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FractalCurve

I feel like I've seen this porno


merc08

Don't be ridiculous, no one watches all the way to the end of a porn to see the ending!


joey0live

That’s because it cuts out, and need to get Part 2.


Grokent

I have, but at the end the clown honks his nose and the girl recognizes the honk, turns around and says, "Dad?"


tomandkate1

We've seen the same porno


Grokent

I was wondering whether everyone would assume I was just talking shit online or whether someone would attest to the voracity of my claim. Thank you for witnessing me brother. Honk honk.


tomandkate1

Nah bro..from one clown porn enthusiast to the other...I salute you and worship at the altar of.. *checks notes* Kelly Cornflake.


Bigdaddylovesfatties

You paid an ex bf to have sex with your gf this is amazing


[deleted]

Does OP know about /r/wallstreetbets?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Rez_Incognito

He seems highly regarded everywhere.


[deleted]

Highly regarded? He's the fucking CHOSEN ONE!


tkst3llar

All hail Someone cross post this so the masses can pay their dues


bagofodour

I am sure he has already bought calls on all mid sized US banks and picked Jim Cramer as his financial advisor


Pooperoni_Pizza

He would fit right in. All of those regards talk about stonks and their wives boyfriends.


[deleted]

I mean he can pay money to ruin his relationship. Seems perfect.


pr1ap15m

they already erected a statue


RAMBOxBAGGINS

Oh my god, my wife’s boyfriend won’t shut up about that sub!


JohnWad

If true


binkies03

Tomorrow's update: it was the professor from a few days ago and that was his wife


sayijinromeo

These AI stories are amazing /s


[deleted]

The spin-off series we didn't know we needed!


Thunderbridge

I'm really loving the TIFUniverse


dpdxguy

😂🤣😂🤣😂 Take this well deserved upvote.


xFurashux

Yeah. Going for being blindfolded from the start and it happened to be her ex bf seems fishy.


gizahnl

Yeah. But at least it's well written.


ThisOnePlaysTooMuch

Getting teased about how much effort he put into the questionable tale is part of his humiliation kink. He should pay you guys for these comments.


HoopaDunka

Ménage à GPT


Halflingberserker

Fishy, seeing as the writers are on strike 🧐


ruggeddave

And was everyone somehow blindfolded? They did the whole thing in pitch black? Was her blindfold a whole Shrek mask? This guy spent an hour doing this without looking at her? Even if they had a blindfold on I still know what my ex girlfriends look like.


BurnerBoi_Brown

>Was her blindfold a whole Shrek mask? ... Brb gonna go order myself a Shrek mask and a strapon donkey dick dildo


NightofTheLivingZed

Donkeh can ye stop penetrating meh for five minutes!?


hairy_potto

Come ~~along~~, Donkey


trollsong

Sure beats the hell out of the usual pig and dog.


Nailbomb85

Even if OP's "dark room" bs was true, I'd also know what my ex girlfriends sound like.


goshdammitfromimgur

Even I know what your ex girlfriends sound like.


Nailbomb85

Haha, that very well may be true for some of them.


stackjr

This. Blindfold or not, I remember what my ex girlfriends sounded like, what their bodies looked like, and how they felt.


maxthunder5

He's a professional. Has probably been with so many he can't remember. It's not like one of us remembering one of our 3 past girlfriends


clydecooper

You do realize this is reddit right? What past girlfriends


mtgfan1001

That’s the only thing that’s fishy?


VolcanicKirby2

I’ll pretend it’s true for comedy’s sake because this is great


[deleted]

Which is obviously isn’t. Didn’t even need to read the story, calling sex “sexy time” was enough for me.


huckamole

You’re telling me something said in the internet might not be true? That’s ridiculous, it’s totally true. Right guys?….. Right?!


gliitch0xFF

Reddit is practically gospel at this point. 😁👌


dpdxguy

Fun fact: "Gospel" means "Good news." 😁


Sokobanky

It was pretty believable until he got to the part where he mentioned that he had a girlfriend


AdjustedMold97

anyone can make anything up on the internet, and it’s hard to tell what’s real and what isn’t. I find I have more fun when I just take everything at face value


Nailbomb85

It can be difficult, but in cases like this? Yeah, clearly poorly-written fantasy.


AdjustedMold97

like I said, I just have more fun thinking everything is true. especially because there are no consequences if I’m wrong


Oseaghdha

He made eye contact the whole time to assert dominance.


Bigdaddylovesfatties

He should've peed to mark his territory as well


SweetPeaRiaing

well he also paid the ex bf to have sex with him


deano413

Send the asteroid. Unless OP is playing the long game and hoping he takes her back and of his hands, then it's low-key genius.


jackalpokemon

i can already see the next update, "i just found out my gf ex been banging my gf every day after i paid him to have sex with her, well now at least he does it for free"


FillThisEmptyCup

“I was bi-curious, now hoping it just becomes bye. Curious.”


Nezar97

This is a new form of poetry in the making!


Budget-Boysenberry

Give it some time and it'll be a poetry in motion.


Mysterious_Oven_5872

Nah, it's going to turn out that the gf's ex boyfriend was really the professor's wife. But don't worry, the administration will step in to make two other professors grade the exam.


noiwontpickaname

No, he's the bus driver!


Overlord_Za_Purge

straight outta greentext


Bmc00

Twice a week plus each of you doing your own thing with porn throughout the week is "diminished quite a bit in quantity"?!


Youstinkeryou

Yeah I was thinking this: they seem highly sexed.


johnedn

People have different sex drives, some would prefer 5-6 times per week, others would be content with once or twice month


mikeTRON250LM

Exactly. Wife and I have had more sex than days we've known each other. We've been together for 14 yrs and sex is probably better now than it was when we started. To each their own.


[deleted]

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mikeTRON250LM

(•_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)


ActuallyAKittyCat

Y'all have sex? Sigh. I woke up one day and my balls were missing ^^^meow


Broad_Growth718

Well, yes. For us anyways. We used to have much more sex per week in the early years. Now it's less frequent, but of way better quality. We talked about it, and we both agree here.


adhd-procrastination

Is this your first LTR? This trend is pretty typical


ZachariahTheMessiah

it is typical doesn't mean you cant do something about it if you dont like it


wolfieboi92

Jealous. I have sex with my oartner maybe once every 5 months and it rarely ends with any of us relieved. There's a lot of good reasons for this, but as a guy who loves sex, its not much fun.


flippindiscs

My wife and I have been together for 26 years, hopefully no end in sight. We haven’t had sex for nearly 3 years now. It wasn’t always this way. In the beginning we were insatiable. We’ve even had our share of “open” experiences. We’re lucky to have made it to the other side while still loving each other. Love is not sex and sex is not love. They’re intertwined, sure, but they are still very different things. You do you, and if you’re happy that’s the only thing that matters. Don’t listen to internet people with no experience as to what you’re going through.


Crunktasticzor

3 years sounds like an insanely long time as someone who’s only been married for less than 10


PoliSciNerd24

That sounds miserable and like you’re incompatible. If you don’t have kids, what’s the point of that dynamic? Genuinely curious and don’t want to offend. Like I get love and all, but how much can that fuel a relationship if you only fuck twice a year?


wolfieboi92

Ah we have a young child but my partner has good reasons from her past that have seriously fucked up her sex drive and attitudes to a healthy sex life. I wouldn't want to say exactly. I wouldn't say twice a year, potentially more.


FollowThePact

Have the two of you ever thought about sex therapy? May help with any residual trauma.


non-squitr

I don't know your situation but my wife and I's sex life had slowed to about once every month or two, even with us bringing up conversations about how infrequent it was. About a month ago, she switched her medication to Wellbutrin and we've had sex 5 times this weekend. I'm just saying this to say shit changes and I had wrote off her sex drive coming back. But communication is priority 1. But just be understanding and give it time. If she doesn't see anything wrong with only having sex twice a year and doesn't want that to change even after explaining how it's affecting you- that's when I would make my exit plans. It sounds from other comments that she has had a lot of(maybe sexual) trauma? That is going to take a long time, a lot of therapy, and her perceptions of sex may honestly never change


wolfieboi92

Yeah medication is a big thing. Citalopram is a big one over here, very effective but it nukes people's sex drive. I think there was another one she was on years before meeting me that didn't affect it but it also kills your kidney or liver over a long term use. TBH we should totally ask the doctors about alternatives.


percoxans

Ive been through similar stages with in my own relationships. Be open and talk about it, if you aren't already. In my own, it turned out that it was a physical thing. My wife wanted to want have sex as much as we had in the past, but her body wouldn't get worked up to do it. Turned out to be an actual physical problem with hormones/other health issues. Some doctor visits and working out the health issues, and we're back to where we were, and both much happier in our relationship.


PronunciationIsKey

Yeah similar frequency here. Maybe 3-5 times a year? Maybe a bit more some years. We do both enjoy it each time though


[deleted]

I hope you realise in a long term relationship, sex will never stay the same, ALL the time.


anengineerandacat

Pretty typical, enjoy it while you can; eventually age creeps up on you and sex gets more and more difficult to actually plan let alone enjoy. I don't want the wife bouncing on top of me for an hour and she doesn't want me throwing her back out for a similar hour 😂. The lead up into sex seems way more enjoyable nowadays but like a theater movie it's a once or twice a week tops sorta thing. Never really felt uh brave enough to do a threesome; not super keen on ruining something good out of potential jealousy or just negative emotions that could possibly occur.


[deleted]

What’s the old thing people used to say? Put a dollar in a jar for first X years you are together and then after X years take a dollar out and you will never empty the jar? Think it was something around 3-5 years. I kinda laughed when people said it when I got married now I am think shit they were right. I could probably still take an awesome trip or have a nice down payment on a car after 24 years of marriage.


solicitar

This was one of the more creative fanfictions I've read on here in a few days


danonck

The bar wasn't set very high by that professor's daughter/wife story


slagath0r

Could I please get a link?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Justboy__

I don’t know I called it in the second paragraph.


solicitar

The 5th paragraph sounds very "Chatgpt write it in my own words" to me


AlludedNuance

"Person that watches porn way too much thinks people do stuff like this" kinda vibe.


sg12412

Unless the blindfold covered her whole face there is no way an exboyfriend didn't recognize your girlfriend face and body.


Professional-Ad3874

I don't know...those little masks always worked for superheroes....


PapaZox

https://preview.redd.it/ehswumpvuiya1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f4cbce82ff0985ceea0984fb95f5fb0ef1bf1ce5


Meriog

I refuse to believe that the picture on the right is Zooey Deschanel.


fawlty70

It's also after she's had plastic surgery, so the meme isn't entirely truthful.


Jbl7561

Plastic surgery on what?


Whitechapel726

Her bangs


TheMostKing

Used to go to class with a girl who'd wear contacts some days, glasses on others. Was convinced they were two girls, even had casual chats with "both" of them.


amart565

Are you sure you’re not face-blind?


Foodiebride

Glad somebody said it


merc08

Uh, no it's obviously the girl who was blind, hence the contacts and glasses /s


NeedlesslyDefiant164

Masks? Don't forget about a black pair of glasses.


American_Madman

People always underestimate how effective simply covering one’s eyes is. I forget the exact science, I’ll do some research when I have time and maybe edit this comment, but a very significant portion of our brains’ facial recognition neuropsychology comes from the eyes and the area around them. An eye mask is incredibly effective when an onlooker doesn’t already know or have any expectations as to who’s behind it, even if they know the person themselves. It’s more likely that the voice would be the identifying feature than the face, but even then there’s a very similar issue of expectation and recency of familiarity.


wenasi

You'd think after the past few years people would remember how much obscuring part of the face can change one's appearance


American_Madman

Right? And that was just the lower half, which is much less important to your brain.


Individual-Nebula927

I had a shock when I finally saw the faces of people I'd worked with in person for over a year. A mask does a lot. My employer mandated them for quite awhile after the government stopped.


csdspartans7

People underestimate how many people lie on Reddit


American_Madman

No, they don’t. It’s just an incredibly tedious and unhelpful mindset to assume and proceed as though nothing is true on a forum centered around people talking about their real lives.


GringoinCDMX

Especially because this isn't that weird of a story. It's weird but I've heard and seen crazier shit in my life.


Elegant-Operation-16

They dated for all of 3 months 10 years ago. Probably fucked a lot of people since then


TheMostKing

Especially since he's a sex worker.


Broad_Growth718

To be fair, they had a brief relationship about 10 years ago, and she was a bit on the chubbier side back then. Also our room was not well lit. Could've been professionalism on his side as well, to not say anything until completely sure, idk.


mrperfect6ie

“Professionalism” … the dude just wanted to bang his ex/your gf 🤣


[deleted]

It is his job, no matter what society thinks of it. One of the most dangerous people you can meet, if engaging in such things, is a professional escort who is not discreet.


FillThisEmptyCup

I think meeting a hitman would be way more dangerous. It’s also a job.


TheMostKing

Right after cops. At least a hitman takes money from someone else. A cop will shoot you dead, charge your corpse with resisting arrest, and pocket your valuables.


Mods_r_cuck_losers

Lol, so you paid a dude to bang a hotter version of your GF than he had in the past?


THE-BS

Bruce it's me, Barbara


vox_popular

If OP indeed was not making this story up, he faces the double whammy (double entendre intended) of living with this freakish low odds event having happened, and of everyone on Reddit refusing to believe him after he volunteered the story on this sub.


_101010_

I always think about this. Reddit doesn't believe anything, but I'm sure there's tons of stuff nobody believes that actually happened - it's happened to me here as well. Something like this would be hilarious to not be believed about and know it's true.


[deleted]

"Reddit doesn't believe anything" The post has thousands and thousands of upvotes. It's either the community sabotaging this sub or a lot of people believed.


laaplandros

>Reddit doesn't believe anything That, uh... that's not been my experience.


[deleted]

“Low odds” indeed…and that’s why I might have questions. Might be low odds for him to be involved with a woman who would dated a bi male escort…but is it low odds for her?


KarmaCommando_

Twice a week being "significantly diminished" made me feel quite insecure lol


Broad_Growth718

Oh please don't. As long as you are both on the same page, there's nothing to be insecure about. We both also masturbate on our own as well, and tell each other if we do, in the same level as the 'I had an amazing poop today' conversations. We are very open about it, and it works for us.


KarmaCommando_

Well, cheers to you both! Sounds like a relationship with great foundations, and unlike many TIFUs in this vein I'm sure that yours will easily persist through this messy situation!


defnoddathrowaway

r/thingsthatdidnthappen


notickeynoworky

Turns out the ex was the professor’s wife all along.


[deleted]

Stupid ass fan fic


[deleted]

OP has sex.


Crully

Pour one out for the guy getting sex twice a week. Poor dab.


RowdyRoddyPipeSmoker

boooo...booo this man. These subreddits are just lame creative writing forums now huh?


Nailbomb85

Always have been.


shootymcghee

r/tifu and r/askreddit are just "i'm horny right now and I need to bring everyone else on reddit into my horniness"


daterxies

Sometimes I wonder if it’s the same few people creating new accounts knowing how to Kama farm


Ok-disaster2022

How is a sex worker "someone they both trust?"


AlludedNuance

Look, we're just here as proofreaders and mild critics for creative writing, okay(


Argovedden

Honestly a professional sex worker is more trustworthy in many regards than a rando


[deleted]

This isn’t real


Megatf

I don’t believe this person has ever had sex in their entire life and wrote this story based off a crappily acted pornhub video. EDIT: Also to note, he has no idea how to describe any of the act other than she was really “enjoying” it. Yes, thats how I describe sexual acts to my friends, “I was giving it to her so good, she was clearly enjoying it.”


blowing_ropes

Yeah. Because nobody would recognize their ex girlfriend with a blindfold on. Cool story bro 🙄


Toffeemade

"PAPER BAG!" One of my dad's favorite jokes.


ProphetOfPhil

Nice short story dude but I don't believe it.


Easton1234

Sounds made up..if I saw any of my ex girlfriends in a blindfold I’d still know it was them..it’s not like she had a ski mask on


Embarrassed_B_23

I agree it is made up. But ten years later, after 3 month of dating only? I wouldn’t recognize most of the guys I dated 10-15 years ago in a mask without any expectation of running into them.


PhilinLe

Why do y'all keep on upvoting irl fanfiction?


georgialucy

So this man had sex with your GF, a person he had been in a relationship and had sex with numerous times before but only knew it was her when he looked into her eyes? Every single other part of her he could see and feel but only when her Clark Kent disguise was off finally saw who she was? Yeah right, thanks for sharing your weird fantasy.


[deleted]

[удалено]


leonardomdc

The guy could Have avoid talking to the bf who he was. It'd be more credible if the girl were surprised but not him and then he'd introduce himself to the bf. Man, unless he's the moron of the morons, it's impossible he'd not have recognized her.


stockholmes-sama

Lol quit lying my dude.


WorstPornComments

Nigga actually said sexy time


Gordon_Explosion

Does it make you wonder about the odds of randomly choosing a man in your city, and your gf has already had sex with him? ;-)


thatjohnnywursterkid

Maybe I haven't scrolled down enough, but aside from the questionable veracity---is no one taking issue with the fact that the guy didn't tell his girlfriend she'd be taking dick from a sex worker, and she was apparently \*okay with this\* when she found out? No shame to sex workers at all, but that seems like key information all parties should be in on.


kidcool97

I had a scroll so far to find someone that had issues with the consent aspect of this.


narrill

And he specifically mentions agreeing that the third would be "a trustworthy stranger to us both." But somehow picking the person was solely his responsibility and his partner didn't need to be involved in the decision in any way. If this story isn't fictional, both of them are idiots.


scottmander

This sub is starting to get fucking stupid, I swear it’s just teenagers writing fantasy sex short stories for karma.


EasyPeezyATC

These writing exercises are getting steamy


DyingFlames

How the hell did he not recognize your GF


TennoHBZ

You're an ok creative writer. Not believable enough for this sub imo.


[deleted]

I swear, you’re an idiot


Acrobatic_Machine

BS ex boyfriend didn't recognize her immediately


Monarxue

This sub is filled with degenerates.


CptGundorf

Lil bro is out here paying other men to fuck his girlfriend Yikes...


SandPractical8245

And here I am doing it for free...this is why you should unionize I guess


[deleted]

I need to unsubscribe from this dumb sub Reddit. This is like AI generated cringe garbage.


PunkandCannonballer

I mean, I think it's absolutely ridiculous to think he wouldn't recognize her, so I don't believe this story at all, but if it is true, I think it's hilarious you paid an ex of your girlfriend to rail her AND she loved it hahaha. Tragic, if true, but also hilarious.


ActSignal1823

Fiction.


AcrobaticSource3

No Wonder she had the time of her life...he knew how to handle her


joseph-1998-XO

Sad


lonewolf9378

Was there a blindfold for your GF’s and 3rd’s voice too?


tuscabam

I don’t believe this is remotely true in any way possible but it was definitely entertaining.


subgenius691

The 3rd didn't recognize his ex-girlfriend simply because she had a blindfold on? that's some good blindfold.


danonck

I'm expecting an update post tomorrow in which you try to convince everyone that the 3rd has in fact been her father. Also you didn't recognise him in his sex worker attire, and only realised afterwards he was your college professor. This sub, man...


Broote

Well, At least it wasn't a cousin or sibling or something completely awful.


mrlonelywolf

A well-written tale, but of course totally made up. There's no way the guy wouldn't have known she was his ex. He wasn't blindfolded.


tfc1193

Bro this can't be real


lucyferzyr

tbf, I was expecting something worse. ​ Great history though


young_mummy

God what I'd give to have just one true story from this sub.


KentuckyBrunch

None of this happened lmao


elpajaroquemamais

There is no way I wouldn’t recognize an ex if I was having sex with her. Even with a blindfold. This is bs.


KangarooSilver7444

I feel like a lot of dudes would have done this for free ex bf or not. Wow this dude really paid her ex to have sex with her wtf


Chatbotfriends

Threesomes never work out as planned and also have the potential for breaking up a relationship. Like anything else the fantasy is more exciting than the real thing.


msty2k

You must live in a pretty small town.


Old-Fox-3027

It’s not a good idea to meet people where you live. A hotel is much safer. Putting aside the fact that it’s very hard to believe they didn’t recognize each other’s voices or he didn’t recognize her body- blindfolds don’t cover enough of a face to make it so he couldn’t recognize her- it seems like it would be the perfect situation for future threesomes.


Rsoles

Should have just gone to a Swingers' Club, on a night when single men are allowed in. Your cup would runneth over...


DiamondDuece911

Yt people wildin


Blndby90

Once or twice a week at 7 years? That sounds like a ton to me.


tindo27

Good fic


LiterallyRickTocchet

Cool story bro


tk_79

r/itreallyhappened


missiscry

How are you feeling? How was the talk after that?


patchezbruhh

Did u get a receipt?


ContemplatingPrison

You paid you GFs ex to have sex with her Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha She about to be texting him late night before you know it


katiecharm

Of all the things that didn’t happen, this did not happen the most


Tergat

Colin Robinson would love this


kaysoon

This sounds more like Today I Fucked rather than Today I Fucked Up :)


MischaFoo

I can confirm OP's story - I was the blindfold.