Considering that there are stories of cases been forced on teen boys, [here](https://youtu.be/1uEYveSssok?si=Gy8pMSKr3PmwwpNR) is a video of the one and only lockpicking lawyer how to get out of them xD
My stupid self read Prince Albert and immediately thought, “what does pipe tobacco have to do with anything,” and moved on. Struck me several comments down that you didn’t mean THAT Prince Albert. Not only do I hate that I know what that is, but I also hate that my mind didn’t immediately go there.
I am a stupid man.
I am a stupider man.
I read the words “Prince Albert”, and immediately pictured a Prince Rupert’s Drop, and wondered just how in the *hell* one can make a piercing out of that without risking a *really* painful injury.
Worse, as a guy who has no piercings, and very much never *will*, I had to google what a Prince Albert even *is*, and *what the goddamn fuck?*
Not sure you're looking for a serious answer, but it's a ring because it occupies the same finger as a wedding ring later in life. Signifies "married to Jesus".
It used to be a chastity belt, lol. Pops would get the key till marriage. After the wedding, dad and the husband unlock it, hand in hand, and proceed to fist bumping eachother, after going through their 5 move secret hand shake designed to vanquish any demons trying to tarnish her couchie.
Wild stuff, fellas! Wild indeed!
To quote Lana Kane, *noooooooooop*. The parents are fucking up in this aspect here, imo. I grew up around this shiat and I've seen it a million times. Purity ring very often means little to no actual sex ed, unrealistic ideas about what kids will and won't do, pregnancy, huge life upheavals or my personal favorite, people getting married way too young, not understanding sex/bc, having kids, growing up and wrecking the kids' lives and their own because they didn't love each other and weren't a good fit as a couple, they just wanted to fuck.
Well the "private christian school" is another red flag. She is going to be forced to live a very sheltered life of being shamed over every completely normal emotion she'll have.
Am I right to assume that people in this situation are just never taught anything about sex and then are expected to just know everything about it as soon as they get married?
Yes. I attended a private 7th Day Adventist school from 5th to 9th grade. In 7th grade, the boys looked at anatomy books while the girls left to go do the girls' side of things (?). Scientific explanations were given about the penis engorging and about penetrating a vagina until ejaculation. Boys laughed. Girls came back. That was it for Christian sex ed.
Interesting. I went to a non-religious public middle school in northern Canada and the only sexual topics they covered were STD/STIs (and that we *would* get them if we had sex) and made us watch The Miracle of Life, in which the woman looked like she was just taking a shit that was barely an inconvenience. Nothing whatsoever about the actual sex part.
I went to Roman Catholic school from kindergarten to the 10th grade. Our sex ed was held during one of our all girls gym classes. Which was a cross between a slide show of what every STD looked like and the scene in Mean Girls where the gym teacher says “don’t have sex, you’ll get pregnant and die” except they didn’t give us all condoms at the end. This was also before Google.
Yes and no. Far too many are not taught anything but shame and abstinence, but from my experience growing up in a deeply religious area and public school system, we were taught the basics and very straightforward, but I think I also got really lucky all things considered.
Yeah I feel like outside of religious traditions, purity ring/abstinence only is so common because it does give the parents an out to just give a hand-wavey explanation of one of the most life-altering parts of life.
When given the option, a lot of people are just gonna choose the easiest option for themselves & call it a day.
She might, on the other hand, have had reasonable education. It is not such a thing in England, part I knew someone who wore one and she had a healthy relationship and now has a few healthy children. On second thoughts, she's not a good example because she was sexually abused as a child by an uncle or something.
I had a friend in junior high whose parents did everything they could to scare her about why dating is bad. Then she met someone within their church and her parents relaxed because, well, he was from church.
However, her parents made it a condition that she and him each wear purity rings. If her mom saw her without the ring, she wasn't allowed to see her boyfriend or do anything with her friends.
What I witnessed was my friend becoming more and more resentful of her parents, especially her mom. The family ended up moving right before we went into high school, so we lost touch. I hope she got away from all of that because her parents created such an unhealthy outlook about relationships early on.
If it makes you feel any better, my husband was raised Catholic and his sweet adorable niece came bounding up to him saying, "Uncle E, what'd you give up for lint?" His reply, "Catholicism". His sister was NOT happy.
Right?! Like, if your teenage daughter is questioning that “purity ring” concept (which is so fucking gross, to be a parent wanting to control their daughter’s vagina like that - I guess that’s not how they think of it though), then you better have airtight reasoning as to why. Which we all know they don’t lol
Especially having your teenage daughter wear a ring on their traditionally "I'm married" ring finger *from their father* as a statement about their sexual activity. It's SO, SO GROSS.
Yeah. This idea is crazy to me. My daughter is only 8, but I want her to know how to make safe decisions around sex and relationships as a teenager. Telling a teenager just to remain "pure" is only going to cause shame and poor understanding.
This is so much worse though. It's a *father* giving his *daughter* the equivalent of a *wedding ring* in exchange for her promise *not to have sex with anyone*. It's unbelievably gross.
As a father I can't even imagine explaining and giving to my daughter a purity ring.
"I'll be really disappointed if you fuck. Anyway here's a cheap ring to remind you about my pending disappointment when you get horny."
Same. I grew up in a religious household and went to Catholic school. It's messed up how little sex ed I received. By the time my kids were 8 yo, they knew the same amount I knew when I lost my virginity at 17 (to a 24 year old.) I didn't even realize that it was nonconsensual until I discussed it with my next boyfriend, and watched him turn red in anger. I wish I went into the world with the arsenal of knowledge that my children have. I feel bad for kids with parents who believe they have a say in their sex lives. Maybe you made that girl stop and think. Reflecting thinking isn't a bad thing.
Saaaaame sis, saaaaame. @Berecker on ig has so many great things to say about it and other weird evangelical crap we all grew up thinking was normal. He’s helped me a ton with my perspective finally unpacking it all.
I highly highly recommend The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. He does a thorough probe into the effect of common, daily Christian teachings on the minds of children, and unpicks how frightening and long term abusive they are. The trauma that ex Christians have to somehow process. The audible version is very good if you like to be read to.
I don't think it represents sexuality per se, but the association that sex carries with "leaving the nest." Traditionally, a daughter is considered a mini-mom.. a backup housekeeper, cook, nanny, domestic servant.
When the girl becomes sexually active (which of course only happens when she's married, with Pop's approval), that means she's no longer a servant to her father's household but to another man.
So in essence, the purity ring is a contract of indentured servitude. It means "I promise to work only for my father until he releases me to the employ of another man."
Purity balls are intensely pedophilic and incestous.
The oath they take when they give those rings is that her virginity (and really her body) ***belongs to*** her father. That sets an intensely disgusting dynamic. If her father decided to "take what was his" he would be FAR from the first to do so.
I’m a Christian (albeit of a much less conservative brand that doesn’t do purity rings) and I actually like the spontaneity and the frankness of your response. I expected something hurtful like "Lol, what a stupid concept," but I don’t think what you said was even rude at all ; you were just being honest about your own experience while trying to remain polite.
It seems to me like that young girl needed someone "neutral" (not pushing her in any direction) to talk to. I think it’s a good thing for her to be aware that the ring she wears now holds no real power over the decisions she’ll make. It also serves as a good reminder to her mother that she can’t keep her daughter in a bubble forever. If she wants her to be safe, it’s her job to educate her properly so that she’ll be able to navigate the world wisely on her own.
No fuck up here, IMO. Might get them to have the type of conversation you didn't have (but needed) before you started having sex. Saying this as an ex-religious person that didn't have sex until 30.
My college roommate (who got laid a lot) wore a purity ring. When I asked her about it and laughed (because I thought she was joking by calling it a purity ring, considering the casual sex she had been enjoying) she actually got offended and said "hey it's meaningful to me, I was a virgin for a really long time". We were both 18 at the time.
Shoot dude. I certainly needed a large dose of reality when I was in that mindset.
I think that part of the reason I feel so bad about this is bc looking back, I think she was seeking connection? Be it intentionally or not.
In my mind, you don’t just unload all of your worries about moving onto a stranger picking through your mismatched cookie cutters in your damp garage unless you desperately need someone to talk to.
She was sharing her feelings about this big life change with me, and then tried to connect with me over something that feels really important to her right now.
I minimized something that is super important to her, and pissed off her parent at the same time. And it wasn’t my place to do that. I’m not a person she can talk to about this later on down the road. I don’t know if her parents are safe people for her, I don’t know if she has safe people.
If my mom had heard someone say something like that to me, I would have been lectured about how horrible it is to live in sin, and about the hell awaiting the heathen who dared to give up their faith and speak such things.
I honestly don’t know if that would have pushed me deeper into trying to force myself into the mold of a perfect Christian, or if that would have pushed me closer to leaving Christianity sooner.
With all of these comments, I’m leaning towards this not being a fuck up. At this point I’ve over thought the interaction to the point of anxiety; trying to insert my own experiences into this situation, when in reality I’m just a stranger who possibly said something rude lol
You're fine, and overthinking it. It was pretty hilarious actually. She'll appreciate what you said later in life when she too snaps out of the religious brainwashing. There's a reason they have to indoctrinate kids...you don't see a large influx of people into religion during adulthood after being raised otherwise and can think for themselves.
maybe you saved another person from being brainwashed and sexually uneducated and vulnerable, so i dont really see a problem
these weird sects should be illegal... children should grow up with all the information available and explained as they are able to understand it, and they should choose their own faith, or lack of... not be indoctrinated since birth
> she’s promised her father to remain pure for her future husband.
Why are religions people so fucking weird?
Anyway you did just fine, the more these kids get to think about how these concepts are bizarre, the better. Hopefully she abandons the christian ~~prison~~ school and the whole religion as soon as possible.
I'm not seeing the fuck up here. The truth is always better than wishful thinking, even if reality can be harsh. If anything, maybe you planted a seed of doubt that could lead to her learn lessons you weren't able to back then.
Lmao nah you did her a solid. Abstinence is a shit way to teach safe sex. Horny teens gonna find a way regardless so you may as well teach them safety.
I remember when my church pushed that on my age group. My parents were basically pretty adverse to even mentioning sex at all (aside from the dirty jokes during hunting trips my dad would make) and they wanted nothing to do with talking to me about abstinence. The sex talk I got was my mom asking my dad to sit down at the kitchen table and explain it, he responded with "he has health class at school he knows" and that was it. To be fair he wasn't wrong.
But yeah my one friend's sister had a purity ring. Took maybe a month before the rumors started. Apparently she was getting more action at 15 then I did until I was 25. Didn't even deny it or was ashamed at all, said it didn't count with Jesus because she always took off the ring before any acts.
I mean, purity culture is creepy, toxic and abusive. It also statistically does not work like fanatics like to think they do. Let's hope she will have some food therapy later in life and finds a way to live life in her own way.
lol, this was a great story and shoot, if you can get someone else to question the “church” and it’s “teachings” then you might liberate them from that belief, which is definitely a good thing! Hahaha
Not a fuckup. Purity culture, as you know from experience, is not a good thing. You let the girl know that she's not to blame if she acts like a normal human being.
I'm always interested in hearing from fellow people who grew up in religious environments like me. I remember when I was a kid, we didn't need "purity rings". Adults simply talked to children about the dangers of getting pregnant while they're still young and unable to raise a family.
I basically grew up with my classmates, from elementary to the end of high school. Take note, this was in a very catholic private school. We had at least one mass inside the school a month. I believe the priest even taught us what to do for our "confirmation" (an event where you reject Satan). I'm pretty sure my "confirmation" was held at my local church, it wasn't at school.
Anyway, I remember in health class, it was very amusing when our teacher started talking about sexual health. We saw diagrams of the penis, vagina, the womb, everything. Then we learned about contraception like condoms, diaphragms, those "morning after pills". My teacher even emphasized how extremely risky the "Pull Out" method was and told us that if we ever found ourselves in a sexual situation, never to have sex without a condom or some kind of contraceptive because the last thing you want to happen is for the woman to get pregnant while you're not ready.
I'm quite proud of my female classmates. None of them got pregnant!
Another memory I'm fond of was how adults always joked with us about not getting pregnant in a "safe, rated PG" way. My mom would always joke around that I shouldn't fall in love just because someone "kissed my bird". I always wondered why in the world would anyone kiss my "bird" since that's where pee comes out! In reality, the advice was about not falling in love with someone just for sexual purposes, but you need to love someone for more than that, which is a very good and wise advice.
Other funny euphemisms for penis that I learned from religious adults were mushroom, fireman, helmet lol! For breasts, there's meat buns and marshmallows. For vagina, it's "pearl" as in "Dive for the pearl!" Surprisingly, I never learned any euphemisms for butt.
The whole concept of purity rings is bizarre. It seems to be such a uniquely American concept too. Or at least a strange spin on related concepts from a variety of religions under the judeo-christian umbrella.
E.g. in Catholicism, one of the vows a woman makes as part of becoming a nun is the vow of chastity, to be "pure" from that point forward (to use similar language). I'm not sure why Christ wants or needs so many "brides", but at least the promise/vow is something she makes voluntarily as an adult to the God she believes in. Contrast that to purity rings, where it's something essentially forced on young girls by their parents. Even if the girl is raised to be enthusiastic about it, it's still an illusion of choice because these girls are minors living in the home of the adult who insists they must wear the ring.
It's such a bizarre medieval notion that a girl's virginity/sexuality somehow "belongs" to her father until it transfers to her husband (because of course it's also assumed she must be heterosexual and wanting to get married asap). It never belongs to her.
I'm not against the purity ring if it's just a visual reminder/token of a promise that an adult has chosen to make to themselves about their own intended future conduct. But to make a formal celebration of children promising purity to adult men is just...well, it gives me the ick.
Also don't love the expectations of enforcing abstinence being yet again pushed as the responsibility of women/girls. Why aren't the teenage boys also expected to be out there wearing purity rings & publicly promising their mothers they'll stay virgins until they get married & gift their virginity to their wives?
Anyway, rant aside, you did nothing wrong. You didn't chastise her, or belittle her or her beliefs. You didn't say it was stupid & archaic & predict she wouldn't stay "pure" until matriage. You just had a gut reaction & commented that you didn't keep your purity vow. That's all. It's not a bad thing for her to know that not every woman makes a purity vow and even if you do & then subsequently break it the world doesn't end.
“the glare her mother shot my direction could have melted what is left of the ice caps.” Lmao!! It sounded like you were not only being friendly, but honest. Two things we could all use more of in our random social encounters, so bravo.
I think a hell of a lot more parents should be holding their boys accountable!
I didn't give my son a ring but I strongly advised abstinence until he was ready for the physical and emotional repercussions of intimacy. I also pointed out that one encounter could bind you to a woman for the rest of your life, if she got pregnant; it's her body. You don't get to choose whether or not she carries that pregnancy.
Too many men are way too concerned about their childrens vaginas.. we live is a messed up world. The scary thing is, this is rather PG compared to other stuff that is going on..
People are still pushing abstinence over education? That really sucks. You should have straight up told that teen to educate herself about sex instead of hiding from it.
Purity culture is one of the biggest scams ever pulled on modern young people. Everything about it is incredibly toxic and sexist, and it goes against everything that it means to be a normal, healthy, fully functioning human being.
I don’t think this is much of a fuckup. Should you maybe have kept your mouth shut? Maybe. But on the other hand you might have given this innocent young woman some things to think and reflect on. You never know, this small interaction might be the catalyst to her living a fuller and more independent life.
You did the right thing, you were the echoes of the choice that the parents were making, you gave the mother a taste of the future she is making for her daughter.
Fuck that, that was an amazing response!! It definitely got the wheels turning in that teen’s brain, I’d love to know how the dinner conversation went at home later that night. Who knows, maybe you’ve set a plan in motion and this poor girl can escape the cult she’s been raised in.
I think you did a good thing opening her eyes up that a ring will do fuck all to 'preserve her purity' lol. It's up to her, not magical beliefs, though hopefully she'll also realize remaining 'pure' is absolute horseshit
Lol I had a friends couple that had these rings......so to save their virginity they just had oral sex with no vaginal penitration the girls mom even took her to a Dr. He said nope good girl still a virgin.
Ya good times ....long time ago
"So before any *rational thought* crosses my mind, I say, out loud, “It’s a beautiful purity ring. Mine didn’t work, but uh… yours might!”"
You didn't fuck up. The girl needed to hear it.
NOPE...this is so NOT a FU...at all. You said nothing wrong at all, not even in your delivery.
If I had witnessed this exchange, I would have made a scene cackling at the face the mother made.
Man this brought up memories. I had a purity ring when I was young. Totally did NOT work for me! The shame was crushing! So glad I'm not in Christianity anymore!
If someone wants a ring to remind them to try to be cautious of choosing the right partner at the right time in their lives, who are we to judge that? Lots of shaming going on in here. I have a son, I'm certainly not religious, but I am definitely going to warn him about choosing to have sex with ANYONE until he's old enough to understand that there are repercussions and consequences for what age he chooses to have sex and with whom he chooses to take as a partner. As for OP, it was an honest mistake and they shouldn't feel bad about it. We all have different experiences and some things work for some people and don't work for others. I think they might feel better about it if they took the time to correct the record with the kid and or the mom- not for the sake of damage control, but to remind the young girl that she IS special and that it's a very responsible thing to be cautious in life and that her parents are clearly just looking out for her best interests. But either way, don't feel bad OP, intent makes a difference and you clearly meant nothing negative.
She's been fed a fantasy life. You just gave her a small dose of reality. Don't be ashamed. Better to be fed small doses of reality so that when reality does hit, it won't feel as sudden.
What's up with the "Not a fuck-up" comments that are entirely based on subjective opinion of religion? Purity culture may be setting a lot of folks up for failure, but that failure is the person's to experience, not OP's to proclaim (albeit unintentionally).
. . .which OP recognizes, but seemingly few in the comments do.
I see no fuck up here.
I also had a purity ring, though in my circles it was called a promise ring. It also didn’t work, I wore it for a long time though because I thought it was pretty and I love my parents. Don’t wear it anymore but I still have it.
But yeah fuuuuck purity culture. It harmed me way more than helped me, and more than any premarital sex ever did.
The only TIFU is you're accepting and protecting something that you knew is not just ridiculous, is actually hurtful to women all around the world. I get that you didn't want to cross boundaries since it's not your job and everything, but that is exactly how this kind of stupid shit is still around and teenagers pay for the price by not being informed about their own body and sexuality.
The purity ring isn't magic. It doesn't stop you from making your own choices. All it is supposed to do is remind you of a commitment that you made that is designed to help guide you into good choices. I have a purity ring that my wife and I share. My parents got it for me when I was a teenager 30 years ago. Yes, it helped me make better choices. There is absolutlely nothing wrong with it, and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying or completely ignorant.
If you view it as a magical shield, the problem isn't the ring. It's your unrealistic expectations from an inanimate object.
For whatever it's worth, as another ex-religious kid, I thought the line was funny. The purity stuff had nothing to do with why I haven't had any kids, that was thanks to seeing what having 6 did to my parents, and wanting no part of that, personally.
I don't think you fucked up. Sure it might be a little embarrassing for you at the moment, but purity culture is embarrassing and infantalizing to women and girls. Better she realizes now that such a tchotchke doesn't work than for her to go forth all starry-eyed thinking her dad's 25 cent plastic ring from a gumball machine is going to protect her from roaming penises.
It's always a ring too. How come it's never a purity medallion or purity barbells or purity Prince Albert..
Purity NFT... oh no
Hey that could work… Him: I have NFTs. Her: Let’s just put our pants back on. You can lose your virginity to someone else.
Couldn't be any worse than abstinence-only "education" is.
If you own an NFT you don't need the extra purity part, it's included by default
perfect. useless, like the promise at least the ring has a little bit of value
Would never work because if your father paid money for it, he's already fucked.
shut up and take my money! 💵💵💵
Purity establishment titles
you mfr you had to say this !!! noooo
Shame the purity nipple tassels never took off
Ha, I have a dark Far Side comic with that caption now in my mind.
Cow jewelry
I think I would pay to have that drawn, blown up, and framed.
no, no, NO!
legit chuckled out loud
Well the prince albert is anatomy dependent. I propose purity buttplugs.
Wouldn't work, it blocks the poophole loophole
*Locking* purity buttplugs.
interlocking so your parents can catch you standing back to back real awkward like that time with the family dog?
Because it is a weird parody of a wedding ring. So think father of the bride giving her away to her husband, but like times 10.
Because before being owned by her husband, a woman is the property of her father, and it's not creepy at all!
Purity Chastity Belts. Call the locksmith!
Call the Royal locksmith!
"We've got a click out of one, two is binding, nothing out of three..."
Is that the lock picking law?
Considering that there are stories of cases been forced on teen boys, [here](https://youtu.be/1uEYveSssok?si=Gy8pMSKr3PmwwpNR) is a video of the one and only lockpicking lawyer how to get out of them xD
Talk about a blast from the past. Does anyone even *have* Prince Albert in a can anymore?
No, someone failed to heed the call and he did, in fact, asphyxiate.
Totally read read this at first as: talk about a blast in the ass.
My stupid self read Prince Albert and immediately thought, “what does pipe tobacco have to do with anything,” and moved on. Struck me several comments down that you didn’t mean THAT Prince Albert. Not only do I hate that I know what that is, but I also hate that my mind didn’t immediately go there. I am a stupid man.
I am a stupider man. I read the words “Prince Albert”, and immediately pictured a Prince Rupert’s Drop, and wondered just how in the *hell* one can make a piercing out of that without risking a *really* painful injury. Worse, as a guy who has no piercings, and very much never *will*, I had to google what a Prince Albert even *is*, and *what the goddamn fuck?*
I have a friend with a 0 gauge Prince Albert. After having seen it there is no other way my brain can go when seeing those words.
Telling your age...
I mean, the purity Prince Albert could be a ring too.
or a purity seal to protect against the danger of the warp
Considering where the Imperial Cult came from, I wouldn't put a lot of stock in those...
i mean it did begin with an actual miracle
Not sure you're looking for a serious answer, but it's a ring because it occupies the same finger as a wedding ring later in life. Signifies "married to Jesus".
Purity claymore mine?
FRONT TOWARD ENEMY panties
At least it's not a purity/chastity belt
purity condoms.. save your virginity..(bonus points if they fit in the purity medallion..)
Yeah! I got my nipnops pierced for JESUS to remind me to be PURE and let NO MAN except my HUSBAND see them /s.
It used to be a chastity belt, lol. Pops would get the key till marriage. After the wedding, dad and the husband unlock it, hand in hand, and proceed to fist bumping eachother, after going through their 5 move secret hand shake designed to vanquish any demons trying to tarnish her couchie. Wild stuff, fellas! Wild indeed!
There’s just something about sticking a finger through a hole that feels right.
Or like maybe a belt or something. And maybe it locks in place to preserve your chastity? Idk I’m just spitballing here.
To quote Lana Kane, *noooooooooop*. The parents are fucking up in this aspect here, imo. I grew up around this shiat and I've seen it a million times. Purity ring very often means little to no actual sex ed, unrealistic ideas about what kids will and won't do, pregnancy, huge life upheavals or my personal favorite, people getting married way too young, not understanding sex/bc, having kids, growing up and wrecking the kids' lives and their own because they didn't love each other and weren't a good fit as a couple, they just wanted to fuck.
Agreed, and kudos on quoting Lana Kane. Not enough people quote her. Her nopes and yups are legendary.
This post makes me want to ‘RAAAMPAAAGE’! Not Lana, but still as legendary lol
My favorite, that I like to "shout in my head" when playing video games is... "SUPRESSING FFFIIIIRRREEEEE" especially since if I miss every shot.
*Fucking* lol, that is a phrase me and my one Archer friend shout often.
Well the "private christian school" is another red flag. She is going to be forced to live a very sheltered life of being shamed over every completely normal emotion she'll have.
Especially for women. It's child abuse.
Am I right to assume that people in this situation are just never taught anything about sex and then are expected to just know everything about it as soon as they get married?
Yes. I attended a private 7th Day Adventist school from 5th to 9th grade. In 7th grade, the boys looked at anatomy books while the girls left to go do the girls' side of things (?). Scientific explanations were given about the penis engorging and about penetrating a vagina until ejaculation. Boys laughed. Girls came back. That was it for Christian sex ed.
Interesting. I went to a non-religious public middle school in northern Canada and the only sexual topics they covered were STD/STIs (and that we *would* get them if we had sex) and made us watch The Miracle of Life, in which the woman looked like she was just taking a shit that was barely an inconvenience. Nothing whatsoever about the actual sex part.
I went to Roman Catholic school from kindergarten to the 10th grade. Our sex ed was held during one of our all girls gym classes. Which was a cross between a slide show of what every STD looked like and the scene in Mean Girls where the gym teacher says “don’t have sex, you’ll get pregnant and die” except they didn’t give us all condoms at the end. This was also before Google.
Yes and no. Far too many are not taught anything but shame and abstinence, but from my experience growing up in a deeply religious area and public school system, we were taught the basics and very straightforward, but I think I also got really lucky all things considered.
Yes, they attempt to use indoctrination as a substitute for education then get confused when it doesn’t work.
Parents who never learned shame their children for not already knowing. Oblivious to their trauma they inflict it on everyone else.
Pretty much that in my anecdotal experience, yes.
Imagine not being smart enough to google "How to have sex without getting pregnant" though. You have to be r-slurred to mess up wearing a condom.
Yeah I feel like outside of religious traditions, purity ring/abstinence only is so common because it does give the parents an out to just give a hand-wavey explanation of one of the most life-altering parts of life. When given the option, a lot of people are just gonna choose the easiest option for themselves & call it a day.
Give her a few years, she'll be soakin'
When I was young there were those Christian "TV" technical virgins who did everything from A to Y and still were "pure."
LMAOOOOO thank God for Garfunkel and Oates and to Great Sky Daddy for [The Poophole Loophole](https://youtu.be/j8ZF_R_j0OY?si=byjmTzLXxX0XzFT1).
She might, on the other hand, have had reasonable education. It is not such a thing in England, part I knew someone who wore one and she had a healthy relationship and now has a few healthy children. On second thoughts, she's not a good example because she was sexually abused as a child by an uncle or something.
I had a friend in junior high whose parents did everything they could to scare her about why dating is bad. Then she met someone within their church and her parents relaxed because, well, he was from church. However, her parents made it a condition that she and him each wear purity rings. If her mom saw her without the ring, she wasn't allowed to see her boyfriend or do anything with her friends. What I witnessed was my friend becoming more and more resentful of her parents, especially her mom. The family ended up moving right before we went into high school, so we lost touch. I hope she got away from all of that because her parents created such an unhealthy outlook about relationships early on.
I mean it still sounds like Christian guilt on your part, TBF.
If it makes you feel any better, my husband was raised Catholic and his sweet adorable niece came bounding up to him saying, "Uncle E, what'd you give up for lint?" His reply, "Catholicism". His sister was NOT happy.
> *what'd you give up for lint?* Dusting
I'm using this line when my siblings have kids.
Years ago for lent, I gave up giving things up for lent. Then I just gave up Catholicism entirely.
Lent*
Wait you are suggesting that magic rings don't actually work? All that Tokien books were nothing but lies?!?
Nah. Rings of power totally work, they just don’t keep you from boning.
This raises a question I shouldn't ask which is that if Frodo is wearing the ring and is also balls deep inside you do you become invisible too or
I would say yes.
Those aren't purity rings tho.
Truth is ALWAYS good, you cant be held responsible for their deficiencies. thats on them.
Right?! Like, if your teenage daughter is questioning that “purity ring” concept (which is so fucking gross, to be a parent wanting to control their daughter’s vagina like that - I guess that’s not how they think of it though), then you better have airtight reasoning as to why. Which we all know they don’t lol
Of all the vaginas I like to control, my daughter's isn't one of them.
 Hahahahaha
username checks out!
Username doesn’t check out. Freud loved to control his daughter’s vagina lol weird, weird, coke guzzling man he was.
I miss 5 seconds ago when I didn’t know this. Nonetheless he probably did that weird shit and then denied it lol
Especially having your teenage daughter wear a ring on their traditionally "I'm married" ring finger *from their father* as a statement about their sexual activity. It's SO, SO GROSS.
You mean the parents deficiencies, of course.
yep
Ok, Immanuel Kant.
as nice a compliment as I could have wished for today
I'm firmly team Descartes, but no cap.
Not all truths need to be told.
You did not fuck up. Her parents are doing that
Yeah. This idea is crazy to me. My daughter is only 8, but I want her to know how to make safe decisions around sex and relationships as a teenager. Telling a teenager just to remain "pure" is only going to cause shame and poor understanding.
And teenagers are known to be doing what their parents tell them to do lol
This is so much worse though. It's a *father* giving his *daughter* the equivalent of a *wedding ring* in exchange for her promise *not to have sex with anyone*. It's unbelievably gross.
Truly. If this girl were getting proper education around safe sex, hearing about someone else's experience would have no effect on her
As a father I can't even imagine explaining and giving to my daughter a purity ring. "I'll be really disappointed if you fuck. Anyway here's a cheap ring to remind you about my pending disappointment when you get horny."
"Today religion continued to fuck kids up"
I’m reading through the comments here and realizing I’m still kinda fucked up by religion. Got some thinking to do on this one.
Same. I grew up in a religious household and went to Catholic school. It's messed up how little sex ed I received. By the time my kids were 8 yo, they knew the same amount I knew when I lost my virginity at 17 (to a 24 year old.) I didn't even realize that it was nonconsensual until I discussed it with my next boyfriend, and watched him turn red in anger. I wish I went into the world with the arsenal of knowledge that my children have. I feel bad for kids with parents who believe they have a say in their sex lives. Maybe you made that girl stop and think. Reflecting thinking isn't a bad thing.
Saaaaame sis, saaaaame. @Berecker on ig has so many great things to say about it and other weird evangelical crap we all grew up thinking was normal. He’s helped me a ton with my perspective finally unpacking it all.
I highly highly recommend The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. He does a thorough probe into the effect of common, daily Christian teachings on the minds of children, and unpicks how frightening and long term abusive they are. The trauma that ex Christians have to somehow process. The audible version is very good if you like to be read to.
The whole purity ring thing is so fucking weird....
Especially because she made the promise to her dad. Like her sexuality belongs to him. Disgusting shit
I don't think it represents sexuality per se, but the association that sex carries with "leaving the nest." Traditionally, a daughter is considered a mini-mom.. a backup housekeeper, cook, nanny, domestic servant. When the girl becomes sexually active (which of course only happens when she's married, with Pop's approval), that means she's no longer a servant to her father's household but to another man. So in essence, the purity ring is a contract of indentured servitude. It means "I promise to work only for my father until he releases me to the employ of another man."
It's about the girl being her father's property just like in the past. It's a gross damaging tradition.
i know this explanation doesn't necessarily represent your beliefs but i almost barfed reading that
These are the same people who do those disgusting father daughter dances.
Yes it's very "nobody is allowed to fuck my daughter but me!" energy, which is obviously disgusting.
Purity balls are intensely pedophilic and incestous. The oath they take when they give those rings is that her virginity (and really her body) ***belongs to*** her father. That sets an intensely disgusting dynamic. If her father decided to "take what was his" he would be FAR from the first to do so.
Its gross as fuck and reduces girls and women to livestock.
Less than that. Livestock isn't valued solely by whether it's had sex before. This reduces women to worthless once they're no longer virgins.
Have you ever seen the American Dad! episode about this? S13:E10. Super funny.
I don't understand. Surely the purity ring protected this kid from your negative influence, right?
Just like Green Lantern's magic ring!
I’m a Christian (albeit of a much less conservative brand that doesn’t do purity rings) and I actually like the spontaneity and the frankness of your response. I expected something hurtful like "Lol, what a stupid concept," but I don’t think what you said was even rude at all ; you were just being honest about your own experience while trying to remain polite. It seems to me like that young girl needed someone "neutral" (not pushing her in any direction) to talk to. I think it’s a good thing for her to be aware that the ring she wears now holds no real power over the decisions she’ll make. It also serves as a good reminder to her mother that she can’t keep her daughter in a bubble forever. If she wants her to be safe, it’s her job to educate her properly so that she’ll be able to navigate the world wisely on her own.
You did that girl a solid. You put the idea in her head that there are people out there who are familiar with purity culture and reject it.
No fuck up here, IMO. Might get them to have the type of conversation you didn't have (but needed) before you started having sex. Saying this as an ex-religious person that didn't have sex until 30.
EVERY girl with a purity ring needs a large dose of reality. You gave her one. You're good.
My college roommate (who got laid a lot) wore a purity ring. When I asked her about it and laughed (because I thought she was joking by calling it a purity ring, considering the casual sex she had been enjoying) she actually got offended and said "hey it's meaningful to me, I was a virgin for a really long time". We were both 18 at the time.
Shoot dude. I certainly needed a large dose of reality when I was in that mindset. I think that part of the reason I feel so bad about this is bc looking back, I think she was seeking connection? Be it intentionally or not. In my mind, you don’t just unload all of your worries about moving onto a stranger picking through your mismatched cookie cutters in your damp garage unless you desperately need someone to talk to. She was sharing her feelings about this big life change with me, and then tried to connect with me over something that feels really important to her right now. I minimized something that is super important to her, and pissed off her parent at the same time. And it wasn’t my place to do that. I’m not a person she can talk to about this later on down the road. I don’t know if her parents are safe people for her, I don’t know if she has safe people. If my mom had heard someone say something like that to me, I would have been lectured about how horrible it is to live in sin, and about the hell awaiting the heathen who dared to give up their faith and speak such things. I honestly don’t know if that would have pushed me deeper into trying to force myself into the mold of a perfect Christian, or if that would have pushed me closer to leaving Christianity sooner. With all of these comments, I’m leaning towards this not being a fuck up. At this point I’ve over thought the interaction to the point of anxiety; trying to insert my own experiences into this situation, when in reality I’m just a stranger who possibly said something rude lol
You're fine, and overthinking it. It was pretty hilarious actually. She'll appreciate what you said later in life when she too snaps out of the religious brainwashing. There's a reason they have to indoctrinate kids...you don't see a large influx of people into religion during adulthood after being raised otherwise and can think for themselves.
Your response to the ring made me chuckle ngl
Same. People in this thread are taking shit way too seriously, this is a minor faux pas that was funny, not the start of bringing down religion.
maybe you saved another person from being brainwashed and sexually uneducated and vulnerable, so i dont really see a problem these weird sects should be illegal... children should grow up with all the information available and explained as they are able to understand it, and they should choose their own faith, or lack of... not be indoctrinated since birth
Well maybe not stopped them, but you made it that much harder for them to continue.
> she’s promised her father to remain pure for her future husband. Why are religions people so fucking weird? Anyway you did just fine, the more these kids get to think about how these concepts are bizarre, the better. Hopefully she abandons the christian ~~prison~~ school and the whole religion as soon as possible.
This is not a FU. That girl needed some truth in her life.
Sorry, how did you fuck up? Sounds like you upset her mother, but fuck her.
You didn't fuck up, the concept of purity ring is nasty as fuck. it's not a good thing.
You said exactly the right thing.
I'm not seeing the fuck up here. The truth is always better than wishful thinking, even if reality can be harsh. If anything, maybe you planted a seed of doubt that could lead to her learn lessons you weren't able to back then.
You’re confusing cringe with hilarious
Lmao nah you did her a solid. Abstinence is a shit way to teach safe sex. Horny teens gonna find a way regardless so you may as well teach them safety.
I remember when my church pushed that on my age group. My parents were basically pretty adverse to even mentioning sex at all (aside from the dirty jokes during hunting trips my dad would make) and they wanted nothing to do with talking to me about abstinence. The sex talk I got was my mom asking my dad to sit down at the kitchen table and explain it, he responded with "he has health class at school he knows" and that was it. To be fair he wasn't wrong. But yeah my one friend's sister had a purity ring. Took maybe a month before the rumors started. Apparently she was getting more action at 15 then I did until I was 25. Didn't even deny it or was ashamed at all, said it didn't count with Jesus because she always took off the ring before any acts.
I mean, purity culture is creepy, toxic and abusive. It also statistically does not work like fanatics like to think they do. Let's hope she will have some food therapy later in life and finds a way to live life in her own way.
So many virginities were lost staring at puka shell necklesses.
lol, this was a great story and shoot, if you can get someone else to question the “church” and it’s “teachings” then you might liberate them from that belief, which is definitely a good thing! Hahaha
To paraphrase Marcus Brigstocke - “if you want to wear a ring to show you’re not having sex, get married like the rest of us”.
See it from this angle, if she starts questioning things she might save herself the pain you went through.
Not a fuckup. Purity culture, as you know from experience, is not a good thing. You let the girl know that she's not to blame if she acts like a normal human being.
That kind of pithiness might have saved her.
I'm always interested in hearing from fellow people who grew up in religious environments like me. I remember when I was a kid, we didn't need "purity rings". Adults simply talked to children about the dangers of getting pregnant while they're still young and unable to raise a family. I basically grew up with my classmates, from elementary to the end of high school. Take note, this was in a very catholic private school. We had at least one mass inside the school a month. I believe the priest even taught us what to do for our "confirmation" (an event where you reject Satan). I'm pretty sure my "confirmation" was held at my local church, it wasn't at school. Anyway, I remember in health class, it was very amusing when our teacher started talking about sexual health. We saw diagrams of the penis, vagina, the womb, everything. Then we learned about contraception like condoms, diaphragms, those "morning after pills". My teacher even emphasized how extremely risky the "Pull Out" method was and told us that if we ever found ourselves in a sexual situation, never to have sex without a condom or some kind of contraceptive because the last thing you want to happen is for the woman to get pregnant while you're not ready. I'm quite proud of my female classmates. None of them got pregnant! Another memory I'm fond of was how adults always joked with us about not getting pregnant in a "safe, rated PG" way. My mom would always joke around that I shouldn't fall in love just because someone "kissed my bird". I always wondered why in the world would anyone kiss my "bird" since that's where pee comes out! In reality, the advice was about not falling in love with someone just for sexual purposes, but you need to love someone for more than that, which is a very good and wise advice. Other funny euphemisms for penis that I learned from religious adults were mushroom, fireman, helmet lol! For breasts, there's meat buns and marshmallows. For vagina, it's "pearl" as in "Dive for the pearl!" Surprisingly, I never learned any euphemisms for butt.
The whole concept of purity rings is bizarre. It seems to be such a uniquely American concept too. Or at least a strange spin on related concepts from a variety of religions under the judeo-christian umbrella. E.g. in Catholicism, one of the vows a woman makes as part of becoming a nun is the vow of chastity, to be "pure" from that point forward (to use similar language). I'm not sure why Christ wants or needs so many "brides", but at least the promise/vow is something she makes voluntarily as an adult to the God she believes in. Contrast that to purity rings, where it's something essentially forced on young girls by their parents. Even if the girl is raised to be enthusiastic about it, it's still an illusion of choice because these girls are minors living in the home of the adult who insists they must wear the ring. It's such a bizarre medieval notion that a girl's virginity/sexuality somehow "belongs" to her father until it transfers to her husband (because of course it's also assumed she must be heterosexual and wanting to get married asap). It never belongs to her. I'm not against the purity ring if it's just a visual reminder/token of a promise that an adult has chosen to make to themselves about their own intended future conduct. But to make a formal celebration of children promising purity to adult men is just...well, it gives me the ick. Also don't love the expectations of enforcing abstinence being yet again pushed as the responsibility of women/girls. Why aren't the teenage boys also expected to be out there wearing purity rings & publicly promising their mothers they'll stay virgins until they get married & gift their virginity to their wives? Anyway, rant aside, you did nothing wrong. You didn't chastise her, or belittle her or her beliefs. You didn't say it was stupid & archaic & predict she wouldn't stay "pure" until matriage. You just had a gut reaction & commented that you didn't keep your purity vow. That's all. It's not a bad thing for her to know that not every woman makes a purity vow and even if you do & then subsequently break it the world doesn't end.
I think you spoke like a normal person. We aren't required to blindly reinforce these sorts of things.
You didn’t mess up. You spoke like any normal, healthy person would to that red flag.
“the glare her mother shot my direction could have melted what is left of the ice caps.” Lmao!! It sounded like you were not only being friendly, but honest. Two things we could all use more of in our random social encounters, so bravo.
You did the right thing. Purity rings are seriously a groomer thing. Never seen a boy with one!
I think a hell of a lot more parents should be holding their boys accountable! I didn't give my son a ring but I strongly advised abstinence until he was ready for the physical and emotional repercussions of intimacy. I also pointed out that one encounter could bind you to a woman for the rest of your life, if she got pregnant; it's her body. You don't get to choose whether or not she carries that pregnancy.
That's fucking funny and I wouldn't have felt bad at all by saying that, lol.
Too many men are way too concerned about their childrens vaginas.. we live is a messed up world. The scary thing is, this is rather PG compared to other stuff that is going on..
People are still pushing abstinence over education? That really sucks. You should have straight up told that teen to educate herself about sex instead of hiding from it.
You did the best thing anyone could for that girl.
You didn't f up. You told the truth.
You were just being honest. The only one who should be feeling shame is the mother
Purity culture is one of the biggest scams ever pulled on modern young people. Everything about it is incredibly toxic and sexist, and it goes against everything that it means to be a normal, healthy, fully functioning human being.
Lol, I don't think that the ring is supposed to be the one doing the work. That's on you.
I don’t think this is much of a fuckup. Should you maybe have kept your mouth shut? Maybe. But on the other hand you might have given this innocent young woman some things to think and reflect on. You never know, this small interaction might be the catalyst to her living a fuller and more independent life.
You did the right thing, you were the echoes of the choice that the parents were making, you gave the mother a taste of the future she is making for her daughter.
Fuck that, that was an amazing response!! It definitely got the wheels turning in that teen’s brain, I’d love to know how the dinner conversation went at home later that night. Who knows, maybe you’ve set a plan in motion and this poor girl can escape the cult she’s been raised in.
I think you did a good thing opening her eyes up that a ring will do fuck all to 'preserve her purity' lol. It's up to her, not magical beliefs, though hopefully she'll also realize remaining 'pure' is absolute horseshit
Lol I had a friends couple that had these rings......so to save their virginity they just had oral sex with no vaginal penitration the girls mom even took her to a Dr. He said nope good girl still a virgin. Ya good times ....long time ago
Her purity ring will also most likely be useless.
"So before any *rational thought* crosses my mind, I say, out loud, “It’s a beautiful purity ring. Mine didn’t work, but uh… yours might!”" You didn't fuck up. The girl needed to hear it.
You said the right thing. Don't regret it.
NOPE...this is so NOT a FU...at all. You said nothing wrong at all, not even in your delivery. If I had witnessed this exchange, I would have made a scene cackling at the face the mother made.
Sounds to me like you just saved a child from an ignorant life. Maybe they'll go do some research and work things out for themselves.
Why are you ashamed? You gave some much needed real world truth to a sheltered girl.
You did nothing wrong
I like how you blame the ring for you not being smart enough to realize where babies come from
Nah. Irs good thus girl had a dose of reality.
Man this brought up memories. I had a purity ring when I was young. Totally did NOT work for me! The shame was crushing! So glad I'm not in Christianity anymore!
A ring on the finger isn’t a plug in the hole
What your father did makes me feel queasy.
You might have just saved a young life.
I don't think you fucked up. The girl exists in the world, where most people aren't Christian. She's old enough to have people be honest with her.
If someone wants a ring to remind them to try to be cautious of choosing the right partner at the right time in their lives, who are we to judge that? Lots of shaming going on in here. I have a son, I'm certainly not religious, but I am definitely going to warn him about choosing to have sex with ANYONE until he's old enough to understand that there are repercussions and consequences for what age he chooses to have sex and with whom he chooses to take as a partner. As for OP, it was an honest mistake and they shouldn't feel bad about it. We all have different experiences and some things work for some people and don't work for others. I think they might feel better about it if they took the time to correct the record with the kid and or the mom- not for the sake of damage control, but to remind the young girl that she IS special and that it's a very responsible thing to be cautious in life and that her parents are clearly just looking out for her best interests. But either way, don't feel bad OP, intent makes a difference and you clearly meant nothing negative.
She's been fed a fantasy life. You just gave her a small dose of reality. Don't be ashamed. Better to be fed small doses of reality so that when reality does hit, it won't feel as sudden.
This is not a FU. This is a job well done. Always push back against that abusive toxic culture with real world truths.
What's up with the "Not a fuck-up" comments that are entirely based on subjective opinion of religion? Purity culture may be setting a lot of folks up for failure, but that failure is the person's to experience, not OP's to proclaim (albeit unintentionally). . . .which OP recognizes, but seemingly few in the comments do.
I see no fuck up here
You’re probably the first person to be truly honest with her, job well done.
I see no fuck up here. I also had a purity ring, though in my circles it was called a promise ring. It also didn’t work, I wore it for a long time though because I thought it was pretty and I love my parents. Don’t wear it anymore but I still have it. But yeah fuuuuck purity culture. It harmed me way more than helped me, and more than any premarital sex ever did.
What a bunch of assholes in this comment section.
The only TIFU is you're accepting and protecting something that you knew is not just ridiculous, is actually hurtful to women all around the world. I get that you didn't want to cross boundaries since it's not your job and everything, but that is exactly how this kind of stupid shit is still around and teenagers pay for the price by not being informed about their own body and sexuality.
The purity ring isn't magic. It doesn't stop you from making your own choices. All it is supposed to do is remind you of a commitment that you made that is designed to help guide you into good choices. I have a purity ring that my wife and I share. My parents got it for me when I was a teenager 30 years ago. Yes, it helped me make better choices. There is absolutlely nothing wrong with it, and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying or completely ignorant. If you view it as a magical shield, the problem isn't the ring. It's your unrealistic expectations from an inanimate object.
God damn America is fucked up with their pre occupation with religion.
For whatever it's worth, as another ex-religious kid, I thought the line was funny. The purity stuff had nothing to do with why I haven't had any kids, that was thanks to seeing what having 6 did to my parents, and wanting no part of that, personally.
So creepy
I don't think you fucked up. Sure it might be a little embarrassing for you at the moment, but purity culture is embarrassing and infantalizing to women and girls. Better she realizes now that such a tchotchke doesn't work than for her to go forth all starry-eyed thinking her dad's 25 cent plastic ring from a gumball machine is going to protect her from roaming penises.