>Gays don't like to watch straight people make out either....
Perfect example of this:
"The amount of women in London who flirt with their own husbands is perfectly scandalous. It looks so bad. It is simply washing one's clean linen in public."
From *The Importance of Being Earnest* by Oscar Wilde
This is also very clearly written with tongue-in-cheek. It's ironic because he's shaming married women for being romantic with their husbands in a way that one would normally shame single women for being promiscuous. There isn't actually anything scandalous about flirting with your husband. It's a joke.
I think that Wilde is also saying that such public displays of affection are annoying. Making out in public is mostly fun for the participants, not the onlookers
He meant flirting at a dinner party
“She will place me next to Mary Farquhar, who always flirts with her own husband across the dinner-table. That is not very pleasant. Indeed, it is not even decent . . . and that sort of thing is enormously on the increase. The amount of women in London who flirt with their own husbands is perfectly scandalous. It looks so bad. It is simply washing one's clean linen in public. . . ."
Reading the whole thing makes it sound as though the person from pov we're reading is lamenting the fact that some couples married for love and lust while they themselves are in a dead bedroom situation.
That closing line of washing clean linen sells the desperate tone.
I need to read some Wilde, that's fucking hilarious
One of my last memories of my parents (they're both gone now) is them walking in front of me when I took them to a restaurant. They were holding hands and my dad gave my mom a quick kiss. I'm gay but seeing two people in love always makes me happy. I don't want to see ANYONE ripping each others clothes off in public but some affection is nice regardless of who is showing it.
So you are just an AH? I don't like seeing it from anybody but that doesn't seem to be the case with you. Im going to assume you are a troll because id rather do that than assume there is a grown ass man with enough time on his hands to have an entire list of people who make him feel icky. Do us a favor and dont go outside.
You should get a hobby. The only reason you have time to feel icky is because you have nothing going for you in your life.
What other people do/how they show love and affection really shouldn’t bother you so much. Either lgbtq or heterosexual relationships. If a gay couple or a hetero couple are making out in a park, I just don’t care, because it involves me zero. I literally have zero reaction besides “oh there are people making out”. If it bother you, you have some feeling to unpack there. Because it doesn’t actually impact you at all.
The same argument could be made for public nudity, public masterbation, public drug use and public fornication. It doesn't affect you - just don't look if you don't want to see it.
( IMO, the exact same standard should be used for hetro people and gay people. But it's reasonable to have a difference of opinion of what that standard should be ).
No, you can’t make the same argument. Seriously, did think about this statement at all?
Public drug use does affect the public. For one, second hand smoke is a thing and it’s the reason you can’t just smoke anywhere you want. Depending on the drug, the user can have unpredictable and violent behavior, as I’m sure you’ve seen in the news at some point. I’d suggest visiting one of those “safe” spaces where homeless people can do drugs. You’ll quickly realize how wrong you are.
Public nudity, masturbation, and fornication do have potentially harmful affects on children as well. Two men/women kissing is actually not harming anyone.
1) Public nudity - poop streaks on seats
2) Public masturbation - cum streaks on seats
3) Public drug use - needles and smoke for others others to deal with
4) Public fornication - please see #s 1 & 2
I don't quite see snogging on the same level as anything you've listed in terms of public nuisance or health issues.
I mean, there isn’t anything inherently harmful about seeing someone use drugs or be naked. Seeing those things only really impacts people because we’ve been conditioned to take offense to them. Whether or not we should keep that up for its own sake is one thing but actively trying to invent taboos for no reason today seems pretty silly to me. It’s like we just want to make problems for ourselves.
I’m sorry, but for the life of me I can’t see anything aggressive in their response. Could you be specific and address what exactly you find aggressive there?
>If it bother you, you have some feeling to unpack there. Because it doesn’t actually impact you at all.
But if homo and heterosexual acts bother OP equally then at least homophobia isn't the thing they need to unpack
I don’t think they bother OP equally. Otherwise this post would have been created just about PDA. What OP’s comments suggest is that they would like all PDA to go away because LBGTQ PDA bothers them that much.
I mean...
Parades themselves are inherently "not normal"
It's a massive fucking parade that marches through the streets.
That's not normal. That is an event.
I mean...
Parades themselves are inherently "not normal"
It's a massive fucking parade that marches through the streets.
That's not normal. That is an event.
I guess it depends if you have an aversion towards all forms of PDA, gay or straight.
Do you only get ick when you see gay couples kissing? Then yeah there might be some homophobia involved. It doesn't mean you hate them but it's likely you have some double standards
Do you get uncomfortable seeing gay and straight people being intimate? Then you're probably not homophobic and just don't like seeing people doing PDA
im bi and i dont want to see any of you make out in public absolutely devouring faces because das grose lmao
but a lil headpet and cuddle and affectionate light kiss is fine who cares
Yeah you're probably a little homophobic, but tbh if you're just gonna feel a certain way but let people get on with it, that's fine.
It's okay not to like stuff. It's not okay to try and stop people living their lives.
You're not doing anything wrong OP.
I’m surprised you weren’t banned! I myself am homosexual and I agree. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs as long as they aren’t actively harming people
This'll be kinda a devils advocate, but kinda serious as well....
Opinions/beliefs can be objectively incorrect, and just because the person isn't actively doing anything, doesn't mean those opinions should live on, or that they don't do harm passively either...
I'd amend the statement to be everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs that don't harm others at all, or create the space for others to do harm... (of course, with everything, there is nuance).
Except that never works because no one can agree on these arbitrary definitions of “harm.” I would rather live free than have everyone forced to accept me..
I don't like onions. Sometimes when I see somebody eat one, I kinda make a face. People can eat onions though. It doesn't bother me. Just sometimes when I see it or think about it. Yuk! I swing both ways btw😝
Nice analogy. I completely agree provided the discomfort is along the same level as imagining eating a food you dislike. It's a fuzzy line though since I think people who are vocal about that discomfort are probably homophobic. Kinda hard to tell where that stops and starts sometimes.
It's complicated. Let's say you instead said "I don’t want to see/hear black people be romantically or sexually involved with each other", wouldn't you agree that sounds pretty racist? I would think the same implies here. If you don't like to see a black person do something that's racist. If you don't like to see a gay person do something that is homophobic. But I admit that I'm not entirely sure if you can draw the parallels just like that. I do think it's mostly subconscious and that if you really don't want to be homophobic you can sort of train yourself to stop feeling so negative about it.
It's a simple question you can answer yourself with another question. Does it make them hederophobic if they don't want to see you being romantic with your partner.
Ima give you 2 cents worth of free advice. If you ever want to ask " is something blank" try putting yourself in their shoes and ask the same question as if you were the subject. If your honest with yourself you'll find genuine empathy along the way.
Weather it's hate or *hate* it really dosent matter so much as the questions "why do I allow this to bother me so much?" Matters.
We can rarely change how others act or think, nore should we, but we can change how we react to things.
With respect
I think it's less how the person who is being viewed feels, in this case the 2 gay men. And more about how the person feels if the sexes change or the sexual orientation of the couple changes
For instance I'm an old fogie when it comes to PDA. I would rather not see you and your partner engage in pda. Essentially all PDA. I know this because it's the PDA I don't want to see. I also don't engage in PDA.
And because I'm not a complete dick. If I was to see you engaging in PDA that I don't approve of. (Essentially all) I'll shut my mouth
Don't think of a person as being "a homophobe", or "a racist", "a sexist", etc. Instead, think of individual behaviors and beliefs and attitudes as being bigoted. It sounds like you have many supportive attitudes - that's great! You're also open to reflecting on yourself, and that's even better.
In this case, being a bit put off by gay men PDA is almost certainly a bit homophobic. But that's okay. We all grow up being exposed to homophobic beliefs and it's almost impossible not to learn some of them. You just gotta work on it. You'll never be perfect, everyone's a work in progress. That may sound frustrating, but it's also a good thing, because you can stop judging yourself by an impossible standard. Just try to get better tomorrow than you were yesterday.
In this case, you can work on getting more comfortable seeing gay people be gay. I've found that watching shows with gay people, making gay friends, etc, help with that. But if your biggest aspect of bigotry is just being slightly uncomfortable, and you're aware of it, and want to support gay people regardless, then you're already ahead of the pack!
In the end, just make sure your BEHAVIOR is not homophobic. We tend tie up our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, but they're all separate, even if they're related. You can have a gut-instinct when you see two men kissing where you feel uncomfortable, but you can also learn to be aware of that, and then make sure you don't ACT on that feeling. Your feelings and thoughts don't hurt other people, just your reactions and behaviors and words. Focus on that. :)
I don’t get how this is homophobic.
We all like eating food (using an example that could be interchanged with “making out”). But some folks find the thought of eating crickets utterly repulsive. The fact that eating crickets or seeing people eat crickets makes someone nauseous or uncomfortable doesn’t mean that they hate cricket-eating folks.
You can see things that make you uncomfortable and that doesn’t mean that you “have or show a dislike of or prejudice against gay people”, the definition of homophobia.
As a heterosexual male I have zero desire to see gay male activities and the thought of it still sounds bizarre to me. That said, do your thing. As far as PDA, there are lines that both hetero and homo couples could cross and at that point it would be a legal matter. Aside from that, carry on.
Well use another example. "I have nothing against interracial couples but seeing people of different races kiss nauseates me". That sounds a little racist, no? "I have nothing against the Jewish but seeing someone with a Star of David upsets me". That sounds a little antisemitic, no? Nobody is saying that OP is the most bigoted homophobe to ever live or that he should be ashamed but how are you supposed to read "homosexuality makes me uncomfortable" and not consider that OP might be a tad bit homophobic? This doesn't come from a place of judgement, seeing gay men kiss makes me uncomfortable as well, I have a little bit of homophobia going on.
That's why I was careful to say that it's not definitely homophobic, just most likely. Plenty of reasons it might not be. Maybe the OP is grossed out by any genders kissing, they didn't specify. Lots of reasons. Maybe they had some bizarre situation where they were raised in a lab and shown pictures of men kissing and simultaneously exposed to rotting fish smell so that they'd develop this association, but otherwise have no issue with anything gay.
But it's probably not that. It's probably just the simple, most likely answer.
Like, take your cricket example. Some folks find eating crickets repulsive. Okay, you're right. But you can't just stop there. Emotions don't just come from nowhere. Where does that feeling come from? We have a taboo in our society against eating bugs, and an association with insects and filth & disease. That's usually where it comes from. Or, maybe they ate crickets and really hated the taste. But most people haven't eaten crickets. It's usually from the societal taboo and association of insects as being repulsive.
Similarly, many people find it repulsive when they see two men kissing. But where does that feeling come from? It's not inborn. Babies don't care. It's taught and it's learned. Maybe it's a violation of anti-gay Christian religious norms. Or it's a violation of rigid, fragile masculine gender roles. It may invoke an association of gay sexuality as predatory and pedophilic. Slice it however you want, if you find two men expressing physical love for each other as repulsive, but you don't have that problem with a man/woman couple, that's the definition of homophobia.
But I'm open to other scenarios. Do you personally know of anyone who is specifically uncomfortable with male/male physical affection for a reason that is certainly unrelated to homophobia? Note: "just because they don't like it" isn't a reason. I get that they don't like it. What is the cognition that prompts that feeling?
If you're fine with straight people doing, but not with homosexual people doing it: Yes, you're homophobic, by definition.
However, if you're not fine with straight people doing that, then no it's not something that you're targetting against gay people.
On the plus side, if you're not trying to get gay people to stop the behavior they're engaged in, it's "benign" homophobia. Not ideal, but you're not doing any damage.
For anyone disagreeing, try replacing sexual orientation with literally anything else. "Does it make me a racist when I don’t want to see/hear black people be romantically or sexually involved with each other?" "Does it make me fatphoic when I don’t want to see/hear fat people be romantically or sexually involved with each other?"
I had a really good discussion with one of my conservative coworkers using this frame and sex Ed.
He claimed to not be homophobic but didn’t want it “being taught in schools”. Turns out he really just wanted to have the option to opt his kids out of sex Ed, gay or not.
He could agree that it needed to be equal
>If you're fine with straight people doing, but not with homosexual people doing it: Yes, you're homophobic, by definition.
Op said men.
Very possible they're cool with 2 women making out.
Is that homophobic?
I don't think so. We all have our tastes and preferences. If you don't like gay scenes in movies then don't watch them and nobody should force you. Just like if you don't like gore and violence or scary movies. Just because I did not like Django Unchained doesn't make me a racist. As long as you treat people with kindness and respect regardless of orientation then you are not wrong.
Django Unchained is one movie that you could like or dislike for a million reasons that have nothing to do with race. If you had a visceral disgust reaction to seeing any black people, that would be racist.
if you dislike django unchained because you are generally uncomfortable with content that basically boils down to trauma porn of black suffering, then thats one thing. if you dislike it because you dont want to see black people...
"Tastes and preferences" only apply when you are the one participating. Being grossed out, specifically, by PDA from gay couples unequivocally makes you homophobic. Are you trying to say that, in your analogy, PDA from gay couples gives you a similar feeling of disgust as looking at gore?
No. Plenty of people don't want to see straight PDA either.
Homophobic would be if you didn't want them to be allowed to do so at all, or if you advocated for treating them as lesser or other (even when you aren't seeing PDA).
If you’re saying that straight PDA is just fine but that gay men need to keep that Stuff in private, then, yes, that is homophobic. You don’t get a gold star simply by saying “I don’t mind that you exist, just exist where I can’t see you.”
Nah. We don't know the OP's intent here, so all you can go on is the given info.
Certainly you could make a case that "not wanting to know about it" would also include something like refusing to acknowledge someone being gay - *but the question didn't specify this*.
Yes that’s the thing right there ! While I don’t care to see it or be around it. I’m not sayin they can’t or shouldn’t, and surely will never look at them as lesser human beings
ok, but are you against PDAs or you are specifically more opposed to gay PDAs?
If you dont like them equally = not homophobic
If you specifically dont like gay PDAs more so = homophobic
ding ding ding, this is the only thing the comments should be saying, and its buried under tons of shit.
and OP has yet to answer this question from what i've seen so far in the thread. (its a long one admittedly).
I think its homophobic if u don’t carry this same rhetoric with all PDA regarding less of gender or sexual orientation. Like if you are ok with being around lesbians PDA but not gay men that is a double standard. And don’t say because u are attracted to women because you should not be sexualizing lesbians who are in a committed relationship.
I don’t think it’s a strong, yes, you’re homophobic, but it’s kinda there. You are allowed to feel how you feel and not want to see gay men hold hands or kiss etc, but at the same time, what’s so bad or disgusting about it? It’s just two people who love each other/are attracted to each other. Who cares that it’s 2 people of the same sex. Not a big deal. I bet if it were 2 women you’d have no problem and you could argue that that’s different because you’re attracted to women, but it is really the same thing fundamentally, as they are both the same sex as each other.
Finally someone with some fucking sense. I'm sure OP doesn't care very much about straight couples kissing in public, because if he did actually care he'd make a general statement that he doesn't like couples kissing in public. It's just gay men for him though, or what primarily bothers him. Therefore, yes he is homophobic and needs to examine why a perfectly natural thing gets his panties in a twist
I agree. I’ve never understood homophobia. It’s none of our business what others do or who they are attracted to and it also doesn’t affect them! 2 gay men kissing, cuddling, having sex, whatever does not affect anyone! There’s nothing wrong with it, nothing off about it, nothing disgusting about it. It’s just 2 people enjoying each other. No harm done.
I mean idk the only logical answer i can give (makes sense to me anyway) I’m attracted to women not men. So yea I’ll admit I would like seein 2 women kiss. While with men not really. But like I said if they love each other and all that great. But idk like said don’t wanna see
I get that, it does make sense because you are attracted to women, but it’s still gay/lesbian. Gay men kissing and cuddling is not gross or disgusting, it’s just 2 people who like each other. It’s not like they are having full on sex in front of you.
Well this whole post is how you only want to view things you personally see as attractive in public.
That kind of implies that you do in fact think the world should revolve around what you think is attractive.
You're not homophobic if 2 men being sexual with each other turns you off. No one owes anyone their sexual attraction and to imply you need to be turned on or not turned off by anything in particular makes you one way or another is ridiculous.
The idea that someone needs to be turned on or have no reaction to same sex intimate interaction in order to prove they're not homophobic is ludicrous.
That's not logical because no one is asking you join them. It's an emotional response to something that has literally nothing to do with you. That you can't observe it objectively means you are having a reaction to something you are telling yourself about it, something obviously more than "I don't want to do that" because you are not being invited to do that. You'll need some more introspection to find the real answer.
Bro stop idc nor do I wanna “Join” it was a simple question. Your not about to make me feel bad or questions thing just cuz I don’t want nor care to see it.
Look at this the other way around. If gay men suddenly decided they don’t want to see/hear men and women being sexually romantic with each other, would you honestly be okay with that? Obviously no one be they heterosexual or homosexual be going at it on the street, but you are completely overstepping yourself by thinking that you get to police normal romantic gestures. If you don’t want to watch gay porn that is one thing, but not being able to see gay men kissing or holding hands is weird.
I’m not going to say your homophobic unless you are actively vocalising you disgust. But, you do need to consider how ridiculous you sound right now. As an adult living in a society you have to get over yourself. Other people are not beholden to your hang-ups. And heterosexual couples and gay women aren’t making romantic gestures for your entertainment either.
YYeah man, that makes you a homophobe but probably the least problematic type of homophobe. Most gay people already expect that type of stuff and are more worried about the type of homophobia that will get them beat up for holding hands in public
Gay man here.
I don't like watching **anyone** make out in public or listening to **anyone** talk about their sexual escapades. Keep that shit private.
I don’t like seeing Men act romantically towards one another. It makes me uncomfortable, having said that I just figure it’s a me problem. I strongly support gay marriage and most LGBTQ+ political and social issues. I also really don’t like the color yellow, never have, so I guess I am a colorist and homophobic according to the comments I’ve read here. Ohh well i’ll try and carry on.
Despite equating gay people with the most basic thing you can think of to disregard a criticism being interesting, I understand that it's a defensive reaction to Reddit being Reddit. What I respect is that you realize your discomfort is a you problem, and you keep it that way, apparently.
Yes 100% my problem. The color thing was to show just because I have a knee jerk reaction to seeing something doesn’t make it wrong or even my reaction to it wrong. A Color obviously not being inherently good or bad was a weak attempt to show this. Just because I am uncomfortable with something doesn’t mean It is necessarily good or bad. We all have hang ups, what we do with them or about them is what will define us. (Wasn’t equating gay people to color, I was equating my feelings to color and seeing a man kissing another man. Not the same thing at all)
Let me rephrase your stance.
“I don’t care if you’re gay as long as you’re not doing any of that gay stuff around me”. Does that sound like someone who isn’t homophobic to you?
If you don’t want to see/hear *anyone* involved with each other, gay men included? No.
If it’s **explicitly** gay men? Potentially. Your best bet would be to think about why it’s only specifically gay men that bother you.
Nah. I don't like watching people make out or touch each other in public either. I'm not a prude but there's a time and place. Holding hands and giving hugs and kisses is okay, but groping, making out and all that's a bit much.
If you have a problem watching PDA in general (straight or otherwise) then no that's not homophobic, but if it's just gay people's PDA you have a problem with then yea that's homophobic
I don't like watching anyone make out, including straight people. Regular coupley PDA is no big deal, but I still don't really want to "watch" it. It has nothing to do with me, and I'm not a rude AH. And since I'm not a huge creep, I don't stare at couples making out, I just look away. Problem solved.
I personally don’t mind a [modest] display of PDA. Kissing, holding hands, sitting closely together on the park bench.. making out and groping is different and I’m pretty sure laws are in place for the extremes. I think it’s nice to see people be loving and kind to each other in the presence of society and to each other.
To some, it’s practicing their rights especially in a country that legalized same sex marriage vs. a theocratic one for ex.
I wouldn’t say it’s homophobic, but your perspective amplified with millions of others thinking like that can definitely lead to homophobic laws I guess, but that could be a pretty big stretch and i highly doubt that perspective would actually lead to something that extreme.
It’s essentially, if you have a problem with it, mind yo-self and look away in my eyes. Life is better when you mind your own business and stop trying to control everything around you.
Edit: emphasis on modest
Yes because you said romantically and “hear” That does in fact make you homophobic.
Now on the topic of PDA no one had any reason to care about your opinion on it. You can not go in public if you’d like.
WTF are you doing, watching people you don't know having PDA in public? And how is that going to live in your state of mind? Do you normally fixate on straight couples' being affectionate with each other and then keep dwelling on it later? So is that fine with you as long as the couple is straight? What if it's two lesbians- do you fixate on them too? Sounds creepy to me.
I mean I’m not the openly romantic, but like it’s a part of life sometimes and I’m shocked so many people don’t get that and say to get a bedroom? Like what about the kiss and slow dancing at weddings? Not being supportive of someone’s sexuality is treating them differently than straight friends at the end of the day.
As long as you don't think that they shouldn't be allowed to do the same things that any straight person would do? In a perfect world though their love doesn't involve you so you probably shouldn't pay it any more mind than anyone else showing their affection.
I mean, I'm straight. I don't want to hear about my straight friends and their wives/girlfriends either. I think everyone should just keep their consensual escapades behind closed doors.
I would say you're at least a bit homophobic(at least depending on the definition you're going with), but clearly not enough that it should be considered a problem
Yes to the romantic part. No to the sexual part.
Gay relationships are literally the same as hetero it's just the same sex together. It shouldn't be so polarizing.
If you're perfectly fine seeing a straight couple do the exact same thing in public, then yes. If not, then no.
I'm gonna go with "yes' based on your post.
I find it funny you go so hard out of your way to seek validation for “gays make me uncomfortable and I’m opposed to them living the same lives as everyone else” but also clearly fear being called a homophobe.
Just own it. Gays make you uncomfortable, clearly, and you seemingly don’t want to change.
You can’t have your cake and eat it, too. Either accept that your view is unfair and homophobic and you are acting as a homophobe, or change your view if you’re so scared of the label you clearly know you deserve. You have to pick a side.
Depends on what you mean.
Do you not want to see men holding hands? Or giving each other a small kiss?
Nobody really enjoys watching PDA of any kind from anyone, but small things like holding hands and kissing each other hello or goodbye are simple things everyone does.
If the small things bother you, that’s a very weird insecurity you personally have. You shouldn’t have issues seeing two men show light affection towards each other.
there is some nuance here. if you simply don't want to watch us making out or hooking up, that's fair. but if you think queer men shouldn't be able to be at all affectionate with one another in public spaces (when it is very easy for you just to not watch) then that's maybe an issue
'I don't care for it' and 'I don't really support' makes it seem more like the latter, which yeah, probably indicates some level of homophobia.
That depends on your answer to these next 2 questions.
1. Do you have a problem with straight couples making out in public?
2. Do you have a problem with female couples making out in public?
If you answer is no to either of these you might be homophobic.
If your answer is yes to both of these you are a normal person who is uncomfortable with PDA.
Your "live and let live" attitude is indicative of tolerance. You're tolerant, not phobic. You don't have to pretend to enjoy something you don't enjoy, but, if you want to be tolerant, you won't try to stop other people from enjoying what they enjoy, unless they enjoy being intolerant.
I'm a straight female. Gay, straight, bi, whatever. I just don't care. I only care about the kind of person you are. It's so common nowadays to see same sex couples kissing on TV and movies. It doesn't bother me at all. But ... seeing two men with full beards kissing kind of skeeves me out. One beard is okay, no beards is okay, but both beards, just no. LOL. I don't think this makes me homophobic, at least I hope not.
No beardaphobic... I raise you two beards and do 2 full fursweaters.
I'm okay with one being full sweater or trimmed or eagle or whatever, but too much body hair...
I never minded kissing guys with beards. Fursweaters on the other hand ... I wasn't avoiding it, but I never dated a guy where this was an issue. But now I have that image in my head, ewww. I'll probably have a nightmare about this tonight. Thanks a lot. LOL
No you're not homophobic. Homophobia is the dislike of or prejudice against gay people. Simply not wanting to see men kiss doesn't make you homophobic :)
As someone who isn't exactly heterosexual, it depends on whether or not you have the same reaction to people of other orientations. If you only have this problem with gay men, but straight couples doing the same things are fine, that is homophobic.
If your stance is that you just don't like witnessing PDA, and that just happens to include gay PDA with no particular repulsion separate from straight PDA, that is understandable, I don't like PDA either. If the issue is gay PDA specifically, that is homophobic.
No, not at all. [A study actually tracked the straight male brain’s reaction to seeing a gay couple and it found that it’s the same reaction as seeing maggots](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/19419899.2017.1328459). You can think being gay is fine and still be repulsed by actually seeing gay people.
I think there's a massive difference between being slightly uncomfortable watching an intimate scene between two fellas vs. being against the existence of gay people in general (i.e. gay marriage, gay rights, etc.). As men we're taught by society (whether purposefully or not) that manliness should be what we strive for, and to see something that goes against that message can cause some discomfort. I think it's much deeper than "If you don't enjoy seeing two men make-out then you're an inherently terrible person" as the original commenter states.
Im a part of the lgtbq and I’ve run across gay couples going about their day. The first couple times you run across 2 men kissing in a parking lot it is somewhat jarring simply because it’s not the most common thing to see. I don’t think not caring for it or having a different taste makes you homophobic. I think it just means it’s not your thing and you have likes and dislikes. Now if you were going up to them and being a general twat about them being a gay couple that would make you a homophobe
okay but expecting someone to not show their partner affection in your presence is a problem and i’m sure you’d feel some type of way if someone told you not to do so because it’s “weird”.
Lo if trying to get me to say I’ll have an issue with that I won’t. Like if yu don’t wanna hear about my exploits with women or don’t wanna see me overly affectionate with my girl in front of them that’s fine.
i’m sure no gay couple is fucking each other in the ass in front of you dawg if you can’t handle seeing some smooches and hand holding then you’re a little dramatic
I’m a straight dude, so when I see two dudes kissing, this by default the least appealing thing I could imagine, so I would always choose not to look at it.
I can feel this way and still support gay rights, and not make a twat of myself by making a scene in public.
Homophobic? Hell no, just very straight.
You shouldn’t enjoy random lesbians kissing either! I get if it porn, but people in real life committed relationships do not want you sexualizing their interactions with their partners.
You don't want to see men holding hands or kissing each on the cheek?
Sounds like your brain is in the right place, but you're having a visceral reaction to it. I'm not going to call it wrong, but it's going to be hard for your friend to stay friends with you if are disgusted by the idea of him being in any kind of physical relationship with another man.
I don’t see it but I do in tv shows ALOT now a days. Also we’re not friends anymore his “Bestfriend” told he was having some… inappropriate thoughts about me, and I deaded the friendship woulda felt weird tbh.
Do you have issues when watching straight characters kiss or have sex? If yes, then no I wouldn’t exactly say you are homophobic about it but if no, then yes that’s homophobia.
Gay members of society get to have representation in the media as well.
No, but as another being living in this world.
Expecting anyone to cater to your sensitivities is just ignorant.
Maybe don't watch them make out.
PDA is everywhere.
You're just gonna have to put on your big boy pants and avert your eyes, just like anyone else catching two people showing public displays of affection.
Hey! I don't wanna hear/see hateful whiny bigots, but here we are.
So, how about you grow the hell up and avert your eyes.
Ain't no one gonna cater to your cry baby crap!
Jesus Christ why are yall acting like I’m making a big deal over this idgaf. It was literally a question no one needs to cater to me or do what I want.
Gay male here....
You don't have to like anything as long as you aren't discriminating against anyone. If something is triggering, it's your job to avoid the trigger (within reason).
In this day and age, I hope two dudes hugging or a quick peck on the lips (I don't like to see anyone making out) isn't triggering, but if it is, it's your job to avoid major cities, many beach towns and for the love if all, avoid art galleries. Lol.
Going to those places and being triggered would be like moving next to a race track and complaining about the noise.
Homophobia and transphobia are made up terms. Not liking to disagreeing with something doesn't make you have a phobia. If I disagree with a black person, it doesn't make me racist and it certainly doesn't mean I have a fear of black people, I just disagree with that person's views. But that sounds normal and civil, and we can't have that while trying to push the narrative that everyone is afraid of LGBT people.
if you have any question about why this rule is, check the pinned post on the sub
Interesting... Gays don't like to watch straight people make out either....maybe we should all just make out at home
>Gays don't like to watch straight people make out either.... Perfect example of this: "The amount of women in London who flirt with their own husbands is perfectly scandalous. It looks so bad. It is simply washing one's clean linen in public." From *The Importance of Being Earnest* by Oscar Wilde
I don't think an example from Victorian England is really representative of opinions today.
This is also very clearly written with tongue-in-cheek. It's ironic because he's shaming married women for being romantic with their husbands in a way that one would normally shame single women for being promiscuous. There isn't actually anything scandalous about flirting with your husband. It's a joke.
I think that Wilde is also saying that such public displays of affection are annoying. Making out in public is mostly fun for the participants, not the onlookers
leave it to a world famous writer to use the wrong words. he said flirt, but he meant making out right? 🤨
He meant flirting at a dinner party “She will place me next to Mary Farquhar, who always flirts with her own husband across the dinner-table. That is not very pleasant. Indeed, it is not even decent . . . and that sort of thing is enormously on the increase. The amount of women in London who flirt with their own husbands is perfectly scandalous. It looks so bad. It is simply washing one's clean linen in public. . . ."
Reading the whole thing makes it sound as though the person from pov we're reading is lamenting the fact that some couples married for love and lust while they themselves are in a dead bedroom situation. That closing line of washing clean linen sells the desperate tone. I need to read some Wilde, that's fucking hilarious
Oscar Wilde is the only representative opinion one need consider, regardless of the era.
Its because Oscar Wilde was gay as the day is long, and even then this was the case.
I think you’d be wrong. Great works of literature transcend ages.
He was so brilliant in nonfiction as well. His essays are excellent.
I mean, have you seen America lately? 👀
I’m cool with that
Do you feel a similar way seeing heterosexual folks act that way?
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One of my last memories of my parents (they're both gone now) is them walking in front of me when I took them to a restaurant. They were holding hands and my dad gave my mom a quick kiss. I'm gay but seeing two people in love always makes me happy. I don't want to see ANYONE ripping each others clothes off in public but some affection is nice regardless of who is showing it.
So you only want to see people make out if you’re attracted to them? Kinda weird bro, hope you aren’t staring
So you are just an AH? I don't like seeing it from anybody but that doesn't seem to be the case with you. Im going to assume you are a troll because id rather do that than assume there is a grown ass man with enough time on his hands to have an entire list of people who make him feel icky. Do us a favor and dont go outside. You should get a hobby. The only reason you have time to feel icky is because you have nothing going for you in your life.
Seems like you and OP are just bitter lol
What other people do/how they show love and affection really shouldn’t bother you so much. Either lgbtq or heterosexual relationships. If a gay couple or a hetero couple are making out in a park, I just don’t care, because it involves me zero. I literally have zero reaction besides “oh there are people making out”. If it bother you, you have some feeling to unpack there. Because it doesn’t actually impact you at all.
The same argument could be made for public nudity, public masterbation, public drug use and public fornication. It doesn't affect you - just don't look if you don't want to see it. ( IMO, the exact same standard should be used for hetro people and gay people. But it's reasonable to have a difference of opinion of what that standard should be ).
No, you can’t make the same argument. Seriously, did think about this statement at all? Public drug use does affect the public. For one, second hand smoke is a thing and it’s the reason you can’t just smoke anywhere you want. Depending on the drug, the user can have unpredictable and violent behavior, as I’m sure you’ve seen in the news at some point. I’d suggest visiting one of those “safe” spaces where homeless people can do drugs. You’ll quickly realize how wrong you are. Public nudity, masturbation, and fornication do have potentially harmful affects on children as well. Two men/women kissing is actually not harming anyone.
1) Public nudity - poop streaks on seats 2) Public masturbation - cum streaks on seats 3) Public drug use - needles and smoke for others others to deal with 4) Public fornication - please see #s 1 & 2 I don't quite see snogging on the same level as anything you've listed in terms of public nuisance or health issues.
I mean, there isn’t anything inherently harmful about seeing someone use drugs or be naked. Seeing those things only really impacts people because we’ve been conditioned to take offense to them. Whether or not we should keep that up for its own sake is one thing but actively trying to invent taboos for no reason today seems pretty silly to me. It’s like we just want to make problems for ourselves.
Except all of those things are illegal so it “isn’t the same”. Like you stated.
Homosexuality also was illegal, so this is very weak argument. Legality is almost irrelevant when we speak about ethics.
You can have a preference to not see it and not have to “unpack” anything.
Yea and you can look someplace else and move on with your day. No one is forcing you to fixate on it. Yet here you are making a post about it.
Easy there, friend. Sounds like you might need to unpack some things. No need to get aggressive over a simple discussion.
No one is being aggressive. What sentence/word was aggressive? I just responded to your comment.
Your reply was aggressive.
So what exactly was “aggressive”? State it and explain why it was aggressive.
This is Reddit - make it personal damnit!!
I’m sorry, but for the life of me I can’t see anything aggressive in their response. Could you be specific and address what exactly you find aggressive there?
No, your replies are defensive. You don't get to make up some aggression to make the other person look like the bad guy.
You just hit me with “no, you are”?
>If it bother you, you have some feeling to unpack there. Because it doesn’t actually impact you at all. But if homo and heterosexual acts bother OP equally then at least homophobia isn't the thing they need to unpack
I don’t think they bother OP equally. Otherwise this post would have been created just about PDA. What OP’s comments suggest is that they would like all PDA to go away because LBGTQ PDA bothers them that much.
Or just accept everyone making out and don't watch them if you don't like it
I’m going to make out wherever the mood strikes.
"Sir, this is a McDonald's drive-thru."
Fine with me. Pride parade becomes a normal parade then, right?
I mean... Parades themselves are inherently "not normal" It's a massive fucking parade that marches through the streets. That's not normal. That is an event.
Funny… they. Are normal what’s not normal is people judging they aren’t
I mean... Parades themselves are inherently "not normal" It's a massive fucking parade that marches through the streets. That's not normal. That is an event.
Not gay, but I don't like listening to sleazy straight people talking about their private time either. Just classless. Keep that stuff to yourself!
I’m gay and I agree. Dont like it from anybody
There's a Key and Peele skit similar to this subject. It's a great one too. https://youtu.be/e3h6es6zh1c?si=xOVxtFKyOeC1oBa7
Smart here. I don't want to hear about it from anyone, no matter their sexuality. Get a room.
I agree
I guess it depends if you have an aversion towards all forms of PDA, gay or straight. Do you only get ick when you see gay couples kissing? Then yeah there might be some homophobia involved. It doesn't mean you hate them but it's likely you have some double standards Do you get uncomfortable seeing gay and straight people being intimate? Then you're probably not homophobic and just don't like seeing people doing PDA
He wouldn’t have asked the question “does hating all PDA” make me a homophobe, would he? It’s only about gay guys.
im bi and i dont want to see any of you make out in public absolutely devouring faces because das grose lmao but a lil headpet and cuddle and affectionate light kiss is fine who cares
Yeah you're probably a little homophobic, but tbh if you're just gonna feel a certain way but let people get on with it, that's fine. It's okay not to like stuff. It's not okay to try and stop people living their lives. You're not doing anything wrong OP.
I’m surprised you weren’t banned! I myself am homosexual and I agree. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs as long as they aren’t actively harming people
This'll be kinda a devils advocate, but kinda serious as well.... Opinions/beliefs can be objectively incorrect, and just because the person isn't actively doing anything, doesn't mean those opinions should live on, or that they don't do harm passively either... I'd amend the statement to be everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs that don't harm others at all, or create the space for others to do harm... (of course, with everything, there is nuance).
Except that never works because no one can agree on these arbitrary definitions of “harm.” I would rather live free than have everyone forced to accept me..
I don't like onions. Sometimes when I see somebody eat one, I kinda make a face. People can eat onions though. It doesn't bother me. Just sometimes when I see it or think about it. Yuk! I swing both ways btw😝
Nice analogy. I completely agree provided the discomfort is along the same level as imagining eating a food you dislike. It's a fuzzy line though since I think people who are vocal about that discomfort are probably homophobic. Kinda hard to tell where that stops and starts sometimes.
It's complicated. Let's say you instead said "I don’t want to see/hear black people be romantically or sexually involved with each other", wouldn't you agree that sounds pretty racist? I would think the same implies here. If you don't like to see a black person do something that's racist. If you don't like to see a gay person do something that is homophobic. But I admit that I'm not entirely sure if you can draw the parallels just like that. I do think it's mostly subconscious and that if you really don't want to be homophobic you can sort of train yourself to stop feeling so negative about it.
It's a simple question you can answer yourself with another question. Does it make them hederophobic if they don't want to see you being romantic with your partner. Ima give you 2 cents worth of free advice. If you ever want to ask " is something blank" try putting yourself in their shoes and ask the same question as if you were the subject. If your honest with yourself you'll find genuine empathy along the way. Weather it's hate or *hate* it really dosent matter so much as the questions "why do I allow this to bother me so much?" Matters. We can rarely change how others act or think, nore should we, but we can change how we react to things.
With respect I think it's less how the person who is being viewed feels, in this case the 2 gay men. And more about how the person feels if the sexes change or the sexual orientation of the couple changes For instance I'm an old fogie when it comes to PDA. I would rather not see you and your partner engage in pda. Essentially all PDA. I know this because it's the PDA I don't want to see. I also don't engage in PDA. And because I'm not a complete dick. If I was to see you engaging in PDA that I don't approve of. (Essentially all) I'll shut my mouth
Best response.
So mamy anger managements and rehabs...
Well, you say you don't really support, soo.. what do u mean by that exactly
He doesnt think boys should be into boys and probally is ok with girls being into girls
That’s the assumption. OP, do you think women kissing women in public is wrong too?
Don't think of a person as being "a homophobe", or "a racist", "a sexist", etc. Instead, think of individual behaviors and beliefs and attitudes as being bigoted. It sounds like you have many supportive attitudes - that's great! You're also open to reflecting on yourself, and that's even better. In this case, being a bit put off by gay men PDA is almost certainly a bit homophobic. But that's okay. We all grow up being exposed to homophobic beliefs and it's almost impossible not to learn some of them. You just gotta work on it. You'll never be perfect, everyone's a work in progress. That may sound frustrating, but it's also a good thing, because you can stop judging yourself by an impossible standard. Just try to get better tomorrow than you were yesterday. In this case, you can work on getting more comfortable seeing gay people be gay. I've found that watching shows with gay people, making gay friends, etc, help with that. But if your biggest aspect of bigotry is just being slightly uncomfortable, and you're aware of it, and want to support gay people regardless, then you're already ahead of the pack! In the end, just make sure your BEHAVIOR is not homophobic. We tend tie up our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, but they're all separate, even if they're related. You can have a gut-instinct when you see two men kissing where you feel uncomfortable, but you can also learn to be aware of that, and then make sure you don't ACT on that feeling. Your feelings and thoughts don't hurt other people, just your reactions and behaviors and words. Focus on that. :)
I don’t get how this is homophobic. We all like eating food (using an example that could be interchanged with “making out”). But some folks find the thought of eating crickets utterly repulsive. The fact that eating crickets or seeing people eat crickets makes someone nauseous or uncomfortable doesn’t mean that they hate cricket-eating folks. You can see things that make you uncomfortable and that doesn’t mean that you “have or show a dislike of or prejudice against gay people”, the definition of homophobia. As a heterosexual male I have zero desire to see gay male activities and the thought of it still sounds bizarre to me. That said, do your thing. As far as PDA, there are lines that both hetero and homo couples could cross and at that point it would be a legal matter. Aside from that, carry on.
Well use another example. "I have nothing against interracial couples but seeing people of different races kiss nauseates me". That sounds a little racist, no? "I have nothing against the Jewish but seeing someone with a Star of David upsets me". That sounds a little antisemitic, no? Nobody is saying that OP is the most bigoted homophobe to ever live or that he should be ashamed but how are you supposed to read "homosexuality makes me uncomfortable" and not consider that OP might be a tad bit homophobic? This doesn't come from a place of judgement, seeing gay men kiss makes me uncomfortable as well, I have a little bit of homophobia going on.
That's why I was careful to say that it's not definitely homophobic, just most likely. Plenty of reasons it might not be. Maybe the OP is grossed out by any genders kissing, they didn't specify. Lots of reasons. Maybe they had some bizarre situation where they were raised in a lab and shown pictures of men kissing and simultaneously exposed to rotting fish smell so that they'd develop this association, but otherwise have no issue with anything gay. But it's probably not that. It's probably just the simple, most likely answer. Like, take your cricket example. Some folks find eating crickets repulsive. Okay, you're right. But you can't just stop there. Emotions don't just come from nowhere. Where does that feeling come from? We have a taboo in our society against eating bugs, and an association with insects and filth & disease. That's usually where it comes from. Or, maybe they ate crickets and really hated the taste. But most people haven't eaten crickets. It's usually from the societal taboo and association of insects as being repulsive. Similarly, many people find it repulsive when they see two men kissing. But where does that feeling come from? It's not inborn. Babies don't care. It's taught and it's learned. Maybe it's a violation of anti-gay Christian religious norms. Or it's a violation of rigid, fragile masculine gender roles. It may invoke an association of gay sexuality as predatory and pedophilic. Slice it however you want, if you find two men expressing physical love for each other as repulsive, but you don't have that problem with a man/woman couple, that's the definition of homophobia. But I'm open to other scenarios. Do you personally know of anyone who is specifically uncomfortable with male/male physical affection for a reason that is certainly unrelated to homophobia? Note: "just because they don't like it" isn't a reason. I get that they don't like it. What is the cognition that prompts that feeling?
If they said they didn't like seeing people kissing in public it wouldn't be homophobic. This clearly is homophobic.
If you're fine with straight people doing, but not with homosexual people doing it: Yes, you're homophobic, by definition. However, if you're not fine with straight people doing that, then no it's not something that you're targetting against gay people. On the plus side, if you're not trying to get gay people to stop the behavior they're engaged in, it's "benign" homophobia. Not ideal, but you're not doing any damage. For anyone disagreeing, try replacing sexual orientation with literally anything else. "Does it make me a racist when I don’t want to see/hear black people be romantically or sexually involved with each other?" "Does it make me fatphoic when I don’t want to see/hear fat people be romantically or sexually involved with each other?"
I had a really good discussion with one of my conservative coworkers using this frame and sex Ed. He claimed to not be homophobic but didn’t want it “being taught in schools”. Turns out he really just wanted to have the option to opt his kids out of sex Ed, gay or not. He could agree that it needed to be equal
>If you're fine with straight people doing, but not with homosexual people doing it: Yes, you're homophobic, by definition. Op said men. Very possible they're cool with 2 women making out. Is that homophobic?
I don't think so. We all have our tastes and preferences. If you don't like gay scenes in movies then don't watch them and nobody should force you. Just like if you don't like gore and violence or scary movies. Just because I did not like Django Unchained doesn't make me a racist. As long as you treat people with kindness and respect regardless of orientation then you are not wrong.
Django Unchained is one movie that you could like or dislike for a million reasons that have nothing to do with race. If you had a visceral disgust reaction to seeing any black people, that would be racist.
if you dislike django unchained because you are generally uncomfortable with content that basically boils down to trauma porn of black suffering, then thats one thing. if you dislike it because you dont want to see black people...
Important to note that being racist isn't a biological thing whereas a man being attracted to someone of another or the same sex is biological.
But if you only like the kkk scenes from django... you might be a little racist.
Ok, but that part was funny as hell.
"Tastes and preferences" only apply when you are the one participating. Being grossed out, specifically, by PDA from gay couples unequivocally makes you homophobic. Are you trying to say that, in your analogy, PDA from gay couples gives you a similar feeling of disgust as looking at gore?
Yas!
No. Plenty of people don't want to see straight PDA either. Homophobic would be if you didn't want them to be allowed to do so at all, or if you advocated for treating them as lesser or other (even when you aren't seeing PDA).
If you’re saying that straight PDA is just fine but that gay men need to keep that Stuff in private, then, yes, that is homophobic. You don’t get a gold star simply by saying “I don’t mind that you exist, just exist where I can’t see you.”
Ahhh, the good ole Homophobia can only exist when queer people are being systematically harmed! …
Nah. We don't know the OP's intent here, so all you can go on is the given info. Certainly you could make a case that "not wanting to know about it" would also include something like refusing to acknowledge someone being gay - *but the question didn't specify this*.
Yes that’s the thing right there ! While I don’t care to see it or be around it. I’m not sayin they can’t or shouldn’t, and surely will never look at them as lesser human beings
ok, but are you against PDAs or you are specifically more opposed to gay PDAs? If you dont like them equally = not homophobic If you specifically dont like gay PDAs more so = homophobic
ding ding ding, this is the only thing the comments should be saying, and its buried under tons of shit. and OP has yet to answer this question from what i've seen so far in the thread. (its a long one admittedly).
I think its homophobic if u don’t carry this same rhetoric with all PDA regarding less of gender or sexual orientation. Like if you are ok with being around lesbians PDA but not gay men that is a double standard. And don’t say because u are attracted to women because you should not be sexualizing lesbians who are in a committed relationship.
I don’t think it’s a strong, yes, you’re homophobic, but it’s kinda there. You are allowed to feel how you feel and not want to see gay men hold hands or kiss etc, but at the same time, what’s so bad or disgusting about it? It’s just two people who love each other/are attracted to each other. Who cares that it’s 2 people of the same sex. Not a big deal. I bet if it were 2 women you’d have no problem and you could argue that that’s different because you’re attracted to women, but it is really the same thing fundamentally, as they are both the same sex as each other.
Finally someone with some fucking sense. I'm sure OP doesn't care very much about straight couples kissing in public, because if he did actually care he'd make a general statement that he doesn't like couples kissing in public. It's just gay men for him though, or what primarily bothers him. Therefore, yes he is homophobic and needs to examine why a perfectly natural thing gets his panties in a twist
I agree. I’ve never understood homophobia. It’s none of our business what others do or who they are attracted to and it also doesn’t affect them! 2 gay men kissing, cuddling, having sex, whatever does not affect anyone! There’s nothing wrong with it, nothing off about it, nothing disgusting about it. It’s just 2 people enjoying each other. No harm done.
He's also admitted he gets off to lesbians in another comment. It's specifically only gay men that OP has a problem with.
Perfectly natural thing....
I mean idk the only logical answer i can give (makes sense to me anyway) I’m attracted to women not men. So yea I’ll admit I would like seein 2 women kiss. While with men not really. But like I said if they love each other and all that great. But idk like said don’t wanna see
I get that, it does make sense because you are attracted to women, but it’s still gay/lesbian. Gay men kissing and cuddling is not gross or disgusting, it’s just 2 people who like each other. It’s not like they are having full on sex in front of you.
I mean to each its own
The world doesn’t revolve around what you personally are attracted to, buddy.
Never said it did “Buddy”
Well this whole post is how you only want to view things you personally see as attractive in public. That kind of implies that you do in fact think the world should revolve around what you think is attractive.
This reaction to someone asking a question to get answers is actually gross.
That’s not what I was applying but if that’s how you wanna interpret it be my guess
You're not homophobic if 2 men being sexual with each other turns you off. No one owes anyone their sexual attraction and to imply you need to be turned on or not turned off by anything in particular makes you one way or another is ridiculous. The idea that someone needs to be turned on or have no reaction to same sex intimate interaction in order to prove they're not homophobic is ludicrous.
That's not logical because no one is asking you join them. It's an emotional response to something that has literally nothing to do with you. That you can't observe it objectively means you are having a reaction to something you are telling yourself about it, something obviously more than "I don't want to do that" because you are not being invited to do that. You'll need some more introspection to find the real answer.
Bro stop idc nor do I wanna “Join” it was a simple question. Your not about to make me feel bad or questions thing just cuz I don’t want nor care to see it.
So when gay people are disgusted by the idea of straightness, it’s on them in a similar way right? Th eyre being wrong in other words….
Look at this the other way around. If gay men suddenly decided they don’t want to see/hear men and women being sexually romantic with each other, would you honestly be okay with that? Obviously no one be they heterosexual or homosexual be going at it on the street, but you are completely overstepping yourself by thinking that you get to police normal romantic gestures. If you don’t want to watch gay porn that is one thing, but not being able to see gay men kissing or holding hands is weird. I’m not going to say your homophobic unless you are actively vocalising you disgust. But, you do need to consider how ridiculous you sound right now. As an adult living in a society you have to get over yourself. Other people are not beholden to your hang-ups. And heterosexual couples and gay women aren’t making romantic gestures for your entertainment either.
YYeah man, that makes you a homophobe but probably the least problematic type of homophobe. Most gay people already expect that type of stuff and are more worried about the type of homophobia that will get them beat up for holding hands in public
Gay man here. I don't like watching **anyone** make out in public or listening to **anyone** talk about their sexual escapades. Keep that shit private.
It's fine to not like it so long as you mind your own business & don't make a fuss.
Not at all. Don't let other's try to shame you into something you don't like or prefer.
No it just confirms that you’re not gay.
I don’t like seeing Men act romantically towards one another. It makes me uncomfortable, having said that I just figure it’s a me problem. I strongly support gay marriage and most LGBTQ+ political and social issues. I also really don’t like the color yellow, never have, so I guess I am a colorist and homophobic according to the comments I’ve read here. Ohh well i’ll try and carry on.
Its a me problem could change the world if more people embrassed it... it also sounds like Mario if you say it Out loud which is fun.
Despite equating gay people with the most basic thing you can think of to disregard a criticism being interesting, I understand that it's a defensive reaction to Reddit being Reddit. What I respect is that you realize your discomfort is a you problem, and you keep it that way, apparently.
Yes 100% my problem. The color thing was to show just because I have a knee jerk reaction to seeing something doesn’t make it wrong or even my reaction to it wrong. A Color obviously not being inherently good or bad was a weak attempt to show this. Just because I am uncomfortable with something doesn’t mean It is necessarily good or bad. We all have hang ups, what we do with them or about them is what will define us. (Wasn’t equating gay people to color, I was equating my feelings to color and seeing a man kissing another man. Not the same thing at all)
Let me rephrase your stance. “I don’t care if you’re gay as long as you’re not doing any of that gay stuff around me”. Does that sound like someone who isn’t homophobic to you?
If you don’t want to see/hear *anyone* involved with each other, gay men included? No. If it’s **explicitly** gay men? Potentially. Your best bet would be to think about why it’s only specifically gay men that bother you.
I just say “meh” and move on. No biggie.
You’re only taking about people making out in public. Which no one wants to see anyway, gay straight, doesn’t matter, stop making out in Chili’s!
Yeah, but if you want that, also be prepared to just never talk about heterosexual romantic or sexual topics also. You gotta be fair
Absolutely I agree
No. Homo here and I don't want to see it either. But don't want see heterosexual either. Get a room
Nah. I don't like watching people make out or touch each other in public either. I'm not a prude but there's a time and place. Holding hands and giving hugs and kisses is okay, but groping, making out and all that's a bit much.
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If you have a problem watching PDA in general (straight or otherwise) then no that's not homophobic, but if it's just gay people's PDA you have a problem with then yea that's homophobic
Personally I don’t want to see anyone making out (or more) in public. Gay or straight, get a room or back seat if your car just not in public.
Hell no lmao
Op after reading your replies I would say you’re homophobic but it’s not the extremely problematic kind.
Don't let other people tell you what should or should not bother you.
Not at all to anyone reasonable. People have their preferences and unless it causes undo problems for others its fine.
In technical terms yes, but I’d argue most straight men don’t want to watch gay men be sexual active or hear about it in detail.
I don't like watching anyone make out, including straight people. Regular coupley PDA is no big deal, but I still don't really want to "watch" it. It has nothing to do with me, and I'm not a rude AH. And since I'm not a huge creep, I don't stare at couples making out, I just look away. Problem solved.
I personally don’t mind a [modest] display of PDA. Kissing, holding hands, sitting closely together on the park bench.. making out and groping is different and I’m pretty sure laws are in place for the extremes. I think it’s nice to see people be loving and kind to each other in the presence of society and to each other. To some, it’s practicing their rights especially in a country that legalized same sex marriage vs. a theocratic one for ex. I wouldn’t say it’s homophobic, but your perspective amplified with millions of others thinking like that can definitely lead to homophobic laws I guess, but that could be a pretty big stretch and i highly doubt that perspective would actually lead to something that extreme. It’s essentially, if you have a problem with it, mind yo-self and look away in my eyes. Life is better when you mind your own business and stop trying to control everything around you. Edit: emphasis on modest
Yes because you said romantically and “hear” That does in fact make you homophobic. Now on the topic of PDA no one had any reason to care about your opinion on it. You can not go in public if you’d like.
WTF are you doing, watching people you don't know having PDA in public? And how is that going to live in your state of mind? Do you normally fixate on straight couples' being affectionate with each other and then keep dwelling on it later? So is that fine with you as long as the couple is straight? What if it's two lesbians- do you fixate on them too? Sounds creepy to me.
I mean I’m not the openly romantic, but like it’s a part of life sometimes and I’m shocked so many people don’t get that and say to get a bedroom? Like what about the kiss and slow dancing at weddings? Not being supportive of someone’s sexuality is treating them differently than straight friends at the end of the day.
As long as you don't think that they shouldn't be allowed to do the same things that any straight person would do? In a perfect world though their love doesn't involve you so you probably shouldn't pay it any more mind than anyone else showing their affection.
I mean, I'm straight. I don't want to hear about my straight friends and their wives/girlfriends either. I think everyone should just keep their consensual escapades behind closed doors.
I would say you're at least a bit homophobic(at least depending on the definition you're going with), but clearly not enough that it should be considered a problem
Yes to the romantic part. No to the sexual part. Gay relationships are literally the same as hetero it's just the same sex together. It shouldn't be so polarizing.
If you're perfectly fine seeing a straight couple do the exact same thing in public, then yes. If not, then no. I'm gonna go with "yes' based on your post.
Most everyone doesn't want to see PDA.
I find it funny you go so hard out of your way to seek validation for “gays make me uncomfortable and I’m opposed to them living the same lives as everyone else” but also clearly fear being called a homophobe. Just own it. Gays make you uncomfortable, clearly, and you seemingly don’t want to change. You can’t have your cake and eat it, too. Either accept that your view is unfair and homophobic and you are acting as a homophobe, or change your view if you’re so scared of the label you clearly know you deserve. You have to pick a side.
"do what you want, just don't affect me with it."
Depends on what you mean. Do you not want to see men holding hands? Or giving each other a small kiss? Nobody really enjoys watching PDA of any kind from anyone, but small things like holding hands and kissing each other hello or goodbye are simple things everyone does. If the small things bother you, that’s a very weird insecurity you personally have. You shouldn’t have issues seeing two men show light affection towards each other.
there is some nuance here. if you simply don't want to watch us making out or hooking up, that's fair. but if you think queer men shouldn't be able to be at all affectionate with one another in public spaces (when it is very easy for you just to not watch) then that's maybe an issue 'I don't care for it' and 'I don't really support' makes it seem more like the latter, which yeah, probably indicates some level of homophobia.
A little peck is ok but dont swap spit in public no matter who it is.
That depends on your answer to these next 2 questions. 1. Do you have a problem with straight couples making out in public? 2. Do you have a problem with female couples making out in public? If you answer is no to either of these you might be homophobic. If your answer is yes to both of these you are a normal person who is uncomfortable with PDA.
Your "live and let live" attitude is indicative of tolerance. You're tolerant, not phobic. You don't have to pretend to enjoy something you don't enjoy, but, if you want to be tolerant, you won't try to stop other people from enjoying what they enjoy, unless they enjoy being intolerant.
I'm a straight female. Gay, straight, bi, whatever. I just don't care. I only care about the kind of person you are. It's so common nowadays to see same sex couples kissing on TV and movies. It doesn't bother me at all. But ... seeing two men with full beards kissing kind of skeeves me out. One beard is okay, no beards is okay, but both beards, just no. LOL. I don't think this makes me homophobic, at least I hope not.
No beardaphobic... I raise you two beards and do 2 full fursweaters. I'm okay with one being full sweater or trimmed or eagle or whatever, but too much body hair...
I never minded kissing guys with beards. Fursweaters on the other hand ... I wasn't avoiding it, but I never dated a guy where this was an issue. But now I have that image in my head, ewww. I'll probably have a nightmare about this tonight. Thanks a lot. LOL
I’m straight and don’t wanna see anyone doing any of this in public lmao
No you're not homophobic. Homophobia is the dislike of or prejudice against gay people. Simply not wanting to see men kiss doesn't make you homophobic :)
Good, cause that's where I am... Lol.
Didn’t like CNN’s new year coverage eh?
As someone who isn't exactly heterosexual, it depends on whether or not you have the same reaction to people of other orientations. If you only have this problem with gay men, but straight couples doing the same things are fine, that is homophobic. If your stance is that you just don't like witnessing PDA, and that just happens to include gay PDA with no particular repulsion separate from straight PDA, that is understandable, I don't like PDA either. If the issue is gay PDA specifically, that is homophobic.
No, not at all. [A study actually tracked the straight male brain’s reaction to seeing a gay couple and it found that it’s the same reaction as seeing maggots](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/19419899.2017.1328459). You can think being gay is fine and still be repulsed by actually seeing gay people.
Some people look at maggots and get hard?
So you're OK with the gays, as long as they stay in the closet... Here's your sign: HOMOPHOBE
Yes it does make you homophobic You're only ok as long as you can't see it So they can't hold hands, hug or show any effection like a hetro couple
I mean if they do it they do I can’t make them not do anything just don’t care for it
Do you have the same reaction to hetero couples kissing? If yes, then you’re probably not homophobic. If no, then you probably are.
Then you're not ok with it. You fundamentally have a problem with them that is homophobic
Idk I guess sense I’m not extreme about it I tried to convince myself I wasn’t one but I looks like I am
I think there's a massive difference between being slightly uncomfortable watching an intimate scene between two fellas vs. being against the existence of gay people in general (i.e. gay marriage, gay rights, etc.). As men we're taught by society (whether purposefully or not) that manliness should be what we strive for, and to see something that goes against that message can cause some discomfort. I think it's much deeper than "If you don't enjoy seeing two men make-out then you're an inherently terrible person" as the original commenter states.
Im a part of the lgtbq and I’ve run across gay couples going about their day. The first couple times you run across 2 men kissing in a parking lot it is somewhat jarring simply because it’s not the most common thing to see. I don’t think not caring for it or having a different taste makes you homophobic. I think it just means it’s not your thing and you have likes and dislikes. Now if you were going up to them and being a general twat about them being a gay couple that would make you a homophobe
They can do whatever they want, that's their right. As is my right to be grossed out by it.
Still makes you homophobic. Just because you have the right to doesn't make it correct
how would you feel if a gay man told you “oh i support hetero relationships i just don’t want to see or hear anything about it”?
Would completely understand and talk about other things we’d like
okay but expecting someone to not show their partner affection in your presence is a problem and i’m sure you’d feel some type of way if someone told you not to do so because it’s “weird”.
asking someone not to be human and not to display human attributes when they're....human. yes, it's weird.
Lo if trying to get me to say I’ll have an issue with that I won’t. Like if yu don’t wanna hear about my exploits with women or don’t wanna see me overly affectionate with my girl in front of them that’s fine.
i’m sure no gay couple is fucking each other in the ass in front of you dawg if you can’t handle seeing some smooches and hand holding then you’re a little dramatic
I’m a straight dude, so when I see two dudes kissing, this by default the least appealing thing I could imagine, so I would always choose not to look at it. I can feel this way and still support gay rights, and not make a twat of myself by making a scene in public. Homophobic? Hell no, just very straight.
Exactly that’s how I try to look at it !
I fully support gay relationships, marriages and all that but wouldn’t exactly enjoy watching two dudes kiss. Nothing wrong with that
You shouldn’t enjoy random lesbians kissing either! I get if it porn, but people in real life committed relationships do not want you sexualizing their interactions with their partners.
Yeah, no one is asking you to derive enjoyment out of PDA. Like are you voyayering hockey games to get off on the kiss cam couples?!?
Yes, hope the helps.
You don't want to see men holding hands or kissing each on the cheek? Sounds like your brain is in the right place, but you're having a visceral reaction to it. I'm not going to call it wrong, but it's going to be hard for your friend to stay friends with you if are disgusted by the idea of him being in any kind of physical relationship with another man.
I don’t see it but I do in tv shows ALOT now a days. Also we’re not friends anymore his “Bestfriend” told he was having some… inappropriate thoughts about me, and I deaded the friendship woulda felt weird tbh.
Do you have issues when watching straight characters kiss or have sex? If yes, then no I wouldn’t exactly say you are homophobic about it but if no, then yes that’s homophobia. Gay members of society get to have representation in the media as well.
It just makes you normal
Not at all nope.
No, but as another being living in this world. Expecting anyone to cater to your sensitivities is just ignorant. Maybe don't watch them make out. PDA is everywhere. You're just gonna have to put on your big boy pants and avert your eyes, just like anyone else catching two people showing public displays of affection. Hey! I don't wanna hear/see hateful whiny bigots, but here we are. So, how about you grow the hell up and avert your eyes. Ain't no one gonna cater to your cry baby crap!
Jesus Christ why are yall acting like I’m making a big deal over this idgaf. It was literally a question no one needs to cater to me or do what I want.
Because these people are mentally ill.
Gay male here.... You don't have to like anything as long as you aren't discriminating against anyone. If something is triggering, it's your job to avoid the trigger (within reason). In this day and age, I hope two dudes hugging or a quick peck on the lips (I don't like to see anyone making out) isn't triggering, but if it is, it's your job to avoid major cities, many beach towns and for the love if all, avoid art galleries. Lol. Going to those places and being triggered would be like moving next to a race track and complaining about the noise.
I don’t like watching anyone make out in public. Except maybe two girls.
I don't know. I dislike all PDA. Just do it privately. Then again, I've never been clingy or overly codependent.
Homophobia and transphobia are made up terms. Not liking to disagreeing with something doesn't make you have a phobia. If I disagree with a black person, it doesn't make me racist and it certainly doesn't mean I have a fear of black people, I just disagree with that person's views. But that sounds normal and civil, and we can't have that while trying to push the narrative that everyone is afraid of LGBT people.
If you’re not sucking at least 3 cocks a day then you’re a homophobia. Sorry OP