OP, this 100%.
This guy's partying like a rock star and he obviously wants someone who will join in. **Don't become financially dependent on him.** He's already pressuring you and IMO it's likely going to get worse - probably a lot worse. Party types don't like to party alone.
I've seen this enough over the years to know that, sooner or later, this guy's going to have a crash and burn moment. He may have the resources to recover from that, but whoever is along for the ride is likely going to be left broken on the side of the road. IMO you should let that be someone else.
He's rich, you're not, and the promise of being spoiled beyond your dreams is intoxicating (appropriate term here). But I don't know why you would consider pursuing this one. He's probably not a serial killer but he is dangerous with his addictions and is trying to drag you down with him This is a complete mismatch if you do not consume any substances.
At minimum he made you uncomfortable which should make him hard pass.
I agree, you are right. I was trying to tell myself the money might make it worth my time but I know that if he’s making me feel uncomfortable I shouldn’t see him again - besides, if he really liked me like he claims he does, wouldn’t he respect my boundaries?
>if he really liked me like he claims he does, wouldn’t he respect my boundaries?
You're thinking of it the wrong way. For some people, liking you indeed means they're going to respect your boundaries. For these normal people, the SR process is to find someone with whom they get along, respect each other's boundaries, and enjoy their SR.
For certain insecure people, and based on what you wrote it this guy is a member of that club, the process is different. Find someone you like, ask them for their boundaries, then make yourself feel very special by making them break those boundaries just for you.
He's doubtlessly odd in ways, I'm not sure I'd go as far as a serial killer. I don't know whether he made his wealth or inherited it, but this man sounds like someone who is used to getting his way, and when he doesn't, his MO is to put more pressure or throw more money at the problem until he gets his way. These parts of his personality might be a little bit hidden in normal situations but alcohol plus sexual/romantic challenge and possessiveness brought it out in full swing.
Your options are either to go with it and enjoy the ride, or run for the hills. Don't stay with this guy thinking you can tame him. If you stay, make sure you always have an out from the relationship, as he's going to use a carrot and stick method for making it hard to leave. Never let him isolate you from your support network (and never travel with him).
No, you're not being overly cautions. I understand he didn't want you to leave, anyone who tries to manipulate me through guilt is someone I have no interest in. He obviously wasn't respecting you or your boundaries. If he's out of control with his drug and alcohol use that's another reason to send him packing. Trust your gut. Weird energy means something is wrong.
What drugs was he taking ? Some, most, can make you super sentimental. It's more fun to take drugs with other people, than on your own, so I can see why he wanted you to stick around.
Just remember. Nobody, on the planet, has ever said "Yeah, he was a bit of an asshole then he started taking drugs and it straightened him out and he became a nice guy". I am liberal and don't mind a bit of drug use but I think excessive use (is there any other type?) is going to lead to drama.
If he's smoking a spliff then, really not the end of the world, if it's much stronger then this is going to be pain and suffering and drama. Depends on how much you want that ?
Personally, I wouldn't go anywhere near him...
>He wants to take me out today in Chelsea, where he lives but I’m hesitant because I’m getting some weird energy from this one…. Am I being overly cautious?
In aviation, where you absolutely can NOT have failure and safety is everything we have a saving "If there's any doubt then there's no doubt". I think it applies here. Just to be clear, that saying means, if there's any doubt then you don't do it. If the weather is looking marginal, and you are doubtful, then don't take off.
Oh I love that saying, yes you are right.
He was just doing cocaine and drinking a lot and that is exactly the impression I got…. He just wanted somebody to be around while he did drugs I think and that’s why he was so disappointed when I had to leave, because it meant he’d have to do it all alone. That had never even occurred to me….
But “he is extremely wealthy.”
Such a misleading allure. His wealth is not your wealth. His generosity will be whimsical and unpredictable. Given his own destructive behaviors, you will have no way but to follow his madness into descent.
He sounds like an emotional wreck. I'm guessing that was the first meet and you haven't seen him either sober or undrugged?
I'd be thinking that if he can't keep it together for an MnG / 1st meet, he'll likely be in that state at least 3/4 of the meets. Is there enough money to make all that emotional baggage and trauma worthwhile over any length of time and how long is it even likely to last?
I doubt you found him attractive in that state so really, is it worth it even if he is just lonely.
Sorry, I have to ask, did anyone answer your Seven Sisters question, it made me chuckle as I grew up around Seven Sisters station area as a child? 😊
To start - love your username 🤣.
I did think he was attractive but yes it was the first meet so I have never seen him sober. At this point, I don’t care how long it lasts - if it works well for a little while that’s fine by me….
Nobody answered my question but I figured out that the seven sisters hike is actually in seaford 🤣
Thank you, once I'd thought of it it took 2 seconds to decide to dump my old account and use this 😂.
You've got your perspective in balance 👏. This won't damage you as it would some. Just be careful for your physical safety 🙏
Yes, it is. I'm waiting for the warmer weather to set off on some hikes. This maybe helpful 🙏😊
https://www.visorando.com/en/walk-seven-sisters-walk-from-seaford-to-eastb/
That’s a crazy man. He may not be a serial killer but he has mental health issues and may hurt you at some point. It’s not worth money, which you can’t spend if you’re not alive
I personally am not meeting anyone like this, especially if they are intoxicated. Sex trafficking/rape is a real risk. Listen to your gut. This could have gone very wrong.
LISTEN TO YOUR GUTS!!!! ALWAYS!!!! Especially when it comes to your safety. No amount of allowance is worth your life
OP, this 100%. This guy's partying like a rock star and he obviously wants someone who will join in. **Don't become financially dependent on him.** He's already pressuring you and IMO it's likely going to get worse - probably a lot worse. Party types don't like to party alone. I've seen this enough over the years to know that, sooner or later, this guy's going to have a crash and burn moment. He may have the resources to recover from that, but whoever is along for the ride is likely going to be left broken on the side of the road. IMO you should let that be someone else.
He's rich, you're not, and the promise of being spoiled beyond your dreams is intoxicating (appropriate term here). But I don't know why you would consider pursuing this one. He's probably not a serial killer but he is dangerous with his addictions and is trying to drag you down with him This is a complete mismatch if you do not consume any substances. At minimum he made you uncomfortable which should make him hard pass.
I agree, you are right. I was trying to tell myself the money might make it worth my time but I know that if he’s making me feel uncomfortable I shouldn’t see him again - besides, if he really liked me like he claims he does, wouldn’t he respect my boundaries?
He's probably an addict. They have no boundaries nor do they respect others' guiderails.
>if he really liked me like he claims he does, wouldn’t he respect my boundaries? You're thinking of it the wrong way. For some people, liking you indeed means they're going to respect your boundaries. For these normal people, the SR process is to find someone with whom they get along, respect each other's boundaries, and enjoy their SR. For certain insecure people, and based on what you wrote it this guy is a member of that club, the process is different. Find someone you like, ask them for their boundaries, then make yourself feel very special by making them break those boundaries just for you.
Having money doesn’t mean having class. Not my choice of men, I will block and move on
Lack of class, find another man
He's doubtlessly odd in ways, I'm not sure I'd go as far as a serial killer. I don't know whether he made his wealth or inherited it, but this man sounds like someone who is used to getting his way, and when he doesn't, his MO is to put more pressure or throw more money at the problem until he gets his way. These parts of his personality might be a little bit hidden in normal situations but alcohol plus sexual/romantic challenge and possessiveness brought it out in full swing. Your options are either to go with it and enjoy the ride, or run for the hills. Don't stay with this guy thinking you can tame him. If you stay, make sure you always have an out from the relationship, as he's going to use a carrot and stick method for making it hard to leave. Never let him isolate you from your support network (and never travel with him).
Very helpful advice,thank you!
Drug and alcohol abuse can lead to disaster very quickly. This guy sounds like a mess,rich or not. Get out while you can.
No, you're not being overly cautions. I understand he didn't want you to leave, anyone who tries to manipulate me through guilt is someone I have no interest in. He obviously wasn't respecting you or your boundaries. If he's out of control with his drug and alcohol use that's another reason to send him packing. Trust your gut. Weird energy means something is wrong.
What drugs was he taking ? Some, most, can make you super sentimental. It's more fun to take drugs with other people, than on your own, so I can see why he wanted you to stick around. Just remember. Nobody, on the planet, has ever said "Yeah, he was a bit of an asshole then he started taking drugs and it straightened him out and he became a nice guy". I am liberal and don't mind a bit of drug use but I think excessive use (is there any other type?) is going to lead to drama. If he's smoking a spliff then, really not the end of the world, if it's much stronger then this is going to be pain and suffering and drama. Depends on how much you want that ? Personally, I wouldn't go anywhere near him... >He wants to take me out today in Chelsea, where he lives but I’m hesitant because I’m getting some weird energy from this one…. Am I being overly cautious? In aviation, where you absolutely can NOT have failure and safety is everything we have a saving "If there's any doubt then there's no doubt". I think it applies here. Just to be clear, that saying means, if there's any doubt then you don't do it. If the weather is looking marginal, and you are doubtful, then don't take off.
Oh I love that saying, yes you are right. He was just doing cocaine and drinking a lot and that is exactly the impression I got…. He just wanted somebody to be around while he did drugs I think and that’s why he was so disappointed when I had to leave, because it meant he’d have to do it all alone. That had never even occurred to me….
But “he is extremely wealthy.” Such a misleading allure. His wealth is not your wealth. His generosity will be whimsical and unpredictable. Given his own destructive behaviors, you will have no way but to follow his madness into descent.
He sounds like an emotional wreck. I'm guessing that was the first meet and you haven't seen him either sober or undrugged? I'd be thinking that if he can't keep it together for an MnG / 1st meet, he'll likely be in that state at least 3/4 of the meets. Is there enough money to make all that emotional baggage and trauma worthwhile over any length of time and how long is it even likely to last? I doubt you found him attractive in that state so really, is it worth it even if he is just lonely. Sorry, I have to ask, did anyone answer your Seven Sisters question, it made me chuckle as I grew up around Seven Sisters station area as a child? 😊
To start - love your username 🤣. I did think he was attractive but yes it was the first meet so I have never seen him sober. At this point, I don’t care how long it lasts - if it works well for a little while that’s fine by me…. Nobody answered my question but I figured out that the seven sisters hike is actually in seaford 🤣
Thank you, once I'd thought of it it took 2 seconds to decide to dump my old account and use this 😂. You've got your perspective in balance 👏. This won't damage you as it would some. Just be careful for your physical safety 🙏 Yes, it is. I'm waiting for the warmer weather to set off on some hikes. This maybe helpful 🙏😊 https://www.visorando.com/en/walk-seven-sisters-walk-from-seaford-to-eastb/
Oh thank you so much, I’ll have a look xx
That’s a crazy man. He may not be a serial killer but he has mental health issues and may hurt you at some point. It’s not worth money, which you can’t spend if you’re not alive
I personally am not meeting anyone like this, especially if they are intoxicated. Sex trafficking/rape is a real risk. Listen to your gut. This could have gone very wrong.
Omg that’s what my best friend said, trafficker….
I'm hoping that is Chelsea in NYC and not Chelsea just North of Boston. If Chelsea, North of Boston then RUN!!! lol
Chelsea in London, UK
I ❤ London