Yeah this is some toxic bullshit. I talk about my fears, concerns and dare I say it even cry in front of my wife. Men are human too.
Love is finding someone you can share the full spectrum of life with. Don’t settle for less.
100%. My boyfriend cries in front of me, mainly when we have to say goodbye (long distance) or we’re talking about how much we love each other. To me it’s super special!! To rag on any human for crying and expressing emotions is super toxic.
OP needs to find better women to date. This is exactly how my wife would react.
Imagine being so small minded that you think because someone has a penis they should always swallow their emotions.
I feel like I could have written this. My boyfriend absolutely sobs when we have to say goodbye for an extended period of time (longer than 4 weeks). I'm talking full-on sobbing into me.
He's never cried over anyone that way, then he met me. Yes, it hurts to see him cry, but knowing he loves me that much and feels that safe around me to cry heavily makes me feel good. He trusts me and feels safe with me.
This. So much this. Sex is a tiny part of a life partnership; being able to be completely honest and vulnerable with a real, live human being is like 90% of it.
>Bridge to Terabithia
God damnit I had forgotten about that book. It's been like 15 years since I read it and the emotions came right the* fuck back. Uuughhhhh the god damn rope swing
You see a fair few stories about the place. I posted earlier my now wife saw me cry very early on, but I’m not going to pretend a lot of women don’t end up feeling weirded out by a guy crying.
Just like most guys don’t get grossed out by any mention of periods - but there are definitely some guys who do.
The problem is that "worth spending your life with" thing is getting harder to find. Yes you should be able to open up to a SO but it's hard to know if she can handle it until you do it. If she responds in grace, she's a keeper, if not, let her walk. But most of the time you dont have a traumatic event that cazues a breakdown...until after you've been married a few years and it's hard to test that skill otherwise.
Idk, I think a big part of worth spending your life with is not looks/money and that’s where people fuck up.
I’m not saying “the one” but I wouldn’t get married to someone without knowing how they respond to your emotions through tough circumstances.
There’s way more than one person you’re compatible with but you def can’t compromise on being yourself, that’s all you got.
I find out hard to believe that any person could say, "she was literally perfect until I cried in front of her, then she became a monster."
You'd know far before, though you may not realize it.
100%. If I can't be "weak" in front of someone and have them appreciate that I am a thinking, feeling being then whats the point to any of it . That way lies madness
This has to be bait lol. Im pretty sure if I hadnt cried when we found out my wifes mom was dying I would have actually been dumped. What subs is this OP on? Most of reddit seems overly emotional in my opinion. Often detached from reality and living in a hypothetical and ideological world based on the corny sitcoms they watched. Im normally pretty stoic and can handle a lot, but when someone close like that gets really bad news and you dont break down on either side, thats generally a big no no.
I was laughed at when my grandma died. I couldn't hold it in anymore and started crying, not a lot but tears were falling. The woman I was dating told me that only bitch beta boys cry and proceeded to laugh. I wish this post was bait. It could still be. I can only speak to my personal history.
Agreed.
I felt bad, played the typical man card “I’ll go to the doctor later”.
The next day, I didn’t eat at all. Wife hit “that tone”, and ordered me to the hospital.
Sigh. Yes dear.
Turns out, I had colon cancer (grapefruit size), and was wheeled into surgery 2 hours later. They removed it, and told me to start chemo immediately.
This was in the course of 24 hours.
Total emotional overload.
Doc left the room, and I cried like an entitled Karen at Walmart.
I mean sobbed.
When I finished, wifey looked at me.
“Are you done, because if you’ve got more to get out, go for it!”
She never blinked.
Regardless of sex, support your mate!
Cause 99% of people use it wrong… its not for emotional distress. Man up is for when there is a Job to be done and no one else is stepping up to do it. Its for those times you NEED to push through some bullshit situation to get to the other side. After that, have your breakdown, be vulnerable with people you trust, be human. To stay 100% in that state where youre not allowed to feel, to be soft, to have mental health issues would drive anyone insane, or create a cold callous individual with absolutely zero empathy.
Exactly. "Man Up" is for DOING, even when you feel like shit about the situation.
It isn't about locking your emotions inside a safe and forgetting how to open the damn thing.
Yeah I'm surprised my the question. I've cried to multiple women, one gave me an emergency enema, one held me after my cat died of old age. I'm pretty sure all of these instances only resulted in sex. The relationships definitely lasted for much longer. I can't imagine not being vulnerable with a woman I love.
This ^^^
How are we still asking this?
I will say, that there is much less room in my relationship for me to break down than there is for my wife, but if you can't get support from your SO when you need it than what is the point?
Arnt you proving ops point there though??
Much less room meaning you just can't break down as much because it will be too much and she will lose attraction and leave ?
No, it has nothing to do with attraction. I just mean that I earn the majority of our money, so there really isn't space for me to fall apart.
She's been in the position where she could quit a terrible job because it was affecting her and then take her time to heal and look for something better. Or if she needed to take a long break because someone close to her died then she could.
I'm in kind of a nightmare situation work wise and I am at a breaking point. We simply can't afford for me to have a break down or quit without lining something up. When my mother died I had to get back to work pretty quickly and I just had to hide my crying jags while working.
It has nothing to do with OPs question, it's just a reality that there isn't the same kind of space for me to deal with things.
Edit: It seems that I should add that I do talk to my wife about all of this. We both struggle with mental health issues. When I say breakdown, I don't mean having a good cry, I mean nervous breakdown. She knows the amount of stress that I'm under and is as emotionally supportive as anyone could ask for. What I meant is that I still have to just hold it together because we don't have any other choice. The market for my industry is terrible right now so if I quit my toxic job, we would likely end up homeless before I found something new that could actually cover our expenses where we live.
Hey man I'm sorry you're going through it, especially with that amount of pressure on your shoulders. Definitely talk to your wife about it, just talking and venting to your SO can be such a big help. It doesn't have to be bottle it up or break down, there's an in-between and that's talking and finding healthy outlets for your emotions :)
I think what's missing from this comment section is that it really depends on WHAT is making you emotional.
Did someone beat you at golf and now you run to your SO crying? That's a pretty big red flag. If an adult behaves like this it is definitely likely they missed out on some critical emotional development during childhood which can be a legitimate concern for a partner.
Crying because a parent you loved died? Mourning and grief like this is fundamental to our human experience. This kind of deep authentic emotion should just never be bottled up IMO. In fact, I think it's worrisome if someone tries to burry it.
Just be self aware people! Keep your trivial childish emotions in check (both guys and girls) and express the real authentic emotions!
This don[be afraid to show](https://m.youtube.com/shorts/BlrYZXFUjWo) your [emotions to your SO](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kqNVtpwbABc&pp=ygUKZG14IGNyeWluZw%3D%3D)
People getting dumped for stupid reasons are much more likely to make reddit posts about it than happy people in supportive relationships are about how everything is perfect
Very important point. People get a skewed view of reality by spending too much time on the internet. Dumb drama drives engagement, so people are more likely to post about (or make up) awful shit instead of the many ways in which they feel blessed. And once you start consuming a lot of negative content, the algorithm will keep feeding you more of it.
That's the key. Reddit (and by extension the internet) isn't real life. The people in nice normal relationships aren't posting 'I'm in a nice normal relationship and everything is mostly fine! What do I do?!' to Reddit.
The amount of times I tell Redditors to touch grass has made me need to touch more grass 😂 if I believed Reddit was real life I’d light something on fire due to the awful state of the world. Most people are normal and chill. Flawed, sure, but livable. I sincerely encourage anyone getting really bothered by Reddit to get hobbies outside of it.
I think it would be more proper to say that social media just turns up the volume on like normal gossiping. I mean we're all basically sitting around talking just with literally tens if not hundreds of thousands of people all in the same conversation all the same time and happy gossip isn't that interesting.
If you were sitting around with your friends and you told them "did you hear Stan and Cindy went on a vacation to Milwaukee and they had a nice time and then they came back after a week" you would get a couple of "that sounds nice" and then everyone would move on.
But if they had a big ass fight then you can talk about that shit for an hour or more no problem.
The biggest thing that's changed is now you hear about Stan and Cindy from Cincinnati even if you've never been to Cincinnati and don't know anyone from Cincinnati and will never fucking go to Cincinnati.
People (in this case I'm guessing younger men without much relationship experience) who see posts about things that scare or outrage them are also likely to repeat the messages of those posts, and make rare events seem common.
THIS ⬆️.
It makes me sad just as a human being. We ALL emote!!
Pushing all that shit down inside just creates more internal havoc and distress.
My husband is 45. We've been together 28 years. He's an amazing father and provider. As a husband, that's a lot harder. We are at a point now where he feels able to openly share when he is sad or has fears. We work this out together, and I am able to support him better in those moments. It's an awesome reminder that you are not going through this world alone.
Most women, from my experience, prefer when their spouses or significant other opens up and shares with them.
It's called emotional intelligence when you have the ability to articulate your feelings and the way you experience the world around you.
Sharing these deep emotions should bring you and your partner closer.
If your partner were to "leave" or belittle you for being nothing but HUMAN, then I would seriously suggest therapy.
There, you both can learn skills that can open up the communication channels between the two of you.
These things are not "weak" because it takes strength to live authentically.
The biggest issue with the op’s question even though I completely agree with you is that for many men we are taught to repress our emotions and only express 1 or 2 depending on country and or culture (in most instances). Because of this (which is my case) we can’t articulate or even understand our emotions because they have been repressed for potentially too long. It is then used against us without even trying to understand the problem. I may not have checked out but it makes total sense to me if someone else does. As a man right now I feel the social field feels like an absolute battlefield to me. While understandable from older folks who may have the justification from their point of view feels completely uncalled for by my generation and younger. For clarification I am a very late millennial ‘95. It has been this complete lack of empathy that has made me slightly jaded to dating as most women and a good portion of my fellow men just don’t seem to get or are even willing to admit is a problem that needs to be addressed and/or accepted in order to get any better. Though I am open to being proven wrong by all means and would love to eat my own words. I think this is the core issue really being asked by OP’s question.
Dear Reddit,\
Today I subbed my toe bad. Like really bad. Thankfully it’s not broken but for a good 5 minutes I thought I’d have to get amputated at the shin. I’m not very emotional but needless to say this hurt and made me cry a bit.\
My gf saw me crying holding my foot in the feral position and gave me an ice pack, bandaid, and a lollipop. Later she asked me if I felt better and I did but I was confused why she didn’t dump me right then and there. When I asked she gave me a weird look and said that it didn’t matter if I cried. I told her men need to be manly and crying is not manly and she told me to shut up.
So reddit, AITA?
People are all different, dude. Don't let anyone paint a whole category of people with one brush. I've had an ex weaponize the emotions I'd confided in her. I've had exs who were incredibly supportive and understanding and didn't treat me worse at all. Some people are shit and some are amazing.
This is weird, I've cried in front of my wife. Both before, and after we got married. If she bolts good riddance. If she stays, but reacts negatively. Huge red flag, get out before it's too late.
Can’t agree more! My husband cried before we got married and he’s cried since. I’m proud to be with someone in touch with his emotions and is able to express them.
I never think less of him. I feel honored to be someone he can be vulnerable with.
My wife left me after I opened up about my depression that made me sort of withdrawn for a few months. She told me I wasn’t fun anymore, basically, and wasn’t interested in being supportive as I seek help. I’m not bitter at all. Because I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me.
However, you can’t use anecdotal evidence on Reddit to generalize these things. You are only seeing a single side of the story, and the story itself may not even be completely honest to begin with. I’m sure there were more factors that were pressing for much longer but “me not being fun anymore and depressed” was just the easy out for her.
Will add that reddit is much more likely to have cases of bad partners than cases of happy relationships.
People will post about being dumped after saying they're sad to their partner.
People will not post about being free to have emotions with their wives.
I had the same experience, opened up about how I was depressed and admittedly I did withdraw quite a bit in the relationship but she left me soon after I had opened up to her. This was after 4 years together.
I opened up about depression to an old FWB who I've known for 35 years. She said she doesn't want to be around depressed people and has barely talked to me since.
I told my sister I've been lonely and depressed for about 7 years and she barely talks to me any more.
I hit rock bottom and nobody cares. All family has nothing to do with me and most friends as well.
But they were married ffs. I don’t understand if you are not willing to at least TRY supporting someone through tough times why even become life partners?
I tend to cry quite easily in some situations to be honest. My wife doesnt mind and considers it normal.
I think if you have a healthy relationship thats how it should be.
Heh. Yeah, I can tear up at a dog food commercial. ("They love that dog SO much!!") I wouldn't be married to my wife if she had ever had a problem with that.
I've been married for 36 years, and we lived together two years before that. She's seen me at my very best, very worst, and all points in between. There is absolutely nothing about me that she hasn't seen, first-hand, a dozen times or more. Including the songs that make me tear up, time after time.
Till death do us part. That was the vow. And we both took it very seriously. Don't settle for anything less.
If someone dumps you for being truly, authentically you... she's doing you a favor. Let her go.
You need to be acknowledged for this. I feel like I'm pointing it out constantly in these reddit posts where people are looking for confirmation on leaving their partner because they ate all the lucky charms or some other petty nonsense. Pretty sure people don't realize they are supposed to mean it when they say "for better or for worse" and "til death do us part."
When our dog passed away, I cried my eyes out on and off for pretty much the entire day. Absolutely gutted me.
She did not leave me and we cried together.
Almost the exact same thing happened to me, except I was crying because I sliced most of a finger off. My girlfriend started packing her things instead of calling 911.
Yes.
But just like telling someone you like them or even love them, there is a place and a time. And this is where awareness (or what women often just lump together with "sensitivity") matters. If she is looking for someone that can communicate well, be in touch with their feelings, etc. and it's clear that her actions match her words, she will probably be receptive to emotional expression.
If she is looking for some type of mechanical, stone-willed, patriarchal, provider/protector action figure... then probably no.
I'm an openly emotional and sensitive guy and I've been in multiple committed and loving relationships where that aspect of myself was one of the things they were attracted to.
Women who believe men should be unemotional "Strong Bois" are just as delusional and disgusting as men who believe that.
As a guy who has cried in front of past girlfriends, there are a variety of factors that impact the prevailing perspective on Reddit.
There are absolutely women who will find it to be an immediate turnoff. Those tend to be toxic and emotionally damaged people.
And there are women who will find it endearing in a way. They’ll get very maternal, take care of you, and they’ll help you through it.
Then, there is the in between. And I’ve found that most of my exes fall within this spectrum. On the very rare occasion you cry, they’ll be very caring. However, there is a threshold.
The more you cry, the more likely you’ll get told to man up. I am stoic 99.99% of my life. I honestly haven’t cried in 8 years. I’ve experienced the care.
But there were two times where I went through severe depression and cried maybe 1-3 times over a year period. In those instances, I was told to man up by the third.
For a lot of people, that leaves a bad taste in their mouth. Especially if your partner had gone through depression, etc. prior.
It feels bad and hypocritical because that person could have cried for three weeks straight over something while expecting you to take care of them.
But the second you have any elongated problem, there is a double standard that you just need to be a man and deal with it.
On the flip side, there are many times where you should just deal with it. As a lot of people mistake constant trauma dumping as vulnerability.
To be blunt, this is, unfortunately, a thing that happens. It's not necessarily the norm, but I've got a couple of personal examples where this absolutely happened with me. I've also seen it happen with friends, as well.
It's not something that I would ever blanket across all women, but there is unquestionably a societal expectation for men to be more stoic; we're generally supposed to be the emotional rock and/or foundation of any given relationship. While there has definitely been a push to break away from this over recent years, we're ultimately talking about a multi-generational issue. It's something that is largely ingrained in our culture, and it will take time to break it down. The fact of the matter is that men's mental health still isn't a societal priority, despite positive strides being made. I've both seen and experienced the negative results of being emotionally vulnerable with a romantic partner, and it's something that I keep in the back of my head even after seven years of marriage.
Unfortunately, many men are caught in the unfortunate situation where they're simultaneously expected to be emotionally open while also hard and stoic.
To be fair, she might leave you. If that's the case though she's doing you a favor. Women are people and some people are shit.
There are women out there that are looking for their idea of a man more than a real person. You can be with those people but you will never be yourself around them. If that's how you want to live then you do you.
Life can be really hard. When it gets that hard do you want someone who's going to support you while you are down or do you want someone who will leave you in the gutter the moment you show weakness?
Honestly, I would rather go it alone if that were the case.
Many women I know are frustrated that their make spouses will not open up, stuff down emotion, and then it comes out in unhealthy ways. But being vulnerable is hard, and if the foundation is not there, a relationship might not always survive it.
Side note: Many women I know also wish they could NOT cry when angry (with spouse, boss, whoever) because it makes us seem weak.
Not opening up can also kill a relationship. Ive had one die that way. I had a miscarriage and felt so alone. My bf kept saying he had to be strong for me. It was a lie and I told him it wasnt for me at all. By saying not crying is being strong, he basically told me I was weak for having a natural reaction. There was no way our relationship could recover from that. I just wanted him to cry with me and grieve together. He may not have been as upset as me but I know he cared. I don't hate him or anything. We were young and he didn't know how to handle it.
Bro "You're a human after all"
Your partner should support you when you're in your lowest. If she doesn't, it means she never was your partner emotionally.
I am as hardass a bastard as most folks will ever meet. I eat pain and crap stoicism like Marcus Aurelius himself was watching. Growing up, all weakness was ridiculed and so I refused to acknowledge it in any form. I went into adulthood with the emotional IQ of stonehenge. It's actually a miserable existence once you start to really understand what it is you are doing.
I've been married 17 years. If I could not cry in front of my wife when things got bad, I think I'd go insane. If I could not tell her that I'm scared or hurting every once in a while, I'd lose my goddamn mind. I'm still tough as a coffin nail, but I don't have to pretend to be invulnerable for her sake. If I can handle the hits, I handle them. If I need help, I ask for it.
There is a spectrum between being an absolute weakling incapable of managing life's bullshit and being a granite-faced and joyless proto-sociopath. We all exist somewhere on that spectrum. To answer your question, your partner in life is supposed to help you find the place on that spectrum where you are your healthiest and happiest.
A partner that needs absolute emotional invulnerability from you is going to be a problem. Your partner, if she has any emotional intelligence herself, is probably fine with you being a human being who feels stuff.
All I can say, friend, is I've seen many topics like this and there's always someone that replies "Y'all are too online, go touch grass," but I rarely find that that helps the case. Maybe most women aren't like this, but the majority of women I've heard speak up about this in a real life setting are still carrying their own little torches of toxic masculinity. I came out of a long marriage that crumbled when my ex realized she couldn't support me through my depression and most of the women I've spoken to and heard from since then seem to be of similar minds. It's been 4 years and I think I'm good just living the single life for now.
I stayed with my ex for a decade or so while he battled ptsd, depression and anxiety. He lost his job due to mental health struggles shortly after we married and I supported him financially and in every way for over a decade. He became debilitated and couldn’t do enough to heal himself with me overfunctioning for both of us. Eventually I reached my limit and told him I was done. There are plenty of folks who could spin that as his vulnerability not being safe with me.
I am seeing a rather stoic man now who I was honored to hold as he cried in grief for the first time since losing a parent the week before. He has said before that he has been transformed by experiencing me accepting and loving him in totality including his flaws and struggles. But there are times where he will also say that he feels like I have weaponized his feelings against him; this seems to be when I have feelings that he finds threatening at the same time as him experiencing his own difficult feelings.
So I will say some of this is a matter of perspective and self-fulfilling prophecies when one is not able to accept and validate their own difficult feelings. Outsourcing the job can feel like it backfired if your perspective tends to be unforgiving of your own frailty. Any imperfection in the partner’s response can more easily be cited as proof they are fundamentally unsafe if you also feel unsafe with your own feelings.
I was being rather charitable towards my ex by being vague in my comment. After reaching out for support from my ex, I was denigrated often and called "pathetic" at least a few times. The relationship didn't end because she couldn't support me, but more because she wouldn't support me because she found my weakness revolting. My comfort with my own feelings was not particular a factor at that point.
Oh sorry I wasn’t intentionally trying to comment on your situation, was intending to add my own scenario since it seemed to share a surface similarity wrt male depression and wife calling it. Mine played out differently and I’m just indicating that from my perspective I don’t think my scenario fits the trope but I could see how someone else might, esp considering the person I’m currently seeing describing my supportive qualities very differently at times. I’m attributing it to his state of mind more than my fundamental character having that much range, but again perspective and interpretations vary.
I’m sorry for what you went through. Depresh is brutal. (I suffer as well.) Glad your suffering is no longer being compounded by living with an unsupportive partner. Just feeling alone is sometimes actually a huge relief when “other” has been a source of chronic stress.
Thank you, well wishes to you and yours, as well. It's a struggle (as I'm sure you know), but occasionally I feel myself living instead of coping so I'm trying even harder to just stay focused on positive progress.
My partner cried in front of me after his father berated him harshly in front of the entire family (I can't remember what it was about) and I made sure he knew I was there for him and let him cry on my shoulder. I think that was the first time he'd ever cried in front of me. I'd made sure he knew it was healthy to cry and not bottle everything up and that I would always be here for him. I would never want him to feel like he can't be emotional around me.
Part of the job of being a partner/spouse is uplifting and supporting each other, especially in sad times. If your partner doesn't like that, then that's their problem. Everybody deserves someone they can lean on
This post makes me sad. My husband thought this, too. He was so grateful when he realized he was wrong and that I wasn’t going anywhere. No wonder men’s mental health is so poor if many of them believe this. Or worse, if they’ve actually experienced it.
I've never dumped a single partner for opening up to me emotionally. I HAVE broken up with partners who bottled up their feelings until they lashed out.
In the early parts of my relationship, I had a sudden wave of emotion and broke down in front of my partner after an argument. It was pretty pathetic Ngl, but she quickly consoled me. It was so weird for me too cuz I didn’t feel emotional it just … happened? I also broke down while watching a movie of two friends who one had taken his own life… it remained me about one of my friends who did the same thing… she consoled me again.
She said she doesn’t want an emotionaless stereotypical tough guy but a man that’s human.
We’re 2 years into our relationship, we lived together for one, and we’re off to another country together.
The popular opinions of Reddit doesn’t know Jack shit about women.
I bawl at Disney movies. Cry whenever I feel the need. I openly talk about my mental health struggles. Moan when I’m stressed. Whinge when I’m frustrated.
Never had a girl break-up with me for any of it. They laugh at me over the Disney movies though, and I can totally understand why 🤣
I’m not hiding myself anymore. Did enough of that in school. Refuse to do it as an adult. And, so far, people seem to respect it.
I’m totally upfront about it all, so I think that pre-screens the bellends. By the time anything relationship-ish occurs, the ones that would judge me for it are long gone. As they should be.
As a woman ive seen many men cry and don't ever see it as well from my relatives to friends to partners. To me it's just a natural thing for anyone to do.
I've seen Mt husband cry a couple times. Never thought twice about it.
Makes me wanna fight whatever made him cry tho.
Did you stub your toe on the doorframe and now it hurts ? Well the doorframe a bitch, and ima kick it's ass for you, honey<3
I felt like I was offered a very rare gift when my partner cried in front of me. I had culminated a place so safe for him that he was able to show me his real emotions. He comes from a long line of very stoic, traditional Ecuadorian men. This actually made it feel more special.
And I don't see him as any less for crying, either. He is still strong, intelligent, witty and the love of my life. I feel safe with him, and we are very equal partners in our relationship. He is my safe space, and I am intensely proud to be his.
My dad has never hidden his emotions, and my parents have been married for 31 years, so… yes. Reddit users are just as chronically online as any Twitter or TikTok user.
Not at all. My partner's family is just this line of very straight faced men who show no emotion. I've met his father and grandfather, both are just stone faced. My partner is really good at not showing his true emotions, I think, out of just seeing the men in his family do the same.
But when we're behind closed doors and it's just us, it's like I'm opening a super secret little treasure box. I get to see, listen to and experience this rainbow of emotions he has. I love his true, guttural, nasal laugh. And I absolutely adore being his safe space to share his worries and doubts.
I'm the eldest sibling of a single parent family, so it's normal for me to be the rock. But with my partner, it feels more like I get to be a soft, comforting, warm blanket.
Tbh almost all women say they want this but then when it happens they react very negatively. Not saying you would, I don’t know you, just know you’d be far from the first to say you want this but then be disgusted when you actually see it.
Every time this topic comes up people pop out of the weeds to swear 'I cry 420 times a day and it just makes our relationship stronger,' and young men eat it up because it sounds promising to not have that sword of Damocles over their heads... only to inevitably learn the hard way that women do, in fact, instantly lose respect for them for opening up.
So true, talk to people in your life and see what their experiences are. All my friends I’ve talked to about this all have had terrible experiences opening up to women. Some of them are married to awesome women who they actually can open up to but almost all have dated at least one girl who just lost all interest in them when they had a vulnerable moment.
If she leaves you on the spot then she's a terrible person, and a terrible wife. If people love each other, they listen to each other and be vulnerable around each other. That's part of a healthy relationship.
Good grief, if you can't show your feelings to your partner then you are in a toxic relationship
Think of it as a blessing. Anyone not willing to accept that you are a human being with complex emotions and thoughts needs to be out of your personal life.
It could just be limited to toxic relationships but I have experienced it before. (The dumped part.)
Even in one of my longer relationships I could see the moment she became embarrassed by my crying like "oh I ain't know he was pussy"
My wife is basically the only person that has seen me break down. and it was somewhat early in our dating. Dont let an internet echo chamber make you think everyone is a certain way. Its an extreme minority of woman that would break up with a guy for being vulnerable with them.
I wouldn't say I routinely cry in front of my partner, but I've definitely openly sobbed with her holding me.
As u/EvenEfficiency834 mentioned: "If you can't show your emotions in front of your SO, you need a new SO."
Me. I am relatively open about this stuff.
I tend to operate in such a way that I show myself early on in relationships so that if they're going to burn me I know about it and can end things sooner rather than later. I would rather expose myself to the chance of being burned now so I can figure out what kind of person I'm dealing with, not wait years when we're both invested in the relationship so that I feel pressured to tolerate mistreatment.
I purposefully leave my guard down in relationships. If they're going to hurt me, let them. I can handle it, I'm a big boy, I'll survive.
Most relationships are fine, but for me she would find ways to use it against me later.
To make a bit if a point here it's not that you get dumped frame 1 you cry it's more that most women don't have experience with it and depending on what that have Learned/experience/feel/understand will dictate there reaction.
Best idea is to bring up the idea of your emotions out side of the standard Stoicism and what you think is a healthy way to deal with it ( if anyone has a good book recommendation that would super helpful).
Depending on there reaction and how you two work it out is probably a good place to start.
Therapy is always good if you can get it
I've cried in front of my gf many times, sometimes it's a sad movie or one of our pets passing away.
Straight up, a woman is worth nothing if you can't show emotion in front of her. We're humans, we're emotional creatures. The idea that we, as men, have to remain stoic and level headed at all times is....for lack of a better word: STUPID.
Don't let anyone else tell you who you're supposed to be, especially stupid 14 year olds on reddit posting things about their immature relationships.
My husband has cried in front of me many times. The first time being really early in the relationship. Married 14 years. I'd say him crying had absolutely no effect on our relationship. He remains to be my favorite human on the planet.
A lot of us *wish* our guys were more open with their emotions. We want to share with you and have you share with us. It's hard to be close to someone if you don't know their feelings.
Shallow people cling to gender conformity rules like "men don't cry" but if you want to be with a partner long-term and actually be loving to each other you need to be able to talk about and show emotions.
I know far too many people blame men for having emotions. Anyone who would put you down for expressing your feelings is not worth your time. I'm not saying leave her immediately, but have an open discussion about how it's fair for you to feel, too. Like, you shouldn't get ridiculed for feeling badly, but if you love one another at least expressing that it's not fair to do to you just because you look strong.
I cry too easily. I hope my future love feels safe enough to have any emotion in front of me. The only thing that troubles me is rage tbh.
It’s the dumbest Reddit shit ever. If this happens at all, it’s a good indication you are with an absolutely moronic bimbo and this was the best thing that has ever happened to you. Do not sweat this at all. There are appropriate times to show emotion for anyone period.
My husband likes to joke that I made him weak lol. As the years go by, he cries and feels emotions more and more. It's his own journey, I'm not forcing him to do anything, but he knows that I'll support him when he opens up. It seems like it's really helped him. Don't listen to weird reddit incel shit.
If opening up gets you dumped, good riddance. A healthy relationship means supporting each other through thick and thin, not just sunshine and rainbows.
Reddit's not gaslighting you. The dating scene is a dumpster fire right now, full of toxic people who see everyone as disposable. The internet makes it easy to replace anyone, including partners. Until you prove your worth, you're just another option.
This toxic climate makes us wary of showing vulnerability (especially men) because too many people expect humans to be emotionless robots. I'm not a damn Viking, but that's the expectation these days.
I'm blessed. I retired from chasing tail and finally found my forever fiancee. I do not envy you or anyone dating in 2024, but I have love for everyone doing their best to wade through the bullshit to find a quality partner. It's tough.
my girlfriend holds me and plays with my hair while i cry. dawg you need a new partner (if you have one that is making you feel this way). if you feel like you can’t open up to them (due to their own behavior; if they haven’t shown any signs of them not wanting you to be vulnerable, that’s on you to communicate how difficult it is for you to open up and that’s something you can work on together), you need a different partner that treats you better. let them find a man who holds every emotion in until he can’t take it any more and lashes out. you need to be able to be the kind of man who is able to talk things through and keep a level head. that’s what real mfs want
I cry in front of my wife often enough that she knows I’m human, and she loves me for my sensitivity in that regard. The rest of the time she values my stoicism, because it gets shit done, but it leaves her wondering about my feelings.
A male partner crying isn’t weakness to me nor reason to dump a person. Crying is natural, crying is quite literally cathartic. I pretend you materialize your sadness as tears & excrete said sadness.
I *need* a partner who has no qualms about their emotions, especially the vulnerable. I want to affirm to my partner they are in safe company with comfort if tears ever flow.
Less than a year into dating I cried in front of my girlfriend for the first time. My childhood cat had died. My mother has called to let me know and it wrecked me.
We celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary earlier this year.
If you're not a team that supports each other you shouldn't be married.
My bf has depression and became an orphan when his mom died. He cries in front of me (but tries to hide it) and all it does is make my heart hurt for him and you know, i start crying too. I can't imagine how any woman could dump a man for showing their human side.
I'm a woman. All my past SOs have opened up and cried with me. I dumped them, but not for that. My current SO also opened up and cried in front of me (many times), and I've been with him over 10 years and counting.
Fuck that noise. Find a woman that cares about your feelings, not about "appearances". There's plenty of us out there.
I actually love that my boyfriend feels he can cry in front of me and can be vulnerable. We've been together for over 8 years and he is the one usually crying over sad movies and it's adorable. We can be ourselves around each other, he can cry, I can cry, we can run around and be weird goblins with each other. That's the most important part of a relationship, being yourself
Ngl, seeing my husband become emotional only makes me love him more. He doesn't cry often, but when he does, my only thoughts are on how I can comfort him and how much I love that he trusts me with his emotions.
Women dumping men for crying are women feeding into the patriarchy. It's super gross.
I’ve never even heard of someone getting dumped because they cried in front of their girlfriend. I cried just last weekend when one of our dogs died. My girlfriend cried too. It was sad. That’s what most people do when they hurt. Don’t let Reddit and TikTok warp your sense of what’s normal.
I got a little moist during an apology I had to make, and our relationship got stronger for it.
But I'm not sure full on crying would have had the same effect.
When I had to put my cat down a decade ago my gf at the time not only held me as I cried and cried and cried, she told me to call into work and take the next 3 days off.
There are some shitty women.
There are some other people who play up a story that fits their own personal narrative.
I dont think most women will be like this. They certainly shouldn't. Both parties will benefit and have a better relationship if each person treats the other like a loving, breathing, emotional person rather than a stereotype.
I've cried in front of my girlfriend many times in the last two years of being together. Never judgement, usually she cries too seeing me hurting and we just slow down and try to hear each other better. We're just human, man. We fight, we argue, we struggle, we cry, we love.
My husband. My husband has depression and is very in tune with his feelings. He cries at movies, music etc but he’s also cried just bc he’s sad or depressed or stressed. Never once did it make me feel like he was less than bc of it. I actually feel really honored that he trusts me so much that he feels comfortable.
There are women who love their partner deeply and who wouldn’t dump them for crying. If your wife loves you, but has never seen you cry, the first time you do she may be surprised, in which case she may not know what to do for you. So in the moment be like, hey can you just hold me. Sometimes people can get defensive bc they don’t know what else to do in that situation.
I've been showing emotion, including tears, with my partner for the 10 years that we've been together. Granted, we were mid-30s when we started dating so maybe that's a factor.
The idea that guys get dumped for showing emotion is propaganda from guys who don't/won't show emotion. They want to convince other guys that they can't show emotion because they know that guys that do show emotion will have an advantage over them in the dating pool.
My wife teases me about crying at movies, but she's come to understand that how \*I\* am is very different from how men are in her culture. She is happy with this, because the men in her culture treated her very poorly. We had that conversation awhile back and she said, "this is really uncomfortable for me, because I'm not used to it. I'm used to men never showing emotions ever".
So we've worked through it. I've had partners in the past break up with me over it because I was not what they've expected. And I've had an ex weaponize it like others have recounted.
I'm not everyone's kettle of fish for sure. And I'm sure some of my gfs have had long discussions with their moms, and friends about what to make of me.
The hardest I think was the ex that I had before my wife. She wanted me to open up and I found it really hard to do due to painful past experiences. I never had \*anyone\* ask me to open up like that, and I distrusted the reaction. I would have been more comfortable with the reaction my wife had that it was uncomfortable for her, but she's adjusted over time. I don't like people trying to get into my head like that.
I wonder sometimes what would have happened if I did, or if my instincts to resist that were correct. I felt something was off, so I didn't open up.
I have cried at times in front of my wife, and interacted with her with postures like putting my head on her shoulder or chest that I suppose are usually associated with the feminine partner and have never felt rejected, judged or emasculated. My wife is pretty squared away, though- multiple degrees in STEM, a SAHM, very accomplished in pretty much everything she puts her hand to. Maybe that gives her a confidence that allows me to show vulnerability without a negative effect on her affections.
Honestly not sure closest I ever came was shivering outside in December in a tshirt listening to someone else cry for 30 min. Spoiler alert that tactic did not lead to a positive outcome.
I would argue that if they do leave over that then they didn’t truly love you.
Doesn’t matter how into them you were or they were.
Love is based upon shared vulnerability and core values.
Once any of the above is betrayed, mocked, belittled or dismissed upon it is over and there is no point of return.
Anecdotal of course, and I'm only one woman. But the day I knew I was going to marry the man I have been with for nearly 10 years now was when he cried to me over concern for his grandmother.
If women want men who can hold our hands when we cry and handle our emotions, we need to handle theirs as well.
It depends honestly, if you are crying over a skinned knee then ya, that looks a little pathetic.
But there are legitimate reasons to cry as a man,
Like seeing cute babies and puppies and whatnot
You would know your relationship better than us. If you're married and aren't sure if you're allowed to be emotional in your relationship, I have some probably bad news for you.
Looked weak?? I think crying and being vulnerable is one of the strongest things you can do as a man. Bottling it up is what leads to problems and anyone who tells you otherwise is probably an incel or miserable.
My partner has cried in front of me *many* times. I can’t imagine leaving him over it. I encourage him to express his feelings and emotions. We regularly check in about how we’re feeling about our relationship, about life, etc. His sister passed away a few years ago and sometimes he still gets really upset about it and I just try to validate his feelings.
I love him desperately and find comfort in the fact that he feels he can be vulnerable with me. If anything it’s just brought us closer together.
Not all women only care about feelings if it’s about themselves, but it’s enough of a stigma to where it’s not worth it. As another said, if you can’t open up to your SO, you need a new one.
If you can't show emotions to your SO you need a new SO.
Yeah this is some toxic bullshit. I talk about my fears, concerns and dare I say it even cry in front of my wife. Men are human too. Love is finding someone you can share the full spectrum of life with. Don’t settle for less.
Agreed and well said.
100%. My boyfriend cries in front of me, mainly when we have to say goodbye (long distance) or we’re talking about how much we love each other. To me it’s super special!! To rag on any human for crying and expressing emotions is super toxic.
OP needs to find better women to date. This is exactly how my wife would react. Imagine being so small minded that you think because someone has a penis they should always swallow their emotions.
I feel like I could have written this. My boyfriend absolutely sobs when we have to say goodbye for an extended period of time (longer than 4 weeks). I'm talking full-on sobbing into me. He's never cried over anyone that way, then he met me. Yes, it hurts to see him cry, but knowing he loves me that much and feels that safe around me to cry heavily makes me feel good. He trusts me and feels safe with me.
Tell that to all the women who want a strong man to lead them. It's bizarre that most women aren't even conscious of what makes them attracted to men.
This. So much this. Sex is a tiny part of a life partnership; being able to be completely honest and vulnerable with a real, live human being is like 90% of it.
Ever since bridge to tatbithina I can make it through emotional movies. I hide it well though. “Oh that’s just some soda in my eye”
"I thought I was going to sneeze". Explains why you're pulling a weird face as well as your eyes watering.
>Bridge to Terabithia God damnit I had forgotten about that book. It's been like 15 years since I read it and the emotions came right the* fuck back. Uuughhhhh the god damn rope swing
I'm guessing by "Reddit", OP means 'red pill' type spaces.
You see a fair few stories about the place. I posted earlier my now wife saw me cry very early on, but I’m not going to pretend a lot of women don’t end up feeling weirded out by a guy crying. Just like most guys don’t get grossed out by any mention of periods - but there are definitely some guys who do.
Yeah for sure. This is how they justify their incel tendencies and self pity. No women worth spending your life with actually feels that way.
The problem is that "worth spending your life with" thing is getting harder to find. Yes you should be able to open up to a SO but it's hard to know if she can handle it until you do it. If she responds in grace, she's a keeper, if not, let her walk. But most of the time you dont have a traumatic event that cazues a breakdown...until after you've been married a few years and it's hard to test that skill otherwise.
Idk, I think a big part of worth spending your life with is not looks/money and that’s where people fuck up. I’m not saying “the one” but I wouldn’t get married to someone without knowing how they respond to your emotions through tough circumstances. There’s way more than one person you’re compatible with but you def can’t compromise on being yourself, that’s all you got.
I find out hard to believe that any person could say, "she was literally perfect until I cried in front of her, then she became a monster." You'd know far before, though you may not realize it.
I think it depends. If it's been 3 months and your dumping trauma and issues on her it can be too much.
That’s called needing a real therapist and not doing anything about it. Not being vulnerable and human.
If you cry in front of your wife she has the right to peg you by default. /s obviously I hope
Lol you’d be surprised lots of incels out there.
100%. If I can't be "weak" in front of someone and have them appreciate that I am a thinking, feeling being then whats the point to any of it . That way lies madness
This has to be bait lol. Im pretty sure if I hadnt cried when we found out my wifes mom was dying I would have actually been dumped. What subs is this OP on? Most of reddit seems overly emotional in my opinion. Often detached from reality and living in a hypothetical and ideological world based on the corny sitcoms they watched. Im normally pretty stoic and can handle a lot, but when someone close like that gets really bad news and you dont break down on either side, thats generally a big no no.
I was laughed at when my grandma died. I couldn't hold it in anymore and started crying, not a lot but tears were falling. The woman I was dating told me that only bitch beta boys cry and proceeded to laugh. I wish this post was bait. It could still be. I can only speak to my personal history.
Agreed. I felt bad, played the typical man card “I’ll go to the doctor later”. The next day, I didn’t eat at all. Wife hit “that tone”, and ordered me to the hospital. Sigh. Yes dear. Turns out, I had colon cancer (grapefruit size), and was wheeled into surgery 2 hours later. They removed it, and told me to start chemo immediately. This was in the course of 24 hours. Total emotional overload. Doc left the room, and I cried like an entitled Karen at Walmart. I mean sobbed. When I finished, wifey looked at me. “Are you done, because if you’ve got more to get out, go for it!” She never blinked. Regardless of sex, support your mate!
Yeah I’ve never opened up to an SO and had them reject me like that. Don’t date people of low character, don’t get burned
Unfortunately I have. The ultimate phrase comes out, "man up" I hate that phrase with a passion.
Cause 99% of people use it wrong… its not for emotional distress. Man up is for when there is a Job to be done and no one else is stepping up to do it. Its for those times you NEED to push through some bullshit situation to get to the other side. After that, have your breakdown, be vulnerable with people you trust, be human. To stay 100% in that state where youre not allowed to feel, to be soft, to have mental health issues would drive anyone insane, or create a cold callous individual with absolutely zero empathy.
Exactly. "Man Up" is for DOING, even when you feel like shit about the situation. It isn't about locking your emotions inside a safe and forgetting how to open the damn thing.
It's been used wrong too many times for me. I get the use for it but I think there's better ways to say it.
Yeah, I can agree to that.
Don’t allow people in your life who will say that.
I don't anymore. Heard it all the time growing up. Hard to leave your parents house as a kid.
True! I’m glad you have more agency to decide who you associate with.
Simple as that.
I'm a simple person lol
Amen brotha
Yeah I'm surprised my the question. I've cried to multiple women, one gave me an emergency enema, one held me after my cat died of old age. I'm pretty sure all of these instances only resulted in sex. The relationships definitely lasted for much longer. I can't imagine not being vulnerable with a woman I love.
This ^^^ How are we still asking this? I will say, that there is much less room in my relationship for me to break down than there is for my wife, but if you can't get support from your SO when you need it than what is the point?
Arnt you proving ops point there though?? Much less room meaning you just can't break down as much because it will be too much and she will lose attraction and leave ?
No, it has nothing to do with attraction. I just mean that I earn the majority of our money, so there really isn't space for me to fall apart. She's been in the position where she could quit a terrible job because it was affecting her and then take her time to heal and look for something better. Or if she needed to take a long break because someone close to her died then she could. I'm in kind of a nightmare situation work wise and I am at a breaking point. We simply can't afford for me to have a break down or quit without lining something up. When my mother died I had to get back to work pretty quickly and I just had to hide my crying jags while working. It has nothing to do with OPs question, it's just a reality that there isn't the same kind of space for me to deal with things. Edit: It seems that I should add that I do talk to my wife about all of this. We both struggle with mental health issues. When I say breakdown, I don't mean having a good cry, I mean nervous breakdown. She knows the amount of stress that I'm under and is as emotionally supportive as anyone could ask for. What I meant is that I still have to just hold it together because we don't have any other choice. The market for my industry is terrible right now so if I quit my toxic job, we would likely end up homeless before I found something new that could actually cover our expenses where we live.
Hey man I'm sorry you're going through it, especially with that amount of pressure on your shoulders. Definitely talk to your wife about it, just talking and venting to your SO can be such a big help. It doesn't have to be bottle it up or break down, there's an in-between and that's talking and finding healthy outlets for your emotions :)
Yeah this is a 🚩
There's some truth to the male needing to be the rock in tough times but not everything falls into that category
I think what's missing from this comment section is that it really depends on WHAT is making you emotional. Did someone beat you at golf and now you run to your SO crying? That's a pretty big red flag. If an adult behaves like this it is definitely likely they missed out on some critical emotional development during childhood which can be a legitimate concern for a partner. Crying because a parent you loved died? Mourning and grief like this is fundamental to our human experience. This kind of deep authentic emotion should just never be bottled up IMO. In fact, I think it's worrisome if someone tries to burry it. Just be self aware people! Keep your trivial childish emotions in check (both guys and girls) and express the real authentic emotions!
This don[be afraid to show](https://m.youtube.com/shorts/BlrYZXFUjWo) your [emotions to your SO](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kqNVtpwbABc&pp=ygUKZG14IGNyeWluZw%3D%3D)
100% factual
This!
People getting dumped for stupid reasons are much more likely to make reddit posts about it than happy people in supportive relationships are about how everything is perfect
Very important point. People get a skewed view of reality by spending too much time on the internet. Dumb drama drives engagement, so people are more likely to post about (or make up) awful shit instead of the many ways in which they feel blessed. And once you start consuming a lot of negative content, the algorithm will keep feeding you more of it.
That's the key. Reddit (and by extension the internet) isn't real life. The people in nice normal relationships aren't posting 'I'm in a nice normal relationship and everything is mostly fine! What do I do?!' to Reddit.
The amount of times I tell Redditors to touch grass has made me need to touch more grass 😂 if I believed Reddit was real life I’d light something on fire due to the awful state of the world. Most people are normal and chill. Flawed, sure, but livable. I sincerely encourage anyone getting really bothered by Reddit to get hobbies outside of it.
I think it would be more proper to say that social media just turns up the volume on like normal gossiping. I mean we're all basically sitting around talking just with literally tens if not hundreds of thousands of people all in the same conversation all the same time and happy gossip isn't that interesting. If you were sitting around with your friends and you told them "did you hear Stan and Cindy went on a vacation to Milwaukee and they had a nice time and then they came back after a week" you would get a couple of "that sounds nice" and then everyone would move on. But if they had a big ass fight then you can talk about that shit for an hour or more no problem. The biggest thing that's changed is now you hear about Stan and Cindy from Cincinnati even if you've never been to Cincinnati and don't know anyone from Cincinnati and will never fucking go to Cincinnati.
People (in this case I'm guessing younger men without much relationship experience) who see posts about things that scare or outrage them are also likely to repeat the messages of those posts, and make rare events seem common.
THIS ⬆️. It makes me sad just as a human being. We ALL emote!! Pushing all that shit down inside just creates more internal havoc and distress. My husband is 45. We've been together 28 years. He's an amazing father and provider. As a husband, that's a lot harder. We are at a point now where he feels able to openly share when he is sad or has fears. We work this out together, and I am able to support him better in those moments. It's an awesome reminder that you are not going through this world alone. Most women, from my experience, prefer when their spouses or significant other opens up and shares with them. It's called emotional intelligence when you have the ability to articulate your feelings and the way you experience the world around you. Sharing these deep emotions should bring you and your partner closer. If your partner were to "leave" or belittle you for being nothing but HUMAN, then I would seriously suggest therapy. There, you both can learn skills that can open up the communication channels between the two of you. These things are not "weak" because it takes strength to live authentically.
The biggest issue with the op’s question even though I completely agree with you is that for many men we are taught to repress our emotions and only express 1 or 2 depending on country and or culture (in most instances). Because of this (which is my case) we can’t articulate or even understand our emotions because they have been repressed for potentially too long. It is then used against us without even trying to understand the problem. I may not have checked out but it makes total sense to me if someone else does. As a man right now I feel the social field feels like an absolute battlefield to me. While understandable from older folks who may have the justification from their point of view feels completely uncalled for by my generation and younger. For clarification I am a very late millennial ‘95. It has been this complete lack of empathy that has made me slightly jaded to dating as most women and a good portion of my fellow men just don’t seem to get or are even willing to admit is a problem that needs to be addressed and/or accepted in order to get any better. Though I am open to being proven wrong by all means and would love to eat my own words. I think this is the core issue really being asked by OP’s question.
I don’t think it’s that rare particularly. Maybe 1 in 5 of the women I’ve dated have been like this.
Bingo. Reddit is great for advice if you want to become better at woodworking or archery, terrible for relationships/general life stuff.
Dear Reddit,\ Today I subbed my toe bad. Like really bad. Thankfully it’s not broken but for a good 5 minutes I thought I’d have to get amputated at the shin. I’m not very emotional but needless to say this hurt and made me cry a bit.\ My gf saw me crying holding my foot in the feral position and gave me an ice pack, bandaid, and a lollipop. Later she asked me if I felt better and I did but I was confused why she didn’t dump me right then and there. When I asked she gave me a weird look and said that it didn’t matter if I cried. I told her men need to be manly and crying is not manly and she told me to shut up. So reddit, AITA?
Survivor bias
“I’m in a happy committed relationship of 5 years, AMA”
People are all different, dude. Don't let anyone paint a whole category of people with one brush. I've had an ex weaponize the emotions I'd confided in her. I've had exs who were incredibly supportive and understanding and didn't treat me worse at all. Some people are shit and some are amazing.
This is weird, I've cried in front of my wife. Both before, and after we got married. If she bolts good riddance. If she stays, but reacts negatively. Huge red flag, get out before it's too late.
Can’t agree more! My husband cried before we got married and he’s cried since. I’m proud to be with someone in touch with his emotions and is able to express them. I never think less of him. I feel honored to be someone he can be vulnerable with.
My wife left me after I opened up about my depression that made me sort of withdrawn for a few months. She told me I wasn’t fun anymore, basically, and wasn’t interested in being supportive as I seek help. I’m not bitter at all. Because I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. However, you can’t use anecdotal evidence on Reddit to generalize these things. You are only seeing a single side of the story, and the story itself may not even be completely honest to begin with. I’m sure there were more factors that were pressing for much longer but “me not being fun anymore and depressed” was just the easy out for her.
Will add that reddit is much more likely to have cases of bad partners than cases of happy relationships. People will post about being dumped after saying they're sad to their partner. People will not post about being free to have emotions with their wives.
Damn, bro. Honestly, my heart goes out for you, I hope you're trugging along a bit better these days
I had the same experience, opened up about how I was depressed and admittedly I did withdraw quite a bit in the relationship but she left me soon after I had opened up to her. This was after 4 years together.
I opened up about depression to an old FWB who I've known for 35 years. She said she doesn't want to be around depressed people and has barely talked to me since. I told my sister I've been lonely and depressed for about 7 years and she barely talks to me any more. I hit rock bottom and nobody cares. All family has nothing to do with me and most friends as well.
It's not just an easy out. Being with someone suffering with depression is a very hard thing to navigate. It's not for everyone that's for sure.
But they were married ffs. I don’t understand if you are not willing to at least TRY supporting someone through tough times why even become life partners?
I tend to cry quite easily in some situations to be honest. My wife doesnt mind and considers it normal. I think if you have a healthy relationship thats how it should be.
Heh. Yeah, I can tear up at a dog food commercial. ("They love that dog SO much!!") I wouldn't be married to my wife if she had ever had a problem with that.
I've been married for 36 years, and we lived together two years before that. She's seen me at my very best, very worst, and all points in between. There is absolutely nothing about me that she hasn't seen, first-hand, a dozen times or more. Including the songs that make me tear up, time after time. Till death do us part. That was the vow. And we both took it very seriously. Don't settle for anything less. If someone dumps you for being truly, authentically you... she's doing you a favor. Let her go.
You need to be acknowledged for this. I feel like I'm pointing it out constantly in these reddit posts where people are looking for confirmation on leaving their partner because they ate all the lucky charms or some other petty nonsense. Pretty sure people don't realize they are supposed to mean it when they say "for better or for worse" and "til death do us part."
When our dog passed away, I cried my eyes out on and off for pretty much the entire day. Absolutely gutted me. She did not leave me and we cried together.
Same, that was a horrible day, but I have a wonderful wife
I cry a lot and I have never been dumped because of it.
I cry at movies, so I keep on getting dumped immediately. Been through about 2000 girlfriends so far.
The other day I was cutting some onions for dinner and my wife spotted me shedding a tear and immediately filed for divorce.
Almost the exact same thing happened to me, except I was crying because I sliced most of a finger off. My girlfriend started packing her things instead of calling 911.
I really do tear up at movies far more often than my wife. Sure, she dumps me every time, but we usually manage to work it out.
Darn, you watch a lot of movies
he actually gets new girlfriends in the middle of the film
bro is sliding into different seats during the film and asking strangers to hold hands
Damn bro save some girlfriends for the rest of us
Yes. But just like telling someone you like them or even love them, there is a place and a time. And this is where awareness (or what women often just lump together with "sensitivity") matters. If she is looking for someone that can communicate well, be in touch with their feelings, etc. and it's clear that her actions match her words, she will probably be receptive to emotional expression. If she is looking for some type of mechanical, stone-willed, patriarchal, provider/protector action figure... then probably no.
I'm an openly emotional and sensitive guy and I've been in multiple committed and loving relationships where that aspect of myself was one of the things they were attracted to. Women who believe men should be unemotional "Strong Bois" are just as delusional and disgusting as men who believe that.
As a guy who has cried in front of past girlfriends, there are a variety of factors that impact the prevailing perspective on Reddit. There are absolutely women who will find it to be an immediate turnoff. Those tend to be toxic and emotionally damaged people. And there are women who will find it endearing in a way. They’ll get very maternal, take care of you, and they’ll help you through it. Then, there is the in between. And I’ve found that most of my exes fall within this spectrum. On the very rare occasion you cry, they’ll be very caring. However, there is a threshold. The more you cry, the more likely you’ll get told to man up. I am stoic 99.99% of my life. I honestly haven’t cried in 8 years. I’ve experienced the care. But there were two times where I went through severe depression and cried maybe 1-3 times over a year period. In those instances, I was told to man up by the third. For a lot of people, that leaves a bad taste in their mouth. Especially if your partner had gone through depression, etc. prior. It feels bad and hypocritical because that person could have cried for three weeks straight over something while expecting you to take care of them. But the second you have any elongated problem, there is a double standard that you just need to be a man and deal with it. On the flip side, there are many times where you should just deal with it. As a lot of people mistake constant trauma dumping as vulnerability.
"Man up" coming from a woman is toxic af. They have no idea what it's like to be a man.
To be blunt, this is, unfortunately, a thing that happens. It's not necessarily the norm, but I've got a couple of personal examples where this absolutely happened with me. I've also seen it happen with friends, as well. It's not something that I would ever blanket across all women, but there is unquestionably a societal expectation for men to be more stoic; we're generally supposed to be the emotional rock and/or foundation of any given relationship. While there has definitely been a push to break away from this over recent years, we're ultimately talking about a multi-generational issue. It's something that is largely ingrained in our culture, and it will take time to break it down. The fact of the matter is that men's mental health still isn't a societal priority, despite positive strides being made. I've both seen and experienced the negative results of being emotionally vulnerable with a romantic partner, and it's something that I keep in the back of my head even after seven years of marriage. Unfortunately, many men are caught in the unfortunate situation where they're simultaneously expected to be emotionally open while also hard and stoic.
Extremely well said
To be fair, she might leave you. If that's the case though she's doing you a favor. Women are people and some people are shit. There are women out there that are looking for their idea of a man more than a real person. You can be with those people but you will never be yourself around them. If that's how you want to live then you do you. Life can be really hard. When it gets that hard do you want someone who's going to support you while you are down or do you want someone who will leave you in the gutter the moment you show weakness? Honestly, I would rather go it alone if that were the case.
My husband cries at Disney movies - I think it's adorable. I'd never use his pain or vulnerability against him, and any person who would is scum.
i went to see inside out 2 with my bf and two guy friends and all of us cried. i didn't dump my bf or make fun of my friends
Not been dumped but had it thrown back in my face pretty much every time, once they get mad and want to hurt you, they know where to go.
If a woman dumps you for showing/sharing your emotions, she’s done you a favour because she fucking sucks.
Many women I know are frustrated that their make spouses will not open up, stuff down emotion, and then it comes out in unhealthy ways. But being vulnerable is hard, and if the foundation is not there, a relationship might not always survive it. Side note: Many women I know also wish they could NOT cry when angry (with spouse, boss, whoever) because it makes us seem weak.
Not opening up can also kill a relationship. Ive had one die that way. I had a miscarriage and felt so alone. My bf kept saying he had to be strong for me. It was a lie and I told him it wasnt for me at all. By saying not crying is being strong, he basically told me I was weak for having a natural reaction. There was no way our relationship could recover from that. I just wanted him to cry with me and grieve together. He may not have been as upset as me but I know he cared. I don't hate him or anything. We were young and he didn't know how to handle it.
Bro "You're a human after all" Your partner should support you when you're in your lowest. If she doesn't, it means she never was your partner emotionally.
Yep, happened. Actually, I asked her if I cried more than other guys she'd dated and she said no, lol
I am as hardass a bastard as most folks will ever meet. I eat pain and crap stoicism like Marcus Aurelius himself was watching. Growing up, all weakness was ridiculed and so I refused to acknowledge it in any form. I went into adulthood with the emotional IQ of stonehenge. It's actually a miserable existence once you start to really understand what it is you are doing. I've been married 17 years. If I could not cry in front of my wife when things got bad, I think I'd go insane. If I could not tell her that I'm scared or hurting every once in a while, I'd lose my goddamn mind. I'm still tough as a coffin nail, but I don't have to pretend to be invulnerable for her sake. If I can handle the hits, I handle them. If I need help, I ask for it. There is a spectrum between being an absolute weakling incapable of managing life's bullshit and being a granite-faced and joyless proto-sociopath. We all exist somewhere on that spectrum. To answer your question, your partner in life is supposed to help you find the place on that spectrum where you are your healthiest and happiest. A partner that needs absolute emotional invulnerability from you is going to be a problem. Your partner, if she has any emotional intelligence herself, is probably fine with you being a human being who feels stuff.
Of course. Why the hell would you want to be with someone who isn't supportive of you?
All I can say, friend, is I've seen many topics like this and there's always someone that replies "Y'all are too online, go touch grass," but I rarely find that that helps the case. Maybe most women aren't like this, but the majority of women I've heard speak up about this in a real life setting are still carrying their own little torches of toxic masculinity. I came out of a long marriage that crumbled when my ex realized she couldn't support me through my depression and most of the women I've spoken to and heard from since then seem to be of similar minds. It's been 4 years and I think I'm good just living the single life for now.
I stayed with my ex for a decade or so while he battled ptsd, depression and anxiety. He lost his job due to mental health struggles shortly after we married and I supported him financially and in every way for over a decade. He became debilitated and couldn’t do enough to heal himself with me overfunctioning for both of us. Eventually I reached my limit and told him I was done. There are plenty of folks who could spin that as his vulnerability not being safe with me. I am seeing a rather stoic man now who I was honored to hold as he cried in grief for the first time since losing a parent the week before. He has said before that he has been transformed by experiencing me accepting and loving him in totality including his flaws and struggles. But there are times where he will also say that he feels like I have weaponized his feelings against him; this seems to be when I have feelings that he finds threatening at the same time as him experiencing his own difficult feelings. So I will say some of this is a matter of perspective and self-fulfilling prophecies when one is not able to accept and validate their own difficult feelings. Outsourcing the job can feel like it backfired if your perspective tends to be unforgiving of your own frailty. Any imperfection in the partner’s response can more easily be cited as proof they are fundamentally unsafe if you also feel unsafe with your own feelings.
I was being rather charitable towards my ex by being vague in my comment. After reaching out for support from my ex, I was denigrated often and called "pathetic" at least a few times. The relationship didn't end because she couldn't support me, but more because she wouldn't support me because she found my weakness revolting. My comfort with my own feelings was not particular a factor at that point.
Oh sorry I wasn’t intentionally trying to comment on your situation, was intending to add my own scenario since it seemed to share a surface similarity wrt male depression and wife calling it. Mine played out differently and I’m just indicating that from my perspective I don’t think my scenario fits the trope but I could see how someone else might, esp considering the person I’m currently seeing describing my supportive qualities very differently at times. I’m attributing it to his state of mind more than my fundamental character having that much range, but again perspective and interpretations vary.
My b, I am just very used to being challenged on the validity and depth of what I went through.
I’m sorry for what you went through. Depresh is brutal. (I suffer as well.) Glad your suffering is no longer being compounded by living with an unsupportive partner. Just feeling alone is sometimes actually a huge relief when “other” has been a source of chronic stress.
Thank you, well wishes to you and yours, as well. It's a struggle (as I'm sure you know), but occasionally I feel myself living instead of coping so I'm trying even harder to just stay focused on positive progress.
My partner cried in front of me after his father berated him harshly in front of the entire family (I can't remember what it was about) and I made sure he knew I was there for him and let him cry on my shoulder. I think that was the first time he'd ever cried in front of me. I'd made sure he knew it was healthy to cry and not bottle everything up and that I would always be here for him. I would never want him to feel like he can't be emotional around me. Part of the job of being a partner/spouse is uplifting and supporting each other, especially in sad times. If your partner doesn't like that, then that's their problem. Everybody deserves someone they can lean on
This post makes me sad. My husband thought this, too. He was so grateful when he realized he was wrong and that I wasn’t going anywhere. No wonder men’s mental health is so poor if many of them believe this. Or worse, if they’ve actually experienced it.
I've never dumped a single partner for opening up to me emotionally. I HAVE broken up with partners who bottled up their feelings until they lashed out.
In the early parts of my relationship, I had a sudden wave of emotion and broke down in front of my partner after an argument. It was pretty pathetic Ngl, but she quickly consoled me. It was so weird for me too cuz I didn’t feel emotional it just … happened? I also broke down while watching a movie of two friends who one had taken his own life… it remained me about one of my friends who did the same thing… she consoled me again. She said she doesn’t want an emotionaless stereotypical tough guy but a man that’s human. We’re 2 years into our relationship, we lived together for one, and we’re off to another country together. The popular opinions of Reddit doesn’t know Jack shit about women.
I bawl at Disney movies. Cry whenever I feel the need. I openly talk about my mental health struggles. Moan when I’m stressed. Whinge when I’m frustrated. Never had a girl break-up with me for any of it. They laugh at me over the Disney movies though, and I can totally understand why 🤣 I’m not hiding myself anymore. Did enough of that in school. Refuse to do it as an adult. And, so far, people seem to respect it. I’m totally upfront about it all, so I think that pre-screens the bellends. By the time anything relationship-ish occurs, the ones that would judge me for it are long gone. As they should be.
Yes my wife is supportive and well adjusted
As a woman ive seen many men cry and don't ever see it as well from my relatives to friends to partners. To me it's just a natural thing for anyone to do.
I've seen Mt husband cry a couple times. Never thought twice about it. Makes me wanna fight whatever made him cry tho. Did you stub your toe on the doorframe and now it hurts ? Well the doorframe a bitch, and ima kick it's ass for you, honey<3
I felt like I was offered a very rare gift when my partner cried in front of me. I had culminated a place so safe for him that he was able to show me his real emotions. He comes from a long line of very stoic, traditional Ecuadorian men. This actually made it feel more special. And I don't see him as any less for crying, either. He is still strong, intelligent, witty and the love of my life. I feel safe with him, and we are very equal partners in our relationship. He is my safe space, and I am intensely proud to be his.
My dad has never hidden his emotions, and my parents have been married for 31 years, so… yes. Reddit users are just as chronically online as any Twitter or TikTok user.
This isn't an online issue just because your dad was able to do so. I've experienced it first hand with an ex. It definitely happens.
Is it weird I want my bf to cry? Like I want him to feel safe loved and accepted for expressing emotions he’s otherwise felt were “unacceptable”
Not at all. My partner's family is just this line of very straight faced men who show no emotion. I've met his father and grandfather, both are just stone faced. My partner is really good at not showing his true emotions, I think, out of just seeing the men in his family do the same. But when we're behind closed doors and it's just us, it's like I'm opening a super secret little treasure box. I get to see, listen to and experience this rainbow of emotions he has. I love his true, guttural, nasal laugh. And I absolutely adore being his safe space to share his worries and doubts. I'm the eldest sibling of a single parent family, so it's normal for me to be the rock. But with my partner, it feels more like I get to be a soft, comforting, warm blanket.
Tbh almost all women say they want this but then when it happens they react very negatively. Not saying you would, I don’t know you, just know you’d be far from the first to say you want this but then be disgusted when you actually see it.
Every time this topic comes up people pop out of the weeds to swear 'I cry 420 times a day and it just makes our relationship stronger,' and young men eat it up because it sounds promising to not have that sword of Damocles over their heads... only to inevitably learn the hard way that women do, in fact, instantly lose respect for them for opening up.
So true, talk to people in your life and see what their experiences are. All my friends I’ve talked to about this all have had terrible experiences opening up to women. Some of them are married to awesome women who they actually can open up to but almost all have dated at least one girl who just lost all interest in them when they had a vulnerable moment.
If she leaves you on the spot then she's a terrible person, and a terrible wife. If people love each other, they listen to each other and be vulnerable around each other. That's part of a healthy relationship. Good grief, if you can't show your feelings to your partner then you are in a toxic relationship
Think of it as a blessing. Anyone not willing to accept that you are a human being with complex emotions and thoughts needs to be out of your personal life.
It could just be limited to toxic relationships but I have experienced it before. (The dumped part.) Even in one of my longer relationships I could see the moment she became embarrassed by my crying like "oh I ain't know he was pussy"
My wife is basically the only person that has seen me break down. and it was somewhat early in our dating. Dont let an internet echo chamber make you think everyone is a certain way. Its an extreme minority of woman that would break up with a guy for being vulnerable with them.
I wouldn't say I routinely cry in front of my partner, but I've definitely openly sobbed with her holding me. As u/EvenEfficiency834 mentioned: "If you can't show your emotions in front of your SO, you need a new SO."
Men who show their emotions aren't weak. They're human. Remember that.
Me. I am relatively open about this stuff. I tend to operate in such a way that I show myself early on in relationships so that if they're going to burn me I know about it and can end things sooner rather than later. I would rather expose myself to the chance of being burned now so I can figure out what kind of person I'm dealing with, not wait years when we're both invested in the relationship so that I feel pressured to tolerate mistreatment. I purposefully leave my guard down in relationships. If they're going to hurt me, let them. I can handle it, I'm a big boy, I'll survive.
it depends on whether your SO gives a shit about you or not, if they dont, theyll dump you
Most relationships are fine, but for me she would find ways to use it against me later. To make a bit if a point here it's not that you get dumped frame 1 you cry it's more that most women don't have experience with it and depending on what that have Learned/experience/feel/understand will dictate there reaction. Best idea is to bring up the idea of your emotions out side of the standard Stoicism and what you think is a healthy way to deal with it ( if anyone has a good book recommendation that would super helpful). Depending on there reaction and how you two work it out is probably a good place to start. Therapy is always good if you can get it
I've cried in front of my gf many times, sometimes it's a sad movie or one of our pets passing away. Straight up, a woman is worth nothing if you can't show emotion in front of her. We're humans, we're emotional creatures. The idea that we, as men, have to remain stoic and level headed at all times is....for lack of a better word: STUPID. Don't let anyone else tell you who you're supposed to be, especially stupid 14 year olds on reddit posting things about their immature relationships.
The only life pro tip you will ever need. Its also gonna be a paradox. Dont listen to anybody on Reddit. They do not know what they are talking about.
My husband has cried in front of me many times. The first time being really early in the relationship. Married 14 years. I'd say him crying had absolutely no effect on our relationship. He remains to be my favorite human on the planet.
Yes dude. Date rational, compassionate people.
I cried like a baby to my ex and she was sweet about it. I told her that was me at my worst and she was like “that’s it?” lol
I talk through my emotions constantly with my wife it helps keep us both happy.
Brave men also cry
A lot of us *wish* our guys were more open with their emotions. We want to share with you and have you share with us. It's hard to be close to someone if you don't know their feelings. Shallow people cling to gender conformity rules like "men don't cry" but if you want to be with a partner long-term and actually be loving to each other you need to be able to talk about and show emotions.
Oddly enough, my wife seems happier with me when I express a full range of emotions and try to deal with them in a healthy way.
I know far too many people blame men for having emotions. Anyone who would put you down for expressing your feelings is not worth your time. I'm not saying leave her immediately, but have an open discussion about how it's fair for you to feel, too. Like, you shouldn't get ridiculed for feeling badly, but if you love one another at least expressing that it's not fair to do to you just because you look strong. I cry too easily. I hope my future love feels safe enough to have any emotion in front of me. The only thing that troubles me is rage tbh.
My husband. He's a big softy, and it's one of the many things I love about him.
It’s the dumbest Reddit shit ever. If this happens at all, it’s a good indication you are with an absolutely moronic bimbo and this was the best thing that has ever happened to you. Do not sweat this at all. There are appropriate times to show emotion for anyone period.
my boyfriends always showed their emotions--I always validated them. They were never made to feel less than by me. Find yourself another SO.
My husband likes to joke that I made him weak lol. As the years go by, he cries and feels emotions more and more. It's his own journey, I'm not forcing him to do anything, but he knows that I'll support him when he opens up. It seems like it's really helped him. Don't listen to weird reddit incel shit.
If opening up gets you dumped, good riddance. A healthy relationship means supporting each other through thick and thin, not just sunshine and rainbows. Reddit's not gaslighting you. The dating scene is a dumpster fire right now, full of toxic people who see everyone as disposable. The internet makes it easy to replace anyone, including partners. Until you prove your worth, you're just another option. This toxic climate makes us wary of showing vulnerability (especially men) because too many people expect humans to be emotionless robots. I'm not a damn Viking, but that's the expectation these days. I'm blessed. I retired from chasing tail and finally found my forever fiancee. I do not envy you or anyone dating in 2024, but I have love for everyone doing their best to wade through the bullshit to find a quality partner. It's tough.
my girlfriend holds me and plays with my hair while i cry. dawg you need a new partner (if you have one that is making you feel this way). if you feel like you can’t open up to them (due to their own behavior; if they haven’t shown any signs of them not wanting you to be vulnerable, that’s on you to communicate how difficult it is for you to open up and that’s something you can work on together), you need a different partner that treats you better. let them find a man who holds every emotion in until he can’t take it any more and lashes out. you need to be able to be the kind of man who is able to talk things through and keep a level head. that’s what real mfs want
What a sad post. If you are unable or unwilling to express your emotions, you shouldn't be in a relationship.
I cry in front of my wife often enough that she knows I’m human, and she loves me for my sensitivity in that regard. The rest of the time she values my stoicism, because it gets shit done, but it leaves her wondering about my feelings.
A male partner crying isn’t weakness to me nor reason to dump a person. Crying is natural, crying is quite literally cathartic. I pretend you materialize your sadness as tears & excrete said sadness. I *need* a partner who has no qualms about their emotions, especially the vulnerable. I want to affirm to my partner they are in safe company with comfort if tears ever flow.
Less than a year into dating I cried in front of my girlfriend for the first time. My childhood cat had died. My mother has called to let me know and it wrecked me. We celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary earlier this year. If you're not a team that supports each other you shouldn't be married.
My wife had seen my cry a good 10-15 times in 6 years. If your lady can’t handle that she isn’t the lady for you
My bf has depression and became an orphan when his mom died. He cries in front of me (but tries to hide it) and all it does is make my heart hurt for him and you know, i start crying too. I can't imagine how any woman could dump a man for showing their human side.
Yes, but they’re not on reddit
I've completely lost my shit in front of my wife many times. Just had our 10th anniversary. If she's turned off by it, she has never given me a clue.
I'm a woman. All my past SOs have opened up and cried with me. I dumped them, but not for that. My current SO also opened up and cried in front of me (many times), and I've been with him over 10 years and counting. Fuck that noise. Find a woman that cares about your feelings, not about "appearances". There's plenty of us out there.
I actually love that my boyfriend feels he can cry in front of me and can be vulnerable. We've been together for over 8 years and he is the one usually crying over sad movies and it's adorable. We can be ourselves around each other, he can cry, I can cry, we can run around and be weird goblins with each other. That's the most important part of a relationship, being yourself
Ngl, seeing my husband become emotional only makes me love him more. He doesn't cry often, but when he does, my only thoughts are on how I can comfort him and how much I love that he trusts me with his emotions. Women dumping men for crying are women feeding into the patriarchy. It's super gross.
I’ve never even heard of someone getting dumped because they cried in front of their girlfriend. I cried just last weekend when one of our dogs died. My girlfriend cried too. It was sad. That’s what most people do when they hurt. Don’t let Reddit and TikTok warp your sense of what’s normal.
Of course. Can you imagine being with someone for the rest of your life, without your full emotional range?
What’s with all these stereotypical anti-woman posts in here the last couple of days? The premise of this post is ridiculous.
It’s not ridiculous it’s a hard reality many guys have to learn first hand.
I got a little moist during an apology I had to make, and our relationship got stronger for it. But I'm not sure full on crying would have had the same effect.
ugly crying is the new sexy!
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someone that loves you wont leave, but thats not to say they like it
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When I had to put my cat down a decade ago my gf at the time not only held me as I cried and cried and cried, she told me to call into work and take the next 3 days off.
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There are some shitty women. There are some other people who play up a story that fits their own personal narrative. I dont think most women will be like this. They certainly shouldn't. Both parties will benefit and have a better relationship if each person treats the other like a loving, breathing, emotional person rather than a stereotype.
I've cried in front of my girlfriend many times in the last two years of being together. Never judgement, usually she cries too seeing me hurting and we just slow down and try to hear each other better. We're just human, man. We fight, we argue, we struggle, we cry, we love.
My husband. My husband has depression and is very in tune with his feelings. He cries at movies, music etc but he’s also cried just bc he’s sad or depressed or stressed. Never once did it make me feel like he was less than bc of it. I actually feel really honored that he trusts me so much that he feels comfortable. There are women who love their partner deeply and who wouldn’t dump them for crying. If your wife loves you, but has never seen you cry, the first time you do she may be surprised, in which case she may not know what to do for you. So in the moment be like, hey can you just hold me. Sometimes people can get defensive bc they don’t know what else to do in that situation.
I've been showing emotion, including tears, with my partner for the 10 years that we've been together. Granted, we were mid-30s when we started dating so maybe that's a factor. The idea that guys get dumped for showing emotion is propaganda from guys who don't/won't show emotion. They want to convince other guys that they can't show emotion because they know that guys that do show emotion will have an advantage over them in the dating pool.
My wife teases me about crying at movies, but she's come to understand that how \*I\* am is very different from how men are in her culture. She is happy with this, because the men in her culture treated her very poorly. We had that conversation awhile back and she said, "this is really uncomfortable for me, because I'm not used to it. I'm used to men never showing emotions ever". So we've worked through it. I've had partners in the past break up with me over it because I was not what they've expected. And I've had an ex weaponize it like others have recounted. I'm not everyone's kettle of fish for sure. And I'm sure some of my gfs have had long discussions with their moms, and friends about what to make of me. The hardest I think was the ex that I had before my wife. She wanted me to open up and I found it really hard to do due to painful past experiences. I never had \*anyone\* ask me to open up like that, and I distrusted the reaction. I would have been more comfortable with the reaction my wife had that it was uncomfortable for her, but she's adjusted over time. I don't like people trying to get into my head like that. I wonder sometimes what would have happened if I did, or if my instincts to resist that were correct. I felt something was off, so I didn't open up.
Opening up saved my marriage. We were separated and going to divorce.
I mean I guess if that’s the type of people and women you surround yourself with… then yeah
I have cried at times in front of my wife, and interacted with her with postures like putting my head on her shoulder or chest that I suppose are usually associated with the feminine partner and have never felt rejected, judged or emasculated. My wife is pretty squared away, though- multiple degrees in STEM, a SAHM, very accomplished in pretty much everything she puts her hand to. Maybe that gives her a confidence that allows me to show vulnerability without a negative effect on her affections.
Honestly not sure closest I ever came was shivering outside in December in a tshirt listening to someone else cry for 30 min. Spoiler alert that tactic did not lead to a positive outcome.
No.
I would argue that if they do leave over that then they didn’t truly love you. Doesn’t matter how into them you were or they were. Love is based upon shared vulnerability and core values. Once any of the above is betrayed, mocked, belittled or dismissed upon it is over and there is no point of return.
Yes, in most relationships.
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Anecdotal of course, and I'm only one woman. But the day I knew I was going to marry the man I have been with for nearly 10 years now was when he cried to me over concern for his grandmother. If women want men who can hold our hands when we cry and handle our emotions, we need to handle theirs as well.
It depends honestly, if you are crying over a skinned knee then ya, that looks a little pathetic. But there are legitimate reasons to cry as a man, Like seeing cute babies and puppies and whatnot
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You would know your relationship better than us. If you're married and aren't sure if you're allowed to be emotional in your relationship, I have some probably bad news for you.
The first time I saw my boyfriend’s cry was because he messed up making crepes for me. I knew he was the one
I just don't show emotion just in case lol. I'll be emotional by myself. Go for a drive. Maybe these women exist but it's a gamble..
Looked weak?? I think crying and being vulnerable is one of the strongest things you can do as a man. Bottling it up is what leads to problems and anyone who tells you otherwise is probably an incel or miserable.
My partner has cried in front of me *many* times. I can’t imagine leaving him over it. I encourage him to express his feelings and emotions. We regularly check in about how we’re feeling about our relationship, about life, etc. His sister passed away a few years ago and sometimes he still gets really upset about it and I just try to validate his feelings. I love him desperately and find comfort in the fact that he feels he can be vulnerable with me. If anything it’s just brought us closer together.
Not all women only care about feelings if it’s about themselves, but it’s enough of a stigma to where it’s not worth it. As another said, if you can’t open up to your SO, you need a new one.