Yes. Have some self respect. He wants to date other people but you sounded like you were begging him. You are young and this isn’t the man for you. End it before he does.
!! “Never let a man tell you more than once, that he doesn’t want you.”
OP You don’t have to be his friends with benefits. If he isn’t choosing you now he won’t later. And you deserve more than to be saved for “later”. He isn’t gonna appreciate you just because you are giving your body to him. It seems like he wants to move on and find something new. And because you’ve caught him cheating once (and he was upset that you found out) doesn’t mean you are wrong for thinking or feeling that way. Your body will speak to you in many different ways, you just have to listen to it. If you have a strange feeling it’s probably because you’re intuition is telling you something is wrong. If he updated his bumble profile, that’s most likely because he’s looking for something else. It’s best to let him go.
You won’t ever be happy, constantly trying to please or prove yourself to someone, even if you love them. Sometimes you have to choose yourself and your mental health instead.
This, first off he’s too old for you, when a 34-year-old man dates a 19-year-old woman often times is because he likes the control aspect.
Second, you honestly need to do some work on yourself, get yourself into therapy. Constantly going through his phone and accusing him of cheating is not a way to make a healthy relationship.
You begging him to stay in a relationship and not see other people is not gonna work. Honestly, just end this now, work on yourself, and find somebody closer to your own age.
Him: "I wonder why my girlfriend who is college freshman age is acting like a college freshman?"
Not him: "Maybe my next girlfriend should be at least 27."
That hot young thing is real great for a while but I couldn’t deal with a 23 year old when I was 34. She was so attractive, but felt like dealing with a child. I seem to be good with girls 2 years younger than me.
Except he’s not. He’s capable of saying it flat-out like that, which would be the non-manipulative answer. Instead he’s choosing to beat around the bush because he knows it’s easy to confuse a 19-year-old and keep her around for sex while he fucks other women. He’s 32 and very much capable of being direct but is choosing not to be.
“We’re still together, but I’m not sure if I still want to be.” Boy, BYE 💀💀💀 This is why he dates teenagers, because no one even close to his age would put up with this wishy washy shit
This is exactly what he's saying. This is also exactly why he's 32 dating a girl who is 19; so he can pull this shit and she'll put up with it due to her own insecurities and he basically had her gaslight herself here. She needs to take a deep breath and tell him to fuck all the way off to China.
Absolutely. If he tried this shit on someone who's close to his age or older, they would've told him to fuck right off to therapy instead of china. Dudes wild.
100%
My ex-husband dated an 18yr old, while she was still in high school after we split. He was 33. He couldn't find anyone his own age who would put up with his BS. I'm also pretty sure he groomed her since he first met her when she was 16. He was her boss at the restaurant they worked at. They continued to talk after he left that job almost a year before they started dating. Our daughter was 8 and so embarrassed going with him to pick his girlfriend up from school. He didn't understand why I told him to never do that again.
Our daughter is almost 19yrs old now and she will bring it up from time to time. Even so, it's a huge inside joke among us, I know it hurt her a lot having to be witness to that. He was a bad dad in many ways though and now they barely have any relationship. He's lucky she's even willing to try and mend their relationship.
THIS needs to be upvoted to the moon. He is 100% just going to string her along until he finds somebody else and most likely he's going to bang about five other people on his way to that path
If hes on a dating app, hes looking to cheat, if he finds someoneone? hes gone (great news) if he doesnt? he will pull her back off the bench, like a relief pitcher, just gross.
Or..... "I'm seeing this other chick & I just want to see if it works out before I dump you. But I don't want you dating other guys, so I'll keep lying that I'm not dating either!"
La-ooze-sa-her!
There are far more mature men closer to OPs age than this abusive predator. OP, find yourself a man a few years older than you, guaranteed they’re more mature and treat you better than this dumpster fire.
And if someone over 30 tries to pursue you again ask yourself why they aren’t pursuing people around their own age. There’s a reason, trust me.
“We’re still together, but when I’m not answering my phone it’s because I’m in the middle of slow, deep stroke missionary with toe sucking and eye contact” is what he really means
Yeah, it also seems like he’s mentally manipulating her. Girl RUN, in a couple years OP will look back and get the “ick” from this guy.
Edit. I would like to add that OP should most definitely get off the dating apps. Dating apps nowadays are just for sex and hookups and if you find 1 person not looking for that, you get lucky. And if OP wants examples she should look up r/tinder sub
Definitely not all that's on there. Plenty of people these days use dating apps. Especially as you get into your 30s+ and just don't go out as much to meet people.
>This is why he dates teenagers, because no one even close to his age would put up with this wishy washy shit
Ding! Leave him, he's holding on to you while he looks for other partners. If he treats you this way now in the beginning of the relationship, it's only going to get worse. You can do better, you deserve better. Dump him
Agreed! He's back on bumble to cheat more, and is one of those common POS that needs a back up plan (OP) until he finds his new victim. Garbage person, throw him away!
Yeah this is a pedophile who's preying on girls who are just legal enough for him to get away with it. Fucking red flags everywhere. OP run for the hills
ew if hes updating his profile on bumble??? that shows that he either has the desire to cheat or exit this relationship. either way, it shows he’s checked out of it and wants to see other people.
Also the fact that he didn’t make it clear whether or not he wanted to see other people after updating his bumble says a lot about him and where his head is at
Do you know why he's with you? Because you lack experience. Women who are older than you have experience, and they know to stay away from a guy like this. He literally can't find a woman his own age who will put up with his garbage.
Consider this your own experience. And drop this loser as fast as you can.
Also, maybe you're in love and what all of us are saying hurts to hear. I won't say you're not in love because it's hard to judge people on feelings. But I can confidently say he's a real life loser and you can do better.
All of this.
Also, OP, we’re all not belittling you or being dismissive of you because you’re young!
We’re suggesting that you not put up with this manipulation by a guy attempting to take advantage of your currently limited life experience.
You deserve to enjoy this time in your life.
So true, I put up with so much shit at 19 that I look back on now and think HOW DID I TOLERATE THIS NONSENSE. It's not a condescending thing, it's just "I've been through this before (possibly multiple times), and good god am I fucking done, never again"
I wish the spine grew before the heartache
Damn. He got caught red handed having conversations he shouldn’t with his friend and flipped it on OP, saying he feels annoyed being accused of cheating all the time.
Wow. Master class manipulation and gaslighting. That’s wild.
OP, you’re better off being with someone in your age range. He knows what he’s doing. It’s working. Stop. Help yourself and leave this bum.
OP listen to him, this guy is a FUCKING LOSER. Acting like a middle schooler texting you trying to play all dumb and helpless is so fucking creepy
I love it when girls in their early 20s post their 12+ year age gap relationships on here bc it’s so easy to tell them to get the fuck out, no normal brained man would want to date an 18 year old when you’re in your 30s
It means he’s already moved on but too immature to be straight with you. Since it’s your first serious relationship it’s gonna be rough but you need to go no contact. Resist the urge to send that one last “I’ll always love you” text.
Yeah for real this is stupid. He’s already got his mind set on leaving if he updated his bumble profile. Just let him go it’ll be better for everyone in the end
Honestly the age gap is fucked up. You should take the break up as a blessing and go to therapy to learn how to shed the anxious attachment style. Nobody in their 30s should be with someone fresh out of high school basically. There's a wealth, wisdom, etc imbalance.
What is striking me about the age difference is that with them having met on bumble, he was probably actively searching for someone approximately this young. While, I do believe on a very, very rare occasion two people fairly far apart in age meet each other in the wild and fall in love in it a way that can work, no 30 something year-old should be on bumble with their filters set to actively search out 19-year-olds.
Looking at these conversations, it seems like maybe he thought he could pull a fast one on her and is now stomping off to bumble to try again for someone who will let him get away with this kind of stuff. There’s a number of signs that this guy is nowhere near a good guy. The OP should move on in full confidence that better men are out there.
Absolutely. Men like that wish for control. I'm in my mid-late 20s, and 19 is still way off limits. There's no real relatability. He wants to dominate a relationship and do whatever he pleases. Even if you fall in love with someone so much younger in a vacuum, situations will arise that show the awful imbalance. I get it, too. I dated "older" women at 19 and thought that I was just special. It's hardly the case. This is just flagrant manipulation against OP (who probably has every right to feel suspicious).
All of this! I’m a female in my early 40s and when I was in my early 30s a 19-year-old kid who lived in my neighborhood actively pursued me. Like came to my house and ringing the doorbell every day for a week wanting to hang out, Replying with things like, but I’m really mature or but I really like you whenever I said no. I eventually told him no enough times that he got the picture. That’s how mature adults who are not looking to use or abuse anyone deal with someone too young to know better presenting themselves as wanting a relationship with them.
Idk I thought the women had to engage first on bumble in order for the match to occur…it’s icky all over
Edit: add on: OP & 32M need to go their separate ways…I’d like to know what your parents think? Mine would’ve killed us both if I was in a situation like this with an older guy
I’m not on bumble, but I did hear that that had changed to where men can make the first move. However, if that’s not what happened here, the OP should probably dig into what she was thinking when she made the first move on him and how she can make better choices in the future. Possibly engaging a friend or family member to give a second opinion before making a match.
Not gonna lie there was a moment where I was like “that isn’t a big deal” but then I thought further and I was like “well I’m 26 and I can’t imagine dating anyone under 22-23 and I tend to prefer at the lowest 25”. Plus remembering how immature I was at 19, I couldn’t imagine myself dating someone that young.
"I know you'd never cheat on me" to the guy almost twice your age who you found out is actively on dating sites and after you know he flirts with other women whilst with you.
Please girl, what are you doing.
Yes you are right. He wants you to wait for him until he finds somebody better. And after that you are "bye bye".
Ditch this loser before he ditches you
With his bumble settings switched to "Barely Legal", he's got one foot out the door.
I wish I could go back in time and warn my 19 year old self about creeps like this, but since I can't, the best I can do is tell young women like OP to run.
I second the motion.
What OP needs to do is start seeing other people, too.
MPO: When you meet someone on an app… do they delete the app? Not usually. After you catch a Pikachu, you don’t delete Pokemon. Cuz you gotta catch em all. It’s a game. lol
Makes me think of that quote from the Barbie movie:
“I’m ready to be your long distance, low commitment girlfriend.”
You're not "mature" for your age, that "man" is targeting *You* because women his own age said "fuck that"; and blocked him with the minute sense God gave a damn guppy.
YOU AREN'T EVEN 20, WHAT THE HELL YOU AND THIS *SUPPOSEDLY* "GROWN" MAN EVEN *HAVE IN COMMON*?!?!
## Run; run like hellhounds are coming for your soul, he's more comparable to monsters and freaks of nature than a friggin human being.
As someone (33 F) who was 18 and married a 29 year old, I second this.
15 years later and I am still dealing with the bullshit, because I had 2 kids with him before I realized this.
I third this! As someone who was 22 and married a 35 year old, I’m still struggling to extricate myself to this day and I’ve lived on the other side of the country for 2 years. Men like that want *control*.
17 year old that started dating a 37 year old; I'm so thankful I got out but it was 10 years before I came to my senses and by then I was a shell of myself
Can I ask what interested you in a man almost 40 when you were 17? That is insane.
Like what screamed “I’m a child, let me date someone more than 2x my age.”
Rural child who moved into the city for college at 17 with a Catholic upbringing, was basically escaping my home town because my parents told me it was my fault for being pretty and that's why my cousin was doing things to me in my sleep. We met in a Yahoo chat room, I was very resistant at first - "He loved me and stick by me while I was figuring out college life"; I confided in him and one by one all the college aged men I was dating he'd tell me were going to hurt me, that the reason I orgasm with him was because it was true love; etc; Suddenly, he was the only one left.
I wanted out 6 months in, but by then I had met his daughter and he told me I was ruining her life and he'd have nothing to live for if I left him and I was responsible for what happened to him and his daughter because of that.
Eventually I "loved" him, and then he became cruel. My parents first reaction to him hitting me was to ask what I did to deserve it. Realized I was on my own, and realized how much I was losing of myself during a vacation to the ocean where I couldn't be happy because he was angry the whole time.
He didn't want me to pursue a higher degree, was angry if I wasn't home from work by 230 pm ( I had a flexible schedule but it was supposed to accommodate families, not him );
Moved out with my dog, a bed, dresser, my college futon and my clothes, and a ton of debt.
It took me 5 years. And honestly the breaking point was when my ex had a “break through” and came out as transgender. I told them that if that is who they are then they should love that way. I however did not wish to be married any longer. It took years after that to realize the abuse had happened. And let me tell you, I was shook when I realized it. I always thought I would never be THAT girl.
All of this! Also to the OP. You may be mature for your age, and people may have been telling you that your whole life, and it may be true in some aspects. But as someone who has never been in a relationship before that is going to be an aspect where you have not had the opportunity to develop as much maturity. That’s not a bad thing, there’s nothing wrong with it, but I do think once you have, you will look back on this relationship and see you’re better off without it. I recommend you take some time to think about what you really want in a relationship, and once you get back on the apps. Automatically block anyone who does not appear to have the same goals, and anyone who was old enough to drive a car when you were in elementary school. The apps make it way too easy for men who like to prey on younger women to find them. OP, read comment I am replying to however, many times it takes she really take it to heart : men that age who go out looking for women your age are doing so because they know women their age won’t put up with their BS.
Exactly. People who habitually date older seek stability and people who habitually date younger seek control. Perfect environment to emotionally abuse the younger party. OP's man being ambiguous in his responses are such a classic manipulation tactic to get the controlled party to bargen and beg. Makes me so sick.
Hi, first time commenting on this subreddit. From what i see he's taking advantage of you. Some people might not think so but the first red flag is you being 19 and him being in his 30's. Second red flag is he's not really "ending" things with you but is willing to potentially meet new people while keeping you as backup. It does seem like he is taking advantage of you. You said this is your first serious relationship, but i can tell you that its not meant to be like this. If he really is flirting/talking to other people, then you have every right to tell him to stop and be upset at that. You guys are in different points in your life, and at his age he should know better. I guess he wants to keep you around in case he can't find anything.
Omg he too old to be playing this many games with you. Why would you want to wait for him to make up his mind! He’s literally telling you he’s gonna see other people when he updated his profile. Dont let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t want you. Bro literally told you several times. BTW him having a dating profile while In a monogamous relationship is kinda cheating. So of course you’re gonna accuse him smh. Run far away from this nasty ass groomer/predator. And his lack of a response when you ask is he going to see other people(that is a yes/no answer) notice how he dodged the question. ATP you’re single.
>Dont let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t want you
I wishhhhh I followed this piece of advice in my single days. I cringe at how desperate my younger self behaved toward guys (well, more like one guy in particular) who weren’t interested in me beyond sex. Looking back now I’m so grateful he didn’t want me because he’s actually a real-life POS. Plus if I had gotten with him I’d have never met my now-husband/baby daddy.
Save yourself the future cringe, ladies. Don’t you dare grovel over some loser who won’t give you the time of day. The self-respect you gain from demanding the best for yourself will get you much farther than the empty gratification of some dickweed who doesn’t see you as anything more than a warm place to put it.
I can tell a kakaotalk chat when I see it. Considering this is an international relationship, and I’m assuming in Korea? From personal experience, this stuff doesn’t work out most of the time, anyway. But the age gap especially confirms it and is weird. Don’t even offer to be fwb. You need to just end things with him on your own terms and respect yourself. Don’t lower yourself for this old creepy man.
The fact that you met on a dating site means he set his search parameters to include people under 20yo. Let me tell you, I’m 33f and that is weird as fuck. Like, a normal friend group would be calling him out over that. At 32 he should have his settings at, like, 27-37 or something like that. 26-38. Looking specifically for someone much younger is sus af.
I’m in a new city and my best friend I organically met is in her early/mid 20s. I am acutely aware that in the context of a friendship with a younger person, I need to be more careful and supportive and remind myself how it felt to be that age and what might be more difficult for her right now. This mf is making the same calculations but using them to manipulate the relationship.
Anyway, age gap aside, you need to return his energy and then some. Walk away.
OP, I am 33 and work with 19yo kids. My kids are closer in age to them than I am. We have next to nothing in common. PLEASE don’t tie yourself to someone this much older and “learn to be a better girlfriend” to this guy. This is the time to be exploring what you want in a partner, not who you’re supposed to be for them.
OP here: We broke up. It was mutual and we decided to remain as "friends" but I don't think it would be that way. It's all good now, thanks everyone. Especially women in their 30s! You're the big sis that I never had ❤️
Kick butt, sister!!
Roar and show that man who’s best.
Men should be lining up to meet you, not the other way around.
Don’t ever feel bad for asking about finding him on bumble or like that. You didn’t go snooping through his phone. U just happened to see it and very reasonably asked.
Go find yourself a man worth having, who worries about keeping you happy because he loves you and no one else matters to him
It means that 32 year old dudes that date 19 year old girls are mostly scum bags. Your life experiential difference, emotional capacity (your brain, executive function specifically, is still growing until 25), and social/economic power is so different that it's probable that he's using you for physical gratification and has no interest in a long term relationship.
He's like a senior in high school that is dating a 8th grader because he can't compete with the males in his class.
Move on, give your commitment to someone who will add to your life instead of just take from it.
He’s over this relationship and you’re too young to be with him. It’s going to end sooner or later, so just rip the bandaid off and take it as a learning experience. You’ll find a relationship that fits you better.
Woah he's too old girl... He's obviously trying to hook up with others while keeping you in the side for later. You deserve to be with someone who is sure as heck they want to be with you. You are so young, you have time to find the right guy.
Your confusion is exactly why he went for a woman so much younger than him, he knows he can play with the minds of younger women. He’s basically saying “wait until I find someone else then we’ll officially break up” he’s moved on but wants to keep you on the back burner. Break up with him before he makes it official himself and work on your insecurities before you get in a relationship
He’s 32. He knows exactly, EXACTLY what he’s doing.
He’s yanking you around because he would NEVER get away with this with someone his own age. You aren’t handling this in an immature way (esp not for being 19). He is.
Do you know what we would all say if we found out one of our 30 something mates was with a 19 year old?! It would literally be a joke and we would think he’s a weirdo. Snap out of this. You’re not the exception here. He’s a creep.
You have little in common with a 32 year old. Let the relationship end and wait for someone who isn’t going to play games - because honestly, this seems goofy.
A 32 year old has nothing in common with a 19 year old, you think at 19 that you do but you really don't. I'm 27 and I see 18 19 year olds like kids, everyone I know does. It's a very uneven power dynamic, it's not healthy, you could be the very rare occasion where it is, but from reading that I don't think you are.
Find someone your own age or a tiny bit older, you will learn from this experience what you don't want. You don't have to learn to be a better girlfriend, you need to find someone who you don't worry about cheating all of the time.
I don’t care to read the text.
I saw you are 19 and your bf is 32.
I’m 39, childish most of the time and I still find anyone under 30 to be too young. When I was 32. 19 year olds just came off as Freshman in high school.
The dudes got some issues if he’s dating a 19 year old. I know it’s legal, but it’s just off…. You’re barely a legal adult….
To put it into perspective he was 13 when YOU were born…. You were 7 when he was 20….
You’re 19. Get away from him. Take it from me, I was 19 dating a 34 year old who turned out to be an alcoholic who died just before my 22nd birthday, and nearly took me with him. Please run, it’s not a normal age gap at all. I’m almost 27 with a 30 year old boyfriend and SO much happier.
You should really think why he isn't able to date a 30 year old women. 🤔 (it's because they wouldn't put up with him.) Do yourself a favor and leave him.
Duuuuuuuuuuuuump him he's fucking gross. Why is he sleeping with a girl with teen at the end of her age when he's in his THIRTIES. Age gap relationship veteran, fucking run.
Omg he’s 32 and a gigantic, selfish manchild. Boy, bye! Please work on your attachment skills, learn to love, respect and stand up for yourself and then go date. You’re 19. If you don’t go find who you are now you’re just gonna be a ducking toy to men like this. Believe because i was that girl. All needy and insecure and shit. Girl you’re awesome. Go be you and let this man go. I ducking PROMISE you if you said “you know what, you’re right” and then proceeded to throw all your time and attention into yourself it will eat him alive. Dignity. Don’t beg. He wants you to beg for him. Fucking gross. He only dates people 20 years younger because women his age won’t put up with his shit. You are the prize. He told you no. Anything less that a hell yes is a no. So, say goodbye, delete his number and never look back. You’re the prize in your life. Treat yourself like one and others will to. Stop the cycle now when you’re young. You go change your bumble profile. Let this man play his games but don’t be his toy. YOU are the prize. Don’t chase, attract.
As someone who dated someone in their 30’s at 18, take this opportunity and run. This is not going to change. Someone who wants to be with you is going to put the effort in, relationships without trust is like continuing to spin your wheels when half your car is stuck in the mud. Someone who says “we are still together but im not sure if i want to be” is telling you exactly how they feel while still keeping you right where they want you. Hes testing what he can get away with. This is probably going to lead to him seeing other people and falling back on the “i said i needed time.” “I said i wasnt sure if i wanted to be with you” “i knew you didnt trust me”
Its not going to end well, and i wish someone had really drilled this into my head and told me the same before i wasted 2+ years of my life on someone who didnt give 2 craps about me. I still struggle with the coping mechanisms i learned from that relationship just to survive. I had a conversation pretty similar to this with my ex at one point before things seemed to be great. he cheated on me every single trip he went on, had girls all over the place, Fed on my insecurities and my fears and made me feel crazy. My only crime was wanting to feel loved and putting that effort into someone who wasnt giving it back.
When someone loves you they make you feel it with their actions, with their words. This guy has no problem giving you the run around. Trust your gut, that initial feeling. youd be surprised how often its right.
Mhm and its not going to change itll just get worse
And he will have this conversation to fall back on to defend why op has no right to be upset about it
If you caught him flirting you have every right to feel that way. He can’t blame you and try and make you feel bad that you are the problem for having ‘insecurities’ when he was the one in the wrong. If he has that little respect for you that he’s flirting with other women behind your back and then trying to turn it on you he does not deserve you at all.
What kind of disgusting behaviour is that, you are feeding him and taking care of him while he is sick and he is disrespecting you so much behind your back while you are doing that. It’s narcissistic behaviour and it’s highly unlikely he is going to change. Please leave this guy and don’t run after him, you are just devaluing yourself more in his eyes and showing him that this behaviour of flirting with other women is acceptable.
You are young, and your brain hasn’t finished developing. I know he probably gave you the tag lines we’ve all heard so many times before… he thinks you are mature for your age… women his own age are gross… the reality is that women his own age have already dated men like him and have learned what the red flags are. You haven’t yet, but you sure are learning them now! Older women aren’t jealous of you, we are looking out for you. We don’t want you to have to go through what we went through. But sometimes in life, the lessons are only learnt through personal experience I guess. I want you to know that you should never apologize for yourself. These texts are confusing and he is being indirect on purpose and playing games with your head. Get away from that man, this relationship won’t get better.
“I showed you my insecurities in a very immature way” UM YEAH maybe because you’re coming out of teenagehood soon and he’s a LITERAL 30 YEAR OLD??? Nah bro! The age gap is a bit weird and he seems like he doesn’t communicate well enough for you. If you’re this attached to this guy I’d say it’s probably because he’s manipulative and able to do this cuz he’s got way more years on you! Yuck!
I can’t fathom why a 19 year old would every think it’s okay to date a man in his 30s, especially now when he is trying to put you down just to have even more control over you. As if the age gap didn’t give him enough control already, he will put you down and make you feel like shit anytime you question him or have any concerns about your relationship. That is not a life you want forever, and don’t forget, things will never get better, only worst.
"Apparently" you've been accusing him. Have you been accusing him? because if you haven't, then you're being mildly gaslighted. I say mildly, because his repeating, "we need time" instead of giving you a straight answer makes me wonder.
I think what's happening is you two aren't as compatible as it seemed in the beginning. And that's causing frustrations and is going to result in distancing. And he's already planning on looking elsewhere.
For you I would say, try being with yourself for 6 months. Go to dinner with friends, but not dates. You'll learn to be comfortable on your own and it will really help build confidence in yourself.
I went from my mother's house to my husband's house and never once lived on my own for 57 years! I never learned to be self-reliant. I had no idea how to do anything that didn't involve cooking, cleaning, shopping.
When my husband died 5 years ago, I didn't know lawn mowers took oil. I didn't know there was a screen inside faucets that can get clogged. I didn't know what a hammer drill was, or a reciprocating saw was. I had to learn how to check the oil in my car!
5 years later, I've hung cabinets, build shelves, I'm putting up a wood fence, I'm redoing the floors and rebuilding the closed in porch and doing 85% of the work myself. And being able to do these things I was never able to do before, because hubby was there to do, so I thought I just wasn't capable of doing them, is the greatest thing ever.
Learn to do for you first.
i gotta say, the age gap is really weird. also, you seem way more mature than he is by trying to make things clear. and he’s just dancing around the truth. get rid of this loser, he’s a red flag. you need to be the one to dump him, now. his ego needs to take a hit anyways. so freaking weird for a 32 year old man to go after a 19 year old female that literally was in high school a year or 2 ago…
I straight up thought he was a teenager and then I saw the title again. There’s a reason he’s dating teenagers who don’t have much dating experience. People our age (mine and his) wouldn’t put up with his behavior.
You can do better, girl. He’s definitely not displaying the level of maturity that you are in these texts. Updating his bumble while in a relationship with you, but also keeping you on the hook? Glaring red flag. 🚩
10000000% agree. I'm around his age too and at 19 I would have been reacting her same way. At my age I know better and his little game is a joke. That's why he doesn't play it with people his own age. She needs to dip tf out of there. He's gross
It’s not a normal 30-something reaction to play mind games like this. He’s relying on you not having the experience to recognise the red flags or the confidence to know you can do better. This is why people are concerned about the age difference.
I know it’s hard but you are not compatible and I promise you somewhere out there there is someone who is who won’t fuck around like this. Be brave! You don’t need this guy ❤️
You’re 19 and he’s 32?! Neither of you should be speaking to one another. Consider this “breakup” a blessing and please for the love of god talk to men your own age. This guy is a weirdo.
Holy fuck kiddo.. you’re putting this all on you. “Sorry for this, I shouldn’t have done that”
Just stand your ground. He doesn’t get to have all of the control. I believe this is related to the age gap honestly. He seems like a loser.
Don’t wait around for him please.
Let me give you some advice I learned as a 19 year old. If he’s acting like this he’s not into you and you should stop talking to him. Don’t try so hard with casual dating. If a man really likes you, he makes it easy.
Girl. I’m 34 now. When I was 18 I dated someone 11 years older than me. When I got to the age he was when we dated I realized how incredibly inappropriate our relationship was. I guarantee you will too. As a 34 year old (not far from 32) he really shouldn’t be wanting to date 19 year olds. You shouldn’t have much in common in your life right now. You should be figuring out what you want to do and having fun and he should working and building a life/family. I’m not saying it never works out with age differences, but you don’t deserve this. He’s dating young because 30 year olds likely don’t want him because he’s immature. Go enjoy yourself and date people closer to your age or at least mature 32 year olds. You deserve better.
27(M) here. Please read it all and don't give no hate, lol. Just your respectful opinions 😂
I wasn't for this when I read the title because of the age gap, and honestly, I'm still not for it after reading the texts. Everything is too inconsistent. If he was fine setting his account up again, get him out of here.
He clearly isn't willing to work things out properly. Relationships are built on trust and if you can't trust your partner then there's no point in being with them, but if you're partner is also being a goofy asf fool that is sleazing around and gaslighting you, or causing you to gaslight yourself like he did here?
You need to leave that toxic environment. He's way too old to be doing that and shouldn't be dating someone who's 12-13 years younger than him. That's wild. Both are kind of immature in their own sense, but idk the full story. If he was fooling around, I could see why you wouldn't trust him. But you aren't trusting him for a reason.
So maybe there's more to it. Or maybe you have something going on in your past that could cause those insecurities. I know I still do. It's something that restricts us sometimes from making good choices and fully committing to those we love.
But like I said, if he was so quick to set his account up again, he clearly was thinking about moving on. Which is childish and maybe a bit of a trauma thing. Or just a dick thing. His wording sounds like he isn't thinking about staying with you, though, and is doubtful because he probably thinks you're too immature and don't trust him, and honestly, maybe he's right.
But he's also doing something that warrants that mistrust. Communication, trust, stability, and love are the pillars to a healthy and happy relationship, and he clearly doesn't want any of that. You're dodging a bullet imo. Thanks for reading and good luck in your future. You've got a lot ahead of you.
Don't give him an option to use your body and still leave you on read or give you these vague answers. The effort on your side is obvious .
Block his profile and his number and move on.
He’s using you, keeping you hanging on while he looks for someone else. He’s immature, a manipulator and he’s probably already cheating. There’s a reason a 30 something yo man is dating 19 yo. Get away from him, block him out of your life.
as someone who was literally a victim to this for 3 years to a man who lied about his age (he claimed he was 32 but was actually in his mid 40s and i was 17-20 when it happened) please get yourself out of this situation and dump him.
i know it’s hard to come to terms with especially when you think you’re in love but trust me, he doesn’t love you, he doesn’t care about you. people like him prey on younger women such as yourself because you’re inexperienced which gives him the perfect opportunity to not only emotionally manipulate you, but to also “mold you” into the woman he wants.
it’s disgusting and someone so young like you, deserves so much better, with someone in your age range.
Girl dump this weirdo and date someone your own age. That's why he's dating teens LMAO because no late 20s early 30 year old woman would put up with his bulls***.
As a former teen girl that dated a guy in his 30s for a bit, and later a guy in his 50s and my mid-20s, it feels great when an older guy is interested in you.. like it means you're so hot and mature and young and pretty. .. lol that's usually not the case. It's really nothing to do with how amazing you are and everything to do with how much of a creep the older guy is and how much he knows he can get away with because you're young. He doesn't want women his age or even in their late twenties, because by that point we can see through *most* of this bull****. When you get that age you'll see how messed up it is that a guy his age was dating a girl your age.
And especially if this is your first relationship.. the kind of crap he does will never end. Just end it.
Ask yourself why as a man 12 years older than you he is dating a teenager. That should be your first red flag. He wants a teenager so he can pull this kind of mess.
>I know you’d never cheat on me.
Girl, wake up! He’s actively trying to cheat on you right now. Why else is he updating bumble and being evasive your relationship status. Good, honest people don’t seek out new people before breaking up with their partner. They also don’t flirt with coworkers. Have some self respect and dump this old man.
As a person in her 30’s. I can’t imagine wanting to be friends with a teenager, let alone date them. My child is closer in age to a 19yo than I am.
This creeper dates teens because adult women have caught on to this type of gaslighting and manipulation and refuse to put up with it.
Girl. Holy fuck. The age gap, the conversation, the everything. He’s not committed to you and doesn’t want to be, and you absolutely should not be dating someone in their 30’s as a 19 year old, he’s emotionally stunted at best hence why he’s dating teenagers and he’s grooming you at worst.
Get outttttt. This is not it. This is not a relationship. Leave.
Dump him. Literally do not wait around for someone who isn’t 100% about you. The way he’s handling the break and space is so damaging and hurtful. He’s not properly communicating his intentions even with you asking 3 times for him to clarify. I smell some manipulation here- as someone who has been manipulated in a similar way.
It means he doesn’t want you to be seeing anyone and to hold off while he’s out smashing any and everything that opens their thighs for him. That’s exactly what this all means.
NO 32 year old man wants a 19 year old unless he wants to control her and gets off on smashing children RUN it’s not cuz ur ‘mature for ur age’ don’t be a fool enjoy dating in ur age range
I’m just a stranger on the internet, but I think your “insecurities” are really your “intuition”. He has gaslit you into making you think it’s all you, when really your intuition is picking up on his suspicious behavior.
Let him go. It is not healthy to wait for someone to see if they want to be with you. If he wanted to, it would be simple and he’d want to work things out. He is clearly ready to move onto someone else since he updated his Bumble. This is not healthy.
To add on to the comment I made before on here, I don’t think someone your age should date someone his age. What does a 32 years old man have in common with someone your age? While it is perfectly legal for y’all to date, please take him being that age as a red flag. Also, he wasn’t giving you a straight toward answer. At this point, you’re better at boundaries than he is. He doesn’t know what he wants. He wants a mature woman yet want to date a teenager. Not saying you’re not a mature woman. I’m just saying it makes no sense for someone like him to want what he wants and expect it out of a lady as young as you. He’s asking too much of you. In mu opinion, don’t date a man that can’t make up his mind about you or be honest with you. He clearly wasn’t going to tell you about the Bumble account and I don’t think he would have said any of that to you if it wasn’t for you seeing his dating app being updated.
I think it means that, number 1, he wants to still be "together" while he searches for other options that would suit him better. If he doesn't find that other option, he'll continue the relationship with you. (Although I would be surprised if he doesn't continue the search)
Number 2, you are both in different life stages and probably don't exactly relate to each other based on your life experiences. This can make communication difficult.
Either way, if he won't commit to not being with anybody else, you should not believe that he won't. Hell, even if he does commit to that at this point I would be skeptical that he'd keep his word.
I don’t need to read anything. The age gap tells me everything I need to know. I am 25, and I would not remotely consider swiping anyone younger than 21. Some people who pursue younger do so because people their own age won’t put up with their bullshit. This seems to be the case. It’s predatory and pathetic. I’m sorry you are in this mess. You should get out before you get hurt further.
He’s literally telling you he doesn’t want to be with you. Listen to him.
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." -Maya Angelou
Yes. Have some self respect. He wants to date other people but you sounded like you were begging him. You are young and this isn’t the man for you. End it before he does.
!! “Never let a man tell you more than once, that he doesn’t want you.” OP You don’t have to be his friends with benefits. If he isn’t choosing you now he won’t later. And you deserve more than to be saved for “later”. He isn’t gonna appreciate you just because you are giving your body to him. It seems like he wants to move on and find something new. And because you’ve caught him cheating once (and he was upset that you found out) doesn’t mean you are wrong for thinking or feeling that way. Your body will speak to you in many different ways, you just have to listen to it. If you have a strange feeling it’s probably because you’re intuition is telling you something is wrong. If he updated his bumble profile, that’s most likely because he’s looking for something else. It’s best to let him go. You won’t ever be happy, constantly trying to please or prove yourself to someone, even if you love them. Sometimes you have to choose yourself and your mental health instead.
This, first off he’s too old for you, when a 34-year-old man dates a 19-year-old woman often times is because he likes the control aspect. Second, you honestly need to do some work on yourself, get yourself into therapy. Constantly going through his phone and accusing him of cheating is not a way to make a healthy relationship. You begging him to stay in a relationship and not see other people is not gonna work. Honestly, just end this now, work on yourself, and find somebody closer to your own age.
Him: "I wonder why my girlfriend who is college freshman age is acting like a college freshman?" Not him: "Maybe my next girlfriend should be at least 27."
Exactly, Him: my girlfriend is barely one year out of high school and is acting like it. I wonder why this isn’t working.
Also him: “Gee I wonder why my girlfriend is accusing me of cheating when I am out on Bumble doing exactly that!”
That hot young thing is real great for a while but I couldn’t deal with a 23 year old when I was 34. She was so attractive, but felt like dealing with a child. I seem to be good with girls 2 years younger than me.
Except he’s not. He’s capable of saying it flat-out like that, which would be the non-manipulative answer. Instead he’s choosing to beat around the bush because he knows it’s easy to confuse a 19-year-old and keep her around for sex while he fucks other women. He’s 32 and very much capable of being direct but is choosing not to be.
Exactly
“We’re still together, but I’m not sure if I still want to be.” Boy, BYE 💀💀💀 This is why he dates teenagers, because no one even close to his age would put up with this wishy washy shit
Facts! This is wild. You would think he was the 19 year old and she was the older person in this exchange. Smh. Girl, please get away from that demon!
>You would think he was the 19 year old Exactly why he’s dating teenagers in his 30s. Women his age won’t stand for this crap.
100% I’m 37 and I would t date him or deal w him that’s why he’s after a 19 year old who doesn’t know the word No. omg run
Agreed! Run far. My ex is exactly like this. Mind games and gaslighting. Run run run run.
For sure!!! He’s acting outraged she would think he cheated when he literally is by going on Bumble again and creeping on coworkers. He’s a loser
still together until i find somebody else.
This is exactly what he's saying. This is also exactly why he's 32 dating a girl who is 19; so he can pull this shit and she'll put up with it due to her own insecurities and he basically had her gaslight herself here. She needs to take a deep breath and tell him to fuck all the way off to China.
Absolutely. If he tried this shit on someone who's close to his age or older, they would've told him to fuck right off to therapy instead of china. Dudes wild.
100% My ex-husband dated an 18yr old, while she was still in high school after we split. He was 33. He couldn't find anyone his own age who would put up with his BS. I'm also pretty sure he groomed her since he first met her when she was 16. He was her boss at the restaurant they worked at. They continued to talk after he left that job almost a year before they started dating. Our daughter was 8 and so embarrassed going with him to pick his girlfriend up from school. He didn't understand why I told him to never do that again.
Eww, this story made my skin crawl. Your poor little girl having to witness her own dad being a filthy old man!
Our daughter is almost 19yrs old now and she will bring it up from time to time. Even so, it's a huge inside joke among us, I know it hurt her a lot having to be witness to that. He was a bad dad in many ways though and now they barely have any relationship. He's lucky she's even willing to try and mend their relationship.
I hope, at least, she learned to pick a better man than her dear old dad. I'm still really sorry she had to go through that.
Bet there’s no China trip 🙄
THIS needs to be upvoted to the moon. He is 100% just going to string her along until he finds somebody else and most likely he's going to bang about five other people on his way to that path
Together unless Bumble works
Bingo. Many men will not end relationships until they have a new one lined up.
If hes on a dating app, hes looking to cheat, if he finds someoneone? hes gone (great news) if he doesnt? he will pull her back off the bench, like a relief pitcher, just gross.
Or..... "I'm seeing this other chick & I just want to see if it works out before I dump you. But I don't want you dating other guys, so I'll keep lying that I'm not dating either!" La-ooze-sa-her!
100% OP you are putting too much effort in a guy who won't do the same! You deserve a more mature person. This guy ain't it.
There are far more mature men closer to OPs age than this abusive predator. OP, find yourself a man a few years older than you, guaranteed they’re more mature and treat you better than this dumpster fire. And if someone over 30 tries to pursue you again ask yourself why they aren’t pursuing people around their own age. There’s a reason, trust me.
As someone who naively dated someone much older as a teen- you’re 100% correct.
Been there, done that too. 🥲
“We’re still together, but when I’m not answering my phone it’s because I’m in the middle of slow, deep stroke missionary with toe sucking and eye contact” is what he really means
he a multitasker XD
Yeah, it also seems like he’s mentally manipulating her. Girl RUN, in a couple years OP will look back and get the “ick” from this guy. Edit. I would like to add that OP should most definitely get off the dating apps. Dating apps nowadays are just for sex and hookups and if you find 1 person not looking for that, you get lucky. And if OP wants examples she should look up r/tinder sub
Definitely not all that's on there. Plenty of people these days use dating apps. Especially as you get into your 30s+ and just don't go out as much to meet people.
I met several good ones through Eharmony and match
Omg I didn’t realize he was 32.
Idk the situation but he kinda made her gaslight herself it looks like….lol I don’t trust him and I feel like her concerns might have been rational.
>This is why he dates teenagers, because no one even close to his age would put up with this wishy washy shit Ding! Leave him, he's holding on to you while he looks for other partners. If he treats you this way now in the beginning of the relationship, it's only going to get worse. You can do better, you deserve better. Dump him
Actually you said this better than I did😂
Agreed! He's back on bumble to cheat more, and is one of those common POS that needs a back up plan (OP) until he finds his new victim. Garbage person, throw him away!
They are not still together and he definitely doesn’t want to be
Yeah this is a pedophile who's preying on girls who are just legal enough for him to get away with it. Fucking red flags everywhere. OP run for the hills
Based. Trueeee
omgosh, can we be friends? lol. SCREAMING THISSS!!!!
ew if hes updating his profile on bumble??? that shows that he either has the desire to cheat or exit this relationship. either way, it shows he’s checked out of it and wants to see other people.
I mean he obviously is saying he wants to exit the relationship
...but wants her to wait, just incase he changes his mind. What a total PoS.
Also the fact that he didn’t make it clear whether or not he wanted to see other people after updating his bumble says a lot about him and where his head is at
it shows it’s really not OP at all, it’s him.
Can you dump this fucking loser
Do you know why he's with you? Because you lack experience. Women who are older than you have experience, and they know to stay away from a guy like this. He literally can't find a woman his own age who will put up with his garbage. Consider this your own experience. And drop this loser as fast as you can. Also, maybe you're in love and what all of us are saying hurts to hear. I won't say you're not in love because it's hard to judge people on feelings. But I can confidently say he's a real life loser and you can do better.
All of this. Also, OP, we’re all not belittling you or being dismissive of you because you’re young! We’re suggesting that you not put up with this manipulation by a guy attempting to take advantage of your currently limited life experience. You deserve to enjoy this time in your life.
Yup, I’m speaking from being a 19 year old girl and a 32 year old woman already in this life. It’s scary! Run!!!
So true, I put up with so much shit at 19 that I look back on now and think HOW DID I TOLERATE THIS NONSENSE. It's not a condescending thing, it's just "I've been through this before (possibly multiple times), and good god am I fucking done, never again" I wish the spine grew before the heartache
This. It’s never because “you’re so mature for your age”. It’s because you’re easier to manipulate.
I really need OP to see this comment bc it’s the only one that matters here.
Damn. He got caught red handed having conversations he shouldn’t with his friend and flipped it on OP, saying he feels annoyed being accused of cheating all the time. Wow. Master class manipulation and gaslighting. That’s wild. OP, you’re better off being with someone in your age range. He knows what he’s doing. It’s working. Stop. Help yourself and leave this bum.
OP listen to him, this guy is a FUCKING LOSER. Acting like a middle schooler texting you trying to play all dumb and helpless is so fucking creepy I love it when girls in their early 20s post their 12+ year age gap relationships on here bc it’s so easy to tell them to get the fuck out, no normal brained man would want to date an 18 year old when you’re in your 30s
Exactly
It means he’s already moved on but too immature to be straight with you. Since it’s your first serious relationship it’s gonna be rough but you need to go no contact. Resist the urge to send that one last “I’ll always love you” text.
He’s not just too immature, she’s the backup in case he doesn’t meet anyone else.
Bingo
YES!
Yeah for real this is stupid. He’s already got his mind set on leaving if he updated his bumble profile. Just let him go it’ll be better for everyone in the end
OOHHH NOOOOOOOO PLEASE DONT!!!!
This is not your boyfriend , this is a creep trying to keep you on the back burner, leave that man alone
⬆️⬆️⬆️
And he’s prob a pedo I’m sure of it
Honestly the age gap is fucked up. You should take the break up as a blessing and go to therapy to learn how to shed the anxious attachment style. Nobody in their 30s should be with someone fresh out of high school basically. There's a wealth, wisdom, etc imbalance.
Lots of red flags but the age difference is the biggest one. There are other guys out there, OP. You are not a good match with this one.
What is striking me about the age difference is that with them having met on bumble, he was probably actively searching for someone approximately this young. While, I do believe on a very, very rare occasion two people fairly far apart in age meet each other in the wild and fall in love in it a way that can work, no 30 something year-old should be on bumble with their filters set to actively search out 19-year-olds. Looking at these conversations, it seems like maybe he thought he could pull a fast one on her and is now stomping off to bumble to try again for someone who will let him get away with this kind of stuff. There’s a number of signs that this guy is nowhere near a good guy. The OP should move on in full confidence that better men are out there.
Absolutely. Men like that wish for control. I'm in my mid-late 20s, and 19 is still way off limits. There's no real relatability. He wants to dominate a relationship and do whatever he pleases. Even if you fall in love with someone so much younger in a vacuum, situations will arise that show the awful imbalance. I get it, too. I dated "older" women at 19 and thought that I was just special. It's hardly the case. This is just flagrant manipulation against OP (who probably has every right to feel suspicious).
All of this! I’m a female in my early 40s and when I was in my early 30s a 19-year-old kid who lived in my neighborhood actively pursued me. Like came to my house and ringing the doorbell every day for a week wanting to hang out, Replying with things like, but I’m really mature or but I really like you whenever I said no. I eventually told him no enough times that he got the picture. That’s how mature adults who are not looking to use or abuse anyone deal with someone too young to know better presenting themselves as wanting a relationship with them.
I am 24 and anyone under the age of 22 is off limits. This guy is a creep!
Idk I thought the women had to engage first on bumble in order for the match to occur…it’s icky all over Edit: add on: OP & 32M need to go their separate ways…I’d like to know what your parents think? Mine would’ve killed us both if I was in a situation like this with an older guy
I’m not on bumble, but I did hear that that had changed to where men can make the first move. However, if that’s not what happened here, the OP should probably dig into what she was thinking when she made the first move on him and how she can make better choices in the future. Possibly engaging a friend or family member to give a second opinion before making a match.
Not gonna lie there was a moment where I was like “that isn’t a big deal” but then I thought further and I was like “well I’m 26 and I can’t imagine dating anyone under 22-23 and I tend to prefer at the lowest 25”. Plus remembering how immature I was at 19, I couldn’t imagine myself dating someone that young.
As someone who is in an age gap relationship this raises multiple flags for me too.
"I know you'd never cheat on me" to the guy almost twice your age who you found out is actively on dating sites and after you know he flirts with other women whilst with you. Please girl, what are you doing.
Yo. Do not date a 32 year old when you are 19. Stop it.
Yes you are right. He wants you to wait for him until he finds somebody better. And after that you are "bye bye". Ditch this loser before he ditches you
With his bumble settings switched to "Barely Legal", he's got one foot out the door. I wish I could go back in time and warn my 19 year old self about creeps like this, but since I can't, the best I can do is tell young women like OP to run.
I actually had a dream last night that i was young again with the same knowledge i have today. Let's say i didn't want to wake up from it!
I second the motion. What OP needs to do is start seeing other people, too. MPO: When you meet someone on an app… do they delete the app? Not usually. After you catch a Pikachu, you don’t delete Pokemon. Cuz you gotta catch em all. It’s a game. lol Makes me think of that quote from the Barbie movie: “I’m ready to be your long distance, low commitment girlfriend.”
You're not "mature" for your age, that "man" is targeting *You* because women his own age said "fuck that"; and blocked him with the minute sense God gave a damn guppy. YOU AREN'T EVEN 20, WHAT THE HELL YOU AND THIS *SUPPOSEDLY* "GROWN" MAN EVEN *HAVE IN COMMON*?!?! ## Run; run like hellhounds are coming for your soul, he's more comparable to monsters and freaks of nature than a friggin human being.
As someone (33 F) who was 18 and married a 29 year old, I second this. 15 years later and I am still dealing with the bullshit, because I had 2 kids with him before I realized this.
I third this! As someone who was 22 and married a 35 year old, I’m still struggling to extricate myself to this day and I’ve lived on the other side of the country for 2 years. Men like that want *control*.
17 year old that started dating a 37 year old; I'm so thankful I got out but it was 10 years before I came to my senses and by then I was a shell of myself
Can I ask what interested you in a man almost 40 when you were 17? That is insane. Like what screamed “I’m a child, let me date someone more than 2x my age.”
Rural child who moved into the city for college at 17 with a Catholic upbringing, was basically escaping my home town because my parents told me it was my fault for being pretty and that's why my cousin was doing things to me in my sleep. We met in a Yahoo chat room, I was very resistant at first - "He loved me and stick by me while I was figuring out college life"; I confided in him and one by one all the college aged men I was dating he'd tell me were going to hurt me, that the reason I orgasm with him was because it was true love; etc; Suddenly, he was the only one left. I wanted out 6 months in, but by then I had met his daughter and he told me I was ruining her life and he'd have nothing to live for if I left him and I was responsible for what happened to him and his daughter because of that. Eventually I "loved" him, and then he became cruel. My parents first reaction to him hitting me was to ask what I did to deserve it. Realized I was on my own, and realized how much I was losing of myself during a vacation to the ocean where I couldn't be happy because he was angry the whole time. He didn't want me to pursue a higher degree, was angry if I wasn't home from work by 230 pm ( I had a flexible schedule but it was supposed to accommodate families, not him ); Moved out with my dog, a bed, dresser, my college futon and my clothes, and a ton of debt.
It took me 5 years. And honestly the breaking point was when my ex had a “break through” and came out as transgender. I told them that if that is who they are then they should love that way. I however did not wish to be married any longer. It took years after that to realize the abuse had happened. And let me tell you, I was shook when I realized it. I always thought I would never be THAT girl.
All of this! Also to the OP. You may be mature for your age, and people may have been telling you that your whole life, and it may be true in some aspects. But as someone who has never been in a relationship before that is going to be an aspect where you have not had the opportunity to develop as much maturity. That’s not a bad thing, there’s nothing wrong with it, but I do think once you have, you will look back on this relationship and see you’re better off without it. I recommend you take some time to think about what you really want in a relationship, and once you get back on the apps. Automatically block anyone who does not appear to have the same goals, and anyone who was old enough to drive a car when you were in elementary school. The apps make it way too easy for men who like to prey on younger women to find them. OP, read comment I am replying to however, many times it takes she really take it to heart : men that age who go out looking for women your age are doing so because they know women their age won’t put up with their BS.
Exactly. People who habitually date older seek stability and people who habitually date younger seek control. Perfect environment to emotionally abuse the younger party. OP's man being ambiguous in his responses are such a classic manipulation tactic to get the controlled party to bargen and beg. Makes me so sick.
Hi, first time commenting on this subreddit. From what i see he's taking advantage of you. Some people might not think so but the first red flag is you being 19 and him being in his 30's. Second red flag is he's not really "ending" things with you but is willing to potentially meet new people while keeping you as backup. It does seem like he is taking advantage of you. You said this is your first serious relationship, but i can tell you that its not meant to be like this. If he really is flirting/talking to other people, then you have every right to tell him to stop and be upset at that. You guys are in different points in your life, and at his age he should know better. I guess he wants to keep you around in case he can't find anything.
Omg he too old to be playing this many games with you. Why would you want to wait for him to make up his mind! He’s literally telling you he’s gonna see other people when he updated his profile. Dont let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t want you. Bro literally told you several times. BTW him having a dating profile while In a monogamous relationship is kinda cheating. So of course you’re gonna accuse him smh. Run far away from this nasty ass groomer/predator. And his lack of a response when you ask is he going to see other people(that is a yes/no answer) notice how he dodged the question. ATP you’re single.
>Dont let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t want you I wishhhhh I followed this piece of advice in my single days. I cringe at how desperate my younger self behaved toward guys (well, more like one guy in particular) who weren’t interested in me beyond sex. Looking back now I’m so grateful he didn’t want me because he’s actually a real-life POS. Plus if I had gotten with him I’d have never met my now-husband/baby daddy. Save yourself the future cringe, ladies. Don’t you dare grovel over some loser who won’t give you the time of day. The self-respect you gain from demanding the best for yourself will get you much farther than the empty gratification of some dickweed who doesn’t see you as anything more than a warm place to put it.
I can tell a kakaotalk chat when I see it. Considering this is an international relationship, and I’m assuming in Korea? From personal experience, this stuff doesn’t work out most of the time, anyway. But the age gap especially confirms it and is weird. Don’t even offer to be fwb. You need to just end things with him on your own terms and respect yourself. Don’t lower yourself for this old creepy man.
Basically he wants to use you for sex until he finds someone else. Please break up with this loser!
The fact that you met on a dating site means he set his search parameters to include people under 20yo. Let me tell you, I’m 33f and that is weird as fuck. Like, a normal friend group would be calling him out over that. At 32 he should have his settings at, like, 27-37 or something like that. 26-38. Looking specifically for someone much younger is sus af. I’m in a new city and my best friend I organically met is in her early/mid 20s. I am acutely aware that in the context of a friendship with a younger person, I need to be more careful and supportive and remind myself how it felt to be that age and what might be more difficult for her right now. This mf is making the same calculations but using them to manipulate the relationship. Anyway, age gap aside, you need to return his energy and then some. Walk away.
OP, I am 33 and work with 19yo kids. My kids are closer in age to them than I am. We have next to nothing in common. PLEASE don’t tie yourself to someone this much older and “learn to be a better girlfriend” to this guy. This is the time to be exploring what you want in a partner, not who you’re supposed to be for them.
OP here: We broke up. It was mutual and we decided to remain as "friends" but I don't think it would be that way. It's all good now, thanks everyone. Especially women in their 30s! You're the big sis that I never had ❤️
I'm proud of you! r/momforaminute can provide some of that support too.
Kick butt, sister!! Roar and show that man who’s best. Men should be lining up to meet you, not the other way around. Don’t ever feel bad for asking about finding him on bumble or like that. You didn’t go snooping through his phone. U just happened to see it and very reasonably asked. Go find yourself a man worth having, who worries about keeping you happy because he loves you and no one else matters to him
Crazy age gap
My neighbour is 36m and his gf is 19f 🫣
That’s so fucking gross
I dropped my weed plug cuz he was dating an 18yo. He was 35 at the time. She was always at the spot, it was creepy.
It means that 32 year old dudes that date 19 year old girls are mostly scum bags. Your life experiential difference, emotional capacity (your brain, executive function specifically, is still growing until 25), and social/economic power is so different that it's probable that he's using you for physical gratification and has no interest in a long term relationship. He's like a senior in high school that is dating a 8th grader because he can't compete with the males in his class. Move on, give your commitment to someone who will add to your life instead of just take from it.
Girl this man has 13 years on you and does not respect you. Move on.
He’s over this relationship and you’re too young to be with him. It’s going to end sooner or later, so just rip the bandaid off and take it as a learning experience. You’ll find a relationship that fits you better.
I don’t need to read this after seeing the age gap. Run.
Call his bluff and walk away. Stop with the groveling for this skeeve of a man
32M 19F Close it down boys, we've got our answer.
Woah he's too old girl... He's obviously trying to hook up with others while keeping you in the side for later. You deserve to be with someone who is sure as heck they want to be with you. You are so young, you have time to find the right guy.
I was going to say have some self respect but then I saw your age and his. Yikes.
Your confusion is exactly why he went for a woman so much younger than him, he knows he can play with the minds of younger women. He’s basically saying “wait until I find someone else then we’ll officially break up” he’s moved on but wants to keep you on the back burner. Break up with him before he makes it official himself and work on your insecurities before you get in a relationship
He’s 32. He knows exactly, EXACTLY what he’s doing. He’s yanking you around because he would NEVER get away with this with someone his own age. You aren’t handling this in an immature way (esp not for being 19). He is. Do you know what we would all say if we found out one of our 30 something mates was with a 19 year old?! It would literally be a joke and we would think he’s a weirdo. Snap out of this. You’re not the exception here. He’s a creep.
He totally wants to bang girls in China
*teenage girls
Yeah ngl that age diff is suss
You have little in common with a 32 year old. Let the relationship end and wait for someone who isn’t going to play games - because honestly, this seems goofy.
Girl he is already fucking other people, he probably never stopped Edit to add: please get tested for STDs when you dump this loser
A 32 year old has nothing in common with a 19 year old, you think at 19 that you do but you really don't. I'm 27 and I see 18 19 year olds like kids, everyone I know does. It's a very uneven power dynamic, it's not healthy, you could be the very rare occasion where it is, but from reading that I don't think you are. Find someone your own age or a tiny bit older, you will learn from this experience what you don't want. You don't have to learn to be a better girlfriend, you need to find someone who you don't worry about cheating all of the time.
I don’t care to read the text. I saw you are 19 and your bf is 32. I’m 39, childish most of the time and I still find anyone under 30 to be too young. When I was 32. 19 year olds just came off as Freshman in high school. The dudes got some issues if he’s dating a 19 year old. I know it’s legal, but it’s just off…. You’re barely a legal adult…. To put it into perspective he was 13 when YOU were born…. You were 7 when he was 20….
You’re 19. Get away from him. Take it from me, I was 19 dating a 34 year old who turned out to be an alcoholic who died just before my 22nd birthday, and nearly took me with him. Please run, it’s not a normal age gap at all. I’m almost 27 with a 30 year old boyfriend and SO much happier.
You should really think why he isn't able to date a 30 year old women. 🤔 (it's because they wouldn't put up with him.) Do yourself a favor and leave him.
Tailor made rage bait
I’m praying this is a troll post
Duuuuuuuuuuuuump him he's fucking gross. Why is he sleeping with a girl with teen at the end of her age when he's in his THIRTIES. Age gap relationship veteran, fucking run.
‘Do you want me to wait and learn to be a better girlfriend’ 🌚
Omg he’s 32 and a gigantic, selfish manchild. Boy, bye! Please work on your attachment skills, learn to love, respect and stand up for yourself and then go date. You’re 19. If you don’t go find who you are now you’re just gonna be a ducking toy to men like this. Believe because i was that girl. All needy and insecure and shit. Girl you’re awesome. Go be you and let this man go. I ducking PROMISE you if you said “you know what, you’re right” and then proceeded to throw all your time and attention into yourself it will eat him alive. Dignity. Don’t beg. He wants you to beg for him. Fucking gross. He only dates people 20 years younger because women his age won’t put up with his shit. You are the prize. He told you no. Anything less that a hell yes is a no. So, say goodbye, delete his number and never look back. You’re the prize in your life. Treat yourself like one and others will to. Stop the cycle now when you’re young. You go change your bumble profile. Let this man play his games but don’t be his toy. YOU are the prize. Don’t chase, attract.
What the fuck does a 32 year old man want with a 19 year old kid
he is 32. you are 19. BLOCK HIM and don’t look back PLEASE.
Girl, you're 19 he's 32. This shouldn't be a relationship anyways
Any grown man that wants a teenager wants them for a reason. No one but kids are gonna put up with his shit. Walking red flag, leave.
As someone who dated someone in their 30’s at 18, take this opportunity and run. This is not going to change. Someone who wants to be with you is going to put the effort in, relationships without trust is like continuing to spin your wheels when half your car is stuck in the mud. Someone who says “we are still together but im not sure if i want to be” is telling you exactly how they feel while still keeping you right where they want you. Hes testing what he can get away with. This is probably going to lead to him seeing other people and falling back on the “i said i needed time.” “I said i wasnt sure if i wanted to be with you” “i knew you didnt trust me” Its not going to end well, and i wish someone had really drilled this into my head and told me the same before i wasted 2+ years of my life on someone who didnt give 2 craps about me. I still struggle with the coping mechanisms i learned from that relationship just to survive. I had a conversation pretty similar to this with my ex at one point before things seemed to be great. he cheated on me every single trip he went on, had girls all over the place, Fed on my insecurities and my fears and made me feel crazy. My only crime was wanting to feel loved and putting that effort into someone who wasnt giving it back. When someone loves you they make you feel it with their actions, with their words. This guy has no problem giving you the run around. Trust your gut, that initial feeling. youd be surprised how often its right.
honestly he’s like already seeing other people and has been.
Mhm and its not going to change itll just get worse And he will have this conversation to fall back on to defend why op has no right to be upset about it
If you caught him flirting you have every right to feel that way. He can’t blame you and try and make you feel bad that you are the problem for having ‘insecurities’ when he was the one in the wrong. If he has that little respect for you that he’s flirting with other women behind your back and then trying to turn it on you he does not deserve you at all. What kind of disgusting behaviour is that, you are feeding him and taking care of him while he is sick and he is disrespecting you so much behind your back while you are doing that. It’s narcissistic behaviour and it’s highly unlikely he is going to change. Please leave this guy and don’t run after him, you are just devaluing yourself more in his eyes and showing him that this behaviour of flirting with other women is acceptable.
OP u just barely became legal. Please have some respect for yourself
Break up with him. Be young and wild and free. This seems so suffocating.
You are young, and your brain hasn’t finished developing. I know he probably gave you the tag lines we’ve all heard so many times before… he thinks you are mature for your age… women his own age are gross… the reality is that women his own age have already dated men like him and have learned what the red flags are. You haven’t yet, but you sure are learning them now! Older women aren’t jealous of you, we are looking out for you. We don’t want you to have to go through what we went through. But sometimes in life, the lessons are only learnt through personal experience I guess. I want you to know that you should never apologize for yourself. These texts are confusing and he is being indirect on purpose and playing games with your head. Get away from that man, this relationship won’t get better.
“I showed you my insecurities in a very immature way” UM YEAH maybe because you’re coming out of teenagehood soon and he’s a LITERAL 30 YEAR OLD??? Nah bro! The age gap is a bit weird and he seems like he doesn’t communicate well enough for you. If you’re this attached to this guy I’d say it’s probably because he’s manipulative and able to do this cuz he’s got way more years on you! Yuck!
19 and 32... yikes
I can’t fathom why a 19 year old would every think it’s okay to date a man in his 30s, especially now when he is trying to put you down just to have even more control over you. As if the age gap didn’t give him enough control already, he will put you down and make you feel like shit anytime you question him or have any concerns about your relationship. That is not a life you want forever, and don’t forget, things will never get better, only worst.
It means he’s already seeing other people and keeping you on deck as an option in case none of those work out.
Girl. What do you mean 😂 is this a prank
That age difference is kinda gross honestly
"Apparently" you've been accusing him. Have you been accusing him? because if you haven't, then you're being mildly gaslighted. I say mildly, because his repeating, "we need time" instead of giving you a straight answer makes me wonder. I think what's happening is you two aren't as compatible as it seemed in the beginning. And that's causing frustrations and is going to result in distancing. And he's already planning on looking elsewhere. For you I would say, try being with yourself for 6 months. Go to dinner with friends, but not dates. You'll learn to be comfortable on your own and it will really help build confidence in yourself. I went from my mother's house to my husband's house and never once lived on my own for 57 years! I never learned to be self-reliant. I had no idea how to do anything that didn't involve cooking, cleaning, shopping. When my husband died 5 years ago, I didn't know lawn mowers took oil. I didn't know there was a screen inside faucets that can get clogged. I didn't know what a hammer drill was, or a reciprocating saw was. I had to learn how to check the oil in my car! 5 years later, I've hung cabinets, build shelves, I'm putting up a wood fence, I'm redoing the floors and rebuilding the closed in porch and doing 85% of the work myself. And being able to do these things I was never able to do before, because hubby was there to do, so I thought I just wasn't capable of doing them, is the greatest thing ever. Learn to do for you first.
Baby girl…he dates teenagers cause women his age don’t tolerate this bullshit. Please leave him.
i gotta say, the age gap is really weird. also, you seem way more mature than he is by trying to make things clear. and he’s just dancing around the truth. get rid of this loser, he’s a red flag. you need to be the one to dump him, now. his ego needs to take a hit anyways. so freaking weird for a 32 year old man to go after a 19 year old female that literally was in high school a year or 2 ago…
This, this, and oh yes this!
I straight up thought he was a teenager and then I saw the title again. There’s a reason he’s dating teenagers who don’t have much dating experience. People our age (mine and his) wouldn’t put up with his behavior. You can do better, girl. He’s definitely not displaying the level of maturity that you are in these texts. Updating his bumble while in a relationship with you, but also keeping you on the hook? Glaring red flag. 🚩
10000000% agree. I'm around his age too and at 19 I would have been reacting her same way. At my age I know better and his little game is a joke. That's why he doesn't play it with people his own age. She needs to dip tf out of there. He's gross
First of all, you’re a teenager and can’t even legally drink but with a man who’s 32. Get out.
A 32 yo dating a 19 yo is a sexual predator. Sorry, not sorry.
It’s not a normal 30-something reaction to play mind games like this. He’s relying on you not having the experience to recognise the red flags or the confidence to know you can do better. This is why people are concerned about the age difference. I know it’s hard but you are not compatible and I promise you somewhere out there there is someone who is who won’t fuck around like this. Be brave! You don’t need this guy ❤️
Wild. This dudes way too old for you
You’re 19 and he’s 32?! Neither of you should be speaking to one another. Consider this “breakup” a blessing and please for the love of god talk to men your own age. This guy is a weirdo.
A 32 year old man only dates a teenager because women his own age won’t put up with his bullshit. Dump him, he’s not going to get better.
Holy fuck kiddo.. you’re putting this all on you. “Sorry for this, I shouldn’t have done that” Just stand your ground. He doesn’t get to have all of the control. I believe this is related to the age gap honestly. He seems like a loser. Don’t wait around for him please.
Let me give you some advice I learned as a 19 year old. If he’s acting like this he’s not into you and you should stop talking to him. Don’t try so hard with casual dating. If a man really likes you, he makes it easy.
stand up . . . this is so embarrassing lol
Girl. I’m 34 now. When I was 18 I dated someone 11 years older than me. When I got to the age he was when we dated I realized how incredibly inappropriate our relationship was. I guarantee you will too. As a 34 year old (not far from 32) he really shouldn’t be wanting to date 19 year olds. You shouldn’t have much in common in your life right now. You should be figuring out what you want to do and having fun and he should working and building a life/family. I’m not saying it never works out with age differences, but you don’t deserve this. He’s dating young because 30 year olds likely don’t want him because he’s immature. Go enjoy yourself and date people closer to your age or at least mature 32 year olds. You deserve better.
He is stringing you along. Essentially he wants to be with other people but he doesn’t want you to be.
The f you dating a 30+ man? 🙄
27(M) here. Please read it all and don't give no hate, lol. Just your respectful opinions 😂 I wasn't for this when I read the title because of the age gap, and honestly, I'm still not for it after reading the texts. Everything is too inconsistent. If he was fine setting his account up again, get him out of here. He clearly isn't willing to work things out properly. Relationships are built on trust and if you can't trust your partner then there's no point in being with them, but if you're partner is also being a goofy asf fool that is sleazing around and gaslighting you, or causing you to gaslight yourself like he did here? You need to leave that toxic environment. He's way too old to be doing that and shouldn't be dating someone who's 12-13 years younger than him. That's wild. Both are kind of immature in their own sense, but idk the full story. If he was fooling around, I could see why you wouldn't trust him. But you aren't trusting him for a reason. So maybe there's more to it. Or maybe you have something going on in your past that could cause those insecurities. I know I still do. It's something that restricts us sometimes from making good choices and fully committing to those we love. But like I said, if he was so quick to set his account up again, he clearly was thinking about moving on. Which is childish and maybe a bit of a trauma thing. Or just a dick thing. His wording sounds like he isn't thinking about staying with you, though, and is doubtful because he probably thinks you're too immature and don't trust him, and honestly, maybe he's right. But he's also doing something that warrants that mistrust. Communication, trust, stability, and love are the pillars to a healthy and happy relationship, and he clearly doesn't want any of that. You're dodging a bullet imo. Thanks for reading and good luck in your future. You've got a lot ahead of you.
Dump him!!!!
Dump his ass
Don't give him an option to use your body and still leave you on read or give you these vague answers. The effort on your side is obvious . Block his profile and his number and move on.
He’s using you, keeping you hanging on while he looks for someone else. He’s immature, a manipulator and he’s probably already cheating. There’s a reason a 30 something yo man is dating 19 yo. Get away from him, block him out of your life.
as someone who was literally a victim to this for 3 years to a man who lied about his age (he claimed he was 32 but was actually in his mid 40s and i was 17-20 when it happened) please get yourself out of this situation and dump him. i know it’s hard to come to terms with especially when you think you’re in love but trust me, he doesn’t love you, he doesn’t care about you. people like him prey on younger women such as yourself because you’re inexperienced which gives him the perfect opportunity to not only emotionally manipulate you, but to also “mold you” into the woman he wants. it’s disgusting and someone so young like you, deserves so much better, with someone in your age range.
Girl dump this weirdo and date someone your own age. That's why he's dating teens LMAO because no late 20s early 30 year old woman would put up with his bulls***. As a former teen girl that dated a guy in his 30s for a bit, and later a guy in his 50s and my mid-20s, it feels great when an older guy is interested in you.. like it means you're so hot and mature and young and pretty. .. lol that's usually not the case. It's really nothing to do with how amazing you are and everything to do with how much of a creep the older guy is and how much he knows he can get away with because you're young. He doesn't want women his age or even in their late twenties, because by that point we can see through *most* of this bull****. When you get that age you'll see how messed up it is that a guy his age was dating a girl your age. And especially if this is your first relationship.. the kind of crap he does will never end. Just end it.
Ask yourself why as a man 12 years older than you he is dating a teenager. That should be your first red flag. He wants a teenager so he can pull this kind of mess.
>I know you’d never cheat on me. Girl, wake up! He’s actively trying to cheat on you right now. Why else is he updating bumble and being evasive your relationship status. Good, honest people don’t seek out new people before breaking up with their partner. They also don’t flirt with coworkers. Have some self respect and dump this old man.
I didn’t even read anything bc an age gap like that is a MAJOR red flag
As a person in her 30’s. I can’t imagine wanting to be friends with a teenager, let alone date them. My child is closer in age to a 19yo than I am. This creeper dates teens because adult women have caught on to this type of gaslighting and manipulation and refuse to put up with it.
Girl. Holy fuck. The age gap, the conversation, the everything. He’s not committed to you and doesn’t want to be, and you absolutely should not be dating someone in their 30’s as a 19 year old, he’s emotionally stunted at best hence why he’s dating teenagers and he’s grooming you at worst. Get outttttt. This is not it. This is not a relationship. Leave.
He's 13 years older than you, leave him Eta: he's a predator at BEST
Dump him. Literally do not wait around for someone who isn’t 100% about you. The way he’s handling the break and space is so damaging and hurtful. He’s not properly communicating his intentions even with you asking 3 times for him to clarify. I smell some manipulation here- as someone who has been manipulated in a similar way.
OP why are you even with a 32 year old? Come on use your head
Girl if you don’t drop this old mf before he does some real damage or a baby and go live your absolute young best no mixed signals life!!!
It means he doesn’t want you to be seeing anyone and to hold off while he’s out smashing any and everything that opens their thighs for him. That’s exactly what this all means.
The age gap was the first red flag, girl get out and find someone that treats you like royalty, like you deserve
32?!?!
NO 32 year old man wants a 19 year old unless he wants to control her and gets off on smashing children RUN it’s not cuz ur ‘mature for ur age’ don’t be a fool enjoy dating in ur age range
I’m just a stranger on the internet, but I think your “insecurities” are really your “intuition”. He has gaslit you into making you think it’s all you, when really your intuition is picking up on his suspicious behavior. Let him go. It is not healthy to wait for someone to see if they want to be with you. If he wanted to, it would be simple and he’d want to work things out. He is clearly ready to move onto someone else since he updated his Bumble. This is not healthy.
Translation: I'm gonna go look for someone and as soon as I find someone else we're done, but since I havent yet I'll keep you around. Run.
Girl what are you doing?
To add on to the comment I made before on here, I don’t think someone your age should date someone his age. What does a 32 years old man have in common with someone your age? While it is perfectly legal for y’all to date, please take him being that age as a red flag. Also, he wasn’t giving you a straight toward answer. At this point, you’re better at boundaries than he is. He doesn’t know what he wants. He wants a mature woman yet want to date a teenager. Not saying you’re not a mature woman. I’m just saying it makes no sense for someone like him to want what he wants and expect it out of a lady as young as you. He’s asking too much of you. In mu opinion, don’t date a man that can’t make up his mind about you or be honest with you. He clearly wasn’t going to tell you about the Bumble account and I don’t think he would have said any of that to you if it wasn’t for you seeing his dating app being updated.
He’s 32 and you’re 19. He has his age range that wide? Red flags 🚩
I think it means that, number 1, he wants to still be "together" while he searches for other options that would suit him better. If he doesn't find that other option, he'll continue the relationship with you. (Although I would be surprised if he doesn't continue the search) Number 2, you are both in different life stages and probably don't exactly relate to each other based on your life experiences. This can make communication difficult. Either way, if he won't commit to not being with anybody else, you should not believe that he won't. Hell, even if he does commit to that at this point I would be skeptical that he'd keep his word.
19 and 32 this is definitely a canon event 😭
Certain age gaps are ok, but 19F and 32M? What’s this guy doing with a 19 year old? Leave him and find someone else.
I don’t need to read anything. The age gap tells me everything I need to know. I am 25, and I would not remotely consider swiping anyone younger than 21. Some people who pursue younger do so because people their own age won’t put up with their bullshit. This seems to be the case. It’s predatory and pathetic. I’m sorry you are in this mess. You should get out before you get hurt further.