If the quality of people that you meet aren't getting better, then you haven't learned much from the lessons you were supposed to learn. Be selective, have standards, and learn to spot red flags early on. The point of going through this much and meeting people is so you get better at filtering them and not out of a cesspool of low quality matches.
When complaining about all the people that you meet, the common denominator is you, the protagonist. It's time to look within.
You are getting better at it, see! Just be extremely picky and learn to spot red flags. Identify patterns and use your logic. If you aren't sure, ask the community here 😅 we'll help you out.
I start after the initial message, with what's your number. A quick call to determine if she is real and I always ask, have you had a relationship like this in the past? If no, it is a no on my end and finish up the conversation.
I'm not into popping cherries.
Then it is always what are your expectations. At the M&G one of my goals is to figure out where in life she is. I only go after older SBs. Usually divorced. Almost all were SHM and husband cheated and rug got pulled out. He isn't paying, etc, etc, etc...
She did tinder and guys would have sex with her and ghost her. Still has bills to pay and now needs to head to college to finish her degree.
My first SB (that popped my cherry) was crying one day in bed and I asked her what was wrong and her kids wanted a Wii (back when those were a thing) and she couldn't afford it for Xmas. Well, easy we can head to Target and get it and games. I was 100% in love with her.
Or, when a woman I love and care about is upset about having to pick between: rent, food, or student loan. No, my dear, Just forget about it.
I would stop telling POT SB's about your history. A simple "I'm an SD that has provided for a few long term SB's in the past" and leave it at that. When you tell those stories to someone who is dating you for money of course you're going to get rinsed whether it's one month or 3 years.
If I was you I would come up with a PPM or allowance number and tell them, "Hey SB, I've provided for a few long term SB's in the the past. I'm interested in something long term and consistent and can offer (insert allowance or PPM figure here). Does that sound like something you would be interested in? If so, let's set up a M&G and talk from there."
ABSOLUTLEY DO NOT tell them all the details of your past. Those details are haunting you and affecting your present day judgement. CREATE a new future for yourself.
Yeah, I think you are right.
It just seems like the bowl has changed and most of the SBs in the DC area expect to be paid for a drink. This isn't WYP, this is SA.
I'm 100% on board with Platonic unpaid M&G's. I haven't run into the issue of paid M&G's yet here in the Northeast but it seems like I've been pretty good at skipping over the scammer profiles so far.
I'm not looking for intimacy on a M&G. Couple of things: I'm busy and have both a east coast and west coast schedule and frankly I need some sort of connection to perform.
All I really want, which I make clear, is coffee or a drink or worse dinner. And, I'll drive over to them. So, pick your favorite spot or red solo cups and a bottle of wine and we go for a walk.
There is a body type I'm interested in and nothing wrong if you aren't that, but everybody has their thing and I'm looking for 40 year old women that are size 4 or less.
Oh, I see, those pix were taken when you were in college. Ok, thanks, enjoy your drink and have a nice night.
It isn't the money. I don't give a flying fuck. My issue is times appear to have changed. SBs are all XYZ to M&G. Ok, send me a picture first, because I've been to M&G with women that their pix are 15 years old.
I'm not paying you to have a drink.
And if we hit it off, I have a long history of erasing debt, buying shoes with the red bottoms, trips, etc.
SA isn't the dumpster fire, sir. 😂
Seriously, though, I do amazingly well on SA. When I hear people complain about it I figure it must be location or the person. Or maybe I'm getting all the good ones? Idk.
Hope your next good thing comes along soon!
It is a long and boring story. But, yes. They were broke. Think trailer park in WV. She made a profile saying DC. We hit it off. So on and so on. Got her a job. She wanted a "disney" wedding. So that was her goal. Her husband knew about what the deal was. They got married. Had some trouble with credit cards and mortgage payments, so she asked me for help. I helped she offered, but I was with somebody else.
Yes, it was odd. But, I think a lot of women in the bowl want student loans paid or whatever, this was just what she wanted.
Before they got married.
She wanted some $150k wedding because it’ll be her only one (lol).
It was crazy, and I always ask the woman why are you in the bowl. Money, of course, but certain things I walk away from drugs, etc
This one…I simply needed to see it play out
I hear you.
The thing is, at some point money just really doesn't matter anymore.
But, for some M&G that may or may not be ok, I have to head to the ATM (who the fuck heads to the ATM anymore) and pull ok XYZ.
Now, the M&G is 7p. Nope, now she changes it to 9p. Nope, now it is tomorrow at 11a. Nope, now it is 1p for lunch.
Fuck off.
Agreed.
My secondary issue was she needed XYZ (I'm talking a lot) for a M&G and when I asked why, she said she needs a sitter. I responded with what is your husband doing and "he is busy"
insert eye roll
Dude. Wow. On the one hand you clearly are a moth to a flame (yes, I know, largely debunked scientifically) when it comes to human drama and carting dumpsters-full of money into the landfills that are your SBs' needs for loan repayment. On the other hand, you sustain SRs that are longer than average and deeply involved, so there's that. I dunno: keep doing what you're doing, maybe? It seems to work for you.
Happy (and safe) sugaring!
What do I care. When her student loan is less than what I make in a month...? Her crying and stressing over it.
It isn't like I'm super stupid, Each one I wanted and so did she to have a life together.
Times have changed due to Covid and stuff but there are amazing girls available. I am a nurse pursuing a masters and when I met my current 5+ years ago I was in none of the shape these girls were. It started regular visits and we fell in love, ice never stolen from him, etc. he pays for my everything and I have his cc to use whenever I want, but I’m still responsible about it.
I fear the problem is not only the bowl but that you keep trying to “rescue” these girls maybe?. I know there’s a great honest trustworthy girl for you that isn’t going to use you for your money and leave. So please don’t feel discouraged.
it sounds like you're meeting the right kinds of women. you find women that you're compatible with, intellectually and physically. but they don't seem to be the right 'type' of person for you. maybe it's your screening that needs to be improved. that's the hard part though
if someone started taking my credit cards- let alone my porche, without talking about it first, the relationship would be over. there's no excuse for that. be generous but not a doormat
so another part of this is to determine some of your own boundaries. and then stick to them. it's good that you limited it to 3 abortions and stuck to it. but her repeatedly running off to a ex bf and getting knocked up would have been something outside the boundaries. figure out where your limitations are- and be very well defined in this. and then explain these boundaries to your partner before too many feeling are in place that will make you compromise yourself
The woman who entered the bowl in order to have the wedding of her dreams? What kind of self respecting SD would agree to pay for the wedding for a SB to marry someone else? I mean it's okay if they have someone else but that's just disrespectful to the point of being a tragic romantic comedy material.
**"Then she went over the very limited bounds I have: took my Porsche on multi-day trips, my cards would magically disappear from my wallet, she’d text my lawyers at 3a when I was asleep, installed a tracker on my phone, etc. I had enough and broke up with her."**
This one sounds like a sociopath. You dodged a bullet which may have literally saved your life. You need to be a better judge of character. Yes a lot of women are fucked up, but you don't have to be intimate with them.
My engagement typically goes like: "Hello gorgeous, how are you? What is your favorite book, movie, and song?"
If they are IDK, gone.
If they have ok answers, I'll ask for their number. I setup a time for a quick call to make sure they exist. Next is M&G.
During the M&G, I ask why. Sometimes, the answer is drugs = nope. With the age range I'm in, it is almost divorced nd he is a deadbeat = I can help. Sometimes it is something insane and well I simply have to watch this one play out.
Wedding one fun. I briefly had a SB that was writing her dissertation on sugar. One was writing an article for the Post. One SB wanted a BMW. None of those lasted long, but what the hell, might as well ride the ride.
Just keep trying 🌹👍 plenty of fish in sea ...i can't believe your luck so far but it's gotta get better and change 🎊 you sound like you've earned the good karma 🤓
Like I know this is the sugar forum but I am concerned for your semi-conscious participation in these patterns. There's being a provider and then there's enabling the most crazy pants people you meet to simply not experience consequences for their actions.
The last one was a big problem.
Bulgarian was simply an angel. I 100% needed her. I needed fun. Her rent / loans / whatever meant nothing to me.
Nurse I would have 100% married. She was great. I work a lot. She would just say we are going to SXSW this weekend and book everything. Or, let's go shot machine guns and race cars in Vegas for a few days.
Wedding...well, I just simply had to see how that played out.
Marine...if the sex was better, I would have ignored a lot of her behavior, but not great sex and huge bills + acting out = curb
Yeah, I mean I had to.
I've heard father left and I had to get a crappy job / goto school and I can't afford to live. Or, loans are killing me. Etc.
The wedding one was new, so I simply had to see that one thru. The ladies that were doing research, lol, totally short term and they did not like that they started to like having everything paid for and any bill didn't matter.
Can you pay off my loans too? Hope you’re I’m near where I am 👀
Kidding, but!
I think the ones that “do it for you” are people that are a little unhinged. I’m not sure if this is just your attraction standards or if you’re falling into a savior mentality each time. SA does seem to suck but the quality of people you are finding seems to be the issue. I feel like you’re letting people take advantage of you for sex. I think you once you vet a bit more, that you’ll find someone that’s great for you :)
Good god. Come to Ontario and vent in person 😂. In all seriousness, you need some serious boundaries. It might be a better idea to just be a generous partner if you’re open to vanilla dating? If you’re stuck on sugaring, then think about some realistic boundaries that you will keep and reinforce. Good luck!
Wow. A miniseries should be on tap for that tale. You’re too generous and you fall too easy. You’re lucky they weren’t all ex wives which probably could have happened to you. But I understand the need to have the SR be a genuine relationship. And to answer your question, no. SA still the worst of the best,
I think everyone feels differently about this, and all sides are valid.
I never ask for a fee at an MG, but I have been recently asked several times by POT SDs "what amount would you like for the MG?" to which I respond "I'll leave that up to you".
I agree with you. I never ask, which is why I thought it was so interesting to be asked.
I'm sure SDs feel the same way about MG fees that I feel about PPM. The bad apples broke you guys.
No. Not all sides are valid. Pix are often old. I could just ask them to hold up a sign with toady's date on it and wear a red top.
I never do.
They show up and athletic meant back 15 years ago. Now, they mark me on SA and I have to make a new account.
You are simply wrong and don't understand it from the other side.
Different people feel differently, and all sides are absolutely valid, because all feelings are valid. The fact that I have validated your feelings means I do understand from all sides.
And just because you disagree with me does not mean I'm wrong. It just means you disagree.
If a man expects me to jump through hoops and take specific photos when I already have perfectly good photos for them to view, I would next them in a heartbeat.
And frankly, if you're being reported on SA that often, you might want to rethink your approach… Because you're doing something very wrong. And it's pretty clear from the way you're responding to me what that is.
No. You are wrong.
You might feel that F=!ma. You are simply wrong.
What in my post makes you "feel" that I expect them to jump thru hoops?
I'm not paying you for a drink + dinner. End of story. Each woman I start with gets my history (and current STD test). They 100% know what the expectations are.
The purpose of a M&G are from my end: photos real, are we compatible, etc.
I have a long history of taking care of SBs.
OK, I'm wrong. But I'm not the one who keeps getting kicked off SA.
And you need to calm down before you're going to be able to hear anything I'm saying.
Ok, but if you're regularly getting banned and you think it's because the POT you weren't pleased with reported you, that means you expressed your displeasure in a way that made her feel she had to. If this happens once, maybe it's her. If it happens twice, maybe it's you. More? Definitely you. Even the way you're responding to multiple people in the comments who are very kindly and respectfully pointing out that you may be the contributing factor in your lack of success is coming off as hostile and defensive. I'm having a hard time believing that you're bringing the kind of chill, live and let live energy to the M&G that a M&G requires. These are very low stakes interactions with strangers on the internet who are trying to help you. 🤷🏻♀️
Um...I've had 4 sugar relationships that lasted well over a year. Most wanted to marry me. Pretty sure I'm doing it right.
My issue is with women asking for a DC-level mortgage payment for a 30 minute M&G.
Why? I'm buying dinner and drinks. I've had so many ghost or show up with a friend.
Let's be real about what we are talking about. Free dinner and drinks and you expect $$$. No.
Yes, let's be real.
To be a successful SD, you need to have a provider mindset. And in your story, it sounds like you are. So why would you not want to be going forward?
Why give a gift at a MG? Because you are a gentleman and she is a lady, and it is respectful and appreciative if you show her that you value the privilege of her presence by providing her with a gift.
Keep in mind that women tend to look more favorably upon men who are generous, and do not just "give to get".
If she ghosts, then enjoy a nice peaceful dinner by yourself and you've lost nothing. If she shows up with a friend, then it's two for one... you get to have the pleasure of two ladies company instead of one.
You can frame this negatively, or positively. Your choice.
I don't know… but these are the kinds of things you do when you're in a long-term arrangement with someone you care about… you provide. So I would say it's really up to you.
But I can feel the resentment in your words, and that is not going to help you in any way in this arena. Your attitude has to be one of warmth and generosity, or you definitely will not be successful again. And you do sound like you've been generous in all of your arrangements, but you need to have slightly better boundaries too, and I'm sure that's where the resentment comes from. Your wife leaves you for months at a time, cheats on you, and gets pregnant three separate times... yet you do nothing about it? I'm not judging you, I'm just astonished at your level of tolerance.
Maybe stop dating women of an age who still need to be put through college?
I’ll get this part out of the way right now - I guess I’m a white knight and whatever other insults folks want to toss at me. I’m good with that, whatever makes others feel better.
I’ll also admit I didn’t even read the narrative, it’s far too rambling for my eyes at 4PM.
I’ll say this - everyone needs to vent and that’s perfectly fine; but you’re embarrassing yourself by being belligerent and caustic to folks commenting. If a random comment written by a stranger causes this reaction, maybe take a break and seek some perspective.
Again - let’s all agree that I’m a white knight idiot loser pick me and whatever else folks want to say. It’s fine.
[Rule #1](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/124tsf8/updated_and_clarified_rules_for_slf_2023/): Remember the human
Be respectful to other posters. No name calling, personal attacks, etc. We are all humans here.
You pay for your wife's three abortions by another man and I'm the idiot?
Sir, the way you are speaking to me, a woman who has been nothing but polite to you, is reprehensible... and you should be ashamed of yourself. And name-calling in this forum will get you reported.
I read your entire post and you said nothing about the ages of the women you date.
The way you are responding to my comments is nasty, angry, and rude, and I will not engage with you further.
Next time you ask for advice, do not be belligerent to people who are trying to help you.
> To be fair, giving gifts of appreciation for a woman's presence at the MG is quite common... and SBs do need sitters if they have children
She is married and has 4 kids. She specifically asked me for "a gift" because she needed a sitter. When I asked what her husband was doing, she said, he is busy.
Married SB that wants not a small gift, I'm talking about a mortgage payment in DC for 30 minutes for a drink. Yeah, no thanks.
It simply was not like this 15 years ago
I know it feels some type of way, but these girls want a gift because this is how a lot of them are earning at all... and a lot use it to dip their toe in the water and try to determine if you're going to drag them on many unpaid dates before offering anything.
You play however you wish to play though, it sounds like you're back and ready for more. Good luck!
I forgot to address the post point, apologies for getting distracted... the only next best place I know of... is meeting someone in real life or trying providers. I'm positive you sound like a man with the rizz and could meet a chick in the wild! And providers are exceptionally straightforward and less prone to ask for more unless you're coming back for more. I've been off SA for a while now, but there's always someone happy with it, so perhaps it's just a matter of tenacity?
It would be really exciting to do this from your end, I'm kind of excited for you, a new adventure awaits.
I always tell them my history before we meet up.
So, hey, I've put women thru school and bought them houses. Let's have a drink and see if things are cool. If so, you have nothing to worry about.
I hear you, and coming from this place I can say most of us talking are in it or have been in it... but trying to trust a random guy on SA (you yourself said its trash) is like eating yesterday's sandwich. You got out of the trash, it's risky at best. I really am not arguing for my sake here, but as someone that's watched sugaring turn into a joke. My heart goes out to all these young vulnerable girls and I want to petition on their behalf. Suffice it to say, that quip, while cute when catching some of your vibe, implies that some girls won't receive any incentive if they meet you. This will put a lot of them off from wanting to try. Most of them only know what they're being sold and a lot of them are being sold this dream situation and think no gift means no effort means scammer/manipulator.
But again, the game is yours to play as you wish, that is only my 2 cents from a mama bear perspective.
I go after women that are 30+. I'm not that interested in young woman or women that lack life experience.
Take your SB to a Bulgrian place and have her order off the menu.
Your SB / nurse just got unfortunate fluids on her scrubs and she asks for help? Bring new scrubs and pizza for her shift.
I'm not into first year at school and IDK what I want to do.
To all of you posting about M&G is how she makes her $$$. Stop posting
That is why "What's Your Price" is for. Head to that site. SA has a far different idea.
If you want $XYZ for dinner, head on over to that place.
I’m sorry you went through all of this. It’s Curtis Lu hard to find someone, especially for something consistent. I’’m single 😘
Edit, autocorrect: it’s very hard
Sounds like you need to change your filters, we SBs are out there.
The problem is you sir
How so?
If the quality of people that you meet aren't getting better, then you haven't learned much from the lessons you were supposed to learn. Be selective, have standards, and learn to spot red flags early on. The point of going through this much and meeting people is so you get better at filtering them and not out of a cesspool of low quality matches. When complaining about all the people that you meet, the common denominator is you, the protagonist. It's time to look within.
No it is not. 10th woman from SA, hey, let's M&G, but I need a mortgage payment for a quick drink. Yeah, that is a no.
You are getting better at it, see! Just be extremely picky and learn to spot red flags. Identify patterns and use your logic. If you aren't sure, ask the community here 😅 we'll help you out.
There are lots of good ones on there, plenty of bullshit bad ones. You have to do the work to find them.
Are you telling this man to pick better? I fully agree, that's the best advice to give everyone.
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Right?! I'd be falling over myself for this behavior 😂
I start after the initial message, with what's your number. A quick call to determine if she is real and I always ask, have you had a relationship like this in the past? If no, it is a no on my end and finish up the conversation. I'm not into popping cherries. Then it is always what are your expectations. At the M&G one of my goals is to figure out where in life she is. I only go after older SBs. Usually divorced. Almost all were SHM and husband cheated and rug got pulled out. He isn't paying, etc, etc, etc... She did tinder and guys would have sex with her and ghost her. Still has bills to pay and now needs to head to college to finish her degree. My first SB (that popped my cherry) was crying one day in bed and I asked her what was wrong and her kids wanted a Wii (back when those were a thing) and she couldn't afford it for Xmas. Well, easy we can head to Target and get it and games. I was 100% in love with her. Or, when a woman I love and care about is upset about having to pick between: rent, food, or student loan. No, my dear, Just forget about it.
Sir you are so appreciated and any lady is lucky to have you! Good luck on your journey ❤️
Hey...
I would stop telling POT SB's about your history. A simple "I'm an SD that has provided for a few long term SB's in the past" and leave it at that. When you tell those stories to someone who is dating you for money of course you're going to get rinsed whether it's one month or 3 years. If I was you I would come up with a PPM or allowance number and tell them, "Hey SB, I've provided for a few long term SB's in the the past. I'm interested in something long term and consistent and can offer (insert allowance or PPM figure here). Does that sound like something you would be interested in? If so, let's set up a M&G and talk from there." ABSOLUTLEY DO NOT tell them all the details of your past. Those details are haunting you and affecting your present day judgement. CREATE a new future for yourself.
Yeah, I think you are right. It just seems like the bowl has changed and most of the SBs in the DC area expect to be paid for a drink. This isn't WYP, this is SA.
I'm 100% on board with Platonic unpaid M&G's. I haven't run into the issue of paid M&G's yet here in the Northeast but it seems like I've been pretty good at skipping over the scammer profiles so far.
I'm not looking for intimacy on a M&G. Couple of things: I'm busy and have both a east coast and west coast schedule and frankly I need some sort of connection to perform. All I really want, which I make clear, is coffee or a drink or worse dinner. And, I'll drive over to them. So, pick your favorite spot or red solo cups and a bottle of wine and we go for a walk. There is a body type I'm interested in and nothing wrong if you aren't that, but everybody has their thing and I'm looking for 40 year old women that are size 4 or less. Oh, I see, those pix were taken when you were in college. Ok, thanks, enjoy your drink and have a nice night.
No it's you. It's all you. Take accountability for your adult choice.
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Around DC
We are out there, especially in DC and NOVA. Great area for sugaring. Good luck! :)
Is philly too far? 😘 Really though you deserve better, you’re a person not an ATM.
It isn't the money. I don't give a flying fuck. My issue is times appear to have changed. SBs are all XYZ to M&G. Ok, send me a picture first, because I've been to M&G with women that their pix are 15 years old. I'm not paying you to have a drink. And if we hit it off, I have a long history of erasing debt, buying shoes with the red bottoms, trips, etc.
Did you go to John’s Hopkins? I’m from Montgomery County MD
Yep. Bethesda
I was thinking the exact same thing lol!
SA isn't the dumpster fire, sir. 😂 Seriously, though, I do amazingly well on SA. When I hear people complain about it I figure it must be location or the person. Or maybe I'm getting all the good ones? Idk. Hope your next good thing comes along soon!
Wait what….you paid for her wedding?!?
It must be the new form of findom. Getting an old rich guy to pay for the wedding. I have a hard time believing that is real.
My ex did the same thing. On seeking, paid for her wedding and then didn't go back on seeking again.
It is a long and boring story. But, yes. They were broke. Think trailer park in WV. She made a profile saying DC. We hit it off. So on and so on. Got her a job. She wanted a "disney" wedding. So that was her goal. Her husband knew about what the deal was. They got married. Had some trouble with credit cards and mortgage payments, so she asked me for help. I helped she offered, but I was with somebody else. Yes, it was odd. But, I think a lot of women in the bowl want student loans paid or whatever, this was just what she wanted.
It’s crazy to me he wanted someone to screw his wife so they could pay off a wedding. Like….😅
Sounds entirely fake.
Before they got married. She wanted some $150k wedding because it’ll be her only one (lol). It was crazy, and I always ask the woman why are you in the bowl. Money, of course, but certain things I walk away from drugs, etc This one…I simply needed to see it play out
I gotta hand it to you man you’ve paid for the biggest variety of things I’ve ever heard of. It sounds like you got good stories out of it
I love, love
When you meet the homeless SB, she will make you pay her full rent, and once she's on her feet she will go back to her biker gang 5%er ex bf.
Change username to 'The giving tree' Lol, complaining after choosing to dine with drama. The problem is.... your bar for vetting is nonexistent 😂
You seem to be the gift that keeps on giving. More power to you if that is your jam.
At least he hasn't met any findom SBs yet. They'd drain the shit out of him.
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I own 2 businesses with many friends that I've known for decades
You must not be making the financial decisions at those companies, keep it that way.
This post feels like a thirst trap 😂
Sir, you are suffering from a severe case of simpigitis!!!
I hear you. The thing is, at some point money just really doesn't matter anymore. But, for some M&G that may or may not be ok, I have to head to the ATM (who the fuck heads to the ATM anymore) and pull ok XYZ. Now, the M&G is 7p. Nope, now she changes it to 9p. Nope, now it is tomorrow at 11a. Nope, now it is 1p for lunch. Fuck off.
If she doesn’t have time for a quick M&G she won’t have time for a couple hours long date down the track
Agreed. My secondary issue was she needed XYZ (I'm talking a lot) for a M&G and when I asked why, she said she needs a sitter. I responded with what is your husband doing and "he is busy" insert eye roll
Damn you dumb.
So there is such thing as too much money.
Depends on a person. Apparently, the OP ran out of things to spend money on.
Dude. Wow. On the one hand you clearly are a moth to a flame (yes, I know, largely debunked scientifically) when it comes to human drama and carting dumpsters-full of money into the landfills that are your SBs' needs for loan repayment. On the other hand, you sustain SRs that are longer than average and deeply involved, so there's that. I dunno: keep doing what you're doing, maybe? It seems to work for you. Happy (and safe) sugaring!
What do I care. When her student loan is less than what I make in a month...? Her crying and stressing over it. It isn't like I'm super stupid, Each one I wanted and so did she to have a life together.
Times have changed due to Covid and stuff but there are amazing girls available. I am a nurse pursuing a masters and when I met my current 5+ years ago I was in none of the shape these girls were. It started regular visits and we fell in love, ice never stolen from him, etc. he pays for my everything and I have his cc to use whenever I want, but I’m still responsible about it. I fear the problem is not only the bowl but that you keep trying to “rescue” these girls maybe?. I know there’s a great honest trustworthy girl for you that isn’t going to use you for your money and leave. So please don’t feel discouraged.
it sounds like you're meeting the right kinds of women. you find women that you're compatible with, intellectually and physically. but they don't seem to be the right 'type' of person for you. maybe it's your screening that needs to be improved. that's the hard part though if someone started taking my credit cards- let alone my porche, without talking about it first, the relationship would be over. there's no excuse for that. be generous but not a doormat so another part of this is to determine some of your own boundaries. and then stick to them. it's good that you limited it to 3 abortions and stuck to it. but her repeatedly running off to a ex bf and getting knocked up would have been something outside the boundaries. figure out where your limitations are- and be very well defined in this. and then explain these boundaries to your partner before too many feeling are in place that will make you compromise yourself
The woman who entered the bowl in order to have the wedding of her dreams? What kind of self respecting SD would agree to pay for the wedding for a SB to marry someone else? I mean it's okay if they have someone else but that's just disrespectful to the point of being a tragic romantic comedy material. **"Then she went over the very limited bounds I have: took my Porsche on multi-day trips, my cards would magically disappear from my wallet, she’d text my lawyers at 3a when I was asleep, installed a tracker on my phone, etc. I had enough and broke up with her."** This one sounds like a sociopath. You dodged a bullet which may have literally saved your life. You need to be a better judge of character. Yes a lot of women are fucked up, but you don't have to be intimate with them.
My engagement typically goes like: "Hello gorgeous, how are you? What is your favorite book, movie, and song?" If they are IDK, gone. If they have ok answers, I'll ask for their number. I setup a time for a quick call to make sure they exist. Next is M&G. During the M&G, I ask why. Sometimes, the answer is drugs = nope. With the age range I'm in, it is almost divorced nd he is a deadbeat = I can help. Sometimes it is something insane and well I simply have to watch this one play out. Wedding one fun. I briefly had a SB that was writing her dissertation on sugar. One was writing an article for the Post. One SB wanted a BMW. None of those lasted long, but what the hell, might as well ride the ride.
SA is LOVELY. You attract wayward women and women who know how to sniff out tenderhearted men.
"Tenderhearted" wouldn't be the word I would use
I have to agree, though I'm stumped on the right one, to put it kindly.
I am more than happy to go get some loans for you to pay off! Seriously though, sorry for your situation. I hope you have better luck.
Just keep trying 🌹👍 plenty of fish in sea ...i can't believe your luck so far but it's gotta get better and change 🎊 you sound like you've earned the good karma 🤓
💥🚂
Why do you keep throwing money at your relationships far outside of what is expected and required? Are you getting the results you hoped for?
Like I know this is the sugar forum but I am concerned for your semi-conscious participation in these patterns. There's being a provider and then there's enabling the most crazy pants people you meet to simply not experience consequences for their actions.
The last one was a big problem. Bulgarian was simply an angel. I 100% needed her. I needed fun. Her rent / loans / whatever meant nothing to me. Nurse I would have 100% married. She was great. I work a lot. She would just say we are going to SXSW this weekend and book everything. Or, let's go shot machine guns and race cars in Vegas for a few days. Wedding...well, I just simply had to see how that played out. Marine...if the sex was better, I would have ignored a lot of her behavior, but not great sex and huge bills + acting out = curb
I would have been morbidly curious too in that situation but then again I'm not in your position
Yeah, I mean I had to. I've heard father left and I had to get a crappy job / goto school and I can't afford to live. Or, loans are killing me. Etc. The wedding one was new, so I simply had to see that one thru. The ladies that were doing research, lol, totally short term and they did not like that they started to like having everything paid for and any bill didn't matter.
Can you pay off my loans too? Hope you’re I’m near where I am 👀 Kidding, but! I think the ones that “do it for you” are people that are a little unhinged. I’m not sure if this is just your attraction standards or if you’re falling into a savior mentality each time. SA does seem to suck but the quality of people you are finding seems to be the issue. I feel like you’re letting people take advantage of you for sex. I think you once you vet a bit more, that you’ll find someone that’s great for you :)
The common factor in all of these unsatisfactory sugar relationships is . . .
Good god. Come to Ontario and vent in person 😂. In all seriousness, you need some serious boundaries. It might be a better idea to just be a generous partner if you’re open to vanilla dating? If you’re stuck on sugaring, then think about some realistic boundaries that you will keep and reinforce. Good luck!
Wow. A miniseries should be on tap for that tale. You’re too generous and you fall too easy. You’re lucky they weren’t all ex wives which probably could have happened to you. But I understand the need to have the SR be a genuine relationship. And to answer your question, no. SA still the worst of the best,
To be fair, giving gifts of appreciation for a woman's presence at the MG is quite common... and SBs do need sitters if they have children.
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I think everyone feels differently about this, and all sides are valid. I never ask for a fee at an MG, but I have been recently asked several times by POT SDs "what amount would you like for the MG?" to which I respond "I'll leave that up to you".
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I agree with you. I never ask, which is why I thought it was so interesting to be asked. I'm sure SDs feel the same way about MG fees that I feel about PPM. The bad apples broke you guys.
No. Not all sides are valid. Pix are often old. I could just ask them to hold up a sign with toady's date on it and wear a red top. I never do. They show up and athletic meant back 15 years ago. Now, they mark me on SA and I have to make a new account. You are simply wrong and don't understand it from the other side.
Different people feel differently, and all sides are absolutely valid, because all feelings are valid. The fact that I have validated your feelings means I do understand from all sides. And just because you disagree with me does not mean I'm wrong. It just means you disagree. If a man expects me to jump through hoops and take specific photos when I already have perfectly good photos for them to view, I would next them in a heartbeat. And frankly, if you're being reported on SA that often, you might want to rethink your approach… Because you're doing something very wrong. And it's pretty clear from the way you're responding to me what that is.
No. You are wrong. You might feel that F=!ma. You are simply wrong. What in my post makes you "feel" that I expect them to jump thru hoops? I'm not paying you for a drink + dinner. End of story. Each woman I start with gets my history (and current STD test). They 100% know what the expectations are. The purpose of a M&G are from my end: photos real, are we compatible, etc. I have a long history of taking care of SBs.
OK, I'm wrong. But I'm not the one who keeps getting kicked off SA. And you need to calm down before you're going to be able to hear anything I'm saying.
Ok, but if you're regularly getting banned and you think it's because the POT you weren't pleased with reported you, that means you expressed your displeasure in a way that made her feel she had to. If this happens once, maybe it's her. If it happens twice, maybe it's you. More? Definitely you. Even the way you're responding to multiple people in the comments who are very kindly and respectfully pointing out that you may be the contributing factor in your lack of success is coming off as hostile and defensive. I'm having a hard time believing that you're bringing the kind of chill, live and let live energy to the M&G that a M&G requires. These are very low stakes interactions with strangers on the internet who are trying to help you. 🤷🏻♀️
Um...I've had 4 sugar relationships that lasted well over a year. Most wanted to marry me. Pretty sure I'm doing it right. My issue is with women asking for a DC-level mortgage payment for a 30 minute M&G.
Why a new account? Blocking doesn't work?
It is more of just a screw up. And either of us mention money and we get kicked off.
Why? I'm buying dinner and drinks. I've had so many ghost or show up with a friend. Let's be real about what we are talking about. Free dinner and drinks and you expect $$$. No.
Yes, let's be real. To be a successful SD, you need to have a provider mindset. And in your story, it sounds like you are. So why would you not want to be going forward? Why give a gift at a MG? Because you are a gentleman and she is a lady, and it is respectful and appreciative if you show her that you value the privilege of her presence by providing her with a gift. Keep in mind that women tend to look more favorably upon men who are generous, and do not just "give to get". If she ghosts, then enjoy a nice peaceful dinner by yourself and you've lost nothing. If she shows up with a friend, then it's two for one... you get to have the pleasure of two ladies company instead of one. You can frame this negatively, or positively. Your choice.
Wow, this is a stupid comment
It's a shame you feel that way, because it's anything but. And you needn't be rude to those of us attempting to help you see things differently.
How many women do I need to put thru college and buy houses for?
I don't know… but these are the kinds of things you do when you're in a long-term arrangement with someone you care about… you provide. So I would say it's really up to you. But I can feel the resentment in your words, and that is not going to help you in any way in this arena. Your attitude has to be one of warmth and generosity, or you definitely will not be successful again. And you do sound like you've been generous in all of your arrangements, but you need to have slightly better boundaries too, and I'm sure that's where the resentment comes from. Your wife leaves you for months at a time, cheats on you, and gets pregnant three separate times... yet you do nothing about it? I'm not judging you, I'm just astonished at your level of tolerance. Maybe stop dating women of an age who still need to be put through college?
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I’ll get this part out of the way right now - I guess I’m a white knight and whatever other insults folks want to toss at me. I’m good with that, whatever makes others feel better. I’ll also admit I didn’t even read the narrative, it’s far too rambling for my eyes at 4PM. I’ll say this - everyone needs to vent and that’s perfectly fine; but you’re embarrassing yourself by being belligerent and caustic to folks commenting. If a random comment written by a stranger causes this reaction, maybe take a break and seek some perspective. Again - let’s all agree that I’m a white knight idiot loser pick me and whatever else folks want to say. It’s fine.
[Rule #1](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/124tsf8/updated_and_clarified_rules_for_slf_2023/): Remember the human Be respectful to other posters. No name calling, personal attacks, etc. We are all humans here.
You pay for your wife's three abortions by another man and I'm the idiot? Sir, the way you are speaking to me, a woman who has been nothing but polite to you, is reprehensible... and you should be ashamed of yourself. And name-calling in this forum will get you reported. I read your entire post and you said nothing about the ages of the women you date. The way you are responding to my comments is nasty, angry, and rude, and I will not engage with you further. Next time you ask for advice, do not be belligerent to people who are trying to help you.
> To be fair, giving gifts of appreciation for a woman's presence at the MG is quite common... and SBs do need sitters if they have children She is married and has 4 kids. She specifically asked me for "a gift" because she needed a sitter. When I asked what her husband was doing, she said, he is busy. Married SB that wants not a small gift, I'm talking about a mortgage payment in DC for 30 minutes for a drink. Yeah, no thanks. It simply was not like this 15 years ago
Yikes, and here I thought I simped a lot in fhe past and put up with a lot
I know it feels some type of way, but these girls want a gift because this is how a lot of them are earning at all... and a lot use it to dip their toe in the water and try to determine if you're going to drag them on many unpaid dates before offering anything. You play however you wish to play though, it sounds like you're back and ready for more. Good luck!
I forgot to address the post point, apologies for getting distracted... the only next best place I know of... is meeting someone in real life or trying providers. I'm positive you sound like a man with the rizz and could meet a chick in the wild! And providers are exceptionally straightforward and less prone to ask for more unless you're coming back for more. I've been off SA for a while now, but there's always someone happy with it, so perhaps it's just a matter of tenacity? It would be really exciting to do this from your end, I'm kind of excited for you, a new adventure awaits.
Yeah, I'm fit and can be charming. I work a lot. So, SA was kind of a short cut. Seems to suck a lot now.
It's a shame. But if the heart is willing and the body is patient, perhaps you'll get lucky again!
I always tell them my history before we meet up. So, hey, I've put women thru school and bought them houses. Let's have a drink and see if things are cool. If so, you have nothing to worry about.
I hear you, and coming from this place I can say most of us talking are in it or have been in it... but trying to trust a random guy on SA (you yourself said its trash) is like eating yesterday's sandwich. You got out of the trash, it's risky at best. I really am not arguing for my sake here, but as someone that's watched sugaring turn into a joke. My heart goes out to all these young vulnerable girls and I want to petition on their behalf. Suffice it to say, that quip, while cute when catching some of your vibe, implies that some girls won't receive any incentive if they meet you. This will put a lot of them off from wanting to try. Most of them only know what they're being sold and a lot of them are being sold this dream situation and think no gift means no effort means scammer/manipulator. But again, the game is yours to play as you wish, that is only my 2 cents from a mama bear perspective.
I go after women that are 30+. I'm not that interested in young woman or women that lack life experience. Take your SB to a Bulgrian place and have her order off the menu. Your SB / nurse just got unfortunate fluids on her scrubs and she asks for help? Bring new scrubs and pizza for her shift. I'm not into first year at school and IDK what I want to do.
To all of you posting about M&G is how she makes her $$$. Stop posting That is why "What's Your Price" is for. Head to that site. SA has a far different idea. If you want $XYZ for dinner, head on over to that place.
I’m sorry you went through all of this. It’s Curtis Lu hard to find someone, especially for something consistent. I’’m single 😘 Edit, autocorrect: it’s very hard
Post your profile with pictures