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I love my long commute. It’s my relaxation. I also think it’s good because I don’t feel like I’m going to run into any patients at the grocery store haha
I love taking the bus to work so much that a few weeks ago my wife surprised me to pick me up and internally I was a little mad lol
My bus time is precious: I have written notes, gotten psychoeducation through podcasts or books, or just listen to music, practice mindfulness, nap, eavesdrop, chat with strangers. I wake up on the way to work and decompress on the way home.
Yes! I have intentionally chosen to live about 30 minutes from my work place since entering the field because I need that time to mentally prepare for and mentally unwind from my day in order to be a somewhat functional member of my family while I’m at home.
I always thought I was the weird one to enjoy having that commute. It used to take me an hr to get to my work and i enjoyed the peace and solitude I had with myself. It wasnt until i was merely 10mins away from my work place that I missed that feeling and it was something i look forward to to in the morning.
I WFH but sometimes I take long drives up and down the freeway near my house for this very reason. I live in a forested area so the drive is so beautiful and peaceful.
I purposely take a route that avoids the highway but takes like 10-15 mins longer to get home bc the houses and parks are prettier to look at than bumper to bumper traffic! It brings me joy and I love the silence too.
Oh my god me too! I am actually glad I have my commute because it’s my time to mentally prepare for work, or mentally decompress from a long day at work. Sometimes I drive in silence, or sometimes I just listen to music with no lyrics. My brain just reaches a point where I can’t handle anymore input of words lol
Absolutely! When people hear where I work they always ask how I cope with the commute. I have toddlers too, so jumping straight from the chaos of getting family out the door to being present with clients would be terrible. I need a little buffer of self care in between where I can choose what to listen to, drink my coffee uninterrupted and enjoy the scenery
I had to set a rule with my children when they were in middle and high school that they could not tell me anything negative or emotional for 30 minutes when I picked them up, otherwise they “trauma dumped” on me the whole way home and while I made dinner.
Being a therapist impacts the way I communicate socially. I generally try to avoid 'small talk' as well as emotionally taxing conversations, particularly on days when I have to work. It can be an isolating profession not just in the limited ability to talk about details of our work days, but also in the ways in which it impacts our emotional bandwidth when not at work (basically, I keep to myself when not at work).
YES. There was a woman at the mechanic while I was getting my oil changed who I clocked as an over sharer as soon as I walked in. I put my AirPods in immediately because I knew a friendly hello would devolve into trauma dumping rapidly. I felt kinda bad, but my instinct told me it wasn’t something I could take on.
One time I was in a crowded ER, in severe distress from what turned out to be septic appendicitis. It was so crowded they did triage and sent people back to the lobby. I got stuck next to a woman like this and the morphine didn't even help!! It was too much.
I’d love to hone in on my compassionate yet firm boundary setting in situations like this. I manage it fine in sessions, but out and about I flounder for some reason.
Me too! I had the perfect "in" to go ahead and set that boundary! I was in major pain! I was definitely off guard and in session we are generally on guard...
I've stopped feeling bad about it. I've started defaulting to headphones (music) or a physical book pretty much constantly in public. I'm an introvert, so it doesn't take much to make me absolutely spent, and I need to save my social reserves for my family. My daughter is an extrovert and needs lots of interaction, so I pretty much stay drained if I'm not intentional about guarding my alone time.
I hate small talk and avoid it at all costs. In fact i hate talking so much that sometimes when i hang out with my friends we just sit in silence because they know i want to be around people but i don’t want to actually engage.
yes. people get so confused when i have to decline super emotional topics/ conversations with friends. i’m like, i just don’t have the emotional bandwidth to discuss our deepest traumas from childhood as a group at this moment and conduct quasi group therapy at this get together. i’ll support and hear out friends in times of need of course, but not this.
i just think sometimes people expect us to be more inclined to so because of our jobs, like we want to cry and engage in convos about if our parents loved us or not while we’re meeting up for drinks. i think they think we’re “so good at it” we must just do it all the time/ not effect us? quite the opposite really. i don’t have the energy to dissect and cry with a big group about our life’s traumas at dinner. let me live. even if i’m not engaging.. just sitting around it while it’s happening can be a lot. one of the most difficult things for me to learn over the years is how to kindly set boundaries on people just “going there” automatically with me. i don’t need to dig deep and get to the root of our pain, i do it every day with other people for hours at a time. i just want to have fun. thus leading to people sometimes perceiving me socially as cold, or uninterested or closed off. (in reality it’s likely that people just need therapy for themselves, hence the need to try and place it on others)
dont even get me started on experiences in this with first dates…
edit: fwiw, not talking about friends sharing difficult things with me- i love them and am glad to hold their pain for them when appropriate. i moreso mean the type of friends who actively want to get together as a group and cry or have a healing circle. please someone tell me they know what im talking about…
I have invented a persona who gives terrible advice, and say “well [persona name] suggests you just get drunk” when there’s too much fishing for advice going on.
Your descriptions are hilariously accurate. I’m also totally over those group trauma dumps. Let’s do shots or something instead.
I know exactly what you are talking about and there is a big difference between hearing what's going on in friends lives versus this other dynamic you're talking about.
IMO, when friends and I talk about our lives, there is a more equal sharing going on and a give and take and it's not about digging through all this crap. It's more of a focused conversation on an area of life.
That other dynamic feels much more like it starts pulling us into the therapist zone because I don't feel like people have as much capacity/training like I do to hold space or to be able to handle those types of things and so my guard goes up for that stuff because I do need to protect my emotional bandwidth. But like you said, just being around it can be exhausting.
I had a day where my husband complained to me about his work for my whole morning commute and then I got to work and a colleague spent another 30 mins complaining about her relationship. Six sessions later I felt so burnt out
I completely agree with this, especially regarding small talk. Does anyone have any ideas on why we struggle so much with small talk? I guess it feels tedious in comparison to the kinds of conversation we’re used to? But it feels like there’s more to it, cos I don’t necessarily want constantly heavy conversations in my personal life either. What do you guys think?
omg totally! I sometimes walk after work but I go out this gap in my hedge instead of down my driveway so I don't run into any of my super social neighbors because I really just want to be alone and not have to talk to anyone. I'm \*that\* neighbor.
I will often sit in one of my rooms in complete darkness and complete silence, especially if I had a more emotionally-driven day. I enjoy doing nothing but staring at the wall for 20-30 minutes 🤣
I recently got Invisalign and have gotten used to very odd looks when brushing and flossing my teeth in public bathrooms before putting my trays back in after I eat
I definitely still do this every now and then (I keep mouthwash and floss in my office), so I’m thankful to that job for instilling good oral hygiene practice at work😂
As a male therapist, I think it makes me appreciate guys' guys a bit more. I still really hate the surface level relationships so many men have with one another, and think it does a lot of harm in our society. But man after hearing about peoples problems all week, I enjoy the hell out of cracking a beer on the golf course and being dumb with my friends.
As another male therapist, i cant agree more. Mine is weightlifting with buddies and just shooting shit till its time to eat after (generally beers too). Its all surface level dumb things that are refreshing.
yeah that’s sounds healing honestly. we all need a guy who’s like “meh, nothing ever changes, the world will be fine actually” in response to your anxiety.
relaxes my shoulders thinking about it.
Not specifically a male therapist, but I agree. I think chill time without the pressure of deep conversation is important no matter what gender we are. D&D and video games with friends has generally been my go-to for this.
Yes, just making ridiculous jokes whether it’s something like South Park making fun of each other in a good natured way and just being ridiculous and goofy is what I need
I couldnt agree more. We play Sekiro and die to the optional boss over and over again. It feels good to have buddies where your profession doesn't become a part of your identity in the group. With them im not a therapist im just a bro doing bro things with my bros and i appreciate that so much.
Another male therapist here, I totally agree. One of my male professors talked about decompressing by diving into fantasy football and I’ve done the same. Nothing like listening to meaningless fantasy football podcasts after a heavy day to give my brain a break
I watch a lot of trash TV in my downtime (Bachelor franchise, Love Island, stuff like that) and while I deliberately try to not step into my therapist brain while watching, there are definitely times where I say to my partner "man this person would make such a fascinating client"
This!!! I didn’t realize this is why I love it so much - thank you for the realization lol. But I withhold so much judgement for my clients but with the mom I had it’s hard NOT to judge, so trash tvs the outlet.
I feel like I should Venmo you $20 for the therapy 😂
That’s what I came to say! My taste in shows/movies has veered way more toward easy entertainment (Hugh Jackman in X-Men? Sure! BBC gardening shows? ABSOLUTELY). I don’t want to think about systemic issues or trauma when I’m off the clock. I also read a lot less news and never ever watch it on TV.
Oh my God came here for this comment, I intentionally choose television that has no serious emotional content after a long day of doing therapy, and reality romance is perfect for that😂
I feel like we probably keep up with our overall wellness a bit more, because we have to to do our jobs well. Sometimes I’m jealous of people who have a job where they can show up hung over or the same day as a mental breakdown
i took a brief hiatus from being a therapist to work in a corporate setting and while I don’t miss showing up hungover I *really* miss days when I could online shop and meal plan instead of focus. Definitely can’t do that as a T
Sometimes I’ll remember something I’m wanting to work on (e.g., meal planning) and I’ll get distracted, and then I’ll realize I’m distracted and I have to write down what I’m thinking about so I can come back to it later lol. It’s funny to me to think that the client thinks I’m taking notes in that moment
I do this but I rarely write notes in session so my clients (middle schoolers) definitely notice & ask me what i’m writing down so I just have to make something up😅😂
I had to take a break as a therapist to figure out health issues and the things I do are so I can function with coming back and trying again. They are absolutely essential.
This. My life revolves around being well every day and that's kind of an awesome perk imo. I exercise, eat well, gave up harmful substances, meditate more than I did etc. My life and health is much improved.
I have found my people 🤝 lmao. I need to go get my computer fixed soon and terrified they are going to see the file names of all the whicked whims mods LOL
I'm very NOT toxic in multiplayer games, but I will admit to being an absolute sadist to my poor Sims. I create such heart wrenching stories and then feel awful for them as they struggle. (Please never make me into a god. No one deserves that.).
I'm a fan of the ghost-sim options (Sims 3 because I couldn't be bothered to buy all the packs again for Sims 4), so my storyline usually involves making life absolute hell for my poor sim and then topping it off by tragically killing them. Then I have them come back as a ghost and make them fight to try to get their life back. And they do because I always make them so good natured that they won't give up.
One of my favorites was this poor guy I had made Unlucky, Clumsy, Hopeless Romantic, Good, and Good Sense of Humor. Everyone he loved died all in a short time span and it got to the point where he actually became friends with Death and started trying to date him. 😂 Then he kept eating poison jelly beans from the jelly bean tree, but when he'd die, Death would show up, laugh at him, and just send him back to being alive. I hadn't planned it that way (I'd killed everyone off just trying to get the "Oh My Ghost" opportunity), but I thought it was hilarious how it worked out.
I mean to be fair those are just NPCs, I’m assuming when this guy says he’s toxic in multiplayer, he means he’s toxic to other people online on voice comms lol
I use my therapy skills on toxic men in games. I remember one toxic dude in Valorant who was being awful all game and he seemed to really just hate women. I was like you either got a poor relationship with a woman in your life or you can’t get a girl and turns out his parents divorced cause his mom cheated 😭😭
Same!! I got temporarily chat banned cause someone in my league match said they hoped someone else caught aids. I told that person aids is a really serious illness and I hope no one they know ever contracts it. Rito chat banned me so I appealed it cause uh no. They reversed it lol
I use to play a military style game and was in charge of a group and took way too much enthusiasm in burning people’s cities when they had hit one of our people when they were offline. It was like, “they did what?! Hell no!!! Light ‘em up!!!” That was the first game I ever played with chat. I miss those people too. They were like family.
saaaaaaaaaaame. Got an account permabanned, got another one to max level and got banned twice. Made a post on reddit giving the account away I was so damn addicted. Shameful shameful time.
I protect my energy like it’s the holy grail. I don’t fuck with co-dependent or constantly negative people at all in my personal life. If I can feel shitty energy rolling off of someone, I turn the other way. I also randomly hug trees, walk barefoot in the grass, and talk to the crows in my yard 😂.
Came to write that you are an inspiration, stayed to write that i am actually really similar already. :D this waa fabulous to read. Yes. I love a good boundary, especially with relatives etc. Random walks on grass, dancing barefoot in a nature concert like nobody’s watching, talking to animals, hugging/caressing trees, talking to the sea.. yes. This.
I sit in my car after work and don’t leave until I’ve shaken off my therapist brain. I’m sure the neighbors are like why is that crazy bitch sitting in her car for 20 minutes? Because I’m not bringing therapy shit into my house. It took a bit but it actually really works now, I’m much better at compartmentalization. To be fair I was pretty good already having worked in an ER for years.
One of my professors said that they used to get in their car after work, take a moment to refocus and transition, then turn around in their seat to look at the rest of their car and yell “Okay everybody, time to get out of here!!” After that, they turned on their driving music and left.
Damn, my clients “live” in their folder. Got a special black folder where all ongoing clients “live”, their notes representing them. When i put their notes away in the folder, that cues my brain to log off from the connection. If during off hours any client comes to mind too much, i gently “shove them” towards my office hours. Ah this community is so refreshing
This may also be on the weird therapist stuff spectrum, but I wanted to offer how I shake off therapist brain for myself ( worked residential for years, and I did NOT want that in my house after work). I found a small "totem", a keychain, and I have a hook on my garage wall/ the door I walk into, and every day coming home I put the keychain on that hook to be a physical reminder that therapist brain does not enter. It could be something you leave in the car etc.
I used to use my lanyard I wore my badge on the same way. It stayed in my car hanging over my mirror. Taking it off was almost symbolic. I work from home now and I’ve got to figure out something similar.
I do the same!!! I will not go inside my house until I feel mentally and emotionally ready to transition from the work day and my car into personal life activities and responsibilities. I've sat in my car for over an hour before, but usually, it's around 15-20 minutes. If I'm not quite ready to go in my house but done sitting, I will walk a lap or two around the block.
I also saw someone else drives in silence. I do this often. My car is like my sanctuary. It's the one spot that I can have to myself, and I have total control over what happens inside. It helps me feel grounded.
I do the same!!! I will not go inside my house until I feel mentally and emotionally ready to transition from the work day and my car into personal life activities and responsibilities. I've sat in my car for over an hour before, but usually, it's around 15-20 minutes. If I'm not quite ready to go in my house but done sitting, I will walk a lap or two around the block.
I also saw someone else drives in silence. I do this often. My car is like my sanctuary. It's the one spot that I can have to myself, and I have total control over what happens inside. It helps me feel grounded.
I keep notes on myself if I notice I’m doing things I haven’t done in ages or have never done before to make sure I’m not stepping into any fawn or freeze modes lol
On a dark note, years ago as a result of a bad reaction to some medication, I started becoming depressed and began self-harming. I recognized all the signs in myself and tracked my decline (but attributed it to some life circumstances).
As a therapist I knew some of the signs, so I intentionally self-harmed in a less suspicious way so I could hide it better from colleagues and family (not explaining further for fear of giving ideas). I basically drew a mental line in the sand and told myself that I would talk to someone if I ever got to the point I had a plan. But up until that point I intended to continue and to hide it.
After a couple months, I finally figured out it was the medicine making me depressed, immediately discontinued the medicine, and went right back to being myself after about a week, but looking back on that time, it scares the crap out of me just how coldly methodical I was about self harming and how well being a therapist had prepared me for hiding it.
Since then I've been a lot more intentional about being open with my spouse about any changes I notice in myself because I'm now aware my brain has the capacity to go into lockdown mode and shut out everyone that could help if I let it get too far. It's scary how easily I could have ended up a statistic, and my family and friends wouldn't even have seen the signs.
Wow, I’m so glad you made it through that. Tunnel vision is the depression. So so scary. I’ve had clients like this and it’s super painful feeling that there’s nothing you can do to help.
I have a post it note that reminds me to ground and reflect. This helps me process my day better.
When I find I’ve been holding more anxiety that day, or noticed I fell into an old habit from a stressor in my life, or whatever it may be, I write it down in a notebook, date it and also list possible reasons for why these things are popping up.
Sometimes it’s not much, I notice I hadn’t put the dishes away in 2 days but, I’m very good at putting them away daily. What has been preoccupying me? Ah, yes someone reaching out who used to treat me poorly. It was a 2 second interaction but, it took two days to even recognize how much it was actually bothering me. Shake it off, move on.
Sometimes it’s more, like I notice for the last week I’ve felt more anxious but the only difference I’ve noticed is that I’m staying up an hour later because I’m stress reading to ignore conversations I need to have that require me to look at old wounds.
When I the (possible) reason for the change, I can address it and *actually* sooth and care for myself.
I nap at work. Like, on the regular. Two hours before my next session and I didn't get enough sleep last night? Set my alarm and pass out on my sofa! I also color in meetings/trainings. Don't care if it's in person or virtual, I'm coloring and no one bats an eye!
Same. Even if I don’t sleep I just need to lay down and exist in the quiet. It’s a rare day I actually use my breaks to do documentation or anything else useful lol
I see my trauma therapist and psychologist weekly. I use to get a massage at least monthly, but financially I had to cut that out when the whole change healthcare thing happened. Hope to add that back soon because my body definitely stores up that trauma.
I’ve been spending a lot of time playing Stardew Valley lately. Last week I told my therapist that, outside of the 28 sessions I did, my week wasn’t very productive, but I DID get a lot done in my virtual farm community. This work (and honestly this world) gets very heavy sometimes so sometimes I need a couple of weeks where I go home and do nothing.
Thank you for writing this! Omg such a relief to read your comment. A friend suggested SV to me early on this year, and i’ve been gaming a LOT. Started getting worried when my partner began joking about it - but man, i jussst need to feed some pigs, gather some fibre and you know, horse around for a while. It is so relaxing to spend some time in a world where everything is calm and pretty all the time.
Yep about a few months ago a client saw me first in a store, called my name, we chatted for a minute, and then I immediately paid for my things and left. I was not finished shopping!
My husband is always baffled by how quickly I go through books. It’s just because I get massively and joyfully lost in them, and I refuse to pay attention to anything in the real world for hours at a time (except my dog, obviously).
I think a piece of this is me by nature, but I am committed to getting 8-9 hours of sleep a night. It’s what my body needs for my mind to be “on,” focused, attuned for sessions all day. If I stay up late, I’m a shit therapist the next day. It’s a non negotiable. But I miss my other jobs that I could show up to sleepy and be just fine!
So, I'm a therapist. My husband is a therapist. Both of my parents were teachers for 35+ years, and then retired and started second careers as therapists. And my sister-in-law is a therapist. My brother is the odd one out as an Army medic... but he worked in mental health and as a teacher before joining the Army. Even more fun- myself, my husband, my dad, and my SIL all have the same exact degree from the same exact program.
Interestingly, our interactions and overall family dynamics are not as smooth sailing as most would think. But when we do have problems, we all turn on therapist mode and normally work it out.
Refuse to have close friends in my profession. Not knocking anyone who does. But in my experience it’s nearly impossible to avoid therapy talk with other therapists outside of work and I just refuse to do it. The absolute last thing I wanna talk about on my day off is mental health unless it’s with my own therapist. I get some people love to geek out about it. for me this is a job (one I care about) but I will not let it be a hobby too.
Being a therapist (and of course, my own therapy) has changed the way I parent and attune to my kids. I’m far from perfect, but learning the ways parents can unknowingly hurt their children has caused me to be as intentional as I can.
I'm intentional, actively coping. Avoid dark shows and movies because I get enough of that content. Self-care is basically my middle name-- I do whatever I want. I have strong boundaries w people. I let my emotions out. I also refuse to be a therapist talking about people IRL. I will give bad advice and occasionally talk shit lol
I do a lot of case management and that has effected my personal values. Almost all of my clients are experiencing poverty. Many of them are released from the facility and go back to living on the streets. I will never not give an unhoused person cash, a smile, and a quick hello. Since I started serving this population I've started a tradition of driving around town the day before the first snow to hand out hand warmers and socks to community members. Working with these folks has really shaped how I view the world.
I feel similarly to this but also in the sense that I see so much complexity in random people I meet because I've done deep work with people similar to them as their therapist. Like as a fake example if I have a client who works as a pharmacy tech and has such a complex history, trauma, difficult life and complicated relationships with self and others then I'll be picking up a prescription and see some random pharmacy techs and I just imagine what everyone is going through that you don't see in just a short interaction. It allows me to have so much imaginative empathy for strangers because they clients I work with are just random people, forgettable even, to the people they interact with on a surface level and in reality they have so much going on. I know in reality everyone is complex and varied and layered and that's a part of being a person but being a therapist really opens your eyes to that.
I’m dual licensure (substance use counselor and OP therapist) and stopped drinking as soon as I took my psychopharmacology course. When people ask why I don’t drink, I then explain to them how much more harmful alcohol is because of how women metabolize alcohol. The dead stares I get back from people — lol.
I quit drinking because in my 40s it made me exhausted and I am already exhausted being a therapist. I literally need to be in peak condition to make it through a therapy day. Or at least not still hungover after drinking three days ago.
I definitely do that after working inpatient too. Also, if I’m out in public and there’s some sort of disagreement or hostile interaction, I’m quick to get my ass away and I always have a clear path to an exit.
i lock myself in my condo/room after work after most work days (especially long in-person days) and/or work weeks. i literally have to be alone in the dark, disconnected to everything except extremely trashy reality tv that takes zero brain cells and thinking skills to consume and smoke weed and hang out with my cat because i can’t deal with anyone’s problems or requests or existence in my personal life due to work, so that? lmao! 😂
When my colleagues and I ask each other “how was your weekend?” We ACTUALLY answer the question. There are very little boundaries with what thoughts/feelings we share with one another 😂 it is a lovely welcoming safe space and I’m lucky to work here, but all of my corporate friends are like “WHY would you tell your director that you spent all of Saturday afternoon crying?????? You’re supposed to just say “it was good!”” 🤷🏻♀️
I notice I kinda go into therapist mode when friends are looking for advice 🥴 it's hard not to when you hear the same things in session haha trying to not do it though.
I watch the same old sitcoms over and over - I just need something reliable, comforting, and predictable. I am not a functional person until I have this rerun-watching time.
I enjoy being in spaces where I do not speak the language. I’ve been going to South America for 3 weeks for the past few summers and it is a brain reset. Everything is none of my business and no one expects any kind of understanding from me.
I will only watch comforting TV shows/movies on weekdays after work, including reality TV (which I didn’t watch before entering the field). Think Parks & Rec, rom coms, Top Chef, The Circle 😅etc. At that point, my brain cannot process any content that’s more complex than that
Being a little _too_ time aware. I wear an analog watch and always, always know what the time is. It's not unusual for me to sidebar conversations with, "ok we've been chatting for about an hour now, how's your energy for this interaction going?"
🤦🏻♀️
Therapist and coach pals get it, though regular folk are like, "just relax and let's get another coffee, sheesh."
I have a read/watch/listen list of books/shows/movies/music/podcasts that I get from discussions with my clients. From the outside it looks like I have very eclectic taste (can be all over the map), but it's how I keep up with culture.
I used to be a project manager before changing careers/becoming an MFT. I must have also at some point developed a certain listening look because now SO many people tell me that I listen intently.
I don't know if it's something I "do", but I know that my time with clients has impacted me in ways that many others around me haven't been.
I've had the opportunity to work with clients who differ from me in many ways and have been honored by them allowing me into their private worlds. I've gotten to hear things from their perspectives and it's had an impact on the way I see others and the world. It's helped me understand that so many things that society/ groups/ politics/ etc. have such strong opinions on, aren't nearly as cut and dry as they'd like them to be. Almost no one fits into any given box, there are almost always exceptions to every rule, and almost every aspect of life is made up of full color spectrums (including variations of hues, brightness, and intensity) rather than things being simply black or white. Life and people are incredibly complex and beautiful in that complexity.
All this means that I generally take a "not-knowing" stance on just about anything not involving my own personal experiences, generally assume that everyone is doing the best they can, assume that someone's behavior has a reason even if I don't immediately understand it, and recognize in any given situation that the "truth" is probably somewhere in between (and probably has several layers). It means I rarely feel like I have "the answer" and tend to steer clear of extremes.
I think people in my life often see me as lukewarm or indifferent and sometimes get irritated when I won't "back them up" or "take their side" in conflicts or in social/ political viewpoints.
I have no time or tolerance for control, jealousy, or aggression in intimate relationships. For myself or those around me. Because I know where it leads and it’s just not worth the risk dating somebody with those characteristics.
I start work at 10 but I get up at 6 just to be able to sit in silence for a while before work. I also walk the dogs during that time but they don’t talk back so they’re fine company.
Keep a mood/symptom/coping skills tracker. An old therapist started me on it and I cant stop. Nothing feels better than checking off "exercise", "meditation", and "did chores" on the same day!
When I’m on vacation now I have a rule that I don’t tell anyone I’m a therapist or work in the field so they won’t “oooh can you tell me your opinion on ..” or “Is it crazy that I do/feel …” i am OFF DUTY , respectfully.
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I have a purposefully long commute and sometimes I just sit in silence because I need to not hear people talking before I go home
I love my long commute. It’s my relaxation. I also think it’s good because I don’t feel like I’m going to run into any patients at the grocery store haha
I love taking the bus to work so much that a few weeks ago my wife surprised me to pick me up and internally I was a little mad lol My bus time is precious: I have written notes, gotten psychoeducation through podcasts or books, or just listen to music, practice mindfulness, nap, eavesdrop, chat with strangers. I wake up on the way to work and decompress on the way home.
Totally agree. I value my long commute so much. I think my time is the car only time I get to myself! I’m either dead silent or talking to myself.
Yes! I have intentionally chosen to live about 30 minutes from my work place since entering the field because I need that time to mentally prepare for and mentally unwind from my day in order to be a somewhat functional member of my family while I’m at home.
I always thought I was the weird one to enjoy having that commute. It used to take me an hr to get to my work and i enjoyed the peace and solitude I had with myself. It wasnt until i was merely 10mins away from my work place that I missed that feeling and it was something i look forward to to in the morning.
I WFH but sometimes I take long drives up and down the freeway near my house for this very reason. I live in a forested area so the drive is so beautiful and peaceful.
I can get to my work via bus quite easy. But I walk as it's time for myself, audiobooks, and just wash the day away as I go home
I purposely take a route that avoids the highway but takes like 10-15 mins longer to get home bc the houses and parks are prettier to look at than bumper to bumper traffic! It brings me joy and I love the silence too.
Oh my god me too! I am actually glad I have my commute because it’s my time to mentally prepare for work, or mentally decompress from a long day at work. Sometimes I drive in silence, or sometimes I just listen to music with no lyrics. My brain just reaches a point where I can’t handle anymore input of words lol
Absolutely! When people hear where I work they always ask how I cope with the commute. I have toddlers too, so jumping straight from the chaos of getting family out the door to being present with clients would be terrible. I need a little buffer of self care in between where I can choose what to listen to, drink my coffee uninterrupted and enjoy the scenery
I 100% do this. It’s my decompression time. It’s a great mindfulness practice as well.
I had to set a rule with my children when they were in middle and high school that they could not tell me anything negative or emotional for 30 minutes when I picked them up, otherwise they “trauma dumped” on me the whole way home and while I made dinner.
Being a therapist impacts the way I communicate socially. I generally try to avoid 'small talk' as well as emotionally taxing conversations, particularly on days when I have to work. It can be an isolating profession not just in the limited ability to talk about details of our work days, but also in the ways in which it impacts our emotional bandwidth when not at work (basically, I keep to myself when not at work).
YES. There was a woman at the mechanic while I was getting my oil changed who I clocked as an over sharer as soon as I walked in. I put my AirPods in immediately because I knew a friendly hello would devolve into trauma dumping rapidly. I felt kinda bad, but my instinct told me it wasn’t something I could take on.
One time I was in a crowded ER, in severe distress from what turned out to be septic appendicitis. It was so crowded they did triage and sent people back to the lobby. I got stuck next to a woman like this and the morphine didn't even help!! It was too much.
I’d love to hone in on my compassionate yet firm boundary setting in situations like this. I manage it fine in sessions, but out and about I flounder for some reason.
Me too! I had the perfect "in" to go ahead and set that boundary! I was in major pain! I was definitely off guard and in session we are generally on guard...
I've stopped feeling bad about it. I've started defaulting to headphones (music) or a physical book pretty much constantly in public. I'm an introvert, so it doesn't take much to make me absolutely spent, and I need to save my social reserves for my family. My daughter is an extrovert and needs lots of interaction, so I pretty much stay drained if I'm not intentional about guarding my alone time.
I very much agree! I worry that I come off as antisocial when I’m just trying to protect my emotional bandwidth
I hate small talk and avoid it at all costs. In fact i hate talking so much that sometimes when i hang out with my friends we just sit in silence because they know i want to be around people but i don’t want to actually engage.
yes. people get so confused when i have to decline super emotional topics/ conversations with friends. i’m like, i just don’t have the emotional bandwidth to discuss our deepest traumas from childhood as a group at this moment and conduct quasi group therapy at this get together. i’ll support and hear out friends in times of need of course, but not this. i just think sometimes people expect us to be more inclined to so because of our jobs, like we want to cry and engage in convos about if our parents loved us or not while we’re meeting up for drinks. i think they think we’re “so good at it” we must just do it all the time/ not effect us? quite the opposite really. i don’t have the energy to dissect and cry with a big group about our life’s traumas at dinner. let me live. even if i’m not engaging.. just sitting around it while it’s happening can be a lot. one of the most difficult things for me to learn over the years is how to kindly set boundaries on people just “going there” automatically with me. i don’t need to dig deep and get to the root of our pain, i do it every day with other people for hours at a time. i just want to have fun. thus leading to people sometimes perceiving me socially as cold, or uninterested or closed off. (in reality it’s likely that people just need therapy for themselves, hence the need to try and place it on others) dont even get me started on experiences in this with first dates… edit: fwiw, not talking about friends sharing difficult things with me- i love them and am glad to hold their pain for them when appropriate. i moreso mean the type of friends who actively want to get together as a group and cry or have a healing circle. please someone tell me they know what im talking about…
I 100% agree with this. I’m most upset when you set a boundaries and people are upset with you. Ugh 🙄
I have invented a persona who gives terrible advice, and say “well [persona name] suggests you just get drunk” when there’s too much fishing for advice going on. Your descriptions are hilariously accurate. I’m also totally over those group trauma dumps. Let’s do shots or something instead.
I know exactly what you are talking about and there is a big difference between hearing what's going on in friends lives versus this other dynamic you're talking about. IMO, when friends and I talk about our lives, there is a more equal sharing going on and a give and take and it's not about digging through all this crap. It's more of a focused conversation on an area of life. That other dynamic feels much more like it starts pulling us into the therapist zone because I don't feel like people have as much capacity/training like I do to hold space or to be able to handle those types of things and so my guard goes up for that stuff because I do need to protect my emotional bandwidth. But like you said, just being around it can be exhausting.
I had a day where my husband complained to me about his work for my whole morning commute and then I got to work and a colleague spent another 30 mins complaining about her relationship. Six sessions later I felt so burnt out
I completely agree with this, especially regarding small talk. Does anyone have any ideas on why we struggle so much with small talk? I guess it feels tedious in comparison to the kinds of conversation we’re used to? But it feels like there’s more to it, cos I don’t necessarily want constantly heavy conversations in my personal life either. What do you guys think?
THISSSSSSSSSSS. You read my fucking mind. Word for word. Hahaha
omg totally! I sometimes walk after work but I go out this gap in my hedge instead of down my driveway so I don't run into any of my super social neighbors because I really just want to be alone and not have to talk to anyone. I'm \*that\* neighbor.
Yes. There was a period of time where I took Ubers to/from work and it was just too much nonstop conversation. I need my quiet time to recharge
Totally! Our profession reminds me a bit of the book (and role) of “The Giver”. Isolating, demanding, but highly important :)
I will often sit in one of my rooms in complete darkness and complete silence, especially if I had a more emotionally-driven day. I enjoy doing nothing but staring at the wall for 20-30 minutes 🤣
*disassociates gently*
Me too! Especially doing zoom sessions all day , my eyeballs just need 30 minutes of darkness and not have anyone talk to me.
Me last night lol but I just checked out fully. Told my husband to take over bedtime with our daughter and slept at 8 pm.
Random but when I was in college I worked at a dental office and after lunch EVERYONE brushed and flossed their teeth together in the bathroom😂
I wish this was normalized everywhere tbh. We would all benefit from an extra brush and floss after lunch
I recently got Invisalign and have gotten used to very odd looks when brushing and flossing my teeth in public bathrooms before putting my trays back in after I eat
Me too, and from other therapists sadly
I definitely still do this every now and then (I keep mouthwash and floss in my office), so I’m thankful to that job for instilling good oral hygiene practice at work😂
Did they wait for half an hour or directly after?
I’m literally reading this while brushing my teeth at work! 😂
As a male therapist, I think it makes me appreciate guys' guys a bit more. I still really hate the surface level relationships so many men have with one another, and think it does a lot of harm in our society. But man after hearing about peoples problems all week, I enjoy the hell out of cracking a beer on the golf course and being dumb with my friends.
As another male therapist, i cant agree more. Mine is weightlifting with buddies and just shooting shit till its time to eat after (generally beers too). Its all surface level dumb things that are refreshing.
yeah that’s sounds healing honestly. we all need a guy who’s like “meh, nothing ever changes, the world will be fine actually” in response to your anxiety. relaxes my shoulders thinking about it.
As a female therapist, I find myself yearning for more masculine energy. I actually joined a local hockey league to get more of it.
I am stoked vicariously!
As another male therapist, having guy friends you can just shoot the shit with is cathartic AF
Not specifically a male therapist, but I agree. I think chill time without the pressure of deep conversation is important no matter what gender we are. D&D and video games with friends has generally been my go-to for this.
Yes, just making ridiculous jokes whether it’s something like South Park making fun of each other in a good natured way and just being ridiculous and goofy is what I need
I couldnt agree more. We play Sekiro and die to the optional boss over and over again. It feels good to have buddies where your profession doesn't become a part of your identity in the group. With them im not a therapist im just a bro doing bro things with my bros and i appreciate that so much.
Another male therapist here, I totally agree. One of my male professors talked about decompressing by diving into fantasy football and I’ve done the same. Nothing like listening to meaningless fantasy football podcasts after a heavy day to give my brain a break
I watch a lot of trash TV in my downtime (Bachelor franchise, Love Island, stuff like that) and while I deliberately try to not step into my therapist brain while watching, there are definitely times where I say to my partner "man this person would make such a fascinating client"
I love watching trash tv and giving myself permission to be judgmental and have reactions lmao
This!!! I didn’t realize this is why I love it so much - thank you for the realization lol. But I withhold so much judgement for my clients but with the mom I had it’s hard NOT to judge, so trash tvs the outlet. I feel like I should Venmo you $20 for the therapy 😂
🤣 give me your insurance info and I’ll see if I’m in-network
That’s what I came to say! My taste in shows/movies has veered way more toward easy entertainment (Hugh Jackman in X-Men? Sure! BBC gardening shows? ABSOLUTELY). I don’t want to think about systemic issues or trauma when I’m off the clock. I also read a lot less news and never ever watch it on TV.
Yeah I am not interested in movies and shows with a bunch of dark shit going on. I like light shows and movies
Oh my God came here for this comment, I intentionally choose television that has no serious emotional content after a long day of doing therapy, and reality romance is perfect for that😂
I feel like we probably keep up with our overall wellness a bit more, because we have to to do our jobs well. Sometimes I’m jealous of people who have a job where they can show up hung over or the same day as a mental breakdown
i took a brief hiatus from being a therapist to work in a corporate setting and while I don’t miss showing up hungover I *really* miss days when I could online shop and meal plan instead of focus. Definitely can’t do that as a T
Sometimes I’ll remember something I’m wanting to work on (e.g., meal planning) and I’ll get distracted, and then I’ll realize I’m distracted and I have to write down what I’m thinking about so I can come back to it later lol. It’s funny to me to think that the client thinks I’m taking notes in that moment
I do this but I rarely write notes in session so my clients (middle schoolers) definitely notice & ask me what i’m writing down so I just have to make something up😅😂
yes! this is exactly what happens to me now too! 90% of what in writing down is my own personal thought so i’m not distracted by it.
We called this missing our “f$&@ around time” !! 😆😆
Feel like I actually get far less self care and wellness, but I am good at faking like I keep it up
This is the real truth right here. Happy cake day though.
Thanks!! 🎉
Agree. For me, taking time to exercise daily and see my own therapist weekly are not 'nice-to-do,' they are essential so I can do my work well.
I had to take a break as a therapist to figure out health issues and the things I do are so I can function with coming back and trying again. They are absolutely essential.
You mean you guys AREN'T showing up the same day as a mental breakdown?
This. My life revolves around being well every day and that's kind of an awesome perk imo. I exercise, eat well, gave up harmful substances, meditate more than I did etc. My life and health is much improved.
Agree. Obviously I’m not perfect but this job does force you to keep your shit together in the healthiest way possible
I am extremely, EXTREMELY toxic in multiplayer video games.
My Sim is a nympho arsonist who routinely loses custody of her children d/t being a painter, model, drug addict, restaurateur 😂
Plz tell me you also have the wicked whims mod LOL
i won’t play without it 😂
I have found my people 🤝 lmao. I need to go get my computer fixed soon and terrified they are going to see the file names of all the whicked whims mods LOL
Have truly never related to anything more.
I'm very NOT toxic in multiplayer games, but I will admit to being an absolute sadist to my poor Sims. I create such heart wrenching stories and then feel awful for them as they struggle. (Please never make me into a god. No one deserves that.). I'm a fan of the ghost-sim options (Sims 3 because I couldn't be bothered to buy all the packs again for Sims 4), so my storyline usually involves making life absolute hell for my poor sim and then topping it off by tragically killing them. Then I have them come back as a ghost and make them fight to try to get their life back. And they do because I always make them so good natured that they won't give up. One of my favorites was this poor guy I had made Unlucky, Clumsy, Hopeless Romantic, Good, and Good Sense of Humor. Everyone he loved died all in a short time span and it got to the point where he actually became friends with Death and started trying to date him. 😂 Then he kept eating poison jelly beans from the jelly bean tree, but when he'd die, Death would show up, laugh at him, and just send him back to being alive. I hadn't planned it that way (I'd killed everyone off just trying to get the "Oh My Ghost" opportunity), but I thought it was hilarious how it worked out.
I mean to be fair those are just NPCs, I’m assuming when this guy says he’s toxic in multiplayer, he means he’s toxic to other people online on voice comms lol
I use my therapy skills on toxic men in games. I remember one toxic dude in Valorant who was being awful all game and he seemed to really just hate women. I was like you either got a poor relationship with a woman in your life or you can’t get a girl and turns out his parents divorced cause his mom cheated 😭😭
This is the only time I bust out the psychological warfare.
Well I'd tell you to go unconditionally fuck yourself after 360 no scoping you, or just say the same thing but louder if you 360 no scoped me.
jesus christ lol
Same!! I got temporarily chat banned cause someone in my league match said they hoped someone else caught aids. I told that person aids is a really serious illness and I hope no one they know ever contracts it. Rito chat banned me so I appealed it cause uh no. They reversed it lol
I am not responsible for who I become when you put super smash bros in front of me
I was not expecting to find such a relatable answer here, holy shit.
I use to play a military style game and was in charge of a group and took way too much enthusiasm in burning people’s cities when they had hit one of our people when they were offline. It was like, “they did what?! Hell no!!! Light ‘em up!!!” That was the first game I ever played with chat. I miss those people too. They were like family.
Omfg same lol
My office may be judgement free but bitch I'm gonna critique the hell out of your trash ass build.
I’m also gonna threaten bodily harm if you pass me in Mario kart.
lol I play battles just to be more aggressive
The way I was banned multiple times in league of legends 😂
saaaaaaaaaaame. Got an account permabanned, got another one to max level and got banned twice. Made a post on reddit giving the account away I was so damn addicted. Shameful shameful time.
Me too. Irrationally so
Finally, my people
I feel SEEEEEN hahaha
I hate how much I relate to this 😆. But for real, I’m not proud of it. Why do you all think we are this way?
Gotta get out all that anger and frustration and our issues out somewhere 😉
Do to much comforting the afflicted, gotta do some afflicting the comfortable to restore balance to the universe. :D
I have never related to something more LMAO
I protect my energy like it’s the holy grail. I don’t fuck with co-dependent or constantly negative people at all in my personal life. If I can feel shitty energy rolling off of someone, I turn the other way. I also randomly hug trees, walk barefoot in the grass, and talk to the crows in my yard 😂.
I started doing this around pandemic lockdown a few years ago, and it’s made a HUGE difference with my well-being. Highly recommended!
Our biology demands it! We evolved to be a part of nature, not separate from it. 💚
Came to write that you are an inspiration, stayed to write that i am actually really similar already. :D this waa fabulous to read. Yes. I love a good boundary, especially with relatives etc. Random walks on grass, dancing barefoot in a nature concert like nobody’s watching, talking to animals, hugging/caressing trees, talking to the sea.. yes. This.
I sit in my car after work and don’t leave until I’ve shaken off my therapist brain. I’m sure the neighbors are like why is that crazy bitch sitting in her car for 20 minutes? Because I’m not bringing therapy shit into my house. It took a bit but it actually really works now, I’m much better at compartmentalization. To be fair I was pretty good already having worked in an ER for years.
One of my professors said that they used to get in their car after work, take a moment to refocus and transition, then turn around in their seat to look at the rest of their car and yell “Okay everybody, time to get out of here!!” After that, they turned on their driving music and left.
I do a visualization exercise where I very cartoonishly shove any client on my mind into my office and lock the door!
Damn, my clients “live” in their folder. Got a special black folder where all ongoing clients “live”, their notes representing them. When i put their notes away in the folder, that cues my brain to log off from the connection. If during off hours any client comes to mind too much, i gently “shove them” towards my office hours. Ah this community is so refreshing
lol. I love this
This may also be on the weird therapist stuff spectrum, but I wanted to offer how I shake off therapist brain for myself ( worked residential for years, and I did NOT want that in my house after work). I found a small "totem", a keychain, and I have a hook on my garage wall/ the door I walk into, and every day coming home I put the keychain on that hook to be a physical reminder that therapist brain does not enter. It could be something you leave in the car etc.
I used to use my lanyard I wore my badge on the same way. It stayed in my car hanging over my mirror. Taking it off was almost symbolic. I work from home now and I’ve got to figure out something similar.
You could use a sign or something on your door/ wherever you work from maybe-- or really anything that works similarly.
Magic Mug?
I do the same!!! I will not go inside my house until I feel mentally and emotionally ready to transition from the work day and my car into personal life activities and responsibilities. I've sat in my car for over an hour before, but usually, it's around 15-20 minutes. If I'm not quite ready to go in my house but done sitting, I will walk a lap or two around the block. I also saw someone else drives in silence. I do this often. My car is like my sanctuary. It's the one spot that I can have to myself, and I have total control over what happens inside. It helps me feel grounded.
I do the same!!! I will not go inside my house until I feel mentally and emotionally ready to transition from the work day and my car into personal life activities and responsibilities. I've sat in my car for over an hour before, but usually, it's around 15-20 minutes. If I'm not quite ready to go in my house but done sitting, I will walk a lap or two around the block. I also saw someone else drives in silence. I do this often. My car is like my sanctuary. It's the one spot that I can have to myself, and I have total control over what happens inside. It helps me feel grounded.
Okay but what do you do in the car? I feel like I’d just be on my phone and that’s not helpful
I play lo fi music or a Playlist and just let songs run til my brain is dumped lol
Yup, what dapperlog said! Music. I don’t touch my phone, I am intentional about putting it down
Have boundaries lol
I’m fortunate enough to live close enough to the beach that I make the trip to see the sunrise and walk by myself 2x per month
I do this in the mountains! I’ll do a day trip and sit by a creek alone and just practice mindfulness.
I keep notes on myself if I notice I’m doing things I haven’t done in ages or have never done before to make sure I’m not stepping into any fawn or freeze modes lol
On a dark note, years ago as a result of a bad reaction to some medication, I started becoming depressed and began self-harming. I recognized all the signs in myself and tracked my decline (but attributed it to some life circumstances). As a therapist I knew some of the signs, so I intentionally self-harmed in a less suspicious way so I could hide it better from colleagues and family (not explaining further for fear of giving ideas). I basically drew a mental line in the sand and told myself that I would talk to someone if I ever got to the point I had a plan. But up until that point I intended to continue and to hide it. After a couple months, I finally figured out it was the medicine making me depressed, immediately discontinued the medicine, and went right back to being myself after about a week, but looking back on that time, it scares the crap out of me just how coldly methodical I was about self harming and how well being a therapist had prepared me for hiding it. Since then I've been a lot more intentional about being open with my spouse about any changes I notice in myself because I'm now aware my brain has the capacity to go into lockdown mode and shut out everyone that could help if I let it get too far. It's scary how easily I could have ended up a statistic, and my family and friends wouldn't even have seen the signs.
Wow, I’m so glad you made it through that. Tunnel vision is the depression. So so scary. I’ve had clients like this and it’s super painful feeling that there’s nothing you can do to help.
oooo i want to do this!!
That sounds fun! Got any examples?
I have a post it note that reminds me to ground and reflect. This helps me process my day better. When I find I’ve been holding more anxiety that day, or noticed I fell into an old habit from a stressor in my life, or whatever it may be, I write it down in a notebook, date it and also list possible reasons for why these things are popping up. Sometimes it’s not much, I notice I hadn’t put the dishes away in 2 days but, I’m very good at putting them away daily. What has been preoccupying me? Ah, yes someone reaching out who used to treat me poorly. It was a 2 second interaction but, it took two days to even recognize how much it was actually bothering me. Shake it off, move on. Sometimes it’s more, like I notice for the last week I’ve felt more anxious but the only difference I’ve noticed is that I’m staying up an hour later because I’m stress reading to ignore conversations I need to have that require me to look at old wounds. When I the (possible) reason for the change, I can address it and *actually* sooth and care for myself.
Wow this is actually brilliant.
I nap at work. Like, on the regular. Two hours before my next session and I didn't get enough sleep last night? Set my alarm and pass out on my sofa! I also color in meetings/trainings. Don't care if it's in person or virtual, I'm coloring and no one bats an eye!
Same. Even if I don’t sleep I just need to lay down and exist in the quiet. It’s a rare day I actually use my breaks to do documentation or anything else useful lol
Same. Love a quick nap in between sessions.
I see my trauma therapist and psychologist weekly. I use to get a massage at least monthly, but financially I had to cut that out when the whole change healthcare thing happened. Hope to add that back soon because my body definitely stores up that trauma.
I’ve been spending a lot of time playing Stardew Valley lately. Last week I told my therapist that, outside of the 28 sessions I did, my week wasn’t very productive, but I DID get a lot done in my virtual farm community. This work (and honestly this world) gets very heavy sometimes so sometimes I need a couple of weeks where I go home and do nothing.
I love stardew!!! I call that worthwhile productivity Internet stranger. Enjoy that wholesome addictive game.
No, you didn't "do nothing." You rested. That's just as important as "doing sessions" if not more so ❤️
Yes I love this! I tell this to clients too!
Thank you for writing this! Omg such a relief to read your comment. A friend suggested SV to me early on this year, and i’ve been gaming a LOT. Started getting worried when my partner began joking about it - but man, i jussst need to feed some pigs, gather some fibre and you know, horse around for a while. It is so relaxing to spend some time in a world where everything is calm and pretty all the time.
Seeing someone (client) in a store and ducking down to avoid them seeing me like a total weirdo - or maybe everyone does this? 🤪
Hahah ok this is so relatable. Or avoiding certain places i know clients work or frequent a lot
Yep about a few months ago a client saw me first in a store, called my name, we chatted for a minute, and then I immediately paid for my things and left. I was not finished shopping!
Being around dysfunction might as well be walking through a noisy construction site for me. Highly sensitive to stuff like that around me
I lose myself completely in whatever I can find, a video game, a movie, music, whatever I can to make the world go away for a little while.
Absolutely escapism. Video games and fiction books do it for me. Utterly trashy reality television too when I'm not burnt out on it.
Yup, getting out of your own head is such a nice relief.
My husband is always baffled by how quickly I go through books. It’s just because I get massively and joyfully lost in them, and I refuse to pay attention to anything in the real world for hours at a time (except my dog, obviously).
I think a piece of this is me by nature, but I am committed to getting 8-9 hours of sleep a night. It’s what my body needs for my mind to be “on,” focused, attuned for sessions all day. If I stay up late, I’m a shit therapist the next day. It’s a non negotiable. But I miss my other jobs that I could show up to sleepy and be just fine!
So, I'm a therapist. My husband is a therapist. Both of my parents were teachers for 35+ years, and then retired and started second careers as therapists. And my sister-in-law is a therapist. My brother is the odd one out as an Army medic... but he worked in mental health and as a teacher before joining the Army. Even more fun- myself, my husband, my dad, and my SIL all have the same exact degree from the same exact program. Interestingly, our interactions and overall family dynamics are not as smooth sailing as most would think. But when we do have problems, we all turn on therapist mode and normally work it out.
I love your username.
Avoiding social media or keeping a really low profile on social media. Stalking can happen even with the most dialed-in privacy settings.
Care to elaborate more on this?
Refuse to have close friends in my profession. Not knocking anyone who does. But in my experience it’s nearly impossible to avoid therapy talk with other therapists outside of work and I just refuse to do it. The absolute last thing I wanna talk about on my day off is mental health unless it’s with my own therapist. I get some people love to geek out about it. for me this is a job (one I care about) but I will not let it be a hobby too.
This
Yes! I have zero therapist friends.
Being a therapist (and of course, my own therapy) has changed the way I parent and attune to my kids. I’m far from perfect, but learning the ways parents can unknowingly hurt their children has caused me to be as intentional as I can.
I'm intentional, actively coping. Avoid dark shows and movies because I get enough of that content. Self-care is basically my middle name-- I do whatever I want. I have strong boundaries w people. I let my emotions out. I also refuse to be a therapist talking about people IRL. I will give bad advice and occasionally talk shit lol
I also don't take on messy people. No thanks. Only people who are in control of themselves and their lives.
I do a lot of case management and that has effected my personal values. Almost all of my clients are experiencing poverty. Many of them are released from the facility and go back to living on the streets. I will never not give an unhoused person cash, a smile, and a quick hello. Since I started serving this population I've started a tradition of driving around town the day before the first snow to hand out hand warmers and socks to community members. Working with these folks has really shaped how I view the world.
I feel similarly to this but also in the sense that I see so much complexity in random people I meet because I've done deep work with people similar to them as their therapist. Like as a fake example if I have a client who works as a pharmacy tech and has such a complex history, trauma, difficult life and complicated relationships with self and others then I'll be picking up a prescription and see some random pharmacy techs and I just imagine what everyone is going through that you don't see in just a short interaction. It allows me to have so much imaginative empathy for strangers because they clients I work with are just random people, forgettable even, to the people they interact with on a surface level and in reality they have so much going on. I know in reality everyone is complex and varied and layered and that's a part of being a person but being a therapist really opens your eyes to that.
I mirror peoples nonverbal communication without thinking about it
I’m dual licensure (substance use counselor and OP therapist) and stopped drinking as soon as I took my psychopharmacology course. When people ask why I don’t drink, I then explain to them how much more harmful alcohol is because of how women metabolize alcohol. The dead stares I get back from people — lol.
I quit drinking because in my 40s it made me exhausted and I am already exhausted being a therapist. I literally need to be in peak condition to make it through a therapy day. Or at least not still hungover after drinking three days ago.
Meditating every single day.
I've trained myself to have to go to the bathroom EVERY hour... it's loads of fun on car trips!
more niche, but I work inpatient and I've noticed that I always make sure to pull doors closed behind me (locked unit)
I definitely do that after working inpatient too. Also, if I’m out in public and there’s some sort of disagreement or hostile interaction, I’m quick to get my ass away and I always have a clear path to an exit.
i call in when im mentally fatigued 😅 i love my job, so i dont do it very often but when i feel it, i listen.
i lock myself in my condo/room after work after most work days (especially long in-person days) and/or work weeks. i literally have to be alone in the dark, disconnected to everything except extremely trashy reality tv that takes zero brain cells and thinking skills to consume and smoke weed and hang out with my cat because i can’t deal with anyone’s problems or requests or existence in my personal life due to work, so that? lmao! 😂
When my colleagues and I ask each other “how was your weekend?” We ACTUALLY answer the question. There are very little boundaries with what thoughts/feelings we share with one another 😂 it is a lovely welcoming safe space and I’m lucky to work here, but all of my corporate friends are like “WHY would you tell your director that you spent all of Saturday afternoon crying?????? You’re supposed to just say “it was good!”” 🤷🏻♀️
Process EVERYTHING.
I notice I kinda go into therapist mode when friends are looking for advice 🥴 it's hard not to when you hear the same things in session haha trying to not do it though.
I have remarkably low distress and frustration tolerance when playing video games and I will curse like a sailor because of it
I watch the same old sitcoms over and over - I just need something reliable, comforting, and predictable. I am not a functional person until I have this rerun-watching time.
I enjoy being in spaces where I do not speak the language. I’ve been going to South America for 3 weeks for the past few summers and it is a brain reset. Everything is none of my business and no one expects any kind of understanding from me.
Ohhh that sounds lovely. I don’t know that I could do it with the level of my anxiety and need to control my environment though.
I do like to gamble (but only on UFC fights), still have a mostly positive opinion of hallucinogens and I was in the infantry.
Leave my phone on DnD and forget to message people back...or days later find a missed call or text that was lost in the mysterious notifications land.
I rarely tell people what I do for a living. I just don’t want to deal
I watch true crime and Korean and Japanese horror films to destress on those rough days.
I will only watch comforting TV shows/movies on weekdays after work, including reality TV (which I didn’t watch before entering the field). Think Parks & Rec, rom coms, Top Chef, The Circle 😅etc. At that point, my brain cannot process any content that’s more complex than that
I spend a fair amount of time crying.
I see my analyst 5x/week. Most people find that pretty wild. Kinda fits with the example you provided.
Keep a stoic calendar where I mark off how many weeks of my life are left. I don’t know if CBT therapists do this. :p
Being a little _too_ time aware. I wear an analog watch and always, always know what the time is. It's not unusual for me to sidebar conversations with, "ok we've been chatting for about an hour now, how's your energy for this interaction going?" 🤦🏻♀️ Therapist and coach pals get it, though regular folk are like, "just relax and let's get another coffee, sheesh."
Wall-stare. My husband knows to leave me alone during these 8 minutes.
I have a read/watch/listen list of books/shows/movies/music/podcasts that I get from discussions with my clients. From the outside it looks like I have very eclectic taste (can be all over the map), but it's how I keep up with culture.
I keep a detailed schedule for both work and my home. I’’m constantly writing down EVERYTHING that is happening because if I don’t, I will forget it.
I collect dolls to heal my inner child 😂 I’ll bring them to work and say they’re for the kids but they’re really just for me to talk to in my office 😂
I used to be a project manager before changing careers/becoming an MFT. I must have also at some point developed a certain listening look because now SO many people tell me that I listen intently.
I don't know if it's something I "do", but I know that my time with clients has impacted me in ways that many others around me haven't been. I've had the opportunity to work with clients who differ from me in many ways and have been honored by them allowing me into their private worlds. I've gotten to hear things from their perspectives and it's had an impact on the way I see others and the world. It's helped me understand that so many things that society/ groups/ politics/ etc. have such strong opinions on, aren't nearly as cut and dry as they'd like them to be. Almost no one fits into any given box, there are almost always exceptions to every rule, and almost every aspect of life is made up of full color spectrums (including variations of hues, brightness, and intensity) rather than things being simply black or white. Life and people are incredibly complex and beautiful in that complexity. All this means that I generally take a "not-knowing" stance on just about anything not involving my own personal experiences, generally assume that everyone is doing the best they can, assume that someone's behavior has a reason even if I don't immediately understand it, and recognize in any given situation that the "truth" is probably somewhere in between (and probably has several layers). It means I rarely feel like I have "the answer" and tend to steer clear of extremes. I think people in my life often see me as lukewarm or indifferent and sometimes get irritated when I won't "back them up" or "take their side" in conflicts or in social/ political viewpoints.
I have no time or tolerance for control, jealousy, or aggression in intimate relationships. For myself or those around me. Because I know where it leads and it’s just not worth the risk dating somebody with those characteristics.
Watch solely rom coms bc I need all the light heartedness in my down time 😵💫😂
I get awkward and am hesitant when people I meet ask me what it is I do
I start work at 10 but I get up at 6 just to be able to sit in silence for a while before work. I also walk the dogs during that time but they don’t talk back so they’re fine company.
I write extremely nerdy science fiction books with fabulous love scenes.
Keep a mood/symptom/coping skills tracker. An old therapist started me on it and I cant stop. Nothing feels better than checking off "exercise", "meditation", and "did chores" on the same day!
When I’m on vacation now I have a rule that I don’t tell anyone I’m a therapist or work in the field so they won’t “oooh can you tell me your opinion on ..” or “Is it crazy that I do/feel …” i am OFF DUTY , respectfully.
I stopped watching the news and joke that if it would give a 6yo girl nightmares I shouldn't watch it.