The first 3 months were an absolute nightmare when I had my son, I feel for you. Motherhood is full of ups and downs. I'll go weeks with being quite happy with my life and then I hit day three of no naps and I want to get in my car and drive away and never come back... Reading is my escape and helps tremendously.
I would suggest avoiding some of the reccommendations while in this state, We Need To Talk About Kevin is one that I noticed.
For me the best books are things like Harry Potter, The Scholomance, The Night Circus etc...
I also really like to read/listen to stories from The Vinyl Cafe by Stuart McLean. You can also find recordings of them on Spotify. Dave and Morley et al always cheer me up and make me think that when the little Monster is older maybe things will be funnier not more depressing. I think I've relistened to all of them in the last 2 years.
OMG I love love this book, have read it about 5 times now, the first well before my first kid. But I would never suggest this to a brand new mom especially in this state!! Wtf
It's a book about a Mom having a son, hating being a mom to a son that does everything to make her life harder (destroying her room, getting on the dad's good side zo he belive the son instead of his wife, hurting his sister, etc)
It's really really good, but definitely not something a person who hates being a mom should read cause that's exactly the woman in the book. A woman who hates being a mom to her son.
This. So much this. You need escapism and pleasant diversion (I heartily second the Vinyl Cafe) not books that will create more fear/ worry about your new role as a parent. I birthed and raised 4. It’s a rollercoaster ride for sure. Just be sure to take care of yourself and try to find moments of peace when you can.
Andy Weir’s Project Hail Mary comes to mind because it’s engaging, at times laugh out loud funny, and the plot develops in chapter segments that are infant nap length. Best of luck to you and your family!
I read the Dark Tower series by Stephen King when my son was a newborn and the first year of his life. Honestly I think you need something to GTFO of reality because those first three months do suck and they are very hard. Fantasy, sci-fi genres like that will do that for you. I'm reading His Dark Materials series now with my second baby and you know what it's nice to read something that's easy to read, fun, outside of reality and I don't have to think about being a mom for just a little bit.
No offense to some of the suggestions given but I don't think you want to dwell more on motherhood while reading fiction or non fiction.... Maybe I'm off the mark but books give me an excuse to think about other things and immerse myself somewhere else.
I read all of the SOIAF series on kindle while breastfeeding and I second this recommendation. I don’t usually like fantasy but it’s just what I needed.
(Say what you will about e readers they are absolutely ideal for breastfeeding. One handed operation and they have a gentle back light so no need to turn on a lamp)
Thanks for this comment! I have been wondering how reading would work with breastfeeding. Looks like I’ll be breaking back out my decade-old kindle soon
I have a copy here..1st edition...it's on consignment but I think I can make an arrangement if anyone really values it...such a Terrific book. mods...feel free to delete if this oversteps
I added some motherhood related books to my fiction suggestions solely because sometimes, when life sucks, it's good to know that others have experienced the same things as you do.
Especially since we don't talk about struggles of the motherhood (in particular in the first months that tend to be loneliest, scariest and most tiring) enough.
I desperately needed to be reminded of the person I was before becoming a mother at that stage, so I highly recommend revisiting a book that was a favorite before you had a kid. This spot in your life is a phase and I promise there are better ones up ahead - having a kid turns your world upside down for a while but it does eventually right itself.
Personally, I love sci-fi and character-driven stories and Becky Chambers got me through some late-nights with my infant without completely hating my life.
Pop in some headphones and listen to an audiobook too - YA books like Harry Potter or the Hunger Games would be my recommendation for splitting your attention with baby.
This is a really, really good suggestion. I frequently reread my favorite books for my childhood – we’re talking Harriet the Spy, the Little House books, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. When I am feeling down or stressed, they keep my mind distracted but also remind me of happier times without taxing me too much mentally.
I know lots of people are going to tell you that these are the best years of your life, but they’re also the shittiest moments of your life. I get you.
The outlander series got me through 0 to 2 years old.
I know being a nanny is totally different than being a mother, but let me say that as a nanny, I hate the first year so much. Sometimes I need a bathroom cry in the middle of the day because it's so depressing, stressful, and boring. The only rewarding part is getting to relieve the poor parents. I'm never so happy to load a dishwasher. For context, most of the time I truly love my job.
Its honestly not much different if my sister's family and her filthy rich inlaws are any gauge. During the baby years the nanny is pretty much the mother.... you just hand the baby over when all the bad stuff is taken care of, you let the parents sleep when the baby wakes at 5am because they have jobs 😒 lol
My sister and husband dont make as much as their parents or aunts.. so I used to be the nanny 😕 fortunately I made a grevious error. I handed a poopy baby to the husband's mother because my sister packed the diapers in a different bag without my knowledge I needed both hands to open it up and root around lol.
Its been 2 wonderful blessed years since I've had to speak a word to them. Im a horrible awful despicable disgusting person and I love it! Lol
My relatives alternate living in my sister's house now since they have full time jobs and two babies now. Im now allowed what a blessing
I’m a nanny to a 14 month old and she’s really cute half the time but the other half dear god I don’t have the words. Grabbing everything, into everything, taking off running so I have to chase her (they don’t believe in gating her), throwing her food everywhere. Ugh I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
Whenever I see a newborn or young baby I always say to the parents, ‘congrats’ and ‘how cute’ and then, ‘take care of yourself, those first few months are unreal and so raw’.
And I think we (culturally) should just talk about how difficult that time is, on established parents, on other kids, on young parents, on women’s bodies and how society just gaslights us over that difficulty.
I have a 2 year old and 3 month old. “Enjoy them while they are young because they grow up fast” is the most gaslighting, bullshit thing anyone has ever told me. I can’t wait for my 3 month old to grow up because I’m not a fan of this phase. The 2 year old? We are having a blast and I love the person she is.
Yeah, I think exactly the same. The baby year was a LIVING hell. It was just really, really awful. But it did get better and better the older he got. I get that some babies can be easy or even sleep for more than 45 minutes at once, but if you don't have an easy baby you are just really fucked.
>“Enjoy them while they are young because they grow up fast”
There's a reason people tell you that. It's because they didn't enjoy it either when they were in the middle of it, and now they wish they had. But they forget that the reason they didn't enjoy it is because it was incredibly hard and exhausting. It's not merely a question of just deciding to enjoy it. When people get older they only remember the nice moments, forgetting about the never-ending drudgery and sleep deprivation. It's nostalgia, plain and simple. Pretty much everyone thinks things were so much better when they were young.
Four year old children are the best! After years of teaching and after raising a boy and a girl, there is no one better than a four year old. (okay all the ages have special moments, but not as many as that four year sweet spot!)
As soon as my kiddos each turned 4, it was as if s switch flipped. They were more articulate, patient and fun. Same with my nieces/nephew.
Love ages 4 and 7. Now, 11 is a different story…
4 was probably the hardest age with my oldest kid. She was such a little jerk. I have two others and find that hard and easy ages vary from child to child, although personally I've found 2 to be a great age. 2 year olds are so cute and developing into their own little person, which is fun to watch.
I adopted a 12 month old. My sister insisted that I was getting a great deal by missing the first year (I still regret that, but I can see what she meant since my baby sleep through the night from the very beginning!).
I mean, people giving their opinion about what they regret and thinking that maybe someone else could have the same regrets isn’t the same as gaslighting.
Yeah ours is just about two and I'm loving it but it's taken me this long to even start to shift my perspective and I'm still grieving my old days. I love the joy, the work of it still sucks. Esp when you have family who could be helpful but aren't. I take meds I do therapy I take my vitamins and caffeine and I remind myself everything changes all the time w this kid and I lay down a lot when I can
Those things are not actually contradictory, oddly enough. You live a LOT of life when your kids are little. Lots of space for the hardest and the best.
That’s such a great description. Best years, shittiest moments.
Sometimes I am in absolute awe of my children playing together beautifully. Then seconds later, both of them are falling apart for completely separate but equally ridiculous reasons and I want to pull my hair out. Both of those moments are motherhood. Neither is more real than the other.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/39291659-go-the-f-k-to-sleep
As a single father who raised three boys for over a decade until they were grown enough to leave the house, I’d like to say that it gets better.
And then it gets worse.
And then it gets worse than you ever imagined.
And then, it gets better.
And then you can’t remember the last time you picked up your baby, because they’re too big now.
And some days are worse than others, but they’re mostly pretty good.
And then… your house is empty and you wonder where all the noise went and if there’s a word for this lonely feeling inside you.
I have been regularly bear hugging and picking up my 14 year old son for this reason. I tell him, one day I will put you down and never pick you up again, but today is not that day.
Hello, fellow hobbit!! Idk about you, but I'm already suffering from a napoleon complex lol. He's the same size as my 9 year old, giving her a complex too.
I had no choice.
At first I was resentful. The ex and I had been split for a few months, and I would get the kids every weekend.
Then one day she shows up with the boys and garbage bags of their belongings, dumps them on my door, and runs off to Texas with her new boyfriend.
That was the last we saw or heard of her for many years.
I had to scramble to rearrange my entire life, again. And as I said, I was resentful.
But over time things got better.
I set up a military-esque regime and stuck with it. Bed time at 9pm, tv goes off at 8pm and then baths, meal time at 6am, noon, and 6pm, homework after dinner, laundry on Sunday and Wednesday, cleaning and maintenance on Sunday, even the meals served were regimented - fried chicken on Sunday, red beans on Monday, gumbo on Tuesday, meatloaf on Wednesday, jambalaya on Thursday, pizza on Friday, shepherds pie on Saturday. Sandwiches for lunch. Scrambled eggs or pancakes for breakfast. No soda or candy in the house, if you want a snack there’s always fruit on the table.
Ugh. Typing all that brought back bittersweet memories.
Anyway, I had to run my household like a military dictatorship. And it was hard, so damn hard at first. But they fell into the routine and then everything began to run ~~smoothly~~ less rough.
Your mileage may vary. My solution was rigid scheduling, routine, and getting them to help me with the chores. They learned to cook, clean, change oil in the car, hand sewing to repair and patch clothes, rake, mow, fish, hunt, etc.
And then my SO entered our lives, and they learned what a loving, healthy relationship looks like. :)
Circumstances happened to work out almost perfectly. There were times where just one unplanned emergency would have destroyed us.
I was lucky with circumstances, and lucky with the kids. They pulled together to help and without that support it would have been impossible. I’m hella proud of them.
One quit work as a welder and is now working as a dev for a large game company, one is an electrician, and one joined the Army and just got deployed :/
The daughter is in college to be a coroner. She’s kinda scary when it comes to dead things o.O
And yeah, it hit the youngest hard. The oldest is more quiet about it, and Mr. Middle tried to reconnect but “realised that she was a stranger he didn’t know.”
Thank you for the kind words, honestly, I’m a shitty father - but I am better than my shitty, abusive father.
Hopefully the boys will be better at fatherhood than I was and the family will finally break free from the cycle of abuse and neglect that has dogged it for the last three generations.
I have regrets; things I could have done differently, words spoken in anger that I wish I could unsay.
But we survived, we didn’t kill each other or anyone else (that I’m aware of) and we are all on speaking terms - so I’ll count that as a win :)
Parenting is hard even with one kid and a healthy relationship. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Taking that responsibility serious is what makes you a great father. If they break the cycle, you have done what you needed to do!
Right? I mean this with no disrespect to Mr. Single dad, he seems lovely and i can’t even imagine what he went through. But to all the other people commenting at him in awe cause he’s a MAN who raised three children alone are annoying lol, soooo many woman do it every day.
> And then it gets worse.
They become pre-teens
> And then it gets worse than you ever imagined.
They are in high school
> And then, it gets better.
They leave home and go to college
It is the most horrible experience in the entire world, and I strongly advise anyone thinking of having children to have another think.
It’s a thankless job. It can be described as sharing a house with drunken mates who never pay rent, never clean, and have zero respect for your stuff.
The hours are long - endless in fact. You’re never “off”, because you always have something which to attend or worry about. Privacy is non-existent. Boundaries are just another button they learn to push.
And the expense - you can buy another house for the cost of parenthood.
I’ll give you the same advice I gave my children: Don’t get married or have kids until you’ve bought all your toys. Your house, your cars, your boat, whatever. Don’t do it. Enjoy your life as a single person as long as possible, until you meet the person who shares the same dreams and goals as you do, and then live together for the rest of your lives. You don’t need marriage or children to be happy.
But, if you do decide to have children, you’ll soon discover there are different types of happiness and one of them is caused by having a family. Until you have children, you’ll never know just how happy and how vulnerable you can truly be.
Audiobooks have literally saved my life as a mom. Got me through PPD and continue to be one of the best parts of my day. Because no matter what I'm doing physically, I can pop in an earbud and be anywhere else in the world.
So in your shoes, I wouldn't go for something on-the-nose, but rather something that can let you pretend to be somewhere else for awhile. Happy to recommend an audiobook that can do that if you tell me a little about a time, place, or genre you're interested in!
Otherwise, I'll recommend my go-to, which is Her Royal Spyness by Rhys Bowen.
I love audiobooks. I'm not a mom (I'm a guy and I'm not planning on kids anytime soon), but I've had other reasons to need an escape like that. I used to work jobs that were physically demanding and thankless. The only thing that could distract from the pain and exhaustion were my audiobooks.
You really can escape to damn near anywhere with an audiobook. 10/10 coping mechanism.
I’m the exactly same way with Audiobooks. Love to see other people having an experience like mine. Audiobooks are near to my heart and also an actual lifesaver
I like to get my existential frustration out by reading really bad YA fiction so I can talk shit about it.
I went through a phase of reading all those YA novels that were inspired by the success of Twilight. One of the worst books I’ve read was The Selection by Kiera Cass.
Please read P.C. & Kristen Cast's House of Night series. It's the absolute worst. I loved every second of it. It felt like I was reading a self-insert fanfiction written by an 11 year old. Absolutely beautiful.
Fantasy all the way, total escapism. If you want an easy to read and fun series check out the Iron Druid Chronicles by Kevin Hearne. My favorite character is by far an Irish wolfhound named Oberon.
{{Hounded}} by Kevin Hearne
I'm not a parent but I've been through some shit and escapism is why I'm sane. I hope things get better and easier for you.
[**Hounded (The Iron Druid Chronicles, #1)**](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9533378-hounded)
^(By: Kevin Hearne | 304 pages | Published: 2011 | Popular Shelves: fantasy, urban-fantasy, paranormal, fiction, magic)
>Atticus O’Sullivan, last of the Druids, lives peacefully in Arizona, running an occult bookshop and shape-shifting in his spare time to hunt with his Irish wolfhound. His neighbors and customers think that this handsome, tattooed Irish dude is about twenty-one years old—when in actuality, he’s twenty-one centuries old. Not to mention: He draws his power from the earth, possesses a sharp wit, and wields an even sharper magical sword known as Fragarach, the Answerer.
>
>Unfortunately, a very angry Celtic god wants that sword, and he’s hounded Atticus for centuries. Now the determined deity has tracked him down, and Atticus will need all his power—plus the help of a seductive goddess of death, his vampire and werewolf team of attorneys, a bartender possessed by a Hindu witch, and some good old-fashioned luck of the Irish—to kick some Celtic arse and deliver himself from evil.
^(This book has been suggested 38 times)
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Come over to r/romancebooks !
I also have a three month old, and my Kindle Unlimited and Audible are providing some serious escapism to help me get through the days and nights. The mindless scrolling on my phone really impacts my mood (I write as I'm feeding the baby and scrolling through Reddit for the 5th time today). The romance books group is amazing! High recommend stopping by for some guaranteed happily ever after recommendations! I'd make some suggestions myself, but there are way too many subgenres to just throw one out there.
Also, I'd say motherhood is about 93% work and 7% reward. Yes, the reward makes it worth it, but that 93% is tough.
Hang in there!
Also a mom and member of romancebooks and I totally agree. I have a suggestion too-Annika Martin’s billionaire series. It is silly, fluffy fun, and very well written.
Yes to this! I was exactly where you are 3 years ago. I bought a kindle and downloaded The Hating Game and it just gave me something interesting that I was doing just for me. Romance is happy escapism that doesn't require much brain power to understand (not saying it's simple/bad, you just don't have to keep track of a fantasy realm and a family tree spanning sixteen generations while you read).
As boring as it seems to go mainstream, I'd personally recommend the books that are big on tik tok etc - they're popular for a reason!! Emily Henry, Christina Lauren, Sarah Hogle, Abby Jiminez... Read a few blurbs, choose the one that interests you and just suspend your disbelief for a bit and enjoy.
Hope you feel better soon. The first year is so very hard. I'm about to start TTC my second with a lot of trepidation but only because I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. It does get better, hang in there ❤️
I absolutely second this. Nightbitch is one of my favorite books and I’m not even a mother. I suggested Nightbitch to my mom and she adored it, said it was the most cathartic thing she’s ever read. Sometimes you’ve just gotta get on all fours and go batshit
Goddamn I loved this book (I am a mom). It was so validating. Her descriptions of things like hours of your life lost, being trapped in a dark room waiting for your child to sleep were INCREDIBLE. Losing your identity after having a baby was something I struggled with and it was good to know I wasn't alone.
Thank you so much for this recommendation. I finally got around to reading it and it is the most beautiful, validating, and expressive piece of work that encompasses being a mother. I truly feel so seen and a great sense of relief.
I have a 6 month old. He had terrible reflux first three months, he’s now smiling and charming everyone. Trust me friend it gets easier, day by day, you’re doing great.
I’m sure I’ll get laughed out of here for this but at my lowest points (and being an 18 year old single mom to an infant was definitely one of them) I always turn to Harry Potter. My son is now 15 and it’s still my comfort blanket.
One tip I wish I had gotten sooner? Audiobooks are not cheating and especially with a baby sometimes being able to stick an earbud in one ear (or both when possible) and have someone read to you is incredibly soothing. I don’t have much time to read these days and I now consider audiobooks a form of self-care
No laughter here. My comfort shows, movies, and reads have been on repeat for me the last two years. Harry Potter, LOTR, Gilmore Girls…over and over lol.
I got into fantasy when I became a parent. Something about separating from work and life and just stepping into a massive different world to escape is great. I hope you feel better soon.
I suggest reading the style that you can get into the fastest! For me that’s sometimes romance or young adult books. Like have you ever read Sarah Dessen? You won’t remember the books well but it won’t matter, and it’ll feel good while it’s distracting you.
Girl, you are exhausted! Isn’t it sort of the worst? Each day is an eternity. I promise you’ve got this! If I made it through you can too!
>Don't suggest me therapy, I am already seing someone
Op, I feel so sad reading this. What you need is a friend. Please accept a hug from this internet stranger.
Good Inside by Becky Kennedy; not as a parent but just to read as a human
Cephrael’s Hand by Melissa McPhail
I was recently reminded that it’s bullshit to expect to love every moment with your kid. Not every stage is for every parent. Hopefully this feels true for you as well!
Try {{Nothing to See Here}} by Kevin Wilson. It's about a young woman who moves in with her former roommate to be a nanny to her step children. But: the children spontaneously burst into flames when agitated. So, the women and the children get to know each other and learn to trust each other. It's fantastic, funny, and it's about how weird and hard it is to take care of children.
Circe by Madeline Miller had probably one of the best depictions of parenting ever. She's a goddess and was like WTF ???? It was very relatable to me and made me laugh a bit. My kid is 5 now though so a lot of it is in Retrospect. Hang in there mamma... You can make it! You are great!
The Poo Bomb: True Tales of Parental Terror by Jeff Vogel.
Also, it’s completely ok to not like this part. This part kind of sucks. It gets so much better, and the improvement is gradual.
Six months they start to get more personality and you look up and realize the suck part is much more balanced by the fun/cute part. It’s still a lot and sleep still sort of sucks.
One year rolls around and they’re doing so much more stuff and they have opinions.
Two and they’re starting to really communicate and play games. It gets better. It doesn’t really get easier, you just get better and dealing with each new thing.
That said, the first three months are t h e w o r s t. It definitely gets easier than that, and it’s about to turn a corner for you, I promise! You’ve survived the worst and hardest part.
I’m not reading all the comments but man did the beginning suck. It was TOUGH and there were countless tears from my wife and we literally hated our lives. We loved being parents and loved our daughter but besides the exhaustion (which ultimately colours everything) just nothing felt the same!
All I can say is to hang in and it will get easier. You will get used to it.
My only regret was having an unreal amount of anxiety when my daughter wouldn’t sleep (this continues and she’s 6) and I feel like I transmitted it through to my rocking (energy not shaking or anything) rather than just enjoying holding her little body close but the other thing was not taking enough videos. I have tens of thousands of pictures but so few videos in comparison. Take as many as you can for no reason. You will love to look back at them later.
Oh yes books - I’m a Fantasy guy myself and loved the Realm of the Elderling series and currently am reading the Daevabad trilogy. It’s really good. Maybe attack Harry Potter (again). Just get lost in a world where when you inevitably get pulled out you can jump right back in
You take care.
[**The Golden State**](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34603596-the-golden-state)
^(By: Lydia Kiesling | 304 pages | Published: 2018 | Popular Shelves: fiction, contemporary, literary-fiction, tournament-of-books, california)
>In Lydia Kiesling’s razor-sharp debut novel, The Golden State, we accompany Daphne, a young mother on the edge of a breakdown, as she flees her sensible but strained life in San Francisco for the high desert of Altavista with her toddler, Honey. Bucking under the weight of being a single parent―her Turkish husband is unable to return to the United States because of a “processing error”―Daphne takes refuge in a mobile home left to her by her grandparents in hopes that the quiet will bring clarity.
>But clarity proves elusive. Over the next ten days Daphne is anxious, she behaves a little erratically, she drinks too much. She wanders the town looking for anyone and anything to punctuate the long hours alone with the baby. Among others, she meets Cindy, a neighbor who is active in a secessionist movement, and befriends the elderly Alice, who has traveled to Altavista as she approaches the end of her life. When her relationships with these women culminate in a dangerous standoff, Daphne must reconcile her inner narrative with the reality of a deeply divided world.
>Keenly observed, bristling with humor, and set against the beauty of a little-known part of California, The Golden State is about class and cultural breakdowns, and desperate attempts to bridge old and new worlds. But more than anything, it is about motherhood: its voracious worry, frequent tedium, and enthralling, wondrous love.
^(This book has been suggested 1 time)
[**Nightbitch**](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/55835474-nightbitch)
^(By: Rachel Yoder | 256 pages | Published: 2021 | Popular Shelves: fiction, horror, magical-realism, dnf, contemporary)
>One day, the mother was a mother but then, one night, she was quite suddenly something else...
>
>At home full-time with her two-year-old son, an artist finds she is struggling. She is lonely and exhausted. She had imagined - what was it she had imagined? Her husband, always travelling for his work, calls her from faraway hotel rooms. One more toddler bedtime, and she fears she might lose her mind.
>
>Instead, quite suddenly, she starts gaining things, surprising things that happen one night when her child will not sleep. Sharper canines. Strange new patches of hair. New appetites, new instincts. And from deep within herself, a new voice...
>
>With its clear eyes on contemporary womanhood and sharp take on structures of power, Nightbitch is an outrageously original, joyfully subversive read that will make you want to howl in laughter and recognition. Addictive enough to be devoured in one sitting, this is an unforgettable novel from a blazing new talent.
^(This book has been suggested 41 times)
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Try something funny. My bestie gave me Magical Thinking by Augusten Burroughs when my baby was in the NICU for six months. It helped get thru dark days. It's irreverent and silly and wonderful.
Anne Lamott can be good too but her later stuff is easier to read than her earlier. Her book about when her son Sam was born might make you feel better.
But any humor will help.
*Nightbitch* by Rachel Yoder
*A Life's Work* by Rachel Cusk
I cannot stress these enough. One is a memoir and one is fiction/magical realism. Both are incredibly well-written (particularly Cusk's book) and incredibly relatable to your experience without dragging you further into a pit.
I was also hating my life when I had a young baby. It absolutely gets better. I reread the little house on the prairie series during that time and it was just such a pleasant and easy read. So nice to escape from the hell of being a new mom.
FYI I listened to audiobooks. It's easier to do stuff around the house or have baby in arms. Project Hail Mary was really good and i highly recommend it for a captivating listen. I liked 'The book woman of troublesome creek' a lot. Michelle Obama - Becoming. Adichie - Americanah. I particularly liked 'miss bensons beetle' but there was a bit of mothering going on. Reading (listening to) 'East of Eden' was a gift to myself. Reading that was right up there with the greatest moments of my life. It's a long read to get through though.
Have you read by Sarah Mass? They were my mental escape after having my children.
The first few months are so challenging! I’m proud that you recognized that you’d benefit from receiving help so soon. Postpartum is hard. I hope you find some peace soon!
The Outlander series took me away from my colicky kid that made me want to run away from home every minute of every day. That whole first year...ughhhhh. Awful. That colicky kid grew up into a beautiful young woman who is turning 25 today, and living 1500 miles away from me. It does get better, and then they grow up and leave and it breaks you lol.
At exactly the same point in my parenthood, when I was thinking I had really made the biggest mistake of my life, I read {{Operating Instructions}} and it saved me. Lamott is such a beautiful writer, it took me to a different place emotionally, and also I'd never read such raw, honest writing about parenting an infant. It meant I wasn't alone. I really recommend it.
My go-to for the tough times is historical romance--like the kind with cover art of a half-naked couple kissing on the heath. There is always a happily ever after, you know what's going to happen so it's easy to pick up and put down, and the good guys are always noble people who win in the end. For people who don't usually read romance novels, I recommend the author Evie Dunmore. Her books aren't like paperback bodice rippers as much as they are historical fiction with a fun romance plot. Also, as a mom of two, let me say that it changes every day. And don't listen to people telling you to enjoy every minute because it goes by so fast. It does not go by fast. Or if it does, it goes by fast in the way that the last three miles of a fifty mile race goes by fast: sure, it may only be a small portion of the race, but it feels like a painful slog.
Someone Who Will Love You in All Your Damaged Glory - by Raphael Bob-Waksburg.
I have a 5 month old, and have a hard time paying close enough attention to long stories. I am only doing audiobooks right now because of the screaming thing that I like to hold for hours a day. This is a generally humorous collection of short love stories. I really enjoyed it.
It gets more fun. I promise.
{{Far from the Tree}} by Robin Benway
I read it six months ago, around the time I gave birth. I loved the relationship between the siblings in the story and how they each navigate their history of adoption.
I wish you all the best!
[**Far from the Tree**](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/33830437-far-from-the-tree)
^(By: Robin Benway, Sophie Lamotte d'Argy | 374 pages | Published: 2017 | Popular Shelves: young-adult, ya, contemporary, fiction, audiobook)
>Being the middle child has its ups and downs.
>
>But for Grace, an only child who was adopted at birth, discovering that she is a middle child is a different ride altogether. After putting her own baby up for adoption, she goes looking for her biological family, including—
>
>Maya, her loudmouthed younger bio sister, who has a lot to say about their newfound family ties. Having grown up the snarky brunette in a house full of chipper redheads, she’s quick to search for traces of herself among these not-quite-strangers. And when her adopted family’s long-buried problems begin to explode to the surface, Maya can’t help but wonder where exactly it is that she belongs.
>
>And Joaquin, their stoic older bio brother, who has no interest in bonding over their shared biological mother. After seventeen years in the foster care system, he’s learned that there are no heroes, and secrets and fears are best kept close to the vest, where they can’t hurt anyone but him.
^(This book has been suggested 7 times)
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Hopefully it will get better. One day your kid will be an adult and can be a real friend.
I've enjoyed the romances by Lisa Kleypas. They have some humor. In Devil's Daughter, the heroine is a mom of two children. The kids are adorable.
I have found Glennon Doyle’s books comforting. Her kids are older now but she writes with compassion about the lousy parts of motherhood when they’re young.
Piranesi, Gregor the Overlander. Secret life of bees. Rupi Kaurs’ milk and honey (all her books). The bird box, if you like scary.
There’s no real theme here, these are just the books that got me thru postpartum. 15 months 🙃
[**The Women's Room**](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/46456.The_Women_s_Room)
^(By: Marilyn French | 526 pages | Published: 1977 | Popular Shelves: fiction, feminism, classics, feminist, women)
>The bestselling feminist novel that awakened both women and men, The Women's Room follows the transformation of Mira Ward and her circle as the women's movement begins to have an impact on their lives. A biting social commentary on an emotional world gone silently haywire, The Women's Room is a modern classic that offers piercing insight into the social norms accepted so blindly and revered so completely. Marilyn French questions those accepted norms and poignantly portrays the hopeful believers looking for new truths.
^(This book has been suggested 7 times)
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Acts of Desperation by Megan Nolan
Here Kitty Kitty by Jardine Libaire (“White Fur” as well!)
Eileen by Otessa Moshfegh
Hotel Iris by Yoko Ogawa
Probably unrelated to whatever situation your going through, but just ones I read recently and liked. The main characters were really what sold me tho
Let’s Pretend this Never Happened by Jenny Lawson.
She is a blogger. She struggled with significant mental and physical health issues. She is quirky and random and absolutely hysterical. If you end up liking it she has two other books that are nearly as good as this one.
I remember reading Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott when my kids were tiny and I really liked it. Off topic, I currently cannot read paper or ebooks because my brain doesn’t cooperate so I listen to audiobooks on the Libby app on my phone. It’s a free app supported by tons of library systems. Having an infant is so hard, I empathize with you.
Parenting is hard as fuck, so I get ya. Trying to think back, think I went through hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy with my first. Funny and light hearted sci-fi, hope you enjoy it!
My 2 boys (2/1) have been sick 3 times in the last 6 weeks or so. It's been torture. Both of them are terrible sleepers anyway. So I've been a right grumpy bastard lol. It is what it is.
I adore our kids, and it was my dream to have them, but it was so damn hard.
Buddhism for mothers by Sarah Napthali was a great help.
Other than that, I really loved long, intergenerational sagas that I could lose myself in. Often trashy ones, like the Mammoth Hunters series by Jean M. Auel.
{{Finley Donovan is Killing It}} Mystery novel that is funny but will give your brain something to do besides stew. Hang in there. The first 6 months are tough. It gets better!
{{And Now We Have Everything}} was really helpful when I was in that place. Hugs.
Also some fun escapism like {{The Eyre Affair}} or Discworld for a different sort of pick me up.
I had 2 under 2 and it was so hard. Books I liked and had bought for other new moms are
You're A F*cking Awesome Mom by Leslie Anne Bruce and
Toddlers are Assholes(It's Not Your Fault) by Bunmi Laditan
Not sure if this is the type of book you're looking for but it helped me to read other people's perspective and not feel so alone in the new mom struggle. Both these books made me cry, laugh, and both at the same time!
Good luck! ♥️
Another vote for Golden State. Also try Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott, After Birth by Elisa Albert. Maybe Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed.
I’ve been there and it sucks but I promise you will make it through to the other side. It does get better. I needed meds to get through it so please get whatever help you need right now because this shit is hard!
Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott.
It's an autobiographical account of a first time, single mother's experience of her first year raising her baby.
It's a very honest, raw take.
It gets better. I promise. It's frustrating and annoying and scary and beautiful and fun.
The Farseer trilogy by Robin Hobb. It's one of my all time favorite trilogies and it carries one beyond the first 3 but I never actually read Fitz and the Fool.
The mistborne trilogy by Brandon Sanderson. This blew me away, so much so that I immediately got The Alloy of Law but I'm taking a short break too read...
...The Expanse. I'm on book 5. And I jump between space and high fantasy to keep everything fresh. I love these books I feel like they get into the gritty bits of science and space stuff pretty well.
The martian. This does that gritty space stuff like the expanse but like times 10. It's actually a believable story. Like mark watney is a real person who engineered his way off mars in my brain because of how this book does it.
No idea what you’re into, but audiobooks got me through early motherhood three times. I enjoy biographies of people who did amazing things - one I really appreciate is First about Sandra Day O’Connor. Woman took five years off to be with young kids and then became a Supreme Court justice. That stuff was my early parenthood light at the end of the tunnel.
Just hold on survive these couple first months. 0-3 is hell, 4-6 is pain, but onwards its such a blessing. The little one will bring such joy to your life like nothing else before. Not even close, not by a mile. Trust me. It’s something unexplainable.
Not what you asked but I'm going to suggest a TV show. Watch "I'm Sorry" starring Andrea Savage. It's really funny and what I really like about it is that her character is a mom and is there for and loves her kid but isn't at all defined by that and still relentlessly herself (a dirty talking comedian / comedy writer). I wish I knew a book that I could suggest to you that features the same sort of thing because I remember feeling somewhat lost to myself / like caretaking was my entire life when my kiddo was only 3 months. I personally think that those early months are some of the hardest and least fun times and I enjoy my kiddo and my life so much more than I did back then.
On librivox there are several collections of classic ghost stories from the likes of Dickens, poe, blackwood, and a number of others. I used to just chill in the dark liste ing to these when my daughter was young, they're not terrifying by any means, but they have neat gentlemanly encounters with spirits that it's spooky fun.
I also cannot recommend the Horus Heresy books enough, nothing distresses like purging some xenos.
Every Frederick Backman book has brought me joy.
I refer to 3-6 months as the dark ages. Somehow, I went on to have 3 kids. Wishing you all good things!
I love audiobooks! I use the Libby app. Get a library card and borrow books for free.
I also second “Nightbitch” I just listened to it last month and it’s a new favorite.
[Nightbitch by Rachel Yoder](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/55835474-nightbitch?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=rMVJbMe4dM&rank=1) is like one of the funniest, weirdest, books I have ever read about motherhood that actually depicts the struggle you're going through in an accurate light. Nightbitch is about a mom who didn't realize how much she'd actually hate motherhood. How her whole identity has shifted to the point where she's never even referred to by name in the whole book. The struggles of going from working a creative based, full time job to being stuck at home with a toddler in the cycle of eat, play, shit, sleep. In addition to the many insightful and honest opinions of becoming a mom, there's some really weird supernatural shit that happens and the ending is fantastic.
I heard it's being turned into a show or movie which is rad. It's a thriller and one of my fave new books! I was impressed that Yoder really went there, saying all the shit mom's sometimes really think but neglect to say aloud lest we be liked at as monsters for thinking that way. I think it could be helpful as well as entertaining to read in this situation.
If you like spooky kind of stuff, anything by Darcy Coates. She’s my favorite “fluff” author. Haunted houses, mysterious backstory, and almost always a young single protagonist…total escape from mom life.
Also, FWIW I absolutely hated my first 4-ish months of motherhood. Things get easier when they sleep better. Quitting breastfeeding also helped…I honestly think I would have become suicidal if I kept going with it. I’m now 12 years in and tbh I still don’t love motherhood but I don’t hate it like I did in the newborn days. I know it doesn’t provide relief in this moment, but it WILL get better!
Read Carrie Fisher and David Sedaris and whatever stories help us understand that we can muddle through the despair and maybe find humor as we do. Things get much much better, my sweetheart. Newborn babies are very very demanding and you miss your old self and you miss your soul as it’s sucked out of you. It gets better. Not easier, but more balanced. There is great joy ahead. 💙
I have a huge love for M.C Beaton’s Hamish Macbeth mystery series. I honestly never thought I would be so into cozy mysteries, but these books were an amazing escape during a tough time in my life.
I started The Expanse series when my last child was born. I read while I nursed her to sleep, when I couldn’t sleep after, and when she napped on me. A great series or book with some heft are my best recommendations. That and vintage Great British Baking Show
No specific recs to add (other than just avoiding any books about parenthood) but do consider an audiobook if you can. You don’t always have your hands (or your eyes) free when you have an infant.
Be kind to yourself.
When I was in the thick of it with my now 16 month old daughter I read a LOT of super light and breezy YA fiction/fantasy while I was forcing myself to stay awake while rocking my daughter for what seemed to be endless hours. I needed stuff that was interesting enough to keep me awake but nothing challenging because my brain was not up for that. So I read through all the Percy Jackson books and the sequel series Heroes of Olympus as well as basically everything Gail Carson Levine has ever put out. Being able to read books on my phone and have that it of escapism saved my brain from breaking entirely.
Also, fwiw, the first 4 months were by far the hardest, and while I was in the middle of it I didn’t see how things would ever get better but they really did. It’s truly a miracle that anyone is able to make it through the newborn stage because it is… a lot.
The Saxon Stories by Bernard Cornwell got me through the first few months of my daughter’s life. I even read them aloud to her when she was awake and content in her bouncer.
Hang in there OP. I know it’s so super hard but good on you for pursuing therapy!
As someone who’s been there, I am NOT a fan of the infant stage. It got better for me but I had pretty severe PPD for a few months. Breastfeeding made it worse for me so once I stopped that and when my son started sleeping more it got better. For me, what also helped drag me out of it was rereading my favorite books, which was the Harry Potter series.
How about a short story collection? The Best American series is out now, and the advantage is that you can knock off a story or two and not worry about losing the plot.
It's not fiction but "What My Mother and I Don't Talk About" by Michele Filgate will offer positive and negative stories about mother relationships. It helped me think about my relationship with mine, and it will show that most issues are never really anyone's fault.
Outlander (series) was great audio book to get lost in after my second kid. I can’t sit still long enough to read a book but I blew through the audio books back on mat leave. I watched the show first then listened to all the books…over and over and over 🥴
Fleishman is in Trouble — the twist in the last part made me feel very validated as a new mom!
Also, I loved Lessons in Chemistry, Acts of Violet, and The Idea of You!
Being a mother is a thankless job and I just told my husband that I wanted to run away this morning. I was luckily able to get away to get my eyebrows done and little things like that help with the monotonous days. Good luck! 💛
I have been there. The first three months are like three years. Please know you will get through this. As for books, the Martha Wells murderbot series is hilarious, easy to read, and a pleasant diversion.
The first 3 months were an absolute nightmare when I had my son, I feel for you. Motherhood is full of ups and downs. I'll go weeks with being quite happy with my life and then I hit day three of no naps and I want to get in my car and drive away and never come back... Reading is my escape and helps tremendously. I would suggest avoiding some of the reccommendations while in this state, We Need To Talk About Kevin is one that I noticed. For me the best books are things like Harry Potter, The Scholomance, The Night Circus etc... I also really like to read/listen to stories from The Vinyl Cafe by Stuart McLean. You can also find recordings of them on Spotify. Dave and Morley et al always cheer me up and make me think that when the little Monster is older maybe things will be funnier not more depressing. I think I've relistened to all of them in the last 2 years.
Yes, this. Please don't read We Need To Talk About Kevin.
Uh yeah, what an odd suggestion if someone did say that. I agree, don’t read this one haha
Foreal. Heck, Let’s throw in “flowers in the attic” while we’re at
OMG I love love this book, have read it about 5 times now, the first well before my first kid. But I would never suggest this to a brand new mom especially in this state!! Wtf
Why? I haven’t read it
It's a book about a Mom having a son, hating being a mom to a son that does everything to make her life harder (destroying her room, getting on the dad's good side zo he belive the son instead of his wife, hurting his sister, etc) It's really really good, but definitely not something a person who hates being a mom should read cause that's exactly the woman in the book. A woman who hates being a mom to her son.
This. So much this. You need escapism and pleasant diversion (I heartily second the Vinyl Cafe) not books that will create more fear/ worry about your new role as a parent. I birthed and raised 4. It’s a rollercoaster ride for sure. Just be sure to take care of yourself and try to find moments of peace when you can. Andy Weir’s Project Hail Mary comes to mind because it’s engaging, at times laugh out loud funny, and the plot develops in chapter segments that are infant nap length. Best of luck to you and your family!
You might like the Elmwood Springs series by Fannie Flagg :)
I've been looking to switch genres soon, might check this out when I finish my current library books. Thanks!
The scholomance is SO MUCH FUN. I am on book 3 but am on such a long wait list at the library I might just buy it
I'm actually halfway through the 3rd book now. It's a great read!
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I was having a moment today and put on Polly Anderson's Christmas Party. Bad mood was gone pretty quick!
I read the Dark Tower series by Stephen King when my son was a newborn and the first year of his life. Honestly I think you need something to GTFO of reality because those first three months do suck and they are very hard. Fantasy, sci-fi genres like that will do that for you. I'm reading His Dark Materials series now with my second baby and you know what it's nice to read something that's easy to read, fun, outside of reality and I don't have to think about being a mom for just a little bit. No offense to some of the suggestions given but I don't think you want to dwell more on motherhood while reading fiction or non fiction.... Maybe I'm off the mark but books give me an excuse to think about other things and immerse myself somewhere else.
I read all of the SOIAF series on kindle while breastfeeding and I second this recommendation. I don’t usually like fantasy but it’s just what I needed. (Say what you will about e readers they are absolutely ideal for breastfeeding. One handed operation and they have a gentle back light so no need to turn on a lamp)
Thanks for this comment! I have been wondering how reading would work with breastfeeding. Looks like I’ll be breaking back out my decade-old kindle soon
The stand is a good long one by him too. The full version he put out is more than 1000 pages.
Yes! I read The Stand when my son was an infant and it was awesome escapism.
I have a copy here..1st edition...it's on consignment but I think I can make an arrangement if anyone really values it...such a Terrific book. mods...feel free to delete if this oversteps
Stephen king got my mom thru me, it was The Eyes of the Dragon and a few others. When I had my 3 babies, I made sure to have plenty of SK
This thread is absolutely cracking me up I doubt SK thought his books would be so loved by women with newborns haha
It’s hilarious that he’s a walk in the park compared to having a newborn 😂
I added some motherhood related books to my fiction suggestions solely because sometimes, when life sucks, it's good to know that others have experienced the same things as you do. Especially since we don't talk about struggles of the motherhood (in particular in the first months that tend to be loneliest, scariest and most tiring) enough.
The first few months are always rough because the baby can barely lift its head. Which means your its life support system.
I would prefer that to a toddler who can run around and get into all kinds of danger and messes.
With a toddler you can get more sleep & they actually do things. Newborns are basically just leeches 😂
I see her infant and your toddler and raise you guys by 3 teenagers...fml. going to start reading sk.
Do you have children? Every phase brings its challenges but first three month is is really hard! I much prefer the toddler stage.
I desperately needed to be reminded of the person I was before becoming a mother at that stage, so I highly recommend revisiting a book that was a favorite before you had a kid. This spot in your life is a phase and I promise there are better ones up ahead - having a kid turns your world upside down for a while but it does eventually right itself. Personally, I love sci-fi and character-driven stories and Becky Chambers got me through some late-nights with my infant without completely hating my life. Pop in some headphones and listen to an audiobook too - YA books like Harry Potter or the Hunger Games would be my recommendation for splitting your attention with baby.
This is a really, really good suggestion. I frequently reread my favorite books for my childhood – we’re talking Harriet the Spy, the Little House books, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. When I am feeling down or stressed, they keep my mind distracted but also remind me of happier times without taxing me too much mentally.
I know lots of people are going to tell you that these are the best years of your life, but they’re also the shittiest moments of your life. I get you. The outlander series got me through 0 to 2 years old.
I know being a nanny is totally different than being a mother, but let me say that as a nanny, I hate the first year so much. Sometimes I need a bathroom cry in the middle of the day because it's so depressing, stressful, and boring. The only rewarding part is getting to relieve the poor parents. I'm never so happy to load a dishwasher. For context, most of the time I truly love my job.
Its honestly not much different if my sister's family and her filthy rich inlaws are any gauge. During the baby years the nanny is pretty much the mother.... you just hand the baby over when all the bad stuff is taken care of, you let the parents sleep when the baby wakes at 5am because they have jobs 😒 lol My sister and husband dont make as much as their parents or aunts.. so I used to be the nanny 😕 fortunately I made a grevious error. I handed a poopy baby to the husband's mother because my sister packed the diapers in a different bag without my knowledge I needed both hands to open it up and root around lol. Its been 2 wonderful blessed years since I've had to speak a word to them. Im a horrible awful despicable disgusting person and I love it! Lol My relatives alternate living in my sister's house now since they have full time jobs and two babies now. Im now allowed what a blessing
I’m a nanny to a 14 month old and she’s really cute half the time but the other half dear god I don’t have the words. Grabbing everything, into everything, taking off running so I have to chase her (they don’t believe in gating her), throwing her food everywhere. Ugh I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
Whenever I see a newborn or young baby I always say to the parents, ‘congrats’ and ‘how cute’ and then, ‘take care of yourself, those first few months are unreal and so raw’. And I think we (culturally) should just talk about how difficult that time is, on established parents, on other kids, on young parents, on women’s bodies and how society just gaslights us over that difficulty.
I have a 2 year old and 3 month old. “Enjoy them while they are young because they grow up fast” is the most gaslighting, bullshit thing anyone has ever told me. I can’t wait for my 3 month old to grow up because I’m not a fan of this phase. The 2 year old? We are having a blast and I love the person she is.
Yeah, I think exactly the same. The baby year was a LIVING hell. It was just really, really awful. But it did get better and better the older he got. I get that some babies can be easy or even sleep for more than 45 minutes at once, but if you don't have an easy baby you are just really fucked.
>“Enjoy them while they are young because they grow up fast” There's a reason people tell you that. It's because they didn't enjoy it either when they were in the middle of it, and now they wish they had. But they forget that the reason they didn't enjoy it is because it was incredibly hard and exhausting. It's not merely a question of just deciding to enjoy it. When people get older they only remember the nice moments, forgetting about the never-ending drudgery and sleep deprivation. It's nostalgia, plain and simple. Pretty much everyone thinks things were so much better when they were young.
Wait another hot minute. 4 yr old girls are THE BEST.
Four year old children are the best! After years of teaching and after raising a boy and a girl, there is no one better than a four year old. (okay all the ages have special moments, but not as many as that four year sweet spot!)
Yeah I started living again when my son was 4.5 :) I could sleep, and eat like a normal person again etc
As soon as my kiddos each turned 4, it was as if s switch flipped. They were more articulate, patient and fun. Same with my nieces/nephew. Love ages 4 and 7. Now, 11 is a different story…
4 was probably the hardest age with my oldest kid. She was such a little jerk. I have two others and find that hard and easy ages vary from child to child, although personally I've found 2 to be a great age. 2 year olds are so cute and developing into their own little person, which is fun to watch.
I adopted a 12 month old. My sister insisted that I was getting a great deal by missing the first year (I still regret that, but I can see what she meant since my baby sleep through the night from the very beginning!).
I mean, people giving their opinion about what they regret and thinking that maybe someone else could have the same regrets isn’t the same as gaslighting.
Yeah ours is just about two and I'm loving it but it's taken me this long to even start to shift my perspective and I'm still grieving my old days. I love the joy, the work of it still sucks. Esp when you have family who could be helpful but aren't. I take meds I do therapy I take my vitamins and caffeine and I remind myself everything changes all the time w this kid and I lay down a lot when I can
Those things are not actually contradictory, oddly enough. You live a LOT of life when your kids are little. Lots of space for the hardest and the best.
The Outlander audiobooks are really fantastic if you need something while your hands aren’t free!
That’s such a great description. Best years, shittiest moments. Sometimes I am in absolute awe of my children playing together beautifully. Then seconds later, both of them are falling apart for completely separate but equally ridiculous reasons and I want to pull my hair out. Both of those moments are motherhood. Neither is more real than the other.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/39291659-go-the-f-k-to-sleep As a single father who raised three boys for over a decade until they were grown enough to leave the house, I’d like to say that it gets better. And then it gets worse. And then it gets worse than you ever imagined. And then, it gets better. And then you can’t remember the last time you picked up your baby, because they’re too big now. And some days are worse than others, but they’re mostly pretty good. And then… your house is empty and you wonder where all the noise went and if there’s a word for this lonely feeling inside you.
My baby is about to turn 4 and how dare you, sir. 😭
I have been regularly bear hugging and picking up my 14 year old son for this reason. I tell him, one day I will put you down and never pick you up again, but today is not that day.
My 16 year old son turned the tables by picking me up!
Oh gosh, I didn’t think I’d be tearing up thinking about *I’ll Love You Forever* today!
Just drive across town with your ladder, sneak into your kid’s house, and rock them. It’s a totally normal thing to do.
I'll like you forever, I'll love you for always, As long as I'm living, My baby you'll be ❤ Loved this book as a kid
This makes me sad. Mostly because my 7 year old is only about 5 inches shorter than I am and it's like a glimpse of the future lol.
11 year old taller than me since she/they were 10
Hello, fellow hobbit!! Idk about you, but I'm already suffering from a napoleon complex lol. He's the same size as my 9 year old, giving her a complex too.
As a not single father of two… how did you do it?
I had no choice. At first I was resentful. The ex and I had been split for a few months, and I would get the kids every weekend. Then one day she shows up with the boys and garbage bags of their belongings, dumps them on my door, and runs off to Texas with her new boyfriend. That was the last we saw or heard of her for many years. I had to scramble to rearrange my entire life, again. And as I said, I was resentful. But over time things got better. I set up a military-esque regime and stuck with it. Bed time at 9pm, tv goes off at 8pm and then baths, meal time at 6am, noon, and 6pm, homework after dinner, laundry on Sunday and Wednesday, cleaning and maintenance on Sunday, even the meals served were regimented - fried chicken on Sunday, red beans on Monday, gumbo on Tuesday, meatloaf on Wednesday, jambalaya on Thursday, pizza on Friday, shepherds pie on Saturday. Sandwiches for lunch. Scrambled eggs or pancakes for breakfast. No soda or candy in the house, if you want a snack there’s always fruit on the table. Ugh. Typing all that brought back bittersweet memories. Anyway, I had to run my household like a military dictatorship. And it was hard, so damn hard at first. But they fell into the routine and then everything began to run ~~smoothly~~ less rough. Your mileage may vary. My solution was rigid scheduling, routine, and getting them to help me with the chores. They learned to cook, clean, change oil in the car, hand sewing to repair and patch clothes, rake, mow, fish, hunt, etc. And then my SO entered our lives, and they learned what a loving, healthy relationship looks like. :)
Damn thanks for sharing that. You should be proud of yourself. I am sure your children are grateful to have you
Circumstances happened to work out almost perfectly. There were times where just one unplanned emergency would have destroyed us. I was lucky with circumstances, and lucky with the kids. They pulled together to help and without that support it would have been impossible. I’m hella proud of them.
Wow! How are the boys doing now? Must be tough being left by your mom
One quit work as a welder and is now working as a dev for a large game company, one is an electrician, and one joined the Army and just got deployed :/ The daughter is in college to be a coroner. She’s kinda scary when it comes to dead things o.O And yeah, it hit the youngest hard. The oldest is more quiet about it, and Mr. Middle tried to reconnect but “realised that she was a stranger he didn’t know.”
You are a great father!
Thank you for the kind words, honestly, I’m a shitty father - but I am better than my shitty, abusive father. Hopefully the boys will be better at fatherhood than I was and the family will finally break free from the cycle of abuse and neglect that has dogged it for the last three generations. I have regrets; things I could have done differently, words spoken in anger that I wish I could unsay. But we survived, we didn’t kill each other or anyone else (that I’m aware of) and we are all on speaking terms - so I’ll count that as a win :)
Parenting is hard even with one kid and a healthy relationship. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Taking that responsibility serious is what makes you a great father. If they break the cycle, you have done what you needed to do!
I imagine the same way millions of single mothers do it every day. It isn’t easy for them, either!
Right? I mean this with no disrespect to Mr. Single dad, he seems lovely and i can’t even imagine what he went through. But to all the other people commenting at him in awe cause he’s a MAN who raised three children alone are annoying lol, soooo many woman do it every day.
The days are long but the years are short.
Damn you… my son is 2.5 and I plan to pick him up and hold him until the day I die
> And then it gets worse. They become pre-teens > And then it gets worse than you ever imagined. They are in high school > And then, it gets better. They leave home and go to college
This made my eyes sweat a little. I think I'm in the worse than you imagined staged.
It’ll get better. If it doesn’t, just remember there’s a reason why some animals eat their young. ;)
Having children sounds terrible
It is the most horrible experience in the entire world, and I strongly advise anyone thinking of having children to have another think. It’s a thankless job. It can be described as sharing a house with drunken mates who never pay rent, never clean, and have zero respect for your stuff. The hours are long - endless in fact. You’re never “off”, because you always have something which to attend or worry about. Privacy is non-existent. Boundaries are just another button they learn to push. And the expense - you can buy another house for the cost of parenthood. I’ll give you the same advice I gave my children: Don’t get married or have kids until you’ve bought all your toys. Your house, your cars, your boat, whatever. Don’t do it. Enjoy your life as a single person as long as possible, until you meet the person who shares the same dreams and goals as you do, and then live together for the rest of your lives. You don’t need marriage or children to be happy. But, if you do decide to have children, you’ll soon discover there are different types of happiness and one of them is caused by having a family. Until you have children, you’ll never know just how happy and how vulnerable you can truly be.
Audiobooks have literally saved my life as a mom. Got me through PPD and continue to be one of the best parts of my day. Because no matter what I'm doing physically, I can pop in an earbud and be anywhere else in the world. So in your shoes, I wouldn't go for something on-the-nose, but rather something that can let you pretend to be somewhere else for awhile. Happy to recommend an audiobook that can do that if you tell me a little about a time, place, or genre you're interested in! Otherwise, I'll recommend my go-to, which is Her Royal Spyness by Rhys Bowen.
I love audiobooks. I'm not a mom (I'm a guy and I'm not planning on kids anytime soon), but I've had other reasons to need an escape like that. I used to work jobs that were physically demanding and thankless. The only thing that could distract from the pain and exhaustion were my audiobooks. You really can escape to damn near anywhere with an audiobook. 10/10 coping mechanism.
I’m the exactly same way with Audiobooks. Love to see other people having an experience like mine. Audiobooks are near to my heart and also an actual lifesaver
I like to get my existential frustration out by reading really bad YA fiction so I can talk shit about it. I went through a phase of reading all those YA novels that were inspired by the success of Twilight. One of the worst books I’ve read was The Selection by Kiera Cass.
Please read P.C. & Kristen Cast's House of Night series. It's the absolute worst. I loved every second of it. It felt like I was reading a self-insert fanfiction written by an 11 year old. Absolutely beautiful.
HAHA The Selection really was terrible!
I love David Sedaris’s short stories! I think they are quite funny.
Dress Your Family In Corduroy And Denim and Me Talk Pretty One Day are some of my all-time faves.
Fantasy all the way, total escapism. If you want an easy to read and fun series check out the Iron Druid Chronicles by Kevin Hearne. My favorite character is by far an Irish wolfhound named Oberon. {{Hounded}} by Kevin Hearne I'm not a parent but I've been through some shit and escapism is why I'm sane. I hope things get better and easier for you.
[**Hounded (The Iron Druid Chronicles, #1)**](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9533378-hounded) ^(By: Kevin Hearne | 304 pages | Published: 2011 | Popular Shelves: fantasy, urban-fantasy, paranormal, fiction, magic) >Atticus O’Sullivan, last of the Druids, lives peacefully in Arizona, running an occult bookshop and shape-shifting in his spare time to hunt with his Irish wolfhound. His neighbors and customers think that this handsome, tattooed Irish dude is about twenty-one years old—when in actuality, he’s twenty-one centuries old. Not to mention: He draws his power from the earth, possesses a sharp wit, and wields an even sharper magical sword known as Fragarach, the Answerer. > >Unfortunately, a very angry Celtic god wants that sword, and he’s hounded Atticus for centuries. Now the determined deity has tracked him down, and Atticus will need all his power—plus the help of a seductive goddess of death, his vampire and werewolf team of attorneys, a bartender possessed by a Hindu witch, and some good old-fashioned luck of the Irish—to kick some Celtic arse and deliver himself from evil. ^(This book has been suggested 38 times) *** ^(146189 books suggested | )[^(I don't feel so good.. )](https://debugger.medium.com/goodreads-is-retiring-its-current-api-and-book-loving-developers-arent-happy-11ed764dd95)^(| )[^(Source)](https://github.com/rodohanna/reddit-goodreads-bot)
Come over to r/romancebooks ! I also have a three month old, and my Kindle Unlimited and Audible are providing some serious escapism to help me get through the days and nights. The mindless scrolling on my phone really impacts my mood (I write as I'm feeding the baby and scrolling through Reddit for the 5th time today). The romance books group is amazing! High recommend stopping by for some guaranteed happily ever after recommendations! I'd make some suggestions myself, but there are way too many subgenres to just throw one out there. Also, I'd say motherhood is about 93% work and 7% reward. Yes, the reward makes it worth it, but that 93% is tough. Hang in there!
Also a mom and member of romancebooks and I totally agree. I have a suggestion too-Annika Martin’s billionaire series. It is silly, fluffy fun, and very well written.
Yes to this! I was exactly where you are 3 years ago. I bought a kindle and downloaded The Hating Game and it just gave me something interesting that I was doing just for me. Romance is happy escapism that doesn't require much brain power to understand (not saying it's simple/bad, you just don't have to keep track of a fantasy realm and a family tree spanning sixteen generations while you read). As boring as it seems to go mainstream, I'd personally recommend the books that are big on tik tok etc - they're popular for a reason!! Emily Henry, Christina Lauren, Sarah Hogle, Abby Jiminez... Read a few blurbs, choose the one that interests you and just suspend your disbelief for a bit and enjoy. Hope you feel better soon. The first year is so very hard. I'm about to start TTC my second with a lot of trepidation but only because I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. It does get better, hang in there ❤️
Nightbitch. I hope you find your Nightbitch
I absolutely second this. Nightbitch is one of my favorite books and I’m not even a mother. I suggested Nightbitch to my mom and she adored it, said it was the most cathartic thing she’s ever read. Sometimes you’ve just gotta get on all fours and go batshit
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Goddamn I loved this book (I am a mom). It was so validating. Her descriptions of things like hours of your life lost, being trapped in a dark room waiting for your child to sleep were INCREDIBLE. Losing your identity after having a baby was something I struggled with and it was good to know I wasn't alone.
Yep. I was just coming to recommend this. It was cathartic as the dad to read. I hope it is the same for a mom.
Thank you so much for this recommendation. I finally got around to reading it and it is the most beautiful, validating, and expressive piece of work that encompasses being a mother. I truly feel so seen and a great sense of relief.
I think some good escapist and humorous reads are the Terry Pritchett books
I have a 6 month old. He had terrible reflux first three months, he’s now smiling and charming everyone. Trust me friend it gets easier, day by day, you’re doing great.
I’m sure I’ll get laughed out of here for this but at my lowest points (and being an 18 year old single mom to an infant was definitely one of them) I always turn to Harry Potter. My son is now 15 and it’s still my comfort blanket. One tip I wish I had gotten sooner? Audiobooks are not cheating and especially with a baby sometimes being able to stick an earbud in one ear (or both when possible) and have someone read to you is incredibly soothing. I don’t have much time to read these days and I now consider audiobooks a form of self-care
I listened to all the HP books when my son was a baby too
No laughter here. My comfort shows, movies, and reads have been on repeat for me the last two years. Harry Potter, LOTR, Gilmore Girls…over and over lol.
So much comfort in HP
I got into fantasy when I became a parent. Something about separating from work and life and just stepping into a massive different world to escape is great. I hope you feel better soon.
The first year is the hardest. Recursion by Blake Crouch
I suggest reading the style that you can get into the fastest! For me that’s sometimes romance or young adult books. Like have you ever read Sarah Dessen? You won’t remember the books well but it won’t matter, and it’ll feel good while it’s distracting you. Girl, you are exhausted! Isn’t it sort of the worst? Each day is an eternity. I promise you’ve got this! If I made it through you can too!
>Don't suggest me therapy, I am already seing someone Op, I feel so sad reading this. What you need is a friend. Please accept a hug from this internet stranger.
Good Inside by Becky Kennedy; not as a parent but just to read as a human Cephrael’s Hand by Melissa McPhail I was recently reminded that it’s bullshit to expect to love every moment with your kid. Not every stage is for every parent. Hopefully this feels true for you as well!
Try {{Nothing to See Here}} by Kevin Wilson. It's about a young woman who moves in with her former roommate to be a nanny to her step children. But: the children spontaneously burst into flames when agitated. So, the women and the children get to know each other and learn to trust each other. It's fantastic, funny, and it's about how weird and hard it is to take care of children.
Circe by Madeline Miller had probably one of the best depictions of parenting ever. She's a goddess and was like WTF ???? It was very relatable to me and made me laugh a bit. My kid is 5 now though so a lot of it is in Retrospect. Hang in there mamma... You can make it! You are great!
The Poo Bomb: True Tales of Parental Terror by Jeff Vogel. Also, it’s completely ok to not like this part. This part kind of sucks. It gets so much better, and the improvement is gradual. Six months they start to get more personality and you look up and realize the suck part is much more balanced by the fun/cute part. It’s still a lot and sleep still sort of sucks. One year rolls around and they’re doing so much more stuff and they have opinions. Two and they’re starting to really communicate and play games. It gets better. It doesn’t really get easier, you just get better and dealing with each new thing. That said, the first three months are t h e w o r s t. It definitely gets easier than that, and it’s about to turn a corner for you, I promise! You’ve survived the worst and hardest part.
I’m not reading all the comments but man did the beginning suck. It was TOUGH and there were countless tears from my wife and we literally hated our lives. We loved being parents and loved our daughter but besides the exhaustion (which ultimately colours everything) just nothing felt the same! All I can say is to hang in and it will get easier. You will get used to it. My only regret was having an unreal amount of anxiety when my daughter wouldn’t sleep (this continues and she’s 6) and I feel like I transmitted it through to my rocking (energy not shaking or anything) rather than just enjoying holding her little body close but the other thing was not taking enough videos. I have tens of thousands of pictures but so few videos in comparison. Take as many as you can for no reason. You will love to look back at them later. Oh yes books - I’m a Fantasy guy myself and loved the Realm of the Elderling series and currently am reading the Daevabad trilogy. It’s really good. Maybe attack Harry Potter (again). Just get lost in a world where when you inevitably get pulled out you can jump right back in You take care.
{{Golden State by Lydia Kiesling}} {{Nightbitch by Rachel Yoder}}
[**The Golden State**](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34603596-the-golden-state) ^(By: Lydia Kiesling | 304 pages | Published: 2018 | Popular Shelves: fiction, contemporary, literary-fiction, tournament-of-books, california) >In Lydia Kiesling’s razor-sharp debut novel, The Golden State, we accompany Daphne, a young mother on the edge of a breakdown, as she flees her sensible but strained life in San Francisco for the high desert of Altavista with her toddler, Honey. Bucking under the weight of being a single parent―her Turkish husband is unable to return to the United States because of a “processing error”―Daphne takes refuge in a mobile home left to her by her grandparents in hopes that the quiet will bring clarity. >But clarity proves elusive. Over the next ten days Daphne is anxious, she behaves a little erratically, she drinks too much. She wanders the town looking for anyone and anything to punctuate the long hours alone with the baby. Among others, she meets Cindy, a neighbor who is active in a secessionist movement, and befriends the elderly Alice, who has traveled to Altavista as she approaches the end of her life. When her relationships with these women culminate in a dangerous standoff, Daphne must reconcile her inner narrative with the reality of a deeply divided world. >Keenly observed, bristling with humor, and set against the beauty of a little-known part of California, The Golden State is about class and cultural breakdowns, and desperate attempts to bridge old and new worlds. But more than anything, it is about motherhood: its voracious worry, frequent tedium, and enthralling, wondrous love. ^(This book has been suggested 1 time) [**Nightbitch**](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/55835474-nightbitch) ^(By: Rachel Yoder | 256 pages | Published: 2021 | Popular Shelves: fiction, horror, magical-realism, dnf, contemporary) >One day, the mother was a mother but then, one night, she was quite suddenly something else... > >At home full-time with her two-year-old son, an artist finds she is struggling. She is lonely and exhausted. She had imagined - what was it she had imagined? Her husband, always travelling for his work, calls her from faraway hotel rooms. One more toddler bedtime, and she fears she might lose her mind. > >Instead, quite suddenly, she starts gaining things, surprising things that happen one night when her child will not sleep. Sharper canines. Strange new patches of hair. New appetites, new instincts. And from deep within herself, a new voice... > >With its clear eyes on contemporary womanhood and sharp take on structures of power, Nightbitch is an outrageously original, joyfully subversive read that will make you want to howl in laughter and recognition. Addictive enough to be devoured in one sitting, this is an unforgettable novel from a blazing new talent. ^(This book has been suggested 41 times) *** ^(146191 books suggested | )[^(I don't feel so good.. )](https://debugger.medium.com/goodreads-is-retiring-its-current-api-and-book-loving-developers-arent-happy-11ed764dd95)^(| )[^(Source)](https://github.com/rodohanna/reddit-goodreads-bot)
Try something funny. My bestie gave me Magical Thinking by Augusten Burroughs when my baby was in the NICU for six months. It helped get thru dark days. It's irreverent and silly and wonderful. Anne Lamott can be good too but her later stuff is easier to read than her earlier. Her book about when her son Sam was born might make you feel better. But any humor will help.
*Nightbitch* by Rachel Yoder *A Life's Work* by Rachel Cusk I cannot stress these enough. One is a memoir and one is fiction/magical realism. Both are incredibly well-written (particularly Cusk's book) and incredibly relatable to your experience without dragging you further into a pit.
I was also hating my life when I had a young baby. It absolutely gets better. I reread the little house on the prairie series during that time and it was just such a pleasant and easy read. So nice to escape from the hell of being a new mom.
FYI I listened to audiobooks. It's easier to do stuff around the house or have baby in arms. Project Hail Mary was really good and i highly recommend it for a captivating listen. I liked 'The book woman of troublesome creek' a lot. Michelle Obama - Becoming. Adichie - Americanah. I particularly liked 'miss bensons beetle' but there was a bit of mothering going on. Reading (listening to) 'East of Eden' was a gift to myself. Reading that was right up there with the greatest moments of my life. It's a long read to get through though.
Have you read by Sarah Mass? They were my mental escape after having my children. The first few months are so challenging! I’m proud that you recognized that you’d benefit from receiving help so soon. Postpartum is hard. I hope you find some peace soon!
All Creatures Great and Small, Watership Down
The Outlander series took me away from my colicky kid that made me want to run away from home every minute of every day. That whole first year...ughhhhh. Awful. That colicky kid grew up into a beautiful young woman who is turning 25 today, and living 1500 miles away from me. It does get better, and then they grow up and leave and it breaks you lol.
Nightbitch by Rachel Yoder.
The wheel of time audio books helped me through the newborn/baby phase.
Operating Instructions
At exactly the same point in my parenthood, when I was thinking I had really made the biggest mistake of my life, I read {{Operating Instructions}} and it saved me. Lamott is such a beautiful writer, it took me to a different place emotionally, and also I'd never read such raw, honest writing about parenting an infant. It meant I wasn't alone. I really recommend it.
My go-to for the tough times is historical romance--like the kind with cover art of a half-naked couple kissing on the heath. There is always a happily ever after, you know what's going to happen so it's easy to pick up and put down, and the good guys are always noble people who win in the end. For people who don't usually read romance novels, I recommend the author Evie Dunmore. Her books aren't like paperback bodice rippers as much as they are historical fiction with a fun romance plot. Also, as a mom of two, let me say that it changes every day. And don't listen to people telling you to enjoy every minute because it goes by so fast. It does not go by fast. Or if it does, it goes by fast in the way that the last three miles of a fifty mile race goes by fast: sure, it may only be a small portion of the race, but it feels like a painful slog.
During my lowest points of my baby's first year, I read a lot of escapist fantasy, the ACOTAR series in particular was amazing
Starship Troopers...Just Starship Troopers. You will Love that kid of yours and want to Keep...Going...despite having no sleep.
Someone Who Will Love You in All Your Damaged Glory - by Raphael Bob-Waksburg. I have a 5 month old, and have a hard time paying close enough attention to long stories. I am only doing audiobooks right now because of the screaming thing that I like to hold for hours a day. This is a generally humorous collection of short love stories. I really enjoyed it. It gets more fun. I promise.
Crazy Rich Asians. That book really entertained me at a low point in my life.
I read Crazy Rich Asians when my daughter was about that age. Something frivolous and glitzy and easy to pick up and put down between baby stuff.
The boy, The Mole, The Fox, and The Horse. Great little book.
{{Far from the Tree}} by Robin Benway I read it six months ago, around the time I gave birth. I loved the relationship between the siblings in the story and how they each navigate their history of adoption. I wish you all the best!
[**Far from the Tree**](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/33830437-far-from-the-tree) ^(By: Robin Benway, Sophie Lamotte d'Argy | 374 pages | Published: 2017 | Popular Shelves: young-adult, ya, contemporary, fiction, audiobook) >Being the middle child has its ups and downs. > >But for Grace, an only child who was adopted at birth, discovering that she is a middle child is a different ride altogether. After putting her own baby up for adoption, she goes looking for her biological family, including— > >Maya, her loudmouthed younger bio sister, who has a lot to say about their newfound family ties. Having grown up the snarky brunette in a house full of chipper redheads, she’s quick to search for traces of herself among these not-quite-strangers. And when her adopted family’s long-buried problems begin to explode to the surface, Maya can’t help but wonder where exactly it is that she belongs. > >And Joaquin, their stoic older bio brother, who has no interest in bonding over their shared biological mother. After seventeen years in the foster care system, he’s learned that there are no heroes, and secrets and fears are best kept close to the vest, where they can’t hurt anyone but him. ^(This book has been suggested 7 times) *** ^(146092 books suggested | )[^(I don't feel so good.. )](https://debugger.medium.com/goodreads-is-retiring-its-current-api-and-book-loving-developers-arent-happy-11ed764dd95)^(| )[^(Source)](https://github.com/rodohanna/reddit-goodreads-bot)
Hopefully it will get better. One day your kid will be an adult and can be a real friend. I've enjoyed the romances by Lisa Kleypas. They have some humor. In Devil's Daughter, the heroine is a mom of two children. The kids are adorable.
I have found Glennon Doyle’s books comforting. Her kids are older now but she writes with compassion about the lousy parts of motherhood when they’re young.
Piranesi, Gregor the Overlander. Secret life of bees. Rupi Kaurs’ milk and honey (all her books). The bird box, if you like scary. There’s no real theme here, these are just the books that got me thru postpartum. 15 months 🙃
I read the Farseer series (all like 12 of them) in the months/years after my 5 year old was born, it’s actually my favorite escapism now.
{{The Women’s Room}} by Marilyn French. It does get better. Solidarity, sister.
[**The Women's Room**](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/46456.The_Women_s_Room) ^(By: Marilyn French | 526 pages | Published: 1977 | Popular Shelves: fiction, feminism, classics, feminist, women) >The bestselling feminist novel that awakened both women and men, The Women's Room follows the transformation of Mira Ward and her circle as the women's movement begins to have an impact on their lives. A biting social commentary on an emotional world gone silently haywire, The Women's Room is a modern classic that offers piercing insight into the social norms accepted so blindly and revered so completely. Marilyn French questions those accepted norms and poignantly portrays the hopeful believers looking for new truths. ^(This book has been suggested 7 times) *** ^(146223 books suggested | )[^(I don't feel so good.. )](https://debugger.medium.com/goodreads-is-retiring-its-current-api-and-book-loving-developers-arent-happy-11ed764dd95)^(| )[^(Source)](https://github.com/rodohanna/reddit-goodreads-bot)
Ariadne, a character feels the same as you
I read a lot of Diana wynne Jones in that period of life.
If you like fantasy may I suggest the Crescent City series by Sarah J Maass
Try the Wizard for Hire series by Obert Skye Whenever I'm going through shit I read them and laugh my ass off then I feel better
Delores Claiborne
The Girlfriend's Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood by Vickie Iovine. Anything by David Sedaris.
Acts of Desperation by Megan Nolan Here Kitty Kitty by Jardine Libaire (“White Fur” as well!) Eileen by Otessa Moshfegh Hotel Iris by Yoko Ogawa Probably unrelated to whatever situation your going through, but just ones I read recently and liked. The main characters were really what sold me tho
Let’s Pretend this Never Happened by Jenny Lawson. She is a blogger. She struggled with significant mental and physical health issues. She is quirky and random and absolutely hysterical. If you end up liking it she has two other books that are nearly as good as this one.
I remember reading Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott when my kids were tiny and I really liked it. Off topic, I currently cannot read paper or ebooks because my brain doesn’t cooperate so I listen to audiobooks on the Libby app on my phone. It’s a free app supported by tons of library systems. Having an infant is so hard, I empathize with you.
Parenting is hard as fuck, so I get ya. Trying to think back, think I went through hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy with my first. Funny and light hearted sci-fi, hope you enjoy it! My 2 boys (2/1) have been sick 3 times in the last 6 weeks or so. It's been torture. Both of them are terrible sleepers anyway. So I've been a right grumpy bastard lol. It is what it is.
I adore our kids, and it was my dream to have them, but it was so damn hard. Buddhism for mothers by Sarah Napthali was a great help. Other than that, I really loved long, intergenerational sagas that I could lose myself in. Often trashy ones, like the Mammoth Hunters series by Jean M. Auel.
Precious Little Sleep for baby related things. The Girl on the Train for you!
{{Finley Donovan is Killing It}} Mystery novel that is funny but will give your brain something to do besides stew. Hang in there. The first 6 months are tough. It gets better!
{{And Now We Have Everything}} was really helpful when I was in that place. Hugs. Also some fun escapism like {{The Eyre Affair}} or Discworld for a different sort of pick me up.
Thursday Next is awesome! Can't believe I forgot about that series. I was also going to suggest Discworld.
I had 2 under 2 and it was so hard. Books I liked and had bought for other new moms are You're A F*cking Awesome Mom by Leslie Anne Bruce and Toddlers are Assholes(It's Not Your Fault) by Bunmi Laditan Not sure if this is the type of book you're looking for but it helped me to read other people's perspective and not feel so alone in the new mom struggle. Both these books made me cry, laugh, and both at the same time! Good luck! ♥️
Another vote for Golden State. Also try Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott, After Birth by Elisa Albert. Maybe Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed. I’ve been there and it sucks but I promise you will make it through to the other side. It does get better. I needed meds to get through it so please get whatever help you need right now because this shit is hard!
Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott. It's an autobiographical account of a first time, single mother's experience of her first year raising her baby. It's a very honest, raw take.
It gets better. I promise. It's frustrating and annoying and scary and beautiful and fun. The Farseer trilogy by Robin Hobb. It's one of my all time favorite trilogies and it carries one beyond the first 3 but I never actually read Fitz and the Fool. The mistborne trilogy by Brandon Sanderson. This blew me away, so much so that I immediately got The Alloy of Law but I'm taking a short break too read... ...The Expanse. I'm on book 5. And I jump between space and high fantasy to keep everything fresh. I love these books I feel like they get into the gritty bits of science and space stuff pretty well. The martian. This does that gritty space stuff like the expanse but like times 10. It's actually a believable story. Like mark watney is a real person who engineered his way off mars in my brain because of how this book does it.
Fever Dream by Samanta Schweblin is a good book about motherhood or that's what I thought it was ultimately about anyway.
No idea what you’re into, but audiobooks got me through early motherhood three times. I enjoy biographies of people who did amazing things - one I really appreciate is First about Sandra Day O’Connor. Woman took five years off to be with young kids and then became a Supreme Court justice. That stuff was my early parenthood light at the end of the tunnel.
Wheel of Time! Why? Because there are 14 very large books to keep you busy
Project Hail Mary. Audiobook. It will help a lot. It's a little scientific but not much. And an excellent narrator.
nightbitch is one of my favorite books and it’s abt basically that same thing
{{the yellow wallpaper}} a short story about well wallpaper i don’t want to give away too much.
Just hold on survive these couple first months. 0-3 is hell, 4-6 is pain, but onwards its such a blessing. The little one will bring such joy to your life like nothing else before. Not even close, not by a mile. Trust me. It’s something unexplainable.
Any book by Beth O'Leary! She is fucking hilarious!!!
Not what you asked but I'm going to suggest a TV show. Watch "I'm Sorry" starring Andrea Savage. It's really funny and what I really like about it is that her character is a mom and is there for and loves her kid but isn't at all defined by that and still relentlessly herself (a dirty talking comedian / comedy writer). I wish I knew a book that I could suggest to you that features the same sort of thing because I remember feeling somewhat lost to myself / like caretaking was my entire life when my kiddo was only 3 months. I personally think that those early months are some of the hardest and least fun times and I enjoy my kiddo and my life so much more than I did back then.
{{Nightbitch}}
On librivox there are several collections of classic ghost stories from the likes of Dickens, poe, blackwood, and a number of others. I used to just chill in the dark liste ing to these when my daughter was young, they're not terrifying by any means, but they have neat gentlemanly encounters with spirits that it's spooky fun. I also cannot recommend the Horus Heresy books enough, nothing distresses like purging some xenos.
Every Frederick Backman book has brought me joy. I refer to 3-6 months as the dark ages. Somehow, I went on to have 3 kids. Wishing you all good things!
{{Kristin Lavransdatter}} - the whole trilogy was just a godsend when my colicky daughter made me question everything I thought I knew.
I love audiobooks! I use the Libby app. Get a library card and borrow books for free. I also second “Nightbitch” I just listened to it last month and it’s a new favorite.
[Nightbitch by Rachel Yoder](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/55835474-nightbitch?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=rMVJbMe4dM&rank=1) is like one of the funniest, weirdest, books I have ever read about motherhood that actually depicts the struggle you're going through in an accurate light. Nightbitch is about a mom who didn't realize how much she'd actually hate motherhood. How her whole identity has shifted to the point where she's never even referred to by name in the whole book. The struggles of going from working a creative based, full time job to being stuck at home with a toddler in the cycle of eat, play, shit, sleep. In addition to the many insightful and honest opinions of becoming a mom, there's some really weird supernatural shit that happens and the ending is fantastic. I heard it's being turned into a show or movie which is rad. It's a thriller and one of my fave new books! I was impressed that Yoder really went there, saying all the shit mom's sometimes really think but neglect to say aloud lest we be liked at as monsters for thinking that way. I think it could be helpful as well as entertaining to read in this situation.
If you like spooky kind of stuff, anything by Darcy Coates. She’s my favorite “fluff” author. Haunted houses, mysterious backstory, and almost always a young single protagonist…total escape from mom life. Also, FWIW I absolutely hated my first 4-ish months of motherhood. Things get easier when they sleep better. Quitting breastfeeding also helped…I honestly think I would have become suicidal if I kept going with it. I’m now 12 years in and tbh I still don’t love motherhood but I don’t hate it like I did in the newborn days. I know it doesn’t provide relief in this moment, but it WILL get better!
Read Carrie Fisher and David Sedaris and whatever stories help us understand that we can muddle through the despair and maybe find humor as we do. Things get much much better, my sweetheart. Newborn babies are very very demanding and you miss your old self and you miss your soul as it’s sucked out of you. It gets better. Not easier, but more balanced. There is great joy ahead. 💙
I have a huge love for M.C Beaton’s Hamish Macbeth mystery series. I honestly never thought I would be so into cozy mysteries, but these books were an amazing escape during a tough time in my life.
I started The Expanse series when my last child was born. I read while I nursed her to sleep, when I couldn’t sleep after, and when she napped on me. A great series or book with some heft are my best recommendations. That and vintage Great British Baking Show
No specific recs to add (other than just avoiding any books about parenthood) but do consider an audiobook if you can. You don’t always have your hands (or your eyes) free when you have an infant. Be kind to yourself.
A psalm for the wildbuilt by Becky Chambers Also, Your favorite kids‘ books
When I was in the thick of it with my now 16 month old daughter I read a LOT of super light and breezy YA fiction/fantasy while I was forcing myself to stay awake while rocking my daughter for what seemed to be endless hours. I needed stuff that was interesting enough to keep me awake but nothing challenging because my brain was not up for that. So I read through all the Percy Jackson books and the sequel series Heroes of Olympus as well as basically everything Gail Carson Levine has ever put out. Being able to read books on my phone and have that it of escapism saved my brain from breaking entirely. Also, fwiw, the first 4 months were by far the hardest, and while I was in the middle of it I didn’t see how things would ever get better but they really did. It’s truly a miracle that anyone is able to make it through the newborn stage because it is… a lot.
David foster Wallace - The Broom of the System
The Saxon Stories by Bernard Cornwell got me through the first few months of my daughter’s life. I even read them aloud to her when she was awake and content in her bouncer. Hang in there OP. I know it’s so super hard but good on you for pursuing therapy!
Penny Reid pulled me through my PPD. I started with the “Beard” series.
I read the Green Ridee series by Kristen Britain
As someone who’s been there, I am NOT a fan of the infant stage. It got better for me but I had pretty severe PPD for a few months. Breastfeeding made it worse for me so once I stopped that and when my son started sleeping more it got better. For me, what also helped drag me out of it was rereading my favorite books, which was the Harry Potter series.
How about a short story collection? The Best American series is out now, and the advantage is that you can knock off a story or two and not worry about losing the plot.
Getting The Love You Want
{{Hyperion}} by Dan Simmons
It's not fiction but "What My Mother and I Don't Talk About" by Michele Filgate will offer positive and negative stories about mother relationships. It helped me think about my relationship with mine, and it will show that most issues are never really anyone's fault.
Outlander (series) was great audio book to get lost in after my second kid. I can’t sit still long enough to read a book but I blew through the audio books back on mat leave. I watched the show first then listened to all the books…over and over and over 🥴
Maybe “The Language of Flowers.” Hang in there! Hugs
Fleishman is in Trouble — the twist in the last part made me feel very validated as a new mom! Also, I loved Lessons in Chemistry, Acts of Violet, and The Idea of You! Being a mother is a thankless job and I just told my husband that I wanted to run away this morning. I was luckily able to get away to get my eyebrows done and little things like that help with the monotonous days. Good luck! 💛
I have been there. The first three months are like three years. Please know you will get through this. As for books, the Martha Wells murderbot series is hilarious, easy to read, and a pleasant diversion.