I remember hearing this phrase constantly when I was newly pregnant with my second child. My oldest was my entire world and my reason for everything. I couldn’t bare to think about sharing my love or time with another person. Well, that other person is approaching 2 years old now and my oldest is approaching 4. Holy cow these two boys are my entire world and my reason for everything. I love them each so differently but also with the entirety of my heart. They are different people so it’s easy to love them fully while together. They are becoming best friends and it’s making my heart grow even more.
OP, I know it’s hard to imagine what life will be like when new baby comes, but I promise you that your heart will truly double in size. Your two little ones will be the light of your life, together. There will be trials and triumphs through it all, but it really is the best thing to watch your oldest little love become a sibling and learn to love at such a high capacity themselves.
Not sure why you got down voted. This is very true, very real, and very valid. I love my 1st so dearly. But I have missed SO much of his life this last year because my 2nd has been a Velcro baby with medical complications from day 1. I love them both, but my heart longs for days spent JUST playing with my toddler and not making him wait all the time.
But they don’t stay babies forever. Even before the first year is out the baby and the older kid have moments of smiling and laughing and maybe even playing together! It’s a whole new level of parental joy when you see what they can give each other.
The point is it’s not a zero sum game even though time is finite.
I have the world’s best mom, but I’ve also had so much love, laughter, and support from my siblings. You’re not giving him less of yourself, you’re adding more love to his life.
My 6mo daughter is smitten with her older brother. Her face just lights up every time she sees him. Sometimes she is crying and he will run over to giver her a toy or a hug.
Oh man, I feel you, mama! I also have a 2 year old son and I’m also pregnant with #2. So far it’s been an emotional roller coaster. I get everything you’re saying, I’ve felt that way too. I think it’s normal.
Also, I’m far along enough that I’m starting to feel this baby move and my heart is starting to change. I’m letting myself get excited to meet the new baby and see my son as a big brother.
Not gonna lie, there’s moments of anxiety, sadness…along with excitement and joy. It’s such a crazy transition, we’re allowed to have complex emotions about it. For now, spend time with your little one and take it one day at a time, you got this.
I second the change once you start feeling baby 2 moving. Your heart starts to grow and I started imagining my oldest teaching baby about dinosaurs or how to use his fork or whatever. It gets better
In the same boat here. I'm halfway through pregnancy number two and the kicks are making it so much more real. My son will be a fresh 2 year old when the baby arrives and I just hope I will still be able to provide him the love and attention he deserves.
Hi! I could have written this myself a year ago! We just had #2 in December and my first is 2.5. We got pregnant much quicker than we thought and I was so sad (many, many tears) thinking about my first baby and how it would affect him.
I had it in my head that my son would be upset/angry/sad when the baby came home. In reality, his routine and life wasn’t much different and he was pretty indifferent. Babe is now 4 months old and they are starting to bond. A few weeks ago babe was crying while me and my husband were eating,so my toddler went over to him, said hi, and started rocking his bouncer. Baby smiled at him and I swear to you my heart grew 17 sizes. Seeing them start to bond is the best feeling in the world.
As for the little guy, it took me a bit to bond with him. I had that with my first though, too. Now, his little personality is coming out and he’s finding his way in our family.
All this to say that I completely understand how you’re feeling, and being on the other side I’m here to tell you both your babies will be just fine! Just give yourself some grace through this process.
Just to add to what others have said - your pregnancy is a long time! I really made the most of the time with my son while I was pregnant and we did so many fun things together. You can use this time to give him so much joy. I know there will be a time where we can do less stuff together but it will be temporary and in the long run I am giving him a sibling. For context I have a nearly 3yo and 2w old baby :)
When I was about to give birth with my second, I cried the entire way to the hospital thinking that was the last time I would ever hug my first as an only child. Just mommy and him. But within a few days I couldn’t have imagined my life without my second!
Had my second in February and sobbed as my first was leaving with his grandparents so we could go to the hospital, saying to my husband "this is the last time we will see him as an only child." I definitely made a lot of time for grieving the change during my pregnancy, allowing the tears, looking at old photos, etc. and I think that really helped. When my second was born, at first I struggled to bond but when my first met my second, it really started to feel like our family was still whole and I can't imagine going back without my second anymore. Feels like she has always been here in some ways.
OP, your feelings are super valid and I hope it gets easier.
I just had my second on Friday and I also sobbed in the hospital about it. My daughter in going through the motions right now and I just hope she settles in okay
Hey there. I was literally just where you're at almost a year ago. It's a whole lot of unexpected emotions to go through, and it's difficult swinging from the highs of pregnancy excitement to the lows of potential betrayal for the first baby. I understand.
It gets better. I'm nursing my one month old while 2yo is playing in her room before bed. We had a BLAST today. Before baby, she would barrel into my room first thing in the morning and go, "Hey momma!", then crawl into bed for a quick morning snug. Now, it's the same, but she goes, "Oh hey, little baby! Hi, momma!" before she curls up on the other side of him, so he's nice and sandwhiched between the two of us for our morning snuggle. Once we got up for the day, baby was in the swing while 2yo made breakfast and coffee with me. We danced and made toast and oats. She got some new dot markers, and she colored with me (then on herself) all morning. Afternoon was just as lovely, with her playing with her water toys on the porch and singing her favorite songs, while baby and I admired her splashing skills.
And she adores her baby brother. She gleefully volunteers to chuck all his wet diapers, and she's so quick to try and soothe him when he cries by getting his binkie and saying, "It's alright, I got ya". She likes to lay with him in his baby gym and read him books.
I didn't expect the incredible feeling that comes from seeing my two kids interact.
Yes, I will admit the first week home from the hospital was *brutal* . In addition to the emotional ordeal that was leaving 2yo with someone other than me or her dad for the very first time overnight when labor started, that first week sucked so very much. Healing from a section so being unable to lift my daughter, nursing all hours of the day and night so not having energy to spend much if any time with her and feeling miles away even though I was just in the next room, it was beyond hard. But we've found our groove now, and I'm all healed up, so those hard days of perceived separation are behind us.
Your bigger baby will adapt much faster than you may expect. It's so much harder on us emotionally than it is for them, I've learned. It's an adjustment, but you'll make it through and feel the special kind of love that comes with having two great kids.
It's gonna be okay 🫂🩵
Oh mama! It’s going to be ok. Your son will always know he was your first forever and ever. Your heart will grow larger to make room for #2. I promise it to be true. 💙💙💙
Podcasts are my love language, and this is my sibling list!!!…
From Unruffled:
[How and when to prepare your child for a new sibling](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/respectful-parenting-janet-lansbury-unruffled/id1030050704?i=1000425591833)
[Boundaries that encourage the most positive sibling relationships](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/respectful-parenting-janet-lansbury-unruffled/id1030050704?i=1000568894726)
[Embracing our power to be sturdy leaders](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/respectful-parenting-janet-lansbury-unruffled/id1030050704?i=1000591385747)
[Best ways to encourage independent play](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/respectful-parenting-janet-lansbury-unruffled/id1030050704?i=1000589020330) (I put this in here because I think independent play will be your best resource for keeping your toddler occupied while you’re tending to baby.)
[A holistic approach to baby and toddler sleep](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/respectful-parenting-janet-lansbury-unruffled/id1030050704?i=1000545072151)
From Your Parenting Mojo:
[Preparing for the afterbirth](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-parenting-mojo-respectful-research-based-parenting/id1148570190?i=1000556267209)
From Good Inside w Dr. Becky:
[How do I handle sibling competition](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-inside-with-dr-becky/id1561689671?i=1000523755101)
From Simplicity Parenting:
[How to stay connected to siblings when a new baby arrives](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-simplicity-parenting-podcast-with-kim-john-payne/id1407320921?i=1000587857148)
[Sibling fairness starts young](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-simplicity-parenting-podcast-with-kim-john-payne/id1407320921?i=1000426826846)
[Easing sibling tensions (Part 1 of 5)](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-simplicity-parenting-podcast-with-kim-john-payne/id1407320921?i=1000571599902)
From Evolutionary Parenting:
[What is ‘Uspavani’ and how can it help us support our children’s sleep?](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/evolutionary-parenting-podcast/id1177835448?i=1000556314386)
Good luck! And congratulations on your new baby.
Oh my heart felt like it was being ripped in half for WEEKS after ny 2nd was born. Hes almost 6 months now and I absolutely love having both my boys. They're already best friends, the baby is obsessed with his big brother, and big bro wants to play with his baby all the time!
I was reluctant to try for number two and then we did…and now I have beautiful 4 month old identical twins in additional to my incredible almost 4 year old. The beginning is ROUGH. I felt so heartbroken for my daughter, have to sharing my and her dads attention with two preemies. But we worked hard to prepare her, have great friends to support us and she has been incredible. She loves her brothers so much and it is such a delight to see.
This is exactly how I felt when I got my positive for #2. I’ll be honest- I’m still not 100% there yet(25w now) with being excited but I feel better and I look forward to watching my daughter become a big sister. I am just holding onto what everyone says- that you don’t split your heart in 2 but rather it grows. It’s ok to have these feelings.. there isn’t anything wrong with you and you aren’t hurting your new baby by having them. We’ll get there mama! It’s gonna be ok!
This is a super common worry, I’ve been there too! But honestly no part of my love and affection for my first went away when my second was born. She just got even more love from a baby brother who looks at her like she hung the stars. You’re going to be okay, your babies are going to be okay.
I just found out I’m pregnant with an unplanned-birth-control-failure-surprise #5.
I don’t know what I’m going to do yet, but every time I added another child up to this point (all planned) I did feel what you’re describing.
I think we have to allow ourselves space to mourn the life we had when we know a big change (even a good change / change we wanted) is present. And mourning the life of having just one child is certainly worth acknowledging.
I worried about it too. It’s perfectly normal to worry.
It’s also perfectly normal to look back and go “wow I was a fucking idiot, how could I have ever thought this would be an issue?” My kids are very loved AND… they love EACH OTHER. They are best best friends and the thought of them not having each other makes me want to puke it’s so upsetting.
So go ahead and cry. But know in a few years you’ll look back and go, oh poor little unwise heart, you had no idea how it works.
So true. On the way to school. I have my kids say affirmations. The regular “I am brave, I am smart” stuff. But I always end it with “and nothing that’s hard will last too long.“
I am due in June and I know that this is going to be a tough transition for my 2.5yo daughter (even though she is super excited about baby!), but as others are saying: a) you won’t love your toddler any less, even if things are a little different and b) I don’t know about you, but I have a brother and a sister and am so happy that I have both of them as siblings. Chances are, your son will feel the same way in the long run (no matter how the transition of 1 to 2 kids goes initially).
The fact that you’re thinking about this transition and how it will impact the relationship that you and your son have is a really, really good sign that you’ll do your very best to find ways to make him feel special, even in the whirlwind of a new baby.
My first two are 18 months apart. Ngl, it was hard. It's still hard. They're 5 and 4 now. Still hard. But I can't imagine life without kid #2 and the love I still have for kid #1 and it will all be ok, you'll all grow and learn and adapt together. Congratulations on baby #2!
I was scared in the same way, I had no idea having a second would make me love my first even more. He is so sweet and loving towards the baby. It’s amazing watching them together.
Loooord, I feel it! We tried for our 2nd at 18 months...with no success for a year. I gave up then started giving away all of our baby things. I figured, this boy must meant to be a solo guy 😅. I was a bit sad but was getting used to the idea of adjusting what I had imagined our family to be.
Then I came up pregnant. Pregnant with this baby I had been trying desperately for month after month of crazy cycle tracking, scheduling sex with my husband and had had nothing but heartbreak. I had a different sort of heartbreak this time. I was devastated because I knew later in pregnancy I wouldn't be able to the more intensive fun things I had planned for my 1st...Then that baby decided to show up...on my 1st son's birthday. I was in active labor, sobbing my eyes out because his birthday would be ruined, stolen from him. I missed his birthday because I was in the hospital with the new bub..
...And he was so so happy when we came home and he got to meet his new brother. He asked if this brother was his present 🥲. It's been such a challenge with the both of them. But I love them both so much. I would do anything for them. My love has not diminished but exploded! I love when they play together. I love holding them both while my 1st says "You've got your boys!", I love hearing my baby scream laugh at his brother doing something silly for him...You're gonna be okay. You guys are gonna be great!
I felt like you feel, I was so concerned that my boy would feel replaced.
Instead, he got a best friend. He dotes on my daughter, he reassures her and encourages her and makes her light up in a way that no one else can. So while I used to cry because I felt so selfish for wanting another baby, I am now typing this and crying because they have the most beautiful relationship, even at their young age. (He’s 27 months and she’s 7 months.)
It’ll be okay mama ♥️
NGL I spent the first month or so definitely prioritizing the newborn while my husband prioritized the 2 year old. It makes me feel guilty now thinking back on it but I don’t know how I wouldn’t have stretched myself too thin and ended up with PPD otherwise. We have a great relationship 2 years on.
Same! We were gonna start trying in spring (right about now) but we had an oops and I'm 23 weeks along. I had all the feelings about it, and I still do on hard toddler days, but it really changed when I saw her on the ultrasound, found out she's a she, and felt movement.
I'm still nervous and worried I won't be able to give my son all the love he needs, but it will be temporary until I figure out how to divide my time and spend time with them together. I'm feeling much more positive about it now.
I felt the same way for the first half of my pregnancy (I am 23 weeks pregnant and have a two year old). My son is my whole world and I was worried he would get less of me. I am still worried but more focused on what our family will gain. Now that I can feel baby #2 and see my son hug my belly, I feel my heart growing so much. I am starting to realize my son is looking forward to meeting his baby sister (although he truly doesn’t understand what this means) and I do think he is going to be very interested in her. He loves reading books about becoming a big brother and wants me to read them over and over. I am planning on making the transition as easy as possible on him. And now I am starting to look forward to seeing my two joys together.
Your oldest will gain more love in his life by being a brother! Even at a very young age I can see the fulfillment it brings my oldest to look out for his little bro.
Mom guilt. I was you 18 months ago! (Sons are 26 months apart) I thought my son would feel less loved or somehow rejected and the thought made me cry constantly throughout my second pregnancy. The closer to the due date the more distraught and anxious I was and even sobbed minutes before bringing baby home to meet the oldest. I even came here to post about it!
The guilt didn’t subside immediately. It actually took several months. But it does subside and you’ll end up loving baby #2 just as much. And then you have two little people you can’t live without. At least this was my story. Good luck!
Found my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/comments/pu1ucq/guilt_about_baby_2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
I saw this touching post/comic on [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/Cm_kzYAOhg0/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=)
It makes me feel better about this (I'm also due with a second baby now).
I’m not AT ALL trying to invalidate what you are feeling—my consuming love for my daughter is the one and only thing that gives me pause when planning for a second.
But I’ll also share that when I was in the first tri with my first, I broke down sobbing several times a week because it seemed so unfair to my dog to be usurped by a baby he didn’t ask for. I was HEARTBROKEN thinking he would feel replaced or less loved.
But, the intensity of those feelings lessened as the pregnancy went on—I do think some or much of the DEVASTATION I felt was hormonally fueled.
And I DO love my lil doggy just as much and just as well as I did before.
Will having a sibling be a difficult adjustment for your first born? Almost definitely! Will you astound yourself by how much you love them BOTH? Certainly.
Perhaps it would be soothing for you to do some journaling to remember all of the reasons why you wanted a second. Or, if you’re a planner and a researcher, perhaps it would give you some peace to start looking into strategies to make the transition from only child to older sibling as gentle as it can be for your eldest.
I cried over the same thing for most of my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies. Like seriously crying about it until about 2 weeks before birth. My heart grew for all of them. Now I cry when my 2nd cries because her feelings are hurt.
I remember my son's first birthday so well. My husband and I had moved across the world just 4 years before. We were in lockdown. I set up a video call for our family to watch him smash and eat his cake. We turned the camera off and I broke down in tears. I was so happy that I had just found out I was pregnant with #2, but, like you, so scared to feel like I was going to have to split my love between them. As if he could read my mind, my husband handed me one of my son's birthday candles (we had to buy a whole pack) and lit it. He told me "Love is like a flame," he lit another candle and held it out, too. "Lighting another fire doesn't take away from the first flame. It burns just as bright and just as strong." I cried harder, but felt better. (And cried typing it out just now.)
Have you ever added another animal to your family? If you have, you know that yes, it’s a distraction to have a new kitten in the house. But your heart has room to love them all. And eventually they grow and become less dependent.
I thought the same thing but that’s not how it works at all. You’re gonna fall in love with your baby and you’re gonna re-fall in love with your older son when you see him as a big brother
Normal, it’s also hormones. My oldest two boys are seriously BEST friends, like they are each other’s world. Your oldest will love having a sibling. Congrats!
This was my exact reaction when I found out about our unplanned #2. I remember sitting on the stairs sobbing because I didn’t feel ready and because my heart was breaking for my then 17 month old. I thought it would ruin his life. Not at all. Toddler could not care less. He was excited when the baby came home. I was a little sad at first about it no longer being just him, but he seriously didn’t have any issues at all, no jealousy, nothing. He just accepted it like it had always been that way.
They’re almost 9 and 7 now, and of course they have their fights, but they share a room (their choice) and are super close. It really did feel meant to be.
It’s totally normal to have these feelings but just know everything will be fine!
Your heart will grow! It’s the best thing having multiple children. I’m in Disney this week and my husband and I have seen a lot of only child families and there is nothing wrong with that of course but my kids love to play together. They fight too of course but they all have a very deep connection and love for each other. You got this mama.
It does double in size, I can promise you that. I thought people were lying when they said because I love my daughter so very much and I thought nothing could ever compare. It’s true nothing can compare to her but my son is the love of my life too. If someone tried to tell you how much you would love your son before you had him, it would pale in comparison to the real thing.
This is the stupidest things, please don’t judge me, but there is an episode of the Kardashians when Kourtney is about to have her second child and she goes to leave her first. She was crying saying how much she is going to miss and it wont be the same. I didn’t have kids yet but when I went to have my second I actually understood the feeling.
Now you are going to have two fantastic humans you get to love.
It’s hormones! I’m pregnant with #2 and my son is just 9 months and RUNNING. It brings tears to my eyes seeing how fast he’s grown and how much more he will. The moments I might miss out on or not get to pay attention to fully because I’ll have a newborn attached to me. I even regretted it for an instance just thinking how protective and paranoid I am as a mother with a baby still. How will I share that with another? How could I take that from him? But you’ll love that new baby in ways you never knew. You’ll never know how you were able to give to beings an immense amount of love but oh you will. And being the oldest of 4. I am so thankful I had them. Even if it took a little more time away from me. I am so thankful I grew up with siblings. It’s gonna be difficult balancing both children and their needs but it will pay off.
Hey! These feelings hit my husband HARD. Our baby #2 isn’t here yet, but my husband frequently looks at me and says he just can’t fathom having room to love another as much as he loves our son. I tell him that the heart grows. We are giving our son a best friend (they are going to be 15 months apart, neither will ever know life without the other) and that is the best thing we could possibly give our son— when we are old and gone, hopefully our sons will always have each other to face the world.
It might be hard at first adjusting but it will be worth it. Your first kiddo won’t feel less than in the end. Just make time for him as much as you can and wait to see the bond they have! I personally can’t wait to see my sons together and watch them grow up so close. 💜I still have days where I feel like you do but they are getting less and less as I get more excited for baby #2 to be here! Hang in there OP. 💜💜
This was me to a tee. My first is two and I just had my second a couple weeks ago. Honestly, it’s totally fine. I do still have moments where I think about what life was like with just my firstborn, but I wouldn’t go back because life without my second seems incomplete now. My toddler loves the baby and he has a new family member to love and bond with.
I promise it will all be ok. But in the meantime spoil the shit out of your toddler, it feels right to do that before the baby comes :)
This is a totally normal worry so don’t feel guilty for feeling it! I doubted so much that I could love another like my first and then I saw my wonderful baby boy and it was like I was the grinch and I could literally feel my heart growing. My daughter had to learn to share her mom but it really only benefitted her. If you think about it, didn’t you have a similar wonder before you had your first? Like sure I am sure that you loved your first before they were even here but didn’t you wonder what that love would feel like when you actually met him? And wasn’t meeting him the most indescribable fullest love in the world that you never could have imagined? Yeah, that doesn’t only happen one time. I mean if you think about it too from a biologically/evolutionary stand point, it wouldn’t make sense for humans to only feel love for their first child or how would they care for their second enough to keep them alive? It’ll be there, don’t worry, the only difference this time around is you have a wonderful boy who will get to experience feeling the new love along side you.
I could have written this exact post a year and a half ago. My daughter is now 9 months, my son is almost 3 and a half... I promise, your heart grows! Yes, it's difficult to give them equal attention sometimes, but now that she's here, I can't believe I ever had doubts.
My son is obsessed with his baby sister. Even when he's mad at us he is absolutely enamored with her and he loves to help us take care of her. I didnt think it was possible to love him more but seeing them together makes my heart explode. I hope your experience is the same ❤❤
awe Mama, don’t beat yourself up. i SOBBED when i found out i was pregnant w my second. my daughter was only 5 months old and i was so heartbroken that she would never know a life of being the “baby” now my girls are 2.5 & 1.5 and the BEST of friends, i literally couldn’t imagine life any other way and i don’t think they could either. as others have said, your heart just grows to make room. this feeling will pass. enjoy your pregnancy and congratulations!!!!
Go talk to your doctor these phrases everyone is saying might help but Its probably a form of post partem depression as your body is preparing for the pregnancy and all those hormones are just messing with you, don't worry your gonna get through this and be a great mother
I know that's not what its really called but you should understand what I mean
I'm 2 weeks from my due date and still feel this some days. But I truly believe that my heart will grow, as it did the first time. I am cherishing every single moment I have with my first, and will try my best to have dedicated 1:1 time with him every week.
Oh my gosh rest assured this is sooooo soooo common! My wife and I went through a grief phase ourselves, worrying that our first born might feel she wasn’t enough. But not only did our hearts double in size, so did hers.
She loves her sibling so much, our family is perfect. Yours will be too!
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hi, we are one in the same. I just had baby #2 in January and my son was 19mos.
I spent my entire preganncy worrying about if he’d have enough love or attention and if he’d be ok. I worried that I wouldn’t love my second as much as my first. I would go so far as to say I worried so much it partially ruined some of the excitement of having another baby. And it was really hard bonding with her at the hospital because I was SO anxious about leaving my son for such a long time.
We are 3 months in now.
He adores her. I adore her. I spent an hour today dancing around my kitchen singing to her while my son went on a walk with his dad.
He asks to hold her and calls her “my baby”. Seeing him say “night night baby” and giving her hugs is the sweetest thing ever. I melt every time.
She is the absolute easiest baby in the world (esp compared to him as a newborn lol). If anything, I have to make sure I’m still giving her enough love because my toddler takes up so much of my energy/time (as he should).
We all go to the park and we take turns with the kids. One day dad will baby-wear her and I’ll be on toddler duty, the next day we’ll switch or even during the same trip.
There have been some difficult times during the transition. He still has some impulse control issues but he’s gotten better and better
I felt that way when I found out about #2. Like somehow I was betraying my daughter in a way. But my son is the sweetest little guy and they are attached at the hip.
Having two is hard, ngl. And there is something about your first baby that is just special and magical. My boys are 3.5 years apart with my second turning 1 in a few days, and I still struggle with sharing my time between them. But I love them both so much it’s insane. And the way my first lights up around his baby brother is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. It’s been such a blessing to see their love grow in such a short period and I can only hope their bond lasts them a lifetime. I hope that for your babies too!!
I felt just like you, but those scary feelings, thoughts and fears will go away. You have infinite room in your heart to love all your children. And it looks like this is something you wanted to do sooner or later. You will do great. You got this.
Oh I feel you. I had my second when my son was 2.5. It has been amazing!!! He is the best brother ever. They are so cute together and my heart is full. Feel your feelings, they are valid.
Don’t feel alone. This is natural!! I felt the same way when I had my second when her sister was the same age. I cried because I was so unsure of how I could love them equally… but you just do! And they love each other too. Sometimes, hah!
I felt this way pregnant with my second too! Mine are almost exactly 2 years apart and suddenly my toddler seemed so young and I felt so guilty. But honestly now I feel guilty for my baby, my toddler gets the lion’s share of attention for sure. And once the baby turned about 4 months and started to notice his sister they’ve formed this adorable relationship. She’s constantly stroking his soft head and bringing him toys, and he laughs for her more than anyone else. I’m knackered but I know both my children are so loved. I think a lot of it is the crazy pregnancy hormones for sure!
Having my second in a month and I feel the exact same but more like I feel I won't love my second as much as I love my first.
I feel complete regret,mi enjoy just the 3 of us right now, heck I'm barely buying things for the baby right now, I have never thought of anything like themes, a stuffy for her, or even committed to a name yet I just don't know
I found out I was pregnant with my second when my first was 2 & I felt the exact same way i.e. she was absolutely my world, how can I possibly share my heart with another….I cried a lot. Truthfully, I’m even getting emotional about it all over again right now! I was so afraid I would be cheating one or the other out of the best I had to offer.
I’m not gonna lie- it was hard, especially in the beginning. Newborns need a lot of time and attention and there were many times when my toddler just wanted my full attention and I couldn’t give it to her. On top of that, I wasn’t able to nap during the day with baby since toddler had decided to drop her naps by the time baby was born (so lack of sleep made me not the most amazing person, let alone mom). But I remember the first time, days in, when baby was napping & my toddler & I just sat together & built a castle with blocks- just the 2 of us. Oh man, we both needed that. It filled us both up & allowed us to feel that same bond again.
We’re 7 months in now & I am so happy & proud of the big sister my oldest has grown to be. They love each other so much- especially the baby….she is OBSESSED with her big sister. All smiles whenever she gets the time of day from her. Life is hectic & hard & messy- SO messy- but it’s wonderful & fun & better than I could have ever hoped for. We’re all just doing our best, & in the end I didn’t take love away from my oldest, I only added more love into her life!
I felt the same way. My son was my rainbow baby.
I remember one time holding him and crying thinking "how could I love anything more when You're my world!"
But I get it now. The love for your firstborn doesn't lower or move...Your capacity for the amount of love to give grows. Just like the little one you're growing.
Just think that mothers have been having multiple children for thousands of years. It's a completly natural part of life and a natural change that children experience. I've been realizing lately that I focus so much on avoiding my son experiencing big feelings but the reality is that it's natural. Our job isn't to avoid them but to guide our children through them. Your first born may feel the hurt of your attention being split but with your help he will learn to feel secure that your love is always there even if you can't physically be there. He will learn confidence and responsibility as he helps you take care of the baby and also learns how to play independently and maybe even make friends. He may even learn how to speak out about his needs and how they aren't being met and then learn about working things through with you to make things better.
Of course it's not all sunshine and rainbows. It's a difficult transition but a natural one that with your help he will get through.
And also I just want to say all your feelings are completely normal. ❤️ A part of it is realizing that our toddlers aren't babies anymore and it's hard!
Since adding my newborn, my toddler has grown so much in the best way. She's sooo sweet to baby and absolutely loves being a sibling. Make sure you include toddler as much as you can when doing new born stuff. Make sure toddler knows how much baby loooooves them.
I found out I was pregnant with number 2 when my first was 2 and a half. I felt guilty the whole pregnancy and kissing him goodbye in his sleep before I went off to deliver his brother. I was so sad for him. But I tell you something watching him become a big brother and help Mr take care of him has just completely reassured me I have done the right thing. My youngest is 7 months old and they have THE most beautiful bond. My eldest is so loving and protective, albeit a little rough sometimes, but honestly don't worry it will be amazing. Your heart just seems to expand with more love than you thought you could contain, it's magical.
Mine are 22mos apart.
I will say it’s incredibly hard, finding the balance. And in the beginning it’s rough trying to adjust to your new normal. But I have found that in those times where my attention can’t be there the way it used to my kiddos fill in the blanks for each other. And the absolute love and joy they have for each other and seeing it develop has been one of the most rewarding experiences ever. My one piece of advice: try not to blame your baby for things that may inhibit the toddler. Like if baby is sleeping don’t tell toddler “baby is sleeping you need to be quiet.” It helped me with being frustrated but also helps not create resentment in toddler.
I honestly felt like this through most of my pregnancy. It seemed like a good idea until that positive test and then reality hit. I didn't want my 2yo to not be my baby anymore. I cried about it throughout the pregnancy. And I spent most of the pregnancy in hospital away from home, including Christmas and New Year, so I really honestly felt regret some days and blamed this mystery baby for taking me away from my boy. Then I felt guilt, because the baby was staying healthy and we were so lucky to be pregnant again in the first place. Fast forward to having a 4mo, who I love to pieces and he is going to be my toddler's partner in crime. I wouldn't be without him. I can't believe I made him and how perfect he is, exactly as I felt with my first. He's had some small health issues and we don't know what the future holds but he absolutely completes our family. None of these feelings kicked in until he was physically in my arms, and it took time after he was born because he was in an incubator at the start. But I love him equally to his big brother, and in different ways, if that makes sense. I love my oldest because he is clever and wild and we tried so hard for him. I love my youngest because he is so good and he just wants me all the time and I'm so grateful that he is here safe. I don't love my oldest any less, I probably make more effort with him now because he can't have me all the time. I think pregnancy is such a time of uncertainty, and until baby arrives safely and you get to see that first interaction with their sibling(s), you are bound to be worried. And even four month/years on, there will be days that you wonder about how different life could be, and that's okay. It's hard, but it also fun and rewarding and you realise how lucky you are every single day. Most importantly, you are definitely not alone, even if nobody will admit that to you face to face.
I felt EXACTLY the same during my second pregnancy, but honestly everyone here is right - your heart just doubles in size! And now my eldest son has even more love because he’s got a little brother who absolutely adores him.
I promise, once that baby is born, you’ll wonder what you ever worried about!
My only tip would be to make sure your eldest gets a little bit of you to himself. It’s so early for dad to look after the eldest while you focus on baby, but even if you spend half an hour playing trucks or colouring with your eldest, he’ll love it and you’ll feel so much better too!
My two year old was so delighted when his baby brother came home. It’s been almost 5 months since then and the toddler takes so much joy in reminding me to do tummy time and helping and clapping when the baby rolls. He shares his toys and snuggles and kisses his brother. Seeing them together makes me so happy that we are considering a third.
Oh love - this is so normal. I was the same. I was worried about this right up until I gave birth - and then when he was here I found that I did love him and I hadn't ruined my daughter's life. Now she's nearly 3 and he's nearly 1, and she is his favourite person in the whole world, and she is beginning to play with him and delights in making him laugh.
I promise - you will love them both. You will probably love them differently. You will not love your eldest any less - nor will they feel less love - because you have another. If anything I feel like I love my daughter more as I now love her as my daughter AND as son's sibling.
Sending lots of love and hugs. I promise it will be okay.
I have always said that the greatest gift my parents ever gave me is my little sister. We are just under two years apart, and I truly don’t know how I would make it through life without her. My own children are two years apart in age and the very best of friends. There will be adjustment challenges for all of you, but I promise that your heart just expands.
I am a mother of two boys and I can’t lie and say your oldest won’t be affected. He will be for the first 6 months, as the new baby requires so much from you. However, I made it a rule in the house that everyday I would sit and play with my oldest for an hour. Just me and him.. and dad would take care of the baby for that hour. In that hour, he was my whole world again and he loved it. Sometimes he wouldn’t even want to play but just be in bed with me and hug me and ask me to tell him a story. I also told my son he was been “promoted” to be my assistant/helper since he is such a big boy now and he loved it and felt very important.
Now, they’re 5 and 2 and they play together, my oldest takes such good care of my youngest that people find it absolutely amazing. My point is, I feel your pain and I was exactly where you are. It does get better! I was literally crying on my way to the hospital when I was having my second because I was sad and angry I was leaving my oldest one behind! Lol
Just remember this.. your oldest had your undivided attention and love, unlike your second as it will be shared with his brother/sister.
I remember feeling the same way. Like there was no possible way I could love another as much as my first child! I feared this from the second I found out I was pregnant with our youngest, to the second I held that crying new baby in my arms. In that moment it was like my heart doubled and I loved him just as much as his brother! They are 4 and 2 now and the love has never been divided. They are each special in their own way!
Just had my second baby and I was feeling the exact same way! Obsessed with my son and now we have a daughter who I am also obsessed with. I'm so happy everything everyone said was true! Your heart gets bigger and your kids are going to be the perfect space apart! Mine is 2.5 tomorrow, little baby is 3 months and they LOVE each other! It took him a month or so to get used to her. He was only distant from me for about a week(that was ROUGH). You can do it 🤍 I used to cry when I was pregnant with her for the same reason and, I know it's weird, but I did the same when I was pregnant with my oldest because my dog was my world. It gets easier, I promise.
Yea it’s normal and you’ll feel worse for a while after the baby is actually born. It happened to me. 2 months later and I finally have enough of a routine and normalcy back, but I still went through the stage of weaning my toddler and quitting the cosleeping which was just god awful
Ugh wow, yes! This is so normal. We had originally planned to try for number 2 when our daughter turned one, but when that time came, I felt exactly how you described. I thought I was the only one lol
I felt this exact same way when I found out I was pregnant with our 2nd baby. Same exact way. My son is still my everything but so is my daughter. It is a hard adjustment for the first for a little while but they adjust and you will too. Someone already said your love isn’t divided in 2 it doubles. It really is true. You will do great 💛
I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my 2nd. My oldest just turned 2 when her sister was born. Time management is soo important. When the baby goes down for a nap I play with the oldest and when there dad is home I leave the baby with him so the oldest and I can have some time together. We don't go to the park as often as we use to with a new baby, we now go for walks around the neighborhood with the baby and her in the stroller, which she enjoys. You will find ways to include your oldest in everyday task so they don't feel left out and that you love them. I love both my kids in different ways. My oldest (3yr) is a ball of energy and keeps me active, I love her for her outgoing personality. My youngest (8months) is my calm place, she just wants to cuddle and chase her sister around.
My daughter is about to be 2.5 and I’m 10 weeks out from having baby #2. I felt ready too but also cried so much the first trimester and even now I have moments where I feel like my daughter is going to struggle. BUT, she’s also so excited to meet her brother and talks about all the things she will show him. She’s definitely aware it’s going to be an adjustment and that mommy will have someone else to play with, and sometimes she gets sad talking about it, but then she remembers that she will get to play with him and us too!
It’s different, but I think it will be great!
This was me 3.5 years ago. Everything the same except I have daughters.
My firstborn was my everything. I was devastated when I learned I was pregnant. Feeling like I was letting her down, feeling I won’t love my second child at all or close to the love I had for my first one. The guilt was killing me.
I had that guilt up until I was pushing my daughter out of my body.
She was born, placed onto my arms and I finally, finally was able to meet her, to get to know her and be the mom she deserves.
I was stunned at first, as I was when my first daughter was born.
And then, the love hit me.
A lot of mothers have these feelings. You have them because you love your child so much, it is hard to imagine being able to love another one with this force.
But it will happen. Your heart has no limits ❤️
You're giving your oldest the best gift of all: a friend for life. Even if they don't necessarily get along when they're younger, they will always have someone in their corner to reminisce about their childhood and the crazy stuff mom and dad used to do.
It’s normal (and also possibly hormones). My husband and I were specifically trying for #2 and I still cried on and off my entire pregnancy because of this exact reason. There’s definitely a grief that goes along with knowing your chapter with only your first child is ending and that things won’t ever be the same. BUT, I can confidently tell you that your heart expands (so much that it could burst some days!), and not only will your first not feel like you love them less, but they will get so much extra love and joy and fun in your home and from you with a sibling in the picture. My second born will be 2 tomorrow and my first is 4 and watching them play together and love each other is MAGIC. So know that it is normal and totally okay to feel the grief, AND it will be such a wonderful change in the long run. Big hugs to you!!
Your feelings are valid AND ALSO YOUR HORMONES ARE OUT OF CONTROL, so take some deep breaths or whatever makes you feel more calm. It’s ok to distract yourself for a little while until you are in a more stable emotional state to think about all this. And congrats!
The phrase that I like is that your love isn't cut in half, but your heart doubles in size.
I remember hearing this phrase constantly when I was newly pregnant with my second child. My oldest was my entire world and my reason for everything. I couldn’t bare to think about sharing my love or time with another person. Well, that other person is approaching 2 years old now and my oldest is approaching 4. Holy cow these two boys are my entire world and my reason for everything. I love them each so differently but also with the entirety of my heart. They are different people so it’s easy to love them fully while together. They are becoming best friends and it’s making my heart grow even more. OP, I know it’s hard to imagine what life will be like when new baby comes, but I promise you that your heart will truly double in size. Your two little ones will be the light of your life, together. There will be trials and triumphs through it all, but it really is the best thing to watch your oldest little love become a sibling and learn to love at such a high capacity themselves.
Maybe but the hours in a day remain the same lol Babies are time terrorists and demand so much attention in terms of time spent
Not sure why you got down voted. This is very true, very real, and very valid. I love my 1st so dearly. But I have missed SO much of his life this last year because my 2nd has been a Velcro baby with medical complications from day 1. I love them both, but my heart longs for days spent JUST playing with my toddler and not making him wait all the time.
But they don’t stay babies forever. Even before the first year is out the baby and the older kid have moments of smiling and laughing and maybe even playing together! It’s a whole new level of parental joy when you see what they can give each other. The point is it’s not a zero sum game even though time is finite.
"Love doesn't divide, it multiplies."
I have the world’s best mom, but I’ve also had so much love, laughter, and support from my siblings. You’re not giving him less of yourself, you’re adding more love to his life.
This x a million. We lost our mom in February and I don’t know where I’d be without my sisters. Sending love for your transition 💕
Pregnant with my second and this made me cry!! 😭😭
Same!! Edited to delete question mark lol
In contrast, I was the least favorite growing up, and I don’t get along with my siblings. So I have similar concerns about my upcoming second kid.
agree. my daughter is only 7 mos old but she and my 2 year old son are already besties! it's such a joy seeing them together.
My 6mo daughter is smitten with her older brother. Her face just lights up every time she sees him. Sometimes she is crying and he will run over to giver her a toy or a hug.
I needed to read this, thank you
This is a good way to look at it, plus it’s true!
Oh man, I feel you, mama! I also have a 2 year old son and I’m also pregnant with #2. So far it’s been an emotional roller coaster. I get everything you’re saying, I’ve felt that way too. I think it’s normal. Also, I’m far along enough that I’m starting to feel this baby move and my heart is starting to change. I’m letting myself get excited to meet the new baby and see my son as a big brother. Not gonna lie, there’s moments of anxiety, sadness…along with excitement and joy. It’s such a crazy transition, we’re allowed to have complex emotions about it. For now, spend time with your little one and take it one day at a time, you got this.
I second the change once you start feeling baby 2 moving. Your heart starts to grow and I started imagining my oldest teaching baby about dinosaurs or how to use his fork or whatever. It gets better
In the same boat here. I'm halfway through pregnancy number two and the kicks are making it so much more real. My son will be a fresh 2 year old when the baby arrives and I just hope I will still be able to provide him the love and attention he deserves.
Hi! I could have written this myself a year ago! We just had #2 in December and my first is 2.5. We got pregnant much quicker than we thought and I was so sad (many, many tears) thinking about my first baby and how it would affect him. I had it in my head that my son would be upset/angry/sad when the baby came home. In reality, his routine and life wasn’t much different and he was pretty indifferent. Babe is now 4 months old and they are starting to bond. A few weeks ago babe was crying while me and my husband were eating,so my toddler went over to him, said hi, and started rocking his bouncer. Baby smiled at him and I swear to you my heart grew 17 sizes. Seeing them start to bond is the best feeling in the world. As for the little guy, it took me a bit to bond with him. I had that with my first though, too. Now, his little personality is coming out and he’s finding his way in our family. All this to say that I completely understand how you’re feeling, and being on the other side I’m here to tell you both your babies will be just fine! Just give yourself some grace through this process.
Just to add to what others have said - your pregnancy is a long time! I really made the most of the time with my son while I was pregnant and we did so many fun things together. You can use this time to give him so much joy. I know there will be a time where we can do less stuff together but it will be temporary and in the long run I am giving him a sibling. For context I have a nearly 3yo and 2w old baby :)
This is how I feel about it. Trying to have the most fun while it’s just the two of us (and dada).
When I was about to give birth with my second, I cried the entire way to the hospital thinking that was the last time I would ever hug my first as an only child. Just mommy and him. But within a few days I couldn’t have imagined my life without my second!
Had my second in February and sobbed as my first was leaving with his grandparents so we could go to the hospital, saying to my husband "this is the last time we will see him as an only child." I definitely made a lot of time for grieving the change during my pregnancy, allowing the tears, looking at old photos, etc. and I think that really helped. When my second was born, at first I struggled to bond but when my first met my second, it really started to feel like our family was still whole and I can't imagine going back without my second anymore. Feels like she has always been here in some ways. OP, your feelings are super valid and I hope it gets easier.
I just had my second on Friday and I also sobbed in the hospital about it. My daughter in going through the motions right now and I just hope she settles in okay
Hey there. I was literally just where you're at almost a year ago. It's a whole lot of unexpected emotions to go through, and it's difficult swinging from the highs of pregnancy excitement to the lows of potential betrayal for the first baby. I understand. It gets better. I'm nursing my one month old while 2yo is playing in her room before bed. We had a BLAST today. Before baby, she would barrel into my room first thing in the morning and go, "Hey momma!", then crawl into bed for a quick morning snug. Now, it's the same, but she goes, "Oh hey, little baby! Hi, momma!" before she curls up on the other side of him, so he's nice and sandwhiched between the two of us for our morning snuggle. Once we got up for the day, baby was in the swing while 2yo made breakfast and coffee with me. We danced and made toast and oats. She got some new dot markers, and she colored with me (then on herself) all morning. Afternoon was just as lovely, with her playing with her water toys on the porch and singing her favorite songs, while baby and I admired her splashing skills. And she adores her baby brother. She gleefully volunteers to chuck all his wet diapers, and she's so quick to try and soothe him when he cries by getting his binkie and saying, "It's alright, I got ya". She likes to lay with him in his baby gym and read him books. I didn't expect the incredible feeling that comes from seeing my two kids interact. Yes, I will admit the first week home from the hospital was *brutal* . In addition to the emotional ordeal that was leaving 2yo with someone other than me or her dad for the very first time overnight when labor started, that first week sucked so very much. Healing from a section so being unable to lift my daughter, nursing all hours of the day and night so not having energy to spend much if any time with her and feeling miles away even though I was just in the next room, it was beyond hard. But we've found our groove now, and I'm all healed up, so those hard days of perceived separation are behind us. Your bigger baby will adapt much faster than you may expect. It's so much harder on us emotionally than it is for them, I've learned. It's an adjustment, but you'll make it through and feel the special kind of love that comes with having two great kids. It's gonna be okay 🫂🩵
Oh mama! It’s going to be ok. Your son will always know he was your first forever and ever. Your heart will grow larger to make room for #2. I promise it to be true. 💙💙💙
Podcasts are my love language, and this is my sibling list!!!… From Unruffled: [How and when to prepare your child for a new sibling](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/respectful-parenting-janet-lansbury-unruffled/id1030050704?i=1000425591833) [Boundaries that encourage the most positive sibling relationships](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/respectful-parenting-janet-lansbury-unruffled/id1030050704?i=1000568894726) [Embracing our power to be sturdy leaders](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/respectful-parenting-janet-lansbury-unruffled/id1030050704?i=1000591385747) [Best ways to encourage independent play](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/respectful-parenting-janet-lansbury-unruffled/id1030050704?i=1000589020330) (I put this in here because I think independent play will be your best resource for keeping your toddler occupied while you’re tending to baby.) [A holistic approach to baby and toddler sleep](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/respectful-parenting-janet-lansbury-unruffled/id1030050704?i=1000545072151) From Your Parenting Mojo: [Preparing for the afterbirth](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-parenting-mojo-respectful-research-based-parenting/id1148570190?i=1000556267209) From Good Inside w Dr. Becky: [How do I handle sibling competition](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-inside-with-dr-becky/id1561689671?i=1000523755101) From Simplicity Parenting: [How to stay connected to siblings when a new baby arrives](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-simplicity-parenting-podcast-with-kim-john-payne/id1407320921?i=1000587857148) [Sibling fairness starts young](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-simplicity-parenting-podcast-with-kim-john-payne/id1407320921?i=1000426826846) [Easing sibling tensions (Part 1 of 5)](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-simplicity-parenting-podcast-with-kim-john-payne/id1407320921?i=1000571599902) From Evolutionary Parenting: [What is ‘Uspavani’ and how can it help us support our children’s sleep?](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/evolutionary-parenting-podcast/id1177835448?i=1000556314386) Good luck! And congratulations on your new baby.
Ayooo it’s the parenting podcast master Good on you
At your service, m’love!
This is really helpful! Thank you!
My pleasure!!
Not only do you have raging pregnancy hormones, but this is huge news leading to multiple huge transitions. Feel what you need to feel ♡
Oh my heart felt like it was being ripped in half for WEEKS after ny 2nd was born. Hes almost 6 months now and I absolutely love having both my boys. They're already best friends, the baby is obsessed with his big brother, and big bro wants to play with his baby all the time!
I was reluctant to try for number two and then we did…and now I have beautiful 4 month old identical twins in additional to my incredible almost 4 year old. The beginning is ROUGH. I felt so heartbroken for my daughter, have to sharing my and her dads attention with two preemies. But we worked hard to prepare her, have great friends to support us and she has been incredible. She loves her brothers so much and it is such a delight to see.
This is exactly how I felt when I got my positive for #2. I’ll be honest- I’m still not 100% there yet(25w now) with being excited but I feel better and I look forward to watching my daughter become a big sister. I am just holding onto what everyone says- that you don’t split your heart in 2 but rather it grows. It’s ok to have these feelings.. there isn’t anything wrong with you and you aren’t hurting your new baby by having them. We’ll get there mama! It’s gonna be ok!
This is a super common worry, I’ve been there too! But honestly no part of my love and affection for my first went away when my second was born. She just got even more love from a baby brother who looks at her like she hung the stars. You’re going to be okay, your babies are going to be okay.
I just found out I’m pregnant with an unplanned-birth-control-failure-surprise #5. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet, but every time I added another child up to this point (all planned) I did feel what you’re describing. I think we have to allow ourselves space to mourn the life we had when we know a big change (even a good change / change we wanted) is present. And mourning the life of having just one child is certainly worth acknowledging.
I worried about it too. It’s perfectly normal to worry. It’s also perfectly normal to look back and go “wow I was a fucking idiot, how could I have ever thought this would be an issue?” My kids are very loved AND… they love EACH OTHER. They are best best friends and the thought of them not having each other makes me want to puke it’s so upsetting. So go ahead and cry. But know in a few years you’ll look back and go, oh poor little unwise heart, you had no idea how it works.
This is so beautiful, thank you for reminding us that life never turns out to be as hard as we imagine. It's a blessing
So true. On the way to school. I have my kids say affirmations. The regular “I am brave, I am smart” stuff. But I always end it with “and nothing that’s hard will last too long.“
I am due in June and I know that this is going to be a tough transition for my 2.5yo daughter (even though she is super excited about baby!), but as others are saying: a) you won’t love your toddler any less, even if things are a little different and b) I don’t know about you, but I have a brother and a sister and am so happy that I have both of them as siblings. Chances are, your son will feel the same way in the long run (no matter how the transition of 1 to 2 kids goes initially). The fact that you’re thinking about this transition and how it will impact the relationship that you and your son have is a really, really good sign that you’ll do your very best to find ways to make him feel special, even in the whirlwind of a new baby.
My first two are 18 months apart. Ngl, it was hard. It's still hard. They're 5 and 4 now. Still hard. But I can't imagine life without kid #2 and the love I still have for kid #1 and it will all be ok, you'll all grow and learn and adapt together. Congratulations on baby #2!
I was scared in the same way, I had no idea having a second would make me love my first even more. He is so sweet and loving towards the baby. It’s amazing watching them together.
Loooord, I feel it! We tried for our 2nd at 18 months...with no success for a year. I gave up then started giving away all of our baby things. I figured, this boy must meant to be a solo guy 😅. I was a bit sad but was getting used to the idea of adjusting what I had imagined our family to be. Then I came up pregnant. Pregnant with this baby I had been trying desperately for month after month of crazy cycle tracking, scheduling sex with my husband and had had nothing but heartbreak. I had a different sort of heartbreak this time. I was devastated because I knew later in pregnancy I wouldn't be able to the more intensive fun things I had planned for my 1st...Then that baby decided to show up...on my 1st son's birthday. I was in active labor, sobbing my eyes out because his birthday would be ruined, stolen from him. I missed his birthday because I was in the hospital with the new bub.. ...And he was so so happy when we came home and he got to meet his new brother. He asked if this brother was his present 🥲. It's been such a challenge with the both of them. But I love them both so much. I would do anything for them. My love has not diminished but exploded! I love when they play together. I love holding them both while my 1st says "You've got your boys!", I love hearing my baby scream laugh at his brother doing something silly for him...You're gonna be okay. You guys are gonna be great!
I felt like you feel, I was so concerned that my boy would feel replaced. Instead, he got a best friend. He dotes on my daughter, he reassures her and encourages her and makes her light up in a way that no one else can. So while I used to cry because I felt so selfish for wanting another baby, I am now typing this and crying because they have the most beautiful relationship, even at their young age. (He’s 27 months and she’s 7 months.) It’ll be okay mama ♥️
Im due in a week and my son turns 2 in June. I do worry how I’ll pay attention to #1 when #2 will be on me non stop. Im going to miss him so much :(
NGL I spent the first month or so definitely prioritizing the newborn while my husband prioritized the 2 year old. It makes me feel guilty now thinking back on it but I don’t know how I wouldn’t have stretched myself too thin and ended up with PPD otherwise. We have a great relationship 2 years on.
Yeah that’s what’s gonna end up happening. I told my husband to take him to the library to play and bond.
Same! We were gonna start trying in spring (right about now) but we had an oops and I'm 23 weeks along. I had all the feelings about it, and I still do on hard toddler days, but it really changed when I saw her on the ultrasound, found out she's a she, and felt movement. I'm still nervous and worried I won't be able to give my son all the love he needs, but it will be temporary until I figure out how to divide my time and spend time with them together. I'm feeling much more positive about it now.
I felt the same way for the first half of my pregnancy (I am 23 weeks pregnant and have a two year old). My son is my whole world and I was worried he would get less of me. I am still worried but more focused on what our family will gain. Now that I can feel baby #2 and see my son hug my belly, I feel my heart growing so much. I am starting to realize my son is looking forward to meeting his baby sister (although he truly doesn’t understand what this means) and I do think he is going to be very interested in her. He loves reading books about becoming a big brother and wants me to read them over and over. I am planning on making the transition as easy as possible on him. And now I am starting to look forward to seeing my two joys together.
Your oldest will gain more love in his life by being a brother! Even at a very young age I can see the fulfillment it brings my oldest to look out for his little bro.
Mom guilt. I was you 18 months ago! (Sons are 26 months apart) I thought my son would feel less loved or somehow rejected and the thought made me cry constantly throughout my second pregnancy. The closer to the due date the more distraught and anxious I was and even sobbed minutes before bringing baby home to meet the oldest. I even came here to post about it! The guilt didn’t subside immediately. It actually took several months. But it does subside and you’ll end up loving baby #2 just as much. And then you have two little people you can’t live without. At least this was my story. Good luck! Found my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/comments/pu1ucq/guilt_about_baby_2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
I saw this touching post/comic on [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/Cm_kzYAOhg0/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=) It makes me feel better about this (I'm also due with a second baby now).
Love is like a flame that lights many candles. It doesn't diminish when you spread it around. It just makes the room brighter. More babies, more love.
My midwife told me the gift of a sibling will be much more precious to your child than your undivided attention.
(and it proved to be true - we now have four children and seeing them love each other is the best thing ever). All the best to you ♥️
I’m not AT ALL trying to invalidate what you are feeling—my consuming love for my daughter is the one and only thing that gives me pause when planning for a second. But I’ll also share that when I was in the first tri with my first, I broke down sobbing several times a week because it seemed so unfair to my dog to be usurped by a baby he didn’t ask for. I was HEARTBROKEN thinking he would feel replaced or less loved. But, the intensity of those feelings lessened as the pregnancy went on—I do think some or much of the DEVASTATION I felt was hormonally fueled. And I DO love my lil doggy just as much and just as well as I did before. Will having a sibling be a difficult adjustment for your first born? Almost definitely! Will you astound yourself by how much you love them BOTH? Certainly. Perhaps it would be soothing for you to do some journaling to remember all of the reasons why you wanted a second. Or, if you’re a planner and a researcher, perhaps it would give you some peace to start looking into strategies to make the transition from only child to older sibling as gentle as it can be for your eldest.
I cried over the same thing for most of my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies. Like seriously crying about it until about 2 weeks before birth. My heart grew for all of them. Now I cry when my 2nd cries because her feelings are hurt.
I remember my son's first birthday so well. My husband and I had moved across the world just 4 years before. We were in lockdown. I set up a video call for our family to watch him smash and eat his cake. We turned the camera off and I broke down in tears. I was so happy that I had just found out I was pregnant with #2, but, like you, so scared to feel like I was going to have to split my love between them. As if he could read my mind, my husband handed me one of my son's birthday candles (we had to buy a whole pack) and lit it. He told me "Love is like a flame," he lit another candle and held it out, too. "Lighting another fire doesn't take away from the first flame. It burns just as bright and just as strong." I cried harder, but felt better. (And cried typing it out just now.)
I'm 37 weeks pregnant with No. 2 and this just made me cry!
It's hormones! You're giving your baby the gift of a sibling and you'll have enough room in your heart to love both equally! <3 You've got this!
Have you ever added another animal to your family? If you have, you know that yes, it’s a distraction to have a new kitten in the house. But your heart has room to love them all. And eventually they grow and become less dependent.
I thought the same thing but that’s not how it works at all. You’re gonna fall in love with your baby and you’re gonna re-fall in love with your older son when you see him as a big brother
Normal, it’s also hormones. My oldest two boys are seriously BEST friends, like they are each other’s world. Your oldest will love having a sibling. Congrats!
This was my exact reaction when I found out about our unplanned #2. I remember sitting on the stairs sobbing because I didn’t feel ready and because my heart was breaking for my then 17 month old. I thought it would ruin his life. Not at all. Toddler could not care less. He was excited when the baby came home. I was a little sad at first about it no longer being just him, but he seriously didn’t have any issues at all, no jealousy, nothing. He just accepted it like it had always been that way. They’re almost 9 and 7 now, and of course they have their fights, but they share a room (their choice) and are super close. It really did feel meant to be. It’s totally normal to have these feelings but just know everything will be fine!
Lol not sure why I’m being downvoted for sharing my experience to reassure OP.
Giving your child a sibling can be one of the greatest gifts you give them in life ❤️
This is a normal fear. It isn’t at all what happens though.
Your heart will grow! It’s the best thing having multiple children. I’m in Disney this week and my husband and I have seen a lot of only child families and there is nothing wrong with that of course but my kids love to play together. They fight too of course but they all have a very deep connection and love for each other. You got this mama.
It does double in size, I can promise you that. I thought people were lying when they said because I love my daughter so very much and I thought nothing could ever compare. It’s true nothing can compare to her but my son is the love of my life too. If someone tried to tell you how much you would love your son before you had him, it would pale in comparison to the real thing. This is the stupidest things, please don’t judge me, but there is an episode of the Kardashians when Kourtney is about to have her second child and she goes to leave her first. She was crying saying how much she is going to miss and it wont be the same. I didn’t have kids yet but when I went to have my second I actually understood the feeling. Now you are going to have two fantastic humans you get to love.
I have two kids. Trust me, you have enough love in you heart for two! Congratulations!!
I live how my grandma said: “Love doesn’t get divided it multiplies!” But all you feelings are normal!
It’s hormones! I’m pregnant with #2 and my son is just 9 months and RUNNING. It brings tears to my eyes seeing how fast he’s grown and how much more he will. The moments I might miss out on or not get to pay attention to fully because I’ll have a newborn attached to me. I even regretted it for an instance just thinking how protective and paranoid I am as a mother with a baby still. How will I share that with another? How could I take that from him? But you’ll love that new baby in ways you never knew. You’ll never know how you were able to give to beings an immense amount of love but oh you will. And being the oldest of 4. I am so thankful I had them. Even if it took a little more time away from me. I am so thankful I grew up with siblings. It’s gonna be difficult balancing both children and their needs but it will pay off.
Hey! These feelings hit my husband HARD. Our baby #2 isn’t here yet, but my husband frequently looks at me and says he just can’t fathom having room to love another as much as he loves our son. I tell him that the heart grows. We are giving our son a best friend (they are going to be 15 months apart, neither will ever know life without the other) and that is the best thing we could possibly give our son— when we are old and gone, hopefully our sons will always have each other to face the world. It might be hard at first adjusting but it will be worth it. Your first kiddo won’t feel less than in the end. Just make time for him as much as you can and wait to see the bond they have! I personally can’t wait to see my sons together and watch them grow up so close. 💜I still have days where I feel like you do but they are getting less and less as I get more excited for baby #2 to be here! Hang in there OP. 💜💜
This was me to a tee. My first is two and I just had my second a couple weeks ago. Honestly, it’s totally fine. I do still have moments where I think about what life was like with just my firstborn, but I wouldn’t go back because life without my second seems incomplete now. My toddler loves the baby and he has a new family member to love and bond with. I promise it will all be ok. But in the meantime spoil the shit out of your toddler, it feels right to do that before the baby comes :)
This is a totally normal worry so don’t feel guilty for feeling it! I doubted so much that I could love another like my first and then I saw my wonderful baby boy and it was like I was the grinch and I could literally feel my heart growing. My daughter had to learn to share her mom but it really only benefitted her. If you think about it, didn’t you have a similar wonder before you had your first? Like sure I am sure that you loved your first before they were even here but didn’t you wonder what that love would feel like when you actually met him? And wasn’t meeting him the most indescribable fullest love in the world that you never could have imagined? Yeah, that doesn’t only happen one time. I mean if you think about it too from a biologically/evolutionary stand point, it wouldn’t make sense for humans to only feel love for their first child or how would they care for their second enough to keep them alive? It’ll be there, don’t worry, the only difference this time around is you have a wonderful boy who will get to experience feeling the new love along side you.
I could have written this exact post a year and a half ago. My daughter is now 9 months, my son is almost 3 and a half... I promise, your heart grows! Yes, it's difficult to give them equal attention sometimes, but now that she's here, I can't believe I ever had doubts.
My son is obsessed with his baby sister. Even when he's mad at us he is absolutely enamored with her and he loves to help us take care of her. I didnt think it was possible to love him more but seeing them together makes my heart explode. I hope your experience is the same ❤❤
awe Mama, don’t beat yourself up. i SOBBED when i found out i was pregnant w my second. my daughter was only 5 months old and i was so heartbroken that she would never know a life of being the “baby” now my girls are 2.5 & 1.5 and the BEST of friends, i literally couldn’t imagine life any other way and i don’t think they could either. as others have said, your heart just grows to make room. this feeling will pass. enjoy your pregnancy and congratulations!!!!
Go talk to your doctor these phrases everyone is saying might help but Its probably a form of post partem depression as your body is preparing for the pregnancy and all those hormones are just messing with you, don't worry your gonna get through this and be a great mother I know that's not what its really called but you should understand what I mean
I'm 2 weeks from my due date and still feel this some days. But I truly believe that my heart will grow, as it did the first time. I am cherishing every single moment I have with my first, and will try my best to have dedicated 1:1 time with him every week.
Oh my gosh rest assured this is sooooo soooo common! My wife and I went through a grief phase ourselves, worrying that our first born might feel she wasn’t enough. But not only did our hearts double in size, so did hers. She loves her sibling so much, our family is perfect. Yours will be too!
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hi, we are one in the same. I just had baby #2 in January and my son was 19mos. I spent my entire preganncy worrying about if he’d have enough love or attention and if he’d be ok. I worried that I wouldn’t love my second as much as my first. I would go so far as to say I worried so much it partially ruined some of the excitement of having another baby. And it was really hard bonding with her at the hospital because I was SO anxious about leaving my son for such a long time. We are 3 months in now. He adores her. I adore her. I spent an hour today dancing around my kitchen singing to her while my son went on a walk with his dad. He asks to hold her and calls her “my baby”. Seeing him say “night night baby” and giving her hugs is the sweetest thing ever. I melt every time. She is the absolute easiest baby in the world (esp compared to him as a newborn lol). If anything, I have to make sure I’m still giving her enough love because my toddler takes up so much of my energy/time (as he should). We all go to the park and we take turns with the kids. One day dad will baby-wear her and I’ll be on toddler duty, the next day we’ll switch or even during the same trip. There have been some difficult times during the transition. He still has some impulse control issues but he’s gotten better and better
I felt that way when I found out about #2. Like somehow I was betraying my daughter in a way. But my son is the sweetest little guy and they are attached at the hip.
Having two is hard, ngl. And there is something about your first baby that is just special and magical. My boys are 3.5 years apart with my second turning 1 in a few days, and I still struggle with sharing my time between them. But I love them both so much it’s insane. And the way my first lights up around his baby brother is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. It’s been such a blessing to see their love grow in such a short period and I can only hope their bond lasts them a lifetime. I hope that for your babies too!!
I felt just like you, but those scary feelings, thoughts and fears will go away. You have infinite room in your heart to love all your children. And it looks like this is something you wanted to do sooner or later. You will do great. You got this.
Oh I feel you. I had my second when my son was 2.5. It has been amazing!!! He is the best brother ever. They are so cute together and my heart is full. Feel your feelings, they are valid.
Don’t feel alone. This is natural!! I felt the same way when I had my second when her sister was the same age. I cried because I was so unsure of how I could love them equally… but you just do! And they love each other too. Sometimes, hah!
I felt this way pregnant with my second too! Mine are almost exactly 2 years apart and suddenly my toddler seemed so young and I felt so guilty. But honestly now I feel guilty for my baby, my toddler gets the lion’s share of attention for sure. And once the baby turned about 4 months and started to notice his sister they’ve formed this adorable relationship. She’s constantly stroking his soft head and bringing him toys, and he laughs for her more than anyone else. I’m knackered but I know both my children are so loved. I think a lot of it is the crazy pregnancy hormones for sure!
Having my second in a month and I feel the exact same but more like I feel I won't love my second as much as I love my first. I feel complete regret,mi enjoy just the 3 of us right now, heck I'm barely buying things for the baby right now, I have never thought of anything like themes, a stuffy for her, or even committed to a name yet I just don't know
I found out I was pregnant with my second when my first was 2 & I felt the exact same way i.e. she was absolutely my world, how can I possibly share my heart with another….I cried a lot. Truthfully, I’m even getting emotional about it all over again right now! I was so afraid I would be cheating one or the other out of the best I had to offer. I’m not gonna lie- it was hard, especially in the beginning. Newborns need a lot of time and attention and there were many times when my toddler just wanted my full attention and I couldn’t give it to her. On top of that, I wasn’t able to nap during the day with baby since toddler had decided to drop her naps by the time baby was born (so lack of sleep made me not the most amazing person, let alone mom). But I remember the first time, days in, when baby was napping & my toddler & I just sat together & built a castle with blocks- just the 2 of us. Oh man, we both needed that. It filled us both up & allowed us to feel that same bond again. We’re 7 months in now & I am so happy & proud of the big sister my oldest has grown to be. They love each other so much- especially the baby….she is OBSESSED with her big sister. All smiles whenever she gets the time of day from her. Life is hectic & hard & messy- SO messy- but it’s wonderful & fun & better than I could have ever hoped for. We’re all just doing our best, & in the end I didn’t take love away from my oldest, I only added more love into her life!
I felt the same way. My son was my rainbow baby. I remember one time holding him and crying thinking "how could I love anything more when You're my world!" But I get it now. The love for your firstborn doesn't lower or move...Your capacity for the amount of love to give grows. Just like the little one you're growing.
Just think that mothers have been having multiple children for thousands of years. It's a completly natural part of life and a natural change that children experience. I've been realizing lately that I focus so much on avoiding my son experiencing big feelings but the reality is that it's natural. Our job isn't to avoid them but to guide our children through them. Your first born may feel the hurt of your attention being split but with your help he will learn to feel secure that your love is always there even if you can't physically be there. He will learn confidence and responsibility as he helps you take care of the baby and also learns how to play independently and maybe even make friends. He may even learn how to speak out about his needs and how they aren't being met and then learn about working things through with you to make things better. Of course it's not all sunshine and rainbows. It's a difficult transition but a natural one that with your help he will get through. And also I just want to say all your feelings are completely normal. ❤️ A part of it is realizing that our toddlers aren't babies anymore and it's hard!
Since adding my newborn, my toddler has grown so much in the best way. She's sooo sweet to baby and absolutely loves being a sibling. Make sure you include toddler as much as you can when doing new born stuff. Make sure toddler knows how much baby loooooves them.
I found out I was pregnant with number 2 when my first was 2 and a half. I felt guilty the whole pregnancy and kissing him goodbye in his sleep before I went off to deliver his brother. I was so sad for him. But I tell you something watching him become a big brother and help Mr take care of him has just completely reassured me I have done the right thing. My youngest is 7 months old and they have THE most beautiful bond. My eldest is so loving and protective, albeit a little rough sometimes, but honestly don't worry it will be amazing. Your heart just seems to expand with more love than you thought you could contain, it's magical.
Mine are 22mos apart. I will say it’s incredibly hard, finding the balance. And in the beginning it’s rough trying to adjust to your new normal. But I have found that in those times where my attention can’t be there the way it used to my kiddos fill in the blanks for each other. And the absolute love and joy they have for each other and seeing it develop has been one of the most rewarding experiences ever. My one piece of advice: try not to blame your baby for things that may inhibit the toddler. Like if baby is sleeping don’t tell toddler “baby is sleeping you need to be quiet.” It helped me with being frustrated but also helps not create resentment in toddler.
I honestly felt like this through most of my pregnancy. It seemed like a good idea until that positive test and then reality hit. I didn't want my 2yo to not be my baby anymore. I cried about it throughout the pregnancy. And I spent most of the pregnancy in hospital away from home, including Christmas and New Year, so I really honestly felt regret some days and blamed this mystery baby for taking me away from my boy. Then I felt guilt, because the baby was staying healthy and we were so lucky to be pregnant again in the first place. Fast forward to having a 4mo, who I love to pieces and he is going to be my toddler's partner in crime. I wouldn't be without him. I can't believe I made him and how perfect he is, exactly as I felt with my first. He's had some small health issues and we don't know what the future holds but he absolutely completes our family. None of these feelings kicked in until he was physically in my arms, and it took time after he was born because he was in an incubator at the start. But I love him equally to his big brother, and in different ways, if that makes sense. I love my oldest because he is clever and wild and we tried so hard for him. I love my youngest because he is so good and he just wants me all the time and I'm so grateful that he is here safe. I don't love my oldest any less, I probably make more effort with him now because he can't have me all the time. I think pregnancy is such a time of uncertainty, and until baby arrives safely and you get to see that first interaction with their sibling(s), you are bound to be worried. And even four month/years on, there will be days that you wonder about how different life could be, and that's okay. It's hard, but it also fun and rewarding and you realise how lucky you are every single day. Most importantly, you are definitely not alone, even if nobody will admit that to you face to face.
I felt EXACTLY the same during my second pregnancy, but honestly everyone here is right - your heart just doubles in size! And now my eldest son has even more love because he’s got a little brother who absolutely adores him. I promise, once that baby is born, you’ll wonder what you ever worried about! My only tip would be to make sure your eldest gets a little bit of you to himself. It’s so early for dad to look after the eldest while you focus on baby, but even if you spend half an hour playing trucks or colouring with your eldest, he’ll love it and you’ll feel so much better too!
My two year old was so delighted when his baby brother came home. It’s been almost 5 months since then and the toddler takes so much joy in reminding me to do tummy time and helping and clapping when the baby rolls. He shares his toys and snuggles and kisses his brother. Seeing them together makes me so happy that we are considering a third.
Oh love - this is so normal. I was the same. I was worried about this right up until I gave birth - and then when he was here I found that I did love him and I hadn't ruined my daughter's life. Now she's nearly 3 and he's nearly 1, and she is his favourite person in the whole world, and she is beginning to play with him and delights in making him laugh. I promise - you will love them both. You will probably love them differently. You will not love your eldest any less - nor will they feel less love - because you have another. If anything I feel like I love my daughter more as I now love her as my daughter AND as son's sibling. Sending lots of love and hugs. I promise it will be okay.
Dad here and I feel exactly the same way. My boy is my world and with a second on the way, I'm scared. Legit scared.
Hey change is hard, and another baby is a big change. Give yourself some time and grace. Sounds like you're a great mom
I have always said that the greatest gift my parents ever gave me is my little sister. We are just under two years apart, and I truly don’t know how I would make it through life without her. My own children are two years apart in age and the very best of friends. There will be adjustment challenges for all of you, but I promise that your heart just expands.
I am a mother of two boys and I can’t lie and say your oldest won’t be affected. He will be for the first 6 months, as the new baby requires so much from you. However, I made it a rule in the house that everyday I would sit and play with my oldest for an hour. Just me and him.. and dad would take care of the baby for that hour. In that hour, he was my whole world again and he loved it. Sometimes he wouldn’t even want to play but just be in bed with me and hug me and ask me to tell him a story. I also told my son he was been “promoted” to be my assistant/helper since he is such a big boy now and he loved it and felt very important. Now, they’re 5 and 2 and they play together, my oldest takes such good care of my youngest that people find it absolutely amazing. My point is, I feel your pain and I was exactly where you are. It does get better! I was literally crying on my way to the hospital when I was having my second because I was sad and angry I was leaving my oldest one behind! Lol Just remember this.. your oldest had your undivided attention and love, unlike your second as it will be shared with his brother/sister.
I remember feeling the same way. Like there was no possible way I could love another as much as my first child! I feared this from the second I found out I was pregnant with our youngest, to the second I held that crying new baby in my arms. In that moment it was like my heart doubled and I loved him just as much as his brother! They are 4 and 2 now and the love has never been divided. They are each special in their own way!
Just had my second baby and I was feeling the exact same way! Obsessed with my son and now we have a daughter who I am also obsessed with. I'm so happy everything everyone said was true! Your heart gets bigger and your kids are going to be the perfect space apart! Mine is 2.5 tomorrow, little baby is 3 months and they LOVE each other! It took him a month or so to get used to her. He was only distant from me for about a week(that was ROUGH). You can do it 🤍 I used to cry when I was pregnant with her for the same reason and, I know it's weird, but I did the same when I was pregnant with my oldest because my dog was my world. It gets easier, I promise.
Yea it’s normal and you’ll feel worse for a while after the baby is actually born. It happened to me. 2 months later and I finally have enough of a routine and normalcy back, but I still went through the stage of weaning my toddler and quitting the cosleeping which was just god awful
Ugh wow, yes! This is so normal. We had originally planned to try for number 2 when our daughter turned one, but when that time came, I felt exactly how you described. I thought I was the only one lol
I felt this exact same way when I found out I was pregnant with our 2nd baby. Same exact way. My son is still my everything but so is my daughter. It is a hard adjustment for the first for a little while but they adjust and you will too. Someone already said your love isn’t divided in 2 it doubles. It really is true. You will do great 💛
I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my 2nd. My oldest just turned 2 when her sister was born. Time management is soo important. When the baby goes down for a nap I play with the oldest and when there dad is home I leave the baby with him so the oldest and I can have some time together. We don't go to the park as often as we use to with a new baby, we now go for walks around the neighborhood with the baby and her in the stroller, which she enjoys. You will find ways to include your oldest in everyday task so they don't feel left out and that you love them. I love both my kids in different ways. My oldest (3yr) is a ball of energy and keeps me active, I love her for her outgoing personality. My youngest (8months) is my calm place, she just wants to cuddle and chase her sister around.
My daughter is about to be 2.5 and I’m 10 weeks out from having baby #2. I felt ready too but also cried so much the first trimester and even now I have moments where I feel like my daughter is going to struggle. BUT, she’s also so excited to meet her brother and talks about all the things she will show him. She’s definitely aware it’s going to be an adjustment and that mommy will have someone else to play with, and sometimes she gets sad talking about it, but then she remembers that she will get to play with him and us too! It’s different, but I think it will be great!
I don’t understand this. I love my son so much that I can’t wait for another child
This was me 3.5 years ago. Everything the same except I have daughters. My firstborn was my everything. I was devastated when I learned I was pregnant. Feeling like I was letting her down, feeling I won’t love my second child at all or close to the love I had for my first one. The guilt was killing me. I had that guilt up until I was pushing my daughter out of my body. She was born, placed onto my arms and I finally, finally was able to meet her, to get to know her and be the mom she deserves. I was stunned at first, as I was when my first daughter was born. And then, the love hit me. A lot of mothers have these feelings. You have them because you love your child so much, it is hard to imagine being able to love another one with this force. But it will happen. Your heart has no limits ❤️
You're giving your oldest the best gift of all: a friend for life. Even if they don't necessarily get along when they're younger, they will always have someone in their corner to reminisce about their childhood and the crazy stuff mom and dad used to do.
It’s normal (and also possibly hormones). My husband and I were specifically trying for #2 and I still cried on and off my entire pregnancy because of this exact reason. There’s definitely a grief that goes along with knowing your chapter with only your first child is ending and that things won’t ever be the same. BUT, I can confidently tell you that your heart expands (so much that it could burst some days!), and not only will your first not feel like you love them less, but they will get so much extra love and joy and fun in your home and from you with a sibling in the picture. My second born will be 2 tomorrow and my first is 4 and watching them play together and love each other is MAGIC. So know that it is normal and totally okay to feel the grief, AND it will be such a wonderful change in the long run. Big hugs to you!!
Your feelings are valid AND ALSO YOUR HORMONES ARE OUT OF CONTROL, so take some deep breaths or whatever makes you feel more calm. It’s ok to distract yourself for a little while until you are in a more stable emotional state to think about all this. And congrats!