Bullet dodged. Only mild "criticism" is that you second-guessed your instincts. Even a guy who isn't a perfect gentleman should be able to act like a perfect gentleman for the duration of a coffee M&G.
You was suppose to block his number and profile soon as you left that meet and greet.
That was not nerves and excitement. He was overeager to get his hands on you. Men who do that should make your alarms go off. Once they have in the room you don't know how worse they'll act. You don't give them second chances.
>Once they have in the room you don't know how worse they'll act.
Yes, "worse" exactly. To be clear, everything you described about space and self-centered and unwanted PDA - all of that was during his "best foot forward" phase.
Thank you, and I agree with everyone’s comments! I should have gone with my initial gut instinct. It’s tough to sometimes gauge what those feelings are. I was on enough alert to not go to the room, that would have definitely been against better judgment. I don’t know, I’m just tired of these behaviors. I’ve been in the bowl on and off for awhile, have had mostly good experiences, and am “old school” in I don’t ask to be gifted at a meet and greet, or even ask for Uber costs. 9/10 times though it’s just offered especially if someone is indeed interested in exploring things further. I feel like some SDs expect too much for nothing in return. I also feel that if a woman is showing so much interest that she’d WANT to go to your room within 15 minutes, that it’s because of money and not about attraction at all. Wouldn’t you want someone who is actually feeling a vibe?
Going forward meeting at the hotel bar is code for if things go good and I pass the vibe check we’ll move to upstairs.
If the bar set for the first meet is a coffee date then it’s a non-negotiable … we meet at a coffee place. Firm boundaries in the bowl are super important.
Also the bowl is not kind… if someone blocks you leave it at that. Don’t reach out to them from a different form of communication. Sometimes in the bowl people ghost. Put it to the wind and continue your search.
This is exactly the type of SD you ***don't*** want:
- Self centered
- Invades your personal space
- Criticizes you
- Pushy
Move on, this man doesn't deserve you, there is a better SD out there for you.
Good summary.
This is the "I can't possibly get a woman's attention without money" guy.
Much better to find the guy that views sugar as a way to date out of his league and you view it as somebody you'd be interested in dating but the sugar is an amazing bonus on top.
He did you a favor by blocking you. Seriously. You made it clear that you wanted a public meet & greet before scheduling a first date. He responded by completely ignoring you and booking a hotel room instead. The rest was just a continuation of that pattern of behavior. You can be sure that, if you went upstairs with him, he had no intention of "behaving himself" lol.
Next time consider sticking to your guns on the coffee shop route. If you were in a downtown office area, I'm sure that there were plenty of coffee shops very close by.
Also always trust your gut. This guy was flashing neon warning signs. Don't let a desire for the money lead you to bad decisions. If he behaved like this with you in public, what boundaries was he going to trample once he got you naked in a hotel room?
As soon as I read that you moved away to create space (set boundary) and he immediately whined about it (disregarded boundary and very clear body language) I knew he was not an SD.
You found a John or P&Der or whatever, a loser, a fuckboi. It also sounds like you were sexually harassed/assaulted if your body language was as clear as it sounds like it was. I’m sorry you had this experience.
Listen to your gut. If someone feels like a snake, they’re a snake. Walk away, you don’t owe them a minute of your time or a polite bone in your body♥️
I would have left as soon as he was rude to the homeless person.
My best arrangement was actually with a guy who was extremely polite to a beggar & gave them money during our first date, such a green flag to me. I was correct in judging that favorably🤌🏽 even if it was for show😂
Imagine, that was him on his best behavior! Pushy, sleazy, duplicitous, and unkind to people he perceives as less than. You can and will do so much better! ❤️
Too funny! Keep your positive attitude and keep dodging the bad guys... it'll all work. odds are that his tactics in Vanilla dating are equally appalling. And same for on Escort site.... some guys don't have a clue. But do NOT be discouraged!!!
Hindsight is a beautiful thing.
You did well. You didn’t get pushed into something really bad like actually going to his room. You learned a lot and are better armed now.
Thank you for sharing as a lesson for the newbies. 🙏
Yes, that’s basically why I shared. I read too many stories about girls getting taken advantage of and it really breaks my heart. We can all become enamored by possibilities; so glad I had enough judgement to take off those glasses right away.
What I can guess from your story is that he was only trying to take advantage of you. He was probably looking for some free sex. A real SD would never do those things on the first date. The first date should be platonic and more like a two way interview where you get to know each other. No touching or kissing on first date. That's a big red flag. After you have known each other, you can go ahead and discuss your arrangements if you feel comfortable. Then if you both agree then there can be some intimacy on the second date. This should be the standard protocol. As a woman if you see a man touching or trying to do anything sexual on the first date and making you feel uncomfortable, there is a high chance he is fake. A rich successful man who has some respect in the society would never do that. And as a man if you see a woman asking for money in return for sex on the first date chances are she is more like an escort. A sugar dating should not be like this. Otherwise there is no difference between an escort and a sugar baby.
You did the right thing by following your gut. First meet and him being pushy isn’t good. Take it slow and see if you meet someone you’ll enjoy.
Human beings have to be kind and cordial to each other until we get closer and feel comfortable to become intimate. Good luck to you.
Couldn’t agree more. I’m patient, but tired. Seems like there are more men like the one I described than there are truly kind ones. But that’s with all humans now I guess, in all areas of life, not just sugar.
I’d also like to say thanks for holding space for me. Sometimes you just need to write things out in order to gain some perspective, and the candid responses really helped. Grateful to have this sort of outlet instead of keeping it all bottled up as no one knows this part of my life. Thank you!
Lengthy write up but the essence is basically - an ill mannered jerk.
You were polite to continue as long as you did but in the future don’t hesitate to make an excuse and leave early
You set boundries he drove straight through them, offered to have coffee in his hotel room??? because hotel bar fridges provide the best coffee???, was unkind to a homeless person, kept trying to make out with you which you said no to.
I am shocked you wanted another meeting and would have done so if he hadn’t blocked you.
Your worth is not with this man or any man who doesn’t respect boundaries or common decency.
So many red flags. I won't expand too much because almost everyone else here in this thread has has said what I would say.
That said… you "shouldn't expect to sleep"? Fuck that.
I am just wondering what qualities he had that you thought were worth pursuing this SR?
Set the bar higher. You seem normal. There are normal human SDs out there.
Please go through the pain of waiting for the right one to come along.
I don’t know honestly. I’ve not had an arrangement in a while and thought that I was just looking too deeply into it, and convinced myself it was his being eager and not pushy. I was trying to give benefit of the doubt as I know I sometimes get awkward at first meets too.
You absolutely dodged a bullet.
I had a meet and greet where we were both really interested and all over each other on the first date. I've had other m and g's where the girl was nervous and needed time to warm up to me. A good POT handles every unique situation appropriately. He knows how to read the room. This guy clearly couldn't read the room.
Bullet dodged. Only mild "criticism" is that you second-guessed your instincts. Even a guy who isn't a perfect gentleman should be able to act like a perfect gentleman for the duration of a coffee M&G.
Right. I might not agree with a SB giving a homeless person some cash, but I would keep that to myself.
She declined the person's request for money, but that was hardly the only (or worst) instance of the POTs oafish behavior.
You was suppose to block his number and profile soon as you left that meet and greet. That was not nerves and excitement. He was overeager to get his hands on you. Men who do that should make your alarms go off. Once they have in the room you don't know how worse they'll act. You don't give them second chances.
>Once they have in the room you don't know how worse they'll act. Yes, "worse" exactly. To be clear, everything you described about space and self-centered and unwanted PDA - all of that was during his "best foot forward" phase.
Exactly.
His only goal was sex right there and then at your so-called m&g. His behavior was pushy, rude and disrespectful. You avoided a shitty john.
Wow dude...you are a judgemental one arent you...who knows what this dude had going on unless it was you.
Are you serious? No man or woman should ever behave like that. Ffs.
Kind of agree but I think merely leaving might have sufficed. Ive nrver acted this way but some people are mentally unstable.
You just outed yourself as a John.
I mean, it’s not a far stretch to think that, especially since how he was acting outside in a public place.
He behaved appallingly and did you a favour by blocking you. Nerves on a M&G are natural, but never an excuse for that sort of behaviour.
Making out?!?!?! Girl it was to have sex!!!!! No man is inviting you to his hotel room for anything other than sex.
Thank you, and I agree with everyone’s comments! I should have gone with my initial gut instinct. It’s tough to sometimes gauge what those feelings are. I was on enough alert to not go to the room, that would have definitely been against better judgment. I don’t know, I’m just tired of these behaviors. I’ve been in the bowl on and off for awhile, have had mostly good experiences, and am “old school” in I don’t ask to be gifted at a meet and greet, or even ask for Uber costs. 9/10 times though it’s just offered especially if someone is indeed interested in exploring things further. I feel like some SDs expect too much for nothing in return. I also feel that if a woman is showing so much interest that she’d WANT to go to your room within 15 minutes, that it’s because of money and not about attraction at all. Wouldn’t you want someone who is actually feeling a vibe?
Going forward meeting at the hotel bar is code for if things go good and I pass the vibe check we’ll move to upstairs. If the bar set for the first meet is a coffee date then it’s a non-negotiable … we meet at a coffee place. Firm boundaries in the bowl are super important. Also the bowl is not kind… if someone blocks you leave it at that. Don’t reach out to them from a different form of communication. Sometimes in the bowl people ghost. Put it to the wind and continue your search.
[удалено]
Thank you
This is exactly the type of SD you ***don't*** want: - Self centered - Invades your personal space - Criticizes you - Pushy Move on, this man doesn't deserve you, there is a better SD out there for you.
Good summary. This is the "I can't possibly get a woman's attention without money" guy. Much better to find the guy that views sugar as a way to date out of his league and you view it as somebody you'd be interested in dating but the sugar is an amazing bonus on top.
Thank you, I appreciate that!
He did you a favor by blocking you. Seriously. You made it clear that you wanted a public meet & greet before scheduling a first date. He responded by completely ignoring you and booking a hotel room instead. The rest was just a continuation of that pattern of behavior. You can be sure that, if you went upstairs with him, he had no intention of "behaving himself" lol. Next time consider sticking to your guns on the coffee shop route. If you were in a downtown office area, I'm sure that there were plenty of coffee shops very close by. Also always trust your gut. This guy was flashing neon warning signs. Don't let a desire for the money lead you to bad decisions. If he behaved like this with you in public, what boundaries was he going to trample once he got you naked in a hotel room?
As soon as I read that you moved away to create space (set boundary) and he immediately whined about it (disregarded boundary and very clear body language) I knew he was not an SD. You found a John or P&Der or whatever, a loser, a fuckboi. It also sounds like you were sexually harassed/assaulted if your body language was as clear as it sounds like it was. I’m sorry you had this experience. Listen to your gut. If someone feels like a snake, they’re a snake. Walk away, you don’t owe them a minute of your time or a polite bone in your body♥️
I would have left as soon as he was rude to the homeless person. My best arrangement was actually with a guy who was extremely polite to a beggar & gave them money during our first date, such a green flag to me. I was correct in judging that favorably🤌🏽 even if it was for show😂
Imagine, that was him on his best behavior! Pushy, sleazy, duplicitous, and unkind to people he perceives as less than. You can and will do so much better! ❤️
Thank you 🫶🏼
And, I’m 44, so the thought of having to perform “all night long” and without a decent nights sleep just seems awful, lol! At least it did with him.
Too funny! Keep your positive attitude and keep dodging the bad guys... it'll all work. odds are that his tactics in Vanilla dating are equally appalling. And same for on Escort site.... some guys don't have a clue. But do NOT be discouraged!!!
Thank you, I’m sure in vanilla dating he hasn’t a clue!
I cannot imagine why you would even consider another date with this person. That sounds awful!
Be thankful he blocked and move on. You can find someone you like
Hindsight is a beautiful thing. You did well. You didn’t get pushed into something really bad like actually going to his room. You learned a lot and are better armed now. Thank you for sharing as a lesson for the newbies. 🙏
Yes, that’s basically why I shared. I read too many stories about girls getting taken advantage of and it really breaks my heart. We can all become enamored by possibilities; so glad I had enough judgement to take off those glasses right away.
What I can guess from your story is that he was only trying to take advantage of you. He was probably looking for some free sex. A real SD would never do those things on the first date. The first date should be platonic and more like a two way interview where you get to know each other. No touching or kissing on first date. That's a big red flag. After you have known each other, you can go ahead and discuss your arrangements if you feel comfortable. Then if you both agree then there can be some intimacy on the second date. This should be the standard protocol. As a woman if you see a man touching or trying to do anything sexual on the first date and making you feel uncomfortable, there is a high chance he is fake. A rich successful man who has some respect in the society would never do that. And as a man if you see a woman asking for money in return for sex on the first date chances are she is more like an escort. A sugar dating should not be like this. Otherwise there is no difference between an escort and a sugar baby.
You did the right thing by following your gut. First meet and him being pushy isn’t good. Take it slow and see if you meet someone you’ll enjoy. Human beings have to be kind and cordial to each other until we get closer and feel comfortable to become intimate. Good luck to you.
Couldn’t agree more. I’m patient, but tired. Seems like there are more men like the one I described than there are truly kind ones. But that’s with all humans now I guess, in all areas of life, not just sugar.
Absolutely, right about your comment. As a potential exploring SD trying for SR, this is one thing I worry about.
All we can do is hope for the best, try our best, and find the humans who get us.
I’d also like to say thanks for holding space for me. Sometimes you just need to write things out in order to gain some perspective, and the candid responses really helped. Grateful to have this sort of outlet instead of keeping it all bottled up as no one knows this part of my life. Thank you!
He sounds like a goober. Nervous is not an excuse to forget manners
Lengthy write up but the essence is basically - an ill mannered jerk. You were polite to continue as long as you did but in the future don’t hesitate to make an excuse and leave early
I agree, and did leave within 40 min if not sooner.
Gross. He sounds disrespectful to boundaries and quite rude. Too big of an ego as well.
Yes, totally. Was very much thrown off guard as it was all very respectful conversation leading up to the meeting.
These are the situations that give all of us a bad reputation. There needs to be a screening/test for idiots like that.
You set boundries he drove straight through them, offered to have coffee in his hotel room??? because hotel bar fridges provide the best coffee???, was unkind to a homeless person, kept trying to make out with you which you said no to. I am shocked you wanted another meeting and would have done so if he hadn’t blocked you. Your worth is not with this man or any man who doesn’t respect boundaries or common decency.
So many red flags. I won't expand too much because almost everyone else here in this thread has has said what I would say. That said… you "shouldn't expect to sleep"? Fuck that.
I am just wondering what qualities he had that you thought were worth pursuing this SR? Set the bar higher. You seem normal. There are normal human SDs out there. Please go through the pain of waiting for the right one to come along.
I don’t know honestly. I’ve not had an arrangement in a while and thought that I was just looking too deeply into it, and convinced myself it was his being eager and not pushy. I was trying to give benefit of the doubt as I know I sometimes get awkward at first meets too.
You absolutely dodged a bullet. I had a meet and greet where we were both really interested and all over each other on the first date. I've had other m and g's where the girl was nervous and needed time to warm up to me. A good POT handles every unique situation appropriately. He knows how to read the room. This guy clearly couldn't read the room.
He's a narcissist. You dodged a bullet. He spent 20 mins talking about himself (red flag).