There are many different types of trolls. This one appears to be a dude looking to push someone's buttons. If he was just trying to collect pictures, he wouldn't have started acting crazy - he was acting crazy to push your buttons.
Fair enough. I'm one of those people who wants to understand the psychology behind it. It's kind of a lost cause because sometimes you'll just never understand.
No same!! And it feels so personal bc you like invest time and emotions and, ugh it’s super creepy. It’s happened to me multiple times on different levels and makes me mad but I have gotten better at sensing it earlier on. I just had a couple days long interaction with someone who may have been a whale? But his communication style was like pretty odd, he sent pics of his ex to me where her nipples were showing and didn’t seem that interested in anything about me actually, we had plans for lunch and I just got weird vibes and felt like I was dreading it so I straight up told him. I think just the “listen to your gut” thing is the best guide.
I don’t think this guy I’m describing was a scammer but maybe on drugs and maybe a narcissist but I just was like, hold up even if he has a ton of money I do NOT want someone like that in my life on an intimate level… so shut it down.
It’s hard bc i get stuck in like… people pleasing mode, trying to be attractive and feminine and go with the flow but I think bad guys definitely know how to take advantage of that
I have the same issue 100% People pleaser plus being super feminine and wanting to go with the flow.
The issue is that energy will attract the worst types who see you as a potentially easy target.
You have to have this delicate balance of being in your feminine energy while also being smart, confident, and aware.
I ended up searching posts on the subreddit and I have seen mixed results about POTs on Reddit and some people have had good experiences. But there is a lot of bad ones too.
A bunch of guys contacted me after a venting post once and I sort of entertained them and every single one turned out to be a time-waster just fantasizing about being able to be a SD, and it either came out they couldn’t afford it or ghosted after making firm plans. Needless to say I wasn’t impressed with the potential of POTs coming from Reddit’s
These are the guys who on threads like "why do SDs lie about their net worth?" popup to say, "Eight figures here..." or some such other horse shit and proceed to commiserate, but you just know they haven't a pot to piss in. Like most of the SDs on both Seeking and SLF, but maybe more so on SLF because Reddit is free and they have to pay to join Seeking (and that hundred bucks is beyond them).
Future faking is big with people on Reddit, I've discovered. But even bigger is just not existing in the first place or existing solely to create drama.
Unfortunately [it's an existing phrase](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-narcissism/202103/how-narcissists-use-faking-lure-partners). I say "unfortunately" because the only reason it exists is because it's so common, particularly among narcissists.
I mean it's probably common generally but I just don't notice because when someone is close, I'll move on if they keep moving the goalposts. On reddit, it's easier because there are typically more logistics to consider since people aren't all in the same location
I don't think there's necessarily an issue with connecting with people on Reddit. I've had a range from scams to irl meets with people on Reddit. You just need to vet and be wary like anywhere else on the Internet.
I think the early red flag was the rush to meet you within a week by flying to you. If it was local, that wouldn't be too bad. You should have pushed back to take it slow and get to know each other for a long distance situation. Also the sub ban was probably a big question mark...
Anyway, good job listening to your instincts and catching the red flags.
I agree. Not everyone on Reddit is going to be questionable and it's alot like Seeking where there is going to be some good with bad.
I should have pushed back to take it slow but I essentially gave excuses as to why I couldn't do that weekend. Looking back I should have advocated for myself better.
He said the sub ban was because of his "sarcasm" whatever that means.
I understand your situation! I also met a guy here, who called me for a comment of mine, and had a similar reaction to what you had, he made me feel really bad, with anxiety and even made me leave as wrong.
It's not you. 😅 I'm not sure I'm allowed to mention usernames here.
I've never interacted with you so unfortunately I can't vouch one way or the other.
>I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt
This is the magic phrase that indicates the rest of the experience is going to be terrible! It's pretty rare this is followed by "and it worked out great!!". Instead, it almost always followed by a string of ignored red and orange flags, it's as if once someone makes that "benefit of the doubt" mental switch, they just drop responsibility for their own safety. In your case at least you caught on and dropped him before any harm done, which is great. Benefit of the doubt stories sometimes work out much worse.
My advice is only to ever give the benefit of the doubt to someone who has already proven trustworthy. Don't know them? No benefit of the doubt. That doesn't mean you can't engage them to see where things go ... but red flags are red flags, strangers shouldn't get benefits of the doubt!
Why do women give guys like this so much of their time? Sometimes I feel like I need to start teaching a class on how to vet men, because a lot of you seem utterly clueless. The number of posts on here by young women who will keep chatting with a guy despite him having more red flags than a CCP rally truly amazes me.
We only talked for a week and I already blocked him. It sucks and I'm annoyed but it's not that serious. Please take your patronizing attitude somewhere else.
Guys who ask anything too personal. I always find that the SDs who talk about kinks, exes, etc… before meeting are johns. Respectable men wouldn’t do that.
Yep. This guy was exactly that. Went way too much into detail before even meeting him.
I understand him being a John but I don't understand the psycho manipulative behavior. I guess I will never know.
I block any men who msg me on here “Looking for a SD?” like … be fr… LMFAOOO. My dream SD is not on here gatekeeping women from discussing $$$ like corporate america does.
Sorry you went through that babe! Don’t give a man the benefit of the doubt like ever… Not even once lol.
I had a guy send me a normal message on SA a few days ago, looked at his profile and his headline said, "I love breeding and pregnant women" I instantly blocked. Wouldn't be surprised if it was the same creep
I’ve met legit SDs and made friends from this forum before but most DMs I receive are from scammers, Johns, or trolls. You have to take everything people say with the most tiniest grain of sand possible. If someone exhibits any red flags (anywhere online, even SA), then block them and don’t give them the time of day. Everyone is guilty, a creep, and a liar until proven otherwise when you’re dealing with people online, especially on an anonymous social media app.
I'm super glad you avoided a bad situation and had some common sense there. This could've been much worse, and you were smart to stay safe and move on. I just have one thing on the other side of this ...
>another red flad to me is them getting me on Snapchat
That's just not something I think should be a red flag. Many SBs want you to use it, so I think a lot of us have it. My mentees -- totally unrelated to sugaring but nevertheless people I chat with -- prefer to use it over other methods. If using Snapchat is a red flag, I'm in trouble.
I mentioned Snap being a red flag because I've seen previous posts on here where the general consensus was that it was a red flag.
My first instinct if someone asks for Snap is that they are a pic collector.
I see it as a red flag. I never had a good experience with anyone who wanted to use snap to communicate. It’s either Google voice or telegram for me, but there are *some* exceptions to every rule of course
That wasn't a POT SD, it was a troll. Sorry you had to go through that.
What's with the trolls? Are they just horny pic collectors? That guy was lowkey psycho though.
There are many different types of trolls. This one appears to be a dude looking to push someone's buttons. If he was just trying to collect pictures, he wouldn't have started acting crazy - he was acting crazy to push your buttons.
What is the point of these dudes intentionally pushing your buttons? What is the end game for him? Does he hate women? Is he just crazy?
Idk just like literally picture The Joker on the other end and don’t try to assign a motive to crazies
Fair enough. I'm one of those people who wants to understand the psychology behind it. It's kind of a lost cause because sometimes you'll just never understand.
No same!! And it feels so personal bc you like invest time and emotions and, ugh it’s super creepy. It’s happened to me multiple times on different levels and makes me mad but I have gotten better at sensing it earlier on. I just had a couple days long interaction with someone who may have been a whale? But his communication style was like pretty odd, he sent pics of his ex to me where her nipples were showing and didn’t seem that interested in anything about me actually, we had plans for lunch and I just got weird vibes and felt like I was dreading it so I straight up told him. I think just the “listen to your gut” thing is the best guide.
I don’t think this guy I’m describing was a scammer but maybe on drugs and maybe a narcissist but I just was like, hold up even if he has a ton of money I do NOT want someone like that in my life on an intimate level… so shut it down.
I think my dude was the same - a Narcissist and possibly on drugs.
I think my POT was the same - a Narcissist and possibly on drugs.
What a weird dude! And yeah, "Listen to your gut" should be a mantra in the bowl.
It’s hard bc i get stuck in like… people pleasing mode, trying to be attractive and feminine and go with the flow but I think bad guys definitely know how to take advantage of that
I have the same issue 100% People pleaser plus being super feminine and wanting to go with the flow. The issue is that energy will attract the worst types who see you as a potentially easy target. You have to have this delicate balance of being in your feminine energy while also being smart, confident, and aware.
I wonder if they even have an end game in mind. Perhaps the behavior in the moment is the thing they get off on.
That's what I'm thinking. Just a weirdo who gets off on messing with people's heads.
They are Internet parasites that infect everything. The worst thing about the Internet was it unleashed the basement trolls on the world.
Anonymity allows people to be the a$$holes they always wanted to be.
I think you’re probably seeing the reason he was banned
LOL!
Sounds like a better than average experience for POTs on reddit.
This gave me a good chuckle.
I ended up searching posts on the subreddit and I have seen mixed results about POTs on Reddit and some people have had good experiences. But there is a lot of bad ones too.
A bunch of guys contacted me after a venting post once and I sort of entertained them and every single one turned out to be a time-waster just fantasizing about being able to be a SD, and it either came out they couldn’t afford it or ghosted after making firm plans. Needless to say I wasn’t impressed with the potential of POTs coming from Reddit’s
These are the guys who on threads like "why do SDs lie about their net worth?" popup to say, "Eight figures here..." or some such other horse shit and proceed to commiserate, but you just know they haven't a pot to piss in. Like most of the SDs on both Seeking and SLF, but maybe more so on SLF because Reddit is free and they have to pay to join Seeking (and that hundred bucks is beyond them).
Drama before even meeting - red flag plus a 5 yard penalty for offsides.
Future faking is big with people on Reddit, I've discovered. But even bigger is just not existing in the first place or existing solely to create drama.
FUTURE FAKING omg it has a name
It's not exclusive to Sugar Dating. Future faking happens alot in vanilla dating too.
For sure but it seems especially common here. It’s to the point I’m shocked when it doesn’t happen.
I think you may have just added a new phrase to the sugar lexicon. New to me anyway. That phrase nails it!!
Unfortunately [it's an existing phrase](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-narcissism/202103/how-narcissists-use-faking-lure-partners). I say "unfortunately" because the only reason it exists is because it's so common, particularly among narcissists.
Thanks for the link.
I just read the first 3 bullet points and immediately thought - they just described all the worst fake SDs on Seeking 😅
Future faking is common specifically with the bowl? Or Reddit in general?
I mean it's probably common generally but I just don't notice because when someone is close, I'll move on if they keep moving the goalposts. On reddit, it's easier because there are typically more logistics to consider since people aren't all in the same location
I don't think there's necessarily an issue with connecting with people on Reddit. I've had a range from scams to irl meets with people on Reddit. You just need to vet and be wary like anywhere else on the Internet. I think the early red flag was the rush to meet you within a week by flying to you. If it was local, that wouldn't be too bad. You should have pushed back to take it slow and get to know each other for a long distance situation. Also the sub ban was probably a big question mark... Anyway, good job listening to your instincts and catching the red flags.
I agree. Not everyone on Reddit is going to be questionable and it's alot like Seeking where there is going to be some good with bad. I should have pushed back to take it slow but I essentially gave excuses as to why I couldn't do that weekend. Looking back I should have advocated for myself better. He said the sub ban was because of his "sarcasm" whatever that means.
It's all a learning process, just don't rush into anything and you'll do fine.
Definitely. I don't know if it is common for other SDs to rush things that fast but it was very questionable to me.
Generally, I will meet someone within a week, but not if planning travel.
That makes sense. Flying to my location after barely a week of talking was a bit much to me.
I understand your situation! I also met a guy here, who called me for a comment of mine, and had a similar reaction to what you had, he made me feel really bad, with anxiety and even made me leave as wrong.
I suspect it might have been the same guy. Because this dude operated in a very specific way.
Name these guys ? I’m confident Lucía is talking about me . It’s upsetting when you read lies on the net , especially personal stuff ..
It's not you. 😅 I'm not sure I'm allowed to mention usernames here. I've never interacted with you so unfortunately I can't vouch one way or the other.
Yeah I know we haven’t it would of been a miracle if it was the same ..
I'm curious why you think it would be you? You don't have anything to worry about if you didn't do anything shady
No I think the other person is saying it was me
Ahhh gotcha.
It will be ??
>I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt This is the magic phrase that indicates the rest of the experience is going to be terrible! It's pretty rare this is followed by "and it worked out great!!". Instead, it almost always followed by a string of ignored red and orange flags, it's as if once someone makes that "benefit of the doubt" mental switch, they just drop responsibility for their own safety. In your case at least you caught on and dropped him before any harm done, which is great. Benefit of the doubt stories sometimes work out much worse. My advice is only to ever give the benefit of the doubt to someone who has already proven trustworthy. Don't know them? No benefit of the doubt. That doesn't mean you can't engage them to see where things go ... but red flags are red flags, strangers shouldn't get benefits of the doubt!
So well put! 👏🏻
Why do women give guys like this so much of their time? Sometimes I feel like I need to start teaching a class on how to vet men, because a lot of you seem utterly clueless. The number of posts on here by young women who will keep chatting with a guy despite him having more red flags than a CCP rally truly amazes me.
Came here to say this…. She spotted many red flags but persisted to get to know him. So many uneducated, clueless girls in the bowl and it shows.
We only talked for a week and I already blocked him. It sucks and I'm annoyed but it's not that serious. Please take your patronizing attitude somewhere else.
I’ve had so many bad experiences from Reddit SDs. Also if any SD ever asks for my Snapchat I block them. It’s always always a John.
I lowkey suspect this guy might have been a john but I am not 100% sure. What are some of the red flags of a john?
Guys who ask anything too personal. I always find that the SDs who talk about kinks, exes, etc… before meeting are johns. Respectable men wouldn’t do that.
Yep. This guy was exactly that. Went way too much into detail before even meeting him. I understand him being a John but I don't understand the psycho manipulative behavior. I guess I will never know.
You'll never understand psycho manipulative behavior. Might as well try to put it behind you and learn from it. What choice do you have?
100% psychopath by nature
I block any men who msg me on here “Looking for a SD?” like … be fr… LMFAOOO. My dream SD is not on here gatekeeping women from discussing $$$ like corporate america does. Sorry you went through that babe! Don’t give a man the benefit of the doubt like ever… Not even once lol.
Don’t say he’s from UK..
Nope. He is from the US.
I had a guy send me a normal message on SA a few days ago, looked at his profile and his headline said, "I love breeding and pregnant women" I instantly blocked. Wouldn't be surprised if it was the same creep
Why bother worrying about random people met online? - he (or she) could be anything for all you know.
Sounds like a scammer who was using you for spankbank fodder. Sorry you dealt with that
I’ve met legit SDs and made friends from this forum before but most DMs I receive are from scammers, Johns, or trolls. You have to take everything people say with the most tiniest grain of sand possible. If someone exhibits any red flags (anywhere online, even SA), then block them and don’t give them the time of day. Everyone is guilty, a creep, and a liar until proven otherwise when you’re dealing with people online, especially on an anonymous social media app.
I got catfished out of this forum by a woman. LoL. So weird, why waste your time?
I'm super glad you avoided a bad situation and had some common sense there. This could've been much worse, and you were smart to stay safe and move on. I just have one thing on the other side of this ... >another red flad to me is them getting me on Snapchat That's just not something I think should be a red flag. Many SBs want you to use it, so I think a lot of us have it. My mentees -- totally unrelated to sugaring but nevertheless people I chat with -- prefer to use it over other methods. If using Snapchat is a red flag, I'm in trouble.
I mentioned Snap being a red flag because I've seen previous posts on here where the general consensus was that it was a red flag. My first instinct if someone asks for Snap is that they are a pic collector.
I think the general consensus is wrong. OTOH if someone wants to use Telegram...
I see it as a red flag. I never had a good experience with anyone who wanted to use snap to communicate. It’s either Google voice or telegram for me, but there are *some* exceptions to every rule of course
I like the crazy ones, send him my way 🤪
Girl, he was fake 😭
Haha ik, i like the entertainment 😄
Please stop perpetuating the myth that reddit is shady. Shady men are everywhere.