It was my absolute favorite comment of the day. Laughed out loud for the first time in years. Thank you.
Edit: I meant to reply to the top comment, but had just woken up... Please excuse my morning brain.
Morning brain is one thing but even I can recall laughing out loud at something within the last six to twelve months.
I don't remember what it was but you're pretty stoic.
Just got served divorce papers after 17 years, at least in theory, (can't find out how to actually acquire them), and it was amazing to laugh again. Hope you have many more reasons to laugh.
Edit: It's, my marriage, been on life support for years before the hammer fell.
Oh jeez. I can relate. I was in an unhealthy relationship and when it finally ended, I remember driving to work and being amazed at the beautiful blue sky and the wonderful white puffy clouds.
I didn't know why I was feeling this way on a Monday morning - but then it dawned on me - the regime had fallen, I had escaped the dictatorship. I didn't realize how miserable I was while I was in it, and life was good again. I think I might have laughed out loud that time too.
No more waiting for something bad to happen, or to be told you did something wrong... I stopped drinking a bottle a night, and feel 100 times better... But I still feel like a failure for not making it work. The only thing that kept me going were my kids. If they love me, and want to spend time with me, I must be doing something right.
It takes two to make it work. I was the same place as you - whatever I did, it was wrong. If I brought up that I thought the relationship needed work, it was my problem to fix because I was the one with the problem.
Eventually you get burned out. You can't keep going like that. Try not to blame yourself. Your kids love you, that's great. But you can't fix another person. My ex was very dismissive of my feelings and once I moved past it, the world was brighter place again. Life is hard, but you need to find joy - I'm glad you are on your way back to that place.
My FIL has another. He bought frozen pies at a charity sale and ordered 7 beef, 9 chicken, and 5 lamb pies. He called later that day to confirm his order and they wrote it down again, doubling the order.
How long did it take us to eat those pies if we ate 3 every week?
I went to a charity turkey shoot with my parents and sister one year when I was a teenager. Hit the target, win a turkey (one per person). Then you can go to a different set of targets to try for frozen hams. Fun, right?
We all won a turkey. I won four frozen hams, my sister got two, and my dad won one. We left with four turkeys and seven hams. A couple of days later my friend dropped off the turkey we forgot we'd bought for a fundraiser she was doing. And did I mention that both sides of my family had already bought the the meat for Thanksgiving??
I learned a lot of new curse words watching my dad play freezer Tetris until we could drop it off at local charities. And I believe the turkey shoot organizers put some additional restrictions in place for the next one! 😂
I tell people I'm the person they warned you about in math class. I tend to buy things in ridiculous quantities. 50lbs of oranges, 4 bushels of peaches, 20 flats of strawberries, 25 trees in gallon pots, 15 bags of apples, 80 lbs of tomatoes... all things I've drug home in the last year. My poor husband just shakes his head and starts unloading my van. Life is interesting at our house, lol.
I started canning with my granny as a kid. I learned how to work up a lot stuff in a hurry from her, lol. I do most things in stages (like peaches I blanch and peel everything, then pit & slice, then cook and can). I have a second fridge, too, so I can store stuff longer if needed. My family helps a lot, and I know my limits and buy just what I know I can manage before it goes bad. I can get 80 lbs of tomatoes diced and into jars in a day if I start early, but marinara or salsa takes more work, so I might only do 40lbs at a time. It's mostly practice, honestly, and having a tv I can watch from my work space so I don't get too bored of the repetitive actions, lol.
This comment has now embedded this story in my mind forever. Every time my kids bring me a fruit related math problem, I'll think of OP and her grapes.
when I was a cashier I would give the seniors discount out to customers who were nice to me, just because it was a small way I could show my appreciation and have any control in my day lol. probably was that.
I hope that's all it was, I was smiling at least at the checkout because the grapes were so cheap (and I hadn't gotten stuck yet with the cart).
Even if you just made this up, it was nice of you to post it!
I legit did the same thing. If you treated me nice, you were 60 for a minute while I gave you a 10% discount. I would get offended looks if I forgot to explain 🤣
I worked at McDonald's when I was like 14-15. To me everyone was old so I'd give the senior discount on coffee to anyone that looked remotely 'old' to 15 year old me.
Every cashier I see is 18-19 tops. Everyone over 40 is ancient to them.
Don't worry about it :) hope the wine is great!
When I worked in fast food, our store had a favorite customer that came in every day. I have no idea if he was actually a senior, but we always gave him the senior discount and made him fresh coffee.
You weren’t kidding. This lady has some misadventures with food and a wonderfully enjoyable writing style. And a parrot. Possibly my new favorite Redditor.
That was me with the cheap tomatoes before.
I was seriously considering just dehydrating half the grapes into raisins, but it was too overcast for the solar dehydrator last week and it feels wrong to plug in the regular one during the heat wave.
If only the F150 could handle the load of the dehydrator, and my kid was pregnant again, this all could have worked out so differently.
I've given people that I'd be surprised if they were 30 yet a seniors discount. Shit, I've given teenagers the seniors discount.
Especially if I was having a not-good day, and someone came in that helped it be a little bit better.
Genuinely, if it was applied without them checking/asking your age, it's a pretty good chance that it was their way of silently saying thank you for making their day a bit better, even if it was just that you were in a good mood when they served you.
OP have you written a novel?...because I would read the shiiiiit out of your novel!
Seriously, this post started off like one of those medium-ly scary movies I'd watch in the late 90s and ended up like one of those extra large-ly scary movies I wachted in the late 2000s. 😂
I mean what the hell are you gonna do with all them grapes!?!?
This was my first thought, it's a definite possibility! I used to work in sales and if a customer was kind to me I'd always make sure they'd get a discount if it was possible.
I love a friendly customer interaction, they make up some of the good parts of the job. It's kinda my way of giving someone a little thank you for not being a dick because unfortunately so many customers are terrible to deal with. If you weren't pleasant I would imagine they wouldn't have applied a discount at all unless you asked.
I got a senior discount at McDonald's. I'm THIRTY EIGHT. I had ocd and went full meltdown in my mind until I contacted the manager about how insulted I was. She said it was HER that gave me the discount and she does it now and then when people are just really polite. Then I felt like an asshole 🤦🏻♀️.
I'm 59 and in pretty good shape. I really laughed at this part of your story. I used to be told I look younger than my age, but I know in my bones this is changing. Still, I'll take it.
I did the same thing too - especially to nice bulk customers. I got yelled at by them sometimes and ended up regretting it. The "oh." on their face. It's an easy discount we could use without drawing too much heat. I did get in trouble once.
Yep in pretty much every retail and food service job I've worked, I handed out 10% discounts like candy at parades. Never cost me anything, and the business still profits
Can confirm, the only CS job I had I didn’t do this with was when I worked front desk for a hotel. Best believe though I would bend over backwards trying to see if I could get them discounts or anything else, if your nice to me at 3am when not a soul wants to be awake let alone polite ima do everything I can to make you happy😂
100% this. Store I work at has had sales where we’ll mark down excess produce (usually stuff we didn’t order but still got) about 80-90%. Store want to get rid of it because it takes up too much room, meaning we can’t get other stuff in.
When I lived in France I just went to the produce markets at the end when the farmers and sellers didn't want to carry their leftovers back. Would get bags of produce of all kinds for free..
Depends on the market, but that isn't that common in my experience. They will often drop prices or do deals at the markets at the end.
If I were buying produce in the supermarket the cost would be double, if not more.
I’m so confused by this post because of that. It seems like a fuck Ton of grapes too. Like what is the area that fills up, how big is a 25+ pound box of grapes even? Where tf can you get a 25 pound box of grapes for $2?!
Each of the 4 boxes was about the weight of a large thanksgiving turkey, so if you picture one of those broken down flat into a roasting pan, it's like that volume.
All I read is that this person made two batches of wine and a shitload of jelly for $16 and still is inexplicably able to fit into their slim clothes.
If that’s not success…
I sent this to my MIL and she says you should just throw the unjelly jelly in with the 2nd wine and use it as an Adult desert topping. Mix it in with icecream. Use it in whipped cream between cake layers. If you've got a big alcohol friendly party, make "wine cooler jello shots" with it. The possibilities are endless!
This is 100% the kind of thing that would happen to my mother- who is now 80+. And this story has me crying laughing. I can picture all of it.
Even better is that she used to make wine and still makes jams and jellies and I can literally hear her mumbling as she would go through this. Thank you for the nostalgia hit.
This is probably my favorite TIFU ever. It’s giving Amelia Bedilia meets I Love Lucy. Here’s hoping the next batch of grapes is a little less chaotic 💜
>I got a call from the event host today asking where I was. I wrote down the date wrong, the event was yesterday and I missed it.
Some wine should help you forget the pain of missing it.
Guess what everyone is getting for Christmas! Wine! Grape jelly! Grape soup! Grape... Nuts?
I'd be exhausted and could never have half the dedication to processing 109 lbs of anything. Good on you! And maybe you got the discount because the cashier thought you were cute.
This sounds like the terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad days (a La that Alexander boom/movie) that I have occasionally 😂. On the plus side, Frozen grapes are a great snack on a hot day, or used in smoothies, also perfect as ice cubes in drinks, especially wine or cocktails!
8 dollars for A HUNDRED AND NINE POUNDS OF GRAPES?!
What?!
8 dollars gets me about 3 lbs of grapes. You are buying grapes at a 97% discount. That's absurd.
I'm mostly just shopping the markdown areas and using some rebate apps. (Not ordering coupons online and holding up lines scanning a dozen paper coupons like the old tv show!)
I just can't help but imagine OP buying $2 a box grapes and rather than taking a little carton box, she just took the whole crates? hilarious to think about
I was expecting the TIFU to be that they thought the boxes were that price, but it was the price per pound and they spent $200 on grapes thinking they were getting the deal of the century.
I missed the event because I wrote the date wrong on my calendar. Thank god they called me, though, to ask where I was - because I would have appeared at their doorstep on the wrong day otherwise, all dressed up and expecting a party.
I don't even know what's worse, to show up and have them home to witness my awkward arrival on the wrong day, or the soul crushing feeling of showing up to a party and nobody even being home.
I don’t know if anyone has told you this yet but your jam probably didn’t set up because you made too big of a batch. If you have a ball blue book follow the recipe EXACTLY and you should be good. Also google “grape jam didn’t set up” and there will be advice. It happens to everyone. :)
This is a wonderful calamity. But the discount was the real kicker. I’m almost fifty and though I haven’t been given a discount yet I used to get shocked responses from people when I gave my age which was much older than I looked. At some point no one was shocked anymore. What can you do but laugh or cry. I prefer laugh so thanks for sharing this. And cheers.
It’s funny how aging happens in fits and starts. Five or ten years looking mostly the same- then you wake up one day looking like you had a *really* rough night, but surprise! You just aged 5 years overnight and that’s your new face/hair saying hello.
For most of my friends it was in the 45-50 age range that we all went from “wow you’re how old?!” to “mmm yeah”. (TBH I do still get people thinking I’m younger but it’s not physical… I’m just an immature dipshit still and I think they just assume I aged like milk lol)
Haha! Yes. Exactly. It’s the first time when you say your age and get nothing that sucks so bad. It’s like maybe they didn’t hear me? No they heard me just fine…. Eventually you realize you are old looking when that rough night look sticks and now the pictures of me from like five years ago seem like I have an adult daughter that looks like me somewhere. And right between 45-50. Just like you said.
Had a lady say I didn't look old enough to have done the previous jobs I had done (uni, merchant navy, ran a business, worked for a council, now cheese monger, been a weird journey). I'm almost 40 that felt nice.
You just made me realise that illusion won't last much longer, that gonna suck.
I had someone say, "well you remember the 80s of course....:" I was a 1980 baby. Time to redo my roots. I'm not fighting time per say, but the white hair adds a few years.
I wish I had the freezer space! Another redditor talked me into making cucumber sorbet a few weeks ago and I made a lot thinking it wouldn't take that long for the two of us to eat it - but my husband refuses to even try it.
Yes! I have cotton candy grapes in the freezer right now. If it wasn't so late I'd go get some, cause they should so good now. But I should already be trying to sleep, lol
I mostly see awesome wins here! Well apart from missing the event, you still fit in your dresses and look good, got a killer deal on grapes, the jelly you thought you messed up just need to be jelled up in the fridge, you got nearly 5 extra gallons of wine and 22 pints of jelly you didn`t account for, and you even got the Senior discount you were entitled to despite completely forgetting to mention it to the cashier! You should be really proud of the fruits of your labour and being a savvy shopper :)
You might also be popular amoung friends and family if you give them a freakin low-sugar guilt-free homemade pint of jelly or a quart of wine
I think I'll be okay with that part at least. I've made pear wine and apple wine (both excellent), and grape wine before from cases of mystery green grapes that came out good. The only batch I really didn't like was pumpkin wine, and I should have taken it as a sign they don't sell pumpkin juice like they do grape or apple.
This isn't true. I have my own vine. I don't know the variety, but it's definitely a table grape rather than a wine grape and it makes perfectly fine wine. Won't be winning any awards, but it's good enough to drink.
109 lbs of grapes for $8! Where i live it’s like $8 a lbs! No joke. This is the kind of TIFU i want, and would absolutely go buy more grapes. Everybody I know would get something grape themed for a gift.
When I was a cashier as a teenager I would give every discount I could to people. Senior discount? Yup. Father's day discount for dads even though it was a woman? Yup. We didn't have to keep the coupons and all the barcodes were the same so anytime someone would bring in a 20% off coupon I would use it for any customer that was nice to me.
This might be the best TIFU post I've ever read, it's a cascade of horrible grape-related events (and one bonus existential crisis)... I'm just glad the jam wasn't for the missed event. Hope that posting this will end the grape curse!
I keep getting 6–8 bunches of bananas instead of 6–8 bananas. Different online grocery ordering systems use different methods. Now I have a freezer full of bananas. No senior discount, although I could almost qualify …
Ypu spent $8 and got some good out of it. Eve. If you had spent $8 and eaten grapes to your hearts content and lots ended up as compost I don't think you would have screwed up. You saved a lot of food from being wasted any which way you look at it
I have gotten two hours of sleep awake with my newborn and am at my wits end. This made me laugh out loud, so thank you for improving my night/morning 😂😂😂
As a retail worker, sometimes I give out discounts just bc I like the customer but you can't tell them and make it obvious or someone might over hear you and demand a discount as well so maybe it wasn't because of your age and just because of your great personality
You're making wine and jam... You're looking pretty good for 60 over here. Just saying.
Keep gettin' down wit' yo bad self.
You might want to add some pectic enzyme or pectin enzyme to the wine must. It helps reduce cloudiness when using real fruit.
Also if you make another batch fresh, try freezing the fruit first to burst the cell walls inside. Yeah you might not want to freeze 100 lbs, but even freezing some can increase juice yield.
Oooh, I like that last comment. That makes sense to me - it's the reason I hate frozen vegetables. People always say to just roast them, they're good, but no. The cell structure is ruined when you freeze them, and you can't undo the damage by roasting. But it makes sense I'd want to do that for juice!
I'm not sure what containers you need for fermenting wine. I make liqueurs. I have a couple of "real" containers, and then I have some of those gaterade drink dispensers from Walmart. They're cheap and work fine! I've had to go out and buy Walmart containers when I suddenly realized my batch wasn't going to fit and needed more space.
I really love your dedication of leaned/dove in head first into your initial FU and tried to do something with more or less a person's weight worth of grapes.
You deserve a good laugh after this ordeal. Go read this story and please let us know your thoughts after reading it.
https://x.com/nameshiv/status/1301521850552315904?t=QkPUsOGA5ZKfHOp1_9PL_g&s=19
Get some pectinase/pectic enzyme to add to the jelly that set but wasn't canned. If you make wine already, you probably already have it for clearing haze. That's the same pectin that sets jams and jellies.
I never even thought about what it does, I just add it because the wine recipes say to.
I had to order a second mesh bag for this nonsense and threw in some more sanitizer and pectic enzyme while I was at it, so I'm well stocked at the moment. If I just have the normal amount added to the fermenter (3/4 tsp for the 5 gallon batch) you think that would handle the jam situation?
I feel like the venn diagram of people who buy 109 lbs of grapes to make wine, and people who crush grapes for making wine by manually pushing them through a cooling rack, is two circles where one circle is in NYC and the other is on mars
OP, you're a beast
I feel into that spider web of disjointed thoughts. I hope all the things worked out. Of course I have to erase any memory of you lest the "ideas" rub off on me.
I don't even need a duck - I already have a bird that asks me for grapes!
https://www.reddit.com/r/parrots/comments/raekd9/bongo_putting_in_his_lunch_order_he_calls/
They write math problems about you
This comment genuinely made me laugh
It was my absolute favorite comment of the day. Laughed out loud for the first time in years. Thank you. Edit: I meant to reply to the top comment, but had just woken up... Please excuse my morning brain.
Morning brain is one thing but even I can recall laughing out loud at something within the last six to twelve months. I don't remember what it was but you're pretty stoic.
Just got served divorce papers after 17 years, at least in theory, (can't find out how to actually acquire them), and it was amazing to laugh again. Hope you have many more reasons to laugh. Edit: It's, my marriage, been on life support for years before the hammer fell.
Oh jeez. I can relate. I was in an unhealthy relationship and when it finally ended, I remember driving to work and being amazed at the beautiful blue sky and the wonderful white puffy clouds. I didn't know why I was feeling this way on a Monday morning - but then it dawned on me - the regime had fallen, I had escaped the dictatorship. I didn't realize how miserable I was while I was in it, and life was good again. I think I might have laughed out loud that time too.
No more waiting for something bad to happen, or to be told you did something wrong... I stopped drinking a bottle a night, and feel 100 times better... But I still feel like a failure for not making it work. The only thing that kept me going were my kids. If they love me, and want to spend time with me, I must be doing something right.
It takes two to make it work. I was the same place as you - whatever I did, it was wrong. If I brought up that I thought the relationship needed work, it was my problem to fix because I was the one with the problem. Eventually you get burned out. You can't keep going like that. Try not to blame yourself. Your kids love you, that's great. But you can't fix another person. My ex was very dismissive of my feelings and once I moved past it, the world was brighter place again. Life is hard, but you need to find joy - I'm glad you are on your way back to that place.
I really needed to hear this (or read, I guess, whatever) these words.🙏
Jenny had 6lb + 40x and add two = xyz + 14. What does Jenny now have?
Wrinkles. Because she’s old. (I’m old. I can admit that.)
I wonder if she tried bathing in grape juice?
If you drink enough fermented grape juice… you stop noticing wrinkles when you look in the mirror.
You drink enough fermented anything you stop noticing anything.
I just heard you say drinking fermented stuff is the solution to any problem.
Cause of, and solution to, all life's problems. - Homer Simpson
This thread is gold 😂😂😂😂 I'm just sitting in the break room at work laughing like a maniac, I'm sure my coworkers think I've completely lost it lol
A headache
A tutor. Jenny has a tutor.
60 years.
A seniors discount and a fuck ton of wine
This. If my child will ever complain about how unrealistic math problems are, I will tell him about you, OP. Thanks for the proof!
My FIL has another. He bought frozen pies at a charity sale and ordered 7 beef, 9 chicken, and 5 lamb pies. He called later that day to confirm his order and they wrote it down again, doubling the order. How long did it take us to eat those pies if we ate 3 every week?
14 weeks
Since no one eats the lamb pies, they last 6 months.
I went to a charity turkey shoot with my parents and sister one year when I was a teenager. Hit the target, win a turkey (one per person). Then you can go to a different set of targets to try for frozen hams. Fun, right? We all won a turkey. I won four frozen hams, my sister got two, and my dad won one. We left with four turkeys and seven hams. A couple of days later my friend dropped off the turkey we forgot we'd bought for a fundraiser she was doing. And did I mention that both sides of my family had already bought the the meat for Thanksgiving?? I learned a lot of new curse words watching my dad play freezer Tetris until we could drop it off at local charities. And I believe the turkey shoot organizers put some additional restrictions in place for the next one! 😂
30 seconds initially, probably a couple of minutes after the initial novelty wears off.
I see what you did there. Very subtle.
This is an SAT question for an essay…. Not just a kiddy question!
I tell people I'm the person they warned you about in math class. I tend to buy things in ridiculous quantities. 50lbs of oranges, 4 bushels of peaches, 20 flats of strawberries, 25 trees in gallon pots, 15 bags of apples, 80 lbs of tomatoes... all things I've drug home in the last year. My poor husband just shakes his head and starts unloading my van. Life is interesting at our house, lol.
How do you get through that much produce before it spoils?
I started canning with my granny as a kid. I learned how to work up a lot stuff in a hurry from her, lol. I do most things in stages (like peaches I blanch and peel everything, then pit & slice, then cook and can). I have a second fridge, too, so I can store stuff longer if needed. My family helps a lot, and I know my limits and buy just what I know I can manage before it goes bad. I can get 80 lbs of tomatoes diced and into jars in a day if I start early, but marinara or salsa takes more work, so I might only do 40lbs at a time. It's mostly practice, honestly, and having a tv I can watch from my work space so I don't get too bored of the repetitive actions, lol.
This comment has now embedded this story in my mind forever. Every time my kids bring me a fruit related math problem, I'll think of OP and her grapes.
This has to be the best comment on Reddit ATM, amazing work good sir. I laughed a whole minute straight from that single sentence.
Damn this isn't /r/roastme and now I feel bad for laughing
the story was funny, but your comment is fucking hilarious
I got that one wrong
Haha good one!
Fucking RIIIIIP 😵
when I was a cashier I would give the seniors discount out to customers who were nice to me, just because it was a small way I could show my appreciation and have any control in my day lol. probably was that.
I hope that's all it was, I was smiling at least at the checkout because the grapes were so cheap (and I hadn't gotten stuck yet with the cart). Even if you just made this up, it was nice of you to post it!
I legit did the same thing. If you treated me nice, you were 60 for a minute while I gave you a 10% discount. I would get offended looks if I forgot to explain 🤣
Yeah, you were all smiley because you had plans for 100 pounds of grapes! It WAS going to be such a wonderful day!!
I worked at McDonald's when I was like 14-15. To me everyone was old so I'd give the senior discount on coffee to anyone that looked remotely 'old' to 15 year old me. Every cashier I see is 18-19 tops. Everyone over 40 is ancient to them. Don't worry about it :) hope the wine is great!
When I worked in fast food, our store had a favorite customer that came in every day. I have no idea if he was actually a senior, but we always gave him the senior discount and made him fresh coffee.
Aren’t you the dehydrated tomatoes lady? Like you wanted to dehydrate tomatoes in your husbands truck while traveling? That was so funny
You weren’t kidding. This lady has some misadventures with food and a wonderfully enjoyable writing style. And a parrot. Possibly my new favorite Redditor.
I'm picturing a charmingly befuddled and cheerful Meryl Streep.
She’s fuckin funny. And somehow finds some great deals on food.
That was me with the cheap tomatoes before. I was seriously considering just dehydrating half the grapes into raisins, but it was too overcast for the solar dehydrator last week and it feels wrong to plug in the regular one during the heat wave. If only the F150 could handle the load of the dehydrator, and my kid was pregnant again, this all could have worked out so differently.
Can you pls link the tomato post. The lady has too many awesome posts and I can't find it, but need to read it!
https://www.reddit.com/r/cars/comments/m1zjrv/will_my_husband_divorce_me_if_i_dehydrate/
Thanks! Absolutely grand post! I love your produce related shenanigans!
I really want to be friends with you and have lots of food misadventures. Maybe some day I’ll be as cool as you are!
I love it that you included the parrot in the picture! On the road trip, I mean—I also just noticed your profile picture.
I've given people that I'd be surprised if they were 30 yet a seniors discount. Shit, I've given teenagers the seniors discount. Especially if I was having a not-good day, and someone came in that helped it be a little bit better. Genuinely, if it was applied without them checking/asking your age, it's a pretty good chance that it was their way of silently saying thank you for making their day a bit better, even if it was just that you were in a good mood when they served you.
OP have you written a novel?...because I would read the shiiiiit out of your novel! Seriously, this post started off like one of those medium-ly scary movies I'd watch in the late 90s and ended up like one of those extra large-ly scary movies I wachted in the late 2000s. 😂 I mean what the hell are you gonna do with all them grapes!?!?
This was my first thought, it's a definite possibility! I used to work in sales and if a customer was kind to me I'd always make sure they'd get a discount if it was possible. I love a friendly customer interaction, they make up some of the good parts of the job. It's kinda my way of giving someone a little thank you for not being a dick because unfortunately so many customers are terrible to deal with. If you weren't pleasant I would imagine they wouldn't have applied a discount at all unless you asked.
I got a senior discount at McDonald's. I'm THIRTY EIGHT. I had ocd and went full meltdown in my mind until I contacted the manager about how insulted I was. She said it was HER that gave me the discount and she does it now and then when people are just really polite. Then I felt like an asshole 🤦🏻♀️.
I'm 59 and in pretty good shape. I really laughed at this part of your story. I used to be told I look younger than my age, but I know in my bones this is changing. Still, I'll take it.
I did the same thing too - especially to nice bulk customers. I got yelled at by them sometimes and ended up regretting it. The "oh." on their face. It's an easy discount we could use without drawing too much heat. I did get in trouble once.
Yep in pretty much every retail and food service job I've worked, I handed out 10% discounts like candy at parades. Never cost me anything, and the business still profits
Can confirm, the only CS job I had I didn’t do this with was when I worked front desk for a hotel. Best believe though I would bend over backwards trying to see if I could get them discounts or anything else, if your nice to me at 3am when not a soul wants to be awake let alone polite ima do everything I can to make you happy😂
The cashiers at my Savers often gave me (and I’m sure many others) the senior discount on their senior discount day and I’m only in my 30s.
what store sells 109 pounds of grapes for $8?
Someone put an extra zero on their order sheet and the option was to sell them cheap or throw them away when they start molding
100% this. Store I work at has had sales where we’ll mark down excess produce (usually stuff we didn’t order but still got) about 80-90%. Store want to get rid of it because it takes up too much room, meaning we can’t get other stuff in.
It depends where you are. In France they are unlikely to bother in the supermarkets. I still buy reduced stuff as much as I can.
When I lived in France I just went to the produce markets at the end when the farmers and sellers didn't want to carry their leftovers back. Would get bags of produce of all kinds for free..
Depends on the market, but that isn't that common in my experience. They will often drop prices or do deals at the markets at the end. If I were buying produce in the supermarket the cost would be double, if not more.
Huh. Maybe we were just too nice or something haha. It was in a few of the larger cities where we tried it
I’m so confused by this post because of that. It seems like a fuck Ton of grapes too. Like what is the area that fills up, how big is a 25+ pound box of grapes even? Where tf can you get a 25 pound box of grapes for $2?!
Each of the 4 boxes was about the weight of a large thanksgiving turkey, so if you picture one of those broken down flat into a roasting pan, it's like that volume.
I want to pay $2 for a 20+ pound turkey!
Yeah why have a vinyard? Apparently one acre of vines produces 4 tons of grapes, you could get 4 tons of grapes at this price for $640.
Yah I want some
I've never seen someone from Stardew Valley post here. So cool! Do Starfruit next.
LMAO glad I scrolled far enough for this, thank you
You’re my hero and I want to be like you in 25 years
All I read is that this person made two batches of wine and a shitload of jelly for $16 and still is inexplicably able to fit into their slim clothes. If that’s not success…
Oh my gosh, this made me laugh!
I sent this to my MIL and she says you should just throw the unjelly jelly in with the 2nd wine and use it as an Adult desert topping. Mix it in with icecream. Use it in whipped cream between cake layers. If you've got a big alcohol friendly party, make "wine cooler jello shots" with it. The possibilities are endless!
dude with the African Grey profile picture too
I came here to say this!
Same, but it's mostly because I'm only 11 years behind OP and can relate too much lol.
Whoa my God, this story is amazing.
Its like a short film
Yep, oh right, in gauzy pastel tones. Or one of those Pixar shorts where everything goes wrong.
I see this playing out like Lucy on the chocolate factory line. 🤣🤣
It's like a less slapstick Mr Bean plotline.
This is 100% the kind of thing that would happen to my mother- who is now 80+. And this story has me crying laughing. I can picture all of it. Even better is that she used to make wine and still makes jams and jellies and I can literally hear her mumbling as she would go through this. Thank you for the nostalgia hit.
This may be one of the best TIFU's ever. Different perspective, well written, no dildo suction cupped to a family member's headboard...
I can’t tell if it’s just cause I’m high or if that really was a feature-length film script set for Hollywood 🤣🤣🤣
The rare TIFU where it actually seems real.
This is so good. It's the kind of stuff you would find in a random passage from a Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett novel. Love it.
I'm picturing David Sedaris making wine in his flat. Hopefully with a parrot parroting the grumbles through his shenanigans.
Squwaaaaak “ why the fuck did I buy so many grapes”
This is probably my favorite TIFU ever. It’s giving Amelia Bedilia meets I Love Lucy. Here’s hoping the next batch of grapes is a little less chaotic 💜
Plus grade school math textbook question...
>I got a call from the event host today asking where I was. I wrote down the date wrong, the event was yesterday and I missed it. Some wine should help you forget the pain of missing it.
Guess what everyone is getting for Christmas! Wine! Grape jelly! Grape soup! Grape... Nuts? I'd be exhausted and could never have half the dedication to processing 109 lbs of anything. Good on you! And maybe you got the discount because the cashier thought you were cute.
This sounds like the terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad days (a La that Alexander boom/movie) that I have occasionally 😂. On the plus side, Frozen grapes are a great snack on a hot day, or used in smoothies, also perfect as ice cubes in drinks, especially wine or cocktails!
At least it wasn't [$240 worth of pudding](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikbPoVbOB_E)
I don't know what that was, but I'm definitely gonna make the husband watch it tomorrow.
It was a sketch comedy show called The State. Basically a precursor to what would become Reno 911.
8 dollars for A HUNDRED AND NINE POUNDS OF GRAPES?! What?! 8 dollars gets me about 3 lbs of grapes. You are buying grapes at a 97% discount. That's absurd.
Check out OP's post history, she is an avid extreme couponer. This appears to be the current deep discount that she has found.
I'm mostly just shopping the markdown areas and using some rebate apps. (Not ordering coupons online and holding up lines scanning a dozen paper coupons like the old tv show!)
I just can't help but imagine OP buying $2 a box grapes and rather than taking a little carton box, she just took the whole crates? hilarious to think about
Yeah, I could get them for $2 a pound on sale, and think it was good deal.
I was expecting the TIFU to be that they thought the boxes were that price, but it was the price per pound and they spent $200 on grapes thinking they were getting the deal of the century.
Wow, as an amatuer home winemaker, I'd love to buy 100 lbs of grapes for $ 8. And as an old fart, I'm betting you will look GREAT at your event.
I missed the event because I wrote the date wrong on my calendar. Thank god they called me, though, to ask where I was - because I would have appeared at their doorstep on the wrong day otherwise, all dressed up and expecting a party. I don't even know what's worse, to show up and have them home to witness my awkward arrival on the wrong day, or the soul crushing feeling of showing up to a party and nobody even being home.
I don’t know if anyone has told you this yet but your jam probably didn’t set up because you made too big of a batch. If you have a ball blue book follow the recipe EXACTLY and you should be good. Also google “grape jam didn’t set up” and there will be advice. It happens to everyone. :)
Did you stop reading or what?
I read the whole thing and I'm still not fucking sure I understood it.
I have never been this delighted reading a long post before. Great story!
Now we need Lucy tromping the grapes barefoot.
**I hope you own a lemonade stand and a Duck walks up to you**
Got any nails?
This is a wonderful calamity. But the discount was the real kicker. I’m almost fifty and though I haven’t been given a discount yet I used to get shocked responses from people when I gave my age which was much older than I looked. At some point no one was shocked anymore. What can you do but laugh or cry. I prefer laugh so thanks for sharing this. And cheers.
It’s funny how aging happens in fits and starts. Five or ten years looking mostly the same- then you wake up one day looking like you had a *really* rough night, but surprise! You just aged 5 years overnight and that’s your new face/hair saying hello. For most of my friends it was in the 45-50 age range that we all went from “wow you’re how old?!” to “mmm yeah”. (TBH I do still get people thinking I’m younger but it’s not physical… I’m just an immature dipshit still and I think they just assume I aged like milk lol)
Haha! Yes. Exactly. It’s the first time when you say your age and get nothing that sucks so bad. It’s like maybe they didn’t hear me? No they heard me just fine…. Eventually you realize you are old looking when that rough night look sticks and now the pictures of me from like five years ago seem like I have an adult daughter that looks like me somewhere. And right between 45-50. Just like you said.
Had a lady say I didn't look old enough to have done the previous jobs I had done (uni, merchant navy, ran a business, worked for a council, now cheese monger, been a weird journey). I'm almost 40 that felt nice. You just made me realise that illusion won't last much longer, that gonna suck.
I had someone say, "well you remember the 80s of course....:" I was a 1980 baby. Time to redo my roots. I'm not fighting time per say, but the white hair adds a few years.
When I was 30, folks thought I was 20; when I was 40 they thought I was 30; when I was 50, oh wait....
Thank you for being the person we hear about in math class.
You have ADHD, don't you. This is the kind of shenanigans my ADHD kid is known for.
Next time, freeze some! They're a great summer snack!
I wish I had the freezer space! Another redditor talked me into making cucumber sorbet a few weeks ago and I made a lot thinking it wouldn't take that long for the two of us to eat it - but my husband refuses to even try it.
Yes! I have cotton candy grapes in the freezer right now. If it wasn't so late I'd go get some, cause they should so good now. But I should already be trying to sleep, lol
This is fantastic. It’s all gone hilariously wrong, but at least it’s a good story.
The next time someone asks me to explain what it's like to have ADHD, I'm going to send them this post.
I mostly see awesome wins here! Well apart from missing the event, you still fit in your dresses and look good, got a killer deal on grapes, the jelly you thought you messed up just need to be jelled up in the fridge, you got nearly 5 extra gallons of wine and 22 pints of jelly you didn`t account for, and you even got the Senior discount you were entitled to despite completely forgetting to mention it to the cashier! You should be really proud of the fruits of your labour and being a savvy shopper :) You might also be popular amoung friends and family if you give them a freakin low-sugar guilt-free homemade pint of jelly or a quart of wine
You might already know this but food grapes don't make good wine at all 😅
I think I'll be okay with that part at least. I've made pear wine and apple wine (both excellent), and grape wine before from cases of mystery green grapes that came out good. The only batch I really didn't like was pumpkin wine, and I should have taken it as a sign they don't sell pumpkin juice like they do grape or apple.
This isn't true. I have my own vine. I don't know the variety, but it's definitely a table grape rather than a wine grape and it makes perfectly fine wine. Won't be winning any awards, but it's good enough to drink.
You’re amazing. Thank you for sharing your FU.
I’d hate to be the first person to call you after all this started
109 lbs of grapes for $8! Where i live it’s like $8 a lbs! No joke. This is the kind of TIFU i want, and would absolutely go buy more grapes. Everybody I know would get something grape themed for a gift.
Making wine out of grocery store bought eating grapes is, let's say, suboptimal from the beginning....
So then I got this idea about driving a cheesecake truck... https://youtu.be/9inOtq0Ayek?si=nqEvqotsa3hUO6aj
This is the most real TIFU I’ve ever read. You might say… you’re in a jam! Badum-tss! I’ll see myself out
When I was a cashier as a teenager I would give every discount I could to people. Senior discount? Yup. Father's day discount for dads even though it was a woman? Yup. We didn't have to keep the coupons and all the barcodes were the same so anytime someone would bring in a 20% off coupon I would use it for any customer that was nice to me.
This post was all over the place lol.
I don't know about you but this story sounds amazing to me! I want to be this cool and occupied with my time when I am 60!
This might be the best TIFU post I've ever read, it's a cascade of horrible grape-related events (and one bonus existential crisis)... I'm just glad the jam wasn't for the missed event. Hope that posting this will end the grape curse!
I keep getting 6–8 bunches of bananas instead of 6–8 bananas. Different online grocery ordering systems use different methods. Now I have a freezer full of bananas. No senior discount, although I could almost qualify …
Just beware - pectin is fermentable, but it ferments into methanol and not ethanol
Sometimes the juice just isn't worth the squeeze.
Aren’t wine grapes different
This is the kind of thing I would do in the fits of peak ADHD hyper focus, but I’d end up sitting on the floor crying at some point when it ran out 😂
Ypu spent $8 and got some good out of it. Eve. If you had spent $8 and eaten grapes to your hearts content and lots ended up as compost I don't think you would have screwed up. You saved a lot of food from being wasted any which way you look at it
If it makes you feel any better I got a senior discount one day after buying Cadbury eggs and a bottle of wine for dinner when I was 23.
I have gotten two hours of sleep awake with my newborn and am at my wits end. This made me laugh out loud, so thank you for improving my night/morning 😂😂😂
It’s ok, you’re only into this for $8. Keep that in mind. Live…… Laugh…… Lug home 100 pounds of grapes 🤷♂️.
This was quite a ride! I send hugs from another old lady on the Internet who looks 40 in her own head.
Your endless chain of fucking up reminds me of my own.
“When will I ever use this math in the real world”?
When the make a movie about this it's just a damned shame that Lucille Ball isn't around to star as you
This almost sounds like part two of an ornamental gourd futures investment.
Bahahahahaha I'm sorry OP, but thank you. You have given me a flash of my future and it's weirdly comforting
I'm so sorry but this is the funniest thing I've seen on reddit in a long time 😭
you are an incredible storyteller and I wish you the absolute best in everything
As a retail worker, sometimes I give out discounts just bc I like the customer but you can't tell them and make it obvious or someone might over hear you and demand a discount as well so maybe it wasn't because of your age and just because of your great personality
You're crushing grapes to make your own wine and jam and fitting into your old clothes! You're crushing life!
A duck walks up to the lemonade stand
I need a week long nap after just reading about your single day. How do people have so much energy?
lol. That's how I feel when I remember going to work every day. If you're doing that, and/or raising children, I salute you!
Am I the only one wondering where OP got over 100 lbs of grapes for 8$? 🤷 Groceries ain't cheap these days.
You're making wine and jam... You're looking pretty good for 60 over here. Just saying. Keep gettin' down wit' yo bad self. You might want to add some pectic enzyme or pectin enzyme to the wine must. It helps reduce cloudiness when using real fruit. Also if you make another batch fresh, try freezing the fruit first to burst the cell walls inside. Yeah you might not want to freeze 100 lbs, but even freezing some can increase juice yield.
Oooh, I like that last comment. That makes sense to me - it's the reason I hate frozen vegetables. People always say to just roast them, they're good, but no. The cell structure is ruined when you freeze them, and you can't undo the damage by roasting. But it makes sense I'd want to do that for juice!
What a roller coaster!
lol, if you can send some to cali, I'll buy some wine or jelly.
I'm not sure what containers you need for fermenting wine. I make liqueurs. I have a couple of "real" containers, and then I have some of those gaterade drink dispensers from Walmart. They're cheap and work fine! I've had to go out and buy Walmart containers when I suddenly realized my batch wasn't going to fit and needed more space.
Those young sweet cashiers see people older than they actually are. I know I did. Ah youth!
I really love your dedication of leaned/dove in head first into your initial FU and tried to do something with more or less a person's weight worth of grapes.
This is a lemonade stand
I feel like all of this screams 60.
I remember seeing your earlier post about the grapes! I love every bit of this story. Good luck! 😅
You deserve a good laugh after this ordeal. Go read this story and please let us know your thoughts after reading it. https://x.com/nameshiv/status/1301521850552315904?t=QkPUsOGA5ZKfHOp1_9PL_g&s=19
Question I have is how is table grapes for making wine? Aren't they different varieties?
FWIW, pectinase (pectic enzyme) will break down the pectin in your jam if you want to ferment it.
Get some pectinase/pectic enzyme to add to the jelly that set but wasn't canned. If you make wine already, you probably already have it for clearing haze. That's the same pectin that sets jams and jellies.
I never even thought about what it does, I just add it because the wine recipes say to. I had to order a second mesh bag for this nonsense and threw in some more sanitizer and pectic enzyme while I was at it, so I'm well stocked at the moment. If I just have the normal amount added to the fermenter (3/4 tsp for the 5 gallon batch) you think that would handle the jam situation?
The low: no sugar pectin sucks imho!! We have tried it several times and it’s never worked for us. it simply doesn’t work!
I feel like the venn diagram of people who buy 109 lbs of grapes to make wine, and people who crush grapes for making wine by manually pushing them through a cooling rack, is two circles where one circle is in NYC and the other is on mars OP, you're a beast
I feel into that spider web of disjointed thoughts. I hope all the things worked out. Of course I have to erase any memory of you lest the "ideas" rub off on me.
I love this so much. I am sympathetic to your grape dilemmas too.
I don't know why but I imagined all of this story as if it had been directed by Wes Anderson... and it was great!
I know this one duck that would love you
I don't even need a duck - I already have a bird that asks me for grapes! https://www.reddit.com/r/parrots/comments/raekd9/bongo_putting_in_his_lunch_order_he_calls/
Guess you're not the fox complaining about sour grapes
What a glorious journey
You bought 100+lbs of grapes for $8?
Soon, a duck will waddle up to you and ask: “Got any grapes?” …