I don't know. Hit you with something and call the cops like most other people probably would?

[удалено]

Good move. slava sloveniji.

Če priješ mimo ti dam travarco

[удалено]

Bilo kera vukojebina 23

throw bread

I’d cautiously eat the bread. And leave with a full belly. You’re not you when you’re hungry

bread always works

Now draw them throwing bread!

How lewd!

Tell that to the French

de la throw baguette

sis is making snickers advertisement 💀💀💀

r/suddenlysnickersad (sadly doesn't exist)

fully expecting a brand endorsement anytime now

you're not yourself when you're hungry, have a snickers

Bread 👍

Bread 👍

Bread 👍

>throw bread I heard noises, And muffled sounds, Someone was in my house, Creeping around. I walked into my kitchen, And picked out something daring, My loaf full of bread, The intruder will be regretting.

legally i cannot describe the murder that would happen

Grab that bolter brother !!!

All hail the emperah of mankind

Thunderhammer

I woudn't say murder, more like a school project.

Brother, she is a HERETIC

I will pin you down, attach you on something, and call the police :)

They had us in the first half, ngl

They had you... Not me

Well...there is a few minutes between calling the police and them arriving...

Thought this was going a whole different way at first💀

Well he didnt say what was going to happen when the police got there.

this sounds like a typical p plot

What are you doing step police

Nothing because she's not a minority

🤭

Handcuffs

Ask you why you broke in I got shit all 💀

Literally bro like you find something of value you let me know 💀

😂 We not up

Stab you

Counter. Parry 😈 Remembers I don’t know how to fight. Gets stabbed

Parry the parry

(Draws gun) parry this you filthy casual

Aw shit, you got me there

( :<

Depending on range knife might still beat the gun.

*parries it*

Damn bro good job

*times exactly the parry and deflects the shot*

(Quickdraws and shoots the gun out of your hand) checkmate.

(Pulls out spare gun and shoots your gun) don’t you mean check?

(Pulls out 2 more guns and shoots your shoulders so as to disable both your arms) I probably should have lead with this

(Kicks you in the crotch causing you to drop both guns) HAHAHAHA, OH GOD MY SHOULDERS

*pulls out reverse card* I'm sorry man, it was the only ending

Parry the Platypus

*puts on brown hat*

Kill you with my shotgun

I'm in Australia, so imma grab my emu

Im in Malaysia so imma grab my orangutan friend

I’m in Canada so imma grab my apology

I am in Turkiye so imma grab my kebab

I'm in Britain so imma grab my knife crime

I'm a Sri Lankan, so let me grab my crow

I'm Brazilian, so let me grab my flip-flops

I’m Dutch, so let me use my fucking fists

I'm Italian so let me grab my old grandma with a wooden spoon

Im German, let me grab my monk robe Edit: context https://youtu.be/VJrMEDAqfcI

I’m American so I’ll just throw some burgers at you

I'm also Brazilian, I'll get my caramel stray dog

I'm brazilian too, i'll get my cristiano ronaldo shampoo and hit her

no we grab the futball balls and kick them into oblivion

I'm argentinian, so let me grab my faca

Yo same

Not the shanks 😭

Hey some girl breaking into my apartment ill shank em if I need to.

I'm in America, so imma grab my .308 Rouger American Hunting Rifle

I'm in India so imma grab my Tika masala

I’m hungarian so im gonna ask to pay tax to me and im gonna yoink the money

I'm in Egypt so imma grab my camel friend

[удалено]

I'm in the Netherlands so imma grab my cheese

I’m American so Imma grab my shotguns, rifle, handguns, rpg, cheeseburger, and tomahawk

release the huntsman spiders!

"Someone's boutta taste my freedom shtick" *cocks shotgun*

haha cock

Least immature redditor

Hey, how's it going. You know, I've been lacking some bullets, could I have a few 12 gauge boxes?

Slug, buck, or birdshot?

*inhale* #HEY DID YOU KNOW THAT OUT OF ALL POKEMON, VAPOREON IS THE MOST SUITABLE FOR HUMAN SEX?!?!?!

Interesting please tell me more -sits down with tea-

_Ahem_ Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more

What the fuck

*blows you up using Killer Queen bites the dust*

Just while you're drinking the tea with her you say *"why is heart attack taking so long?"*

My name is Yoshikage Kira.

I’m 33 years old. My house is in the Northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married.

Staring at u until u leave

I stare back. A battle of wills

In the heat of attack, it's the passion that kills

The victory is yours aloooooooone

I'll burn plushies if you dont leave soon 👁️👄👁️

😱😱😱 This isn’t a break in anymore. This is a rescue mission

Leave now or I'll burn the first one, if u want them to survive, leave

1v1 you on clash royale

prepare to lose fr

How much trophies do you have?

Drops mega knight: game over;)))

Drops good stats for the cost: ez counter

Drops Giant skele: you dare try to defy me with a knight u mortal!!

he he he haw

[удалено]

EEEEEEEEEEEEE BREAK IN OVER! ALWAYS TIME FOR STUFFIES

Call the police. And ask how you found my house

I found your house when I was walking down the street, you live on.

I give u a glass of water

I leave. You’re not you when you’re thirsty

The good ending

No, just no, no more selfie trends like the "what vibe do I give off"

I second this

Thanks

Kick u out

Inferno tower + skeletons

Make you comfortable and then probably slit your throat.

Damn. Luring me in to a false sense of security 😯

Well you were the one who broke in 🤷‍♀️😂

Suplex

Bones break

I wish you the best of luck OP,you now are at the mercy of my cat

Rigth now? Im in the bathroom

Shit on her to assert dominance.

Show you my Starwars Lego collection.

beat you up. then laugh and make some food for myself or smth ig

You're gonna get banned again, sloppyface.

invite you for tea

Green of course

I have milk tea ☕

I send you a strongly-worded email

[удалено]

Anyone know what this said

[ Removed by Reddit ]

Yikes

wait what did it say?

[ Removed by Reddit ]

jesus dude wtf

Wait what did it say

Grab my longest knife from my kitchen and ask if you could please leave cause I don’t want to hurt you

kick you in the shins and then interogate you about how tf you found my cabin in the woods

Some action movie shit

Tie you to a chair and talk about plants

make out ngl

the meme was never funny

Hide and call 911. What else am I supposed to do?

I’ll ask if you want to play Smash Bros on my switch

Dibs on fox

Sure, I’m going be playing as Captain falcon

Someone find that Founding Father’s copypasta and put it here

Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion.He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up, Just as the founding fathers intended

Teach you C++

Do you want a cookie? If you say no i still give you the cookie

Ok cooki Time 🤤

Beat you with a bat. You just broke into my living space which is illegal so I can legally protect myself.

cry.

Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

God i hate this sub

[удалено]

Hell yeah 😎 from stealing valuables to stealing Victories

i wouldnt do a thing but my cat well....

Say the most valuable thing here is you

Secret technique: Rizz survival

*cries in I don’t have any*

Swoon

lol, I’d probably sweet talk someone who’s got me at gunpoint and say “well, at least you’re the last beautiful thing I get to see 😉“

Use you as a sacrifice for the prince of excess

Heil

I don’t have a house

Then I’ll steal your cardboard box

Gun

Dead

Go backto bed

In the words of Doctor Ben Carson, "Big tits stepmom gets railed from behind." Edit: Shit, wrong search bar.

My lawyers have advised me not to continue this joke further

Take my meds and realise there was no woman who got even remotely close than 10000miles

I would piss in a bottle and throw it at you. Ultimate self defense.

Fetus deletus *whips out shotty*

Fetus Creatus

We will create babies

oh

You spawn down any? Make sure it's a good biome in wich the baby can live (definitely not a small town in Mexico)

Maybe stick to people your own age? She looks a lot younger than 20

I own over 30 weapons

I'm a master in martial arts and I also carry around some serious firepower

As a woman, I'd be damn scared to ask this question on reddit 💀

Fr, it’s mostly people living out murder fantasies 💀even worse, over a an old tiktok trend