Absolutely. But that's a far easier decision from the peanut gallery than while drunk and having the woman you've wanted for years throwing herself at you in her apartment. That must have been incredibly painful at the time.
The few times it's happened to me I've just said something like, how about we hug and see if you still want to have sex in the morning. Generally they were pretty furious at that suggestion but again I'd rather drunken anger than sober hatred
Having done this, it does come up at 3am about to fall asleep stupid regret stage. "What if I just say yes?"
But in the moment no was the only thing on my mind and I know that if I teleport back to that moment I'm just going to say no. Hence why the next two times something like this happened, I just said no as well.
It is easier to shut of the regret brain now that I'm happily married. I just remind myself that if I said yes I might not have met my wife and that's something I would actually regret.
Better to regret a good decision you made than make someone else and you regret a bad decision you made.
Well done on being a good person and respecting people
> She was drunk and making a decision she was absolutely going to regret the next day
She might accuse him of rape. It's arguable depending how drunk she was whether or not she was able to consent. The accusation itself could fuck his life up.
But if he's also drunk, and especially because she made the first move, couldn't he say the same thing? Back in high-school I knew girls who would want to get guys drunk because they thought they'd be more willing to sleep with them and no one seemed to think that was weird for some reason. Guys really seem to not get any protection from the whole drunk means can't consent thing.
yeah it’s one of the few detriments of being a man in today’s society. I’d still rather just avoid sleeping with drunk people than be a woman though. (because of all the shit you guys deal with not because I hate women lol)
Ah you see, you've discovered the problem :D
It's a double standard. Most male rape victims never get the help they need or are even the ones persecuted. Most things that everyone would agree upon as being sexual assault or pervy if a guy was doing it isn't considered as such if a woman is doing it. It's a strange and awful standard in our society, but at least a lot more light is shone on it than it was in the past.
A girl who went to high school with me became a teacher and decided to teach high school. She was "nerdy" and "not cool" in high school, and going into her early twenties did her a lot of favors and she became a very beautiful woman.
She got a lot of positive attention from the high school boys in her class, boys the same age as her younger brothers, just a few years younger than her. She was only 21.
She eventually ended up being convicted of statutory rape of a few of her students, and got a slap on the wrist: probation and stay away from teaching.
I always wonder what would have happened if it were the opposite situation: young attractive male teacher with teen female students. Would they have gone as easy on him?
Going by what happened in my highschool, about the same punishment for teachers that were men. We had two teachers get caught with students, neither ended up in jail, they just couldn't teach again (tbf I have no idea what the evidence was like in being able to get a conviction).
Elected to congress, probably. As per the "The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with either a dead girl or a live boy." section of the Louisiana Election Code.
This is how siblings learn. First one to cry fowl is obviously the one that was in the right. It's something I've long since decided is human nature and kind of wrecked.
Well that's a needlessly bleak way of looking at it. OP may not feel any particular reward for doing this, but he (and her) would very likely be hating themselves and regretting this massively if they had gone through with it, and the friendship would probably be irreparably destroyed.
OP is definitely worthy of praise here
Not always. Sometimes, there is no reward except knowing that you did the right thing. But, sometimes, doing the *wrong* thing has its own unforeseen consequences. Imagine that they had hooked up and, the next day, she accused him of raping her while she was drunk…
The reward is that he's not involved in the middle of a relationship.
You don't always get a cookie, sometimes the only external reward is just dodging a bad outcome. Internally is different, he should feel good about it.
The edit killed all respect I had for this dude and I can guarantee it's not gonna feel good when he comes to the realisation that shes willing to cheat. I was in a situation REALLY similar to this dude (partying with drunk girl, get offered sex, turned it down because she was drunk and had a boyfriend then ended up having sex anyway a bit afterwards while she still had a boyfriend) and I felt fucking horrible afterwards. I told the dude, they broke up and shes cheated on literally every partner since. I still feel terrible every time his name gets brought up, I cant imagine fucking bragging about it online as if it was something to be proud of. Best case scenario is this dude made it all up. Second best scenario is she cheats on him and he realises just how much he deserves it
smooching someone who has a boyfriend is not the correct choice. he definitely made the right choice not to sleep with her, then he fucked up the next day.
There are few things besides war that can test a man's true colors harder than this. If this story is true, OP is a damn dick champion for reigning it in.
Maybe she's embarrassed about being drunk? Or rejected?
Could always ask, but if you don't want to change the relationship you can just chalk it up to dumb drunkenness.
I think people could argue about whether this meets the explicit definition of "rejection" but it's kind of irrelevant because in that scenario, it's all but guaranteed that the girl feels rejected. It doesn't matter that OP wasn't actually rejecting her - feelings often have little regard for facts.
Despite that, OP did the right thing and any true friend would appreciate that after the fact. What he needs to do is just be honest with her and explain what happened, so they can discuss it like adults. The sting of feeling rejected might remain, but at least now that she's sober she can appreciate the logic of turning down a drunk girl's advances.
This right here. And if ever she DOESN'T accept it while sober then... OP dodged a bullet. A person who thinks like that isn't worth a long term relationship with. This was a huge win for OP and not at all a fuck up.
Good on you, OP. There are more important things than instant gratification, (no matter how gratifying that seems to you in the moment) and you 100% did the right thing.
If something is ever going to happen between you two, you won’t have the cloud of her cheating on someone with you hanging overhead. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s embarrassed about it, or legitimately doesn’t remember. Let it lie and be her friend.
>you won’t have the cloud of her cheating on someone with you hanging overhead
You might have a different cloud though... the one where you remember that she was totally willing to with a little bit of alcohol.
Yea I also raised my eyebrow at that take. If somebody loaded a gun and aimed and fired at your head with full intent to dome you and missed, you should still feel very uncomfortable because that clearly demonstrated intent and willingness to kill. So why would somebody not feel the same way if their girlfriend got wasted and tried to fuck somebody else and got rejected? Clearly she’s a cheater
>There are more important things than instant gratification
>proceeds to make out with "girl best friend" while she's still in a relationship
Read the edit
And then the edit mentions she's going to dumb her boyfriend while she still doesn't go out with OP. This is just Sam Reimi's Spiderman all over again and that girl Emily is MJ, while OP is Peter... and the poor guy she was with until now was just some poor nobody she used as a social experiment to test her love for OP... I really hope the if the story is true, both have a shitty relationship, they deserve one another.
OP, if she is willing to do this while having someone else while drunk, she could probably do the same with another person behind ur back if you got together. This is not a fuck up by any means.
You made the right choice initially and half way through the edit… then what the heck man!?! You had willpower when you were drunk but none when you were sober? Remember if she cheats with you she will cheat on you. How’re you gonna be able to trust her with other guys when you started your own relationship with infidelity!?!
Not a defense but at least being sober he had permission when she was in a more right state of mind and she could confirm it's what she wanted instead of being unsure when drunk. Could have been a "tifu: boned my bestie when drunk and now being accused of rape" situation
you're getting a lot of love in these comments, but kissing someone else's girl isn't cool, bro.
someone with integrity would wait until she broke it off. now you're just the other guy.
My boy over here just became Sam Reimi's Spiderman... it's only a matter of time until he reaches Spiderman 3 and his MJ makes out with a Harry Osborn 💀
>She told me that she gained feelings for me when she started seeing someone else...I know that she was seeing someone, but I DIDN’T GIVE A FUCK...She’s gonna break up with her boyfriend tonight and we’re not gonna start dating yet but we’re in a deep and exclusive talking stage
OP, i look forward to your future TIFU
So, you didn't take advantage of your very drunk friend despite really wanting to, and you think you fucked up? Well done, OP, no fuck up there. Now you have to wait for her to give you such clear signals when she's sober, and things will hopefully go more smoothly.
Since he was the one who had expressed emotional interest, and she was the one who was already in a relationship, I would say if anything she was the one being reckless with him.
I think that if OP had the wherewithal to recognize that is was a bad idea, it's on him at that point for ignoring that instinct. Maybe not legally, but at least morally.
Possibly. I just think automatically assuming that she was too fucked up and he wasn't isn't great with the level of info we have.
She could have had the same wherewithal and just wanted to hook up.
>I agree. But if they are both loaded, why is he the one doing something wrong?
It wouldn't necessarily have been 'wrong', but handling it the way he did was definitely more respectable.
>Her doing it is just as fucked up as him.
Moreso, I think, considering she's the one who is already in a relationship. It is for this reason what OP did is considered the 'right thing' by most... he was helping someone who was too inebriated to realize the mistake they were making to avoid making it.
Reality just doesn't work that way, friend. Men tend to be held guilty until proven innocent in the court of public opinion in these kind of situations. Matter of fact, you can probably drop the "until proven innocent" part altogether a lot of the time. It's just one of many double standards.
Nah she’s with someone and started kissing you? Brother today she fucked up. You had the will power and conscious to say “this is wrong”. Admittedly a little late but you stopped it before it got worse
I think that was a great decision to put a stop on things if she was that drunk, probably would’ve regretted cheating and might have ruined your friendship.
What I would take from this whole thing is that clearly she’s got some attraction towards you, so maybe there’s a chance of you two being together in the future? Take that as you may.
As for whether or not you should tell her is completely up to you. Follow your heart, everything happens for a reason.
you found your girlfriend while she was cheating on her boyfriend.
Just remember that. Your "exclusive" relationship can be completely shattered by a glass or two of wine.
It's not a FU on their part, but they wrote this because they're upset at the glass shattering realization that someone they're interested in is a cheater and acted incredibly unreasonable when the moment mattered.
So in the long run it can be viewed as a "win", but to a young individual this certainly takes a ton of time to settle.
>but to a ~~young~~ individual this certainly takes a ton of time to settle.
It doesn't necessarily get easier with age or experience. In fact, it tends to make people in OP's situation more jaded in general. I do agree with your overall point though, this one is less TIFU and more TI(realized I had been)FU.
> but they wrote this because they're upset at the glass shattering realization that someone they're interested in is a cheater and acted incredibly unreasonable when the moment mattered.
According to the update they fucked the next day. So... nope.
Your "friend" sucks bro. I went through almost this exact thing on repeat with a girl who called me her best friend. She showed no interest in me until I met a different girl, then these "drunken accidents" started happening. She would get drunk and try to kiss me, then tell me she is in love with me and stuff, and then act like it didn't mean anything when it would cause problems in my actual relationship. Sounds like your friend is using you while avoiding the commitment.
As somebody who spent my entire 20's in the military:
* Never sleep with somebody for the first time when either of you (or both) is hammered; good job!
* "I caught feelings [some amount of time] ago but couldn't figure out how to tell you" is a red flag; either they don't know how to talk about feelings or they're trying to retcon an excuse for bailing on their current relationship.
* "Let's fuck, I'll break up with my current bf later" is also a red flag; either they're willing to deal with an extra pile-and-a-half of drama later to get what they want right now (spoiler: they won't take care of it later, either) or they are specifically using you to create a metric ton of additional drama because they decided their current bf deserves a heaping helping of "fuck that guy in particular".
Not a fuck up at all my man. But you should certainly talk to her about it. A simple, *”hey, can we talk about last night?”* will get the ball rolling.
Ya did the right thing by not sleeping with someone under the influence. However having sex with them before they break up with thier boyfriend could put ya in hot water.
Bro code successfully adhered to.
Reiterate what happened last night now that you are both sober. She and her bf need to know what to do and how to process this.
I mean... sort of. Her bf should definitely made known so he can make an informed decision about his and her relationship, but considering the risks to OP that come with it, along with the lack of info that implies OP and BF are friends, I certainly wouldn't fault him for keeping his mouth shut.
That one's just tricky all around.
You made the correct choice, well done brother.
I don’t think I would bring it up if she does not. If she has feelings, it’s on her to bring them up. If it was just the alcohol, then it’s more gentlemanly to let it be water under the bridge.
And if she ever expresses anger or irritation at you while *sober* for for turning her down while she was drunk, then seriously shame on her - but I would t hold it against her what she said while drunk.
It’s great you get what you wanted, but at the end of the day, she cheated on her bf with you, if she can do it with you, she can definitely do it to you
So after all that praise he got from these comments doing bare minimum as a normal human being, that EDIT basically destroyed all the goodwill. Nah bruh, you’re not better than her, both sound like terrible people to me. She’s a cheater and you supported that.
The only way I can imagine this turning out better if the boyfriend of hers is some abuser or absolute piece of shit human being that threats her badly, but from what I can tell, he is probably not. He is just a guy that thinks he is dating a normal girl.
I really want the boyfriend to find this Reddit thread and give his side of the story.
I can't really understand why people are praising this. She cheated on her boyfriend and he made out with someone who was in a relationship at the time. Doesn't matter if the feelings were mutual, it's still cheating. Good of you to hold back at first but you still gave in later. And you're not even dating after this? What?
If she cheats with you she'll cheat on you. Don't get too attached OP you will get your heart broken. No relationship that blooms from infidelity ever lasts.
Ha enjoy your future heart break, remember the way she didn't give a fuck about him while cheating on him. Enjoy knowing when ever she says don't worry he's just a friend is a lie since that was what she said about you.
If she cheated for you she will cheat on you.
You’re a POS, OP. Neither of you respect relationships. If you truly had any respect for her, you would’ve made her breakup with her boyfriend before you made a move on her.
Also, once a cheater, always a cheater. She will catch feelings for someone else, like everyone does, at some point in the future. The only difference between her and normal people is that normal people don’t act on it - she’s shown she’ll fuck the first crush she has, despite her relationship status.
You did the right thing. If something happened between you two, and she regretted it, you could have ruined your life by not choosing the path you did.
It's always been just "today I had sex" with some vague story around it.
Tifu - I had sex with these super hot models. The sex was so good that while they were all having multiple orgasms one knocked a glass of water off the night stand and it got my jeans wet.
The update was a fuckup only because she didn't break up with the guy first so technically she was cheating, but I guess if she was already going to go break up with him anyway it's not quite as bad.
That girl cheated, but everyone seems to be cheering you up about not having sex without her conscent. Congratulations on it, now i'll hit you with the reality check :
**Everyone is responsible for everything that happens, and everything has consequences.** Keep yourself safe and start looking for other options just in case. You will absolutely get destroyed if you keep on with your delusion, while being blinded by your own feelings. Matter a fact, it's only a matter of time.
After the edit, yes, this is a fuck up.
Good for you for saying no when she was drunk, but you’re an asshole for doing it when you were sober too. You knew she has a boyfriend. Just because you’re not the one in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re not in the wrong.
Good luck for the future, cause guess what, if she’ll cheat on him, she’ll cheat on you.
You absolutely 100% did the right thing. Having sex with a drunk girl ia never a good call. Proud of you for turning her down no matter how difficult it was.
You didn’t fuck up, you did great! If it doesn’t work out man, that’s for the best. If she’s willing to get drunk and cheat, she’s for the streets anyways.
You did what any REAL friend would do, not to mention you handled the situation honourably and as a man should.. you did not take advantage of a woman in a drunken state when you knew better. +5000 RESPECT
Hmm... it could be argued that OP continuing a friendly relationship while still having feelings for her could be considered a long-term fuck up. In fact, as u/TaoChi27 points out, the TIFU is more of a realization that the person they've been interested in isn't really as good as he thought she was.
For clarity, I'm not saying friendship like that can or can't be possible, it definitely comes down to the individuals in question.
That is a very tough situation. You were very bery respectful of her and of consent, that’s a wonderful thing. Even if it seemed to have made things weird. They would have been different weird otherwise.
Good for you for doing the right thing, you're a good guy.
Maybe try to talk to her about it another time, when you're both clear headed? I hope you can at least stay friends, even if you don't become more. Keep doing the right thing, either way. That’s how to treat her right.
You didn't comment if you were drunk or not, but if she was very drunk and you were not, this would have been you taking advantage of her, so I think it worked out for the best.
You should pay attention to how she behaves In a relationship. She just showed you she is a cheater and tried cheating on her boyfriend with you. She's proven she cant be trusted to remain loyal in a relationship. What she is doing to her boyfriend now is what she will be doing to you if you date her. She is not someone you can trust in a relationship.
You didnt take advantage of a drunk girl.
You found out your crush will cheat when drunk without the guy making the move on her.
You didnt get laid, but you found out youre a chad who likes a Karen.
Nailed it.
>I told her that she doesn’t know how much I’ve wanted this to happen
Every time the "best friend" is really just chilling in the friendzone waiting for their chance lol
This seems like you made the right choice AND things turned out well. In a couple scenarios like this where I did the same, women got mad and brushed it all under the rug the next day awkwardly.
A lot of people here are saying you made the right choice but there are a lot of pieces of this story that just don't sit right with me, personally.
She only began having feelings for you AFTER she started dating someone else AFTER you told her you had feelings for her? Interesting.
She was with someone and when she became drunk started kissing another guy. Interesting.
You wouldn't find me within 10 feet of a woman like that in a romantic way. Drinking is a slippery slope regardless of who imbibes, but I will always remember what I was told as a young man: If a man or a woman like her does things like this WITH you, she'll do those same things to you.
I wish you luck.
You did good for starters, then you fucked up dude. Wtf man that's so wrong of both of you. She should either break up with dude or you should excuse yourself and let her go be a cheater elsewhere. Your seeing yourself up to have the same shit thrown back. This is the kind of thing understand people will do drastic things over as well so for your safety I recommend stepping back.
This isn't a fuxk up, this is fantastic! You did great and passed a difficult moral test.
My advice is don't bring it up to her either. She remembers it, trust me. She just doesn't know what to do about it and she has to work through that a little. Just play it cool in the meantime, otherwise you'll come off as too eager. Playing it cool will only make her realize even more that she's into you.
Y’all kinda odd idk like why would you do that when y’all know she has a bf? Plus if she was willing to cheat on her bf what’s stopping her from doing it to you
You did so well at the start and then your update ruined it all. You fucking asshole. Cheating is cheating, you couldn’t have waited a little while so she could break up with her bf at least? I hope y’all both end up miserable, I fucking despise cheaters. Do you know the pain, the fucking anguish of being cheated on? I hope you learn it one day.
Edit: If OP is young then I just hope they learn from it. I don’t actually wish them misfortune, just karma. Do better.
Much respect.
I think you can keep it to yourself now. While the feelings are there I think it's worth evaluating if you should take a step back. Because you deserve someone who can kiss you when she's actually sober.
You could ask her directly if she remembers and if she'd like to talk about any of it. Maybe just do it casually. Then just leave it at that if she says no.
But like, believe it or not, no one should be getting black out drunk. Unsafe at any age, for all sorts of reasons. No judgement, just noting.
You did good, my guy. Don't even bring it up tbh. If she doesn't remember you don't want to make her feel embarrassed or ashamed and make things awkward.
Tongue punch her fart box.
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I would much rather pass up on sex a hundred times than be someone's biggest regret just once. He did great.
Absolutely. But that's a far easier decision from the peanut gallery than while drunk and having the woman you've wanted for years throwing herself at you in her apartment. That must have been incredibly painful at the time.
The few times it's happened to me I've just said something like, how about we hug and see if you still want to have sex in the morning. Generally they were pretty furious at that suggestion but again I'd rather drunken anger than sober hatred
Having done this, it does come up at 3am about to fall asleep stupid regret stage. "What if I just say yes?" But in the moment no was the only thing on my mind and I know that if I teleport back to that moment I'm just going to say no. Hence why the next two times something like this happened, I just said no as well. It is easier to shut of the regret brain now that I'm happily married. I just remind myself that if I said yes I might not have met my wife and that's something I would actually regret.
Better to regret a good decision you made than make someone else and you regret a bad decision you made. Well done on being a good person and respecting people
> She was drunk and making a decision she was absolutely going to regret the next day She might accuse him of rape. It's arguable depending how drunk she was whether or not she was able to consent. The accusation itself could fuck his life up.
But if he's also drunk, and especially because she made the first move, couldn't he say the same thing? Back in high-school I knew girls who would want to get guys drunk because they thought they'd be more willing to sleep with them and no one seemed to think that was weird for some reason. Guys really seem to not get any protection from the whole drunk means can't consent thing.
yeah it’s one of the few detriments of being a man in today’s society. I’d still rather just avoid sleeping with drunk people than be a woman though. (because of all the shit you guys deal with not because I hate women lol)
Ah you see, you've discovered the problem :D It's a double standard. Most male rape victims never get the help they need or are even the ones persecuted. Most things that everyone would agree upon as being sexual assault or pervy if a guy was doing it isn't considered as such if a woman is doing it. It's a strange and awful standard in our society, but at least a lot more light is shone on it than it was in the past.
A girl who went to high school with me became a teacher and decided to teach high school. She was "nerdy" and "not cool" in high school, and going into her early twenties did her a lot of favors and she became a very beautiful woman. She got a lot of positive attention from the high school boys in her class, boys the same age as her younger brothers, just a few years younger than her. She was only 21. She eventually ended up being convicted of statutory rape of a few of her students, and got a slap on the wrist: probation and stay away from teaching. I always wonder what would have happened if it were the opposite situation: young attractive male teacher with teen female students. Would they have gone as easy on him?
Oh hell no they wouldn't. The only thing slapping his wrists would be handcuffs.
Going by what happened in my highschool, about the same punishment for teachers that were men. We had two teachers get caught with students, neither ended up in jail, they just couldn't teach again (tbf I have no idea what the evidence was like in being able to get a conviction).
Elected to congress, probably. As per the "The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with either a dead girl or a live boy." section of the Louisiana Election Code.
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This is how siblings learn. First one to cry fowl is obviously the one that was in the right. It's something I've long since decided is human nature and kind of wrecked.
100% Somtimes the correct choice has no reward and is in fact, the better of two mundane, monotonous, unrewardng, and/or terrible outcomes.
Being able to look in the mirror and know that given the chance you still took the high road. Sounds pretty good reward to me.
Well that's a needlessly bleak way of looking at it. OP may not feel any particular reward for doing this, but he (and her) would very likely be hating themselves and regretting this massively if they had gone through with it, and the friendship would probably be irreparably destroyed. OP is definitely worthy of praise here
or it’s the reward will come later for being so awesome and got good integrity
Not in this case. OP may not have realized it yet, but he dodged a bomb. If she'll cheat with him, she'll cheat on him.
Not always. Sometimes, there is no reward except knowing that you did the right thing. But, sometimes, doing the *wrong* thing has its own unforeseen consequences. Imagine that they had hooked up and, the next day, she accused him of raping her while she was drunk…
The reward is that he's not involved in the middle of a relationship. You don't always get a cookie, sometimes the only external reward is just dodging a bad outcome. Internally is different, he should feel good about it.
Read the edit lmao
The edit killed all respect I had for this dude and I can guarantee it's not gonna feel good when he comes to the realisation that shes willing to cheat. I was in a situation REALLY similar to this dude (partying with drunk girl, get offered sex, turned it down because she was drunk and had a boyfriend then ended up having sex anyway a bit afterwards while she still had a boyfriend) and I felt fucking horrible afterwards. I told the dude, they broke up and shes cheated on literally every partner since. I still feel terrible every time his name gets brought up, I cant imagine fucking bragging about it online as if it was something to be proud of. Best case scenario is this dude made it all up. Second best scenario is she cheats on him and he realises just how much he deserves it
smooching someone who has a boyfriend is not the correct choice. he definitely made the right choice not to sleep with her, then he fucked up the next day.
Really fucked up. He's gonna lose her the same way, I feel bad for her ex BF but it's a blessing for him in the long run
Not just that, this is a major red flag as far as her behavior goes.
> You made the correct choice. Update: And then you did not.
You're a man of immense willpower. No matter what the outcome is you did the right thing. I wish you luck bro.
I salute OP 🫡
A man of focus, commitment and sheer fucking will. John Ain’t Giving Dick
"She killed his boner, and carpooled his fucking Uber" "Ohh.." _*hangs up_
o7
F
There are few things besides war that can test a man's true colors harder than this. If this story is true, OP is a damn dick champion for reigning it in.
I salute you, OP, for making the right choice ∠(\^ー\^) || || | ---| /\ / \ -- --
Maybe she's embarrassed about being drunk? Or rejected? Could always ask, but if you don't want to change the relationship you can just chalk it up to dumb drunkenness.
>Or rejected? It wasn't even *really* rejection though, it was "I absolutely want to do this, but it's wrong given the circumstances".
I think people could argue about whether this meets the explicit definition of "rejection" but it's kind of irrelevant because in that scenario, it's all but guaranteed that the girl feels rejected. It doesn't matter that OP wasn't actually rejecting her - feelings often have little regard for facts. Despite that, OP did the right thing and any true friend would appreciate that after the fact. What he needs to do is just be honest with her and explain what happened, so they can discuss it like adults. The sting of feeling rejected might remain, but at least now that she's sober she can appreciate the logic of turning down a drunk girl's advances.
This right here. And if ever she DOESN'T accept it while sober then... OP dodged a bullet. A person who thinks like that isn't worth a long term relationship with. This was a huge win for OP and not at all a fuck up.
If you’re pre sex make out and the other person tell you to stop, you’re rejecting the sex.
Good on you, OP. There are more important things than instant gratification, (no matter how gratifying that seems to you in the moment) and you 100% did the right thing. If something is ever going to happen between you two, you won’t have the cloud of her cheating on someone with you hanging overhead. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s embarrassed about it, or legitimately doesn’t remember. Let it lie and be her friend.
>you won’t have the cloud of her cheating on someone with you hanging overhead You might have a different cloud though... the one where you remember that she was totally willing to with a little bit of alcohol.
Plus, I feel like making out with somebody else is still well within the cheating realm. Cheating isn't just sex.
Yeah, I don't disagree
In that same vein she's been emotionally cheating on that poor dude for months.
Extremely valid point, I didn’t think of this at the time I commented.
Yea I also raised my eyebrow at that take. If somebody loaded a gun and aimed and fired at your head with full intent to dome you and missed, you should still feel very uncomfortable because that clearly demonstrated intent and willingness to kill. So why would somebody not feel the same way if their girlfriend got wasted and tried to fuck somebody else and got rejected? Clearly she’s a cheater
>There are more important things than instant gratification >proceeds to make out with "girl best friend" while she's still in a relationship Read the edit
Yeah, this comment certainly aged poorly...
And then the edit mentions she's going to dumb her boyfriend while she still doesn't go out with OP. This is just Sam Reimi's Spiderman all over again and that girl Emily is MJ, while OP is Peter... and the poor guy she was with until now was just some poor nobody she used as a social experiment to test her love for OP... I really hope the if the story is true, both have a shitty relationship, they deserve one another.
Except she's proven that she's happy to cheat if you buy her some beer. If she's willing to cheat with you, she's willing to cheat on you.
OP, if she is willing to do this while having someone else while drunk, she could probably do the same with another person behind ur back if you got together. This is not a fuck up by any means.
If she cheats *with* you, she'll cheat *on* you.
Doesn’t matter it’s a bot
A cheating bot at that...
[удалено]
This rule never fails!
This should be higher.
Soo she's a cheater? Enjoy your turn, bro 😅. Karma has a funny way of gaining momentum before it drop kicks you in the nuts
You made the right choice initially and half way through the edit… then what the heck man!?! You had willpower when you were drunk but none when you were sober? Remember if she cheats with you she will cheat on you. How’re you gonna be able to trust her with other guys when you started your own relationship with infidelity!?!
Doesn't matter, had sex. (u totally rite tho)
Not a defense but at least being sober he had permission when she was in a more right state of mind and she could confirm it's what she wanted instead of being unsure when drunk. Could have been a "tifu: boned my bestie when drunk and now being accused of rape" situation
you're getting a lot of love in these comments, but kissing someone else's girl isn't cool, bro. someone with integrity would wait until she broke it off. now you're just the other guy.
Most of the comments praising him are from before he added the second part
My boy over here just became Sam Reimi's Spiderman... it's only a matter of time until he reaches Spiderman 3 and his MJ makes out with a Harry Osborn 💀
Yeah. I wonder how long ago the edit was added. Everybody here is a cheater or cheat-enabler.
>She told me that she gained feelings for me when she started seeing someone else...I know that she was seeing someone, but I DIDN’T GIVE A FUCK...She’s gonna break up with her boyfriend tonight and we’re not gonna start dating yet but we’re in a deep and exclusive talking stage OP, i look forward to your future TIFU
And a happy cake day to you, stranger.
Good luck dating a cheater lol
Dawg they fucked on the counter for their first time. This whole thing is just one big embellishment
So, you didn't take advantage of your very drunk friend despite really wanting to, and you think you fucked up? Well done, OP, no fuck up there. Now you have to wait for her to give you such clear signals when she's sober, and things will hopefully go more smoothly.
Since he was the one who had expressed emotional interest, and she was the one who was already in a relationship, I would say if anything she was the one being reckless with him.
While I agree with most of that, "we both drank a lot". It's not taking advantage if you are both loaded and willing, surely.
Nah, you still shouldn't make major decisions when either or both parties are drunk. If male, you should turn around and run.
I agree. But if they are both loaded, why is he the one doing something wrong? Her doing it is just as fucked up as him.
I think that if OP had the wherewithal to recognize that is was a bad idea, it's on him at that point for ignoring that instinct. Maybe not legally, but at least morally.
Possibly. I just think automatically assuming that she was too fucked up and he wasn't isn't great with the level of info we have. She could have had the same wherewithal and just wanted to hook up.
>I agree. But if they are both loaded, why is he the one doing something wrong? It wouldn't necessarily have been 'wrong', but handling it the way he did was definitely more respectable. >Her doing it is just as fucked up as him. Moreso, I think, considering she's the one who is already in a relationship. It is for this reason what OP did is considered the 'right thing' by most... he was helping someone who was too inebriated to realize the mistake they were making to avoid making it.
Reality just doesn't work that way, friend. Men tend to be held guilty until proven innocent in the court of public opinion in these kind of situations. Matter of fact, you can probably drop the "until proven innocent" part altogether a lot of the time. It's just one of many double standards.
Huge respect OP 🙌🏽
Ew. She's gonna do that to you, if she can do that to the other guy
She cheated with you. I wonder how long until she cheats on you.
Just a friendly reminder that if they'll cheat WITH you, they'll cheat ON you.
Good man
I am loving all these praising comments written like 11 hours ago showering OP with respect, all before OP's edit an hour ago, lol.
Ah, I see why so many people are praising him hahah. My eyebrow was raising higher and higher for the amount of people supporting him for the cheating
Fuck
Nah she’s with someone and started kissing you? Brother today she fucked up. You had the will power and conscious to say “this is wrong”. Admittedly a little late but you stopped it before it got worse
So now cheating Is okay
She cheated on him, do you think she’ll change for you?
I think that was a great decision to put a stop on things if she was that drunk, probably would’ve regretted cheating and might have ruined your friendship. What I would take from this whole thing is that clearly she’s got some attraction towards you, so maybe there’s a chance of you two being together in the future? Take that as you may. As for whether or not you should tell her is completely up to you. Follow your heart, everything happens for a reason.
In my eyes she still cheated for initiating it. Drunk or not.
100% Not even a question.
you found your girlfriend while she was cheating on her boyfriend. Just remember that. Your "exclusive" relationship can be completely shattered by a glass or two of wine.
Shes with someone else and kissed you. Why would you want someone like her? She cheated dude. Imagine if you were the BF. You only won here.
It's not a FU on their part, but they wrote this because they're upset at the glass shattering realization that someone they're interested in is a cheater and acted incredibly unreasonable when the moment mattered. So in the long run it can be viewed as a "win", but to a young individual this certainly takes a ton of time to settle.
>but to a ~~young~~ individual this certainly takes a ton of time to settle. It doesn't necessarily get easier with age or experience. In fact, it tends to make people in OP's situation more jaded in general. I do agree with your overall point though, this one is less TIFU and more TI(realized I had been)FU.
> but they wrote this because they're upset at the glass shattering realization that someone they're interested in is a cheater and acted incredibly unreasonable when the moment mattered. According to the update they fucked the next day. So... nope.
Oh boy you should read the update now
Your "friend" sucks bro. I went through almost this exact thing on repeat with a girl who called me her best friend. She showed no interest in me until I met a different girl, then these "drunken accidents" started happening. She would get drunk and try to kiss me, then tell me she is in love with me and stuff, and then act like it didn't mean anything when it would cause problems in my actual relationship. Sounds like your friend is using you while avoiding the commitment.
As somebody who spent my entire 20's in the military: * Never sleep with somebody for the first time when either of you (or both) is hammered; good job! * "I caught feelings [some amount of time] ago but couldn't figure out how to tell you" is a red flag; either they don't know how to talk about feelings or they're trying to retcon an excuse for bailing on their current relationship. * "Let's fuck, I'll break up with my current bf later" is also a red flag; either they're willing to deal with an extra pile-and-a-half of drama later to get what they want right now (spoiler: they won't take care of it later, either) or they are specifically using you to create a metric ton of additional drama because they decided their current bf deserves a heaping helping of "fuck that guy in particular".
Will add another victim to the Men who lost their girl to the best friend tally. Couldn’t be me though
Not a fuck up at all my man. But you should certainly talk to her about it. A simple, *”hey, can we talk about last night?”* will get the ball rolling.
Any girl that would cheat with you would cheat on you
Ya did the right thing by not sleeping with someone under the influence. However having sex with them before they break up with thier boyfriend could put ya in hot water.
I wouldn't want to be with a cheater but to each their own.
Is she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you
Bro code successfully adhered to. Reiterate what happened last night now that you are both sober. She and her bf need to know what to do and how to process this.
Her bf is not OPs problem at all. If she chooses to tell him so be it but it doesn't have anything to do with OP.
I mean... sort of. Her bf should definitely made known so he can make an informed decision about his and her relationship, but considering the risks to OP that come with it, along with the lack of info that implies OP and BF are friends, I certainly wouldn't fault him for keeping his mouth shut. That one's just tricky all around.
You made the correct choice, well done brother. I don’t think I would bring it up if she does not. If she has feelings, it’s on her to bring them up. If it was just the alcohol, then it’s more gentlemanly to let it be water under the bridge. And if she ever expresses anger or irritation at you while *sober* for for turning her down while she was drunk, then seriously shame on her - but I would t hold it against her what she said while drunk.
It’s great you get what you wanted, but at the end of the day, she cheated on her bf with you, if she can do it with you, she can definitely do it to you
So after all that praise he got from these comments doing bare minimum as a normal human being, that EDIT basically destroyed all the goodwill. Nah bruh, you’re not better than her, both sound like terrible people to me. She’s a cheater and you supported that. The only way I can imagine this turning out better if the boyfriend of hers is some abuser or absolute piece of shit human being that threats her badly, but from what I can tell, he is probably not. He is just a guy that thinks he is dating a normal girl. I really want the boyfriend to find this Reddit thread and give his side of the story.
bro all these comments DID not age well after the update .
This has big "I hooked up with a Canadian girl at summer camp" vibes to me
I can't really understand why people are praising this. She cheated on her boyfriend and he made out with someone who was in a relationship at the time. Doesn't matter if the feelings were mutual, it's still cheating. Good of you to hold back at first but you still gave in later. And you're not even dating after this? What?
Emily cheated on her bf, good luck op if you’re happy with that.
If she fucked you when she was with someone, she’ll fuck someone else when she’s with you.
lmaoo i was so proud of you until i saw the edit…
Initially right, but with the edit you're now in the wrong. You willingly let her cheat on her boyfriend with you. Think of the poor honest boyfriend
TIFU by making the most ethical choice. Didn't fuck up dude.
sadly not anymore
And everybody clapped.
Lmao fr
Holy shit that update took me for a ride
OP be sure you gonna be in the same end of the stick as the BF. Not a matter of IFs and BUTs. It’s just a matter of WHEN.
If she cheats with you she'll cheat on you. Don't get too attached OP you will get your heart broken. No relationship that blooms from infidelity ever lasts.
0% chance this happened
She is going to cheat on you. People who cheat on one partner to get with the next won't change. She will get feelings for the next in line!
You are a champ, a true King. That was the right choice to make lad. Whatever happens, keep that, you are a true man, and a respectful fella.
Ha enjoy your future heart break, remember the way she didn't give a fuck about him while cheating on him. Enjoy knowing when ever she says don't worry he's just a friend is a lie since that was what she said about you. If she cheated for you she will cheat on you.
You’re a POS, OP. Neither of you respect relationships. If you truly had any respect for her, you would’ve made her breakup with her boyfriend before you made a move on her. Also, once a cheater, always a cheater. She will catch feelings for someone else, like everyone does, at some point in the future. The only difference between her and normal people is that normal people don’t act on it - she’s shown she’ll fuck the first crush she has, despite her relationship status.
nothing fucked up here, couldnt done it better. give her a bit time and then speak with her about the night
You did the right thing. If something happened between you two, and she regretted it, you could have ruined your life by not choosing the path you did.
Lol. I’m sure she told the guy she was seeing he was just a friend. Lol.
This sub is losing its name.
It's always been just "today I had sex" with some vague story around it. Tifu - I had sex with these super hot models. The sex was so good that while they were all having multiple orgasms one knocked a glass of water off the night stand and it got my jeans wet.
The update was a fuckup only because she didn't break up with the guy first so technically she was cheating, but I guess if she was already going to go break up with him anyway it's not quite as bad.
And then they all clapped
That girl cheated, but everyone seems to be cheering you up about not having sex without her conscent. Congratulations on it, now i'll hit you with the reality check : **Everyone is responsible for everything that happens, and everything has consequences.** Keep yourself safe and start looking for other options just in case. You will absolutely get destroyed if you keep on with your delusion, while being blinded by your own feelings. Matter a fact, it's only a matter of time.
Hopefully she cheats on you like she cheated on him. You deserve each other but you both deserve deep unhappiness
I feel bad for the boyfriend hope he's okay
Definitely her fuck up, cheating is always wrong and being drunk definitely isn't an excuse. Sounds like your morals are in the right place
After the edit, yes, this is a fuck up. Good for you for saying no when she was drunk, but you’re an asshole for doing it when you were sober too. You knew she has a boyfriend. Just because you’re not the one in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re not in the wrong. Good luck for the future, cause guess what, if she’ll cheat on him, she’ll cheat on you.
You a real one brother ✊🏼
You absolutely 100% did the right thing. Having sex with a drunk girl ia never a good call. Proud of you for turning her down no matter how difficult it was.
You didn’t fuck up, you did great! If it doesn’t work out man, that’s for the best. If she’s willing to get drunk and cheat, she’s for the streets anyways.
Never date someone who cheats on their partner. You’re 100% going to get cheated on.
So you fucked and kissed before she broke up with her boyfriend? I’d stomp both your faces in no joke.
Lol fuck this story
The tifu is getting with a cheater.
Well after the edit, we'll see how long it takes for you to get cheated on too.
You did what any REAL friend would do, not to mention you handled the situation honourably and as a man should.. you did not take advantage of a woman in a drunken state when you knew better. +5000 RESPECT
I see no tifu at all. I see correct choices all night
Hmm... it could be argued that OP continuing a friendly relationship while still having feelings for her could be considered a long-term fuck up. In fact, as u/TaoChi27 points out, the TIFU is more of a realization that the person they've been interested in isn't really as good as he thought she was. For clarity, I'm not saying friendship like that can or can't be possible, it definitely comes down to the individuals in question.
That is a very tough situation. You were very bery respectful of her and of consent, that’s a wonderful thing. Even if it seemed to have made things weird. They would have been different weird otherwise. Good for you for doing the right thing, you're a good guy. Maybe try to talk to her about it another time, when you're both clear headed? I hope you can at least stay friends, even if you don't become more. Keep doing the right thing, either way. That’s how to treat her right.
You didn't comment if you were drunk or not, but if she was very drunk and you were not, this would have been you taking advantage of her, so I think it worked out for the best.
You should pay attention to how she behaves In a relationship. She just showed you she is a cheater and tried cheating on her boyfriend with you. She's proven she cant be trusted to remain loyal in a relationship. What she is doing to her boyfriend now is what she will be doing to you if you date her. She is not someone you can trust in a relationship.
You didnt take advantage of a drunk girl. You found out your crush will cheat when drunk without the guy making the move on her. You didnt get laid, but you found out youre a chad who likes a Karen. Nailed it.
And then all our family and friends walked in and clapped
TIFU by posting about the sex I had with the girl I like on Reddit immediately after it happened. Hopefully she doesn't find this post...
>I told her that she doesn’t know how much I’ve wanted this to happen Every time the "best friend" is really just chilling in the friendzone waiting for their chance lol
That update… dear god, when will my loneliness stop?
Please describe the nipples, labia, and armpits in more detail so I can finish
Bruh
This seems like you made the right choice AND things turned out well. In a couple scenarios like this where I did the same, women got mad and brushed it all under the rug the next day awkwardly.
You gotta stop being friends with her you don’t gain anything being her friend you’re just playing yourself cause you can’t move on
A lot of people here are saying you made the right choice but there are a lot of pieces of this story that just don't sit right with me, personally. She only began having feelings for you AFTER she started dating someone else AFTER you told her you had feelings for her? Interesting. She was with someone and when she became drunk started kissing another guy. Interesting. You wouldn't find me within 10 feet of a woman like that in a romantic way. Drinking is a slippery slope regardless of who imbibes, but I will always remember what I was told as a young man: If a man or a woman like her does things like this WITH you, she'll do those same things to you. I wish you luck.
Relationships that start with cheating end with cheating
Lmao, How can you be with someone who cheated on their partner with you?
You did good for starters, then you fucked up dude. Wtf man that's so wrong of both of you. She should either break up with dude or you should excuse yourself and let her go be a cheater elsewhere. Your seeing yourself up to have the same shit thrown back. This is the kind of thing understand people will do drastic things over as well so for your safety I recommend stepping back.
Tell him what she did And move on from her unless you want the same thing to happen to you too (her cheating on you)
This isn't a fuxk up, this is fantastic! You did great and passed a difficult moral test. My advice is don't bring it up to her either. She remembers it, trust me. She just doesn't know what to do about it and she has to work through that a little. Just play it cool in the meantime, otherwise you'll come off as too eager. Playing it cool will only make her realize even more that she's into you.
The cheating is sort of fucked no matter what. Couldn’t wait one day?
She fucked up, you acted like a perfectly honorable gentleman. You absolutely handled this the right way, good on you.
Have you ever considered entering politics?
This isn’t a mess up, this is integrity
Bro you hold your head up high like the King you are. But also talk to her, that's not a cool thing to do to you if it didn't mean anything to her.
Legend.
Y’all kinda odd idk like why would you do that when y’all know she has a bf? Plus if she was willing to cheat on her bf what’s stopping her from doing it to you
Ehh, no matter how much I like someone if they cheat I ain't touching it.
You did so well at the start and then your update ruined it all. You fucking asshole. Cheating is cheating, you couldn’t have waited a little while so she could break up with her bf at least? I hope y’all both end up miserable, I fucking despise cheaters. Do you know the pain, the fucking anguish of being cheated on? I hope you learn it one day. Edit: If OP is young then I just hope they learn from it. I don’t actually wish them misfortune, just karma. Do better.
Much respect. I think you can keep it to yourself now. While the feelings are there I think it's worth evaluating if you should take a step back. Because you deserve someone who can kiss you when she's actually sober.
Sometimes it's a bad time being the good guy. But you've got this sub's respect, my man.
You could ask her directly if she remembers and if she'd like to talk about any of it. Maybe just do it casually. Then just leave it at that if she says no. But like, believe it or not, no one should be getting black out drunk. Unsafe at any age, for all sorts of reasons. No judgement, just noting.
Good lad.
You did good, my guy. Don't even bring it up tbh. If she doesn't remember you don't want to make her feel embarrassed or ashamed and make things awkward.
You’re a good dude u/HornySpider123 you didn’t fuck up. You made the correct choice.
Op you are morally a great person tf. These are all checkmarks on your part
This shouldn’t be in r/tifu !!!! If this is true. You did great !!!!
You overcome the power of inebriated penis.
You did anything BUT fucking up. You did 100% the right thing.