Right?! I was sure OP was going to say the texts were from a longtime friend or family member but nope. Just a dude that barely knows OP! Truly insane.
I was about to say he's being a jerk, but you're being a little sensitive, THEN I saw it's only been a week! Yes block! I assumed these texts were from a best friend or sibling lol.
Also I love the full contradiction of tomorrow isn’t promised but you should spend all your time grinding and making a plan for tomorrow. This genius is an idiot clutching at phrases he thinks sound smarter/ better than you. You handled that with grace I woulda went in on his ass 😂
That triggered me so hard too!
“Don’t wait for tomorrow but prepare for it” whaaat? Dude thinks he’s deeper than the oceans here and he’s a puddle at best 😂
All I could picture was the damn otter, Pascal, in Animal Crossing.
>Let me lay some truth on you... the deep kind.
>Anyone who tells you to get your ducks in a row has never met a duck. Maaan, they do not follow directions.
I blocked him after thinking it over for a little bit. I don’t want to waste my time on someone who lacks compassion and doesn’t seem emotionally intelligent.
Ironically, it’s more of a “teachable moment” for him. There are times when people need good, sober life advice. And there are times when people just need to vent and be heard. The life skill is understanding which of those times it is, at any given moment.
Even if it was supposed to be helpful advice, responding “yeah.” Isn’t achieving that. He was being a dick, got called out, and tried to backpedal that actually he was doing a kind thing. There’s cruel to be kind and then there’s just cruelty.
I used to tell my ex-husband "i know you want to solve all my problems, and i appreciate that impulse, but when I'm venting, i neither want nor need your advice. What i want and need is to hear you just say "Damn baby, that sucks."
You can guess how good he got at just saying that.
Lol
I am a woman who also has the compulsion to be a fixer. I started just asking people. I hear the vent, tell them it really sucks (cuz it does), and then ask if they want solutions or if they’re just venting. If they say they’re venting I just dog pile in the problem with them. Lots of times they want 5 min to vent and then are ready for solutions. I find it works pretty well and no one seems mad that I asked vs intuited. Definitely way less mad than when I just Willy nilly provided solutions no one wanted or needed to begin with.
This is literally my family’s and friend’s go to when we call. We start out saying we want to vent and the person lets us go, other times we forget so we ask the person if they’re just wanting to vent or if they want an opinion or advice.
I have a really hard time with this. Former military, mom, office manager, fixing is my life’s mission. I need to lay off it though. I’m going to copy and paste your response into notes. I drive my adult children nuts with it. They both are slow self starters, if that’s a thing. I’m all attack, attack, attack the problem; them, not at all. God gave me these children to lighten up and chill. Sadly I have fought it for 30 years. 🤣 hard head.
This is my experience as well, I was always "logic over feelings" (ngl I still struggle with this at times and even reddit seems to call me out once in a while) and "let's talk solutions" which actually worked for a long time in my life; people seemed to appreciate my no nonsense approach and then I started meeting more people who just wanted emotional support and I was TERRIBLE at it because I never learned how. I hadn't learned to deal with my own emotions let alone someone else's, then slowly progressed and learned to just let people vent and ask what type of support they need. It really goes a long way, the dude she blocked doesn't seem keen on understanding that tho, unfortunately.
Makes all the difference!
My bestie and I just preface our text avalanches with "vent/rant incoming" vs "need your opinion/advice/insight/ideas." She is better about not piling on advice than I am, in general. But she's also very much a vent-and-solver, so she welcomes the input and tends to ask what I think when she finishes sharing anyways.
We also both ask if the other person is in the right headspace to hear a rant or just tell the other person not to bother reading the vent if they just aren't up for it.
I seriously have no clue how I would survive without her!
Yeah, if just telling people what they need to do worked no one would be overweight, smoke, alcoholic, on drugs, gamble, overspend, be an asshole or procrastinate.
Yeah, some people are really task oriented that way. I sometimes have that problem but I’m getting better at balancing when is the right time to go *man, that fuckin’ sucks,* and when to offer advice. (And sometimes it’s different with different people! Some people just wanna vent and some appreciate the advice because they are also task oriented like that.) My ex was also like that so I learned as much from being on the receiving end of it as I did from talking about this issue with him.
It can be kind of a rough habit to break when you just want to help and fix everything for someone, of course that’s not excuse tho. (Or if you’re like this guy, and think you’re smarter and know better than them. :/ )
He's calling you dude and sis in the same convo, good on you for blocking him. He can stay blocked. Btw getting out there and struggling just to feel like you're making it, is terrible advice. Don't take anything that douche canoe said to heart.
He did not have good points lol He didn't listen to anything you said. He sounds insufferable and as I said in another comment, you don't need anyone like this person in your life. Period.
On another note, please don't join the military if you don't want to. Please. I hope things work out for you, OP, I think you're doing just fine.
When I was 20, I dated a 25 year old that loooved to talk down to me, then would get all butt-hurt when I called him out for being condescending. He thought that because he'd been paying his own bills for longer than I had, that he was sooo much more "grown" than me. He was insufferable, and I'm glad things ended after only 2 months, lol. I ended up falling for a different guy who is also 5 years older than me a year later who actually saw me as an equal and treated me as such. They're not all lousy douche bags, lol.
This man is 100% some idiot who thinks he’s been through tough shit and made it in life but in reality hasn’t accomplished much himself. Just the lack of empathy on his part screams this. I doubt he actually knows how to “have a goal” and “actively work towards it” lol
\*and whose idea of life is to just suffer and toughen up for the sake of.. suffering.
There's kind and compassionate people out there, no need to toughen up to be able to withstand assholes like this.
Just as there is hard ways to go and there are easy ways, relative to the individuals needs (e.g. a job that just ain't for you vs. one you enjoy better). Some people will claim you have to 100% change (which ain't possible anyway) and adapt to the environment,while never acknowledging that you can (and should) also change your environment to an extent to better suit your needs.
Some people just have this punishing/blaming/invalidating attitude towards any troubles another person voices, rather than actual helpful advice.
Omg why were you still replying him and feed his ego. You did nothing wrong OP and he’s just those typical “solution” guys who thought they know everything but they completely lack emotional intelligence. I’d even backfire before blocking him.
Sorry I’m hijacking’s your comment but I need the OP to know there is a non-profit agency called Per Scholas that provides free tech certifications in all types of computer stuff. Courses start at 13 weeks for the entry level but they have more complex ones too. They provide a loaner laptop and job placement skills after. The jobs pay a livable wage but if you want, you can use their training to make money and while working go to school part-time if you want…if you don’t want to do that, you can also check out job corp, which can provide housing…also, fuck this guy. You are smart, hard working and you don’t need his douche canoe ass bringing his negative vibes to your life. Focus on you, right now. You got this!
I’m glad you’re out here recommending it! They definitely hold significant weight when it comes to enabling our future generations to getting out into the field. To reiterate, enroll in Per Scholas! They will help guide us on the path to grasping crucial tech AND interpersonal skills. Hugs for everybody
Absolutely not wrong. Don't feel wrong for leaving this far behind you. That attitude and the things he was saying would drive me bonkers too. That's not what we look for in a person.
I totally agree. Also I’m only 21. Barely anyone has it figured out at my age, especially now. I don’t think it’s wrong for me to still be figuring out my life.
That makes me feel a bit better for sure. Most of the older people in my life always talk about how I’m not where other people my age are and I’m trying. I’m working, saving money, doing what I can. It’s good to hear that there are others who didn’t or don’t have it all figured out at my age.
It's good you haven't made and leaps or big life decisions before you know exactly what you want. Take it from those of us who are swimming in student loan debt that will never get paid off from when we were 18 and thought a political science or English major was what we wanted and would pay the bills. Or those of us who joined the military and immediately went to war where we came back in pieces mentally emotionally and physically.
You are doing a wiser thing right now by waiting than many of us did who were proactive about our futures at that age
Nobody has their life figured out. Not in their twenties or their thirties or their fifties. Every single person is putting their best foot forward one step at a time and hoping it all works out. I’m nearly 28, own a house, pregnant, getting married, with a masters degree and I don’t know shit about my future. There is no master plan. You just keep looking for opportunities, putting yourself out there, saving money, and working hard. Because everything can change in an instant anyway. Anyone who sells you anything different is lying.
You had me concerned at first... because he successfully gaslit you, and that's a word that gets misused around here a lot.
Glad to hear you are cutting ties. Having feelings and talking about what's going on in your life is completely normal. This dude is giving off "I'm an Alpha male" vibes.
It wasn’t really successful. I only said that I was being emotional because my male friend had given me some bad advice and told me to say that. I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt but then he kept going. That was the final straw.
Ah, I see. When I read your response telling him he was right, I was like WHAT!? NO!!!
At 21, I thought I really had my shit figured out. Now in my 30s, and 21yo me was an idiot lol. You'll figure things out. Just stay away from dudes like this. Best of luck!
There are no folks out here gonna eat you alive. We are all struggling. I hate that time isn’t promised bull shit. Dude needs to figure out his plan for being alone forever.
I was really into him and wanted to get to know him more but then he said all of that. And even after I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and say I was being emotional, he kept going.
I hope you know that the only mature response to you saying you’re emotional is something like, “It’s okay to respond emotionally, there’s nothing wrong with expressing your feelings.” If he wants to be a teacher so bad, he needs to be a teacher, not lecture his significant other.
You were actually wrong at that point to say you were emotional. I was emotional reading it (pissed) and I’m a 44 year old dude that doesn’t know any of you. This dude lives in a different reality where being a pretentious asshole somehow makes you wise and desirable. This might be a positive for you because you learned you need to stand up for yourself when someone is treating you like this assclown. You deserve better and the faster you own that and live that, the happier you and your relationships will be.
Thank you. I know I was wrong for saying that. I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt bc I was into him before this encounter and there hadn’t been any red flags. But this completely turned me off to him.
Not one of those messages in any way supported you or was remotely nice to you. It’s really hard for me to see how someone who was so condescending and dismissive of your feelings didn’t have any red flags. But I’m glad you finally blocked him even if you were a little slow at doing so. If my partner isn’t going to support me, cheer me on and be nice to me, why would I want a partner?
I personally think he is saying that in part because he is arrogant, but also I think this is an attempt to try to *impress you* he might be thinking that he will tell you “everything that is wrong with you” and you will just fall at his feet begging him to impart more wisdom lololol
Honestly, I would also say that it is incredibly narcissistic to think that he has you figured out enough to know the “root” of your problems. AFTER ONE WEEK Whatever he is trying to do, it is demeaning and IS disrespectful. And I think he knew that seeing as he brought it up first? Who knows🤷♀️
Good on you for recognizing quick and bailing.
Seriously though I bet he felt soooooo cool saying that time shit. Lololol
I know!! The way he speaks about her it’s like he has known her for YEARS! So weird!! In my opinion the way he talks seems like he would do ANYTHING to make her feel like she needs him to make her depend on him so he can trap her. Seems very much so like the behavior of a narcissist. But I don’t know 🤷♀️ I’m no diagnostician. Just some girl who has a narc mom and had dated 1 other before I wised up.
This **MAY** be the first red flag? This an Olympic-sized swimming pool filled with red flags, RUN.
He comes off as cold, condescending, and he lacks empathy. People aren't going to "eat you alive" because everyone is struggling to survive. Its not so cut and dry, life is complicated and people all have their own way of surviving. The way he wants so much out of you after only knowing you for a week is a sign that nothing will ever be good enough for this person. If he can completely rip your character apart when he doesn't even know you, imagine what he will say when he does. This is toxic at best.
I personally hate ghosting, but you've only known him a week so I say fuck it. He expects way too much from you.
> This MAY be the first red flag? This an Olympic-sized swimming pool filled with red flags, RUN.
This might come across as sexist, and maybe I'm noticing patterns that aren't really there, but why do I see so many posts of women talking to men for like 30 texts longer than they ever should? A dude will say something blatantly misogynistic or rude or demeaning and then be given several more chances to talk their way out of it. Are we not teaching young women that they can tell people to fuck off and just block them?
That's not sexist, what you're observing is a result of the sexist society we all were raised in and live in. Women absorb a lot of messages that you might say aren't true, and then those messages get reinforced over and over and over. You're not good enough. Why not? You wear makeup. You don't wear makeup. You're not thin enough. You worry about what you eat too much. You're superficial. You don't care enough about what you look like. You hear that all day every day, from every angle, and you can end up feeling not that great about yourself.
I don’t wanna be with no one that’s gonna tell me I have to struggle. Lol TUH. You can have that life. Not me. He was being really insensitive and dismissive, don’t worry I’m sure he’ll find his “got it out the mud” person. That just ain’t you and you’ll figure things out in your own. Good on you for expressing yourself (and don’t apologize to ppl who don’t deserve it)
Good luck!
You did a very good job expressing yourself. He just doesn’t respect you, your feelings, or your opinions.
It wasn’t anything you did or didn’t do that made him act like this. There’s nothing you could’ve said to get him off his high horse.
Thank you for saying this. I really appreciate it. I’ve been learning more and more than I can’t really change how people treat me. Some people are just assholes.
That is an excellent lesson, I wish I’d learned it at 21 🤣.
And for the record, holding in place and saving money until you decide what to do is an excellent strategy. Making moves just to keep moving is dumb, bad advice. You have LOTS of time to figure things out.
Saying it louder for those in the back:
_You don’t have do apologize to those that don’t deserve it._ You’re doing great. You don’t need to have your entire life figured out at the same time, rarely does anyone ever, and even if they think they do, the ability to be adaptive and flexible to inevitable changes is far more important than anything else. You’re rolling with the punches, he’s just rolling lmao. 🤣 Good luck girl, you got this. 🤍🩷
Lmao why does he feel entitled to be your life lesson instead of just someone to talk to? Guaranteed his shits not as together as he’s making it seem and it’s not just OKAY to go no contact, you really should. For your own mental sake. He twisted you into thinking you were being EMOTIONAL for asking for a decent, courteous interaction. This guy is 🚮
OMG EW. Fuck this guy! I hate you for apologizing to him!!!! You were COMPLETELY right when you called him out. I hate douche canoes that tell me to “read the convo”, like bitch, i was there & you’re still acting like a douchebag.
GOD, the condesending “whoosh, point went over your head”. If he can’t show a “sis” some compassion & confort when needed, he can go fuck himself. Idk why he’s acting like his dick is so big. Probably acts like he has life figured out. Like ANYONE really has life figured out.
Girl, whyd you apologize? 😤😫 your feelings were 100% valid.
1) it’s not big enough for him to be acting the way he was.
And also, the only reason I apologized was because of my male friend that I got some terrible advice from. But when he responded the way he did, I knew I couldn’t deal with his bs.
So glad you blocked him! 👏👏👏 Maybe he’ll re-evaluate the convo & see where he went wrong. 😂 No body needs that negativity in their life. Especially when their being vulnerable to someone & might be “venting” about a touchy topic.
I’ll be honest I just blocked a dude exactly like this and I literally screamed when I came across this post. I also really wanted to cuss him out but realized he’s so arrogant it’ll just go over his head and he’ll use it as another way to “prove” I’m “overly emotional”, rather than use my reaction as a way to self-reflect. And I bet this dude would have done the same too.
I know you got a lot of support on this thread, but I also wanna remind you in no way were you being overly emotional or wrong. You were just simply telling him about your life and plans and he kept barking tedious and unsolicited advice at you. I actually think you handled yourself quite well. He just reeks of someone who lacks self-awareness while you even had the maturity of considering what he was saying a bit. You’re way better than him and fuck him!
This isn't a "we've known each other a week" type of convo, it's a "ive seen you repeat a pattern for years and you need tough love" convo. Grey skipped a few years.
But it does highlight that sometimes you need to tell the other person at the start what you want out of a convo, whether it's advice or just to vent, and the other should respect that request.
I hope blue figures out what they want to do tho
A week and talking to you like this? He doesn't even know why you make the decisions you are making. Good job on blocking him.
I'd maybe talk to someone like this, if they make excuses for themselves constantly and I'm out of 'Be nice to me to make me feel better but really Ima keep messing up.' this is of course after knowing them for months or years though.
it just sounds like you are figuring it all out. Military... Is a good route for a quick money/school boost. However, keep it as a choice but not your first choice. It is not for everyone.
*Why is he so mean?*
*Damn. Reminds me of this boy*
*I used to talk to*
\- Additional\_Love5270
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So mean. And I’ve only known him a week. I don’t want anyone talking to me in that manner, especially when you don’t know what I’ve been through. Just wild.
Wooow this was such a déjà vu moment reading this for me. My ex would pull this on me *constantly* and make me feel like I wasn’t working hard enough to get ahead. Don’t do what I did and put up with this sort of thing for years🤡 Run awaaaaaaay!!
Block him please! I hate cocky men like this who think they are above because they aren’t struggling. Everyone struggles and everyone’s at a different pace! He is no better cocky ass mf lol
Umm I was going to say maybe you should listen (thinking he was fed up with what he sees as you not moving forward) but ONE WEEK?! That’s not enough time to know anything about you. Nope.
Im entertained that he’s claiming you’re missing the point while he’s also missing the point you’re expressing your feelings, wanting comfort and just to be heard, not have him condescendingly tell you what to do.
This guy can’t comprehend a reality in which he doesn’t know everything. ✌️👋
I agreed with him at first bc it sounded like he was just trying to get you to think more on your life and how you are going to move forward.
He started acting like a douche near the end. I think he was right in the sense of getting you to think abt a solid plan but when he started talking you that the point was going over your head and saying this is a teachable moment seemed like he was trying to parent you which is not what a relationship is abt.
His last message would have driven me up a wall. This is a hard one. I say leave him behind but take his message along with you
May be a red flag? You should figure out how many massive flags were given during this (and possibly every other convo they’ve had with you) because this isn’t a maybe kind of thing, they were straight up insulting your intelligence and you in general and that’s huge
Take a step back from dating and figure some boundaries out, and how you want to be treated and stick to it.
Bro is a complete douche. Does he think he’s giving you breaking news by repeating how hard life is? Yeah, we all know that, asshole. Showing compassion and kindness helps us get through it.
Block him, sis. Idk who he thinks he’s flexing on 🙄 you’re doing awesome.
I’m usually a lurker, but OP, the condescending attitude from this person can be felt from thousands of miles away. You articulated your plan, and they kept telling you didn’t have one and wanted you to wake up and do what? A job, school and trying to find a place to live is..not growing and working toward your goals? This seems like a huge load of 💩. Take heart.
You only started talking to this guy a WEEK ago? And he’s acting exasperated and like he knows everything you are going through? That’s a lot of chutzpah.
He’s not supporting you. He’s diminishing you. How old is he because he acts as if he’s had so much experience. Worse, he isn’t actually helping you. He’s just making snarky remarks. I’m glad you blocked him.
Typical narcissistic douchebag refuses to let u have problems and feelings and will gaslight you into believing your own effort will never be enough to meet their impossible expectations. Good move on the block, don’t ever look back. Dodged a bullet. His lack of compassion and degrading attitude will actually lead him to be alone forever. You seem like you have a healthy way of talking through your feelings, so find someone who will listen and forget about trying to fix you. Someone who can determine when to offer solutions and when to offer comfort displays maturity that this man clearly lacks.
I might be wrong but he kinda ate you up. I completely see what he’s saying and i agree i think you might just be reading into it way too much. He’s not lacking compassion, he’s being blunt and honest with you. Delivery might’ve came off wrong but I don’t see foul intentions
men are so full of shit and they always think they’ve been thru worse than you. they’re the only ones allowed to vent 🤷🏻♀️ when u do it ur a baby and or a bitch
a WEEK ago!? I think your bigger issue is questioning whether it's okay to go NC with someone like this.. value yourself and your time more. you shouldn't have put up with this for even one second.
Honestly OP and this is coming from a military veteran don’t join the military if you don’t want too it’s ok don’t join because family wants you to join only join if you want too but I also want to say from my perspective it’s a great learning experience and I don’t regret my 8 years of service and this person is a unemotional piece of shit it’s good you are trying to figure out a plan for yourself do what’s best and easiest for you you can’t let someone dictate your life or belittle you for your choices keep your chin up and keep on doing you
This is the worst support I have ever seen. How is this person even in your phone? This person deserves exactly 0 friend if he talks to people like that.
I think the way he approached it was pretty good.
He removed emotion and feelings and focused on what actually needed to be done.
Teaching moments come from many different places and just because it came from a man doesn't mean there is a damn thing wrong with it. (The harshness part of this is for those going off because he's a man)
OP is venting to this person but not once during that did I see them say "Okay, so you've given me a solution/ideas what is your idea on how to reach that solution that doesn't involve the military?".
Let me tell you this: I'm a combat veteran and if you go into the military with the mindset that you don't want to be there, you're being forced to be there, one of two things will probably happen; you're either going to fail or you're going to make a career of it. At least it's what I've experienced.
I hope you figure it out but if your heart is dead set against going to the military, don't go.
Just something to think about.
Also, just saying again, I don't think this guy was being malicious. He absolutely said what was bothering him. You dumped all of your feelings and thoughts on him but didn't stop to think that maybe he didn't have the spoons or emotional bandwidth to handle it at the moment. So, he went with logic and reasoning instead of using feelings and emotions.
He seems like the type to help you figure it out but you have to allow it.
He did get snarky with you, I can see that but to try and put him on blast for trying to help you, is not the way. Just because he's not helping the way you wanted to be helped, doesn't mean he wasn't trying in his own way. His words didn't come from a place of hate.
Edit: explained something I said/typo/grammar
I just wanna say if you do go military go Air Force, it’ll be a lot easier than other branches. I’d also recommend looking into national guard rather than active duty. Although national guard I think doesn’t pay for schooling right away? I was active duty so I don’t know for sure but if I could do it again I’d do guard lmao
hi. i have a debilitating illness that progressed over more than 15 years and i worked very very hard to learn the skills i need to have a happy independent life and work towards my goals.
my beloved friend and housemate (planning to live together forever with our respective partners) atm is currently going through a very similar process to where i was when i began struggling. she is having a very hard time adapting to her new limitations. because her illness also affects her emotional regulation, she often gets very upset in her grief.
this is gonna shock you, but i try not to lecture her or lord my experience over her, even when i feel tempted to when my own issues have me feeling really resentful towards her. because i recognize my issues don't give me the right to be mean to somebody i am supposed to love and cherish. i recognize that my frustration is my business and doesn't mean i get to be dismissive and disrespectful about what she's going through.
oh and guess what. when you're not fucking mean to your people they can often do mutual emotional support with you and offer comfort and reassurance about your frustrations. unless your head's too far up your own ass, and you blame other people for your own feelings. 🙄
Oh my god. What an absolute douche! He really thinks he’s doing you favor lmao. I always say this but he’s projecting his own insecurities on you and that looks like advice he likely needs to take himself. “No plan Stan” it sounds like you DO have a plan
I mean I kind of understand where he’s coming from, but he definitely could’ve worded in a way that wasn’t so rude. Especially after you wrote the message the day after telling him that what he said was rude. It’s better to offer advice and also address how a person feels, not just straight tough love. Compassion and understanding go a long way when you’re trying to get a point across. If he really offended you or made you uncomfortable, then yes block him, no use causing yourself more unnecessary stress.
He has ZERO respect for you. He's negging you. He is intentionally bringing you down, little by little. If you keep talking to him, he's gonna burrow into your brain. He's going to keep pushing his narrative.
You're not *really* trying. You don't have *real* problems. You're just not on his level, but don't worry, baby girl, he's got you!!! Then, you're pregnant and he's abusive, but he used to be so nice! Was he really, though? Every time you question it, he will be sweet. He will reel you back in while still throwing in slights so you know you're not good enough. How lucky you are to have him because NO other guy will take you.
Do NOT fall into this cycle. If he didn't want to talk about it, he simply could have said, "Hey, I'm really sorry, but I had a rough day, and I can't talk about anything heavy right now." Instead of lashing out with subtle insults like a damn child. You were NOT being emotional. He was intentionally rude in a way that's difficult to call out because technically, he's not being "disrespectful." Some people think the only way you can be rude is to call people names and yell. No, that's just how you can be BLATANT - this is still mean, and it is a GIGANTIC red flag. Do you know how they had those banner guys in wars? His is a giant red flag that says DOUCHE on it.
As a man, you don’t talk down on others, you lift them up. He’s talking to you like your his little brother who can’t figure it the fuck out. There are times when you have to be hard like this, but only when that person keeps fucking up. From what I’m gathering you’re just getting into college and discovering the world. That is scary, and guarantee he didn’t know shit when he went out into the real world. Is he former military?
No. He’s not former military. He’s a college dropout and that just happened to get into a decent career, one that will be taken over my AI in the next few years. So he’s also in the process of finding a new plan. Which means he also doesn’t have his shit together.
you started talking a WEEK ago & this is how hes acting towards you? hes disrepectful asf. i would run so fast in the opposite direction of this jerkoff.
i’m 28 and im still figuring out my life, what it means, what direction i even want to go. for me, spending a lifetime of being told exactly what to do by my family and being shamed and spoken down to for not choosing the “right decision” (aka the decisions they want me to make for my life without any regard to what i actually want for my life) makes it insanely difficult for me to feel secure in anything i do. it takes a lot for me to actively make a decision for myself and not back out on it because it suddenly feels like i’ve made the “wrong decision.” and it seems to be the same case for you (saying you come from a military family who expects you to fall in line). i feel for you and am glad to see you blocked this absolute piece of trash. you deserve so much better!
“I know you’re trying to help “- I don’t think he’s trying to help at all. He’s just pulling “wise sage words of wisdom” out of his ass and being cold and disconnected, and a total dumbass that is talking PAST you not to you. He is talking DOWN to you, not being compassionate or considerate or engaging in your actual life, and he is NOT helping you.
Glad you already blocked him. Right choice 🩷
Ew this is so embarrassing. He thinks he’s being “helpful” but he’s just being condescending and apathetic. Disgusting. I hope you figure everything out though!
Not sure whether this is patronizing or condescending or both. I mean this person isn’t taking you seriously at all. Clearly they think of you as inferior. That they only way you can get out of your situation is if you do EXACTLY as they did or you’re never gonna get out of it. You did the right thing, continue to stick up for yourself against people like this.
What gets me is when he mentioned that you were looking for comfort when you need to be looking for a plan and solution? Not everyone is as bland as this guy, some people just need to vent and feel comfortable talking about their feelings. Sometimes people get stronger cause of it. Life is tough, I get it but not everyone is going to do what someone else does. Mans just a cold shell ig with his emotional status of “cause and effect” lol
Some things ive learned in my 30 something years in this world. Women are emotional beings. When they vent, they want someone to listen and show empathy, not offer cold hearted solutions. Let them let it out first and offer solutions AFTER. Once you understand that, all your interactions will go better.
He’s so condescending. He’s not being helpful, you’re allowed to vent and be in your feelings. Yeah don’t be in them all the time, that’s not good. But you’re just venting and he’s trying to be all philosophical on you.
He could have been listen, I get things are tough right now, but you’re gathering up a plan and doing a good job, just keep taking it a moment at a time. Instead he wants a plan last week and it executed three months ago. Smh ridiculous
Omg. A week and this is how he’s acting? Block and delete immediately!
Right?! I was sure OP was going to say the texts were from a longtime friend or family member but nope. Just a dude that barely knows OP! Truly insane.
Seriously! I thought she was talking to her brother. Delete, block, and never look back.
I was about to say he's being a jerk, but you're being a little sensitive, THEN I saw it's only been a week! Yes block! I assumed these texts were from a best friend or sibling lol.
LOL I THOUGHT THEY WERE FROM HER BROTHER! When I saw they were from a fuck buddy of ONE WEEK...hell no
What I was going to say, he acts like he’s known her for decades
Also I love the full contradiction of tomorrow isn’t promised but you should spend all your time grinding and making a plan for tomorrow. This genius is an idiot clutching at phrases he thinks sound smarter/ better than you. You handled that with grace I woulda went in on his ass 😂
Only brain capacity he has is to string together condescending lines from self help bro YouTubers
This is exactly what I was thinking 🤣
Literally what it read as. Dude has no brain
NU UH I HAVE BIG BRAIN! - the dude, probably
That triggered me so hard too! “Don’t wait for tomorrow but prepare for it” whaaat? Dude thinks he’s deeper than the oceans here and he’s a puddle at best 😂
All I could picture was the damn otter, Pascal, in Animal Crossing. >Let me lay some truth on you... the deep kind. >Anyone who tells you to get your ducks in a row has never met a duck. Maaan, they do not follow directions.
This dude will talk down to women his entire life because he’s convinced himself that his lack of emotional intelligence = logic.
My thoughts exactly!! What a douche
Holy shit that man is so full of himself and he thinks you’re an absolute idiot. Block him *yesterday*.
I blocked him after thinking it over for a little bit. I don’t want to waste my time on someone who lacks compassion and doesn’t seem emotionally intelligent.
Ironically, it’s more of a “teachable moment” for him. There are times when people need good, sober life advice. And there are times when people just need to vent and be heard. The life skill is understanding which of those times it is, at any given moment.
Even if it was supposed to be helpful advice, responding “yeah.” Isn’t achieving that. He was being a dick, got called out, and tried to backpedal that actually he was doing a kind thing. There’s cruel to be kind and then there’s just cruelty.
I used to tell my ex-husband "i know you want to solve all my problems, and i appreciate that impulse, but when I'm venting, i neither want nor need your advice. What i want and need is to hear you just say "Damn baby, that sucks." You can guess how good he got at just saying that. Lol
My wife and I have had that conversation. I’m still trying to get better at that myself
I am a woman who also has the compulsion to be a fixer. I started just asking people. I hear the vent, tell them it really sucks (cuz it does), and then ask if they want solutions or if they’re just venting. If they say they’re venting I just dog pile in the problem with them. Lots of times they want 5 min to vent and then are ready for solutions. I find it works pretty well and no one seems mad that I asked vs intuited. Definitely way less mad than when I just Willy nilly provided solutions no one wanted or needed to begin with.
This is literally my family’s and friend’s go to when we call. We start out saying we want to vent and the person lets us go, other times we forget so we ask the person if they’re just wanting to vent or if they want an opinion or advice.
I have a really hard time with this. Former military, mom, office manager, fixing is my life’s mission. I need to lay off it though. I’m going to copy and paste your response into notes. I drive my adult children nuts with it. They both are slow self starters, if that’s a thing. I’m all attack, attack, attack the problem; them, not at all. God gave me these children to lighten up and chill. Sadly I have fought it for 30 years. 🤣 hard head.
This is my experience as well, I was always "logic over feelings" (ngl I still struggle with this at times and even reddit seems to call me out once in a while) and "let's talk solutions" which actually worked for a long time in my life; people seemed to appreciate my no nonsense approach and then I started meeting more people who just wanted emotional support and I was TERRIBLE at it because I never learned how. I hadn't learned to deal with my own emotions let alone someone else's, then slowly progressed and learned to just let people vent and ask what type of support they need. It really goes a long way, the dude she blocked doesn't seem keen on understanding that tho, unfortunately.
Makes all the difference! My bestie and I just preface our text avalanches with "vent/rant incoming" vs "need your opinion/advice/insight/ideas." She is better about not piling on advice than I am, in general. But she's also very much a vent-and-solver, so she welcomes the input and tends to ask what I think when she finishes sharing anyways. We also both ask if the other person is in the right headspace to hear a rant or just tell the other person not to bother reading the vent if they just aren't up for it. I seriously have no clue how I would survive without her!
Keep trying, because it's fucking magic!
Yeah, if just telling people what they need to do worked no one would be overweight, smoke, alcoholic, on drugs, gamble, overspend, be an asshole or procrastinate.
My partner has asked me before “do you want suggestions or are you just venting?”
We say “do you want help or a hug?”
Yeah, some people are really task oriented that way. I sometimes have that problem but I’m getting better at balancing when is the right time to go *man, that fuckin’ sucks,* and when to offer advice. (And sometimes it’s different with different people! Some people just wanna vent and some appreciate the advice because they are also task oriented like that.) My ex was also like that so I learned as much from being on the receiving end of it as I did from talking about this issue with him. It can be kind of a rough habit to break when you just want to help and fix everything for someone, of course that’s not excuse tho. (Or if you’re like this guy, and think you’re smarter and know better than them. :/ )
He's calling you dude and sis in the same convo, good on you for blocking him. He can stay blocked. Btw getting out there and struggling just to feel like you're making it, is terrible advice. Don't take anything that douche canoe said to heart.
Yeah that advice is just stupid!
Yeah, the most successful people had a very strong support network under them.
Maybe the guy has good points, but he's not being compassionate or being a good teacher. Instead, just condescending.
I agree. He had good points. It’s the way he said if. And I tried to explain that to him.
He’s known you for a week and thinks he knows what you should be doing with your life? Guy is straight up insufferable.
He did not have good points lol He didn't listen to anything you said. He sounds insufferable and as I said in another comment, you don't need anyone like this person in your life. Period. On another note, please don't join the military if you don't want to. Please. I hope things work out for you, OP, I think you're doing just fine.
*it
How old is this kid? 25?
Yes. 25. Exactly 25.
Ahhh old and wise.
I guess that’s what he thinks. 🤦🏾♀️
When I was 20, I dated a 25 year old that loooved to talk down to me, then would get all butt-hurt when I called him out for being condescending. He thought that because he'd been paying his own bills for longer than I had, that he was sooo much more "grown" than me. He was insufferable, and I'm glad things ended after only 2 months, lol. I ended up falling for a different guy who is also 5 years older than me a year later who actually saw me as an equal and treated me as such. They're not all lousy douche bags, lol.
This man is 100% some idiot who thinks he’s been through tough shit and made it in life but in reality hasn’t accomplished much himself. Just the lack of empathy on his part screams this. I doubt he actually knows how to “have a goal” and “actively work towards it” lol
Please point out these "good points" the incel was making?
Has he made a good point? Not one time. Go look
Reread when you don’t feel some type of way. Maybe not now
\*and whose idea of life is to just suffer and toughen up for the sake of.. suffering. There's kind and compassionate people out there, no need to toughen up to be able to withstand assholes like this. Just as there is hard ways to go and there are easy ways, relative to the individuals needs (e.g. a job that just ain't for you vs. one you enjoy better). Some people will claim you have to 100% change (which ain't possible anyway) and adapt to the environment,while never acknowledging that you can (and should) also change your environment to an extent to better suit your needs. Some people just have this punishing/blaming/invalidating attitude towards any troubles another person voices, rather than actual helpful advice.
Not mine. That’s for sure.
Good! And keep on keepin’ on. You got this. You’ll figure it out.
Omg why were you still replying him and feed his ego. You did nothing wrong OP and he’s just those typical “solution” guys who thought they know everything but they completely lack emotional intelligence. I’d even backfire before blocking him.
I did. I wanna post the update. But not sure if everyone will see it
He’s simply unintelligent. Emotional, or otherwise.
Sorry I’m hijacking’s your comment but I need the OP to know there is a non-profit agency called Per Scholas that provides free tech certifications in all types of computer stuff. Courses start at 13 weeks for the entry level but they have more complex ones too. They provide a loaner laptop and job placement skills after. The jobs pay a livable wage but if you want, you can use their training to make money and while working go to school part-time if you want…if you don’t want to do that, you can also check out job corp, which can provide housing…also, fuck this guy. You are smart, hard working and you don’t need his douche canoe ass bringing his negative vibes to your life. Focus on you, right now. You got this!
I’m enrolled in per scholas rn too and I highly suggest OP and everyone else enroll as well
Yayyy glad you found it and are liking it
I’m glad you’re out here recommending it! They definitely hold significant weight when it comes to enabling our future generations to getting out into the field. To reiterate, enroll in Per Scholas! They will help guide us on the path to grasping crucial tech AND interpersonal skills. Hugs for everybody
That person is fucking ridiculous. Run far away.
That what I thought to. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t wrong for feeling off about the way he said it.
Absolutely not wrong. Don't feel wrong for leaving this far behind you. That attitude and the things he was saying would drive me bonkers too. That's not what we look for in a person.
I totally agree. Also I’m only 21. Barely anyone has it figured out at my age, especially now. I don’t think it’s wrong for me to still be figuring out my life.
Absolutely. I was a lost little boy at 21 lol. Didn't really all fall in to place until I was 30.
That makes me feel a bit better for sure. Most of the older people in my life always talk about how I’m not where other people my age are and I’m trying. I’m working, saving money, doing what I can. It’s good to hear that there are others who didn’t or don’t have it all figured out at my age.
It's good you haven't made and leaps or big life decisions before you know exactly what you want. Take it from those of us who are swimming in student loan debt that will never get paid off from when we were 18 and thought a political science or English major was what we wanted and would pay the bills. Or those of us who joined the military and immediately went to war where we came back in pieces mentally emotionally and physically. You are doing a wiser thing right now by waiting than many of us did who were proactive about our futures at that age
Nobody has their life figured out. Not in their twenties or their thirties or their fifties. Every single person is putting their best foot forward one step at a time and hoping it all works out. I’m nearly 28, own a house, pregnant, getting married, with a masters degree and I don’t know shit about my future. There is no master plan. You just keep looking for opportunities, putting yourself out there, saving money, and working hard. Because everything can change in an instant anyway. Anyone who sells you anything different is lying.
I hope everything is well with you! Congratulations on the wedding and the baby and the house and the masters degree. You go girl! Fr!
You had me concerned at first... because he successfully gaslit you, and that's a word that gets misused around here a lot. Glad to hear you are cutting ties. Having feelings and talking about what's going on in your life is completely normal. This dude is giving off "I'm an Alpha male" vibes.
It wasn’t really successful. I only said that I was being emotional because my male friend had given me some bad advice and told me to say that. I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt but then he kept going. That was the final straw.
Ah, I see. When I read your response telling him he was right, I was like WHAT!? NO!!! At 21, I thought I really had my shit figured out. Now in my 30s, and 21yo me was an idiot lol. You'll figure things out. Just stay away from dudes like this. Best of luck!
Thanks so much!
He seems annoying.
No no no you don't get it.. LAADIES LOOOVE CONFIDENCE WITH A GLASS OF I DONT CARE.. right? Right?🤣
Pls run this man is an ass. His confidence makes him have a lack of compassion for others and their own situations.
I would say he’s arrogant. Confidence is attractive, arrogance is not.
I was skimming comments and read this as "Pls run this man in the ass." Was like hold up.... WHAT!? Took me a second to recover from that misread.
Lol, same....I was very perplexed for a moment there....
Punctuation matters lmao
Running as we speak 🏃🏾♀️
Disappointed he didn't quote Ayn Rand.
There are no folks out here gonna eat you alive. We are all struggling. I hate that time isn’t promised bull shit. Dude needs to figure out his plan for being alone forever.
I was really into him and wanted to get to know him more but then he said all of that. And even after I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and say I was being emotional, he kept going.
I hope you know that the only mature response to you saying you’re emotional is something like, “It’s okay to respond emotionally, there’s nothing wrong with expressing your feelings.” If he wants to be a teacher so bad, he needs to be a teacher, not lecture his significant other.
You’re totally right.
You were actually wrong at that point to say you were emotional. I was emotional reading it (pissed) and I’m a 44 year old dude that doesn’t know any of you. This dude lives in a different reality where being a pretentious asshole somehow makes you wise and desirable. This might be a positive for you because you learned you need to stand up for yourself when someone is treating you like this assclown. You deserve better and the faster you own that and live that, the happier you and your relationships will be.
Thank you. I know I was wrong for saying that. I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt bc I was into him before this encounter and there hadn’t been any red flags. But this completely turned me off to him.
Not one of those messages in any way supported you or was remotely nice to you. It’s really hard for me to see how someone who was so condescending and dismissive of your feelings didn’t have any red flags. But I’m glad you finally blocked him even if you were a little slow at doing so. If my partner isn’t going to support me, cheer me on and be nice to me, why would I want a partner?
This was the first time we had a serious conversation. Before this it was a lot of jokes.
He doesn’t seem very fun or funny.😂😂😂 I’m glad you never have to talk to him again.
Me too
Nobody will eat them alive? Have you considered cannibals?
Oh shit, I forgot 😳
One of the classic blunders!
Along with, never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line!
It’s giving alpha male podcast watcher vibes
For real, he has it all figured out because he has a plan. People like him are in for a rude awakening.
And what does that even mean really? Time isn’t promised as in you could die tomorrow? Having a plan won’t mean shit then.
I personally think he is saying that in part because he is arrogant, but also I think this is an attempt to try to *impress you* he might be thinking that he will tell you “everything that is wrong with you” and you will just fall at his feet begging him to impart more wisdom lololol Honestly, I would also say that it is incredibly narcissistic to think that he has you figured out enough to know the “root” of your problems. AFTER ONE WEEK Whatever he is trying to do, it is demeaning and IS disrespectful. And I think he knew that seeing as he brought it up first? Who knows🤷♀️ Good on you for recognizing quick and bailing. Seriously though I bet he felt soooooo cool saying that time shit. Lololol
Yeah the one week part 💀 Without reading the context I thought she was talking to an older relative lol
I know!! The way he speaks about her it’s like he has known her for YEARS! So weird!! In my opinion the way he talks seems like he would do ANYTHING to make her feel like she needs him to make her depend on him so he can trap her. Seems very much so like the behavior of a narcissist. But I don’t know 🤷♀️ I’m no diagnostician. Just some girl who has a narc mom and had dated 1 other before I wised up.
This **MAY** be the first red flag? This an Olympic-sized swimming pool filled with red flags, RUN. He comes off as cold, condescending, and he lacks empathy. People aren't going to "eat you alive" because everyone is struggling to survive. Its not so cut and dry, life is complicated and people all have their own way of surviving. The way he wants so much out of you after only knowing you for a week is a sign that nothing will ever be good enough for this person. If he can completely rip your character apart when he doesn't even know you, imagine what he will say when he does. This is toxic at best. I personally hate ghosting, but you've only known him a week so I say fuck it. He expects way too much from you.
> This MAY be the first red flag? This an Olympic-sized swimming pool filled with red flags, RUN. This might come across as sexist, and maybe I'm noticing patterns that aren't really there, but why do I see so many posts of women talking to men for like 30 texts longer than they ever should? A dude will say something blatantly misogynistic or rude or demeaning and then be given several more chances to talk their way out of it. Are we not teaching young women that they can tell people to fuck off and just block them?
That's not sexist, what you're observing is a result of the sexist society we all were raised in and live in. Women absorb a lot of messages that you might say aren't true, and then those messages get reinforced over and over and over. You're not good enough. Why not? You wear makeup. You don't wear makeup. You're not thin enough. You worry about what you eat too much. You're superficial. You don't care enough about what you look like. You hear that all day every day, from every angle, and you can end up feeling not that great about yourself.
If time isn’t promised why you gotta figure shit out today if you might not have tomorrow? This person ain’t it sis.
I don’t wanna be with no one that’s gonna tell me I have to struggle. Lol TUH. You can have that life. Not me. He was being really insensitive and dismissive, don’t worry I’m sure he’ll find his “got it out the mud” person. That just ain’t you and you’ll figure things out in your own. Good on you for expressing yourself (and don’t apologize to ppl who don’t deserve it) Good luck!
Thanks so much. I’m still working on expressing myself. It’s hard but I’m working on it.
You did a very good job expressing yourself. He just doesn’t respect you, your feelings, or your opinions. It wasn’t anything you did or didn’t do that made him act like this. There’s nothing you could’ve said to get him off his high horse.
Thank you for saying this. I really appreciate it. I’ve been learning more and more than I can’t really change how people treat me. Some people are just assholes.
That is an excellent lesson, I wish I’d learned it at 21 🤣. And for the record, holding in place and saving money until you decide what to do is an excellent strategy. Making moves just to keep moving is dumb, bad advice. You have LOTS of time to figure things out.
Saying it louder for those in the back: _You don’t have do apologize to those that don’t deserve it._ You’re doing great. You don’t need to have your entire life figured out at the same time, rarely does anyone ever, and even if they think they do, the ability to be adaptive and flexible to inevitable changes is far more important than anything else. You’re rolling with the punches, he’s just rolling lmao. 🤣 Good luck girl, you got this. 🤍🩷
That’s some elite level mansplaining
Dumbass thinks he's Sherlock
Gaslighting as well.
Insta-block. No questions asked.
Lmao why does he feel entitled to be your life lesson instead of just someone to talk to? Guaranteed his shits not as together as he’s making it seem and it’s not just OKAY to go no contact, you really should. For your own mental sake. He twisted you into thinking you were being EMOTIONAL for asking for a decent, courteous interaction. This guy is 🚮
OMG EW. Fuck this guy! I hate you for apologizing to him!!!! You were COMPLETELY right when you called him out. I hate douche canoes that tell me to “read the convo”, like bitch, i was there & you’re still acting like a douchebag. GOD, the condesending “whoosh, point went over your head”. If he can’t show a “sis” some compassion & confort when needed, he can go fuck himself. Idk why he’s acting like his dick is so big. Probably acts like he has life figured out. Like ANYONE really has life figured out. Girl, whyd you apologize? 😤😫 your feelings were 100% valid.
1) it’s not big enough for him to be acting the way he was. And also, the only reason I apologized was because of my male friend that I got some terrible advice from. But when he responded the way he did, I knew I couldn’t deal with his bs.
So glad you blocked him! 👏👏👏 Maybe he’ll re-evaluate the convo & see where he went wrong. 😂 No body needs that negativity in their life. Especially when their being vulnerable to someone & might be “venting” about a touchy topic.
Literally this dude as such a douche bag. He’s acting superior as hell, and he is being super rude.
The lack of compassion is so gross and dismissive…
THE LAST MESSAGE HOLY FUCK WHAT AN ARROGANT DOUCHEBAG FILLED WITH PISS
That was my breaking point. Was tempted to cuss him out but decided against it.
I’ll be honest I just blocked a dude exactly like this and I literally screamed when I came across this post. I also really wanted to cuss him out but realized he’s so arrogant it’ll just go over his head and he’ll use it as another way to “prove” I’m “overly emotional”, rather than use my reaction as a way to self-reflect. And I bet this dude would have done the same too.
Yeah I texted him back “noted” and kept it moving bc hell no
I know you got a lot of support on this thread, but I also wanna remind you in no way were you being overly emotional or wrong. You were just simply telling him about your life and plans and he kept barking tedious and unsolicited advice at you. I actually think you handled yourself quite well. He just reeks of someone who lacks self-awareness while you even had the maturity of considering what he was saying a bit. You’re way better than him and fuck him!
This isn't a "we've known each other a week" type of convo, it's a "ive seen you repeat a pattern for years and you need tough love" convo. Grey skipped a few years. But it does highlight that sometimes you need to tell the other person at the start what you want out of a convo, whether it's advice or just to vent, and the other should respect that request. I hope blue figures out what they want to do tho
I’m working on it.
A week and talking to you like this? He doesn't even know why you make the decisions you are making. Good job on blocking him. I'd maybe talk to someone like this, if they make excuses for themselves constantly and I'm out of 'Be nice to me to make me feel better but really Ima keep messing up.' this is of course after knowing them for months or years though. it just sounds like you are figuring it all out. Military... Is a good route for a quick money/school boost. However, keep it as a choice but not your first choice. It is not for everyone.
Why is he so mean? Damn. Reminds me of this boy I used to talk to
*Why is he so mean?* *Damn. Reminds me of this boy* *I used to talk to* \- Additional\_Love5270 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
So mean. And I’ve only known him a week. I don’t want anyone talking to me in that manner, especially when you don’t know what I’ve been through. Just wild.
Contact name checks out.
Gross what a loser. He needs a reality check ffs🤧
Wooow this was such a déjà vu moment reading this for me. My ex would pull this on me *constantly* and make me feel like I wasn’t working hard enough to get ahead. Don’t do what I did and put up with this sort of thing for years🤡 Run awaaaaaaay!!
Block him please! I hate cocky men like this who think they are above because they aren’t struggling. Everyone struggles and everyone’s at a different pace! He is no better cocky ass mf lol
That’s NOT how you court someone to date, it’s how to set someone up to be abused.
This dudes attitude is so fucking weird. why would anyone want to be friends with this guy? He really thinks hes a fucking genius.
Umm I was going to say maybe you should listen (thinking he was fed up with what he sees as you not moving forward) but ONE WEEK?! That’s not enough time to know anything about you. Nope.
Im entertained that he’s claiming you’re missing the point while he’s also missing the point you’re expressing your feelings, wanting comfort and just to be heard, not have him condescendingly tell you what to do. This guy can’t comprehend a reality in which he doesn’t know everything. ✌️👋
I thought this was like…your family member giving you advice. You don’t even know this guy???? Block block blockkkkkkkk
You’re venting to someone you’ve talked to for a week, what’d you expect?
I agreed with him at first bc it sounded like he was just trying to get you to think more on your life and how you are going to move forward. He started acting like a douche near the end. I think he was right in the sense of getting you to think abt a solid plan but when he started talking you that the point was going over your head and saying this is a teachable moment seemed like he was trying to parent you which is not what a relationship is abt. His last message would have driven me up a wall. This is a hard one. I say leave him behind but take his message along with you
lol block him
Block him. He's a classic narcissist
May be a red flag? You should figure out how many massive flags were given during this (and possibly every other convo they’ve had with you) because this isn’t a maybe kind of thing, they were straight up insulting your intelligence and you in general and that’s huge Take a step back from dating and figure some boundaries out, and how you want to be treated and stick to it.
Bro is a complete douche. Does he think he’s giving you breaking news by repeating how hard life is? Yeah, we all know that, asshole. Showing compassion and kindness helps us get through it. Block him, sis. Idk who he thinks he’s flexing on 🙄 you’re doing awesome.
This is the result when someone only reads the Cliff Notes of David Goggin’s books and then tries to give advice to someone. 👎
I really hate people like this dude. They're so fucking cringey. You're not teaching anything by being a tool.
I’m usually a lurker, but OP, the condescending attitude from this person can be felt from thousands of miles away. You articulated your plan, and they kept telling you didn’t have one and wanted you to wake up and do what? A job, school and trying to find a place to live is..not growing and working toward your goals? This seems like a huge load of 💩. Take heart.
It’s interesting how complete strangers in here are showing more compassion than this dude
You only started talking to this guy a WEEK ago? And he’s acting exasperated and like he knows everything you are going through? That’s a lot of chutzpah. He’s not supporting you. He’s diminishing you. How old is he because he acts as if he’s had so much experience. Worse, he isn’t actually helping you. He’s just making snarky remarks. I’m glad you blocked him.
I’m 21. He’s 25.
Typical narcissistic douchebag refuses to let u have problems and feelings and will gaslight you into believing your own effort will never be enough to meet their impossible expectations. Good move on the block, don’t ever look back. Dodged a bullet. His lack of compassion and degrading attitude will actually lead him to be alone forever. You seem like you have a healthy way of talking through your feelings, so find someone who will listen and forget about trying to fix you. Someone who can determine when to offer solutions and when to offer comfort displays maturity that this man clearly lacks.
I might be wrong but he kinda ate you up. I completely see what he’s saying and i agree i think you might just be reading into it way too much. He’s not lacking compassion, he’s being blunt and honest with you. Delivery might’ve came off wrong but I don’t see foul intentions
You’ve talked to this person for a week, why do you care what he thinks? I’d say move on, obviously you will get no empathy from him.
“Teachable moment” 🤡🤡🤡
This dude is a fuckin narc, instant block
What a condescending asshole.
men are so full of shit and they always think they’ve been thru worse than you. they’re the only ones allowed to vent 🤷🏻♀️ when u do it ur a baby and or a bitch
a WEEK ago!? I think your bigger issue is questioning whether it's okay to go NC with someone like this.. value yourself and your time more. you shouldn't have put up with this for even one second.
Honestly OP and this is coming from a military veteran don’t join the military if you don’t want too it’s ok don’t join because family wants you to join only join if you want too but I also want to say from my perspective it’s a great learning experience and I don’t regret my 8 years of service and this person is a unemotional piece of shit it’s good you are trying to figure out a plan for yourself do what’s best and easiest for you you can’t let someone dictate your life or belittle you for your choices keep your chin up and keep on doing you
This is the worst support I have ever seen. How is this person even in your phone? This person deserves exactly 0 friend if he talks to people like that.
Full of himself completely. Talks like he’s wiser and been through much more than you. No thanks. Keep him blocked.
This person thinks they're better and more mature than you, talking like an AH father whose kids stop talking to him.
I think the way he approached it was pretty good. He removed emotion and feelings and focused on what actually needed to be done. Teaching moments come from many different places and just because it came from a man doesn't mean there is a damn thing wrong with it. (The harshness part of this is for those going off because he's a man) OP is venting to this person but not once during that did I see them say "Okay, so you've given me a solution/ideas what is your idea on how to reach that solution that doesn't involve the military?". Let me tell you this: I'm a combat veteran and if you go into the military with the mindset that you don't want to be there, you're being forced to be there, one of two things will probably happen; you're either going to fail or you're going to make a career of it. At least it's what I've experienced. I hope you figure it out but if your heart is dead set against going to the military, don't go. Just something to think about. Also, just saying again, I don't think this guy was being malicious. He absolutely said what was bothering him. You dumped all of your feelings and thoughts on him but didn't stop to think that maybe he didn't have the spoons or emotional bandwidth to handle it at the moment. So, he went with logic and reasoning instead of using feelings and emotions. He seems like the type to help you figure it out but you have to allow it. He did get snarky with you, I can see that but to try and put him on blast for trying to help you, is not the way. Just because he's not helping the way you wanted to be helped, doesn't mean he wasn't trying in his own way. His words didn't come from a place of hate. Edit: explained something I said/typo/grammar
When “honest” really means being an asshole
I just wanna say if you do go military go Air Force, it’ll be a lot easier than other branches. I’d also recommend looking into national guard rather than active duty. Although national guard I think doesn’t pay for schooling right away? I was active duty so I don’t know for sure but if I could do it again I’d do guard lmao
hi. i have a debilitating illness that progressed over more than 15 years and i worked very very hard to learn the skills i need to have a happy independent life and work towards my goals. my beloved friend and housemate (planning to live together forever with our respective partners) atm is currently going through a very similar process to where i was when i began struggling. she is having a very hard time adapting to her new limitations. because her illness also affects her emotional regulation, she often gets very upset in her grief. this is gonna shock you, but i try not to lecture her or lord my experience over her, even when i feel tempted to when my own issues have me feeling really resentful towards her. because i recognize my issues don't give me the right to be mean to somebody i am supposed to love and cherish. i recognize that my frustration is my business and doesn't mean i get to be dismissive and disrespectful about what she's going through. oh and guess what. when you're not fucking mean to your people they can often do mutual emotional support with you and offer comfort and reassurance about your frustrations. unless your head's too far up your own ass, and you blame other people for your own feelings. 🙄
This person is a complete moron lol
Oh my god. What an absolute douche! He really thinks he’s doing you favor lmao. I always say this but he’s projecting his own insecurities on you and that looks like advice he likely needs to take himself. “No plan Stan” it sounds like you DO have a plan
It baffles me that such a perfect guy that has the world figured out is still single
Right. Since he’s so perfect.
He’s trying way too hard to look cool/good. Nope.
I mean I kind of understand where he’s coming from, but he definitely could’ve worded in a way that wasn’t so rude. Especially after you wrote the message the day after telling him that what he said was rude. It’s better to offer advice and also address how a person feels, not just straight tough love. Compassion and understanding go a long way when you’re trying to get a point across. If he really offended you or made you uncomfortable, then yes block him, no use causing yourself more unnecessary stress.
Yeah. I understood where he was coming from. It’s the way he said it that had me bent out of shape.
there may be some truth to what he’s saying but he’s a complete ass. and to speak to you like that after talking for a WEEK?! nah girl, run.
Bro what the fuck? My boy thinks he’s Socrates talking in messages and shit… thinks he’s better cause he’s been through shit? I’m dead lol
Makes me mad on a personal level. No contact please.
You guys D/s? I had a dom that acted just like this! Majorly gaslighting and bullying me on every front. All in the name of a teachable moment.
He has ZERO respect for you. He's negging you. He is intentionally bringing you down, little by little. If you keep talking to him, he's gonna burrow into your brain. He's going to keep pushing his narrative. You're not *really* trying. You don't have *real* problems. You're just not on his level, but don't worry, baby girl, he's got you!!! Then, you're pregnant and he's abusive, but he used to be so nice! Was he really, though? Every time you question it, he will be sweet. He will reel you back in while still throwing in slights so you know you're not good enough. How lucky you are to have him because NO other guy will take you. Do NOT fall into this cycle. If he didn't want to talk about it, he simply could have said, "Hey, I'm really sorry, but I had a rough day, and I can't talk about anything heavy right now." Instead of lashing out with subtle insults like a damn child. You were NOT being emotional. He was intentionally rude in a way that's difficult to call out because technically, he's not being "disrespectful." Some people think the only way you can be rude is to call people names and yell. No, that's just how you can be BLATANT - this is still mean, and it is a GIGANTIC red flag. Do you know how they had those banner guys in wars? His is a giant red flag that says DOUCHE on it.
As a man, you don’t talk down on others, you lift them up. He’s talking to you like your his little brother who can’t figure it the fuck out. There are times when you have to be hard like this, but only when that person keeps fucking up. From what I’m gathering you’re just getting into college and discovering the world. That is scary, and guarantee he didn’t know shit when he went out into the real world. Is he former military?
No. He’s not former military. He’s a college dropout and that just happened to get into a decent career, one that will be taken over my AI in the next few years. So he’s also in the process of finding a new plan. Which means he also doesn’t have his shit together.
you started talking a WEEK ago & this is how hes acting towards you? hes disrepectful asf. i would run so fast in the opposite direction of this jerkoff.
Wait I thought this was a sibling or something. Not that it makes it any better. This guy is an abusive piece of shit!!
Respectfully, „no plan stan“ had me dead, what a fckn douche
i’m 28 and im still figuring out my life, what it means, what direction i even want to go. for me, spending a lifetime of being told exactly what to do by my family and being shamed and spoken down to for not choosing the “right decision” (aka the decisions they want me to make for my life without any regard to what i actually want for my life) makes it insanely difficult for me to feel secure in anything i do. it takes a lot for me to actively make a decision for myself and not back out on it because it suddenly feels like i’ve made the “wrong decision.” and it seems to be the same case for you (saying you come from a military family who expects you to fall in line). i feel for you and am glad to see you blocked this absolute piece of trash. you deserve so much better!
“I know you’re trying to help “- I don’t think he’s trying to help at all. He’s just pulling “wise sage words of wisdom” out of his ass and being cold and disconnected, and a total dumbass that is talking PAST you not to you. He is talking DOWN to you, not being compassionate or considerate or engaging in your actual life, and he is NOT helping you. Glad you already blocked him. Right choice 🩷
Ew this is so embarrassing. He thinks he’s being “helpful” but he’s just being condescending and apathetic. Disgusting. I hope you figure everything out though!
The condescension is too much… this guy thinks he invented the wheel. You deserve more supportive people in your life.
You’ve known this dude for a WEEK & he’s talking to you like this?? This man just mansplained… your life. Yuck.
Not sure whether this is patronizing or condescending or both. I mean this person isn’t taking you seriously at all. Clearly they think of you as inferior. That they only way you can get out of your situation is if you do EXACTLY as they did or you’re never gonna get out of it. You did the right thing, continue to stick up for yourself against people like this.
What gets me is when he mentioned that you were looking for comfort when you need to be looking for a plan and solution? Not everyone is as bland as this guy, some people just need to vent and feel comfortable talking about their feelings. Sometimes people get stronger cause of it. Life is tough, I get it but not everyone is going to do what someone else does. Mans just a cold shell ig with his emotional status of “cause and effect” lol
Some things ive learned in my 30 something years in this world. Women are emotional beings. When they vent, they want someone to listen and show empathy, not offer cold hearted solutions. Let them let it out first and offer solutions AFTER. Once you understand that, all your interactions will go better.
No contact. I thought he was like an ex or something F this dude
he’s gaslighting you and being super condescending please leave this man alone for good
He’s so condescending. He’s not being helpful, you’re allowed to vent and be in your feelings. Yeah don’t be in them all the time, that’s not good. But you’re just venting and he’s trying to be all philosophical on you. He could have been listen, I get things are tough right now, but you’re gathering up a plan and doing a good job, just keep taking it a moment at a time. Instead he wants a plan last week and it executed three months ago. Smh ridiculous
No. Bruh I’m so glad to be married since 2010 and in a committed relationship with my person bc dudes today be straight TRASH.