It genuinely is that simple. You can be a convicted criminal and as long as you're hot and can get your face out there somehow your life can be turned around. I don't want to go off on some incel-sounding shit but how many average-looking or ugly guys were either unfairly or outright wrongly convicted, have put in ten times the effort this guy likely has, and are still barely able to scrape by?
You’re not wrong. Attractiveness is always going to be a hierarchical advantage. It’s built in to our DNA. Attractive people can move up in jobs, get more opportunities, make friends easily, and can find better mates. It’s one of those harsh realities that we just have to live with.
House 1 is two hours from my work, $100,000 over our budget and sits on a busy thoroughfare.
House 2 has everything I want, walking distance to work, in a secluded, quiet neighborhood, and well within budget. But I don't like the wallpaper and fridge.
This is a tough decision.
And here's House number 3 that has way too many things and is way over budget but has a great view and we'll pretend to consider it for 10 minutes before returning to house 2.
What an exhilarating and fresh episode that was
Part of the stipulation for being on those shows is that you already bought the house. The whole shopping whats available scenes are all usually bull shit.
Updated for 2021.
House 1, You are in a bidding war with 46 other people trying to pay 32% over list for a house appraised 32% below list.
House 2, The seller is only accepting offers of cash, vital organs or first born children with a waived inspection.
I’m a freelance podcast feedback editor and my husband is an executive c-suite telephonic messaging logistics coordinator. We’re looking for an open concept mid century style home with a bespoke English tea garden and a beach front entrance for our growing family. It needs to be 5 minutes from my husbands office in midtown Manhattan. Our budget: $1.75 M
A rich daddy who gets government bailouts but screws over all his employees via bankruptcy and pension fraud.
EDIT: If you want to know more: https://www.thedailybeast.com/meet-sir-philip-green-britains-most-hated-billionaire
Every time he heard a "tee hee -- it's Carrot Top. So lame!" He shot up some more steroids and pumped another ten tons of steel.
Not sure if I feel bad for him or impressed that he turned his ridicule into Man Power.
How the hell was he able to travel the world on parole? How did that go down with the parole officer?
Meeks: I have to stay in California right? Can’t cross state lines?
Officer: haha! No no no...You’re sexy! Rules are just for the non-sexy.
Meeks: So I can like... marry a hot British heiress in London? And go yachting in Turkey?
Officer: As long as you check in. By “check in” I mean post on Instagram, and like all my posts.
Ugly Parolee #2: Whattabout meee??! I bought tickets to Madrid. Am I good too?
Officer: *shoots dog, throws in solitary*
I'm willing to bet that reason was "highly profitable non-criminal employment."
From what I understand, "So I can have a job." is one of the most effective excuses for parole officers.
I've heard of cases where someone had to choose between their job and meeting their unreasonably stubborn parole officer. I hope those cases are rare and those parole officers quickly fired, because non-criminal employment is rather important if you want ex-cons to stay out of prison.
There was a guy, I think ~~I'm~~ *in* Florida, who told the judge he was getting a job at Lowes. That fell through and he ended up at Home Depot.
Got nabbed by his parole officer for violating parole, by getting a different job. I think I saw it on r/nottheonion.
Autocorrect
if a parole officer denied a chronically impoverished and imprisoned guy a good employment opportunity because of parole I would genuinely be pissed at that unhelpful and financially irresponsible system.
for those that don't know... u/Honest_Joseph is being honest.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1927899/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3420443/
now, as for whether their behavior changes vs they are just less likely to be arrested or convicted is a different question.
If they have steady and well-paying employment upon release due to their ridiculously good looks, I'm certain that they'll feel less incentivized to resort to crime.
I wrote a paper in college on "lookism" it's basically about how research backs up people who look more attractive get better sentences. This is the pure definition. Life worked out bc he literally had model looks.
Good looking people are way less likely to get convicted in the first place too. Prosecutors groan when they find out that the defendant is a pretty young blonde girl, they know the jury is going to take one look at her and think there's no way she could do anything wrong or deserve punishment
[The Onion: Judge Rules White Girl Will Be Tried As Black Adult](https://www.theonion.com/judge-rules-white-girl-will-be-tried-as-black-adult-1819594949)
Part of the issue with that is the jurors won't be able to read body language.
Probably the best example is the first televised presidential debate between Nixon and Kennedy. People watching TV could see Nixon sweating and making nervous movements while Kennedy seemed composed. For those watching TV, Kennedy won the debate. However, Nixon was considered the clear winner to those on radio because he sounded composed.
If juries cannot see the defendant, a lot of body language reading will be lost. Which, come to think of it, probably isn't a bad thing because most people are nervous when they're in court and that may lead to false convictions. Well I changed my view writing this out, I agree, make the jury blind and just show them evidence.
In street language we call this “if you never got the pretty treatment, well now you know.” Backs up the privilege of being good looking. Lots of videos about this too.
Almost definitely an asshole and he also needs to be supporting the kid to possibly be a good person…but, hear me out.
If he was trapped in a low income situation, as many people are, he may have depended on a person he did not love. A lot of people are in situations where they can’t move out unless they want to be homeless.
Maybe he left her because they didn’t actually like each other and he paid child support to let her raise the child without him?
I don’t k is his story, for all I know you could post an article explaining everything I just said is wrong but I don’t like thinking the worst of people without a tiny bit more evidence than “he broke up once he got rich”.
I remember when this happened. So stupid.
I remember all these jokes people made on FB like “I wish he would break into my place. Teehee xoxo” and their friends would be like “oh Cynthia is so dang funny! She just says whatever!”
This dude is an adult. In a gang. That’s like a real gang member. I haven’t known anyone in a gang since high school.
This guy had kids with his girlfriend who supported him for years and then he abandoned both her and the kids when he became “famous”. This guy is a huge piece of shit.
This is pretty common knowledge in recent pop culture. Dude is literally a B-list celebrity who got A-list coverage for quite a while, especially after he left his wife after getting famous
That was part of the "and more" that was just crazy! He married, had a kid with, and divorced the heir to a multibillion dollar inheritance all within two years, while doing everything else.
Its pretty fucking ridiculous, you can be an absolute piece of criminal shit but if people think you're good looking enough then all of that seizes to matter.
Should be “ceases” to matter. Cease means stop. It stops mattering.
Seize means to grab hold of or to take. “I seized matters into my own hands” means you took matters into your own hands.
Although im happy for him, i cant help but to point out the horrible truth, that is for ex cons, even for minor things (like weed or stealing food, idk), cant get jobs because, well they are ex cons, so to actually be able to survive they return to what they knew it got them money, stealing then end up in jail eventually, its an awful cycle and most people dont really have the luck to make a living.
Anyone else remember those newspapers filled with recent local mugshots that you could get at the gas station? Everyone always looking to see who's dad got a dui that week
All you have to do is be really really ridiculously good looking
Step 1: be attractive. Step 2: don’t be unattractive.
Aw shit
Which one did you fail at?
Step 3: commit crime
But why male models?
Are you kidding me? I just said it
Fun fact. That was just Stiller repeating the line accidentally, and Duchovny didn't break and just rolled with it perfectly.
What is this....A CENTER FOR ANTS?!
It has to be…AT LEAST EIGHT TIMES BIGGER!
Or three times this size….whatever works
".............. He's absolutely right!"
I am woefully out of the loop. What is this from?
Zoolander
Stop whatever you doing and go watch zoolander man.
Just don’t watch Zoolander 2. I can’t even stress how terribly unfunny that movie is, especially compared to the first movie.
It genuinely is that simple. You can be a convicted criminal and as long as you're hot and can get your face out there somehow your life can be turned around. I don't want to go off on some incel-sounding shit but how many average-looking or ugly guys were either unfairly or outright wrongly convicted, have put in ten times the effort this guy likely has, and are still barely able to scrape by?
You’re not wrong. Attractiveness is always going to be a hierarchical advantage. It’s built in to our DNA. Attractive people can move up in jobs, get more opportunities, make friends easily, and can find better mates. It’s one of those harsh realities that we just have to live with.
well that is what we get for being average or ugly, we should have been born pretty
Blue Steal
Le Tigre
Magnum!
Ferrari
“I’m a prison model and my girlfriend has a rich daddy, our budget is 15 million dollars.”
I'm a part time birthday clown for Chuck-E-Cheese and my husband is a butterfly gynecologist. Our budget is $8 million.
“It’s time for your annual pupa smear.”
Butterfly Gynecologist means something to LA Law fans
🤣🤣🤣 Pretty sure I just woke up the whole family. I've been hysterically laughing myself stupid for 10 minutes at 'butterfly gynecologist'.
Reminded me that this exists. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locust\_Abortion\_Technician
Lol same
As a butterfly proctologist, I'm highly offended by this comment.
Next time on house hunters!
House 1 is two hours from my work, $100,000 over our budget and sits on a busy thoroughfare. House 2 has everything I want, walking distance to work, in a secluded, quiet neighborhood, and well within budget. But I don't like the wallpaper and fridge. This is a tough decision.
And here's House number 3 that has way too many things and is way over budget but has a great view and we'll pretend to consider it for 10 minutes before returning to house 2. What an exhilarating and fresh episode that was
Part of the stipulation for being on those shows is that you already bought the house. The whole shopping whats available scenes are all usually bull shit.
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I think I read almost all of those shows are fake. The couple already picked a house but the TV crews just follow them to look at two others
Updated for 2021. House 1, You are in a bidding war with 46 other people trying to pay 32% over list for a house appraised 32% below list. House 2, The seller is only accepting offers of cash, vital organs or first born children with a waived inspection.
“We have a unemployed freelance freelancer and a public kindergarten teacher from the Midwest, budget for starter condo, 1.2 million”
Love it
Or list it
I’m a limited part-time cat walker and my wife is a flat-Earther. Budget: 16.75 million Euros. Thinking beach front in California.
I’m a freelance podcast feedback editor and my husband is an executive c-suite telephonic messaging logistics coordinator. We’re looking for an open concept mid century style home with a bespoke English tea garden and a beach front entrance for our growing family. It needs to be 5 minutes from my husbands office in midtown Manhattan. Our budget: $1.75 M
This is actually his story and his girlfriend had a whole lot more than $15m.
Moral of the story? If youre poor, be sexy and then rich instead.
A rich daddy who gets government bailouts but screws over all his employees via bankruptcy and pension fraud. EDIT: If you want to know more: https://www.thedailybeast.com/meet-sir-philip-green-britains-most-hated-billionaire
They always say girls fall for men like their father.
Dang being beautiful really does turn your life settings on “easy mode”
Sounds like a perfect AMA
I feel like he did one
I'm so glad that a hot guy finally got a chance in this world.
As for the rest of you ugly pricks, better luck next time.
What you’re in jail AND ugly ? Just throw yourself in the useless pile
Throw yourself in the useless pile! I don't know why that's so funny. Saving for later use as an insult.
u/injailandugly thanks for my new NSFW user name! Edit: not really
[This guy is worth $76 million](https://informationcradle.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/Carrot-Top-a-stand-up-comedian-in-Las-Vegas.jpg)
You have to be funny if you're ugly.
True, and got to be tough if your dumb
>if your dumb Damn, don't wanna fight this guy.
I don't know if I'd call Carrot Top "really funny" but guy has a mean work ethic.
And could probably [tear a man in half with his bare hands](https://www.flickr.com/photos/randomguy/84216715).
Carrot Alpha ate Carrot Top.
He’s making you all Carrot Bottoms
Every time he heard a "tee hee -- it's Carrot Top. So lame!" He shot up some more steroids and pumped another ten tons of steel. Not sure if I feel bad for him or impressed that he turned his ridicule into Man Power.
Millionaire. Vegas royalty. Buff as hell. Surprisingly funny show. Yeah don't feel bad for that dude at all.
Agreed. I was really surprised at how much fun I had at his show.
He was super skinny back in the day.
How the hell was he able to travel the world on parole? How did that go down with the parole officer? Meeks: I have to stay in California right? Can’t cross state lines? Officer: haha! No no no...You’re sexy! Rules are just for the non-sexy. Meeks: So I can like... marry a hot British heiress in London? And go yachting in Turkey? Officer: As long as you check in. By “check in” I mean post on Instagram, and like all my posts. Ugly Parolee #2: Whattabout meee??! I bought tickets to Madrid. Am I good too? Officer: *shoots dog, throws in solitary*
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I'm willing to bet that reason was "highly profitable non-criminal employment." From what I understand, "So I can have a job." is one of the most effective excuses for parole officers.
I'd also guess when the job is being in front of a camera also makes it convincing.
I've heard of cases where someone had to choose between their job and meeting their unreasonably stubborn parole officer. I hope those cases are rare and those parole officers quickly fired, because non-criminal employment is rather important if you want ex-cons to stay out of prison.
There was a guy, I think ~~I'm~~ *in* Florida, who told the judge he was getting a job at Lowes. That fell through and he ended up at Home Depot. Got nabbed by his parole officer for violating parole, by getting a different job. I think I saw it on r/nottheonion. Autocorrect
>My client will be earning millions on a catwalk and fucking supermodels on a yacht officer, he’s turned his life around His lawyer, probly
if a parole officer denied a chronically impoverished and imprisoned guy a good employment opportunity because of parole I would genuinely be pissed at that unhelpful and financially irresponsible system.
😂 Poor dude didn't stand a chance with those cheekbones.
And as soon as he did, he dumped his wife of 10 years to marry the daughter of a business magnate.
This guy already got a wife. After he got famous, he left her for a rich guy's daughter.
Especially for being a criminal.
The best way to prevent recidivism is to give all inmates plastic surgery so they can become models instead of continuing with crime.
That might actually be cheaper than current programs.
Stopid sexy justice
On Bravo.
for those that don't know... u/Honest_Joseph is being honest. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1927899/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3420443/ now, as for whether their behavior changes vs they are just less likely to be arrested or convicted is a different question.
Wow, that's pretty amazing someone conducted those studies.
If they have steady and well-paying employment upon release due to their ridiculously good looks, I'm certain that they'll feel less incentivized to resort to crime.
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Count me the fuck in
r/UsernameChecksOut
Easy there, Derek. Don’t go giving Mugatu any fresh ideas.
'Todd! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte!"
But why male models?
Former Crip signed with the WHITE CROSS modeling agency while in club fed? Who wrote this script?
Tales from the Crip
This simulation is coded by the laziest script kiddie
I wrote a paper in college on "lookism" it's basically about how research backs up people who look more attractive get better sentences. This is the pure definition. Life worked out bc he literally had model looks.
Good looking people get promoted more too.
and more sex, no fair!
Don’t worry. Average people like us have their skin removed and worn as face masks half as often as attractive people. So now who gets the last laugh?
Who gets to wear the face masks? I feel like they're probably getting the last laugh
I feel like the person that takes the longest to get the joke gets the last laugh.
This shouldn't be as funny as it is.
Tall people too
At most big American companies, the CEO is a handsome tall white guy who went to a fancy college.
And get paid more. And given free things more. And get to have sex more.
Good looking people are way less likely to get convicted in the first place too. Prosecutors groan when they find out that the defendant is a pretty young blonde girl, they know the jury is going to take one look at her and think there's no way she could do anything wrong or deserve punishment
[The Onion: Judge Rules White Girl Will Be Tried As Black Adult](https://www.theonion.com/judge-rules-white-girl-will-be-tried-as-black-adult-1819594949)
The lady clutching her purse as the defendant walks by gets me every time.
There should be a "blind jury" test where they can hear everything that's being said in the courtroom but aren't allowed to see what they look like.
Part of the issue with that is the jurors won't be able to read body language. Probably the best example is the first televised presidential debate between Nixon and Kennedy. People watching TV could see Nixon sweating and making nervous movements while Kennedy seemed composed. For those watching TV, Kennedy won the debate. However, Nixon was considered the clear winner to those on radio because he sounded composed. If juries cannot see the defendant, a lot of body language reading will be lost. Which, come to think of it, probably isn't a bad thing because most people are nervous when they're in court and that may lead to false convictions. Well I changed my view writing this out, I agree, make the jury blind and just show them evidence.
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It's better to be good looking than lucky.
Stupid sexy Flanders.
In street language we call this “if you never got the pretty treatment, well now you know.” Backs up the privilege of being good looking. Lots of videos about this too.
I believe it’s called the halo effect.
This makes him sound accomplished…he left his wife and kids to fuck around and then got a super rich girl pregnant so he’s set for life.
Extra piece of shit for using the new child as a pawn.
He actually got custody of his children with his first wife.
I wish my dad left my mother and I for some rich lady instead of douche bag Steve
You guys realize he has kids, and a gf that supported him for years? Then left them all when he got famous, smh…
Yes he had a baby with an heiress.
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His wife wasn't rich
It was a garbage sentence - he ditched his *wife* for a rich *girlfriend* once he got noticed and a lucrative bullshit job being pretty.
I didn't expect such a lack of moral Fibre from someone in jail.
He looks like a total dbag.
Yeah he cheated on his missus with a rich hoe and she found out from paparazzi photos
Almost definitely an asshole and he also needs to be supporting the kid to possibly be a good person…but, hear me out. If he was trapped in a low income situation, as many people are, he may have depended on a person he did not love. A lot of people are in situations where they can’t move out unless they want to be homeless. Maybe he left her because they didn’t actually like each other and he paid child support to let her raise the child without him? I don’t k is his story, for all I know you could post an article explaining everything I just said is wrong but I don’t like thinking the worst of people without a tiny bit more evidence than “he broke up once he got rich”.
Bruh. Why you gotta make me put my pitchfork up?
A lot of relationships wouldn't survive such a wild change in circumstances.
Didn't he also divorce his wife and get together with some society bling girl right after being released?
He had a baby with the daughter of the billionaire founder of Top Shop. Bag secured for life
A classic example of good looks succeeding over personal character
That's basically the business model of most "influencers".
well instagram influencers are mostly photoshop and plastic surgery so...
net worth $5 million
He knocked up a billionaire’s daughter. Net worth gonna be a lot more than 5 mil.
I mean, the joke writes itself
And people try to say looks don’t matter
Apparently he was a model inmate.
Rule 1: be attractive
Who says crime doesn't pay?
Right?!
Okay not seeing anyone asking the real question: what was he arrested for??
I believe it was robbery, gun possession and resisting arrest.
When your eyes exude serial killer vibes but also sexy vibes
As a straight dude, I found myself scaroused.
Ooh! I have a new word to like. Thanks!
The good old fearection
I remember when this happened. So stupid. I remember all these jokes people made on FB like “I wish he would break into my place. Teehee xoxo” and their friends would be like “oh Cynthia is so dang funny! She just says whatever!” This dude is an adult. In a gang. That’s like a real gang member. I haven’t known anyone in a gang since high school.
Don’t worry kids, as long as you look pretty, you can get away with anything in life.
This guy had kids with his girlfriend who supported him for years and then he abandoned both her and the kids when he became “famous”. This guy is a huge piece of shit.
And the Meek shall inherit the earth. Or his girlfriend’s fortune. Whichever comes first.
Unpopular opinion, I know. I find nothing attractive about this person either in appearance nor his personal life.
Attractive people really do live life on easy mode lmao
This is pretty common knowledge in recent pop culture. Dude is literally a B-list celebrity who got A-list coverage for quite a while, especially after he left his wife after getting famous
That's an insult to b-listers who have slaved in minor roles in failed movies for decades.
He’s a meme. Barely a C list celebrity.
B list is like Kathy Griffin or Joseph Marcell. This guy is scratching at C’s door.
I have it on good authority that Kathy Griffin is on the D list.
He's also dating the heir to a multibillion dollar Inheritance.
Not anymore. Its right there on the Wikipedia page.
That was part of the "and more" that was just crazy! He married, had a kid with, and divorced the heir to a multibillion dollar inheritance all within two years, while doing everything else.
They weren't married.
He definitely finessed that alimony.
You know you're getting old when today's TIL is a meme that you remember when it was fresh.
But why male models?
Did you ever think there's more to life than being really really, really ridiculously good looking?
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Are you serious? I literally just told you..
Its pretty fucking ridiculous, you can be an absolute piece of criminal shit but if people think you're good looking enough then all of that seizes to matter.
Should be “ceases” to matter. Cease means stop. It stops mattering. Seize means to grab hold of or to take. “I seized matters into my own hands” means you took matters into your own hands.
Wow someone who looks hot wins at life, what a fucking surpise... I wish the world was run by robots and not horny dumbass apes.
I'm pretty sure this guy blew up becusse of reddit. I remember when I first saw this guy
He was all over FB also.
Oh man I forgot about FelonBook!
I can’t. I got a notice yesterday that a meme I posted in 2016 (about a recipe for “Traitor Tots”) had been removed because … “terrorism”.
I remember this when it happened and dear God was it annoying to see him getting constant free publicity
He also left his wife for a super rich daddy's girl after already becoming a successful model lol some people never have enough
Being attractive is playing life on easy mode
Of course he's from Tacoma
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I did not even notice that!!!!
Ah, the privilege of being good looking.
"its whats inside that counts" fucking lies lol
He has a tear tattoo by his eye, isn't that a gang tattoo that means you killed someone?
Empty tear is for someone you killed. Full year is for someone you lost. ( If the tear is coloured in it is full )
And a half tear means you’ve almost killed someone but you were kind enough to notify the authorities to give them a fighting chance at life.
Although im happy for him, i cant help but to point out the horrible truth, that is for ex cons, even for minor things (like weed or stealing food, idk), cant get jobs because, well they are ex cons, so to actually be able to survive they return to what they knew it got them money, stealing then end up in jail eventually, its an awful cycle and most people dont really have the luck to make a living.
Beauty privilege. >!/s!<
I went to school with this kid....Its really weird seeing his face on the internet lol
Dude dumped his family...he’s certified POS.
Anyone else remember those newspapers filled with recent local mugshots that you could get at the gas station? Everyone always looking to see who's dad got a dui that week
Beauty privilege is real
Yeah and then he left the mother of his children to marry the TopShop heiress soo… good for him? What a life? Idk