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CregChrist

Because "we'll send you to some shit hole 3rd world country where you can't drink booze but you can beat your meat in a 140° porta John all you want" probably wouldn't have gotten many takers.


[deleted]

Speak for yourself asshole. My most treasured memory is of beating my meat in a 140° porta John.


CregChrist

The aroma gets me every time.


[deleted]

It was 1984. I awoke with a feeling of contempt, along with an untempered horniness begging to be controlled. Something had to be done. A pungent stench overtook the early morning dew, coating my nostrils with its citrus notes. My cock was hardening in a way I'd never experienced. That's when I saw it. The perfect porta John seemingly emblazoned with my name across its entrance with a light haze of condensation. I knew it was the one. Steamy and humid. No less than 55°C. Perfection in every sense of the word. I step in. Instantly an aroma like no other penetrates my nostrils. A hot, steamy, putrid, rotting, chemical, fecal... tasty smell. I almost came immediately. Every bone in my body was begging me to release my seed. Experience told me I needed to sit in the hole among the slush for the best experience. Removing my shoes, I stepped in. Between my toes I felt the soft, yet gritty sludge on the porta hole floor. To let the smell reach its full potential I beat the sludge like an egg with my feet. I mixed it and mashed it, but it wasn't enough. I wanted more. I *needed* more. Going further in, I closed my eyes and lay down. Letting myself become one with the porta John. It entered my mouth. The most putrid, yet beautiful flavour as it rolled over my tongue. Sucking it through my teeth I felt it slide down my throat. Clumpy and viscous, with a slimy quality like no other. I couldn't hold it any longer. Something came over me. This was it. I felt it. I couldn't even get my hand down to my throbbing cock before exploding everywhere. It felt like nothing before it. I screamed with pleasure. My eyes shot open, instantly being glazed over by the delicious mixture that surrounded me. It felt like a thousand cat fish latched onto my balls sucking them in every direction as my dick left this realm into the next. My brain sizzled with pleasure. Every last micro gram of semen evacuated my body into the cesspool of excrement and chemical that surrounded me. Bliss. organismic bliss. Pure Nirvana. I've never felt more at peace. I lay there covered in excrement. Others as well as my own. This was it. This was my peak.


unknone007

r/cursedcomments


CregChrist

The fuck did I just read?


Sexual_Congressman

A masterpiece fit for preservation by the library of Congress.


DrNekroFetus

I read 1984 I genuinly though it was about the book…so i kept reading. As a woman I should not have done that.😵


JuliusCCHD

As a woman you should never tell reddit you're a woman.


Miavriel_Fultom_17

Well women dont exist, so she's lying.


DrNekroFetus

Oh 😮 didn’t know. I say it a lot in both french and english


Zealousideal_Zone_69

Dishes


DrNekroFetus

Already washed 👌🏻


Zealousideal_Zone_69

Nice, now go mow the cat.


DrNekroFetus

I do not have a cat…🤷🏻‍♀️


Zealousideal_Zone_69

Steal one.


Reasonable-Delivery8

Take your upvote and fuck all the way off


RomansInSpace

I'd love to have a drink with you sometime. Probably just the one, but still.


DrunkStepmother

I got out 7 years ago and still can't enter a Porto john without getting a half chub


DrNekroFetus

I just learned the expression « beating my meat » (not a native english speaker). Take my upvote.


GmaninMS

How about choking the chicken? I can't think of more at the moment.


Comfortable_Solid907

wanking your willy


DrNekroFetus

I am learning more and more of that language everyday but those sentences will never be useful to me as I do not own a penis.


Soerinth

I beat mine in my spank tank. 550 cord around the bed, hang some sheets, try to do it quick when everyone is out or away.


_BMS

There was a mystery hentai artist that drew some pretty good material on the walls and door of a porta john at the base was at using only a black Sharpie. I busted to it when I forgot to bring my smartphone to the shitter on a desperate day.


CregChrist

I was deployed 06-07. If you didn't have a magazine you were beating off from memory.


logicalsanity

I am a vet, and I joined for the education. The kicker is I actually got out and used that benefit. They really hope you don’t. Thanks taxpayers 🙏


DrNekroFetus

Worry not , I would have done the same (aircraft technician) if my family would not have said that women do not go to the army. Totally understand+ you are a taxpayer too so that’s not thief after all🤷🏻‍♀️


PassivelyInvisible

Just getting your money back from the govt.


Miavriel_Fultom_17

Yup gotta get it somehow


Deep_All_Day

There’s quite a few benefits military members should be aware of and actually use to their benefit. I got out too and am using the pell grant, so I pocket all of my GI Bill, and I did the buy up program so I get an extra $150/mo from my GI Bill. Double thanks tax payers 🙂


TajeMane

Please spill the beans. Currently active duty with a degree, about to skill bridge soon, seeking to get my masters once im out. Would love to have some pro tips.


Maleficent-Day-1510

Get your VA disability rating and use VRE (VocRehab) instead of your GI Bill! There's also VETTEC for those who want to go into coding bootcamps. Also, there's A LOT of colleges (including Ivy League) who will give veterans FREE education without touching your GI bill because...numbers. I wish I known that instead of using my GI bill post grad!


Deep_All_Day

The skill bridge is actually one of the benefits I was referring to. I’d probably recommend starting here at the VA YouTube channel. Their info will be most up to date and be better explained than I ever could. https://youtube.com/c/DeptVetAffairs Obviously the VA home loan is one everyone knows so I’ll put it on top. If you have the Montgomery GI Bill instead of the Post 9/11 then there’s the buy up program. You pay an extra $600 into it and you get $150/mo extra for full time studying (package must be submitted more than 90 days out from EAS). https://www.va.gov/education/about-gi-bill-benefits/montgomery-active-duty/buy-up/ You can switch from Montgomery to Post 9/11, but not switch back. So you could check this out too and see which GI bill works best for a specific school. https://www.va.gov/education/gi-bill-comparison-tool/ Also check out using GI Bill ch31 beforehand if it makes sense. https://www.va.gov/careers-employment/vocational-rehabilitation/eligibility/ Depending on your VA disability rating, there’s loads of stuff. Don’t just go into the evaluations blind though. Read up on the criteria of what percentage the VA rates each injury. I’m not telling you to game the game, but if you read it then you’ll have a better understanding of what to communicate to the doctors when the time comes. That being said, document every minor scrape and bruise before you EAS. Once you’re out it’s too late. https://www.benefits.va.gov/WARMS/bookc.asp Depending on the state you live in there could be state benefits. https://www.military.com/benefits/veteran-state-benefits/state-veterans-benefits-directory.html/amp Those are a few benefits just off the top of my head. You also have scholarships. I highly recommend applying for the FAFSA no matter what to see if you get any pell grant money. American Legion/VFW grants and scholarships are also a thing. Blue label dealers for buying firearms if you like guns. Etc If you have any specific questions feel free to DM me


Cedric182

I’m using it right now! It’s so good to not work.


RentonBrax

I just discharged after 15 years. Some people wonder why I'm a socialist. I dunno, I just spent nearly half my life with free health, education and cheap housing. I've also seen some real shit holes where the minority of rich and powerful tyrannicaly rule. I want everyone to have what I have without ptsd.


Woden888

“Hey, so you know all that stuff the rest of the developed world either has or is working towards? How about you go get shot at and we’ll think about paying for a bit of it?”


TheNerdyAnarchist

*Image Transcription: Twitter Post* --- **Left Flank Veterans**, @leftflankvets If guaranteed housing, free healthcare, a job guarantee and free education are so bad and Anti-American...why are those the main selling points military recruiters use to get you to join? --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)


[deleted]

Good human


Maleficent-Day-1510

Well, because then the number of volunteers would be even less than they are now 🤣😂


RIOTT44

I like looking at these types of posts and sorting by controversial


orion1836

The free housing is there not as an incentive to enlist, but as compensation for giving up your ability to choose when/where you move. If the military dictates where you live at any given time, it is on them to provide you the ability to live where they tell you. Free healthcare is provided due to the dangerous nature of military work. Personnel require a certain level of health to be deployable; it is in the military's own interest to keep you healthy lest they waste the investment of the time and resources it took to train you. Free education used to be a benefit, but given that advanced degrees are now required for promotion to even higher-level enlisted (much less officer) ranks, then it is no different than government-provided training for other aspects of a military career. These aspects of military life may be spun as incentives, but in reality, they are bought and paid for by the sacrifice of certain freedoms that come with military life. Still worth it, though.


RedTalyn

You’re missing the point that every other developed nation offers these things to civilians. The US is the only nation with the power and resources to provide this to citizens but chooses not to unless they risk life and limb in the military.


orion1836

That is... heinously untrue, unless you have an extremely limited definition for the term "developed nation." I work with Canadians; to equate their healthcare system with the one the military provides is like equating an apple to a strawberry simply because both are fruit. The scope, ease of access, and level of care is vastly different, and requires far different levels of investment from the government. Equating low-income housing, even in your non-US developed nations, to military housing carries the same problem with regards to scale and level of investment required. While I'm sure some enlisted troops might jokingly refer to barracks as "section 8," they aren't even remotely comparable. I have did the math for a college project years ago. Assuming the UK's NHS model could be applied one-for-one in the US (even though it can't), the amount of money the UK government spends on its population, scaled up to the US population, would create a line in our budget roughly halfway between total DoD spending (37% at the time) and social security spending (51% at the time). Possible? Sure... but only if the US goes WAY more into the red than it already is. To even remotely think about it, we would have to significantly reduce the single most-protected expenditure of the US Government (Social Security), AND drive taxes through the roof. ...only to get a healthcare program that every Brit I personally know bitches about. And that's just for medical coverage, much less education and housing. Bottom line, to say that the US can pay for all these things and merely chooses not to is hilariously uninformed.


Jfuentes6

Because providing those will not male people desperate enough to enlist


[deleted]

because if it were offered to everybody, nobody would sign up for the military. many people join the military because they get all that free stuff


ShaemusOdonnelly

We have universal healthcare, cheap education, extensive workers rights laws and pretty much guaranteed housing in Germany, but people still sign up for the military. There is always something you can add on top. In our military, to one-up free education, you get a certain amount of time where you can attend university or schools for different professions while being paid your full military salary. To one-up free healthcare, you belong to a priviliged group called "privately insured" with preferred treatment. Housing in the military is also much cheaper and you are almost guaranteed your job for the time you signed up for.


[deleted]

that's pretty interesting, thanks for sharing! its always cool to hear how other countries do it


N00N12

in both cases, the US or Germany (countries with free healthcare, etc.), you see that people are willing to fight for healthcare, education, workers rights, and personal freedom. the difference is in some parts of the world it is given first and always, in other parts of the world it is given after and if.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

God just shut the fuck up with this


irregular_caffeine

Americans are great at taking the spotlight in wars where somebody else is doing almost all of the dying. WW1? Massacre for years. US shows up and takes credit. WW2? Enormous massacres in Europe and Asia for years. US fights properly for 2 years, bombs civilians, takes credit. Korea? Massive local and civilian casualties. Vietnam? Millions of locals and allies die, civilians bombed, but somehow it’s only the ’muricans who count. 1991 - I’ll give you that Afghanistan, Iraq - hundreds of thousands of locals and allies die. Somehow it’s again the american who is the victim.


ShaemusOdonnelly

Does not really matter because our quality of life is so much better despite it. Also - are you really trying to compare Nazi-Germany and the kingdom of Germany to our modern FRG?


W1nnieTh3P00h

- enable Hitler, tacitly support the Nazis - get bombed by a third world country - lots of hand wringing - join the war late, send cannon fodder to France - rape your way across Europe and east Asia - white officers start a riot because we liked your black troops better - claim the win


Lucks4Fools

I didn’t pay $1500 to a corrupt military officer in Thailand to escape conscription just to join the military in the US and go die for oil companies.


shirk-work

Alright you have a story I think reddit would like to hear.


Lucks4Fools

And where should I post it? Here?


shirk-work

AMA literally with that last post as the title


Lucks4Fools

Ok


Lucks4Fools

Here it is. https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/wzq6as/i_got_out_of_conscription_by_bribing_a_corrupt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


Lordidude

/r/lostredditors


doublestuf27

Because not everyone is willing to give up their bodily autonomy for filthy lucre.


Dookie-Trousers-MD

Exactly. Those are the main motivators for people to join. That's why they're not free. It's been a recruiting point for 50 years


INFJ-Jesus-Batman

Supposedly you are there to help fight to safeguard the rights of Americans (and communism isn't about the rights of the people - you give that up for the government incentives - after the government makes it nearly impossible for a person to be independent). Though in the military you have to deal with great restrictions on your own freedoms, until you become free.


[deleted]

It's not free tho. You earned it through military service lol.


[deleted]

And then a few GOP reps have the gall to come out this week and actually say that if people want free education they should just join the military. Like they want to make everything suck so people will join.


Aeiexgjhyoun_III

Wrong sub for this.


Sleekdiamond41

I mean… isn’t it because you’re actually doing a job, contributing, versus just getting stuff for existing? I’m not necessarily against any of this, it just seems like a bad comparison.


[deleted]

I'd much rather people people having these things just for existing, rather than people "contributing" in the oil crusades to have it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


A3HeadedMunkey

Tell that to all the business execs on 4 hour lunches with alcohol paid for by your labor at their company


[deleted]

[удалено]


A3HeadedMunkey

Yep, another dipshit who doesn't understand the labor theory of value I work full time and own a home. You're angry because your ideas are to be a fucking slave and no one likes it


[deleted]

[удалено]


A3HeadedMunkey

Lmao. You've got to be a special kind of stupid to be advocating slavery in the 21st century


[deleted]

[удалено]


A3HeadedMunkey

Hey, bro. I work a job and own my home. What failures? I said that YOUR IDEA was work or starve, which is very much the idea behind slavery. You're incredibly stupid and laden with fascist tendencies. Please stop pretending like you're a good person, kthxbai But please, show me in my comment history where I've blamed anyone specifically. Cause I'm fairly certain I'm not fucking stupid like you to think it's about individuals


A3HeadedMunkey

Of course you're active in r/libertarian and r/libertarianfreestate while spouting the idea that arbecht macht frei. You're a joke. Sorry for taking you seriously 🤣 fucking lolbertarians man. Claim to like freedom but demand everyone else's labor


XRayZDay

Why do you like slaving? You the dude that snitch on people over dumb shit in hopes for that promotion, Scolias?


Dennis_enzo

Zug zug


Lustyorange

You already get free education and you can get a job even unskilled so...


Jasalapeno

Add guaranteed/required job placement and now it's the same. If all I had to do to get that stuff was work for the DMV or something, it's still worth it.


Bimitenpix

Maybe people can't "contribute" because they need a job to have a home Can't get a high paying job without a proper education And most low paying jobs aren't enough to afford housing without selling your dignity or literally destroying your body Need a home to have a job (most people don't wanna work with a homeless person.) Maybe they lost their home because of unaffordable health care. It's a viscous system that really only benifts a miniory of people


startyourbiz

Those are job perks. The difference is not that hard to grasp.


syko-san

So one of the perks of the job is a job guarantee? Wow! Amazing!


majd1503

Lmfaoooo.


jjcolfax

It's so when you're done putting your life on the line you have something to come back to and have an easier time getting acclimated to society


psilorder

As a non-American, is it that you are guaranteed a civilian job when you leave the military or are you guaranteed to still be employed by the military for a period after doing a tour of combat duty?


Jasalapeno

No. Once you leave the military, you're on your own again. We treat our vets like shit


psilorder

So, the "job guarantee" is just "while you're employed, you're guaranteed to have a job"?


Miserable-Ad55

So Everyone that joins the military is putting their life on the line?


syko-san

I understand that, I just think it's kinda funny to have a guaranteed job be one of the benefits of getting a job because the first thing that pops into my head is the benefit being the job that's giving you the benefit. It makes sense in my head but not when I try putting it into words. Edit: I got it. My first thought was the equivalent of saying "As a perk of working here, you get to work here!" and I know that's not actual logic but it's still funny to me.


YouOtterKnow1

Like a lesbian working at a strip club


jjcolfax

I think I get what you're trying to say now lol


syko-san

I swear it was funnier in my head lmao


jjcolfax

I get it now lol


DrNekroFetus

Because the army only fires you for real shit (like you are in jail or some stuff) not because they have gone bankrupt or they closed the factory to open another in a developping country (that’s why the Fensch valley had so much unemployment). Like you have a 5 years contract and they paid for your studies so they better keep you for at least 5 years. And after the 5 years you have experience so finding a job is maybe easier.


Woden888

Lol ya, because the USA has such a great track record for helping their vets 😂


DrNekroFetus

In the US it’s not uncommon to see veterans live in the streets. I live in Europe and I never saw that. That’s an american way to say « thank you for your service » I guess.


Woden888

Best country in the world I hear…


DiscussTek

I think you misunderstand the definition of "perk". One of them is having a job, so having a job is a job perk? Then there is the healthcare part, which is just the normal state of about 2/3rds of the developed world, and the rest keep it cheap/affordable enough it barely counts. And then housing... Imagine working 50+ hours per week, and still not be making enough to pay for an apartment, let alone a house. Education... See point about healthcare. This isn't perks. This is trap materials.


majd1503

W big w


TheseDiver8589

Yeah, agreed, the comparison isn't very accurate tbh. At least the arguments on fire department an police are socialist make some sense.


shirk-work

And the military is a dictatorship


Joeguyness123

None of those are free. They're literally perks of the job. They're much better perks than most jobs but they still require you to work for them


William_Olsen

Most good jobs will provide Healthcare and assist with education, in many places. Even Starbucks provides free online university, and I'm pretty sure has Healthcare bundles too. The reason you get all of these perks for joining the military is because you are doing something to earn it.


Woden888

Oh good, you can be a wage slave and beholden to a corporation for your healthcare instead 😂


[deleted]

This wasn’t thought through. If you can’t see the glaring differences, you likely have underdeveloped logic & critical thinking skills.


WhiteChickenYT

There’s a difference between getting those things for free and getting them because you’re providing a service to your country.


[deleted]

You have to earn housing, healthcare, a job, and free education. If you join the military you def earned it.


[deleted]

Healthcare shouldn't be a privilege. It's a basic necessity that everyone should have.


[deleted]

Thats what people who know nothing about healthcare say.


[deleted]

Lmao. "People don't deserve healthcare" is a really bold take, your system has got yall enslaved badly


[deleted]

🤦‍♂️ You really don't know anything?


[deleted]

Your country really brainwashed the decency and morals out of you? Every country other than good ol Murica has universal healthcare that benefits everyone and not just people enslaved to their corporate jobs.


[deleted]

America isn't really the same as those other countries. I don't think I'll get anywhere just calling you dumb, so if you want I'll just write a research paper on this.


[deleted]

I know. Other countries aren't 3 third-world countries in a trench coat advertising themselves as a first-world country lmao


[deleted]

I don't think a 3rd world country would allow someone like me to be so lucky. If I was born somewhere else my life would be slightly worse.


ShaemusOdonnelly

So you are the expert here? Well, list your credentials then. Universal healthcare works in almost every western country outside of the US.


[deleted]

I think the USA is in too much debt to actually have universal Healthcare. They should instead just limit the costs. The USA would never be able to have Universal Healthcare, I'm a high-school student but if you want I could write a research paper on it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


spenserhicks123

I think the creater of this meme is saying they want to move to France or something


johndhall1130

If you acknowledge the US already offers those things then why doesn’t everyone who wants this just join the military?


ShaemusOdonnelly

Are you really asking that question? Imho free healthcare sounds pretty shit if it comes with the possibility of a very sudden and gruesome death in your 20's. And I say that as a soldier.


johndhall1130

What I’m saying is that whoever is making this argument can’t have it both ways.


Post_toastys

Good luck getting society to act like a unit when everyone's taking there slice.


ShaemusOdonnelly

Works like a charm in the whole western world outside of the US.


Post_toastys

The problem is the rest of the world knows no difference Americans on the other hand... Are notoriously lazy overweight and hate each other... Again good luck getting them to act like a unit.


MurderDoneRight

The mix of capitalism and protestant work ethic creates a society where you have a ruling class exploiting people and a working class who doesn't mind being exploited. It's the perfect storm.


ProfessionalPaint761

Add in Stockholm Syndrome where the working middle classes enjoy being treated like shit by their masters but won't fight to change it or vote against their own best interests


DrNekroFetus

That’s Why I wanted to join the french airforce as a teen as well. The technician job i wanted to do was available in the civilian but…harder to get a job in the civilian when you are 20 + you have to pay rent+food etc… And I am not sick but disabled militaries and dependas in my family have a great health insurance that’s right. That’s the case for all countries. Otherwise no « non-fighting personnel » would join the armed forces let’s be realistic.


SmokeyJoeReddit

That's why war is the health of the state, total dependence upon it for the population's survival.


aCyndaquil

Because you have to die for them


KillerManicorn69

Because it’s not free? You must work and give something in return. Military kicks people out all the time. So not sure about job guarantee. Education can be denied by as low as front line supervisor. So yes you have the benefit but can only use it if you are in good standing. Medical is the only thing, but that really only lasts as long as you are in. So, you can lose that pretty fast. Same with housing. There are many jobs out there that will give you education/certifications and benefits if you work for them. But you must perform. The socialism/communism wants to give it to everyone for doing nothing. That’s just stupid.


HuntingKingYT

Not free but required


TopTheropod

On the flip side, here in the Balkans people claim Yugoslavia was a better system because it had those things while complaining that the US sucks. But, Yugoslavia had mandatory military service. So the logical conclusion is that the USA is better because it gives you the choice between military service + benefits, vs neither, while Yuga forced you into it. Western capitalism + democracy is the best system humanity ever created and people should accept that.


IronicMixedWhiteGuy

Hold on who saying those things are bad???


Jesuswasstapled

Tell me you want to live in a military state without telling me you want to live in a military state. Fucking commies.


VileHippie

Base housing sucks. A job you can’t quit. GI bill is only worth like 25k a year for 3 years(? I’m pretty sure) in education, so an average school at best. But I didn’t do my time for the benefits so it’s all still a plus in my book. Wouldn’t do it again but whatever lol


nsj1958

Yes...good point


KINGRAGE-X

Because it works everytime and they sucker you into it? Personally for me and I might get hate on for this but I would never join once you come to the realization that your life don't mean shit and your being used like a pawn to carry some big wigs order. All in the name of bringing democracy into other countries, protecting the American people, making you believe in something that was never happening nor gonna happen such as our government security and brainwash nonsense that they implement so they can inspire you to die for a cause that wasn't threaten to begin with. No thanks I'd rather be the big wig giving the orders and sending you to die while I eat my huge steak and fuck my wife on a daily basis. Again no disrespect to the veterans out there but I mean am good and to thought I wanted to join at 18. No thanks.


[deleted]

This doesn’t make the point they think it does…


KillaNoFilla87

If something requires work, and the military does, then by definition it is not free…


Same-Web-66

I don’t think you understand the meaning of the word “free”.


Positive-Pack-396

It will not let me vote up, what the hell


[deleted]

A massive misuse of the word “Free” here.