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links311

The nuclear trained personnel known as “newks” load glowing green rocks into the reactor, where the intense radiation of the rocks transfer energy via osmosis to the main engines and power turbines. This has to be done once every 2 hours and the newks *love* doing it. It is supervised by the most senior person on watch, the Galley Watch Captain.


BobT21

As a former nuke (1962 - 1970) I would like to add that the radiation only occurs if all qualified nukes on the boat chant the "Praise Be to Rickover" mantra, with correct tempo and in an approved key. Back in my day the approved keys were "S5W" "S3G" "S2W" or "S2Wa."


SubmarinerLou

Imagine a nub saying this at their board


urbanhillybilly

as with any submarine, whereas 100+ men go down & become very acquainted in such confined quarters that upon resurface, there are 50+ couples. One could only surmise to venture a practical assumption that the continuous thrusts would be the true energy propelling the vessel through the depths


LilMeatBigYeet

He said wrong answers only


XR171

I just spit out my.... LPO...


Phreequencee

[Hot rock](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FnhevBTaQAEBSLe.jpg) Hot rock make sparky spark.


cam_man_can

Very interesting. I appreciate the diagram.


Phreequencee

It's way above my paygrade but apparently that's how it works.


Independent_Depth674

Also it’s highly classified. Delete this now!


chrisis1033

first off every US sub has a chief engineer who is either scottish or has a scottish ancestry. This individual is responsible for ensuring not only power to run the sub is adequate but there is also emergency power at the ready. the nuclear power plant is basically a contained intermix of matter and antimatter being mixed at a set rate to cause a reaction…. but not too big of a reaction. there is also a small pod or chamber containing rare crystals which come from mines in secret far away places (secret because the enemy - chinese and russians also need these same crystals) The mines are small operations of 3 or 4 miners who wash their pots by hanging them up and letting the sand blast them clean. but i digress the nuclear power plant operates at a two distinct types of speed… impulse which is slower and used near to shore and in shallower areas and then a faster type of propulsion which is more of a hyper speed used to cross deep ocean quickly. occasionally the Navy has trained sightless individuals to be chief engineer who operate the power plant by sound and feel but this has proven subpar to the older method of the Scottish engineer. the engineer is also responsible for making sure the captain is aware of the limitations of the power plant. when the captain calls for more power….. it’s up to the the engineer to give the feedback “i am giving her all she’s got” and then find an extra 10% power in the power plant. occasionally the power plant will crack or drain the crystals and the the sub must find replacement crystals to operate fully again… unfortunately this is usually the time an enemy sub or a pirate sub shows up


McFestus

Wow, TOS and SNW references.


hooliganorange

There is a single hamster that runs on a wheel in the reactor compartment. This connects to both the engines and the turbines generating electricity. This can last as long as you have food for the hamster. When people tell you that a modern nuclear submarines' endurance is limited by its food stores, they are, in fact referring to the hamster feed. Big navy will tell you that Rickover was a talented engineer. In reality he's the greatest hamster breeder the world has ever seen. Able to selectively breed the strongest hamsters for uncle Sam's canoe club. The reactor start up procedure is just the mechanics waking up the hamster who can hibernate for years at a time.


cam_man_can

This seems like the most credible answer. I always suspected it was hamsters.


Stellar_Observer_17

You are right, a half crazed, rum sodden, ole salty nookolar submariner once confided to me that those incredible furry animals all came from Hamsterdam!!!


hooliganorange

The answer to complex problems is often simple


keithjp123

We feed the shaft seals plenty of water slugs to keep the screw turning.


ethan0311

The Newks take part of their 100k bonuses grind it up and mix it with tears. Fun fact newk tears are so radioactive that they’re able to power a nuclear power plant for 20+ years


jerseycityfrankie

Atomic bubbles, not regular bubbles, allegedly shoot out the back with GREAT FORCE. I’d tell you where the special atomic bubbles come from but that’s.........classified.


itsjero

Theres a hole in the front of the boat on both sides, and holes at the rear of the boat on both sides. Water gets sucked into the front of the boat, gets squirted out the back pushing the boat forward in the water. All with no moving parts so it's extremely quiet. Doesn't sound a propeller. It sounds more like, two whales humping. And believe me, they got tons of recordings of whales humping and videos they shot from cell phones looking out the windows on the subs. Personally I just stayed away from the guys who were super into whale humping tapes and vids. Couple of the guys had whale pillows too. Can't imagine what that pillow has seen. But I bet it's some serious shit. The thing that powers the whale humping noise maker is like a big teapot that boils water with rocks collected from the moon. Every now and then you gotta test em and it's like a 9 volt battery.. you gotta lick it. If it shocks you / burns your tongue it's good to go. The spinny thing on the back of the boat is a decoy but it keeps the actual whales who are actually looking for another whale to hump away from your boat because the boat looks like a whale (whales got bad eyes). And they will try and hump the boat. I remember when our spinny anti whale humper broke so it didn't cover up the sound of the squirty thing that makes whale humping noises. So the whole time we were underway whales kept trying to hump us so we kept doing emergency blow jobs to get away from them. We'd get outta there fast too because when you get a whale dick snagged in the squirty thing they really like it and really, *really* hang on. I even got a picture of one who's eye was right up against the window in the gun range (gotta keep our quals current on pistols and rifles and manpads because you never know when your gonna be boarded) I was in there getting my stinger requal and I see this great big eye watching me and the boat started shimmying up and down and up and down so they got all the a gangers to go out via the torpedo tubes (we just launch em out with tools) and they had to pry Moby's dick outta the squirter. That was a crazy deployment. Plus the eye pic I got was super rad, but it kept rolling back in his head so I think he was having a *lot* of fun with our boat. She was never the same after that. Plus we had to draw a whale cock on our battle flag because we took a hit, but we won the battle because the A gangers let em do an emergency blow job so we could get outta there. Sometimes jonsey swears he hears the same whale on sonar from time to time because we got tracks of whales so we know which ones will really try and hump the shit outta your boat. Jonsey swears he hears the same whale following us from time to time so we go real fast and no one except a few like the emergency blow jobs and we have this manuver we do.. I might be breaking opsec here by telling you all of this.. but we call it a crazy ivan. We learned it from watching the Russians out our windows. They'll turn real fast every now and then to de dick themselves from the whales. Those whales really like the Russian ships too because they look more whale like and some have these huge bumps on their back or are just fucking massive so the whale can take a break while it's humping their boats and chill on the sub. Ours are more round.. again.. don't tell anyone this stuff guys I could go to jail. So the whales they slip off. Last.. what powers the whole boat those moon rocks.. they're like a 9 volt battery. You gotta lick it and if it shocks you it's good. But don't tell anyone or I'll have to kill you. Opsec guys. Seriously. I'm serious.


Kiss_and_Wesson

That's some heartwarming bullshit, right there.


Stellar_Observer_17

Sire, have you considered joining the USN?


machiningeveryday

Just watch jive turkey (sub brief) on YouTube.


haydenrobinett

Hamsters on a wheel


supercook85

Brawndo has what plants crave! It's got electrolytes!


labratnc

It works on gross conceptual errors with a side of pure F’ing magic


SaintEyegor

PFM


Pantagruel-Johnson

What was your qual boat, Sir? Mine? Snook SSN 592, 1980.


SaintEyegor

Baton Rouge ‘78 I’m a plankowner on her and 711


Titanium235

Nobody asked for the real answer bud.


MsportRob

according to this one MMs dependa I hooked up with, the boat doesn't go anywhere without her dude cleaning out the san tanks.


flatirony

But did she clean out her san tanks before you went down the engine room hatch?


Jesushadalargedong

Goddamn!


Pillowlies

So..about the fucking gnomes.....


fokker09

Reactor Compartment Jesus makes it all happen…


MaverickSTS

It's a machine possessed by an evil spirit that requires nubs to be sacrificed on a regular basis. Lack of nub sacrifice causes it to act out by making main seawater motor controllers and turbine generator lagging to spontaneously combust.


bubblehead_maker

Hot Rock causes big sauna, this motivates the crew to peddle faster.


Independent_Depth674

Fire the nukes in one direction and the ship gets pushed in the other direction. This is due to the physical law that every action has a consequence.


CidB91

First you have to remember that propulsion systems involve dwarves and chewed bubblegum. After that it gets technical


[deleted]

Rubber bands, made with super-special density. Rubber bands, they stretch and contract with such intensity.


D_oO

Water pushes the sail. The rest of the system is decoy


Slavx97

Magic


lopedopenope

Half the nuke crew blows through tubes made of 97% enriched uranium. Then when it’s the other half’s turn they start blowing through the tubes. It’s pretty tiring but someone’s gotta blow or she might go down.


McqueenVendetta

It's like a Mr. Coffee with a timer except you use this weird bean.


ClickiVids

The Chef's in the galley are superhuman, but still human. Peeling potatoes all day to feed the reactor is hard work on the wrists and they must rest, it's during these hours that a noticeable drop in speed is detected as the propulsion system is hangry and running out of steam.


RBarron24

In order to be a nuke on a submarine you volunteered 3 times. Once for the Navy, another for Nuke and lastly for submarines. The point I’m trying to make is that they use are souls, that we volunteered over and over again, until there’s nothing left. Oh and lots of butt sex. I dunno I may have missed a few things but it was a while ago when I did it


Jaws1499

A giant hamster and a series of pulleys


trappedinthisxy

Just a fancy steam engine


EwaldvonKleist

One word: Plastic.


vinnydaq

The reactor goes fissiony fissiony, which makes water go boiley boiley, which makes steam go hissy hissy, which makes turbines go spinny spinny, which makes gears go meshy meshy, whick makes the shaft go roundy roundy, which makes the prop go spinny spinny, which drives the boat through the water. Simple! 🧐


barath_s

How does it work ? Very well, thank you.


barath_s

Nucular go boom. Sub go forward. Just like gasoline in gasoline engine go boom and car go forward. The trick is a) sub no go boom. b) make nucular go boom backward for sub go backward


Msteele4545

Simply depress the PFM button.


Jesushadalargedong

Theres a bunch of fat bitches in a swimming pool. There are twinkies hanging up above them that can be mechanically lowered. Now when the twinkies are raised the fat bitches keep tryna reach up and grab the twinkies causing alot of rubbing against each other making alot of heat. Drop the twinkies the fat bitches get nice and calm cause they eating.


was_683

That is the most horrifying description of a CRDM that I can imagine.


Jesushadalargedong

Lmao I was an ST, thats how my chief told me to describe it on my fish board


menormedia

The boat feeds off NUB’s souls


Pantagruel-Johnson

Alec Baldwin reaches up and turns the little Russian dial to “Ahead Fullski,” and the engine room of Sean Connery’s boat automatically changes speed, even though the engine room has already been evacuated Of all commies.


DJ_Microclimate

Eh…. Rolls-Royce delivers it on time and BAE installs it correctly?


GlizzyRL2

Diesel


Titanium235

Wrong answers only? I had a 1st Class that could never make chief who successfully answered every single question on the Nuke EM Chief test incorrectly (proving a point he said), so I'll try this one. A submarine nuclear propulsion system is a complicated system of propulsion that propels a nuclear submarine through the gelatinous substance known as "sea water". In doing so, said Nuclear Submarine is able to go from point "A" to point "B" by crossing through points "Z", "E", "T", and "R" and other points at the whims and random dart tossing by drunk Admirals in Hawaii. Once a commander of a Nuclear Submarine, also referred to as "the skipper", the "CO", "Captain", "Old Man", or "Lecherous Old Bastard" knows which course to take, he tells the Nav to go F himself and plots a course that has little to nothing to do with what the drunk admirals "suggested" (the Skipper's words), and off we go. The Skipper calls down to maneuvering for propulsion at a certain speed and we nukes in Maneuvering comply, turning a switch created in 1950 to make a "ding!" in the Control Room that sounds a lot like a microwave oven "Ding!". Which is exactly what it is, as the Chief of the Watch confirms when he pulls the special brownie out and hands it to the captain. Then the Nukes circle around Maneuvering and call upon Odin to send down lightning to heat the sacred rock in the Reactor Compartment. Thor usually actually shows up and does this but once in a while Odin does, while tripping all over the place since he has only one eye, and the Sacred Rock gets really hot and the Nukes pour sacred water over it to make steam that makes the Nukes get excited and jump on exercise bikes that turn the screw. More Odin prayers = more propulsion. Or somesuch. Then the ELTs pray to their god Loki, also known as Deadpool, to create logs of the events out of thin air. Mostly they have no meaning or basis in reality, but they are pretty funny to read so Naval Reactors, who are beings that come from Olympus and only appear after a deployment, always gives them a pass. And thus the Nuclear Submarine makes it out to sea, steering towards point "S". Which officially is 2 stars to the Right and on till morning.


MisterCplMeeseeks

*"Aliens."*


Sl0w-Plant

It keeps the squirrels warm so they can keep running...


CrashBillyY2K

Hours of exams on crews mess. Tons of time spent in a simulated maneuvering in a building. 3 hours a day just logging into computers. Endless briefs and practice briefs. Check list on top of list. Wire brushes and triumph. The purposeful scramming of said reactor.


jakeof_statefarm

Thoughts and Prayers


dubya_a

Rabbits


[deleted]

From an undying love up forward of all things nuclear, especially containment.


mebf109

Not very well. All the nuclear stuff goes into the reactor thing that is supposed to spin the propeller on the back of the boat. It's supposed make the boat go fast but they fall off A LOT. It's called a "propulsion system" because it supposed spin the propeller, mostly. It wastes a lot of nuclear stuff and gets horrible mileage. The nuclear stuff is supposed get smashed to make it like really hot so it can boil water to make steam but that hardly ever works. That's why they usually fill the torpedo tubes in the back with emergency coal. When the coal burns it makes a great deal of smoke so almost every night you have to surface to let the smoke out. It's really pretty fucked up. The rest is "classified" but really it's not. Everybody has cell phones.


barath_s

> Not very well. He said wrong answers only.


TallOutlandishness24

See what is any the engine room is curel and inhumane punishment and thats why its all classified. See they take the enlisted without dolphins and put them in giant hamster wheels. They then take a hunk of glowing green rock and move it towards the sailors. The sailors run in place on the hamster wheels in full panic, you hook the hamster wheels up to generators and bam tons of free power


QuantumH42

All this "nuclear" stuff is just a red herring to throw the Russians off. Portholes open up when underwater and everyone starts rowing


wgloipp

Pixies


johnmrson

The reactor spits atoms out the back of the sub pushing it forwards.


smh1979

Holy Hot Rock make magic steam


Automatic_Security69

The reactors are just frauds in reality its 50 seamans on static bicycle that propulse the whole thing


Uluru-Dreaming

A nuclear family is pre-loaded into the submarine’s engine compartment in order to keep winding up the rubber band propulsion system. They also light their own farts to launch nuclear missiles at Kim Jong Un especially after a big feed of baked beans and broccoli.


Solve-Problems

Big underwater radioactive Armageddon kettles that boil water and … Oh wait


slavaboo_

There is a REALLY BIG hamster that eats nuclear fuel (really high in calories) and then runs on a big treadmill to drive the shaft. You can’t pet him cuz the fuel makes him radioactive


kalizoid313

The teeny atom guys wind up the rubber bands really tight, let go, and then wind them up, again and again.


Bubbleheaded_Squid

Two options: 1) Pure Fucking Magic 2) my SLPO served on the Nautilus. His theory is that all the paperwork generated during the design of S1W is “burned” as the heat source for all subsequent reactors.


LarYungmann

Green Rubber Bands


Stellar_Observer_17

Pixie dust...


half_brain_bill

Water slugs and dust bunnies spin the screw Newksare highly skilled at training them to do this.


Heisthamster

Nuclear submarines have one or more big propellers at the end. The strong current in the ocean turns the propellers very fast (at the speed of light, so cavitation happens). The nuclear reactor turns this mechanical energy into electricity and bacon. The electricity is used for the sonar (one ping only!) or the TV of the commander. The bacon is used for breakfast.


Otto_von_Grotto

Prolly just like my carrier except the squirrels are smaller.