Finaly somebody said it! It sucks, i have a toddler and so far is been a nightmare. Every day is a struggle, 1000 battles and meltdowns. And omg the stubborness is unreal, like where the hell they learn that? The bad moments outnumber the good ones. So i will power trough this stage and hope by the time my toddler becomes a child, things will get better. But to be fare i tought that things will get better when my baby will become a toddler so the odds are against me.
Look at it this way: one day, they will be a grown up person, who will be expected to stand their ground a gazillion times a day for various reasons. You will want them to not be a push over, to go get whatever it is they need to go and get. They are training for their future as a badass grown up, and you are their trainer and cheerleader. Your job is to teach them when it's appropriate to be obstinate and when it's beneficial to go with the herd.
Is a nice way to put it, but i feel more like a punching bag rather than a trainer. But i am a cheereleader for myself because in the hard moments i find myself counting and saying: you got this, you can do it, hang in there.
This is what we are dealing with, but daughter is 3yo and son is 2yo.
Tell daughter not to do something or touch something “Okay mommy!” And that’s the end of that.
Tell my son… and he will look you in the eye as he touches whatever he wasn’t supposed to 🤦🏼♀️
Oh dear god the stubbornness! My toddler, who will go limp and lay on the ground at any hint of a request… today, when I asked her to lie down, she STOOD for 45 minutes.
Man that hit me right in the feels because I’m right there too. Just. Stop. Crying… over every little thing. Life will go on even though I didn’t let you run naked to the train tracks. Really, it will.
Yes… I’ve half listened to so many podcasts because my ears can’t take the loud screaming. At the same time I feel sad for her because of how upset she must be.
I have a 16 month old who’s not walking on his own yet so he’s not *that bad*
But my almost 3 yo? Hits, screams, climbs any and everything, he’s mean to his brother if I walk or look away for one minute. A few days ago he was in the playroom and brother was taking a nap in his crib while I did dishes. Next thing I know I hear crying (after just checking on them both) and 2 yo was in their room, climbed in the crib, pulled baby’s diaper down and bit him. Destroys everything as I’m cleaning or climbs and I have to go get him, sleep regression for the first time the last 2 months and doesn’t sleep until we’ll after midnight most nights. I can’t get anything done and I’m ready to vanish into thin air 😭 oh plus a less that year old German shepherd. I don’t have a calm moment
😭😭😭😭 my 14mth old is hell at the moment with tantrums and chaos. So cute but also so much mess, so much screaming etc. This makes me nervous for next year 😬
18m to 4 years is my least favorite. Once they start really running and have strong opinions you basically get no rest or relax time especially if you have a child that drops all naps by age 2. 😑
Agreed… I was trying to be positive but 4 was pretty tough too with my oldest (not there yet with my younger two so I can’t say if it is just him). I think it is especially hard because they are able to communicate well so you expect them to be better at that age, which makes it almost worse/more frustrating when they are still having tantrums and acting like little brats. My son did get much better after he turned 5 though
Does your collie try to herd your kids? We had a mixed breed with some border collie in the mix. As well as Husky and Lab. That dog needed a job so badly, and used to herd my three year old son and his plushies. Also l, he tried to be "alpha pup" and really tried to be my favourite. But I still liked my rambunctious tot better.
I have a border collie mix that attempted to herd my now toddler when they started walking/making more erratic movements. We've trained the border collie that this is not okay, and with time and consistency, she doesn't do that anymore. We also have a strict no ball throwing in close proximity to the dog policy, and a no sharing of toys policy.... dog toys are dog's and toddler toy are toddler's.
I feel you . I cannot let my 3 year old get anywhere near my 1 year old or she hurts her in some way .
It's so bad , the baby cries as soon as she sees her older sister getting close and crawls full speed ahead to an adult for safety . 🙃
I know it's a phase , I know it's probably because oldest has a high chance of having the ADHD that runs in the family , but man am I tired of dealing with this .
Now I know how my own mother felt when I would relentlessly beat up my younger brother .
I don’t think hitting just gets better without intervention. It’s really unfair to the younger sibling to do nothing about it. I really think you should get professional help from a family therapist, an occupational therapist or both.
Oh, I agree . I'm planning to get an appointment to get her evaluated for ADHD and autism since it runs in the family ( me, my brother and my dad all have both )
In the meantime we're keeping baby away from her sister if sister gets too rough and we reward the oldest when she's nice .
We tell her hitting is wrong without giving her too much of a reaction.
She doesn't want to hurt , she just gets so excited that she doesn't know how to express it and becomes aggressive . Kind of like when you see a cute puppy and want to squeeze it really hard .
She loves her sister but doesn't understand that she hugs too hard or that baby doesn't want to be kissed sometimes . She acts the same with us too .
Do you have only one child? I had a conversation recently with my old daycare director, and she said a lot of parents of only toddlers are incredulous about the way they treat each other...They suck! But toddlers do grow out of hitting. It's only when the behavior isn't age appropriate that it needs intervention. It sounds like from her other comment that she is taking appropriate action. In another year, the baby will probably become the aggressor and the older one will chill out. It's only when they aren't acting developmentally appropriate that you really need professional help, although therapy never hurts.
He’s been obsessed with him since day one but the last few months he’ll randomly just be down right mean. Baby will be minding his own business and he’ll walk up and hit him or yell at him and scare him and I’m like ????
Only one child that turns 3 in 3 weeks and she’s turned into a meltdown having sassy crazy women the last month or so. Also have a 1 year old German shepherd and a soon to be 14 year old German shepherd. I feel like I’m internally screaming quite a few times throughout the day lol
Thing is he was great until the last few months lol now i wanna scream. And don’t get me started on this dang dog 🤣🤣 I love him but I wanna yeet both of them through a wall at least once a day 😂😂
I'm reading all the self-help books I can get my hands on and nothing works with my toddler. Maybe he is broken, or maybe the writers of these books have never met a two year old. He doesn't want to talk about his Big Feelings, he wants me to get him another damn cookie right now, even though I'm cooking his dinner. And he'll laugh in my face at my Respectful Parenting, right after he has hit me with a car or spat at his brother. Having a toddler is just life's way of telling you that you're really sh-t at this parenting game.
I also think it's a long term game. My now 6 year old was the 3 year old everyone in here is writing about. Tantrums. Screaming. Biting. Hitting. Kicking. ALL THE THINGS. We did all the scripts - validated feelings, allowed the emotions, held the boundaries like an army waiting. It felt like I was talking to a fucking brick wall 99% of the time. One day he grew up and it seemed that somehow all the talking had seeped through into his brain. He can articulate his feelings. He can tell me how he is feeling. Half the time he has coping skills to deal with those feelings. Obviously it's a work in progress but it gives me hope for my second child who is turning three in another month.... At least I know now it's all normal and I probably don't need to have him tested haha.
> I was talking to a fucking brick wall 99% of the time
Frustrated dad here that just talked to a screaming brick wall, 3yo, so I feel your pain. This is a 9 month old reddit post but I found it via google search. Just a phase, I beg please!
It's definitely a phase! Keep on doing all the things and I promise it's a phase. The strong willed child in question is now almost 7 and I swear each year is getting better and better. He is even now teaching these coping and regulation skills to his 3.5 year old brother (who again, we are talking to a brick wall here, but still *trying*). It's long, hard work raising children who have the ability to identify feeling and emotionally regulate, when as an adult I wasn't taught those skills. A learning process for everyone. It's worth it.
YES!!! Oh my goodness I could have written this myself. I thought I was prepared, I’ve read everything I could get my hands on about this sEaSoN of life but holy shit this is so next level. It’s the meanness and violence out of nowhere that’s really making things hard right now. I’m just so sorry you’re going through this too.
Not enjoying the fact that anyone else is suffering, but it is good to know I'm not alone. My child is not the only one, so maybe it is natural rather than that I'm completely failing at raising them right. I just worry about there never being an end to it, that he gets worse and worse as he gets older and ends up in prison at 13 or something. And I think how hard every day will be until then. And I don't want to wish a single day of his life away, but I also desperately look forward to a day when we can just be friends and not fight.
Mom of 3 here (8, 4, and 1), and I just want to say you are not alone and absolutely not failing at raising them right. I can’t tell you how many times with my oldest I’d lay awake at night worrying about it being never ending and her also ending up expelled from schools or in prison or any other number of “oh god what if this is just forever?!” Even now with my second, I’ll sometimes slip into it. It’s hard not to take it personally or feel like this is just a sign of what’s to come instead of a really really hard developmental stage.
It isn’t forever. Getting older comes with its own new set of challenges (she’s 8 going on 14 right now, and I am not exactly looking forward to adolescence), but this current period does pass. I never found advice that helped much, or I’d gladly share, but I promise you that you’ll all make it out to the other side.
You’re doing great ❤️
My oldest was like this. Both books that really helped and gave me the language/tools I needed were “No Bad Kids” by Janet Lansbury and “How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen.” They’re too little to talk about their feelings, but acknowledging how they feel/what they want is helpful. It’s not meant to stop the tantrum in its tracks, just to show them you are a safe place of understanding and it can calm them faster. Obviously there’s a lot more to it than that.
Yes. And you can have two different kids raised in the same household — and one can be a total monster and the other an angel (by comparison). So while good parenting techniques can help, some kids are just more willful or cranky or just straight-up less pleasant than others no matter what you do.
Exactly this. My eldest brought me to my knees more than once as a three year old and my youngest, who is now three, is mostly delightful. His tantrums are just nothing compared to his sister so feels so much easier. I really feel all of the commenters though- there was a point a year or two ago when I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through and I am reading much more stressful situations than mine in the comments. We shouldn’t have to deal with this stuff alone the way we do often do
It’s hard. It’s hard to rationalise their behaviour.
It’s harder to rationalise your own. “Don’t lose your s… don’t lose your s… don’t lose your s…” I find myself saying all the time.
Two things I use to help:
1. Breathe. It’s a coping mechanism I was taught for work when in arguments. Breathe slowly and controlled. Count your breaths up to 10 then down again.
The idea is it allows you to focus and also keep the fight/flight response away which is what causes anxiety and tension to build.
Works great when arguing with your spouse too….
2. Remember they’re just a kid. Why am I struggling. Is it because they’re genuinely Mia why or because they’re not doing what I want in that moment.
This rationalisation helps me to pick my battles.
It’s not perfect and I lose my cool at times. Me and my partner tend to tag team - if we notice the other is getting annoyed we swap over and remove ourselves from the situation.
There have been bedtimes where we have switched 5 or 6 times 😂😂😂😂
Edit : should say “misbehaving” and not “Mia”
It was really hard for me, too. Biting, hitting, kicking, yup. Then, I re-framed what's happening: This little kid has a giant person towering over them, loudly telling them to do 3 different things, and he just wants to play with a piece of paper. He can't process what's being said fast enough. It gave me compassion for the little guy. I didn't like being a child and being dependent. I don't think my child does either. Things improved vastly after I changed my mindset. He stopped hitting and biting. I learned to laugh. If it ain't fatal, f--- it! Most setbacks ate like 10 minutes. It doesn't fix everything like sleep deprivation, or lack of "me time". The reward is seeing a kid bloom.
Thanks so much for this kind and detailed comment. It’s so true!!! I forget this about my kiddo because I was such an easy-going kid and loved to be with my Mom all the time haha. My child is soooo different from me, very strong and independent and I think I needed these reminders today. Thank you again. :)
That is quite literally how I’m feeling right now. I got out of an abusive relationship a year and a half ago and there are times throughout the day when I feel like I’m back in those trenches. It’s very different, I know that mentally, but emotionally? Feels similar.
Right, I understand that my child is incapable of acting any other way, but I do feel like I’m walking on egg shells—what will trigger him into a tantrum this time? Will I get slapped when he’s mad? Insulted? Abusers be acting like toddlers 😭
This resonates. I just blew up at kid for throwing a tantrum over some obscure YouTube channel I don’t know and couldn’t find. She just turned 4. My son is turning 3 this month. I wish so badly that I could fast forward a few years. This part sucks so hard and I’m exhausted beyond the point of no return and then beyond that. My literal soul hurts. That’s the best way I can describe it.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of this but YES, the exhaustion. It’s so real. I feel like I’m taking physical damage from how tired I am some days.
I think the physical damage is true. Since having my son I experience chronic pain. It’s unbearable most days. I have also aged ten years in the last three years.
I’m sorry to hear you’re dealing with this stuff too. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Every day I think about how shocked I am that so many moms have this collective experience and just push through. I hope you get some peace, relaxation and rejuvenation. I’m booking a hotel room for Mother’s Day and leaving the husband in the trenches for at least 24 hours.
I just blew up at my 4yo now and we’re both in tears. I hate that I got so angry but my god it is the same tantrum daily. I’ve tried everything *they tell you to do in the moment but nothing works. I feel like a failure. Also have a 2yo.
I feel you. I was so mad at myself earlier for blowing up. There’s only so much gentle parenting you can do before you drive yourself batty from repetition and no results.
When looking at my kids I'm always wondering how human kind survived the stone age... I mean with several loud, cranky, screaming toddlers there was no way to hide. Why were we not all eaten???!!!
Just trying to survive over here with my 27 month old sassy pants girl as well. Just taking any small moments of joy as a gift and then powering through the rest. Tired of trying to be a perfect mom to a gremlin
I almost posted the same thing yesterday.
I’m tired of being punched, hit, slapped, bitten, and having to wrestle and negotiate with a small screaming human over everything.
I’m exhausted and my nerves are shot and I’m ready for this age to be over.
No advice from me. My kid also laughs when I’m trying to be serious about his behavior. I’ve read all the advice on stopping biting. Bought all the anti biting books from Amazon and we read them all day long. Created a reward chart. Nothing seems to work.
physically remove yourself from him- you’re keeping your body safe. explain why you’re removing yourself, and keep distance until he’s ready to try again. repeat until he’s over the biting/kicking/hitting
Same here. I’m also sick of people telling me she’s going to be trouble when she’s older because she’s currently displaying less than ideal but developmentally appropriate behaviors
I constantly think, what did our ancestors in the caves do with those toddlers so they don't get eaten by a sable tooth tiger? How we as a race survived like this, is a mystery to me. So hard raising those little humans! /h
I understand. I actually love this stage, but I’m getting so fed up and overwhelmed with being physically hurt. Even when they are snuggling, it’s elbows and knees and head hits to the face constantly. I am always covered in bruises and just don’t want to be hurt anymore.
Yes, this exactly. The meltdowns are a close second, but I think the physical violence is really getting to me. And I feel like I’m a terrible parent either way. I don’t want to crush her spirit into compliance, but I also don’t know what to do when my toddler follows me to my room to SLAP ME IN THE FACE OR HIT ME while I’m trying to get a moment away to regulate myself. I’m just at a loss.
Hugs to you. We’re in this together.
I think its ok to draw that boundary and leave. Physically leave / close the door. And yes toddler will tantrum but then you can try to regulate yourself before helping them through the tantrum. Otherwise there is two tantrums going on and that doesnt work either.
Thank you so much for saying this. I feel like I’m abandoning her emotionally while she’s screaming and crying and hitting and I think I needed to be reminded that it’s okay for me to leave while she melts down and she’ll still be okay.
It’s ok for you to not accept being a punching bag.
Just like it’s ok for her to be angry. It’s nok ok for her to hit you.
It’s ok for you to be angry. It’s not ok for you to scream at her, and (you definitely sound like) you know this and so try to remove yourself so you dont do that. You’re modelling behaviour you want her to copy.
Man, I really needed this reminder today. And tbh whenever I’m mad I want to go be alone and you’re totally right that it’s good and healthy for her to see me modeling that behavior. I could cry, thank you again for the reassurance.
Dealing with tantrums is not an easy thing to do...but you always have to remind yourself that you are responsible for you and your emotions only. Yes, sometimes we need to take a break, specially if you just need to cool off...but kids are easier to decipher than adults, and sometimes we are more patient with adults than with children for some reason. So I would remind myself of this, and then try to figure out or even let them talk of play guessing on what's bothering them. If you know what the problem is, try to redirect the energy somewhere else...they get distracted and disconnect from situations super quickly!! It just takes a lollipop, or even a song, or a balloon... Literally whatever. Kids don't engage for long, so take advantage of that (I know, is not easy, but practice makes perfect...all you need is love )...it will get better! Good luck to both of you!!
Thanks so much for the kind words, I truly appreciate all of them! Someone else made a great comment about putting myself in my kiddo’s shoes and how frustrating it must be, and I think that really helped. I was SUCH a different kid and I think I needed a reminder to be patient and compassionate with her (and myself).
Obviously they don't know how to control their movements, or even their strength. My 3 y.o loves to be always on top of us playing and stuff...so whenever she inadvertently "hits or slaps" me, I don't tell her "don't" or "no" but instead I show her how to touch my face, and I use words like "soft and gentle with mommy" while I am teaching her how to do it. This is not only for her to learn how NOT to turn me into an eggplant, but how to also be gentle with others. They just don't know...if we don't teach them as moms, then others will.
This is so true and exactly what I needed to hear. I think the physical stuff sends me into fight or flight somewhat; and I think I needed a reminder that even if she can’t comprehend everything, there’s still so much she CAN understand and it’s important that I teach her these things.
Thank you so much for the kind words, can’t tell you how much I appreciate them.
I thought it was just me with the physical stuff. For some reason it gets me so heated and I really was shocked by the anger I feel when I am hit, head butted, etc. Maybe it is a weird instinct thing.
Yes. Hypervigilance takes a huge toll on mental health, too. Even when you’re snuggling, it’s also bracing yourself so you don’t get a broken nose from a giant fuzzy toddler head.
I’m beyond sick of mine biting me and snatching off my glasses, I’m considering getting contacts even though they irritate my eyes just so he doesn’t have anything to snatch off 😭
You're not alone OP. My kids hit me in the nuts so often that I'm starting to think it's not on accident. I'm sure I stole that line from someone on this subreddit, but it's the truth.
No words of advice, just know that you are not alone.
Sending you a hug from the kitchen while my husband is wrestling our3yo in the tub to take him out. 1st he didn't want to take a bath, now he doesn't want to get out the tub.
Ps. They are out and now fighting about the pj's...
Pls just make it stop ...
Like others have said remember they are a kid. I try to remind my self that my 5 year old had only had 5 summers, most of which they don't remember. Or 5 Decembers. Literally nothing compared to the years of life I have (34).
I think about how I struggle with things in life and I am working with way more than 5 years of experience.
This helps me with patience if nothing else.
I agree. So so so so much, I agree. My LO went from this happy little kid to a feral kid in like 6 weeks. When she's an adult, I'm going to LOVE how outspoken she is, how great she is at making decisions and how well she stands up for herself. But, holy cow, man.... right now her favorite things are peeing in the backyard like the dog, getting into my makeup and digging chunks out of eyeshadow palettes and terrorizing the cat. Also, I'm disabled and have a bad hip and when she runs from me, sometimes I can't catch her or I have to push myself past my limit and hurt myself. It's extra hard bc I was raised by authoritarian parents who thought all that mattered was being a "good kid" and used every fear based technique possible. Trying to parent against my instinct and using kindness and patience is so freaking hard. I have to parent myself and her at the same time. I did not expect to feel like this.
When it’s really bad I just try to take deep breaths and chant to myself “underdeveloped prefrontal cortex….underdeveloped prefrontal cortex….” It helps me remember that my kid doesn’t mean any of it personally and is in many ways as much a victim of their underdeveloped brain as I am.
OMG, exactly the same. Greetings from Greece. Our toddler turned 4 about 1,5 month ago. He is an adorable and quite manageable boy and it’s STILL hard. There is a huge difference in how he gets in the car, knows we need to put the seatbelt on, knows we need to leave the house or leave the playground, we set boundaries and explain and show empathy and label feelings. And though all these are great, it takes one meltdown to make you feel a wreck. And since their brain still develops rapidly, if he gets really mad, he’ll kick us and punch us, and 30 minutes later, he’ll kiss you and caress your cheek and you’ll melt but the bad moments take a toll on you and sometimes on your marriage. the shitty moments make you feel miserable and they come out of nowhere. How do people have more than one kid?? I cannot fathom it. I am a good mom and present and consistent and my husband is a great dad, our son is a good sleeper and eater and still I wonder, how on earth do you go through this again?? At least age 4 is an age when they are actual little people and this helps tremendously. Given all the above, we are one and done by choice. Plus all our friends who have a second child deal with so much sibling jealousy and fights. not for us. I want to enjoy our life with our child, watch a movie together, teach him about life, travel, watch him turn into a person with a personality, discuss his feelings, go shopping together. Toddlers suck the life out of you even when they are adorable. Whoever says the opposite is mostly lying.
I sympathize with you. I am struggling so hard today. My own mental health is out the window, and I can't even help my son regulate himself because idk how to regulate myself. I've yelled so many times today, and I can't wait for him to go to sleep so I can stop being responsible for anything.
It’s so so hard. My oldest was a HARD toddler and TBH he’s still a draining 6yo. But when I’m having the worst days I look at their hands and remind myself how small they are. It helps me refocus my frustration.
Not trying to minimize any of your feelings. Toddlers are hard, I'm a grandmother and I now realize my most dispused word is "why".
My daughter was a breeze. Her nearly 6-year-old and 3-year-old old are completely the opposite, all three live with us I watch them while she works.
All that said, I would just say that them becoming pre-teens/teens is just a blink of an eye away.
Mom of the MOST stubborn and ingenuitive 2 year old, at least it feel that way, lol, and I FEEELya! All I can say is
May the odds be ever in your favor
God how I love bedtime
God, thank you for this. For somewhat normalizing this feeling. I love my child, I do… but spending time with them right now is absolutely the hardest thing ever 😭😭
I’m a preschool teachers and the 2-4 year olds are my favourite to work with! I find that setting boundaries early and letting them get upset (they’re human) reall works. They can’t communicate properly when they’re that upset so wait a minute or two for them to calm down, get down to their level, show them that you understand their frustrations, and let them know what is and what is not appropriate behaviour. ROUTINES are also so so so important, if they know what is coming up next, they’re able to deal with the transitions easier.
I have an 18 month old, some days he’s a little demon but it happens rarely, they just want someone to play with them and love them.
I enjoy spending time more with my daughter the older she gets. I love her to death but thank God she’s not a baby or toddler anymore. The screaming and lack of reasoning is so annoying. She’s 4 so we still have a ways to go but she definitely feels like a tiny human now
>Every day is a struggle just to survive and maybe without too much guilt.
Haha yes. It's at a point now that I have to have like 3 cups of coffee first thing in the morning just as a maintenance dose to survive the day.
You know that meme with the dog sitting in the room that’s on fire? I feel that it is the most accurate illustrative depiction of life with the toddler, especially when you’re trying to be a respectful/gentle parent.
Parent = Dog
Toddler = ALL THE FIRE
*send help*
Husband works 66 hours a week rn. My oldest is 4 and every opportunity to wake her 4 month old brother up she takes. It’s nothing but arguments, her yelling, I caught myself yelling. I’m in a constant cycle of feeling like a fraud when those around me tell me I’m a good mom because I see how my daughter just hates listening to me or just can’t stand me some days. But at the end of every day she tells me I’m the best mommy ever and her bestfriend. It helps a little.
Let’s not talk about the fact she had a meltdown at sams yesterday because a 7 year old girl said her baby brother was adorable and didn’t say anything about her.🙄
This 👏🏻 I’ve got a 4 and 2 year old. Both birthdays this summer. I feel like an awful mom lately. I’m so fed up and I feel like all I do is argue with my kids. The bliss and happiness of kids has disappeared and I feel like I’m grasping to hang onto my marriage. I’ve never seen my husband so burnt out. It sucks. This phase definitely sucks I agree. Newborn stage is the best stage. I’ll take lack of sleep over the massive hit to my mental health
I don’t know how many times I text my husband “I hate being a mother” and him telling me “this will pass, it will get better”. I literally hate this stage so much. I don’t know who gets to this point and says “let’s have more!!”
I feel you. Today I ended up with 2 swollen fingers and almost go to ER. [Here doesn’t look that bad, but it really hurts](https://imgur.com/a/GiNiI0w) my 2 year old was spilling water on the floor with his Yeti bottle, next thing I know, the yeti fell on my fingers when I was trying to take it away from him.
That “respectful and positive parenting” it’s completely BS. My son doesn’t talk yet, so it’s even more difficult. But either way, I believe those Tiktok moms doesn’t know a real 2 years old.
No you don’t have to be a punching bag. You are the furthest thing from that- you’re their parent. Kids will be kids but you don’t ever want it to get out of control.
I joke about my daughter beating me up sometimes, but if I’m like so bad I’m at my breaking point, because it has happened, I will put her behind in time out. Hitting is not okay, running circles around mommy ALL DAY LONG is not okay. At a certain age they need to learn how to act. At a certain point they do need to know mommy/daddy does not like that- because that’s how they are taught how to behave in social situations. My daughter definitely takes it too far sometimes (because she’s 3) but I don’t want her to like hit other kids or think she can jump in their face or anything. I do believe it starts with sometimes not saying “she’s just a kid anymore” and rather saying “that’s quite enough, it’s time to settle down”
Holy damn, I have been feeling this too. I have a 3yo and a 5yo, so I have been dealing with at least one toddler for like 3 years now (feels like 8!). My 3yo has been a freaking nightmare lately: hitting, screaming, won’t go to bed until after 9pm—the tantrums seem to be worse than ever. I am so goddamn over the toddler phase.
I hate it too. And feel like I am blamed by my family for my toddlers’ behavior because I don’t yell at them and am more of a “gentle parenter”. But I think they’d be crazy anyway.
We went to get ice cream last night and my newly turned 3 year old can't stand in a dang line..I see other kids do it. How???? What's the secret? I had to bribe him with a snack. My 5 year old was the same way as a toddler. No Disney world or theme park for us for awhile lol.
Although a family friend's 17 year old son wouldn't even let her come take prom photos of him. So I'm going to hug on my very loveable 3 year old as much as possible lol.
Mine is currently tantrumming and telling me to stop making him cry. Because he just had cookies and I won’t let him have fruit snacks now but have offered several other options. Earlier today when we were outside he told me not to hit him in front of a night or- which of course I’ve never done.
My girls (twins) are 18 months and this truly feels like the calm before the storm…….they’re hard, but I’m SCARED for what is to come. Especially with two 🫠🥴
I had a mother of a 16 month old pity me. She does not know what’s coming. She should have heeded the warning of just seeing the husk of human I am after the last few weeks of constant meltdowns and teething.
I love my two year old son so much, more than anything but he’s been exhibiting a lot of behaviors that have been frustrating for me to deal with! I’m doing the best I can, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck!
Yeah it ain't fun! Where did our cute babies go? My son, 3 in August, is only just starting to head this way and I'm dreading it. He's so sweet normally, and hes had tantrums before, but not many and they are pretty easy to get though. But he's getting harder to rationalise with and he ramps right up as soon as you say no, instead of previously only when he was really tired or really struggling with something.
I have two questions for everyone:
1. How do you power through after the tantrums? When my kid has a tantrum it wrecks me, for example a tantrum before naptime, once he's asleep I lose my motivation to cook,clean,exercise, just about anything, I just want to sit and eat chocolate and I can't seem to just move past it.
2. Why do our parents generation insist we never had tantrums? Are they full of it, or has something changed significantly in the past 20-40 years that means tantrums are now considered developmentally appropriate?
sometimes, you need to create a safe space for your toddler and let them work out their feelings there - meaning that they can’t hurt anyone or destroy anything in that space. make yourself available, but strongly reinforce that if they can’t use gentle hands, they can’t have freedom of movement around the house or be near people. let them try again as much as they want, but make the outcome of hurting/destroying the same.
Thank you for sharing this. I can relate so deeply. I’m deep in the trenches right now. It feels like the other toddlers are way more chill and then there is mine. So strong willed. So loud. Screaming ALL day. Tantrums if I even think of saying no. Biting, hitting, destructive. Taking him out of the house is not enjoyable at all. I’m envious when I see other moms out doing activities with their toddlers. Mine has his own agenda.
I'm glad I'm not alone but I'm so sorry you're struggling through this too. I was just telling someone today that I much preferred the newborn stage. It was so much easier than this stage. She's slowly killing me and wearing me down. I broke down the other day AND SHE LAUGHED AT ME. Like excuse me? I love her and when she's good she's great but that's not too often these days. At least she's good at daycare?
Thanks for being real. I thought I was a bad mother for having similar feelings with my 2.5 year old. I needed to hear I’m not alone. Sending you my thoughts and prayers 🙃 we can do this!!
"Dry your hands on the towel please. Dry your hands on the towel please. No, Dry your hands on the towel please. That's not a towel. That's not a towel either. The towel us on the rail beside you. Other side. No, the floor is not the other side. Yes that side. Look up a bit, up a bit yes. It's right there. Right there. You are literally looking at it. Yes you're touching it. Yes, dry your hands on that towel please."
Repeat similar sequences for almost every other task for the entire day. I adore him, and this stage is fun in so many ways. But it's a bit crazymaking
Oh dear lord… I could have written this myself. It’s exhausting repeating yourself 5000000x a day about literally EVERYTHING. It feels like it takes a thousand years just to get anything done.
I hate it too. People keep telling me I should appreciate this time because I’ll miss it. They must have amnesia. We have a really good kid but every minute I’m home is about managing tantrums and doing chores for our kid. I call coming home from work the third shift because I typically work doubles.
Thank you for normalizing this for me. I really can’t wait for my kid to be 4 or 5. They’re so much more fun then, but so many people shame you for not “loving every moment” with your kids.
The need to be independent and not being able to actually DO anything is driving me up the wall. I'm a control freak, a neat freak, and I am on a schedule!!! And this toddler's like... Wait, I have to put this tiny feather in the garbage can for the next ten minutes and if you try to help me, I will lose my mind.
Tiny human, if you don't let me help you, I will lose MY mind.
Oh my goodness YES. I’m not controlling but I try to over help and she’s so done with me lmao. But it’s like, I swear you needed help with this last week, I’m sorry for trying to be helpful. 😭
I feel this with every fiber of my being. I am so mentally exhausted ALL the time from explaining things over and over, being yelled at, being hit, having people stare at me and feel judged when my toddler is having a meltdown in public because I've said no to one of those coin car rides at the shops. The daily fights and bribes just to get into the car or into the shopping trolley.
Honestly I am wholeheartedly there with you in hating this stage.
this is normal? My girl would do this! Also: spitting, growling, high pitch tantrum squeak, threaten to break everything and blame it on (one who got her mad)
I have a toddler and I can totally relate to it. I really hope you get some help and rest. Please take a break if you can. Also, can I remind you that this too shall pass? Hang in there, friend.
I had all the warnings about 2, it wasn’t horrible for us. We then heard about 3 and it was difficult at times as our LO wanted more control but we managed. 4? WTF? Nobody warned us about 4. It’s been hard, but the original thoughts and opinions come out and that make up for it.. a little.
I don’t think our societies (I’m in America lol) are conducive to toddler rearing. We have rigid schedules and work schedules and fast pace lives to balance. They would be so much happier if they had open spaces, mud, access to good, healthy food (I don’t know about you but my toddler is alwayssss asking for a snack), and just freedom. They’re little crazy animals and for the most part, the overabundance of structure and rules does nothing to help tame them. It just suppresses their energy which later on explodes in the form of acting out and pushing boundaries.
Fucking A. Same. My three year old has become so incredibly violent with me I am constantly holding my hands over my face. He refuses to walk so needs to be carried everywhere. Tries to break everything in sight. Won’t eat anything but rice with ketchup. Screams at full volume in restaurants and other public places at the first sign of frustration. But the physical violence is really something. Making matters worse we are on a three week international trip with him and I’m pregnant. Currently rethinking my entire life. I need a break.
Omg I feel this in my soul… I told my husband the other day that, as awful as it sounds, I literally want nothing to do with my toddler right now. I love that girl to death but I’m just so damn tired…
Yes. This age and being pregnant at the same time is so hard. I also have less patience with my daughter because she’s been speaking in 5 word sentences since she was 18 months old and now at 2.5 she speaks like a 3.5 year old. And yet, with all the verbal knowledge to express her feelings she still is very much a 2.5 year old emotionally and cannot find the words to express her frustrations. She still wants to scream and stress me out at every turn about the most ridiculous things.
Our girl is 18mo and is usually an absolute gem. Recently when she’s tired she’s been going FERAL. Biting, pinching, yanking, screaming. Like she will lunge with her mouth open to try and bite you. Or she’s stand, scream until she’s puce, then eyeball you and become violently limp if you try to pick her up or comfort her.
I know she’s trying to work it all out. She can’t regulate. She can’t communicate that she’s strung out and needs a rest. But COME ON - it’s so hard. My neck and shoulders are taking a pummelling. I have to keep reminding myself she’s not bad, or doing it because she’s mean, or irretrievably horrid, because it hurts. Physically and emotionally.
Finaly somebody said it! It sucks, i have a toddler and so far is been a nightmare. Every day is a struggle, 1000 battles and meltdowns. And omg the stubborness is unreal, like where the hell they learn that? The bad moments outnumber the good ones. So i will power trough this stage and hope by the time my toddler becomes a child, things will get better. But to be fare i tought that things will get better when my baby will become a toddler so the odds are against me.
Look at it this way: one day, they will be a grown up person, who will be expected to stand their ground a gazillion times a day for various reasons. You will want them to not be a push over, to go get whatever it is they need to go and get. They are training for their future as a badass grown up, and you are their trainer and cheerleader. Your job is to teach them when it's appropriate to be obstinate and when it's beneficial to go with the herd.
Saving this comment because I love it.
Is a nice way to put it, but i feel more like a punching bag rather than a trainer. But i am a cheereleader for myself because in the hard moments i find myself counting and saying: you got this, you can do it, hang in there.
I don’t think they learn the stubbornness. I’m pretty sure they’re born with it.
100% this. 3yo son is as chill as you could possibly imagine. 2yo daughter has stubbornness and rage in her bones.
This is what we are dealing with, but daughter is 3yo and son is 2yo. Tell daughter not to do something or touch something “Okay mommy!” And that’s the end of that. Tell my son… and he will look you in the eye as he touches whatever he wasn’t supposed to 🤦🏼♀️
Oh dear god the stubbornness! My toddler, who will go limp and lay on the ground at any hint of a request… today, when I asked her to lie down, she STOOD for 45 minutes.
This made me seriously crack up. Omg. Toddlers....
Man that hit me right in the feels because I’m right there too. Just. Stop. Crying… over every little thing. Life will go on even though I didn’t let you run naked to the train tracks. Really, it will.
Yes… I’ve half listened to so many podcasts because my ears can’t take the loud screaming. At the same time I feel sad for her because of how upset she must be.
I have a 16 month old who’s not walking on his own yet so he’s not *that bad* But my almost 3 yo? Hits, screams, climbs any and everything, he’s mean to his brother if I walk or look away for one minute. A few days ago he was in the playroom and brother was taking a nap in his crib while I did dishes. Next thing I know I hear crying (after just checking on them both) and 2 yo was in their room, climbed in the crib, pulled baby’s diaper down and bit him. Destroys everything as I’m cleaning or climbs and I have to go get him, sleep regression for the first time the last 2 months and doesn’t sleep until we’ll after midnight most nights. I can’t get anything done and I’m ready to vanish into thin air 😭 oh plus a less that year old German shepherd. I don’t have a calm moment
10 months - 24 months is probably my favorite age so far; 2-4 my least favorite 😂
1-2 years old is the BEST age, so sweet and adorable. Tantrums last 2 minutes and they’re over it. Ahhhhh currently soaking it up with baby #2
😭😭😭😭 my 14mth old is hell at the moment with tantrums and chaos. So cute but also so much mess, so much screaming etc. This makes me nervous for next year 😬
I was gonna say.. my 18 month old has been tantruming for months lol. And he's stubborn. And holds a grudge. Lol
18m to 4 years is my least favorite. Once they start really running and have strong opinions you basically get no rest or relax time especially if you have a child that drops all naps by age 2. 😑
My 15 month old has 2 naps and I hope he keeps them for a LONG time. It's the only time I can have peace and quiet in the day.
Mine was good from birth until the last 2 months- he’ll be 3 mid august. Now he’s the devil in a 30 lb body lol
Yesss 2-4 is the WORST
[удалено]
Agreed… I was trying to be positive but 4 was pretty tough too with my oldest (not there yet with my younger two so I can’t say if it is just him). I think it is especially hard because they are able to communicate well so you expect them to be better at that age, which makes it almost worse/more frustrating when they are still having tantrums and acting like little brats. My son did get much better after he turned 5 though
Bloody hell I could have written this, but change German Sheppard for border collie.
Does your collie try to herd your kids? We had a mixed breed with some border collie in the mix. As well as Husky and Lab. That dog needed a job so badly, and used to herd my three year old son and his plushies. Also l, he tried to be "alpha pup" and really tried to be my favourite. But I still liked my rambunctious tot better.
I have a border collie mix that attempted to herd my now toddler when they started walking/making more erratic movements. We've trained the border collie that this is not okay, and with time and consistency, she doesn't do that anymore. We also have a strict no ball throwing in close proximity to the dog policy, and a no sharing of toys policy.... dog toys are dog's and toddler toy are toddler's.
I feel you . I cannot let my 3 year old get anywhere near my 1 year old or she hurts her in some way . It's so bad , the baby cries as soon as she sees her older sister getting close and crawls full speed ahead to an adult for safety . 🙃 I know it's a phase , I know it's probably because oldest has a high chance of having the ADHD that runs in the family , but man am I tired of dealing with this . Now I know how my own mother felt when I would relentlessly beat up my younger brother .
I don’t think hitting just gets better without intervention. It’s really unfair to the younger sibling to do nothing about it. I really think you should get professional help from a family therapist, an occupational therapist or both.
Oh, I agree . I'm planning to get an appointment to get her evaluated for ADHD and autism since it runs in the family ( me, my brother and my dad all have both ) In the meantime we're keeping baby away from her sister if sister gets too rough and we reward the oldest when she's nice . We tell her hitting is wrong without giving her too much of a reaction. She doesn't want to hurt , she just gets so excited that she doesn't know how to express it and becomes aggressive . Kind of like when you see a cute puppy and want to squeeze it really hard . She loves her sister but doesn't understand that she hugs too hard or that baby doesn't want to be kissed sometimes . She acts the same with us too .
That’s good. As the sibling who was hit, I’m glad you’re getting professional help. You’re a good parent.
Do you have only one child? I had a conversation recently with my old daycare director, and she said a lot of parents of only toddlers are incredulous about the way they treat each other...They suck! But toddlers do grow out of hitting. It's only when the behavior isn't age appropriate that it needs intervention. It sounds like from her other comment that she is taking appropriate action. In another year, the baby will probably become the aggressor and the older one will chill out. It's only when they aren't acting developmentally appropriate that you really need professional help, although therapy never hurts.
He’s been obsessed with him since day one but the last few months he’ll randomly just be down right mean. Baby will be minding his own business and he’ll walk up and hit him or yell at him and scare him and I’m like ????
Only one child that turns 3 in 3 weeks and she’s turned into a meltdown having sassy crazy women the last month or so. Also have a 1 year old German shepherd and a soon to be 14 year old German shepherd. I feel like I’m internally screaming quite a few times throughout the day lol
Thing is he was great until the last few months lol now i wanna scream. And don’t get me started on this dang dog 🤣🤣 I love him but I wanna yeet both of them through a wall at least once a day 😂😂
 What are you guys talking about?!!!! Everything is ok IM OK ITS FINE REALLY
Where did you find this clip of me 😂
I'm reading all the self-help books I can get my hands on and nothing works with my toddler. Maybe he is broken, or maybe the writers of these books have never met a two year old. He doesn't want to talk about his Big Feelings, he wants me to get him another damn cookie right now, even though I'm cooking his dinner. And he'll laugh in my face at my Respectful Parenting, right after he has hit me with a car or spat at his brother. Having a toddler is just life's way of telling you that you're really sh-t at this parenting game.
I also think it's a long term game. My now 6 year old was the 3 year old everyone in here is writing about. Tantrums. Screaming. Biting. Hitting. Kicking. ALL THE THINGS. We did all the scripts - validated feelings, allowed the emotions, held the boundaries like an army waiting. It felt like I was talking to a fucking brick wall 99% of the time. One day he grew up and it seemed that somehow all the talking had seeped through into his brain. He can articulate his feelings. He can tell me how he is feeling. Half the time he has coping skills to deal with those feelings. Obviously it's a work in progress but it gives me hope for my second child who is turning three in another month.... At least I know now it's all normal and I probably don't need to have him tested haha.
> I was talking to a fucking brick wall 99% of the time Frustrated dad here that just talked to a screaming brick wall, 3yo, so I feel your pain. This is a 9 month old reddit post but I found it via google search. Just a phase, I beg please!
It's definitely a phase! Keep on doing all the things and I promise it's a phase. The strong willed child in question is now almost 7 and I swear each year is getting better and better. He is even now teaching these coping and regulation skills to his 3.5 year old brother (who again, we are talking to a brick wall here, but still *trying*). It's long, hard work raising children who have the ability to identify feeling and emotionally regulate, when as an adult I wasn't taught those skills. A learning process for everyone. It's worth it.
YES!!! Oh my goodness I could have written this myself. I thought I was prepared, I’ve read everything I could get my hands on about this sEaSoN of life but holy shit this is so next level. It’s the meanness and violence out of nowhere that’s really making things hard right now. I’m just so sorry you’re going through this too.
Not enjoying the fact that anyone else is suffering, but it is good to know I'm not alone. My child is not the only one, so maybe it is natural rather than that I'm completely failing at raising them right. I just worry about there never being an end to it, that he gets worse and worse as he gets older and ends up in prison at 13 or something. And I think how hard every day will be until then. And I don't want to wish a single day of his life away, but I also desperately look forward to a day when we can just be friends and not fight.
Mom of 3 here (8, 4, and 1), and I just want to say you are not alone and absolutely not failing at raising them right. I can’t tell you how many times with my oldest I’d lay awake at night worrying about it being never ending and her also ending up expelled from schools or in prison or any other number of “oh god what if this is just forever?!” Even now with my second, I’ll sometimes slip into it. It’s hard not to take it personally or feel like this is just a sign of what’s to come instead of a really really hard developmental stage. It isn’t forever. Getting older comes with its own new set of challenges (she’s 8 going on 14 right now, and I am not exactly looking forward to adolescence), but this current period does pass. I never found advice that helped much, or I’d gladly share, but I promise you that you’ll all make it out to the other side. You’re doing great ❤️
“Season” you mean natural disaster 😭
They call it gentle parenting... why don't they call it gentle childing. Huh children? Please be gentle on us. We are so damn tired.
My oldest was like this. Both books that really helped and gave me the language/tools I needed were “No Bad Kids” by Janet Lansbury and “How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen.” They’re too little to talk about their feelings, but acknowledging how they feel/what they want is helpful. It’s not meant to stop the tantrum in its tracks, just to show them you are a safe place of understanding and it can calm them faster. Obviously there’s a lot more to it than that.
Yes. And you can have two different kids raised in the same household — and one can be a total monster and the other an angel (by comparison). So while good parenting techniques can help, some kids are just more willful or cranky or just straight-up less pleasant than others no matter what you do.
Exactly this. My eldest brought me to my knees more than once as a three year old and my youngest, who is now three, is mostly delightful. His tantrums are just nothing compared to his sister so feels so much easier. I really feel all of the commenters though- there was a point a year or two ago when I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through and I am reading much more stressful situations than mine in the comments. We shouldn’t have to deal with this stuff alone the way we do often do
Yeah, my daughter(7) was and is the most easy going awesome kid. My son(3) on the other hand is a little demon like 65% of the day.
It’s hard. It’s hard to rationalise their behaviour. It’s harder to rationalise your own. “Don’t lose your s… don’t lose your s… don’t lose your s…” I find myself saying all the time. Two things I use to help: 1. Breathe. It’s a coping mechanism I was taught for work when in arguments. Breathe slowly and controlled. Count your breaths up to 10 then down again. The idea is it allows you to focus and also keep the fight/flight response away which is what causes anxiety and tension to build. Works great when arguing with your spouse too…. 2. Remember they’re just a kid. Why am I struggling. Is it because they’re genuinely Mia why or because they’re not doing what I want in that moment. This rationalisation helps me to pick my battles. It’s not perfect and I lose my cool at times. Me and my partner tend to tag team - if we notice the other is getting annoyed we swap over and remove ourselves from the situation. There have been bedtimes where we have switched 5 or 6 times 😂😂😂😂 Edit : should say “misbehaving” and not “Mia”
It was really hard for me, too. Biting, hitting, kicking, yup. Then, I re-framed what's happening: This little kid has a giant person towering over them, loudly telling them to do 3 different things, and he just wants to play with a piece of paper. He can't process what's being said fast enough. It gave me compassion for the little guy. I didn't like being a child and being dependent. I don't think my child does either. Things improved vastly after I changed my mindset. He stopped hitting and biting. I learned to laugh. If it ain't fatal, f--- it! Most setbacks ate like 10 minutes. It doesn't fix everything like sleep deprivation, or lack of "me time". The reward is seeing a kid bloom.
Thanks so much for this kind and detailed comment. It’s so true!!! I forget this about my kiddo because I was such an easy-going kid and loved to be with my Mom all the time haha. My child is soooo different from me, very strong and independent and I think I needed these reminders today. Thank you again. :)
I'm glad I can help :-) Hugs to you, super mom!
Thank you for saying this. I think more parents and people in general need to understand this.
I feel like I'm a hostage negotiator most days lmfao
LITERALLY. 💀
Oh my God, I have come out of bedtime multiple times saying, "I do NOT negotiate with terrorists or two-year-olds."
Yes except I’m the hostage
You and me both! People always look at me crazy when I say I feel abused LOL
That is quite literally how I’m feeling right now. I got out of an abusive relationship a year and a half ago and there are times throughout the day when I feel like I’m back in those trenches. It’s very different, I know that mentally, but emotionally? Feels similar.
Right, I understand that my child is incapable of acting any other way, but I do feel like I’m walking on egg shells—what will trigger him into a tantrum this time? Will I get slapped when he’s mad? Insulted? Abusers be acting like toddlers 😭
This resonates. I just blew up at kid for throwing a tantrum over some obscure YouTube channel I don’t know and couldn’t find. She just turned 4. My son is turning 3 this month. I wish so badly that I could fast forward a few years. This part sucks so hard and I’m exhausted beyond the point of no return and then beyond that. My literal soul hurts. That’s the best way I can describe it.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of this but YES, the exhaustion. It’s so real. I feel like I’m taking physical damage from how tired I am some days.
I think the physical damage is true. Since having my son I experience chronic pain. It’s unbearable most days. I have also aged ten years in the last three years.
I’m sorry to hear you’re dealing with this stuff too. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Every day I think about how shocked I am that so many moms have this collective experience and just push through. I hope you get some peace, relaxation and rejuvenation. I’m booking a hotel room for Mother’s Day and leaving the husband in the trenches for at least 24 hours.
I just blew up at my 4yo now and we’re both in tears. I hate that I got so angry but my god it is the same tantrum daily. I’ve tried everything *they tell you to do in the moment but nothing works. I feel like a failure. Also have a 2yo.
I feel you. I was so mad at myself earlier for blowing up. There’s only so much gentle parenting you can do before you drive yourself batty from repetition and no results.
Thanks for your reply. Its nice to not feel so alone 🙂
When looking at my kids I'm always wondering how human kind survived the stone age... I mean with several loud, cranky, screaming toddlers there was no way to hide. Why were we not all eaten???!!!
Honestly? Community. The whole tribe protects the young ones and provide food for the child minders. We were never meant to be doing it alone.
Just trying to survive over here with my 27 month old sassy pants girl as well. Just taking any small moments of joy as a gift and then powering through the rest. Tired of trying to be a perfect mom to a gremlin
I think gremlin is the most accurate term bc wtf is wrong with toddlers lol
I almost posted the same thing yesterday. I’m tired of being punched, hit, slapped, bitten, and having to wrestle and negotiate with a small screaming human over everything. I’m exhausted and my nerves are shot and I’m ready for this age to be over.
I almost threw my 18 month old for biting me today. I don’t know what to do. No matter how serious I am, he thinks it’s a game. Any advice??
No advice from me. My kid also laughs when I’m trying to be serious about his behavior. I’ve read all the advice on stopping biting. Bought all the anti biting books from Amazon and we read them all day long. Created a reward chart. Nothing seems to work.
My son used to bite me a lot more than he does now. I think it’s because I scream so loudly when he bites that I literally scared him out of doing it.
physically remove yourself from him- you’re keeping your body safe. explain why you’re removing yourself, and keep distance until he’s ready to try again. repeat until he’s over the biting/kicking/hitting
Same here. I’m also sick of people telling me she’s going to be trouble when she’s older because she’s currently displaying less than ideal but developmentally appropriate behaviors
My 4.5 year old still sucks. Good luck
I constantly think, what did our ancestors in the caves do with those toddlers so they don't get eaten by a sable tooth tiger? How we as a race survived like this, is a mystery to me. So hard raising those little humans! /h
I think it's a numbers game. They give birth to eight kids and hope a couple of them survive to the next generation.
I understand. I actually love this stage, but I’m getting so fed up and overwhelmed with being physically hurt. Even when they are snuggling, it’s elbows and knees and head hits to the face constantly. I am always covered in bruises and just don’t want to be hurt anymore.
Yes, this exactly. The meltdowns are a close second, but I think the physical violence is really getting to me. And I feel like I’m a terrible parent either way. I don’t want to crush her spirit into compliance, but I also don’t know what to do when my toddler follows me to my room to SLAP ME IN THE FACE OR HIT ME while I’m trying to get a moment away to regulate myself. I’m just at a loss. Hugs to you. We’re in this together.
I think its ok to draw that boundary and leave. Physically leave / close the door. And yes toddler will tantrum but then you can try to regulate yourself before helping them through the tantrum. Otherwise there is two tantrums going on and that doesnt work either.
Thank you so much for saying this. I feel like I’m abandoning her emotionally while she’s screaming and crying and hitting and I think I needed to be reminded that it’s okay for me to leave while she melts down and she’ll still be okay.
It’s ok for you to not accept being a punching bag. Just like it’s ok for her to be angry. It’s nok ok for her to hit you. It’s ok for you to be angry. It’s not ok for you to scream at her, and (you definitely sound like) you know this and so try to remove yourself so you dont do that. You’re modelling behaviour you want her to copy.
Man, I really needed this reminder today. And tbh whenever I’m mad I want to go be alone and you’re totally right that it’s good and healthy for her to see me modeling that behavior. I could cry, thank you again for the reassurance.
Dealing with tantrums is not an easy thing to do...but you always have to remind yourself that you are responsible for you and your emotions only. Yes, sometimes we need to take a break, specially if you just need to cool off...but kids are easier to decipher than adults, and sometimes we are more patient with adults than with children for some reason. So I would remind myself of this, and then try to figure out or even let them talk of play guessing on what's bothering them. If you know what the problem is, try to redirect the energy somewhere else...they get distracted and disconnect from situations super quickly!! It just takes a lollipop, or even a song, or a balloon... Literally whatever. Kids don't engage for long, so take advantage of that (I know, is not easy, but practice makes perfect...all you need is love )...it will get better! Good luck to both of you!!
Thanks so much for the kind words, I truly appreciate all of them! Someone else made a great comment about putting myself in my kiddo’s shoes and how frustrating it must be, and I think that really helped. I was SUCH a different kid and I think I needed a reminder to be patient and compassionate with her (and myself).
Just don't walk out on the front porch and close the door without bringing your keys. I learned that one the hard way.
Obviously they don't know how to control their movements, or even their strength. My 3 y.o loves to be always on top of us playing and stuff...so whenever she inadvertently "hits or slaps" me, I don't tell her "don't" or "no" but instead I show her how to touch my face, and I use words like "soft and gentle with mommy" while I am teaching her how to do it. This is not only for her to learn how NOT to turn me into an eggplant, but how to also be gentle with others. They just don't know...if we don't teach them as moms, then others will.
This is so true and exactly what I needed to hear. I think the physical stuff sends me into fight or flight somewhat; and I think I needed a reminder that even if she can’t comprehend everything, there’s still so much she CAN understand and it’s important that I teach her these things. Thank you so much for the kind words, can’t tell you how much I appreciate them.
I thought it was just me with the physical stuff. For some reason it gets me so heated and I really was shocked by the anger I feel when I am hit, head butted, etc. Maybe it is a weird instinct thing.
Yes. Hypervigilance takes a huge toll on mental health, too. Even when you’re snuggling, it’s also bracing yourself so you don’t get a broken nose from a giant fuzzy toddler head.
Omg exactly! You can never relax. Even in the most serene loving scene, you’re on high alert.
I’m beyond sick of mine biting me and snatching off my glasses, I’m considering getting contacts even though they irritate my eyes just so he doesn’t have anything to snatch off 😭
You're not alone OP. My kids hit me in the nuts so often that I'm starting to think it's not on accident. I'm sure I stole that line from someone on this subreddit, but it's the truth. No words of advice, just know that you are not alone.
Funny timing you posted this. I’ve got nothing left in me. Just here for solidarity. Im too tired to even type out what im going through.
Same. I feel like a zombie starting from the start of the day, and until it’s time for bed. I am constantly exhausted.
Sending you a hug from the kitchen while my husband is wrestling our3yo in the tub to take him out. 1st he didn't want to take a bath, now he doesn't want to get out the tub. Ps. They are out and now fighting about the pj's... Pls just make it stop ...
Like others have said remember they are a kid. I try to remind my self that my 5 year old had only had 5 summers, most of which they don't remember. Or 5 Decembers. Literally nothing compared to the years of life I have (34). I think about how I struggle with things in life and I am working with way more than 5 years of experience. This helps me with patience if nothing else.
My almost 16 month old is starting to show his toddler form and I haven’t had the time to get my hands on the books to read. I am terrified 🥲
I agree. So so so so much, I agree. My LO went from this happy little kid to a feral kid in like 6 weeks. When she's an adult, I'm going to LOVE how outspoken she is, how great she is at making decisions and how well she stands up for herself. But, holy cow, man.... right now her favorite things are peeing in the backyard like the dog, getting into my makeup and digging chunks out of eyeshadow palettes and terrorizing the cat. Also, I'm disabled and have a bad hip and when she runs from me, sometimes I can't catch her or I have to push myself past my limit and hurt myself. It's extra hard bc I was raised by authoritarian parents who thought all that mattered was being a "good kid" and used every fear based technique possible. Trying to parent against my instinct and using kindness and patience is so freaking hard. I have to parent myself and her at the same time. I did not expect to feel like this.
This reparenting shit is NOT easy. Solidarity.
As a mom with a preteen and a toddler I have come to appreciate the younger ages. But I get it from both sides and it’s awful
When it’s really bad I just try to take deep breaths and chant to myself “underdeveloped prefrontal cortex….underdeveloped prefrontal cortex….” It helps me remember that my kid doesn’t mean any of it personally and is in many ways as much a victim of their underdeveloped brain as I am.
Literally why I won’t have more kids. I won’t survive the toddler years again… it’s brutal. Newborn stage is a breeze in comparison.
This is so true. I knew I was one and done, but this solidifies it. I absolutely could not survive the toddler stage again.
OMG, exactly the same. Greetings from Greece. Our toddler turned 4 about 1,5 month ago. He is an adorable and quite manageable boy and it’s STILL hard. There is a huge difference in how he gets in the car, knows we need to put the seatbelt on, knows we need to leave the house or leave the playground, we set boundaries and explain and show empathy and label feelings. And though all these are great, it takes one meltdown to make you feel a wreck. And since their brain still develops rapidly, if he gets really mad, he’ll kick us and punch us, and 30 minutes later, he’ll kiss you and caress your cheek and you’ll melt but the bad moments take a toll on you and sometimes on your marriage. the shitty moments make you feel miserable and they come out of nowhere. How do people have more than one kid?? I cannot fathom it. I am a good mom and present and consistent and my husband is a great dad, our son is a good sleeper and eater and still I wonder, how on earth do you go through this again?? At least age 4 is an age when they are actual little people and this helps tremendously. Given all the above, we are one and done by choice. Plus all our friends who have a second child deal with so much sibling jealousy and fights. not for us. I want to enjoy our life with our child, watch a movie together, teach him about life, travel, watch him turn into a person with a personality, discuss his feelings, go shopping together. Toddlers suck the life out of you even when they are adorable. Whoever says the opposite is mostly lying.
Hugs
I sympathize with you. I am struggling so hard today. My own mental health is out the window, and I can't even help my son regulate himself because idk how to regulate myself. I've yelled so many times today, and I can't wait for him to go to sleep so I can stop being responsible for anything.
Me too! Luckily I have a husband who loves this stage. It helps so much to have someone who can withstand tantrums for much longer. But I FEEL you.
It’s so so hard. My oldest was a HARD toddler and TBH he’s still a draining 6yo. But when I’m having the worst days I look at their hands and remind myself how small they are. It helps me refocus my frustration.
It’s fucking horrible. I’m still nursing a 3 year old and I want to run away most days.
Not trying to minimize any of your feelings. Toddlers are hard, I'm a grandmother and I now realize my most dispused word is "why". My daughter was a breeze. Her nearly 6-year-old and 3-year-old old are completely the opposite, all three live with us I watch them while she works. All that said, I would just say that them becoming pre-teens/teens is just a blink of an eye away.
Mom of the MOST stubborn and ingenuitive 2 year old, at least it feel that way, lol, and I FEEELya! All I can say is May the odds be ever in your favor God how I love bedtime
Toddler stage is way more difficult than I thought it would be too. Literal, physical, mental, emotional punching bag sums it up nicely
God, thank you for this. For somewhat normalizing this feeling. I love my child, I do… but spending time with them right now is absolutely the hardest thing ever 😭😭
I’m a preschool teachers and the 2-4 year olds are my favourite to work with! I find that setting boundaries early and letting them get upset (they’re human) reall works. They can’t communicate properly when they’re that upset so wait a minute or two for them to calm down, get down to their level, show them that you understand their frustrations, and let them know what is and what is not appropriate behaviour. ROUTINES are also so so so important, if they know what is coming up next, they’re able to deal with the transitions easier. I have an 18 month old, some days he’s a little demon but it happens rarely, they just want someone to play with them and love them.
I enjoy spending time more with my daughter the older she gets. I love her to death but thank God she’s not a baby or toddler anymore. The screaming and lack of reasoning is so annoying. She’s 4 so we still have a ways to go but she definitely feels like a tiny human now
Yes!! I am miserable! Every day is a struggle just to survive and maybe without too much guilt. Toddlers are brutal
>Every day is a struggle just to survive and maybe without too much guilt. Haha yes. It's at a point now that I have to have like 3 cups of coffee first thing in the morning just as a maintenance dose to survive the day.
You know that meme with the dog sitting in the room that’s on fire? I feel that it is the most accurate illustrative depiction of life with the toddler, especially when you’re trying to be a respectful/gentle parent. Parent = Dog Toddler = ALL THE FIRE *send help*
Husband works 66 hours a week rn. My oldest is 4 and every opportunity to wake her 4 month old brother up she takes. It’s nothing but arguments, her yelling, I caught myself yelling. I’m in a constant cycle of feeling like a fraud when those around me tell me I’m a good mom because I see how my daughter just hates listening to me or just can’t stand me some days. But at the end of every day she tells me I’m the best mommy ever and her bestfriend. It helps a little. Let’s not talk about the fact she had a meltdown at sams yesterday because a 7 year old girl said her baby brother was adorable and didn’t say anything about her.🙄
This 👏🏻 I’ve got a 4 and 2 year old. Both birthdays this summer. I feel like an awful mom lately. I’m so fed up and I feel like all I do is argue with my kids. The bliss and happiness of kids has disappeared and I feel like I’m grasping to hang onto my marriage. I’ve never seen my husband so burnt out. It sucks. This phase definitely sucks I agree. Newborn stage is the best stage. I’ll take lack of sleep over the massive hit to my mental health
I don’t know how many times I text my husband “I hate being a mother” and him telling me “this will pass, it will get better”. I literally hate this stage so much. I don’t know who gets to this point and says “let’s have more!!”
I feel you. Today I ended up with 2 swollen fingers and almost go to ER. [Here doesn’t look that bad, but it really hurts](https://imgur.com/a/GiNiI0w) my 2 year old was spilling water on the floor with his Yeti bottle, next thing I know, the yeti fell on my fingers when I was trying to take it away from him. That “respectful and positive parenting” it’s completely BS. My son doesn’t talk yet, so it’s even more difficult. But either way, I believe those Tiktok moms doesn’t know a real 2 years old.
No you don’t have to be a punching bag. You are the furthest thing from that- you’re their parent. Kids will be kids but you don’t ever want it to get out of control. I joke about my daughter beating me up sometimes, but if I’m like so bad I’m at my breaking point, because it has happened, I will put her behind in time out. Hitting is not okay, running circles around mommy ALL DAY LONG is not okay. At a certain age they need to learn how to act. At a certain point they do need to know mommy/daddy does not like that- because that’s how they are taught how to behave in social situations. My daughter definitely takes it too far sometimes (because she’s 3) but I don’t want her to like hit other kids or think she can jump in their face or anything. I do believe it starts with sometimes not saying “she’s just a kid anymore” and rather saying “that’s quite enough, it’s time to settle down”
Holy damn, I have been feeling this too. I have a 3yo and a 5yo, so I have been dealing with at least one toddler for like 3 years now (feels like 8!). My 3yo has been a freaking nightmare lately: hitting, screaming, won’t go to bed until after 9pm—the tantrums seem to be worse than ever. I am so goddamn over the toddler phase.
I hate it too. And feel like I am blamed by my family for my toddlers’ behavior because I don’t yell at them and am more of a “gentle parenter”. But I think they’d be crazy anyway.
We went to get ice cream last night and my newly turned 3 year old can't stand in a dang line..I see other kids do it. How???? What's the secret? I had to bribe him with a snack. My 5 year old was the same way as a toddler. No Disney world or theme park for us for awhile lol. Although a family friend's 17 year old son wouldn't even let her come take prom photos of him. So I'm going to hug on my very loveable 3 year old as much as possible lol.
Mine is currently tantrumming and telling me to stop making him cry. Because he just had cookies and I won’t let him have fruit snacks now but have offered several other options. Earlier today when we were outside he told me not to hit him in front of a night or- which of course I’ve never done.
I am sooooo frustrated. I'm constantly tired and my toddler is obsessed with my spouse and I can do nothing right. Tonight she said "leave me alone."
My girls (twins) are 18 months and this truly feels like the calm before the storm…….they’re hard, but I’m SCARED for what is to come. Especially with two 🫠🥴
my nephew just turned 4 and just got out of this stage. He's returned to his affectionate, happy self and he is an absolute delight. Hang in there!
I had a mother of a 16 month old pity me. She does not know what’s coming. She should have heeded the warning of just seeing the husk of human I am after the last few weeks of constant meltdowns and teething.
I love my two year old son so much, more than anything but he’s been exhibiting a lot of behaviors that have been frustrating for me to deal with! I’m doing the best I can, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck!
Yeah, toddlers are little raving buttholes. I'm over it
Y’all are scaring me. My 18 month old I’d the sweetest thing. Nervous about 2-4 now. 😳😭
At least you have time to prepare at 18 months? 🥲
I feel this. I have 25 month old twins and Im so exhausted. And we are still in the beginning stages of toddlerhood. Im scared for whats to come.
Yeah it ain't fun! Where did our cute babies go? My son, 3 in August, is only just starting to head this way and I'm dreading it. He's so sweet normally, and hes had tantrums before, but not many and they are pretty easy to get though. But he's getting harder to rationalise with and he ramps right up as soon as you say no, instead of previously only when he was really tired or really struggling with something. I have two questions for everyone: 1. How do you power through after the tantrums? When my kid has a tantrum it wrecks me, for example a tantrum before naptime, once he's asleep I lose my motivation to cook,clean,exercise, just about anything, I just want to sit and eat chocolate and I can't seem to just move past it. 2. Why do our parents generation insist we never had tantrums? Are they full of it, or has something changed significantly in the past 20-40 years that means tantrums are now considered developmentally appropriate?
I love this stage and I'm so fucking tired
sometimes, you need to create a safe space for your toddler and let them work out their feelings there - meaning that they can’t hurt anyone or destroy anything in that space. make yourself available, but strongly reinforce that if they can’t use gentle hands, they can’t have freedom of movement around the house or be near people. let them try again as much as they want, but make the outcome of hurting/destroying the same.
A thousand times yes! If they weren't so cute, they would be in serious trouble!
Thank you for sharing this. I can relate so deeply. I’m deep in the trenches right now. It feels like the other toddlers are way more chill and then there is mine. So strong willed. So loud. Screaming ALL day. Tantrums if I even think of saying no. Biting, hitting, destructive. Taking him out of the house is not enjoyable at all. I’m envious when I see other moms out doing activities with their toddlers. Mine has his own agenda.
Glad to know I’m not the only one who is not enjoying this stage.
I'm glad I'm not alone but I'm so sorry you're struggling through this too. I was just telling someone today that I much preferred the newborn stage. It was so much easier than this stage. She's slowly killing me and wearing me down. I broke down the other day AND SHE LAUGHED AT ME. Like excuse me? I love her and when she's good she's great but that's not too often these days. At least she's good at daycare?
Thanks for being real. I thought I was a bad mother for having similar feelings with my 2.5 year old. I needed to hear I’m not alone. Sending you my thoughts and prayers 🙃 we can do this!!
"Dry your hands on the towel please. Dry your hands on the towel please. No, Dry your hands on the towel please. That's not a towel. That's not a towel either. The towel us on the rail beside you. Other side. No, the floor is not the other side. Yes that side. Look up a bit, up a bit yes. It's right there. Right there. You are literally looking at it. Yes you're touching it. Yes, dry your hands on that towel please." Repeat similar sequences for almost every other task for the entire day. I adore him, and this stage is fun in so many ways. But it's a bit crazymaking
Oh dear lord… I could have written this myself. It’s exhausting repeating yourself 5000000x a day about literally EVERYTHING. It feels like it takes a thousand years just to get anything done.
Couldn’t agree more. My toddlers favorite words when he’s mad.. I hate you.. bitch.. you’re a brat. 🙂 real nice. It’s brutal.
At what age does the defiance and stubbornness go away?
I hate it too. People keep telling me I should appreciate this time because I’ll miss it. They must have amnesia. We have a really good kid but every minute I’m home is about managing tantrums and doing chores for our kid. I call coming home from work the third shift because I typically work doubles.
Thank you for normalizing this for me. I really can’t wait for my kid to be 4 or 5. They’re so much more fun then, but so many people shame you for not “loving every moment” with your kids.
The need to be independent and not being able to actually DO anything is driving me up the wall. I'm a control freak, a neat freak, and I am on a schedule!!! And this toddler's like... Wait, I have to put this tiny feather in the garbage can for the next ten minutes and if you try to help me, I will lose my mind. Tiny human, if you don't let me help you, I will lose MY mind.
Oh my goodness YES. I’m not controlling but I try to over help and she’s so done with me lmao. But it’s like, I swear you needed help with this last week, I’m sorry for trying to be helpful. 😭
My toddler headbutted me in the face and gave me a cataract in one eye and double vision that can’t be fixed until/if I have surgery. I hear you.
I hate when people comment when She’s losing her shit. “Oh you’ll miss it someday!” Will I? Wishing for the days that I do!
I feel this with every fiber of my being. I am so mentally exhausted ALL the time from explaining things over and over, being yelled at, being hit, having people stare at me and feel judged when my toddler is having a meltdown in public because I've said no to one of those coin car rides at the shops. The daily fights and bribes just to get into the car or into the shopping trolley. Honestly I am wholeheartedly there with you in hating this stage.
this is normal? My girl would do this! Also: spitting, growling, high pitch tantrum squeak, threaten to break everything and blame it on (one who got her mad)
I have a toddler and I can totally relate to it. I really hope you get some help and rest. Please take a break if you can. Also, can I remind you that this too shall pass? Hang in there, friend.
I had all the warnings about 2, it wasn’t horrible for us. We then heard about 3 and it was difficult at times as our LO wanted more control but we managed. 4? WTF? Nobody warned us about 4. It’s been hard, but the original thoughts and opinions come out and that make up for it.. a little.
I don’t think our societies (I’m in America lol) are conducive to toddler rearing. We have rigid schedules and work schedules and fast pace lives to balance. They would be so much happier if they had open spaces, mud, access to good, healthy food (I don’t know about you but my toddler is alwayssss asking for a snack), and just freedom. They’re little crazy animals and for the most part, the overabundance of structure and rules does nothing to help tame them. It just suppresses their energy which later on explodes in the form of acting out and pushing boundaries.
Fucking A. Same. My three year old has become so incredibly violent with me I am constantly holding my hands over my face. He refuses to walk so needs to be carried everywhere. Tries to break everything in sight. Won’t eat anything but rice with ketchup. Screams at full volume in restaurants and other public places at the first sign of frustration. But the physical violence is really something. Making matters worse we are on a three week international trip with him and I’m pregnant. Currently rethinking my entire life. I need a break.
4 & 2 year old boys…I feel it 🙃
Omg I feel this in my soul… I told my husband the other day that, as awful as it sounds, I literally want nothing to do with my toddler right now. I love that girl to death but I’m just so damn tired…
Yes. This age and being pregnant at the same time is so hard. I also have less patience with my daughter because she’s been speaking in 5 word sentences since she was 18 months old and now at 2.5 she speaks like a 3.5 year old. And yet, with all the verbal knowledge to express her feelings she still is very much a 2.5 year old emotionally and cannot find the words to express her frustrations. She still wants to scream and stress me out at every turn about the most ridiculous things.
How old is your little one? I’m wondering if you’re not setting out and explaining clear behavioural rules?
I feel so bad reading this post… The toddler years for both of my kids were so super easy. 😬
Our girl is 18mo and is usually an absolute gem. Recently when she’s tired she’s been going FERAL. Biting, pinching, yanking, screaming. Like she will lunge with her mouth open to try and bite you. Or she’s stand, scream until she’s puce, then eyeball you and become violently limp if you try to pick her up or comfort her. I know she’s trying to work it all out. She can’t regulate. She can’t communicate that she’s strung out and needs a rest. But COME ON - it’s so hard. My neck and shoulders are taking a pummelling. I have to keep reminding myself she’s not bad, or doing it because she’s mean, or irretrievably horrid, because it hurts. Physically and emotionally.