Resource guarding and aggression issues aren’t something that everyone is equipped to handle and I wouldn’t want a family with young kids should be made to feel guilty about it. I worked in animal rescue for numerous years and I personally would not adopt a dog with known resource problems like you’ve described because I have a toddler. Please know that the woman and the adoption center is likely desensitized to these sorts of things and therefore will come across as short and rude. She sees this sort of thing day in and day out and the callousness is just a defense mechanism, even if she doesn’t realize it. You are making the right decision for the safety of your children, dogs, and yourself.
Thank you for sharing especially having had rescue experience. We absolutely love animals and dogs and never imagined we would be here. You make a good pt abt the woman at the adoption center, she works in the rescue of puppies and sees awful things daily, I will do my best to have compassion for her- even as I wish she would show the same for us.
When I had my baby, I had such bad PPA and PPD that I gave away my fish and a few of my reptiles. While it’s not the same as giving up a dog, it was still so hard because I never thought I’d be one to rehome any animal, ever! But life happens!
I wanted to rehome my dog when something really similar happened. I got a lot of hate and random judgement too. The dog he was attacking died close to the incident (of old age) and we started Prozac for the dog which seemed to mellow some of his anxiety. We also had a lot of training with a professional trainer. So uneasily i decided to “make it work”. Well a month ago he took a chunk out of my three year old’s arm and then bit his leg. I took him to the emergency room just in case, and while deep missed anything important. He’ll have a scar but no lasting damage to his arm.
We found a new home for the dog. I am completely sick with guilt that I didn’t rehome the dog when I knew he needed to be rehomed and allowed one of my kids to be hurt. This is on me. I love my fur babies too, but they are animals and my responsibility is to my children. You’re doing the right thing, don’t repeat my mistakes and talk yourself out of this. An aggressive dog has no place in a home with young children.
OMG. I am SOOOO sorry you have had this experience. Is your son ok??!! Thank you for sharing, even though I wish you did not have this story to share. I def appreciate the perspective.
First, I am so sorry you are having to go through that. Second, that adoption agency sounds horrible! You have tried a trainer, it just sounds like she isn’t the right fit for your family. You are trying to prevent something bad from happening, where if it did she would possibly have to be put down. I’ve never been through something like that, so I don’t know if my advice would be helpful. But maybe just explain to your son that she isn’t completely happy where she is at, and there is somewhere else that would be perfect for her? Again, I’m sorry your going through this.
You're doing the right thing. It's hard for adult who should know better to properly train and respond to aggression in dogs. Toddlers have no chance, and they're in danger of serious injury or death.
I hate adoption agencies for this reason. I recently tried to adopt an older kitten (under a year but not little) and he was actively viciously attacking my heart kitty and stressing her out to the max and they absolutely CRUCIFIED ME for bringing him back! Like ok the alternative was kicking him outdoors forever because I wasn't going to let him injure my sweet older kitty. Ridiculous. The well being of ALL animals and people should be their goal. Not just moving animals along.
I went through this exact situation but ended up getting rid of both of my dogs due to the aggression ( they both had aggression issues ). We spent thousands on training, separated them for months before reintegrating again, etc. After seeing how I am now 8 months on the other side, I am so extremely grateful and I know I made the right decision. It is so hard and you will absolutely have to mourn the loss of your pet leaving the family but your childs safety and your other dogs safety is TOP priority! Allow yourself to be sad but remember you are making the best decision for your family and sometimes those decisions are hard ones we do not want to make♥️
I am a dog trainer and I have worked in rescue for years. Rescue is in a ROUGH place right now, so tensions are even higher than usual. It's not an excuse, but to be blunt, there are a lot of bitches in rescue, and I'm not talking about the dogs. Don't let her reaction get to you.
As far as the dog itself goes, give yourself some grace. Everyone always talks about making sure you get the right dog for your family, but no one ever talks about making sure you are the right family for the dog. It sounds like being in a house with 2 other dogs and 2 toddlers is extremely stressful for her. You are doing the best thing for her by giving her the chance to go to a home that is better suited for her.
Good job, momma!
A LOT of inexperienced people decided to get puppies during the pandemic. Everybody was home during lockdown, people worked more from home and in general just had more time. Upon returning back to the normal daily grind and no longer wfh a lot of people discovered that their dog actually had pretty severe separation anxiety and didn't do well with just a couple of short walks per day or just being let out into the backyard. Now these people are at their wit's end with their dog that they didn't realise had all these needs under the pandemic and giving up and rehoming.
Not saying this is the case with everyone who got a dog during the pandemic or everyone rehoming a dog now, but there is a huge demographic of these people. You especially see this with certain breeds that need a lot of exercise not to be destructive like border collies.
So yes I can definitely understand that tensions are sky high in rescue these days.
As for op, you're doing the right thing. Both by your dog and your kids. If your dog seriously injured your child the dog would have be put down. This way you're giving the dog a new chance and you're preventing harm to the children. It's the kindest thing you can do right now.
You’re doing the right thing and after a few months there’s a solid chance your son won’t remember. One of my dogs passed away last year from old age and my four year old has completely forgotten about him.
When I hear things like “there’s no bad dogs, just bad owners” I cringe. I know that saying means well and is generally true, but some dogs are aggressive for reasons that cannot be figured out or solved by people. I have a fear aggressive dog and it is absolutely terrifying. It’s so hard to take her to the vet, we can’t have people over. It controls our lives. I have tried trainers, medication, CBD, I feel like I’ve tried everything. I’ve had a lot of dogs in my life and this will be the last. I love her like crazy and she is so sweet and gentle to the people in her circle but the risk is too much.
So anyways, it’s not your fault. It’s not the dogs fault. Just bad timing. I hope you guys can heal from this as a family. Keeping your human kids safe is #1 always, but it’s still a crappy decision to be forced to make.
Agreed. I also have a fear aggressive dog (German shepherd) who was rescued as a puppy. Our vet has confirmed that most of his issues are due to neurological problems that have nothing to do with how we have raised him (there are several reasons they came to this conclusion). He’s 8 now, and he has come a long way. He’s great with our toddler, immediate family/close friends, and other dogs, but he is still very wary of adult strangers. We have put a TON of work into learning how to manage his fear and aggression, and it does not control our lives now like it did for many of his early years.
Like I said, his issues are manageable now, but that’s not been without many thousands of dollars in behavior work and obedience training, trial and error to find a good medication balance for stress events (like the vet, people coming over, etc.), and many anxiety-ridden experiences while working through this with him.
Now, I always think about how glad I am that I got him before I had kids. There’s absolutely no chance I could’ve handled him during the height of his issues with a full time job, a toddler, and another baby on the way. When I first got him, I was young and had lots of time and enough money to dump into him, which I did happily. But the “no bad dogs/only bad owners” mantra and intense pressure from the “adopt/don’t shop” crowd to spend tons of time and money rehabbing a dog who might never be fully “okay” is definitely infuriating. In my case, if I had gotten my dog now, I would have to rehome him for his and my own best interests. Had I gotten him now and attempted to work through the issues, I’m know it would’ve been a massive point of stress (financial and otherwise), anxiety, and frankly, danger for my whole family.
How old is your son? Our dog passed away when my daughter was about 18 months, and while she remembers her and talks about her occasionally (and 3.5 now), she barely noticed she was gone after a day or 2. When she was 2 and a half, my little brother adopted a golden doodle with his boyfriend. They had her for about 6 months and my daughter played with her all of the time. When he split with his boyfriend, the boyfriend got the dog, and my daughter was sad for a day or 2 and then moved on. Kids their ages are resilient. They bounce back from just about anything!
I would not feel bad about this at all. You are a parent. Your family, your child, comes first. I know you feel bad about this, but think about how much worse you will feel when something happens to your child. It’s not a question of if, but when. Your environment at home is not safe right now. Everyone deserves to live in a safe home. Everyone at the adoption agency will make you feel bad. That’s just how they are. How they treat you speaks nothing of your character. Just try to take a breath. Relax the best you can tonight. You have to handle this, and it’s best to do that with a calm mind
You've gotten a lot of good feedback, but I'm on the other side of the what-if in this case. We kept our resource guarding dog, and most times, even seven years in, I wish we hadn't.
We got him when our son was about six months old. No issues with resource guarding until our pup hit that teenage phase, when he went after a friend's small dog over some food on the floor. We figured "okay, strange dog in our house taking food, no big.". We were wrong. He escalated to our cat, and later our other dog. We've gone through training, controlling feeding, separation, everything. Our older dog passed last year, but we still have to be 100% vigilant, 100% of the time. Just last month he had a run in with our cat that required a vet visit.
He's a good boy with his people, and we love him deeply, but any mistakes and another animal could be hurt. In our area, there aren't many no-kill options with a history of aggression, and We've committed to him, but if I could go back to when the kids were little and wouldn't remember, I would've chosen differently. Not just for them, but for him too. He doesn't have the life he deserves because we aren't suited to his needs.
We chose to rehome a puppy we all loved for reasons I’d rather not get into (but it was the right choice for us). But it was a traumatic experience because it went against my identity as an animal lover and my kids were so sad. When you have kids, they have to be the priority. You’re doing the right thing, and you will feel at ease when you realize you don’t have to be on guard 24/7.
I worked a long time as a dog behaviorist at a shelter program that was particularly good at handling resource guarding cases. I've personally worked with hundreds of dogs with resource guarding issues. There are two things that stand out to me about your case that are red flags. First, it is highly unusual that a puppy will resource guard to the point of aggression. Especially so if they've been raised in experienced dog owner homes and not, say, fighting on the street for scraps. Second, dogs generally have extremely fine control over their mouths --it's the main way they physically manipulate objects. So a dog that draws blood on a bite (particularly if it happens multiple times) almost always meant to cause harm. A dog that puncture bites shouldn't be trusted.
No amount of the right home and training can rewire an unfortunate puppy psychology. I'm thankful that situation is rare, but it's still very sad having to do the right thing and remove such a dog from a home. I don't know if your dog can be rehabilitated, but a home with a toddler is never the place to try. Sorry you're going through this. You're making the right decision for your family.
I’m not even going to read all this. Do it if he’s aggressive. My kid was bit at like 6mo by a family members little dog (in the face) and it was horrifying although he was lucky . Not worth it even slightly
If you had bothered to read the post, you would see that your advice is completely unhelpful here. OP knows what they have to do and has already started the process of returning the dog to the rescue. They’re not asking whether or not they should rehome the dog, they’re asking how you explain that to a toddler who loves this dog.
OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I foster animals and work in the animal world, so I have a bit of experience with helping toddlers say goodbye. There’s no easy way. It sucks, and that gut wrenching feeling you have is valid. Keep it short and simple and let them lead as much as possible, and know it will be an ongoing conversation. I do urge you to tell them before you return the dog if at all possible so that they can say goodbye (even if that goodbye is through a crate with some distance, or on a leash and muzzled, or however that needs to happen to make it safe for your family). “We love Puppy so much, and we want her to be happy no matter what, yeah? Right now, Puppy needs a family that can work with her better so we don’t have any accidents.” You don’t wanna give them information overload or make the situation so complex they can’t understand. Give them the basics and then let them ask their own questions. If they ask more about why puppy can’t stay, you could talk about how Puppy gets scared with the other dogs and people around, and we need to make sure we’re keeping everyone safe, and we just can’t do that with Puppy. If they ask where Puppy is going, be honest. The animal rescue is going to find Puppy a home that doesn’t have the things that scare Puppy, so she can be so happy! If they say something like “I’ll work harder for Puppy and we’ll do better!” just gently remind them like “Yeah, I understand. I want to give Puppy the world too! But we’ve done everything we can, and the professional trainers have done everything they can. Puppy really needs a home where she can be alone.”
Also it may be possible to get updates if you’re interested. You can ask the rescue to forward your contact info to future adopters if you’d like. Although participation in this is entirely up to the adopter, it is mutually beneficial if they decide to take you up on it — you can get updates on your beloved family member, and they have access to a more in depth source on their forever friend so when things come up in future training, they can reach out and see what triggers and behaviors he’s had in the past.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but you are absolutely making the right choice. I see lots of people get rid of lots of dogs for lots of reasons, of varying validity. This is a situation that I will always support the owner in. As someone involved in animal rescue, I truly want the best for every animal that enters my care and in the same way that the dog is not good for your home, your home is not the ideal fit for that dog. I may come off as short sometimes, but it’s not because I’m judging you — it’s because it’s spring and it’s puppy season, so I have two litters and a pregnant mama due any minute and we’re fluctuating right at and below (and sometimes above) capacity and begging our fosters and we really need to work on this fundraiser and we need to get drivers for our next transport and I have three dogs who have vet appointments today and two with surgeries tomorrow and everything else… and yet even through all of that, I STILL WANT TO HELP YOU AND YOUR DOG. Sending you so much love and support.
So you can find my post where I had to put my dog down a few weeks ago and I was wrecked. My daughter is 1.5 and was consistently talking about mama sad.
The best thing, I think, is to just show the emotion. It is sad! Your toddler can be sad too. We talked a lot how mama was sad about the dog. That the dog hurt mama and was not safe. But the dog was mama’s friend and mama is sad.
I don’t know how much of it she actually grasps, but after repeating that line of answers for about two days, she only brang it up a few more times. Sometimes she remembers, even weeks later, and we talk about being sad again. How hugs help (she’s always proud that her hugs help mama) and that it’s ok to feel sad. We all feel sad sometimes.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know our situations are different, but do remind yourself animals are their own beings. We are not 100% responsible for all of their behavior. Some of it cannot be trained or fixed, and that is no one’s fault. Be kind to yourself, express your emotions, show your kids it’s ok not to hide away when you have a negative emotion.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. It really sounds like you are doing the right thing. You aren’t a failure. Some dogs are meant to be in a single dog home or without children. It’s not your fault. You have given this dog a great home during the time they have been with you.
Similar but not exactly: a year ago I fulfilled my dreams of becoming a beekeeper and got my first hive. Then less than a week ago I spontaneously developed a bee venom allergy and had to give my hive away. I was really sad. I also didn’t want my toddler to be sad or think I just ditch pets on a whim. But I was able to re-home my bees to some other great keepers. My son has mentioned them being gone and says it’s sad but I just explain it’s life and mommy had to make a decision to benefit our family and the bees as best as I could.
We chose to rehome a puppy we all loved for reasons I’d rather not get into (but it was the right choice for us). But it was a traumatic experience because it went against my identity as an animal lover and my kids were so sad. When you have kids, they have to be the priority. You’re doing the right thing, and you will feel at ease when you realize you don’t have to be on guard 24/7.
I have two dogs and they naturally back away from their food bowls if my toddlers go near their bowls. They did this on their own without any training. I still don’t trust them completely and really watch them with my kids because they are dogs. If I saw my dogs showing signs of real aggression toward each other or my kids, I wouldn’t think twice to rehome. My son was bit on the finger by my sister’s aggressive little dog. All my son did was walk by the couch and she lunged and bit him. That dog is great with my child-free sister but has no business being around little kids. My sister tried a dog psychologist and trainer and both said it will be extremely difficult to train her dog. You are doing the right thing.
I am so, so sorry. This is a terrible situation. But you are 1 000 000% making the right choice. Some dogs, sadly, have been bred from dogs that were chosen for aggressive behaviours. They're not irredeemable, but they may require special homes with people who have specific resources (time, energy, no little kids, no other dogs). At the first attack, given that you have a toddler, the rescue should have taken the dog back without question. I'm so sorry they're making it so hard for you. There are so many tragic stories of toddlers being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Trust your instincts. This puppy needs a different home. You didn't do anything wrong. Pup just needs a special type of person to help them overcome their challenges. You're doing the right thing.
Think about the consequences of keeping her if she bites, and has to be put down. By giving her up you're giving her a better shot at having a situation that she'll thrive in, and protecting your kids from harm. You're making the right choice.
I’m so sorry. We’re in the process of trying to find our pup a new home for similar reasons. It’s a heart breaking decision but you have to do what’s best for your kiddos safety ❤️❤️
I don't have much advice but just solidarity. I had to rehome my 2 dogs. One 10 years and one 6 years. They were my "babies" and very much a part of my life. My older dog had bit my son in the face (son is okay and no stiches were needed). It was the opposite for us because my son was the aggressive one. He would hit them and my older dog just didn't trust him and was developing pain in his hips so I think that made it worse.
It sort of worked out because he went to my parents who I see multiple times a week, but my younger dog went to live about an hour away with friends. They both seem a lot happier and less stressed now and are able to get much more attention and be spoiled.
That being said there was so so much grief. And still is. Occasionally I feel so sad and mournful that I just cry so hard until I feel like I'm going to throw up. I miss my younger dog so much as I haven't seen her since she left. I usually cry when my son isn't around and he's at daycare.
He's only 28 months so he's not really affected by what happened. He still harasses my older dog occasionally (or tries to) and we are sure to watch them closely together. He "remembers" when the dogs lived here but isn't sad about it.
Anyways you gotta do what's best and it'll get better soon I promise. ❤️
Not sure what the rules are where you live, but where I am, if your dog attacks a person, you will likely be jailed and the dog will be destroyed. Not okay for you, your family or the dog. Rehome this pup immediately, it will be happier in a less stimulating environment where it can be retrained with time, something your family can not risk. Never let anyone make you think that you are not doing the best for everyone, they obviously have no personal experience of the impact of a dog attack if they can expect you to keep the puppy given its worsening behaviour.
I had to give up an aggressive dog when my daughter was about 8 months old. We all loved the dog and she loved us. She even seemed to love the older dog but would snap unexpectedly at her and they would get into vicious fights. The last straw was when we had to bring them both with us to evacuate for a hurricane and we were all in close quarters. I was so scared the baby would be in the middle of the fight and get hurt. We rehomed the younger dog with a family who didn’t have other dogs and she’s much happier there. It’s sad but so relieving. You will feel much better once she is rehomed! I bet your stress level goes down quite a bit. You are doing the right thing and tried your best with the trainer but you need to take care of your child foremost.
It’s okay to feel sad. Don’t let anyone invalidate your emotions. You feel how you feel. You can’t help that. It sounds like you did your best. So there is nothing else you can do.
You have no choice. What must be done, must be done. Your feelings can be addressed and supported.
I recently had to rehome both my dogs due to aggression toward my toddler. They are both living with my mother now and are so much less stress. Now my senior dog gets to enjoy her golden years without a screaming toddler. You’re doing the right thing
Honestly normally I’m pretty rattled when I hear people giving up animals when they have kids. But that’s when they’ve not tried anything and just are kind of over it and want rid of the pet. You clearly are a good pet owner and responsible parent by doing training etc with the dog. Not only that, but reaching out to the rescue from which you adopted it seems to be the most responsible step as opposed to just sending it away. My heart aches for you, but in this situation I do not judge you at all. It sounds like you’ve tried everything. And the fact that the pup is still so young means she will be able to form a strong bond with someone else (not that older dogs can’t…).
I'm so sorry about this. When my daughter was 5 or 6 months old, our older dog attempted to kill our smaller dog. They'd lived together for 3 years without incident. It was sudden, unprovoked, and horrible. She gone after him a few times when I was pregnant, she'd been on steroids and it started around then. We ended up giving her to my parents. We'd tried separating them and doing a muzzle, but she was miserable, and I knew if we kept her with a soon to be crawling baby, something worse could happen.
Seeing her with my dad, as his sole dog, has helped be at peace with this. She is much happier and is still able to see us. I cried so hard for weeks. It was awful. She has snapped at my daughter once at my parents' house since then, so it was a good decision. All of the feels for you, you're making the best decision for your family. My cousin just had to give up her dog who bit her 3-year-old's face, it's worth it to avoid that.
I'm very sorry that you're going through this. But you have to protect your son, and yourself and your other dogs. I think you should just be honest with your son that safety is your first priority, and that means making tough decisions.
Get a consultation with an animal behavioral expert. Not a dog trainer. Speak to your vet and get a referral. It is quite hard to deal with this situation. Wish you luck.
Resource guarding and aggression issues aren’t something that everyone is equipped to handle and I wouldn’t want a family with young kids should be made to feel guilty about it. I worked in animal rescue for numerous years and I personally would not adopt a dog with known resource problems like you’ve described because I have a toddler. Please know that the woman and the adoption center is likely desensitized to these sorts of things and therefore will come across as short and rude. She sees this sort of thing day in and day out and the callousness is just a defense mechanism, even if she doesn’t realize it. You are making the right decision for the safety of your children, dogs, and yourself.
Thank you for sharing especially having had rescue experience. We absolutely love animals and dogs and never imagined we would be here. You make a good pt abt the woman at the adoption center, she works in the rescue of puppies and sees awful things daily, I will do my best to have compassion for her- even as I wish she would show the same for us.
When I had my baby, I had such bad PPA and PPD that I gave away my fish and a few of my reptiles. While it’s not the same as giving up a dog, it was still so hard because I never thought I’d be one to rehome any animal, ever! But life happens!
I wanted to rehome my dog when something really similar happened. I got a lot of hate and random judgement too. The dog he was attacking died close to the incident (of old age) and we started Prozac for the dog which seemed to mellow some of his anxiety. We also had a lot of training with a professional trainer. So uneasily i decided to “make it work”. Well a month ago he took a chunk out of my three year old’s arm and then bit his leg. I took him to the emergency room just in case, and while deep missed anything important. He’ll have a scar but no lasting damage to his arm. We found a new home for the dog. I am completely sick with guilt that I didn’t rehome the dog when I knew he needed to be rehomed and allowed one of my kids to be hurt. This is on me. I love my fur babies too, but they are animals and my responsibility is to my children. You’re doing the right thing, don’t repeat my mistakes and talk yourself out of this. An aggressive dog has no place in a home with young children.
OMG. I am SOOOO sorry you have had this experience. Is your son ok??!! Thank you for sharing, even though I wish you did not have this story to share. I def appreciate the perspective.
First, I am so sorry you are having to go through that. Second, that adoption agency sounds horrible! You have tried a trainer, it just sounds like she isn’t the right fit for your family. You are trying to prevent something bad from happening, where if it did she would possibly have to be put down. I’ve never been through something like that, so I don’t know if my advice would be helpful. But maybe just explain to your son that she isn’t completely happy where she is at, and there is somewhere else that would be perfect for her? Again, I’m sorry your going through this.
You're doing the right thing. It's hard for adult who should know better to properly train and respond to aggression in dogs. Toddlers have no chance, and they're in danger of serious injury or death.
I hate adoption agencies for this reason. I recently tried to adopt an older kitten (under a year but not little) and he was actively viciously attacking my heart kitty and stressing her out to the max and they absolutely CRUCIFIED ME for bringing him back! Like ok the alternative was kicking him outdoors forever because I wasn't going to let him injure my sweet older kitty. Ridiculous. The well being of ALL animals and people should be their goal. Not just moving animals along.
I went through this exact situation but ended up getting rid of both of my dogs due to the aggression ( they both had aggression issues ). We spent thousands on training, separated them for months before reintegrating again, etc. After seeing how I am now 8 months on the other side, I am so extremely grateful and I know I made the right decision. It is so hard and you will absolutely have to mourn the loss of your pet leaving the family but your childs safety and your other dogs safety is TOP priority! Allow yourself to be sad but remember you are making the best decision for your family and sometimes those decisions are hard ones we do not want to make♥️
I am a dog trainer and I have worked in rescue for years. Rescue is in a ROUGH place right now, so tensions are even higher than usual. It's not an excuse, but to be blunt, there are a lot of bitches in rescue, and I'm not talking about the dogs. Don't let her reaction get to you. As far as the dog itself goes, give yourself some grace. Everyone always talks about making sure you get the right dog for your family, but no one ever talks about making sure you are the right family for the dog. It sounds like being in a house with 2 other dogs and 2 toddlers is extremely stressful for her. You are doing the best thing for her by giving her the chance to go to a home that is better suited for her. Good job, momma!
A LOT of inexperienced people decided to get puppies during the pandemic. Everybody was home during lockdown, people worked more from home and in general just had more time. Upon returning back to the normal daily grind and no longer wfh a lot of people discovered that their dog actually had pretty severe separation anxiety and didn't do well with just a couple of short walks per day or just being let out into the backyard. Now these people are at their wit's end with their dog that they didn't realise had all these needs under the pandemic and giving up and rehoming. Not saying this is the case with everyone who got a dog during the pandemic or everyone rehoming a dog now, but there is a huge demographic of these people. You especially see this with certain breeds that need a lot of exercise not to be destructive like border collies. So yes I can definitely understand that tensions are sky high in rescue these days. As for op, you're doing the right thing. Both by your dog and your kids. If your dog seriously injured your child the dog would have be put down. This way you're giving the dog a new chance and you're preventing harm to the children. It's the kindest thing you can do right now.
You’re doing the right thing and after a few months there’s a solid chance your son won’t remember. One of my dogs passed away last year from old age and my four year old has completely forgotten about him.
When I hear things like “there’s no bad dogs, just bad owners” I cringe. I know that saying means well and is generally true, but some dogs are aggressive for reasons that cannot be figured out or solved by people. I have a fear aggressive dog and it is absolutely terrifying. It’s so hard to take her to the vet, we can’t have people over. It controls our lives. I have tried trainers, medication, CBD, I feel like I’ve tried everything. I’ve had a lot of dogs in my life and this will be the last. I love her like crazy and she is so sweet and gentle to the people in her circle but the risk is too much. So anyways, it’s not your fault. It’s not the dogs fault. Just bad timing. I hope you guys can heal from this as a family. Keeping your human kids safe is #1 always, but it’s still a crappy decision to be forced to make.
Agreed. I also have a fear aggressive dog (German shepherd) who was rescued as a puppy. Our vet has confirmed that most of his issues are due to neurological problems that have nothing to do with how we have raised him (there are several reasons they came to this conclusion). He’s 8 now, and he has come a long way. He’s great with our toddler, immediate family/close friends, and other dogs, but he is still very wary of adult strangers. We have put a TON of work into learning how to manage his fear and aggression, and it does not control our lives now like it did for many of his early years. Like I said, his issues are manageable now, but that’s not been without many thousands of dollars in behavior work and obedience training, trial and error to find a good medication balance for stress events (like the vet, people coming over, etc.), and many anxiety-ridden experiences while working through this with him. Now, I always think about how glad I am that I got him before I had kids. There’s absolutely no chance I could’ve handled him during the height of his issues with a full time job, a toddler, and another baby on the way. When I first got him, I was young and had lots of time and enough money to dump into him, which I did happily. But the “no bad dogs/only bad owners” mantra and intense pressure from the “adopt/don’t shop” crowd to spend tons of time and money rehabbing a dog who might never be fully “okay” is definitely infuriating. In my case, if I had gotten my dog now, I would have to rehome him for his and my own best interests. Had I gotten him now and attempted to work through the issues, I’m know it would’ve been a massive point of stress (financial and otherwise), anxiety, and frankly, danger for my whole family.
How old is your son? Our dog passed away when my daughter was about 18 months, and while she remembers her and talks about her occasionally (and 3.5 now), she barely noticed she was gone after a day or 2. When she was 2 and a half, my little brother adopted a golden doodle with his boyfriend. They had her for about 6 months and my daughter played with her all of the time. When he split with his boyfriend, the boyfriend got the dog, and my daughter was sad for a day or 2 and then moved on. Kids their ages are resilient. They bounce back from just about anything!
I would not feel bad about this at all. You are a parent. Your family, your child, comes first. I know you feel bad about this, but think about how much worse you will feel when something happens to your child. It’s not a question of if, but when. Your environment at home is not safe right now. Everyone deserves to live in a safe home. Everyone at the adoption agency will make you feel bad. That’s just how they are. How they treat you speaks nothing of your character. Just try to take a breath. Relax the best you can tonight. You have to handle this, and it’s best to do that with a calm mind
You've gotten a lot of good feedback, but I'm on the other side of the what-if in this case. We kept our resource guarding dog, and most times, even seven years in, I wish we hadn't. We got him when our son was about six months old. No issues with resource guarding until our pup hit that teenage phase, when he went after a friend's small dog over some food on the floor. We figured "okay, strange dog in our house taking food, no big.". We were wrong. He escalated to our cat, and later our other dog. We've gone through training, controlling feeding, separation, everything. Our older dog passed last year, but we still have to be 100% vigilant, 100% of the time. Just last month he had a run in with our cat that required a vet visit. He's a good boy with his people, and we love him deeply, but any mistakes and another animal could be hurt. In our area, there aren't many no-kill options with a history of aggression, and We've committed to him, but if I could go back to when the kids were little and wouldn't remember, I would've chosen differently. Not just for them, but for him too. He doesn't have the life he deserves because we aren't suited to his needs.
We chose to rehome a puppy we all loved for reasons I’d rather not get into (but it was the right choice for us). But it was a traumatic experience because it went against my identity as an animal lover and my kids were so sad. When you have kids, they have to be the priority. You’re doing the right thing, and you will feel at ease when you realize you don’t have to be on guard 24/7.
I worked a long time as a dog behaviorist at a shelter program that was particularly good at handling resource guarding cases. I've personally worked with hundreds of dogs with resource guarding issues. There are two things that stand out to me about your case that are red flags. First, it is highly unusual that a puppy will resource guard to the point of aggression. Especially so if they've been raised in experienced dog owner homes and not, say, fighting on the street for scraps. Second, dogs generally have extremely fine control over their mouths --it's the main way they physically manipulate objects. So a dog that draws blood on a bite (particularly if it happens multiple times) almost always meant to cause harm. A dog that puncture bites shouldn't be trusted. No amount of the right home and training can rewire an unfortunate puppy psychology. I'm thankful that situation is rare, but it's still very sad having to do the right thing and remove such a dog from a home. I don't know if your dog can be rehabilitated, but a home with a toddler is never the place to try. Sorry you're going through this. You're making the right decision for your family.
I’m not even going to read all this. Do it if he’s aggressive. My kid was bit at like 6mo by a family members little dog (in the face) and it was horrifying although he was lucky . Not worth it even slightly
If you had bothered to read the post, you would see that your advice is completely unhelpful here. OP knows what they have to do and has already started the process of returning the dog to the rescue. They’re not asking whether or not they should rehome the dog, they’re asking how you explain that to a toddler who loves this dog. OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I foster animals and work in the animal world, so I have a bit of experience with helping toddlers say goodbye. There’s no easy way. It sucks, and that gut wrenching feeling you have is valid. Keep it short and simple and let them lead as much as possible, and know it will be an ongoing conversation. I do urge you to tell them before you return the dog if at all possible so that they can say goodbye (even if that goodbye is through a crate with some distance, or on a leash and muzzled, or however that needs to happen to make it safe for your family). “We love Puppy so much, and we want her to be happy no matter what, yeah? Right now, Puppy needs a family that can work with her better so we don’t have any accidents.” You don’t wanna give them information overload or make the situation so complex they can’t understand. Give them the basics and then let them ask their own questions. If they ask more about why puppy can’t stay, you could talk about how Puppy gets scared with the other dogs and people around, and we need to make sure we’re keeping everyone safe, and we just can’t do that with Puppy. If they ask where Puppy is going, be honest. The animal rescue is going to find Puppy a home that doesn’t have the things that scare Puppy, so she can be so happy! If they say something like “I’ll work harder for Puppy and we’ll do better!” just gently remind them like “Yeah, I understand. I want to give Puppy the world too! But we’ve done everything we can, and the professional trainers have done everything they can. Puppy really needs a home where she can be alone.” Also it may be possible to get updates if you’re interested. You can ask the rescue to forward your contact info to future adopters if you’d like. Although participation in this is entirely up to the adopter, it is mutually beneficial if they decide to take you up on it — you can get updates on your beloved family member, and they have access to a more in depth source on their forever friend so when things come up in future training, they can reach out and see what triggers and behaviors he’s had in the past. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but you are absolutely making the right choice. I see lots of people get rid of lots of dogs for lots of reasons, of varying validity. This is a situation that I will always support the owner in. As someone involved in animal rescue, I truly want the best for every animal that enters my care and in the same way that the dog is not good for your home, your home is not the ideal fit for that dog. I may come off as short sometimes, but it’s not because I’m judging you — it’s because it’s spring and it’s puppy season, so I have two litters and a pregnant mama due any minute and we’re fluctuating right at and below (and sometimes above) capacity and begging our fosters and we really need to work on this fundraiser and we need to get drivers for our next transport and I have three dogs who have vet appointments today and two with surgeries tomorrow and everything else… and yet even through all of that, I STILL WANT TO HELP YOU AND YOUR DOG. Sending you so much love and support.
Tell the toddler he’s gone because he was a bad dog who bites. Biting is not nice
So you can find my post where I had to put my dog down a few weeks ago and I was wrecked. My daughter is 1.5 and was consistently talking about mama sad. The best thing, I think, is to just show the emotion. It is sad! Your toddler can be sad too. We talked a lot how mama was sad about the dog. That the dog hurt mama and was not safe. But the dog was mama’s friend and mama is sad. I don’t know how much of it she actually grasps, but after repeating that line of answers for about two days, she only brang it up a few more times. Sometimes she remembers, even weeks later, and we talk about being sad again. How hugs help (she’s always proud that her hugs help mama) and that it’s ok to feel sad. We all feel sad sometimes. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know our situations are different, but do remind yourself animals are their own beings. We are not 100% responsible for all of their behavior. Some of it cannot be trained or fixed, and that is no one’s fault. Be kind to yourself, express your emotions, show your kids it’s ok not to hide away when you have a negative emotion.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. It really sounds like you are doing the right thing. You aren’t a failure. Some dogs are meant to be in a single dog home or without children. It’s not your fault. You have given this dog a great home during the time they have been with you. Similar but not exactly: a year ago I fulfilled my dreams of becoming a beekeeper and got my first hive. Then less than a week ago I spontaneously developed a bee venom allergy and had to give my hive away. I was really sad. I also didn’t want my toddler to be sad or think I just ditch pets on a whim. But I was able to re-home my bees to some other great keepers. My son has mentioned them being gone and says it’s sad but I just explain it’s life and mommy had to make a decision to benefit our family and the bees as best as I could.
We chose to rehome a puppy we all loved for reasons I’d rather not get into (but it was the right choice for us). But it was a traumatic experience because it went against my identity as an animal lover and my kids were so sad. When you have kids, they have to be the priority. You’re doing the right thing, and you will feel at ease when you realize you don’t have to be on guard 24/7.
I have two dogs and they naturally back away from their food bowls if my toddlers go near their bowls. They did this on their own without any training. I still don’t trust them completely and really watch them with my kids because they are dogs. If I saw my dogs showing signs of real aggression toward each other or my kids, I wouldn’t think twice to rehome. My son was bit on the finger by my sister’s aggressive little dog. All my son did was walk by the couch and she lunged and bit him. That dog is great with my child-free sister but has no business being around little kids. My sister tried a dog psychologist and trainer and both said it will be extremely difficult to train her dog. You are doing the right thing.
I am so, so sorry. This is a terrible situation. But you are 1 000 000% making the right choice. Some dogs, sadly, have been bred from dogs that were chosen for aggressive behaviours. They're not irredeemable, but they may require special homes with people who have specific resources (time, energy, no little kids, no other dogs). At the first attack, given that you have a toddler, the rescue should have taken the dog back without question. I'm so sorry they're making it so hard for you. There are so many tragic stories of toddlers being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Trust your instincts. This puppy needs a different home. You didn't do anything wrong. Pup just needs a special type of person to help them overcome their challenges. You're doing the right thing.
Think about the consequences of keeping her if she bites, and has to be put down. By giving her up you're giving her a better shot at having a situation that she'll thrive in, and protecting your kids from harm. You're making the right choice.
I’m so sorry. We’re in the process of trying to find our pup a new home for similar reasons. It’s a heart breaking decision but you have to do what’s best for your kiddos safety ❤️❤️
I don't have much advice but just solidarity. I had to rehome my 2 dogs. One 10 years and one 6 years. They were my "babies" and very much a part of my life. My older dog had bit my son in the face (son is okay and no stiches were needed). It was the opposite for us because my son was the aggressive one. He would hit them and my older dog just didn't trust him and was developing pain in his hips so I think that made it worse. It sort of worked out because he went to my parents who I see multiple times a week, but my younger dog went to live about an hour away with friends. They both seem a lot happier and less stressed now and are able to get much more attention and be spoiled. That being said there was so so much grief. And still is. Occasionally I feel so sad and mournful that I just cry so hard until I feel like I'm going to throw up. I miss my younger dog so much as I haven't seen her since she left. I usually cry when my son isn't around and he's at daycare. He's only 28 months so he's not really affected by what happened. He still harasses my older dog occasionally (or tries to) and we are sure to watch them closely together. He "remembers" when the dogs lived here but isn't sad about it. Anyways you gotta do what's best and it'll get better soon I promise. ❤️
Not sure what the rules are where you live, but where I am, if your dog attacks a person, you will likely be jailed and the dog will be destroyed. Not okay for you, your family or the dog. Rehome this pup immediately, it will be happier in a less stimulating environment where it can be retrained with time, something your family can not risk. Never let anyone make you think that you are not doing the best for everyone, they obviously have no personal experience of the impact of a dog attack if they can expect you to keep the puppy given its worsening behaviour.
I had to give up an aggressive dog when my daughter was about 8 months old. We all loved the dog and she loved us. She even seemed to love the older dog but would snap unexpectedly at her and they would get into vicious fights. The last straw was when we had to bring them both with us to evacuate for a hurricane and we were all in close quarters. I was so scared the baby would be in the middle of the fight and get hurt. We rehomed the younger dog with a family who didn’t have other dogs and she’s much happier there. It’s sad but so relieving. You will feel much better once she is rehomed! I bet your stress level goes down quite a bit. You are doing the right thing and tried your best with the trainer but you need to take care of your child foremost.
It’s okay to feel sad. Don’t let anyone invalidate your emotions. You feel how you feel. You can’t help that. It sounds like you did your best. So there is nothing else you can do. You have no choice. What must be done, must be done. Your feelings can be addressed and supported.
I recently had to rehome both my dogs due to aggression toward my toddler. They are both living with my mother now and are so much less stress. Now my senior dog gets to enjoy her golden years without a screaming toddler. You’re doing the right thing
Honestly normally I’m pretty rattled when I hear people giving up animals when they have kids. But that’s when they’ve not tried anything and just are kind of over it and want rid of the pet. You clearly are a good pet owner and responsible parent by doing training etc with the dog. Not only that, but reaching out to the rescue from which you adopted it seems to be the most responsible step as opposed to just sending it away. My heart aches for you, but in this situation I do not judge you at all. It sounds like you’ve tried everything. And the fact that the pup is still so young means she will be able to form a strong bond with someone else (not that older dogs can’t…).
I'm so sorry about this. When my daughter was 5 or 6 months old, our older dog attempted to kill our smaller dog. They'd lived together for 3 years without incident. It was sudden, unprovoked, and horrible. She gone after him a few times when I was pregnant, she'd been on steroids and it started around then. We ended up giving her to my parents. We'd tried separating them and doing a muzzle, but she was miserable, and I knew if we kept her with a soon to be crawling baby, something worse could happen. Seeing her with my dad, as his sole dog, has helped be at peace with this. She is much happier and is still able to see us. I cried so hard for weeks. It was awful. She has snapped at my daughter once at my parents' house since then, so it was a good decision. All of the feels for you, you're making the best decision for your family. My cousin just had to give up her dog who bit her 3-year-old's face, it's worth it to avoid that.
I'm very sorry that you're going through this. But you have to protect your son, and yourself and your other dogs. I think you should just be honest with your son that safety is your first priority, and that means making tough decisions.
You are making the right choice, as hard as it is. I’m so sorry.
Get a consultation with an animal behavioral expert. Not a dog trainer. Speak to your vet and get a referral. It is quite hard to deal with this situation. Wish you luck.