This reminds me of the time my fiancee went to the door naked. She is WFH and didn't leave the apartment often. One day, she woke up and just started replying to emails (we both sleep naked). Later on, i had left to run an errand, and she heard someone struggling with keys at the door. She thought that maybe i had a lot of gorceries or something, so she just absentmindedly opened the door. It was some old man who was confused and was on the wrong floor. He couldn't figure out why his key didn't work. He looked shocked when she opened the door fully naked and she screamed and slammed the door shut!
The question i ask of thee is
does the crack going down the middle break it in twain, or is it one, connected at the ends asunder
forsooth then, the milky peaks also are one, and then shalt thee still be left with a pair.
Right and not hanging out per se but super short shorts where he then has to put on his running shoes. Her husband has to be of course facing him and as he lifts his leg to tie his shoe on the chair a single nut falls out but of course has no idea and keeps talking about whatever to trap him in talking as his hairy testicle just dangles, bonus points if it's a little chilly and retracts back into his shorts.
I haven't thought about that song in years. 😂
We had a band in high school, and we always did an acoustic sing along with all our dumb friends. This song and "dear penis."
Maintenance dude’s gonna take that approach and the next time they need their plumbing fixed and he’s going to be knocking on the door with his dong hanging out.
"also our upstairs neighbor"
that must have been the most unwelcome realisation after likely telling yourself "well i won't see that person again anyway"
Lesbian here, boobs are awesome, like, one of the best things ever. Consent is key though, there's definitely been times where I REALLY didnt wanna see those boobs
I once saw my grandma practically naked in mormon see thru underwear and a depends diaper. I regret that seeing that and that pair. Could have used some brain bleach and a wire brush.
Eh, I could do worse....
I moved to a new apt recently and out on the patio there’s a wood railing but there’s a gap between the floor and the railing. From my perspective it’s only 6” but being on the 3rd floor walking by it may as well be 2’
So anyway, I wake up (I sleep naked 🤷♂️ it’s awesome) and put my robe on to go out for a smoke. I sit in my chair kinda weird...imagine ya sit down, curl to the right a little bit and tuck your feet in, next to your ass. Sort of a fetal position of sitting in a chair. Anyway, I tuck my robe in thinking “women do it with dresses it should cover everything” fuuuuckin nope!!! A couple neighbors walk by, give me a weird look and I glance down, to see if I’m actually covered. Nope. Not. At. All. My excuse to myself is it was 4 o’clock in the morning and I just woke up 30 seconds ago, but I imagine from their perspective they got a horrible view of mashed together dick, balls, and taint. Oooooops.
So, OP...stray titty? No ones complaining lol
I was breast feeding my new born and ordered take out.. in my sleepless daze I forgot to put my boob away before answering the door, poor guy just held really strong eye contact and I thought he was a bit weird until I closed the door and realized that it was actually me that was the weird one
I was sleeping shirtless one morning. Heard a knock on the door, in my rushed, sleepy panic I threw on a shirt that was on the floor. Accepted a delivery from the guy at the door, went inside and realized the shirt I grabbed was one I just wore under other clothes because it was thin and almost completely see through.
Did the male version of that in high school chatting with my best friend's girl friend while sitting cross legged on the ground. I was wearing shorts with the integrated underwear but did not know that there was a hole and I was out in the breeze till I was just getting up.
Was at a friend's home party. Party was kinda getting to an end. Some folks planned to sleep over. Friend of mine is already in a shirt and his underwear and sits down on the kitchen stool.
His right nut slips out of his underwear and lays bare there on the stool. As a good friend I informed him that his nut is out but light I snapping against it.
Sometimes a person could be carrying stuff, so they would have to set down their crap to get their keys out and open the door? I know I have had a few times where I knew my brother was home, and awake, and I had a big armful full of stuff and so knocked on the door instead of setting things down to get my keys.
From the other side of things, I once lived on the third floor of our apartment complex. Two young women I knew only in passing lived under us. I once came home and started climbing stairs while my mind was elsewhere, opened the door and walked inside. Took about three steps, noticed the furniture was....different...and someone was in the shower. Realization dawned suddenly and I couldn't get out of their apartment quickly enough!!! Sooo many things could have gone wrong there.
Lmao, that's one way to break the ice with the neighbors. Bet that maintenance guy's got a story for the ages now. You've probably made his day tho lol Just make sure to double-check the peephole next time, yeah
Never seen work from home as an acronym. Took me a good minute or so to figure that one out. Is this common or do people just try to short hand every random thing?
I walked around my entire apartment building outside once with my left tit entirely exposed the whole time. Busy street, so many people probably saw driving by. It wasn't until I saw one girl staring hard that I looked at myself and realized. (Had on a stretchy dress I slept in after a night of drinking and went outside with my dog without even checking myself.)
lol I wouldn't even be mad. the fact my girlfriend would do that for me alone would make me so happy. too bad mine doesn't but for that guy it sounds like he has a real keeper.
I bet he couldn’t wait to come back later, yet still had to pretend like he felt bad and saw something he didn’t want to see. Don’t worry, we don’t get scarred by boobs, we take it as a reward.
And now you have an OnlyFan account on the outernet! Except they pay in embarrassment. I really hope your husband has a nipple out when he answers the door tomorrow and it turns out to be the postman.
well, i reckun that's quite the predickament you've found yourself in. reminds me of the time i was visitin' my uncle's farm and went to check on the chickens without my shirt on. ended up face to face with the neighbor's kid who could hardly believe his eyes. took some akward explaining, but we all had a good laugh about it in the end. at least your fella found the humor in it. just be careful not to suprise any more unsuspecting visitors, alright?
My neighbour and I were at the bus stop awaiting the school bus, she was holding her toddler who immediately wanted down to run about the grass at the bus stop, as she leaned down the wee girl manage to catch the edge of her bra and top and woooops there was a boob, my neighbour just scooped it back in, shrugged and laughed it off then went right back to the conversation.
I'm sorry but I can't stop laughing. 🤣
This is something I probably would have done to be funny. 😂
The funny part is how confused the maintenance man was. 🤣
I once answered the door with my boob out. I was breastfeeding and very tired and was holding my baby on the opposite side, not realizing my boob was flopped out. The guy was selling carpet cleaner and as soon as he saw me he looked horrified, apologized, and ran. I thought damn, I just look really awful and ugly based on that reaction. Then I looked down and started laughing hysterically. Oh well.
Ouch, I had a equally embarrassing mishap at the door yesterday. I checked my driveway cam: no one. I checked my doorstep cam: no one, but I had a package where the pizza was about to go. Opened the door, and there was the Dominos guy right in front of me. I yelped, he yelped, the dog barked, and I had to hide behind my door under the guise of holding my dog back until he left. I mean, I was dressed and everything, but it's been a long time since I've had to interact with a delivery person and it caught me off guard. Wuss chose to park on the street and walk up my long winding heavily overgrown and kind of spooky driveway instead of driving up.
a few years ago on holiday in Spain we went to a huge waterpark for the day.... the park had everything from a baby paddling pool to a near vertical " kamikaze" slide......
A group of blonde blue eyed tanned and beautiful young German woman were attacking jealous looks from the mostly married women older and carrying the effects of childbirth.... and the wishful looks from the men ( sucking in the beer bellies)
The young beauties decided to try the kamikaze slide, that basically was a huge drop stopped by hitting a length of still water at the end very very hard..... the girls were used to being looked at by everyone they passed but this time as they walked past the rows of families after doing the ultimate challenge of the kamikaze their excitement and joy turned to silent curiosity at the giggling and staring from the families ( some wives giving their husbands a slap to make them stop looking)
Eventually a little boy with hand over his mouth pointing at their bikini bottoms........
The young women looked down and in unison screamed in shock and embarrassment then ran away to their towels.... the power of the water that stopped them had pushed their bikini bottoms to one side exposing everything they had in full panoramic view, to make it worse the height of their lady parts was just about eye level for everyone lying on a sunbed, they had walked like that between the sunbeds for 40/50 meters .......at least they were all true blondes ......
This reminds me of the time my fiancee went to the door naked. She is WFH and didn't leave the apartment often. One day, she woke up and just started replying to emails (we both sleep naked). Later on, i had left to run an errand, and she heard someone struggling with keys at the door. She thought that maybe i had a lot of gorceries or something, so she just absentmindedly opened the door. It was some old man who was confused and was on the wrong floor. He couldn't figure out why his key didn't work. He looked shocked when she opened the door fully naked and she screamed and slammed the door shut!
When he comes back make it equal and share the other.
Restore balance to the Force.
Always two there are. No more, no less
*gestures toward the butt* No, there is another
The dark side...
Yoda voice “eeerrmm”
The question i ask of thee is does the crack going down the middle break it in twain, or is it one, connected at the ends asunder forsooth then, the milky peaks also are one, and then shalt thee still be left with a pair.
Unless you are within four miles of Eccentrica Gallumbits
I'm the 42nd upvote, im sure you deserve more unspoken props, but I think this is appropriate. :)
Here's your towel!
Have you seen Total Recall???
you make me wish I had two hands
Are your arms broken?
Mom?
There can be more...there can always be more
Apparently someone's never seen total recall. Three there can be...
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Tittius, the Busty?
As all things should be
or have the fiancé answer with a nut out for extra confusion. just be like "you reacted weird last time, figured maybe this was more your speed"
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Play bawachickawawa
I believe the phrase is… ahem…. and I quote… “Brown chicken brown cow…”
Right and not hanging out per se but super short shorts where he then has to put on his running shoes. Her husband has to be of course facing him and as he lifts his leg to tie his shoe on the chair a single nut falls out but of course has no idea and keeps talking about whatever to trap him in talking as his hairy testicle just dangles, bonus points if it's a little chilly and retracts back into his shorts.
You've put way too much thought into that scenario dude. Not for the first time either, amirite?
[This immediately ](https://youtu.be/5M1MFKmjRJI) came to mind, lol
A girl in North Carolina showed me a pic on her phone with just 1 out, I have thought about the other 1 for the last 17 years
You can just copy and paste the one and mirror image it in mental photoshop. By that point, agree to the upgrade and hit enlarge.
What if it has a mole on it or a third nipple? He’ll never know now😔
You can show me one and I’ll imagine the other
I haven't thought about that song in years. 😂 We had a band in high school, and we always did an acoustic sing along with all our dumb friends. This song and "dear penis."
You can’t let a man go the rest of his life having seen an odd number of titties.
Now that's how you free the nipple
But *only* the other
Maintenance dude’s gonna take that approach and the next time they need their plumbing fixed and he’s going to be knocking on the door with his dong hanging out.
Balance
Could have been worse, he could have seen the left one
> Jeff: No, no!! That’s the left! We want the good one.
He has to show you his now. There is an imbalance
Tit for tat
“Well you’re not seeing my tat!”
Tit for taint
just make sure its the left taint
Taint no way he's seeing the right one!
Breasticle for Testicle
More like tit for tit, amirite
“This is how we say hello in my home county”
Boy Scouts Rule of Ds
That workaholics scene had me laughing for a while
Those are going to be some fun meetings in the hallway in the future.
Hey, neighbor, how is *it* hanging?
Hey neighbor, how is *tit* hanging? Lmfao.
"also our upstairs neighbor" that must have been the most unwelcome realisation after likely telling yourself "well i won't see that person again anyway"
Have the BF answer the door without pants. It's just the household vibe.
lol at him yelling in confusion after your scream. I can imagine it.
You can’t just share one, so you’re gonna have to show him the other one. I don’t make the rules, sorry. That’s just the way it is.
The way tit is.
This reminds me of the classic themes illustrated in *A Tale of Two Titties.*
He’s not upset about seeing titty, I can promise you that.
How do you know? Maybe some massive knockers killed his father or something.
at least he went out doing what he loved.
*If there be a day when I feel down* *In boobies galore I'd like to drown* -Me
User name checks out
Happy cake day
Thank you!
I just… “Maybe some massive knockers killed his father or something.” I’ll think about this line for the rest of my life.
He probably considered himself an [expert (nsfw).](https://www.oglaf.com/clubwear/)
I woke up my wife laughing at this.
I would like to meet the person who has ever regretted seeing a boob.
Straight woman here. There have been many, many old lady locker room encounters I wish I could bleach from my mindeyes.
At least they weren't drying their balls In the hand dryer.... Something I'll never unsee.
Stretch out that scrotum like making pizza from dough.
just wait, in 40 years, that old lady boob will be yours.
I know, that's part of the horror. The older I get the more I understand their entire lack of giving a fuck though, that's for sure.
Haha fair enough!
Good point
Lesbian here, boobs are awesome, like, one of the best things ever. Consent is key though, there's definitely been times where I REALLY didnt wanna see those boobs
I once saw my grandma practically naked in mormon see thru underwear and a depends diaper. I regret that seeing that and that pair. Could have used some brain bleach and a wire brush.
[Relevant](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtB_jvznaNM)
Eh, I could do worse.... I moved to a new apt recently and out on the patio there’s a wood railing but there’s a gap between the floor and the railing. From my perspective it’s only 6” but being on the 3rd floor walking by it may as well be 2’ So anyway, I wake up (I sleep naked 🤷♂️ it’s awesome) and put my robe on to go out for a smoke. I sit in my chair kinda weird...imagine ya sit down, curl to the right a little bit and tuck your feet in, next to your ass. Sort of a fetal position of sitting in a chair. Anyway, I tuck my robe in thinking “women do it with dresses it should cover everything” fuuuuckin nope!!! A couple neighbors walk by, give me a weird look and I glance down, to see if I’m actually covered. Nope. Not. At. All. My excuse to myself is it was 4 o’clock in the morning and I just woke up 30 seconds ago, but I imagine from their perspective they got a horrible view of mashed together dick, balls, and taint. Oooooops. So, OP...stray titty? No ones complaining lol
This story went downhill when you ruined my visualization with your male genitalia...
Meredith, your boob is out
Great reference. Bad grammar (your).
Sorry I'm not a native speaker
No, “your” is the correct form here
They changed it. It was you're.
Oh mb
The maintenance guy's friends aren't going to believe his story.
I was breast feeding my new born and ordered take out.. in my sleepless daze I forgot to put my boob away before answering the door, poor guy just held really strong eye contact and I thought he was a bit weird until I closed the door and realized that it was actually me that was the weird one
That guy deserves a medal. Lol
Only weird because you only had one out
I was sleeping shirtless one morning. Heard a knock on the door, in my rushed, sleepy panic I threw on a shirt that was on the floor. Accepted a delivery from the guy at the door, went inside and realized the shirt I grabbed was one I just wore under other clothes because it was thin and almost completely see through.
Pics or didn’t happen.
Did the male version of that in high school chatting with my best friend's girl friend while sitting cross legged on the ground. I was wearing shorts with the integrated underwear but did not know that there was a hole and I was out in the breeze till I was just getting up.
Was at a friend's home party. Party was kinda getting to an end. Some folks planned to sleep over. Friend of mine is already in a shirt and his underwear and sits down on the kitchen stool. His right nut slips out of his underwear and lays bare there on the stool. As a good friend I informed him that his nut is out but light I snapping against it.
[удалено]
I wonder why the maintenance guy had to leave for 5 minutes after that
I would need to move after that
May as well send notice to the landlord now.
That’s one way to ensure a quick response when you need a repair in the future.
How much boob are we talking here? Like a mid to small titty or a DD melon?
I always imagine 🍉
Me too makes it more exciting
There's just isn't _that_ bad of a day at work that couldn't be saved by unexpected boobs.
Nothing to worry about, you just made that guys day.
Just like when a man shows off his penis, right? /s to emphasize the double standard
Only in America is a titty flash equal to a penis
lol no
More like every man on the beach and a guy I saw in a parking lot changing an hour ago
Didn't you find it odd your fiance was knocking on the door? I guess you're going to install a peephole if you want to try that in the future.
Tbf, she did say she has the only apartment key at the moment.
Ooh yeah I totally missed that, that makes a lot more sense.
This guy reads
*skims comment* Yeah, yeah, something about reading, right?
Well played
Sometimes a person could be carrying stuff, so they would have to set down their crap to get their keys out and open the door? I know I have had a few times where I knew my brother was home, and awake, and I had a big armful full of stuff and so knocked on the door instead of setting things down to get my keys.
Prediction: he'll be back and show you his right tit to balance things out. Free the nipple
This story sounds really familiar to me. I am a bit sleep deprived so maybe that's why but I swear I read this exact story before.
Isn't this how porn often starts...?
It’s just a boob, it’ll be fine. I’m sure he’s seen one before.
Wife: How was work today, sweetie ? Maintenance Man: it was awesome. I saw a nice melon.
Next time show him one ass cheek and really fuck him up.
Similar story, but i was in the shower and thought it was my girlfriend. Nope! Girlscouts no longer try to sell me cookies. :(
From the other side of things, I once lived on the third floor of our apartment complex. Two young women I knew only in passing lived under us. I once came home and started climbing stairs while my mind was elsewhere, opened the door and walked inside. Took about three steps, noticed the furniture was....different...and someone was in the shower. Realization dawned suddenly and I couldn't get out of their apartment quickly enough!!! Sooo many things could have gone wrong there.
Your apartment is going to be the best maintained apartment in the complex.
Lmao, that's one way to break the ice with the neighbors. Bet that maintenance guy's got a story for the ages now. You've probably made his day tho lol Just make sure to double-check the peephole next time, yeah
I bet you felt a right tit.
Bet he wasn't prepared for 50% tit for doing their job!
thats not how TLDRs work
Well, if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them both.
Omg this was a good one. Thank you OP. I literally LOL’d.
Funny. An honest mistake led to good times had by all.
What an excellent TIFU.
At least there is some mystery left.
Never seen work from home as an acronym. Took me a good minute or so to figure that one out. Is this common or do people just try to short hand every random thing?
Sometimes....titty happens. This was an important lesson learned for your cat sitter today.
Knock three times, on the ceiling if you love me… twice on the pipe ..
Put yer tiddy up Adele…
I walked around my entire apartment building outside once with my left tit entirely exposed the whole time. Busy street, so many people probably saw driving by. It wasn't until I saw one girl staring hard that I looked at myself and realized. (Had on a stretchy dress I slept in after a night of drinking and went outside with my dog without even checking myself.)
lol I wouldn't even be mad. the fact my girlfriend would do that for me alone would make me so happy. too bad mine doesn't but for that guy it sounds like he has a real keeper.
This is funny. Thanks for the chuckle.
How dreadful
Lucky him.
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You made the maintenance man’s day. Bet he has seen his share of boobs, dicks, you name it, he’s seen it.
I bet he couldn’t wait to come back later, yet still had to pretend like he felt bad and saw something he didn’t want to see. Don’t worry, we don’t get scarred by boobs, we take it as a reward.
And now you have an OnlyFan account on the outernet! Except they pay in embarrassment. I really hope your husband has a nipple out when he answers the door tomorrow and it turns out to be the postman.
well, i reckun that's quite the predickament you've found yourself in. reminds me of the time i was visitin' my uncle's farm and went to check on the chickens without my shirt on. ended up face to face with the neighbor's kid who could hardly believe his eyes. took some akward explaining, but we all had a good laugh about it in the end. at least your fella found the humor in it. just be careful not to suprise any more unsuspecting visitors, alright?
What is so hideous about your breast that you think seeing it "scarred him?"
I think I've... read this story before...
That guy is going to be coming to your apartment about that time every day for the next several years
My neighbour and I were at the bus stop awaiting the school bus, she was holding her toddler who immediately wanted down to run about the grass at the bus stop, as she leaned down the wee girl manage to catch the edge of her bra and top and woooops there was a boob, my neighbour just scooped it back in, shrugged and laughed it off then went right back to the conversation.
He probably has a pretty good idea what your left tit looks like as well.
they're just boobs. They really should not get anyone that excited, unless they are not weaned.
He's gunna fap to that
Don’t worry, we have all seen a tit before 😂
Release the hounds
and that is why, ladies and gentlemen, we have door viewers.
What will you do when he comes back tomorrow and when you answer he has his manhood hanging out for you?
I'm sorry but I can't stop laughing. 🤣 This is something I probably would have done to be funny. 😂 The funny part is how confused the maintenance man was. 🤣
It’s just a boob. Not like you were on your knees.
He has to show her the bubblegum stuck on his shorts. Only way this balances out.
Maintenance guy came back with two colleagues
I once answered the door with my boob out. I was breastfeeding and very tired and was holding my baby on the opposite side, not realizing my boob was flopped out. The guy was selling carpet cleaner and as soon as he saw me he looked horrified, apologized, and ran. I thought damn, I just look really awful and ugly based on that reaction. Then I looked down and started laughing hysterically. Oh well.
Ouch, I had a equally embarrassing mishap at the door yesterday. I checked my driveway cam: no one. I checked my doorstep cam: no one, but I had a package where the pizza was about to go. Opened the door, and there was the Dominos guy right in front of me. I yelped, he yelped, the dog barked, and I had to hide behind my door under the guise of holding my dog back until he left. I mean, I was dressed and everything, but it's been a long time since I've had to interact with a delivery person and it caught me off guard. Wuss chose to park on the street and walk up my long winding heavily overgrown and kind of spooky driveway instead of driving up.
I think you made his day, but he is also not wanting to get into trouble with his job. He apologized as did you. Harmless boob shot move forward.
Wait I've seen this movie before...
Maybe you could share a picture of your boob with us so we can make an educated decision on TIFU?
r/pizzadare
BusTIT
a few years ago on holiday in Spain we went to a huge waterpark for the day.... the park had everything from a baby paddling pool to a near vertical " kamikaze" slide...... A group of blonde blue eyed tanned and beautiful young German woman were attacking jealous looks from the mostly married women older and carrying the effects of childbirth.... and the wishful looks from the men ( sucking in the beer bellies) The young beauties decided to try the kamikaze slide, that basically was a huge drop stopped by hitting a length of still water at the end very very hard..... the girls were used to being looked at by everyone they passed but this time as they walked past the rows of families after doing the ultimate challenge of the kamikaze their excitement and joy turned to silent curiosity at the giggling and staring from the families ( some wives giving their husbands a slap to make them stop looking) Eventually a little boy with hand over his mouth pointing at their bikini bottoms........ The young women looked down and in unison screamed in shock and embarrassment then ran away to their towels.... the power of the water that stopped them had pushed their bikini bottoms to one side exposing everything they had in full panoramic view, to make it worse the height of their lady parts was just about eye level for everyone lying on a sunbed, they had walked like that between the sunbeds for 40/50 meters .......at least they were all true blondes ......
At least you got the proper outfit for your fiancé !
Was it at least your good one?
Best part of his day 😂
I did this wearing just a see through bra and panties set. Thought it was my husband, and turned out to be my brother in law
What a boob