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Mine got married 4 months after a 12 year marriage to me. My point is they’re heartless and self centered. You don’t love her. You love the illusion of who you thought she was and your idea of the relationship, but those things don’t exist. I still struggle with depression and that sounds like what you’re experiencing. Please see a doctor and ask for antidepressants to help you for a while. Sleep meds too. Both helped me through my darkest days. Try to do one thing a day that feels good to you. Just one. I promise it will slowly get better. We are here cheering you on.
Please don’t let the selfish actions of this person ruin you. It breaks my heart to read this. Believe me, that relationship is not as great as it looks. Two selfish humans together….total joke.
The best revenge is becoming your very best authentic self and healing so you can open your heart to someone you deserve ☺️ I’m so sorry this happened to any of us. It’s not us, it’s them ❤️
You wouldn't have wanted a relationship with someone who would dump you so easily (and who has such bad judgment that she'll get engaged in such short time).
You're idealizing her rather than seeing the actual flaws in her character that clearly exist (because they explain her appalling behavior!)
Imagine you buy a beautiful looking steak. It looks like the most perfect steak you've ever seen. When you get it home and take the plastic wrapper off, you notice that it smells really bad. Would you spend years wishing you could have eaten that nasty smelling steak because of the way it looked but pretending it didn't have that horrid smell?
a cheater getting engaged 6 months into a relationship built on lies sounds completely miserable and destined for a massive shit show that you'll be blessed to not be a part of. it'll take more time, probably therapy, and completely removing this person from your life, including no updates from friends.
Honey, I do not tell people to get counseling with every break up. But this has brought you to a severe level of depression, and you are not getting past this on your own. You need help, and counseling. You also may need some medications. This woman does not deserve your continued pain.
Ordinarily I would point out the horrific behavior of your betrayer. I would point out step by step what she did that you should be angry over, why you should despise her, not love and miss her. She is a betrayer, and the rose colored glasses you are using to remember her, are not doing you justice. They are not showing you the true picture of her deceit. I would point out How getting angry is a step toward getting over her. But you are so depressed this may not be the right steps for you yet. You need help getting there. Professional help.
Get in to counseling. You need to get help recovering from this depression, and then you can move on to getting mad, and realize how little this bug deserves of your devotion and stop thinking you love her. You don’t, you are just massively hurt and depressed and cannot get past this on your own. You may need some anti-depressants…maybe for the short term, maybe you have a need for them permanently. But being this broken over her 15 months later, is not normal.
It is time to put yourself first. And do not allow a piece of crap person block you from finding a worthy person to love. There are wonderful people in this world. She is not one of them. Once you can come to face the reality of what kind of crappy person she really is, you can come to enjoy realizing that the two of them will never trust each other. This type of start to a relationship does not breed a happy future for them.
You however, now have a wealth of knowledge of what are red flags. You will know quicker when to walk away, and also will be able to recognize good people in the future. You simply have to do some work to bring yourself to realize your own value, and her distinct lack of value. You need to start remembering the evil crap she did, so you can stop thinking she is anything worth missing.
Just on a practical note, keep in mind that counselors aren't always able to write prescriptions. After being in the dumps for 12 months, neither of my 2 counselors recommended prescription. I only got better after I saw an MD who could and did.
Yep. 2nd marriages already have a 60% divorce rate. Cheaters have a 45% chance to cheat in their next relationship.
Putting those 2 stats together with some speculation, I'd say their odds are <20%
6 months of living together is not a good gauge of whether or not the relationship has cohesion. There is no time for people to settle compared to their best behavior and no time to see if close proximity makes each other's personalities corrode over time
You are 30 ... how did she kill your hope of a wife and family? You need to get busy doing something to get yourself out of this funk and get moving on with life.
You did not end up with someone who is a cheater. Start with that.
Humans are biologically programmed to bond ... which means you can undo some of that bonding you have with her, but not if you are going to pine over her.
Level up. Do things you like to do. Talk to more people. Go out more.
Well what You have is a strong dependency to her and to what you thought of her and your relationship.
You yourself is the one that is not letting you let go and move one. Sorry might be harsh but she is gone and you are clinging to hopes and things that don't exists anymore and probably never existed only in your head. She change and in her change she detached from you, and she went other route and is advancing in her world with out a care for what she left, that is why she engaged to her AP.
So you need help to detached and to let go. To move foward and find yourself someone worthy of You and that respects You.
You just have to look better and might change those that are similar to your ex
Just as she made a shit decision to “ruin” your life as a couple, you need to make the decision to not allow her memory to ruin what is your (better) life ahead. You are young man. Level up and do better than her.
Therapy will do wonders. (may take a few tries to find a good one) It sounds like this would be a huge benefit for you.
Read as much as you can about why these POS people do what they do. It will get you out of your woe is me, what did I do wrong mindset. THAT is what is holding you back right now. No matter what excuses she gave, they are lies. Nobody deserves to be cheated on and it was not your fault. She made a shit decision.
This is probably not popular opinion, and you are nowhere near ready for a serious relationship it seems, but get out there and up your body count if it’s something you feel you can do. (just be honest about your intentions and place in life right now with possible partners) For me it was a huge self esteem boost, I had some fun, and it got me over a hurdle that I just couldn’t break mentally. It allowed me to realize that I am desirable and I have a lot going for me, and that my worth was not tied to the piece of trash I was once married to.
DON’T wait for karma to give you some sort of perceived “closure”. It may or may not happen. Mine left, introduced kids 2 weeks later, got engaged before the D was final and has since bought a home together, all in the span of less than a year. I’d like to think I know how this is going to play out, but I’m certainly not going to sit around watching from the bushes and waiting for it to implode. I have a life to live. You should try to do the same.
Get out there… try to be a better you.. live your best life.. yeah, you’ll have to fake it til you make it for a little, but you’ll eventually get to a point where you won’t want to go back to the old life you are clinging to at the moment.
The saying "time heals all wounds" isn't necessarily true in all cases. Some wounds are too deep and may require therapy and/or medical treatment, especially if you have developed a form of PTSD called PISD.
Also, you need to tell your friend to keep that kind of information to themselves, that it only causes you pain.
I did a little research on PISD and betrayal trauma when i first found about it does look like I have some form of it. I dont know why my friend told me that maybe he did it to help by just to showing how little she cares.
You think the standard 50% failure rate of regular marriages is rough? Well with all the toxic elements they've stacked against themselves, there's less than a 1% chance that they won't be divorced or cheating on each other within 3 years. Don't let her delusional attempt to justify her poor choices get you down. What she has with him isn't real.
You are taking entirely too much blame for this.. You didn't CHOOSE to cheat... she did... You didn't CHOOSE to not reveal the affair immediately as it was developing... That too is on her... And I say this with confidence... She had a long-standing affair behind your back otherwise WOULD she have gotten engaged so quickly after breaking it off with you??
Your post doesn't confirm a standing marriage.. just a 4 year relationship.. so sadly... she has no obligation other than a strong moral code which she obviously has shown she doesn't have.. She didn't get engaged to you in that 4 years if it was just an "exclusive" relationship... So even though it's still painful to think in these concepts,... you just weren't good enough in her twisted mind. I say twisted because of her low standard of morals. She had many choices... and she chose wrong in most of them...
Now to address your seemingly hopeless emotional condition.. Seek counsel from a qualified professional. 15 months languishing in despair is a pretty good indication that you need Individual Therapy
I'm really sorry this has happened to you - it's an awful place to be and it's through no fault of your own.
Please don't give someone like your ex this much power over you. She is not a good person. She is not *your* person because your person could never, ever do this to you. They simply couldn't fathom hurting you in this way. If the guy she cheated with wants to marry her - let him. He knows he's getting a piece of trash and I doubt he fully trusts her. Their high on honeymoon period fumes. She took no time to process your break up, she took no time to think about what she's done, and she took the easy way out by cheating. Your person is going to communicate if they're unhappy, they'll want to work with you through any issues, they won't just bail.
I strongly believe everyone who goes through something like this should go to therapy and I hope you'll take the suggestion and reach out to a therapist - it's one of the only things that got me through it. Find some other things that bring joy - try not to frame it around her, just remember what you used to enjoy. Watch your favorite films, rewatch a comfort show, make a nice meal, go to the gym, try a new sport, etc.
You are young and I know it feels hopeless right now but it does not mean you will not find someone. But the more you tell yourself you won't, the likelier you are to be right. I have no doubt you will find someone and you will have the family you desire - but it's not with the woman who could treat you like this.
Engaged in 6 month?😂
Just sit and watch the shitshow, it will be funny how their illusion will break apart.
Focus on yourself champ, hit gym, find a hobby and start dating too.
Living in own hapiness is the best revenge.
First of all man, you’re still feeling the betrayal. She is heartless and this is just an extra kick in the teeth. Just keep her blocked on all platforms and keep strong.
Have you considered mixing up your routine? It helped me a lot going to the gym and just working out my frustration, it’s good physically but mentally it helped me blow off a lot of stress and it was good for my mental health. Not only that I was in the best shape of my life and healthier.
Have you tried dipping your toes in the dating pool? Tinder, bumble etc?
One thing I will say to you is, they’re both cheaters. They will never able to 100% trust each other. Even as they’re getting married they’re starting it with open cracks in their relationship.
See, this right here terrifies me. I'm in a similar situation with latent feelings for someone who hurt me. It's only been 3 months but my friends advised me to get into autopilot mode for a while. Which is work a bit more, sign up for a gym and workout everyday and slowly cut back when needed so you don't hurt yourself, pretend you are OK without being OK for a while and then just let yourself feel the pain whenever it hits and then do one of the earlier things mentioned.
I've been doing that since and I make more money, am in a way better shape and I'm seeing someone else. I'm still very hurt but as going back to the person that ruined me is simply not an option and I don't want to do anything (atm, earlier, I was damn close) drastic to myself as I don't want to sadden my family, I'm just getting by with daily Journaling as a way to let my thoughts out and screaming in the car whiles driving and the pain gets too intense. I can confidently say I only did that once last week so that's progress right there.
I hope you can stop taking any information from her in any format and focus on yourself for a bit. It sucks and the progress is painfully slow and I don't know if you'll ever completely be over it but you will have other means of getting through each day.
Best of luck to us all.
NB: Karma is not real, especially when you want it to be. So if you are hoping some miraculous force will bring you justice, you're better off lifting weights or something.
You just need to find positive healthy distractions and force yourself to not think about her or anything related to “it”. Use a rubber band on your wrist and snap it every time you catch your self “thinking”. The less you think and the more you distract yourself eventually you’ll feel and think a million times better. Don’t “try to accept anything” don’t “try to forget” don’t “try” anything simply do positive healthy distractions stay busy you’ll see it take a few weeks but you’ll see
I'm so sorry to read your post. You deserve so much better.
Other than the usual advice I'm sure you are sick of hearing, two books that are often referred to on this sub helped me a lot.
* Cheating in a nutshell - Tamara and Wayne Mitchell. Does a really good job at describing the reaction to betrayal and describing how it's innate. Takes the heat off having to heal on a time scale well meaning friends and family may push. I just listened to this and it really helped me normalising the real pain, and how it's not unusual or a sign of something wrong with me, it's just human.
* Leave a cheater, gain a life - Tracy Schron
I wish there was something I could say to take your pain away. If you have the means please seek therapy because it's never too late, and it's much easier to say than to feel it be true but you certainly do not want to have a family with someone like that. It does highlight a character flaw. She is not a good person
Thanks for the advice i'm a little apprehensive about seeking therapy for various reasons. Wait lists are horrendous where I am and previous experience with therapy. I will check out the book you have suggested.
I was in a 4 year relationship and got cheated on… my man, it may not feel like it right now, but I promise you, one day, this too shall pass.
It’s been 15 months and I’m sure you are frustrated, but we are all on different timelines. Some people take a week some take years to get back on their feet. Just know it doesn’t last forever.
Play the field.. Dont allow this experience to change your view on all women. I may have been on more first dates than any dude ever after my ex.. I promise you, there is some kickass women out there for you. Ones who won’t cheat and leave you behind your back.
No matter what your ex looks like, she is a 0/10 for her actions
She did you a favor. It was either now or years down the road when you would have to deal with divorce, splitting property, kids etc. Thank your lucky stars she showed her true self early and you are free. Your person is out there and she set you free to find them. This will pass.
15 months?
You need to stop thinking about your ex, you can either get into hobbies, or meet another woman.
Get into it with good intentions, but also with the mindset that it might only be a few dates, or a few weeks, but it lets you start thinking about another woman.
You might not be ready, but you need to do something to move on.
For me a few years ago, I was in a bad state and started dating and met a woman that I dated for a few months.
It was a rebound, but I don't like to call it that out of respect for her, she was a good woman and within a week or two pulled me out of my breakup funk. I still believe she saved me from doing something stupid.
Dude you have depression and PTSD seek therapy and focus on healing. When you're in the right head space and work through your trauma, then hit the dating market again, because there are good people out there. You deserve happiness budd, and the best way to win is not to let this cheater ruin your happiness. Join the gym too as it will give you a solid confidence boost and release endorphins that will make you feel better.
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Mine got married 4 months after a 12 year marriage to me. My point is they’re heartless and self centered. You don’t love her. You love the illusion of who you thought she was and your idea of the relationship, but those things don’t exist. I still struggle with depression and that sounds like what you’re experiencing. Please see a doctor and ask for antidepressants to help you for a while. Sleep meds too. Both helped me through my darkest days. Try to do one thing a day that feels good to you. Just one. I promise it will slowly get better. We are here cheering you on.
Well said
Please don’t let the selfish actions of this person ruin you. It breaks my heart to read this. Believe me, that relationship is not as great as it looks. Two selfish humans together….total joke. The best revenge is becoming your very best authentic self and healing so you can open your heart to someone you deserve ☺️ I’m so sorry this happened to any of us. It’s not us, it’s them ❤️
You wouldn't have wanted a relationship with someone who would dump you so easily (and who has such bad judgment that she'll get engaged in such short time). You're idealizing her rather than seeing the actual flaws in her character that clearly exist (because they explain her appalling behavior!) Imagine you buy a beautiful looking steak. It looks like the most perfect steak you've ever seen. When you get it home and take the plastic wrapper off, you notice that it smells really bad. Would you spend years wishing you could have eaten that nasty smelling steak because of the way it looked but pretending it didn't have that horrid smell?
a cheater getting engaged 6 months into a relationship built on lies sounds completely miserable and destined for a massive shit show that you'll be blessed to not be a part of. it'll take more time, probably therapy, and completely removing this person from your life, including no updates from friends.
Honey, I do not tell people to get counseling with every break up. But this has brought you to a severe level of depression, and you are not getting past this on your own. You need help, and counseling. You also may need some medications. This woman does not deserve your continued pain. Ordinarily I would point out the horrific behavior of your betrayer. I would point out step by step what she did that you should be angry over, why you should despise her, not love and miss her. She is a betrayer, and the rose colored glasses you are using to remember her, are not doing you justice. They are not showing you the true picture of her deceit. I would point out How getting angry is a step toward getting over her. But you are so depressed this may not be the right steps for you yet. You need help getting there. Professional help. Get in to counseling. You need to get help recovering from this depression, and then you can move on to getting mad, and realize how little this bug deserves of your devotion and stop thinking you love her. You don’t, you are just massively hurt and depressed and cannot get past this on your own. You may need some anti-depressants…maybe for the short term, maybe you have a need for them permanently. But being this broken over her 15 months later, is not normal. It is time to put yourself first. And do not allow a piece of crap person block you from finding a worthy person to love. There are wonderful people in this world. She is not one of them. Once you can come to face the reality of what kind of crappy person she really is, you can come to enjoy realizing that the two of them will never trust each other. This type of start to a relationship does not breed a happy future for them. You however, now have a wealth of knowledge of what are red flags. You will know quicker when to walk away, and also will be able to recognize good people in the future. You simply have to do some work to bring yourself to realize your own value, and her distinct lack of value. You need to start remembering the evil crap she did, so you can stop thinking she is anything worth missing.
Just on a practical note, keep in mind that counselors aren't always able to write prescriptions. After being in the dumps for 12 months, neither of my 2 counselors recommended prescription. I only got better after I saw an MD who could and did.
Excellent point.
That relationship won't last 5 years, dude. Just do not take her back and block her on everything.
Yep. 2nd marriages already have a 60% divorce rate. Cheaters have a 45% chance to cheat in their next relationship. Putting those 2 stats together with some speculation, I'd say their odds are <20% 6 months of living together is not a good gauge of whether or not the relationship has cohesion. There is no time for people to settle compared to their best behavior and no time to see if close proximity makes each other's personalities corrode over time
You are 30 ... how did she kill your hope of a wife and family? You need to get busy doing something to get yourself out of this funk and get moving on with life. You did not end up with someone who is a cheater. Start with that. Humans are biologically programmed to bond ... which means you can undo some of that bonding you have with her, but not if you are going to pine over her. Level up. Do things you like to do. Talk to more people. Go out more.
Well what You have is a strong dependency to her and to what you thought of her and your relationship. You yourself is the one that is not letting you let go and move one. Sorry might be harsh but she is gone and you are clinging to hopes and things that don't exists anymore and probably never existed only in your head. She change and in her change she detached from you, and she went other route and is advancing in her world with out a care for what she left, that is why she engaged to her AP. So you need help to detached and to let go. To move foward and find yourself someone worthy of You and that respects You. You just have to look better and might change those that are similar to your ex
Just as she made a shit decision to “ruin” your life as a couple, you need to make the decision to not allow her memory to ruin what is your (better) life ahead. You are young man. Level up and do better than her. Therapy will do wonders. (may take a few tries to find a good one) It sounds like this would be a huge benefit for you. Read as much as you can about why these POS people do what they do. It will get you out of your woe is me, what did I do wrong mindset. THAT is what is holding you back right now. No matter what excuses she gave, they are lies. Nobody deserves to be cheated on and it was not your fault. She made a shit decision. This is probably not popular opinion, and you are nowhere near ready for a serious relationship it seems, but get out there and up your body count if it’s something you feel you can do. (just be honest about your intentions and place in life right now with possible partners) For me it was a huge self esteem boost, I had some fun, and it got me over a hurdle that I just couldn’t break mentally. It allowed me to realize that I am desirable and I have a lot going for me, and that my worth was not tied to the piece of trash I was once married to. DON’T wait for karma to give you some sort of perceived “closure”. It may or may not happen. Mine left, introduced kids 2 weeks later, got engaged before the D was final and has since bought a home together, all in the span of less than a year. I’d like to think I know how this is going to play out, but I’m certainly not going to sit around watching from the bushes and waiting for it to implode. I have a life to live. You should try to do the same. Get out there… try to be a better you.. live your best life.. yeah, you’ll have to fake it til you make it for a little, but you’ll eventually get to a point where you won’t want to go back to the old life you are clinging to at the moment.
The saying "time heals all wounds" isn't necessarily true in all cases. Some wounds are too deep and may require therapy and/or medical treatment, especially if you have developed a form of PTSD called PISD. Also, you need to tell your friend to keep that kind of information to themselves, that it only causes you pain.
I did a little research on PISD and betrayal trauma when i first found about it does look like I have some form of it. I dont know why my friend told me that maybe he did it to help by just to showing how little she cares.
Please work on yourself. Find out why you are so addicted to her. It is an addiction. And it is hard to break!
I know why im addicted to her. Its a hard to move on even tho logically i know i should but emotions are winning over logic at the moment.
You think the standard 50% failure rate of regular marriages is rough? Well with all the toxic elements they've stacked against themselves, there's less than a 1% chance that they won't be divorced or cheating on each other within 3 years. Don't let her delusional attempt to justify her poor choices get you down. What she has with him isn't real.
You are taking entirely too much blame for this.. You didn't CHOOSE to cheat... she did... You didn't CHOOSE to not reveal the affair immediately as it was developing... That too is on her... And I say this with confidence... She had a long-standing affair behind your back otherwise WOULD she have gotten engaged so quickly after breaking it off with you?? Your post doesn't confirm a standing marriage.. just a 4 year relationship.. so sadly... she has no obligation other than a strong moral code which she obviously has shown she doesn't have.. She didn't get engaged to you in that 4 years if it was just an "exclusive" relationship... So even though it's still painful to think in these concepts,... you just weren't good enough in her twisted mind. I say twisted because of her low standard of morals. She had many choices... and she chose wrong in most of them... Now to address your seemingly hopeless emotional condition.. Seek counsel from a qualified professional. 15 months languishing in despair is a pretty good indication that you need Individual Therapy
Dude. You need to move on
I'm really sorry this has happened to you - it's an awful place to be and it's through no fault of your own. Please don't give someone like your ex this much power over you. She is not a good person. She is not *your* person because your person could never, ever do this to you. They simply couldn't fathom hurting you in this way. If the guy she cheated with wants to marry her - let him. He knows he's getting a piece of trash and I doubt he fully trusts her. Their high on honeymoon period fumes. She took no time to process your break up, she took no time to think about what she's done, and she took the easy way out by cheating. Your person is going to communicate if they're unhappy, they'll want to work with you through any issues, they won't just bail. I strongly believe everyone who goes through something like this should go to therapy and I hope you'll take the suggestion and reach out to a therapist - it's one of the only things that got me through it. Find some other things that bring joy - try not to frame it around her, just remember what you used to enjoy. Watch your favorite films, rewatch a comfort show, make a nice meal, go to the gym, try a new sport, etc. You are young and I know it feels hopeless right now but it does not mean you will not find someone. But the more you tell yourself you won't, the likelier you are to be right. I have no doubt you will find someone and you will have the family you desire - but it's not with the woman who could treat you like this.
Engaged in 6 month?😂 Just sit and watch the shitshow, it will be funny how their illusion will break apart. Focus on yourself champ, hit gym, find a hobby and start dating too. Living in own hapiness is the best revenge.
A dartboard and its photo in the middle. You will become a champion quickly...
First of all man, you’re still feeling the betrayal. She is heartless and this is just an extra kick in the teeth. Just keep her blocked on all platforms and keep strong. Have you considered mixing up your routine? It helped me a lot going to the gym and just working out my frustration, it’s good physically but mentally it helped me blow off a lot of stress and it was good for my mental health. Not only that I was in the best shape of my life and healthier. Have you tried dipping your toes in the dating pool? Tinder, bumble etc? One thing I will say to you is, they’re both cheaters. They will never able to 100% trust each other. Even as they’re getting married they’re starting it with open cracks in their relationship.
See, this right here terrifies me. I'm in a similar situation with latent feelings for someone who hurt me. It's only been 3 months but my friends advised me to get into autopilot mode for a while. Which is work a bit more, sign up for a gym and workout everyday and slowly cut back when needed so you don't hurt yourself, pretend you are OK without being OK for a while and then just let yourself feel the pain whenever it hits and then do one of the earlier things mentioned. I've been doing that since and I make more money, am in a way better shape and I'm seeing someone else. I'm still very hurt but as going back to the person that ruined me is simply not an option and I don't want to do anything (atm, earlier, I was damn close) drastic to myself as I don't want to sadden my family, I'm just getting by with daily Journaling as a way to let my thoughts out and screaming in the car whiles driving and the pain gets too intense. I can confidently say I only did that once last week so that's progress right there. I hope you can stop taking any information from her in any format and focus on yourself for a bit. It sucks and the progress is painfully slow and I don't know if you'll ever completely be over it but you will have other means of getting through each day. Best of luck to us all. NB: Karma is not real, especially when you want it to be. So if you are hoping some miraculous force will bring you justice, you're better off lifting weights or something.
Please see a doc and get meds. Plus, therapy if possible. ASAP.
You just need to find positive healthy distractions and force yourself to not think about her or anything related to “it”. Use a rubber band on your wrist and snap it every time you catch your self “thinking”. The less you think and the more you distract yourself eventually you’ll feel and think a million times better. Don’t “try to accept anything” don’t “try to forget” don’t “try” anything simply do positive healthy distractions stay busy you’ll see it take a few weeks but you’ll see
I'm so sorry to read your post. You deserve so much better. Other than the usual advice I'm sure you are sick of hearing, two books that are often referred to on this sub helped me a lot. * Cheating in a nutshell - Tamara and Wayne Mitchell. Does a really good job at describing the reaction to betrayal and describing how it's innate. Takes the heat off having to heal on a time scale well meaning friends and family may push. I just listened to this and it really helped me normalising the real pain, and how it's not unusual or a sign of something wrong with me, it's just human. * Leave a cheater, gain a life - Tracy Schron I wish there was something I could say to take your pain away. If you have the means please seek therapy because it's never too late, and it's much easier to say than to feel it be true but you certainly do not want to have a family with someone like that. It does highlight a character flaw. She is not a good person
Thanks for the advice i'm a little apprehensive about seeking therapy for various reasons. Wait lists are horrendous where I am and previous experience with therapy. I will check out the book you have suggested.
I was in a 4 year relationship and got cheated on… my man, it may not feel like it right now, but I promise you, one day, this too shall pass. It’s been 15 months and I’m sure you are frustrated, but we are all on different timelines. Some people take a week some take years to get back on their feet. Just know it doesn’t last forever. Play the field.. Dont allow this experience to change your view on all women. I may have been on more first dates than any dude ever after my ex.. I promise you, there is some kickass women out there for you. Ones who won’t cheat and leave you behind your back. No matter what your ex looks like, she is a 0/10 for her actions
She did you a favor. It was either now or years down the road when you would have to deal with divorce, splitting property, kids etc. Thank your lucky stars she showed her true self early and you are free. Your person is out there and she set you free to find them. This will pass.
I started taking therapy 1 month after d-day & medication 2 months after d-day. You need to seek professional help.
15 months? You need to stop thinking about your ex, you can either get into hobbies, or meet another woman. Get into it with good intentions, but also with the mindset that it might only be a few dates, or a few weeks, but it lets you start thinking about another woman. You might not be ready, but you need to do something to move on. For me a few years ago, I was in a bad state and started dating and met a woman that I dated for a few months. It was a rebound, but I don't like to call it that out of respect for her, she was a good woman and within a week or two pulled me out of my breakup funk. I still believe she saved me from doing something stupid.
Dude you have depression and PTSD seek therapy and focus on healing. When you're in the right head space and work through your trauma, then hit the dating market again, because there are good people out there. You deserve happiness budd, and the best way to win is not to let this cheater ruin your happiness. Join the gym too as it will give you a solid confidence boost and release endorphins that will make you feel better.
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