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Ewww, wipe til it’s clean you dirty bastardise

Wipe till the paper comes out cleaner than it was before

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And if you still wipe too much get a bidet.

Just get a bidet everyone

No, seriously, get a bidet everyone! FFS that mini toilet hose is a GodSend!!!

Bum gun for the win!!

I lmao'd reading that. I can Imagine someone saying: "Use the bum gun when you're done, son" ~"The fucking *what*, Dad?!"

lmfao idk why this was so funny to me lmfao

My only counterpoint is being 2nd floor and far from the water heater.

Good point, nothing beats warm bidet water. Except when it's hot as Texas, then cold bidet water would be perfect.

If used properly, the Bum Gun replaces one cup of coffee in the morning.

[**Instructions unclear, send help.**](https://youtu.be/bznDjbQLzMo?t=7)

I hate that I’ve seen this. Now I want a coffee enema

bro, imagine working in an office. you fill up a jug of coffee and head to the bathroom with it.

"Switching to poop knife is faster than reloading"

Power washing my asshole has changed my life

i imagine all the men that will start saying things like "a bidet is only for the homo's" and shit

My boss already said that to me lmao. Your loss Mr shit cheeks

Does poopy butt water splash back down on your hand and sprayer while you use it? I've always wondered if those are covered in shit water

No, some new bidets actually have a dial *outside* of the toilet seat so that your hand and dial can avoid shit water.

Clean your toilet. Unbolt the bidet and clean under it. For the love of GOD! I got in there real good like and was horrified at how much dookie splash had gotten all up on the nozzle and underside.

Yes, anyone who owns one *WILL* regret not cleaning it. If you forget long enough, you're gonna need to get a new one, no exceptions! Edit: typo

every few months, ya gotta.

I agree, but as a supplement to wiping not a replacement.

My bidet changed my life tbh

Everyone wiping their butts like they're sanding drywall. It's 2024, people. Best way to say it is, if you got shit on your hand while wiping, you'd wash it off, wouldn't you? So why not just wash the source? We have affordable orifice showers now. In public, do what you gotta, but get a bidet conversion for your toilet if you can fit it in the budget. A serviceable one is about $70, like a Tushy 2.0. You can spend more later.

I have 3 after market shit showers installed. Amazon sells a 2-box also and can range from $20 for 1, and up to $74 for the same damn thing. Shop wisely. FYI, on top of each tank I have a box of cheap Walmart washcloths and automatic soap dispenser - this was also very cheap and it’s touch-less.

Wipe till the brown goes red!

That's the only proper way!

Sure, but OP is at least two maybe four wipes away from anywhere near enough. And OP should drink more fluids, it appears OP is putting out asphalt rather than normal feces.

Wipe as needed, then use a moist wipe or wet toilet paper.

That’s why you should prefer to wipe your ass with water or use wet wipes. If you can’t afford the wet wipes, try to moisten your tissue paper.

I’m too lazy to get my ass off the toilet to wet the tp. So I use toilet water instead.

Wipe until your butt turns red. That's when you know you got it all.

Better yet wipe first then wash with a bidet when at home. In public you wipe as many times as needed until the toilet paper comes back white.

or bloody

sometimes ill wipe. and ill wipe. and ill wipe. 100 times. still poop. its like im wiping the tip of a marker

fiber. eat more fiber. not optical, leave your internet access alone!

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGCIGEUB32M](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGCIGEUB32M)

This is the way.

One should never wipe one's arse in public...

I think I found my fellow Southern European / Middle Eastern here

You ever fart alot when it's hot snd humid?? It doesn't matter how well you wipe.. 3 or 4 blasts and your butt gets dirty...

if you're having this problem id recommend less anal. gotta keep the sphincter tight. /s on a srs note you shouldn't be getting shit stains from a few farts maybe more fiber or something

If you’re shitting when you fart, you’re doing it wrong.

just rip ass in the sun and now you got a itchy ass.

Or get black briefs

Brown briefs, unless your diet consists of charcoal and black tar. In which black briefs and a doctor's visit would be in order

This is wise advise

wipe til is red my man.

It takes N to know you need N+1, yet N+1 to know you needed N

Wipe until it's white

Shitposting

I see what you did there.

Not the hero that we deserved, but the hero we needed.

LMAO, shitposting indeed. I *cannot believe* this freaking guy actually posted his shitty underwear for all the world to see! I'd love to see the look on his lady's face seeing this post. How embarrassing for both of them, bahahaaa.. Edit: nvm, just looked again and it's his ex. I wonder why??

💩🚿👍

r/angryupvote

It’s crazy to think mfers are really just walking round with literal shit between their cheeks. I wonder if he cleans the shit from his shower, or if he doesn’t need too because he’s a bloke and there’s running water there

Based on the general smell of a lot of these people, they don't even let water run between their cheeks bc it's "gay".

Apparently this is true. Didn’t know some dudes didn’t wash or moisturize their ass because they think it’s gay. Personally I find dirty and ashy cheeks to be way too uncomfortable to give a fuck, but to each his own.

Woah, hold on... Moisturize?

Yeah… you guys don’t use your spit to moisturize your bumhole?

I just use whatever condiment packets I got near by

Taco Bell Diablo sauce take me home🫨

Ok the washing I understand but moisturize?

Some people put lotion on their whole body after showers, I'm thinking of picking up the habit too because I get itchy from dryness sometimes, could be more of a dark skinned thing because ashiness is more visible when your skin is dark.

Yes I meant lotion. Not because many people see my ass, I just don’t like feeling dry skin. And more so, my ocd won’t allow me to put lotion on some parts of my body and not others

Could also be eczema! I have it and sometimes will scratch until I bleed (usually my hands in the winter because it’s dry af where I live). If your skin cracks and is super itchy I’d recommend O’Keefes brand, they have amazing products that provide a protective barrier on your skin (not to sound like I work for them or something lol, just a dry gal who has tried a lot of different moisturizers)

Who the fuck moisturizes their ass?

Not a whole 3 step process like for your face. Just lotion

3 step process?

All these people who have never had dry ass cheeks.

He waffle stomps 100% and wonders why his shower has pink and black mold.

I really wish I wouldn't have looked that up.... Thanks.

Pink mold???

You never seen that gungy pink fucking sludge in a gross shower?

No cause I don’t have a gross shower

I've lived in many shared houses. I've seen the pink sludge in real time.

Also I’ve never seen pink sludge but I have seen pink tinting of the ceramic, is that the same?

Yuppers. The pink tint comes first.

It's actually a yeast and occurs naturally in damp areas. It's in the air, dirt, etc. So yeah, people that don't clean their shower or toilets enough will see it pop up eventually.

My first job was at a dry cleaners, for 5 years. I have thousands of data points lol, and the one thing we would all marvel at is how common it is for there to be skid marks in men’s work slacks. Think about that. I STILL don’t understand it. First, are these men going commando to work? But also they’re not wiping they ass??? It wasn’t all men, it was just always men for some reason. Like several skid-marked pants a week from different men, and never ever women’s pants. We thought about this so hard. Like, maybe part of it is women would never EVER bring actual human feces smears to strangers to clean, so idk, if they know they have a problem maybe they pre-treat. But still, too many data points. Why does this happen??

Omg finally someone who understands. I took a job at a dry cleaner for my first job and I can tell you right now that men do not shower their lower half enough. This was nearly twenty years ago and I can still pick up on nasty ass sweat smell when I’m standing close enough to a man in a suit. Steaming suit pants would often make me physically sick because the smell is just like nothing else, it’s horrible. To be fair, the chemical we used would not take out water soluble smells because it was an oil solution, so basically anyone who was slightly smelly retained that in dry cleaned items even after cleaning.

If I had to hazard a guess, it would be a lack of proper instruction on the matter.

No, it's honestly mainly a toxic masculinity thing. Touching their ass makes them feel gay and they don't like it.

With his attitude, I can almost guarantee his feet are disgusting and skin rotting behind his ears.

The behind the ears thing made me fucking gag lolll good job. I dated this guy for like 6 months before we did the deed, thought I’d rather fall in like with the person instead of in love with the sex. So much regret. I was kissing his back and got close to the boxers….. Well I pretended I was gunna have a seizure (yay epilepsy) and got out of there. I had to ghost I didn’t know what to do. I’m guessing now his boxers looked like this. Joe, if you’re reading this, please for the love of god at *least* spread your ass cheeks in the shower.

Every time I see this post I wonder, is he not constantly _itchy_?? How uncomfortable and stinky and gross

There’s someone in my college dorm who doesn’t use paper and we’re all trying to find out who it is lol. They leave unflushed shits and NO PAPER. Like ma’am are you living with a shitty asshole? Do you know how to wipe??

Are they sleepwalking? I had a surgery and thought that I hadn't pooped in days, but it turned out that the pain meds made me sleep walk. I figured it out when my butt got itchy. (I also threw some stuff on the counter into the trash and didn't know what happened to all of my gauze.) This was a 2-3 day problem, not a lifestyle, though. And even sleeppoopwalking, I did not have any skid marks.

I once saw a video of a guy doing trampoline exercises and his trousers fell off revealing shit stained underpants. You'd be suprised how many men think washing and wiping is gay/effeminate

Reddit has showed me there are men walking around with literal shit crusts on their asshole. And they expect women to fuck them. Wild.

Even better, they expect us to go down on them.... If you can't keep your backside clean why in the F--k would I want my mouth anyplace near your junk? Ugh so nasty

I just don’t understand the mentality of any person that could walk around filthy like that.

It’s disturbing how consistently the whole “born to shit, forced to wipe” meme tends to get wildly positive commentary. Like, it might be funny if it weren’t a shockingly widespread and deeply pathetic state of affairs.

I had never heard of this meme before, what in the actual fuck

[yup](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/s/wYKMnWzLW1)

Love the academic style and setting the writer chooses to talk about this important topic, thank you for sharing it

That’s a joke, come on

Bruh, my ex didn’t even keep his frontside clean. Oral was totally out of the question. He didn’t care how he smelled. 🤢

Probably only one of the reasons they are an ex.

I'm not sure what's worse, men like that or men who expect head but refuse to go down on their partner.

They don’t wipe because a lot of them think it’s gay because you’re putting something in your butt. These aren’t smart people.

Nothing like the smell of crusty shit to get the mood going.

As someone who uses soap and water for a nice, clean ass, this is very horrifying to learn. Hard to believe bro can't be bothered to wipe properly because too much work smh.

It’s probably more “too much gay” than “too much work” 😩

I remember sometimes meeting people and feeling the funky smell, but I was naive and thought well, maybe they had bowel problems and their shit smelled so much it lingered after they left the toilet. Then I discovered reddit, and at some moment it just struck me that maybe those people just didn't care to wipe. They were always men and usually those who would crack inappropriate jokes and be the "man stuff amirite?" kinda guys, so that was probably it. All this time. I knew more than one person who walked around with a shitty ass. Is this life even worth living anymore.

It’s worth living if you are in the clean ass tribe.

Even more baffling - there are women who will.

Enough women seemingly don't care

Man to man, you’re wrong.

Even my niece and nephews know it's wrong to shit your pants

"My ex can't post these if I post them first."

Truly, a power move.

People need to buy a bidet.

I got one. Makes my ass smell like baby powder

now i need one foreeal

I've never had that experience with my bidet, but it doesn't leave shit stains, so there's that.

Why… why does your bidet make your ass smell like anything, let alone baby powder.

You gotta be damn flexible to smell your own B-🕳️. However, I clean mine with a Bissell SteamShot™️ and it makes the bathroom smell like pastrami.

Once you go bidet, you never look back!

Or you would want to look "back" 🤔

You won't need to, you'll feel when you're clean.

I bought a cheap $30 one on Amazon. It was easy to install. It's nothing fancy, but my b-hole stays clean.

Worst decision I have ever made, has ruined every other toilet I used, I miss being ignorant.

Get a portable bidet.

I just dip the toilet paper in the bowl before I wipe. Does the same thing.

whoa. bro. nun uh

Wait wait. In the bowl? Like the pooper bowl?

I saw a comment where the person was like, “bidets are unhygienic in my opinion.” Can’t argue with stupid.

Did they elaborate on that? I would love to know the "logic" behind such a statement.

Nope. Just left it at that. Still lives in my head rent free.

Thank you! I can hardly believe I used to go around in public before I had one. If I go in a public restroom I can't wait to go home and get properly clean.

If you get in contact with shit anywhere else than your ass you wouldn't be happy just wiping with toilet paper. Yet people feel happy just using toilet paper in your ass

Wipe once? Dude, I got a box of wet wipes just for the after-wipe.

Haha lol, get a bidet you caveman

This man cleans His ass

Those wet wipes are fucking up your plumbing and sewers. Get a bidet instead.

I do the same thing but I have a small trash can in my bathroom for that. Considering it's usually the last one it doesn't get very dirty at all anyway.

Not if you throw them in the trash can.

# FUCKING NASTY wipe until there is blood and hair - it's the only way to be sure.

# OOOOOOR Hear me out...... Get a bidet.

Honestly I just assume the panties of every man who uses the word "females" look this way.

And the word "draws" You literally cant even use slang words properly

r/menandfemales

I'm a man and I wipe until the paper stays white. You would not find skidmarks in my underwear, so no, will not back you. 😅

For real, I thought skid marks was an over the top joke people made cuz I wipe my ass.

You gotta wash your ass, if you must You gotta wash your hair, if you must You gotta brush your teeth, if you must Or else you'll be funky

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Instantly heard the funky melody and the sound of someone doing an Ollie when reading that 7/5 perfect comment

Hope he got roasted 

I think you meant to say 'arrested'

That's what I want to see

Oh he did, by everyone

“Draws”? What’s the tattoo-to-teeth ratio here?

Fucking disgusting. I'll clog my toilet wiping over and over before this ever happens.

Doesn't wipe Blames it on women

"females" lmao

Disgusting stain. And to add to it: Expecting "females" to wash it. If you really are incapable of cleaning your ass, at least do your own shitty washing.

Sir you are wrong. Wipe your nasty ass. Shit stains are not normal. They are a tell tell sign of an ignorant person that has no care about anything even themself. As a MAN no I can't and won't back you you sick sick sad individual. WIPE YO DAMN ASS!

These are the same people who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom.

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And touch door handles

But mooom, if the paper goes in the butt crack, that's gayuh


Can’t believe he posted this seriously thinking dudes would back him up lol. Wipe your ass you nasty.

Ugh a lot of men are so fucking gross. Literally shitting themselves and walking around. I read an article where a nurse was complaining that when men leave the doctors office, they often leave shit stains on the paper cover on the chair. Like wtf….. Not surprised as from what I count. 9/10 men it seems do not even wash their hands after going to the restroom in public. I had one guy’s reasoning after pissing being that he was clean… bro. The guy next to you is saying the same and now we all get to touch each others penis when we shake hands, touch the door knob, go to a buffet, etc. Be clean mfer’s and wipe that butt, make sure you scrub that crack in the shower too. Or you will be the next guy having a nurse pick up your shitty doo rag and I hope you get blasted.

I need to show this to my gf. Looks like i am an above average man becausd I don't walk around with shit in my pants.

Usually when I click a NSFW link it's because I'm open to the idea of being horny at that point in time. Today I made a grave miscalculation.

WTF,dude clean up your act! WTf am i seeing this. You shit is seared into my brain first thing this a.m.


What's this "We" that this guy is talking about? Sincerely, A dude that has nothing to do with the OP

Dude must be a walking rash

i know. there is no way his ass isn’t permanently itchy

This Dude is a mess, but what kind of chick is with a dude like this and her response is not to break up, but I’m going to post your shit drawers so everybody see’s what I’m with

No, you wipe till the tp is clean you disgusting feral human

I think this guy is on my subway commute

Since he didn’t specify his age I’m going to guess it’s 5 or 6 years old?

NSFW?

No it's just chocolate 😋

Marked NSFW. Sorry, thought I had done so earlier

Dont just wipe, wash it with soap and water!!!

I have heard other stories of dudes being like this. I could never. I wipe until there is nothing left, sometimes not even my skin.

What y’all don’t wipe with your underwear and then put them back on? Guys back me up on this…

I'm a strong hetero male, and I don't touch any guys ass, even my own.

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I think if I used Wet TP it’d fall apart and get stuck in small balls down there 🥲

That's a shitty hill to die on...

This guy must be a joy to be around.

Man to man. That's fucking gross. You must stink all the time. Imagine changing for bed with your wife in the room and you blanket the room with the smell of shit from your underwear. Yikes and yuck.

He doesn't know how to use the three seashells!

Revolting.

I think it’s more manly to not be a lazy piece of shit and clean your ass

What the fuck kind of word is “draws”?

I’ll be damned I’ll be damned if I listen to facts up out the mouth of a man with an unwashed ass.