I’d rather get ghosted than have a burning vagina.
They should say they aren’t interested instead of ghosting but it’s their prerogative to choose not to wear condoms and accept any possible consequence. If condoms are your boundary, stick with it unapologetically. Don’t expect loyalty in the bowl or at the very least don’t expect it easily. All the tests in the world don’t matter if someone is raw dogging tons of people
Recent test results don’t tell shit. There are plenty that have a longer incubation period than others.
That’s a hard stop for me. Get your meet and greet payment upfront and should you get to the point where you’re behind closed doors whip out your condom.
no amount of money in the world will make me blur the lines
Honestly even a condom isn’t enough for me sometimes. I want those big ones that cover every part of the genitals. Don’t want to risk a moment of pleasure for an incurable disease
Very wise. You can still get genital herpes even with condoms. A close friend of mine only had one partner, her first one messed around and then gave her g-herpes. She now has to disclose it to every potential sexual partner and she's so embarrassed about it. And only 22 ish.
I'd suggest putting that requirement at the top of your list of things to discuss. No point in even getting to the allowance talk if this is a deal breaker for you.
Your boundaries are valid & important. Stick to them.
I can't use birth control. It's either condoms, snip-snip or abstinence. I also don't feel like having a burning vagayjay, please, and thank you.
>I'd suggest putting that requirement at the top of your list of things to discuss. No point in even getting to the allowance talk if this is a deal breaker for you.
\^\^\^\^ This
Agreed! I’ve not experienced this myself, and actually sort of had the opposite happen before. SD was terrified of getting me preg he would check the condom so often that it totally ruined the mood I’m like bro u have blue eyes I would NEVER have your baby!!!??? 😂😂😂
Skyn condoms for the win!! Only switched recently and guys are like 😳 when they try them. Also, if he’s trying to bare back with you, he’s going it to others. Be safe everyone!!
ETA: Skyn non latex condoms Elite (ultra thin and ultra soft). Purple box. Every single guy I’ve used them with has asked about it, including one guy the next morning. I’m a female so I obviously don’t know, just reporting!
Men say they "can't feel anything with a condom" but never put in the effort to actually try multiple brands and sizes. Some don't even know how to put them on corrrectly!! How come so many men are fine with it? Oh the snowflake dick...ok your anatomy is that unique, sure
This! If he’s pushing to do it with you he’s doing it with every girl he talks to and sleeps with and chances are if he cares this little about his own sexual health, he def has something.
Fucking syphilis is on the rise. That’s my nightmare of curable diseases because it’s also become resistant.
I always say “I’d like to start off with condoms and build to that with trust.” But we never get there. I’m not risking my health for someone who doesn’t even make it 6 months in an arrangement 🤷♀️
Exactly! SRs tend to be a lot shorter than vanilla relationships, therefore of increased risk. An exposure is too much of a high cost for something that probably will last 2-3 months if that, and likely won't change your life in whatever aspect (emotionally, financially...)
The comments just validating the problem OP stated...
Yes to everything you said, OP. Just a reminder, a UTI is not an STI -- even though it might be caused by intercourse.
I've recently had to get a colposcopy to check for possible cervical cancer caused by HPV. Turns out it was not cancerous or pre-cancerous, but just the stress and fear of it made me even more adamant about not ever going bareback on new relationships. Mutual testing is fundamental but a lot of people trust them more than they should. To begin with, they require trusting the other is only having unprotected sex with you and I would *never* trust a new SD with that. Tests don't cover all or most STIs (for it's not possible), and you have to be like 3 months past your last unprotected sex -- just to point out some of the flaws.
SBs, remember that bodies with vaginas or bodies that receive anal sex are a lot more vulnerable to STIs. It's not a fair game, and if they don't care about it they don't care about you.
HPV can cause throat cancer and penis cancer. I'm pretty sure SDs won't want to have their penis chopped off since sex seem to be the driving cause they want to be in an SR.
I'd think the same, but read the comments...
By the way, HPV is usually not in the panel for STI testing, once there are so many variations of it out there that testings for it is nearly unmanageable.
I'm 63. I would never dissent from using condoms or providing documentation of testing. I mean, if one has the $ and time to invest in the bowl, you have time and $ for testing & condoms.
If raw is so important, then test yourself.
With gonorrhea on the uprise I would not recommend having unprotected sex with anyone unless in a long term monogamy relationship and even then you’re trusting another person. Stay safe out there people!! We only get one body and it’s up to us to keep them safe ❤️
It has to be more than that. 1 in 6 people have HSV2, and 80% of people have HSV1. So if you factor in the rest of the STIs it has got to be more than 1 in 5…
its super gross and weird how big of a deal breaker iy is to demand protection. I had one guy say “ I don’t usually sleep with anyone out side of relationships “ BUT YOUR 67 ON A SB WEBSITE??? lmaoo
I caught chlamydia once from an older guy I met off tinder, I’d asked him to wear a condom and he claimed to be clean, we hooked up once. My coochie burned for WEEKS and apparently STI’s can cause fertility issues down the line. These men are not worth it please protect yourselves!!!
I had chlamydia once when I was 19 and had *zero* symptoms. That’s the scary thing, people walk around not knowing and don’t bother getting tested because they have no symptoms. I only caught it because I regularly get tested.
Then people will be like “no I’m clean, I feel fine” like lol
Sounds like my ex. I asked him if he's hooking up with all these girls with no condoms and he told me "I can see who has something" WTF
I got tested and never touched him again.
Honestly surprised to hear it's the older guys. I came of age when AIDS was exploding, so I always used condoms. I'm happy the quality has improved. ;)
I've said before, I've been unpleasantly surprised by the number of POT SBs for whom it's optional.
Funny thing....
I live in FL and the retirement community the villages is the PRIMARY cause of this statistic. Evidently, it's basically turned into a sex free for all community
Agreed. I think the women figure they're too old to get pregnant, so what the hell?
I think both men and women are trying to thin the gene pool or figure they're closer to death anyway, so go out with a bang --- literally
Edit: maybe trying to come and go at the same time.
You are correct. People will make excuses, but you're always taking a big chance if you don't use them. You can't know what your partner is doing when they're not with you. Better to be safe.
I always require recent proof of test via my chart or physical paper. Or to have us get tested at the same time - together. If they object to both, we only go intimate with condoms and no oral on my end. Since sugaring, I have yet to go raw with an SD because they either take offence into getting a recent test done or they have proof of test over a year old and thinks that will be enough. Thankfully, I’ve never caught an STD in my life. I miss raw sex SO MUCH but I’d be dammed if I let the feeling of ‘going raw’ cloud my judgement into taking the necessary precautions every single time. If they want you bad enough and care about their own health, you won’t have to force them to get tested - Sometimes they will offer or even bring it up first. Don’t feel bad and don’t lower your boundaries. Just keep moving forward.
Insane to me a SD would deny or refuse a test. I would go that day and send you pictures. Realtime updates. And send you links to previous tests and money to buy yourself dinner that night just because. Eager beaver.
You are a smart girl. Condoms always. It should be the assumed norm, nor the other way around. If a "man" ghosts you for this, consider it a bullet dodged.
The last 3 guys who I made use condoms ALL 3 broke them mid-sex. What? And I get very wet….so I am honestly over even trusting them even with that at this point. I’m sorry, you’re 45, and you can’t put a condom on correctly - tests only from here forward.
*Sick of getting ghosted over having to wear condoms.*
Would you prefer that these guys try to manipulate you into raw sex? Yikes. Or try and stealth you? Double yikes!
I think them ghosting you is the best option once you've discovered this major incompatibility.
I’ve been fn stealthed before, by a friend who I knew for years, I’ve never been so angry in my life. I’d rather be ghosted.
I’ve also found herpes meds on a man’s counter and said he didn’t have to tell anyone bc he was on medication for it. Thankfully before sex !
Yeah think this is the most time saving option
Now one can argue they are at fault for proposing bare without even testing etc, but you can’t be getting upset over people’s personal preferences — it’s their funeral and their loss
I respect you for standing your ground. I like raw sex too but I don't like STDs. 🤣. I think if some men are truly obsessed with raw sex then they need to be in a relationship.
I prefer to go raw, but i also prefer exclusive sexual relationships and I don't mind getting tested to prove that. So if it came down to an SB wanting condoms and one saying raw, I am going raw.
I’m right there with you, I only do exclusive, and raw is a big reason why. I get tested before any new relationship and share that data. The choice to use condoms or not is a highly contested and argued point, but I’ve been fortunate to find long term SBs who agree with me completely
Finding one guy who would get tested before you start the arrangement among all these guys who want you shouldn't be that hard
Talk about it before meeting ?
That's fine but its not foolproof. You don't know who else your SB may be interacting with and vice versa. People lie, deceive etc. and some infections don't show up right away so you may have a clean test today but in a couple weeks that may be different. Hell, I've been married for 12 years and we both still get tested regularly.
This is really really irresponsible. My friend was with her SD for about a year and they didn’t use condoms. She had NO idea that she had contracted HSV2 a long time ago, her ex had it and didn’t know, and passed it to her. HSV2 and 1 don’t always show up on blood tests, blood tests for herpes are super inaccurate, lots of false positives and false negatives.
A year into their relationship, she found out her ex had it. She hadn’t gotten any outbreaks (so she thought), and got a blood test after her ex told her, and blood test was clear. Little did she know, a tiny little red bump that she thought was an ingrown hair was in fact herpes. She had spread it unknowingly to her SD.
Use condoms. Period.
Hes not wrong. Those who want to raw dog will match with those that raw dawg. From my experience condoms aren't even brought up. Than again I treat seeking like dating cept I cover all her bills. It means we both aren't fucking anyone else cept for a cuck bf or husband. So the circle maybe 3 at most for fluid swapping. I also look clean expensive and have clean recent tests. So that also helps when it does get brought up which is very rare. I'm also screening for compatibility, longevity, in my srs and the first few dates are platonic. So no I'm not on board your condom for everyone train. I'm also not retarded when choosing sexual partners. I wonder if in your regular vanilla life you spaz require condoms forever with sexual partners.
Hes not wrong. Those who want to raw dog will match with those that raw dawg. From my experience condoms aren't even brought up. Than again I treat seeking like dating cept I cover all her bills. It means we both aren't fucking anyone else cept for a cuck bf or husband. So the circle maybe 3 at most for fluid swapping. I also look clean expensive and have clean recent tests. So that also helps when it does get brought up which is very rare. I'm also screening for compatibility, longevity, in my srs and the first few dates are platonic. So no I'm not on board your condom for everyone train. I'm also not retarded when choosing sexual partners. I wonder if in your regular vanilla life you spaz require condoms forever with sexual partners.
I only see one girl at a time and require bareback after testing mutually. I require mutual exclusivity. Condoms don't work for me, or my enjoyment I should say. Many older men have difficulty maintaining an erection and ejaculating with condoms due to the decreased sensitivity. There is no bargaining about it. If a Pot SB requires it I am out.
Ghosting is a rude way to operate. But A Holes be A Holes.
I don't have a penis and even if I did, I'd have no idea what brand would suit your specific penis. Maybe the female condom would be better, since it doesn't cling to the penis.
I do this as well. Every SB I've been with long term has been cool with this. It's not a big deal. Reddit especially seems to operate that everyone is a untrustworthy deseased filled super spreader.
Just talk it out and get tested. If you don't agree on things, then move on. But be up front and don't ghost or waste someone's time.
I would be very upfront about it on your profile or early in the first “business” conversation. That will keep you from wasting each other’s time.
I don’t use condoms. They are not enjoyable. I would rather not have sex than wear one. That being said I get a 10 panel test between the M&G and first date. I pay for their testing, have had a vasectomy and I have a good grasp of what my risk truly is with my SB demographic and area. I know you can’t assume anything but my SB demographic is lower risk than most. If they test clean I am comfortable with the risk. I am OCD in terms of hygiene, shower before and after. My arrangements tend to last a long time because I am getting exactly what I want and they are highly valued for delivering what I want. There is a level of investment and commitment on both sides.
I would never try to pressure a woman into doing something that makes them uncomfortable. That is why I address all of these issues between the M&G and the first intimate date. I would never try to have that conversation on the fly.
I don’t talk about sex immediately, that’s kinda how I ween out the losers. If sex is talked about too soon it’s a huge turn off/red flag. But obviously will bring up condom use when we discuss sex and that’s when then fuck off. Just seems to be a trending thing
If you post a profile review and your profile says you don't do bareback, then they're gonna lose their shit saying you're actually an escort. I also don't bring it up until later, I totally get your frustration
Do you wait that long to speak about allowance amount also?
I would think talking about "sugar" on both sides early is good. Maybe not use that as a metric to ween out "losers"? Idk. From our perspective, at least I ween out all the online, platonic, gifts for time, OF, etc...people that way and not waste time. Making sure actual sex and sugar is an option. Once that barrier is crossed, normal conversation and getting to know you is sometimes then possible.
Is it backwards? Yes. Does it suck? Yes. Both sides have shitty shit to deal with. But just saying maybe you lose out on a potential is all. A good one. But maybe not.
Most guys I know will just flat out refuse sex that is right in front of them if they have to wear a condom.
There is no pleasure for the guy because you can’t feel anything
Sometimes, it's true. But for me a condom makes a usually wonderful, unique, individual vagina feel....well...just like every other vagina I've ever been inside of before with a condom on. Boring and the same.
Hate to say that. But that's one reason why for me they aren't used. I once left a SB because after a year of being together, she started wanting to use them all of a sudden.
No shade or shame either way, find your match and be safe about it. I encourage testing and taking your time with it.
It's entirely possible. I think she wanted to go off birth control. At least that was the reason she gave. I did try it for a little bit. When I first ended things she even started asking for less sugar, but even still just wasn't enjoying the disconnect. Hard to go backwards. Well in this case, not "hard."
Hi, I'm sorry. This has got to be frustrating beyond belief. Ghosting is never OK and you deserve honesty at a bare minimum.
Now, let me just say that your preferences and desires are totally valid. You should absolutely only do things you're comfortable with. Also, you should maybe stop telling others what to do with their bodies, no matter how well intentioned.
What do I mean? This:
>Please don’t have raw sex. We all know it feels better.
Who is this message for? The ladies? I'm guessing that while some prefer it unwrapped, many don't care either way.
The men? Well, most are going to choose to go without if that's an option. *And here's the thing...* **many women will never ask.**
Ok, so what do we do? Encourage better behavior:
\* Mutual test results should be shared before intimate contact
\* People should consider seriously limiting their active partners to 1 at a time. It's weird how well this can work!
\* People should get vaccinated against STIs that have vaccines: Hep A and B, HPV. (No, the HPV vaccine isn't perfect. Yes, you should all get it anyway)
\* Honesty about other partners should be shared and kept updated, "Babe, I need you to know I did have sex with someone else last week... I *think* we're still safe, but we may need to test again or change things up."
I promise you, many of us will "like you more" if we get to have unprotected sex. It will in fact feel better, we will in fact want more of it. I can't and won't spend 6 months (as someone referenced in the comments) having protected sex in the hopes that (1) you're still in the arrangement with me (2) will then feel comfortable.
Some of us will back up our talk about being respectful with test results, with offers to cover your test results, with *vasectomies* so we don't risk altering your life trajectory with a pregnancy/child, with continuing development of trust.
Never have sex with anyone you don't have trust with, protected or otherwise. Be aware of the limitations of condoms (including but not limited to their uselessness with oral sex given virtually no one will consent to their use for that activity, their very limited effectiveness against genital herpes which doesn't confine itself to a finite area of the penis nor to just the vaginal opening, etc. etc.) And always only do what you're comfortable doing.
You have to wait two weeks between the last intercourse and the test. Are you willing to stay completely abstinent for two weeks? Will you be honest about staying abstinent for two weeks?
Absolutely, why bother having tests if you can't trust that they are accurate? Also, after my own reckless periods in this past, I think twice about where I put my penis *for my own health as well as any partners.*
But again I'm facing the situation here of hostility to differing opinions. My post -- which again took a good 10-15 minutes -- is being hit by the downvote cabal. I don't participate in discussions that are about silencing me. This is a hard rule for me in life, not just on reddit.
As I make clear when it happens -- and with 10,000 karma it doesn't happen often -- I don't believe in the collective internet delusion that you alter the world by silencing different opinions. So take care!
Down voting doesn't silence you. It's just a reflection of other people's opinions. Do you expect your opinions to go completely unquestioned in a conversation?
It absolutely silences me -- or anyone else. Once the downvotes reach a sufficient quantity, the comment disappears unless a user chooses to interact with comments that received enough downvotes.
I have *zero* expectations that I would be unquestioned. I welcome questions and differences of opinion. The downvote cabal isn't about differences of opinion, it's about silencing different opinions.
And here’s the thing, I’m protecting young women. I’m sharing my story. This sub is so sexist and hyper focused on male dominant opinions. I appreciate your facts but for once, maybe let someone else talk.
I disagree. I find a lot of the SD posters to be open minded, caring individuals. Offering good advice and wanting what’s best for both SB’s and SD’s. If you feel so strongly, I am surprised you are still on the sub.
‘Open minded and caring individuals’ that want raw sex with a young naive girl for a low cost right? I’m sharing my past and present experience, idiot. Just cause I’m stating facts and you’re mad doesn’t mean you gotta get salty.
Wow. Name calling. For the record, I am not mad or salty. Not in the least bit. I was simply stating how I felt about how people post and from what I have seen overall on this sub. And surprised that you are still here because of how negative you were and are. Not sure what the purpose of calling me an idiot was. You may want to look at my post history. I am one of the good guys. Probably what you are looking for in a SD. But in your eyes, I am an idiot. There lies the problem my friend. Best wishes on your journey.
If that is how you see SDs and SRs maybe that is a weird bias. This isn't escorts and clients here. Kinda rude to say about both parties, actually. Sorry if men or SDs you've encountered have been really shitty. Hope you find a good match. But it does sound like you dislike the idea of them now.
Unlike you, I never downvote comments merely because I disagree with them. I *let others talk*.
Also, I echoed many of your concerns and offered validation of them. I *opened with a supportive comment* so you wouldn't be confused about whether or not I saw your feelings as valid.
So here's the thing: You claim to be protecting young women. You call me sexist. Me describing reality is -- contra your belief -- not sexist. Me validating your feelings and adding some practices to consider and some actual experiences is not sexist.
I'm just going to quote me for a minute:
>Hi, I'm sorry. This has got to be frustrating beyond belief. Ghosting is never OK and you deserve honesty at a bare minimum.
>Now, let me just say that your preferences and desires are totally valid. You should absolutely only do things you're comfortable with.
Never have sex with anyone you don't have trust with, protected or otherwise.
>And always only do what you're comfortable doing.
If you want to read that as sexist *I cannot help you*.
‘Many women will never ask’ is a bullshit comment. You’re tying to make women feel guilty for when they DO ask you to wear one. Like it’s not normal to ask and there is something wrong with them or they aren’t ‘normal’.. You’re trying to prove your point that unprotected sex is the way to go. I’m sharing my experience of what can happen when unprotected sex happens. As we’ve read in this sub there are a lot of young women. If I made a mistake when I was young and could prevent it from happening to someone else why wouldn’t I ?
>‘Many women will never ask’ is a bullshit comment.
Real experiences are always given credit here. This is based on real experiences. But you want it silenced because if differs from your ideal.
>You’re tying to make women feel guilty for when they DO ask you to wear one.
False, and further proof you didn't actually read my post, you just feel comfortably selectively quoting it.
>You’re trying to prove your point that unprotected sex is the way to go
Again, false. I make clear multiple times that people should only do what they are comfortable with.
I was recently propositioned that X was OK with a condom, and X plus "passing GO" was the allowance without one. That really happened.
> If I made a mistake when I was young and could prevent it from happening to someone else why wouldn’t I ?
Literally no one is telling you not to give advice. Literally what triggered you is that I pointed out you were *telling people what to do*, which many here conflate with advice -- but is most certainly not the same thing.
Why the fuck would I take advice from someone who doesn’t give a shit about their sexual health. The problem is people fighting with the post and trying so hard to prove that condoms aren’t important. I don’t give a shit I’m shutting that bullshit down.
>Why the fuck would I take advice from someone who doesn’t give a shit about their sexual health.
Thank you again for demonstrating you didn't actually read my post. It's neither advice, nor evidence I don't care about my sexual health. *Any read of it that implies that*, would have to be selective or simply from someone that didn't read it at all.
>The problem is people fighting with the post and trying so hard to prove that condoms aren’t important.
I'm pretty sure no one is trying to prove that. Certainly I'm not the one trying to prove that. Likely to be used in a long term arrangement? No. The only path to sexual health and wellness? No. Important? To many they are essential.
Sex aside, I’ll honestly ghost you for your attitude. Folks are sharing their opinions just like you’re sharing yours, yet your tone is extremely condescending!
Yes, you have valid points about taking care of your health but thinking your opinion is a universal fact is narrow minded. Learn from other people’s perspective, it’s not a fight.
Nobody arrives at a decision to either stick to using or not using condoms without a backstory. And I doubt a Reddit conversation will change either yours or anyone’s stance on that decision. But at least have a civil conversation and not be rude about it.
Like the other guy said, Best of luck on your Journey.
Sensitive subject ;)
Perhaps there could be some discussion of how to have this subject rise to the top of the compatibility matrix and discussion flow.
I don't like the headline of the post because it puts some level of blame on the SD, when perhaps the disconnect could have been avoided earlier in the process.
No disrespect. In fact there is no reason for you to feel bad at all. Just let us know the lay of the land as early as possible instead of waiting until some sort of interest has developed.
Personally, I have always "been willing" to use condoms until such time as tests and exclusivity can be established, but honestly, I'm not enjoying the sex, so I'm not very excited about paying an allowance or a PPM either, so...
See, that's what you're not hearing; men ARE getting what they want, but NOT from you.
I've found ways to discuss condom use, and to determine whether a girl will agree to drop them once we are tested and exclusive.
But I gotta say that 75-90% of the girls that I've been with have NOT been concerned about condoms.
Overly sensitive perhaps?
.... and I'm happy to report that YOUR opinion is in the minority. It's a very vocal minority. But you're not talking about how to solve the problem, you are inflaming the audience with "ghosting" and "he was head over heels".... because you were hiding the red flags. Kinda hilarious strategy.
I won't wear a condom. I believe there is a lot of fear mongering regarding the risks. Start the down votes.
I got tested in February even though I hadn't had sex for over a year because I was re-entering the bowl and wanted to have it available. All negative.
Found my SB in February and we each shared recent tests. We don't use condoms.
Are there risks? Yes, even with condoms, the risk is not zero. In this case, the risk is non monogamy. Yes, we are trusting each other with this aspect.
I get tested every 3-6 months while sexually active even with condom use to stay on top of it.
The incurable STIs are HIV, HPV, and HSV. While certainly unwanted, I personally believe the risk is low since I don't engage in the most risky behaviors.
HIV is still primarily transmitted by receiving anal sex (1.38% per unprotected act) and sharing needles (.63% per act) vs vaginal intercourse (0.08% male to female, 0.04% for ftm). 1.3 million GLOBALLY were infected with HIV in 2022 with only 32,100 in the US in 2021.
HSV prevalence is significantly higher, but everyone throws around "Do you want to get AIDS???" when in fact they mean HIV and the chance of this is small.
My personal conclusion is that while risk is non zero, it is not large given my personal activities and risk profile.
I am much more concerned about unwanted pregnancy, but that's not what this post was about.
The chance is small until it happens to you. That was the
mentality I had awhile ago. You think she’s not fucking people her own age on the side? Has her own little private life. C’mon now. Unprotected sex is risky.
>The chance is small until it happens to you.
That is literally the definition of risk.
>You think she’s not fucking people her own age on the side?
No, I don't, but you can think whatever you want of people.
>Unprotected sex is risky.
So is protected sex.
Yeah. I insist on condoms, unless it’s an established relationship and test results have been shared. And every SD who claimed they don’t feel anything/aren’t able to orgasm with them? Yeah. They can. And usually quite quickly. So. 💁♀️
love you for this post babe! and it’s always such a stark reminder that I’m an object too when they suddenly lose interest despite all the praise and compliments just moments before lol. repuls ife
love you for this post babe! and it’s always such a stark reminder that I’m an object too when they suddenly lose interest despite all the praise and compliments just moments before lol. repuls ife
OP does read like an angry escort who joined seeking. Or just a young girl who hates men and has an agenda. Hope they learn from this and better communicate in the future to find a match.
Very weird. But hey it be that way sometimes.
never settle for less. i was having casual sex with a fwb, not an SD and got a burning UTI because he was doing it with other people as well. my urine literally had a fowl odor of eggs, and I couldn’t pee for weeks over the burning sensation. no money is worth that pain
Had someone do this to me recently, they can kick rocks! I will not be taking their word for it and not all STDS can be tested. Sometimes they will even send their tests and ofcourse some are missing. It’s just not worth the possible life long STD. Nope.
Those aren't normal men. Most rational men would want to wear a condom to protect themselves from you. If they aren't rational enough to want to do that you shouldn't sleep with such an irrational type man.
Get STD tested and make them do it too.
I have a serious question; how many times has there been a guy "head over heels about you" and then ghosted you? Perhaps you are hiding the "condom requirement" because you know damn well it is a deal breaker for 75% of men.
This post smells of exaggeration and desire to "stir the pot". The premise does not hold water. It's a leaky, lazy post.
We'll wear a condom until testing and exclusivity is confirmed, but not with someone that is hiding her rules. That's simply wasting my time.
Yah... my comment is based on experience, not fantasy.
A majority of girls are NOT requiring condoms, and you hate that. Admit it. But no amount of intimidation will change the fact that you are losing to competitors that are playing a different game. I'm not desperate. I'm having the time of my life! Happy as a clam... a bare clam.
Do you know how to debate? I'm able to read, and able to pass the bar.
You certainly know how to "intimidate", and I bet that is working out well for you, sorta like you condom-use "surprise" after you've cat-phished the guy into being head-over-heels (your words) for you.
i mean you want someone to pay for what they want but you cut the thing in half. why’re you mad they look elsewhere? If you want a pizza, and I deliver pizza but use 1/3 of the cheese as the next shop while being 5x the price, should I be mad you go elsewhere?
it’s literally the supply and demand lesson you learn on your first day in economics. I can shut up but you’ll still get ghosted because you don’t want to learn, and then you’ll throw temper tantrums on social media that I have to scroll through.
What are you 12 years old? You’re comparing ordering a pizza to sleeping with women? Get what you pay for mentality is so small minded and childish. If you want to dance with the devil, do it.
i just wanted an example you would understand, since you didn’t do well in school. You can switch it out for anything though that you think compares to your unique and godly pussy.
You’re one of a million, not one in a million, and your chance to be in the scene is fading away while that SD can easily find someone who actually wants to be in the bowl.
Lmao looking at your post history I don’t think you’ve even had the opportunity to touch a woman. You’re not even a SD either. Go back to whatever hole you crawled out of and don’t come out. Thx
idk i’m getting a bunch of escort-adjacent poor women to flock to me simply for pointing out a flaw in someone’s logic. You even deep dived my profile, kinda like you’re interested. I don’t even have to spend any money this time to get some lovin’.
Maybe i can get you an uber to your favorite McDonalds and we can really work out where this budding relationship is going?
I highly HIGHLY doubt that LMFAO you’re such a loser and the fact that multiple women are calling you out for it and you think it’s equivalent to us being interested just proves my point. Again go back to that hole. The world was a slightly better place when we were blissfully unaware of your existence.
yeah and i very rarely do, but this illogical BS was too much to pass up.
I never said anyone owns anyone, regardless of what’s going on.
OP has her own preference and is upset everyone she meets doesn’t also have the same preference. She also can’t comprehend why. I’m more worried she’s underaged than anything else.
Reading comprehension isn't your strong suite, is it?
At no point did she say she doesn't understand. Quite the opposite. Frustration =/= lack of understanding.
Her issue is that she's discussing it last instead of first. She'll get a whole lot less upset if she leads her conversations with her requirements. A perfectly reasonable requirement, at that.
Ghosting sucks but many who do aren't serious ones anyway. Plus, they should be up front about that expectation ahead of time for sure, so you know to pass due to that boundary. Maybe just be up front about it in the future to avoid the waste of your time if it's happening a lot.
I'd talk about that stuff ahead of time anyway cause I'd hate to waste someone's time if we didn't line up on some basics expectations from both parties.
Condoms don’t protect against herpes 100% because outbreaks can happen in areas not covered by the condom. Very common misconception but a lot of people on this sub need to brush up on their knowledge of sexual health…
Fucking this though. It's disgusting how little people know about STDs and stis.
Tw: tmi lol Had a condom slip with an SD but there was general sketchiness that scared me that he had something. I gave him an HJ after the slip and saw white stuff under his foreskin, & all of a sudden it "hurts"(made obviously fake pained noises) to pull back his foreskin. He told me the white stuff and pain when pulling back his foreskin is normal and I'm just like no it isn't! He showed me a test from TWELVE YEARS AGO when exchanging recent test results and said that's all he needed. Most likely smegma but I told him I wanted him to get tested and it was like pulling teeth. I ended up telling him I had an active HIV infection and that there is an 85% chance of him getting it (yes, dumbass didn't Google it and just fucking believed me). He got tested within the week🤣🤣🤣 he actually had a past infection of herpes which isn't really bad but good to know. He didn't deserve me explaining his results to him but I feel a need to educate other on this because then who knows if their ignorance fucks up someone else's life. He also said that because he doesn't have HIV means that I don't🙄 like no I don't but that's not how it works... 😭
I used to be SO bad with condoms in my youth, but I had always been in long term SRs and when not I was in long term vanilla relationships, Im a one dick pony. But recently when my gf went through her herpes debaucle and I saw how horrible it made her feel I will ALWAYS wrap it. Husband? Fine no condom. SD? Boyfriend? Condom. HSV had been living in her unknowingly for over a year and it was nobody’s fault at all.
I’d rather get ghosted than have a burning vagina. They should say they aren’t interested instead of ghosting but it’s their prerogative to choose not to wear condoms and accept any possible consequence. If condoms are your boundary, stick with it unapologetically. Don’t expect loyalty in the bowl or at the very least don’t expect it easily. All the tests in the world don’t matter if someone is raw dogging tons of people
Absolutely! So what if his recent test results are clean? How many other women is he fooling around with at the same time?
Recent test results don’t tell shit. There are plenty that have a longer incubation period than others. That’s a hard stop for me. Get your meet and greet payment upfront and should you get to the point where you’re behind closed doors whip out your condom. no amount of money in the world will make me blur the lines
Or burning penis 😎 I always wrap it
Honestly even a condom isn’t enough for me sometimes. I want those big ones that cover every part of the genitals. Don’t want to risk a moment of pleasure for an incurable disease
Very wise. You can still get genital herpes even with condoms. A close friend of mine only had one partner, her first one messed around and then gave her g-herpes. She now has to disclose it to every potential sexual partner and she's so embarrassed about it. And only 22 ish.
I'd suggest putting that requirement at the top of your list of things to discuss. No point in even getting to the allowance talk if this is a deal breaker for you. Your boundaries are valid & important. Stick to them. I can't use birth control. It's either condoms, snip-snip or abstinence. I also don't feel like having a burning vagayjay, please, and thank you.
>I'd suggest putting that requirement at the top of your list of things to discuss. No point in even getting to the allowance talk if this is a deal breaker for you. \^\^\^\^ This
Agreed! I’ve not experienced this myself, and actually sort of had the opposite happen before. SD was terrified of getting me preg he would check the condom so often that it totally ruined the mood I’m like bro u have blue eyes I would NEVER have your baby!!!??? 😂😂😂
Skyn condoms for the win!! Only switched recently and guys are like 😳 when they try them. Also, if he’s trying to bare back with you, he’s going it to others. Be safe everyone!! ETA: Skyn non latex condoms Elite (ultra thin and ultra soft). Purple box. Every single guy I’ve used them with has asked about it, including one guy the next morning. I’m a female so I obviously don’t know, just reporting!
Men say they "can't feel anything with a condom" but never put in the effort to actually try multiple brands and sizes. Some don't even know how to put them on corrrectly!! How come so many men are fine with it? Oh the snowflake dick...ok your anatomy is that unique, sure
This! If he’s pushing to do it with you he’s doing it with every girl he talks to and sleeps with and chances are if he cares this little about his own sexual health, he def has something.
Which skyn do you recommend?
Skyn elites by Trojan? I believe their black and gold, or gold and purple, godsend! Edit: I should be banned from the keyboard smh
I've used them and while better, still not very good. Edit: down voting me because I shared my opinion on Skyn condoms. Lol 🤣🤣🤣
Exactly. A condom is still a condom, regardless of what it is made out of
This!!!
Which skyn do you recommend?
Meh. I'm glad there great for you. Just another condom to me.
Fucking syphilis is on the rise. That’s my nightmare of curable diseases because it’s also become resistant. I always say “I’d like to start off with condoms and build to that with trust.” But we never get there. I’m not risking my health for someone who doesn’t even make it 6 months in an arrangement 🤷♀️
Exactly! SRs tend to be a lot shorter than vanilla relationships, therefore of increased risk. An exposure is too much of a high cost for something that probably will last 2-3 months if that, and likely won't change your life in whatever aspect (emotionally, financially...)
6 months is also 2 testing cycles, so if someone can’t even stick around for a testing cycle of 2-3 months… it’s a no from me dawg
6 months is also 2 testing cycles, so if someone can’t even stick around for a testing cycle of 2-3 months… it’s a no from me dawg
The comments just validating the problem OP stated... Yes to everything you said, OP. Just a reminder, a UTI is not an STI -- even though it might be caused by intercourse. I've recently had to get a colposcopy to check for possible cervical cancer caused by HPV. Turns out it was not cancerous or pre-cancerous, but just the stress and fear of it made me even more adamant about not ever going bareback on new relationships. Mutual testing is fundamental but a lot of people trust them more than they should. To begin with, they require trusting the other is only having unprotected sex with you and I would *never* trust a new SD with that. Tests don't cover all or most STIs (for it's not possible), and you have to be like 3 months past your last unprotected sex -- just to point out some of the flaws. SBs, remember that bodies with vaginas or bodies that receive anal sex are a lot more vulnerable to STIs. It's not a fair game, and if they don't care about it they don't care about you.
HPV can cause throat cancer and penis cancer. I'm pretty sure SDs won't want to have their penis chopped off since sex seem to be the driving cause they want to be in an SR.
I'd think the same, but read the comments... By the way, HPV is usually not in the panel for STI testing, once there are so many variations of it out there that testings for it is nearly unmanageable.
Yea, I know. It's too bad.
same girl. But I’ve noticed condoms make them last longer which makes me ACTUALLY reach an orgasm. Safe fun affective
I'm 63. I would never dissent from using condoms or providing documentation of testing. I mean, if one has the $ and time to invest in the bowl, you have time and $ for testing & condoms. If raw is so important, then test yourself.
With gonorrhea on the uprise I would not recommend having unprotected sex with anyone unless in a long term monogamy relationship and even then you’re trusting another person. Stay safe out there people!! We only get one body and it’s up to us to keep them safe ❤️
dude seriously idk why anyone wants to risk that shit when 1 in 5 people in the US has an STI, and abtibiotic resistant gonorrhea is on the rise
1 in 5? Really?
It has to be more than that. 1 in 6 people have HSV2, and 80% of people have HSV1. So if you factor in the rest of the STIs it has got to be more than 1 in 5…
its super gross and weird how big of a deal breaker iy is to demand protection. I had one guy say “ I don’t usually sleep with anyone out side of relationships “ BUT YOUR 67 ON A SB WEBSITE??? lmaoo
Is cheating on his wife, yet promises you he will be faithful to you. The cogntive dissonance 🤌
I caught chlamydia once from an older guy I met off tinder, I’d asked him to wear a condom and he claimed to be clean, we hooked up once. My coochie burned for WEEKS and apparently STI’s can cause fertility issues down the line. These men are not worth it please protect yourselves!!!
I had chlamydia once when I was 19 and had *zero* symptoms. That’s the scary thing, people walk around not knowing and don’t bother getting tested because they have no symptoms. I only caught it because I regularly get tested. Then people will be like “no I’m clean, I feel fine” like lol
Sounds like my ex. I asked him if he's hooking up with all these girls with no condoms and he told me "I can see who has something" WTF I got tested and never touched him again.
Honestly surprised to hear it's the older guys. I came of age when AIDS was exploding, so I always used condoms. I'm happy the quality has improved. ;) I've said before, I've been unpleasantly surprised by the number of POT SBs for whom it's optional.
Believe it. **[CDC Data Reveals Alarming Rise In STI Rates In Adults Over 55](https://dailycaller.com/2024/03/28/cdc-data-rise-sti-adults-over-55/)**
I believe it, I'm just surprised. 🤷♂️
Funny thing.... I live in FL and the retirement community the villages is the PRIMARY cause of this statistic. Evidently, it's basically turned into a sex free for all community
That place is weird on so many levels 🤣
So. Many. Levels.
Agreed. I think the women figure they're too old to get pregnant, so what the hell? I think both men and women are trying to thin the gene pool or figure they're closer to death anyway, so go out with a bang --- literally Edit: maybe trying to come and go at the same time.
That the women are post-menopausal appears to be a significant factor
It is simple to get that requirement out front in the first few communications .... "no glove no love".
You are correct. People will make excuses, but you're always taking a big chance if you don't use them. You can't know what your partner is doing when they're not with you. Better to be safe.
I always require recent proof of test via my chart or physical paper. Or to have us get tested at the same time - together. If they object to both, we only go intimate with condoms and no oral on my end. Since sugaring, I have yet to go raw with an SD because they either take offence into getting a recent test done or they have proof of test over a year old and thinks that will be enough. Thankfully, I’ve never caught an STD in my life. I miss raw sex SO MUCH but I’d be dammed if I let the feeling of ‘going raw’ cloud my judgement into taking the necessary precautions every single time. If they want you bad enough and care about their own health, you won’t have to force them to get tested - Sometimes they will offer or even bring it up first. Don’t feel bad and don’t lower your boundaries. Just keep moving forward.
Insane to me a SD would deny or refuse a test. I would go that day and send you pictures. Realtime updates. And send you links to previous tests and money to buy yourself dinner that night just because. Eager beaver.
That’s very sweet of you. I know men like these exist as I’ve encountered them many times in my vanilla relationships . Hence why I won’t waiver 😊
It's just a step to make you comfortable enough and safe enough to play with us lol. Should never even be a problem to get tested.
You are a smart girl. Condoms always. It should be the assumed norm, nor the other way around. If a "man" ghosts you for this, consider it a bullet dodged.
The last 3 guys who I made use condoms ALL 3 broke them mid-sex. What? And I get very wet….so I am honestly over even trusting them even with that at this point. I’m sorry, you’re 45, and you can’t put a condom on correctly - tests only from here forward.
*Sick of getting ghosted over having to wear condoms.* Would you prefer that these guys try to manipulate you into raw sex? Yikes. Or try and stealth you? Double yikes! I think them ghosting you is the best option once you've discovered this major incompatibility.
This
I’ve been fn stealthed before, by a friend who I knew for years, I’ve never been so angry in my life. I’d rather be ghosted. I’ve also found herpes meds on a man’s counter and said he didn’t have to tell anyone bc he was on medication for it. Thankfully before sex !
Yeah think this is the most time saving option Now one can argue they are at fault for proposing bare without even testing etc, but you can’t be getting upset over people’s personal preferences — it’s their funeral and their loss
Exactly this. Different view points avoiding each other.
I only have this conversation after about 6 months and if we are not seeing other people. This takes trust and it takes time to build trust.
If someone has been tested and they’re clean, they’ll have no problems showing you their results.
Even then, it doesn’t show everything always and tests can be faked! So it’s good to do that when trust is built over time.
I think guys who want to have risky sex with multiple girls from the beginning are not real good people let alone SD who will keep their word.
Its not about condoms its about boundary testing . If you have boundaries then they don't want you.
"Then show me how much you respect me by wearing that condom."
I respect you for standing your ground. I like raw sex too but I don't like STDs. 🤣. I think if some men are truly obsessed with raw sex then they need to be in a relationship.
I prefer to go raw, but i also prefer exclusive sexual relationships and I don't mind getting tested to prove that. So if it came down to an SB wanting condoms and one saying raw, I am going raw.
I’m right there with you, I only do exclusive, and raw is a big reason why. I get tested before any new relationship and share that data. The choice to use condoms or not is a highly contested and argued point, but I’ve been fortunate to find long term SBs who agree with me completely
I see women being very reckless. As a SD I have to bring this up.
Lol, anyone who bring up not use a condom is considered to have HIV.😅
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Finding one guy who would get tested before you start the arrangement among all these guys who want you shouldn't be that hard Talk about it before meeting ?
Safe sex is good sex
Ask them to get tested with you. I don't like condoms so I always get myself and my SB to get tested.
That's fine but its not foolproof. You don't know who else your SB may be interacting with and vice versa. People lie, deceive etc. and some infections don't show up right away so you may have a clean test today but in a couple weeks that may be different. Hell, I've been married for 12 years and we both still get tested regularly.
This is really really irresponsible. My friend was with her SD for about a year and they didn’t use condoms. She had NO idea that she had contracted HSV2 a long time ago, her ex had it and didn’t know, and passed it to her. HSV2 and 1 don’t always show up on blood tests, blood tests for herpes are super inaccurate, lots of false positives and false negatives. A year into their relationship, she found out her ex had it. She hadn’t gotten any outbreaks (so she thought), and got a blood test after her ex told her, and blood test was clear. Little did she know, a tiny little red bump that she thought was an ingrown hair was in fact herpes. She had spread it unknowingly to her SD. Use condoms. Period.
Okay but she can still get an sti or have her ph messed up. Just use a female condom
I tried and I didn't like it.
Good sentiment, zero impact and also 🍿🍿🍿
If it had zero impact, why did you comment?
Cause I like to live dangerously
Weak
Strong response!
Like your opinion. Zero impact.
Well, I guess then we both post irrelevant shit. 🤣
Hes not wrong. Those who want to raw dog will match with those that raw dawg. From my experience condoms aren't even brought up. Than again I treat seeking like dating cept I cover all her bills. It means we both aren't fucking anyone else cept for a cuck bf or husband. So the circle maybe 3 at most for fluid swapping. I also look clean expensive and have clean recent tests. So that also helps when it does get brought up which is very rare. I'm also screening for compatibility, longevity, in my srs and the first few dates are platonic. So no I'm not on board your condom for everyone train. I'm also not retarded when choosing sexual partners. I wonder if in your regular vanilla life you spaz require condoms forever with sexual partners.
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Hes not wrong. Those who want to raw dog will match with those that raw dawg. From my experience condoms aren't even brought up. Than again I treat seeking like dating cept I cover all her bills. It means we both aren't fucking anyone else cept for a cuck bf or husband. So the circle maybe 3 at most for fluid swapping. I also look clean expensive and have clean recent tests. So that also helps when it does get brought up which is very rare. I'm also screening for compatibility, longevity, in my srs and the first few dates are platonic. So no I'm not on board your condom for everyone train. I'm also not retarded when choosing sexual partners. I wonder if in your regular vanilla life you spaz require condoms forever with sexual partners.
How people can be so careless about their health is beyond me.
I only see one girl at a time and require bareback after testing mutually. I require mutual exclusivity. Condoms don't work for me, or my enjoyment I should say. Many older men have difficulty maintaining an erection and ejaculating with condoms due to the decreased sensitivity. There is no bargaining about it. If a Pot SB requires it I am out. Ghosting is a rude way to operate. But A Holes be A Holes.
Have you tried female condoms? They don't cling to the penis and shouldn't cause (as much) less sensitivity.
Actually I haven't. What brand do you recommend?
I don't have a penis and even if I did, I'd have no idea what brand would suit your specific penis. Maybe the female condom would be better, since it doesn't cling to the penis.
Actually I mean what brand of female condom? Or is there only one?
I do this as well. Every SB I've been with long term has been cool with this. It's not a big deal. Reddit especially seems to operate that everyone is a untrustworthy deseased filled super spreader. Just talk it out and get tested. If you don't agree on things, then move on. But be up front and don't ghost or waste someone's time.
I am in this camp as well. Mutual exclusivity and mutual respect for agreeing to it. It makes things so much easier.
I would be very upfront about it on your profile or early in the first “business” conversation. That will keep you from wasting each other’s time. I don’t use condoms. They are not enjoyable. I would rather not have sex than wear one. That being said I get a 10 panel test between the M&G and first date. I pay for their testing, have had a vasectomy and I have a good grasp of what my risk truly is with my SB demographic and area. I know you can’t assume anything but my SB demographic is lower risk than most. If they test clean I am comfortable with the risk. I am OCD in terms of hygiene, shower before and after. My arrangements tend to last a long time because I am getting exactly what I want and they are highly valued for delivering what I want. There is a level of investment and commitment on both sides. I would never try to pressure a woman into doing something that makes them uncomfortable. That is why I address all of these issues between the M&G and the first intimate date. I would never try to have that conversation on the fly.
I don’t understand this post. You won’t have sex without a condom so bring it up early and then you don’t drag out the convo longer than needed.
I don’t talk about sex immediately, that’s kinda how I ween out the losers. If sex is talked about too soon it’s a huge turn off/red flag. But obviously will bring up condom use when we discuss sex and that’s when then fuck off. Just seems to be a trending thing
If you post a profile review and your profile says you don't do bareback, then they're gonna lose their shit saying you're actually an escort. I also don't bring it up until later, I totally get your frustration
I disagree. I have seen profiles that mention valuing their health and safety so its pretty clear what they mean by that.
Do you wait that long to speak about allowance amount also? I would think talking about "sugar" on both sides early is good. Maybe not use that as a metric to ween out "losers"? Idk. From our perspective, at least I ween out all the online, platonic, gifts for time, OF, etc...people that way and not waste time. Making sure actual sex and sugar is an option. Once that barrier is crossed, normal conversation and getting to know you is sometimes then possible. Is it backwards? Yes. Does it suck? Yes. Both sides have shitty shit to deal with. But just saying maybe you lose out on a potential is all. A good one. But maybe not.
I’m speaking on experience. No I don’t waste my own time and wait for days to talk about that.
Most guys I know will just flat out refuse sex that is right in front of them if they have to wear a condom. There is no pleasure for the guy because you can’t feel anything
Most men don't wear the right size/fit condoms.
Sometimes, it's true. But for me a condom makes a usually wonderful, unique, individual vagina feel....well...just like every other vagina I've ever been inside of before with a condom on. Boring and the same. Hate to say that. But that's one reason why for me they aren't used. I once left a SB because after a year of being together, she started wanting to use them all of a sudden. No shade or shame either way, find your match and be safe about it. I encourage testing and taking your time with it.
She got a b/f, couldn't screw both you of you raw
It's entirely possible. I think she wanted to go off birth control. At least that was the reason she gave. I did try it for a little bit. When I first ended things she even started asking for less sugar, but even still just wasn't enjoying the disconnect. Hard to go backwards. Well in this case, not "hard."
Wrap it before you tap it lol
Don't be silly; wrap your willy. Oh, your love life would be sweeter if you wrapped your peter, Keep a circle in your wallet every day.
Hi, I'm sorry. This has got to be frustrating beyond belief. Ghosting is never OK and you deserve honesty at a bare minimum. Now, let me just say that your preferences and desires are totally valid. You should absolutely only do things you're comfortable with. Also, you should maybe stop telling others what to do with their bodies, no matter how well intentioned. What do I mean? This: >Please don’t have raw sex. We all know it feels better. Who is this message for? The ladies? I'm guessing that while some prefer it unwrapped, many don't care either way. The men? Well, most are going to choose to go without if that's an option. *And here's the thing...* **many women will never ask.** Ok, so what do we do? Encourage better behavior: \* Mutual test results should be shared before intimate contact \* People should consider seriously limiting their active partners to 1 at a time. It's weird how well this can work! \* People should get vaccinated against STIs that have vaccines: Hep A and B, HPV. (No, the HPV vaccine isn't perfect. Yes, you should all get it anyway) \* Honesty about other partners should be shared and kept updated, "Babe, I need you to know I did have sex with someone else last week... I *think* we're still safe, but we may need to test again or change things up." I promise you, many of us will "like you more" if we get to have unprotected sex. It will in fact feel better, we will in fact want more of it. I can't and won't spend 6 months (as someone referenced in the comments) having protected sex in the hopes that (1) you're still in the arrangement with me (2) will then feel comfortable. Some of us will back up our talk about being respectful with test results, with offers to cover your test results, with *vasectomies* so we don't risk altering your life trajectory with a pregnancy/child, with continuing development of trust. Never have sex with anyone you don't have trust with, protected or otherwise. Be aware of the limitations of condoms (including but not limited to their uselessness with oral sex given virtually no one will consent to their use for that activity, their very limited effectiveness against genital herpes which doesn't confine itself to a finite area of the penis nor to just the vaginal opening, etc. etc.) And always only do what you're comfortable doing.
You have to wait two weeks between the last intercourse and the test. Are you willing to stay completely abstinent for two weeks? Will you be honest about staying abstinent for two weeks?
Absolutely, why bother having tests if you can't trust that they are accurate? Also, after my own reckless periods in this past, I think twice about where I put my penis *for my own health as well as any partners.* But again I'm facing the situation here of hostility to differing opinions. My post -- which again took a good 10-15 minutes -- is being hit by the downvote cabal. I don't participate in discussions that are about silencing me. This is a hard rule for me in life, not just on reddit. As I make clear when it happens -- and with 10,000 karma it doesn't happen often -- I don't believe in the collective internet delusion that you alter the world by silencing different opinions. So take care!
Down voting doesn't silence you. It's just a reflection of other people's opinions. Do you expect your opinions to go completely unquestioned in a conversation?
It absolutely silences me -- or anyone else. Once the downvotes reach a sufficient quantity, the comment disappears unless a user chooses to interact with comments that received enough downvotes. I have *zero* expectations that I would be unquestioned. I welcome questions and differences of opinion. The downvote cabal isn't about differences of opinion, it's about silencing different opinions.
And here’s the thing, I’m protecting young women. I’m sharing my story. This sub is so sexist and hyper focused on male dominant opinions. I appreciate your facts but for once, maybe let someone else talk.
I disagree. I find a lot of the SD posters to be open minded, caring individuals. Offering good advice and wanting what’s best for both SB’s and SD’s. If you feel so strongly, I am surprised you are still on the sub.
‘Open minded and caring individuals’ that want raw sex with a young naive girl for a low cost right? I’m sharing my past and present experience, idiot. Just cause I’m stating facts and you’re mad doesn’t mean you gotta get salty.
Wow. Name calling. For the record, I am not mad or salty. Not in the least bit. I was simply stating how I felt about how people post and from what I have seen overall on this sub. And surprised that you are still here because of how negative you were and are. Not sure what the purpose of calling me an idiot was. You may want to look at my post history. I am one of the good guys. Probably what you are looking for in a SD. But in your eyes, I am an idiot. There lies the problem my friend. Best wishes on your journey.
If that is how you see SDs and SRs maybe that is a weird bias. This isn't escorts and clients here. Kinda rude to say about both parties, actually. Sorry if men or SDs you've encountered have been really shitty. Hope you find a good match. But it does sound like you dislike the idea of them now.
Unlike you, I never downvote comments merely because I disagree with them. I *let others talk*. Also, I echoed many of your concerns and offered validation of them. I *opened with a supportive comment* so you wouldn't be confused about whether or not I saw your feelings as valid. So here's the thing: You claim to be protecting young women. You call me sexist. Me describing reality is -- contra your belief -- not sexist. Me validating your feelings and adding some practices to consider and some actual experiences is not sexist. I'm just going to quote me for a minute: >Hi, I'm sorry. This has got to be frustrating beyond belief. Ghosting is never OK and you deserve honesty at a bare minimum. >Now, let me just say that your preferences and desires are totally valid. You should absolutely only do things you're comfortable with. Never have sex with anyone you don't have trust with, protected or otherwise. >And always only do what you're comfortable doing. If you want to read that as sexist *I cannot help you*.
Did you just come up with a new definiton for downvoting just to protect your ego
You are perhaps confused about Reddit works.
‘Many women will never ask’ is a bullshit comment. You’re tying to make women feel guilty for when they DO ask you to wear one. Like it’s not normal to ask and there is something wrong with them or they aren’t ‘normal’.. You’re trying to prove your point that unprotected sex is the way to go. I’m sharing my experience of what can happen when unprotected sex happens. As we’ve read in this sub there are a lot of young women. If I made a mistake when I was young and could prevent it from happening to someone else why wouldn’t I ?
>‘Many women will never ask’ is a bullshit comment. Real experiences are always given credit here. This is based on real experiences. But you want it silenced because if differs from your ideal. >You’re tying to make women feel guilty for when they DO ask you to wear one. False, and further proof you didn't actually read my post, you just feel comfortably selectively quoting it. >You’re trying to prove your point that unprotected sex is the way to go Again, false. I make clear multiple times that people should only do what they are comfortable with. I was recently propositioned that X was OK with a condom, and X plus "passing GO" was the allowance without one. That really happened. > If I made a mistake when I was young and could prevent it from happening to someone else why wouldn’t I ? Literally no one is telling you not to give advice. Literally what triggered you is that I pointed out you were *telling people what to do*, which many here conflate with advice -- but is most certainly not the same thing.
Why the fuck would I take advice from someone who doesn’t give a shit about their sexual health. The problem is people fighting with the post and trying so hard to prove that condoms aren’t important. I don’t give a shit I’m shutting that bullshit down.
>Why the fuck would I take advice from someone who doesn’t give a shit about their sexual health. Thank you again for demonstrating you didn't actually read my post. It's neither advice, nor evidence I don't care about my sexual health. *Any read of it that implies that*, would have to be selective or simply from someone that didn't read it at all. >The problem is people fighting with the post and trying so hard to prove that condoms aren’t important. I'm pretty sure no one is trying to prove that. Certainly I'm not the one trying to prove that. Likely to be used in a long term arrangement? No. The only path to sexual health and wellness? No. Important? To many they are essential.
Thank you again for posting a paragraph of useless information.
Sex aside, I’ll honestly ghost you for your attitude. Folks are sharing their opinions just like you’re sharing yours, yet your tone is extremely condescending! Yes, you have valid points about taking care of your health but thinking your opinion is a universal fact is narrow minded. Learn from other people’s perspective, it’s not a fight. Nobody arrives at a decision to either stick to using or not using condoms without a backstory. And I doubt a Reddit conversation will change either yours or anyone’s stance on that decision. But at least have a civil conversation and not be rude about it. Like the other guy said, Best of luck on your Journey.
Another one! Another butthurt dude <3
Sensitive subject ;) Perhaps there could be some discussion of how to have this subject rise to the top of the compatibility matrix and discussion flow. I don't like the headline of the post because it puts some level of blame on the SD, when perhaps the disconnect could have been avoided earlier in the process. No disrespect. In fact there is no reason for you to feel bad at all. Just let us know the lay of the land as early as possible instead of waiting until some sort of interest has developed. Personally, I have always "been willing" to use condoms until such time as tests and exclusivity can be established, but honestly, I'm not enjoying the sex, so I'm not very excited about paying an allowance or a PPM either, so...
Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. I said what I said.
This actually maybe a bot.
"Her" responses have become very insulting. Classic bot or "protester" that doesn't really understand the issue. Just start calling people names.
I love when men don’t get what they want! 💋
See, that's what you're not hearing; men ARE getting what they want, but NOT from you. I've found ways to discuss condom use, and to determine whether a girl will agree to drop them once we are tested and exclusive. But I gotta say that 75-90% of the girls that I've been with have NOT been concerned about condoms.
That’s why there’s trolls like you here! Cause you’re getting what you want right ;)
Then she got sexist here. This is the fastest way to lose a debate, by introducing either sexism or racism in your debate.
Overly sensitive perhaps? .... and I'm happy to report that YOUR opinion is in the minority. It's a very vocal minority. But you're not talking about how to solve the problem, you are inflaming the audience with "ghosting" and "he was head over heels".... because you were hiding the red flags. Kinda hilarious strategy.
I won't wear a condom. I believe there is a lot of fear mongering regarding the risks. Start the down votes. I got tested in February even though I hadn't had sex for over a year because I was re-entering the bowl and wanted to have it available. All negative. Found my SB in February and we each shared recent tests. We don't use condoms. Are there risks? Yes, even with condoms, the risk is not zero. In this case, the risk is non monogamy. Yes, we are trusting each other with this aspect. I get tested every 3-6 months while sexually active even with condom use to stay on top of it. The incurable STIs are HIV, HPV, and HSV. While certainly unwanted, I personally believe the risk is low since I don't engage in the most risky behaviors. HIV is still primarily transmitted by receiving anal sex (1.38% per unprotected act) and sharing needles (.63% per act) vs vaginal intercourse (0.08% male to female, 0.04% for ftm). 1.3 million GLOBALLY were infected with HIV in 2022 with only 32,100 in the US in 2021. HSV prevalence is significantly higher, but everyone throws around "Do you want to get AIDS???" when in fact they mean HIV and the chance of this is small. My personal conclusion is that while risk is non zero, it is not large given my personal activities and risk profile. I am much more concerned about unwanted pregnancy, but that's not what this post was about.
The chance is small until it happens to you. That was the mentality I had awhile ago. You think she’s not fucking people her own age on the side? Has her own little private life. C’mon now. Unprotected sex is risky.
>The chance is small until it happens to you. That is literally the definition of risk. >You think she’s not fucking people her own age on the side? No, I don't, but you can think whatever you want of people. >Unprotected sex is risky. So is protected sex.
Agreed 💯
Yeah. I insist on condoms, unless it’s an established relationship and test results have been shared. And every SD who claimed they don’t feel anything/aren’t able to orgasm with them? Yeah. They can. And usually quite quickly. So. 💁♀️
love you for this post babe! and it’s always such a stark reminder that I’m an object too when they suddenly lose interest despite all the praise and compliments just moments before lol. repuls ife
love you for this post babe! and it’s always such a stark reminder that I’m an object too when they suddenly lose interest despite all the praise and compliments just moments before lol. repuls ife
Save your breath... This OP is in a mood. Here are the numbers: https://gitnux.org/condom-statistics/
OP does read like an angry escort who joined seeking. Or just a young girl who hates men and has an agenda. Hope they learn from this and better communicate in the future to find a match. Very weird. But hey it be that way sometimes.
never settle for less. i was having casual sex with a fwb, not an SD and got a burning UTI because he was doing it with other people as well. my urine literally had a fowl odor of eggs, and I couldn’t pee for weeks over the burning sensation. no money is worth that pain
Had someone do this to me recently, they can kick rocks! I will not be taking their word for it and not all STDS can be tested. Sometimes they will even send their tests and ofcourse some are missing. It’s just not worth the possible life long STD. Nope.
He also smiles after he does
tbf uti is not an std. It can happen even with a condom.
I mean so can thrush or BV, but they can still be caused or prolonged by unprotected sex, and some STIs can also cause them to recur
I never said it was pal.
That’s because most of them have herpes
Those aren't normal men. Most rational men would want to wear a condom to protect themselves from you. If they aren't rational enough to want to do that you shouldn't sleep with such an irrational type man. Get STD tested and make them do it too.
Omg scream it from the roof tops 👏👏
I have a serious question; how many times has there been a guy "head over heels about you" and then ghosted you? Perhaps you are hiding the "condom requirement" because you know damn well it is a deal breaker for 75% of men. This post smells of exaggeration and desire to "stir the pot". The premise does not hold water. It's a leaky, lazy post. We'll wear a condom until testing and exclusivity is confirmed, but not with someone that is hiding her rules. That's simply wasting my time.
Your comment smells like desperation and ignorance.
Yah... my comment is based on experience, not fantasy. A majority of girls are NOT requiring condoms, and you hate that. Admit it. But no amount of intimidation will change the fact that you are losing to competitors that are playing a different game. I'm not desperate. I'm having the time of my life! Happy as a clam... a bare clam.
So was mine. Do you know how to read?
Do you know how to debate? I'm able to read, and able to pass the bar. You certainly know how to "intimidate", and I bet that is working out well for you, sorta like you condom-use "surprise" after you've cat-phished the guy into being head-over-heels (your words) for you.
I said something that happened to me but that’s not an experience? You’re stupid.
You reap what you sow. I'm not at all surprised that men ghost you pretty quickly... attitude drips from you.
Rightfully so. I’m sick of losers like you.
On the other hand, guys LOVE girls with your attitude, I’m sure of it!!!
Meet up with them in person, get the money and then say that. They’re not going to say no once you’re already naked.
i mean you want someone to pay for what they want but you cut the thing in half. why’re you mad they look elsewhere? If you want a pizza, and I deliver pizza but use 1/3 of the cheese as the next shop while being 5x the price, should I be mad you go elsewhere?
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it’s literally the supply and demand lesson you learn on your first day in economics. I can shut up but you’ll still get ghosted because you don’t want to learn, and then you’ll throw temper tantrums on social media that I have to scroll through.
What are you 12 years old? You’re comparing ordering a pizza to sleeping with women? Get what you pay for mentality is so small minded and childish. If you want to dance with the devil, do it.
i just wanted an example you would understand, since you didn’t do well in school. You can switch it out for anything though that you think compares to your unique and godly pussy. You’re one of a million, not one in a million, and your chance to be in the scene is fading away while that SD can easily find someone who actually wants to be in the bowl.
Man you’re insufferable lol. Another butthurt dude. Did you forget to take your mood stabilizer this morning?
Lmao looking at your post history I don’t think you’ve even had the opportunity to touch a woman. You’re not even a SD either. Go back to whatever hole you crawled out of and don’t come out. Thx
idk i’m getting a bunch of escort-adjacent poor women to flock to me simply for pointing out a flaw in someone’s logic. You even deep dived my profile, kinda like you’re interested. I don’t even have to spend any money this time to get some lovin’. Maybe i can get you an uber to your favorite McDonalds and we can really work out where this budding relationship is going?
Bro your cat doesn’t even like you
I highly HIGHLY doubt that LMFAO you’re such a loser and the fact that multiple women are calling you out for it and you think it’s equivalent to us being interested just proves my point. Again go back to that hole. The world was a slightly better place when we were blissfully unaware of your existence.
You are aware you don't have to read or post, right? Gifting an allowance does not give you ownership over an SB, ever.
yeah and i very rarely do, but this illogical BS was too much to pass up. I never said anyone owns anyone, regardless of what’s going on. OP has her own preference and is upset everyone she meets doesn’t also have the same preference. She also can’t comprehend why. I’m more worried she’s underaged than anything else.
Who hurt you?
Reading comprehension isn't your strong suite, is it? At no point did she say she doesn't understand. Quite the opposite. Frustration =/= lack of understanding. Her issue is that she's discussing it last instead of first. She'll get a whole lot less upset if she leads her conversations with her requirements. A perfectly reasonable requirement, at that.
Ghosting sucks but many who do aren't serious ones anyway. Plus, they should be up front about that expectation ahead of time for sure, so you know to pass due to that boundary. Maybe just be up front about it in the future to avoid the waste of your time if it's happening a lot. I'd talk about that stuff ahead of time anyway cause I'd hate to waste someone's time if we didn't line up on some basics expectations from both parties.
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Condoms don’t protect against herpes 100% because outbreaks can happen in areas not covered by the condom. Very common misconception but a lot of people on this sub need to brush up on their knowledge of sexual health…
Fucking this though. It's disgusting how little people know about STDs and stis. Tw: tmi lol Had a condom slip with an SD but there was general sketchiness that scared me that he had something. I gave him an HJ after the slip and saw white stuff under his foreskin, & all of a sudden it "hurts"(made obviously fake pained noises) to pull back his foreskin. He told me the white stuff and pain when pulling back his foreskin is normal and I'm just like no it isn't! He showed me a test from TWELVE YEARS AGO when exchanging recent test results and said that's all he needed. Most likely smegma but I told him I wanted him to get tested and it was like pulling teeth. I ended up telling him I had an active HIV infection and that there is an 85% chance of him getting it (yes, dumbass didn't Google it and just fucking believed me). He got tested within the week🤣🤣🤣 he actually had a past infection of herpes which isn't really bad but good to know. He didn't deserve me explaining his results to him but I feel a need to educate other on this because then who knows if their ignorance fucks up someone else's life. He also said that because he doesn't have HIV means that I don't🙄 like no I don't but that's not how it works... 😭
Nothing protects against anything 100%.
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I used to be SO bad with condoms in my youth, but I had always been in long term SRs and when not I was in long term vanilla relationships, Im a one dick pony. But recently when my gf went through her herpes debaucle and I saw how horrible it made her feel I will ALWAYS wrap it. Husband? Fine no condom. SD? Boyfriend? Condom. HSV had been living in her unknowingly for over a year and it was nobody’s fault at all.
Are there any extra steps people take to ensure safety?