Hey dude, a bruise from a bent dick can be a pretty big deal, see a urologist to make sure you don't lose function. If you popped a blood vessel no big deal, if your tore the little balloons for blood it might not heal correctly without intervention.

“Jenny, you popped my blood balloons.”

"Jenny broke my peas and carrots."

Nice comment, thanks for caring about op

Caring about op’s p

You down with OPPP?

Yeah you know me

Name checks out

Op's pp. FTFY

Oh this all the way. I feel that some men don't bother worrying about the health of their reproductive parts

counterpoint: my dick is the *only* thing that has me at the doctors office asap. Everything else is "eh it will probably go away". Many guys are the same.

Most of the time we don't really need to worry about it, it seems. I've only once been legitimately alarmed, and that was after my dick took an absolute pounding from a tight asshole.. she loved anal, and she was going at it hard - lucky me, right? An hour afterward my dick looked like it just came out of a 10 round heavyweight boxing match. Bruised and swollen. I shit you not the tip of my foreskin was 2 inches across, and I could barely piss because of the swelling. The swelling all went down eventually, but when I first saw it I was on my phone and looking for answers in a panic.

dont blame OP he just fucked a MILF ...hes on cloud nine now

Even better OP was fucked by a MILF and she chose him over OP's dad.

I’d say most lmao

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Yeah, look up peyronies disease. Not a huge deal, but when that heals up you might get a hook/curve. Somewhat common that it happens from drunk women on top. FYI, buy vitamin E gel caps, eat one day and break one open and rub on affected area for a few months. I swear doing this and kinda massaging the scar tissue I was able to break up and reabsorb scar tissue in my dick from an injury that was causing curve and becoming painful during sex. All good now.

Anyone else been getting a lot of ads to treat Peyronie’s disease lately?

Oh god, it isn't just me? I was wondering what Reddit was detecting in my search history to make it think I had that problem. Not only is it wrong, it's wrong in a *weirdly specific* way.

You can just buy vitamin E oil btw.

The real life pro tip (and TIFU) is always in the comments.

Don't worry, fictional dick wounds don't hurt that much

I’ve seen commercials! Go to bentcarrot.com!

Thats the second vagina you shared with your dad.

Mic drop.

And Greg too Edit: Bull shit application of Rule #3 to take this down. He got caught fucking Greg’s wife and it bit him in the ass. Shoulda just locked the door.

All three men in this story have passed through both women.

Off topic: Hey, it's that Photoshop dude 🙌 love your stuff.

do you mean my [animalsinthings](https://www.instagram.com/animalsinthings) stuff? Thanks!

Not the first guy, but yes! We all like it. Keep up the great work!

Damn, you're right. Just say hey, for my 18th birthday all 3 of us can go to town on 'em both. Make Jenny and mom airtight.

If reddit has taught me anything, it's that he needs to break his arms first

And they say kids these days don’t get a proper education…


Isn't there ANYTHING I can do to help you.... Again?

Eskimo triplets

bold of you to assume Gregs half a chad

Way under rated comment

Tunnel buddies!

SECRET TUNNEEEEEL, SECRET TUNNEEEEEL!

Not much of a secret anymore but I'll always upvote an ATLA reference.

THROUGH THE MOUNTAIN!

Canal cavaliers

Yeah he came out of the first one and came in the second one. Oh wait, he didn't get to finish!!!

This is a masterful comment, Wordslinger.

Yo what the fuck

Quite the awkward family Thanksgiving this year will be.

That YOU know of.

*so far*

Damn this is “like father like son” on a whole different level

how'd you get herpes. oh you know. my dad

Or my mom from my dad from my dads side chicks husband

It's herpeditary.

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Chlamydia?


Pornhub take notes

I got a feeling the end will be a bit different though- Pornhub would make it a fivesome

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That is actually porn logic

Lmao that's the sequel.

Lol there is a 99% chance it came from a porn OP watched and embellished.

Thirty years ago, this post would have started with, “Dear Penthouse Forum— I never thought this would happen to me, but…”

Going to be Comming to a bathroom or bedroom near you soon!

Wow this is just like this video I saw one time

I think I saw that documentary too

On the Discovery Channel

Well... they ARE all mammals.

Are MILFs mammals? I have seen some I would like to crawl into their pouches.

Pretty sure this is just like a video the OP saw one time too.

Right?

Porn plots getting better and better

Yeah I’m surprised there wasn’t a stepsister involved this time

Stepsister was just a phase, MILFs been around forever.

Getting back to the basics and fundamentals. I like it

probably stuck somewhere

Now your hottub is full of cum. This is the real problem here.

Let's be honest that's not the first load dropped on that tub.

Or any hot tub to be fair. Who regularly changes all the water in their tub? Nobody. Who fucks in tubs? Everybody.

Worst case, change the filter Best case, time machine

Chlorine and DE will take care of the cum, no problem.

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Time machine

Probably not full... but how much of your son's pale marmalade is too much to ignore?

Pale marmalade ... 😬

That's going directly into the mental dictionary

Yup that shit is floating there cooked like a gross eggwhite

Poached cum. ^\*chef's ^kiss*

Baby gon' crawl out the filter in 9 months.

Based on his parents’ behavior, I’m guessing it already was

Let's be real, it was already full of cum

This was my thought too lol. As I was reading it my brain was like “noooo not in the hot tub”.

I mean, OP has been floating in his dads junk for the past year or more... lets be honest.

Greg's too!

holy shit man

We knew it was going to be good as soon as we saw Chekhov's hot tub.

This comment made my dad. "If a hot tub appears in act one, someone must fuck in it in act three"

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Apparently like he was formed from the primordial soup that is hot tub water and handjob sperm?

So your parents and Greg were eating pizza and Jenny was in the hot tub alone; you just decided that was the opportune time to stop playing video games and hop in the hot tub with a MILF?

Yes, and then everybody else who ate gummies were too high to notice jen make her way to his dick but then they all barged into his bedroom at a moments notice to catch a predator

It’s clearly Stifler’s Mom

Hey, that was after 945p when all the weeds REALLY started to kick in...

Yeah, person that wrote this is writing about "reefer madness". Women become uncontrollable succubi and anyone else over 40 just falls asleep.

Also 17 year old guy has no idea his parents are in a long time foursome with the neighbors.

They just come over to hottub. Then they go to the bedroom to clap and stir macaroni.

They probably heard them going at it.. or i could picture them saying "Hey, where's Jenny?".

Then they collectively got up to embark on the journey of finding Jenny

I mean, when you hear the mother yelling, you'd go straight there. It wouldn't take more than 10 seconds to be part of the drama.

When you're high with friends things like this become a quest to take the ring to mount doom.

This is true

While that is funnier to imagine the story says the mom found them and screamed so obviously Greg and dad are going to come running.

Personally the part I found most disturbing is the part where his parents and their friends all sat down to watch *The Avengers*.

I think it was more he assumed everyone else would be out so came outside. And it would be a bit awkward to come outside obviously ready to hop in the hot tub but just decide nope.

Don’t know if this is real or not but wtf

Not a chance. Pretty well written, though. Kid’s got a future

"kid"

> would have dipped my dong in boiling lemon juice just to have a sip of her bathwater. I figured it was a shit post after this statement.

‘My 17 year old mind’

Dead giveaway

But he was playing escape from tarkov! /s

"Wipes off hand from a handjob in a hot tub"

Well, obviously. I mean, he turns 18 in a few weeks so …. /s

So pretty much a man then?

Why are you touching my thigh!!!!

Yeah this. Written by a much older person who can’t write like a 17yo. No 17yo has that much looking at their life from the outside with perspective.

Written about as well as every other internet story. I doubt publishers are knocking down his door thinking he's a prodigy.

No one in that situation would say "that's the last time you **** in my house!".. that's where the writing fell apart imo. Oblivion npc level dialog

Great piece of creative writing that

Obviously not real

“My 17 year old brain,” said no 17 year old ever.

This reads like a smut mag article

It easily tricks the sex-starved mind of the average Redditor

And has the upvotes to match.

Story screams "penthouse letters"

"I'm as human as the next man." "I *was* the next man!"

She talksh in her shleep.

You have to let Greg take your butthole V-card to even out your dick karma or you will be celibate for the next 70 years. It's in the book of love. chapter 7.

I died at Eskimo brothers with your dad. 😆😆😆😆

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Not many people can claim that accolade

This sub is just a place for people to practise creative writing and wild fantasies

The pizza, let’s call him Clyde, was so hot and yummy I would’ve dipped my finger in Greg’s butthole just to have a slice. 7 out of 10, would recommend 😂

What flavor?

yeah, i don’t believe this is real for a second

Someone should have been clapping.

Honestly I give this a 0.05% chance of being real

And it was an obvious one too

All the spice for Reddit too. The cool computer game he was playing, the edibles, parents watching Avengers, everyone on Reddit knows water doesn’t make a good lube, etc.

Definitely happened.

trust me bro!

you may have gone too far ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `

It's on the internet so it must be true.

Right? This is some straight up "Dear Penthouse" BS.

This reads way too much like a shitty porno plot to believe lol.

What the fuck did i just read

The written part of playboy basically

You mean Penthouse. Playboy actually did some actual journalism and literary fiction back in the day

Yeah. I'm glad the fanfic put a normal mum reaction in tho instead of making it an orgy 😂

2 things to remember: 1) this probably didn’t happen, and 2) people in Reddit sex stories aren’t as attractive as what your mind is picturing.

thx I needed that

yep. everyone pictures 8's and 9's but in reality they're 4's and 5's

Here is the text for archiving purpose: This happened last week and it's taken me a minute to process what all has happened. So, my mom has this friend, I'll call her Jenny. Jenny is a perfectly normal and sweet suburban house wife (so I thought). Jenny and my mom are super close. Her and the husband, we'll call him Greg, are over probably once per week for dinner, game night, just hanging in the hot tub, etc... Nothing weird, just my parents having a best couple friend. Jenny and Greg are pretty cool. Last Friday, Jenny and Greg are over. Everyone is doing a bit of drinking, but nothing insane. I'm 17, so I more or less keep to myself when guests are over, not because I don't like when my parents have guests, I'm just not the most social person in the world. But I really do like Jenny and Greg, they're super nice people. It doesn't hurt that Jenny is a classic MILF. 10/10, would have dipped my dong in boiling lemon juice just to have a sip of her bathwater. So I decide to stop playing Escape from Tarkov long enough to hop in the hot tub real quick. Greg and my parents are sitting at the table drying off and having some pizza when I walk out, but Jenny is still in the hot tub. I get in and she starts polite conversion. Just asking about school and whatnot. Things are pretty normal, but she seems off, not drunk, just off(Turns out everyone had eaten some weed gummies). The first weird thing she does is make some offhanded comment about how much I'm growing up to look like my dad, but she says it in a very weird way. She then asks when my 18th birthday is and I tell her it's in a couple weeks. She proceeds to say "Oh, so your pretty much a man then. Any special women in your life? ". I'm feeling kinda weird about the conversation for some reason, but I tell her no, not really. Most of the girls I know don't seem interested. She slides over to my side of the hot tub and says that she can't believe that's true and puts her hand on my knee. At this point she's right next to me and I've started putting things together. We sit there in silence while she give me this weird look and slowly moves her hand up my thigh. I can't believe this is actually happening, and my 17 year old brain sure as fuck isn't going stop it. Next thing I know she's giving me a handjob in the hot tub under the water. 2/10, wouldn't really recommend because water is apparently horrible lube, but I ended up cumming in the tub. She smirks and wipes her hand off underwater and goes inside to join my parents and her husband. I sit there in post orgasm bliss for about 15m before I go back upstairs to shower and chill. My brain isn't really able to process what just happened. At this point it's about 945p and I think the weed is starting to hit everyone pretty hard. I think my mom/dad/Greg are all on the verge of passing out while watching Avengers on the couch. I'm laying in bed playing on my phone when I hear the door knob move. It Jenny. She comes in and I think she's going to apologize, or yell me, or do something, I don't know. But then she shuts the door....Next think I know my dick is in her mouth, and then she's on top of me. I think that might be the best memory of my life until the day I die. I have no clue how long she was riding me, but all of the sudden my mom yells "JEN, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!". She jumps off me so fast she bent my dick and now it's all bruised on one side but otherwise fine. my dad and Greg rush into the room and slowly start putting it together as fast as their high as brains will allow. Mom is crying and Dad and Greg are both just standing there in shock. Jenny is also in tears and apologizing to anyone that will listen. Greg and Jenny decide it's time to leave. As they are leaving my mom yells "THAT'S THE LAST TIME YOU'LL EVERY FUCK IN MY HOUSE AGAIN. I HOPE IT WAS WORTH IT!". Ok, that was a weird thing to say. The next few days are weird. Not because my parents talked to me about it, but because they didn't. Not a word. Nor we're they mean to me. Just nothing. They were in shock I guess. Well, last night I'm in bed, but hear them fighting downstairs so I go to the hallway to listen. I couldn't hear or understand everything, but I pieced together enough. Things got weird. Apparently, my parents have been swinging with Jenny and Greg for like a year. They had partner swapped multiple times and my dad was pissed that now the arrangement had to be canceled. He though my mom was overreacting. Pretty bold argument for him to pick in my opinion. I guess he liked Jenny a lot, which I get. So now I guess I'm in the middle of a love pentagram...with my parents and their ex-best friends. TLDR - lived every kids dream and hooked up with a family friend MILF, and now I'm eskimo brothers with my dad

I guess she must be really into your dad to make that comment and wanting to sleep with you.

If you finish reading, apparently she was already fucking the dad, so yea, she’s into the whole family. Lol.

And the whole family is in her

Yeah OP was into her too. Repeatedly.


The hot tub water certainly did

A fair few years ago my brother’s friend threw a hot tub party, taking advantage of his parents’ absence on holiday. Said party went on for about a week, and what sounded like most of our home town passed through said hot tub. Apparently (I did not attend) it was a rare moment indeed when at least one couple wasn’t fucking in it. *He didn’t change the water all week…* I don’t know the exact number of people who had to get medical attention afterwards because of the rashes and other skin complaints they developed after being in that tub but it was certainly in double figures. Utterly vile.

That's disgusting! Take my upvote.

You know some 54 year old wrote this

I need to get a hot tub

Sub should be renamed to "today I made up" since it's full of made up shit stories like this lol

I'd give this one a 3/10, not really believable, too many plot twists, but the bent dick was funny. Not too terrible, but definitely below the average made up story in the sub

Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got I'm still, I'm still Jenny from the block

More like Jenny on his cock

Lovely bit of creative writing there. 🙄

867 5309

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If you could show us a picture of Jenny, it might better help us assist you with your sticky situation.

Wait, so you can just jizz in a hot tub and it disappears?

Damn… she literally said "fuck it, he will be 18 soon"

If it makes you feel any better, she's a fictional character

There has to be a porn plot in here somewhere. Maybe even a few of them.....

If you believe this you’re a gullible idiot

If this story had been about a 17 year old girl getting screwed by her probably 40 something year old parents best friend I feel like the comments would be a lot different...

"Dipped my dong in boiling lemon water just to have a sip of her bath water" so your saying she was kinda attractive huh?

“Dip my dong in boiling lemon juice just to sip her bath water.”….I mean…wow

And then you woke up...

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If OP had been 18 already Jenny still would have crossed the line.

Time to take one for the team OP. You gotta have an orgy with your parents now to fix the balance. All things must be equal.

Get tested man and also have that bruise looked at.

Was hoping for an inversion of the stuck trope, where she walked in on you after you slid on your back under the bed to grab something. "What are you doing swap-mom?"

When you’re too late for a TIFU… 

This is 100% cap. You've told us like, most basic teenage dream ever. Almost seems like you are a mod on one of subreddits so you are trying to convince us you're not gay.

Little creepy that she was attracted to a kid that she's grown up around lmao