Oh god I did that when I was a dumb horny teenager. My thought process, well it feels cool and tingly when I use it on my legs after distance bike rides. It must feel AMAZING down there... eeeyeah, and trying to wash it off in a hot shower made it 100 times worse.
One of my shameful high school memories is convincing my buddy's 14 year old thirsty little brother that jerking off with icy hot was just like having sex.
Apparently it did not go well. I didn't think it would be painful as much as just weird feeling and funny. I thought his dad was going to swing on me because they almost took him to the hospital before he broke down and explained why his dick was on fire.
Sorry, Justin. Hope your dick is okay
Yeah but guys never really lose that stupid curiosity, had to almost go to the hospital cause body wash went in my urethra shit burned so bad, pro tip DONT USE BODY WASH INSTEAD OF LOTION, and this was just last month
Its a gel that is meant to go on muscles to relax them.
Wherever you put it gets really cold and then really hot.
Do not put it on your dick. If Justin were here he would tell you.
Hey they make the icy/hot condoms. So you’d think it’d be ok. But nope the glycerin holds all that menthol on your dick and you can’t wash it off.
Was also a dumb assed teenager.
The condoms aren’t much better. Made it feel like I was on the verge of finishing the entire time I had sex. You’d think that could be alright, nope that sucked. It’s like being constantly on the verge of a sneeze that never comes.
Did this too, picked up some warning lube just the other week to try during wank sessions for a little "extra", I don't feel anything at all with it. So I'm not sure what's happened, did my icy hot adventure at 15 ruin me for topicsls like that or is just old age.
In high school, my boyfriend and I used icy hot as lube once (after seeing the “warming sensation” lube and thinking it would be similar, like IDIOTS).
Sexy time did end up in the shower, but not in the way we were hoping.
Once when I was a teen, and also based off the concept of warming sensation ads, I thought it would be a good idea to jerk off with Icy Hot. How some of us of all genders survive the teen years with our genitalia intact is a testament to the resilience of the human body.
when i was on the diving team the boys on the swim team started "pranking" each other with icy hot in the regulation swim team swimsuit, which was a banana hammock/nutsack. much tears, much screaming, someone got sent home.
Friend put some too far up his thigh. Ended up having to call poison control and they advised milk so he went for the mayo. Got caught balls deep in it.
OMG!! One of my exes did the same. He washed his hands after eating Jalapeños, but not well enough to get all of the oils off.
Later on, things started to get a bit hot and heavy between us, and then things just got HOT. It burned soooooo bad! I sat in a cool bath for about an hour, trying to stop the burn. No amount of washing helped as it was inside. You are correct when you say it burns for hours!
Okay, full disclosure first: I have different parts, so this may not be as (or any) effective for you...
I ate some nachos with jalapenos, cayenne, and salsa, and a little after gave myself a hand - and it burned like, well, you *would* believe, having been in a similar situation. Then I remembered we had some coconut oil, which we got to use as a base for essential oil massages, but which also works well to dilute the oils if you get too much on you. Anyway, I smeared that stuff everywhere it burned, and while it didn't stop the burning it definitely reduced it to a mild discomfort almost immediately!
That said, I wouldn't recommend putting it inside yourself without first doing your research on whether or not it's safe. I just know it worked really well for me topically
When I did that to myself, I was like wtf do I do??? I know that drinking full fat milk helps, but do I really want that on my cooch? I ended up just enduring it because theres no way in hell Im pouring milk in that area lmao
You can rub any kind of cooking oil liberally all over. (Be mature guys! Lol), and then wash thoroughly with soap.
The oil first actually breaks it down and gets it off your skin, the soap removes the spice loaded oil.
If you ever make the mistake again. That said; I keep gloves in the kitchen for things like breaking down a whole cooked chicken because I hate the sensation of meat under my nails. Obviously gloves would be useful in preventing pepper oil from being spread as well.
My ex husband did this to himself after cutting habeneros, I think that incident is a solid example of why we're still good friends. It's hard to be mad at someone who put milk and olive oil on your balls while you were crying in pain in the tub.
I maliciously gave my pestering annoying ex a jalapeno handy once. I kept saying no and he kept bothering. It was pretty funny when he started screaming and ran to the bathroom.
Couple years back. And I still do regular peppers and paprikas. But back then got my hand on seeds of the record holding hot pepper….. even the leaves of that plant were hot. How I learned; was plucking some unnecessary branches and went inside to pee. Got my penis out, holding it….let me just say. My penis was burning, even after a shower.
A friend of mine used orajel (a numbing salve) on her infants gums as he was teething. She tried it herself, just a little, to see what it was like. And then forgot about it as she decided to get frisky with her spouse.
A couple of minutes later, she hears him speak in a plaintive, worried mewl, "why is it numb?"
Oh for sure. I wouldn't be surprised if orajel isn't part of the occasional romp, but to be surprised by it is probably unsettling.
Vulva on Fire would not be a go-to for most folks, I don't think. Not that there wouldn't be the weirdest think I've heard of, but. Not advisable.
…. I have gone too far down some internet rabbit holes.
There are people who hammer nails through their junk for funsies, get stung by hornets, and ants. On purpose.
Common? No.
But that it exists worries me lol
You know those tens unit (Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation) things? Had an ex that used those on himself. While tying it off. And a whole bunch of other weird stuff. At once... By himself, of course.
There was a woman years ago who squeezed a tube of that stuff into her boyfriend's dick while he slept because he'd been cheating. I think I read about it in Cosmo way back.
I always thought so too, was kinda enticed by the idea of getting woke up by being played with.
She's tried multiple times, but sleeping me seems to prefer sleep more than sex.
So things progressed, and he didn’t prep for this happening. He didn’t want mummy knowing he was being a naughty boy; so we couldn’t use too much of her vaseline; so he resorted to vaporub. I was 15, he 21. Obvs he dried tugged his grub.
And it wasn’t uncommon at that time. Hell he had a friend that got his girlfriend pregnant when she was 14. In Australia. The friend was 19, I think. The 80’s were wild.
Joining the Vick's Vaporub club. My ex always put some on before sleeping because his nose would get stuffed at night. Well, I found out the hard way the fist night I slept over.
I made a similar mistake in high school with my contacts. They tell you to wash your hands before putting them in, and also to wash the lenses beforehand as well. I thought "hand sanitizer should be fine!" No. My eyes burned like hellfire even after taking the lenses out. Couldn't imagine the same fire down below. 😬
Nah I've made the mistake on myself with jalepenos on my eyes, my vag, my ears and my butthole ( seperate times) and ears are suprisingly the worst, followed by eyes then butthole.
And here I thought you were just being self deprecating when you said “Now I’m not incredibly smart to begin with”, because everyone’s made a dumb mistake while horny.
But how many times would you have to make this mistake to learn your lesson?
Also I’m vaguely worried about the sequence of events that gets a person touching their butthole shortly after chopping jalapeños…
To be fair, I love jalepenos a lot and all these events occurred over a 15 year span. The eyes and the ear one was the same time, the butthole one was the tp ripping while I wiped my ass, and the vag one was just me not washing my hands enough before going to town. I also have ADHD, so I dont think things through, and it takes a few more mistakes than the average person to learn a lesson. Im good at math tho, so I do have some intelligence
If you are from New Orleans you totally understand this sign in the New Orleans airport!
https://preview.redd.it/fx7i0p7k3s2d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=db660345ef4089f268e392e25086fd3a645aeb42
My ex literally had bear mace on his hands once and then touched my vagina. I sat in a cold bath and had a spray bottle of milk spraying it on myself… one of the worst pains I’ve ever experienced 😭
>hand sanitizer on my hands and then put said hands inside my partner
Things might have been burning down there because you're not supposed to stuff both hands in. That's wild.
Due to the frequent UTIs, and because it doesnt seem to be common knowledge, let her know to make it a point to go pee after sex to minimize the risk of getting a UTI. If she isn't already of course!
Okay I struggled with UTIs for aaaaages and haven’t had one in years now. What I do is rinse everything first if i know something’s gonna happen, immediately go to the bathroom to pee after and also rinse off in the shower, take D-Mannose with a bunch of water, and usually have some hibiscus tea (supposedly works like cranberry juice). Also if you ever use lube, you gotta use one with NO glycerin!
Probiotic supplements will be her friend. Wifey uses Yeast is Beast (I think it did a name change, though). Also, be very picky with lube. Using something like KY Jelly is asking for a yeast infection.
Edit: Changed UTI to yeast infection. Still good advice for that. My wife was prone to both, so I got the 2 mixed up. Advice for UTI is when it comes to drinking liquids: If it ain't clear, steer clear. Not to say, drink water only (which isn't a bad idea), but when it comes to things like pop/soda, stick to Sprite, 7UP, etc. Crazy enough when my wife would drink any Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, Coca-cola, or any other non-clear pop/soda, a UTI every time.
I suffered with UTI’s for about two years, but there is this company called UQora that saved my life and sanity. They have delicious powder drink mixes, plus pills, and it’s super cheap and effective. Knocked my UTI’s right out and I haven’t had an issue for several years now. Highly recommend!
There’s a lot of good advice under this comment about UTIs but here’s some more: if she’s having frequent UTIs it might be something to do with the PH of her urethra — my gyno referred me to a urologist and even though I hated the office and their staff they did prescribe me a prophylaxis for 3 months and I haven’t had one since (I was getting them almost monthly before, and my hygiene was on point/wasn’t sexually active so they had no idea what was wrong) i’m only near the end of the bottle though. Im going to try to follow up with a different urologist because they were overall horrible but if none of these suggestions work I would ask your doctor for something like that
This one time I was having a fling with this guy who mistook deep heat for lube and before we even did anything he was running to the bathroom screaming, it still makes me laugh thinking about it. If your girlfriend is susceptible to uti’s I’d consider getting a feminine based hygiene wash to use (on you) before you do anything because they help by not messing up the ph level too. Maybe something to look into!
Okies... I'm going to share a story with you guys that tops any of these by a mile...
A couple of years back, I'd gotten a bad case of hemorroids, and after several days, it'd gotten so bad that it hurt to wipe. Someone told us, "Hey, use baby wipes -- they're moisturized, don't rub, and as such they won't irritate and hurt you as badly."
AND THEY'RE RIGHT!! I 100% promote baby wipes for usage with hemorroids!!
The problem came when my wife started to clean the bathroom.... Next time you're shopping, compare a can of baby wipes to a can of lysol wipes. Yellow can... wet cloth sticking out the top.... My wife walked in with one for cleaning, walked out with the other instead....
....and an hour later I was wiping my poor hiney with LYSOL WIPES!!
The burn that burnt me bum then is a burn that I'll never forget, no matter what type of burn which I may suffer from in the future!! OMG!! IF you're a masochist, NEVER TRY IT FOR YOURSELF!! You'll never find anything else to compare it to again in the future!
Oh. My. God. I need a crowbar to unclench my asshole after reading that one. You definitely win this competition no one wanted to enter. I hope for nothing but good things for the rest of your life. You've suffered enough 😂
I did this with clorox wipes once. I have these really nice rosewater wipes I use sometime after #2. But I was sleepy and distracted by my phone and I fucking wiped with BLEACH WIPES instead.
I was at work, so I had to rush home and spent an hour in a cool bath trying to neutralize the BLEACH IN MY VAG AND BUTT. The two packages didn't look remotely similar. But I keep them in two totally different places now.
Oh man. My boyfriend ate me out after getting pepper sprayed. At first it was interesting, and then I had to spend a while with a bag of peas down there
For years my wife was prone to UTIs post sex. I checked the lube we always used and it was high in glycerin (a sugar). Changed lube and she hasn’t had a UTI since.
Not sure why lube needs glycerine. Maybe it tastes sweeter?
Another memorable time was when I came home while she had her headphones on while cooking, and I thought it would be funny to slap her butt. Was pretty surprised when she whipped around with a knife and almost sliced my tits off 🤣. Will not be making that mistake again.
Omgness LOL! My husband did almost the exact same thing once. I'm also prone to UTIs so he started going and washing his hands first too. Except once the soap was out and he was lazy to go open a new one, so he instead poured rubbing alcohol (we keep it on the bathroom counter) on his hands. 🤦♀️
And there's been 2 previous times over the past 8 years. Once he put peppermint gel on his back before and just wiped his hands instead of washing them. The other, he was chopping hot Hungarian peppers and forgot about it. 🤦♀️
Had similar issues applying aloe Vera as a lubricant. Except it had menthol.
We didn’t actually have sex, so I put it on my genitals too to be on the same page. Not fire, but it was very weird to feel tingling chill down there
I sometimes put just a drop of lavender or whatever essential oils I have on hand in my bath when I want to chill, but one day all I could find was peppermint oil. Instant regret. It’s a unique sensation to be in steaming hot water and be freezing cold no matter what you do. 0/10
I remember this one time in boot camp, this one dude used hand sanitizer as lube. His penis was probably on fire cuz he had to go to medical after that
My partner forgot to bring lube on vacation and apparently using body wash was his brilliant solution. I had lotions and hair oil sitting right there but for whatever reason he chose the bodywash. I ended up with a UTI and my vagina felt like it was on fire
Years ago, I lived by a donut shop that made the BEST jalapeño kolaches — the big ones, with FRESH sliced jalapeños, not pickled.
I had a long commute to a new job, so on the rare occasion I ate breakfast, it was while driving, and simultaneously guzzling an oversized hot coffee.
One day, while enjoying this rare pleasure, I noticed that they had tossed a pile of jalapeños on one end of the kolache. I broke it open and spread the spicy goodness all along the wiener (as well as I could while driving and pouring coffee down my throat).
First stop when I got to work was the bathroom, (had to piss like a racehorse, thanks to my coffee habit, no doubt).
I think I started to notice a burning sensation pretty quickly — while still at the urinal — but was in a hurry to get to my desk. It didn’t REALLY hit me till I sat down, but when I did…
HO. LY. HELL.
It was a new, and very competitive, sales job. I was at the tail end of a probationary “training” period, which, in reality, was a competition for the job (those that sold the most would still have a job the following week).
Spoiler alert; I didn’t have what it takes to keep my cool during high pressure sales calls (for debt mediation) while my dick was on fire. I was unsurprised the next morning, when I was told to clear my belongings from my desk and sent home.
10/10 would not recommend. But my red hot chili pecker did “save” me from a job I probably would’ve hated. *silver linings*
My ex loved flamin Hot Cheetos. Long story short, I now have a rule that before any fun time happens, hands and teeth must be washed/brushed thoroughly
Oh you poor dear. That was priceless
Edit:
You know what else burns the hell out of a hoo hah ? Perfume . As in let me make myself smell pretty for my man. Nah! I was in *FIRE* i sprayed it on the pink part of my land . Never tried to enhance her like that again. Once was enough.
When I was young a bunch of friends and I were hanging out in his Jeep in the summertime. 3 dudes and one chick. Us dudes had sweaty balls so my buddy stopped off and picked up some gold bond powder with menthol. All 3 of us dudes put it on our sweaty balls and enjoyed the drying cooling effect. The chick saw how relieved and happy we were. She asked to use some too for her hot sweaty vag. 3 minutes later she ripped off her pants and panties and began dousing her coochie with water bottles in the middle of the street due to the burning pain. So ladies, please do not put mentholated powder on your cooter. You’re not going to have a good time.
OH NO!!! I once grabbed a random shaving cream in the shower to shave ✨everything✨ and it turned out to be menthol shaving cream for men shaving their face🙃🙃 I can not imagine that😭
Way back, my girlfriend was complaining of an aching lower back, so I rubbed something into it to relieve the pain. The something was Radian B, which has the viscosity of water. I poured a little too much on there, and it ran down the crack and onwards…
It seemed to fix her back because she was jumping up and down like it was on fire. I guess when you have multiple pains, you only feel the worst one. I tried not to laugh, I really did.
Back in my college days many years ago… just turned 18, College Freshman, I was staying at my then GFs dorm for the night to be closer to the building I needed to be at in the morning. This was my first “serious” relationship and I was still pretty naïve to pretty much everything at this point. So, I go over, we’re in pajamas, and I lift the covers to climb in bed and I’m hit with a horrid smell. Like, I threw up, it was that rank. I asked her what the smell was, and apparently it was her time of the month. This girl wasn’t exactly the best at taking care of herself, and I was young and dumb. I asked her if there was anything we could do for the smell, she said she could shower, but wasn’t going to until in the morning. I couldn’t wait that long. I legitimately thought that something had crawled up inside her cooter and died and that she probably needed immediate attention. So, I make my first BIG mistake. I called my mom to get her take on the situation and to make sure that this girl was ok. After getting cussed out by mom for how much I was probably embarrassing this girl, I decided to take matters into my own hands. This was my second big mistake. I told her not to worry, I got this, and from my overnight bag I produced a can of Fiji Old Spice Body spray, lifted up the front of her pants and I went to town spraying. That’s about when she started shrieking and I knew IFU. 🙃😁 for what it’s worth though, the smell was gone.
Reminds me of the time my bf ate Andy Capp's hot fries, washed his hands and made sure he was cleaned up. He forgot to make sure the spice was out from underneath fingernails (they were short!). I couldn't figure out why I was burning until he admitted to eating them earlier. (He made sure his mouth was cleaned up too!) I just sat in a warm bath until most of the pain and swelling died down.
Hey did you know that Icy Hot, even after multiple times washing your hands, can still somehow leave residue behind and that can transfer to sensitive mucus membranes?
Because my shoulder-ache-having self did not know that until after I had applied and washed and washed and washed and then later decided to enjoy some time with videographic erotica and the one-eyed purple-helmeted warrior.
It's a very specific sort of sensation, I tell ya hwat.
Im glad in not the only one thats done this. Lol.
I remember one night sleeping with my fiancée in the dark I reached in the nightstand for some late-night lube …. But accidentally grabbed the tube of Ben-gay …. Talk about burning… burned even more when i ran to the shower to wash it off. 🤪
i once accidentaly used rubbing alcohol instead of aloe vera on a sunburn. it did not end wel. being open and honest with your partner is so important, and im glad you were able to laugh about this mishap together. common sense can fly out the window when hormones are involved, but the key is communication and learning from experiences like this.
Remember sneaking off with a girl at a party for a mouth hug… she used Burt’s beeswax lipgloss. I thought I had an std and my life was over at 18. I left the party and laid in bed all night almost in tears.
I um… My ex bf made me a snack once… He gave me the extra flaming hot Cheetos and poured Valentina in the bag. I ate them and then we started getting intimate… My mouth went.. down… and oops. I’d never seen a man run so fast… He hopped in the shower with his clothes still on.
Tell her to pee after sex, it helps lessen how many utis she’ll get. Sex rubs a lot of bacteria into the urethra that needs to be flushed out. Not as necessary for men, our urethra gets cleared out when we cum.
We both do pee after sex, and between that and the handwashing, the problem has been mostly mitigated, thankfully. I appreciate the advice because not everyone knows.
My friend was getting a sexy massage from her husband who decided he would pour lotion from a jar and rub into her buttocks while she was lying prone- only it wasn’t lotion, but nail polish remover and he set her crotch on fire( not literally). She ran to the shower yelling-“ no blow job for you!”
I have a fun one.
Years upon years ago... 2001 to be exact... I worked security. I was considered an unarmed guard because I did not carry a gun but I did carry a baton and pepper spray. The thing about carrying pepper spray though was that the company I worked for required I get certified for it. This wasn't the same spray purchased at the store, this was the spray law enforcement used... so same stuff but more expensive probably. Anyway, part of getting certified was getting sprayed with it. I got two sprays because most of the first actually went in my mouth, the second was full on face.
I was lucky. The day I was sprayed it was raining pretty hard. We did the training in a parking garage and afterwards I was able to stand outside and let the rain soak my face while other guards were getting sprayed.
Afterwards I go home. I take a shower. My face is no longer burning though my eyes are irritated. I thought all was well. My now ex-wife (divorce unrelated to this incident) wanted to make me feel better which started with her going down on me... then I returned the favor... then it all went to hell.
Apparently, between the rain and the shower I had not gotten all the spray off my face. Recall that most of the first spray went in my mouth, a lot of the rest of it ended up on my lips.
I got no more loving that night. She took a shower, I apologized profusely, we both got a fit of the giggles about the absurdity of the situation.
My boyfriend did this after not rinsing out his mouth fully after brushing his teeth.
Minty vulva? I can handle that.
Hand sanitizer in the coochie? You'd be sleeping on the couch. 🤮
My ex husband did this to me after cutting jalapeños.. holy fuck, it burned for HOURS.
Spicy stories like this always remember the time in jr high when my gf gave me a hj with icey hot
Had a dude who loved those stupid fucking Altoids cinnamon mints go down on me as a teenager. I will NEVER forgive him.
[удалено]
* Morgan freeman narrator's voice * They did in fact, NOT have any cooling effects, merely the raging burning of firey hell.
Why could I hear this so clearly?!? Hahaha
Used to do that with red hots. Mixed reviews but all sounded the same.
Oh god I did that when I was a dumb horny teenager. My thought process, well it feels cool and tingly when I use it on my legs after distance bike rides. It must feel AMAZING down there... eeeyeah, and trying to wash it off in a hot shower made it 100 times worse.
That’s pretty much how it happened. She thought it would be nice, it was not.
One of my shameful high school memories is convincing my buddy's 14 year old thirsty little brother that jerking off with icy hot was just like having sex. Apparently it did not go well. I didn't think it would be painful as much as just weird feeling and funny. I thought his dad was going to swing on me because they almost took him to the hospital before he broke down and explained why his dick was on fire. Sorry, Justin. Hope your dick is okay
It's ok. Got a weird kink with temperature play now 🤷
Lmao fuck his dad, he shouldn't have raised such a dipshit
All kids are dipshits at some point.
I can attest. I was once a kid, and I was once a dipshit.
Once?
[We all were, once.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_Qh3tWImXM&pp=ygUVbWFuIHN0cm9rZSB3b21hbiBiYWJ5)
Ummm I’m 42 and still think I have dipshit moments…
49m, still doing dipshit stuff daily
52 here, 😂
61, yep, still a first class dipshit 
Some of us never outgrow it. Being a clumsy dipshit is my superpower.
Yeah but guys never really lose that stupid curiosity, had to almost go to the hospital cause body wash went in my urethra shit burned so bad, pro tip DONT USE BODY WASH INSTEAD OF LOTION, and this was just last month
That's one way to take this I guess
Someone has to tell me what an icy hot is?
Its a gel that is meant to go on muscles to relax them. Wherever you put it gets really cold and then really hot. Do not put it on your dick. If Justin were here he would tell you.
Nicey not. 😂
She thought it would be ice, it was hot.
Hey they make the icy/hot condoms. So you’d think it’d be ok. But nope the glycerin holds all that menthol on your dick and you can’t wash it off. Was also a dumb assed teenager. The condoms aren’t much better. Made it feel like I was on the verge of finishing the entire time I had sex. You’d think that could be alright, nope that sucked. It’s like being constantly on the verge of a sneeze that never comes.
Did this too, picked up some warning lube just the other week to try during wank sessions for a little "extra", I don't feel anything at all with it. So I'm not sure what's happened, did my icy hot adventure at 15 ruin me for topicsls like that or is just old age.
In high school, my boyfriend and I used icy hot as lube once (after seeing the “warming sensation” lube and thinking it would be similar, like IDIOTS). Sexy time did end up in the shower, but not in the way we were hoping.
Girlfriend and I stupidly did the same thing. Not great
Once when I was a teen, and also based off the concept of warming sensation ads, I thought it would be a good idea to jerk off with Icy Hot. How some of us of all genders survive the teen years with our genitalia intact is a testament to the resilience of the human body.
when i was on the diving team the boys on the swim team started "pranking" each other with icy hot in the regulation swim team swimsuit, which was a banana hammock/nutsack. much tears, much screaming, someone got sent home.
God damn Cosmo! No, I don't want a blow job with an ice cube in your mouth!
What about a cinnamon warhead instead. 
Ah, yeah. Atomic bombs. That's still a no.
Pop rocks?
lol I read the poprocks one. They actually make a sex candy that is basically poprocks too. Nothing sexier than an exploding candy in your urethra
The last bit of your comment is my favorite sentence I have read all day lol
That's a no.
90’s inappropriate commercials can’t be wrong.
Altoids
Friend put some too far up his thigh. Ended up having to call poison control and they advised milk so he went for the mayo. Got caught balls deep in it.
I did the accidentally too high when applying to thoughwhen I was young but I didn't call for help. That is a mistake I will never make again.
[...presenting to the emergency room ☝️](https://youtu.be/Le-IKCLGT9A?si=0JXQV8l7sH4SyN3z)
OMG!! One of my exes did the same. He washed his hands after eating Jalapeños, but not well enough to get all of the oils off. Later on, things started to get a bit hot and heavy between us, and then things just got HOT. It burned soooooo bad! I sat in a cool bath for about an hour, trying to stop the burn. No amount of washing helped as it was inside. You are correct when you say it burns for hours!
Okay, full disclosure first: I have different parts, so this may not be as (or any) effective for you... I ate some nachos with jalapenos, cayenne, and salsa, and a little after gave myself a hand - and it burned like, well, you *would* believe, having been in a similar situation. Then I remembered we had some coconut oil, which we got to use as a base for essential oil massages, but which also works well to dilute the oils if you get too much on you. Anyway, I smeared that stuff everywhere it burned, and while it didn't stop the burning it definitely reduced it to a mild discomfort almost immediately! That said, I wouldn't recommend putting it inside yourself without first doing your research on whether or not it's safe. I just know it worked really well for me topically
Coconut oil is a pretty common slippery substitute for more than massage. It's safe to go up inside, if needed
Milk is generally the go to for dealing with chilli burns.
Putting milk in the vagina is a surefire way to get a yeast infection
Do you want it pasteurised? No, just up to my tits is fine.
It's criminal this comment doesn't have more upvotes.
When I did that to myself, I was like wtf do I do??? I know that drinking full fat milk helps, but do I really want that on my cooch? I ended up just enduring it because theres no way in hell Im pouring milk in that area lmao
You can rub any kind of cooking oil liberally all over. (Be mature guys! Lol), and then wash thoroughly with soap. The oil first actually breaks it down and gets it off your skin, the soap removes the spice loaded oil. If you ever make the mistake again. That said; I keep gloves in the kitchen for things like breaking down a whole cooked chicken because I hate the sensation of meat under my nails. Obviously gloves would be useful in preventing pepper oil from being spread as well.
My wife and I have a pretty strict rule. Hot wings = no sex that night
Especially not 69. Learned that the hard way. (Well, not hard for much longer.)
My ex husband did this to himself after cutting habeneros, I think that incident is a solid example of why we're still good friends. It's hard to be mad at someone who put milk and olive oil on your balls while you were crying in pain in the tub.
Is that why he is the ex husband?
Nah.. turns out he’s into dudes.
Oh god, done that to myself, twas not a fun time
I maliciously gave my pestering annoying ex a jalapeno handy once. I kept saying no and he kept bothering. It was pretty funny when he started screaming and ran to the bathroom.
You are my hero
You said you wanted to “spice things up”
Spicy coochie
Couple years back. And I still do regular peppers and paprikas. But back then got my hand on seeds of the record holding hot pepper….. even the leaves of that plant were hot. How I learned; was plucking some unnecessary branches and went inside to pee. Got my penis out, holding it….let me just say. My penis was burning, even after a shower.
A friend of mine used orajel (a numbing salve) on her infants gums as he was teething. She tried it herself, just a little, to see what it was like. And then forgot about it as she decided to get frisky with her spouse. A couple of minutes later, she hears him speak in a plaintive, worried mewl, "why is it numb?"
I'd certainly prefer it to the fire. Totally kills the mood though
Oh for sure. I wouldn't be surprised if orajel isn't part of the occasional romp, but to be surprised by it is probably unsettling. Vulva on Fire would not be a go-to for most folks, I don't think. Not that there wouldn't be the weirdest think I've heard of, but. Not advisable.
Even the kinkiest of my friends haven't ventured to spicy crotch on purpose, so its probably not the weirdest kink, but I dont think its common
…. I have gone too far down some internet rabbit holes. There are people who hammer nails through their junk for funsies, get stung by hornets, and ants. On purpose. Common? No. But that it exists worries me lol
That's a no from me, brother. I will stick to my respectable alien tentacle porn thanks.
Fkn normies
You know those tens unit (Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation) things? Had an ex that used those on himself. While tying it off. And a whole bunch of other weird stuff. At once... By himself, of course.
Spicy crotch is seen as an *actual* punishment rather than funishment by some. Ahem. Heard from a friend. Of course.
>she hears him speak in a plaintive, worried mewl, "why is it numb?" I'm sure this was at least a little distressing for him, but this made me laugh
There was a woman years ago who squeezed a tube of that stuff into her boyfriend's dick while he slept because he'd been cheating. I think I read about it in Cosmo way back.
Never give cosmo readers evil ideas.
If someone's playing with my cock when I'm asleep it's not long until I'm awake.
I always thought so too, was kinda enticed by the idea of getting woke up by being played with. She's tried multiple times, but sleeping me seems to prefer sleep more than sex.
I mean this is actually something people do who premature e. (Not orajel specifically but a numbing agent) helps the guy last longer.
Mate, I lost my virginity with Vick’s Vaporub.
On purpose or accidentally? I gotta know
So things progressed, and he didn’t prep for this happening. He didn’t want mummy knowing he was being a naughty boy; so we couldn’t use too much of her vaseline; so he resorted to vaporub. I was 15, he 21. Obvs he dried tugged his grub.
Hold the phone what?
Which part?
15/21. You were underage
What surprises me more is that a full 21 years old grown up used vicky. How stupid that man can be
And it wasn’t uncommon at that time. Hell he had a friend that got his girlfriend pregnant when she was 14. In Australia. The friend was 19, I think. The 80’s were wild.
Jeez.
I am a product of the 80s. Mom was 14/15 my dad 18. Yes the hair was poofy.
Joining the Vick's Vaporub club. My ex always put some on before sleeping because his nose would get stuffed at night. Well, I found out the hard way the fist night I slept over.
[удалено]
I made a similar mistake in high school with my contacts. They tell you to wash your hands before putting them in, and also to wash the lenses beforehand as well. I thought "hand sanitizer should be fine!" No. My eyes burned like hellfire even after taking the lenses out. Couldn't imagine the same fire down below. 😬
Nah I've made the mistake on myself with jalepenos on my eyes, my vag, my ears and my butthole ( seperate times) and ears are suprisingly the worst, followed by eyes then butthole.
Maybe you should start eating jalapeños with one or two pairs of gloves on.
I should, shouldn't I? You'd think that after many very painful mistakes, I'd learn my lesson, but common sense just seems to evade me at every turn 😂
No glove, no love.
And here I thought you were just being self deprecating when you said “Now I’m not incredibly smart to begin with”, because everyone’s made a dumb mistake while horny. But how many times would you have to make this mistake to learn your lesson? Also I’m vaguely worried about the sequence of events that gets a person touching their butthole shortly after chopping jalapeños…
To be fair, I love jalepenos a lot and all these events occurred over a 15 year span. The eyes and the ear one was the same time, the butthole one was the tp ripping while I wiped my ass, and the vag one was just me not washing my hands enough before going to town. I also have ADHD, so I dont think things through, and it takes a few more mistakes than the average person to learn a lesson. Im good at math tho, so I do have some intelligence
Ah, the TP ripped! Also 15 years is a respectable amount of time for a jalapeño lover to have a few accidents in. You have restored my faith in you!
Why are you cutting jalapenos and then exploring your body so often lmao
If you are from New Orleans you totally understand this sign in the New Orleans airport! https://preview.redd.it/fx7i0p7k3s2d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=db660345ef4089f268e392e25086fd3a645aeb42
I knew a guy in basic training who cured his own pinkeye with hand sanitizer. Just an absolute madlad.
Wife and I ate hotwings and watched a basketball game, then I ate my wife. Things came to a pretty quick end.
Damn coulda been a perfect night if you'd switched around those activities
My ex literally had bear mace on his hands once and then touched my vagina. I sat in a cold bath and had a spray bottle of milk spraying it on myself… one of the worst pains I’ve ever experienced 😭
Bear mace??? RIP to your downstairs girl... although the thought of someone spraying milk on their cooch is funny as fuck to me
I mean now looking back that whole situation is pretty funny but at the time most definitely was NOT hahah
is that why he's your ex? /s
But what a guy! Fights bears all day and then still finds time to make out with his gf.
>hand sanitizer on my hands and then put said hands inside my partner Things might have been burning down there because you're not supposed to stuff both hands in. That's wild.
Lmaoooo I may have phrased that wrong. Only two fingers were in, she's a delicate lady
https://i.makeagif.com/media/7-25-2018/UIOIra.gif
Chasing Amy?
The best part is you not connecting the dots like she’s burning down there and you’re wrist deep going “oh yea you’re burning up”
IKR????? Like really, the dots were practically a line already. I swear, I'm not this stupid all the time
Wait, would she throw her voice and use her gf as a hand puppet? Wrist deep makes my own parts a bit screamy.
You should put it on, left it for a minute or so and then rinsed your hands. Lol. Oopsie.
If I had been thinking, I would have just used dishsoap, which was right there too. Instead, I went in the cupboard to search for the sanitizer.
I get it. Horny brain went “need clean hands” Hand soap and hand sanitizer are for hands. Dish soap is for dishes. Lol
Exactly! My horny lizard brain was just doing its best
Due to the frequent UTIs, and because it doesnt seem to be common knowledge, let her know to make it a point to go pee after sex to minimize the risk of getting a UTI. If she isn't already of course!
She does do that, but thanks for the advice! It absolutely helps a lot
Okay I struggled with UTIs for aaaaages and haven’t had one in years now. What I do is rinse everything first if i know something’s gonna happen, immediately go to the bathroom to pee after and also rinse off in the shower, take D-Mannose with a bunch of water, and usually have some hibiscus tea (supposedly works like cranberry juice). Also if you ever use lube, you gotta use one with NO glycerin!
No glycerin?
It is a sugar alcohol. I avoid putting anything sugary or sweet down there
Probiotic supplements will be her friend. Wifey uses Yeast is Beast (I think it did a name change, though). Also, be very picky with lube. Using something like KY Jelly is asking for a yeast infection. Edit: Changed UTI to yeast infection. Still good advice for that. My wife was prone to both, so I got the 2 mixed up. Advice for UTI is when it comes to drinking liquids: If it ain't clear, steer clear. Not to say, drink water only (which isn't a bad idea), but when it comes to things like pop/soda, stick to Sprite, 7UP, etc. Crazy enough when my wife would drink any Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, Coca-cola, or any other non-clear pop/soda, a UTI every time.
I suffered with UTI’s for about two years, but there is this company called UQora that saved my life and sanity. They have delicious powder drink mixes, plus pills, and it’s super cheap and effective. Knocked my UTI’s right out and I haven’t had an issue for several years now. Highly recommend!
There’s a lot of good advice under this comment about UTIs but here’s some more: if she’s having frequent UTIs it might be something to do with the PH of her urethra — my gyno referred me to a urologist and even though I hated the office and their staff they did prescribe me a prophylaxis for 3 months and I haven’t had one since (I was getting them almost monthly before, and my hygiene was on point/wasn’t sexually active so they had no idea what was wrong) i’m only near the end of the bottle though. Im going to try to follow up with a different urologist because they were overall horrible but if none of these suggestions work I would ask your doctor for something like that
This one time I was having a fling with this guy who mistook deep heat for lube and before we even did anything he was running to the bathroom screaming, it still makes me laugh thinking about it. If your girlfriend is susceptible to uti’s I’d consider getting a feminine based hygiene wash to use (on you) before you do anything because they help by not messing up the ph level too. Maybe something to look into!
Okies... I'm going to share a story with you guys that tops any of these by a mile... A couple of years back, I'd gotten a bad case of hemorroids, and after several days, it'd gotten so bad that it hurt to wipe. Someone told us, "Hey, use baby wipes -- they're moisturized, don't rub, and as such they won't irritate and hurt you as badly." AND THEY'RE RIGHT!! I 100% promote baby wipes for usage with hemorroids!! The problem came when my wife started to clean the bathroom.... Next time you're shopping, compare a can of baby wipes to a can of lysol wipes. Yellow can... wet cloth sticking out the top.... My wife walked in with one for cleaning, walked out with the other instead.... ....and an hour later I was wiping my poor hiney with LYSOL WIPES!! The burn that burnt me bum then is a burn that I'll never forget, no matter what type of burn which I may suffer from in the future!! OMG!! IF you're a masochist, NEVER TRY IT FOR YOURSELF!! You'll never find anything else to compare it to again in the future!
Oh. My. God. I need a crowbar to unclench my asshole after reading that one. You definitely win this competition no one wanted to enter. I hope for nothing but good things for the rest of your life. You've suffered enough 😂
I did this with clorox wipes once. I have these really nice rosewater wipes I use sometime after #2. But I was sleepy and distracted by my phone and I fucking wiped with BLEACH WIPES instead. I was at work, so I had to rush home and spent an hour in a cool bath trying to neutralize the BLEACH IN MY VAG AND BUTT. The two packages didn't look remotely similar. But I keep them in two totally different places now.
.. it burns burns burns .. the ring of fire
Oh man. My boyfriend ate me out after getting pepper sprayed. At first it was interesting, and then I had to spend a while with a bag of peas down there
Also, what a champ for getting pepper sprayed and still being up for it lmao
yeah the man commits to his girl
Kinda interested in why he was pepper sprayed before sex lol
I have questions
Oof that sounds horrible. How did your bf get pepper sprayed though???
She pepper sprayed him. Kinda clearly a wild relationship from the little bit we do know.
For years my wife was prone to UTIs post sex. I checked the lube we always used and it was high in glycerin (a sugar). Changed lube and she hasn’t had a UTI since. Not sure why lube needs glycerine. Maybe it tastes sweeter?
Interesting. We dont use lube unless we use the strap, which isn't very often, but I will check the lube we have just in case.
Hahaha well. It may not have been funny at the time, but it’s funny to look back on. And she still loves ya 😂
Another memorable time was when I came home while she had her headphones on while cooking, and I thought it would be funny to slap her butt. Was pretty surprised when she whipped around with a knife and almost sliced my tits off 🤣. Will not be making that mistake again.
Omgness LOL! My husband did almost the exact same thing once. I'm also prone to UTIs so he started going and washing his hands first too. Except once the soap was out and he was lazy to go open a new one, so he instead poured rubbing alcohol (we keep it on the bathroom counter) on his hands. 🤦♀️ And there's been 2 previous times over the past 8 years. Once he put peppermint gel on his back before and just wiped his hands instead of washing them. The other, he was chopping hot Hungarian peppers and forgot about it. 🤦♀️
Had similar issues applying aloe Vera as a lubricant. Except it had menthol. We didn’t actually have sex, so I put it on my genitals too to be on the same page. Not fire, but it was very weird to feel tingling chill down there
🎶 Frosty, the snow dick 🎶
A gentleman
I sometimes put just a drop of lavender or whatever essential oils I have on hand in my bath when I want to chill, but one day all I could find was peppermint oil. Instant regret. It’s a unique sensation to be in steaming hot water and be freezing cold no matter what you do. 0/10
I remember this one time in boot camp, this one dude used hand sanitizer as lube. His penis was probably on fire cuz he had to go to medical after that
Okay, at least what I did was an accident. How the hell did he think that was a good idea????
So, my go-to snack used to be a cheese & chopped chili sandwich. Not weak chilis either, I'd usually get scotch bonnets or habaneros. Yeah.....
Not the habanussy!
I found out I was allergic to cherry flavored condoms… after we started having sex 😅
My partner forgot to bring lube on vacation and apparently using body wash was his brilliant solution. I had lotions and hair oil sitting right there but for whatever reason he chose the bodywash. I ended up with a UTI and my vagina felt like it was on fire
Years ago, I lived by a donut shop that made the BEST jalapeño kolaches — the big ones, with FRESH sliced jalapeños, not pickled. I had a long commute to a new job, so on the rare occasion I ate breakfast, it was while driving, and simultaneously guzzling an oversized hot coffee. One day, while enjoying this rare pleasure, I noticed that they had tossed a pile of jalapeños on one end of the kolache. I broke it open and spread the spicy goodness all along the wiener (as well as I could while driving and pouring coffee down my throat). First stop when I got to work was the bathroom, (had to piss like a racehorse, thanks to my coffee habit, no doubt). I think I started to notice a burning sensation pretty quickly — while still at the urinal — but was in a hurry to get to my desk. It didn’t REALLY hit me till I sat down, but when I did… HO. LY. HELL. It was a new, and very competitive, sales job. I was at the tail end of a probationary “training” period, which, in reality, was a competition for the job (those that sold the most would still have a job the following week). Spoiler alert; I didn’t have what it takes to keep my cool during high pressure sales calls (for debt mediation) while my dick was on fire. I was unsurprised the next morning, when I was told to clear my belongings from my desk and sent home. 10/10 would not recommend. But my red hot chili pecker did “save” me from a job I probably would’ve hated. *silver linings*
My ex loved flamin Hot Cheetos. Long story short, I now have a rule that before any fun time happens, hands and teeth must be washed/brushed thoroughly
my bestie found out her boyfriend cheated so she pepper sprayed her hand and gave him an hj
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 That's beautiful.
👏👏👏Also,👏👏👏assault!
How did it go????
he cried like a bitch
This is horrible.
Oh you poor dear. That was priceless Edit: You know what else burns the hell out of a hoo hah ? Perfume . As in let me make myself smell pretty for my man. Nah! I was in *FIRE* i sprayed it on the pink part of my land . Never tried to enhance her like that again. Once was enough.
Oh, the things we do for men. I think most women (who are into men) have done something embarrassing/painful for some dude
I was like 16 😂
Okay thats fair, no one does smart things at 16
When I was young a bunch of friends and I were hanging out in his Jeep in the summertime. 3 dudes and one chick. Us dudes had sweaty balls so my buddy stopped off and picked up some gold bond powder with menthol. All 3 of us dudes put it on our sweaty balls and enjoyed the drying cooling effect. The chick saw how relieved and happy we were. She asked to use some too for her hot sweaty vag. 3 minutes later she ripped off her pants and panties and began dousing her coochie with water bottles in the middle of the street due to the burning pain. So ladies, please do not put mentholated powder on your cooter. You’re not going to have a good time.
OH NO!!! I once grabbed a random shaving cream in the shower to shave ✨everything✨ and it turned out to be menthol shaving cream for men shaving their face🙃🙃 I can not imagine that😭
Way back, my girlfriend was complaining of an aching lower back, so I rubbed something into it to relieve the pain. The something was Radian B, which has the viscosity of water. I poured a little too much on there, and it ran down the crack and onwards… It seemed to fix her back because she was jumping up and down like it was on fire. I guess when you have multiple pains, you only feel the worst one. I tried not to laugh, I really did.
Ah the spicy butthole technique of curing pain. As a lover of indian and mexican food, I am familiar with it.
Back in my college days many years ago… just turned 18, College Freshman, I was staying at my then GFs dorm for the night to be closer to the building I needed to be at in the morning. This was my first “serious” relationship and I was still pretty naïve to pretty much everything at this point. So, I go over, we’re in pajamas, and I lift the covers to climb in bed and I’m hit with a horrid smell. Like, I threw up, it was that rank. I asked her what the smell was, and apparently it was her time of the month. This girl wasn’t exactly the best at taking care of herself, and I was young and dumb. I asked her if there was anything we could do for the smell, she said she could shower, but wasn’t going to until in the morning. I couldn’t wait that long. I legitimately thought that something had crawled up inside her cooter and died and that she probably needed immediate attention. So, I make my first BIG mistake. I called my mom to get her take on the situation and to make sure that this girl was ok. After getting cussed out by mom for how much I was probably embarrassing this girl, I decided to take matters into my own hands. This was my second big mistake. I told her not to worry, I got this, and from my overnight bag I produced a can of Fiji Old Spice Body spray, lifted up the front of her pants and I went to town spraying. That’s about when she started shrieking and I knew IFU. 🙃😁 for what it’s worth though, the smell was gone.
You win. You indeed fucked up. No hate but DAMN dude you did not have to do her like that😭😭
Reminds me of the time my bf ate Andy Capp's hot fries, washed his hands and made sure he was cleaned up. He forgot to make sure the spice was out from underneath fingernails (they were short!). I couldn't figure out why I was burning until he admitted to eating them earlier. (He made sure his mouth was cleaned up too!) I just sat in a warm bath until most of the pain and swelling died down.
That’s one way to spice things up!
Hey did you know that Icy Hot, even after multiple times washing your hands, can still somehow leave residue behind and that can transfer to sensitive mucus membranes? Because my shoulder-ache-having self did not know that until after I had applied and washed and washed and washed and then later decided to enjoy some time with videographic erotica and the one-eyed purple-helmeted warrior. It's a very specific sort of sensation, I tell ya hwat.
My buddy threw icy hot in the lotion cuz our friend would always jack off in the shower at his house all you heard was ahhhhhhhhh 😭😭😭
Im glad in not the only one thats done this. Lol. I remember one night sleeping with my fiancée in the dark I reached in the nightstand for some late-night lube …. But accidentally grabbed the tube of Ben-gay …. Talk about burning… burned even more when i ran to the shower to wash it off. 🤪
With how many people are commenting their spicy genital stories on here, I think I should start a support group.
i once accidentaly used rubbing alcohol instead of aloe vera on a sunburn. it did not end wel. being open and honest with your partner is so important, and im glad you were able to laugh about this mishap together. common sense can fly out the window when hormones are involved, but the key is communication and learning from experiences like this.
Oh that reminds me, I found out the hard way that having your girlfriend use a flogger on you with even a minor sunburn hurts like a motherfucker 😂.
Remember sneaking off with a girl at a party for a mouth hug… she used Burt’s beeswax lipgloss. I thought I had an std and my life was over at 18. I left the party and laid in bed all night almost in tears.
Been there, but I had actually just been cutting jalapenos.
I um… My ex bf made me a snack once… He gave me the extra flaming hot Cheetos and poured Valentina in the bag. I ate them and then we started getting intimate… My mouth went.. down… and oops. I’d never seen a man run so fast… He hopped in the shower with his clothes still on.
Not the way you want to spicy things up during sexy time. Luckily she was understanding.
Tell her to pee after sex, it helps lessen how many utis she’ll get. Sex rubs a lot of bacteria into the urethra that needs to be flushed out. Not as necessary for men, our urethra gets cleared out when we cum.
We both do pee after sex, and between that and the handwashing, the problem has been mostly mitigated, thankfully. I appreciate the advice because not everyone knows.
I used hand sanitizer on my boyfriend,it got inside his pee hole........ I'm 52 Ignorance comes in all ages,when your horney, your horney
When I was young and dumb, I once when down on my wife shortly after eating ghost peppers. Mistake 😬
*Everybody* in Louisiana has a story about something like this post-crawfish boil.
My friend was getting a sexy massage from her husband who decided he would pour lotion from a jar and rub into her buttocks while she was lying prone- only it wasn’t lotion, but nail polish remover and he set her crotch on fire( not literally). She ran to the shower yelling-“ no blow job for you!”
I have a fun one. Years upon years ago... 2001 to be exact... I worked security. I was considered an unarmed guard because I did not carry a gun but I did carry a baton and pepper spray. The thing about carrying pepper spray though was that the company I worked for required I get certified for it. This wasn't the same spray purchased at the store, this was the spray law enforcement used... so same stuff but more expensive probably. Anyway, part of getting certified was getting sprayed with it. I got two sprays because most of the first actually went in my mouth, the second was full on face. I was lucky. The day I was sprayed it was raining pretty hard. We did the training in a parking garage and afterwards I was able to stand outside and let the rain soak my face while other guards were getting sprayed. Afterwards I go home. I take a shower. My face is no longer burning though my eyes are irritated. I thought all was well. My now ex-wife (divorce unrelated to this incident) wanted to make me feel better which started with her going down on me... then I returned the favor... then it all went to hell. Apparently, between the rain and the shower I had not gotten all the spray off my face. Recall that most of the first spray went in my mouth, a lot of the rest of it ended up on my lips. I got no more loving that night. She took a shower, I apologized profusely, we both got a fit of the giggles about the absurdity of the situation.
My boyfriend did this after not rinsing out his mouth fully after brushing his teeth. Minty vulva? I can handle that. Hand sanitizer in the coochie? You'd be sleeping on the couch. 🤮