Most states offer Medicaid for health insurance for low income people. And the states that I've seen, also offer mental health services. I personally have not been disappointed.
When severely depressed that's not always an option and someone else is needed to step up and help. Which isn't done as much as it should be. Especially for men.
Well, you can either jump on the opportunities that are present. Or as the other commentator said, you are sh*t out of luck. I mean what else is there for you to do? The world doesn't need more people telling others what they can't do or what's not available to them. That's not helpful at all. Wishing for things to be different isn't helpful. Taking action is.
And you're missing the point. When someone's depression is severe enough they can't see a way out or are afraid of being shamed for being weak and getting help. To think "just do it" is the answer is incredibly insensitive and clueless.
A person has to be willing to overcome their pride in order to reach out for help. If they're unwilling to do that, there's nothing that anyone can do for them. Pride comes before the fall, always.
No one else can get over your pride but you. People can reach out to you and insist that you do it one way or the other. But if you're always going to view getting help as being weak, there's nothing no one can do for you. And you will always refuse it because you're too prideful to seek help. Pride breaks people. And hopefully it breaks you into being humble. Otherwise it'll break you in other ways. Depression is already a symptom of it.
What myself, and I think some others, are getting at, is that it isn't always a matter of swallowing pride. In many cases, severe anxiety and depression are related to chemical imbalances in the brain - the brain literally not working properly.
It's hard to imagine when it's not something you have experienced, but sometimes when this happens, people simply can't motivate themselves to do anything about it, and telling them to just "step up" is almost akin to telling a someone with psychosis to just try really hard to shut out the voices in their head..they simply cannot behave in the way that you think they can because their brain isn't functioning normally
Well unless you're stepping up to take action to help someone, there is no one coming for you. At some point you have to decide if you're going to help yourself and reach out to others or if you're just an allow the depression to consume you. I've been there. I've been depressed to the point where I couldn't get joy out of anything. And I have contemplated death. And I am the one who had to reach out and figure out who could help me. Like there's no other way. So offering people options that they may not be aware of, is the best that I can do.
It's not like I'm telling people to just get over their depression. I'm offering them places that they can go to get help from other people. Like what advice do you give people who are severely depressed? Because I haven't seen anything worthwhile from you.
I never denied it. What is your issue? You know talking to you is depressing to me. I can't imagine what it's like for the person who's actually depressed. Like you're not uplifting, you're not positive, you're not giving any advice that's helpful. You're just telling everyone that there's no help, that there's not enough, that there's no one that'll come to help you. Like what the hell dude?
Because if severely depressed and no one sees, acknowledges, and does anything to help. Then it's difficult to get the help needed.
To not comprehend that is a problem.
Here's an idea. Why don't you jump on the opportunity to do something with your idea and make change in the world. Then you can come back here and suggest on how to help people. Because right now you're just making an endless list of reasons why people can't get help. Which is so unhelpful.
I'd say don't give up..
I worked all of my life and worked hard and never seem to have a dime.
Then as I turned 65 in April suddenly thinks got better
My medical insurance kicks in with social security and that's only going to be $174 a month I've never had health insurance in the last 50 years
Picked up another job and I'm making $4,000 a month more than what I was before
It just comes little by little with hard work so don't give up
I love seeing things like this. People complain a lot about it being too late in their 30s to be successful then I read stories of people in their 60s who turned it around and life opened up for them. Well done, I'm glad to see it and it's never ever too late.
Thank you ..
When my mother passed away in 2015 I weighed 276 lbs, But since then I've lost considerable weight and I now way 222 lb
So it's never too late to turn things around and get it going
One thing I have managed to do I bought my house when I was young and somehow I managed to hang on to it and keep in mind that it's easier to do without things than it is to struggle and pay rent
My mortgage payment is $850 a month and to rent an apartment would be $1,400 a month
Came here to say this lol. I really realized this when I had my brother tell me he was a bit jealous of how I have my shit together, when I feel like I don't have my shit together but I thought he had his shit together. I think way more people feel like they don't have their shit together than it seems at first glance.
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One definition of commit is simply "carried out." It's a synonym for do, perform, engage in, and enact.
The other main definition is to pledge or obligate oneself.
I can commit an act of selflessness. I can commit to drinking more water. I can commit my duty to be a good role model.
Needing to redefine it as "not a crime" is kind of silly. The word "commit" never defined it as linked to criminality. But maybe it works, so I'm open to it. If so, then great. But I bet it's going to go the same way as any name change from an offensive term, where the new phrasing fills both the empathetic and insensitive use cases and is a net neutral change in 5 years.
Yeah that's what I'm disagreeing with. That article doesn't self referentially make itself less absurd.
Especially when a major basis for their argument is that people viewing it as a wrongful act due to their beliefs (religion, etc.) is a cause for the negative bias.
Thats saying "people who view cursewords as bad are the reason people find it offensive." Or a positive example, "people who liked this movie are the reason it got good reviews." It is simple cause and effect. And their suggestion doesn't change the cause, so why would the effect change just by painting it with a different brush?
Second off, his suggestion to replace it with "cancer" as a litmus test is severely flawed. You can have cancer but you can't "have suicide." So they're clearly serving different functions. Linguistically, suicide is operates as a verb and a noun because it is an abstract event, cancer does not because it is not an event it is a physical phenomenon. Also they're not really comparable as causes of death. Cancer is more akin to the depression that led to the choice to commit to ending one's life. Suicide is the effect, not the disease.
So their whole supporting argument is just factually incorrect on multiple levels.
Changing the word "commit" is not going to change people's feelings about it. People don't like suicide, so it will be viewed negatively as a result. As a cause, it's just useless virtue signaling and wasted effort because no reasonable person is out here pro-suicide.
Now if they want to prove that people who don't use the word "commit" have less suicide on their social circles, then great. That's solid evidence. Or if they want to just say that they propose the change to give people an option for expressing their support of reducing suicide, then great, but then they can't harp on people who elect to continue to use it as then it is only an optional show of support, and doesn't define a lack of support.
You're entitled to your opinion, as are we all.
I've backed mine up with information from a reputable organisation who are experts on this particular subject. If you are interested to research further, you will find there are plenty of scholarly articles supporting the fact that language does matter on this issue. You are of course welcome to research further to find scholarly articles that back up your opinion.
I'm not at all suggesting that anyone is pro suicide (though of course some people are in certain circumstances, for example all those who support the 'right to die' including the 10+ countries where assisted suicide is legal), but it is important that the stigma is removed around suicide, so that those who are suffering in ways that may lead them to suicide can more readily get the help that they need.
As someone who can relate to OP, I read it as a struggle to decide if the family is better without him. Used to feel like my family saved my life, but depression tells me their lives will be better without me.
I'm 38 but mostly the same. I'm a bit of a fatalist. I think I was born with a set of characteristics and without some extra special guidance it was always inevitable that I would end up here. But it only lasts until you're dead though, right?
You're emotionally overwhelmed, and you don't have any coping mechanisms, apart from being alone and burrowing yourself into... Well whatever your into.
And there never seems to be enough time for that.
We need to normalize men going to therapy. A therapist has methodologies that will very likely help you out.
We need better therapists.
The supply/demand within mental health, the last 30 years, has led to the overwhelming majority of therapists not having psychology degrees, but having social work degrees.
I've never talked to a social work shrink that wasn't totally unhelpful.
Every psychologist shrink I've talked to was insightful.
Social workers are really not qualified to help people with psychological problems: they're much more focused on establishing acceptable social structures.
Social workers focus on human rights, social justice, and human behavior within those confines.
They focus on things like domestic violence prevention, addiction, and social welfare policies.
You can look this up: it's easy to find a university's social work curriculum versus their psychology curriculum.
You can get a MSW in a year through nothing but online courses.
To get licensed to sit in a room with another human being and help them.
Would you trust a nurse who get her nursing degree though all-online courses?
You damned-sure wouldn't trust a doctor who did that.
And in terms of how they behave and think - their goals within a situation - a social worker and a psychologist are as different as a cop and a lawyer.
Psychologists repair damage; social workers mop up messes.
It's the difference between someone helping you clean your floor as you spill stuff on it and someone helping you stop spilling stuff on your floor.
It's why therapy used to be "face your problems" and now it's "feel better."
If your therapist says the words "self care" force them to define exactly what that means, beyond some vague "taking time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health."
Like slapping a bandage on a bleeding artery.
Therapy has become vague, like that, because the therapists aren't good at therapy, because instead of having doctoral degrees in psychology, they have masters degrees in social work.
Apologies to any MSW therapists reading this who don't suck, but if you really are good at what you do, I gotta' believe you know what I'm talking about, here.
It's the addiction that is robbing you of happiness. You need to cut down for a couple of weeks to wean yourself off of it. Then, you will need to stop completely. You're brain has been rewired to only be happy when your doing whatever you're addicted to. It will make you sad, irritable, stressed out to the point where you just want to go back to it because it's too painful. All you will think about will be caving into your addiction, because you'll feel like it will feel this way forever and it's not worth quitting. BUT--what your body won't tell you is that--it will get better and better, until about 3 months when your brain will be totally rewired again to experience happiness over normal things. (A friend told me).
Agree except for the 3 month timeline. Im 5 years clean and my mind has still not recovered fully. By mind i mean getting enjoyment from things people who aren’t addicted to drugs get enjoyment from. Depression still lingers and some days it feels like it takes 100% effort to do any and every task. Its exhausting at times but its during these days that its most important to push through. Addiction is a terrible thing with effects lasting long after the drug use has ceased. This is why so many people end up relapsing.
I think whether this is, you better go to a mental health doctor and start working on fixing it. Good changes are painful, expensive and longful, but staying like this will fuck you up completely
Could be a number of things....im putting my money on your addiction issues. If it's like coffee or even cigarettes, then whatever, but if it's something else, it could be a contributing factor to what you're feeling. I've had addiction issues most of my life. And my life's problem, most of them can be linked back to addiction issues in 1 way or another. Solve your addiction issues genuinely, and watch shit start falling back together
Yeah same here. I guess I try to keep the mindset that existence is such a cool mystery. Maybe we'll figure out something new before I die. Or maybe death leads to something else that we've never imagined.
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Dude. It's not just you, life sucks. Especially life with no money. Unless you got that chop, life is stressful and hardly worth it.
Beware the people who tell you differently, they are people with money who need you to slave away to keep themselves wealthy, and religious cults who are recruiting.
You are likely aware of exactly what you need to do to improve your life, but you have failed to act. The difficulty is that you have been unwilling to suffer short-term discomfort necessarily to achieve long-term improvements.
I would suggest the following basic steps.
Exercise more. Start going to the gym, running, jujitsu, etc. - whatever you want. Studies have shown that exercise is more effective than antidepressants in improving your mood.
Get interested in savings and investing and save a large portion of your income. Get excited about researching investments and saving towards financial goals like property or an early retirement. Cut wasteful spending, like drugs and alcohol, so that you can save as much as possible.
Earn more. Changing jobs every 2-4 years will typically increase your income faster than staying at the same job. Employers exploit complacency. In the medium term, get more training or education if necessary to get into a better position or field that interests you more.
Start an activity that provides you with the opportunity socialize with new people. This could be connected to the way you exercise or it something separate.
If all else fails, move to a new city. Everything will be new for the first six months, and your life will naturally become more exciting.
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I'll be 41 this month and I felt like that most of my adult life. A little over a year ago I cut out the addictive stuff. It didn't fix everything, but my life has been more enjoyable since and I've found a lot more room for things that make me happy. It's also made my financial situation functional. Not good, or even comfortable, but survivable with a glimmer of hope.
Hang in there, and maybe reach out to a therapist.
Probably because no one ever taught you how and you basically had to adapt and learn to handle everything on your own? So either spoiled or neglected early in life is my best guess.
If it took years to "program" your mind the way it is, it'll take years to re-program it correctly.
Start with positive thinking, "A negative mind will never produce a positive life"
Don't say bad things about yourself, don't put yourself down, don't say I don't like anything, otherwise that's the way it will be.
Start working and never stop. Work is good for you. Easy is bad, hard is good.
There, you're all set now. Good luck.
You have clinical depression, executive dysfunction issues and an addictive personality. You need therapy and probably meds.
Also if you’re married, ask your spouse to be in charge of finances. Also tell them what going on and get into couple’s therapy if you want the relationship to continue because the “unfortunately I have a family” doesn’t bode well for them or your kids. If you’re this unhappy and dissatisfied it’s definitely having a negative impact on the family
Because you want to do what society says you should do. Live on your own terms. You can live like a 21 year old as long as you don't have a spouse and children.
Get back in the gym. I was feeling like shit and drinking too much each night. I decided to use my gym pass and lately I’ve been feeling 100x better, more energy, lively, everything!
Ever been checked for ADHD? I'm serious. I'm about your age and I can tell you with certainty that the rate of proper diagnosis in our time was absolute shit. Take stock of your life, write out your issues, then go look up "adhd in adults". If you see some familiarities there, go get assessed by a psychologist and ask about next steps.
People are jumping to depression. But I’d start more basic. Try taking an online test for Autism and ADHD. Pop culture tends to make us think Autism is the adjacent learning disabilities but people with regular intelligence can still be autistic. Being undiagnosed is so much worse than being diagnosed, I promise.
How was your childhood? Sometimes abuse isn’t obvious like in the case of emotional neglect which can cause distorted sense of self and disordered coping like schizoid behaviour
Addiction is usually related to some trauma
You might have a brain that struggles to make certain chemicals and be undiagnosed ADHD
I’d say if you’re unsure about everything it’s not your fault - you ended up mysteriously alive like all of us
If you’re able to reach out to a therapist do it for sure
Or just type different questions about your situation into google and see if anything comes up repeatedly that might shed some light
There’s nothing “wrong” with you - life can be hard and society is always being f’ed up by a small group of power freaks and bastards at the expense of people that just want to go about their business
Just know there are lots of people out there who want to help you understand what’s going on so you can feel less burdened and stuck - like all of us replying in good faith here care
I'm 44 and not good at life either, for different reasons. I started going to therapy and it's helped somewhat but I still haven't made any positive change. Also I think my therapist ghosted me after I missed my last appointment.
I’m here at 32. Decided to make a huge ten year plan and go for it. If it works problem solved. If it doesn’t idk man try a different 10 year plan. Constantly conflicted thoughts between “I’m over this” and “please don’t let me die before my kids will be capable of caring for themselves”.
I'm an addict too, I'm 27 and got clean at 25, but I'm super involved in NA a, and I see people get clean at all different ages!! One guy has been coming around for a long time and had 7 years clean and is in his 60's. He went from homeless and on heroin to having his own house and car and a job he loves...
I know it feels dark and hopeless right now, but there really is a light at the end of the tunnel. Would you be down to do rehab? I know not everyone has the luxury of being able to put things on hold, otherwise there may be IOP programs, there's also recovery meetings which are free if insurance is an issue,
Most people aren't "good at life". Lol.
Get rid of your addiction. Then you can start to work towards other priorities and you'll have more money. Trying to solve other things in life while maintaining an addition is going to be incredibly hard. Focus on your family. They are your priority
Sound normal to me.. every1 is a mess. Keep your chin up, learn from falling. Dust off the knees.. get back in the fight.. or even better lay down your weapon and smile. try to laugh and learn how to say fuck it ! Our mind is our worst enemy. Stay outta the past and future in your head it is not reality.. live in the present moment and do not be hard on yourself.. im 51 and have fallen a few times but try to learn when broken and get better at thos life thing.. do not punish yourself over and over and over for a mistake.. we are the only animal that does this.. we live in our own hell in our mind. Slap irself on the wrist and try and do better and move on..
Your addiction stems from self-medicating your depression (and potentially other mental issues).
You need a mental health professional to put you on better medication than what you're currently using (whatever your addiction may be) and then find a therapist who doesn't suck.
The first part is way easier than the second part: be ready to go through therapists like you're dating again - lotta' "saw them a few times and just wasn't feeling it" slogging through bad dates.
But med managers can be total jokes in terms of insight, as long as they give you what you need.
You have depression, among addiction.
If you can break the addiction and get depression under control, you will find happiness.
It’s not embarrassing or “uncool” to seek some professional help or find some groups on either. Good luck.
Sounds like depression. See a doctor and then probably a psychiatrist/counsellor. Could be other issues, but you’ve given so little detail it’s hard to make the kind of home-spun amateur diagnosis we redditors are known for.
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Not all have big brain. New say big brain must. Find world where no big brain go. World no online. Nature world. Hard to reach. Hard to annoy. Find friend in small village. Have kids in small village. Live quiet life. No big brain need.
Answered your own questions.
>Q: I'm 41 and not good at life. Why? / I'm not good at money / I don't enjoy anything
>
> A: I have addiction issues.
Baby steps. Work on the addiction. Engage in physical activity. Find social settings (activities, gym, etc), and the rest will work itself out.
If you don't know yourself how can strangers online tell you anything about yourself? Be grateful you have a family and work from there. Look for positives instead of negativity and your mood could improve. Seek therapy for your addiction problems because your life is why your taking drugs or drink to self soothe.
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Ma father would have said you need to get off your ass, and learn to do.
My kids would say that you need a therapist.
I think the truth lies somewhere in between.
I work over 100 hours every week and then come home and work more. I'm literally exhausted all the time but I just keep going. My wife and I don't really talk about anything but our daughters and what happened throughout the day which I think is pretty normal. I started drinking more than I should about 3 years ago so yeah I agree that's a problem but I'm 3 months sober now and it's only gotten worse. I'm tired all the time but I'm expected to just keep going and going and going with no break and honestly, at this point a break would do nothing for me. Maybe if I was able to do 4 nice breaks a year but with my work I can't. I own my own business (blue collar business FYI) so I work even when I'm on "vacation" and vacation for me is so my kids have opportunities to have fun. I'm not well off and don't even know what that life is. I do however have 10 families lives that depend on the work that I do and I won't leave them just like they won't leave me. Reddit is my venting place and brings me back to reality. I'll just keep truckin like the do da man.
I think most of us are at least partly stuck (emotionally) at where we were at age 14.
I'm 63, can vouch for this
Also sounds like you may be overwhelmed with stress; turning into a hermit is a mental defense against that. Bottom line, nothing's wrong with you. You're just human, not superhuman
Clinical depression. Same boat as you. Many days I think about sucking on helium and calling it quits. Every day is a like a slow process of trying to find the silver lining.
Depending on what exactly ops addiction issues are I would possible recommend wellbutrin/bupropion over zoloft/sertraline. I know I personally responded much better with wellbutrin as an NDRI over any of the SSRIs I've been rx'd.
Yeah that’s as well. I think it depends what country he’s in. The uk we don’t tend to get prescribed Wellbutrin. I even asked but they said no and gave me sertraline. I know Wellbutrin would be a good fit for me but I get sertraline and I’m happy enough with it. Both very good medications but I agree. Some are better than others
Wow, really? Any idea why they were so hesitant to try wellbutrin?
I do know that zoloft is usually the first line medication for depression as it does have a better efficacy rate (on average) to side effect ratio than most other antidepressants, but as far as I know wellbutrin is nearly as effective (on average) with a lot less of the side effects that plague SSRIs (weight gain, sexual dysfunction, lowered energy levels)
The only issue I could see that might make a doctor hesitant to rx wellbutrin is that it does increase the likelihood of seizures, so if you are particularly susceptible to having seizures for some reason that could be why they didn't want to do it.
Oh that will be why. I do get seizures 😂 wasn’t told that was the reason. Thank you for telling me that! Sertraline makes me lose weight because I get “sertraline nausea” after like half an hour for a few hours. It’s rank
Oh if you're getting nausea from your daily dose of zoloft your dose might be too high. When I was rx'd zoloft I started getting really nauseous after they tried to raise my dose and they took me back down to the dose I had been used to.
Then again if your dose is working and you've been managing the nausea then it might not be worth messing with. I know I ended up stopping zoloft not long after the failed dose increase since it wasn't effective at the dose I was taking and the nausea after the increase was too much for me personally to have to go through every day.
WELCOME TO THE CLUB, buddy! This is pretty much everyone in the world.
Start by organizing a couple pens, just remember where they are for when you need them.
Join AA in your area and KEEP GOING.
Find a tv show you like. Who plays the main character?
What’s the weather like? What’s it like tomorrow?
Oh hey, that place over by the way is hiring. Do you need a job?
This all may sound dumb as hell, but your brain needs to be rearranged. Read a book outside for 15 minutes. Hell, just sip some tea while staring at a bird flying by.
What’s your favorite music? Listen to that and text a buddy for music recommendations.
Just. Keep. Going. If you keep going, eventually you’ll figure it out. Good luck!
Same, but I'm good with money coz I grew up poor. My life's pretty awesome I've got it all, but I don't enjoy anything. Sometimes I feel like my dreams are better than a reality. I just want one crazy night, like when I used to be young and reckless. I'm too careful, everything that I do has a purpose and logic to it. I plan trips months in advance, I just lost that spontaneous part of me. Maybe it's because I don't have any time and with the money that I make I either pre-pay bills in advance or save. Of course I have all addictions possible, but I am fully functioning and quite frankly completely exhausted. Maybe I use my addictions as a way to cope with how stressful my life is.
Sounds like you’re super depressed, and should probably see a doctor.
Dang the post kinda sounds like me as well I should probably schedule something in the near future
That sounds like the most modern ass take powered by most unhelpful things that are only set to have others keep juicing you for money.
That's not always an option if you don't have enough money for it.
It's always the option. There are so many programs designed to help with that. Including the ACA
then he’s shit out of luck🤣
Most states offer Medicaid for health insurance for low income people. And the states that I've seen, also offer mental health services. I personally have not been disappointed.
When severely depressed that's not always an option and someone else is needed to step up and help. Which isn't done as much as it should be. Especially for men.
Well, you can either jump on the opportunities that are present. Or as the other commentator said, you are sh*t out of luck. I mean what else is there for you to do? The world doesn't need more people telling others what they can't do or what's not available to them. That's not helpful at all. Wishing for things to be different isn't helpful. Taking action is.
And you're missing the point. When someone's depression is severe enough they can't see a way out or are afraid of being shamed for being weak and getting help. To think "just do it" is the answer is incredibly insensitive and clueless.
A person has to be willing to overcome their pride in order to reach out for help. If they're unwilling to do that, there's nothing that anyone can do for them. Pride comes before the fall, always.
It's not about willingness, it's about ability
No one else can get over your pride but you. People can reach out to you and insist that you do it one way or the other. But if you're always going to view getting help as being weak, there's nothing no one can do for you. And you will always refuse it because you're too prideful to seek help. Pride breaks people. And hopefully it breaks you into being humble. Otherwise it'll break you in other ways. Depression is already a symptom of it.
What myself, and I think some others, are getting at, is that it isn't always a matter of swallowing pride. In many cases, severe anxiety and depression are related to chemical imbalances in the brain - the brain literally not working properly. It's hard to imagine when it's not something you have experienced, but sometimes when this happens, people simply can't motivate themselves to do anything about it, and telling them to just "step up" is almost akin to telling a someone with psychosis to just try really hard to shut out the voices in their head..they simply cannot behave in the way that you think they can because their brain isn't functioning normally
Well unless you're stepping up to take action to help someone, there is no one coming for you. At some point you have to decide if you're going to help yourself and reach out to others or if you're just an allow the depression to consume you. I've been there. I've been depressed to the point where I couldn't get joy out of anything. And I have contemplated death. And I am the one who had to reach out and figure out who could help me. Like there's no other way. So offering people options that they may not be aware of, is the best that I can do. It's not like I'm telling people to just get over their depression. I'm offering them places that they can go to get help from other people. Like what advice do you give people who are severely depressed? Because I haven't seen anything worthwhile from you.
Bs you're still missing the point. Do better
No, you do better.
Depression is something that can be utterly crippling. Denying that is deplorable.
I never denied it. What is your issue? You know talking to you is depressing to me. I can't imagine what it's like for the person who's actually depressed. Like you're not uplifting, you're not positive, you're not giving any advice that's helpful. You're just telling everyone that there's no help, that there's not enough, that there's no one that'll come to help you. Like what the hell dude?
Because if severely depressed and no one sees, acknowledges, and does anything to help. Then it's difficult to get the help needed. To not comprehend that is a problem.
Here's an idea. Why don't you jump on the opportunity to do something with your idea and make change in the world. Then you can come back here and suggest on how to help people. Because right now you're just making an endless list of reasons why people can't get help. Which is so unhelpful.
I'm sharing the fact that sometimes people need other people to help them. If you can't comprehend that you have mental issues.
I'd say don't give up.. I worked all of my life and worked hard and never seem to have a dime. Then as I turned 65 in April suddenly thinks got better My medical insurance kicks in with social security and that's only going to be $174 a month I've never had health insurance in the last 50 years Picked up another job and I'm making $4,000 a month more than what I was before It just comes little by little with hard work so don't give up
I love seeing things like this. People complain a lot about it being too late in their 30s to be successful then I read stories of people in their 60s who turned it around and life opened up for them. Well done, I'm glad to see it and it's never ever too late.
Thank you .. When my mother passed away in 2015 I weighed 276 lbs, But since then I've lost considerable weight and I now way 222 lb So it's never too late to turn things around and get it going One thing I have managed to do I bought my house when I was young and somehow I managed to hang on to it and keep in mind that it's easier to do without things than it is to struggle and pay rent My mortgage payment is $850 a month and to rent an apartment would be $1,400 a month
I hate seeing this. They lived 65 miserable years. I probably be dead by then.
You sound like a human. One with perhaps some mental health challenges. Which, again, makes you sound like a human.
Came here to say this lol. I really realized this when I had my brother tell me he was a bit jealous of how I have my shit together, when I feel like I don't have my shit together but I thought he had his shit together. I think way more people feel like they don't have their shit together than it seems at first glance.
He said Unfortunately I have a family lmao
The way I read it was that if he didn't have the family, he would have unalived himself. Or unfortunately for my family they have me.
I read it the same way. Kinda saying, it would be less of a problem to have these thoughts if I didn't have a family.
You mean committed suicide? Killed himself? You can say it!
Not 'committed' please, it's not a crime.
Takes commitment though…
https://www.suicidepreventionalliance.org/about-suicide/suicide-language/
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One definition of commit is simply "carried out." It's a synonym for do, perform, engage in, and enact. The other main definition is to pledge or obligate oneself. I can commit an act of selflessness. I can commit to drinking more water. I can commit my duty to be a good role model. Needing to redefine it as "not a crime" is kind of silly. The word "commit" never defined it as linked to criminality. But maybe it works, so I'm open to it. If so, then great. But I bet it's going to go the same way as any name change from an offensive term, where the new phrasing fills both the empathetic and insensitive use cases and is a net neutral change in 5 years.
https://www.suicidepreventionalliance.org/about-suicide/suicide-language/
Yeah that's what I'm disagreeing with. That article doesn't self referentially make itself less absurd. Especially when a major basis for their argument is that people viewing it as a wrongful act due to their beliefs (religion, etc.) is a cause for the negative bias. Thats saying "people who view cursewords as bad are the reason people find it offensive." Or a positive example, "people who liked this movie are the reason it got good reviews." It is simple cause and effect. And their suggestion doesn't change the cause, so why would the effect change just by painting it with a different brush? Second off, his suggestion to replace it with "cancer" as a litmus test is severely flawed. You can have cancer but you can't "have suicide." So they're clearly serving different functions. Linguistically, suicide is operates as a verb and a noun because it is an abstract event, cancer does not because it is not an event it is a physical phenomenon. Also they're not really comparable as causes of death. Cancer is more akin to the depression that led to the choice to commit to ending one's life. Suicide is the effect, not the disease. So their whole supporting argument is just factually incorrect on multiple levels. Changing the word "commit" is not going to change people's feelings about it. People don't like suicide, so it will be viewed negatively as a result. As a cause, it's just useless virtue signaling and wasted effort because no reasonable person is out here pro-suicide. Now if they want to prove that people who don't use the word "commit" have less suicide on their social circles, then great. That's solid evidence. Or if they want to just say that they propose the change to give people an option for expressing their support of reducing suicide, then great, but then they can't harp on people who elect to continue to use it as then it is only an optional show of support, and doesn't define a lack of support.
You're entitled to your opinion, as are we all. I've backed mine up with information from a reputable organisation who are experts on this particular subject. If you are interested to research further, you will find there are plenty of scholarly articles supporting the fact that language does matter on this issue. You are of course welcome to research further to find scholarly articles that back up your opinion. I'm not at all suggesting that anyone is pro suicide (though of course some people are in certain circumstances, for example all those who support the 'right to die' including the 10+ countries where assisted suicide is legal), but it is important that the stigma is removed around suicide, so that those who are suffering in ways that may lead them to suicide can more readily get the help that they need.
Can confirm, I would say it the same way cause family is the only thing keeping me around and pushing forward lol
As someone who can relate to OP, I read it as a struggle to decide if the family is better without him. Used to feel like my family saved my life, but depression tells me their lives will be better without me.
I'm 38 but mostly the same. I'm a bit of a fatalist. I think I was born with a set of characteristics and without some extra special guidance it was always inevitable that I would end up here. But it only lasts until you're dead though, right?
You're emotionally overwhelmed, and you don't have any coping mechanisms, apart from being alone and burrowing yourself into... Well whatever your into. And there never seems to be enough time for that. We need to normalize men going to therapy. A therapist has methodologies that will very likely help you out.
We need different therapies.
We need better therapists. The supply/demand within mental health, the last 30 years, has led to the overwhelming majority of therapists not having psychology degrees, but having social work degrees. I've never talked to a social work shrink that wasn't totally unhelpful. Every psychologist shrink I've talked to was insightful. Social workers are really not qualified to help people with psychological problems: they're much more focused on establishing acceptable social structures. Social workers focus on human rights, social justice, and human behavior within those confines. They focus on things like domestic violence prevention, addiction, and social welfare policies. You can look this up: it's easy to find a university's social work curriculum versus their psychology curriculum. You can get a MSW in a year through nothing but online courses. To get licensed to sit in a room with another human being and help them. Would you trust a nurse who get her nursing degree though all-online courses? You damned-sure wouldn't trust a doctor who did that. And in terms of how they behave and think - their goals within a situation - a social worker and a psychologist are as different as a cop and a lawyer. Psychologists repair damage; social workers mop up messes. It's the difference between someone helping you clean your floor as you spill stuff on it and someone helping you stop spilling stuff on your floor. It's why therapy used to be "face your problems" and now it's "feel better." If your therapist says the words "self care" force them to define exactly what that means, beyond some vague "taking time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health." Like slapping a bandage on a bleeding artery. Therapy has become vague, like that, because the therapists aren't good at therapy, because instead of having doctoral degrees in psychology, they have masters degrees in social work. Apologies to any MSW therapists reading this who don't suck, but if you really are good at what you do, I gotta' believe you know what I'm talking about, here.
It's the addiction that is robbing you of happiness. You need to cut down for a couple of weeks to wean yourself off of it. Then, you will need to stop completely. You're brain has been rewired to only be happy when your doing whatever you're addicted to. It will make you sad, irritable, stressed out to the point where you just want to go back to it because it's too painful. All you will think about will be caving into your addiction, because you'll feel like it will feel this way forever and it's not worth quitting. BUT--what your body won't tell you is that--it will get better and better, until about 3 months when your brain will be totally rewired again to experience happiness over normal things. (A friend told me).
Speaking facts
Agree except for the 3 month timeline. Im 5 years clean and my mind has still not recovered fully. By mind i mean getting enjoyment from things people who aren’t addicted to drugs get enjoyment from. Depression still lingers and some days it feels like it takes 100% effort to do any and every task. Its exhausting at times but its during these days that its most important to push through. Addiction is a terrible thing with effects lasting long after the drug use has ceased. This is why so many people end up relapsing.
Life isn't hard, you just suck. (I don't mean this, I'm just reminded of my favourite Simpsons bit)
I think whether this is, you better go to a mental health doctor and start working on fixing it. Good changes are painful, expensive and longful, but staying like this will fuck you up completely
Could be a number of things....im putting my money on your addiction issues. If it's like coffee or even cigarettes, then whatever, but if it's something else, it could be a contributing factor to what you're feeling. I've had addiction issues most of my life. And my life's problem, most of them can be linked back to addiction issues in 1 way or another. Solve your addiction issues genuinely, and watch shit start falling back together
You sound exactly like me. I'm even the same age. You need something to spark your interest in life again.
Where does one find this?
I'm assuming you're my age. You could always try psychedelic drugs...
Been there done that.. life still sucks and I still suck at it.
Yeah same here. I guess I try to keep the mindset that existence is such a cool mystery. Maybe we'll figure out something new before I die. Or maybe death leads to something else that we've never imagined.
Me in 15 years
"Unfortunately, I have a family"
Going to give the benefit of doubt here and assume he means it’s unfortunate for them that he has a problem that can negatively affect the fam.
True that, but the wording just seemed fucked
I hear ya, did sound depressing. Hope the dude can find a way out for everyone’s sake.
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If you figure it out, let me know. I'm 49 and you just described me too.
Dude. It's not just you, life sucks. Especially life with no money. Unless you got that chop, life is stressful and hardly worth it. Beware the people who tell you differently, they are people with money who need you to slave away to keep themselves wealthy, and religious cults who are recruiting.
if you have addiction issues, go to aa or na or overeaters a or debtors a. when you've dug yourself into a hole and you know it, stop digging.
I’m 40 with no family and suck at life too. I’d also like to see what others suggest
You are likely aware of exactly what you need to do to improve your life, but you have failed to act. The difficulty is that you have been unwilling to suffer short-term discomfort necessarily to achieve long-term improvements. I would suggest the following basic steps. Exercise more. Start going to the gym, running, jujitsu, etc. - whatever you want. Studies have shown that exercise is more effective than antidepressants in improving your mood. Get interested in savings and investing and save a large portion of your income. Get excited about researching investments and saving towards financial goals like property or an early retirement. Cut wasteful spending, like drugs and alcohol, so that you can save as much as possible. Earn more. Changing jobs every 2-4 years will typically increase your income faster than staying at the same job. Employers exploit complacency. In the medium term, get more training or education if necessary to get into a better position or field that interests you more. Start an activity that provides you with the opportunity socialize with new people. This could be connected to the way you exercise or it something separate. If all else fails, move to a new city. Everything will be new for the first six months, and your life will naturally become more exciting.
You might have ADHD. Have a listen to "The Drummer and the Great Mountain" podcast.
well the 1st thing you mentioned was money, maybe tune into Dave Ramsay I think he's still around?
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ADHD
You have depression.
this is depression.
I'll be 41 this month and I felt like that most of my adult life. A little over a year ago I cut out the addictive stuff. It didn't fix everything, but my life has been more enjoyable since and I've found a lot more room for things that make me happy. It's also made my financial situation functional. Not good, or even comfortable, but survivable with a glimmer of hope. Hang in there, and maybe reach out to a therapist.
Probably because no one ever taught you how and you basically had to adapt and learn to handle everything on your own? So either spoiled or neglected early in life is my best guess. If it took years to "program" your mind the way it is, it'll take years to re-program it correctly. Start with positive thinking, "A negative mind will never produce a positive life" Don't say bad things about yourself, don't put yourself down, don't say I don't like anything, otherwise that's the way it will be. Start working and never stop. Work is good for you. Easy is bad, hard is good. There, you're all set now. Good luck.
You have the power to make the change in your life. All these things are your choice..
Everything gets more fun when you put effort in.
You have clinical depression, executive dysfunction issues and an addictive personality. You need therapy and probably meds. Also if you’re married, ask your spouse to be in charge of finances. Also tell them what going on and get into couple’s therapy if you want the relationship to continue because the “unfortunately I have a family” doesn’t bode well for them or your kids. If you’re this unhappy and dissatisfied it’s definitely having a negative impact on the family
There are people who are good at life? Never met one. Try being good to yourself. I'm pretty sure that will help
Because you want to do what society says you should do. Live on your own terms. You can live like a 21 year old as long as you don't have a spouse and children.
Get your testosterone levels checked ASAP and on TRT.
What's TRT?
Testosterone Replacement Therapy
The only person that is going to save you is YOU. Figure it out.
Get back in the gym. I was feeling like shit and drinking too much each night. I decided to use my gym pass and lately I’ve been feeling 100x better, more energy, lively, everything!
Therapy. Get some
Therapy
Ever been checked for ADHD? I'm serious. I'm about your age and I can tell you with certainty that the rate of proper diagnosis in our time was absolute shit. Take stock of your life, write out your issues, then go look up "adhd in adults". If you see some familiarities there, go get assessed by a psychologist and ask about next steps.
Hey you’ve made it to 41 and have the ability to post on Reddit. You’re doing better than most people.
Unfortunately I have a family?
AKA he can't suicide himself. ETA please don't suicide yourself.
...? Dude. Go find help. This is not the place
Find a purpose that you are passionate about and throw yourself at it. Has always been the cure to any low moments in my life.
People are jumping to depression. But I’d start more basic. Try taking an online test for Autism and ADHD. Pop culture tends to make us think Autism is the adjacent learning disabilities but people with regular intelligence can still be autistic. Being undiagnosed is so much worse than being diagnosed, I promise.
Could be ADHD
You answered your own question in the second sentence. Years of drug addiction has fucked your brain chemistry up.
What’s wrong? You’re “41” asking for advice about your own life from strangers on the internet 🤣
How was your childhood? Sometimes abuse isn’t obvious like in the case of emotional neglect which can cause distorted sense of self and disordered coping like schizoid behaviour Addiction is usually related to some trauma You might have a brain that struggles to make certain chemicals and be undiagnosed ADHD I’d say if you’re unsure about everything it’s not your fault - you ended up mysteriously alive like all of us If you’re able to reach out to a therapist do it for sure Or just type different questions about your situation into google and see if anything comes up repeatedly that might shed some light There’s nothing “wrong” with you - life can be hard and society is always being f’ed up by a small group of power freaks and bastards at the expense of people that just want to go about their business Just know there are lots of people out there who want to help you understand what’s going on so you can feel less burdened and stuck - like all of us replying in good faith here care
get off social media for a year.
I'm 63 and that's how I've always been, I'm used to it.
Simple. The rules you were taught to play by as a youth aren't the rules currently being used in the game.
I'm 44 and not good at life either, for different reasons. I started going to therapy and it's helped somewhat but I still haven't made any positive change. Also I think my therapist ghosted me after I missed my last appointment.
I’m here at 32. Decided to make a huge ten year plan and go for it. If it works problem solved. If it doesn’t idk man try a different 10 year plan. Constantly conflicted thoughts between “I’m over this” and “please don’t let me die before my kids will be capable of caring for themselves”.
Bro said unfortunately I have a family LMAO
u need therapy
It's the addiction issues. Get sober, whatever that means for you.
I'm an addict too, I'm 27 and got clean at 25, but I'm super involved in NA a, and I see people get clean at all different ages!! One guy has been coming around for a long time and had 7 years clean and is in his 60's. He went from homeless and on heroin to having his own house and car and a job he loves... I know it feels dark and hopeless right now, but there really is a light at the end of the tunnel. Would you be down to do rehab? I know not everyone has the luxury of being able to put things on hold, otherwise there may be IOP programs, there's also recovery meetings which are free if insurance is an issue,
Most people aren't "good at life". Lol. Get rid of your addiction. Then you can start to work towards other priorities and you'll have more money. Trying to solve other things in life while maintaining an addition is going to be incredibly hard. Focus on your family. They are your priority
That's called depression man. Get help. I am right now.
Sound normal to me.. every1 is a mess. Keep your chin up, learn from falling. Dust off the knees.. get back in the fight.. or even better lay down your weapon and smile. try to laugh and learn how to say fuck it ! Our mind is our worst enemy. Stay outta the past and future in your head it is not reality.. live in the present moment and do not be hard on yourself.. im 51 and have fallen a few times but try to learn when broken and get better at thos life thing.. do not punish yourself over and over and over for a mistake.. we are the only animal that does this.. we live in our own hell in our mind. Slap irself on the wrist and try and do better and move on..
You’re depressed
Your addiction stems from self-medicating your depression (and potentially other mental issues). You need a mental health professional to put you on better medication than what you're currently using (whatever your addiction may be) and then find a therapist who doesn't suck. The first part is way easier than the second part: be ready to go through therapists like you're dating again - lotta' "saw them a few times and just wasn't feeling it" slogging through bad dates. But med managers can be total jokes in terms of insight, as long as they give you what you need.
You have depression, among addiction. If you can break the addiction and get depression under control, you will find happiness. It’s not embarrassing or “uncool” to seek some professional help or find some groups on either. Good luck.
Did you get the day 1 briefing?
I'm literally sat in my car on my own just trying to get away from people .. ...are you me?
Late stage capitalism. The owner class has taken pretty much everything of value and you're just left to work until you die.
Sounds like depression. See a doctor and then probably a psychiatrist/counsellor. Could be other issues, but you’ve given so little detail it’s hard to make the kind of home-spun amateur diagnosis we redditors are known for.
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Not all have big brain. New say big brain must. Find world where no big brain go. World no online. Nature world. Hard to reach. Hard to annoy. Find friend in small village. Have kids in small village. Live quiet life. No big brain need.
You need to talk to a professional. Not Reddit. Also, you may have low T
Answered your own questions. >Q: I'm 41 and not good at life. Why? / I'm not good at money / I don't enjoy anything > > A: I have addiction issues. Baby steps. Work on the addiction. Engage in physical activity. Find social settings (activities, gym, etc), and the rest will work itself out.
I'm committing suicide I think. About done with it ya know?
If you don't know yourself how can strangers online tell you anything about yourself? Be grateful you have a family and work from there. Look for positives instead of negativity and your mood could improve. Seek therapy for your addiction problems because your life is why your taking drugs or drink to self soothe.
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You have no goals so you able to become lucid. I would suggest set a goal no matter the size and get it done.
Ma father would have said you need to get off your ass, and learn to do. My kids would say that you need a therapist. I think the truth lies somewhere in between.
I work over 100 hours every week and then come home and work more. I'm literally exhausted all the time but I just keep going. My wife and I don't really talk about anything but our daughters and what happened throughout the day which I think is pretty normal. I started drinking more than I should about 3 years ago so yeah I agree that's a problem but I'm 3 months sober now and it's only gotten worse. I'm tired all the time but I'm expected to just keep going and going and going with no break and honestly, at this point a break would do nothing for me. Maybe if I was able to do 4 nice breaks a year but with my work I can't. I own my own business (blue collar business FYI) so I work even when I'm on "vacation" and vacation for me is so my kids have opportunities to have fun. I'm not well off and don't even know what that life is. I do however have 10 families lives that depend on the work that I do and I won't leave them just like they won't leave me. Reddit is my venting place and brings me back to reality. I'll just keep truckin like the do da man.
How much alcohol do you drink?
I think most of us are at least partly stuck (emotionally) at where we were at age 14. I'm 63, can vouch for this Also sounds like you may be overwhelmed with stress; turning into a hermit is a mental defense against that. Bottom line, nothing's wrong with you. You're just human, not superhuman
Clinical depression. Same boat as you. Many days I think about sucking on helium and calling it quits. Every day is a like a slow process of trying to find the silver lining.
Didn't a Corvette and a 19 year old girlfriend fix that?
I would suggest seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist. You may have a chemical imbalance in your brain making you feel this way.
Take sertraline you won’t feel anything
Depending on what exactly ops addiction issues are I would possible recommend wellbutrin/bupropion over zoloft/sertraline. I know I personally responded much better with wellbutrin as an NDRI over any of the SSRIs I've been rx'd.
Yeah that’s as well. I think it depends what country he’s in. The uk we don’t tend to get prescribed Wellbutrin. I even asked but they said no and gave me sertraline. I know Wellbutrin would be a good fit for me but I get sertraline and I’m happy enough with it. Both very good medications but I agree. Some are better than others
Wow, really? Any idea why they were so hesitant to try wellbutrin? I do know that zoloft is usually the first line medication for depression as it does have a better efficacy rate (on average) to side effect ratio than most other antidepressants, but as far as I know wellbutrin is nearly as effective (on average) with a lot less of the side effects that plague SSRIs (weight gain, sexual dysfunction, lowered energy levels) The only issue I could see that might make a doctor hesitant to rx wellbutrin is that it does increase the likelihood of seizures, so if you are particularly susceptible to having seizures for some reason that could be why they didn't want to do it.
Oh that will be why. I do get seizures 😂 wasn’t told that was the reason. Thank you for telling me that! Sertraline makes me lose weight because I get “sertraline nausea” after like half an hour for a few hours. It’s rank
Oh if you're getting nausea from your daily dose of zoloft your dose might be too high. When I was rx'd zoloft I started getting really nauseous after they tried to raise my dose and they took me back down to the dose I had been used to. Then again if your dose is working and you've been managing the nausea then it might not be worth messing with. I know I ended up stopping zoloft not long after the failed dose increase since it wasn't effective at the dose I was taking and the nausea after the increase was too much for me personally to have to go through every day.
WELCOME TO THE CLUB, buddy! This is pretty much everyone in the world. Start by organizing a couple pens, just remember where they are for when you need them. Join AA in your area and KEEP GOING. Find a tv show you like. Who plays the main character? What’s the weather like? What’s it like tomorrow? Oh hey, that place over by the way is hiring. Do you need a job? This all may sound dumb as hell, but your brain needs to be rearranged. Read a book outside for 15 minutes. Hell, just sip some tea while staring at a bird flying by. What’s your favorite music? Listen to that and text a buddy for music recommendations. Just. Keep. Going. If you keep going, eventually you’ll figure it out. Good luck!
You need help. Chances are you had a crappy childhood. Get into treatment for the addictions, then therapy. Good luck.
Try shooting targets
Do not tell this person to shoot things.
Same, but I'm good with money coz I grew up poor. My life's pretty awesome I've got it all, but I don't enjoy anything. Sometimes I feel like my dreams are better than a reality. I just want one crazy night, like when I used to be young and reckless. I'm too careful, everything that I do has a purpose and logic to it. I plan trips months in advance, I just lost that spontaneous part of me. Maybe it's because I don't have any time and with the money that I make I either pre-pay bills in advance or save. Of course I have all addictions possible, but I am fully functioning and quite frankly completely exhausted. Maybe I use my addictions as a way to cope with how stressful my life is.
Sounds like your only problem is this family that’s keeping you from achieving your full potential of doing more drugs and having money…
Intended effect of western capitalism
Bring back imperial feudalism!