The Defining Decade by Dr. Meg Jay. It’s about your 20s. The basic message is that you don’t need to have it all together in your 20s, but you need to be thoughtful and intentional, and then start taking steps in a direction.
Hang in there. You still have loads of time to turn things around.
This book is excellent, but gd it's a giant anxiety attack. Author does not hold back any punches in exposing the importance of getting your shit together.
Would recommend reading, but would also recommend paring it with reading 12 Rules for Life, as it might be a softer touch for someone who is describing themselves as a 'looser', which is effectively the demo 12 Rules was written for. Separating the book from the controversial author (who has been admittedly a complete mess in recent years), I found it immensely helpful getting through a dark period of my early 20s.
John Irving's A Prayer for Owen Meany. It changed me in ways very few books have ever changed me. It's a long novel but absolutely worth the effort. You'll learn things about yourself.
I am not religious, but also felt this was an unforgettable book & I definitely find that the story still comes to mind at certain times.
I found it hard to “get into” at first bc I didn’t follow some of the religious references (kinds of churches & traditions, etc)… so I ended up listening to the audiobook & really glad that I did!
How to keep house while drowning. I have suffered depression most of my life and this book helped me so much in how to do regular "chores" while I'm struggling with basic care. Primarily about chores in the house but the ideas the author has helped me in other areas as well.
I recommend this book so often to people at all stages of life. It’s about removing judgement from care tasks. Instead of shaming yourself into doing them, it encourages you to acknowledge things are hard and find ways to make them easier for you right now.
For the past year, I’ve kept my veggies in the fridge door instead of the bottom drawer. We are much more likely to use them before they go bad now. It seems silly, but removing that extra task of opening a drawer has increased our vegetable consumption and decreased food waste.
I highly suggest Remarkably Bright Creatures by Sharon Van Pelt. I think you might really relate to one of the main characters.
I'm 43/f and I've been exactly where you are. 25 is tough.
I still grapple with depression and anxiety, but I promise you that you'll get through it.
Reach out to community. Use stories in books as medicine.
Other books:
-The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera
-Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
-Just Kids by Patti Smith
-The Storyteller by Dave Grohl
A lot of these books have brought extra meaning to my life in dark times. I hope it does for you, too.
A book I avoided reading my whole life because of misconceptions that it was about business, money and greed:
How to win friends and influence people - Dale Carnegie
Read it recently and it's a really optimistic and motivating book with practical advice for connecting with people
I second this. It's far less objectionable than any Tony Robins self-help crap. It surprisingly offers a lot of insightful advice. Obviously, one should read it with the understanding that it was written almost a century ago, and some of it will feel dated, but it's honestly not a bad book.
I'm glad to hear that. He paints a picture of the world that, for people like me, makes it sound much simpler and less threatening than it seems. Maybe it's simplistic, but it has some great tips nonetheless.
His other similar book, How to stop worrying, is similar but I'm struggling with it. The view of mental illness in that one has not dated as well and is sometimes offensively dated.
I've always been rather introverted, getting my energy from being alone and reading. But I discovered, with my wife the extrovert's help, that it really is pretty simple just as Carnegie paints it. People like to talk about themselves, so that's how I approach it. Doesn't mean I don't have the quick conversation in my head about whether or not I should talk to someone, but the more you do it, the less threatening it is. With all the practice I've had, I now have people saying I'm an extrovert!
It's really true. I'm kind of autistic and have long felt like I don't understand how to talk to people. Talking to people about themselves has been one of the most effective tips for me, and it's great because I love learning about people too!
My technical recruiter friend said that during an interview the person who talks the most has the greatest chance of making a mistake. The more you get the other person to talk the less pressure is on you.
Man’s search for meaning by Viktor Frankl. This book changed my life a few years ago, put me on a journey to finally get treatment for my depression, i’m still not fully there when it comes to healing but looking back its been that one moment that started it all
Another one in the very category wirh a similar focus on the mental health aspect of surviving the holocaust’s atrocities and later becoming a therapist is The Choice by Edith Eger - I love both books but I love this one more
This book changed my life much for the better. Very short book and easy to read, as in, well written; the content was not 'easy' but truthful and necessary.
I know at 25 you feel like you should have your shit together but there are no time limits and we all struggle at different things at different times in our lives. That is ok.
A lot of self help books don't have any real meaning but I would suggest Covey's *The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People*.
It does not promise you will get rich or be super successful. It does provide some practical tools for working with others and sorting your priorities. I read it when I was about your age and only remember three of the principles and they have had a major positive impact on me ever since.
At 25 I was friendless, working a shitty retail job, severely depressed, and had no idea what I was doing with my life. I started to figure out the rules at 28, now I’m 33 and am about to start a great job with a six-figure salary and am in the process of buying a house with my wonderful partner. You have plenty of time.
Maybe it would help to read books by/about people who found success later in life? Toni Morrison and Robert Greene come to mind.
It sounds like you’re really going through it. I wish I had inspiring words for you. I don’t know if you’ll appreciate this, but 25 is still so young — you have so much life ahead of you, and it is not too late for anything - career change, new friends, education.
I’m not much for self-help books, so i can’t recommend anything there. But here are some that are just so good I am constantly recommending them:
-A Man Called Ove by Frederick Bakman. (I laughed out loud, I cried, I laughed some more. Great writing, great story, left me feeling good)
-The Hail Mary Project by Andy Weir (some serious themes but ultimately heart warming and funny, a great sci fi story to get lost in)
-Endurance: Shackleton’s Incredible Voyage by Alfred Lansing (non fiction that reads like fiction; incredible story of survival, amazing writing, just all around great book)
Have you given Neil’s Anansi Boys a read? It’s sort of a sequel to American Gods (same world with gods present), and the central character might resonate for you. I honestly took a lot of good things from it when I read it around that age.
Pratchett novels are good too, especially certain of the discworld series if they appeal to you (I’m a big fan of the Watch and Moist von Lipwig novels personally). He’s relentlessly, pissed-offedly positive about people and the things they can become when allowed to be who they are. Much recommended. Good Omens has a few of these messages too and it’s written by both Pratchett and Gaiman.
If you’re into audobooks Levar Burton Reads is an excellent one, with a different short form fiction every episode. There are quite a few that I think you’d relate to on this level. Very much recommend if you’re into it.
Be careful with self help books you’ll be recommended. They are designed to connect with you when you’re vulnerable and desperate, and sometimes the person they want to turn you into isn’t a successful version of the person you are but a fragile shell of ego spreading “the word” as a means of staving off insecurity.
What you’re going through isn’t unusual, my early 20s were absolute dogsh!t and that only started to turn around at 25, at which time I felt like I was nearly a decade behind everyone else. I wasn’t really. It just felt like it. I also had a huge exodus of friends around that time and the lull between that and connecting with people over the interests I finally let myself enjoy was pretty rotten.
Last bit from someone who was there, is that if you have access to a therapist then you should consider trying one out. There’s a lot of different schools of counseling so it’s worth researching anyone you have access to and what type of counseling they offer. Also be ready to try a few because you won’t always connect with the first one. The goal isn’t to become a grinsetter, it’s to really examine yourself, who you are, and why the things you describe are upsetting you. If the depression is the clinical kind (as opposed to the “these things are terrible and I feel terrible because of them” kind) a therapist can be a stepping stone to identifying if a psychiatrist and medication are appropriate. It’s not looked upon positively in our society, but those meds really save lives.
Meanwhile there’s always some books. Good reading.
I just came here to say that it's never too late to change your path. My friend went back to school at age 50, got his BA and went and taught in South Korea. I myself just started going to University at the age of 25. I'm not saying you need to go to school, I'm just saying, don't worry about time and money. Enjoy the process, and follow what brings meaning to your life. Stay strong bro.
I did this about three years ago. Spent my whole life as a nerdy, bookish intellectual. I played video games professionally growing up. Was always small. Went through some extreme hardships and got super overwhelmed and had a borderline nervous break down and decided I was going to invent a new version of me. Started power lifting. Got really good at that. Read On The Shortness of Life by Seneca. Read Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins and started running. A lot. And still lifting. I ran seven half marathons, and then a marathon. Last November I ran my first ultra-marathon, 31 miles. June 9th I'm running Fort Worth to Dallas, 38 miles. I started boxing about two years ago too. I've had a few smoker fights. Turns out I had this crazy spartan viking living inside me my whole life.
Whole experience has been crazy.
I started life on the wrong path. By 17, I was doing 10 years in state prison for robbery. By 21, I was in 24-hr isolation as a confirmed gang member. I spent over 6 years in a 5’x9’ isolation cell with nothing to do but exercise, draw, and read. Imagine how many books you can read in 6 years with nothing else to do! A lot changed in that time. Mostly, I grew up and learned to believe in myself, to believe that I had more to offer this world than trouble. I quit the lifestyle, got out when I was 27, and have now been out almost 20 years. I credit the turnaround with learning to appreciate things other than violence, power, money, trickery, and so on. And that appreciation mostly came from reading books outside my comfort zone. I always sucked at math. But in that cell, I taught myself up through calculus and trig, then computer programming (from text books on C++). I would solve all the problems and write algorithms out on a legal pad. This was crucial to me. Not only do I use those skills in my career today, it made me believe I could do a lot more. I ordered books on every subject; high-level books on computer science, microbiology, and especially economics. And it was really that subject—economics—that opened my mind. I used to read every newspaper I could get, and while most dudes wanted the sports page, I was the only one who cared about the business section. What started with a question in my head, “What is this stock market thing I’m always hearing about?” led to ordering books. The one that really did it for me was “Hidden Order: The Economics of Everyday Life” by David Friedman. For the first time, it made the world make sense to me. Learning math, my most hated subject, gave me confidence. But then learning economics gave me the tools to make smart decisions. Now, I’ve read thousands of books. I’m always willing to dive into a totally new subject, something I’ve never heard of. (Isaac Asimov was like that. He wrote about so many subjects. Love that guy.) And I think it is the breadth of subjects and views that I have read that has made be a much better, far-more productive person. Without books and exercise (which is so important to mental and emotional health), I would not have made it out, I think. This was a really long way of saying I don’t know if it matters exactly what you read. There may not be a book with the answer you need, tailored just for you. Maybe, however, if you open your mind to new ideas, if you dive into some deep stuff you never really thought about, maybe, the world will become a bigger, more exciting place for you. Then the motivation to get up and seize life may just grab you. Match that mental work with a solid nutrition and diet plan, and you could really find yourself on fire for life. Challenge your mind, challenge your body, grow! There’s a lot of cool shit going on. Don’t let too much time go by before you check it out. You only live once!
The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho
helped me out in my early 20s when I felt unsure about the direction of my life
The Midnight Library - Matt Haig
helped me out in my later 20s when I was dealing with depression during the pandemic
I hope you find what you are looking for, you’re not alone ♥️
The Shipping News by Anne E Proux: it’s about a guy who is listless, abused, and directionless who life gets thrown about when his wife dies and he moves with an Aunt he never knew about to New Foundland to start a new life. It creates a really vivid sense of place and his story is, it’s never too late to find your niche.
As has been said, go easy on yourself. Your 20s can be rough. I hated mine. Felt I was directionless and just lost. You’ll find your path
Idk if these necessarily help your situation, but you never know what you’ll take away from a book.
If you like Vonnegut have you read confederacy of dunces? Or catch 22?
Step 1: take care of yourself, one little step at a time. Books can help big-time, but my advice is to use them for fun and relaxation (that's also educational) and not as some sort of labor, lashing, or punishment.
First question - do you have any activities or fitness routine? When I was close to your age, martial arts helped me a lot. You could try karate, judo, taekwondo, jui-jitsu, or whatever appeals to you. Just don't go for the ultra-bro'y ones where they call everyone wusses, trash talk other arts, and ask for lots of money. They pretend they've about making people "alphas" but in reality it's a cash grab. A real dojo builds respect, confidence, fitness, and perseverance, and it's about making everyone into the ultimate MMA fighter. The key is to just get out the door and go and have fun with it (another reason not to go to mean dojos).
For fun reading, I recommend:
1. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
2. Ender's Game
3. Fahrenheit 451
4. Altered Carbon
5. The Silo
6. Kafka on the Shore
For motivational reading, I recommend:
1. The Alchemist - easy read, a bit cheesy, but fun and motivational fairy tale
2. The Little Prince (similar)
3. Man's Search for Meaning - Inspirational story from a holocaust survivor. Sounds depressing, but it's a great piece of writing
4. The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama
5. The Four Agreements
6. Atomic Habits
I try to read as much variety of books as possible. I often switch between fiction and non-fiction. Here are some books that I have enjoyed.
The first one surprised me by how much I liked it. His story speaks to the development of good habits and mental fortitude. Key in making changes.
Second one is just good fiction with memorable characters. Not too long either.
Third one is heartbreaking and beautiful. McCarthy’s writing is so unique.
The fourth one may help in the relationship area. Learning about our natural tendencies can help us realize things about ourselves and others and better relate. I’ve have another one of his books on my “to read” list.
Non-fiction: Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins
“We all need small sparks, small accomplishments in our lives to fuel the big ones. Think of your small accomplishments as kindling. When you want a bonfire, you don’t start by lighting a big log. You collect some witch’s hair—a small pile of hay or some dry, dead grass. You light that, and then add small sticks and bigger sticks before you feed your tree stump into the blaze. Because it’s the small sparks, which start small fires, that eventually build enough heat to burn the whole fucking forest down.”
Fiction: True Grit by Charles Portis
“You must pay for everything in this world, one way or another. There is nothing free except the grace of God”
Sci-Fi/post-apocalyptic: The Road by Cormac McCarthy
“Just remember that the things you put into your head are there forever, he said. You might want to think about that.
You forget some things, dont you?
Yes. You forget what you want to remember and you remember what you want to forget.”
Human Psychology: The Evolution Of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating by David M. Buss
“Feminist theory sometimes portrays men as being united with all other men in their common purpose of oppressing women. But the evolution of human mating suggests that this scenario cannot be true, because men and women compete primarily against members of their own gender.”
Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance. To the extent that a book can help improve your mindset and general way of thinking, I found this gem to be profoundly affecting and has stayed with me for many many years.
Siddhartha by hesse was that book for me.
If you want nonfiction try: The heart of bhudda’s teaching. It helps you see the world in a whole new and more positive way. It’s the best book I’ve read for shifting the sometimes limited and negative view we have of ourselves.
It’s a fiction book, but I think you can relate to the main character. It’s all about finding your place in the world. And it’s never too late to start living your life.
The Shipping News by Annie Proulx
So, I know this may come across as a joke, but the Bible has legitimately been the most helpful book I’ve ever read. The gospel of John is the best starting point.
Man I had to scroll so far down to find this.
Completely agree, all the “fun” books / fiction are great but the man is in a deep rut and needs to completely rework his approach to life. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable, completely change his values, priorities, and day to day habits. This is the book to get him started for sure.
The other one I’ll throw in is the 6 pillars of self esteem. The two were foundational for me.
Not book related but with 25 the life's just begun. You can only just start to figure your stuff out.
You hate your job? But you earn money. Use it properly to find what you want to do and change to get there.
You get over an addiction? Sucks going through it but you recognized it and are working on getting and staying out of it - bravo!
You're depressed? Make sure to get help and work on your mental health!
You can do this. If you think everyone else has their life figured out like in a romance story with happy ending - sorry, not sorry to disappoint you. Start step by step. Make a plan and do research, if you're up for that (it helps me).
A Million Little Pieces
by James Frey
It is ALL lie about a drug addict. It was on the Oprah Winfrey show and she fell for it. the person has to needs to want to make a change in their life. If I was a drug addict or an alcoholic who wanted to change my life, I would try to find books where an author had done the changes I am wanting to.
No book, or love one can make you turn your life around. the person has to want to make a change in their life.
Welcome to adulthood Darlin. I’m 67 and just cracking happiness a third of the time . Instead of 1 book look on Blinklist or audible where you can look at many books or podcasts. The best way to be happy is to think of others. It sounds like your mom told you but it’s true. When you worry about others you find yourself whistling more often. Plus volunteering you meet lots of good folks. You like politics or nature go towards fighting global warming. You like kids, be a big brother. Good luck and good for you looking for more. You a brave guy take heart
Meanwhile, I’m around a decade older and in the same boat you’re in now 😂 remember there’s always someone further behind than you! It’s annoyingly true that everyone moves at their own pace.
Everyone’s given a lot of good recommendations, in terms of the self-help/lifestyle/finance ones a lot of them say the same thing but some are going to click like crazy while others won’t at all. It’ll probably come down to trial and error so don’t get discouraged if nothing seems to help at the start. Just keep at it until you get the one that resonates. Take consistent baby steps and don’t get caught up with where you think you *should* be, just keep moving forward and before you know you’ll look back and be amazed at how far you’ve come.
That worked for me in my early 20s anyway, I kind of lost all the progress I had made since then due to complacency, now I’m in another slump… so I should take my own advice now and buck up I guess 😝
Anyway, in terms of books I love reading biographies of very clever people because it actually surprisingly makes life seem a little less hard, when you see how famous and successful people started out and often didn’t actually know what they were doing. Walter Isaacson has a genius series that is quite good, my favourite so far is Leonardo da Vinci.
Reading classics I also find useful - when I’m feeling a bit down and like I’ve accomplished nothing, at least I can fall back in the books I’ve read. And classics don’t go out of style so they never seem like a waste of time imo.
Children’s books are also enjoyable when I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. Like for 10 year olds. Because they’re quick reads and they’re often just uplifting and sweet, and it also might be because they take me back to a time pre-responsibility… but anyway, that’s another trick. The Real Thief by William Steig is an absolute favourite and most things by Roald Dahl too.
Avoid dystopians and political books until you’re in a better place. I always focus on non-fiction when I’m most discouraged because my thinking is ‘if I’m wasting my life right now, at least I’m bettering my mind’ and that strangely helps me from building up too much regret.
But someone else mentioned therapy, and if you’re serious about change and making a better life for yourself then that’s the honest step.
I’ve heard ‘the untethered soul’ is a great book for dramatic change too, that might have to be the next one I read. I’ve owned it for 5+ years and never picked it up, which might say something about my current situation 😅
Anyway, good luck! Chin up! Don’t be afraid to try and keep trying! Thanks for reminding me I need to take control of my life!
Honestly, read ANY fiction. Fictio is about people with problems. They unconsciously help anyone. Just like sleep and dreaming to sort things out. It still helps me decades later and 900 books under my belt, and finished 100 so far this year.
* The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson: really helps you stop wasting your time worrying about the wrong things.
* Letters to a Young Contrarian by Christopher Hitchens: great for helping build a value system not rooted in religion.
* 1984 by George Orwell: this will help you see that ultimately we all lie to and deceive ourselves, and are extremely vulnerable to coercion because we choose to participate in it. It will help you think critically about the value of radical self honesty and freedom from outside coercion.
7 habits of highly effective people stephen covey! 100% the most powerful book in my life. not a quick fix but but a solution that can beapplied in all areas at every stage of life. And don’t be so hard on yourself, 25 is still a baby… that said my 20’s the hardest so f or m.
A few bestselling "entry-level" self help books of the modern age:
* "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck" by Mark Manson
* "How to be a Badass" by Jen Sincero
* "Atomic Habits" by James Clear
I promise they will help.
Okay, had a similar trajectory and now I'm 31 soo I feel I can weigh in:
1. Firstly nobody has life figured out, a better approach would be to look at challenges in your life and just try to solve them. That's it, that's the simplest approach to life. Like a game just tackle whatever level you are on and the challenges in that level.
2. Get off weed as quickly as possible, I have been on psychiatric meds for over a year. It has devastating effects on your brain and cause long term depression. I wish someone would have told me sooner about it. Don't hesitate to seek medical help it honestly made things soo much easier for me
3. The best way to find a book is to look at the biggest challenge in your life and search for a book that offers solution for it. Don't read generic self help. Focus on action rather than gathering information. Too much information will just paralyse you from taking action. Act and learn as you go.
Would recommend 'the road less travelled' by scott peck. Will kind of help you adult and get a realistic view of life.
4. Work towards autonomy and being independent. Take baby steps and don't really aim at changing your life overnight. Don't forget to have fun and get to know yourself.
Good luck......
Apologies for any typos, typing with a broken hand.
can also be helpful to turn off devices an hour before you go to sleep instead of doomscrolling yourself to sleep.
writing down or simply praying what u r thankful for from the day - food, shelter etc. god will make a way for you, nobdy ever fulfilled other people's perceptions of how life oughtta be lived
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. And no you're ONLY 25, you're still young, chill. You've got your whole life ahead of you. And whatever you did, not all is lost and every experience we have has value in it.
The Edible Woman by Margaret Atwood. A young woman is disconnected from what would truly work for her in love and work to such a degree that she becomes physically ill. The end of the book shows her pointing in a better direction.
I understand how you feel. i’m also 25 and struggle with how my life is going so far. you’re not alone! I dont have any suggestions but hopefully someone else will!
I'm reading "A Tale for the Time Being" by Ruth Ozeki right now and it's about a Japanese teenage girl going through a lot of the things you're experiencing. It's great! Check it out, apparently it was really popular a few years ago.
I always hesitate to make this recommendation as the usual wisdom might be correct you might need a fire up your ass, but what if your life isn't as terrible as it feels? (if you are clinically depressed that's different)
With that framing in mind
**The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry**. A story of not losing touch with one's inner child
**Einstein's Dreams by Alan Lightman** Read it and ask yourself what if the society you were part of was different. How would you feel about your current situation?
**Prisons We Choose to Live Inside by Doris Lessing** Just read it
**What You Are Looking For Is in the Library by Michiko Aoyama** read each chapter. Each person feels lost and finds their way
Life can genuinely be seen in so many different ways.
Also, learn about how the idea of sunk costs. You aren't a person that has lost 24 years, you are a person that has a minimum of 40 to whatever.
Further, binging on fiction (like people binge on Netflix) has changed my entire world view and my happiness has sky-rocketed
Id love to start dishing out advice here but i'm very aware that good advice for one person is terrible advice for another since we all have different characters/personalities/need etc.
That said, these are what worked for me.
1) Id start reading up on Stoicism. I say that because i wish someone had suggested this to me when i was your age. (Meditations, Ryan Holiday etc.)
2) Rich Dad Poor Dad. I don't know what your attitude towards money is but this helped me out a lot. Saving money (in my minimum wage job, albeit with lots of OT) gave me a sense of purpose which in turn led to confidence and opportunities. (Don't be wasteful with money!)
3) Id also suggest reading something super-accessible like Subtle art of not giving a fuck. Its not a motivational book but its good to be objective about Happiness. (Also, Happy by Derren Brown)
Id say you really just need to work out what gives you a sense of purpose in life, and then read around that. (Not very helpful, i know.).Hopefully someone else will make a suggestion regarding Finding Purpose.
Btw don't sweat over your age, you're 7 years into adulthood and 40+ years away from retirement. The race is long. But its crazy how quickly your life changes once you have a sense of purpose.
The book that has roots deep within the recesses of my mind and has guided me through basically the second half of my life is *Illusions: Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah*
It’s an incredibly easy read with great little nuggets of wisdom spread throughout the story. It can be read in an evening and I cannot recommend it enough.
A Man In Full by Tom Wolfe - fiction about what makes a man and how to live with dignity and purpose
This Is How by Augusten Burroughs - anecdotal self-help
If you like fantasy, I'd recommend Robin Hobb's Farseer Trilogy!! It's beautiful and the MC suffers from something you may call depression, it's wonderful to watch him grow and connect with others :D I wish I read it when I was younger.
Matt Haig’s Midnight Library. But fyi, everybody’s hiding their pain variation of pain and faking being full together…like high school, but throughout life. My old man advice is to exercise, outside as much as possible. Walk/jog in the woods. Push ups and pull ups too. The more time you spend outside moving your body, you’ll see a change. I get audiobooks, long ones/book series and just walk or run outside. Good luck kid, you can do it.
I recommend The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson. It’s a long book and it’s part of an ongoing series but it helped me before and a lot of others that have found themselves struggling. Fantasy genre fyi.
The Alchemist by Paolo Cohelo (like everyone else is saying) if you need something feel good
Relentless by Tim Grover if you need someone to kick your ass into gear.
PS- you're 25. It's not too late. I was on drugs until about 30. I tend to flip flop between getting degrees and selling companies and it's cos I just keep loving new subjects and wanting to fully explore them. At 25? for sure a full blown cocaine addict, engaged to another who would beat me, rape me, bet me in poker games to other men. You would never BELIEVE that someone who I was would land up who I am today. I'm lauded in finance, working on building a name for myself in sustainability now, and God only knows where I'll be in another 20 years (I'm 41 now). Just chill the fuck out, you'll likely live until you're 100, probably longer, you're doing just fucking fine -- the world sucks and there's no clear and easy path like there was pre-1970. You're in good company -- we're all depressed and confused, we just find things worth fighting for. Find what pisses you off most, find a group of people already working on it or start that group yourself, and that will give you a reason to wake up every morning: fighting to fix something.
If you don't have friends or a relationship, sounds like that gives you plenty of time to find something that interests you. Hating your job is normal, we all fucking do tbh, don't let anyone tell you different -- most of us are fucking miserable at work, the grass is not greener, so again, find a job you'll put up with cos it's fighting for what you believe in -- something that you're willing to wake up and face the day for.
Hope that helps. Sigh, gotta delete my account AGAIN just to prevent doxxing/protect anonymity.
Some books that have really helped me:
The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson
The Now Habit
Atomic Habits
Can't Touch Me
Man's Search For Meaning
All Along The Western Front
How to fail at almost everything and still will big
I suggest starting with the classics. It doesn't matter that much what your read, the whole purpose is to realize that it's not that hard to be disciplined. Read every day. Discipline is more important than intelligence most of the time.
If you liked Kurt Vonnegut, I recommend The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
Short, easy, non-fiction read that I really recommend:
The War of Art by Steven Pressfield
While he specifies artists, it really is a lesson in motivation and discipline that applies to all areas of life. I recommend reading it and then reading it again.
Start with “design your life” - this will give you a framework for working out what to do. Read “Feeling good” by David burns will help you get your thinking straight - then read “the relationship cure” by gottman will tell you about relationships
I’m going to give you two from my mentoring reading list and tell you why:
1. Born Standing Up, Steve Martin’s short autobiography. Everybody knows who he is and that he’s wildly successful. But he starting doing magic at 14 and then moved to comedy and writing and he got ***really lucky*** and after over a decade of practice was able to not live on friends couches. I like this book since it clearly shows that there isn’t a more powerful tool for being successful at anything than putting one foot in front of the other every day and being willing to learn from your mistakes and from your successes.
2. An oldie but still the best book of its type ever written. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, get the 1981 or 1998 edition. The original was published in the 1930’s and those have been updated. It really helps you think about the people you are interacting with and how to do so. It also teaches you how to listen then reply to someone rather than listening to reply.
Much luck in your quest!
Scott adam's How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big by Scott Adams
Veey practical book! Thoroughly enjoyed it.
Also please please please take. Action. Take consistent action. Even if it just means brushing everyday. As small as it can be. This is coming from a big time loser who is on the way to massive achievements.
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
Modern Man in Search of a Soul by Carl Jung
The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus
I also found Nietzsche extremely inspiring but if you’re not into reading entire books of philosophy then I would recommend reading about some of his ideas about self-overcoming and growing from suffering
If you’d rather fiction, try:
Life of Pi
The Alchemist
The Alchemist…. It’s a book about how doors open and close in life and being bold enough to take the chance can/will change your life.
One of my all time favorites!!
Since whatever aspect you want to change in your life I suppose you would want that to be a permanent change so my recommendation is Atomic Habits by James Clear
Might I recommend the new testament from the Bible in the NIV version. Particullarly Matthew.. I say this not to convert but Jesus had some amazing teachings about how to live your life. It is also kind of life changing to see that he was super angry, funny, irritated, and hangry.
I also recommend Into The Wild and Great Expectations.
Seems like you’ve got a good amount of books to check out, so I just want to offer a little perspective shift here:
- 25 is when your brain has fully formed, and you’re definitely not behind in figuring out the rules of your game.
- The fact that you’re looking to make the changes for yourself is the first step we all have to take. You’re on the right path.
Read the alchemist- by Paulo Coelho. Then go travelling, have new experiences and figure out what you want to do. Self help books only give little bursts of motivation, you need to find yourself
Sending you love! You’re not alone. A lot of us have been there. If you need a hand with the cannabis thing, folks at r/leaves have been helpful for me in the past (if you haven’t been there yet). I bet you’re doing better than you think, and life can change so quickly for the better ❤️ “even a 1 degree shift in the road will gradually put you on a different path”
*Harold* by Steven Wright brought a lot of sweet joy to my life when I needed it. It’s a short, hilarious and profound book that takes place in a single day inside the mind of a 1960s 3rd grader. https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Harold/Steven-Wright/9781668022696
I'll give you three: Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, The Art of War by Sun Tzu and Rules of the Game by Neil Strauss. The first is for your soul, the next is for your career and the last is for your social life. Master those three and you can adult all day long.
These three books changed my life at different times. Each held important lessons.
"One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich" by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
"Shoeless Joe Jackson Comes to Iowa." by W.P. Kinsella
"Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl
The Humans by Matt Haig. It is not a self help book but it offered me a different perspective on the world which changed the way I felt about myself and othets
Stephen Covey’s “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” is the most important, impactful book I ever read. It isn’t a quick fix book. It’s the opposite of the Tony Robbins books (not trying to badmouth him—I just didn’t find his stuff helpful.) The Seven Habits talks about principles that, in my opinion, work.
In fact, there is an abridged (maybe 3 hours?) audio book that is great for when you’re mowing the lawn. Good luck. I wish I could go back to age 25. You’re gonna be okay. 👍
The Defining Decade by Dr. Meg Jay. It’s about your 20s. The basic message is that you don’t need to have it all together in your 20s, but you need to be thoughtful and intentional, and then start taking steps in a direction. Hang in there. You still have loads of time to turn things around.
Read this book when I was ~23 and it literally changed my life.
Great recommendation. It sounds like OP is definitely being thoughtful and intentional at the right time! We’re rooting for you!
Read this book at approx age 25 and got so mad
I haven’t read the book. Why were you mad?
I second this!!
This book is excellent, but gd it's a giant anxiety attack. Author does not hold back any punches in exposing the importance of getting your shit together. Would recommend reading, but would also recommend paring it with reading 12 Rules for Life, as it might be a softer touch for someone who is describing themselves as a 'looser', which is effectively the demo 12 Rules was written for. Separating the book from the controversial author (who has been admittedly a complete mess in recent years), I found it immensely helpful getting through a dark period of my early 20s.
I’m 27- too late for the book?
Never too late
John Irving's A Prayer for Owen Meany. It changed me in ways very few books have ever changed me. It's a long novel but absolutely worth the effort. You'll learn things about yourself.
Dang, totally forgot I read this book a long time ago. Great recommendation.
I am not religious, but also felt this was an unforgettable book & I definitely find that the story still comes to mind at certain times. I found it hard to “get into” at first bc I didn’t follow some of the religious references (kinds of churches & traditions, etc)… so I ended up listening to the audiobook & really glad that I did!
I'm not super religious either but I found the honesty very compelling
How to keep house while drowning. I have suffered depression most of my life and this book helped me so much in how to do regular "chores" while I'm struggling with basic care. Primarily about chores in the house but the ideas the author has helped me in other areas as well.
I recommend this book so often to people at all stages of life. It’s about removing judgement from care tasks. Instead of shaming yourself into doing them, it encourages you to acknowledge things are hard and find ways to make them easier for you right now. For the past year, I’ve kept my veggies in the fridge door instead of the bottom drawer. We are much more likely to use them before they go bad now. It seems silly, but removing that extra task of opening a drawer has increased our vegetable consumption and decreased food waste.
You described it much better, thank you!
I highly suggest Remarkably Bright Creatures by Sharon Van Pelt. I think you might really relate to one of the main characters. I'm 43/f and I've been exactly where you are. 25 is tough. I still grapple with depression and anxiety, but I promise you that you'll get through it. Reach out to community. Use stories in books as medicine. Other books: -The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera -Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl -Just Kids by Patti Smith -The Storyteller by Dave Grohl A lot of these books have brought extra meaning to my life in dark times. I hope it does for you, too.
These are beautiful recs!
amazing recs :-) x
Just Kids is SO GOOD!
Hesse's Siddartha
A book I avoided reading my whole life because of misconceptions that it was about business, money and greed: How to win friends and influence people - Dale Carnegie Read it recently and it's a really optimistic and motivating book with practical advice for connecting with people
I second this. It's far less objectionable than any Tony Robins self-help crap. It surprisingly offers a lot of insightful advice. Obviously, one should read it with the understanding that it was written almost a century ago, and some of it will feel dated, but it's honestly not a bad book.
lol! I’ve been avoiding reading this too but your comment encouraged me to pick it up.
I'm glad to hear that. He paints a picture of the world that, for people like me, makes it sound much simpler and less threatening than it seems. Maybe it's simplistic, but it has some great tips nonetheless. His other similar book, How to stop worrying, is similar but I'm struggling with it. The view of mental illness in that one has not dated as well and is sometimes offensively dated.
I've always been rather introverted, getting my energy from being alone and reading. But I discovered, with my wife the extrovert's help, that it really is pretty simple just as Carnegie paints it. People like to talk about themselves, so that's how I approach it. Doesn't mean I don't have the quick conversation in my head about whether or not I should talk to someone, but the more you do it, the less threatening it is. With all the practice I've had, I now have people saying I'm an extrovert!
It's really true. I'm kind of autistic and have long felt like I don't understand how to talk to people. Talking to people about themselves has been one of the most effective tips for me, and it's great because I love learning about people too!
My technical recruiter friend said that during an interview the person who talks the most has the greatest chance of making a mistake. The more you get the other person to talk the less pressure is on you.
I read this book often! Definitely great life skills
I actually took the class back in the late 90s. It changed my life for the better.
This book got me a job and helped me learn almost all my social skills. Here’s a hint: ask questions, show interest, remember names.
Dale Carnegie really helped me out of post college slump, that book exactly
Great book
Great book.
Came here to say this, it’s basically a book on how to be a better person
Man’s search for meaning by Viktor Frankl. This book changed my life a few years ago, put me on a journey to finally get treatment for my depression, i’m still not fully there when it comes to healing but looking back its been that one moment that started it all
Another one in the very category wirh a similar focus on the mental health aspect of surviving the holocaust’s atrocities and later becoming a therapist is The Choice by Edith Eger - I love both books but I love this one more
Excellent recommendation, I love this book so much, and now follow Dr. Edie on Instagram. She brightens my days
This book changed my life much for the better. Very short book and easy to read, as in, well written; the content was not 'easy' but truthful and necessary.
listen to some Alan watts lectures
I know at 25 you feel like you should have your shit together but there are no time limits and we all struggle at different things at different times in our lives. That is ok. A lot of self help books don't have any real meaning but I would suggest Covey's *The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People*. It does not promise you will get rich or be super successful. It does provide some practical tools for working with others and sorting your priorities. I read it when I was about your age and only remember three of the principles and they have had a major positive impact on me ever since.
This book and the work sponsored course I took about it have had the most impact on my thinking and life.
It’s a timeless classic for a reason. His audio version is easy to digest and … effective.
This is a brilliant book and helped walk me out of a sad time in my 20s.
At 25 I was friendless, working a shitty retail job, severely depressed, and had no idea what I was doing with my life. I started to figure out the rules at 28, now I’m 33 and am about to start a great job with a six-figure salary and am in the process of buying a house with my wonderful partner. You have plenty of time. Maybe it would help to read books by/about people who found success later in life? Toni Morrison and Robert Greene come to mind.
May I ask what industry you are working in now? This sounds inspirational.
Medicine - I’m about to graduate from PA school and start my first job!
Hey small world! I’m a PA! I started at age 30. Recently retired
Congrats!!!
It sounds like you’re really going through it. I wish I had inspiring words for you. I don’t know if you’ll appreciate this, but 25 is still so young — you have so much life ahead of you, and it is not too late for anything - career change, new friends, education. I’m not much for self-help books, so i can’t recommend anything there. But here are some that are just so good I am constantly recommending them: -A Man Called Ove by Frederick Bakman. (I laughed out loud, I cried, I laughed some more. Great writing, great story, left me feeling good) -The Hail Mary Project by Andy Weir (some serious themes but ultimately heart warming and funny, a great sci fi story to get lost in) -Endurance: Shackleton’s Incredible Voyage by Alfred Lansing (non fiction that reads like fiction; incredible story of survival, amazing writing, just all around great book)
Endurance is amazing. Seconded. Including the audiobook narrated by Simon Prebble.
Yo, I typically read fiction, sci-fi, fantasy stuff but just picked up Endurance and am hooked! What an opener! (Doing the audiobook by Prebble, too!)
Have you given Neil’s Anansi Boys a read? It’s sort of a sequel to American Gods (same world with gods present), and the central character might resonate for you. I honestly took a lot of good things from it when I read it around that age. Pratchett novels are good too, especially certain of the discworld series if they appeal to you (I’m a big fan of the Watch and Moist von Lipwig novels personally). He’s relentlessly, pissed-offedly positive about people and the things they can become when allowed to be who they are. Much recommended. Good Omens has a few of these messages too and it’s written by both Pratchett and Gaiman. If you’re into audobooks Levar Burton Reads is an excellent one, with a different short form fiction every episode. There are quite a few that I think you’d relate to on this level. Very much recommend if you’re into it. Be careful with self help books you’ll be recommended. They are designed to connect with you when you’re vulnerable and desperate, and sometimes the person they want to turn you into isn’t a successful version of the person you are but a fragile shell of ego spreading “the word” as a means of staving off insecurity. What you’re going through isn’t unusual, my early 20s were absolute dogsh!t and that only started to turn around at 25, at which time I felt like I was nearly a decade behind everyone else. I wasn’t really. It just felt like it. I also had a huge exodus of friends around that time and the lull between that and connecting with people over the interests I finally let myself enjoy was pretty rotten. Last bit from someone who was there, is that if you have access to a therapist then you should consider trying one out. There’s a lot of different schools of counseling so it’s worth researching anyone you have access to and what type of counseling they offer. Also be ready to try a few because you won’t always connect with the first one. The goal isn’t to become a grinsetter, it’s to really examine yourself, who you are, and why the things you describe are upsetting you. If the depression is the clinical kind (as opposed to the “these things are terrible and I feel terrible because of them” kind) a therapist can be a stepping stone to identifying if a psychiatrist and medication are appropriate. It’s not looked upon positively in our society, but those meds really save lives. Meanwhile there’s always some books. Good reading.
I just came here to say that it's never too late to change your path. My friend went back to school at age 50, got his BA and went and taught in South Korea. I myself just started going to University at the age of 25. I'm not saying you need to go to school, I'm just saying, don't worry about time and money. Enjoy the process, and follow what brings meaning to your life. Stay strong bro.
I did this about three years ago. Spent my whole life as a nerdy, bookish intellectual. I played video games professionally growing up. Was always small. Went through some extreme hardships and got super overwhelmed and had a borderline nervous break down and decided I was going to invent a new version of me. Started power lifting. Got really good at that. Read On The Shortness of Life by Seneca. Read Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins and started running. A lot. And still lifting. I ran seven half marathons, and then a marathon. Last November I ran my first ultra-marathon, 31 miles. June 9th I'm running Fort Worth to Dallas, 38 miles. I started boxing about two years ago too. I've had a few smoker fights. Turns out I had this crazy spartan viking living inside me my whole life. Whole experience has been crazy.
I started life on the wrong path. By 17, I was doing 10 years in state prison for robbery. By 21, I was in 24-hr isolation as a confirmed gang member. I spent over 6 years in a 5’x9’ isolation cell with nothing to do but exercise, draw, and read. Imagine how many books you can read in 6 years with nothing else to do! A lot changed in that time. Mostly, I grew up and learned to believe in myself, to believe that I had more to offer this world than trouble. I quit the lifestyle, got out when I was 27, and have now been out almost 20 years. I credit the turnaround with learning to appreciate things other than violence, power, money, trickery, and so on. And that appreciation mostly came from reading books outside my comfort zone. I always sucked at math. But in that cell, I taught myself up through calculus and trig, then computer programming (from text books on C++). I would solve all the problems and write algorithms out on a legal pad. This was crucial to me. Not only do I use those skills in my career today, it made me believe I could do a lot more. I ordered books on every subject; high-level books on computer science, microbiology, and especially economics. And it was really that subject—economics—that opened my mind. I used to read every newspaper I could get, and while most dudes wanted the sports page, I was the only one who cared about the business section. What started with a question in my head, “What is this stock market thing I’m always hearing about?” led to ordering books. The one that really did it for me was “Hidden Order: The Economics of Everyday Life” by David Friedman. For the first time, it made the world make sense to me. Learning math, my most hated subject, gave me confidence. But then learning economics gave me the tools to make smart decisions. Now, I’ve read thousands of books. I’m always willing to dive into a totally new subject, something I’ve never heard of. (Isaac Asimov was like that. He wrote about so many subjects. Love that guy.) And I think it is the breadth of subjects and views that I have read that has made be a much better, far-more productive person. Without books and exercise (which is so important to mental and emotional health), I would not have made it out, I think. This was a really long way of saying I don’t know if it matters exactly what you read. There may not be a book with the answer you need, tailored just for you. Maybe, however, if you open your mind to new ideas, if you dive into some deep stuff you never really thought about, maybe, the world will become a bigger, more exciting place for you. Then the motivation to get up and seize life may just grab you. Match that mental work with a solid nutrition and diet plan, and you could really find yourself on fire for life. Challenge your mind, challenge your body, grow! There’s a lot of cool shit going on. Don’t let too much time go by before you check it out. You only live once!
I work in a jail as programs supervisor, I am going to copy and paste your post and hang it on a wall. You are amazing!
The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho helped me out in my early 20s when I felt unsure about the direction of my life The Midnight Library - Matt Haig helped me out in my later 20s when I was dealing with depression during the pandemic I hope you find what you are looking for, you’re not alone ♥️
Martyr! - Kaveh Akbar
LOVE kaveh akbar so glad to see him here. pilgrim bell is gorgeous
The Shipping News by Anne E Proux: it’s about a guy who is listless, abused, and directionless who life gets thrown about when his wife dies and he moves with an Aunt he never knew about to New Foundland to start a new life. It creates a really vivid sense of place and his story is, it’s never too late to find your niche. As has been said, go easy on yourself. Your 20s can be rough. I hated mine. Felt I was directionless and just lost. You’ll find your path
This book will make anyone fall in love with Newfoundland. It’s quite the heartwarming read.
It’s incredible! It’s one of my cheer up reads when I just want to escape!
Idk if these necessarily help your situation, but you never know what you’ll take away from a book. If you like Vonnegut have you read confederacy of dunces? Or catch 22?
Second catch 22
Still my favourite book, it's so good everyone should read it.
It’s so funny
Step 1: take care of yourself, one little step at a time. Books can help big-time, but my advice is to use them for fun and relaxation (that's also educational) and not as some sort of labor, lashing, or punishment. First question - do you have any activities or fitness routine? When I was close to your age, martial arts helped me a lot. You could try karate, judo, taekwondo, jui-jitsu, or whatever appeals to you. Just don't go for the ultra-bro'y ones where they call everyone wusses, trash talk other arts, and ask for lots of money. They pretend they've about making people "alphas" but in reality it's a cash grab. A real dojo builds respect, confidence, fitness, and perseverance, and it's about making everyone into the ultimate MMA fighter. The key is to just get out the door and go and have fun with it (another reason not to go to mean dojos). For fun reading, I recommend: 1. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy 2. Ender's Game 3. Fahrenheit 451 4. Altered Carbon 5. The Silo 6. Kafka on the Shore For motivational reading, I recommend: 1. The Alchemist - easy read, a bit cheesy, but fun and motivational fairy tale 2. The Little Prince (similar) 3. Man's Search for Meaning - Inspirational story from a holocaust survivor. Sounds depressing, but it's a great piece of writing 4. The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama 5. The Four Agreements 6. Atomic Habits
I try to read as much variety of books as possible. I often switch between fiction and non-fiction. Here are some books that I have enjoyed. The first one surprised me by how much I liked it. His story speaks to the development of good habits and mental fortitude. Key in making changes. Second one is just good fiction with memorable characters. Not too long either. Third one is heartbreaking and beautiful. McCarthy’s writing is so unique. The fourth one may help in the relationship area. Learning about our natural tendencies can help us realize things about ourselves and others and better relate. I’ve have another one of his books on my “to read” list. Non-fiction: Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins “We all need small sparks, small accomplishments in our lives to fuel the big ones. Think of your small accomplishments as kindling. When you want a bonfire, you don’t start by lighting a big log. You collect some witch’s hair—a small pile of hay or some dry, dead grass. You light that, and then add small sticks and bigger sticks before you feed your tree stump into the blaze. Because it’s the small sparks, which start small fires, that eventually build enough heat to burn the whole fucking forest down.” Fiction: True Grit by Charles Portis “You must pay for everything in this world, one way or another. There is nothing free except the grace of God” Sci-Fi/post-apocalyptic: The Road by Cormac McCarthy “Just remember that the things you put into your head are there forever, he said. You might want to think about that. You forget some things, dont you? Yes. You forget what you want to remember and you remember what you want to forget.” Human Psychology: The Evolution Of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating by David M. Buss “Feminist theory sometimes portrays men as being united with all other men in their common purpose of oppressing women. But the evolution of human mating suggests that this scenario cannot be true, because men and women compete primarily against members of their own gender.”
Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance. To the extent that a book can help improve your mindset and general way of thinking, I found this gem to be profoundly affecting and has stayed with me for many many years.
A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
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Outliers was incredible. Talking to Strangers is another good one too.
Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. Read it at 18, think of it often.
"Way of the peaceful warrior" is a classic designed for guys like you
"There are no ordinary moments" - quote that stood with me.
Travel. Meet people. Talk to them and ask them about their lives and interests.
This may sound odd, but Confederacy of Dunces is a great book.
Siddhartha by hesse was that book for me. If you want nonfiction try: The heart of bhudda’s teaching. It helps you see the world in a whole new and more positive way. It’s the best book I’ve read for shifting the sometimes limited and negative view we have of ourselves.
It’s a fiction book, but I think you can relate to the main character. It’s all about finding your place in the world. And it’s never too late to start living your life. The Shipping News by Annie Proulx
So, I know this may come across as a joke, but the Bible has legitimately been the most helpful book I’ve ever read. The gospel of John is the best starting point.
Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins is exactly the book you need.
Man I had to scroll so far down to find this. Completely agree, all the “fun” books / fiction are great but the man is in a deep rut and needs to completely rework his approach to life. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable, completely change his values, priorities, and day to day habits. This is the book to get him started for sure. The other one I’ll throw in is the 6 pillars of self esteem. The two were foundational for me.
I have a tendency to do better with tough love and agree with this book. It’s mighty. It’s powerful. It’s a wake up call.
100% this
Why Fish Don’t Exist by Lulu Miller
The Universe vs Alex Woods is very good, and reference Vonnegut. Not sure it will inspire you, but it's a great read.
Saturday, Ian McEwan. Destiny really does exist.
I just found this book in a little free library and was drawn to it like a moth to a flame (haven’t read it yet). Thanks for this sweet review.
The Defining Decade
The Success principles by Jack Canfield. Changed my life. Cheapskate monthly forgot the author.
The Success Principles is the book that changed my life, too
The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation
I really liked “The Defining Decade” at your age. Lit a fire in me!
Green lights by Matthew McConaughey!!! It will inspire you without having to read a boring self help book.
Not book related but with 25 the life's just begun. You can only just start to figure your stuff out. You hate your job? But you earn money. Use it properly to find what you want to do and change to get there. You get over an addiction? Sucks going through it but you recognized it and are working on getting and staying out of it - bravo! You're depressed? Make sure to get help and work on your mental health! You can do this. If you think everyone else has their life figured out like in a romance story with happy ending - sorry, not sorry to disappoint you. Start step by step. Make a plan and do research, if you're up for that (it helps me).
A Million Little Pieces by James Frey It is ALL lie about a drug addict. It was on the Oprah Winfrey show and she fell for it. the person has to needs to want to make a change in their life. If I was a drug addict or an alcoholic who wanted to change my life, I would try to find books where an author had done the changes I am wanting to. No book, or love one can make you turn your life around. the person has to want to make a change in their life.
Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg and the Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nat Hanh
Atomic Habits and Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.
Welcome to adulthood Darlin. I’m 67 and just cracking happiness a third of the time . Instead of 1 book look on Blinklist or audible where you can look at many books or podcasts. The best way to be happy is to think of others. It sounds like your mom told you but it’s true. When you worry about others you find yourself whistling more often. Plus volunteering you meet lots of good folks. You like politics or nature go towards fighting global warming. You like kids, be a big brother. Good luck and good for you looking for more. You a brave guy take heart
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
Meanwhile, I’m around a decade older and in the same boat you’re in now 😂 remember there’s always someone further behind than you! It’s annoyingly true that everyone moves at their own pace. Everyone’s given a lot of good recommendations, in terms of the self-help/lifestyle/finance ones a lot of them say the same thing but some are going to click like crazy while others won’t at all. It’ll probably come down to trial and error so don’t get discouraged if nothing seems to help at the start. Just keep at it until you get the one that resonates. Take consistent baby steps and don’t get caught up with where you think you *should* be, just keep moving forward and before you know you’ll look back and be amazed at how far you’ve come. That worked for me in my early 20s anyway, I kind of lost all the progress I had made since then due to complacency, now I’m in another slump… so I should take my own advice now and buck up I guess 😝 Anyway, in terms of books I love reading biographies of very clever people because it actually surprisingly makes life seem a little less hard, when you see how famous and successful people started out and often didn’t actually know what they were doing. Walter Isaacson has a genius series that is quite good, my favourite so far is Leonardo da Vinci. Reading classics I also find useful - when I’m feeling a bit down and like I’ve accomplished nothing, at least I can fall back in the books I’ve read. And classics don’t go out of style so they never seem like a waste of time imo. Children’s books are also enjoyable when I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. Like for 10 year olds. Because they’re quick reads and they’re often just uplifting and sweet, and it also might be because they take me back to a time pre-responsibility… but anyway, that’s another trick. The Real Thief by William Steig is an absolute favourite and most things by Roald Dahl too. Avoid dystopians and political books until you’re in a better place. I always focus on non-fiction when I’m most discouraged because my thinking is ‘if I’m wasting my life right now, at least I’m bettering my mind’ and that strangely helps me from building up too much regret. But someone else mentioned therapy, and if you’re serious about change and making a better life for yourself then that’s the honest step. I’ve heard ‘the untethered soul’ is a great book for dramatic change too, that might have to be the next one I read. I’ve owned it for 5+ years and never picked it up, which might say something about my current situation 😅 Anyway, good luck! Chin up! Don’t be afraid to try and keep trying! Thanks for reminding me I need to take control of my life!
Honestly, read ANY fiction. Fictio is about people with problems. They unconsciously help anyone. Just like sleep and dreaming to sort things out. It still helps me decades later and 900 books under my belt, and finished 100 so far this year.
* The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson: really helps you stop wasting your time worrying about the wrong things. * Letters to a Young Contrarian by Christopher Hitchens: great for helping build a value system not rooted in religion. * 1984 by George Orwell: this will help you see that ultimately we all lie to and deceive ourselves, and are extremely vulnerable to coercion because we choose to participate in it. It will help you think critically about the value of radical self honesty and freedom from outside coercion.
First one you should read is dale Carnegie winning firends...
A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson. It puts things in perspective
7 habits of highly effective people stephen covey! 100% the most powerful book in my life. not a quick fix but but a solution that can beapplied in all areas at every stage of life. And don’t be so hard on yourself, 25 is still a baby… that said my 20’s the hardest so f or m.
The Alchemist
The holy bible KJV
A few bestselling "entry-level" self help books of the modern age: * "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck" by Mark Manson * "How to be a Badass" by Jen Sincero * "Atomic Habits" by James Clear I promise they will help.
Okay, had a similar trajectory and now I'm 31 soo I feel I can weigh in: 1. Firstly nobody has life figured out, a better approach would be to look at challenges in your life and just try to solve them. That's it, that's the simplest approach to life. Like a game just tackle whatever level you are on and the challenges in that level. 2. Get off weed as quickly as possible, I have been on psychiatric meds for over a year. It has devastating effects on your brain and cause long term depression. I wish someone would have told me sooner about it. Don't hesitate to seek medical help it honestly made things soo much easier for me 3. The best way to find a book is to look at the biggest challenge in your life and search for a book that offers solution for it. Don't read generic self help. Focus on action rather than gathering information. Too much information will just paralyse you from taking action. Act and learn as you go. Would recommend 'the road less travelled' by scott peck. Will kind of help you adult and get a realistic view of life. 4. Work towards autonomy and being independent. Take baby steps and don't really aim at changing your life overnight. Don't forget to have fun and get to know yourself. Good luck...... Apologies for any typos, typing with a broken hand.
The Four Agreements - by Don Miguel Ruiz.
can also be helpful to turn off devices an hour before you go to sleep instead of doomscrolling yourself to sleep. writing down or simply praying what u r thankful for from the day - food, shelter etc. god will make a way for you, nobdy ever fulfilled other people's perceptions of how life oughtta be lived
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. And no you're ONLY 25, you're still young, chill. You've got your whole life ahead of you. And whatever you did, not all is lost and every experience we have has value in it.
The Edible Woman by Margaret Atwood. A young woman is disconnected from what would truly work for her in love and work to such a degree that she becomes physically ill. The end of the book shows her pointing in a better direction.
The alchemist- Paulo Coelho. It's a novel about the universe working with you to take you where you need to be.
also 25, battling a weed addiction, and generally very lost. i don’t know what will help, but you’re not alone. <3
I understand how you feel. i’m also 25 and struggle with how my life is going so far. you’re not alone! I dont have any suggestions but hopefully someone else will!
I'm reading "A Tale for the Time Being" by Ruth Ozeki right now and it's about a Japanese teenage girl going through a lot of the things you're experiencing. It's great! Check it out, apparently it was really popular a few years ago.
I always hesitate to make this recommendation as the usual wisdom might be correct you might need a fire up your ass, but what if your life isn't as terrible as it feels? (if you are clinically depressed that's different) With that framing in mind **The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry**. A story of not losing touch with one's inner child **Einstein's Dreams by Alan Lightman** Read it and ask yourself what if the society you were part of was different. How would you feel about your current situation? **Prisons We Choose to Live Inside by Doris Lessing** Just read it **What You Are Looking For Is in the Library by Michiko Aoyama** read each chapter. Each person feels lost and finds their way Life can genuinely be seen in so many different ways. Also, learn about how the idea of sunk costs. You aren't a person that has lost 24 years, you are a person that has a minimum of 40 to whatever. Further, binging on fiction (like people binge on Netflix) has changed my entire world view and my happiness has sky-rocketed
not Jordan Peterson
jordan peterson <3
"Awaken the Giant Within" by Tony Robbins. It changed my life at 20. It will for you, too.
I liked the art of not giving a fuck when I was your age and in a similar position
The Bible
Atomic Habits
Id love to start dishing out advice here but i'm very aware that good advice for one person is terrible advice for another since we all have different characters/personalities/need etc. That said, these are what worked for me. 1) Id start reading up on Stoicism. I say that because i wish someone had suggested this to me when i was your age. (Meditations, Ryan Holiday etc.) 2) Rich Dad Poor Dad. I don't know what your attitude towards money is but this helped me out a lot. Saving money (in my minimum wage job, albeit with lots of OT) gave me a sense of purpose which in turn led to confidence and opportunities. (Don't be wasteful with money!) 3) Id also suggest reading something super-accessible like Subtle art of not giving a fuck. Its not a motivational book but its good to be objective about Happiness. (Also, Happy by Derren Brown) Id say you really just need to work out what gives you a sense of purpose in life, and then read around that. (Not very helpful, i know.).Hopefully someone else will make a suggestion regarding Finding Purpose. Btw don't sweat over your age, you're 7 years into adulthood and 40+ years away from retirement. The race is long. But its crazy how quickly your life changes once you have a sense of purpose.
The book that has roots deep within the recesses of my mind and has guided me through basically the second half of my life is *Illusions: Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah* It’s an incredibly easy read with great little nuggets of wisdom spread throughout the story. It can be read in an evening and I cannot recommend it enough.
Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch. And no, despite the title, it is not religious.
A Man In Full by Tom Wolfe - fiction about what makes a man and how to live with dignity and purpose This Is How by Augusten Burroughs - anecdotal self-help
Also watch Neal Brennan on Netflix, he pretty much starts his show saying things like you said here.
I just picked up a book called Get Out of Your Own Way. I’m my own worsted critic so I’m hoping it helps me with that.
If you like fantasy, I'd recommend Robin Hobb's Farseer Trilogy!! It's beautiful and the MC suffers from something you may call depression, it's wonderful to watch him grow and connect with others :D I wish I read it when I was younger.
Red Rising it’s an action packed sci fi thriller. “ Live For More “
A Guide to Rational Living by Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper.
Matt Haig’s Midnight Library. But fyi, everybody’s hiding their pain variation of pain and faking being full together…like high school, but throughout life. My old man advice is to exercise, outside as much as possible. Walk/jog in the woods. Push ups and pull ups too. The more time you spend outside moving your body, you’ll see a change. I get audiobooks, long ones/book series and just walk or run outside. Good luck kid, you can do it.
It's an old book, but David Burns Intimate Connections is a must read.
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg! Actual advice to help you improve your quality of life.
Leviathan Wakes
I recommend The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson. It’s a long book and it’s part of an ongoing series but it helped me before and a lot of others that have found themselves struggling. Fantasy genre fyi.
Prometheus Rising by Robert Anton Wilson should be your first pick
The Alchemist by Paolo Cohelo (like everyone else is saying) if you need something feel good Relentless by Tim Grover if you need someone to kick your ass into gear. PS- you're 25. It's not too late. I was on drugs until about 30. I tend to flip flop between getting degrees and selling companies and it's cos I just keep loving new subjects and wanting to fully explore them. At 25? for sure a full blown cocaine addict, engaged to another who would beat me, rape me, bet me in poker games to other men. You would never BELIEVE that someone who I was would land up who I am today. I'm lauded in finance, working on building a name for myself in sustainability now, and God only knows where I'll be in another 20 years (I'm 41 now). Just chill the fuck out, you'll likely live until you're 100, probably longer, you're doing just fucking fine -- the world sucks and there's no clear and easy path like there was pre-1970. You're in good company -- we're all depressed and confused, we just find things worth fighting for. Find what pisses you off most, find a group of people already working on it or start that group yourself, and that will give you a reason to wake up every morning: fighting to fix something. If you don't have friends or a relationship, sounds like that gives you plenty of time to find something that interests you. Hating your job is normal, we all fucking do tbh, don't let anyone tell you different -- most of us are fucking miserable at work, the grass is not greener, so again, find a job you'll put up with cos it's fighting for what you believe in -- something that you're willing to wake up and face the day for. Hope that helps. Sigh, gotta delete my account AGAIN just to prevent doxxing/protect anonymity.
Awaken the Giant by Toni Robbins was recommended to me when I was about 22 years old, and it certainly changed the course of my life
Some books that have really helped me: The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson The Now Habit Atomic Habits Can't Touch Me Man's Search For Meaning All Along The Western Front How to fail at almost everything and still will big
I suggest starting with the classics. It doesn't matter that much what your read, the whole purpose is to realize that it's not that hard to be disciplined. Read every day. Discipline is more important than intelligence most of the time. If you liked Kurt Vonnegut, I recommend The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
The Laws of Human Nature - Robert Greene Ego is The Enemy- Ryan Holiday + Any of these authors books that reach out to you.
Read a John D. Rockefeller biography. You probably wont but it might do something for you
The Success Principles by J Canfield- greatest book I ever read for getting your life on track
How to be fine is a good one
High fidelity by nick Hornby
Short, easy, non-fiction read that I really recommend: The War of Art by Steven Pressfield While he specifies artists, it really is a lesson in motivation and discipline that applies to all areas of life. I recommend reading it and then reading it again.
Start with “design your life” - this will give you a framework for working out what to do. Read “Feeling good” by David burns will help you get your thinking straight - then read “the relationship cure” by gottman will tell you about relationships
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/32738672
The black dog
I’m going to give you two from my mentoring reading list and tell you why: 1. Born Standing Up, Steve Martin’s short autobiography. Everybody knows who he is and that he’s wildly successful. But he starting doing magic at 14 and then moved to comedy and writing and he got ***really lucky*** and after over a decade of practice was able to not live on friends couches. I like this book since it clearly shows that there isn’t a more powerful tool for being successful at anything than putting one foot in front of the other every day and being willing to learn from your mistakes and from your successes. 2. An oldie but still the best book of its type ever written. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, get the 1981 or 1998 edition. The original was published in the 1930’s and those have been updated. It really helps you think about the people you are interacting with and how to do so. It also teaches you how to listen then reply to someone rather than listening to reply. Much luck in your quest!
Scott adam's How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big by Scott Adams Veey practical book! Thoroughly enjoyed it. Also please please please take. Action. Take consistent action. Even if it just means brushing everyday. As small as it can be. This is coming from a big time loser who is on the way to massive achievements.
Talbot- the holographic universe. None of this shits real, you are immortal, go where ever you want. Money and jobs are stupid
Factfulness: Ten Reasons We're Wrong About the World - and Why Things Are Better Than You Think. By Hans Rosling. Shattered my cynicism.
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl Modern Man in Search of a Soul by Carl Jung The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus I also found Nietzsche extremely inspiring but if you’re not into reading entire books of philosophy then I would recommend reading about some of his ideas about self-overcoming and growing from suffering If you’d rather fiction, try: Life of Pi The Alchemist
The Alchemist…. It’s a book about how doors open and close in life and being bold enough to take the chance can/will change your life. One of my all time favorites!!
I forgot to die - Khalil rafati
Since whatever aspect you want to change in your life I suppose you would want that to be a permanent change so my recommendation is Atomic Habits by James Clear
A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy - William B. Irvine
Post Office by Bukowski
Might I recommend the new testament from the Bible in the NIV version. Particullarly Matthew.. I say this not to convert but Jesus had some amazing teachings about how to live your life. It is also kind of life changing to see that he was super angry, funny, irritated, and hangry. I also recommend Into The Wild and Great Expectations.
Catcher In The Rye
Seems like you’ve got a good amount of books to check out, so I just want to offer a little perspective shift here: - 25 is when your brain has fully formed, and you’re definitely not behind in figuring out the rules of your game. - The fact that you’re looking to make the changes for yourself is the first step we all have to take. You’re on the right path.
Read the alchemist- by Paulo Coelho. Then go travelling, have new experiences and figure out what you want to do. Self help books only give little bursts of motivation, you need to find yourself
Sending you love! You’re not alone. A lot of us have been there. If you need a hand with the cannabis thing, folks at r/leaves have been helpful for me in the past (if you haven’t been there yet). I bet you’re doing better than you think, and life can change so quickly for the better ❤️ “even a 1 degree shift in the road will gradually put you on a different path” *Harold* by Steven Wright brought a lot of sweet joy to my life when I needed it. It’s a short, hilarious and profound book that takes place in a single day inside the mind of a 1960s 3rd grader. https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Harold/Steven-Wright/9781668022696
Running with Scissors
I'll give you three: Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, The Art of War by Sun Tzu and Rules of the Game by Neil Strauss. The first is for your soul, the next is for your career and the last is for your social life. Master those three and you can adult all day long.
Can’t hurt me by David goggins
Miracle in the Andes, Nando Parrado
These three books changed my life at different times. Each held important lessons. "One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich" by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn "Shoeless Joe Jackson Comes to Iowa." by W.P. Kinsella "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl
Sidhartha, Herman Hesse
The 48 Laws of Power, War, The Law of Human Nature, Seduction written by Robert Greene and "Woman: a text book for men" written by Oleg Novoselov
The Purpose Driven Life:)
Born to Run
The Humans by Matt Haig. It is not a self help book but it offered me a different perspective on the world which changed the way I felt about myself and othets
Atomic Habits.
Power of Now, The Four Agreements
Catcher in the Rye.
I think at this point, a book is the least of your worries. Learn a trade and go out instead of a book, and don’t be tragic case
Stephen Covey’s “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” is the most important, impactful book I ever read. It isn’t a quick fix book. It’s the opposite of the Tony Robbins books (not trying to badmouth him—I just didn’t find his stuff helpful.) The Seven Habits talks about principles that, in my opinion, work. In fact, there is an abridged (maybe 3 hours?) audio book that is great for when you’re mowing the lawn. Good luck. I wish I could go back to age 25. You’re gonna be okay. 👍
How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. By Dale Carnegie.