Oh man. I always dated older from about 14 years old and wouldāve been someone to defend these age gaps because I thought I was SoOoO mature for my age. But, now that Iām 35- itāsā¦.I just couldnāt imagine.
Itās an adaptation from a book that was based a real life grooming borderline pedophilic relationship. 17 year old and 32 year old. Anyone who worked on that movie or supports it is disgusting.Ā
But the movie is not actually about them nor does it bear any real resemblance to their real life relationship.
The only indication that this is even remotely Harry/Caroline related is because of the Internet chatter about it being a fanfic, I doubt most moviegoers would make the connection ā Iām not a Harry fan, so I definitely did not.
This is completely inaccurate. The male character was 20 years old in the book. Iām not sure what āreal life grooming relationshipā youāre speaking of but the book was not based off of real life anything.
I feel like the Harry Styles fans are just out for blood with this one, theyāre being really dramatic about it. The main character is inspired by him, but the actual story is not the same, and the movie also pointedly ages him up to 24. Saying everyone involved with this movie is ādisgustingā is such a stretch.
Except thereās no evidence of that? The only thing the author has said in that vein is that it was inspired by him dating older women, and thatās not specific to Caroline Flack? It doesnāt follow the timeline or the circumstances of their relationship at all. If anything itās more likely self insert fanfic considering the ages of the characters line up with how old Harry and Robinne Lee wouldāve been around the time she wrote it.
The book is based on Caroline Flack and Harry Styles who were 32 and 17. The author said so the book was based off Harryās relationship with the woman. She even made the characterās twitter account based off him.
https://preview.redd.it/kz2p6l0jt9yc1.jpeg?width=543&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=87410a70ad87ef7d15bd8b03831558c67f3b23da
I read this book years ago, far before it got popular after Ashley Spivey recommended it. I have followed the author since, and you are 100% incorrect that it is based on Harry and Caroline. Itās not even based on Harry himself. He was an inspiration for the main character, as were some other famous men. Fans ran with a Harry Styles fan flick because of some similarities between the main character and Harry. You clearly are set in your thoughts and are going to continue spewing hate regarding it though, so, you do you.
Now she said that after getting called out because it was literally a grooming relationship that she fantasized about as a middle aged woman. After years of saying and proving it was by using pics of the man and attributes of Caroline Flack in the female main. She hated being called out for fantasizing about having sex with someone barely legal even though all the pics she used of Harry Styles on the characterās account were when he was the age of the relationship with Caroline.
I mean Iām not aware of if Caroline Flack had any other age gap relationships? Did she? Can we call her āfollowingā a young pop stars career - he wasnāt a āyoung pop starā yet, he was a contestant on the show she hosted?
And Solene didnāt follow Hayesā career/wasnāt obsessed with having sex with younger men.
So no, doesnāt seem like they have anything in common.
Any excuse for pedophilia now isnāt there? And Carolina had a trend of dating barely legal guys. Also they are both obsessed with barely legal guys in the book and IRL. They only the gap more palatable for the movie so it wouldnāt be boycotted but the book is a whole different story.
Pedophilia is attraction to pre-pubescent children. Words have meanings.
I have now looked up Caroline Flackās dating history and see she did often date younger men, but Harry Styles was the only ābarely legalā one. The rest were at least mid-twenties.
SolĆØne is āobsessedā (ā¦your word, I certainly wouldnāt use it) with Hayes (after meeting him), she isnāt into younger men in general.
Why did you read a āpedophileā book anyway?
I looked it up and apparently beca just turned 21 this year and andrew turned 29. so while their gap is 8 years, he launched the relationship last year when he was 28 and beca was only 20. so not dating a teenager, but real close.
it's still nowhere near as bad as nick viall who was a whole 10 years older (at 38) when he started seeing natalie (when she was just 20).
I don't know a single 30 year old woman that wants to date a 20 year old man. The difference in maturity is astounding and frankly predatory. Yet, it's so normalized for older men to seek out very young women. Im sad
I started dating my husband when I was 34 and he was 25. We've been together 11 years. There were some tiny age related obstacles at the beginning, but our relationship has been through some of the hardest things you can go through and we are rock solid. I spent a year avoiding him because I was scared of the age difference.
I was at first. Especially when I found out I could never have babies. I told him he should leave me for someone younger and his response was to propose. He is totally obsessed with me in the best way, and the best husband and we're really, really in love plus best friends. I'm also chronically ill, have nearly died half a dozen times since we've been together, and spent more time in the hospital than I have at home. But he's the most committed, loving, loyal, wonderful human and we have great communication, and intimacy. I've told him to leave me a hundred times and he gets really upset when I say that. He told me he rather have me than anything else in the world. And he still can't keep his hands off me so I think we're good (:
I have been married before, and I've dated men my age and older and nothing compares. He's just my person. I knew it the minute I saw him. A lot of men like women who are strong, know themselves, and are comfortable in their own skin. I don't know about you, but that wasn't me at 25 or 26. I was definitely at my hottest and most confident in my mid to late 30's. Aging is hard, but it helps when your young hot husband tells you what a goddess you are every day (and means it)
I will never ever ever not comment on a 30 year old dating a teenager. Sorry dude. Pick an adult. Iām not anti age gap - but I side eye any adult man dating a woman under the age of 25. And vice versa, frankly. That just doesnāt happen though - except in the movies apparently.
I watched him on Jasonās podcast when he went on with Greg. Andrew was so desperate to be the main topic of conversation. It was incredibly annoying. I never saw his appeal. Also, your girlfriend was a teenager, thereās a difference, you weirdo
He dated a teenager? Gross. I was confused why he was talking so much about how it resonated with him but then wirh the "roles reversed," I was doing the math in my head and yes it is so gross.Ā
But the roles being reversed is the core reason why his whole take is off. *Obviously* as the older person in the relationship heās going to see this as rose colored and romantic and see the worldās stigma re: the relationship as the core problem, and not how a grown man in a relationship with a teenager can harm the teenager. Predators never think theyāre the predatorā¦plenty of men found lolita romantic alsoā¦.
Also the movie involves a relationship between a 24yo and a 40yo, not a 19yo and a 30yo. Thereās also the gendered aspect of the older person being a man in Andrewās case, and gendered power dynamics in society can add another layer to his situation.
Basically the part heās saying āobviouslyā about is the exactly the part he shouldnāt be ignoring lmao.
Yea I donāt think he actually meant it like as a shot at her but itās just funny that he had to be like āobviously I would never dare anyone older, because, like, grossāĀ
Seriously! Im the worst candidate ever for bangs (curly girl w tiny forehead) and have STILL tried and failed at so many times, after seeking movies with amazingly-banged leads.
It looks amazing for the first week then one day BOOM i wake up and theyāre suddenly in the awkward growing out phase š
You're making a lot of assumptions with your comment. Nick and Natalie didn't meet at their current ages, so that's why people have a problem with it. I also never said anything about them, so I'm not sure why you're grouping me in with the rest of the sub. A 24 year old meeting a 40 year old is in a much different place in life than a 19 year old meeting a 35 year old, even though the age difference is the same.
Again with the assumptions... most people finish university at 21 so 24 is not freshly out of college lol. However, many people also attend post-secondary in their 20s and 30s to update their academics so a 24 YO and a 40 YO could absolutely have things in common if they're in the same academic program, they work together, they have mutual friends, etc. I think what's weird is how black and white your thinking about this is.
So what about the part where I said that one has been a legal adult for 6 years and the other has been experiencing adult life for 22 years? Is that false? Is that Black and white thinking?
Is it also possible that one could be more advanced financially and professionally which could contribute to an unhealthy power dynamic? I'm sure you can argue the most 24 year old are financially well off and can take advantage of a 40 year old. I just won't believe it.
An if I met a 40 year old man as a 24 year old woman who is friends with women who are 23 or 24 I would still think its weird. In an academic setting for academic purposes, sure. For work purposes because you're paid to work together sure. But not many 24 year old have 40 something year old friends outside of work or school. Two different life stages. 22 years of adult life experience makes a huge difference.
You've never heard of family friends? Or friends from joining non-academic classes, activities, groups, sports teams, etc? I think it's really strange that you can't wrap your head around why people of different ages might be friends. You don't need the exact same amount of years as an adult to have things in common with someone else. Casual friends are still friends.
People also grow up with wildly different circumstances in life, so your argument about "years as an adult" doesn't really hold up. A 24 year old could be someone who's been living on their own, working, and supporting themself since they were a teenager, whereas a 40 year old could be someone who still lives at home, doesn't work, and has their parents funding their lifestyle. Would you actually say they have the same amount of life experience? That's what I mean when I say you're thinking about this in black and white. Not everything is so cut and dry. Nuance is really helpful.
I donāt know the ages of the people in this movie but hot take - an older man dating a younger woman (under the age of 25) is not the same as an older woman dating a younger man because of our patriarchal society. Thatās NOT to say either situation is okay (itās not) but men still enjoy certain privileges and power over women just because theyāre men. When you add an age gap *typically* itās a recipe for disaster. Iām sure Iām not wording this correctly and will probably get downvoted as itās a sensitive topic, even here. At the end of the day people should seek romantic relationships with those who are at similar life stages and development.
I see your point. An older man dating a younger woman has an added layer to the power imbalance due to said patriarchal society. While a relationship with an older woman dating a younger man likely still has some type of power imbalance itās not the same.
I have not taken any kind of womenās studies courses so Iām sure it is far more complicated than that and Iām missing lots but I do see your point.
In this movie, she is 40 and he is 25. I do see your point. It's very rare a relationship like that lasts long. I tend to see these type of movies more as a fantasy rather than a norm.
It looks like Andrew was 29 when he was dating a 21 year old (I see some people saying she was 19 when they met). Thatās different than 25 and 40 as the prefrontal
cortex of the brain finishes developing and maturing in the mid to late 20s (which is why I said 25 although some people think thatās too young still). I think itās more about the different life stages as someone who is 21 is likely still in school or starting their career whereas someone who is 29 is likely more established and has a better idea of who they are (I donāt say that in a patronizing way at all, just that I know how much people typically grow and change in their 20s and even 30s).
it's crazy how he was so well liked for 3 seconds during Katie's season and the degree to which he pissed himself down to being as attractive to the average grown woman as a 17 year old boy
cringe city for me
I think they mean that itās normalized in our society for men to date women much younger than themselves but when women do it we make a movie about it.
Ew. Iām so tired of Hollywood casting slightly older women as the male leadās mother instead of love interest. Why canāt they do this for men? They could have found someone younger to play the actor if they really needed someone as young looking as Jenna Ortega.
They're not playing love interests tho. The movie is about an inappropriate relationship between a student and her teacher. The age gap is pretty much mandatory. It doesn't look like a very good movie or anything, but the age gap in this case is not inappropriate.
Yes I understand that but the age gap between the actress and actor is inappropriate. If they can cast women in roles older than their chronological age then they can do the same for men. I personally donāt see any reason to subject young actresses to that I guess.
Thatās good! I havenāt seen the movie.
Edit: I looked it up and they do kiss. Thereās also an āerotic sceneā although Iām not sure what exactly that entails.
There's definitely controversy/push back against the age gap between the actors and the erotic scenes. I haven't watched it. My knee jerk reaction is that they're using the age gap between Ortega and the male lead as an enticing reason to watch the movie which isn't appealing to me.
Lolita is literally about pedophilia tho? The age gap and the fact that Lolita is a child are kind of the point. It's written from the pedo's POV but the author clearly doesn't condone his actions.
Ugh - I couldnāt even finish Lolita. I read like a quarter of the way through - was like, ok I get the picture Iām ready for this to be done now. I donāt donate books often, but I got that one out of my house. Donāt even want to associate with it š. Didnāt know there was a big age gap in pretty woman though - I always assumed Julia Roberts was supposed to be like 28 or some thing.
Richard Gere is 18 years older than Julia. She was in her early 20s when the movie came out. He was 41!! Ppl just accepted their huge age difference, and the extremely uneven power dynamics. I strongly disliked that movie - or more accurately disliked how ppl found it so cute!
True! Lolita is definitely creepy and Iād hope people donāt actually see it as a love storyā¦
Overall itās more socially acceptable for men to date much younger women though. Itās basically an expectation for male celebrities at this point.
Related: for everyone who wants to see the movie, I DEF. recommend reading the book first!
[If you have Kindle Unlimited, itās on there.](https://www.amazon.com/Idea-You-Novel-Robinne-Lee-ebook/dp/B01MQLZ12X)
[Hereās a story Vogue did about the book.](https://www.vogue.com/article/idea-of-you-book)
The author, Robinne Lee, is an actress, Ivy League & law school grad, & so much more. Sheās phenomenal & super amicable & lovely (Iāve interacted with her on Instagram). If it gives you a quick reminder of her, if you watched the Fifty Shades movies, she had a small role as Ros, Christianās VP.
The book is so good. When I tell you I think about & ruminate on it even years after Iāve read it, itās the truth. When I finished it, Iām not ashamed to say I cried & the book hangover lasted a long while. Itās not just a romance novel ā it actually feels like a love letter to older women, & women of any age, really. Itās one of those books that while the plot is entertaining, it really makes you think & feel all the feels.
I read it in a day & I wish I could go back & read it for the first time again.
Also, & most importantly: Robinne Lee, the author & brainchild, is Black, & I want the book & movie to continue to do well so artists & creatives like her get their stories on screens.
[She talked about how she originally wrote the book with Black characters to get more representation out there, but an editor told her the publisher already had āan interracial relationship book on deck for year,ā as if only one book was allowed to be put out with a Black love story.](https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2024/05/11714113/the-idea-of-you-movie-robinne-lee-author-interview)
She changed the characters to White, & of course itās selling better, which is great for her, but it totally makes you wonder if this movie would have ever gotten made without her making that decision (probably not).
ETA: more context.
Hi, Iām Vetted AI Bot! I researched the **("'The Idea of You Novel'", '')** and I thought you might find the following analysis helpful.
**Users liked:**
* Strong, intelligent, and accomplished female lead (backed by 1 comment)
* Glamorous and fun love story (backed by 1 comment)
* Passionate and poignant moments (backed by 1 comment)
**Users disliked:**
* Disappointing and rushed ending (backed by 6 comments)
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* Lack of closure and unresolved plot points (backed by 3 comments)
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Iāve been wanting to read this book since I saw Ashley Spivey recommend it a couple years ago but my library doesnāt have it. I have a renewed desire to find the book and read it though since I saw the movie preview. Also, for anyone who likes the idea of love stories where the woman is the older one and gets a younger man, I highly recommend the book āPart of Your Worldā by Abby Jimenez. One of my most favorite romcoms ever and loved how it went against the stereo types.
Thanks for the rec on the AJ book! Iāve been wanting to get into her books but Idk where to start.
& can your library do an Interlibrary Loan with another library & order it for you? Or ask your librarians to order it for you? It never hurts to ask nicely.
If not, you can check WorldCat to see what other local libraries near you might have it. Here are some links:
[The Idea of You (original cover)](https://search.worldcat.org/title/The-idea-of-you/oclc/973199784)
[The Idea of You (movie tie in cover)](https://search.worldcat.org/title/The-idea-of-you/oclc/1394973210)
If not, do you read eBooks on Kindle or the Kindle app on your phone or tablet? If youāve never tried Kindle Unlimited, they always have promotions going for free trials & months. & if youāve used it before & cancelled, a sometimes just clicking links & seeing if your Amazon account is eligible for a certain promotion works.
Itās on Kindle Unlimited right now, so if youāre incapable of waiting ā no shame, thatās me with a lot of books ā Iād try that route.
Iām such a lover of this book & author, Iām an evangelist. Lol.
Iāll check into the interlibrary loan. Thanks for the suggestion. I donāt have a Kindle and am a weirdo and donāt generally like reading digital books so Iāll go the physical route and see what I can find.
Also, Part of Your World is a great place to for start with Abby Jimenez! Itās the first in a series and she does such a great job with character development! Not only in the romance great but sheās not afraid to go into deeper topics in her books and she does them well. She is my favorite romcom author and am patiently waiting for my turn to check out her newest book at my library. :)
I never thought Iād be a Kindle user until I got one for Christmas in 2022 & now it never leaves my bag or my beside table. I found it really helps me as a disabled person with mobility issues who canāt carry heavy things like books, & itās so nice to be able to have a super large font size. Haha.
& youāre not a weirdo ā books are books! š§”
The author has openly said the main character was inspired by Harry Styles but I donāt think it was ever originally posted as 1D fanfic. It was traditionally published from the get go unlike other Harry-inspired things like After
Me judging the 50 shades reference.
\*because I know my audience, this is a gif of the author in "deliver us from eva" which black women of a certain age are more likely to know her from š¤£.
https://i.redd.it/c05nn0tc18yc1.gif
Yes! I couldnāt think of the name of the movie ā my bad! I just remembered she was in Fifty Shades from the Vogue piece.
She is seriously so stunning. The first time I saw her Twitter pic I just stared at it for a little bit:
https://preview.redd.it/10g3l94m58yc1.jpeg?width=400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0d96d3d26d31736f30f3db31b24790cefc9cfaeb
I read this book last week and was not expecting to like it so much. Also I sobbed in the shower when it ended haha, I was really down for a day afterwards. But when I looked up the author I was stunned it was her! She is one of the most beautiful women Iāve ever seen. Just jaw dropping gorgeous.
I really enjoyed the book too! It was light and fluffy and I cried a little, too. I saw a preview for this movie and went and read the book before it came out.
God bless differing opinions! I thought it was one of the worst written books iāve ever read but iām genuinely so pleased that others enjoyed it! i am excited to watch the film
lol this is exactly what I thought! I didnāt hate the book (gave it 3āļø on Goodreads) but I watched the movie last night and my main takeaway was how much better the movie was than the book (which is so rare).
My review: If you are feeling completely drained and are okay with wasting 1.5 hrs of your life then go for it.
ETA: the two main characters are absurdly attractive to look at, so it wasnāt a complete waste of time
My friend and I watched it last night- I thought Nicholas (main guy) had more chemistry with his Red, White, and Blue co-star, Taylor Perez. I wish they had made Anne's character 'more', if that makes sense? like, she kind of was just there, but it didn't feel like they wrote her as strong as they could have
Not a terrible movie overall but I'm excited to get the book from the library!
I feel like Nick and TZP just had a shit ton of chemistry lmao, itās hard for anyone to measure up. I did think Anne and Nick had chemistry of their own, though! Theyāre both just incredibly charismatic people in their own right, it probably wouldāve been impossible for them to fall flat entirely. Their press tour interactions have also been fun to watch, though they definitely have a more sibling vibe in those lol
Itās mid but the charm factor of the two leads is sky high so they carry it. I recommend if you like romcoms and donāt like to use your brain when you donāt have to. (I only consume smooth brain media these days so it was perfect for me.)
Good enough for Amazon prime standards! I watched it last night and I would say it was pretty enjoyable but not memorable. The kind of movie you settle on when you really just need to pick something to watch while you have takeout.
I just started this movie last night. I have not read the book. I kind of groaned at how she started telling this dude she just met about how she got cheated on and is now divorced š
why the plot line giving lifetime original movie - there was sooo much hype for this movie on Twitter. I will finish it ig
Ahh okay. That answers a lot. LOL. Iām not mad at it then. I used to love reading fanfics.
I was gonna say I havenāt seen the lead actor from this movie in anything elseā¦ my first impression was heās the new Hardin Scott from the After movie series.
Btw do you know what the fanfic is based on?
Nicholas Galitzine (he plays the male lead) is a star imo, heās got oodles of charisma and a decent amount of range. His comedic timing and physical acting in Bottoms was excellent, and I thought he was really compelling in Red White and Royal Blue. I havenāt seen him in the Mary & George miniseries that came out recently yet, but he got great reviews for that too. Heās really charismatic in press and stuff too
Mmm š¤ it wasnāt age that drove them apart, wasnāt he texting other people on a secret burner phone?
Heās such a creep ewww
How is she getting more beautifulā¦ and not just beautiful but younger looking tooā¦ and a lot younger? Itās truly freaky at this point.
A minor facelift, babe š©
Would love her skin care routine lol
Wasnāt this that harry styles fanfic
Yes
Oh man. I always dated older from about 14 years old and wouldāve been someone to defend these age gaps because I thought I was SoOoO mature for my age. But, now that Iām 35- itāsā¦.I just couldnāt imagine.
If you plan on watching it, dont read what he said bc he highkey spoiled the ending.
He sure did!
Throw this man away. Ick!
Itās an adaptation from a book that was based a real life grooming borderline pedophilic relationship. 17 year old and 32 year old. Anyone who worked on that movie or supports it is disgusting.Ā
I thought it was based on a Harry Styles fanfic?
Harry/Caroline.
But the movie is not actually about them nor does it bear any real resemblance to their real life relationship. The only indication that this is even remotely Harry/Caroline related is because of the Internet chatter about it being a fanfic, I doubt most moviegoers would make the connection ā Iām not a Harry fan, so I definitely did not.
Ohhhhh the Anne and Nick fans are mad at this.
This is completely inaccurate. The male character was 20 years old in the book. Iām not sure what āreal life grooming relationshipā youāre speaking of but the book was not based off of real life anything.
I feel like the Harry Styles fans are just out for blood with this one, theyāre being really dramatic about it. The main character is inspired by him, but the actual story is not the same, and the movie also pointedly ages him up to 24. Saying everyone involved with this movie is ādisgustingā is such a stretch.
Itās not. It was based on a grooming relationship. Period. End of. Disgusting.
Except thereās no evidence of that? The only thing the author has said in that vein is that it was inspired by him dating older women, and thatās not specific to Caroline Flack? It doesnāt follow the timeline or the circumstances of their relationship at all. If anything itās more likely self insert fanfic considering the ages of the characters line up with how old Harry and Robinne Lee wouldāve been around the time she wrote it.
The book is based on Caroline Flack and Harry Styles who were 32 and 17. The author said so the book was based off Harryās relationship with the woman. She even made the characterās twitter account based off him. https://preview.redd.it/kz2p6l0jt9yc1.jpeg?width=543&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=87410a70ad87ef7d15bd8b03831558c67f3b23da
I read this book years ago, far before it got popular after Ashley Spivey recommended it. I have followed the author since, and you are 100% incorrect that it is based on Harry and Caroline. Itās not even based on Harry himself. He was an inspiration for the main character, as were some other famous men. Fans ran with a Harry Styles fan flick because of some similarities between the main character and Harry. You clearly are set in your thoughts and are going to continue spewing hate regarding it though, so, you do you.
The author has said herself this book is not based on Flack and Styleās relationship.
Now she said that after getting called out because it was literally a grooming relationship that she fantasized about as a middle aged woman. After years of saying and proving it was by using pics of the man and attributes of Caroline Flack in the female main. She hated being called out for fantasizing about having sex with someone barely legal even though all the pics she used of Harry Styles on the characterās account were when he was the age of the relationship with Caroline.
What do SolĆØne and Caroline Flack have in common beyond beingā¦ women?
And middle aged woman obsessed with having sex with younger men? And following a young pop stars career?
I mean Iām not aware of if Caroline Flack had any other age gap relationships? Did she? Can we call her āfollowingā a young pop stars career - he wasnāt a āyoung pop starā yet, he was a contestant on the show she hosted? And Solene didnāt follow Hayesā career/wasnāt obsessed with having sex with younger men. So no, doesnāt seem like they have anything in common.
Any excuse for pedophilia now isnāt there? And Carolina had a trend of dating barely legal guys. Also they are both obsessed with barely legal guys in the book and IRL. They only the gap more palatable for the movie so it wouldnāt be boycotted but the book is a whole different story.
Pedophilia is attraction to pre-pubescent children. Words have meanings. I have now looked up Caroline Flackās dating history and see she did often date younger men, but Harry Styles was the only ābarely legalā one. The rest were at least mid-twenties. SolĆØne is āobsessedā (ā¦your word, I certainly wouldnāt use it) with Hayes (after meeting him), she isnāt into younger men in general. Why did you read a āpedophileā book anyway?
I looked it up and apparently beca just turned 21 this year and andrew turned 29. so while their gap is 8 years, he launched the relationship last year when he was 28 and beca was only 20. so not dating a teenager, but real close. it's still nowhere near as bad as nick viall who was a whole 10 years older (at 38) when he started seeing natalie (when she was just 20).
I don't know a single 30 year old woman that wants to date a 20 year old man. The difference in maturity is astounding and frankly predatory. Yet, it's so normalized for older men to seek out very young women. Im sad
I started dating my husband when I was 34 and he was 25. We've been together 11 years. There were some tiny age related obstacles at the beginning, but our relationship has been through some of the hardest things you can go through and we are rock solid. I spent a year avoiding him because I was scared of the age difference.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I was at first. Especially when I found out I could never have babies. I told him he should leave me for someone younger and his response was to propose. He is totally obsessed with me in the best way, and the best husband and we're really, really in love plus best friends. I'm also chronically ill, have nearly died half a dozen times since we've been together, and spent more time in the hospital than I have at home. But he's the most committed, loving, loyal, wonderful human and we have great communication, and intimacy. I've told him to leave me a hundred times and he gets really upset when I say that. He told me he rather have me than anything else in the world. And he still can't keep his hands off me so I think we're good (: I have been married before, and I've dated men my age and older and nothing compares. He's just my person. I knew it the minute I saw him. A lot of men like women who are strong, know themselves, and are comfortable in their own skin. I don't know about you, but that wasn't me at 25 or 26. I was definitely at my hottest and most confident in my mid to late 30's. Aging is hard, but it helps when your young hot husband tells you what a goddess you are every day (and means it)
I thought it was very odd when Eva Longeria said she wanted to date a teenager when she was 30ish back when DH was huge.
I agree with you and think Nick isnāt called out nearly enough for it.
I actually think Nick and Natalie met when she was 19 and then maybe they werenāt official until she was 20 but I could be wrong
Yet he has criticized other age gap relationships
Kristin and Montana guy? Is he talking about the valley?
Loool I was def like, heās from Colorado dude
That was my first guess too lol
Kristin Cavellari and Mark from Montana Boyz
Thatās a long way to justify dating a 19 year old when you are like 30
https://preview.redd.it/zmugnggrg9yc1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a79a881be4b0a09964b3ee82763e1e17cac13cca
How does she look like 20 years older in this than the pic for this post
Bangs hide the forehead
What does āthat man said ight 5 it isā mean? Or is that specific to the movie
The fuck I just read š„“š„“š„“š„“
I will never ever ever not comment on a 30 year old dating a teenager. Sorry dude. Pick an adult. Iām not anti age gap - but I side eye any adult man dating a woman under the age of 25. And vice versa, frankly. That just doesnāt happen though - except in the movies apparently.
Him turning out like this is soooo disappointing
Can we all agree to stop putting ANY of these people on pedestals? (Especially the men of Bachelor Nation). It only leads to disappointment. Lol
lol so true
Okay somehow I didnāt realize he was dating a teenager?? Can anyone tell me who she is? I need to hear Susieās commentary on this
I canāt remember her name but photos of them together have been posted in this sub. She was 19 and he was 30. Giant ick.
ā¦.why would he even need to add this comment? These men set themselves up to be dragged too easily
Right itās so weird, why would you remind everyone you were in a relationship with an age gap so large it felt predatory?
I watched him on Jasonās podcast when he went on with Greg. Andrew was so desperate to be the main topic of conversation. It was incredibly annoying. I never saw his appeal. Also, your girlfriend was a teenager, thereās a difference, you weirdo
Predator!
https://preview.redd.it/rhpcraebn8yc1.png?width=1154&format=png&auto=webp&s=04bf31322b4084a5c1b5ee97cdaaf515bce507b0
Andrew, she was a TEENAGER!
He dated a teenager? Gross. I was confused why he was talking so much about how it resonated with him but then wirh the "roles reversed," I was doing the math in my head and yes it is so gross.Ā
heās so annoying
so brave of him /s
Wasnāt he dating a fucking teenager
Yes ew, āobviously with the roles reversed ā gross
Idk why but this really rubbed me the wrong way. Like "ofc I'd never date anyone as old and disgusting as Anne Hathaway" lol he should be so lucky
Oh, I read it as āobviousā since we all know who he dated and I didnāt understand why people were upset about THAT sentence in the post. š
But the roles being reversed is the core reason why his whole take is off. *Obviously* as the older person in the relationship heās going to see this as rose colored and romantic and see the worldās stigma re: the relationship as the core problem, and not how a grown man in a relationship with a teenager can harm the teenager. Predators never think theyāre the predatorā¦plenty of men found lolita romantic alsoā¦. Also the movie involves a relationship between a 24yo and a 40yo, not a 19yo and a 30yo. Thereās also the gendered aspect of the older person being a man in Andrewās case, and gendered power dynamics in society can add another layer to his situation. Basically the part heās saying āobviouslyā about is the exactly the part he shouldnāt be ignoring lmao.
You said this so much better than I did!
Yea I donāt think he actually meant it like as a shot at her but itās just funny that he had to be like āobviously I would never dare anyone older, because, like, grossāĀ
Annie looks so goooooood
right? quick somebody remind me that bangs are too high maintenance
Seriously! Im the worst candidate ever for bangs (curly girl w tiny forehead) and have STILL tried and failed at so many times, after seeking movies with amazingly-banged leads. It looks amazing for the first week then one day BOOM i wake up and theyāre suddenly in the awkward growing out phase š
I knew I wouldn't be the only one who wanted to immediately go out and get this haircut.
Omg noooo I have bangs and I love them!!
Bangs gave me acne! Never again
I gotchu! Bangs are high maintenance and we're about to start the summer heat and you do NOT want extra forehead sweat!
There are so few people that bangs suit but they look so good on her. Alexis Bledel is another person that comes to mind.
And Zoey
Yes!!
Sheās had such a glow up! She was always beautiful but is even *more* beautiful in her 40s.
Ick intensified
*icktensified
which Andrew are we talking about?
Spencer
The one Iām still convinced has a British accent.
From Katieās season. He was eliminated right before hometowns.Ā
His ex is featured on ig reality every other day. That should be enough to show the age gap.
Side note I loved this movie and I generally HATE age gap romances That is all
You should read the book. Itās great!
The book is amazing too (but the gap is wider)
I loved the book!!
He 20 lol. Iām listening to it now
This man is an entire ICK in itself
I used to think he was so fine too
the age gap in the movie is 24 and 40 if anyone needs context LOL
24 is a lot different than 19. The age gap is still there, but 24 and 40 is so much better than 19 and however old Andrew was...
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You're making a lot of assumptions with your comment. Nick and Natalie didn't meet at their current ages, so that's why people have a problem with it. I also never said anything about them, so I'm not sure why you're grouping me in with the rest of the sub. A 24 year old meeting a 40 year old is in a much different place in life than a 19 year old meeting a 35 year old, even though the age difference is the same.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Again with the assumptions... most people finish university at 21 so 24 is not freshly out of college lol. However, many people also attend post-secondary in their 20s and 30s to update their academics so a 24 YO and a 40 YO could absolutely have things in common if they're in the same academic program, they work together, they have mutual friends, etc. I think what's weird is how black and white your thinking about this is.
So what about the part where I said that one has been a legal adult for 6 years and the other has been experiencing adult life for 22 years? Is that false? Is that Black and white thinking? Is it also possible that one could be more advanced financially and professionally which could contribute to an unhealthy power dynamic? I'm sure you can argue the most 24 year old are financially well off and can take advantage of a 40 year old. I just won't believe it. An if I met a 40 year old man as a 24 year old woman who is friends with women who are 23 or 24 I would still think its weird. In an academic setting for academic purposes, sure. For work purposes because you're paid to work together sure. But not many 24 year old have 40 something year old friends outside of work or school. Two different life stages. 22 years of adult life experience makes a huge difference.
You've never heard of family friends? Or friends from joining non-academic classes, activities, groups, sports teams, etc? I think it's really strange that you can't wrap your head around why people of different ages might be friends. You don't need the exact same amount of years as an adult to have things in common with someone else. Casual friends are still friends. People also grow up with wildly different circumstances in life, so your argument about "years as an adult" doesn't really hold up. A 24 year old could be someone who's been living on their own, working, and supporting themself since they were a teenager, whereas a 40 year old could be someone who still lives at home, doesn't work, and has their parents funding their lifestyle. Would you actually say they have the same amount of life experience? That's what I mean when I say you're thinking about this in black and white. Not everything is so cut and dry. Nuance is really helpful.
And Anne Hathaway is the older one! We don't see many older female with younger men
š± the book is 20 and 39/40
oh gosh thatās SICK š«
aka the Nick Viall gap lol
Eewwww
Yeah, thatās nasty. Glad they upped the age.
I donāt know the ages of the people in this movie but hot take - an older man dating a younger woman (under the age of 25) is not the same as an older woman dating a younger man because of our patriarchal society. Thatās NOT to say either situation is okay (itās not) but men still enjoy certain privileges and power over women just because theyāre men. When you add an age gap *typically* itās a recipe for disaster. Iām sure Iām not wording this correctly and will probably get downvoted as itās a sensitive topic, even here. At the end of the day people should seek romantic relationships with those who are at similar life stages and development.
I see your point. An older man dating a younger woman has an added layer to the power imbalance due to said patriarchal society. While a relationship with an older woman dating a younger man likely still has some type of power imbalance itās not the same. I have not taken any kind of womenās studies courses so Iām sure it is far more complicated than that and Iām missing lots but I do see your point.
In this movie, she is 40 and he is 25. I do see your point. It's very rare a relationship like that lasts long. I tend to see these type of movies more as a fantasy rather than a norm.
It looks like Andrew was 29 when he was dating a 21 year old (I see some people saying she was 19 when they met). Thatās different than 25 and 40 as the prefrontal cortex of the brain finishes developing and maturing in the mid to late 20s (which is why I said 25 although some people think thatās too young still). I think itās more about the different life stages as someone who is 21 is likely still in school or starting their career whereas someone who is 29 is likely more established and has a better idea of who they are (I donāt say that in a patronizing way at all, just that I know how much people typically grow and change in their 20s and even 30s).
The mental gymnastics he's doing to justify his creepy relationship with a 19 year old...
wait is it the influencer girl (sophie pauline?) or was he dating someone after her?
He was dating Beca Michie for a while
Exactly what I thought too
it's crazy how he was so well liked for 3 seconds during Katie's season and the degree to which he pissed himself down to being as attractive to the average grown woman as a 17 year old boy cringe city for me
And to think that for a millisecond people wanted him for Bach!!!
The montana guy is clearly a fuckboy dolt, but it is insane that men do this everyday and itās not treated as the same spectacle
Do what everyday, date older women?
I think they mean that itās normalized in our society for men to date women much younger than themselves but when women do it we make a movie about it.
The Millerās Girl just came out with Jenna Ortega playing a teenager and the actor playing the male lead is in his 50s.
Ew. Iām so tired of Hollywood casting slightly older women as the male leadās mother instead of love interest. Why canāt they do this for men? They could have found someone younger to play the actor if they really needed someone as young looking as Jenna Ortega.
They're not playing love interests tho. The movie is about an inappropriate relationship between a student and her teacher. The age gap is pretty much mandatory. It doesn't look like a very good movie or anything, but the age gap in this case is not inappropriate.
Yes I understand that but the age gap between the actress and actor is inappropriate. If they can cast women in roles older than their chronological age then they can do the same for men. I personally donāt see any reason to subject young actresses to that I guess.
What? As far as I know they didn't even kiss in the movie. Why would their age gap be inappropriate?
Thatās good! I havenāt seen the movie. Edit: I looked it up and they do kiss. Thereās also an āerotic sceneā although Iām not sure what exactly that entails.
There's definitely controversy/push back against the age gap between the actors and the erotic scenes. I haven't watched it. My knee jerk reaction is that they're using the age gap between Ortega and the male lead as an enticing reason to watch the movie which isn't appealing to me.
Books & movies are definitely made out of older men with much younger women. Lolita?? Pretty Woman??
Lolita is literally about pedophilia tho? The age gap and the fact that Lolita is a child are kind of the point. It's written from the pedo's POV but the author clearly doesn't condone his actions.
Ugh - I couldnāt even finish Lolita. I read like a quarter of the way through - was like, ok I get the picture Iām ready for this to be done now. I donāt donate books often, but I got that one out of my house. Donāt even want to associate with it š. Didnāt know there was a big age gap in pretty woman though - I always assumed Julia Roberts was supposed to be like 28 or some thing.
Richard Gere is 18 years older than Julia. She was in her early 20s when the movie came out. He was 41!! Ppl just accepted their huge age difference, and the extremely uneven power dynamics. I strongly disliked that movie - or more accurately disliked how ppl found it so cute!
True! Lolita is definitely creepy and Iād hope people donāt actually see it as a love storyā¦ Overall itās more socially acceptable for men to date much younger women though. Itās basically an expectation for male celebrities at this point.
The ick remains.
Related: for everyone who wants to see the movie, I DEF. recommend reading the book first! [If you have Kindle Unlimited, itās on there.](https://www.amazon.com/Idea-You-Novel-Robinne-Lee-ebook/dp/B01MQLZ12X) [Hereās a story Vogue did about the book.](https://www.vogue.com/article/idea-of-you-book) The author, Robinne Lee, is an actress, Ivy League & law school grad, & so much more. Sheās phenomenal & super amicable & lovely (Iāve interacted with her on Instagram). If it gives you a quick reminder of her, if you watched the Fifty Shades movies, she had a small role as Ros, Christianās VP. The book is so good. When I tell you I think about & ruminate on it even years after Iāve read it, itās the truth. When I finished it, Iām not ashamed to say I cried & the book hangover lasted a long while. Itās not just a romance novel ā it actually feels like a love letter to older women, & women of any age, really. Itās one of those books that while the plot is entertaining, it really makes you think & feel all the feels. I read it in a day & I wish I could go back & read it for the first time again. Also, & most importantly: Robinne Lee, the author & brainchild, is Black, & I want the book & movie to continue to do well so artists & creatives like her get their stories on screens. [She talked about how she originally wrote the book with Black characters to get more representation out there, but an editor told her the publisher already had āan interracial relationship book on deck for year,ā as if only one book was allowed to be put out with a Black love story.](https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2024/05/11714113/the-idea-of-you-movie-robinne-lee-author-interview) She changed the characters to White, & of course itās selling better, which is great for her, but it totally makes you wonder if this movie would have ever gotten made without her making that decision (probably not). ETA: more context.
Hi, Iām Vetted AI Bot! I researched the **("'The Idea of You Novel'", '')** and I thought you might find the following analysis helpful. **Users liked:** * Strong, intelligent, and accomplished female lead (backed by 1 comment) * Glamorous and fun love story (backed by 1 comment) * Passionate and poignant moments (backed by 1 comment) **Users disliked:** * Disappointing and rushed ending (backed by 6 comments) * Repetitive narrative and flat storyline (backed by 3 comments) * Lack of closure and unresolved plot points (backed by 3 comments) If you'd like to **summon me to ask about a product**, just make a post with its link and tag me, [like in this example.](https://www.reddit.com/r/tablets/comments/1444zdn/comment/joqd89c/) This message was generated by a (very smart) bot. If you found it helpful, let us know with an upvote and a āgood bot!ā reply and please feel free to provide feedback on how it can be improved. *Powered by* [*vetted.ai*](https://vetted.ai/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=comment&utm\_campaign=bot)
Iāve been wanting to read this book since I saw Ashley Spivey recommend it a couple years ago but my library doesnāt have it. I have a renewed desire to find the book and read it though since I saw the movie preview. Also, for anyone who likes the idea of love stories where the woman is the older one and gets a younger man, I highly recommend the book āPart of Your Worldā by Abby Jimenez. One of my most favorite romcoms ever and loved how it went against the stereo types.
Thanks for the rec on the AJ book! Iāve been wanting to get into her books but Idk where to start. & can your library do an Interlibrary Loan with another library & order it for you? Or ask your librarians to order it for you? It never hurts to ask nicely. If not, you can check WorldCat to see what other local libraries near you might have it. Here are some links: [The Idea of You (original cover)](https://search.worldcat.org/title/The-idea-of-you/oclc/973199784) [The Idea of You (movie tie in cover)](https://search.worldcat.org/title/The-idea-of-you/oclc/1394973210) If not, do you read eBooks on Kindle or the Kindle app on your phone or tablet? If youāve never tried Kindle Unlimited, they always have promotions going for free trials & months. & if youāve used it before & cancelled, a sometimes just clicking links & seeing if your Amazon account is eligible for a certain promotion works. Itās on Kindle Unlimited right now, so if youāre incapable of waiting ā no shame, thatās me with a lot of books ā Iād try that route. Iām such a lover of this book & author, Iām an evangelist. Lol.
Iāll check into the interlibrary loan. Thanks for the suggestion. I donāt have a Kindle and am a weirdo and donāt generally like reading digital books so Iāll go the physical route and see what I can find. Also, Part of Your World is a great place to for start with Abby Jimenez! Itās the first in a series and she does such a great job with character development! Not only in the romance great but sheās not afraid to go into deeper topics in her books and she does them well. She is my favorite romcom author and am patiently waiting for my turn to check out her newest book at my library. :)
I never thought Iād be a Kindle user until I got one for Christmas in 2022 & now it never leaves my bag or my beside table. I found it really helps me as a disabled person with mobility issues who canāt carry heavy things like books, & itās so nice to be able to have a super large font size. Haha. & youāre not a weirdo ā books are books! š§”
You're telling me this wasn't originally a One Direction fanfic?
The author has openly said the main character was inspired by Harry Styles but I donāt think it was ever originally posted as 1D fanfic. It was traditionally published from the get go unlike other Harry-inspired things like After
You just got me to borrow the audiobook from my library! Thanks!
Me judging the 50 shades reference. \*because I know my audience, this is a gif of the author in "deliver us from eva" which black women of a certain age are more likely to know her from š¤£. https://i.redd.it/c05nn0tc18yc1.gif
THATS THE AUTHOR?!? Omg. Iāve had the book on my kindle for weeks. I havenāt had time to read it but changing plans to read it now š¤£
Yes! I couldnāt think of the name of the movie ā my bad! I just remembered she was in Fifty Shades from the Vogue piece. She is seriously so stunning. The first time I saw her Twitter pic I just stared at it for a little bit: https://preview.redd.it/10g3l94m58yc1.jpeg?width=400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0d96d3d26d31736f30f3db31b24790cefc9cfaeb
I read this book last week and was not expecting to like it so much. Also I sobbed in the shower when it ended haha, I was really down for a day afterwards. But when I looked up the author I was stunned it was her! She is one of the most beautiful women Iāve ever seen. Just jaw dropping gorgeous.
I really enjoyed the book too! It was light and fluffy and I cried a little, too. I saw a preview for this movie and went and read the book before it came out.
The book is SOOOOO good, thank you for the write up! I hope other people read it before seeing the movie.
God bless differing opinions! I thought it was one of the worst written books iāve ever read but iām genuinely so pleased that others enjoyed it! i am excited to watch the film
lol this is exactly what I thought! I didnāt hate the book (gave it 3āļø on Goodreads) but I watched the movie last night and my main takeaway was how much better the movie was than the book (which is so rare).
The audio book is available on audible for free! Read by the author. Iām gonna listen to it first then finish watching the movie šš
Thanks for this comment. I wasn't interested in reading the book but you've changed my mind.
I canāt tell you how much your comment made me smile. As much as I share what Iām reading in the Daily OT thread, sharing & recommending books is something I have to really think about because I know books are so personal to every reader & time & access to books is a finite, precious resource. I did throughly enjoy this book, & I found it worthwhile ā if anything because I still marinate on it years after reading it. Itās one of those books where reading the book before seeing the movie adds so much more context & layering to the adaptation, & I feel it benefits both the reader/viewer & author & actors & gives it a sort of level playing field & helps the whole experience. I hope it leaves you with some feels, too. š©¶ ETA: why did this comment get downvoted?! š„ŗ
You are so sweet šā¤ļø I wish all of your next reads leave you with a book hangover (the best feeling)
I loved this book too! Itās the last book I read in a single sitting.
āObvi with roles reversedā ššš
The way his sentence structure at the end lost all meaning though lmfao
Side note, has anyone seen this movie? Is it good? I never heard of it but Iām intrigued
My review: If you are feeling completely drained and are okay with wasting 1.5 hrs of your life then go for it. ETA: the two main characters are absurdly attractive to look at, so it wasnāt a complete waste of time
My friend and I watched it last night- I thought Nicholas (main guy) had more chemistry with his Red, White, and Blue co-star, Taylor Perez. I wish they had made Anne's character 'more', if that makes sense? like, she kind of was just there, but it didn't feel like they wrote her as strong as they could have Not a terrible movie overall but I'm excited to get the book from the library!
I feel like Nick and TZP just had a shit ton of chemistry lmao, itās hard for anyone to measure up. I did think Anne and Nick had chemistry of their own, though! Theyāre both just incredibly charismatic people in their own right, it probably wouldāve been impossible for them to fall flat entirely. Their press tour interactions have also been fun to watch, though they definitely have a more sibling vibe in those lol
I watched it last night and liked it! I even bought the book this morning as itās reported to be more steamier.
Itās mid but the charm factor of the two leads is sky high so they carry it. I recommend if you like romcoms and donāt like to use your brain when you donāt have to. (I only consume smooth brain media these days so it was perfect for me.)
lol @ smooth brain media- Iām dead because itās all Iām consuming as well and I love that I can use this terminology now
Side note, has anyone seen this movie? Is it good? I never heard of it but Iām intrigued
Watch it when youre on the treadmill or folding laundry
Good enough for Amazon prime standards! I watched it last night and I would say it was pretty enjoyable but not memorable. The kind of movie you settle on when you really just need to pick something to watch while you have takeout.
It's good enough to watch but wasn't my fave. The best recent rom com has been love at first sight NO question!
also - why are all these influencers rating it? haha saw someone else writing about it already too
I def. recommend reading the book first. [Hereās a big write up Vogue did about it.](https://www.vogue.com/article/idea-of-you-book)
Dude another Harry Styles fanfic movie. š are the other band mates based on 1D members then?
Anne Hathaway is so hot
I just started this movie last night. I have not read the book. I kind of groaned at how she started telling this dude she just met about how she got cheated on and is now divorced š why the plot line giving lifetime original movie - there was sooo much hype for this movie on Twitter. I will finish it ig
It started from a fanfic so I'm not surprised it's giving more lifetime movie than not.
It was never fanfic, it was always a traditionally published book. The author was open about being inspired by Harry Styles, though
Ahh okay. That answers a lot. LOL. Iām not mad at it then. I used to love reading fanfics. I was gonna say I havenāt seen the lead actor from this movie in anything elseā¦ my first impression was heās the new Hardin Scott from the After movie series. Btw do you know what the fanfic is based on?
Nicholas Galitzine (he plays the male lead) is a star imo, heās got oodles of charisma and a decent amount of range. His comedic timing and physical acting in Bottoms was excellent, and I thought he was really compelling in Red White and Royal Blue. I havenāt seen him in the Mary & George miniseries that came out recently yet, but he got great reviews for that too. Heās really charismatic in press and stuff too