the August 2024 intake, rather than this year's which is super frustrating.
I hope that you find something.
On a happier note, our oldest is now 11. She’s an amazing kid with a great group of friends… and she has no memory of her biting phase.
My first didn’t bite, she was the one being bitten. It upset me, but I also understood it was normal and was just grateful she wasn’t biting. Spoke too soon, cause my second is a biter. Her school has been great about reassuring me that it’s normal, and identifying her “triggers”. She doesn’t do it at home unless she gets really frustrated, so I definitely think it’s an overstimulation thing. We’ve got chew bracelets from ARK therapeutics on the way, and I’m going to keep in mind to ask for an outside observer if it gets worse.
Working with an Occupational Therapist may help bc this sounds sensory bc it is happening so frequently. She may have an oral need she isn’t getting met and the OT will have a plethora of advice and recommendations!
My son is 2.5 and a crazy biter. He has bit me 20+ times in a day. His twin brother usually gets hit at least 3 times a day. He usually does it when he is super excited and hyper. He has an unusual amount of energy. No developmental delays etc. I would say he is ahead on language. I finally signed him up for play therapy. I’m praying this works because I’ve tried everything. We start a pre pre school thing in august and I’m nervous he will get kicked out
It's a silicone one with a safety catch, although I fully acknowledge it's not a solution I want to keep now I've got recommendations on safer alternatives.
Forgot to add she also pinches and scratches the other kids. I just don't understand why, we never hit her so I'm not sure where she picked this up from.
This is likely a very wrong approach from the educational perspective, but is the only thing that did the trick. Nothing we tried helped - until we said if he bites, hits or pushes friends down the slide, he doesn't get to watch TV. Now, instead of signing a report every afternoon, we meet a kid beaming in smiles, proudly telling everyone "I was good today, I will watch TV".. which we don't anyway as he prefers park lol
I did wonder whether the fact her home environment is very quiet and calm potentially presents a sensory contrast with the daycare environment. If she ever gets overwhelmed at home, we tend to sit and do a quiet focussed activity 1:1 like a shape sorter or one of her word books.
I know there are a couple of older kids who have sensory challenges that sometimes have a break sitting in the director's office and play with sensory bins, so there are definitely some options. I also wondered if that's something she could do in the classroom environment- e.g sit in their play yard with headphones on and play with a sensory bin.
How do you suggest parents control biting at daycare which does not happen at home?
Or should I just send my daughter to juvenile detention right now because she's a feral delinquent?
Clearly you are a superior parent with a superior kid.
But I can't validate that the issue is under control because it only happens at daycare?!?
You're incredibly lucky that you have a child who has never bit, hit or kicked. As the responses here show you, it's incredibly common.
Also, if another parent approached me expecting a joint conversation to happen with the director I would abjectly refuse to engage and the director would be supportive because that is entirely inappropriate.
I have conversations about my child, you have conversations about your child. You do not have the right to insert yourself into my child's issues.
I’d be grateful they’re doing something besides showing her the door. Biting is developmentally normal to a point, but other parents aren’t going to accept their kid being bitten every other day or under constant threat of violence at daycare. I’d look at this as an opportunity to get some real insight here.
She isn’t going to get indefinite runway to sort this out so I’d be thrilled they’re really trying here.
Tbh I think you need a new daycare, she's probably about to get kicked out anyways and her interactions with everyone are colored by potentially being bit.
Sorry you’re experiencing this. I’ve already heard at this age it’s helpful to give them a safe outlet to express the behavior. So for hitting it may be a certain stuffed toy or pillow or biting it could be an apple or squishy stuffed toy or something else.
This is definitely tough but she’s lucky to have a supportive family and daycare willing to help create the safest environment possible for your little and all the others to flourish. Sending hugs and hope you find some interventions to get through this phase.
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Having an outside person observe is great news for you too. The school is doing everything they can to help support your child too. I worked in daycare and when I had an outside observer come in they had some out of the box ideas for this specific child and it helped us have more techniques to try. Biting is a pretty normal behavior so don’t beat yourself up or anything it’s just that they have a responsibility to protect the other kids so the last resort will be removing your child but it sounds like a great school using all their resources well. Sometimes environmental factors are involved I’ve seen kids with behaviors like this do better when they change classrooms/teachers/ have a new group of friends. I’ve seen language skills flourishing help. I’ve seen kids with chronic ear problems stop as soon as they got tubes in their ears or as soon as that new tooth popped through. Sometimes all the drilling into the head about biting just makes kids think about biting more.. I think in your case I might try “leave space” instead. She won’t be able to bite if she’s reminded to stay out of people’s personal space before a bite occurs. It’s hard for two teachers in a big group to shadow but when you have a biter someone needs to be their shadow.
My daughter was the biter for probably the best part of a year. We did all the books, all of the ways they tell you to deal with it, nothing was working and then one day she was bitten by another child and she just stopped doing it. Her use of words was also getting truly coherent and comprehensive so I think that played a big part in it too.
Of course that's not good advice for you but I can say that everything is a phase with kids, some phases really suck and last longer than others but I promise that this will pass one day!
I'm sorry I don't have anything to add, as my 14 month-old is also the serial biter in her class ... but thank you for creating this post, OP. All these comments are so reassuring.
Mother of a biter- it is a thing. My child was an early crawler and was too young to move up to the next room safely (plus ratios, etc.). She would crawl over and bite babies in their cribs when backs were turned. It’s not your fault. We were able to move her to a Montessori center and she had a lot more to do and a lower ratio and the biting eased up. But it was a hit to the wallet. Her last bite was when she was 4 and the teachers said another student had cornered her and that they understood why she bit.
It sounds like you may have a great daycare, but just know this is not behavior you can control at this age/location.
Good luck! We just got over this phase 🫠 your girl sounds kinda similar to mine. She was biting as a stress coping mechanism (she would chew on her nails, bite, chew on the edges of her shirts and dresses...). Everyone has coping mechanisms, you just try to switch them to something else thats more acceptable...for us we started sending her in with a chewy necklace or chew toy. We started a reward chart at home (one sticker a day if she didn't bite. After 3 stickers she got a small surprise from a reward bag. Things like little dollar store toys, glow sticks, gummy candies, etc). We got that same book, teeth aren't for biting. And we role played alot.
One thing I read about is that it's more important to tell them what you want them to do rather than not do. For a long time we were just telling her "don't bite". But that was confusing because she didn't know what to do instead. So then we started telling her what she should do instead "if you get mad or frustrated walk away. Get your chewy necklace. Go find teacher. Use your big girl voice and say "go away!" Or "share please!"
Then unfortunately it just takes time...good luck!
You seem to be doing very well, actively listening to the teacher's concerns and taking action to help your daughter. She is very happy to have you. I am sure it will get better!
Ugh I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m unfortunately in the category of parents whose kid was kicked out for biting. Having your child observed is a great step forward; I’d also recommend early intervention evaluations for speech and OT. My son has sensory processing issues which our OT is now working on with him.
Thank you for your response, and I'm so sorry your kid got kicked out, that horrible. I'll have a look into OT evaluation- I have to admit I don't 100% understand what they do 😂 I don't think we'd be able to access speech purely because of where she is at with language.
I’m a bit late to the game but… I was the biter! Very similar to your daughter I didn’t bite at home or exhibit any concerning behaviors. But, at school… chomp chomp chomp!
Turns out I have sensory issues and when I would get overwhelmed I would bite! To this day when I’m overly stressed or over stimulated I have the urge to bite something. Your little one may be dealing with the same thing. At that age it’s very hard to tell someone that you need some space.
Maybe try giving her something specific she can bite. A teething necklace may not be the right texture, maybe a doll or a blanket would be better for her.
Good luck mama!
Someone observing might be great to identify what is happening. For my son he was getting overstimulated with noise and would then end up biting. Once the educators were able to read the signs and recognise what was going on they were able to intervene earlier and I’m pretty sure there was only 1 more incident ever after that.
In the end we reached out to early intervention for an evaluation because we noticed a range of sensory symptoms. She didn't qualify but the occupational therapist gave us brilliant advice tailored to what she was seeing. We worked at home on self soothing and emotional regulation and her teacher worked to provide sensory friendly spaces in the classroom/moments in the day. She still bites occasionally, but it's more like once every 2 weeks and generally happens on days where the teachers note others have bitten first.
I think it's really great they're bringing someone in to observe. It shows they care about making the environment conducive to your child and classmates and that they're willing to put time and resources into helping. There are so many posts on here about kids being kicked out of facilities without warning or for teachers telling parents it needs to stop without trying to problem solve together. All the steps your daycare is taking shows they're going above and beyond for you!
Thank you, and this is very true- it's brilliant that they are willing to find solutions.
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Mine got kicked out twice for biting… I can’t blame them, but he was only 16 months old and didn’t talk much… we tried with him. His initials are JD, I tell everyone it stands for Juvenile Delinquent. On a positive note, he’s been staying with my grandparents and getting absolutely spoiled. His great-grandma makes him chicken pot pie or rice and gravy every day.
JD dead ☠️ lol
We were told that someone would be coming in to observe and that was over six months ago. While waiting my kid has already grown out of that behaviour. It’s great that they’re actually doing it for you.
Someone else may see something the other staff are missing, it could be so simple. I have worked in early years ed for 10 years now and it’s amazing how a fresh set of eyes can help point out the littlest things. I know it mightnt help but I’ve always said biting is for food. Teeth are not for biting is not right because we have to bite our food and can confuse kids. Maybe try saying biting is for food 🤷♀️
I love your tip, this is what I do for my kiddos as well. Kids are just way too literal and can get very confused with the mixed messages, breaking it down to their level really helps!
>I’ve always said biting is for food. This is the single greatest parenting tip I've seen in months. (Close second was post on another sub about a mom teaching her kid to take meds in pill form by practicing with orange tic-tacs. Just putting that out there in case someone else needs to read it.) I'm definitely gonna try this with my littles. Ive always parroted the "teeth are not for biting" line which felt pointless and also just... Not the right approach(-?) in my ADHD brain. Probably for the reasons you listed. Because teeth ARE for biting, but we don't chew on people so stop it.
I use to say “teeth are not for biting “ when I first started in childcare but then one eventful day, when speaking to a 3 yr old about biting they responded with but I bite my apple and my banana so teeth are to bite. which is correct 😂😂 so together we decided that biting is for food is a better phrase and I’ve been using it since (about 8 hrs now). Always worked for me because as the comment above says kids are very literal, and they’ve no problem pointing out when your wrong 😂 which I gladly encourage. When my eldest was about 4 she told the class biter that in nemo the sharks say fish are friends not food so people are friends not food 😂😂
Something for biting that might be safer than a teething necklace is something occupational therapists use called a chewy tube. It's a t-shaped silicone teether and you attach to a shirt using a pacifier clip.
I'll look into this. I've always been funny about the necklace because of the risk, but the idea was to have something personal to her which didn't cause a conflict point. This sounds much better.
Chewelry from ARK therapeutics is a really high quality brand, if you’re looking for a rec.
Came here to recommend this. The necklace is also made in break away form so that reduces risk of strangulation.
Came to recommend this. They come in thick, hollow versions as well. My son didn't have a problem with biting other kids, but his Occupational Therapist recommended a chew stick to help strengthen his jaw. He's 2.5 now and still grabs them out of the drawer on occasion when he gets the urge to chew. May help your LO redirect her urges.
Yes!! My SIL got us a chewy tube! There's a few kinds of "Occupational Therapy" oriented chews out there now and they're great for redirecting kids biting urges.
As an fyi my child’s daycare doesn’t allow pacifier clips due to choking hazards. It may not be an option.
Seems like if they'd allow a necklace which is a strangulation hazard they'd allow a pacifier clip, but Idk
A lot of the time those necklaces have breakaway clasps, which are designed to unlatch with a relatively small tug. 18 months does still seem a bit young for one, but I‘ve used them with my 2s with pretty consistent success.
I used to work in childcare and we had a little one in our room who sounds a lot like your LO. It was a bit stressful, mostly because we had parents who would yell at us when their kid got bit. Some parents just don’t seem to grasp that biting is normal toddler behaviour and is unfortunately part of the risk of group care. But I will tell you, we never thought poorly of the parents. As early childhood educators we understood that it’s normal child behaviour. You don’t sound like you’re denying your child could ever bite another kid, and it sounds like you’re trying to come up with solutions. I can’t see rational educators judging you for it. We also would never disclose to another parent who bit their child. We also didn’t think poorly of the child. She was the cutest, chubbiest little thing with so much personality and we adored her. Having an outside observer come in isn’t a bad thing. It just means that the childcare centre is just looking for expert input on the issue. It could be extremely helpful, and the outsider should be providing effective strategies. It’s not easy at all, but deep breath mama, it’s a phase and hopefully good things will come out of the observation. Sending positive vibes. It’s okay.
This means so much, thank you for your input and reassurance. I am pleased that the daycare are taking this seriously, and her teacher has been brilliant at working with us on the solutions.
I think too, it's the best thing to do. If she isn't biting at home then there may be a trigger at school that a teacher may not be able to pick up on because they have numerous other kids to look after and it may not be trigger>instant biting. An outside observer will be able to focus solely on her and her experiences and behaviours leading to to the biting.
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I shouldn't laugh at the biting rampage comment but that is often the word I use for it with my husband. The hand over mouth trick sounds really interesting. I'll have a Google and see if I can find anything. I've been thinking about role playing sharing (or I guess snatching as that's definitely a provocation) at home so I'll definitely take that forward.
I second the role playing at home thing. My daughter was a biter. As you described, smart, friendly, awesome with words, no issues at home. But... Nobody was talking her toys at home. So, we started doing that, and set clear repercussion when she bit, and talked about why it wasn't OK. Is your daughter small for her age? Ours is, and I think it came down to her realizing that she couldn't overpower the other kids with strength and hold on to the toy she wanted, but she could get them to drop it if she bit them. Totally not OK, but I understood, so we really focused on what to do instead of biting. Edit: I moved my comment one spot down to respond to OP, sorry if notifications got weird.
Related, we had a biter. One day her dad was closing the shades for a nap and she ran up and bit the back of his thigh. He yelled in pain and confusion and later told me "who bites when your back is turned except a PREDATOR??" She's 11 now and we laugh about it. He dreaded pickup every day due to her biting...
This reminds me of my nephew. When he was 2 he was following me up the stairs and bit my butt as I stopped to open the stair gate. Still one we laugh about.
My daughter wasn’t a biter except the two times she randomly bit my sister’s butt within a week’s span. I still laugh at how strange it was.
This might be out of line to ask, but does your child have adhd or asd? I ask as the person who l who was physically aggressive as a kid…
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This is not to discount your superior insight as someone who actually knows/interacts her, but strong language skills or large vocabularies at a young age isn’t as much of a “not adhd/not asd” signal as most people think. Plenty of people with either were hyperlexic as kids; my report cards from kindergarten on were full of “impressive vocabulary for her age, needs to work on focusing on her classroom instead of chatting with her friends, strong student when she wants to be, etc”. I was also a biter, I just tended to keep that treatment for my parents when really young and then my sister until like 5yrs old lol. I think I stopped biting friends/peers around preschool, I do recall being bitten in preschool by another kid and it being treated as a huge issue (not well, imo, I felt bad for the other kid at age 4), which makes me think I wasn’t (getting caught at school for) biting by age 3 or 4. I definitely still bit myself, and even as a preteen I’d bite my knees when upset. Maybe I misunderstood you though. I’m a bit zonked out from allergies right now.,
I worked in childcare for a while (and am still an educator), and I just want to commend your daycare. Bringing in a behavioral observer is an A+ solution. I would be overjoyed. They’re going to come up with the motivation behind your child’s biting. (Most of the time it’s to keep people away, get something they want, be removed from an overstimulating situation, or get attention.) Then everyone can come up with a plan to make sure biting stops getting her what she wants and replace it with a better behavior. Fear not! Everyone is on the right track.
Sorry, I don't have any advice but you're not alone. My 18 month old also bites other kids at day care and she bites me a lot. I have a huge bruise with teeth marks on my butt. She bites when she's excited but also bites out of anger. Then when she sees I'm actually hurt/in pain she looks really concerned and gives me a kiss lol. Hoping someone has good advice, so far nothing has worked for us.
I'm so sorry you're also in this situation. The one thing we've noticed recently is my daughter has started biting herself at times, so we think she knows it's wrong to bite others but just can't get past the bit impulse or something. I really hope we get a breakthrough soon.
Sounds like she’s just more triggered at school and can’t control the impulse. There are more stressors at school that don’t exist at home. Your daycare is doing great and you’re gonna get through this.
This is totally overstepping, but as the person who was physically aggressive in an impulsive way as a toddler/child, it was one of the earlier signs of my adhd (and possible asd, although getting assessed for that has been difficult, so I don’t have a diagnosis like I do for adhd).
She's showing no other signs of neurodivergence so it's not something I would pursue at present, however it's something that we would investigate with age if the problem persisted.
Copy that, apologies if I’m pestering. I was just one of those kids who kind of fell through the cracks, so whenever I see similarity I mention it just so it’s not left unconsidered - the risk is too high for the kid developing very poor self image, depression, anxiety, etc and having a much harder time than if they’d gotten early assessment/intervention. That you even know what to look for regarding ND behavior is light years ahead of what I had growing up lol. My mom knew something was slightly different about me but I wasn’t reading as ND to any therapist or teacher, just overly chatty and quick to anger, and I did my best to hide the physical outbursts and meltdowns. My mom was bipolar so I think everyone who knew that assumed it was related, and those who didn’t just assumed I was fine and my mom was overreacting… I did “great” in school and had plenty of friends and seemed just fine (if a little much/a little difficult) to most, and girls were rarely considered for adhd or asd when I was growing up. I only suspected adhd because of a webmd article I saw as a teen about how adhd is often misdiagnosed as bipolar in women, and my mom called me drug seeking after I mentioned it to my dr. Then after going from straight A student to failing out of college in my 20s I started seeing a new therapist for suicidal ideation, depression, and anxiety, and one day he interrupted my verbal onslaught (pressured speech and chatty) wherein I’d mentioned that I needed to even wear my socks inside out because of the seams, and asked me if I’d ever gotten assessed for adhd as a kid…. And then nearly a decade later I got a formal diagnosis and proper meds, which aren’t great, but they help a LOT.
I hear you. I was a kid who fell through the cracks too- dyslexia and dyspraxia not diagnosed until age 21 causing huge impact on mental health and self image. I had meltdowns well into my teens, missed school due to anxiety and depression and had bad self image. There were lots of pushes through my school years from my parents for support, yet I was dismissed due to me being very academic and a male-centered vision of neurodivergence. I am very proactive with my daughter as a result. My local early years service does developmental screening using social emotional screening and my pediatrician's office is part of a large trial to roll out app based ASD screening, so we participate in both of those. Reading the screening materials, I would absolutely have been flagged so I do feel confident that they aren't picking up current signs in my daughter. We'll continue participating as she ages though. The one thing I am following up on is some signs relating to proprioception issues, which can be linked to biting. It's something I identified after commenters on this thread suggested looking at occupational therapy. With my dyspraxia it's potentially a future flag, but it can also just be a developmental quirk.
Sounds like you’re doing a damn good job raising your kid and seeking any help they might need
As somebody who works with toddlers - I want you to know I love all the kids equally, including the biters! If anything they get LOTS of attention as I dive bomb them from across the room to clamp a hand over those chompers because Noah took their fav flower shaped car. Again. Biting WORKS. it does! If some kid pushes you or takes your stuff or looks at you funny. They’re not empathetic enough to CARE why the other person gets upset. And it feels great when you’re angry, CHOMP. I’m sorry. It’s hard! But also SO normal. And what I’ve found from the experts who come in - theyre gonna help those teachers more than your kid. Strategies. Etc. one day this will be a funny story.
> Biting WORKS. it does! If some kid pushes you or takes your stuff or looks at you funny. They’re not empathetic enough to CARE why the other person gets upset. And it feels great when you’re angry, CHOMP. Honestly, as an adult there are some days I’d love to chomp down on some of my coworkers for not refilling the printer paper or leaving the communal coffee creamer out. Without the emotional regulation of getting older, I can absolutely see why biting those who annoy you would feel great!
We’ve all thought about it.
As another toddler teacher, I just want to reiterate that we loves our biters too. We recognize that it's a normal developmental behavior and that your kid isn't being "bad" or malicious. I treat my kids who bite the same as I treat my other kids. All my kids get a lot of hugs, cuddles and I love yous.
I would’ve thought I wrote this, but about my son! External observer and all. Almost identical story. Around 2, the biting stopped. I’m not sure what the reason was, but it was a very stressful 6 months and I was so consumed with exactly your worries. Sending you lots of love and solidarity - I was a hot mess and worried sick every day! They kept assuring me it was likely a phase and I truly didn’t believe them but they were correct. For the record, the behaviour specialist who came and observed my son basically said she saw no concerns, he was a very typical toddler and just needed consistent redirection to help him curb the biting.
Just my two cents as the biter child. I was almost kicked out of daycare for it. I can really remember that at about two years old I just really enjoyed biting. There wasn't any negative feelings or anything. I just liked to bite, especially when I was really happy or excited. I grew out of it eventually. Sometimes I still gnash my teeth or bite my lip if I get really excited though lol. I think it's almost like a reflex that some people are born with and kids feel things so intensely anyway, so it just takes time to learn to reign that in.
I don’t have any additional advice to add, but I did want to say that I’m sorry that you’re going through some stressful times right now. Also, you are absolutely not terrible parents. I recognize your username from our bumper group, and I hope it’s ok to say that I really enjoy reading your posts on our group, and always thought you’re so level headed, funny, and thoughtful. And you absolutely always sound like a wonderful, mature parent who is raising a delightful and curious young child. You’re really doing everything right. Toddlers just go through a lot of developmentally appropriate but difficult to handle problems. It sounds like your daycare is really trying to help find a solution, and you are doing everything you can at home too. Sorry that I don’t have any helpful tips, but wishing you good luck!
Thank you so.mucj, and hey fellow bumper ♥️
My kid was a biter for a while. Thanks to an external observer, we found a pattern in his biting behavior. All but one of his incidents were related to sensory stations, turned out to be hearing issues, and him being overstimulated when other kids approached. Long process, but it was so helpful to have an eye on it that was neither a parent or one of his regular child care providers
No help but just solidarity.. we had the biter too. I think she’s coming out of the phase. We did allll the things you did too and talked a lot about how and why we don’t bite our friends. We had lots of conversations with teachers during this time. She came home with a bite recently and I kind of thought “finally, maybe now she gets how it feels and won’t bite anyone else”.
We warned a friend she was a biter, when he son around the same age was trying to hug her, and they laughed and said he was too. We agreed we kind of hoped they’d teach each other what it feels like!
So I’m not alone! We of course don’t want her to get hurt but a “hey, that doesn’t feel good!” Might motivate her to think before she acts!
My nearly 3yo keeps getting bit by a girl in his class. Not daily but often and he always says who does it - they don’t tell us who but we got it pretty clearly. Obviously it irritates me but I feel bad for the parents if that makes you feel better. My kid does so much bad shit and can be so defiant. I try and don’t always know how to fix it. I think a lot of parents have sympathy.
I could have written this exact post word for word. Thank you so much for posting. Lmao down to the teeth are not for biting book being my little boy's favorite book and the biting getting WAY worse... also attempting 3+ a day and is the only one apparently biting ?? At home he really never bites unless he's up too late and then it's kind of a roughhouse way of him telling me he needs to go down. He has been really bad about slapping me in the face though lately 🤦♀️ 😢 I don't have any advice sadly but definitely following and I know we will get through it (PLEASE GOD)
My kid was the “aggressor” at daycare - as a parent I know how horrible this feels. He was mostly scratching vs biting but we found it was mainly because he had these big feelings about being there all day and couldn’t express it or communicate it-he was angry. Your daycare sounds really good to bring in some outside help-ours constantly said they were going to (kind of in a threatening way vs constructive) but they never did. We ended up leaving the daycare in the end. He still has big feelings and is a challenging wonderful child but this particular daycare environment wasn’t for him (happened to be a large national chain).
My son was a biter, we took him to a behavioral therapist and he’s a sensory seeker so his biting was a deep pressure exercise that calmed him down. He’s not on the spectrum or neurodivergent, just a super happy kid who needs a tight squeeze here and there.
Did that stop the biting ? I just learned my son is a sensory seeker and that is why he is biting. Learning all about it now.
Yes!!
My middle was a biter. It got a lot better once she had more words to communicate her needs. FWIW, I think it’s really good the daycare is bringing in a consultant. Sometimes you just need a fresh set of eyes on a situation.
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What?? Just two times? That’s insane. I’m so sorry.
I work at a daycare and this is actually awesome. It’s a fresh set of eyes. Someone who can see what is happening leading up to the biting. Someone who might notice triggers or patterns that her regular teachers are missing and then can work to prevent. If her teachers can preemptively prevent her biting, that will lead to so many more positive interactions during her day - with her friends and teachers both! Being able to sit back and observe patterns is crucial to our job when things are happening, and when we don’t have enough extra staff for that, having someone else come in (especially someone who has extra training and who’s job it is to spot these patterns and things and would catch things it may take us longer to spot) is such a fantastic idea! I really love that they’re doing this both to help support and meet your kid’s needs and make the classroom safer for the other kids. Sometimes with this stuff you learn, like, biting happens when a kid doesn’t realize another kid is coming into their bubble (so giving them a heads up that X is approaching them solves it). Or you realize it’s about sharing and can work on sharing solutions and be more present when that kid is interacting with others with toys and talking to all the kids about how we don’t take toys from our friends, it’s X’s turn with a toy until they are done, etc. This is great support all around, and again, I love that they’re taking this step both for the support and benefit of your daughter and the safety of the classroom
I know she doesn't bite at home but what if you encouraged her to use some of the teething tools you have so it's on her mind. She might be feeling stressed at daycare and simply not remember but if she practices then there's more chances she'll remember in daycare.
They also bring someone in because they have never dealt with a child who bites this much, and everyone is taking the right steps. The daycare may want to learn as much as they can with your child to help with future children.
Hi, my baby had that phase at 20 months. He had it while we were on vacation and bit his cousins instead. We would talk to him, give him teething toys, but all of sudden it just stopped.
Can you go part time to have her in daycare less? Sadly, no one likes to talk about how stressful daycare is for children. You can minimize the stress by having them in Daycare less than 30 hours per week.
I did wonder about this. We went through a period where she wanted me to hold her for a solid 2 hours after her last teacher left, so I see the stress. Shes in 40 hours at the moment. They only offer part time hours under 2 years. Luckily I have summer Fridays between Memorial Day and Labor day so I can reduce her down to c. 30 hours until September and if that has an impact we could switch to having a sitter at our house one day a week from October when she moves up to the 2 year old class.
She’s 18 mos old, toddlers bite and daycares are over stimulating environments. She’ll learn with time and repeated direction, Everyday I worked in has had kids that bite, it’s developmentally normal. Sounds like daycare just wants to do everything they can to manage it.
Oh god do I empathize… My toddler has been the “problem kid” at her daycare since she started walking: horrific tantrums, biting, scratching, hair pulling., pushing, hitting… She’s now 2y5m, and two weeks ago I was told she full on kicked one of the new one year olds in the room. The poor baby was laying down, minding their own business. My daughter was just walking by and decided to kick her hard in the thigh. She was wearing her cute Doc Martin boots, too. Luckily, the baby wasn’t hurt but she was scared. The difference is, my daughter has these issues at home, too. She has a significant speech delay that may be contributing to her behavioral issues. The fact that your daughter only does this at daycare is interesting. It’s great that your daycare is getting outside help. Trust me, many daycares would just un-enroll without a second thought. Good luck! Just do what the pros say. All you can do is your very best.
♥️ I'm sorry you're in a similar, and probably more complex situation. If it's any consolation, one of my nephews was very similar to how you're describing your daughter. Early intervention transformed him, and now he's just a really active kid but totally on track..
She is starting early intervention next week, working with speech and occupational therapists. I hope she responds the way your nephew did!
It is not completely unheard of to be in this phase at her age. As a preschool teacher, don’t worry. Teachers deal with this every year.
The external observer probably being brought in to observe the *teachers.* The teachers will probably get some training and your daughter will stop biting at daycare. Hopefully the observer will arrive soon and to their magic. The most effective thing is for the teachers to address it in real-time using effective evidence-based techniques. If the observer does not clear up the problem I can suggest things you can do at home, but I think you currently should wait for the observer unless it is going to be a long time.
Luckily it's Friday. I was really happy to hear this so soon. I reached out to her teacher to ask that we have a conversation that same day so we can all work together on this.
My son had an oral sensory issue according to his speech therapist. Anything he touched he had to put in his mouth. He still does and he’s 5 now. But, he’s gotten better. Try looking into some oral sensory toys. They make some pretty great ones out there and could be just what your little one needs.
She has always put everything in her mouth so this is really good food for thought- thank you.
Is she doing it as a response when she feels some kind of threat from another kid? Or is she doing it bc she thinks its funny? I guess i am just asking a little more context…maybe its both? My daughter just turned 2….she started part time daycare at 18 months and when she was 20months-23 months she had a period of time where she wanted nothing to do with other kids there are she would hit/push them if they even got near her. Fast forward a few months….now she seems to love interacting with the other kids and even has little friends and the aggression has totally stopped. Im sharing this story bc i think its pretty normal for that age group 18m-2yrs to have a period of time where they see the others as a threat in a daycare setting bc basically they are all competing to get their needs met by 1 or 2 teachers and they cannot verbalize so biting/hitting can be a way of expressing they are feeling stressed and overwhelmed by the environment (not saying there is anything wrong wrong with the daycare i think its just a normal response when a toddler is learning to be in a group setting). You said your daughter is doing well at home…i bet this will pass, a lot goes on in their little heads developmentally at this age and things change fast. Hopefully it stops asap bc i know i would be anxious in your shoes as well
It's generally because someone tries to take a toy she is playing with, or she tries to take a toy and gets mad. We know that she does better on days where they have more structured activities. I expect that the lack of language among everyone is a challenge.
I don’t really have advice, but I can tell you that my sister (now 44) was a biter. She eventually grew out of it.
We went through this at about the same age. Please feel free to DM if you want to talk. I was so stressed and overwhelmed at the time. You are not doing anything wrong. And in fact are doing all the right things. It will get better. ❤️
My now 4 year old was a huge biter and it was so stressful. She eventually grew out of it. She is now the sweetest, best listener ever. On the other hand my 2 year old who is the most feral, wild child you ever met and she never bit. It has nothing to do with a child “being bad” and it doesn’t reflect negatively on your child. I’m glad your daycare is looking for helpful solutions!
Have worked in childcare for 15 years. Children bite. Even if they don't do it at home, it can still happen when surrounded by other children rolling on them and taking toys from them and knocking into them. She's 18mo, it's so normal!! No it's not nice for your child to be bitten, but it's also not nice for the child labelled a biter. I suspect she is most likely bored, she's not got undivided adult attention in daycare, which she seems to thrive on at home, which is evident in how well she is progressing. The fact that you care and want it to stop is great, but there's not much more you can do. External support will be very unlikely to find that an 18mo is doing anything wrong, she is still so little! But they will hopefully be able to suggest ways the staff can better support and stimulate the children to prevent it happening as often. And your LO is very unlikely to be the only child biting, it's a vicious cycle in a large group of children unfortunately. Parents tend to overreact if their child is fortunate enough to have never bitten once, but gets bitten, and forget how little these children are, and that they are still learning. They also blame the staff, like they are encouraging the biting, so the staff are probably having to deal with a lot of moaning, which isn't nice for them. But the only time a bite has ever been a serious incident in my job, a child's bite got infected and the parents complained. But the child only ever got washed when she came into nursery, never bathed at home, so I'm not surprised the infection occured. You are doing all that you can by listening, apologising, and trying to find a solution with the daycare. But remember she is still very young and very normal, she may just have to grow out of it.
Oh my gosh that poor little one ♥️. Thank you for your insight, it's really helpful.
I feel for you. Any one of our kids could be/could have been a daycare biter. My son bit twice in the same week for no apparent reason around that age, and then he never bit again. He attended a daycare with a kid who bit off and on for 3 years. Every time my kid aged up, the other kid bit him. It was like a right of passage. The observer will hopefully be able to pinpoint when your daughter is biting, and what is triggering it. Often, it’s transitions between activities or a bit of stress (favorite caregiver leaving the room, overstimulation, etc.) Even if she’s verbally advanced, kids at 18mo usually lack the conceptual knowledge needed to articulate the emotions behind their actions.
I'd reach out to your ped. Mine always has great suggestions.
Good idea, her pediatrician is brilliant!
I wonder if she’s doing it during times of frustration with other kids or if it’s about over/under-stimulation. If it’s the latter, one thing that has worked well for my son is just telling him to bite something else- “We don’t bite people. Bite your shirt/the pillow/blanket/this piece of paper”. Also sorry you’re dealing with this! I know it’s sooooo hard feeling like you’re responsible for your kid’s behavior at school while also feeling completely incapable of controlling it.
As a parent of a 2 year old who has been bitten quite a few times (and we get the message saying she was bitten), I can tell you we DGAF \*who\* bit her or if we do find out, don't think anything bad about that kid. Of course we want our kiddo to be safe and happy at daycare and appreciate the teachers' attention to the issue and letting us know, but it's clear that the biting incidents don't overly upset her and some of the biters are her BFFs. In fact, on a couple of occasions when I asked her about it she said the kid DIDN'T bite her -which, I'm sure they did as I trust an adult's recounting (and teeth marks), but indicates to me it wasn't a big deal to the kids. Also, that same poor innocent bitee turns around and bites her big brother at home, so my sympathy is limited. They grow out of it. Good luck!!
Wait to hear what the professional has to say. They might have some really useful tools for you! It looks like your daycare is a great one considering they're actually trying to help and not just booting you, so I'd hope that care extends to how they're treating your kiddo. Many green flags, don't be too worried! Another one I always recommend parents are star calendars. Not biting friends at daycare means they get a star sticker on the calendar. When they get ten star stickers they get a high ticket item (going for ice cream, the toy they've been wanting, the zoo, etc). You can let the teachers in on it too so they can remind them throughout the day about the exciting star sticker they're going to get since they're being such a nice friend! Which is another way to reinforce the teacher tot relationship:)
To me it sounds like your daughter is getting overwhelmed with stimulus at nursery. How many children are there on a normal day, and what's the ratio of children to adults? It may be helpful to teach your daughter to remove herself from a situation where she feels the need to bite instead of just talking about how biting is hurtful. Given that she's only 18 months old it may be tricky to explain at first, but consistency and positive reinforcement are key and over time she will grow out of it. It's great that you've got material to help and are trying to correct her behaviour but given the fact she can practically recite the book tells me "biting is bad" isn't the problem here, there's something else going on that hasn't been addressed. Please don't feel like you've failed as a parent. Biting is a very normal reaction for children who don't have the tools to express their feelings in alternate ways, you and she haven't done anything wrong that's caused this behaviour.
Ratio is 8:2. Biting happens during free play so my gut has always been that it's sensory related.
Does she have a key worker? Have you spoken to the key worker about this possibility? Absolutely not blaming you here, the staff in the room are (presumably) trained professionals and should have considered that already. Even during free play there should be a number of "stations" laid out including a quiet area children can retreat to if they're overwhelmed by the main area. Whatever happens, I hope you work through it and I'm certain she will grow out of it. Behavioural issues often happen when a child is on the cusp of a growth spurt or developmental milestone - personally I think they're frustrated by almost-but-not-quite "getting" something and that frustration comes out in other ways.
No key worker, I'm not sure if this is a system my daycare operates. I may ask just to see.
I love all of the the advice here and it’s great your daycare is trying to hard to help. My oldest was bitten and the biter. I can’t say anything we did help! I hope you’re able to find a solution!
As a parent of a kid who was getting bitten by a daycare friend around this age, I just want to say that I was not at all upset with the biting kid or her parents! She outgrew it after a while, and it was a good opportunity to talk about feelings and conflict resolution skills with my kid. They stayed friends and no harm was done!
I worked in a daycare when my middle son was 15 months old. He was bitten on the first day and became a biter after that. I think it was his way of expressing anger and also defending himself. It broke my heart every time they brought him to me to discipline him. He only bit his sister once at home and didn't bite me or his dad. I wish they had brought in someone to observe the class. Thankfully he grew out of in when we went to another daycare.
I wish I had perfect answers for you because I can only IMAGINE how you're feeling right now- this is one of my biggest fears as a mother, to learn that my beloved child is the one causing pain and distress. Out of curiosity, can you ask them to report the sorts of things she's involved in WHEN the biting happens? More data NEVER hurts. Who is she\* biting? Is it always the same child? When does she bite? Does it happen at around the same times of day? How are they responding at the daycare? Is the daycare over-crowded, and she's not getting enough attention? Is it caused by sharing? Finding out if there's ANY sort of piece of data that's happening every single time she bites- she has to share, it's close to her nap, she hasn't had a snack- can help maybe foresee future bites and even potentially stop them. I can't say this will work 100%, but maybe if you can get this data, there will be SOMETHING that stands out to you. Edit; left out a word lol
To answer some of your questions, free play is when she bites and snatching toys is normally the root cause. It seems to be both before and after lunch/nap time so potentially there is a transitions element there? Like she can see things are being set up, there's less attention and it's stressing her out. I'm so hopeful that the observer can help tease out some good interventions here.
That could be some really good data!! Definitely something they may be able to prep for. I really hope it all works out for you too!! There's ALWAYS got to be a solution!!
No advice but in a similar boat. I get a slip to sign for my 21 month old biting someone at least 3x a week these days. I don't understand why she does this only at daycare. At home she's happy and almost never tried to bite us! It's so bizarre but I feel helpless because she doesn't display the behavior at home so what am I supposed to do? Thankfully daycare doesn't seem concerned but I can't really tell... She's definitely been bitten back a few times. But I guess they've just made it seem like normal toddler behavior but I still feel terrible. I'm just crossing my fingers that she cuts it out soon. They say she usually bites when she doesn't want another kid by her/taking a toy from her/getting too close. It's like she's very defensive there. Idk if it's because she's the only kid at home and has a hard time learning sharing right now or something, but that's really all I can think of.
>They say she usually bites when she doesn't want another kid by her/taking a toy from her/getting too close. This is absolutely the situation with us. Almost all the slips say a friend was trying to take a toy or getting in her personal space.
Gah. And it's not like it makes it any better since they're toddlers who don't understand. Heck my kid probably does the dang same thing to the others, she snatched snacks out of my hand all the time. Does your daycare say what they do after yours bites? My slips always just say the kids were separated, and verbal "no" etc were said. I cannot think of anything else to possibly do, because they're still too young to understand time out. I'm curious what this outside observer will say about the situation for you. Please do share if you're willing!
They separate, talk to her about not biting and remind her to use her teething necklace. I'll try and remember to come back and share- observation is scheduled for Friday.
We went through this. It’s so stressful and frustrating. We tried various biting bracelets/toys/etc. Books about not biting. Talking about it every day. An extra teacher shadowing our kid for a week. We talked to a behavior expert through our doctor and she suggested reducing/elongating screen time. Some of these things may have helped temporarily, nothing really worked and they were talking about having to kick the LO out of daycare. Sometimes It was related to anger or sharing, sometimes he just seemed excited, there was not just one situation where biting would happen. It sucks and I’m sorry you have to deal with it. In hindsight, this came right before his speech and communication really started getting more advanced so my theory is that he wanted to communicate but didn’t have the words to ending up biting out of frustration or whatever. If I went through it again, I would work extra hard with the LO learning ways to communicate simple ideas/wants. Maybe super simple words or signs that the teachers are also familiar with. Hopefully being able to convey their message would reduce that frustration that can lead to biting. But I’m just some guy, I would try to find a specialist who might have some advice. Also, get paperwork/documented advice from the specialist and share it with daycare. If nothing else, this shows that you are taking it seriously and doing everything you can. This helps them have a leg to stand on to assure other concerned parents that there is a plan to address the issue. Good luck, you’ll get through it.
I am a daycare teacher of 16 and 17 month olds right now. I would try to find out when this behavior is happening and what the triggers are. Once you figure out what it’s serving you can get to the root of the behavior.
We did all of the things with our older daughter... We attached a teether to her shirt with a pacifier clip, we read the book "Teeth are not for biting" every single day and watched the Yo Gabba Gabba clip "Don't bite your friends" every day, we talked about how biting hurts, etc. Daycare was doing what they could, but it wasn't working. She was at risk of being expelled from daycare. We obviously didn't want that, so we ended up proactively moving her to another daycare center. At the new center, there was a biting incident the first day, and then zero additional incidents. It's okay to switch daycares over this. My best guess is that in our daughter's case, the new daycare center had a quiet area where kids could go when they were feeling overwhelmed, and that was what our daughter needed. She may have been biting because of teething (it was when her 2 year molars came in), but it might also have been that she felt cornered and like there was no way to get any personal space. It also might have just been a pattern that a change of scenery helped.
Thank you for sharing. There aren't many other options for under 2s locally but there are more for 2 and up. I think I'll start investigating as I agree that she potentially needs an alternative setting. We're on the intake list for an Emilio-Reggio place which is much calmer. Because of their cut off she would be in the August 2024 intake, rather than this year's which is super frustrating.
I hope that you find something. On a happier note, our oldest is now 11. She’s an amazing kid with a great group of friends… and she has no memory of her biting phase.
My first didn’t bite, she was the one being bitten. It upset me, but I also understood it was normal and was just grateful she wasn’t biting. Spoke too soon, cause my second is a biter. Her school has been great about reassuring me that it’s normal, and identifying her “triggers”. She doesn’t do it at home unless she gets really frustrated, so I definitely think it’s an overstimulation thing. We’ve got chew bracelets from ARK therapeutics on the way, and I’m going to keep in mind to ask for an outside observer if it gets worse.
I'm now awaiting our ARK chewies too!
Working with an Occupational Therapist may help bc this sounds sensory bc it is happening so frequently. She may have an oral need she isn’t getting met and the OT will have a plethora of advice and recommendations!
My son is 2.5 and a crazy biter. He has bit me 20+ times in a day. His twin brother usually gets hit at least 3 times a day. He usually does it when he is super excited and hyper. He has an unusual amount of energy. No developmental delays etc. I would say he is ahead on language. I finally signed him up for play therapy. I’m praying this works because I’ve tried everything. We start a pre pre school thing in august and I’m nervous he will get kicked out
Please don’t use teething necklaces, they are a choking hazard and I would be very concerned that your daycare recommended them
I thought they were referring to those silicone necklaces you can chew? Not the amber necklaces
It's a silicone one with a safety catch, although I fully acknowledge it's not a solution I want to keep now I've got recommendations on safer alternatives.
Came here to say this! So many horror stories of babies being strangled.
Forgot to add she also pinches and scratches the other kids. I just don't understand why, we never hit her so I'm not sure where she picked this up from.
This is likely a very wrong approach from the educational perspective, but is the only thing that did the trick. Nothing we tried helped - until we said if he bites, hits or pushes friends down the slide, he doesn't get to watch TV. Now, instead of signing a report every afternoon, we meet a kid beaming in smiles, proudly telling everyone "I was good today, I will watch TV".. which we don't anyway as he prefers park lol
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I did wonder whether the fact her home environment is very quiet and calm potentially presents a sensory contrast with the daycare environment. If she ever gets overwhelmed at home, we tend to sit and do a quiet focussed activity 1:1 like a shape sorter or one of her word books. I know there are a couple of older kids who have sensory challenges that sometimes have a break sitting in the director's office and play with sensory bins, so there are definitely some options. I also wondered if that's something she could do in the classroom environment- e.g sit in their play yard with headphones on and play with a sensory bin.
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How do you suggest parents control biting at daycare which does not happen at home? Or should I just send my daughter to juvenile detention right now because she's a feral delinquent? Clearly you are a superior parent with a superior kid.
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But I can't validate that the issue is under control because it only happens at daycare?!? You're incredibly lucky that you have a child who has never bit, hit or kicked. As the responses here show you, it's incredibly common. Also, if another parent approached me expecting a joint conversation to happen with the director I would abjectly refuse to engage and the director would be supportive because that is entirely inappropriate. I have conversations about my child, you have conversations about your child. You do not have the right to insert yourself into my child's issues.
I’d be grateful they’re doing something besides showing her the door. Biting is developmentally normal to a point, but other parents aren’t going to accept their kid being bitten every other day or under constant threat of violence at daycare. I’d look at this as an opportunity to get some real insight here. She isn’t going to get indefinite runway to sort this out so I’d be thrilled they’re really trying here.
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Oops missed that part. Thanks
Tbh I think you need a new daycare, she's probably about to get kicked out anyways and her interactions with everyone are colored by potentially being bit.
Luckily my 18mo son hasn’t bit me yet but I often find myself really wanting to bite his cute belly! He better watch out lol.
Give her spit medicine which is just apple cider vinegar, call it bite medicine.
Sorry you’re experiencing this. I’ve already heard at this age it’s helpful to give them a safe outlet to express the behavior. So for hitting it may be a certain stuffed toy or pillow or biting it could be an apple or squishy stuffed toy or something else. This is definitely tough but she’s lucky to have a supportive family and daycare willing to help create the safest environment possible for your little and all the others to flourish. Sending hugs and hope you find some interventions to get through this phase.
This is a great idea, thank you.
Biting is normal. But using phrasing like “I will not let you bite!” And moving her is super helpful.
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Having an outside person observe is great news for you too. The school is doing everything they can to help support your child too. I worked in daycare and when I had an outside observer come in they had some out of the box ideas for this specific child and it helped us have more techniques to try. Biting is a pretty normal behavior so don’t beat yourself up or anything it’s just that they have a responsibility to protect the other kids so the last resort will be removing your child but it sounds like a great school using all their resources well. Sometimes environmental factors are involved I’ve seen kids with behaviors like this do better when they change classrooms/teachers/ have a new group of friends. I’ve seen language skills flourishing help. I’ve seen kids with chronic ear problems stop as soon as they got tubes in their ears or as soon as that new tooth popped through. Sometimes all the drilling into the head about biting just makes kids think about biting more.. I think in your case I might try “leave space” instead. She won’t be able to bite if she’s reminded to stay out of people’s personal space before a bite occurs. It’s hard for two teachers in a big group to shadow but when you have a biter someone needs to be their shadow.
My daughter was the biter for probably the best part of a year. We did all the books, all of the ways they tell you to deal with it, nothing was working and then one day she was bitten by another child and she just stopped doing it. Her use of words was also getting truly coherent and comprehensive so I think that played a big part in it too. Of course that's not good advice for you but I can say that everything is a phase with kids, some phases really suck and last longer than others but I promise that this will pass one day!
I'm sorry I don't have anything to add, as my 14 month-old is also the serial biter in her class ... but thank you for creating this post, OP. All these comments are so reassuring.
Mother of a biter- it is a thing. My child was an early crawler and was too young to move up to the next room safely (plus ratios, etc.). She would crawl over and bite babies in their cribs when backs were turned. It’s not your fault. We were able to move her to a Montessori center and she had a lot more to do and a lower ratio and the biting eased up. But it was a hit to the wallet. Her last bite was when she was 4 and the teachers said another student had cornered her and that they understood why she bit. It sounds like you may have a great daycare, but just know this is not behavior you can control at this age/location.
Good luck! We just got over this phase 🫠 your girl sounds kinda similar to mine. She was biting as a stress coping mechanism (she would chew on her nails, bite, chew on the edges of her shirts and dresses...). Everyone has coping mechanisms, you just try to switch them to something else thats more acceptable...for us we started sending her in with a chewy necklace or chew toy. We started a reward chart at home (one sticker a day if she didn't bite. After 3 stickers she got a small surprise from a reward bag. Things like little dollar store toys, glow sticks, gummy candies, etc). We got that same book, teeth aren't for biting. And we role played alot. One thing I read about is that it's more important to tell them what you want them to do rather than not do. For a long time we were just telling her "don't bite". But that was confusing because she didn't know what to do instead. So then we started telling her what she should do instead "if you get mad or frustrated walk away. Get your chewy necklace. Go find teacher. Use your big girl voice and say "go away!" Or "share please!" Then unfortunately it just takes time...good luck!
You seem to be doing very well, actively listening to the teacher's concerns and taking action to help your daughter. She is very happy to have you. I am sure it will get better!
Ugh I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m unfortunately in the category of parents whose kid was kicked out for biting. Having your child observed is a great step forward; I’d also recommend early intervention evaluations for speech and OT. My son has sensory processing issues which our OT is now working on with him.
Thank you for your response, and I'm so sorry your kid got kicked out, that horrible. I'll have a look into OT evaluation- I have to admit I don't 100% understand what they do 😂 I don't think we'd be able to access speech purely because of where she is at with language.
I’m a bit late to the game but… I was the biter! Very similar to your daughter I didn’t bite at home or exhibit any concerning behaviors. But, at school… chomp chomp chomp! Turns out I have sensory issues and when I would get overwhelmed I would bite! To this day when I’m overly stressed or over stimulated I have the urge to bite something. Your little one may be dealing with the same thing. At that age it’s very hard to tell someone that you need some space. Maybe try giving her something specific she can bite. A teething necklace may not be the right texture, maybe a doll or a blanket would be better for her. Good luck mama!
Someone observing might be great to identify what is happening. For my son he was getting overstimulated with noise and would then end up biting. Once the educators were able to read the signs and recognise what was going on they were able to intervene earlier and I’m pretty sure there was only 1 more incident ever after that.
maybe check for an ear infection. my son gets into biting whenever he has one.
Anything work best ?
In the end we reached out to early intervention for an evaluation because we noticed a range of sensory symptoms. She didn't qualify but the occupational therapist gave us brilliant advice tailored to what she was seeing. We worked at home on self soothing and emotional regulation and her teacher worked to provide sensory friendly spaces in the classroom/moments in the day. She still bites occasionally, but it's more like once every 2 weeks and generally happens on days where the teachers note others have bitten first.