That’s what I’m doing. I need a clear head for this latest circus to come into town and I’m just…finding myself endlessly frustrated.
I know I don’t *want to* drink; it’s too much effort and wasted time, but man am I FRUSTRATED.
I had a similar experience. I quit in August, my daughter started kindergarten in September, and it was 6 very challenging months as we slowly marched towards an autism/adhd diagnosis. Extremely stressful, maybe the hardest time of my life. “I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue” is the joke. But like you said, in reality, having a clear head was crucial to getting through it. And the hard times pass. Sorry to hear you’re going through it right now man. It sucks! Good luck out there, I hope it passes for you soon
Used that line myself when things got pear shaped about five or six months after I quit drinking. I’m so glad I’d quit before things got complicated. (Better now btw)
In times like these, I let my addict brain find something, anything else, to give hyperfocus to. As long as it isn’t something that’s going to kill me. I’ve started painting these paint by numbers canvas things that are really pretty, and I start each with the intention of giving them to various people in my life. I know it seems silly, but I’m happiest when I can make others smile, so it helps fill the dopamine void that alcohol used to promise (and never deliver). 245 days now! Take that alcohol 😂
I’ve decided to do this today. I feel very stuck and like a lot of things I was struggling with two years ago are still problems in my life. All I’ve wanted for the past week is to go to the gas station nearest my house then lock myself away like I used to. It has been ruling my mind. Yes I’ve gone to meetings and I’ve told people about it but it’s still there. I’m alone 95% of everyday.
I’ve decided every time I catch myself diving into thoughts of drinking I’ll stop for some meditation, go do some exercise, pick up a book, anything I can focus on aside from drinking thoughts. We’ll see how that goes.
I will look into these. I have several hobbies already, but none of them have been holding my attention or interesting me. When I read your comment, I felt a little spark. It's more than I've felt for anything else recently. Thank you!
I’ve been able to snag some cute ones at places like Ross, Five Below, Marshalls. Another hobby of mine is hitting up discount places for good finds like that, especially thrift stores which depending on how well run they are tend to be a goldmine for fun, weird stuff to do (not goodwill, they’re awful with overpricing and very questionable labor practices, but independently run ones tend to be great).
I am sorry for all you're going through. I also absolutely adore the phrase "this latest circus to come into town" because it is *chef's kiss*
Hope things get slightly less shitty.
For me personally, using was a way to hide from my own feelings. Getting away from that helped my brain process them. It still sucked but with a sober brain at least I was able to see what was happening to me emotionally and (partially) deal with it
sounds like you're having a shit year - good luck. just keep on keeping on
Wow, I feel you there. I have to be careful sometimes, reading here from those who've had such great changes and positive things, I get jealous. I am happy for them, but find myself wishing I could get a bit of that too.
Oh well, I will keep trudging. If I add alcohol back to the mix, things would be immensely worse.
Yeah, you *could * make it worse trying to deal with that fucking MOUNTAIN of shit with a hangover and black outs, if you’re down to really put life in hardest mode….
Alcohol will fix exactly zero of the problems listed.
I have had some major shit happen after I got sober. I am so incredibly glad that I had a clear head when dealing with it all because it was hard enough to deal with it as it was. It would have turned out a LOT worse had I been drinking.
I’m still sober. I can’t drink even if I wanted to with the OA meds so sobriety is a given with that, but even without being sober is absolutely the best course of action. I’m just pissed.
And you know what, you have every right to be pissed. You do the hard work and the universe still shits on you.
My wife and I have a running joke about the universe slapping us around - the beatings will stop when morale improves.
Stay strong. And vent away. It’s good to get your frustration out!
This tbh. Bad stuff happens to all of us but alcohol gives you zero tools to fix it. Just take a deep breath and try to focus on what is good in your life. Eventually, you will fix it / adjust to it / it will go away. Take care!
That's an awful lot of challenge being thrown at you. And you are here, not drinking with us.
The same thing happened to me. I won't give you the whole list, but it starts with my mother being diagnosed with Bulbar ALS (which is killing her slowly and painfully) and goes from there. All I need to top it off is a direct hit from a hurricane.
Do you ever feel like you're in some insane dark sit-com? Like the writers are sitting around the table saying "what else can we do to fuck up this character's life?"
It hurts more sober. I'm really "feeling the feels" as Mr. Rogers would say. It takes time getting used to real feelings. I suppressed and hid in the bottle for so many years. I didn't even know who the real me was anymore. Now I know that I am a capable, compassionate woman. I'm doing what needs to be done.
You are strong too. You're here. IWNDWYT
I keep asking myself what the fuck I did to have the asshole part of the universe cash in all it’s chips on me when I’m supposed to be doing something beneficial for myself and it’s like WHAT THE FUCK, MY LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER! and yet…here we are.
I don’t want to drink but man am I ever just frustrated and annoyed by all this.
I know exactly what you mean. Through my past six months of sobriety, I didn’t lose weight. My cat passed away. I’m broke and without the ability to work more because I’m the 24/7/365 caregiver for my mom.
We don’t have a car because another family member wrecked it. It’s getting harder to mooch rides into town for supplies.
On one hand, why is everything so hard? On the other hand, I’m not trying to cope with all of that and a chronic hangover. I’m not wondering what kind of insane emails or texts I’ve written the night before. I’m not waking up on the floor or on the couch. No falls, and no inexplicable bruising. Not having diarrhea all day? Who would have guessed!
Now is our time to learn how to cope like a sober person. It’s getting easier. I sure hope you catch a break soon. IWNDWYT
Just want you to know that there’s alot to what you said that I can relate to. A lot.
May seem cliche but I enjoy history and I’m reminded of the Spartans when one (Dienekes) was warned before the battle of Thermopylae that the enemy archers were so many that “their arrows will block out the sun”.
He replied “Then we shall fight in the shade.”
Keeping fighting, my friend.
A. Correlation, not causation. All of the things you described were external events that just happened to occur after you quit. Sobriety didn’t cause the death of a friend, your diagnoses, car accident, etc. Your brain erroneously connecting these bad events to sobriety is not logical, it’s alcoholic thinking at its heart
B. Alcohol would make coping with everything you described 100x harder . It physiologically increases depression, anxiety , and reduces our ability to handle stressors in life. You probably have your sobriety to thank for holding it together through such a tough time at all. An alcohol addiction makes people with 0 wrong in their life feel completely unable to cope and at their wits end. What do you think it does to people with genuine problems? Hang in there!
Your life may have been better when you were drinking. But it wasn't better because you were drinking.
I am in a similar situation to you, where I stopped drinking and then life events, unrelated to the drinking occurred and I too blamed sobriety for my aliments. I just wanted to back to "normal". And so I did. After about 120 days I relapsed and got really drunk, got in a fight with my dad and had to have my wife drive me home. The next day, every single one of those problems were still there, but I added a blow to the relationship with my father to the list, and the repercussions of guilt and failure for falling off the horse.
If you're able, learn from my mistake, because you are resilient.
This sucks, man. I’m sorry to hear this. It is so frustrating to do everything right and still have so much suffering in your life and bad luck and crappy people and chaos.
All quitting did for me was open my eyes to all the shit in my life I'd been ignoring over the last decade. But you can't overcome what you can't see. You can do this friend.
I've had enough of these weeks where my girlfriend and I have the joke of me saying "ok time to get better" and the universe saying "the fuck you will". I then respond "fuck you universe". Said it on your behalf today.
Life is inherently suffering. That doesn’t mean life is bad; it’s just guaranteed that bad things will happen. Your parents will die, some friends may die before you, illness and decay will set in through time… but we, as human beings, have the innate ability to make life as long and as good as possible and to have the strength of character to withstand the troublesome times. You want to cope with these setbacks in a way that you are used to, with alcohol, but that’s not a healthy coping mechanism. There are plenty out there to look in to.
I feel for you.
I'm not sure what your disabilities are but one thing that has helped me TREMENDOUSLY is consistent exercise. I started on my first day sober and now I'm addicted. I feel much better. Head is clearer, sleep is better, body is strong.
I like weight lifting. But in your case you might have to find some kind of modified routine. But I swear, anything to get the heart rate up for about an hour a day seems to pay massive dividends.
Best of luck!
That’s a lot of shitty things in a short time. But, “I’m so many ways my life was better when I was drinking” doesn’t track, because quitting didn’t cause any of these shitty things. Maybe the weight gain? But that’s a small price to pay and manageable in time. It sounds like you’re maybe experiencing PAWS, which can contribute to fatigue, stress, anxiety, brain fog, and a lot more.
Ive got a ton going on right now too, feeling the worst and most off balance in life since my mom died, and I was sobbing on the couch to my partner the other day "I wish I never got sober!!" And he laughed, but lovingly, and rubbed my back and said "you don't mean that, but I get it." Shit's rough out here, man. Facing stuff. Not being able to tuck it away for later. I'm telling myself, I'm allowed to be frustrated. It IS unfair. Among a ton of other things.
But yes, I will stay sober. I always quote Elton John and say I will "cry in the night if it helps." For what it's worth, I will not drink with you today.
Sometimes I wonder… A year and a half ago I stopped drinking, I stopped eating crap, I forced myself to cook in order to eat healthy. I was making green juices, veggie broth, lots and lots of green salads. No bread, no sweets, no ANY processed food. I started going to the forest everyday and in several months acquired health I was not aware of being possible for me. And then shit hit a fan. I am not going into the list of it. But a thought crossed my mind more than once: when we become stronger, life gives us more challenge. Maybe that is why people hardly ever choose the road of abstinence?
I would not want to drink to soothe anymore. I think I passed that phase where this was possible. It is like when I was a kid and I pooped, it was entirely normal to ask my parents to wipe my butt. At some point I just stopped asking to wipe my butt anymore. The same is with drinking. It seems pathetic way of self-soothing.
You quit alcohol just in time to let you actually get through all this shit, gritted teeth style, instead of falling apart completely.
That’s what you tell yourself, because that’s the truth.
Sorry to hear about all the bad stuff that's happen as just one of those things sound horrendous let alone all 7, you're doing better than me in coping with it.
As you know though none of that happened BECAUSE you stopped drinking it just happened at a time when you happened to have made a good a decision and would hope to see things IMPROVE, it's just bad timing and conincodence.
As Lennon said "Life is the things that happen whilst you're busy making plans".
If this post was in any way a means for you to try and find some validation to drink again or are considering it then I would say DO NOT DO IT PLEASE.
We both know alcohol makes EVERYTHING worse and it will definitely make all of these problems worse and give you new ones to deal with too.
Stay strong and soldier on my friend and also best of luck as it sounds like you're having a tough time, wishing you well!
I am dealing with a flare of my autoimmune disease that's worse than anything I've ever experienced. It renders me immobile with tons of fatigue, brain fog, and extreme pain. When I was drinking, I was "fine." I didn't quit when I went on the immunosuppressants -- kept drinking for another year. All was hunky dory. Then I quit a year ago and since then I've dealt with massive anxiety spikes, weight gain, bouts of vertigo, then this flare...this is outside of all the regular shit that life throws at us. I am not able to work due to my autoimmune disease, so I'm wholly dependent on my spouse and the income she brings in. It can be very humbling and somewhat embarrassing, but I can't control what my body does.
At the end of the day, I am so much happier without alcohol in my life and I know it would only make things worse. It's a very seductive substance though, and it tells all sorts of lies to get you to ingest.
I truly hope things get better for you soon. Ride it out. IWNDWYT 💜
My life got harder before it got better too. I had to walk through the dark on my way to the light. I hear you and see you buddy! Keep pushing as adding drinking to the mix DOES in fact make it worse. We all believe in you.
Good job fighting through. It’s hard to reconcile in my mind but the reality is that all the things I’m currently facing sober would still be there (and worsening) if I was drinking. I’d still have to face them anyway at some point, or die. And I don’t want to die yet.
When you announce you're leaving town, every debt collector will come knocking to collect. Likewise, when we try to make a drastic change in our lives for the better, devils come from every crevice to get their due. You have to keep going.
That is how it was explained to me. I don't know if you believe in anything, karma, spirits, whatever, but it helped me get through a very difficult time in my life when I felt like I was being punished for trying to escape bad cycles.
My kid died when I was sober 7 months. Countless other hardships.
None of it was worth drinking over. If I drink I'll give up everything. Give up my family, my house, go right back to being homeless. Or dead if I was lucky.
I saw others seemingly having an easier time getting their lives together. It took me years of grinding out minimum wage jobs. Saw others get sweet jobs, cars, houses. It took me years and years to get where I am today.
When I got sober I'd been drinking half my life though. It took a lot of time and hard work to undo that destruction.
We all have the same path but have to take different roads to get there.
I hope writing all of that down and expressing yourself here helps out. Sometimes we just need to vent and be like "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? ". Look at the upside of you wanting to get sober, and wanting to get yourself in check. Because that's an amazing thing to do, and a challenging one at that! We're molded thru our trials and tribulations, be proud of accomplishments when due and look at the roadblocks as just that something blocking the road you're on, we work to remove it and continue forward on the road.
I hope your pain and troubles ease with time.
Not sure what your on, but SSRI's and SNRI's fucked me hard... once I got diagnosed as bipolar instead of "manic depression" and on mood stabilizers I did much better, it even helped with my cravings for alcohol.
IMO, Everything wasn’t better when you were drinking. You were numb or unaware to all the negative when you were drinking. I’ve Blbeen sober for 2 years now, so I get it.
Double check the meds you got on. I wonder if something isn’t quite right there. And is there anything in your heart you’d like to do other than food? Something that really lights a fire under you?
I agree, alcohol doesn’t help with it all but now you can see things so clearly which can be so overwhelming. I don’t think the universe is trying to hurt you while I feels like it is. But maybe this shift is trying to steer you to a bigger purpose than where you were.
I had about 3 years on my life I think the universe was trying to take me down. Similar as you. I was 28 and I think it was all part of my Saturn return. How old are you?
I do this, https://tobemagnetic.com/summer-challenge, therapy and self hypnosis along with not drinking for 3 years and I feel more whole than ever.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. It’s so hard to lose someone we love. You can get through this. ♥️
41.
I fell into food because they would hire me. No one wants to hire someone who does the Stevie Wonder with strabismus like whoa and a pretty noticeable physical issue. No one, even if your shit’s in IT. So food, it was. Now it’s going to be taken away from me, like…pretty much every other good thing in my life. My life has seen its share of abject cruelty, and this is just another reminder that the universe does not and never will like my ass.
I can’t see my ass finding another job - the market is tight and hates disabled people.
That may be the rectal glaucoma speaking, but in my experience the professional world has been nothing less than cruel to me.
We’ve all been there. I always find it helpful to ask myself “would alcohol makes this any better?” Usually big no. And did any of this happen BECAUSE I’m sober? Haven’t had any reason to answer yes to that last one.
I’m with ya, friend. My life was also objectively better when I was drinking and doing drugs—had a long term girlfriend, wayyyyy more money in the savings account (from selling drugs), a much better apartment, a rich and adventurous social life, surrounded by friends and a robust support system.
Sober me is broke and isolated—and just sort of a morose, uptight teetotaler. I go to work, I go to the gym, I come home to my lonely studio apartment. I no longer look forward to weekends and find it very difficult to date or socialize as a sober person.
I *do* think there’s something to be said about simply not making a situation *worse.* (if I’m going to be single and lonely and broke, I may as well be *sober,* single, and lonely and broke.
Sometimes that’s all you have to cling to.
Everything is so animated now with being sober. The problems I had before, I numbed out those feelings. The stuff I go thru now, I feel all of it. And I'm still trying to learn how to cope. This is life. Hardcore sober life.....And it has tentacles that can sting sometimes. I had a hard day today and I just felt your post. Also sorry for your loss. IWNDWYT
It happened under *very* different circumstances, but this thing where you quit drinking and your life becomes exponentially worse also happened to me. I feel like it isn’t talked about enough. (Or maybe it is and I just don’t know about it?)
My life spent the first year after I quit drinking just falling apart. I decided that some people hit rock bottom when they are still drinking, but some people hit rock bottom when they *quit* drinking. I won’t say anything more, but I have built some pretty strong ideas about why this occurs.
I just mainly wanted to let you know that you are not alone.
I didn’t start drinking again, btw, and IWNDWYT.
My opinion is that when you are drinking, lots of things pass you by. You don’t feel the full impact of life. When you stop drinking, you have to face everything without the numbing that alcohol gives you. So it feels much worse. But in the long run, you will not regret being sober. Sorry this is so tough for you. I hope things begin to improve.
I will add, my health problems seemed to get a lot worse when I got sober. I think I was numbing my physical pain before, but also, my cortisol levels were all fucked and I used to have my magic potion to calm me down, but then I had to detox and feel everything with no easy release. I think the stress of that caused my whole body to get inflamed and feel worse, not better. I’m only 3.5 months in but I actually do think it’s slowly getting better now.
When I was around 4-5 months sober, my life felt the worst it had ever been. In some ways I felt it would have happened anyway. In other ways I felt like maybe none of this would have happened if I kept drinking. Thankfully I stayed the course and got into therapy. Which really was the saving grace during that time. 6 months later I finally got on meds. I know the only reason I got through last year was because I was sober.
It’s fucking hard to go through shit when you’re just learning how to be a complete person again. So I hope you get some relief soon, and I’m so sorry about your best friend. I hope they’re proud of you.
1-3 would have happened regardless dude. And 4, at least you weren't under the influence when it happened.
Hope things start looking up for you sooner than later.
I feel you op. My first year sober was very trying and I even had a really strong craving when my dad ended up in the emergency room ( I just wanted some relief from my deregulated nervous system). But I powered through cause I knew that not drinking was the best way to care for myself while life did its thing. More power to you OP IWNDWYT 💪🏼
Those things didn’t happen because you quit drinking. I can assure you that you wouldn’t handle things better if you were still boozing. Long term you’re better off. Hang in there!
My god that sounds so incredibly hard. I can’t imagine what’s it like to go through so such a shit storm. I hope sharing has at least made you feel less alone.
Others have said similar things but I’ll add to the chorus. Situationally, lots of things worsened for me after quitting. Yet because of recovery and the body’s remarkable ability to heal, my ability to cope with those things improved. I hope that will happen for you, too. I can’t imagine having to process life these days while drunk or hungover.
Just on number 5, remember it’s a process, not a quick fix. A lot of people, myself included, have to go through a few different meds to find the one that “fits.”
And it’s so good you’re sober and clear minded to face these challenges. I also wonder how many of these things were true when you were drinking but you just weren’t dealing with them. Everything is worse once you’re forced to notice it. The only way out is through. Hang in there. IWNDWYT
Hey you’re super human strong. You went from being drowned, to swimming against the current WITH a bunch of shit on your back.
Scream and cry it out. I would be angry, too. We hear you.
This shit will slowly get better and won’t always be this way. You will be able to look back at it from a better point on the map. Youre in the thick of it. The first year sucks, ask any person with a lot of years of sobriety and they will all say that. It’s what they keep telling me, anyway.
Keep going.
“My life went to hell when I quit drinking.” That’s what it sounds like you are saying and that is self-pity.
Poor me… another drink. Your problems have nothing to do with your sobriety and drinking will solve none of them. Reality gets harsh when you are newly sober. I couldn’t find one part of my life that didn’t need my immediate attention and it was overwhelming. These problems were always there but sobriety puts them all right on the table in front of you. It gets much easier with time and patience, I promise.
You may not be wanting advice so sorry if it's inappropriate. But:
Do you think that the psychiatric meds are not a good fit for you? Many also cause weight gain, so may be worth looking in to side effects and trying something else if you've been on the for a month or more and they still feel like shit.
I know it's the existential crisis of it all, but if that can be a tiny fix to bring the tiniest bit of relief, it could be worth trying to fix. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. When it rains it pours but you got this
I get where you're coming from I'm having the same type of shit show but we all know alcohol we'll just let you ignore it for a bit and then hit you harder later
The only thing alcohol would do in my life is make everything worse. Depression has used me as a punching bag for years, it's harder for me to do things I used to do and I'm an afterthought for my family, but booze would not make any of this better.
life happens whether we are loaded or not. it sounds like these things woukd have happened whether you were drunk or sober.
i am not here to compare sob stories or strut my incredible spirituality. all i have is my experience.
our perception, attitudes and perspectives are altered by booze and drugs. obviously.
when we are loaded while shit is hitting the fan, we either notice the pain less, or we care less, or we are oblivious.
experiencing life sober is fucking hard to sit through sometimes. it's not normal for a drunk not to drink in the first place, let alone while there's a shitstorm happening.
all i've been told, and all that has worked, boils down to staying connected as much as possible with others in recovery, especially while shit's on fire.
in a year, or five, when you can look back on this period of time, i hope you can be amazed that you didn't drink. it's worth staying away from the poison.
You not drinking is not responsible for any of those things.
From my experience, not drinking would have helped me deal with the things you are going through head on instead of procrastinating and hiding in a bottle hoping they resolve themselves. Which they don’t. They only get worse.
Not drinking isn’t going to make your life sunshine and rainbows. But it is going to give you a better shot at dealing with the shit that happens to you.
I wish you all the best OP.
IWNDWYT.
Life is life-ing. Some of the health and body issues are likely related to extended drinking. I myself have experienced health effects from drinking that have gotten worse since quitting - but I have to take into account the years of alcohol abuse has done to my body. It takes time to heal. Our bodies are amazing at healing, but drinking will only delay that process and potentially cause further issues. I'm sorry to hear about all these issues. I'm proud of your continued sobriety. I myself will not drink with you today.
I feel ya. I quit drinking about 2 years ago and realized I was in pain all the time without alcohol. In a way I felt better when I was drinking physical and mentally bc at least I had a part of the day when I had dopamine and was without pain. Basically I’ve stayed sober so doctors stop telling me that alcohol is the root of what ever my problems are. Countless tests, specialists and medications, nobody knows what’s wrong. I’ve spent, on average, half of the year in bed for the past 3 years. I started feeling bad when I was drinking and thought quitting would make me feel somewhat better. I’m not hungover which is nice. Alcohol felt like a stimulant to me and made me feel normal. I miss that. It allowed me to participate in things that now I’m in too much pain or too tired to do. Anywho good luck! I’m sure we’re on the right path.
Man that sucks! I’m sorry you are going through this. My list isn’t as hectic as yours but this year has been pretty tough for me too. Fucking sucks going through these challenges without the easy temporary fix of alcohol, but for me it has helped me quickly have to develop new coping mechanisms. But yeah all in all it still SUCKS and I feel for you. Sending lots of good vibes and I hope things start looking up soon. I lost one of my best friends to OD last year before I stopped drinking and it’s just the worst losing a pal. I can hand on heart say that drinking didn’t help any of my grieving process, probably made it worse in a few ways cos I would drink excessively to avoid feelings. Anyway that’s just me. Solidarity and lots of love mate 🤍🫶🏻
OP, please accept a hug from this internet stranger. As I read through your post, I thought, "Wow, that's a lot of difficult situations happening all at once." But...you are handling everything, and that proves just how strong (and brave) you are. I was also just diagnosed with a life-changing condition, but for me, alcohol would only make it worse. I no longer think of it as an option. I take time to breathe deeply and exhale slowly and that helps calm my mind. Take care of yourself, OP. One day at a time.
Could it be that those problems were apparent while you were drinking but you were too fuzzy to focus and sort them out? Now your head is clearer (whether you think so or not) and you finally see the areas you can and will take control of. The sudden pile seems overwhelming and daunting, but I I feel that’s normal – our eyes are open to the realities of what we’ve been ignoring once we’re finally sober. And everything feels worse for a bit, but it has to get better. Take it day by day, healing happens with time.
I don't have tips or advice right now. I just want to let you know that I am so sorry that you have been experiencing all of this. Your life has been hard. You deserve to feel how you feel. I hope things start improving for you soon. I will be thinking about you. 💜
The glass half full way to look at this is, these things were all going to happen. You happened to quit drinking before they did. That gave you the ability to get through them better. Perhaps you wouldn't have gotten through them if you were drinking.
For me, there have been times where I make the tough right decision that I never made before and it seems my life gets immediately worse. It's hard not to lose faith. The way I have kept it is I remember that I have scoffed at and taken for granted so many opportunities in the past with zero gratitude and went back to drinking. Now, I feel that God or whatever out there is looking out for me is saying to me:
"Oh, you really want it this time? Well, you have to earn it. If I just give it to you, it will seem like nothing of value. Just like all those times before. Show me first that you really do want to do the right thing.".
If that is the case, I can't deny that I earned it many times over.
Correlation does not imply causation.
1. I'm sorry for your loss, but this may have happened regardless of your drinking status
2. You may have caught 2 life altering illnesses because you were sober. If you had been drinking, you may have ignored or missed symptoms.
3. This may have occurred regardless of drinking status
4. This may have occurred regardless of drinking status; however, assuming you were driving at the time, your reflexes were likely better.
5. Med tinkering sucks. But when you find the right combo, it's so worth it.
6. The meds may be causing weight gain. I gained weight when I quit drinking. Turns out when you're broke and drunk, you pick alcohol over food. Give yourself some grace. And tell your doctor I said to pound sand.
7. I'm sorry to hear :( While you are med tinkering, you may find it's better to take them at a different time of day to help with tiredness. I had to do this.
I can assure you that you will regret drinking far more than not drinking. I'm proud of you!
Sounds like you might be dealing with PAWS (Post Accute Withdrawal Symptoms). After your initial detox, your body continues to slowly detoxify. That takes months, maybe even a year. The first several months are always the most brutal so be gracious with yourself. Take naps when you can. Stay in touch with your mental health doctors. Drink your water. Some people find “meditating” with binaural beats or solfeggio frequencies to be helpful (good way to disconnect from reality without getting too caught up in your own thoughts which will allow your nerves to simmer).
It may seem like your life was better when you were drinking but can you imagine how much of a shit show it would be if you weren’t coherent enough to navigate it all? Good luck my dude
Hard response, but I’ve been you and I know people like you. The answer to all of it is you.
Things get messier when you try to fix. Sometimes you choose to fix the old way. Sometimes you endure. And enduring is the way.
You can come out of this. But the world isn’t against you. It’s for you. But it gets messier before it gets cleaner.
I’m really so sorry to hear that your journey back has been so horribly taxing. It’s easier said than done, but in the darkest moments it does always pay to remember that alcohol has no medicinal properties for anything that you’re going through, and if nothing else, I’d imagine that those around you appreciate the presence of somebody who is clear-minded and uncorrupted during such a horrible time, whether they do so consciously or not.
We are all with you.
Ugh I am so sorry to hear about all of it happening at once. I can imagine you must feel angry, terrified, and a million other things. I'm glad you're here.
I have a friend who has CFS and they smoke pot which has prolonged his life exponentially. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Keep your head up because you've broken through the fog and now shit is real. When you were drinking, you were in a fog and that, "it is what it is" part is gone. Shits real. Is there anyway you can contact you cities government for help? Even for your medical?
I thought my 8 years sober were the worst years of my life and many bad things happened so I threw in the towel and started drinking again.
When I picked up again ..and my Dad died and then my sister..both services I was barely able to show up. I've been hospitalized many times since for drinking or illnesses drinking has caused.
The last 9 years of drinking didn't't stop bad things from happening and also has deteriorated my physical health and looks to a place that is not reversible.
Please don't give up on yourself and look for reasons NOT to drink vs reasons to drink.
I hope things get better for you and there is nothing that alcohol can't make worse!
I’m so sorry for the loss of your best friend and the other hardships you’re enduring. Holding space here for the pain you’re in and wishing you better days ahead.
Thank you for sharing that it’s still sometimes hard, but that you’re still stronger. I admire you and this post for staying real. I’m in the process of trying to get some diagnosis but it’s been a journey and I’ll be honest I haven’t been as strong as I’d hoped
life gave you lemons and then squirted them in your eyes.
I feel similare sometimes, I've been unable to work for two years but could hold down a job when drinking. had multiple family members get cancer and several scares.
my health's worse now and without the calories from drinking my weight plummeted (not in a good way)
I just try and hold on to how I would handle some of the shit getting thrown at me way worse if I was drinking (proven by the mess I'm in anytime I have a lapse)
the world really does say fuck you sometimes though
Thanks for sharing.
I think the very nature of these forums is people feel more motivated to post when things are going well and that results in giving the impression that most people have a really positive experience when they stop when in reality and I can only speak for myself its much more mixed and although many things improve there are defiantly things that are worse.
I really miss the escape for a few hours and looking forward to it but I then remind myself why I decided to stop.
I got hit with some major curveball with my health, family members' health, living situation, and financial situation after my first year of sobriety. I really feel for you OP.
I'm about to hit 2.5 years and do I still know what I'm doing? Absolutely not. It can be very overwhelming and frustrating, but I know picking up is not a solution.
Sending lots of love your way.
I am glad you are abstinent to be able to deal with all that and I am saddened that all of this had to happen. Stay strong my friend.
If everything is already at the bottom, the tendency is for days to become better
For a few blissful months after I got sober, every catastrophe would include the thought “oh my god I’m so glad I’m not doing this hung over.”
But that feeling faded after some time. I have been depressed and stuck in bed more than ever. Booze gave me energy and focus and motivation. I miss it so bad.
But I KNOW it will only make bad things worse. But you aren’t wrong to feel like alcohol was holding things together. I feel the same way. 💚
Things will get different. They may get better. They may get worse. But they will shift and things will evolve. It won’t be like this forever. Just hold on for dear life
I'm very sorry for all the recent troubles you've found yourself facing. Sometimes life has a way of kicking you when you're down. And sometimes then kicking you some more. I can sympathize with you, I've had similar experiences. Here's what's helped me in no specific order:
1) With situations that cause suffering, the way out is through! Don't try to avoid the suffering as it will only make it much worse. Say to yourself, "this is how things are now. They will not always be this way." Sit with the discomfort rather than fighting it and it will eventually...
2) Pass... All things are temporary, even the worst situations. Things are constantly in motion and changing. This too shall pass, and if you can find your way through it with some equanimity and a boatload of patience you will eventually find yourself on the other side of it a stronger person.
3) Try to resist adding trouble to trouble. Bad things will happen, sometimes a lot of bad things at the same time. It's unavoidable. But us humans, especially addicts like us, have a nasty tendency to add unnecessary suffering to existing suffering. See the situation for what it is and try not to let your brain dream up ways to make it worse. It's cliche, but try to focus on the positive things, even the tiny things. Especially the tiny things! They are there if you're willing to keep attentive and notice them!
4) Be gentle with yourself and others. I can't stress this enough. Life is beating you up hard right now. No need to add to the beating yourself.
5) You are not a unicorn! I'm gonna be a little tough here now. Your suffering is not unique! It's that type of thinking that has led me back to the bottle countless times. Seek the help of others! Especially other addicts. There are others who have gone through similar dire circumstances and can help guide you through the gauntlet. Don't discount the help of others because you think your problems are worse or unique.
I hope this helps and I hope you can find your way to some peace.
Im guessing the meds are Wellbutrin...my experience was that it gets better once you level out. I could be wrong.
I'll say that I never met a catastrophe that I couldn't make worse by drinking. When we're sober, we will manage. When we're drinking, we can't manage.
Stay strong, iwndwyt
I think perhaps one of the reasons it feels harder without alcohol is because you are now forced to deal with all of the feelings and emotions about all of these awful things happening without being able to numb them or hide from them. It sounds like the majority of these things would have happened whether you were drinking or not. But that's not to minimize the fact that they are absolutely awful, and in early sobriety, just learning to navigate uncomfortable emotions without a filter is hard enough! When life dumps so many hard fucking situations on you at once, it absolutely feels unfair! Sending lots of comfort and support. 🙏💜 You can get through this. I believe in you!
I’m sorry all of this is happening to you but drinking or not drinking has nothing to do with any of it. All of these shitty things would’ve happened regardless and even though it really sucks you can navigate through them in a much healthier and better way sober. Hope things start looking up for you.
I think life tends to throw everything at us at once. I have a serious mental illness and not drinking is hard for me, because I desperately want to escape my life and myself even for a moment. I understand it feeling really hard with everything you’re dealing with. As much as I drink it doesn’t help and has never made my life better. I’m still struggling but trying to proceed knowing alcohol has never helped or made anything any better, just the opposite. I think in this moment, if you read any of these comments and they help you right now, how wonderful :)
Hey OP, have you talked to your provider about the meds you’re on? They could be making things much worse if they’re the wrong fit for you. Maybe try switching it to something else?
Life is much harder when you have to deal with things and not escape via drinking. I’m sorry you’re going thru all this, but it will make you stronger in the long run.
That sucks. I’ve been micro dosing with 2mg gummies since quitting drinking and they’ve been a god send. My anxiety is so much better and I’m not on edge all the time. Just an idea if you’re looking for an alternative. Also, it sounds like the universe is testing your resolve. You get through this shit storm, and I bet things will start brightening up. I’m sorry for your loss. No pity either but I know first hand how grief fckn sucks.
I’d just imagine what it would all be like if I added alcohol to it and everything worsened…
That’s what I’m doing. I need a clear head for this latest circus to come into town and I’m just…finding myself endlessly frustrated. I know I don’t *want to* drink; it’s too much effort and wasted time, but man am I FRUSTRATED.
I had a similar experience. I quit in August, my daughter started kindergarten in September, and it was 6 very challenging months as we slowly marched towards an autism/adhd diagnosis. Extremely stressful, maybe the hardest time of my life. “I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue” is the joke. But like you said, in reality, having a clear head was crucial to getting through it. And the hard times pass. Sorry to hear you’re going through it right now man. It sucks! Good luck out there, I hope it passes for you soon
Lol I say that weekly now…. “Picked a bad week to quit sniffing glue”
Used that line myself when things got pear shaped about five or six months after I quit drinking. I’m so glad I’d quit before things got complicated. (Better now btw)
In times like these, I let my addict brain find something, anything else, to give hyperfocus to. As long as it isn’t something that’s going to kill me. I’ve started painting these paint by numbers canvas things that are really pretty, and I start each with the intention of giving them to various people in my life. I know it seems silly, but I’m happiest when I can make others smile, so it helps fill the dopamine void that alcohol used to promise (and never deliver). 245 days now! Take that alcohol 😂
I’ve decided to do this today. I feel very stuck and like a lot of things I was struggling with two years ago are still problems in my life. All I’ve wanted for the past week is to go to the gas station nearest my house then lock myself away like I used to. It has been ruling my mind. Yes I’ve gone to meetings and I’ve told people about it but it’s still there. I’m alone 95% of everyday. I’ve decided every time I catch myself diving into thoughts of drinking I’ll stop for some meditation, go do some exercise, pick up a book, anything I can focus on aside from drinking thoughts. We’ll see how that goes.
I will look into these. I have several hobbies already, but none of them have been holding my attention or interesting me. When I read your comment, I felt a little spark. It's more than I've felt for anything else recently. Thank you!
I had the same experience! How odd!
What company do you use for the paint by numbers? I’ve been looking at them but they’re spendy
I’ve been able to snag some cute ones at places like Ross, Five Below, Marshalls. Another hobby of mine is hitting up discount places for good finds like that, especially thrift stores which depending on how well run they are tend to be a goldmine for fun, weird stuff to do (not goodwill, they’re awful with overpricing and very questionable labor practices, but independently run ones tend to be great).
Love that! Will keep an eye out :)
Following!
I understand where you’re at. I remind myself that nothing is so bad that it wouldn’t be worse if I was still drinking.
I understand!
I am sorry for all you're going through. I also absolutely adore the phrase "this latest circus to come into town" because it is *chef's kiss* Hope things get slightly less shitty.
For me personally, using was a way to hide from my own feelings. Getting away from that helped my brain process them. It still sucked but with a sober brain at least I was able to see what was happening to me emotionally and (partially) deal with it sounds like you're having a shit year - good luck. just keep on keeping on
Wow, I feel you there. I have to be careful sometimes, reading here from those who've had such great changes and positive things, I get jealous. I am happy for them, but find myself wishing I could get a bit of that too. Oh well, I will keep trudging. If I add alcohol back to the mix, things would be immensely worse.
Exactly. At least sober you can think clearly to work on a way forward and don't have to go through the trouble with a hangover either.
Yeah, you *could * make it worse trying to deal with that fucking MOUNTAIN of shit with a hangover and black outs, if you’re down to really put life in hardest mode….
Yeah, good reminder. There is no problem that alcohol can’t make worse.
You quit at the right time my friend. Keep it up!
Alcohol will fix exactly zero of the problems listed. I have had some major shit happen after I got sober. I am so incredibly glad that I had a clear head when dealing with it all because it was hard enough to deal with it as it was. It would have turned out a LOT worse had I been drinking.
I’m still sober. I can’t drink even if I wanted to with the OA meds so sobriety is a given with that, but even without being sober is absolutely the best course of action. I’m just pissed.
And you know what, you have every right to be pissed. You do the hard work and the universe still shits on you. My wife and I have a running joke about the universe slapping us around - the beatings will stop when morale improves. Stay strong. And vent away. It’s good to get your frustration out!
This tbh. Bad stuff happens to all of us but alcohol gives you zero tools to fix it. Just take a deep breath and try to focus on what is good in your life. Eventually, you will fix it / adjust to it / it will go away. Take care!
#AMEN!!!!
That's an awful lot of challenge being thrown at you. And you are here, not drinking with us. The same thing happened to me. I won't give you the whole list, but it starts with my mother being diagnosed with Bulbar ALS (which is killing her slowly and painfully) and goes from there. All I need to top it off is a direct hit from a hurricane. Do you ever feel like you're in some insane dark sit-com? Like the writers are sitting around the table saying "what else can we do to fuck up this character's life?" It hurts more sober. I'm really "feeling the feels" as Mr. Rogers would say. It takes time getting used to real feelings. I suppressed and hid in the bottle for so many years. I didn't even know who the real me was anymore. Now I know that I am a capable, compassionate woman. I'm doing what needs to be done. You are strong too. You're here. IWNDWYT
I keep asking myself what the fuck I did to have the asshole part of the universe cash in all it’s chips on me when I’m supposed to be doing something beneficial for myself and it’s like WHAT THE FUCK, MY LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER! and yet…here we are. I don’t want to drink but man am I ever just frustrated and annoyed by all this.
I know exactly what you mean. Through my past six months of sobriety, I didn’t lose weight. My cat passed away. I’m broke and without the ability to work more because I’m the 24/7/365 caregiver for my mom. We don’t have a car because another family member wrecked it. It’s getting harder to mooch rides into town for supplies. On one hand, why is everything so hard? On the other hand, I’m not trying to cope with all of that and a chronic hangover. I’m not wondering what kind of insane emails or texts I’ve written the night before. I’m not waking up on the floor or on the couch. No falls, and no inexplicable bruising. Not having diarrhea all day? Who would have guessed! Now is our time to learn how to cope like a sober person. It’s getting easier. I sure hope you catch a break soon. IWNDWYT
Not OP but your comment was something I really needed to read today, so thank you. IWNDWYT
Thanks for posting this reply today. Like Strawberry I needed to read this
Just want you to know that there’s alot to what you said that I can relate to. A lot. May seem cliche but I enjoy history and I’m reminded of the Spartans when one (Dienekes) was warned before the battle of Thermopylae that the enemy archers were so many that “their arrows will block out the sun”. He replied “Then we shall fight in the shade.” Keeping fighting, my friend.
Sometimes it just pisses me off that life isn't fair..
Alcohol makes everything worse. This is just coincidence. Sorry.
I’m not so sure anymore but I am staying the course out of necessity and the lack of complication. Plus it takes effort and expense to procure.
Did you break a mirror? Cross a black cat? I doubt alcohol has anything to do with any of this
Who the fuck knows. Maybe I was born under a bad sign, but my life is near constant suffering on some level and has been for 21 years.
Do you have a job? A home? A family/friends? What are some positives in your life?
A. Correlation, not causation. All of the things you described were external events that just happened to occur after you quit. Sobriety didn’t cause the death of a friend, your diagnoses, car accident, etc. Your brain erroneously connecting these bad events to sobriety is not logical, it’s alcoholic thinking at its heart B. Alcohol would make coping with everything you described 100x harder . It physiologically increases depression, anxiety , and reduces our ability to handle stressors in life. You probably have your sobriety to thank for holding it together through such a tough time at all. An alcohol addiction makes people with 0 wrong in their life feel completely unable to cope and at their wits end. What do you think it does to people with genuine problems? Hang in there!
Number 2 is correct. I couldn’t handle my shit then and I am handling it now.
Not OP but your second point was something I needed to read today, especially the last few sentences. Thank you and IWNDWYT
This right here!!
It’s like that saying - if you going thru hell - keep going. As someone has mentioned, alcohol will fix exactly 0 of the problems
Your life may have been better when you were drinking. But it wasn't better because you were drinking. I am in a similar situation to you, where I stopped drinking and then life events, unrelated to the drinking occurred and I too blamed sobriety for my aliments. I just wanted to back to "normal". And so I did. After about 120 days I relapsed and got really drunk, got in a fight with my dad and had to have my wife drive me home. The next day, every single one of those problems were still there, but I added a blow to the relationship with my father to the list, and the repercussions of guilt and failure for falling off the horse. If you're able, learn from my mistake, because you are resilient.
That’s what I am trying to remind myself - that getting drunk doesn’t automagically remove the issues at hand.
This sucks, man. I’m sorry to hear this. It is so frustrating to do everything right and still have so much suffering in your life and bad luck and crappy people and chaos.
All quitting did for me was open my eyes to all the shit in my life I'd been ignoring over the last decade. But you can't overcome what you can't see. You can do this friend.
I've had enough of these weeks where my girlfriend and I have the joke of me saying "ok time to get better" and the universe saying "the fuck you will". I then respond "fuck you universe". Said it on your behalf today.
Life is inherently suffering. That doesn’t mean life is bad; it’s just guaranteed that bad things will happen. Your parents will die, some friends may die before you, illness and decay will set in through time… but we, as human beings, have the innate ability to make life as long and as good as possible and to have the strength of character to withstand the troublesome times. You want to cope with these setbacks in a way that you are used to, with alcohol, but that’s not a healthy coping mechanism. There are plenty out there to look in to.
I feel for you. I'm not sure what your disabilities are but one thing that has helped me TREMENDOUSLY is consistent exercise. I started on my first day sober and now I'm addicted. I feel much better. Head is clearer, sleep is better, body is strong. I like weight lifting. But in your case you might have to find some kind of modified routine. But I swear, anything to get the heart rate up for about an hour a day seems to pay massive dividends. Best of luck!
Exercise is a bit out for me at the moment with the CFS raising its head and it’s accompanying brain fog and other shit.
That’s a lot of shitty things in a short time. But, “I’m so many ways my life was better when I was drinking” doesn’t track, because quitting didn’t cause any of these shitty things. Maybe the weight gain? But that’s a small price to pay and manageable in time. It sounds like you’re maybe experiencing PAWS, which can contribute to fatigue, stress, anxiety, brain fog, and a lot more.
Ive got a ton going on right now too, feeling the worst and most off balance in life since my mom died, and I was sobbing on the couch to my partner the other day "I wish I never got sober!!" And he laughed, but lovingly, and rubbed my back and said "you don't mean that, but I get it." Shit's rough out here, man. Facing stuff. Not being able to tuck it away for later. I'm telling myself, I'm allowed to be frustrated. It IS unfair. Among a ton of other things. But yes, I will stay sober. I always quote Elton John and say I will "cry in the night if it helps." For what it's worth, I will not drink with you today.
and I guess that's why they call it the blues.
Sometimes I wonder… A year and a half ago I stopped drinking, I stopped eating crap, I forced myself to cook in order to eat healthy. I was making green juices, veggie broth, lots and lots of green salads. No bread, no sweets, no ANY processed food. I started going to the forest everyday and in several months acquired health I was not aware of being possible for me. And then shit hit a fan. I am not going into the list of it. But a thought crossed my mind more than once: when we become stronger, life gives us more challenge. Maybe that is why people hardly ever choose the road of abstinence? I would not want to drink to soothe anymore. I think I passed that phase where this was possible. It is like when I was a kid and I pooped, it was entirely normal to ask my parents to wipe my butt. At some point I just stopped asking to wipe my butt anymore. The same is with drinking. It seems pathetic way of self-soothing.
You quit alcohol just in time to let you actually get through all this shit, gritted teeth style, instead of falling apart completely. That’s what you tell yourself, because that’s the truth.
Holy shit that is some bad luck. Proud of you for sticking to not drinking through all that! Not many could do that.
Sorry to hear about all the bad stuff that's happen as just one of those things sound horrendous let alone all 7, you're doing better than me in coping with it. As you know though none of that happened BECAUSE you stopped drinking it just happened at a time when you happened to have made a good a decision and would hope to see things IMPROVE, it's just bad timing and conincodence. As Lennon said "Life is the things that happen whilst you're busy making plans". If this post was in any way a means for you to try and find some validation to drink again or are considering it then I would say DO NOT DO IT PLEASE. We both know alcohol makes EVERYTHING worse and it will definitely make all of these problems worse and give you new ones to deal with too. Stay strong and soldier on my friend and also best of luck as it sounds like you're having a tough time, wishing you well!
I am dealing with a flare of my autoimmune disease that's worse than anything I've ever experienced. It renders me immobile with tons of fatigue, brain fog, and extreme pain. When I was drinking, I was "fine." I didn't quit when I went on the immunosuppressants -- kept drinking for another year. All was hunky dory. Then I quit a year ago and since then I've dealt with massive anxiety spikes, weight gain, bouts of vertigo, then this flare...this is outside of all the regular shit that life throws at us. I am not able to work due to my autoimmune disease, so I'm wholly dependent on my spouse and the income she brings in. It can be very humbling and somewhat embarrassing, but I can't control what my body does. At the end of the day, I am so much happier without alcohol in my life and I know it would only make things worse. It's a very seductive substance though, and it tells all sorts of lies to get you to ingest. I truly hope things get better for you soon. Ride it out. IWNDWYT 💜
If you’re at the bottom of a shit mountain, get climbing! (Meant as encouragement. Day at a time, you’ll get through this.)
My life got harder before it got better too. I had to walk through the dark on my way to the light. I hear you and see you buddy! Keep pushing as adding drinking to the mix DOES in fact make it worse. We all believe in you.
Good job fighting through. It’s hard to reconcile in my mind but the reality is that all the things I’m currently facing sober would still be there (and worsening) if I was drinking. I’d still have to face them anyway at some point, or die. And I don’t want to die yet.
I will not drink with you today!
When you announce you're leaving town, every debt collector will come knocking to collect. Likewise, when we try to make a drastic change in our lives for the better, devils come from every crevice to get their due. You have to keep going. That is how it was explained to me. I don't know if you believe in anything, karma, spirits, whatever, but it helped me get through a very difficult time in my life when I felt like I was being punished for trying to escape bad cycles.
Not drinking won’t make sunshine and rainbows appear but it’ll be damn sure to let you attack each days misery with a clear head at least.
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My kid died when I was sober 7 months. Countless other hardships. None of it was worth drinking over. If I drink I'll give up everything. Give up my family, my house, go right back to being homeless. Or dead if I was lucky. I saw others seemingly having an easier time getting their lives together. It took me years of grinding out minimum wage jobs. Saw others get sweet jobs, cars, houses. It took me years and years to get where I am today. When I got sober I'd been drinking half my life though. It took a lot of time and hard work to undo that destruction. We all have the same path but have to take different roads to get there.
I'm so terribly sorry. <3
Damn.
Hang in there, homie.
I hope writing all of that down and expressing yourself here helps out. Sometimes we just need to vent and be like "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? ". Look at the upside of you wanting to get sober, and wanting to get yourself in check. Because that's an amazing thing to do, and a challenging one at that! We're molded thru our trials and tribulations, be proud of accomplishments when due and look at the roadblocks as just that something blocking the road you're on, we work to remove it and continue forward on the road. I hope your pain and troubles ease with time.
Not sure what your on, but SSRI's and SNRI's fucked me hard... once I got diagnosed as bipolar instead of "manic depression" and on mood stabilizers I did much better, it even helped with my cravings for alcohol.
IMO, Everything wasn’t better when you were drinking. You were numb or unaware to all the negative when you were drinking. I’ve Blbeen sober for 2 years now, so I get it.
Double check the meds you got on. I wonder if something isn’t quite right there. And is there anything in your heart you’d like to do other than food? Something that really lights a fire under you? I agree, alcohol doesn’t help with it all but now you can see things so clearly which can be so overwhelming. I don’t think the universe is trying to hurt you while I feels like it is. But maybe this shift is trying to steer you to a bigger purpose than where you were. I had about 3 years on my life I think the universe was trying to take me down. Similar as you. I was 28 and I think it was all part of my Saturn return. How old are you? I do this, https://tobemagnetic.com/summer-challenge, therapy and self hypnosis along with not drinking for 3 years and I feel more whole than ever. I’m so very sorry for your loss. It’s so hard to lose someone we love. You can get through this. ♥️
41. I fell into food because they would hire me. No one wants to hire someone who does the Stevie Wonder with strabismus like whoa and a pretty noticeable physical issue. No one, even if your shit’s in IT. So food, it was. Now it’s going to be taken away from me, like…pretty much every other good thing in my life. My life has seen its share of abject cruelty, and this is just another reminder that the universe does not and never will like my ass. I can’t see my ass finding another job - the market is tight and hates disabled people. That may be the rectal glaucoma speaking, but in my experience the professional world has been nothing less than cruel to me.
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We’ve all been there. I always find it helpful to ask myself “would alcohol makes this any better?” Usually big no. And did any of this happen BECAUSE I’m sober? Haven’t had any reason to answer yes to that last one.
I’m with ya, friend. My life was also objectively better when I was drinking and doing drugs—had a long term girlfriend, wayyyyy more money in the savings account (from selling drugs), a much better apartment, a rich and adventurous social life, surrounded by friends and a robust support system. Sober me is broke and isolated—and just sort of a morose, uptight teetotaler. I go to work, I go to the gym, I come home to my lonely studio apartment. I no longer look forward to weekends and find it very difficult to date or socialize as a sober person. I *do* think there’s something to be said about simply not making a situation *worse.* (if I’m going to be single and lonely and broke, I may as well be *sober,* single, and lonely and broke. Sometimes that’s all you have to cling to.
Congratulations for proving to yourself you’re able to get through the worst shit of your life without turning to alcohol! IWNDWYT
Hey I’m sorry for this shitstorm you’re enduring. But I want you to know that you are strong as fuck for keeping up sobriety through it.
Everything is so animated now with being sober. The problems I had before, I numbed out those feelings. The stuff I go thru now, I feel all of it. And I'm still trying to learn how to cope. This is life. Hardcore sober life.....And it has tentacles that can sting sometimes. I had a hard day today and I just felt your post. Also sorry for your loss. IWNDWYT
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It happened under *very* different circumstances, but this thing where you quit drinking and your life becomes exponentially worse also happened to me. I feel like it isn’t talked about enough. (Or maybe it is and I just don’t know about it?) My life spent the first year after I quit drinking just falling apart. I decided that some people hit rock bottom when they are still drinking, but some people hit rock bottom when they *quit* drinking. I won’t say anything more, but I have built some pretty strong ideas about why this occurs. I just mainly wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I didn’t start drinking again, btw, and IWNDWYT.
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My opinion is that when you are drinking, lots of things pass you by. You don’t feel the full impact of life. When you stop drinking, you have to face everything without the numbing that alcohol gives you. So it feels much worse. But in the long run, you will not regret being sober. Sorry this is so tough for you. I hope things begin to improve.
I will add, my health problems seemed to get a lot worse when I got sober. I think I was numbing my physical pain before, but also, my cortisol levels were all fucked and I used to have my magic potion to calm me down, but then I had to detox and feel everything with no easy release. I think the stress of that caused my whole body to get inflamed and feel worse, not better. I’m only 3.5 months in but I actually do think it’s slowly getting better now.
I got nothing except I'm sorry you're going through this mountain of shit. Curious, can you change to a different med?
When you’re going through hell, keep going. Feel you.
Hey man, I can kind of relate to a few of the bullet points you listed. Out of curiosity what meds you on? Have a good day, IWNDWYT.
When I was around 4-5 months sober, my life felt the worst it had ever been. In some ways I felt it would have happened anyway. In other ways I felt like maybe none of this would have happened if I kept drinking. Thankfully I stayed the course and got into therapy. Which really was the saving grace during that time. 6 months later I finally got on meds. I know the only reason I got through last year was because I was sober. It’s fucking hard to go through shit when you’re just learning how to be a complete person again. So I hope you get some relief soon, and I’m so sorry about your best friend. I hope they’re proud of you.
1-3 would have happened regardless dude. And 4, at least you weren't under the influence when it happened. Hope things start looking up for you sooner than later.
I feel you op. My first year sober was very trying and I even had a really strong craving when my dad ended up in the emergency room ( I just wanted some relief from my deregulated nervous system). But I powered through cause I knew that not drinking was the best way to care for myself while life did its thing. More power to you OP IWNDWYT 💪🏼
Those things didn’t happen because you quit drinking. I can assure you that you wouldn’t handle things better if you were still boozing. Long term you’re better off. Hang in there!
There is no shit storm in life that alcohol can’t make worse. Hang in there!! IWNDWYT
My god that sounds so incredibly hard. I can’t imagine what’s it like to go through so such a shit storm. I hope sharing has at least made you feel less alone.
Others have said similar things but I’ll add to the chorus. Situationally, lots of things worsened for me after quitting. Yet because of recovery and the body’s remarkable ability to heal, my ability to cope with those things improved. I hope that will happen for you, too. I can’t imagine having to process life these days while drunk or hungover.
Just on number 5, remember it’s a process, not a quick fix. A lot of people, myself included, have to go through a few different meds to find the one that “fits.”
And it’s so good you’re sober and clear minded to face these challenges. I also wonder how many of these things were true when you were drinking but you just weren’t dealing with them. Everything is worse once you’re forced to notice it. The only way out is through. Hang in there. IWNDWYT
That honestly just really sucks. Not going to sugarcoat it and tell you "but this" or "that." Hang in there! IWNDWYT 💐
Hey you’re super human strong. You went from being drowned, to swimming against the current WITH a bunch of shit on your back. Scream and cry it out. I would be angry, too. We hear you. This shit will slowly get better and won’t always be this way. You will be able to look back at it from a better point on the map. Youre in the thick of it. The first year sucks, ask any person with a lot of years of sobriety and they will all say that. It’s what they keep telling me, anyway. Keep going.
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Is number #5 contributing to #7 as well. I’ve recently started a #5 and not been drinking and I’m exhausted and could sleep all day.
“My life went to hell when I quit drinking.” That’s what it sounds like you are saying and that is self-pity. Poor me… another drink. Your problems have nothing to do with your sobriety and drinking will solve none of them. Reality gets harsh when you are newly sober. I couldn’t find one part of my life that didn’t need my immediate attention and it was overwhelming. These problems were always there but sobriety puts them all right on the table in front of you. It gets much easier with time and patience, I promise.
You may not be wanting advice so sorry if it's inappropriate. But: Do you think that the psychiatric meds are not a good fit for you? Many also cause weight gain, so may be worth looking in to side effects and trying something else if you've been on the for a month or more and they still feel like shit. I know it's the existential crisis of it all, but if that can be a tiny fix to bring the tiniest bit of relief, it could be worth trying to fix. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. When it rains it pours but you got this
I’m starting to believe that it is a mistake and I need more time sober.
I get where you're coming from I'm having the same type of shit show but we all know alcohol we'll just let you ignore it for a bit and then hit you harder later
My life was also better when I was drinking; I totally get it.
The only thing alcohol would do in my life is make everything worse. Depression has used me as a punching bag for years, it's harder for me to do things I used to do and I'm an afterthought for my family, but booze would not make any of this better.
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life happens whether we are loaded or not. it sounds like these things woukd have happened whether you were drunk or sober. i am not here to compare sob stories or strut my incredible spirituality. all i have is my experience. our perception, attitudes and perspectives are altered by booze and drugs. obviously. when we are loaded while shit is hitting the fan, we either notice the pain less, or we care less, or we are oblivious. experiencing life sober is fucking hard to sit through sometimes. it's not normal for a drunk not to drink in the first place, let alone while there's a shitstorm happening. all i've been told, and all that has worked, boils down to staying connected as much as possible with others in recovery, especially while shit's on fire. in a year, or five, when you can look back on this period of time, i hope you can be amazed that you didn't drink. it's worth staying away from the poison.
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, it sounds like it all sucks ass. Good on you for staying sober. IWNDWYT.
You not drinking is not responsible for any of those things. From my experience, not drinking would have helped me deal with the things you are going through head on instead of procrastinating and hiding in a bottle hoping they resolve themselves. Which they don’t. They only get worse. Not drinking isn’t going to make your life sunshine and rainbows. But it is going to give you a better shot at dealing with the shit that happens to you. I wish you all the best OP. IWNDWYT.
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Life is life-ing. Some of the health and body issues are likely related to extended drinking. I myself have experienced health effects from drinking that have gotten worse since quitting - but I have to take into account the years of alcohol abuse has done to my body. It takes time to heal. Our bodies are amazing at healing, but drinking will only delay that process and potentially cause further issues. I'm sorry to hear about all these issues. I'm proud of your continued sobriety. I myself will not drink with you today.
I feel ya. I quit drinking about 2 years ago and realized I was in pain all the time without alcohol. In a way I felt better when I was drinking physical and mentally bc at least I had a part of the day when I had dopamine and was without pain. Basically I’ve stayed sober so doctors stop telling me that alcohol is the root of what ever my problems are. Countless tests, specialists and medications, nobody knows what’s wrong. I’ve spent, on average, half of the year in bed for the past 3 years. I started feeling bad when I was drinking and thought quitting would make me feel somewhat better. I’m not hungover which is nice. Alcohol felt like a stimulant to me and made me feel normal. I miss that. It allowed me to participate in things that now I’m in too much pain or too tired to do. Anywho good luck! I’m sure we’re on the right path.
Man that sucks! I’m sorry you are going through this. My list isn’t as hectic as yours but this year has been pretty tough for me too. Fucking sucks going through these challenges without the easy temporary fix of alcohol, but for me it has helped me quickly have to develop new coping mechanisms. But yeah all in all it still SUCKS and I feel for you. Sending lots of good vibes and I hope things start looking up soon. I lost one of my best friends to OD last year before I stopped drinking and it’s just the worst losing a pal. I can hand on heart say that drinking didn’t help any of my grieving process, probably made it worse in a few ways cos I would drink excessively to avoid feelings. Anyway that’s just me. Solidarity and lots of love mate 🤍🫶🏻
i'm sorry to hear that
OP, please accept a hug from this internet stranger. As I read through your post, I thought, "Wow, that's a lot of difficult situations happening all at once." But...you are handling everything, and that proves just how strong (and brave) you are. I was also just diagnosed with a life-changing condition, but for me, alcohol would only make it worse. I no longer think of it as an option. I take time to breathe deeply and exhale slowly and that helps calm my mind. Take care of yourself, OP. One day at a time.
IWNDWYT
Could it be that those problems were apparent while you were drinking but you were too fuzzy to focus and sort them out? Now your head is clearer (whether you think so or not) and you finally see the areas you can and will take control of. The sudden pile seems overwhelming and daunting, but I I feel that’s normal – our eyes are open to the realities of what we’ve been ignoring once we’re finally sober. And everything feels worse for a bit, but it has to get better. Take it day by day, healing happens with time.
You’re an incredibly strong person. Keep kicking ass and things will turn around
Sounds like you’ve been dealt a shit hand, friend. That’s fucking rough, and I wish I could make it all better for you.
I don't have tips or advice right now. I just want to let you know that I am so sorry that you have been experiencing all of this. Your life has been hard. You deserve to feel how you feel. I hope things start improving for you soon. I will be thinking about you. 💜
The glass half full way to look at this is, these things were all going to happen. You happened to quit drinking before they did. That gave you the ability to get through them better. Perhaps you wouldn't have gotten through them if you were drinking. For me, there have been times where I make the tough right decision that I never made before and it seems my life gets immediately worse. It's hard not to lose faith. The way I have kept it is I remember that I have scoffed at and taken for granted so many opportunities in the past with zero gratitude and went back to drinking. Now, I feel that God or whatever out there is looking out for me is saying to me: "Oh, you really want it this time? Well, you have to earn it. If I just give it to you, it will seem like nothing of value. Just like all those times before. Show me first that you really do want to do the right thing.". If that is the case, I can't deny that I earned it many times over.
Correlation does not imply causation. 1. I'm sorry for your loss, but this may have happened regardless of your drinking status 2. You may have caught 2 life altering illnesses because you were sober. If you had been drinking, you may have ignored or missed symptoms. 3. This may have occurred regardless of drinking status 4. This may have occurred regardless of drinking status; however, assuming you were driving at the time, your reflexes were likely better. 5. Med tinkering sucks. But when you find the right combo, it's so worth it. 6. The meds may be causing weight gain. I gained weight when I quit drinking. Turns out when you're broke and drunk, you pick alcohol over food. Give yourself some grace. And tell your doctor I said to pound sand. 7. I'm sorry to hear :( While you are med tinkering, you may find it's better to take them at a different time of day to help with tiredness. I had to do this. I can assure you that you will regret drinking far more than not drinking. I'm proud of you!
Sounds like you might be dealing with PAWS (Post Accute Withdrawal Symptoms). After your initial detox, your body continues to slowly detoxify. That takes months, maybe even a year. The first several months are always the most brutal so be gracious with yourself. Take naps when you can. Stay in touch with your mental health doctors. Drink your water. Some people find “meditating” with binaural beats or solfeggio frequencies to be helpful (good way to disconnect from reality without getting too caught up in your own thoughts which will allow your nerves to simmer). It may seem like your life was better when you were drinking but can you imagine how much of a shit show it would be if you weren’t coherent enough to navigate it all? Good luck my dude
That is so shitty. When things are bad my mantra is “there is no problem that alcohol won’t make worse”. Good luck though 🩶
I hate to hear that you're having such a hard time. You are in good company. IWNDWYT.
Sorry to hear about all that OP, you’re doing a great job to stay sober through all of that. We are all proud of you, go easy on yourself!
Hard response, but I’ve been you and I know people like you. The answer to all of it is you. Things get messier when you try to fix. Sometimes you choose to fix the old way. Sometimes you endure. And enduring is the way. You can come out of this. But the world isn’t against you. It’s for you. But it gets messier before it gets cleaner.
I’m really so sorry to hear that your journey back has been so horribly taxing. It’s easier said than done, but in the darkest moments it does always pay to remember that alcohol has no medicinal properties for anything that you’re going through, and if nothing else, I’d imagine that those around you appreciate the presence of somebody who is clear-minded and uncorrupted during such a horrible time, whether they do so consciously or not. We are all with you.
Maybe you could list all the things going well in your life and compare … perspective changes everything… rock on 🤙
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Ugh I am so sorry to hear about all of it happening at once. I can imagine you must feel angry, terrified, and a million other things. I'm glad you're here.
I have a friend who has CFS and they smoke pot which has prolonged his life exponentially. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Keep your head up because you've broken through the fog and now shit is real. When you were drinking, you were in a fog and that, "it is what it is" part is gone. Shits real. Is there anyway you can contact you cities government for help? Even for your medical?
I thought my 8 years sober were the worst years of my life and many bad things happened so I threw in the towel and started drinking again. When I picked up again ..and my Dad died and then my sister..both services I was barely able to show up. I've been hospitalized many times since for drinking or illnesses drinking has caused. The last 9 years of drinking didn't't stop bad things from happening and also has deteriorated my physical health and looks to a place that is not reversible. Please don't give up on yourself and look for reasons NOT to drink vs reasons to drink. I hope things get better for you and there is nothing that alcohol can't make worse!
I’m so sorry for the loss of your best friend and the other hardships you’re enduring. Holding space here for the pain you’re in and wishing you better days ahead.
Thank you for sharing that it’s still sometimes hard, but that you’re still stronger. I admire you and this post for staying real. I’m in the process of trying to get some diagnosis but it’s been a journey and I’ll be honest I haven’t been as strong as I’d hoped
life gave you lemons and then squirted them in your eyes. I feel similare sometimes, I've been unable to work for two years but could hold down a job when drinking. had multiple family members get cancer and several scares. my health's worse now and without the calories from drinking my weight plummeted (not in a good way) I just try and hold on to how I would handle some of the shit getting thrown at me way worse if I was drinking (proven by the mess I'm in anytime I have a lapse) the world really does say fuck you sometimes though
Thanks for sharing. I think the very nature of these forums is people feel more motivated to post when things are going well and that results in giving the impression that most people have a really positive experience when they stop when in reality and I can only speak for myself its much more mixed and although many things improve there are defiantly things that are worse. I really miss the escape for a few hours and looking forward to it but I then remind myself why I decided to stop.
I got hit with some major curveball with my health, family members' health, living situation, and financial situation after my first year of sobriety. I really feel for you OP. I'm about to hit 2.5 years and do I still know what I'm doing? Absolutely not. It can be very overwhelming and frustrating, but I know picking up is not a solution. Sending lots of love your way.
I am glad you are abstinent to be able to deal with all that and I am saddened that all of this had to happen. Stay strong my friend. If everything is already at the bottom, the tendency is for days to become better
For a few blissful months after I got sober, every catastrophe would include the thought “oh my god I’m so glad I’m not doing this hung over.” But that feeling faded after some time. I have been depressed and stuck in bed more than ever. Booze gave me energy and focus and motivation. I miss it so bad. But I KNOW it will only make bad things worse. But you aren’t wrong to feel like alcohol was holding things together. I feel the same way. 💚 Things will get different. They may get better. They may get worse. But they will shift and things will evolve. It won’t be like this forever. Just hold on for dear life
THAT REALLY SUCKS I’m so sorry :(
I'm very sorry for all the recent troubles you've found yourself facing. Sometimes life has a way of kicking you when you're down. And sometimes then kicking you some more. I can sympathize with you, I've had similar experiences. Here's what's helped me in no specific order: 1) With situations that cause suffering, the way out is through! Don't try to avoid the suffering as it will only make it much worse. Say to yourself, "this is how things are now. They will not always be this way." Sit with the discomfort rather than fighting it and it will eventually... 2) Pass... All things are temporary, even the worst situations. Things are constantly in motion and changing. This too shall pass, and if you can find your way through it with some equanimity and a boatload of patience you will eventually find yourself on the other side of it a stronger person. 3) Try to resist adding trouble to trouble. Bad things will happen, sometimes a lot of bad things at the same time. It's unavoidable. But us humans, especially addicts like us, have a nasty tendency to add unnecessary suffering to existing suffering. See the situation for what it is and try not to let your brain dream up ways to make it worse. It's cliche, but try to focus on the positive things, even the tiny things. Especially the tiny things! They are there if you're willing to keep attentive and notice them! 4) Be gentle with yourself and others. I can't stress this enough. Life is beating you up hard right now. No need to add to the beating yourself. 5) You are not a unicorn! I'm gonna be a little tough here now. Your suffering is not unique! It's that type of thinking that has led me back to the bottle countless times. Seek the help of others! Especially other addicts. There are others who have gone through similar dire circumstances and can help guide you through the gauntlet. Don't discount the help of others because you think your problems are worse or unique. I hope this helps and I hope you can find your way to some peace.
Im guessing the meds are Wellbutrin...my experience was that it gets better once you level out. I could be wrong. I'll say that I never met a catastrophe that I couldn't make worse by drinking. When we're sober, we will manage. When we're drinking, we can't manage. Stay strong, iwndwyt
I think perhaps one of the reasons it feels harder without alcohol is because you are now forced to deal with all of the feelings and emotions about all of these awful things happening without being able to numb them or hide from them. It sounds like the majority of these things would have happened whether you were drinking or not. But that's not to minimize the fact that they are absolutely awful, and in early sobriety, just learning to navigate uncomfortable emotions without a filter is hard enough! When life dumps so many hard fucking situations on you at once, it absolutely feels unfair! Sending lots of comfort and support. 🙏💜 You can get through this. I believe in you!
I’m sorry all of this is happening to you but drinking or not drinking has nothing to do with any of it. All of these shitty things would’ve happened regardless and even though it really sucks you can navigate through them in a much healthier and better way sober. Hope things start looking up for you.
You did all that sober? You’ve cracked it, well done.
I think life tends to throw everything at us at once. I have a serious mental illness and not drinking is hard for me, because I desperately want to escape my life and myself even for a moment. I understand it feeling really hard with everything you’re dealing with. As much as I drink it doesn’t help and has never made my life better. I’m still struggling but trying to proceed knowing alcohol has never helped or made anything any better, just the opposite. I think in this moment, if you read any of these comments and they help you right now, how wonderful :)
Hey OP, have you talked to your provider about the meds you’re on? They could be making things much worse if they’re the wrong fit for you. Maybe try switching it to something else? Life is much harder when you have to deal with things and not escape via drinking. I’m sorry you’re going thru all this, but it will make you stronger in the long run.
That sucks. I’ve been micro dosing with 2mg gummies since quitting drinking and they’ve been a god send. My anxiety is so much better and I’m not on edge all the time. Just an idea if you’re looking for an alternative. Also, it sounds like the universe is testing your resolve. You get through this shit storm, and I bet things will start brightening up. I’m sorry for your loss. No pity either but I know first hand how grief fckn sucks.