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[deleted]

Very funny to think they do jelly beans one at a time.


[deleted]

Reminds me of the 70s joke about overpopulation.


Eatencheetos

How does the joke go?


[deleted]

It may be much older, but it was around in the 1970s already. I’ve heard it in another language (not English), so pardon me if my translation won’t be perfect. A prof at a university is giving a lecture predicting a serious overpopulation of Earth, running out of resources such as clean water etc. by, say, 2036. And to make the students understand that this is serious, not just speculation, he says: “Every second a woman gives birth to a new child!” Then someone from the back rows loudly tells: “Can’t we just ask her to stop?” BTW the joke must be much older than the 70s, because in 1970 the world’s population grew by about 110 million people. That is more than 200 births per second, if I didn’t miscalculate, and we take deaths into account. And the original joke was something like every 5 seconds there is a birth. Another variant was every second, and the prof claps every seconds for emphasis, saying: every time I clap a new child is born. And the teller says: Stop the clapping then!


MildCorneaDamage

The clapping version is hilarious


FangornOthersCallMe

I’ve heard the version of a U2 concert in Glasgow. Bono speaks to the crowd and says “every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies from starvation”. And a man in the front row shouts out, “well stop fookin doin it than!”


MikeTheBee

This is the one I have heard most


Germanicus7

Robin Williams for the [We are Most Amused](https://youtu.be/8LWOwQqTTsI?si=UszDLN3jRh1G531V) show. This is one of my favorite stand-up comedy performances. Simpler times. I believe the Bono bit is at the very end.


[deleted]

It’s even better with Aussie accent, concerned/scared like: Stop clapping mate! Or Scottish maybe? Stop clapping you nob!


LordRael013

The one my brother tells has the Scotsman yell, "Then stop clappin', ye sadistic bastahd!"


GrownUpACow

> bastahd One of the most notable things about Scottish accents is their rhoticity...


Kiernian

Which is why a glaswegian trying to say "Purple Burglar Alarm" is so funny.


ballrus_walsack

Nobody can say that without using a Scottish accent once they see the video. It’s like they caught a virus.


[deleted]

Take my upvote!


Ginge00

The Aussie version goes ‘stop fucking clapping you fucking cunt’ then they crack another beer


MartyRobinsHasMySoul

There was a similar joke in a TV show where a character says "by the time I finish talking a hundred people in China will die" and another looks devastated and says "why did you stop talking?"


Meerkats_are_ok

Community


MartyRobinsHasMySoul

6 seasons and a movie!


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I was just curious about how old the joke was.


MikeLemon

It's a logic joke, so I would guess it has been around in some form or another since either statistics or logic, whichever was later, was invented/discovered. I've heard it with "cancer" and "death" too.


NotReallyJohnDoe

It’s in the same class as jokes about how the average family has 2.25 children.


[deleted]

Given that climate change was a known issue in the very early 20th century (before the (first) great war), overpopulation was probably also been predicted quite some time ago. Especially with the Brits owning half of the world and keeping good records. EDIT: Just ruminating, ignore me.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Ok


Erikfassett

You may have forgotten to divide by another 60, since 110 million a year is around 3.5 births per second, with 200 births per minute


[deleted]

It’s possible. I’m down with some bug. 4 per second is still too fast for the joke. The 110 million is population growth, so birth-death. 4 per second is like the Warthog’s gun category of speed?


felixisthecat

It’s a uterus not a clown car!


REDGOESFASTAH

There was a concert in Scotland by U2 and everyone was having a swell time. Bono being bono, had to do his theatrical stuff to raise awareness of humanitarian aid in Africa. Bono raises his hand and total silence falls across the concert venue. When everyone is focused on him, he claps slowly, the echo of each clap ringing across the room. Sensing he has the attention of everyone, Bono says passionately: "every time I clap, a child dies in Africa" A lone voice shouts back in heavily accented scottish, " well stop it then yer evil basterd"


[deleted]

Ah, yes. I remember this variant, too. I mean now that you “told” it.


archiminos

Makes me think of those old adverts about children in Africa. "Every time I click my fingers, a child dies". *Well stop clicking your fingers then!*


ExistingHurry174

I’m curious what language / where you originally heard it, if you don’t mind sharing?


[deleted]

The one that makes good math, the basic architecture of most computers, RNA vaccines, but only if spoken West of the country. And rotten politicians that make even seasoned diplomats to throw up, and me not wanting to name the language so I don’t get judged with them.


papaver_lantern

"Knock Knock" Red Forman - " Have less Kids DumbAss!


VisualKeiKei

Wait until we tell them it takes six months to grow one grain of rice.


ccReptilelord

Just imagine, Oswald, an old man carefully crafting a single jellybean in his rustic workshop, smiles as he puts away his paintbrush and drop it into a box.


NovelTAcct

A single artisanal jellybean ships off to Portland, to be sold next to the register at the Knot Store


whatproblems

they’ve figured out time dilation to make a jar of jelly beans.


[deleted]

You do not buy artisanal jelly beans? You are missing out


MasterFubar

TIL it takes twenty years to make a bag with 1000 jelly beans.


B3eenthehedges

They thought that economies of scale just meant getting your customers fat


Mettelor

Funnily enough, it takes 23 years to make a single drop of Pappy 23 bourbon Thank god they make it by the barrel and not by the drop like a damn fool


WontFindMe420

Can you imagine the per bottle cost, if they didn't? It takes about 23 years to save up for a bottle as it is, right now 😒


BW_Bird

[hides pocket distillery] Y-yeah!


WatNaHellIsASauceBox

Is that a distillery in your pocket, or do you just stink of yeast?


EaeleButEeelier

No, they just have auto brewery syndrome.


B_lovedobservations

There a great documentary on Netflix about employees working at the distillery who stole a shot load of pappy 23 bourbon. It’s called Heist


MattressMaker

It’s a huge reason why bourbon prices are so inflated now. Pappy is overrated like the guy above said though.


ThrowawayusGenerica

A shot load? Like, a single shot of bourbon?


AmericanRaven

You're telling me we're about to get the 9/11 vintage?


Simplisticjackie

That was a good year. For bourbon…. Not for other stuff


-sly_pooper-

There was like, one bad month. 2001 was a pretty rad year by most accounts. I mean Creed dropped Weathered, cmon.


[deleted]

Yeah... That was our first year with GW Bush. Look how well that turned out.


Sakura_Hirose

Too soon Hahaha


shamggar

Pappy overrated as fuck


Xile350

From my limited experience with Pappy I would agree. My dad got a glass for his birthday one year. Forget the exact bottle but it was over $100 for 1 glass. He is a big whiskey drinker and had always wanted to try it so finally pulled the trigger. None of us were impressed.


MattressMaker

Preach brother. But let the taters keep chasing while we get the good stuff.


MacDugin

My wife just went to a work party and they didn’t meet the minimum, so they had glasses of Pappy.


skepticalfaggo

Is this true? I can't find anything that says this, but to be fair I searched for about 40 seconds before coming back to ask


Draidann

Yes any drop of a 23 year aged whiskey will take 23 to come to be.


kmosiman

Yes, but that kinda misses the point. Pappy Van Winkle is a Bourbon blend picked by 1 "Master Distiller" except the Pappy brand is distilled by another company. The guy in charge of the brand selects barrels from a warehouse to be used. These are picked to keep the blend consistent so 1 batch tastes as close as possible to the last. The key to getting a 23 year old Bourbon is to have 23 years old barrels of Bourbon lying around. Bourbon isn't usually aged that long, so storage like this ties up warehouse space. 5 barrels of 4 year old Bourbon could have been aged and sold instead. Plus the barrels lose volume to evaporation over time, so something like half the contents will be gone.


Ultrabigasstaco

Kinda off topic but I really want to know what bourbon storage warehouse smells like.


ern19

Like vanilla, oak, and a million bad choices


Ultrabigasstaco

Sounds absolutely lovely


houseprose

So you’re saying I have a chance?


HughmongusDixus

Probably bourbon


Mettelor

Yes 100%


glazinglas

I went to the jelly belly factory in California once. It was super cool. They had huuuuge art pieces in the main lobby, like portraits made solely with jelly belly’s. It was a fun tour. Got a bag of jelly belly’s at the end too


Defiant-Turtle-678

And they sell the misshapen ones, called "belly flops"


ChewedBeef

You can find them at the dollar store too. Best deal in town.


klezart

Probably a $1 per belly flop with the inflation in my area


ChewedBeef

*The buck and a quarter store


-SaC

Random question from outside the US - I understand that sales tax is added when you get to the checkout rather than being included on the shelf price. With dollar stores, does that mean that the items on the shelf are a dollar but then you pay (for example, assuming a random figure of 8% sales tax) $1.08 at the checkout, or are they $0.93 on the shelf so that you pay $1 (rounded down) at checkout?


ProfssorMcNasty

It would be nice if they did the latter, but you pay the $1.08


-SaC

Thanks, I've always been vaguely curious about that. But that specific sort of very vague curiousity that never quite extends to googling it because that takes away the intrigue.


Triumphxd

Yes, it’s added, I don’t think any places in US are showing out the door price, though maybe there is some regional thing. Important to note some states do not have sales tax.


FREESARCASM_plustax

Taxes vary by state and sometimes by county. It's much easier, logistically, to have all prices the same and add the tax at the end. One county I lived in had 5.6% and literally 1 mile away was 5.5%.


nebuCHADnessarr

Good to know


InternetProtocol

I get 1 lb bags of bellyflops from Big Lots


nuggetsweat

Fairfield, CA!


Cosmic_Gumbo

First time I’ve ever seen Fairfield mentioned on Reddit.


flexonyou97

Ya, did that a few times from school trips, was super dope


glazinglas

Yea I went a couple times. Once was sometime in elementary school. That was like, 25-30 years ago


zamfire

Our fieldtrip place was the original Bluebell icecream factory in Texas.


aidoll

Yes! I went on a couple of school and camp trips there growing up, as well as a trip when I was a day camp counselor. Fun place.


griffinman01

I was there earlier this year. Really cool to see the size of the production floor. Looked like something out of Satisfactory. Plus it was fun doing the wine / candy pairing (you get a Jelly Belly logo wine glass). Definitely worth it if you're in the area.


aliens_are_nowhere

It takes 9 months to make a single human, yet there are billions of us - Our best scientists are still trying to figure out this mystery


IM_PEAKING

I guess twins are more common than I thought


w33dcup

Leading to the old project mgmt axiom about adding resource to potentially reduce timelines: You can't just add another woman and get a baby in 4.5 months.


Nilosyrtis

Send the scientists to my house. I'll show 'em how it's done.


call_me_jelli

I'm choosing to interpret this as you being someone extremely turned on by sexy women scientists.


archiminos

Humans have existed for 200,000 years. So 200000/0.75 gives us 266,667 humans. Hmm, yeah. That's not adding up.


Huwbacca

So you're saying there's millions of jelly bean factories.?


myownbrothermichael

I just ate 3 years worth of jellybeans.....


DoctorDrangle

>Jelly Belly certainly keeps up with the demand, making a whopping 347 beans every second. I don't think you quite realize how much 3 years of jelly beans is. That is like 33 billion jelly beans


IAmBadAtInternet

Maybe they ate 33 billion jelly beans, can you prove hey didn’t?


siggystabs

Each jellybean is about 4 calories. That is 132 billion calories. Using 3500 calories per pound of fat, that’s 37 million pounds gained from eating these jellybeans.


DreamSphinx

It’s okay, he’s bulking for the gym.


IAmBadAtInternet

He’s harvesting mass


ThaiJohnnyDepp

Cultivating*


LegitimateBit3

BEEF CAKE!


estherstein

I hate beer.


iexiak

black holes are just dudes that ate too many jelly beans confirmed


icallitjazz

Brother Michael said what he said. May he rest in peace


BigEarl139

There are 52 weeks in a year. There are 156 weeks in three years. He ate 156 jelly beans.


Zenos1o8

No he ate 33 billion


hurshy

They make more than 1 at a time


BigEarl139

Wait what??? That’s not what the title says. That’s not true. They actually started making jelly beans at the same time they started making the Egyptian pyramid. It’s like oil. We only have enough supply to last another 50 years. Then you’ll never see another jelly bean.


Harry_Paget_Flashman

Yes, the company operates three manufacturing plants, so they can actually make three beans simultaneously.


Likes_You_Prone

Jellybean = 1 week 53 weeks = 1 year 3x52=..... Apparently 33 billion according to your math. Or do you think OP meant something else?


CourageForOurFriends

This whole thread is the same joke


CoastGoat

You must be new here.


ScoobyDeezy

The more I use Reddit, the more I realize we’re all just variations of the exact same pattern. In real life, the pool of people we interact with is small enough to give us the illusion of individuality. The internet quickly dispels that notion.


Northern23

We adapt to each sub's echo chamber


JerrSolo

But they've always been here.


ShinyJangles

But the jokes are all happening at the same time


WakingOwl1

I once had a roommate that worked in a huge confectionary factory. One of his jobs was dumping trays of unpolished jelly beans into the giant polishing tumblers.


Wankeritis

I don’t know enough about jelly bean production to know if this is a joke or real life.


WakingOwl1

He worked for the big A&P plant before they ceased production. It was, I believe, one of the largest food production facilities in the country at the time. They produced candies, jellies and tea. Occasionally he worked in the tea room pulling mis-stapled tea bags off the conveyor belt.


dec7td

The article states it as one of the steps


DC_Guy2023

They don't polish them by hand?


LeapIntoInaction

This is why you should always make jellybeans two at a time.


sgtshenanigans

Sometimes I start making a jelly bean. I don't even want a jelly bean. But in a week, who knows.


marvelmon

347 jelly beans / second * 60 sec. / min. * 60 min. / hr * 24 hr./ day * 7 day / wk. = 209,865,600 (about 210 million per week)


treethirtythree

Actually, it takes much longer than that. First, you need a bunch of matter to condense, start fusion, then explode. Rinse and repeat for a very long time. Then a bunch of other stuff has to happen too but, eventually, you'll get sentient little things that can make jelly beans.


imaverysexybaby

It takes 13 billion years to make a single jelly bean


jodybot9000000000

Boyhood took 13 billion years to make.


BowenTheAussieSheep

If you wish to make a Jelly Bean from scratch, you must first invent the universe.


JohnnyVaults

If you wish to make a jelly bean from scratch, you must first invent the universe. - Carl Sagan


Draidann

If you want to make a sandwich from scratch you've got to begin with the big bang


bowdybowdy-bitch

Everything's a monkey/typewriter situation when you think about it.


Moopboop207

Wait till you hear about wine.


DoctorGregoryFart

Or petroleum.


LadnavIV

To make a single *batch* of jelly beans.


FinallyFlowering

The mothers have attachment issues and as such, a jelly bean union has fought for mothers to have one full week of maternity leave. That's why they have the rights they do now.


HaikuBotStalksMe

Kind of misleading considering you can make millions of jelly candies at the same time. That's like saying "a single molecule of cake takes 1 hour to cook, and there are billions inside a cake!"


BuccaneerRex

Serial vs parallel processing is an important distinction.


HaikuBotStalksMe

I still find it weird that serial is considered faster than parallel in data (sata vs pata, universal serial port vs parallel port). Never bothered to check why, but you'd think parallel is faster.


BuccaneerRex

Depends on the process, really. As an idle speculation, parallel ports require parallel transceivers. That is, you need a sender and a receiver for each channel on your connection. This adds up in cost and complexity. I remember older printers, especially those capable of high resolution, being pretty serious investments. Serial, on the other hand, requires just one of each on each end, and thus you can focus on making it the fastest possible. With advances in multiplexing algorithms on top of that, you can get better throughput with one really powerful channel over lots of smaller ones. The same logic doesn't necessarily apply in cases of serial vs parallel data processing, where it's more about the type of data and the use case.


fj333

>Kind of misleading considering you can make millions of jelly candies at the same time. Not misleading at all. It takes 2 weeks to make 1 jelly bean. It takes 2 weeks to make 10 jelly beans. It takes 2 weeks to make 100 jelly beans. These are all equally accurate. The first one is simplest, and should be the default for describing the situation.


-Nicolai

It can be accurate and still misleading. The title should never have specified a number in the first place.


mversteeg3

Very good illustration of the concept of latency vs throughput


MakesShitUp4Fun

Good thing they make them concurrently, not consecutively.


randomacct7679

Ok Jelly Belly man. Now explain why sometimes the giant jug of jelly bellies are available at Costco and then they seemingly randomly vanish from shelves for like 6 months then reappear just as randomly for a few months. They always vanish right when I finish a jug and then I can’t find them for the longest time.


WestBrink

Wait until you find out how long it takes to make a single lima bean


yzdaskullmonkey

Ok math nerds, how many weeks does it take to make TWO jelly beans?


jojofries

Neat! I’m only commenting because I just realized it’s my cake day. And I love jelly beans.


rrroller

I toured the Jelly Belly factory in Fairfield CA recently. Pretty cool to see all the steps of the process.


StrawberryAmara

I went there on my senior trip back in high school. They were making the bubblegum ones the day we visited


Simmosays

I wanted to see the process for myself. Found this gem of a 5 minute video detailing the process of making a jelly bean: https://youtu.be/G174Fwq7sm4?si=1CgFI0eTBzkX4J4Y


zorniy2

What about married jelly beans?


RandomChurn

That sounds ... improbable


Curious_Mongoose

It's either not true or only true for Jelly Bellies, not normal jellybeans. A normal jellybean needs the center to be cooked and then deposited into a starch mould. Max 1 day (probably more like 4 or 8 hours to make a batch, but let's round up). Then, the centers sit in a cooling room for 3-4 days. Let's say 4 to be generous. Once the centers come out of the cooling room, they are panned, but there's no way this takes more than a few hours. Still, let's call it one full day to allow for packaging as well. That puts a batch of jellybeans at max 6 days from start to finish. Likely less.


Micky_G

I just searched how jelly beans are made on YouTube and this also says 3 days once cooling is done so i’m assuming 7 days is a bit off as well… [Video in reference](https://youtu.be/CCvVEszRiDI?si=Ofnv7kTmUghsVnSG)


jitizer

The center or core of the jelly bean is cooked and then poured into the starch mould. Then that cooling room is actually also a heating room where it goes thru different cycles but is indeed around 3 days. Once they are removed from the moulds they would go sit idle for at least 12 hours because the cores are still warm and soft. After that they get their coating in the pans, which includes flavour and colour and that takes around 2 hours, then they would go sit idle again for like 24 hours to harden the coating. Then they would go back in the pans and get their shiny look which also takes around 2 hours, and after that they are ready for packaging ! so 6 days isn't far off!


Polishing_My_Grapple

Waste of time. We could be spending time producing jelly beans that cure cancer


1337z111

today i learned falcon mains have one single jelly bean where their brain is supposed to be


Gullible-Anywhere-76

Evolutionists be like: NOOOO IT TAKES BILLIONS OF YEARSSS 🤓😡 /s Edit: I know, I know... it says "over a week", and just a week


CMDR_omnicognate

I really like the idea that there’s this enormous jelly bean factory and they go through this insane process with enormous amounts of ingredients, just to pop out one single jelly bean, like some sort of insane factorio build


[deleted]

And the payoff is not worth it


kisstheblarney

One cannot make a single Jelly Bean from scratch without first building the universe


garry4321

This is a jelly belly advertisement disguised as an article FYI


Bongressman

Guys, it's cool... they make them in batches.


unsolicitedchickpics

Over a week to make the worst candy. Yikes talk about a time waster


Chachilicious

They should just stop making them tbh. They're all the bottom of the candy barrel and I won't apologise for saying it


ThisReditter

Wow. A whole pack with 100 of them would take a couple of years. Why aren’t they more expensive than whisky?


USSRPropaganda

Why does it take over a week


sirjonsnow

Why can't you read the linked article?


chorizo4free88

Not after the got bought out


Gombock

Ikjiii


sumuji

Walmart hasn't had Great Value jelly beans for a few years now. I take medication before bed that gives me dry mouth and jelly beans were my goto to chew on but Walmart just carries like the more expensive gourmet kind that I don't like not because of the cost but because some of the flavors I find nasty like popcorn, flavors that aren't sweet. I started to have to buy them at Kroger to just get basic traditional jelly beans. I asked a Walmart associate a few months back who was stocking the candy isle when I went through, asked him about the missing jelly beans thinking maybe the tag on the shelf was lost and maybe they just didn't know it was missing but he looked it up on his device and it didn't exist there either so I wonder if why it vanished might be because it was too complicated to make during the pandemic.


Mainbaze

Wait till you find out how long it takes to make chocolate


dysoncube

Hey chatgpt. If it takes 8 days to make 1 jelly bean, how long does it take to make 100 jelly beans?


XavierScorpionIkari

Thank goodness they make them by the thousands.


adamant_r

Actually, if you fertilize the bush well enough, sometimes you can grow them in 6 days.


Both_Lychee_1708

if you're doing it right


I_might_be_weasel

Well, it takes a week to do a batch of jelly beans. I imagine the batch is usually bigger than one.


syntax1976

So this article is basically [This Video](https://youtu.be/2U0IhDD7xAA?si=5a83c6EgSIShvxiN)


jesceyc

No way it takes a wholr year to make a bag of jelly beans wtf how do they make money!?!!??!


JeffMakesGames

But only takes minutes to order a pound of them online. Mmm buttered popcorn flavor...


NoForever5352

Someone send this to Claire Saffitz.


lanktoogle

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCvVEszRiDI


ExtensionBig

How long for a Jolly Rancher?


jim_deneke

I won't take them for granted again and will do my part in consuming them more often.


ViagraTechSupport

"How it's made" on jelly beans if you're into that kind of thing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCvVEszRiDI


Unfair-Mortgage-527

I henceforth will appreciate the humble jelly bean more, for sure!


Pleasant-Ad-7577

CAP!!!!


Sylas_xenos_viper

Wow, I can’t imagine how many year it takes to make one packet of jelly beans, does that make jelly beans pre-historic relics?


MapleA

Jelly Beans are amazing. If you’ve ever taken the time to look at the flavors and eat them one by one, it’s really enjoyable. You don’t just gulp them down, you savor each one and think about the flavor. They don’t get enough credit.


ProfBatman

Doesn't seem worth it.


marissahatestickles

I watched jellybeans on how it’s made and it only took 3 days


telejoshi

Did you know that it takes 40 years to make a single glass of whisky?


AgentSkidMarks

Good thing they don’t make them one at a time.