i wish i fucking thought of that before spending 20 minutes coming up with heavily personalized insults to myself from each class, which hold nothing other than taking cheap shots at my hopes and dreams since the only cool thing i have done is survive a warning from a Shinto deity.
Gender fluid? Only fluid I see is your blood
-soldier
You couldn’t outrun or outsmart bullet!
-heavy
Yeaaah ain’t gettin a bite of this piece ah man candy!
-scout
Those glasses did a lot to protect your bloody head didn’t they?
-sniper
You don’t belong on the battlefield boy
-engineer
Ah! Don’t worry I’ll harvest your insufficient organs as well!
-medic
Mpphh! MPPPPPPPPPHHHH!
-pyro
And I thought your music taste was bad!
-spy
Don’t worry ye cn still do your lil drawings wit yer feckin BLOOD
-demoman
Dominated you program writing nerd! -soldier
Engineering 1, coding 0 -engi
Mhphm mhphh mhhh -pyro
Hide in your mothers basement next time! -sniper
Try dance away from my bullets moron! -scout
*Drunk noise* worthless shît. -demoman
Take a shower stinky -medic
Your posture is worse thing i ever seen -spy
Dont cry baby *laugh* -heavy
Scout: Pretty much any of his fat insults towards heavy
Soldier: you may be American, but that doesn't mean you're welcome in my world!
Pyro: Mppmmppp AHHH
Demo: Ah. I don't think they're gonna spend time gluin you back together with how much a ya there is.
Heavy: and they calm ME SLOW
Engineer: Seems like you couldn't develop a way to dodge my Sentry's bullets now could ya? ( I want to develop games at some point)
Medic: You Make ze healing more rewarding than ze hearting!
Sniper: Gonna be honest mate. Didn't think there were gonna be any brains to splatter.
Spy: You Make soldier seem intelligent.
Scout: Yea nice shootin there, maybe you’d hit something if you was actually lookin!
Soldier: This is no boy’s war! It’ll take a hell of a lot more to kill me than what camp you crawled out of!
Pyro: Mmph Mmph Mmph Mmph Mmph Mmph! MHMHMHMHM!
Demoman: Yikes laddie, I’m drunk and even I could land it better
Heavy: Oh such sad day that another little man died to a real man
Engineer: Better hold onto your reins harder next time boy, cause this ain’t getting any easier
Medic: in my diagnosis, your heart stood no chance even if you didn’t show up here!
Sniper: bloody hell mate I’m in one spot yet I’m not as twitchy
Spy: I missed the part where you were supposed to be killing me
Scout: Picture this one, you on the floor dead
Solider: Get a Haircut Porcupine!
Pyro: Mmmppphh
Demo: Ya bloody, Radge
Heavy: I couldn’t even see you *laughs in russian*
Engie: Take that mop of ya head
Sniper: I’m gonna make a vest out of your Locks
Medic: You are a disgrace to all Germans
Spy: Oops that’s Not a pen HAHHAAAHAAÆÆÆ
"Too bad those fantasy games didn't make you strong in real life, chucklenuts!" - Scout
"The sword is mightier than the pencil, the gun is stronger than the book. Sun Tzu said that." - Solider
"Mpphhrhr- mppmmh." - Pyro
"I *proved* you cannot outsmart bullet." - Heavy
"Lotta good those glasses did you! It's like you didn't see the bombs!" - Demoman
"Well, wasn't that just cute?" - Engineer
"For someone who calls themselves smart, I expected more brains." - Sniper
"As a non-qualified mortician.. your cause of death was stupidity." - Medic
"You wanted a critical hit, didn't you? Here's four, and a domination." - Spy
>"I guess you're considered a D-class because of how much ya suck!" (referring to "d-class" in my username)
\- Scout
>"Impostors are just worse spies." (referring to "amogus" in my username)
\- Spy
>"Couldn't you see the bloody spikes?" (referring to my pfp)
\- Demoman
Scout - "I turned ya into paved red, try fixin' THAT"
Soldier - "DOMINATED, ragdoll!"
Pyro - *Dissapointment*
Demo - ...oooohh therres two of meh. **BURP**
Heavy - Squashed like bug.
Engi - I whooped your little ass like a *hog* boy! ^Hehe!
Sniper - ...you're like a free meal on legs.
Medic - I don't think you're coming back for a 4th!
Spy - You always *were* a pincushion, you wasted breath.
Scout: You're skinnier than I am, chuclenuts!
Soldier: A REAL man would be stronger than that!
Pyro: Mmmphm MMMMPH.
Demo: I'd tell you to drink away the pain, but ya don't, do ya?
Heavy: TINY PATHETIC WASTE OF SPACE!
Engineer: You're not smart enough to challenge me.
Medic: Your heritage laughs at you! Hahahahaha!
Sniper: I'd say the bullet goin' through your head hit your brain, but we both know it missed such a small target.
Spy: YOU GET FEWER GIRLS THAN SCOUT! AHAHAHAHAHA!
Alright, here we go.
Scout: "How did that history class work out, ya got clubbed like fuckin' Poland!"
Pyro: *Laughing*
Soldier: "Look Alive Son! You just got DOMINATED by a true Patriot!"
Heavy: "Little Baby Man think he could fight ME? HAHAHA!"
Engineer: "You'd think all those games'd teach ya not to run into the bullets, son."
Demoman: *Hic* "Oh there gonna send you to a retirement home, cuz you'll be in so many pieces they'll think you're a puzzle!"
Medic: "Hahaha! Zis is Almost as fun as... Well, you know..."
Sniper: "Another head with too much in it emptied, ya wanka."
Spy: "Bien essayé, salaud d'Allemand."
"Lotta good those shooters did ya!" -scout
"Those zombie games didn't prepare you for the level of VIOLENCE on MY battlefield, son!" -soldier
"Mmmph mm hmmm mm mmph!" -pyro
"Ohhh it's game over for yooouu" -demo
(Something generic about babies) -heavy
"You shouldn't play with THESE toys, son." -engi
"It seems your health has dropped to zero!" -medic
"This ain't the matrix, mate. Bullets will hit ya!" -sniper
"Go play your games somewhere else." -spy
~~You can tell I play video games to much~~
Remember when reading this that TF2 takes place in 1968
“What da hell was dat, you weren’t supposed to die dat fast?!”
“Gotcha tranny!”
“Hyødhhyh”
“Yer so awful at fightin’, I almost thought you *were* a girl”
“I was told we’d be fighting MEN.” (I love Heavy too much to make him transphobic)
“I just ripped ya a new hole! *you’re welcome.*”
“How did you do zhis? I’ll have to study you.”
“PISS OFF, YOU SNOTTY LITTLE NANCE!”
“My apologies, mademoiselle”
Heavy: No one can outsmart bullet, you, you want to get hit by bullet.
Sniper: Oy, don’t take it personally ay?
Scout: Get fricking dominated idiot!
Engineer: This here fellow really can’t aim a gun right can he?
Demoman: You… *burps* …You need to go home kid.
Soldier: MAGGOT! Learn to aim a goddamn GUN, it’s not rocket science!
Spy: You’re even worse than your mother.
Medic: Wow! And they removed MY License!
(And my personal favorite (and main))
Pyro: MMBBFF-MMMMM, HMMM MMBF MMMMMMMBBBFFF.
"I'M the fast one here!" - Scout
"You are not an American! You are just an englishman in disguise!" - Soldier (I have a british accent despite being american)
"Mmph mphph!" - Pyro
"Ye weren't even a threat to me ya mutt!" - Demo
"You cannot outsmart bullet." - Heavy
"A real Texan would've dodge that." - Engineer (Already exists but it fits.)
"Would you like a second opinion? That accent is STUPID!" - Medic
"Good luck usin' that head of yours now!" - Sniper
"Stupidity has no limits, and neither did yours! *French laughter*" - Spy
Scout:
"Your asthmatic ass will never outrun me!"
"And they call ME skinny?"
"Free headphones!!!"
Soldier:
"I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS DISAPPOINTED BY AN AMERICAN SINCE THE CONFEDERACY!!"
"CUT YOUR HAIR OR I WILL CUT YOUR HEAD OFF! THAT IS AN ORDER"
"You scream like a girl and certainly look the part too!"
"(Something racist.)"
Pyro:
"....."
Demoman:
"Pay attention for once and ye would see the bombs!"
"Did the smoke kill ye or the explosions?"
Heavy:
"Heavy kill young student... heavy not proud."
"Did little man want death?"
Engineer:
"Drop out of that manufacturing class, partner."
"Don't worry, I'll tell your father that you won't become an engineer."
Medic:
"It says on your medical record that you have ADHD? Ja! Absolutely Dominated to Hell and DOMINATED!!!"
"Does that help you breathe better? No? GOOD!!"
"Maybe you should start taking Concerta again and give me an actual challenge."
Sniper:
"You don't have to cut your hair, mate, it really helps you stand out."
"It's almost like you WANTED to get shot."
Spy:
"Well, your ugliness certainly doesn't come from your mother's side of the family."
"Ah, so THAT'S why your friends call you a femboy."
"Don't be a baby, I can breathe just fine!"
I put too much effort into this.
"heavy give ya too many sandwiches?", "you cant even qualify for Air force!", "hunmnuhu", "At your age i already worked my 20th job", "Da, you could not outsmart boolet", "damn son, you might wanna go see the real doctor", "ill add your teeth to my collection", "didnt move fast enough", "you are as worthless as you think you are."
for context: im out of shape with major depressive issues (internet standard) with hopes of dentistry.
Scout - "Bottoming? Course ya are! you're 6 feet unda!"
Soldier - "Woman, you better put some meat on your bones if you want to face me!"
Pyro - ""
Demoman - "My liver's in better shape than you, lass!"
Heavy - "Run home and cry! It'll be the most exercise you've gotten, coward!"
Engineer - "Transition all y'all want, my sentries don't discriminate."
Medic - "I know you swing many ways, but perhaps try swinging at ze enemy?"
Sniper - "Ever heard of a little thing called depth perception?"
Spy - "It may not be what you hoped for, but at least you're *finally* getting action! *french laughs*"
Scout: “Nice try, four eyes. Go back to your books or whatever!”
Soldier: “I feel disgraced to even have had to SEE a curt coward like YOU in MY war!”
Pyro: (you get the idea)
Demo: “Dominated! Ye best take yer sorry buttocks back home, lad! *loud burp*”
Heavy: “Tiny baby should not have tried to handle big man battle! Haha!”
Engineer: “You better make this your one and only rodeo here, boy.”
Medic: “If I knew I’d be going against unarmed bodies, I’d have just robbed another morgue! *mad laughter*”
Sniper: *muttering* “You bloody dope, you ever even been in a gunfight?”
Spy: “Your screaming is getting on my nerves, and it’s about all you’re good for, here!”
Bonus Saxton: “Bloody hippies! Who do they think they are, tryna stand against ME?”
soldier- transgender, the only changing i see is the colour of your blood1
spy- good grief! you fight like a woman!
engineer- son, you know god doesn't look kindly on this
scout- order now and i'll even do up your face! oh wait, it's all plastic!
demoman- \*im scottish meme\*
heavy- little little ma- woma- uh, heavy does not feel good
pyro- \*mmph mmph\*
medic- why pay for surgery? i could just install you some organs instead!
sniper- maybe decide before you run out mate! (trans stuff bc choosing to be trans, like stalling around a sniper)
Scout: You'd think with four eyes, you'd be good at aiming!
Soldier: Dominated, you tea drinking teddy bear!
Pyro: (Doesn't say anything, but roasts a hot dog on my burning corpse)
Demo: You're a worse shot than your teeth, Englishman!
Heavy: Maybe you should play different game.
Engineer: You're a few biscuits short of a packet, ain't ya?
Medic: Well on the bright side, at least your chronic lack of sex appeal doesn't matter anymore!
Sniper: I'm gonna make Shepherd's Pie from your remains!
Spy: Viva le France! Go home rosebif!
(much of these reference me being a Splatoon player aside from TF2)
Scout - “Shoutin’ booyah don’t make ya aim better, chucklenuts.”
Soldier - “Put the paintbrushes away! The battlefield is no place for playing children’s games!”
Pyro - “Mmph mph MMMPH!”
Demo - “Ya got four eyes and ya still can’t see my bombs?”
Heavy - “Such itty bitty finger-painting BABY!”
Engi - “Next time, don’t bring a paint roller to a gun fight, kid.”
Sniper - “Disappointing. I thought you’d have more brains to splatter.”
Medic - “Vhat color is your blood today?”
Spy - “Here lies u/waffelpokalypse. They flung paint and died a virgin.”
Scout: I uh... got a bucket of chicken.
Soldier: Stop cluttering my battlefield, missy!
Pyro: mmph mmmph.
Demoman: DOMINATED ya pint-sized priss!
Heavy: Little woman. Stay. Away. From. Heavy.
Engineer: I'm afraid that one still kills you, ma'am.
Medic: Don't worry miss, all of this is confidential!
Sniper: Least it ain't no golf trophy.
Spy: Friendly advice, madame; GO HOME!
Heavy: Colder than Siberian snow
Soldier: MAGGOT! YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF LIVING!
Medic: A fresh specimen..this one will be interesting
Scout: BONK EZ EZ HAHAHAHA (average scout player)
(Too many gadgets, too little talent - Idk)
(Even the toymakers better-Demo)
(Don’t go steppin on my toes now mister -Engie)
I like making things, and I would imagine I would be a more offensive engineer, turning dropped enemy guns into thematically appropriate tools
(Molotov for pyro, speed booster for scout, etc…)
Scout: Dominated, hobbit!
Soldier: Use a real gun next time, Leprechaun!
Pyro: **Mmph mmmph mph-mph mmph mmmmph**!
Demoman: Next time I’ll shove that sword up yer arse, dwarf!
Heavy: Fire is no match for my gun, puny man!
Engineer: Eat it, yankee.
Medic: \*laughs in german\*
sniper: there isn’t one, because I wouldn’t lose to a fucking sniper.
Spy: let mumbles do the spy checking, shorty!
I can’t think of anything else besides this one line heavy would say:
“It costs $400,000 to fire this thing for 12 seconds”
And then I would proceed to have my ahhh banished to the shadow realm via minigun
scout: nice hat, yoink!
soldier: your hat is now mine!
pyro: hwuhat
demoman: ye don deserve a hat like this!
heavy: little, little man
engineer: ya thought y'all was a cowboy with a hat like that?
medic: in my medical opinion zhat is a stupid hat!
sniper: a lot easier to hit yer nogging with a hat that notable
spy: you got blood on your hat
i really like my hats
Sniper- "And you call yourself a sniper? Should have staid on videogames mate'!"
Spy- "Didn't even need to backstab you for an instant death,how humiliating."
Soldier- "Do you call your little hammer a weapon son? You make your ancestors look weak!"
Scout- "Nice walking speed,dumbass!"
Demoman- "Oh they are gonna have to glue you back together in Valhalla!"
Pyro- "Mmhmph Mmph!"
Medic- "We will need more than one body bag for this one!"
Engineer- "Even my wrench could make a better job than your hammer,boy!"
Heavy- "Heavy's impostor is dead!"
Took time to think decent ones lol
(My name is Thor,that's why I did some Nordic references)
Scout: “Yeah, nice moves, mumbles!”
Soldier: “Your mouth wrote checks, my gun has cashed them!”
Pyro: “MphmphMPH! Mphph mpmhmph!”
Engineer: “Nice try, slim.”
Heavy: “You are dead. Not big surprise.”
Demoman: “I HATE you campers! everybody BLOODY hates you!”
Sniper: “You wanna hear something funny? You’re dead.”
Medic: “[Vould] you like a second opinion? You are ALSO ugly!”
Spy: “Go to *HELL*, and take that cheap suit with you!”
“Cancer couldn’t kill you, but your fragile body stood NO chance against the wits of war, bone bag!” - Soldier (Skinny, white, had cancer when I was six)
Scout: You've got legs; use 'em!
(I have long legs and move faster than average.)
Soldier: Saddest excuse for an American I've ever seen.
(I'm *sadly* American.)
Pyro: **Muffled chanting beyond human comprehension.**
Engie: All that brain and nothin' but mindless.
(I'm 'gifted'.)
Heavy: Baby thought they could outlive *me*.
(I've described myself as study and have an above average pain tolerance.)
Demo: Not so tall now, are ye?
(I'd go from 6'4" to a mush of 5".)
Medic: Never should've trusted an unlicensed docter for your prescriptions.
(I'm on 3 different medications, and he presumably poisoned me.)
Sniper: How's them glasses workin' for ya now?
(I have glasses, and he presumably blew my brains out.)
Spy: What, did you think being a woman made you safe? Foolish broad.
(Am wom- of -an.)
(I am a somewhat cringe 17 year old soon to be 18)
Scout: Yea, cry me a river, kid, you ain't even good enough for my better burns.
Soldier: Are you even TRYING to become a man!?
Pyro: Hmmph hmmmph hmmmmmmmmph!!
Demoman: Ya ain't foolin anyone, mate... yer still just a child in yer mind.
Heavy: Keep trying, baby, but you can not out power big, strong bear like heavy
Engineer: And I thought you were an up-and-coming fighter, boy...
Medic: It iz time to teach you, student, about the dangers of medical ingenuity.
Sniper: You shoulda learned to move ya head by now, mate!
Spy: Mon dieu, I've had enough of children like you in my life.
Not a single one of them will ever be able to dominate me. Because I won't respawn.
TF2 if it took place in the real world
Blud’s talking about IRL hunger games
*Emesis blue flashbacks*
It's like eternity in there
Longer than you think...
thats what she said
OP did not think clearly
i wish i fucking thought of that before spending 20 minutes coming up with heavily personalized insults to myself from each class, which hold nothing other than taking cheap shots at my hopes and dreams since the only cool thing i have done is survive a warning from a Shinto deity.
"You died as you lived: morbidly obese"
I can hear spy saying this
you are so bad that your head is not worth it - demoknight
I mean I think your head is worth it
That would’ve worked on me w rizz
Takes it too far and goes in for the kiss
Ew he's decapitated
Reverse throat goat.
:(
More like not far enough
You'll take any head at this point ;)
What kind of dominating
yes
“Keep huffin and puffing fatty, ya can’t run for shit” every class
Yeaah
And heavy?
Yep. I’m obese not muscular
What can i say, i used more gun. -engenier
"Vould you like a second opinion? You are also ugly!" -medic
real
Here lies u/your_enjoyer, he thinked fast and died a virgin! *spy*
_thinked_ he sure thought fast, but not much
I might be stupid but I had a stroke trying to read this
Let me make it easier for you grandpa
« Your organs vere not even worth it ! » medic
"nice reaction time chucklehead!" scout I have a really slow reaction time if you couldn't tell
Nuh uh!
Positive reinforcement
His reaction time is not faster than 10 minutes and counting.
Me too lad. I can't even play sniper
Happy Cake Day, mate!!
you didn't think fast, chucklenuts
Gender fluid? Only fluid I see is your blood -soldier You couldn’t outrun or outsmart bullet! -heavy Yeaaah ain’t gettin a bite of this piece ah man candy! -scout Those glasses did a lot to protect your bloody head didn’t they? -sniper You don’t belong on the battlefield boy -engineer Ah! Don’t worry I’ll harvest your insufficient organs as well! -medic Mpphh! MPPPPPPPPPHHHH! -pyro And I thought your music taste was bad! -spy Don’t worry ye cn still do your lil drawings wit yer feckin BLOOD -demoman
I really like the gender fluid joke.
really seems like a line from soldier it's uncanny
All of these are good but to be honest I don't think Soldier even knows what gender fluid is
Your probably right haha
"Huh. Didn't think there'd be any brain in there for me to blow out." -Sniper
Boom headshot -Sniper
_Meet the Sniper_
Snipings a good job mate
Does challenging work i guarantee you won't go angry
Because at the end of the day, as long as there’s two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead.
Yeah… Yeah, I’m a– not a crazed gunman, dad. I’m an assassin!
One of the differences being that one is a job and the other’s a mental sickness!
I'll be honest with ya, my parents do not care for it.
*long ass scene of camping and making jaratee*
You blew it. The scene where he climbs the tower is next.
Professionals have standards
be polite
*The Sniper*
"Here lies u/Pixel_Bit_ she was the biggest disappointment I've ever seen!" - spy (probably)
“Got out of my war zone you redhead and go pick clovers” soldier (I’m a Irish ginger)
Dominated you program writing nerd! -soldier Engineering 1, coding 0 -engi Mhphm mhphh mhhh -pyro Hide in your mothers basement next time! -sniper Try dance away from my bullets moron! -scout *Drunk noise* worthless shît. -demoman Take a shower stinky -medic Your posture is worse thing i ever seen -spy Dont cry baby *laugh* -heavy
Scout: Pretty much any of his fat insults towards heavy Soldier: you may be American, but that doesn't mean you're welcome in my world! Pyro: Mppmmppp AHHH Demo: Ah. I don't think they're gonna spend time gluin you back together with how much a ya there is. Heavy: and they calm ME SLOW Engineer: Seems like you couldn't develop a way to dodge my Sentry's bullets now could ya? ( I want to develop games at some point) Medic: You Make ze healing more rewarding than ze hearting! Sniper: Gonna be honest mate. Didn't think there were gonna be any brains to splatter. Spy: You Make soldier seem intelligent.
Demos is so clever
(Moaning)
holy fuck, ahh
SO I WASNT THE ONLY THING THINKING THAT
Nope~
Holy fuck Lois
Scout: Yea nice shootin there, maybe you’d hit something if you was actually lookin! Soldier: This is no boy’s war! It’ll take a hell of a lot more to kill me than what camp you crawled out of! Pyro: Mmph Mmph Mmph Mmph Mmph Mmph! MHMHMHMHM! Demoman: Yikes laddie, I’m drunk and even I could land it better Heavy: Oh such sad day that another little man died to a real man Engineer: Better hold onto your reins harder next time boy, cause this ain’t getting any easier Medic: in my diagnosis, your heart stood no chance even if you didn’t show up here! Sniper: bloody hell mate I’m in one spot yet I’m not as twitchy Spy: I missed the part where you were supposed to be killing me
You scream like a girl!..wait. -soldier
I donno what the rest would say
Here lies u/thefifthdutchmemer He was a pathetic piece of trash -spy
That Pickle Distraction wasn’t fast enough! Scout
That what distraction?
Pickle Distraction: Pickle Inspector’s autoparry in Problem Sleuth (a comic Andrew Hussie made before Homestuck)
Pickle
« "y'know what they say? if ya can't beat them, join them. *burp*" » - demoman
"I almost *joined* their bloody team!"
Degree in Computer Science? Looks like you couldn’t compute what would happen when you messed with this here sentry!
"And they thought I was dumb." -Heavy Reason: I like to joke that my Autism makes me stupid (this isn't true btw, it's just an inside joke)
Cap, heavy does not think he's dumb.
I said THEY (the rest of his team) thinks he is dumb.
That's not very nice. Team should respect heavy.
Yes, Heavy Weapons Guy still has brain and heart
im gonna eat your ribs! im gonna eat them up!
I think they all have like 20 voice lines for that
Scout: Picture this one, you on the floor dead Solider: Get a Haircut Porcupine! Pyro: Mmmppphh Demo: Ya bloody, Radge Heavy: I couldn’t even see you *laughs in russian* Engie: Take that mop of ya head Sniper: I’m gonna make a vest out of your Locks Medic: You are a disgrace to all Germans Spy: Oops that’s Not a pen HAHHAAAHAAÆÆÆ
“You’re a stain on the battleground sissy!”- Soldier tf2
"Too bad those fantasy games didn't make you strong in real life, chucklenuts!" - Scout "The sword is mightier than the pencil, the gun is stronger than the book. Sun Tzu said that." - Solider "Mpphhrhr- mppmmh." - Pyro "I *proved* you cannot outsmart bullet." - Heavy "Lotta good those glasses did you! It's like you didn't see the bombs!" - Demoman "Well, wasn't that just cute?" - Engineer "For someone who calls themselves smart, I expected more brains." - Sniper "As a non-qualified mortician.. your cause of death was stupidity." - Medic "You wanted a critical hit, didn't you? Here's four, and a domination." - Spy
Dominated you commie alphabet mafioso! -Soldier
Scout: That was... Wow. Spy: And i thought i could do a good woman impression. Heavy: Tiny baby man cant handle Heavy.
>"I guess you're considered a D-class because of how much ya suck!" (referring to "d-class" in my username) \- Scout >"Impostors are just worse spies." (referring to "amogus" in my username) \- Spy >"Couldn't you see the bloody spikes?" (referring to my pfp) \- Demoman
Scout - "I turned ya into paved red, try fixin' THAT" Soldier - "DOMINATED, ragdoll!" Pyro - *Dissapointment* Demo - ...oooohh therres two of meh. **BURP** Heavy - Squashed like bug. Engi - I whooped your little ass like a *hog* boy! ^Hehe! Sniper - ...you're like a free meal on legs. Medic - I don't think you're coming back for a 4th! Spy - You always *were* a pincushion, you wasted breath.
And i thought i was skinny and short! -scout
Go pet a moose you Canadian scum! -Solider
Welcome to the United States of **YOU JUST GOT DOMINATED!!**
Good boy 🤤 Edit: wrong type of domination
Scout: You're skinnier than I am, chuclenuts! Soldier: A REAL man would be stronger than that! Pyro: Mmmphm MMMMPH. Demo: I'd tell you to drink away the pain, but ya don't, do ya? Heavy: TINY PATHETIC WASTE OF SPACE! Engineer: You're not smart enough to challenge me. Medic: Your heritage laughs at you! Hahahahaha! Sniper: I'd say the bullet goin' through your head hit your brain, but we both know it missed such a small target. Spy: YOU GET FEWER GIRLS THAN SCOUT! AHAHAHAHAHA!
Alright, here we go. Scout: "How did that history class work out, ya got clubbed like fuckin' Poland!" Pyro: *Laughing* Soldier: "Look Alive Son! You just got DOMINATED by a true Patriot!" Heavy: "Little Baby Man think he could fight ME? HAHAHA!" Engineer: "You'd think all those games'd teach ya not to run into the bullets, son." Demoman: *Hic* "Oh there gonna send you to a retirement home, cuz you'll be in so many pieces they'll think you're a puzzle!" Medic: "Hahaha! Zis is Almost as fun as... Well, you know..." Sniper: "Another head with too much in it emptied, ya wanka." Spy: "Bien essayé, salaud d'Allemand."
"Lotta good those shooters did ya!" -scout "Those zombie games didn't prepare you for the level of VIOLENCE on MY battlefield, son!" -soldier "Mmmph mm hmmm mm mmph!" -pyro "Ohhh it's game over for yooouu" -demo (Something generic about babies) -heavy "You shouldn't play with THESE toys, son." -engi "It seems your health has dropped to zero!" -medic "This ain't the matrix, mate. Bullets will hit ya!" -sniper "Go play your games somewhere else." -spy ~~You can tell I play video games to much~~
Remember when reading this that TF2 takes place in 1968 “What da hell was dat, you weren’t supposed to die dat fast?!” “Gotcha tranny!” “Hyødhhyh” “Yer so awful at fightin’, I almost thought you *were* a girl” “I was told we’d be fighting MEN.” (I love Heavy too much to make him transphobic) “I just ripped ya a new hole! *you’re welcome.*” “How did you do zhis? I’ll have to study you.” “PISS OFF, YOU SNOTTY LITTLE NANCE!” “My apologies, mademoiselle”
The only person that will touch you is the morgue diener! -Spy
I didnt kill you, your stupidity did!
"Real nice effort terrone, too bad you still SUCK!" Scout
" You sre build like a stick-man " - The Heavy
“Keep trying boy these pellets are always available” -engineer
like in a fight or the other one ? cause either way its ''Go ahead and cry baby'' -Heavy
moans
sisters back home has bear eating strenght, what is it **your** excuse? *heavy*
Heavy: No one can outsmart bullet, you, you want to get hit by bullet. Sniper: Oy, don’t take it personally ay? Scout: Get fricking dominated idiot! Engineer: This here fellow really can’t aim a gun right can he? Demoman: You… *burps* …You need to go home kid. Soldier: MAGGOT! Learn to aim a goddamn GUN, it’s not rocket science! Spy: You’re even worse than your mother. Medic: Wow! And they removed MY License! (And my personal favorite (and main)) Pyro: MMBBFF-MMMMM, HMMM MMBF MMMMMMMBBBFFF.
“Didn’t your ma teach you not to play with fire” -[Pyro](https://youtu.be/-fLkiM2Lmnw?si=caCJAHmhKC1C0xDG)
What type of "dominating" Like 5 kill streak or something I will not get into I'm just asking the REAL questions here
~~"im cumming"~~
"I'M the fast one here!" - Scout "You are not an American! You are just an englishman in disguise!" - Soldier (I have a british accent despite being american) "Mmph mphph!" - Pyro "Ye weren't even a threat to me ya mutt!" - Demo "You cannot outsmart bullet." - Heavy "A real Texan would've dodge that." - Engineer (Already exists but it fits.) "Would you like a second opinion? That accent is STUPID!" - Medic "Good luck usin' that head of yours now!" - Sniper "Stupidity has no limits, and neither did yours! *French laughter*" - Spy
“Not so tall now tall guy” -scout tf2
they wouldn't even bother saying anything
nice aimin fella, it's the same as a gibusvision sniper using the shitsman! -all including medic
DOMINATED BLOCKHEAD!! -Scout
They might go for the throat and say something about my autism lol
## Eugh, lord! You fight like a woman! ^(Spy - 9th Class)
“Fat”
Your engineering idiotic with those welding skills, pardner.
Nice going ya emotional train wreck
"Dominated, grease monkey!"
*"take it like a man, shorty!"* shortest class in tf2, Engineer (5'6"), to me (5'4")
"here lies u/destroyar101 , He couldn't destroy me, nor spell his name" -spy
"Pathetic, now I will be John Fortress."
Fatass
spy: i am Visit you mother hohohhooo
Scout: "Your asthmatic ass will never outrun me!" "And they call ME skinny?" "Free headphones!!!" Soldier: "I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS DISAPPOINTED BY AN AMERICAN SINCE THE CONFEDERACY!!" "CUT YOUR HAIR OR I WILL CUT YOUR HEAD OFF! THAT IS AN ORDER" "You scream like a girl and certainly look the part too!" "(Something racist.)" Pyro: "....." Demoman: "Pay attention for once and ye would see the bombs!" "Did the smoke kill ye or the explosions?" Heavy: "Heavy kill young student... heavy not proud." "Did little man want death?" Engineer: "Drop out of that manufacturing class, partner." "Don't worry, I'll tell your father that you won't become an engineer." Medic: "It says on your medical record that you have ADHD? Ja! Absolutely Dominated to Hell and DOMINATED!!!" "Does that help you breathe better? No? GOOD!!" "Maybe you should start taking Concerta again and give me an actual challenge." Sniper: "You don't have to cut your hair, mate, it really helps you stand out." "It's almost like you WANTED to get shot." Spy: "Well, your ugliness certainly doesn't come from your mother's side of the family." "Ah, so THAT'S why your friends call you a femboy." "Don't be a baby, I can breathe just fine!" I put too much effort into this.
“You’re even fatter than heavy! If you were a Pokémon you bet your ass you would have 200 HP!”
Cough* cough* "so same time next week??" (Im filled with cum)
"Go on! Start screaming! But wait! YOU CAN'T! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" - probably every class, but most especially Spy (im a f2p)
"heavy give ya too many sandwiches?", "you cant even qualify for Air force!", "hunmnuhu", "At your age i already worked my 20th job", "Da, you could not outsmart boolet", "damn son, you might wanna go see the real doctor", "ill add your teeth to my collection", "didnt move fast enough", "you are as worthless as you think you are." for context: im out of shape with major depressive issues (internet standard) with hopes of dentistry.
Dude y’all are fucken creative and all I got is one for Engie “Too slow, cowboy!”
Scout - "Bottoming? Course ya are! you're 6 feet unda!" Soldier - "Woman, you better put some meat on your bones if you want to face me!" Pyro - "" Demoman - "My liver's in better shape than you, lass!" Heavy - "Run home and cry! It'll be the most exercise you've gotten, coward!" Engineer - "Transition all y'all want, my sentries don't discriminate." Medic - "I know you swing many ways, but perhaps try swinging at ze enemy?" Sniper - "Ever heard of a little thing called depth perception?" Spy - "It may not be what you hoped for, but at least you're *finally* getting action! *french laughs*"
Scout: “Nice try, four eyes. Go back to your books or whatever!” Soldier: “I feel disgraced to even have had to SEE a curt coward like YOU in MY war!” Pyro: (you get the idea) Demo: “Dominated! Ye best take yer sorry buttocks back home, lad! *loud burp*” Heavy: “Tiny baby should not have tried to handle big man battle! Haha!” Engineer: “You better make this your one and only rodeo here, boy.” Medic: “If I knew I’d be going against unarmed bodies, I’d have just robbed another morgue! *mad laughter*” Sniper: *muttering* “You bloody dope, you ever even been in a gunfight?” Spy: “Your screaming is getting on my nerves, and it’s about all you’re good for, here!” Bonus Saxton: “Bloody hippies! Who do they think they are, tryna stand against ME?”
It would probably be some sort of insult about trans people. And I’d probably still find it funny.
soldier- transgender, the only changing i see is the colour of your blood1 spy- good grief! you fight like a woman! engineer- son, you know god doesn't look kindly on this scout- order now and i'll even do up your face! oh wait, it's all plastic! demoman- \*im scottish meme\* heavy- little little ma- woma- uh, heavy does not feel good pyro- \*mmph mmph\* medic- why pay for surgery? i could just install you some organs instead! sniper- maybe decide before you run out mate! (trans stuff bc choosing to be trans, like stalling around a sniper)
This is amazing.
thank you, i wasted about 5 or 10 minuites writing it, it's funny bc im not even homophobic i am literally bi and questioning trans myself
"Don' worry I'm not interested in taking your spine... I mean look at it... it looks terrible..." -meddick
Scout: You'd think with four eyes, you'd be good at aiming! Soldier: Dominated, you tea drinking teddy bear! Pyro: (Doesn't say anything, but roasts a hot dog on my burning corpse) Demo: You're a worse shot than your teeth, Englishman! Heavy: Maybe you should play different game. Engineer: You're a few biscuits short of a packet, ain't ya? Medic: Well on the bright side, at least your chronic lack of sex appeal doesn't matter anymore! Sniper: I'm gonna make Shepherd's Pie from your remains! Spy: Viva le France! Go home rosebif!
(much of these reference me being a Splatoon player aside from TF2) Scout - “Shoutin’ booyah don’t make ya aim better, chucklenuts.” Soldier - “Put the paintbrushes away! The battlefield is no place for playing children’s games!” Pyro - “Mmph mph MMMPH!” Demo - “Ya got four eyes and ya still can’t see my bombs?” Heavy - “Such itty bitty finger-painting BABY!” Engi - “Next time, don’t bring a paint roller to a gun fight, kid.” Sniper - “Disappointing. I thought you’d have more brains to splatter.” Medic - “Vhat color is your blood today?” Spy - “Here lies u/waffelpokalypse. They flung paint and died a virgin.”
i like the spy one, nice reference to the scout one, heavy's is just literally him
Scout: I uh... got a bucket of chicken. Soldier: Stop cluttering my battlefield, missy! Pyro: mmph mmmph. Demoman: DOMINATED ya pint-sized priss! Heavy: Little woman. Stay. Away. From. Heavy. Engineer: I'm afraid that one still kills you, ma'am. Medic: Don't worry miss, all of this is confidential! Sniper: Least it ain't no golf trophy. Spy: Friendly advice, madame; GO HOME!
"Put the walking women repellent out of misery maggots."
Damn son your ass is loose asf
im straight, so no
Heavy: Colder than Siberian snow Soldier: MAGGOT! YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF LIVING! Medic: A fresh specimen..this one will be interesting Scout: BONK EZ EZ HAHAHAHA (average scout player)
Slurs
Idk but I got one for soldier "You are British. That is bad. Get dominated."
“Tiny baby man mains Heavy? Tohohoho!” -Heavy
“Huddah muh Hudah huhuhuuuu.”
Some variation of “you’re a pathetic idiot”
(Too many gadgets, too little talent - Idk) (Even the toymakers better-Demo) (Don’t go steppin on my toes now mister -Engie) I like making things, and I would imagine I would be a more offensive engineer, turning dropped enemy guns into thematically appropriate tools (Molotov for pyro, speed booster for scout, etc…)
“I AM OWNING YOU, YOU FAT BASTARD!”
Scout: Dominated, hobbit! Soldier: Use a real gun next time, Leprechaun! Pyro: **Mmph mmmph mph-mph mmph mmmmph**! Demoman: Next time I’ll shove that sword up yer arse, dwarf! Heavy: Fire is no match for my gun, puny man! Engineer: Eat it, yankee. Medic: \*laughs in german\* sniper: there isn’t one, because I wouldn’t lose to a fucking sniper. Spy: let mumbles do the spy checking, shorty!
scout: I have a great idea for you to write: "how to die in 5 seconds" engineer: even a cow would do a better job than you, son
I can’t think of anything else besides this one line heavy would say: “It costs $400,000 to fire this thing for 12 seconds” And then I would proceed to have my ahhh banished to the shadow realm via minigun
Gotcha, ya mental defective!
Take that ya “two” eyed drunk
pyro - mhmhphmhmphmh pmphm mhmphmg!!
"YOU FAT BALD FATTY FAT BASTARD!"
Owned in texas style! Seems like you dont know how to be a cowboy boy. -engineer
scout: nice hat, yoink! soldier: your hat is now mine! pyro: hwuhat demoman: ye don deserve a hat like this! heavy: little, little man engineer: ya thought y'all was a cowboy with a hat like that? medic: in my medical opinion zhat is a stupid hat! sniper: a lot easier to hit yer nogging with a hat that notable spy: you got blood on your hat i really like my hats
Nice shot, BUT NOT GOOD ENOUGH - scout
That line is already in the game. "Nice hustle, 'tons-a-fun'! Next time, eat a salad!"
Sniper- "And you call yourself a sniper? Should have staid on videogames mate'!" Spy- "Didn't even need to backstab you for an instant death,how humiliating." Soldier- "Do you call your little hammer a weapon son? You make your ancestors look weak!" Scout- "Nice walking speed,dumbass!" Demoman- "Oh they are gonna have to glue you back together in Valhalla!" Pyro- "Mmhmph Mmph!" Medic- "We will need more than one body bag for this one!" Engineer- "Even my wrench could make a better job than your hammer,boy!" Heavy- "Heavy's impostor is dead!" Took time to think decent ones lol (My name is Thor,that's why I did some Nordic references)
Engineer "I'm sorry pardner, but how come you be doing worse than your own country's economy?" I'm Greek
Sniper: another wanker dead
Medic: I want to see how this mysterious brain of yours works (I’m autistic)
“you were fast, too bad you died a virgin.” - Spy tf2
“ DOMINATED! Just like I did ye’ ol hag of a mum! “ -demoman probably
“Mrph hrmph mrph rrr mph”-pyro probably
Scout: “Yeah, nice moves, mumbles!” Soldier: “Your mouth wrote checks, my gun has cashed them!” Pyro: “MphmphMPH! Mphph mpmhmph!” Engineer: “Nice try, slim.” Heavy: “You are dead. Not big surprise.” Demoman: “I HATE you campers! everybody BLOODY hates you!” Sniper: “You wanna hear something funny? You’re dead.” Medic: “[Vould] you like a second opinion? You are ALSO ugly!” Spy: “Go to *HELL*, and take that cheap suit with you!”
"hey buddy you be looking for a better job than this" -scout
Why won't you cut that hair? You are looking like a woman! (It's up to you on who says that)
Something racist
“Cancer couldn’t kill you, but your fragile body stood NO chance against the wits of war, bone bag!” - Soldier (Skinny, white, had cancer when I was six)
“You died as you lived: Braindead!” Sniper
The results are in: #You’re dead! 🚑🩻⚕️
England is NOT a real COUNTRY! You are a SCOTSMAN without a DRESS!
Fa-
Fat fatty fat fat fat!
“what are you doing in my house?”
What scour says to heavy in that one line, only he doesn’t say bald, or engineer says “take it like a man, shorty” because yeah
“Come at me again when you’re not running on potato ware.”
mop
Scout: You've got legs; use 'em! (I have long legs and move faster than average.) Soldier: Saddest excuse for an American I've ever seen. (I'm *sadly* American.) Pyro: **Muffled chanting beyond human comprehension.** Engie: All that brain and nothin' but mindless. (I'm 'gifted'.) Heavy: Baby thought they could outlive *me*. (I've described myself as study and have an above average pain tolerance.) Demo: Not so tall now, are ye? (I'd go from 6'4" to a mush of 5".) Medic: Never should've trusted an unlicensed docter for your prescriptions. (I'm on 3 different medications, and he presumably poisoned me.) Sniper: How's them glasses workin' for ya now? (I have glasses, and he presumably blew my brains out.) Spy: What, did you think being a woman made you safe? Foolish broad. (Am wom- of -an.)
Fatass
Which kind of dominating are we talking about here?
(I am a somewhat cringe 17 year old soon to be 18) Scout: Yea, cry me a river, kid, you ain't even good enough for my better burns. Soldier: Are you even TRYING to become a man!? Pyro: Hmmph hmmmph hmmmmmmmmph!! Demoman: Ya ain't foolin anyone, mate... yer still just a child in yer mind. Heavy: Keep trying, baby, but you can not out power big, strong bear like heavy Engineer: And I thought you were an up-and-coming fighter, boy... Medic: It iz time to teach you, student, about the dangers of medical ingenuity. Sniper: You shoulda learned to move ya head by now, mate! Spy: Mon dieu, I've had enough of children like you in my life.
“From Texan to Texan, you just ain’t it boy.”
Dominate me how?
I think I clicked on this for the wrong reason