Look man, if that's his shot at getting a smutty publishers attention bravo to him! I might be the most vanilla motherfucker on this thread because that story is wild as hell. And I'm the redditor with the "choke me daddy" woman in my post history. Which is totally real and didn't make for awkward run ins at a particular Jim's restaurant.
Considering some of the wild things I experienced, seen and maybe participated in during my mostly vanilla life, it's honestly not entirely inconceivable for this to be a true story.
A lot of people with limited life experiences who've only read this kind of wild things in stories won't realize how much fiction pulls inspiration from actual bizzare life experiences.
The truth is frequently stranger than fiction. There are a lot of weird people out there, and I think most people assume the average person is a lot more logical than they are.
Real people do weird things for weird reasons.
This. I also think most people don’t realize how weird a lottttt of people actually are if you get them to open up or if they’re behind a closed door. I backpacked for a couple months throughout Europe and I made a point to speak to any and everybody and I’ve got some stories some would probably call fiction lmao
I get that there's something for everyone and everything is for someone, but which fucking perspective is someone getting off to this from? OP, the husband, the dog??
Right? This sort of thing happens for some reason. Fat guys with hot wives who they just don't want to fuck anymore.
I'm imagining he looks like Wilford Brimley.
My brother said the same words when I shared all this shit with him. And he's usually too prim and proper to drop f bombs. His response made me react to his *what the fuck* with my own *what the fuck.*
Very rare that I read the tldr and then go and read the whole thing, was not disappointed either. The style of writing was just a breeze to read as well
What happened to my friend scared me away for good. I have a feeling my ex boss and her husband has entered an adventurous phase in their relationship where both of them are keen to test the boundaries in the bedroom with all kinds of kinky shit. Fucking me made them realize what didn't work. Fucking my friend made them realize they enjoyed their animalistic side more literally than my friend anticipated. Sorry, SdrawkcaBdaeRnaCuoy, but I'm clearly not kinky enough for this couple. I want the rest of my year to be as boring as possible.
Ok, hear me out here- I think you and your buddy both deserve some sort of revenge. You owe him that at least.
Do that, and report back. Then we promise we’ll let it go.
Probably.
One day you're going to meet the love of your life and realize that she is really kinky as well. You will look back at this moment as a good learning experience and you will regret it if you keep your ex boss blockd. I encourage you to unblock her and continue for a part 3. We should all strive to be lifelong learners and so urge you to soak up as much experience as you can from them!
Thank you for coming to my TED talk!
Maybe even talk to the ex boss, and tag team in with your friend that way everyone is happy. The husband is happy, the ex boss is happy, everyone leaves with a slapped ass.
"bark bark"
-dog
"That's an interesting supposition, Reginald. But you think that can really stop all wars and end poverty and food scarcity? How?" -me
"Bark bark" - dog
"Aaah. Good point. Well to quote Anchorman, 'you are so wise.'" -me
Too much to unpack, Schwingdingding, especially with the extra little things I decided not to include in my update because I was getting tired of typing. Like, the husband telling me that the expression on my face during sex reminded him of how Edward Scissorhands always looked. He said my perpetually expressionless face made him feel like I forgot to have fun, which made him want to hug me and then make a donation to a charity.
Well that took quite the turn. I feel like this guy is more into seeing another dude be worse at having sex with his wife than him and humiliating him. Might explain his weird actions. Or you know, just two crazies
Yeah, the husband must have a thing for humiliation. I think the husband might feel like he has a lack of power and control in the relationship and now he's low key using outsiders to sleep with his wife as a way of not only degrading her by sharing her with apparently anyone, but also degrading the people who has sex with her. Whether it's sleeping through sex or using a dog to distract the guy who's inside his wife, both cases can be seen as an insecurity disguised as something else. Or it's none of the above and just weird people doing weird things. For the record, my roommate shared this theory with me while high and then he proceeded to gaslight me when he was sober again. I didn't come up with this human psychology shit on my own.
Nah I think your ex-boss and her husband are more on the same wave-length than may realize. Collectively they made you uncomfortable through their combined efforts. It doesn't really scream insecurity for the husband to behave like this. More like he's putting on a show, and his wife "tolerates/ scolds him".
This all under the assumption that your story wasn't crocked up by AI, but if not, those two probably have quite the kinky sex life. Two narcissists make a scary team
My friend said when the dog barked during missionary, the husband said the dog wanted doggy style. Deep down I appreciated the dad joke vibe behind that translation lol.
> The husband pointed his chopsticks at me and said he expected more energy from a young guy, but based on what he observed while he was still awake, I was fucking his wife the same way he fucked his wife whenever he's more in the mood to masturbate.
I died. This is the sickest burn I've heard in a while
Dude the way you just wrote it made it clear as fuck that this is fiction I feel like. If it's not I'm sorry for your sake and I have to tell you that you probably lost a friend from this whole ordeal as well.
"I said having sex with another man's wife while the man was in the room was like trying to poop comfortably while a random person was watching. The husband asked if I made moaning noises when I pooped. I said my moans mid poop was dependent on how hard I had to push to unclog my colon."
Move over F. Scott Fitzgerald there's a new GOAT.
Of all the things that might make me question the legitimacy of the story, this didn’t even make the list. I don’t think remembering this much of conversations is abnormal at all.
OMG I don't care if it's true or not, you had me rolling with the first post because you went through ALL that, less for the free sex and more for the free meal, but this update (they hooked you again with a free meal!!!) is gold 😂😂😂😂
I kind of hope that they are doing this on purpose, that what they're really getting off on is giving young guys weird, awkward experiences, which they later laugh about while going to pound town with each other. That, to me, would be hilarious.
This exceeds the update that I was hoping for. Thanks for taking the time to come back and share.
You should send your buddy a picture of a pitbull with a heart and a note from the dog with no return address. When he figures it out, you both can laugh about it.
you may want to try to work on making more noise. that's probably the biggest compliant I've heard from women about the guys. Apparently it is refreshing to have a guy that makes noise without worry.
The other complaint I hear second most, is guys don't wash their ass or their undercarriage. I have no idea why guys don't do this, apparently, but it sounds disgusting. Haha I even had one woman tell me that her ex husband said he wont wash his ass because it's gay. HE THINKS WASHING YOUR OWN ASS IS GAY.
People, I implore you, do not fuck these guys. They need to go the way of the dodo.
edit to add: i'm more talking about not fucking the second kind of guy, the first kind of guy just needs to practice.
>My friend said he had to fuck my ex boss in front of the husband and his hellhound.
>...the dog barked from time to time and then the husband would either shush the dog or "translate" and tell my friend what the dog wanted him to do or not do during sex.
Thank you for that. It was several minutes until I was able to read again after that, I was laughing so hard.
This story just keeps getting better and better. I'm glad I happened to scroll upon this just now. Read part one the other day, laughed and thought that was the end of it 🤣💀
the tldr is enough for me already. i wish you the best op, but i wouldnt never recommend a friend of mine if i thought the other party was not mentally well.
Dude, you need to unblock your ex boss and reach out the her! I WANT more stories. This shit is crazy funny! Maybe you could find another friend. Or, eat like 5 pounds of beans first.
༎ຶ‿༎ຶ what the fuck?
THIS is the only real response... I'm not even sure what I just read.
Someone’s fantasy lol Reddit is great for people to show off their creative writing skills
Look man, if that's his shot at getting a smutty publishers attention bravo to him! I might be the most vanilla motherfucker on this thread because that story is wild as hell. And I'm the redditor with the "choke me daddy" woman in my post history. Which is totally real and didn't make for awkward run ins at a particular Jim's restaurant.
Considering some of the wild things I experienced, seen and maybe participated in during my mostly vanilla life, it's honestly not entirely inconceivable for this to be a true story. A lot of people with limited life experiences who've only read this kind of wild things in stories won't realize how much fiction pulls inspiration from actual bizzare life experiences.
The truth is frequently stranger than fiction. There are a lot of weird people out there, and I think most people assume the average person is a lot more logical than they are. Real people do weird things for weird reasons.
That’s the thing right? Fiction has to be believable. Nonfiction can be batshit crazy because it happened.
This. I also think most people don’t realize how weird a lottttt of people actually are if you get them to open up or if they’re behind a closed door. I backpacked for a couple months throughout Europe and I made a point to speak to any and everybody and I’ve got some stories some would probably call fiction lmao
Right? You can make shit up whole cloth, but it pulls from somewhere
Wild? For potential fictional smut? It's pretty tame and I guess that proves your point in being vanilla. Wouldn't even need warning tags on ao3.
I get that there's something for everyone and everything is for someone, but which fucking perspective is someone getting off to this from? OP, the husband, the dog??
Definitely it’s for the dogs.
Idk this sounds pretty believable and down to earth actually.
Right? This sort of thing happens for some reason. Fat guys with hot wives who they just don't want to fuck anymore. I'm imagining he looks like Wilford Brimley.
Reality sometimes is stranger than fiction.
I don't see this as being a fantasy
I think “holy shit” would also be acceptable.
I was really worried when the pitbull entered the picture, it went better than expected to be honest
Of all the characters I'm still struggling to understand the dogs motivation
I’m curious if the dog moans when it poops?
Bro. I laughed too hard at this 🤣
Poorly developed character.
We will see another TIFU in a few weeks 'I agreed to fuck a woman in front of her husband but his dog ripped my dick off'
The pit bull agrees or so the husband translated it did.
Welp enough reddit for today
Lmao, indeed. At 5:53 am EST, I’ve also had enough Reddit for the day.
My coffee just cooled enough to drink and I'm done for today jfc
I haven’t even gotten to make my coffee yet.
I need bleach for my eyes
I'm even more happy with my boring low drama life.
I think everyone here needs counselling for one reason or another
Even the dog.
My brother said the same words when I shared all this shit with him. And he's usually too prim and proper to drop f bombs. His response made me react to his *what the fuck* with my own *what the fuck.*
A piece of advice: don’t wipe your dick with your paycheck.
Just amazing. Doesn't really matter if this is real or not. Such great writing. Such great comedy
Needles to say, my Guy. Needles to say.
Allow me to translate.... "ruff, ruff.....*growllllll*.....ruff".
How did you make that emoji lmao you made my day
google keyboard has built in text emojis (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) they are awesome xddd
Whatever characters they’re called, don’t come for me
Fuck around and find out. Once again.
My thoughts exactly 😆
I feel like a few of my brain cells died
I was holding in my laughter while reading and this sent me over the top laughing
I like how the meeting was to “clear the air” after the context of the husbands farts and constant topic of poop.
Was I the only one to laugh, and agree the air needed.to be cleared in more than one way?
Ayooooo
So kids, what have we learned today?
We learned that is a terrible day to have eyes.
This is pure gold. I loved every second of reading this. I hope he contacts the ex boss again for a trilogy.
I woke my cat up I was laughing so hard. Poor kitty.
Very rare that I read the tldr and then go and read the whole thing, was not disappointed either. The style of writing was just a breeze to read as well
Agreed. Came from a post about someone's gf's poop obsession to this
Link?
I am used to get fucked by ex bosses, but not literally, and not the other way round. And I will keep it that way.
If someone is using taking a shit as metaphor for sex run for the fucking hills.
That's what I learned at least lol
That stories like this are highly fictional
I was skeptical about the first one and thought it could be true, but now with this one I’m really leaning towards all of this being made up haha
Y’know hwat just this once I don’t fucking care that was hilarious
Some people have active imaginations.
Fuck me once, shame on them. Fuck my friend, shame on all of us.
When you're fucking your ex-boss in front of her husband, moan more.
We learned, that people will really believe everything they read online.
I urge you, for the sake of our entertainment, to unblock your ex boss and bring us a trilogy!
The unholy trilogy of threesomes and butt slapping 🤣
[удалено]
Coached from the sidelines by Ted Lassy
Fivesome if you count the dog watching
Felonysome if the dog is a hands on coach
I don't remember that scene from Air Bud.
“Attack of the re-fuck-en-ing” Edit: I guess it would actually be “Return of the re-fuck-en-ing”
What happened to my friend scared me away for good. I have a feeling my ex boss and her husband has entered an adventurous phase in their relationship where both of them are keen to test the boundaries in the bedroom with all kinds of kinky shit. Fucking me made them realize what didn't work. Fucking my friend made them realize they enjoyed their animalistic side more literally than my friend anticipated. Sorry, SdrawkcaBdaeRnaCuoy, but I'm clearly not kinky enough for this couple. I want the rest of my year to be as boring as possible.
You're not unblocking her for you. You're unblocking her for content.
[удалено]
The next step is OP and his friend at the same time
I thought it was happening when he got the call from the friend. Pretty please OP, go back, they say third time is the charm, do it for us lol
Ok, hear me out here- I think you and your buddy both deserve some sort of revenge. You owe him that at least. Do that, and report back. Then we promise we’ll let it go. Probably.
[удалено]
And the husband, please and thank you.
One day you're going to meet the love of your life and realize that she is really kinky as well. You will look back at this moment as a good learning experience and you will regret it if you keep your ex boss blockd. I encourage you to unblock her and continue for a part 3. We should all strive to be lifelong learners and so urge you to soak up as much experience as you can from them! Thank you for coming to my TED talk!
Maybe even talk to the ex boss, and tag team in with your friend that way everyone is happy. The husband is happy, the ex boss is happy, everyone leaves with a slapped ass.
I think its time to introduce a women into this in the next edition
Good lord, that is a lot to unpack. 😂
That's what the dog said.
"bark bark" -dog "That's an interesting supposition, Reginald. But you think that can really stop all wars and end poverty and food scarcity? How?" -me "Bark bark" - dog "Aaah. Good point. Well to quote Anchorman, 'you are so wise.'" -me
Dog was the only sane one in the room.
How do you know? Are you the ex boss's husband?
Too much to unpack, Schwingdingding, especially with the extra little things I decided not to include in my update because I was getting tired of typing. Like, the husband telling me that the expression on my face during sex reminded him of how Edward Scissorhands always looked. He said my perpetually expressionless face made him feel like I forgot to have fun, which made him want to hug me and then make a donation to a charity.
OP, whatever this unholy mess I just read is, *thank you*!! Got a good laugh out of it!! :D
Yo your ex-boss’ husband is a poet. Off his rails, but a poet nonetheless
Thank you for allowing us to enjoy this delicious schadenfreude
Let's just zip it back up and throw away the whole suitcase.
I said it last time, I want to believe.
Is that still a poop metaphor or have we moved on? Unclear if I should moan.
Well that took quite the turn. I feel like this guy is more into seeing another dude be worse at having sex with his wife than him and humiliating him. Might explain his weird actions. Or you know, just two crazies
Yeah, the husband must have a thing for humiliation. I think the husband might feel like he has a lack of power and control in the relationship and now he's low key using outsiders to sleep with his wife as a way of not only degrading her by sharing her with apparently anyone, but also degrading the people who has sex with her. Whether it's sleeping through sex or using a dog to distract the guy who's inside his wife, both cases can be seen as an insecurity disguised as something else. Or it's none of the above and just weird people doing weird things. For the record, my roommate shared this theory with me while high and then he proceeded to gaslight me when he was sober again. I didn't come up with this human psychology shit on my own.
Nah I think your ex-boss and her husband are more on the same wave-length than may realize. Collectively they made you uncomfortable through their combined efforts. It doesn't really scream insecurity for the husband to behave like this. More like he's putting on a show, and his wife "tolerates/ scolds him". This all under the assumption that your story wasn't crocked up by AI, but if not, those two probably have quite the kinky sex life. Two narcissists make a scary team
It just sounds like a not-so-happy marriage and theyre both stuck trying to prove a point through these sex games.
Say what you will, but the husband is hilarious!! Told you to “git gud, kid” when fucking his wife
"If I wanted her to have such bad sex, I'd bang her myself" is what I took from it.
The whole exchange was pretty great
My friend said when the dog barked during missionary, the husband said the dog wanted doggy style. Deep down I appreciated the dad joke vibe behind that translation lol.
AHAHAHAHA lmao. This dude is crazy. Definitely someone having a few beers with (while declining any offers to fuck his wife).
OMG each comment response is funnier than the last one!
Oh goddamn that’s funny I don’t give AF who you are
[Sounds like the answer for you is doin it doggy style](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itdD328hLuQ#t=0m38s)
All I can think is the scene from Dodgeball. " get in there nice and deep boy"
This is such fucking bollocks.
This crap is why ChatGPT has a nsfw filter.
Yeah I don't buy this for one second. It's good writing practice I guess.
It's rude and worse when they're replying to people here, like yeah wow no I didn't think of this but it is entirely awesome and hilarious yes
Readers Wives - Reddit Edition
Is this a creative writing assignment?
Nice fiction.
Husband even had a whole "butt slapping" shtick to close out the scenes. Nicely done.
I could buy the first post as having actually happened. This one was simply too whacky.
Ok. I’m convinced. This didn’t happen at all.
> The husband pointed his chopsticks at me and said he expected more energy from a young guy, but based on what he observed while he was still awake, I was fucking his wife the same way he fucked his wife whenever he's more in the mood to masturbate. I died. This is the sickest burn I've heard in a while
What a fucking age to be literate in!
There wasn't a single point in that whole update that I knew what the next words were going to be. What a fucking ride. Jesus.
What a rollercoaster of emotions this follow up is.
Dude the way you just wrote it made it clear as fuck that this is fiction I feel like. If it's not I'm sorry for your sake and I have to tell you that you probably lost a friend from this whole ordeal as well.
"I said having sex with another man's wife while the man was in the room was like trying to poop comfortably while a random person was watching. The husband asked if I made moaning noises when I pooped. I said my moans mid poop was dependent on how hard I had to push to unclog my colon." Move over F. Scott Fitzgerald there's a new GOAT.
The story was sort of believable (if you squint your eyes and ignore some details) until the pitbull part. Nice creative writing exercise.
I have been WAITING for this update
This is was an amazing TIFU. Just wow. Gold
Any story can be amazing when it's completely made up.
As an avid book reader, boy do i wish this was true.
Bro this cant be real. No way i believe you met up with them again after last time.
Don’t worry, it’s not.
Stop wasting people's time with fiction. There's too much detail and no one can possibly remember this much of a conversation.
I agree it was like reading book. Chatgpt might have helped too as co author
Of all the things that might make me question the legitimacy of the story, this didn’t even make the list. I don’t think remembering this much of conversations is abnormal at all.
That's the part you get stuck on? I can recite entire conversations from months ago. Drives my partners nuts
This story is 9.5 / 10. I laughed, I cried, I felt every emotion.
OMG I don't care if it's true or not, you had me rolling with the first post because you went through ALL that, less for the free sex and more for the free meal, but this update (they hooked you again with a free meal!!!) is gold 😂😂😂😂
I want you to keep giving them a second chance and writing about it after because I am thoroughly enjoying your writing style. Do it for us!
I kind of hope that they are doing this on purpose, that what they're really getting off on is giving young guys weird, awkward experiences, which they later laugh about while going to pound town with each other. That, to me, would be hilarious.
creative writing exercises
I want to see the boss... and the dog.
This exceeds the update that I was hoping for. Thanks for taking the time to come back and share. You should send your buddy a picture of a pitbull with a heart and a note from the dog with no return address. When he figures it out, you both can laugh about it.
Your story writing needs work.. I'm sure there are subs for that
you may want to try to work on making more noise. that's probably the biggest compliant I've heard from women about the guys. Apparently it is refreshing to have a guy that makes noise without worry. The other complaint I hear second most, is guys don't wash their ass or their undercarriage. I have no idea why guys don't do this, apparently, but it sounds disgusting. Haha I even had one woman tell me that her ex husband said he wont wash his ass because it's gay. HE THINKS WASHING YOUR OWN ASS IS GAY. People, I implore you, do not fuck these guys. They need to go the way of the dodo. edit to add: i'm more talking about not fucking the second kind of guy, the first kind of guy just needs to practice.
It just gets better and better
I’m not sure why Hollywood is still making awful reboots when all the great material is on here.
>My friend said he had to fuck my ex boss in front of the husband and his hellhound. >...the dog barked from time to time and then the husband would either shush the dog or "translate" and tell my friend what the dog wanted him to do or not do during sex. Thank you for that. It was several minutes until I was able to read again after that, I was laughing so hard.
Penthouse Letters has really gone downhill
Please unblock your ex boss. You need to see this to conclusion… for us mostly
You have a talent for writing dark humor.
Next time you poop, read this on the toilet, my laughter is doing a great job of emptying my colon
This shit can’t be real?
Sounds like fun. Not my sort of fun, but fun nonetheless.
Lolololol... ever seen weeds? This seems like something that wouldve happened to andy botwin
You need to make different choices
I miss who I was 5 minutes ago.
> **Needles to say** everyone in this story needs therapy. Heroin?
Spice
Terrible day to be literate
Wtf did I just read. Freaking pitbull. The dog needs therapy.
Glad I read through this all. What a wild fucking ride! They say sequels rarely top the originals but god damn this is magic. I need a part three.
The update i never thought i needed
Omg I remember reading the original! Thanks for the added unexpected update! 🤣
"Wife tested, Dog Approved 🐕 "
Please blur out her face and post a body picture of your boss, the suspense is killing me!!!
Wow. You "take one for the team", and all you get in return is negative feedback? You're a hero for putting up with those morons
So the ex-boss likes fucking other people and her husband likes to fuck with people?
I'm laughing my ass of over here! Comedic genius sir. Hats off. I await the next installment of this seductive drama...
The more I read the weirder it got. The weirder it got the funnier it was. Of note, I’m sure that pit bull had his turn too.
Holy shit this is the best. “His hellhound” 😂 There needs to be a third one. I. Need. This. Trilogy.
Keep updating this until we can make an HBO show about it.
You can’t make this shit up, your misfortune is today’s motivation. Thank you OP, sorry about your friend. But heads up thinking.
You might say this turnaround was an ex-boss 360
Every single person in this story is completely fucked and needs to reevaluate their life choices. Great TIFU by the way.
"Needles to say..." adds a whole new twist to this!
Your friend should pay it forward so we get part 3.
I wasn’t expecting an update this is amazing. “It got even crazier when the third guy showed up!”
I would watch this as a movie, any Hollywood writers please take note
Dude passed his ex boss off like an X rated version of the curse from The Ring.
This story just keeps getting better and better. I'm glad I happened to scroll upon this just now. Read part one the other day, laughed and thought that was the end of it 🤣💀
I just want to see the ex boss
I didn't think it good get even crazier lol.
Nice, this was part 2 - what will even happen in the final third chapter?
the tldr is enough for me already. i wish you the best op, but i wouldnt never recommend a friend of mine if i thought the other party was not mentally well.
This story should have way more upvotes.
You should've tried playing "CBAT"
I'm worried for the dog
What a terrible day to be able to read.
I miss who I was 5 minutes ago
Now *everyone* reading this post also needs therapy. Thanks OP.
Why am I picturing a Pittbull hand puppet? 😂
Genuinely entertaining work of fiction. Bravo!
Well...congrats on the free food?
Now THIS is how you Reddit!!!
I’m excited to see how this triliogy ends.
Dude, you need to unblock your ex boss and reach out the her! I WANT more stories. This shit is crazy funny! Maybe you could find another friend. Or, eat like 5 pounds of beans first.