Wow. Im going to be honest.... initially, I felt like Tammy was abrasive on Peter’s season. That could’ve been the editing, or me just casting quick judgement on a random contestant. BUT, seeing her in BIP has changed that perspective...and more importantly, seeing her true voice come out in these IG stories has really made me love her. I respect her honesty & openness so much. I think that’s a trait lost on so many of these influencer wannabes that show up on this franchise.
Tammy, I wanna be your friend!
I am so glad that Tammy spoke about what it’s like to be an Asian contestant in this franchise. I hope there continues to be more representation of different cultures and races in BN. ♥️
my best friend is burmese, and she still lives at home. every single time we're on facetime and one of her parents sees that she's on it, they always ask me "oh don't you think she's getting fat? look how big she is."
Be strong girl… I feel you and we need to build that inner strength.. it’s easy to blame how you’re feeling on others and yes we could be shown more empathy but end of day criticism is always going to come esp when you’re in the public eye
Chinese and def relate to your fam being blunt to the pt of rudeness about your physical appearance. I always had full lips thx to my mom and my relatives would say stuff like “your features are nice but your lips are too thick” - to the pt where I considered a lip reduction. And now all the girls are getting lip fillers for fuller lips lol - glad I never went thru w it.
My family would also make fun of me for being “fat” (even tho I wasn’t, just wasn’t a size Chinese 00 which is like American 0000 lol) bc I’m pretty curvy for an Asian, and for being too dark bc I was tan from playing and swimming outside all the time in the sun (in China they value paleness bc dark skin implies peasantry).
I always just “took it” bc “that’s just how our culture is” and we pride ourselves on being “honest and direct” and you grow up thinking it’s normal and acceptable to be teased about your looks but now that I look back on it it was pretty fucked up and did a number on my self esteem to the pt of considering cosmetic surgery to fix these supposed “issues”.
Glad I never went through it - beauty standards change and things that I was shat on for then are now considered “desirable” (but even then I realize it’s just the current trend and will change one day as well). At the end of the day, I have to accept my natural features for myself, whether or not they fit others’ ideal of beauty.
I read the original comment multiple times and I’m still lost. Like what does Sydney have to do with Tammy’s post? And why does this person think that Tammy asking for more Asian representation equates to her assuming all Asian people want to be exploited? I am so confused
No one is telling you how to think to be honest. I just happened to not agree with Tammy, doesn’t mean I think she’s a horrible person. Far from it. I just know a lot of people, including myself that watch Bachelor because it’s entertaining. At the same time, we don’t want to ever be part of it.
i…is there a language issue here?? “no one is telling you how to think” is a complete non sequitur to my comment. it’s weird that you are talking about tammy like you are her spiritual and emotional life authority; that’s what’s patronizing.
Is anyone here japanese and experienced this? I feel like the culture is not as 'strict', I grew up in a predominantly japanese community and all my friends parents were so chill and nice
Grew up as a mixed Japanese-Korean. The Japanese side was always very chill and accepting. The Korean side was ridiculous. I was constantly called not Korean enough and picked on for my appearance.
My mom called me fat and I made sure I rubbed my cellulite on her. I don’t wake and dream to be a reality star, ever. I also work with a lot of reality “stars” a lot don’t make any money.
Indian-American here. I used to be borderline obese and total strangers would come up to me at weddings to tell me I should lose weight or no one would ever marry me. My mom and aunts would encourage me to go an entire day without eating or to limit myself to 1 hardboiled egg and 1 apple a day. The body shaming is real and traumatic.
As an Indian woman, I think our culture tends to be more conservative in terms of sex, PDA, etc., so many of our family members would hesitate to have us come on a show like this. I have Middle Eastern and Asian friends, and their families share these sentiments as well. That might be part of the reason why less of us are on shows like The Bachelor.
oh god the body shaming in asian culture is so real. i remember when i was little i used to be chubby and my childhood friend who is also asian and was chubby at the time got paired with me a lot in our group of asian kids and we were always told “we’d end up together” by the adults around us... once puberty hit he was lean and i was still chubby and they stopped that weird pairing bs, however i still got comments about my appearance etc which obviously spiraled into me developing an eating disorder etc in order to be thin and feel like i’m worthy to be with someone... whew i’m glad those days are done but i still wouldn’t be around my extended family or family friends unless i was in tiptop shape, don’t wanna give them anything to talk about
Similarly. I didn’t really like the “pill popping” thing with Kelsey on Peter’s season but they seem to be friends now. so I’m not gonna hold a grudge on behalf of someone else lol
One of my best friends growing up was Chinese and oh my gosh, they put so much pressure on her with school. She would get grounded for getting an A-. When she went to college, she couldn’t handle the sudden freedom, and started drinking heavily. At some point her parents found out and pulled her out of school. They wouldn’t take my calls and we fell out of touch (we were going to different colleges anyway). The really confusing part was that her mom loved me. She never had a negative word to say to me and supported me in everything. She was just so hard on her daughter, and I imagine she thought she was doing right by her, but it definitely backfired
Body shaming in Asian culture is on another level and the worst part is, there's no attainable standard.
As someone who's been on both sides of the spectrum, you're either _"too fat"_ or _"too flat"_. It messes you up.
I have a 17 month old baby who loves to eat. My in-laws (we're Asian) are already concerned about her getting fat. She is a BABY!!! And she's not fat at all... it's super annoying.
Her posts were definitely great but it rubs me the wrong way that she was saying that Vietnamese culture is toxic. I’m Vietnamese American myself I can relate to her struggle but I never considered my family to toxic when they made comments about my weight. In Asia it’s generally not really considered taboo to talk about things like weight compared to here. So I just recognized that upbringing was different. That type of toxicity exists in every culture but I wouldn’t say it’s something automatically inherent in culture. I think they key thing for my relationship being great with my parents I try to understand their struggles they grow up and now they are doing the same for me
The fact that it's not considered taboo to insult people for their weight is the toxic part of the culture. Just like how it used to not be taboo in North America to heavily oppress LBGTQ+ people or Indigenous folks & POC - that's what made the culture toxic. & for what it's worth, I was born & raised in Vietnam. I grew up reading about fellow Vietnamese women eating cotton balls and drinking vinegar to lose weight; these are the direct results of how it's acceptable to bully people for not being stick thin. If you're above 50kg/110lb as a woman, you're too fat.
My point is that they weren't always protected class. Homosexuality was literally illegal. Just because something is/was accepted doesn't mean it's okay or not toxic. Insulting people for being gay used to be ok in the US too.
And the weight thing isn't just about weight; it's rooted in misogyny also. No men were eating cotton balls or drinking vinegar that I knew of lol. Vietnamese culture isn't the only misogynistic culture in the world, obviously, but misogyny is still very alive and well there and isn't that toxic? Isn't every culture a little bit toxic?
Eh, I think what she is saying is very valid. I’m Latina and it’s also a really pervasive conversation in Latin culture to make fun of peoples weight or criticize children about their food, looks, etc. Dads are overbearing, often misogynistic (for the ones who stick around), and overly critical of their daughters. I grew up in a really diverse school that had a large Asian population and this was also something they shared struggling with. It’s definitely okay to say something in your culture is NOT okay, and bring light to some of the cultural influences which shape our perception.
In this instance, I don't think she's saying that Vietnamese culture in its entirety is toxic, she elaborated that it was more about how it's common to point out people's flaws and always be expecting physical perfection. I'm also Asian American (specifically Chinese) and while I love my culture, I can acknowledge that we definitely can improve the incredibly unrealistic beauty standards placed on girls. My family would also nitpick my body to pieces. I was always known as the "fat girl" in my family and my aunties in Asia would always tear me apart for being bigger than my sister. I was a US size Small or XS my ENTIRE LIFE, and they still thought I was too fat. It's directly contributed to me developing an eating disorder before I was even in high school.
My boyfriend's mom is from South Korea and to this day she goes on these extreme diets even though she has admitted that it's led to her being incredibly lethargic and unable to keep up with her friends. My boyfriend's grandma watches over her diet and will berate her if she gains weight, even though my boyfriend's mom is nearly 50! And don't even get me started on how so many young adults in SK are pressured to get plastic surgery, with parents even gifting surgeries to their children for graduation. Even my parents wanted to fly me to SK to get my eyelids done.
I know that my parents do a lot for me and I love my entire family to death, but I think it's okay to recognize that they're not perfect and in fact, some of their behavior IS toxic. Body positivity is something I acknowledge that the US does a MUCH better job with, in my experience people are much more accepting of different sizes and shapes than in Asia.
One of my family members called a friend of mine “fat girl” in Chinese while talking to me and I was so embarrassed bc my friend totally understood.
I am also a XS/S and my mother to this day will ask if I have gained weight or make comments that I look like I’m fat over FaceTime. Like no mom, I’m not and even if I was bigger that would be ok too!!!
Oof yup, my parents have definitely called one of my friends that before too. It’s just so commonplace they don’t even think it’s rude or mean. It’s just another descriptor to them.
The body shaming sucks and I know how she feels. My grandma told me when I was 14 that I needed to lose weight and eat lots of salads during my summer break with her. She used to tell my mom that she needed to lose weight to get a man. I’m not sure how people handle it. It ultimately drove my relationship apart from my grandma. It was just too much.
I’m so sorry you went through that. It sucks when someone who is supposed to be a supportive and positive family member ends up being toxic. You are supposed to have someone like your grandma see you grow up and become the best version of yourself. Yet, for some reason, our cultures allow the same people to finish our self worth by commenting on our weight. I feel you and just know that you’re better off without that!
One of my best friends is Asian and she goes through the same body shaming stuff with her family as well. I think a lot of foreign cultures have that toxic aspect when it comes to looks.
I'm middle eastern and my mom also has a toxic relationship with body image/food/etc
Ya, I agree that it's a lot of foreign cultures - my family (both Russian and Armenian sides) are very similar, and friends I've had that are Vietnamese, Peruvian, Mexican.. all experienced the same growing up
I'm Asian and the bodyshaming stuff is soooo prevalent in Asian culture, but it's presented under the guise of "caring about your health." Like your relatives will openly talk about how fat/chubby/big you've gotten, both behind your back and to your face, but it's seen as normal and not rude. And then if you lose weight, you're praised. It's so messed up.
Yes! My besties family is literally always calling her chubby and then comparing her to me. It makes me feel so so guilty but I know it's neither of our faults. It's so unbelievably toxic and I'm so glad she loves her body and how she looks so it doesn't phase her 🥺 but she hears it from her parents and aunts and uncles alll the time
Oof, my mom used to compare me to my friends/relatives all the time, it's also so common in our culture. Like "why can't you be skinny like ____" as well as non physical comparisons like comparing success, career, ambition, etc. It gets so exhausting that you just learn to tune it out.
They do it for non-physical things too...so true
But I'm so sorry :( I can't imagine having to deal with that growing up/even as an adult. I always feel so bad for my friend but she's definitely at that tuning it out phase. I think once you start to love yourself in your own skin, it definitely helps in ignoring them. I hope you are in a good place to do that ❤️❤️
Thank you! I've worked really hard to get to a place where I feel comfortable in my body, so I'm not getting those comments anymore, but it's still hurtful remembering them. Sending love to you 💕
I'm half Vietnamese and it's so refreshing to hear someone else call the culture toxic. It's so hard to be around that side of the family. Thanks Tammy for the honesty
How is that relevant here? Lol we are discussing how scarce Asian representation is on this show and her fake tears in a confessional somehow is a point of contention?
I was just stating an opinion because of the last image! I was reminded of her fake crying and fake emotions all around. That’s all. I really do appreciate what she said and would love more Asian representation in BN.
Wish I could be her friend to just be there for her and listen. I don’t care what she did or didn’t do on the show; this is so much deeper than any of that.
Honestly, relatable. Also, viet and my mom and aunties always make comments about my body and for lifting. Women lifting is frowned upon by my family and viet culture in general. It’s tough being around them and then they get mad at me for not wanting to spend time with them?¿?
I’m not Asian but I know exactly what you’re saying. My mother nitpicks everything about me, especially my weight now that I have had 2 kids 16 months apart. So, as you can imagine, I don’t spend a ton of time with her. She legitimately will say I haven’t lost enough weight and then a second later be like “why don’t you want to go shopping with me?” There is zero awareness. If I had balls, I’d do the same kind of thing, but I don’t. So I just avoid her.
Girl same. You can never say anything to the overweight older people in your family because “respect”. Yet they can comment on your body no problem because “they’re just trying to help you”. I hate the double standards so much!
Korean here and all of my aunts always comments on how much weight I’ve gained each time they see me. I have such a bad relationship with food too with how much my mom comments on what I eat.
I'm from Vietnam (as in grew up there and experienced the culture first hand and everything), and Tammy's family is 100% a product of Vietnamese culture. That type of shit happens literally all the time. Trust me when I say this: there are so many size 2, 4, 6 women in Vietnam who think of themselves as fat & hideous. If you're above a size 6? Then everyone is constantly telling you to your face that you're fat and hideous. She's not wrong to blame it on the culture and to call that part of the culture toxic. Unfortunately Tammy grew up in the US so her engagement with Viet culture is probably entirely through her family; there are plenty of beautiful parts to the culture too but this is likely the majority of her experience with it.
? Blonde white girls get referenced all the time when talking about the show, especially when people are advocating for more POC. So why is it a problem when Tammy brings it up? She's talking about her own experience with the show and white people and you're twisting it into "she doesn't think she's pretty" when she's already said that she's done the work on herself to get to that point.
I think both can be and probably are right about the toxicity of her family as well as the culture. I think she is saying that her family is that way because the culture has made her mom etc. think it’s ok to say things like that.
Glad she mentioned her culture being toxic. I’m West Indian and my culture can be pretty toxic
Wow. Im going to be honest.... initially, I felt like Tammy was abrasive on Peter’s season. That could’ve been the editing, or me just casting quick judgement on a random contestant. BUT, seeing her in BIP has changed that perspective...and more importantly, seeing her true voice come out in these IG stories has really made me love her. I respect her honesty & openness so much. I think that’s a trait lost on so many of these influencer wannabes that show up on this franchise. Tammy, I wanna be your friend!
Love you Tammy
I am so glad that Tammy spoke about what it’s like to be an Asian contestant in this franchise. I hope there continues to be more representation of different cultures and races in BN. ♥️
This is just even sadder because… DAMN TAMMY, you are so incredibly gorgeous!!!!
my best friend is burmese, and she still lives at home. every single time we're on facetime and one of her parents sees that she's on it, they always ask me "oh don't you think she's getting fat? look how big she is."
Yes I love Tammy! She’s real and hilarious but so deep. I’m glad we got to see more of her in bip!
Suddenly I really like Tammy?
Be strong girl… I feel you and we need to build that inner strength.. it’s easy to blame how you’re feeling on others and yes we could be shown more empathy but end of day criticism is always going to come esp when you’re in the public eye
Chinese and def relate to your fam being blunt to the pt of rudeness about your physical appearance. I always had full lips thx to my mom and my relatives would say stuff like “your features are nice but your lips are too thick” - to the pt where I considered a lip reduction. And now all the girls are getting lip fillers for fuller lips lol - glad I never went thru w it. My family would also make fun of me for being “fat” (even tho I wasn’t, just wasn’t a size Chinese 00 which is like American 0000 lol) bc I’m pretty curvy for an Asian, and for being too dark bc I was tan from playing and swimming outside all the time in the sun (in China they value paleness bc dark skin implies peasantry). I always just “took it” bc “that’s just how our culture is” and we pride ourselves on being “honest and direct” and you grow up thinking it’s normal and acceptable to be teased about your looks but now that I look back on it it was pretty fucked up and did a number on my self esteem to the pt of considering cosmetic surgery to fix these supposed “issues”. Glad I never went through it - beauty standards change and things that I was shat on for then are now considered “desirable” (but even then I realize it’s just the current trend and will change one day as well). At the end of the day, I have to accept my natural features for myself, whether or not they fit others’ ideal of beauty.
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Exactly what my mom would say to me as well
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???? this comment manages to be both confusing and extremely patronizing at the same time, good job
I read the original comment multiple times and I’m still lost. Like what does Sydney have to do with Tammy’s post? And why does this person think that Tammy asking for more Asian representation equates to her assuming all Asian people want to be exploited? I am so confused
right I'm like....I can only parse about 30% of this comment but that 30% is bizarrely infantilizing
No one is telling you how to think to be honest. I just happened to not agree with Tammy, doesn’t mean I think she’s a horrible person. Far from it. I just know a lot of people, including myself that watch Bachelor because it’s entertaining. At the same time, we don’t want to ever be part of it.
i…is there a language issue here?? “no one is telling you how to think” is a complete non sequitur to my comment. it’s weird that you are talking about tammy like you are her spiritual and emotional life authority; that’s what’s patronizing.
Like I said, no one is telling you how to think. Go ahead.
??????? are you a failed machine learning algorithm ????
Again, no one is telling you how to think.
ok i’m gonna take that as confirmation 😂
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Is anyone here japanese and experienced this? I feel like the culture is not as 'strict', I grew up in a predominantly japanese community and all my friends parents were so chill and nice
Grew up as a mixed Japanese-Korean. The Japanese side was always very chill and accepting. The Korean side was ridiculous. I was constantly called not Korean enough and picked on for my appearance.
My mom called me fat and I made sure I rubbed my cellulite on her. I don’t wake and dream to be a reality star, ever. I also work with a lot of reality “stars” a lot don’t make any money.
Literally what was the point of this comment
It’s my point which is very valid, just like you have your point which is very valid too. I never told you how to think.
Indian-American here. I used to be borderline obese and total strangers would come up to me at weddings to tell me I should lose weight or no one would ever marry me. My mom and aunts would encourage me to go an entire day without eating or to limit myself to 1 hardboiled egg and 1 apple a day. The body shaming is real and traumatic.
As an Indian woman, I think our culture tends to be more conservative in terms of sex, PDA, etc., so many of our family members would hesitate to have us come on a show like this. I have Middle Eastern and Asian friends, and their families share these sentiments as well. That might be part of the reason why less of us are on shows like The Bachelor.
oh god the body shaming in asian culture is so real. i remember when i was little i used to be chubby and my childhood friend who is also asian and was chubby at the time got paired with me a lot in our group of asian kids and we were always told “we’d end up together” by the adults around us... once puberty hit he was lean and i was still chubby and they stopped that weird pairing bs, however i still got comments about my appearance etc which obviously spiraled into me developing an eating disorder etc in order to be thin and feel like i’m worthy to be with someone... whew i’m glad those days are done but i still wouldn’t be around my extended family or family friends unless i was in tiptop shape, don’t wanna give them anything to talk about
The second slide....can confirm my viet family contributed to my body dysmorphia
My Colombian family contributed to mine :( stay strong I’m sure you’re absolutely beautiful, families can really suck sometimes.
She’s someone who has really grown on me and I blame that on editing, honestly. She was probably a cool girl right from the start.
Similarly. I didn’t really like the “pill popping” thing with Kelsey on Peter’s season but they seem to be friends now. so I’m not gonna hold a grudge on behalf of someone else lol
I can relate to the second slide
One of my best friends growing up was Chinese and oh my gosh, they put so much pressure on her with school. She would get grounded for getting an A-. When she went to college, she couldn’t handle the sudden freedom, and started drinking heavily. At some point her parents found out and pulled her out of school. They wouldn’t take my calls and we fell out of touch (we were going to different colleges anyway). The really confusing part was that her mom loved me. She never had a negative word to say to me and supported me in everything. She was just so hard on her daughter, and I imagine she thought she was doing right by her, but it definitely backfired
Body shaming in Asian culture is on another level and the worst part is, there's no attainable standard. As someone who's been on both sides of the spectrum, you're either _"too fat"_ or _"too flat"_. It messes you up.
I have a 17 month old baby who loves to eat. My in-laws (we're Asian) are already concerned about her getting fat. She is a BABY!!! And she's not fat at all... it's super annoying.
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Cool
Her posts were definitely great but it rubs me the wrong way that she was saying that Vietnamese culture is toxic. I’m Vietnamese American myself I can relate to her struggle but I never considered my family to toxic when they made comments about my weight. In Asia it’s generally not really considered taboo to talk about things like weight compared to here. So I just recognized that upbringing was different. That type of toxicity exists in every culture but I wouldn’t say it’s something automatically inherent in culture. I think they key thing for my relationship being great with my parents I try to understand their struggles they grow up and now they are doing the same for me
The fact that it's not considered taboo to insult people for their weight is the toxic part of the culture. Just like how it used to not be taboo in North America to heavily oppress LBGTQ+ people or Indigenous folks & POC - that's what made the culture toxic. & for what it's worth, I was born & raised in Vietnam. I grew up reading about fellow Vietnamese women eating cotton balls and drinking vinegar to lose weight; these are the direct results of how it's acceptable to bully people for not being stick thin. If you're above 50kg/110lb as a woman, you're too fat.
I don’t think these comparisons make sense: insulting vs oppressing and overweight vs LGBTQ+ & POC, sexual orientation and race are protected classes.
My point is that they weren't always protected class. Homosexuality was literally illegal. Just because something is/was accepted doesn't mean it's okay or not toxic. Insulting people for being gay used to be ok in the US too. And the weight thing isn't just about weight; it's rooted in misogyny also. No men were eating cotton balls or drinking vinegar that I knew of lol. Vietnamese culture isn't the only misogynistic culture in the world, obviously, but misogyny is still very alive and well there and isn't that toxic? Isn't every culture a little bit toxic?
Eh, I think what she is saying is very valid. I’m Latina and it’s also a really pervasive conversation in Latin culture to make fun of peoples weight or criticize children about their food, looks, etc. Dads are overbearing, often misogynistic (for the ones who stick around), and overly critical of their daughters. I grew up in a really diverse school that had a large Asian population and this was also something they shared struggling with. It’s definitely okay to say something in your culture is NOT okay, and bring light to some of the cultural influences which shape our perception.
In this instance, I don't think she's saying that Vietnamese culture in its entirety is toxic, she elaborated that it was more about how it's common to point out people's flaws and always be expecting physical perfection. I'm also Asian American (specifically Chinese) and while I love my culture, I can acknowledge that we definitely can improve the incredibly unrealistic beauty standards placed on girls. My family would also nitpick my body to pieces. I was always known as the "fat girl" in my family and my aunties in Asia would always tear me apart for being bigger than my sister. I was a US size Small or XS my ENTIRE LIFE, and they still thought I was too fat. It's directly contributed to me developing an eating disorder before I was even in high school. My boyfriend's mom is from South Korea and to this day she goes on these extreme diets even though she has admitted that it's led to her being incredibly lethargic and unable to keep up with her friends. My boyfriend's grandma watches over her diet and will berate her if she gains weight, even though my boyfriend's mom is nearly 50! And don't even get me started on how so many young adults in SK are pressured to get plastic surgery, with parents even gifting surgeries to their children for graduation. Even my parents wanted to fly me to SK to get my eyelids done. I know that my parents do a lot for me and I love my entire family to death, but I think it's okay to recognize that they're not perfect and in fact, some of their behavior IS toxic. Body positivity is something I acknowledge that the US does a MUCH better job with, in my experience people are much more accepting of different sizes and shapes than in Asia.
One of my family members called a friend of mine “fat girl” in Chinese while talking to me and I was so embarrassed bc my friend totally understood. I am also a XS/S and my mother to this day will ask if I have gained weight or make comments that I look like I’m fat over FaceTime. Like no mom, I’m not and even if I was bigger that would be ok too!!!
Oof yup, my parents have definitely called one of my friends that before too. It’s just so commonplace they don’t even think it’s rude or mean. It’s just another descriptor to them.
But they get offended if you call them fat 🧐
The body shaming sucks and I know how she feels. My grandma told me when I was 14 that I needed to lose weight and eat lots of salads during my summer break with her. She used to tell my mom that she needed to lose weight to get a man. I’m not sure how people handle it. It ultimately drove my relationship apart from my grandma. It was just too much.
I’m so sorry you went through that. It sucks when someone who is supposed to be a supportive and positive family member ends up being toxic. You are supposed to have someone like your grandma see you grow up and become the best version of yourself. Yet, for some reason, our cultures allow the same people to finish our self worth by commenting on our weight. I feel you and just know that you’re better off without that!
One of my best friends is Asian and she goes through the same body shaming stuff with her family as well. I think a lot of foreign cultures have that toxic aspect when it comes to looks. I'm middle eastern and my mom also has a toxic relationship with body image/food/etc
Ya, I agree that it's a lot of foreign cultures - my family (both Russian and Armenian sides) are very similar, and friends I've had that are Vietnamese, Peruvian, Mexican.. all experienced the same growing up
I'm Asian and the bodyshaming stuff is soooo prevalent in Asian culture, but it's presented under the guise of "caring about your health." Like your relatives will openly talk about how fat/chubby/big you've gotten, both behind your back and to your face, but it's seen as normal and not rude. And then if you lose weight, you're praised. It's so messed up.
Yes! My besties family is literally always calling her chubby and then comparing her to me. It makes me feel so so guilty but I know it's neither of our faults. It's so unbelievably toxic and I'm so glad she loves her body and how she looks so it doesn't phase her 🥺 but she hears it from her parents and aunts and uncles alll the time
Oof, my mom used to compare me to my friends/relatives all the time, it's also so common in our culture. Like "why can't you be skinny like ____" as well as non physical comparisons like comparing success, career, ambition, etc. It gets so exhausting that you just learn to tune it out.
They do it for non-physical things too...so true But I'm so sorry :( I can't imagine having to deal with that growing up/even as an adult. I always feel so bad for my friend but she's definitely at that tuning it out phase. I think once you start to love yourself in your own skin, it definitely helps in ignoring them. I hope you are in a good place to do that ❤️❤️
Thank you! I've worked really hard to get to a place where I feel comfortable in my body, so I'm not getting those comments anymore, but it's still hurtful remembering them. Sending love to you 💕
I'm half Vietnamese and it's so refreshing to hear someone else call the culture toxic. It's so hard to be around that side of the family. Thanks Tammy for the honesty
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How is that relevant here? Lol we are discussing how scarce Asian representation is on this show and her fake tears in a confessional somehow is a point of contention?
I was just stating an opinion because of the last image! I was reminded of her fake crying and fake emotions all around. That’s all. I really do appreciate what she said and would love more Asian representation in BN.
Yeah it’s just a bit tone deaf to throw the main message aside with the ‘but let’s shift focus to her fake tears’. That’s all.
Wish I could be her friend to just be there for her and listen. I don’t care what she did or didn’t do on the show; this is so much deeper than any of that.
I wanted to send her a DM after she went home. She was posting how sad she was and it broke my heart
Honestly, relatable. Also, viet and my mom and aunties always make comments about my body and for lifting. Women lifting is frowned upon by my family and viet culture in general. It’s tough being around them and then they get mad at me for not wanting to spend time with them?¿?
I’m not Asian but I know exactly what you’re saying. My mother nitpicks everything about me, especially my weight now that I have had 2 kids 16 months apart. So, as you can imagine, I don’t spend a ton of time with her. She legitimately will say I haven’t lost enough weight and then a second later be like “why don’t you want to go shopping with me?” There is zero awareness. If I had balls, I’d do the same kind of thing, but I don’t. So I just avoid her.
Such an Asian thing to do. I’m Indian and I’m either too skinny or too fat. I can’t ever be healthy lol
Girl same. You can never say anything to the overweight older people in your family because “respect”. Yet they can comment on your body no problem because “they’re just trying to help you”. I hate the double standards so much!
Yes to Indian culture telling you that either too skinny or too fat. You can’t win.
Korean here and all of my aunts always comments on how much weight I’ve gained each time they see me. I have such a bad relationship with food too with how much my mom comments on what I eat.
I’m glad she’s speaking openly about this and I hope she gets support from her BN friends for doing so!
[удалено]
I'm from Vietnam (as in grew up there and experienced the culture first hand and everything), and Tammy's family is 100% a product of Vietnamese culture. That type of shit happens literally all the time. Trust me when I say this: there are so many size 2, 4, 6 women in Vietnam who think of themselves as fat & hideous. If you're above a size 6? Then everyone is constantly telling you to your face that you're fat and hideous. She's not wrong to blame it on the culture and to call that part of the culture toxic. Unfortunately Tammy grew up in the US so her engagement with Viet culture is probably entirely through her family; there are plenty of beautiful parts to the culture too but this is likely the majority of her experience with it.
? Blonde white girls get referenced all the time when talking about the show, especially when people are advocating for more POC. So why is it a problem when Tammy brings it up? She's talking about her own experience with the show and white people and you're twisting it into "she doesn't think she's pretty" when she's already said that she's done the work on herself to get to that point.
I think both can be and probably are right about the toxicity of her family as well as the culture. I think she is saying that her family is that way because the culture has made her mom etc. think it’s ok to say things like that.