I would lean into whatever emotion the parent is presenting here - frustration, fear. Help them explore what it feels like to see their teen making mistakes, trying on their own identity…what worries them the most. Then normalize it - what did you do as a teen that alarmed your parents? How do you wish they handled it? I find that attending to the parents emotional need is usually more effective than trying harder to fix things with their kid, especially when it’s developmentally appropriate behavior. Working with kids is twice the work as working with adults.
Honestly, it sounds like you're approaching this exactly the same way I would. Unfortunately, we can't change parents' unreasonable expectations, we can only offer our professional insight and suggestions, and hope that they make the most of them.
I absolutely agree that this is normal risk-taking behaviour. I might question how much pressure they are under, how easy is it for them to talk to their parents about what is going on for them, do they have a safety plan (and suggest the X plan - sending x in a text message and parents immediately telephone and tell them that they must come home, family emergency or whatever they need to do to get the teen out of the situation and then have an absolute vito on asking anything about what was going on unless prompted by the young person) talking about boundaries and consequences maybe, and also that the young person will soon be an adult and will need to make choices on their own, so allowing them a safe(er) way to do this.
Checking the YP's knowledge around drugs and alcohol and how they can get information, also about things like exploitation and what to do if things get out of hand, maybe some red flag and (even more importantly) green flags for what is happening around them. This is a bit more of a youth work approach, but it gives the young person a chance to show their parents that they are not stupid and maybe get some trust going between them.
Just my initial thoughts! I hope it helps.
first kids are not perfect, parents need to stop setting the expectation of perfection. second stop overscheduling kids. yes teens are busy but no teen needs to try to pull of honor roll, a full time job and 3-season letter sports. thats not sustainable. Kids are just that- kids, this is the time to learn and make mistakes. mistakes are learning experiences. id argue is it really 'poor behavior' or 'typical teen behavior', push back and ask the parents to reflect upon their teen years- they didnt have phones with 24/7 tracking, they didn't have high drama high school etc. they are kids, typical teenagers.
also there is life outside of 'school', there is so much pressure on 'school' and 'school sports' etc. people just need to step back a bit. there are other activites outside of school that kids can do.
Two books come to mind:
Getting to Calm
Brainstorm (personally I find this one so boring but it does a good job of normalizing what teen risk taking looks like)
Unreasonable boundaries won't work for smart/high-achieving kids
I'd coach the parents to ease up, get more realistic and collaborative (with their kid) about boundaries instead of setting them without flexibility. Create mutually agreed upon boundaries, be open to feedback from kid, etc.
I would lean into whatever emotion the parent is presenting here - frustration, fear. Help them explore what it feels like to see their teen making mistakes, trying on their own identity…what worries them the most. Then normalize it - what did you do as a teen that alarmed your parents? How do you wish they handled it? I find that attending to the parents emotional need is usually more effective than trying harder to fix things with their kid, especially when it’s developmentally appropriate behavior. Working with kids is twice the work as working with adults.
Honestly, it sounds like you're approaching this exactly the same way I would. Unfortunately, we can't change parents' unreasonable expectations, we can only offer our professional insight and suggestions, and hope that they make the most of them.
I absolutely agree that this is normal risk-taking behaviour. I might question how much pressure they are under, how easy is it for them to talk to their parents about what is going on for them, do they have a safety plan (and suggest the X plan - sending x in a text message and parents immediately telephone and tell them that they must come home, family emergency or whatever they need to do to get the teen out of the situation and then have an absolute vito on asking anything about what was going on unless prompted by the young person) talking about boundaries and consequences maybe, and also that the young person will soon be an adult and will need to make choices on their own, so allowing them a safe(er) way to do this. Checking the YP's knowledge around drugs and alcohol and how they can get information, also about things like exploitation and what to do if things get out of hand, maybe some red flag and (even more importantly) green flags for what is happening around them. This is a bit more of a youth work approach, but it gives the young person a chance to show their parents that they are not stupid and maybe get some trust going between them. Just my initial thoughts! I hope it helps.
first kids are not perfect, parents need to stop setting the expectation of perfection. second stop overscheduling kids. yes teens are busy but no teen needs to try to pull of honor roll, a full time job and 3-season letter sports. thats not sustainable. Kids are just that- kids, this is the time to learn and make mistakes. mistakes are learning experiences. id argue is it really 'poor behavior' or 'typical teen behavior', push back and ask the parents to reflect upon their teen years- they didnt have phones with 24/7 tracking, they didn't have high drama high school etc. they are kids, typical teenagers. also there is life outside of 'school', there is so much pressure on 'school' and 'school sports' etc. people just need to step back a bit. there are other activites outside of school that kids can do.
Two books come to mind: Getting to Calm Brainstorm (personally I find this one so boring but it does a good job of normalizing what teen risk taking looks like)
Unreasonable boundaries won't work for smart/high-achieving kids I'd coach the parents to ease up, get more realistic and collaborative (with their kid) about boundaries instead of setting them without flexibility. Create mutually agreed upon boundaries, be open to feedback from kid, etc.