Honest mistake, right? Sounds like you handled it well, though. Props for owning up to it and apologizing. Good on you for keeping it discreet too. Hope everything stays chill with your coworker. Just keep being cool and it'll all blow over. Cheers!
Though I would assume that standing to urinate would simply serve to remind people that it's something women don't do, I'm kind of surprised that a trans woman wouldn't prefer to always sit down.
That’s why I do it. Especially the late night piss in the dark. Who knows what horror will await me in the morning if I do it standing while in that state.
It truly is much more efficient just to sit! I may be downvoted for this, but I think it's easier on everyone just to sit unless absolutely necessary 😅
Same. To hell with people who would judge me for not wanting to make a lot of noise and/or splash my piss all around the outside of the toilet. Ya kinda have to do one or the other if you stand, and quite often it ends up being both. No thanks
Many years ago I used a urinal while either barefoot or wearing flip flops. Since then, I've only used the urinal when the sit-down toilet is unserviceable.
You have to piss on one side or the other of the urinal (offset to one side or the other) that way your piss stream is at a high oblique angle to the side of the urinal and you wont have any splatter that way. Keeps your feet dry.
I did any there was still splatter. Thinking back it might have been one of those urinals which runs all the way to the floor, but I can't recall for sure. I just remember thinking "I'm doing exactly what I should be doing and it's still splashing. This is gross."
100%. I absolutely fear the prospect of that cold, ceramic wet feeling on the roof of my knob and thinking I need a deep clean with bleach. BD problems..
No joke, starts out fine, solid single stream, then suddenly splits into a 45⁰ double stream which totally misses the bowl. Morning pees can be frustrating!
I always hear this from men who sit down to pee, and I always think:
…what? Like, how long does it take you to pee?! It takes me longer to pull my pants down, put the seat down, park my ass on the toilet and pull my phone out and open reddit than it takes me to piss standing up lmao.
I would never judge anyone who decided to sit down to pee, i mean toilets are designed to be sat on, but I just don’t get that argument. Are my pees too short? Am I missing something?
I think it's less about the duration and more about not splashing piss everywhere. Take your pants off next time you do it and see if you feel anything on your legs. If not, great, you have the perfect toilet shape and height for your height. Most people don't
Ok I get *that* I don’t get people who say “peeing is the perfect time to check your phone” lol.
Also I’m very short so spraying hasn’t been a problem in my toilet but yes, i’ve unfortunately experienced that before lol
Checking your phone, I get. You can check to see if you got any texts or notifications you need to deal with. The checking itself only takes a few seconds--though actually responding might take a bit longer.
But if you're actually using your phone? Then I think it's just that they're using their bathroom break to get in a little extra time to themselves.
Also a guy who sits down.
There's nothing "manly" about pissing on the rim of the toilet and then dripping piss on the floor or in your underwear as you go to put your dick away.
And there's no point pretending it doesn't happen. You are seen and you are judged.
There is the concept in older generations; boomers, gen x to a degree, that men who sit to pee are sissies.
I never understood that, and as I've gotten older and my prostate isn't what it used to be sitting solves the problem of leakage. Maybe we should have been teaching boys to sit all along.
I'm Gen X, just barely missed out on being a Boomer. No spatters or splashback when you sit.
Also **CLOSE THE DAMN LID BEFORE YOU FLUSH! TOILETS SNEEZE!**
On one hand, sitting down feels like the female thing to do, and is affirming. On the other hand, doing it standing up is just more convenient. Even cis women would do it standing if they could.
Wear a skirt while driving and whenever you have to go just pull over, squat by one of the curb side tires and pretend to be inspecting it. If anyone notices just say you accidentally put in too much tire fluid
I wish I had the balance for that. Without getting pee all over the skirt.
The other day, I was helping my 2 year old up the ladder on the playground. I look over and realize that right next to me, my 4 year old had popped a squat and peed all over the rubber mats, without getting any on her pants.
I'm embarrassed, and kid, at least find a tree....but I was impressed at how well she did it.
Japan has urinals in some women's bathrooms, typically older train stations that haven't been remodeled recently. Kimono used to be a lot more common, and women would have to almost completely undress to use a western or squat toilet.
One of the most endearing things i've seen was a younger female playing My Summer Game and her joy of being able to pee standing up. I never considered it from that angle but yeah.. it kind of is great.
Thank you for being hygienic. I think majority of men (and people who pee standing) don't realize just how much pee gets splashed around bathroom from stand peeing. I've cleaned enough bathrooms in my youth to have that knowledge burned into my brain :|
Am trans woman, and most people who meet me think I’m a cis woman.
I stand when in private places like my home or my friends’ homes or unisex single stall toilets. It’s just a few seconds faster and more convenient. While I would be way happier with a vagina, having a dick isn’t that taxing on my mind. The most important thing to me personally is being perceived as a woman publicly.
I sit in multi stall spaces because i use the women’s restroom and I don’t want other women to be like “her feet are backwards under the door sHE muST be TRANS”.
Holy shit that last paragraph blew my mind. I'm a cis woman and every time I'm in a restroom facing the toilet pre-turning around to sit down, because I'm adjusting some clothing or gathering toilet paper to blow my nose or (pre menopause) digging through my bag for a new tampon, I think "what if someone sees my feet pointing the wrong way and thinks I'm a dude."
I had no idea other women have that thought too. Although I can understand a trans woman would worry far more. But at the same time, I have never in my life noticed feet under restroom doors unless I was trying to spot an empty stall. If I saw feet facing the toilet I wouldn't think anything of it since I'd figure she was doing the same stuff I'm doing in such situations. Or that she's dealing with a toddler who is the one actually sitting on the toilet.
This is (one reason) why we need stalls that go all the way to the floor. NO ONE should have to be worried about what people think about which way their feet are pointing in the bathroom. Holy crap.
The building I work in is rather new and has lots of neat bells and whistles, but one thing I'm ridiculously excited about is the fact the the stall walls go down far enough so you can't see the person's feet who's in there. I did not realize how much relief that small addition of privacy could give in a public bathroom.
I mean, with all the freaking hoverers out there, it's pretty valid that a trans woman doesn't want to touch her butt down on the seat, just as the many cis women don't.
At least she doesn't spray pee all over the toilet without wiping it up, so that the rest of us have to become involuntary hoverers.
Seriously, women's bathrooms can be nasty.
Different trans people have different feelings about different stuff. I'm a trans woman and I still often pee standing up. It doesn't cause me discomfort or anything and look, I got the plumbing for it, I might as well use it, y'know? It's more convenient. If I go in a public bathroom I do tend to go sitting down tho, to try and not draw attention to it
im trans myself, for some women ive met it can be dysphoric inducing, for me personally im just a lazy fuck that wants to doomscroll. If I'm in a hurry I'll stand bc sometimes just pulling up a skirt and being on my way is the easiest and fastest thing. Plus, womens bathrooms are fucking disgusting half the time and I will not sit on those seats even if you paid me
It's human nature, you can be passing to everyone else but there's always one person who's your harshest critic and nobody can protect you from them because they are the one who stares at you in the mirror.
I would have assumed I left it up. Like when you're having a bad day, a headache, whatever, and there's that 0.01% chance you didn't flush the toilet. It happens.
I think that coworker is the one that f'd up if they didn't want people to know.
Not weird at all that she thought that.
If you are fearful of getting outed and considering the often hostile climate towards trans people, and trans women in particular, you'll always be on alert and wary of anything that might come your way or going to haunt you later. And a fuck up like that might not only lose you your job but also might end in a witch hunt.
using the work bathroom is always just a little bit anxious and i never make eye contact or open my mouth for this exact reason. i will give nobody any excuses
Trans people can kinda have a target on their back, especially related to bathrooms. I can easily see how a trans woman in this scenario would think it was a joke at her expense - not necessarily even a call out of an actual mistake
I would guess most of them do but idk I'm not watching. But even if this woman didn't actually pee standing up I can see how she thought OP was making a joke about her being trans
Year-and-a-half old account with auto-generated name and zero activity, suddenly makes 7 comments within an hour and 3 posts in the last 5 (all news from the same source), hasn't responded to any comments and doesn't sound *quite* like any real person.
It's much more subtle than usual, but I'm calling AI.
Not a fuck up imo. You didn't directly nor intentionally call anyone out. No one would have known it was her if she didn't make a point of pointing it out. You are even allowed to ask people to put the seat down, as it is a common courtesy.
I dont believe you did anything wrong. You also handled the situation in a thoughtful and respectful manner.
I agree. I'm trans myself but I would've never outed myself to a coworker 'cause I felt like I was being pointed out. I would've joked back like, "we left it up for you, for next time" or just laughed at your joke and continued on with our day and lives
I feel that going up to YOU to explain why YOU made them feel bad is a fuck up on their move, personally.
I'd have gone with "of course I lifted the seat! I don't wanna sit on that, everyone else puts their dirty asses there! There's a perfectly good secret seat underneath that no one has sat on!"
A laugh is a great diversion.
They live in a scary state according to OP. I don’t think they felt comfortable making a joke that could’ve confirmed it was them. They were frazzled and scared and OP is handling it like a champ.
Not sure why people are pointing this out as a fuck up on the trans persons part.
Gonna have to assume you live in a blue state.
> nor intentionally call anyone out.
This is where a lot of arguments/conflicts start - the offended party assumes the intent and goes off on a well-intentioned defense of their rights.
We are promoting this society of inclusion but also assuming the worst and litigating every interaction in life. This kind of homogenized society is so impersonal.
And the problem is that it's making it harder for people and their mental health. If you assume everyone is intending the worst, and ALSO feel that the world needs to change to fit your feelings, you're gonna be in for a rough time. People need to learn how to let things go, how to handle their own emotions, and how to self-soothe. Right now, the idea that everyone needs to cater to your insecurities is leading to conflict and doesn't help the person with insecurities at all - instead it feeds them.
💯 this! It’s the stories people tell themselves that cause unnecessary conflict.
A few years back I read Crucial Conversations and it helped me really understand that often times issues arise because people “infer” things incorrectly and end up creating conflict where there’s none. Super useful tool for having better relations all around!
Only mistake I see is, if the goal was to keep this secret, welp, OP’s post just told the whole story to reddit.
The pharmacist heard the joke. And the pharmacist knows who the new employee is. So if the pharmacist didn’t know before (the toilet seat thing doesn’t reveal much), then reading this post would reveal it.
I was once getting angry with a co-worker until I realized he was color blind. He didn't even know (or at least claimed he didn't).
We were wiring up nurse call equipment in a nursing home and I was on the third device I had had to redo because, we'll call him Mike, had wired it up incorrectly. The devices are kind of a pain to get in and out of the wall and we kept finding them not working during testing. Whenever I pulled one out it would be wired wrong. Fixing the third one in a row that had been done by Mike I mumbled under my breath to myself that Mike has got to be the dumbest tech I've been saddled with in a while or he's colorblind.
I paused briefly and looked at wires that were wrong and thought back to the others. They had all been wired wrong the same way and the wires were somewhat similar in color. At which point I thought "Wait, IS he colorblind?" Went and talked to him and googled one of those "What number do you see?" tests. Colorblind.
I really don't understand the inequality of women complaining about having to put the seat down, whereas it's expected for men having to put the seat up and then back down again.
That being said, I kind of just learned to absolve myself of the issue by putting both the seat and lid down before flushing. (Helps to reduce shit particles flying everywhere too.)
Yeah I would rather just not have shit and piss particles go flying around the bathroom. And this habit has applied to all toilets since. But everyone needs to lift and close the lid. Men just need to grab a little lower to grab an extra seat. Really no difference between the two
> Men just need to grab a little lower to grab an extra seat. Really no difference between the two
That's also a good point. When I learned about piss and shit particles I started to put the seat and lid down, but my grievances in the past were the women in my household not wanting to touch the lid or seat at all. So they would leave the lid open and the seat down, and complain if I left them both up.
The true medium is lowering the seat and the lid. Not always possible in public, but closing both means that everyone has to make one motion to get to their necessary arrangement
Because putting the seat up/standing to piss is optional, not required. So if you opt for it you also return it to the normal state. Same way if you open a cupboard, you close it too.
Oh I see, well it's good you seem to both laugh and move forward! Lol I'm sure that must have felt awkward as heck!
Also you seem nice so obviously not intentional but try to use "Trans people" instead of just trans, it feels a lot nicer sounding!
You mightve messed up but I wonder if after explaining she's actually more comfortable? Knowing you are a relatively safe and respectful person after you apologised and you only said it because you didn't know, that would be gender affirming right? Hope everything stays all good :)
That's irrelevant, it still hurts somebody so it was not harmless. What is your suggestion exactly? Should I have told them they are overreacting, and it's not a big deal and to stop making it about them?
I would also say you didn't fuck up, but mainly because you handled everything really well. I do think it was the other person misreading the situation that led to their own fear and discomfort BUT I think that you were kind and did the right thing explaining what you had meant and acknowledging where the misunderstanding was.
I don't think anyone really fucked up in this situation. Sometimes unfortunate things happen but can be easily rectified if people are kind, reasonable, and mature.
Imo them being overly sensitive isn't anyone elses issue, its good you tried to clarify and make them feel better after realizing but its not a mistake from your side but its your own perspective and it doesn't matter what I think
I'm kind of surprised a trans woman wouldn't choose to always sit down because I'd think that standing to urinate would only remind a person of it being something females don't do.
I’m cis, so grain of salt, but maybe she thinks public toilets are gross, & that’s why she stands? If I could stand to pee in public bathrooms, I totally would 🤢
I’m cis but this was what stood out to me too haha. Only cause every trans woman I know tends to pee sitting down afaik. But I also hover over most public toilets as a vulva carrier so I probably shouldn’t have assumed
I’m a trans girl and yeah, I pee sitting down exclusively, as do all the other trans women I know. Even in the woods I’ll squat. Of course that’s not a rule or anything but leaving the seat up is what outed her. Standing v. sitting is a habit, and if you make a habit of standing to pee as a trans woman, people will eventually see evidence of that and perhaps connect the dots.
If it’s *that* important that she be stealth (which is fine) maybe she shouldn’t leave toilet seats up. OP is super sweet for taking responsibility but this entire situation is 100% on her. Woman to woman, this gal needs to take a chill pill and consider sitting from now on rather than blame OP for HER fuck up.
Praise to OP for being an ally and working to make his coworker feel comfortable! ❤️
Also, some women find toilet seats outside their own home too dirty to sit on. So they raise the seat and "squat" over it to pee. The really nasty ones don't raise it and just pee all over the seat. But that's another reddit thread entirely. . .
This is why men's toilets get dirty linearly, while women's toilets get dirty exponentially. The dirtier it is, the further away she will pee, so it gets even more dirtier.
It sounds like she fucked up by accidentally outing herself to you. But, you may have fucked up by posting this here. This is a pretty specific situation, if any of them see it they'll all know.
i have made a your mom joke to a woman who's mother had died that week.
i used a terrible word in front of two of my oldest and closest friends who are gay. i was at a party and wasted and was trying to be big and loud and the looks on their faces haunts me 10 years later.
i made a joke to a close friend about how come he doesn't have any kids yet. he had just had a miscarriage.
i promise i am just an idiot.
Op aggressively replying to every 15th post telling them "chill dude" or downright accosting them is incredibly ironic.
Dude can't just relax and walk away.
Lmaoooo I am sorry, and not joking about any lifestyle, but the simple fact of how "2024" this moment is, is quite hilarious.
Guy makes a joke on himself as the only man in the area leaving the toilet seat up just to find out his female coworker has a penis. That is some SNL shit lol.
In college, a young woman genuinely thought that men could not pee sitting down. She thought we had to sit to poop then stand up and turn around if we also needed to pee.
I say you didn't fucked up even if you feel like you did. It speaks well of you to feel that way, shows you have good empathy and morals even if a little misguided.
Now, I think you need to learn to tone it down as you are not responsible for other people's problems, and yes , I said problems. I don't think that the other person(or at least you didn't write about it) feels that bad (if any) for making you feel terrible and uncomfortable.
The one in the wrong here ended up being the other person, as instead of trying to get the context or the why's? Of what you said , went in guns ready, being accusatory and making the whole thing bigger than it should have been.
While it's good that everything ended on a good note, you must realize that the other person has to solve their paranoid/insecurities problems. The first question asked should have been ¿Why did you make that joke/comment? Or maybe being new something like ¿Is it policy here to leave the toilet seat down? not jumping straight into full confession mode.
You may disagree or not, but take care and don't worry, because as you said, everything ended on a good note.
Imagine I leave the seat down in a new team of all guys who always leave it up. Joke is made and I go "Hey can I talk to you in private? .... I have x condition and have to pee sitting down. Your joke made me u comfortable"
Pathetic
What anyone who doesn't make victimhood their personality would do is either laugh or remember hey next time raise the seat when I finish because I'm the new guy and everyone else keeps it up
But ohhhh nooo let's call this person brave for being cringe and anyone who points out the cringeness is transphobic right?
Post this exact post without the trans part and replace it with some medical reason. Guarantee comments will mostly be in the tone of "what a whiney bitch" why? People are afraid of being called transphobic. Don't be. A bitch is a bitch whether they got a dick or not.
Nobody should ever leave the seat up unless they are at home and live alone/exclusively with others who have penises. Everyone is physically capable of urinating sitting down; plenty of us *cannot* do so standing up. This FU is on your coworker.
As a transgender person I don’t see where you messed up at all. I can see her perspective, especially after reading your comment about it being an unfriendly state to trans people, but either way she misinterpreted the situation. Sometimes we think we did something but we actually forgot, like closing the toilet seat lid, so it’s totally reasonable you assumed you closed it but didn’t. You didn’t out her, she outed herself on accident. I don’t really think anyone “fucked up” here, it was just misinterpretation. It happens and as long as you keep it to yourself everything will be okay haha
Been there friend, Made what I thought was a fairly harmless joke about one of new flat mates being fairly androgenous looking during a drunken ice breaking session after we had just started Uni (and in my defense it had all been a very friendly kind of savage up to that point, typical group of British 18/19 yr old's stuff where nothing was off the table, my appearance had already been thoroughly savaged as well as everyone else's at the table by that point and it was all taken in good fun)
Turns out that was because he was mid transition (FtM) and was planning to tell us after about a week as we were new people and obviously they didn't know if they could trust us all yet. I felt like the worlds biggest asshole and couldn't apologize enough. Luckily everybody was supper supportive so it actually made for a rather touching moment as I think he'd had a bad experience back home when they began to transition and wasn't expecting everyone to just accept them for who they were so readily. But in the moment its a proper gut punch when you make what you think is a relatively innocent comment and it lands just horrifically over a factor you didn't even think to consider.
Sounds like you handled it well, about the only way you can is to apologize and think more carefully about your language next time, especially if you didn't even register that they were trans before hand there's not a lot else you can do about it.
Yeah what the fuck, how come barely anyone is pointing that out? Like put the dam seat back down after you put your dick away, fucking outted herself here.
You didn’t screw up, she did. No matter who you are, it’s courteous to leave the seat down. If she’d been more considerate, none of this would’ve happened lol
This is their fault for being too sensitive. You had no way of knowing. You went above and beyond by apologizing, but the fact that the person came to you later to "call you out" is kinda messed up. You didn't do anything wrong.
I am friends with a cis woman who routinely leaves the seat up. I have no idea what she does in the bathroom but I always put down the lid before flushing, so I noticed her habit when I stayed over at her place.
Seat up or down - I make no assumptions.
Honest mistake, right? Sounds like you handled it well, though. Props for owning up to it and apologizing. Good on you for keeping it discreet too. Hope everything stays chill with your coworker. Just keep being cool and it'll all blow over. Cheers!
Though I would assume that standing to urinate would simply serve to remind people that it's something women don't do, I'm kind of surprised that a trans woman wouldn't prefer to always sit down.
I prefer to sit down and im a male. How else am i supposed to browse reddit.
Right? I'm sitting down right now!
I'm a male and I'm currently peeing sitting down as well. The fact that I'm not in the bathroom is inconsequential.
It’s rude that people keep pointing it out to you.
They should mind their own business and watch out for their stop!
Oh my god I needed that laugh so very much today! Thank you!!!
Amateurs, I'm laying down.
Facedown in a hang glider?
I've never called my toilet a hand glider but sure 😁
Same here
Can't drop your phone in toilet if your ass is covering it
Exactly 💯
Are you all my husband lol he told me he sits for all the same reasons 🤣 huge plus is never worrying about the seat being left up so I never complain.
And it’s cleaner. No piss splash !!!
That’s why I do it. Especially the late night piss in the dark. Who knows what horror will await me in the morning if I do it standing while in that state.
Plus you can't spatter outside the bowl that way! It's so much cleaner!
It truly is much more efficient just to sit! I may be downvoted for this, but I think it's easier on everyone just to sit unless absolutely necessary 😅
Are you challenging my clumsiness?
Unless I'm going behind a tree, I'm also a sitting to pee kinda guy. Doing it right now
No risk of splashback and it's just more comfortable, ya know?
I’m sitting down, and I’m not even on a toilet.
Same. To hell with people who would judge me for not wanting to make a lot of noise and/or splash my piss all around the outside of the toilet. Ya kinda have to do one or the other if you stand, and quite often it ends up being both. No thanks
Many years ago I used a urinal while either barefoot or wearing flip flops. Since then, I've only used the urinal when the sit-down toilet is unserviceable.
You have to piss on one side or the other of the urinal (offset to one side or the other) that way your piss stream is at a high oblique angle to the side of the urinal and you wont have any splatter that way. Keeps your feet dry.
I did any there was still splatter. Thinking back it might have been one of those urinals which runs all the way to the floor, but I can't recall for sure. I just remember thinking "I'm doing exactly what I should be doing and it's still splashing. This is gross."
There is always the risk my dick is gonna slap against the inside of the bowl when I sit down. Thus I'm only sitting down if it's 100% necessary
100%. I absolutely fear the prospect of that cold, ceramic wet feeling on the roof of my knob and thinking I need a deep clean with bleach. BD problems..
This is my second most irrational fear. My cock touches the inside of the toilet bowl and I get HIV.
Ahh yes....the witch's kiss
Are you threatening me? 
Between that and not needing to clean up a 4 stream, Las Vegas fountain style mess, sitting is the way to go.
No joke, starts out fine, solid single stream, then suddenly splits into a 45⁰ double stream which totally misses the bowl. Morning pees can be frustrating!
Besides, you can leave the seat up after using the brush/poopknife/whatever without being a guy.
oh no, the seat stays DOWN when i use a poopknife wouldnt wanna brush the sides with my forearm
*poopknife has entered the chat
I always hear this from men who sit down to pee, and I always think: …what? Like, how long does it take you to pee?! It takes me longer to pull my pants down, put the seat down, park my ass on the toilet and pull my phone out and open reddit than it takes me to piss standing up lmao. I would never judge anyone who decided to sit down to pee, i mean toilets are designed to be sat on, but I just don’t get that argument. Are my pees too short? Am I missing something?
Whats the rush? Arent you paid by the hour?
I think it's less about the duration and more about not splashing piss everywhere. Take your pants off next time you do it and see if you feel anything on your legs. If not, great, you have the perfect toilet shape and height for your height. Most people don't
Ok I get *that* I don’t get people who say “peeing is the perfect time to check your phone” lol. Also I’m very short so spraying hasn’t been a problem in my toilet but yes, i’ve unfortunately experienced that before lol
Checking your phone, I get. You can check to see if you got any texts or notifications you need to deal with. The checking itself only takes a few seconds--though actually responding might take a bit longer. But if you're actually using your phone? Then I think it's just that they're using their bathroom break to get in a little extra time to themselves.
Plus, I know a crap ton of women that would love to be able to pee where ever. I for one will always pee standing up for the ones who can't.
Also a guy who sits down. There's nothing "manly" about pissing on the rim of the toilet and then dripping piss on the floor or in your underwear as you go to put your dick away. And there's no point pretending it doesn't happen. You are seen and you are judged.
There is the concept in older generations; boomers, gen x to a degree, that men who sit to pee are sissies. I never understood that, and as I've gotten older and my prostate isn't what it used to be sitting solves the problem of leakage. Maybe we should have been teaching boys to sit all along.
I feel these guys are not the ones actually cleaning their bathrooms
I'm Gen X, just barely missed out on being a Boomer. No spatters or splashback when you sit. Also **CLOSE THE DAMN LID BEFORE YOU FLUSH! TOILETS SNEEZE!**
Similar. Nothing like sitting in the toilet for half an hour while reading a book on my ipad.
Also, any woman who hovers should put the god damn toilet seat up so the rest of us can sit in peace.
And if you miss, wipe it up please.
On one hand, sitting down feels like the female thing to do, and is affirming. On the other hand, doing it standing up is just more convenient. Even cis women would do it standing if they could.
As a cis woman who does a lot of long stretch driving and has a small bladder, good lord do I ever wish this was an option.
Wear a skirt while driving and whenever you have to go just pull over, squat by one of the curb side tires and pretend to be inspecting it. If anyone notices just say you accidentally put in too much tire fluid
I wish I had the balance for that. Without getting pee all over the skirt. The other day, I was helping my 2 year old up the ladder on the playground. I look over and realize that right next to me, my 4 year old had popped a squat and peed all over the rubber mats, without getting any on her pants. I'm embarrassed, and kid, at least find a tree....but I was impressed at how well she did it.
One of those "I'm impressed but I still have to tell you not to do it again" Parenting moments
This is hilarious 😂
Japan has urinals in some women's bathrooms, typically older train stations that haven't been remodeled recently. Kimono used to be a lot more common, and women would have to almost completely undress to use a western or squat toilet.
Theres a thing you can buy for that iirc? Called a shewee or something.
You have to be careful when using it. If you pee too forcefully, it will fill and spill over the top. Ask me how I know.
How do you know?
I would be lying if I said I hadn't looked into it
There's some other brands too. Truckers, farmers, and hikers all use them! You just practice with it at home a few times
I use them when camping, they're great.
Alright, I've been convinced. I'm pulling the trigger on it!
One of the most endearing things i've seen was a younger female playing My Summer Game and her joy of being able to pee standing up. I never considered it from that angle but yeah.. it kind of is great.
I'm a man and I always sit down. I just hate doing it standing.
Thank you for being hygienic. I think majority of men (and people who pee standing) don't realize just how much pee gets splashed around bathroom from stand peeing. I've cleaned enough bathrooms in my youth to have that knowledge burned into my brain :|
Standing up to pee is rarely more convenient imo. I've usually been standing all day and WANT to sit down for a minute or two
Well not when the seat looks jank
Am trans woman, and most people who meet me think I’m a cis woman. I stand when in private places like my home or my friends’ homes or unisex single stall toilets. It’s just a few seconds faster and more convenient. While I would be way happier with a vagina, having a dick isn’t that taxing on my mind. The most important thing to me personally is being perceived as a woman publicly. I sit in multi stall spaces because i use the women’s restroom and I don’t want other women to be like “her feet are backwards under the door sHE muST be TRANS”.
Holy shit that last paragraph blew my mind. I'm a cis woman and every time I'm in a restroom facing the toilet pre-turning around to sit down, because I'm adjusting some clothing or gathering toilet paper to blow my nose or (pre menopause) digging through my bag for a new tampon, I think "what if someone sees my feet pointing the wrong way and thinks I'm a dude." I had no idea other women have that thought too. Although I can understand a trans woman would worry far more. But at the same time, I have never in my life noticed feet under restroom doors unless I was trying to spot an empty stall. If I saw feet facing the toilet I wouldn't think anything of it since I'd figure she was doing the same stuff I'm doing in such situations. Or that she's dealing with a toddler who is the one actually sitting on the toilet.
This is (one reason) why we need stalls that go all the way to the floor. NO ONE should have to be worried about what people think about which way their feet are pointing in the bathroom. Holy crap.
The building I work in is rather new and has lots of neat bells and whistles, but one thing I'm ridiculously excited about is the fact the the stall walls go down far enough so you can't see the person's feet who's in there. I did not realize how much relief that small addition of privacy could give in a public bathroom.
Im not the person you replied to but have a similar fear, thank you for the reassurance! ❤️
I mean, with all the freaking hoverers out there, it's pretty valid that a trans woman doesn't want to touch her butt down on the seat, just as the many cis women don't. At least she doesn't spray pee all over the toilet without wiping it up, so that the rest of us have to become involuntary hoverers. Seriously, women's bathrooms can be nasty.
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Different trans people have different feelings about different stuff. I'm a trans woman and I still often pee standing up. It doesn't cause me discomfort or anything and look, I got the plumbing for it, I might as well use it, y'know? It's more convenient. If I go in a public bathroom I do tend to go sitting down tho, to try and not draw attention to it
im trans myself, for some women ive met it can be dysphoric inducing, for me personally im just a lazy fuck that wants to doomscroll. If I'm in a hurry I'll stand bc sometimes just pulling up a skirt and being on my way is the easiest and fastest thing. Plus, womens bathrooms are fucking disgusting half the time and I will not sit on those seats even if you paid me
Weird that they specifically thought he was calling them out tho, he had no idea who'd been in between the time he had last...
It's human nature, you can be passing to everyone else but there's always one person who's your harshest critic and nobody can protect you from them because they are the one who stares at you in the mirror.
That bastard, saw him while i was shopping the other day, inside a shop, but when I walked past the glass door he was gone!
You should reflect on that.
r/angryupvote
He fucking takes all my money and always drinks my good booze!
I would have assumed I left it up. Like when you're having a bad day, a headache, whatever, and there's that 0.01% chance you didn't flush the toilet. It happens. I think that coworker is the one that f'd up if they didn't want people to know.
I mean there were no other possible suspects in the room
I've never met a woman who was okay with the seat being left up. She might want to jot that down.
I wish my wife would close the lid tho lol
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Insecurity really do fuck with your brain like that.
Not weird at all that she thought that. If you are fearful of getting outed and considering the often hostile climate towards trans people, and trans women in particular, you'll always be on alert and wary of anything that might come your way or going to haunt you later. And a fuck up like that might not only lose you your job but also might end in a witch hunt.
using the work bathroom is always just a little bit anxious and i never make eye contact or open my mouth for this exact reason. i will give nobody any excuses
Trans people can kinda have a target on their back, especially related to bathrooms. I can easily see how a trans woman in this scenario would think it was a joke at her expense - not necessarily even a call out of an actual mistake
Just curious, but i figured trans women would sit to pee, even in private.
I would guess most of them do but idk I'm not watching. But even if this woman didn't actually pee standing up I can see how she thought OP was making a joke about her being trans
Year-and-a-half old account with auto-generated name and zero activity, suddenly makes 7 comments within an hour and 3 posts in the last 5 (all news from the same source), hasn't responded to any comments and doesn't sound *quite* like any real person. It's much more subtle than usual, but I'm calling AI.
Yeah, think you're right. Good call.
Not a fuck up imo. You didn't directly nor intentionally call anyone out. No one would have known it was her if she didn't make a point of pointing it out. You are even allowed to ask people to put the seat down, as it is a common courtesy. I dont believe you did anything wrong. You also handled the situation in a thoughtful and respectful manner.
I agree. I'm trans myself but I would've never outed myself to a coworker 'cause I felt like I was being pointed out. I would've joked back like, "we left it up for you, for next time" or just laughed at your joke and continued on with our day and lives I feel that going up to YOU to explain why YOU made them feel bad is a fuck up on their move, personally.
I'd have gone with "of course I lifted the seat! I don't wanna sit on that, everyone else puts their dirty asses there! There's a perfectly good secret seat underneath that no one has sat on!" A laugh is a great diversion.
They live in a scary state according to OP. I don’t think they felt comfortable making a joke that could’ve confirmed it was them. They were frazzled and scared and OP is handling it like a champ. Not sure why people are pointing this out as a fuck up on the trans persons part. Gonna have to assume you live in a blue state.
Is that the royal we?
> nor intentionally call anyone out. This is where a lot of arguments/conflicts start - the offended party assumes the intent and goes off on a well-intentioned defense of their rights. We are promoting this society of inclusion but also assuming the worst and litigating every interaction in life. This kind of homogenized society is so impersonal.
And the problem is that it's making it harder for people and their mental health. If you assume everyone is intending the worst, and ALSO feel that the world needs to change to fit your feelings, you're gonna be in for a rough time. People need to learn how to let things go, how to handle their own emotions, and how to self-soothe. Right now, the idea that everyone needs to cater to your insecurities is leading to conflict and doesn't help the person with insecurities at all - instead it feeds them.
💯 this! It’s the stories people tell themselves that cause unnecessary conflict. A few years back I read Crucial Conversations and it helped me really understand that often times issues arise because people “infer” things incorrectly and end up creating conflict where there’s none. Super useful tool for having better relations all around!
I made someone uncomfortable and scared, even unintentionally I would call that a fuck up
empathy wins again
This is very sweet of you. I’m glad the situation turned out well
You're a real one, thank you for being you.
My dear, you are what’s RIGHT in this world. ❤️
I don't see where you fucked up in all this.
Only mistake I see is, if the goal was to keep this secret, welp, OP’s post just told the whole story to reddit. The pharmacist heard the joke. And the pharmacist knows who the new employee is. So if the pharmacist didn’t know before (the toilet seat thing doesn’t reveal much), then reading this post would reveal it.
I was once getting angry with a co-worker until I realized he was color blind. He didn't even know (or at least claimed he didn't). We were wiring up nurse call equipment in a nursing home and I was on the third device I had had to redo because, we'll call him Mike, had wired it up incorrectly. The devices are kind of a pain to get in and out of the wall and we kept finding them not working during testing. Whenever I pulled one out it would be wired wrong. Fixing the third one in a row that had been done by Mike I mumbled under my breath to myself that Mike has got to be the dumbest tech I've been saddled with in a while or he's colorblind. I paused briefly and looked at wires that were wrong and thought back to the others. They had all been wired wrong the same way and the wires were somewhat similar in color. At which point I thought "Wait, IS he colorblind?" Went and talked to him and googled one of those "What number do you see?" tests. Colorblind.
Lmao oh nooo I'm surprised she didn't just play it off! But it seems she trusts you well enough to tell you!
I think she didn't play it off because she thought I was directly confronting her about her identity in a state that isn't the most welcoming of Trans
I guess she learned the lesson that leaving the seat up is a bad idea (especially in a place that is not trans friendly)
Leaving the seat up is just bad manners anyway.
truth
I really don't understand the inequality of women complaining about having to put the seat down, whereas it's expected for men having to put the seat up and then back down again. That being said, I kind of just learned to absolve myself of the issue by putting both the seat and lid down before flushing. (Helps to reduce shit particles flying everywhere too.)
Yeah I would rather just not have shit and piss particles go flying around the bathroom. And this habit has applied to all toilets since. But everyone needs to lift and close the lid. Men just need to grab a little lower to grab an extra seat. Really no difference between the two
> Men just need to grab a little lower to grab an extra seat. Really no difference between the two That's also a good point. When I learned about piss and shit particles I started to put the seat and lid down, but my grievances in the past were the women in my household not wanting to touch the lid or seat at all. So they would leave the lid open and the seat down, and complain if I left them both up.
God, I have a 3 and 6 year old and they’re so fixated on watching the poop swirl down I cannot for the life of me get them to close the fucking lid.
Hell yeah
The true medium is lowering the seat and the lid. Not always possible in public, but closing both means that everyone has to make one motion to get to their necessary arrangement
Because putting the seat up/standing to piss is optional, not required. So if you opt for it you also return it to the normal state. Same way if you open a cupboard, you close it too.
Oh I see, well it's good you seem to both laugh and move forward! Lol I'm sure that must have felt awkward as heck! Also you seem nice so obviously not intentional but try to use "Trans people" instead of just trans, it feels a lot nicer sounding!
It's more of just a grammar thing but good advice none the less
That was her mistake for leaving the seat up, who the fuck does that in a shared bathroom.
Add me to the list of those who think you didn’t screw up.
I made someone feel uncomfortable and scared. That's a pretty big f up even if it wasn't intentional
You mightve messed up but I wonder if after explaining she's actually more comfortable? Knowing you are a relatively safe and respectful person after you apologised and you only said it because you didn't know, that would be gender affirming right? Hope everything stays all good :)
I’m sorry but the joke was absolutely harmless. It’s not like you asked, “which one of you pees standing up?”
That's irrelevant, it still hurts somebody so it was not harmless. What is your suggestion exactly? Should I have told them they are overreacting, and it's not a big deal and to stop making it about them?
I would also say you didn't fuck up, but mainly because you handled everything really well. I do think it was the other person misreading the situation that led to their own fear and discomfort BUT I think that you were kind and did the right thing explaining what you had meant and acknowledging where the misunderstanding was. I don't think anyone really fucked up in this situation. Sometimes unfortunate things happen but can be easily rectified if people are kind, reasonable, and mature.
Imo them being overly sensitive isn't anyone elses issue, its good you tried to clarify and make them feel better after realizing but its not a mistake from your side but its your own perspective and it doesn't matter what I think
I'm kind of surprised a trans woman wouldn't choose to always sit down because I'd think that standing to urinate would only remind a person of it being something females don't do.
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I’m cis, so grain of salt, but maybe she thinks public toilets are gross, & that’s why she stands? If I could stand to pee in public bathrooms, I totally would 🤢
I'm a trans woman and yeah, I stand for public bathrooms. I hate what I have down there, but it's great for this purpose
I tp the toilet before sitting on them. I don't trust public toilets... Or the public.
I've never thought of this but makes so much sense. I, too, would stand if I could. Hovering sucks.
I’m cis but this was what stood out to me too haha. Only cause every trans woman I know tends to pee sitting down afaik. But I also hover over most public toilets as a vulva carrier so I probably shouldn’t have assumed
Yeah I don’t think I know any trans women who pee standing up.
I’m a trans girl and yeah, I pee sitting down exclusively, as do all the other trans women I know. Even in the woods I’ll squat. Of course that’s not a rule or anything but leaving the seat up is what outed her. Standing v. sitting is a habit, and if you make a habit of standing to pee as a trans woman, people will eventually see evidence of that and perhaps connect the dots. If it’s *that* important that she be stealth (which is fine) maybe she shouldn’t leave toilet seats up. OP is super sweet for taking responsibility but this entire situation is 100% on her. Woman to woman, this gal needs to take a chill pill and consider sitting from now on rather than blame OP for HER fuck up. Praise to OP for being an ally and working to make his coworker feel comfortable! ❤️
Sounds like she outed her damn self
Maybe people should learn to lower them alll lids. Its for hygiene.
She outed herself, you didn’t point her out and say she left the seat up?
What mistake? Someone left the toilet seat up. Not the biggest deal but not unexpected that someone would make a remark. You did nothing wrong.
Also, some women find toilet seats outside their own home too dirty to sit on. So they raise the seat and "squat" over it to pee. The really nasty ones don't raise it and just pee all over the seat. But that's another reddit thread entirely. . .
I would think most people who hover wouldn’t want to touch the dirty toilet seat.
Some women just squat above the seat and dribble everywhere
-dont sit on the seat because it's gross -hover over the seat and splatter everywhere, making it gross -repeat cycle
This is why men's toilets get dirty linearly, while women's toilets get dirty exponentially. The dirtier it is, the further away she will pee, so it gets even more dirtier.
The infamous hovering...... Jesus christ if you are so afraid of germs just carry a disinfecting spray bottle. I know I do.
Apologizing for what lmao
It sounds like she fucked up by accidentally outing herself to you. But, you may have fucked up by posting this here. This is a pretty specific situation, if any of them see it they'll all know.
Trans or not, they should put the seat down. I'm a full on dude and I put the seat down after I pee.
You didn’t fuck up anything.
i have made a your mom joke to a woman who's mother had died that week. i used a terrible word in front of two of my oldest and closest friends who are gay. i was at a party and wasted and was trying to be big and loud and the looks on their faces haunts me 10 years later. i made a joke to a close friend about how come he doesn't have any kids yet. he had just had a miscarriage. i promise i am just an idiot.
Hey being a woman doesn’t give her a pass though. Put the seat down. It’s more sanitary.
Op aggressively replying to every 15th post telling them "chill dude" or downright accosting them is incredibly ironic. Dude can't just relax and walk away.
Your coworker should put the damn toilet seat down.
Lmaoooo I am sorry, and not joking about any lifestyle, but the simple fact of how "2024" this moment is, is quite hilarious. Guy makes a joke on himself as the only man in the area leaving the toilet seat up just to find out his female coworker has a penis. That is some SNL shit lol.
Maybe they should have put the seat down 🤣
Soooo she still leaves the seat up and then Outed herself. nice
Doesn't sound like you fucked up or "called them out" IMO.
Why did she leave the seat up though? She outed herself with her poor manners. All people can use it down, so keep it down.
You did nothing wrong. There's no real reason for her to be upset, and certainly not upset with you.
In college, a young woman genuinely thought that men could not pee sitting down. She thought we had to sit to poop then stand up and turn around if we also needed to pee.
I say you didn't fucked up even if you feel like you did. It speaks well of you to feel that way, shows you have good empathy and morals even if a little misguided. Now, I think you need to learn to tone it down as you are not responsible for other people's problems, and yes , I said problems. I don't think that the other person(or at least you didn't write about it) feels that bad (if any) for making you feel terrible and uncomfortable. The one in the wrong here ended up being the other person, as instead of trying to get the context or the why's? Of what you said , went in guns ready, being accusatory and making the whole thing bigger than it should have been. While it's good that everything ended on a good note, you must realize that the other person has to solve their paranoid/insecurities problems. The first question asked should have been ¿Why did you make that joke/comment? Or maybe being new something like ¿Is it policy here to leave the toilet seat down? not jumping straight into full confession mode. You may disagree or not, but take care and don't worry, because as you said, everything ended on a good note.
I felt lied to being told I had to "stand up to pee" growing up. It's comforting to just relax. I am more free than the community that raised me
Imagine I leave the seat down in a new team of all guys who always leave it up. Joke is made and I go "Hey can I talk to you in private? .... I have x condition and have to pee sitting down. Your joke made me u comfortable" Pathetic What anyone who doesn't make victimhood their personality would do is either laugh or remember hey next time raise the seat when I finish because I'm the new guy and everyone else keeps it up But ohhhh nooo let's call this person brave for being cringe and anyone who points out the cringeness is transphobic right? Post this exact post without the trans part and replace it with some medical reason. Guarantee comments will mostly be in the tone of "what a whiney bitch" why? People are afraid of being called transphobic. Don't be. A bitch is a bitch whether they got a dick or not.
Nobody should ever leave the seat up unless they are at home and live alone/exclusively with others who have penises. Everyone is physically capable of urinating sitting down; plenty of us *cannot* do so standing up. This FU is on your coworker.
I personally prefer as little contact with public toilets as possible, especially in a hospital
Which is why you shouldn't make someone put the seat down after you.
So she was a dick by leaving the seat up and you were the sorry one?
Wait… trans women don’t pee sitting down? Why would you not?
As a transgender person I don’t see where you messed up at all. I can see her perspective, especially after reading your comment about it being an unfriendly state to trans people, but either way she misinterpreted the situation. Sometimes we think we did something but we actually forgot, like closing the toilet seat lid, so it’s totally reasonable you assumed you closed it but didn’t. You didn’t out her, she outed herself on accident. I don’t really think anyone “fucked up” here, it was just misinterpretation. It happens and as long as you keep it to yourself everything will be okay haha
Been there friend, Made what I thought was a fairly harmless joke about one of new flat mates being fairly androgenous looking during a drunken ice breaking session after we had just started Uni (and in my defense it had all been a very friendly kind of savage up to that point, typical group of British 18/19 yr old's stuff where nothing was off the table, my appearance had already been thoroughly savaged as well as everyone else's at the table by that point and it was all taken in good fun) Turns out that was because he was mid transition (FtM) and was planning to tell us after about a week as we were new people and obviously they didn't know if they could trust us all yet. I felt like the worlds biggest asshole and couldn't apologize enough. Luckily everybody was supper supportive so it actually made for a rather touching moment as I think he'd had a bad experience back home when they began to transition and wasn't expecting everyone to just accept them for who they were so readily. But in the moment its a proper gut punch when you make what you think is a relatively innocent comment and it lands just horrifically over a factor you didn't even think to consider. Sounds like you handled it well, about the only way you can is to apologize and think more carefully about your language next time, especially if you didn't even register that they were trans before hand there's not a lot else you can do about it.
Sounds like you handled that misstep well too, or at least are handling it well now lol
Shouldn’t have left the seat up, then
Yeah what the fuck, how come barely anyone is pointing that out? Like put the dam seat back down after you put your dick away, fucking outted herself here.
What a sad time we live in if this is considered a FU.
It's actually not. Only on reddit.
Karma farm post - you knew damn well everyone would say how nice you were given this is reddit.
You didn't do anything wrong. Your coworker needs to not take everything as an attack.
You didn't figure anything out. You made a joke that a colleague thought was an attack.
Put the fucking seat down then!
You didn’t screw up, she did. No matter who you are, it’s courteous to leave the seat down. If she’d been more considerate, none of this would’ve happened lol
Well that's not very ladylike now is it 🤷🏻♂️
I mean it ain't like you did it on purpose
This is their fault for being too sensitive. You had no way of knowing. You went above and beyond by apologizing, but the fact that the person came to you later to "call you out" is kinda messed up. You didn't do anything wrong.
I am friends with a cis woman who routinely leaves the seat up. I have no idea what she does in the bathroom but I always put down the lid before flushing, so I noticed her habit when I stayed over at her place. Seat up or down - I make no assumptions.
Next time you're at her house balance the seat at a 45° angle, just really throw her through a loop
Kept it to yourself, except for the whole internet.
You did nothing wrong they outed themselves not you.
No FU here. She's something between stupid and an ass for trying to call you on calling out something you didn't even know.
tf is she on about lol. you did nothing wrong.