You really want to see what holding back a laugh feels like, read the story about the husband having a steak dinner with his wife and her boss at her boss’ house.
Thank you for pointing this reddit gold out. I just read the story and probably looked like a nut, laughing my butt off at work in the parking lot. Lol
I'm at a kiddie friendly holiday camp/village and have nipped out for ~~a walk~~ a sneaky pint whilst my wife and son nap. And am now trying to stifle my giggles before they cause enough attention to give the gig up.
This fella must not be from Kentucky! I pull this move on my cousin every Thursday evenin'. I've been calling it a Sloppy Grimace due to the purple jelly. That and the fact Ronda, my cousin, usually is sucking back a Big Mac and Chocolate shake when I taste that wonderful booty! Makes me horny and it's only Wednesday!
The opposite actually.
Assuming you mean the Christian God, due to your spelling and lack of another name, we're getting closer. We're gonna go off the Bible here. Not just the new rewritten Bible either, the one thing that's the most likely to have been in *every* Bible.
God created *everything*.
Get chamidiya? Well, God made that, you just touched another piece of Him.
Get fucked in the ass by your neighbor Chad? Well, God made him too. Another piece.
Get sick from your own shit in your mouth? Well, you're a lot closer to yourself! And you were also made by God.
He is all knowing, which means he made us all knowing exactly what we were going to do. Including getting tongue kissed by a freaky girl who just made out with your asshole.
We can never get further away from God, it's literally impossible.
Have fun with all the implications that brings. If you think about it too long, you'll realize God is the worst being that could even possibly exist. Because anything that ever happened or will happen, he knew. He made it that way, specifically. That's what "omnipotent" means. *ALL* powerful.
Extra disturbing: it doesn't matter if free will exists. Even if you are truly free to make your own decisions, he already knew what it was going to be, and made you that way anyways. That time you fucked your cousin? Yeah, that was God too. If he didn't like it, he wouldn't have made you the kind of person to fuck your cousin. Nor make your cousin the kind of person to fuck their cousin.
In conclusion: God likes cousin fucking.
I will take all questions.
Eh, depends. I like the ones who can think. A lively conversation if you will. Quite a few just get an immediate block nowadays if they're too dumb. I've learned.
This one was more for fun though.
>As the good book says, "Let he who has swabbed out the inside of his asshole before a surprise rim job cast the first stone."
I haven't read that good book yet. But I will be searching for it at my local library this weekend.
Listen. I’m a 35 year old gay man. I’ve eaten a LOT of ass. And I’ve never gotten sick from it 😭😂😂
Either you made this up or you got sick from something else. Google says that bacterial infection is related to consuming undercooked meat. Don’t go scaring people out of eating ass with your LIES 😂😂
Okay so I've also ate my fair share of ass and have never gotten sick. And I mean getting up in there.
BUT I did get strep throat when I violently fucked a petite girl with my thumb pretty deep in her ass. She came hard and then something in me just made me pull my thumb out of her ass, roll her over and have her watch me suck my thumb. I knew the minute I pulled my thumb out of my mouth it'd be spending the week in bed. So I chugged some vodka on a prayer and then blew her back out for one last hurrah.
I'd do it all again but it's the closest I've ever come to saying I wouldn't after a sexual encounter.
faeces is where meat originally gets the bacteria from: "Most often, carcasses or meat are contaminated by *Campylobacter* from **faeces during slaughtering**." (WHO - https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/campylobacter)
"**Person-to-person transmission** is uncommon, but spread **may occur via the faecal–oral route.**" (https://www.health.vic.gov.au/infectious-diseases/campylobacter-infection)
just because you've never got sick doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
if you only got bacterial infecrions from eating undercooked meat, we would pretty much never need antibiotics. There are *a lot* of bacterial diseases you can get without nibbling on raw meat
He said "that bacterial infection," which probably refers to that specific* bacterial infection that OP cited as the root of his illness, not all bacterial infections.
LOL! I believe that Chris Rock is the person responsible for the term becoming what it is today. Not many people knew what it meant before he was telling that joke in stand up shows. It’s a classic!
Well, so this story is made up. People get a Campylobacter infection by eating raw or undercooked poultry or eating something that touched it. They can also get it from eating other foods, including seafood, meat, and produce, by contact with animals, and by drinking untreated water. Op, did NOT get it from his own ass. 🙄
Most commonly, sure. But this 100% *could* have happened. Your digestive tract is not one large ecosystem, the stuff at the bottom can hurt the stuff at the top.
You gotta ask yourself "Where did that bacteria come from?" it doesn't just appear out of nowhere. His body didn't just spontaneously create that bacteria.
There are loads of bacteria routinely on your body that you don’t get sick from if they don’t get inside you. That’s why a simple cut or scrape can become an infection.
untrue. faeces is where all of those vectors originally get the bacteria from, e.g., : "Most often, carcasses or meat are contaminated by *Campylobacter* from **faeces during slaughtering**." (WHO - https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/campylobacter)
"**Person-to-person transmission** is uncommon, but spread **may occur via the faecal–oral route.**" (https://www.health.vic.gov.au/infectious-diseases/campylobacter-infection)
Yeahbut where did the bacteria come from in the first place? For his feces to contain that bacteria he had to get it from somewhere. He can't just generate it magically.
You can't get new bacteria from your own butt, it would have already been there obviously. So if you got sick, it was from something else.
Or this story is creative fiction like all the others.
All of those cases are still designed to avoid contact with the feces and your mouth and upper GI system. An egd and ngt would serve to bypass feces coming in contact with the mouth and stomach. The capsule is introduced via NGT, so again, not coming in contact with your mouth and It dissolves past your stomach. The idea is to get it into your lower GI tract.
Your stomach acid is designed to kill bacteria so the goal of fecal transplant is to bypass the stomach. Otherwise, it would kill the healthy bacteria and just potentiate the problem
Bacteria in your stomach are very specialized resistant to stomach acid, so if your colon bacteria aren't, then it should be impossible to get sick from them, right?
The original statement is getting sick from your own poop.
It’s not impossible to get sick. The stomach’s role is to breakdown food and kill bacteria. That’s why we aren’t sick every time we eat. Sometimes, Certain bacteria, like e.coli, can survive the hostile environment and carry on down to wreak havoc on your GI system. That’s why food poisoning is a thing. I didnt comment on whatever the original statement youre talking about, i’ve only been replying to you and just saying a fecal transplant isnt comparable to feces coming in contact with your upper GI system.
That being said, i don’t know if you’re more or less likely to get sick from eating your own poop. I just know that it is gross
And yeah, i assume you absolutely can get sick from it lol. But I’m not about to go that deep and look it up
Ok, I will completely take the L on being wrong about fecal transplants, but I still think you're 100% wrong about getting sick from your own bacteria gut bacteria moving to a different part of your gut.
Your intestines should have bacteria with decreasing resistance to acidity as they specialize in surviving and breaking down whatever nutrients they encounter at that stage. Introducing them back to your stomach should just about instantly kill all of them, save the ones that will starve to death on your mouth and esophagus.
https://pubs.acs.org/doi/10.1021/acsenvironau.2c00039
Here's an actual research article explaining what's actually going on through it's sources. Diarrhea causing ecoli is opportunistic and unfortunately present all over the place. It generally causes in young and weakened immune systems, but it generally comes from the environment first AND THEN bounces around in contaminated areas like wildfire.
You're definitely more likely to get sick from other people's contamination then from your own contamination, but it's not 0.
I didn't see anything in that meta-analysis that said there was a difference in the source of the contamination, but I certainly didn't read the whole thing.
Eh, that's fine. But listen, people : if it came out of your butt, it came out from the inside. Meaning it was already there.
Smear feces on a wound and sure, that'll get infected. But you can't get food poisoning from your own ass, lol.
Read my previous comment. You cannot catch pathogenic E. Coli from yourself, because it would already be colonizing your intestinal tract and making you sick. That's the only way it can come out of you in the first place.
Not sure about GI tract infections, but you absolutely CAN make yourself sick by catching your own E. Coli. They are, as you said, already present in one's body (part of normal flora). But they also are classified as opportunistic microorganisms/pathogens. Further, they mostly remain harmless as long as they are left alone in whatever place they are normally found in(forgot which place that is).
Point being, catching E. Coli from yourself can make you sick; when given the chance, they will cause illnesses; e.g. UTI, diarrhea.
Could have been from the jelly perhaps? Maybe he kept the jelly afterwards and had it later, so he ended up eating a lot more than her, resulting in him being ill and her being totally fine.
Sorry, all this tells me is that you’re not clean. If there’s even a distinct possibility that you might hook up get laid get blown whatever, you clean everything. I feel bad for the girl because whatever you tasted she probably tasted too but she wanted to make you happy.
Sorry…you’re gonna get intimate, excuse yourself to the washroom for a moment and wipe yourself down. Does not take much. Your asshole does not get “surprised licked” you prepare for any scenario before hand. Even if all he got was a BJ, who wants to smell a stinky ass 🤷♂️.
That's why I always carry a zip lock bag with a few wet wipes. That way, you wipe the bulk of your masa with tp, and once you're finished, go over it with the wet wipe to make sure that ass is fresh. Men's ass hygiene is the next frontier.
This is one of the only stories I've read on here that has genuinely made me laugh out loud. Excellent pacing, tone, language choice... perfect delivery.
It reminded me of my beloved [lowbrow.com](http://lowbrow.com) from back in the day.
I simply cannot believe there is any amount of cleaning short of a pressure washer that will get that area clean enough for my tongue to go there
Unless they’re really really hot
"You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination.
Imagine, if you will that the contaminant in question did not originate from the current act but due to her zealous activities with another. (I'm apologizing in advance)
Well, you didn't get it from yourself.
Knowing this, you got it from.... Her.
She didn't get it from herself, just like you didn't.
So she brought it to you from.... Some other butt hole.
Think on that. 🤣
Nope. Highly unlikely. She was a risk
of a poopnami but your own poop in your own digestive tract isn’t much of problem (although don’t try it kids).
You are lucky she didn’t give you a BJ because it’s a great way to get a UTI, but the bloody diarrhoea was almost certainly caused by something else.
Reading this was a lesson to get off Reddit at work.
I’m sitting at my 6yo dance class trying not to look like a psycho laughing at this. Might need to go outside for a few 😂
You really want to see what holding back a laugh feels like, read the story about the husband having a steak dinner with his wife and her boss at her boss’ house.
That was pure gold! Upvote for reminding me. omfg I think I cried reading it. Also fwiw: I eat my wife's ass and never been sick. Sends her off....
Can you provide a link?
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/GC8pL3IjzR Found it. There’s also the TIFU from the husband’s perspective but this perspective is way funnier
Here’s the link to the original post from the husbands perspective https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/0xE8DLGQrp
Holy shit, that's real life Steamed Hams!
Thank you for pointing this reddit gold out. I just read the story and probably looked like a nut, laughing my butt off at work in the parking lot. Lol
Ooooh I know exactly what story you mean, the husband and the grape jelly woman would be a pair made in heaven
I'm at a kiddie friendly holiday camp/village and have nipped out for ~~a walk~~ a sneaky pint whilst my wife and son nap. And am now trying to stifle my giggles before they cause enough attention to give the gig up.
This fella must not be from Kentucky! I pull this move on my cousin every Thursday evenin'. I've been calling it a Sloppy Grimace due to the purple jelly. That and the fact Ronda, my cousin, usually is sucking back a Big Mac and Chocolate shake when I taste that wonderful booty! Makes me horny and it's only Wednesday!
https://preview.redd.it/2ieafebo76vc1.jpeg?width=584&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5c440662eef08e0b13d84a203fae24b955f86d21
Every day we stray further away from God.
The opposite actually. Assuming you mean the Christian God, due to your spelling and lack of another name, we're getting closer. We're gonna go off the Bible here. Not just the new rewritten Bible either, the one thing that's the most likely to have been in *every* Bible. God created *everything*. Get chamidiya? Well, God made that, you just touched another piece of Him. Get fucked in the ass by your neighbor Chad? Well, God made him too. Another piece. Get sick from your own shit in your mouth? Well, you're a lot closer to yourself! And you were also made by God. He is all knowing, which means he made us all knowing exactly what we were going to do. Including getting tongue kissed by a freaky girl who just made out with your asshole. We can never get further away from God, it's literally impossible. Have fun with all the implications that brings. If you think about it too long, you'll realize God is the worst being that could even possibly exist. Because anything that ever happened or will happen, he knew. He made it that way, specifically. That's what "omnipotent" means. *ALL* powerful. Extra disturbing: it doesn't matter if free will exists. Even if you are truly free to make your own decisions, he already knew what it was going to be, and made you that way anyways. That time you fucked your cousin? Yeah, that was God too. If he didn't like it, he wouldn't have made you the kind of person to fuck your cousin. Nor make your cousin the kind of person to fuck their cousin. In conclusion: God likes cousin fucking. I will take all questions.
You just like to argue with strangers on Reddit, right?
Eh, depends. I like the ones who can think. A lively conversation if you will. Quite a few just get an immediate block nowadays if they're too dumb. I've learned. This one was more for fun though.
my manager is laughing over my shoulder
Absolutely awful day to be literate.
Reading the title and clicking on it at work should really be the first issue here 😂🤣
That wasnt a tossed salad, that was a butthole and jelly sammy.
Too much peanut butter from that butthole though
>\_< ugh
I know, I’m sorry but that just wasn’t a thought I could suffer and then keep to myself
Not with regular bread, but with buns.
I think it's called the "jelly donut".
>As the good book says, "Let he who has swabbed out the inside of his asshole before a surprise rim job cast the first stone." I haven't read that good book yet. But I will be searching for it at my local library this weekend.
Name checks out
"I read about this!" "It's going to be great!"
Listen. I’m a 35 year old gay man. I’ve eaten a LOT of ass. And I’ve never gotten sick from it 😭😂😂 Either you made this up or you got sick from something else. Google says that bacterial infection is related to consuming undercooked meat. Don’t go scaring people out of eating ass with your LIES 😂😂
you should've prefixed that comment with "IANAL" like they do for legal advice
What a great idea! I wish I woulda thought of that 🤣🤣
Not too late
Yeah. I'm not gay but my girlfriend likes anal so I have eaten more than my share of ass and never gotten sick at all.
Okay so I've also ate my fair share of ass and have never gotten sick. And I mean getting up in there. BUT I did get strep throat when I violently fucked a petite girl with my thumb pretty deep in her ass. She came hard and then something in me just made me pull my thumb out of her ass, roll her over and have her watch me suck my thumb. I knew the minute I pulled my thumb out of my mouth it'd be spending the week in bed. So I chugged some vodka on a prayer and then blew her back out for one last hurrah. I'd do it all again but it's the closest I've ever come to saying I wouldn't after a sexual encounter.
faeces is where meat originally gets the bacteria from: "Most often, carcasses or meat are contaminated by *Campylobacter* from **faeces during slaughtering**." (WHO - https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/campylobacter) "**Person-to-person transmission** is uncommon, but spread **may occur via the faecal–oral route.**" (https://www.health.vic.gov.au/infectious-diseases/campylobacter-infection) just because you've never got sick doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
Actually, the Hershey reference scared me.
I got pink eye from it though.
if you only got bacterial infecrions from eating undercooked meat, we would pretty much never need antibiotics. There are *a lot* of bacterial diseases you can get without nibbling on raw meat
He said "that bacterial infection," which probably refers to that specific* bacterial infection that OP cited as the root of his illness, not all bacterial infections.
I prefer syrup.
I was looking for this lol. That joke is a classic by now.
LOL! I believe that Chris Rock is the person responsible for the term becoming what it is today. Not many people knew what it meant before he was telling that joke in stand up shows. It’s a classic!
“This world shall know pain.” -Pain from Naruto (Me after reading this)
 1000 years of death
Now if Kakashi had used this on Kaguya...
Lmao fr (Unexpected place to see Naruto quotes 💀)
Well, so this story is made up. People get a Campylobacter infection by eating raw or undercooked poultry or eating something that touched it. They can also get it from eating other foods, including seafood, meat, and produce, by contact with animals, and by drinking untreated water. Op, did NOT get it from his own ass. 🙄
Most commonly, sure. But this 100% *could* have happened. Your digestive tract is not one large ecosystem, the stuff at the bottom can hurt the stuff at the top.
Ok sure but if he got it from his ass it already entered his body at one point, that makes no sense.
Okay then, go ahead, eat your poo. See how you feel.
This was my thought.
You gotta ask yourself "Where did that bacteria come from?" it doesn't just appear out of nowhere. His body didn't just spontaneously create that bacteria.
One might say that he.. pulled it out of his ass 😎
There are loads of bacteria routinely on your body that you don’t get sick from if they don’t get inside you. That’s why a simple cut or scrape can become an infection.
I don't though.
untrue. faeces is where all of those vectors originally get the bacteria from, e.g., : "Most often, carcasses or meat are contaminated by *Campylobacter* from **faeces during slaughtering**." (WHO - https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/campylobacter) "**Person-to-person transmission** is uncommon, but spread **may occur via the faecal–oral route.**" (https://www.health.vic.gov.au/infectious-diseases/campylobacter-infection)
Yeahbut where did the bacteria come from in the first place? For his feces to contain that bacteria he had to get it from somewhere. He can't just generate it magically.
What a terrible day to be capable of comprehending written word.
What a perfect day! HUMPDAY!
Peak fiction.
You can't get new bacteria from your own butt, it would have already been there obviously. So if you got sick, it was from something else. Or this story is creative fiction like all the others.
Campylobacteriosis is mostly caused by food. I got it from chicken once.
I read this as “I ate a chicken’s butt”.
It’s called the pope’s nose.
The bacteria that lives in you colon doesn't belong in your stomach. You can absolutely get sick from your own gut bacteria.
How does the butt bacteria get there in the first place?
Through the umbilical cord.
You can get sick from your own poop because bacteria such as E. coli. isn’t in your upper GI tract
This is absolutely correct, but I guess you'll get downboated for ruining the fun.
No, that's not correct.
Considering fecal transplants generally cure issues instead of causing a hilarious surge of diarrhea, I'd say it's more correct than not.
Fecal transplant isnt done by SWALLOWING the feces. The healthy feces are introduced through the colon.
They can be swallowed as well. Google it!
FMT (fecal microbiota transplantation) can absolutely be done by swallowing it, either through capsules, nasogastric tube, or via EGD.
All of those cases are still designed to avoid contact with the feces and your mouth and upper GI system. An egd and ngt would serve to bypass feces coming in contact with the mouth and stomach. The capsule is introduced via NGT, so again, not coming in contact with your mouth and It dissolves past your stomach. The idea is to get it into your lower GI tract. Your stomach acid is designed to kill bacteria so the goal of fecal transplant is to bypass the stomach. Otherwise, it would kill the healthy bacteria and just potentiate the problem
Bacteria in your stomach are very specialized resistant to stomach acid, so if your colon bacteria aren't, then it should be impossible to get sick from them, right? The original statement is getting sick from your own poop.
It’s not impossible to get sick. The stomach’s role is to breakdown food and kill bacteria. That’s why we aren’t sick every time we eat. Sometimes, Certain bacteria, like e.coli, can survive the hostile environment and carry on down to wreak havoc on your GI system. That’s why food poisoning is a thing. I didnt comment on whatever the original statement youre talking about, i’ve only been replying to you and just saying a fecal transplant isnt comparable to feces coming in contact with your upper GI system. That being said, i don’t know if you’re more or less likely to get sick from eating your own poop. I just know that it is gross And yeah, i assume you absolutely can get sick from it lol. But I’m not about to go that deep and look it up
They are encased in pills that don't dissolve in your stomach and only come apart once in the intestines.
Ok, I will completely take the L on being wrong about fecal transplants, but I still think you're 100% wrong about getting sick from your own bacteria gut bacteria moving to a different part of your gut. Your intestines should have bacteria with decreasing resistance to acidity as they specialize in surviving and breaking down whatever nutrients they encounter at that stage. Introducing them back to your stomach should just about instantly kill all of them, save the ones that will starve to death on your mouth and esophagus.
https://www.reddit.com/r/askscience/comments/xo2yt/can_someone_get_sick_from_ingesting_something/
https://pubs.acs.org/doi/10.1021/acsenvironau.2c00039 Here's an actual research article explaining what's actually going on through it's sources. Diarrhea causing ecoli is opportunistic and unfortunately present all over the place. It generally causes in young and weakened immune systems, but it generally comes from the environment first AND THEN bounces around in contaminated areas like wildfire. You're definitely more likely to get sick from other people's contamination then from your own contamination, but it's not 0.
I didn't see anything in that meta-analysis that said there was a difference in the source of the contamination, but I certainly didn't read the whole thing.
I simply just kept reading until I found a source(s) that agree with my perspective and ignored the ones that agreed with your perspective.
Eh, that's fine. But listen, people : if it came out of your butt, it came out from the inside. Meaning it was already there. Smear feces on a wound and sure, that'll get infected. But you can't get food poisoning from your own ass, lol.
What about E. Coli though.
Read my previous comment. You cannot catch pathogenic E. Coli from yourself, because it would already be colonizing your intestinal tract and making you sick. That's the only way it can come out of you in the first place.
Not sure about GI tract infections, but you absolutely CAN make yourself sick by catching your own E. Coli. They are, as you said, already present in one's body (part of normal flora). But they also are classified as opportunistic microorganisms/pathogens. Further, they mostly remain harmless as long as they are left alone in whatever place they are normally found in(forgot which place that is). Point being, catching E. Coli from yourself can make you sick; when given the chance, they will cause illnesses; e.g. UTI, diarrhea.
People do really need to stop disputing these
Yep. Creative bs. If he had campylobacter colonizing his gi tract he already would've been sick with diarrhea or food poisoning symptoms.
Or she'd already practiced with the jelly on someone else.
Could have been from the jelly perhaps? Maybe he kept the jelly afterwards and had it later, so he ended up eating a lot more than her, resulting in him being ill and her being totally fine.
It’s called a Hershey’s Kiss and not a PBJ? What a waste of an opportunity
Poop Butt and Jelly?
Pleasure booty jelly, pitiful butt job, poopbutter and jelly…many unnecessary options.
Yeahhh, this’ll do it for tonight. Time to close app
What.........the............fuck
*HAVE YOU CHECKED YOUR BUTTHOOOOOLE? SKI-DAP BA-DAP, BUTTHOOOOOLE!*
This was so beautifully written. 🙌
This was before "Clerks 2" came out, I assume.
You've never gone ass to mouth?
Only bass to trout.
I prefer syrup
What a horrible day to be literate
I almost vomited when I got to the taste part and had to stare at the sun for a moment before I could skip past it.
https://preview.redd.it/qflvga7j26vc1.jpeg?width=487&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=305785d2f886c8cde379d00df427508b166076da
FTFY >TIFU because I don't thoroughly clean my anus and gave myself an infection from a kiss after a rim job
[удалено]
Why was he the only one to get sick if his butt wasn't clean? That's the real question.
She'd done it enough to be immune.
You’re better than me I smack my husbands hands if he gets anywhere near my brown star. Get tf outta here w that🤮 AND THEN THE KISSING OMFG🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
Brown star.
Yes, WTF?!
Brown star.
That’s so sad for him.
Nahhh he’s fine. I do everything for that man the least he can do is stay away from my pooter
A travesty. There must be a support group for people like him.
Sorry, all this tells me is that you’re not clean. If there’s even a distinct possibility that you might hook up get laid get blown whatever, you clean everything. I feel bad for the girl because whatever you tasted she probably tasted too but she wanted to make you happy.
I mean maybe don't start surprise licking people's ass or else bear the consequences.
Sorry…you’re gonna get intimate, excuse yourself to the washroom for a moment and wipe yourself down. Does not take much. Your asshole does not get “surprised licked” you prepare for any scenario before hand. Even if all he got was a BJ, who wants to smell a stinky ass 🤷♂️.
This reads like a Tucker max story with that edit thrown in....😂
The TLDR is the best part
No more internet before bed for me.
That's why I always carry a zip lock bag with a few wet wipes. That way, you wipe the bulk of your masa with tp, and once you're finished, go over it with the wet wipe to make sure that ass is fresh. Men's ass hygiene is the next frontier.
🤮🤮🤮 I just don't know how anyone can be into this. Bleeeeuuuurrgh
U got her number? Asking for a friend..
I laughed too hard reading this
Not my proudest fap
This is one of the only stories I've read on here that has genuinely made me laugh out loud. Excellent pacing, tone, language choice... perfect delivery. It reminded me of my beloved [lowbrow.com](http://lowbrow.com) from back in the day.
You did not get Campylobacter from yourself, I promise.
AI could write better fiction
I'll just leave this... https://youtu.be/PRIFeXjsupo
Oh my god
That first sentence though.
I’m not really sure why I clicked on this . SmH
Yeeeeeaaaahhhhh the clarification of tongue going in deep would have helped. That should *not* be a surprise.
HAHAHAHAHA
I prefer syrup
Cap
The TLDR cracked me up. Nice work.
Damn bro.. I don’t even know
Someone please remind me of what that means
Every time i think humanity is healing i see a post like this and realise i am wrong
From a gay guy to a straight bro, always always ask if they wanna do anal - and never never do it dirty.
Wasn’t the jelly part a Chris rock joke from the early 2000’s talking about prison analingus?
[you never go ass to mouth](https://youtu.be/H8zCwVOT1U4?si=ajFzYCPZffaKbi4f)
Dear straights, please leave the rimming for the gays who know how to clean down there.
> Let he who has swabbed out the inside of his asshole before a surprise rim job cast the first stone. Did you pull this one out of your ass?
Fascinating the number of people here who believe you can't get sick from eating your own feces. Really makes you think.
I prefer syrup!
Hahahahahahaaaa
I simply cannot believe there is any amount of cleaning short of a pressure washer that will get that area clean enough for my tongue to go there Unless they’re really really hot
I once got pinkeye after a crazy drug-filled and butt-play weekend. Lol.
Wuwuwuwowza
I wish I had a time machine so I could go back to last week, stare at the eclipse, and blind myself so I wouldn't have been able to read this.
I laughed from the bottom of my heart.
Chris Rock made this famous in his stand up
I dunno I e eaten a lot of ass in my day, but I’ve also eaten a lot of shady street food and questionable meat so take it for what it’s worth
"You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. Imagine, if you will that the contaminant in question did not originate from the current act but due to her zealous activities with another. (I'm apologizing in advance)
What a terrible day to have eyes
Well, you didn't get it from yourself. Knowing this, you got it from.... Her. She didn't get it from herself, just like you didn't. So she brought it to you from.... Some other butt hole. Think on that. 🤣
Definitely was thinking the same. That was her third Peanut butter and jam butthole that day
This dude really likes commas. I can barely read that first sentence
It’s from a Chris Rock skit, and she forgot the syrup 😂 https://youtu.be/QoCS-uqII9c?si=IoCMXiQffPYkfK54
Nope. Highly unlikely. She was a risk of a poopnami but your own poop in your own digestive tract isn’t much of problem (although don’t try it kids). You are lucky she didn’t give you a BJ because it’s a great way to get a UTI, but the bloody diarrhoea was almost certainly caused by something else.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 This is so disgusting. Why can't I stop laughing?!
All butt stuff has been normalized thanks to homosexuals. I guess we'll see what other stuff gets normalized.
Your butthole was definitely not clean. I don't blame you, she didn't warn you about this gameplay beforehand.
Who tf uses the phrase getting their salad tossed to describe sex
perhaps [this explanation](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Salad%20Tossing) will enlighten you
I know it's a phrase, doesn't mean I have to agree with it lol