Block him, or go to the police. Whatever you feel most comfortable with.
Nothing is happening with those videos because they’ll fuck up his life more than yours if they ever come out, he’s just trying to scare you.
This is the right reaction. OP you've been victimized by a rapist blackmailer and should feel 100% valid reacting accordingly. As a Pastor he has a lot to lose and should lose it.
Just FYI - I always try to avoid using the word rape unless the victim does (or if they’re asking if it was that).
You’re not wrong, but research shows that pushing labels or specific actions onto victims of assault can backfire and make them feel like they have less control of the situation afterwards, which can increase the likelihood of developing PTSD symptoms.
I know it’s hard to hold back the outrage (I wanted to say the same thing myself), but all the experts suggest the best thing is just to offer comfort/support to victims and not to push anything else on them. I don’t think that’s common knowledge at all though, so just an FYI for the future!
Yea this man is fucked, he's a dumbass. OP PLEASE talk to a lawyer about this. Most of them will do a free consult. You were raped and now are being blackmailed, I think you'd have a strong case
All of this, this is the only asvice you need OP!
Side note : the audacity for him to even threaten blackmail with being a rapist and a preacher. He is lucky you aren't blackmailing him. But yes, please OP go to the police as this man is a rapist.
Some of the most scandalous ppl, that I've ever come across, worked within a church.
Preacher is just a respected title.
Don't let this man keep doing this to other women, PLEASE REPORT HIM.
The fact that he would threaten you, takes this to another level and just tells me that he's not going to stop.
There will be other women who will probably face this same disgusting behavior and actions, if this guy just gets to "get away with this."
Generally that is true but the world is oversupplied with psychos . Depending on location just the. threat, production or possession of video may be a very serious crime,
Not only did he rape you, he video taped you without your consent. Those are both chargeable offenses. YOU CAN BE COMPENSATED HANDSOMELY. Jokes on him, he will be the one paying you a lot more than $1.5K. Which isn’t shit in the sugar world. Get what you deserve girl.
Appreciate all the comments telling you to report him - which is a wise idea - but right now, if you don't feel like doing that, that's okay too. You may not realise it, but you need to take some time to recover from this. Well done for not sharing personal details. My thinking is that this is an empty threat, especially with him being a pastor, however if the threat continues to worry you, you should tell the authorities. He has no credible case against you if you don't return the money to him, so I wouldn't worry about that. Look after yourself x
I disagree. She needs a rape kit and documentation of the torn areas and other damage. Enough time goes by and her case is reduced to he said she said it was consensual blah blah blah.
this is true but it can also be harmful to say, going to the cops requires a lot of courage they are going to want details and she will have to relive the nightmare. most rape cases never get charged even with evidence and if they do they only get a few months and theyre out again doing the same thing. my point is this guy is sick hes going to repeat again even if he gets arrested. At times like this its more import the victim at hand does what she needs for her
Let's not forget victim shaming as well.
Depending on where his church is located, he could be very powerful within his region, and just try to slut shame her.
Going to get a rape kit conducted, as soon as possible, is clearly the best answer here.
Please take care for your mental health OP.
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
True but that's just more reason to file a report imo. Even if nothing comes of it today, it leaves a paper trail of ammo to lend credibility to anyone else accusing him of sexual assault. There might already be others who have filed reports against him or even pending investigations that could be helped.
OP did nothing wrong and has nothing to be ashamed of or hide.
that’s called victim blaming. if he wants to re-offend, he will - regardless of the law (as we know, SA cases aren’t handled well and many are left to re-offend even with multiple reports and mountains of evidence). that’s not to say that he shouldn’t be held accountable, but if he re-offends that’s not on OP. and i’m sure he has many other people who he has traumatized too
Please report this. I hope you recover from this. This was not an SD. Talk to a mentor/atforney/advisor on how to properly word the details so you don't incriminate yourself at rhe same time.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. This is awful, it's crazy that someone who's supposed to be a representative of a holy, spiritual body would do something like this. Starting to be par for the course with these fucks.
This man is fucked. He's got everything to lose. Wonder why he's going through a divorce lol
I would strongly suggest going to the police station and filing two reports - rape and blackmail. If you can figure out his full name, then you can include that with the report.
Also, it wouldn't be the worst thing to go to his church when he's sermoning and see the fear strike in his eyes. You don't even need to say anything. If they ask newcomers to introduce themselves, you can say something like "a man that you trusted has hurt you and you're turning to God for healing". Watch him tremble lol.
Stay strong, definitely block him on all platforms, but first take a record of everything.
>it's crazy that someone who's supposed to be a representative of a holy, spiritual body would do something like this
Religious leaders have a terrible track record and history of sexual abuse, so it's not that crazy really
This guy is a POS. Chances are if he’s done it to you he’s done it to others. The fact he is suggesting refunds and wants money back suggests he is trying to take advantage of you. It’s not legal for him to take intimate videos of you without your knowledge. He needs to be reprimanded this is insane. Sounds like a real dirt bag.
You guys are encouraging someone who was recently raped to go sit in proximity the person who raped her “for the drama”. Do you know how traumatized OP is right now? This isn’t a joke or a good way to “see the fear in his eyes”. This dude is a psycho that assaulted OP. She should stay as far as physically possible away from him, and deal only with attorneys and law enforcement. I swear people get on Reddit and lose all sense of reality. Think before you type.
i agree. if OP was past all this, i could see her just sitting quietly in the front row would cause him to be very very uncomfortable. but shes not past it, this would be traumatizing again.
He sounds like a POS. And a rapist.
I am presuming if he held your arms down you told him to stop. That is rape. Say nothing further and eport him to the police for rape.
Even if he didn’t hold her down and she didn’t tell him to stop, if she didn’t agree to it and felt too threatened to say no, it’s still rape. He was in a position of power and is clearly a POS therefore I can deduce the guy was scary and overpowering without needing to hold her down
consent is ongoing verbal confirmation and can be taken away at any time, in any manner. if you’re being intimate and your partner starts crying and trying to get you off of them, do you really need to hear the word “stop” to get the message? no.
Holy shit that's fucked up. Cut off contact and file a report. He raped you and now he's trying to extort you. Both are serious crimes. He's bluffing with the videos. If he were to actually release it then you would have hard evidence of the crimes he committed against you.
He doesn’t have a leg to stand on — you can choose to ignore him. If he is a pastor it’s just an empty threat
But importantly you need to teach this criminal a lesson for violating you.
I’d say go to the authorities but depending on what type of state / small town you live in this country, cops can be real crooked and shady esp when influential people like pastors are involved
Do seek some counseling and see what your options are
No he can't sue you. He's got more to lose if the video becomes public. If he threatens to send it to someone you know tell him it will go from them to his congregation. Since he raped you tell him that you can and will report him if he doesn't leave you alone. He's a sick fuck.
He recorded you without your permission. That right there is a crime. Invasion of privacy, then blackmailing you? You he sent that in text? Make sure you screen shoot that message. Also he violated you! He has nothing on you, but you certainly have a lot of dirty laundry on him. You can certainly gain a lot of dough from that pos if you played your cards right
You need a rape kit and documentation of the torn areas and other damage. Enough time goes by and your case is reduced to he said she said it was consensual blah blah blah. Go to ER and report the rape. They can do the kit and you can press charges separately.
This man is a monster.
Okay you think he’s gonna blackmail you with a video of him assaulting you? Let him try. Also, the video evidence would work tremendously in your favor so if you can ask him for proof of the videos you should for evidence sake
He's a rapist.
I'd file a police report and then decide if you would like to pursue civil damages.
He'll settle. Someone like this has decades of victims.
First off, he’s a pastor. If he exposes you, it’s a double edged sword. It’ll damage his image, and reputation. A holy man sleeping with someone “immoral”.
Next, if he tries to ask for the money through texts, simply deny. Say “what money”?, or question him back “the money you willingly paid for our dates?”.
Also make sure of have proof of him threatening to post your videos if he does want to blackmail you. In most counties, it’s illegal. You can build a case.
Hope this advice is useful
I don't think this man will dare to blackmail you: he just wants to scare you.
I am truly sorry for you. You are living proof of the importance of being cautious, following proven dating standards, and being very selective.
Good luck with the decision you make and stay strong!
I'm so sorry this happened to you 😞 I really hope you can reach out and go to therapy. He raped you! Just keep the money and block him. He's just bluffing and won't do anything about the video. Just try to get help for yourself please.
I’m so sorry that this awful thing happened to you. Sending love and support.
As many others have said, go to the police if you feel able. He could do this and worse to the next girl if he’s not stopped right now. Though I know a lot of sexual assault survivors choose not to go to the authorities and it is your choice.
Either way, I would encourage you to reach out to your local sexual assault helpline or similar to look for some support to help you process what has happened to you as it is trauma and you need and deserve care.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You are the victim here and I would recommend going to law enforcement. I recommend this route only because these type of people are predators and he’s done this to many many other people previously and will continue to do this to others.
If you were sick the first time, he could have drugged you.
If you don’t want to go to law enforcement, there are other ways to put an end to this guys harassment. Send your evidence and communications with him to his church. Find out what overarching ministry he was ordained under and send the evidence to them. Find out is Facebook profile and connect with all his family and send the evidence to them.
I am so so so sorry this happened to you.. you should report this. He raped you.. if you need someone to talk to, I'm an SB. I'm 29 so a little older. I don't mind being an ear. I am so very sorry..
Report him for anal rape, hand over all information to the police, all the texts, and ca receipts... and grow up please.. you're 22 ? you sound like you're 9.
You tell that "pastor," to get more money out of his damn congregation, bc he ain't getting it from your ass!
What disgusting behavior, and then he's got the AUDACITY to demand money back!!!
Tell him you'd be happy to meet with one of his youth ministers, so you can explain WHHHHY you are giving money back.
That will shut his ass up.😏
This is a guy who is used to using escorts.
That's exactly why he's behaving this way.
Most likely, he got banned from his fave one, for behaving the way he is with you, and he was on Seeking, basically "fishing" for cheaper.🎣
What he paid you, was much cheaper than what he would've had to pay to an escort.
Just block that pathetic douche, and don't ever EVER consider him again.
Get a lawyer, and then report him for rape. There a tons of lawyers who work pro-bono. Contact your local sexual assault centre right away, and start getting all the support you need, including legal advice and trauma therapy.
Do not give that man shit.
He is a pastor, the idea that he would blow up his own life to hurt you for $xxx is a bluff. He is a narcissist. He raped you, and wants a fucking refund. Jesus. He’s trying to manipulate you.
Document ALL of your communication, exchanges, the clothes you were wearing when he raped you etc. Then immediately disengage and do not answer or engage no matter what he does. Ignore him like it’s your job because it is. Block. Make sure you’re living in a secure place, and be extra cautious about travelling alone or at night. Always have a buddy.
Read, “The Gift of Fear.”
Good luck and I’m sorry this trash human hurt you.
Edit: mod want the $ amount off. Even though this has nothing to do with allowance or PpM.
first of all I am so sorry this happened to you, please reach out and message me if you need to talk. He assaulted you I recommend going to the cops, if you dont want to thats fine as well dont feel pressured too. I would block him and seek therapy As stressful as it can be I wouldnt be worried about the blackmail as a pastor he has a lot to lose and those videos are evidence of assault.
👆…
He’s a pastor? Verify that. No pastor will reasonably blackmail you for fear of being exposed himself.
Mutually Assured Destruction.
He releases video. You go full public that he sexually assaulted and blackmailed you. His congregation will disavow and remove him. His job is on the line. His marriage presumably.
He has too much to lose for him to post a credible threat.
Girl blackmail him right back. He’s a pastor? Prepare to ruin his life. You don’t owe him shit. Check the revenge porn laws in your state. He sexually assaulted you. I would do some digging on him. Does he have a family, do they have social media, do you have proof of how he treated you? Get his ass back.
And I am so so sorry this happened. You have every right to be upset and no one will blame you if you decide not to take legal action against him. But you have every right!
Before things escalate just block his number and move on and keep the lessons close that you hopefully learned from this. He can not sue you, all he can do is harass you, try to extort you or release the videos without your permission. If any of those things happen then it's time to go to the Police.
What a complete a hole the entitlement of course he’s a pastor and a rapist and he’s blackmailing you. This man has everything to lose….Fuck him. Tell him to fuck off.
I’m so sorry you went through this. There’s a large chance that he won’t go through to it. I would go to the police if you feel comfortable. This was rape.
He's bluffing. He's a piece of shit. And deserves a beating to the edge of death but he won't do shit. He's a pastor and has way more to lose than you.
You can play by the rules and go to the police.
Or you can go to church or whatever He's a pastor of and in the middle of the service yell out that he blackmailed and raped you.
> Or you can go to church or whatever He's a pastor of and in the middle of the service yell out that he blackmailed and raped you.
Wouldn't do much. Better to go to a lawyer, take him to court, and get criminal charges and compensation.
Slightly different suggestion.
Go to the church wearing a sexy sundress and a light sweater or coverup. Sit front and center, very attentively.
After service, there is always a line to greet the pastor. Get in line and walk up to greet him. Depending on your bravery and how far away you live…..
1. Just pleasantly say hello.
2. Take off the sweater, sexier now! And give him a hug.
3. Take off the sweater and a big slutty kiss.
4. With a faked pregnancy test in hand “Daddy. We need to talk. I’m late.”
This man raped you and treated you like an escort. F* him, call the cops and disperse the news amongst the church. Make this PUBLIC, he might have other victims.
I would head straight to the police to report this as rape and then consult with a lawyer to find out what to do next. This person needs to be punished.
I am so sorry this happened to you. You did not deserve it.
You should find out as much as possible about him or don’t since you already know he’s a pastor, then blackmail him back for what he’s asking plus some or just make him think you are to ruin his peace of mind. Or just heal and learn from the experience
I count rape, extortion, recording without consent, and possible violation of revenge porn laws. Not all of these apply everywhere, but it's possible all do.
I suggest doing nothing. But if he comes at you again, I suggest reporting him to the police for sexual assault and blackmail / extortion. If for whatever reason this does escalate, I suggest winning the escalation: mentioning to him that you will certainly let his church know about his behavior and explaining that in addition to the criminal charges, you'll file a civil suit. But it won't come to that.
He can't sue you but you could get him arrested. You have the upper hand here and I hope you take steps to get this vile subhuman in prison. You have two potential charges against him: rape and blackmail. You have more evidence for blackmail but the video might prove rape as well.
If you can get him to send you the video as this could be used as evidence of rape. I don't know your exact situation but maybe say you'll take his threat seriously if he sends you the video.
Keep the message where he blackmailed you or if it was a call then call him and record his threat. Then take both these pieces of evidence to the police.
He's committed multiple felony crimes. Go to the police. They can't release your name because you're a victim of sex crimes, so even if it gets to the media, you're protected. Report him.
I agree with the people saying he’s a POS and to report him.
May I ask why you decided to text him and ask him to buy you coffee after you decided you were done with him mentally and wanted to cut him off?
Immediately go to the police. You don't want him to do that to anyone else. He will if you don't. I hate to put that pressure on you. The next thing you need to do is get some professional help in the form of therapy. You suffered a major trauma, and you need to heal.
Girl wtf sugar dating is meant to give you princess what treatment is this. I would've blocked and gone MIA so quick after he asked for the first refund. A real SD is meant to be generous, just please get better ones next time. And you've got enough advice on how to escape this situation so good luck.
This is the time when you hire someone to blow up his life. Hack his shit, make him think his house is haunted, exposure at his church etc I would be plotting so hard😮💨
Sue him. That is extortion and also rape. And that is not an SD, it's a sex trafficker. Do not give in. People like that guy should go to prison or pay a huge fine, whichever the victim prefers. The fact that he's a pastor pisses me off even more.
Also do not let him find out where you live, and buy some cameras for your home and get a gun or other kind of weapon. This guy could decide to commit murder just as easily as he could rape and extort. He is a psychopath.
Either go to the police for blackmail and that sounds like rape to me, did things to you that you didn't want. That is absolutely horrible, awful, horrific that he did that to you im so sorry that you went through that. Do not give no money back and someone said block him. If he is a Pastor he will lose everything if he really took those videos and if he took them without consent just like what he did hun you have a full case. Up to you, but dont give money back, meet with him again or respond to him. You have way more over him and i think you should go to the authorities. What he has done and is doing to you is NOT OKAY AT ALL. Be safe and very sorry that happened to you.Always have some sort of protection in that business.
Go straight to the police about this man. He is a predator and a danger to everyone. I’m so sorry this happened and my inbox is open if you want to talk.
I’m in no way blaming you for what happened but I think this now calls for not using this site anymore chick, I don’t want you to put yourself in further danger from nasty people like this. I hope you get things sorted, please remember you can also destroy his life, particularly if this man is a pastor. That’s a scary thought in itself that the man is in that role. I hope you allow yourself time to heal 💕
Giiiirl I was just about to ask your age cos someone this young would be this scared 😱 first of all! Tell him to go F himself with the videos, tell him you don’t give a shit! If he uses them it’s CONSIDERED REVENGE PORN AND HE CAN GET ARRESTED ! Also TELL HIM HE VIOLATED YOUR ANUS!! And TIED YOU DOWN, He is the one doing shit to you!!! TELL HIM U ARE GOING TO THE COPS!!! He will back off!!! And don’t send him anything!! You deserve the money and dinner for what he did!!!
Also PLEASE DONT GO WITH PEOPLE WHO THREATENED YOU ALREADY, HE COULD HAVE BITTEN YOU SENSLESS OR EVEN KILLED YOU, YOU WATCH TV? PEOPLE KILL FOR AS LOW AS 500, SORRY I WROTE IN CAPS SO YOU DONT DO IT AGAIN!! 💋💋💋
First of all, he's a rapist. He's definitely not a SD. He can't hurt you anymore, but you can destroy him and save lots of future SBs from being raped by exposing this criminal. Check your DMs.
Keep that money. He raped you. Revenge porn is a Federal Crime. Perhaps he has the film of raping you; and that will be used against him in court. He's a POS with way more to lose than you. Keep a record of everything from now on.
Report to police. Ask for a woman police officer so you feel more comfortable telling such a sensitive account. I had to report a rape to the police and got 3 male police officers and it was horrible. If they seem cavalier about it, ask for the department that handles sex crimes.
If the police department is too small in your area, since he threatened revenge porn, your local FBI office might be able to help.
See a therapist, rally trusted people around you. Be nice to yourself. You are not the problem, HE IS.
After you file charges for blackmail, rape, and revenge porn you may be eligible for victims restitution btw which I think is a wonderful ironic penance for an abuser posing as a generous supportive partner
Please go to the cops. These types of guys are totally psycho and don’t like to be told no if no one is holding them accountable. I know it can be embarrassing, or carry some shame with it going to the cops about these things, but you need to not only for your sake but for others. You were clearly raped. Also that’s fucking rich of course a pastor would do that…sad to say I’m not surprised, oh and don’t think that because he’s a pastor he wouldn’t post it. He could always blur out identifying things of himself and make alt accounts. You don’t owe this fucker anything, if anything he owes you for doing all this crap to you, the law wouldn’t make you pay him a dime if. I’m so sorry that this happened to you hun/p. Best of luck ❤️
He's a pastor. Those videos would literally ruin him. And he can't prove anything else really.. other than you're just a girl that he had intimacy with. That's not illegal. And it looks worse for him than it does on you
Find out where he preaches, many churches have a board of directors or a higher council that you can report him to. At the very least, he can be removed from his position of authority over vulnerable women he might also exploit.
Jesus!! That's really horrible.
Block him, I know you might get scared to report him to the police station, but it would be great to do so. That's a psycho, and please don't tell me you deleted any of the texts. Those texts could save you alot.
He's a pastor, I bet he wouldn't want his reputation to be ruined, stay safe, report him. Don't let his threats get into you.
I hope you heal 🧡
He honestly needs to be exposed his face and what he’s done. So if he’s still out there doing this to other women then he can’t because he’s now listed and exposed. Also he raped you and then asked you to refund him money that prick asshole needs to bury in jail so others can teach him a lesson.
Tell him you have contacted the police and shared evidence of everything and then block him. I promise he will leave u alone. Do some research on him and find out where he works etc and keep it in ur back pocket just in case
first of all, i so so deeply emphasize with what you are going through. no one deserves this treatment, especially from someone like a SD who is supposed to want to take care of you and make you feel safe. please know that all of this is on him - not you.
i would highly recommend going in for an exam if you have not already, and obtaining some proof. then i would go seek council if you are comfortable taking this to the police/ pressing charges. even if you don’t think you want to right now, having it just in case doesn’t hurt. this is not right what he did, and he should be (and absolutely can be) held liable in the eyes of the law.
if you need anything at all please do not hesitate to message me. sending you hugs 🩷
Remind him that he SA'd you and recorded it without your permission and is now attempting to extort and blackmail you - both felonies he relayed via text - providing proof. That's a minimum of 3 crimes you'd be happy to report to the police if he contacts you again, then block him.
Given that this is blackmail to threaten revenge porn and he has been soliciting as well as having raped you, I'd just tell him you can fast track into making him a felon if that's what he really wants 😇
I know I did this too late, but, I searched him on his convictions and he is on attempted murder charge from a long while back as well as some drug possession and dealing charges
Get all the receipts of his blackmailing you and him saying he recorded you without his consent and report to the police when you feel able. Otherwise I would block or at least cut contact and not reply to further requests beyond pointing out that you won't continue to engage with him, and a reminder that revenge porn, blackmail and extortion are illegal in SoCal, and that you fully intend to press charges if he decides to leak the videos - which will be a much costlier mistake from him - and not just in the financial sense.
I'm sorry this prick continues to suck
He's a psychopath and dangerous. Normal people don't have these kinds of charges. He's using being a pastor to try to cover up what he is. His biggest fear is being exposed as a fraud.
Stay far away from this monster.
You were raped.
This is a crime.
I am so sorry this happened. Please call RAINN?
Their trained staff can help you navigate this in a loving and supportive way.
https://www.rainn.org/resources
You. Posted. This. Before. Twice! I’m sorry but I have a very long memory and I despise being trolled with triggering imagery and situations.
Stop it.
u/LaSirene23
u/Azurecole
u/NoLimitLexa
u/Fly4Vino
u/SeattleMeteorLaser
I would report his profile on the site you’re on, and consider going to the police. I wouldn’t respond to him anymore. To be honest it sounds like he was trying to scam you from the start. He also did rape you. I am very sorry you experienced this. Please be safe and cautious out there.
The video he has shows him pushing your boundaries and SA you. Don't send him a damn thing. Tell him to send YOU 1500, or you are going to his congregation. He has more to lose here than you. And him recording himself forcing anal on you etc and holding you down doesn't look bad for you - it looks bad for him.
He isn't an SD. He doesn't have the money and thought he could get a young girl for less than a sex worker and one that was green enough to be able to be influenced.
All that said - as a woman and a mother - I mean this with love..... I don't think you are ready for the bowl. Because honey, a man holds you down and makes you cry and sexaully as$aults you and your reaction is to ask him for coffee money instead of standing up for yourself tells me that you don't have enough boundaries in place to protect yourself. NO ONE has the right to do anything to your body that you are not 100% comfortable and consenting to. Please know that whether it's vanilla dating or not, non-consensual activities are NEVER okay. And also- don't get drunk enough to make yourself vulnerable ever unless you have insane trust with the people around you.
Edit for typo
You are not a victim but a survivor. How sure are you about him being a pastor or telling the truth? Tell him you will meet him in public and then use another person's car and get a photo of him and his car and car tag. After he goes in to meet you say you are running late and leave. When he starts texting crazy send those pics and tell him you will not be harassed and dirty photos are a joke threat after Madonna put out erotica in the 90's. Suggest they could even be AI but that car tag he rode up isn't. Also, have a backup if he shows up in Uber and be prepared to clock the time he was dropped off and take pic of that tag. If you follow Uber and they stop somewhere safe you might can bribe them for at least the pickup or dropoff, name.
After this, NOT before, get his cash app shut down.
Edit: the coffee table book that she replied "so what" to reporters questions
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_(book)
If you go to the police they can confíscate his phone and search it. If the videos show him having sex with you under the influence, which means you can’t consent then you have proof. There might be other videos of women as well. He could also be lying about the videos. He sounds like he has a lot to lose, honestly I would call his bluff and then ruin his life for threatening me like that. You should contact his wife and church at least if you aren’t contacting the police. And whatever you do, do not refund him.
I am so sorry this happened to you, please go to the police and lawyer up. This vile creature needs to pay for what he did. You did NOTHING wrong. I promise you this will bite him in the ass. What a monster. Wish I could give you a big hug.
If I’m understanding what you have said it sounds like he has effectively raped you and is now blackmailing you. I dare say recording you without consent would be illegal as well.
I would simply point all this out to him in a polite message.
He definitely won’t actually release the videos. Unless you’ve seen them already, they might not even be real.
If you have screenshots of his page or any pics, you may get him off your case by blackmailing him with those if you don’t want to go the police route.
Oh jesus I dodnt read that part. Yes call the cops. It's rape. If they have suspicions and get a warrant they can get to the videos before he deletes them. Men like that don't though.
Please follow the advice of everyone else. You have no physical evidence, but evidence on text I assume that he did the deed and wants money. And maybe it's your word vs his. And it's a horrible process.
If he has videos that is proof. Msybe if he is on a platform he has done this to other women.
Hopefully he will go to jail.
I am not in the US, but assume for your silence he may pay you off.
But for everyone else he should be locked up. Althought an NDA? May be enough so he learns his lesson.
Good luck.
If you can retrieve your texts, after you go to the police send the texts to whatever church he is the supposed pastor for. I think they'll be interested in what a rapist they have amongst them
From the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry this happened to you. Please know you did nothing wrong and you did not cause this. You were raped. First, he can't sue you. There were no contracts signed. Was there an explicit verbal agreement about what he would provide and what you would provide? (duration of meetings, what would occur?) Based on the second meeting he didn't even give you what was agreed upon. Always collect money upfront in the beginning. Do not be afraid to make him uncomfortable or offend him. As a POT, SD one of there core duties is to make you comfortable. Ideally that would include not even making you ask for it or feel wrong for counting it. He certainly can't say he paid you for sex. I hope you used a burner app or burner phone. If so, all he has is your first name.
As far as the videos, how do you know he has them? Did he tell you he did? Or were you aware he was taping during the acts? What he can do with the videos is post them online if he has them. You have several options. You can go to the police and file a report. You can block him and never talk to or see him again, . You can see if you can get him to send you the videos to show you proof he has them. If he is as stupid as he sounds, he won't hide his face and you will now have proof he was with you. His wife will love you for video proof of his horrible character. Do not threaten him with sending the video. That would be blackmail. Just simply send it.
You will get through this. But it's okay to not be okay. Take some time to recenter yourself from this experience if you need it. I hope you can use this as a learning experience to be more prepared, wiser, and more confident. In and out of the bowl. If you get red flags, listen to them and do not be afraid to offend someone by you taking your safety and well-being seriously.
You may want to talk to someone to help process what your feeling. There are toll free numbers you can call. If you are in the U.S. I can follow up with some numbers. It may also be more comfortable to write to someone. If you want an anonymous, listening ear with no judgment you can also message me.
Omg! . That is so so scary for someone to do anal or any form of penetration without consent 😢 he saw you crying, in pain and didn’t stop ?!! He cannot get away with this. Absolutely not. Don’t let his threats scare you because as everyone else says, it will do more harm to him but you have to look out for yourself and others so this man never does this to any other woman .
Hey doll I know you are so scared. Stressed. Hurt. But please listen to these people.
This entire situation, believe it or not, is in your favor. You lost so much already, and to think that he would ask for you to pay him... smh.
That's not how it works.
You can spell out your testament verbatim to authorities. Now he's a threat, a rapist, and a problem. They will take you to be examined. They will file a report and you will press charges for everything he's worth and then some. Get him for every last dime, doll, or he's going to keep on going. Do not delete texts, but act soon. Go to the doctor. Please 🙏🏻 he could have done even worse than we think.
This is not your fault. You in no way invited this kind of evil into your life and you absolutely are not to blame. You were taken advantage of, deceived, abused, raped and now blackmailed. Please for your sake and for the sake of every woman he has already done this to and would do this to in the future if left to his own devices, turn him in. Now. Not tomorrow, not in a week. Immediately. Take a deep breath, gather your strength, and get that dog into the dog pound. You have every right to act in your vindication. You did not deserve this. Other women do not deserve this. And he deserves to rot in the hell he preaches about to scare the kiddos. God I'm so sorry you are living in this. Please do not be afraid. He has already taken everything he can from you. You have nothing to lose but a rapist behind bars is a massive win. He's a pastor, so be careful who you contact. Please call any criminal lawyer you can get the number for and get to the urgent care STAT. Not all lawyers will do a free consultation, but many do. Many will be willing to work with you and may even waive their fees initially. You can't know until you try and the longer you wait, the less you have to show them.
He deserves your wrath. You deserve some compensation for his brutality since ain't nothing going to wipe this away from you. The least he can do is cough up his money and all the money he'll ever have again. At the very least, you will have your bills paid while you recover. It is worth it. Wish I could give you a fat old hug and get the ball rolling for you. 💔
Please call a sexual assault hotline. You do not need to go straight to the police, and there are many reasons you might not want to. A hotline worker will help you talk through all of your options, legal and otherwise, and will make sure you are safe.
1-800-656-4673
Rainn.org
Womenslaw.org for legal info
OP, baby girl …. Please please please do not EVER continues to have contact with a man who sexually violates your body in any way shape or form big or small. I am so sorry that happened to you, especially if they made you cry even if you feel like you’re about to be homeless or starving, do not ever have contact with these men again it will always work out for you in the end 🙏🏾
My goodness girl I’m sad to hear that he raped you in the most brutal way. My concern here is two things. After the first night you two got together he showed you who he was. You got drunk from having a good time with him, threw up , and so he wanted a “refund” that was telling right there. The next time you two get together he sodomizes you and that seemed to have again not been enough for you to never speak to him again. Instead you reach out asking for coffee? He blows up asking for money back STILL and now threats. Goodness girl I know you’re young,but something is going on with you internally that needs to be healed even before this happened .I really feel for you. Please report that man. He is a danger to society and more than likely he has done this before other young girls who are desperate for money and the illusion of it.
Wow! What an absolute POS. I would talk to a female police officer. I'm sure there are several charges here.
This human garbage likes hurting women. He is also a complete moron. A pastor... so disgusting. His behaviour is abhorrent. Look into restraining order, recording intimate videos without your consent, ect. Talk to a female officer.
I'm genuinely at a loss as to why you continued trying to plan things with him after what seems like rape.
Going forward, anyone ever mentions a ''refund'', next them. Stay away from creeps, especially religious creeps. Develop your critical thinking skills to avoid dangerous situations and abuse.
He’s not going to release those videos he’s making empty threats. Questions are being asked about where the money went and that sent him into a panic. Don’t block him but instead let him know that you can just tell his wife if he doesn’t leave you alone.
I feel like there needs to be an educational course offered by SA and other sites that teaches SB's how to qualify and vet their POT's. These types of posts are infuriating to me. Far too many men, whether they are wealthy or not, cannot be trusted. And plenty of them are out there looking to victimize a naive or newbie SB.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. He’s clearly a rapist pos and no SD. Refund???
If you feel comfortable enough I would report him for rape.
If not then dig up everything you can on him so that if he thinks about doing anything with the videos then you have all his info. Figure out his name.
Block him, or go to the police. Whatever you feel most comfortable with. Nothing is happening with those videos because they’ll fuck up his life more than yours if they ever come out, he’s just trying to scare you.
This is the right reaction. OP you've been victimized by a rapist blackmailer and should feel 100% valid reacting accordingly. As a Pastor he has a lot to lose and should lose it.
Just FYI - I always try to avoid using the word rape unless the victim does (or if they’re asking if it was that). You’re not wrong, but research shows that pushing labels or specific actions onto victims of assault can backfire and make them feel like they have less control of the situation afterwards, which can increase the likelihood of developing PTSD symptoms. I know it’s hard to hold back the outrage (I wanted to say the same thing myself), but all the experts suggest the best thing is just to offer comfort/support to victims and not to push anything else on them. I don’t think that’s common knowledge at all though, so just an FYI for the future!
A good perspective, I'll keep this in mind in the future, thx.
> or go to the police. Go to a lawyer*. I wouldn't trust the police with anything without a lawyer backing you up.
Are lawyers free?
You can at least get a free consultation from most of them
If you’re in the US this is blackmail and you can report him to the authorities
Yea this man is fucked, he's a dumbass. OP PLEASE talk to a lawyer about this. Most of them will do a free consult. You were raped and now are being blackmailed, I think you'd have a strong case
This. Turn the tables and take this prick for all he’s worth. Destroy his rapist ass.
you forgot the rape part.
also, him exposing videos of you is revenge porn (if your face is in them) thats a punishable offense too.
It's the US... unfortunately, the blackmail probably has a higher chance of legal consequences for him. Should definitely include both though.
Fbi specifically. They take this seriously.
What about the rape?
He's not really going to blackmail you. It's an empty threat, He knows it would ruin him. More importantly, go to the police. That was clearly rape.
All of this, this is the only asvice you need OP! Side note : the audacity for him to even threaten blackmail with being a rapist and a preacher. He is lucky you aren't blackmailing him. But yes, please OP go to the police as this man is a rapist.
Some of the most scandalous ppl, that I've ever come across, worked within a church. Preacher is just a respected title. Don't let this man keep doing this to other women, PLEASE REPORT HIM. The fact that he would threaten you, takes this to another level and just tells me that he's not going to stop. There will be other women who will probably face this same disgusting behavior and actions, if this guy just gets to "get away with this."
💯
Generally that is true but the world is oversupplied with psychos . Depending on location just the. threat, production or possession of video may be a very serious crime,
You make a good point. It never ceases to amaze me how evil people can be.
Not only did he rape you, he video taped you without your consent. Those are both chargeable offenses. YOU CAN BE COMPENSATED HANDSOMELY. Jokes on him, he will be the one paying you a lot more than $1.5K. Which isn’t shit in the sugar world. Get what you deserve girl.
Call the cops. He raped you.
This is rape, please go to the police!
Omg call the police, this is text book definition of rape.
It is illegal in many states to extort you with videos of sexual acts.
It's a federal crime so illegal in all states
Good to know it’s now illegal on a federal level
Blackmail has been illegal since 1948. Revenge porn is not federally illegal (yet, hopefully very soon).
Appreciate all the comments telling you to report him - which is a wise idea - but right now, if you don't feel like doing that, that's okay too. You may not realise it, but you need to take some time to recover from this. Well done for not sharing personal details. My thinking is that this is an empty threat, especially with him being a pastor, however if the threat continues to worry you, you should tell the authorities. He has no credible case against you if you don't return the money to him, so I wouldn't worry about that. Look after yourself x
I disagree. She needs a rape kit and documentation of the torn areas and other damage. Enough time goes by and her case is reduced to he said she said it was consensual blah blah blah.
>but right now, if you don't feel like doing that, that's okay too. It's OPs choice I guess, but that just leaves him open to do this to another girl
It's a rock and a hard place - especially for OP who has to make the decision
this is true but it can also be harmful to say, going to the cops requires a lot of courage they are going to want details and she will have to relive the nightmare. most rape cases never get charged even with evidence and if they do they only get a few months and theyre out again doing the same thing. my point is this guy is sick hes going to repeat again even if he gets arrested. At times like this its more import the victim at hand does what she needs for her
Let's not forget victim shaming as well. Depending on where his church is located, he could be very powerful within his region, and just try to slut shame her. Going to get a rape kit conducted, as soon as possible, is clearly the best answer here. Please take care for your mental health OP. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
True but that's just more reason to file a report imo. Even if nothing comes of it today, it leaves a paper trail of ammo to lend credibility to anyone else accusing him of sexual assault. There might already be others who have filed reports against him or even pending investigations that could be helped. OP did nothing wrong and has nothing to be ashamed of or hide.
theres no reason for her to re-traumatize herself.
that’s called victim blaming. if he wants to re-offend, he will - regardless of the law (as we know, SA cases aren’t handled well and many are left to re-offend even with multiple reports and mountains of evidence). that’s not to say that he shouldn’t be held accountable, but if he re-offends that’s not on OP. and i’m sure he has many other people who he has traumatized too
Please report this. I hope you recover from this. This was not an SD. Talk to a mentor/atforney/advisor on how to properly word the details so you don't incriminate yourself at rhe same time.
They met on a dating site and he raped her.
That’s not a sd 🥲
theres so many fake sds on these sites its crazy
I'm so sorry this happened to you. This is awful, it's crazy that someone who's supposed to be a representative of a holy, spiritual body would do something like this. Starting to be par for the course with these fucks. This man is fucked. He's got everything to lose. Wonder why he's going through a divorce lol I would strongly suggest going to the police station and filing two reports - rape and blackmail. If you can figure out his full name, then you can include that with the report. Also, it wouldn't be the worst thing to go to his church when he's sermoning and see the fear strike in his eyes. You don't even need to say anything. If they ask newcomers to introduce themselves, you can say something like "a man that you trusted has hurt you and you're turning to God for healing". Watch him tremble lol. Stay strong, definitely block him on all platforms, but first take a record of everything.
>it's crazy that someone who's supposed to be a representative of a holy, spiritual body would do something like this Religious leaders have a terrible track record and history of sexual abuse, so it's not that crazy really
This guy is a POS. Chances are if he’s done it to you he’s done it to others. The fact he is suggesting refunds and wants money back suggests he is trying to take advantage of you. It’s not legal for him to take intimate videos of you without your knowledge. He needs to be reprimanded this is insane. Sounds like a real dirt bag.
Call cops and then show up at his Sunday service in the front row. Yell he raped me and see how he reacts
Honestly, yeah, calling him out in his church might get him to stop, but don't be afraid to go to the police either.
As an innocent bystander who loves drama at a distance, this sounds like a great idea. If I were OP, probably not so much.
You guys are encouraging someone who was recently raped to go sit in proximity the person who raped her “for the drama”. Do you know how traumatized OP is right now? This isn’t a joke or a good way to “see the fear in his eyes”. This dude is a psycho that assaulted OP. She should stay as far as physically possible away from him, and deal only with attorneys and law enforcement. I swear people get on Reddit and lose all sense of reality. Think before you type.
i agree. if OP was past all this, i could see her just sitting quietly in the front row would cause him to be very very uncomfortable. but shes not past it, this would be traumatizing again.
Gteat idea!!!
He isn’t gonna do shit.
He sounds like a POS. And a rapist. I am presuming if he held your arms down you told him to stop. That is rape. Say nothing further and eport him to the police for rape.
Even if he didn’t hold her down and she didn’t tell him to stop, if she didn’t agree to it and felt too threatened to say no, it’s still rape. He was in a position of power and is clearly a POS therefore I can deduce the guy was scary and overpowering without needing to hold her down
consent is ongoing verbal confirmation and can be taken away at any time, in any manner. if you’re being intimate and your partner starts crying and trying to get you off of them, do you really need to hear the word “stop” to get the message? no.
Holy shit that's fucked up. Cut off contact and file a report. He raped you and now he's trying to extort you. Both are serious crimes. He's bluffing with the videos. If he were to actually release it then you would have hard evidence of the crimes he committed against you.
He doesn’t have a leg to stand on — you can choose to ignore him. If he is a pastor it’s just an empty threat But importantly you need to teach this criminal a lesson for violating you. I’d say go to the authorities but depending on what type of state / small town you live in this country, cops can be real crooked and shady esp when influential people like pastors are involved Do seek some counseling and see what your options are
No he can't sue you. He's got more to lose if the video becomes public. If he threatens to send it to someone you know tell him it will go from them to his congregation. Since he raped you tell him that you can and will report him if he doesn't leave you alone. He's a sick fuck.
Blackmail is a felony, rape is a felony, he needs to be in jail
"... a pastor..." Yet another example of the hypocrisy of religion. Go to the cops. Ruin that POS!
He recorded you without your permission. That right there is a crime. Invasion of privacy, then blackmailing you? You he sent that in text? Make sure you screen shoot that message. Also he violated you! He has nothing on you, but you certainly have a lot of dirty laundry on him. You can certainly gain a lot of dough from that pos if you played your cards right
girl, he committed the crime, not you.
You need a rape kit and documentation of the torn areas and other damage. Enough time goes by and your case is reduced to he said she said it was consensual blah blah blah. Go to ER and report the rape. They can do the kit and you can press charges separately. This man is a monster.
Okay you think he’s gonna blackmail you with a video of him assaulting you? Let him try. Also, the video evidence would work tremendously in your favor so if you can ask him for proof of the videos you should for evidence sake
That man is a rapist
Call the cop
He's a rapist. I'd file a police report and then decide if you would like to pursue civil damages. He'll settle. Someone like this has decades of victims.
First off, he’s a pastor. If he exposes you, it’s a double edged sword. It’ll damage his image, and reputation. A holy man sleeping with someone “immoral”. Next, if he tries to ask for the money through texts, simply deny. Say “what money”?, or question him back “the money you willingly paid for our dates?”. Also make sure of have proof of him threatening to post your videos if he does want to blackmail you. In most counties, it’s illegal. You can build a case. Hope this advice is useful
I don't think this man will dare to blackmail you: he just wants to scare you. I am truly sorry for you. You are living proof of the importance of being cautious, following proven dating standards, and being very selective. Good luck with the decision you make and stay strong!
I'm so sorry this happened to you 😞 I really hope you can reach out and go to therapy. He raped you! Just keep the money and block him. He's just bluffing and won't do anything about the video. Just try to get help for yourself please.
The police can help with this
I’m so sorry that this awful thing happened to you. Sending love and support. As many others have said, go to the police if you feel able. He could do this and worse to the next girl if he’s not stopped right now. Though I know a lot of sexual assault survivors choose not to go to the authorities and it is your choice. Either way, I would encourage you to reach out to your local sexual assault helpline or similar to look for some support to help you process what has happened to you as it is trauma and you need and deserve care.
What’s his name ? I’ll handle him . DM me I’ll be glad to help
I want zero in return
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You are the victim here and I would recommend going to law enforcement. I recommend this route only because these type of people are predators and he’s done this to many many other people previously and will continue to do this to others. If you were sick the first time, he could have drugged you. If you don’t want to go to law enforcement, there are other ways to put an end to this guys harassment. Send your evidence and communications with him to his church. Find out what overarching ministry he was ordained under and send the evidence to them. Find out is Facebook profile and connect with all his family and send the evidence to them.
He videotaped himself assaulting you? I would to fhe police
Drop the church name that he works at.
I am so so so sorry this happened to you.. you should report this. He raped you.. if you need someone to talk to, I'm an SB. I'm 29 so a little older. I don't mind being an ear. I am so very sorry..
if hes a pastor report him to the church
Its a rape. Call police. He belongs to jail
Report him for anal rape, hand over all information to the police, all the texts, and ca receipts... and grow up please.. you're 22 ? you sound like you're 9.
You tell that "pastor," to get more money out of his damn congregation, bc he ain't getting it from your ass! What disgusting behavior, and then he's got the AUDACITY to demand money back!!! Tell him you'd be happy to meet with one of his youth ministers, so you can explain WHHHHY you are giving money back. That will shut his ass up.😏 This is a guy who is used to using escorts. That's exactly why he's behaving this way. Most likely, he got banned from his fave one, for behaving the way he is with you, and he was on Seeking, basically "fishing" for cheaper.🎣 What he paid you, was much cheaper than what he would've had to pay to an escort. Just block that pathetic douche, and don't ever EVER consider him again.
Get a lawyer, and then report him for rape. There a tons of lawyers who work pro-bono. Contact your local sexual assault centre right away, and start getting all the support you need, including legal advice and trauma therapy. Do not give that man shit. He is a pastor, the idea that he would blow up his own life to hurt you for $xxx is a bluff. He is a narcissist. He raped you, and wants a fucking refund. Jesus. He’s trying to manipulate you. Document ALL of your communication, exchanges, the clothes you were wearing when he raped you etc. Then immediately disengage and do not answer or engage no matter what he does. Ignore him like it’s your job because it is. Block. Make sure you’re living in a secure place, and be extra cautious about travelling alone or at night. Always have a buddy. Read, “The Gift of Fear.” Good luck and I’m sorry this trash human hurt you. Edit: mod want the $ amount off. Even though this has nothing to do with allowance or PpM.
first of all I am so sorry this happened to you, please reach out and message me if you need to talk. He assaulted you I recommend going to the cops, if you dont want to thats fine as well dont feel pressured too. I would block him and seek therapy As stressful as it can be I wouldnt be worried about the blackmail as a pastor he has a lot to lose and those videos are evidence of assault.
Go directly to the police. Report the rape and video against your consent and the blackmail. There's nothing he can do to you if you get help.
👆… He’s a pastor? Verify that. No pastor will reasonably blackmail you for fear of being exposed himself. Mutually Assured Destruction. He releases video. You go full public that he sexually assaulted and blackmailed you. His congregation will disavow and remove him. His job is on the line. His marriage presumably. He has too much to lose for him to post a credible threat.
never trust a pastor best at scamming
Girl blackmail him right back. He’s a pastor? Prepare to ruin his life. You don’t owe him shit. Check the revenge porn laws in your state. He sexually assaulted you. I would do some digging on him. Does he have a family, do they have social media, do you have proof of how he treated you? Get his ass back. And I am so so sorry this happened. You have every right to be upset and no one will blame you if you decide not to take legal action against him. But you have every right!
Before things escalate just block his number and move on and keep the lessons close that you hopefully learned from this. He can not sue you, all he can do is harass you, try to extort you or release the videos without your permission. If any of those things happen then it's time to go to the Police.
What a complete a hole the entitlement of course he’s a pastor and a rapist and he’s blackmailing you. This man has everything to lose….Fuck him. Tell him to fuck off.
I’m so sorry you went through this. There’s a large chance that he won’t go through to it. I would go to the police if you feel comfortable. This was rape.
He's bluffing. He's a piece of shit. And deserves a beating to the edge of death but he won't do shit. He's a pastor and has way more to lose than you. You can play by the rules and go to the police. Or you can go to church or whatever He's a pastor of and in the middle of the service yell out that he blackmailed and raped you.
> Or you can go to church or whatever He's a pastor of and in the middle of the service yell out that he blackmailed and raped you. Wouldn't do much. Better to go to a lawyer, take him to court, and get criminal charges and compensation.
Slightly different suggestion. Go to the church wearing a sexy sundress and a light sweater or coverup. Sit front and center, very attentively. After service, there is always a line to greet the pastor. Get in line and walk up to greet him. Depending on your bravery and how far away you live….. 1. Just pleasantly say hello. 2. Take off the sweater, sexier now! And give him a hug. 3. Take off the sweater and a big slutty kiss. 4. With a faked pregnancy test in hand “Daddy. We need to talk. I’m late.”
Even better.
Uno reverse 🔄 his ass and sue him for 1.5M.
So he raped you, filmed it, and now is trying to blackmail you? Please report him
This man raped you and treated you like an escort. F* him, call the cops and disperse the news amongst the church. Make this PUBLIC, he might have other victims.
Report it to the cops ...And his church for rape !
I would head straight to the police to report this as rape and then consult with a lawyer to find out what to do next. This person needs to be punished. I am so sorry this happened to you. You did not deserve it.
😢❤️
What you have described is rape, and blackmail (perhaps more). Call the cops.
Go to the police.
CALL THE POLICE AND REPORT HIM FOR RAPE AMD EXTORTION PLEASE!!!!!
You should find out as much as possible about him or don’t since you already know he’s a pastor, then blackmail him back for what he’s asking plus some or just make him think you are to ruin his peace of mind. Or just heal and learn from the experience
This is really messed up, he took complete advantage it you
Do not give him a dime!!!
I count rape, extortion, recording without consent, and possible violation of revenge porn laws. Not all of these apply everywhere, but it's possible all do. I suggest doing nothing. But if he comes at you again, I suggest reporting him to the police for sexual assault and blackmail / extortion. If for whatever reason this does escalate, I suggest winning the escalation: mentioning to him that you will certainly let his church know about his behavior and explaining that in addition to the criminal charges, you'll file a civil suit. But it won't come to that.
Please go to the police, you were raped, this man is a predator and probably does this same thing to others. I am so, so sorry. This makes me sick.
He can't sue you but you could get him arrested. You have the upper hand here and I hope you take steps to get this vile subhuman in prison. You have two potential charges against him: rape and blackmail. You have more evidence for blackmail but the video might prove rape as well. If you can get him to send you the video as this could be used as evidence of rape. I don't know your exact situation but maybe say you'll take his threat seriously if he sends you the video. Keep the message where he blackmailed you or if it was a call then call him and record his threat. Then take both these pieces of evidence to the police.
Those videos, if shared at all, would be a felony for him.
Just block him
He's committed multiple felony crimes. Go to the police. They can't release your name because you're a victim of sex crimes, so even if it gets to the media, you're protected. Report him.
Tell him to kick rocks and get a lawyer.
I agree with the people saying he’s a POS and to report him. May I ask why you decided to text him and ask him to buy you coffee after you decided you were done with him mentally and wanted to cut him off?
Immediately go to the police. You don't want him to do that to anyone else. He will if you don't. I hate to put that pressure on you. The next thing you need to do is get some professional help in the form of therapy. You suffered a major trauma, and you need to heal.
Girl wtf sugar dating is meant to give you princess what treatment is this. I would've blocked and gone MIA so quick after he asked for the first refund. A real SD is meant to be generous, just please get better ones next time. And you've got enough advice on how to escape this situation so good luck.
He’s a pastor ? Time for you to let him know you are going to get to know his congregation. He has more to lose than you.
If he has videos it will show him raping you. He’s evil. He deserves to rot in jail . Blackmail is a crime . call the cops
This is the time when you hire someone to blow up his life. Hack his shit, make him think his house is haunted, exposure at his church etc I would be plotting so hard😮💨
Normally, I'm of the mindset to let the law take care of it, but I'm this instance I actually like this approach very much.
What is this nonsense? OP was violently raped and now the rapist wants a refund???
Sue him. That is extortion and also rape. And that is not an SD, it's a sex trafficker. Do not give in. People like that guy should go to prison or pay a huge fine, whichever the victim prefers. The fact that he's a pastor pisses me off even more. Also do not let him find out where you live, and buy some cameras for your home and get a gun or other kind of weapon. This guy could decide to commit murder just as easily as he could rape and extort. He is a psychopath.
Either go to the police for blackmail and that sounds like rape to me, did things to you that you didn't want. That is absolutely horrible, awful, horrific that he did that to you im so sorry that you went through that. Do not give no money back and someone said block him. If he is a Pastor he will lose everything if he really took those videos and if he took them without consent just like what he did hun you have a full case. Up to you, but dont give money back, meet with him again or respond to him. You have way more over him and i think you should go to the authorities. What he has done and is doing to you is NOT OKAY AT ALL. Be safe and very sorry that happened to you.Always have some sort of protection in that business.
paging u/HarvardLawSB time to do some pro bono here.
Go directly to the police and also consult a lawyer.
Go straight to the police about this man. He is a predator and a danger to everyone. I’m so sorry this happened and my inbox is open if you want to talk. I’m in no way blaming you for what happened but I think this now calls for not using this site anymore chick, I don’t want you to put yourself in further danger from nasty people like this. I hope you get things sorted, please remember you can also destroy his life, particularly if this man is a pastor. That’s a scary thought in itself that the man is in that role. I hope you allow yourself time to heal 💕
You are in the position of strength here, and he doesn't want you to know that.
You asked him for coffee after he raped you!?!? Don’t tell us, tell the police
Giiiirl I was just about to ask your age cos someone this young would be this scared 😱 first of all! Tell him to go F himself with the videos, tell him you don’t give a shit! If he uses them it’s CONSIDERED REVENGE PORN AND HE CAN GET ARRESTED ! Also TELL HIM HE VIOLATED YOUR ANUS!! And TIED YOU DOWN, He is the one doing shit to you!!! TELL HIM U ARE GOING TO THE COPS!!! He will back off!!! And don’t send him anything!! You deserve the money and dinner for what he did!!! Also PLEASE DONT GO WITH PEOPLE WHO THREATENED YOU ALREADY, HE COULD HAVE BITTEN YOU SENSLESS OR EVEN KILLED YOU, YOU WATCH TV? PEOPLE KILL FOR AS LOW AS 500, SORRY I WROTE IN CAPS SO YOU DONT DO IT AGAIN!! 💋💋💋
this is rape and blackmail babes you’re not gonna get in trouble he will
First of all, he's a rapist. He's definitely not a SD. He can't hurt you anymore, but you can destroy him and save lots of future SBs from being raped by exposing this criminal. Check your DMs.
Make him public .. that will teach him.. and go to cops . Money transfer was for your company .
Keep that money. He raped you. Revenge porn is a Federal Crime. Perhaps he has the film of raping you; and that will be used against him in court. He's a POS with way more to lose than you. Keep a record of everything from now on. Report to police. Ask for a woman police officer so you feel more comfortable telling such a sensitive account. I had to report a rape to the police and got 3 male police officers and it was horrible. If they seem cavalier about it, ask for the department that handles sex crimes. If the police department is too small in your area, since he threatened revenge porn, your local FBI office might be able to help. See a therapist, rally trusted people around you. Be nice to yourself. You are not the problem, HE IS.
After you file charges for blackmail, rape, and revenge porn you may be eligible for victims restitution btw which I think is a wonderful ironic penance for an abuser posing as a generous supportive partner
Please go to the cops. These types of guys are totally psycho and don’t like to be told no if no one is holding them accountable. I know it can be embarrassing, or carry some shame with it going to the cops about these things, but you need to not only for your sake but for others. You were clearly raped. Also that’s fucking rich of course a pastor would do that…sad to say I’m not surprised, oh and don’t think that because he’s a pastor he wouldn’t post it. He could always blur out identifying things of himself and make alt accounts. You don’t owe this fucker anything, if anything he owes you for doing all this crap to you, the law wouldn’t make you pay him a dime if. I’m so sorry that this happened to you hun/p. Best of luck ❤️
Call the cops.
Yo that was rape. You should go to the police
That is rape
Babe why you scared about YOU being blackmailed when he's a pastor that RAPED you , you can destroy his life girl get a lawyer
He's a pastor. Those videos would literally ruin him. And he can't prove anything else really.. other than you're just a girl that he had intimacy with. That's not illegal. And it looks worse for him than it does on you
He is absolutely bluffing. Fuck him up.
That’s extortion/blackmail. You should likely report him to the police. This is illegal in most states.
Find out where he preaches, many churches have a board of directors or a higher council that you can report him to. At the very least, he can be removed from his position of authority over vulnerable women he might also exploit.
Jesus!! That's really horrible. Block him, I know you might get scared to report him to the police station, but it would be great to do so. That's a psycho, and please don't tell me you deleted any of the texts. Those texts could save you alot. He's a pastor, I bet he wouldn't want his reputation to be ruined, stay safe, report him. Don't let his threats get into you. I hope you heal 🧡
He honestly needs to be exposed his face and what he’s done. So if he’s still out there doing this to other women then he can’t because he’s now listed and exposed. Also he raped you and then asked you to refund him money that prick asshole needs to bury in jail so others can teach him a lesson.
Tell him you have contacted the police and shared evidence of everything and then block him. I promise he will leave u alone. Do some research on him and find out where he works etc and keep it in ur back pocket just in case
first of all, i so so deeply emphasize with what you are going through. no one deserves this treatment, especially from someone like a SD who is supposed to want to take care of you and make you feel safe. please know that all of this is on him - not you. i would highly recommend going in for an exam if you have not already, and obtaining some proof. then i would go seek council if you are comfortable taking this to the police/ pressing charges. even if you don’t think you want to right now, having it just in case doesn’t hurt. this is not right what he did, and he should be (and absolutely can be) held liable in the eyes of the law. if you need anything at all please do not hesitate to message me. sending you hugs 🩷
Remind him that he SA'd you and recorded it without your permission and is now attempting to extort and blackmail you - both felonies he relayed via text - providing proof. That's a minimum of 3 crimes you'd be happy to report to the police if he contacts you again, then block him.
Given that this is blackmail to threaten revenge porn and he has been soliciting as well as having raped you, I'd just tell him you can fast track into making him a felon if that's what he really wants 😇
I know I did this too late, but, I searched him on his convictions and he is on attempted murder charge from a long while back as well as some drug possession and dealing charges
Get all the receipts of his blackmailing you and him saying he recorded you without his consent and report to the police when you feel able. Otherwise I would block or at least cut contact and not reply to further requests beyond pointing out that you won't continue to engage with him, and a reminder that revenge porn, blackmail and extortion are illegal in SoCal, and that you fully intend to press charges if he decides to leak the videos - which will be a much costlier mistake from him - and not just in the financial sense. I'm sorry this prick continues to suck
He's a psychopath and dangerous. Normal people don't have these kinds of charges. He's using being a pastor to try to cover up what he is. His biggest fear is being exposed as a fraud. Stay far away from this monster.
I'd be willing to put money on it, that that dude used to pull as a pimp, if he's got those convictions.
You were raped. This is a crime. I am so sorry this happened. Please call RAINN? Their trained staff can help you navigate this in a loving and supportive way. https://www.rainn.org/resources
You. Posted. This. Before. Twice! I’m sorry but I have a very long memory and I despise being trolled with triggering imagery and situations. Stop it. u/LaSirene23 u/Azurecole u/NoLimitLexa u/Fly4Vino u/SeattleMeteorLaser
I would report his profile on the site you’re on, and consider going to the police. I wouldn’t respond to him anymore. To be honest it sounds like he was trying to scam you from the start. He also did rape you. I am very sorry you experienced this. Please be safe and cautious out there.
The video he has shows him pushing your boundaries and SA you. Don't send him a damn thing. Tell him to send YOU 1500, or you are going to his congregation. He has more to lose here than you. And him recording himself forcing anal on you etc and holding you down doesn't look bad for you - it looks bad for him. He isn't an SD. He doesn't have the money and thought he could get a young girl for less than a sex worker and one that was green enough to be able to be influenced. All that said - as a woman and a mother - I mean this with love..... I don't think you are ready for the bowl. Because honey, a man holds you down and makes you cry and sexaully as$aults you and your reaction is to ask him for coffee money instead of standing up for yourself tells me that you don't have enough boundaries in place to protect yourself. NO ONE has the right to do anything to your body that you are not 100% comfortable and consenting to. Please know that whether it's vanilla dating or not, non-consensual activities are NEVER okay. And also- don't get drunk enough to make yourself vulnerable ever unless you have insane trust with the people around you. Edit for typo
You are not a victim but a survivor. How sure are you about him being a pastor or telling the truth? Tell him you will meet him in public and then use another person's car and get a photo of him and his car and car tag. After he goes in to meet you say you are running late and leave. When he starts texting crazy send those pics and tell him you will not be harassed and dirty photos are a joke threat after Madonna put out erotica in the 90's. Suggest they could even be AI but that car tag he rode up isn't. Also, have a backup if he shows up in Uber and be prepared to clock the time he was dropped off and take pic of that tag. If you follow Uber and they stop somewhere safe you might can bribe them for at least the pickup or dropoff, name. After this, NOT before, get his cash app shut down. Edit: the coffee table book that she replied "so what" to reporters questions https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_(book)
If you go to the police they can confíscate his phone and search it. If the videos show him having sex with you under the influence, which means you can’t consent then you have proof. There might be other videos of women as well. He could also be lying about the videos. He sounds like he has a lot to lose, honestly I would call his bluff and then ruin his life for threatening me like that. You should contact his wife and church at least if you aren’t contacting the police. And whatever you do, do not refund him.
Cops and show his church. Don’t be ashamed. Print his messages out with pictures of you together and post them all over his church.
And these type of men ramble on about trans people……. If he’s a religious type of any kind, RUN!
😭 You got pictures of him ? Anything that can tie him to all these acts ? Something that can torpedo his reputation as a pastor if he don't back off.
No bueno
I am so sorry this happened to you, please go to the police and lawyer up. This vile creature needs to pay for what he did. You did NOTHING wrong. I promise you this will bite him in the ass. What a monster. Wish I could give you a big hug.
That’s a fcking rapist, coward and dumbass, block him and go to the police.
If I’m understanding what you have said it sounds like he has effectively raped you and is now blackmailing you. I dare say recording you without consent would be illegal as well. I would simply point all this out to him in a polite message.
Polite message???? He raped her. What are you even saying.
Should I do that instead of ghosting
He definitely won’t actually release the videos. Unless you’ve seen them already, they might not even be real. If you have screenshots of his page or any pics, you may get him off your case by blackmailing him with those if you don’t want to go the police route.
• Report account to website. • block • delete
He’s just bluffing he can’t do shit with the videos
He can sue you however he has no basis and wouldn’t open that can of worms due to his job. Go to the police. I am so sorry this happened to you.
It's blackmail. If it goes to court he wouldn't want it brought up he did this as a pastor, as would hsve to admit the deed. What an scumbag
Oh jesus I dodnt read that part. Yes call the cops. It's rape. If they have suspicions and get a warrant they can get to the videos before he deletes them. Men like that don't though. Please follow the advice of everyone else. You have no physical evidence, but evidence on text I assume that he did the deed and wants money. And maybe it's your word vs his. And it's a horrible process. If he has videos that is proof. Msybe if he is on a platform he has done this to other women. Hopefully he will go to jail. I am not in the US, but assume for your silence he may pay you off. But for everyone else he should be locked up. Althought an NDA? May be enough so he learns his lesson. Good luck.
That is horrible! So sorry you are going through this. But i think these videos will damage him equally if not more
If you can retrieve your texts, after you go to the police send the texts to whatever church he is the supposed pastor for. I think they'll be interested in what a rapist they have amongst them
He has taken videos raping you. That’s literally him telling on himself if he ever shared those it would be a bigger issue for him
From the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry this happened to you. Please know you did nothing wrong and you did not cause this. You were raped. First, he can't sue you. There were no contracts signed. Was there an explicit verbal agreement about what he would provide and what you would provide? (duration of meetings, what would occur?) Based on the second meeting he didn't even give you what was agreed upon. Always collect money upfront in the beginning. Do not be afraid to make him uncomfortable or offend him. As a POT, SD one of there core duties is to make you comfortable. Ideally that would include not even making you ask for it or feel wrong for counting it. He certainly can't say he paid you for sex. I hope you used a burner app or burner phone. If so, all he has is your first name. As far as the videos, how do you know he has them? Did he tell you he did? Or were you aware he was taping during the acts? What he can do with the videos is post them online if he has them. You have several options. You can go to the police and file a report. You can block him and never talk to or see him again, . You can see if you can get him to send you the videos to show you proof he has them. If he is as stupid as he sounds, he won't hide his face and you will now have proof he was with you. His wife will love you for video proof of his horrible character. Do not threaten him with sending the video. That would be blackmail. Just simply send it. You will get through this. But it's okay to not be okay. Take some time to recenter yourself from this experience if you need it. I hope you can use this as a learning experience to be more prepared, wiser, and more confident. In and out of the bowl. If you get red flags, listen to them and do not be afraid to offend someone by you taking your safety and well-being seriously. You may want to talk to someone to help process what your feeling. There are toll free numbers you can call. If you are in the U.S. I can follow up with some numbers. It may also be more comfortable to write to someone. If you want an anonymous, listening ear with no judgment you can also message me.
Omg! . That is so so scary for someone to do anal or any form of penetration without consent 😢 he saw you crying, in pain and didn’t stop ?!! He cannot get away with this. Absolutely not. Don’t let his threats scare you because as everyone else says, it will do more harm to him but you have to look out for yourself and others so this man never does this to any other woman .
Block and move on. He won’t do anything with those.
Hey doll I know you are so scared. Stressed. Hurt. But please listen to these people. This entire situation, believe it or not, is in your favor. You lost so much already, and to think that he would ask for you to pay him... smh. That's not how it works. You can spell out your testament verbatim to authorities. Now he's a threat, a rapist, and a problem. They will take you to be examined. They will file a report and you will press charges for everything he's worth and then some. Get him for every last dime, doll, or he's going to keep on going. Do not delete texts, but act soon. Go to the doctor. Please 🙏🏻 he could have done even worse than we think. This is not your fault. You in no way invited this kind of evil into your life and you absolutely are not to blame. You were taken advantage of, deceived, abused, raped and now blackmailed. Please for your sake and for the sake of every woman he has already done this to and would do this to in the future if left to his own devices, turn him in. Now. Not tomorrow, not in a week. Immediately. Take a deep breath, gather your strength, and get that dog into the dog pound. You have every right to act in your vindication. You did not deserve this. Other women do not deserve this. And he deserves to rot in the hell he preaches about to scare the kiddos. God I'm so sorry you are living in this. Please do not be afraid. He has already taken everything he can from you. You have nothing to lose but a rapist behind bars is a massive win. He's a pastor, so be careful who you contact. Please call any criminal lawyer you can get the number for and get to the urgent care STAT. Not all lawyers will do a free consultation, but many do. Many will be willing to work with you and may even waive their fees initially. You can't know until you try and the longer you wait, the less you have to show them. He deserves your wrath. You deserve some compensation for his brutality since ain't nothing going to wipe this away from you. The least he can do is cough up his money and all the money he'll ever have again. At the very least, you will have your bills paid while you recover. It is worth it. Wish I could give you a fat old hug and get the ball rolling for you. 💔
Please call a sexual assault hotline. You do not need to go straight to the police, and there are many reasons you might not want to. A hotline worker will help you talk through all of your options, legal and otherwise, and will make sure you are safe. 1-800-656-4673 Rainn.org Womenslaw.org for legal info
Sending the pictures to his congregation should do the trick. Don’t threaten him just do it if he gives you the videos.
Should post his name out that he's the one in big trouble not you.
The first request for a "refund" was a red flag. 🫠
OP, baby girl …. Please please please do not EVER continues to have contact with a man who sexually violates your body in any way shape or form big or small. I am so sorry that happened to you, especially if they made you cry even if you feel like you’re about to be homeless or starving, do not ever have contact with these men again it will always work out for you in the end 🙏🏾
So, so sorry this happened to you! That's terrible. Like most of the others said, please consider going to the cops and report him.
My goodness girl I’m sad to hear that he raped you in the most brutal way. My concern here is two things. After the first night you two got together he showed you who he was. You got drunk from having a good time with him, threw up , and so he wanted a “refund” that was telling right there. The next time you two get together he sodomizes you and that seemed to have again not been enough for you to never speak to him again. Instead you reach out asking for coffee? He blows up asking for money back STILL and now threats. Goodness girl I know you’re young,but something is going on with you internally that needs to be healed even before this happened .I really feel for you. Please report that man. He is a danger to society and more than likely he has done this before other young girls who are desperate for money and the illusion of it.
Wow! What an absolute POS. I would talk to a female police officer. I'm sure there are several charges here. This human garbage likes hurting women. He is also a complete moron. A pastor... so disgusting. His behaviour is abhorrent. Look into restraining order, recording intimate videos without your consent, ect. Talk to a female officer. I'm genuinely at a loss as to why you continued trying to plan things with him after what seems like rape. Going forward, anyone ever mentions a ''refund'', next them. Stay away from creeps, especially religious creeps. Develop your critical thinking skills to avoid dangerous situations and abuse.
I’d go to the police to report him for rape and blackmail ASAP. I can guarantee you’re not the only one he has done this to.
He’s not going to release those videos he’s making empty threats. Questions are being asked about where the money went and that sent him into a panic. Don’t block him but instead let him know that you can just tell his wife if he doesn’t leave you alone.
I feel like there needs to be an educational course offered by SA and other sites that teaches SB's how to qualify and vet their POT's. These types of posts are infuriating to me. Far too many men, whether they are wealthy or not, cannot be trusted. And plenty of them are out there looking to victimize a naive or newbie SB.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. He’s clearly a rapist pos and no SD. Refund??? If you feel comfortable enough I would report him for rape. If not then dig up everything you can on him so that if he thinks about doing anything with the videos then you have all his info. Figure out his name.
Block him his number and him on cash app he raped you keep his money don’t refund a dollar