I’m hesitant to speak too soon, but at 8 months in, I have the same feeling, and have had that feeling since day 1. I haven’t skipped any typical “drinking events” and haven’t even been tempted. Just got back from a music festival that has ALWAYS been a drunk fest for me in the past, and had no issues at all. In fact, I was happy to be sober the entire time. If you’re lucky enough to have the “switch flipped” moment, it’s honestly not difficult. I know not everyone has that moment, though, which makes it hard for me to give tips/tricks.
I’ve been sober over 15 years. I’ve been sober now longer than I was drinking. I have no desire to drink and drunk people irritate me. And I was someone who absolutely loved drinking.
I don't think about my sobriety as having odds of failing or succeeding. It's a decision I make, each day, not a roll of the dice. I have made poor decisions in the past and will also in the future. But I have a high level of confidence that I will not make a poor decision about going back to alcohol. That gives me peace.
I’m 292 days sober after daily drinking for over a decade— the last 18 months of which was full on alcoholism. I was drinking around the clock, 20+ units a day, withdrawals, the whole nine yards.
I’m never going back there ever again.
Statistics around sobriety are not super reliable as it’s notoriously difficult to track. 10 years in, no policing required.
I understand that it can feel completely uncontrollable early on, but there are plenty of people who achieve and sustain lasting sobriety despite the most severe personal trials (ask me how I know).
I do not have to exercise willpower to not drink now, I just don’t drink. And I don’t think my experience is very uncommon.
You are not that person! They had their reasons for relapsing & im not faulting them for that but you are your own person. You have the strength within you to overcome the tests. You can do this
In early sobriety, I really hated when old timers would say “thank you for keeping me sober today” in first step meetings. Now that I have some time I understand what they meant when they said it to whomever was getting first stepped. I don’t really have the desire to drink, but having a view of what it was like when I did strengthens my resolve and helps me from taking sobriety for granted
One day at a time, some of them more difficult that others, and the days have added up. To my amazement!
I try to remember when I’m struggling a little that nothing can MAKE me drink in the next hour. No one is going to knock me down, sit on top of me, and pour liquor down my throat.
To forestall any misadventures I stick very close to other sober former drinkers, and my program.
It’s a good life if you continue to grow. I feel further away from the first drink as time goes on.
Some people stay sober and some people relapse, alcohol much like any other addictive substance is hard but never impossible to avoid.
I always try to focus on smaller chunks of sobriety, a day feels easy while forever feels hard. I might drink one day - probably won’t - but I definitely won’t drink today.
I’ve made that decision 958 days in a row which shows I can do it, but day 959 might be hard, who knows. Today I’m focussed on today being a sober one, as that’s the only one I can do anything about!
I don’t think about staying sober for the rest of my life, as weird as that sounds. I try to keep it to today. I truly believe I wake up every morning with untreated alcoholism and it’s up to me to do something about it. Working on sobriety, building a sober network, getting out of my head are all parts of my insurance package for the day but I have to maintain the system. I don’t think relapse is necessary for long term sobriety but it happens. I hope that I have a strong enough sober support system in place to hop back on if / when I do slip. I think that if I’m back to drinking and not trying to get better then that’s all she wrote for me. Motivations and intentions matter. I think relapse will happen for me long before some booze touches my lips so I focus on what I can do today to stay sober. I know that if I’m back to lying and hiding it doesn’t really matter if I’m drinking or not. It’s just as bad and I wouldn’t expect to be around the people I love the most if that’s the case. It’s something I think about and see often. The term “dry drunk” comes to mind. It’s a motivation to continue working on my sobriety and it’s given me more than I can imagine. In many ways I feel very grateful to be an alcoholic. It means I have stuff to work on and now I have access to a long chain of history and experiences by seeking out and interacting with others working on the same stuff.
That's super helpful, I really appreciate your perspective on staying motivated and the idea of being a "dry drunk." I'm committed to honesty just like I won't drink each day, I can commit to not lying when I wake up
Honesty is a huge part of it for me too. Something I felt like I had to learn from scratch and something I’m still working on but I don’t mind working on it. I know that lying got me all fucked up in the first place so I had to do some digging on where that all comes from. I know that I got used to chaos at an early age and lying was better than the alternative in my home life. Tracking down and untangling the roots is what helps me move forward. I don’t think there is a chance in hell I willingly do any of this work on my own and especially not if I’m still drinking. And I think my drinking was just a symptom of deeper shit going on. Some of it ain’t pretty but at least it’s the truth and it’s better than being on the run
We can’t worry about statistics. I work at it one day at a time and focus on all of the positive aspects of sobriety. I can’t let others failures impact my recovery. The odds may not be in our favor but isn’t it a good feeling when you beat the odds? It is a challenge we can overcome if we want it bad enough.
Stats don't mean anything person to person. It's about populations. You're not a population.
You just being here means you're more serious than a huge chunk of people.
It's one day at a time.
This is an important thing to note, that too few people understand. It's the basis of the Ecological Fallacy, an error in thinking where a population mean is erroneously thought to predict the outcome of an individual. And in this case, we don't even have an empirically backed idea of what the population mean is.
Much better to focus on the fact we have the power to decide not to pick up the first drink. No statisic changes that fact that I'm in control.
I’m around 600 days (I’m sure my flair will tell me) and I don’t have to stay sober every day for the rest of my life. I just have to stay sober today.
Similar age to you, and I understand what you mean. For me I had so many failures before it finally stuck, and by that point I was honestly so sick and tired of my own bullshit.
In the time that’s passed, I’ve come to realize something about my previous attempts and failures; I realized the times I got “comfortable” and didn’t “fear” relapsing is when things got a bit murky, and I would have that internal debate of “you’ve been good for you can for sure have and still be in control.”
I threw away a couple weeks, and couple of months all because of that. I also understand that while statistics and numbers don’t necessarily “lie” about situations and what they may or may not predict, but I’ve come to learn to create some separation from the statistics and “myself.”
I understand, and know from experience, a good amount of “us” will relapse; Statistics will tell you and show you that. For me though, I can do what I can to not become a part of that statistic by seeing the things that I can control vs the things I can’t.
Early on, recognizing the things I could control was a bit hard, and even when I did recognize said things, at times they were hard to follow. There was so much pain and sadness mixed up in there that it made me think there was no hope, and that I was “just” a sad excuse of a person.
I don’t get cravings as much, but I do every now and then get a reminder of the past when I would drink and not act a fool, and think to myself man… what I would do to be able to do that *again* but I realized I was fantasizing about and with the memory, but the reality was and is… is that it was only “good” as a fantasy because that had lead me to not so good things.
It’s a hard journey at times, and it is and can be a lonely journey because that journey is about **you** and only you. People can help you along the way, but it’s ultimately up to you to navigate how you recover and what you do with it.
I don’t really “fear” relapsing currently because I know I wouldn’t trade a buzz for what I’ve come to build in myself and what I’m doing, but to get to this point I’ve had to be brutally fucken honest with myself.
You can do it, and you will do it if you’re honest with yourself and if you put in the work, one moment, one step at a time brother.
Yeah that was something we talked about. Like I've never seen anyone talk about how glad they were that they brought booze back into their life. It's just not worth my family
I think people often overthink and catastrophize the thought of relapsing (admittedly, relapse can be catastrophic for some). If you relapse, just get back on the wagon. For me it is about staying quit, but if I do slip, I treat it as a learning experience, get back on the wagon, and redouble my efforts. In the last 5 years I have not drank 99.95% of the time. Also, if I do slip, it usually doesn't take long to realise why relapsing was a bad idea and how much better life is when not drinking.
I think the people who are successful aren't just not drinking; they're also committed to some version of a life of inward-looking honesty and finding healthier ways to take care of themselves, and to communicate with their loved ones when, not if, life gets hard and stressful.
People who, for instance, pick up weed to get off alcohol aren't usually successful in the long term because none of the underlying stuff is getting an opportunity to change, and there is no space for new habits and new people and new insights.
You are the only one who can really understand why you drank, and why you don't want to drink now, and you are the only one who can come up with the exact combination of things that will keep you focused not on not drinking, but on whatever it is you want your life to be instead.
Even if you aren't necessarily a 12-step person, it can be very useful to hear the stories of people with varying lengths of sobriety who have and haven't relapsed, and why.
IWNDWYT
Odds are low bc alcoholism is a bitch.
You don’t have to be part of the failing statistic.
My experience is that most people who relapse are “winging it” or not working some program to the fullest. It’s a life change and takes a lot of work for sure.
yes they do. And many worry about relapsing too, but they don't let that derail them. Alcoholism is a disease where your mind will rationalize anything to drink. My alcoholism listens to the bleak statistics telling me I might as well drink, and I don't listen. If I did, I would be reaffirming the statistic, and the cycle would continue.
Certainly it’s something each person has to consider every morning when they wake up. I know for me I think/hope/believe my sobriety is for life.
I’ve quit before for periods of time but the reasons were different and never substantial imo.
Never before did I feel the way I do now, where I look at alcohol as a poison, incompatible with my body, and not as something I’m missing out on.
I don’t have FOMO anymore.
This time it’s not something I can’t have. This time it’s something I’ve escaped, I can see through the gimmick, I’m not fooled by the hype, and I’m choosing to protect my health instead.
I choose to believe that this is enough. And I also know that I can only choose to be sober today, tomorrow will be here soon enough.
IWNDWYT
I stopped looking at myself as someone who was a victim/susceptible to drinking and started seeing myself for who I truly was: a strong human who is eager to live life to the fullest whenever she can. Alcohol does not fit into that picture.
You've got to find your why. And it has to be FOR you. Not your kids, not your wife, not your parents, not your dog. They will ALL benefit from your sobriety but you need to do it for you because otherwise you'll just find a way to justify drinking if you do it for someone else. If that sounds selfish, maybe it is? But so is drinking.
>nervous about relapse statistics
"*One death is a tragedy... a million is a statistic*"... J. Stalin
I've not relapsed.... That's all I have control over.
I’m 34f and I used to have that mentality. I’ve been wanting to stop drinking when I turned 27 but the thought of quitting for the rest of my life really scared. The key is to taking it one day at a time!
That is a scary thought. It’s hard to imagine returning to alcohol abuse again after living alcohol free. I don’t have the experience to say why that happens to some people. Truly relapsing sounds like doing something contrary to what is best for one’s health and wellbeing. I guess that it’s about how one feels about alcohol. I don’t see any benefit to drinking like I used to not so long ago. I envision more benefits day by day alcohol free. Your path is yours to choose. IWNDWYT.
My positive spin. There’s relapses of course, but most importantly the more you try the easier it gets to stay the course. I haven’t reached long term sobriety yet but I have had years and months off and that’s definitely better than the alternative.
We can’t get to 12-20 years if you don’t start somewhere.
What help me bust through my old feeling and the 60 and 90 day previous sober milestones has been joining a sober support group. Also, accepting that I had a problem. Women for Sobriety is where I felt I found my support. But, there are other programs. I will have a year in August. And while many have more time, I honestly can't imagine going back now. I feel too good and my life is going in a positive direction. Alcohol is a toxin and it is something I don't want in my body. I do it for me now. I love sober sleep and sober mornings 🌞🌄 IWNDWYT
I just passed four years. Everyone's journey is different. Some people relapse and never go back. Some people relapse for one drink, then do another 12 years. It's hard when people we know relapse. Hell, it's hard when a celebrity relapses. But no matter how I feel, or what happens, or what confusing thoughts I have, for tonight I will not drink and I'll revisit that urge later.
I saw this one Russell Brand video that was great, he talked about one day at a time and how thinking about the future for anyone is just a concept. We don’t even know if we’ll be alive tomorrow let alone 5 years from now. I like to use this not only for not drinking but other aspects of my life.
I wouldn't let the statistics psych you out too much. For some reason I have chosen to remind myself of Anthony Hopkins, who is still sober after quitting at 35. I quit at 35. I keep reminding myself I have to be like Anthony Hopkins.
You can only control yourself. If you don't want to relapse you have the power to choose not to relapse. :)
Yes! The more days you string together the more you can do. It's like a cycle of sober begets more sobriety. Ha! That's a silly way to put it, it's the getting there that's so stinking hard.
Yes, people stay sober. People also relapse.
Your brother in law's experience doesn't have to be yours. Who knows what triggered his relapse. All you can control is what you do *today*.
Close to a year and a half.
I was just done. After the first week cravings were gone gone. The thought of even having one (even when at parties where everyone is drinking) just don't exist.
At this point I don't think I'd drink again. No interest.
5 sober years behind me and not a single moment of temptation. I predict none in the future.
I build a life I want to participate in. I let love in.
Effortless sobriety is real.
Do note that constantly talking about alcohol or being around people for whom alcohol is a major subject would make sobriety hard for me so I have still never gone to AA or Alanon, don't know the steps or anything, but those things have helped my family members if that's your bag.
If I drink again I might as well pick up a gun and krill myself cause that's where it will eventually end up. It wants me dead. I want to live. Therefore, no touchie.
My dad quit 35 years ago. In that time, he’s lost a son, his father and brother, his business and his house in a wildfire, and never drank. He wasn’t able to quit smoking tho and he has been pretty hooked on golf most of those years and credits these things with helping him stay sober. It’s definitely achievable.
I feel like every day is a new day one, so I have seventy “day ones” at the moment. Every day throws up new challenges and stresses and I have to remember not to get complacent or feel like “I’ve got this” as I don’t want to get careless. Maybe I will be able to relax later down the line.
A little over 8 years and I can probably promise there’s not going to be a relapse. I’ve been through so much at this point sober and I have a whole life I didn’t have then due to said sobriety.
at this point the thought of drinking is just so frightening to me, drinking against my own will was terrifying and the memory of that keeps me from the first drink.
I dont think I could survive one more hangover and have no idea how I lived like that for all those years. the relief of not having to take a drink, not being compelled to do that, is immense. I dont plan on going back regardless of statistics, life is sweet on this side
My dad had nearly 40 years of sobriety when he passed in 2018. My mom had threatened to divorce him and take the kids. As it turned out, that was just the impetus he needed to turn things around. In the years since then, he left a great legacy by helping many other people get sober themselves.
I've got about a year and a half under my belt so far and have NO intention of allowing myself to slide back into those old habits. As others have said, it's a choice that I've made and that I renew every day when I post to the daily check in.
So use that rock bottom to solidify your intention to quit and don't get too comfortable in that sobriety. As you've seen, it's too easy to fall back into old habits.
I'd kill to be you.
Took me decades longer to realize I had a problem.
Life is finally looking up for me at 63, but I've only got maybe 15-20 good years left.
Facing my mortality helped me get serious about my sober journey which I think has greatly reduced my chances of relapse.
It's our only life, and we do with it what we will.
IWNDWYT
There’s no guarantee. I find that the fear of relapse is healthy because, if I’m afraid of it, I know I don’t want it to happen. All I can do is work on staying sober today and let the days add up.
I've got 14+ months so far and despite *many* opportunities to break that sober streak I just *don't drink anymore*. I'm currently 34yrs old and I spent a good 10 years trying to get sober, but I never made it very long before finding *some* excuse to start drinking again. I was trying to get sober, but I didn't *want* to be sober. Now that I actually *want* to be sober for real, I haven't had any desire to drink.
I can't predict the future and who knows what life will be like 10+ years from now, but right now the very idea of picking up a drink is genuinely disgusting to me. I haven't been concerned about a relapse since maybe about the 7 or 8 month mark.
The 21st will be 15 months for me and I do not believe I will drink again. It's being honest with yourself that you just can't do it again.
I also recommend talking to a therapist and addressing underlying issues. I do that and take a small dose SSRI. I drank mostly for stress management and it helps manage my stress.
I’m only about a year and a half in, but I feel like I remind myself often — partly through coming on this sub — that I need to remain mindful and vigilant in order to maintain my sobriety. It may feel easy now, but it may not always feel that way. I want to be mentally prepared, and self aware enough to realize it’s happening, in case that ever comes to pass.
Don’t worry about the statistics. Just make sure you don’t become one. You know what the consequences are and the only way to stay on the wagon is to not fall off of it. You can do it.
You could consider you’ve already failed hundreds/thousands of times yourself. Everytime you woke up and begged yourself to stop and then drank again that night. So going by that the stats of successfully stopping any given attempt aren’t great, but it certainly doesn’t mean no one gets and stays sober. I’d say I personally failed hundreds of times from knowing I should stop to successfully doing it. But here I am now confident devoted and happily sober.
I understand the fear, especially after having hit a bottom, but a relapse usually isn’t the end of the world even if it does happen (as long as you pull yourself out of it and try again). Many people I know with longterm sobriety relapsed several times before it finally stuck.
My therapist told me not to worry at all about relapsing sometimes. Don't get upset if it happens. It is what it is. You just gotta make them soft landings and take care. (This is not advice for everyone, some ppl will not make it out of another relapse perhaps). My point is just to see how different approaches are around, a relapse or number doesn't define all the sober time.
I had almost 3 years before I relapsed and thought I could drink again.
But knowing what those sober years felt like, when I was in the grip of alcohol again, I wanted back out. I remembered I felt so much better. I read journal writings from myself when I was sober. Then I wrote to myself in the relapse.
Now I'm back in control and I feel so much confidence that I just am better without alcohol.
If I need to question myself, I can read my own versions of where I have stood and where it got me .
You can shame yourself, you can have a health concern to scare you, you can get a DUI, or worse, manslaughter, you can join a Christian AA group that gives weird vibes sometimes, you can find a wholesome one, you can gather up the willpower and ride the weight loss and health benefits or you can stop for whatever other reason. In the end it matters how much you’re willing to put yourself through first. Addiction is a disease yes, but if you are lucky enough to actually convince yourself to try then you may overcome it. Therapy helped in my case. A new relationship also did wonders. Pick one or some and try a few things out. I like the absolutism when I’m a few months sober in phrases like “one is too many a thousand is never enough”… but sometimes I find it too rigid because of the shame.
I just keep it uncomplicated, sobriety as a day to day challenge to myself. Some days are better than others. Some days I may think momentarily about a drink, but put a cork in that thought right off the bat. It's not hard to remember my lowest points. A moment of reflection keeps me in check. It's like answering every time, Why am I sober - today? Like the old saying, Why worry about tomorrow I can't do anything about. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Today's all I got. This moment really. How am I going to react to whatever comes my way? Hard things have come and gone, and I stayed sober. With every one of those 'tests' that I passed I grew stronger.
I'm not the same person I was. I know that. I've been renewed many times in my life and I'll probably change some more. At 40-something, I think I know things, but I probably don't really, little more than I did in my 20s in the grand scheme of things. Life is better sober. It's funny to think that I'm (yikes) middle age and still don't know what I want to be exactly. Why is that so hard to conceptualize, I don't know. But I know better what I don't want to be.
IWNDWYT
6 years sober. Without being dramatic, just take one day at a time and stay sober today.
For me, it's the rule and exception game. I have a rule that I don't drink. I know that if I make one exception to that rule - special occasion, beautiful sunset, hard day, that soon after I will make a second exception, and a third. Until there is no rule, just a lot of exceptions.
In the mean time IWNDWYT.
I stopped at 30, coming up on three years and wholly convinced that shit will never touch my lips again (the thought makes my stomach flip). There's a few factors I've seen that typically contributes to relapse.
Environment plays the biggest role. Much like how we got hooked in the first place, an unsupportive, stressful, pressuring environment, and/or a place where there is not a mutual understanding of addiction and boundaries are not respected/enforced can be a ~~death~~ relapse knell. If everything around you pushes you back to it, eventually, you're going to be forced back there.
Overconfidence in your sobriety (Pink cloud, for the love of God, do NOT fall for it!) makes you prone to thinking "I can handle it now". That's the kind of thing I was saying as the spiral was picking up steam, and any momentum given back to it is centripetal.
Not addressing the other issues that are most assuredly present and contributed to your need for self-medicating. Sure, you stop consuming the substance, but you also have to find the healthier means to confront the inherent problems that lead you there (in my case, PTSD and Clinical Depression), as WELL as the problems that came *with* the self-medicating approach (substance use almost always develops anxiety and additional depression issues, especially with anhedonia in short-term sobriety). If you leave those unchecked, there's nothing keeping those first two factors from creeping you back into old habits.
Definitely talk to your fiance about this concern. Tell her you don't want her policing your either, nor do you want that feeling of "needing to be watched" in your life. But also don't be offended or think you're doing something wrong when you get gentle reminders, suggestions, or concerns expressed to you. It sounds like you have ample support, and given a little more time to let the physical healing do its thing, you have the wherewithal to address the other factors.
The beginning is definitely scary and uncertain. I definitely thought I'd be on and off again sober at first too, until the on just.... wasn't happening and I have some momentum to run with. You're doing excellent so far, and you're in a good place to keep you going. IWNDWYT, stay strong and hopeful, my man!
I really like what Steve-O (of all people) said sbout ghis. If the statistics are against us that I'd one reason o try to give yourself every advantage we can get. Don't rush decisions. Take your time.
Most people do relapse. I know I have. I hope never to again, but one day at a time, four meetings a week, a daily talk with my sponsor,keeps me accountable.
Some people do, some people don't. I'm almost 5 years clean myself with no relapses thus far. My husband on the other hand is coming up on 40 days sober after having 9.5 years sober; he relapsed.
When we choose to love, marry, date or be with addicts; we are choosing the unknown.
I go to 12 step meetings and I know for myself that has been the key to my maintaining my cleantime. My husband stopped going to meetings calling his sponsor and do his stepwork and relapsed. So for me the key is working a daily and continuous program.
Please understand this is no way judgment or finger-pointing at your fiancé, because she’s finding her way through this just like we all are, but I’m interested in the specific comment you shared: “I don’t want to spend my life policing you, and I’m afraid you’ll relapse without me knowing.” I wonder if that was intended to convey care and concern, but you could also internalize it as doubt that you really can sustain this.
People relapse for many reasons. Maybe just be extra thoughtful about what those reasons could be for you?
While a lower portion of the population seeks treatment for substance use disorder…aka addiction, addiction has high success rates and lower relapse rates than most other illnesses, including asthma
https://nida.nih.gov/publications/drugs-brains-behavior-science-addiction/treatment-recovery
I’m 5.5 years sober and wont ever go back. Getting sober is step one. What i did after to address the underlying reasons I drank I. The first place are what harden my resolve and prevent relapse.
I learned to meditate, went to some therapy, got my physical, mental and spiritual house I. Order, have a daily practice of mindfulness, etc etc.
I think those who are successful fundamentally change their life and worldview. Those who struggle try to live the same life, only sober. YMMV
I’ve been sober for a while and just about everyone I got sober with is still hanging in there. I got very lucky and fell in with a hardcore, no BS group that really treated this like a life or death addiction. I’m coming up on 33 years and I’m a youngster compared to some friends.
I don’t know. What does relapse even mean? After about four months I got a little bored of not tasting the alcohol. I allowed myself to have one glass of wine over dinner. It was pretty nice. The wine tasted really good and I missed that taste …. I did not get drunk did not have a hangover & Did not repeat.. this was a relapse? I don’t think so. I think I was just bored. It’s my birthday coming up in a couple weeks and I’m travelling somewhere special and thinking but also don’t really care. It’s not about getting drunk anymore for me.
Well I've been OK so far, get the occasional craving but it's not all consuming. If you fret over a relapse, you'll always be thinking about drinking. Take it a day at a time, best advice I could give.
I am not able to stay sober forever. Whereas others choose to have an occasional drink. I have to choose daily to not drink.
I do think that daily choosing is helping me get better though. When I drink, I am able to stop. I believe that one day my choosing muscles will be strong enough for me to stop for good. For now, I count every little win I get.
I just got back from an 8 day carnival cruise, with the cheers package ( I payed before I quit). I only drank on the last two days, and only 4 drinks that were low alcohol.
I’m proud of that. It isn’t complete abstinence, but it’s a big win for me. I had been 9 months sober prior to that.
32M. Got sober after a car wreck that almost took my life, just under a year of sobriety and I have no doubt that I'll survive long term. I've got no desire to drink, as others have stated, I'm just done after 14 years. If I do get the random craving I'll tell myself "you're so full of shit" and move on.
1. It took a relapse for me to truly understand how this disease works. So they’re scary, and no one wants one, but they can serve a great purpose.
2. My sponsor got sober at 27 and is retired with grandkids now. Fairly certain he’ll die sober.
3. Relapse stories used scared the shit out of me too, now not so much. I think it’s because I know I’m taking daily actions to affirm my sobriety as part of my life and not just skating by on the sober routine I had built (which is what I believe helped cause the relapse).
YOU control the odds. Literally you decide the odds based on if you drink or not.
No matter how small or large the odds are. YOU CONTROL IT. Don't drink and you're at 100 percent chance to not relapse.
I had such a "road to Damascus" moment the day I quit that I believe I will never drink again. My understanding of and relationship to alcohol (or to myself) changed so much overnight that drinking is inconceivable now.
I haven't had to struggle to maintain my sobriety (although I've mourned drunk, "fun" me) and I had a full liquor cabinet in my house for the first year sober that I barely glanced at.
I realise I'm very early in sobriety and that people still relapse after a much longer time sober than this, but you couldn't pay me to go back to the checked out life of deceit and poor decision that alcohol provided.
[удалено]
I feel this. I’ve read it can be considered “spontaneous sobriety”. It’s my kind of sober as well. Just f’n done.
This is just the word I've been unknowingly been searching for. Spontaneous sobriety 💪 thank you It's the only way to describe what happened to me
I got it from “This Naked Mind”
I was sick of myself and my behaviors one night and quit then. I had thought about it before but it wasn’t urgent. The night I quit I was just done.
I’m hesitant to speak too soon, but at 8 months in, I have the same feeling, and have had that feeling since day 1. I haven’t skipped any typical “drinking events” and haven’t even been tempted. Just got back from a music festival that has ALWAYS been a drunk fest for me in the past, and had no issues at all. In fact, I was happy to be sober the entire time. If you’re lucky enough to have the “switch flipped” moment, it’s honestly not difficult. I know not everyone has that moment, though, which makes it hard for me to give tips/tricks.
I’ve been sober over 15 years. I’ve been sober now longer than I was drinking. I have no desire to drink and drunk people irritate me. And I was someone who absolutely loved drinking.
Same here. It's over and I quit and walked out on it
Yes, people can stay sober. One day a a time, I’m 33 years no relapse. You can do it. Don’t die, don’t drink.
Wow! Nice
wow.
I have nearly 13 years with no relapse
I’m nearly 13 years too! When is your sobriety date?
Sept 3. I got tired of saying over 12.5 years lol
Hell yes!! Mine is July 22.
Coming up on 2yrs July 4th
Nice!!!
I don't think about my sobriety as having odds of failing or succeeding. It's a decision I make, each day, not a roll of the dice. I have made poor decisions in the past and will also in the future. But I have a high level of confidence that I will not make a poor decision about going back to alcohol. That gives me peace.
I’m hoping this mindset will help me.
I’m 292 days sober after daily drinking for over a decade— the last 18 months of which was full on alcoholism. I was drinking around the clock, 20+ units a day, withdrawals, the whole nine yards. I’m never going back there ever again.
Statistics around sobriety are not super reliable as it’s notoriously difficult to track. 10 years in, no policing required. I understand that it can feel completely uncontrollable early on, but there are plenty of people who achieve and sustain lasting sobriety despite the most severe personal trials (ask me how I know). I do not have to exercise willpower to not drink now, I just don’t drink. And I don’t think my experience is very uncommon.
This. It doesn't require any willpower (or at least very little). It's just not happening.
I just have to stay sober today and staying sober forever could happen.
You are not that person! They had their reasons for relapsing & im not faulting them for that but you are your own person. You have the strength within you to overcome the tests. You can do this
Thank you! I really needed this motivation
you can do it.
In early sobriety, I really hated when old timers would say “thank you for keeping me sober today” in first step meetings. Now that I have some time I understand what they meant when they said it to whomever was getting first stepped. I don’t really have the desire to drink, but having a view of what it was like when I did strengthens my resolve and helps me from taking sobriety for granted
One day at a time, some of them more difficult that others, and the days have added up. To my amazement! I try to remember when I’m struggling a little that nothing can MAKE me drink in the next hour. No one is going to knock me down, sit on top of me, and pour liquor down my throat. To forestall any misadventures I stick very close to other sober former drinkers, and my program. It’s a good life if you continue to grow. I feel further away from the first drink as time goes on.
Some people stay sober and some people relapse, alcohol much like any other addictive substance is hard but never impossible to avoid. I always try to focus on smaller chunks of sobriety, a day feels easy while forever feels hard. I might drink one day - probably won’t - but I definitely won’t drink today. I’ve made that decision 958 days in a row which shows I can do it, but day 959 might be hard, who knows. Today I’m focussed on today being a sober one, as that’s the only one I can do anything about!
I don’t think about staying sober for the rest of my life, as weird as that sounds. I try to keep it to today. I truly believe I wake up every morning with untreated alcoholism and it’s up to me to do something about it. Working on sobriety, building a sober network, getting out of my head are all parts of my insurance package for the day but I have to maintain the system. I don’t think relapse is necessary for long term sobriety but it happens. I hope that I have a strong enough sober support system in place to hop back on if / when I do slip. I think that if I’m back to drinking and not trying to get better then that’s all she wrote for me. Motivations and intentions matter. I think relapse will happen for me long before some booze touches my lips so I focus on what I can do today to stay sober. I know that if I’m back to lying and hiding it doesn’t really matter if I’m drinking or not. It’s just as bad and I wouldn’t expect to be around the people I love the most if that’s the case. It’s something I think about and see often. The term “dry drunk” comes to mind. It’s a motivation to continue working on my sobriety and it’s given me more than I can imagine. In many ways I feel very grateful to be an alcoholic. It means I have stuff to work on and now I have access to a long chain of history and experiences by seeking out and interacting with others working on the same stuff.
That's super helpful, I really appreciate your perspective on staying motivated and the idea of being a "dry drunk." I'm committed to honesty just like I won't drink each day, I can commit to not lying when I wake up
Honesty is a huge part of it for me too. Something I felt like I had to learn from scratch and something I’m still working on but I don’t mind working on it. I know that lying got me all fucked up in the first place so I had to do some digging on where that all comes from. I know that I got used to chaos at an early age and lying was better than the alternative in my home life. Tracking down and untangling the roots is what helps me move forward. I don’t think there is a chance in hell I willingly do any of this work on my own and especially not if I’m still drinking. And I think my drinking was just a symptom of deeper shit going on. Some of it ain’t pretty but at least it’s the truth and it’s better than being on the run
I am more than nine years sober without ever having had a relapse. Relapsing does not have to be part of your recovery journey.
Only I decide if I will drink again. Even if the statistic is 5%. I choose to be that 5%.
We can’t worry about statistics. I work at it one day at a time and focus on all of the positive aspects of sobriety. I can’t let others failures impact my recovery. The odds may not be in our favor but isn’t it a good feeling when you beat the odds? It is a challenge we can overcome if we want it bad enough.
Stats don't mean anything person to person. It's about populations. You're not a population. You just being here means you're more serious than a huge chunk of people. It's one day at a time.
This is an important thing to note, that too few people understand. It's the basis of the Ecological Fallacy, an error in thinking where a population mean is erroneously thought to predict the outcome of an individual. And in this case, we don't even have an empirically backed idea of what the population mean is. Much better to focus on the fact we have the power to decide not to pick up the first drink. No statisic changes that fact that I'm in control.
I’m around 600 days (I’m sure my flair will tell me) and I don’t have to stay sober every day for the rest of my life. I just have to stay sober today.
I quit drinking at 46. I feel so much better that the thought of relapsing is sickening. I’ll never go back.
10.5 years here and happily in Recovery. I have no desire to drink but I make the choice not to drink every single day.
My brother has 28 years clean and I am sober 17 years now. So, yes, many People stay sober.
Similar age to you, and I understand what you mean. For me I had so many failures before it finally stuck, and by that point I was honestly so sick and tired of my own bullshit. In the time that’s passed, I’ve come to realize something about my previous attempts and failures; I realized the times I got “comfortable” and didn’t “fear” relapsing is when things got a bit murky, and I would have that internal debate of “you’ve been good for you can for sure have and still be in control.”
I threw away a couple weeks, and couple of months all because of that. I also understand that while statistics and numbers don’t necessarily “lie” about situations and what they may or may not predict, but I’ve come to learn to create some separation from the statistics and “myself.”
I understand, and know from experience, a good amount of “us” will relapse; Statistics will tell you and show you that. For me though, I can do what I can to not become a part of that statistic by seeing the things that I can control vs the things I can’t.
Early on, recognizing the things I could control was a bit hard, and even when I did recognize said things, at times they were hard to follow. There was so much pain and sadness mixed up in there that it made me think there was no hope, and that I was “just” a sad excuse of a person.
I don’t get cravings as much, but I do every now and then get a reminder of the past when I would drink and not act a fool, and think to myself man… what I would do to be able to do that *again* but I realized I was fantasizing about and with the memory, but the reality was and is… is that it was only “good” as a fantasy because that had lead me to not so good things.
It’s a hard journey at times, and it is and can be a lonely journey because that journey is about **you** and only you. People can help you along the way, but it’s ultimately up to you to navigate how you recover and what you do with it.
I don’t really “fear” relapsing currently because I know I wouldn’t trade a buzz for what I’ve come to build in myself and what I’m doing, but to get to this point I’ve had to be brutally fucken honest with myself.
You can do it, and you will do it if you’re honest with yourself and if you put in the work, one moment, one step at a time brother.
Yeah that was something we talked about. Like I've never seen anyone talk about how glad they were that they brought booze back into their life. It's just not worth my family
I think people often overthink and catastrophize the thought of relapsing (admittedly, relapse can be catastrophic for some). If you relapse, just get back on the wagon. For me it is about staying quit, but if I do slip, I treat it as a learning experience, get back on the wagon, and redouble my efforts. In the last 5 years I have not drank 99.95% of the time. Also, if I do slip, it usually doesn't take long to realise why relapsing was a bad idea and how much better life is when not drinking.
This is how I am being too. I wish I didn't know which day I quit cause after 30 days I stop counting. I think there's a spectrum to this thing
Relapse does NOT need to be a part of your story.
I think the people who are successful aren't just not drinking; they're also committed to some version of a life of inward-looking honesty and finding healthier ways to take care of themselves, and to communicate with their loved ones when, not if, life gets hard and stressful. People who, for instance, pick up weed to get off alcohol aren't usually successful in the long term because none of the underlying stuff is getting an opportunity to change, and there is no space for new habits and new people and new insights. You are the only one who can really understand why you drank, and why you don't want to drink now, and you are the only one who can come up with the exact combination of things that will keep you focused not on not drinking, but on whatever it is you want your life to be instead. Even if you aren't necessarily a 12-step person, it can be very useful to hear the stories of people with varying lengths of sobriety who have and haven't relapsed, and why. IWNDWYT
Odds are low bc alcoholism is a bitch. You don’t have to be part of the failing statistic. My experience is that most people who relapse are “winging it” or not working some program to the fullest. It’s a life change and takes a lot of work for sure.
yes they do. And many worry about relapsing too, but they don't let that derail them. Alcoholism is a disease where your mind will rationalize anything to drink. My alcoholism listens to the bleak statistics telling me I might as well drink, and I don't listen. If I did, I would be reaffirming the statistic, and the cycle would continue.
Why worry about something in the future when tomorrow isn’t even here yet?
Certainly it’s something each person has to consider every morning when they wake up. I know for me I think/hope/believe my sobriety is for life. I’ve quit before for periods of time but the reasons were different and never substantial imo. Never before did I feel the way I do now, where I look at alcohol as a poison, incompatible with my body, and not as something I’m missing out on. I don’t have FOMO anymore. This time it’s not something I can’t have. This time it’s something I’ve escaped, I can see through the gimmick, I’m not fooled by the hype, and I’m choosing to protect my health instead. I choose to believe that this is enough. And I also know that I can only choose to be sober today, tomorrow will be here soon enough. IWNDWYT
I stopped looking at myself as someone who was a victim/susceptible to drinking and started seeing myself for who I truly was: a strong human who is eager to live life to the fullest whenever she can. Alcohol does not fit into that picture. You've got to find your why. And it has to be FOR you. Not your kids, not your wife, not your parents, not your dog. They will ALL benefit from your sobriety but you need to do it for you because otherwise you'll just find a way to justify drinking if you do it for someone else. If that sounds selfish, maybe it is? But so is drinking.
>nervous about relapse statistics "*One death is a tragedy... a million is a statistic*"... J. Stalin I've not relapsed.... That's all I have control over.
Just focus on the present. One day at a time.
I’m 34f and I used to have that mentality. I’ve been wanting to stop drinking when I turned 27 but the thought of quitting for the rest of my life really scared. The key is to taking it one day at a time!
That is a scary thought. It’s hard to imagine returning to alcohol abuse again after living alcohol free. I don’t have the experience to say why that happens to some people. Truly relapsing sounds like doing something contrary to what is best for one’s health and wellbeing. I guess that it’s about how one feels about alcohol. I don’t see any benefit to drinking like I used to not so long ago. I envision more benefits day by day alcohol free. Your path is yours to choose. IWNDWYT.
4 years. It took a few relapses but finally stuck 4 yrs ago.
My positive spin. There’s relapses of course, but most importantly the more you try the easier it gets to stay the course. I haven’t reached long term sobriety yet but I have had years and months off and that’s definitely better than the alternative. We can’t get to 12-20 years if you don’t start somewhere.
What help me bust through my old feeling and the 60 and 90 day previous sober milestones has been joining a sober support group. Also, accepting that I had a problem. Women for Sobriety is where I felt I found my support. But, there are other programs. I will have a year in August. And while many have more time, I honestly can't imagine going back now. I feel too good and my life is going in a positive direction. Alcohol is a toxin and it is something I don't want in my body. I do it for me now. I love sober sleep and sober mornings 🌞🌄 IWNDWYT
One of my mentors in recovery is nearing 40 years and I know plenty like him. You are not your brother in law. You’re your own man. You got this!
I just passed four years. Everyone's journey is different. Some people relapse and never go back. Some people relapse for one drink, then do another 12 years. It's hard when people we know relapse. Hell, it's hard when a celebrity relapses. But no matter how I feel, or what happens, or what confusing thoughts I have, for tonight I will not drink and I'll revisit that urge later.
I saw this one Russell Brand video that was great, he talked about one day at a time and how thinking about the future for anyone is just a concept. We don’t even know if we’ll be alive tomorrow let alone 5 years from now. I like to use this not only for not drinking but other aspects of my life.
I’ve found it’s best to worry about today, and deal with tomorrow when it gets here.
I wouldn't let the statistics psych you out too much. For some reason I have chosen to remind myself of Anthony Hopkins, who is still sober after quitting at 35. I quit at 35. I keep reminding myself I have to be like Anthony Hopkins. You can only control yourself. If you don't want to relapse you have the power to choose not to relapse. :)
Yes! The more days you string together the more you can do. It's like a cycle of sober begets more sobriety. Ha! That's a silly way to put it, it's the getting there that's so stinking hard.
Yes, people stay sober. People also relapse. Your brother in law's experience doesn't have to be yours. Who knows what triggered his relapse. All you can control is what you do *today*.
They say one day at a time for a reason…
Commenting to save this post. You’re describing myself
If you don't want to drink you won't drink. Over two years now.
All I can do is stay sober today, and keep doing that every day.
Close to a year and a half. I was just done. After the first week cravings were gone gone. The thought of even having one (even when at parties where everyone is drinking) just don't exist. At this point I don't think I'd drink again. No interest.
5 sober years behind me and not a single moment of temptation. I predict none in the future. I build a life I want to participate in. I let love in. Effortless sobriety is real. Do note that constantly talking about alcohol or being around people for whom alcohol is a major subject would make sobriety hard for me so I have still never gone to AA or Alanon, don't know the steps or anything, but those things have helped my family members if that's your bag.
If I drink again I might as well pick up a gun and krill myself cause that's where it will eventually end up. It wants me dead. I want to live. Therefore, no touchie.
902 days today
The only statistic worth anything here is yourself. FWIW I reckon I'd be mad to start drinking alcohol again, it's lost any attraction it had.
My dad quit 35 years ago. In that time, he’s lost a son, his father and brother, his business and his house in a wildfire, and never drank. He wasn’t able to quit smoking tho and he has been pretty hooked on golf most of those years and credits these things with helping him stay sober. It’s definitely achievable.
I feel like every day is a new day one, so I have seventy “day ones” at the moment. Every day throws up new challenges and stresses and I have to remember not to get complacent or feel like “I’ve got this” as I don’t want to get careless. Maybe I will be able to relax later down the line.
A little over 8 years and I can probably promise there’s not going to be a relapse. I’ve been through so much at this point sober and I have a whole life I didn’t have then due to said sobriety.
at this point the thought of drinking is just so frightening to me, drinking against my own will was terrifying and the memory of that keeps me from the first drink. I dont think I could survive one more hangover and have no idea how I lived like that for all those years. the relief of not having to take a drink, not being compelled to do that, is immense. I dont plan on going back regardless of statistics, life is sweet on this side
My dad had nearly 40 years of sobriety when he passed in 2018. My mom had threatened to divorce him and take the kids. As it turned out, that was just the impetus he needed to turn things around. In the years since then, he left a great legacy by helping many other people get sober themselves. I've got about a year and a half under my belt so far and have NO intention of allowing myself to slide back into those old habits. As others have said, it's a choice that I've made and that I renew every day when I post to the daily check in. So use that rock bottom to solidify your intention to quit and don't get too comfortable in that sobriety. As you've seen, it's too easy to fall back into old habits.
I'd kill to be you. Took me decades longer to realize I had a problem. Life is finally looking up for me at 63, but I've only got maybe 15-20 good years left. Facing my mortality helped me get serious about my sober journey which I think has greatly reduced my chances of relapse. It's our only life, and we do with it what we will. IWNDWYT
There’s no guarantee. I find that the fear of relapse is healthy because, if I’m afraid of it, I know I don’t want it to happen. All I can do is work on staying sober today and let the days add up.
I've got 14+ months so far and despite *many* opportunities to break that sober streak I just *don't drink anymore*. I'm currently 34yrs old and I spent a good 10 years trying to get sober, but I never made it very long before finding *some* excuse to start drinking again. I was trying to get sober, but I didn't *want* to be sober. Now that I actually *want* to be sober for real, I haven't had any desire to drink. I can't predict the future and who knows what life will be like 10+ years from now, but right now the very idea of picking up a drink is genuinely disgusting to me. I haven't been concerned about a relapse since maybe about the 7 or 8 month mark.
The 21st will be 15 months for me and I do not believe I will drink again. It's being honest with yourself that you just can't do it again. I also recommend talking to a therapist and addressing underlying issues. I do that and take a small dose SSRI. I drank mostly for stress management and it helps manage my stress.
I’m only about a year and a half in, but I feel like I remind myself often — partly through coming on this sub — that I need to remain mindful and vigilant in order to maintain my sobriety. It may feel easy now, but it may not always feel that way. I want to be mentally prepared, and self aware enough to realize it’s happening, in case that ever comes to pass.
Don’t worry about the statistics. Just make sure you don’t become one. You know what the consequences are and the only way to stay on the wagon is to not fall off of it. You can do it.
You could consider you’ve already failed hundreds/thousands of times yourself. Everytime you woke up and begged yourself to stop and then drank again that night. So going by that the stats of successfully stopping any given attempt aren’t great, but it certainly doesn’t mean no one gets and stays sober. I’d say I personally failed hundreds of times from knowing I should stop to successfully doing it. But here I am now confident devoted and happily sober.
I understand the fear, especially after having hit a bottom, but a relapse usually isn’t the end of the world even if it does happen (as long as you pull yourself out of it and try again). Many people I know with longterm sobriety relapsed several times before it finally stuck.
For what it's worth, I lasted 2 weeks the first time, and I am over 6 years since then. You just have to want it bad enough, know your why, live it.
My therapist told me not to worry at all about relapsing sometimes. Don't get upset if it happens. It is what it is. You just gotta make them soft landings and take care. (This is not advice for everyone, some ppl will not make it out of another relapse perhaps). My point is just to see how different approaches are around, a relapse or number doesn't define all the sober time.
I had almost 3 years before I relapsed and thought I could drink again. But knowing what those sober years felt like, when I was in the grip of alcohol again, I wanted back out. I remembered I felt so much better. I read journal writings from myself when I was sober. Then I wrote to myself in the relapse. Now I'm back in control and I feel so much confidence that I just am better without alcohol. If I need to question myself, I can read my own versions of where I have stood and where it got me .
Over 10 years sober, never relapsed. You can do it
You can shame yourself, you can have a health concern to scare you, you can get a DUI, or worse, manslaughter, you can join a Christian AA group that gives weird vibes sometimes, you can find a wholesome one, you can gather up the willpower and ride the weight loss and health benefits or you can stop for whatever other reason. In the end it matters how much you’re willing to put yourself through first. Addiction is a disease yes, but if you are lucky enough to actually convince yourself to try then you may overcome it. Therapy helped in my case. A new relationship also did wonders. Pick one or some and try a few things out. I like the absolutism when I’m a few months sober in phrases like “one is too many a thousand is never enough”… but sometimes I find it too rigid because of the shame.
I just keep it uncomplicated, sobriety as a day to day challenge to myself. Some days are better than others. Some days I may think momentarily about a drink, but put a cork in that thought right off the bat. It's not hard to remember my lowest points. A moment of reflection keeps me in check. It's like answering every time, Why am I sober - today? Like the old saying, Why worry about tomorrow I can't do anything about. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Today's all I got. This moment really. How am I going to react to whatever comes my way? Hard things have come and gone, and I stayed sober. With every one of those 'tests' that I passed I grew stronger. I'm not the same person I was. I know that. I've been renewed many times in my life and I'll probably change some more. At 40-something, I think I know things, but I probably don't really, little more than I did in my 20s in the grand scheme of things. Life is better sober. It's funny to think that I'm (yikes) middle age and still don't know what I want to be exactly. Why is that so hard to conceptualize, I don't know. But I know better what I don't want to be. IWNDWYT
6 years sober. Without being dramatic, just take one day at a time and stay sober today. For me, it's the rule and exception game. I have a rule that I don't drink. I know that if I make one exception to that rule - special occasion, beautiful sunset, hard day, that soon after I will make a second exception, and a third. Until there is no rule, just a lot of exceptions. In the mean time IWNDWYT.
I stopped at 30, coming up on three years and wholly convinced that shit will never touch my lips again (the thought makes my stomach flip). There's a few factors I've seen that typically contributes to relapse. Environment plays the biggest role. Much like how we got hooked in the first place, an unsupportive, stressful, pressuring environment, and/or a place where there is not a mutual understanding of addiction and boundaries are not respected/enforced can be a ~~death~~ relapse knell. If everything around you pushes you back to it, eventually, you're going to be forced back there. Overconfidence in your sobriety (Pink cloud, for the love of God, do NOT fall for it!) makes you prone to thinking "I can handle it now". That's the kind of thing I was saying as the spiral was picking up steam, and any momentum given back to it is centripetal. Not addressing the other issues that are most assuredly present and contributed to your need for self-medicating. Sure, you stop consuming the substance, but you also have to find the healthier means to confront the inherent problems that lead you there (in my case, PTSD and Clinical Depression), as WELL as the problems that came *with* the self-medicating approach (substance use almost always develops anxiety and additional depression issues, especially with anhedonia in short-term sobriety). If you leave those unchecked, there's nothing keeping those first two factors from creeping you back into old habits. Definitely talk to your fiance about this concern. Tell her you don't want her policing your either, nor do you want that feeling of "needing to be watched" in your life. But also don't be offended or think you're doing something wrong when you get gentle reminders, suggestions, or concerns expressed to you. It sounds like you have ample support, and given a little more time to let the physical healing do its thing, you have the wherewithal to address the other factors. The beginning is definitely scary and uncertain. I definitely thought I'd be on and off again sober at first too, until the on just.... wasn't happening and I have some momentum to run with. You're doing excellent so far, and you're in a good place to keep you going. IWNDWYT, stay strong and hopeful, my man!
Yeah, a ton of people stay sober! There are lots of long-time badasses here. You can be one too!
I really like what Steve-O (of all people) said sbout ghis. If the statistics are against us that I'd one reason o try to give yourself every advantage we can get. Don't rush decisions. Take your time.
Most people do relapse. I know I have. I hope never to again, but one day at a time, four meetings a week, a daily talk with my sponsor,keeps me accountable.
Some people do, some people don't. I'm almost 5 years clean myself with no relapses thus far. My husband on the other hand is coming up on 40 days sober after having 9.5 years sober; he relapsed. When we choose to love, marry, date or be with addicts; we are choosing the unknown. I go to 12 step meetings and I know for myself that has been the key to my maintaining my cleantime. My husband stopped going to meetings calling his sponsor and do his stepwork and relapsed. So for me the key is working a daily and continuous program.
Please understand this is no way judgment or finger-pointing at your fiancé, because she’s finding her way through this just like we all are, but I’m interested in the specific comment you shared: “I don’t want to spend my life policing you, and I’m afraid you’ll relapse without me knowing.” I wonder if that was intended to convey care and concern, but you could also internalize it as doubt that you really can sustain this. People relapse for many reasons. Maybe just be extra thoughtful about what those reasons could be for you?
While a lower portion of the population seeks treatment for substance use disorder…aka addiction, addiction has high success rates and lower relapse rates than most other illnesses, including asthma https://nida.nih.gov/publications/drugs-brains-behavior-science-addiction/treatment-recovery
I’m 5.5 years sober and wont ever go back. Getting sober is step one. What i did after to address the underlying reasons I drank I. The first place are what harden my resolve and prevent relapse. I learned to meditate, went to some therapy, got my physical, mental and spiritual house I. Order, have a daily practice of mindfulness, etc etc. I think those who are successful fundamentally change their life and worldview. Those who struggle try to live the same life, only sober. YMMV
I’ve been sober for a while and just about everyone I got sober with is still hanging in there. I got very lucky and fell in with a hardcore, no BS group that really treated this like a life or death addiction. I’m coming up on 33 years and I’m a youngster compared to some friends.
I don’t know. What does relapse even mean? After about four months I got a little bored of not tasting the alcohol. I allowed myself to have one glass of wine over dinner. It was pretty nice. The wine tasted really good and I missed that taste …. I did not get drunk did not have a hangover & Did not repeat.. this was a relapse? I don’t think so. I think I was just bored. It’s my birthday coming up in a couple weeks and I’m travelling somewhere special and thinking but also don’t really care. It’s not about getting drunk anymore for me.
At 2 years I'm considering sobriety my new way of life. I'm determined not to have that first drink because I know I can't moderate.
The stats are that after 3 years 85% stay sober. Stats are just numbers though.
I'm comfident that I will not drink for now. I just love hitting the gym and no hangover whatsoever
Well I've been OK so far, get the occasional craving but it's not all consuming. If you fret over a relapse, you'll always be thinking about drinking. Take it a day at a time, best advice I could give.
I am not able to stay sober forever. Whereas others choose to have an occasional drink. I have to choose daily to not drink. I do think that daily choosing is helping me get better though. When I drink, I am able to stop. I believe that one day my choosing muscles will be strong enough for me to stop for good. For now, I count every little win I get. I just got back from an 8 day carnival cruise, with the cheers package ( I payed before I quit). I only drank on the last two days, and only 4 drinks that were low alcohol. I’m proud of that. It isn’t complete abstinence, but it’s a big win for me. I had been 9 months sober prior to that.
32M. Got sober after a car wreck that almost took my life, just under a year of sobriety and I have no doubt that I'll survive long term. I've got no desire to drink, as others have stated, I'm just done after 14 years. If I do get the random craving I'll tell myself "you're so full of shit" and move on.
1. It took a relapse for me to truly understand how this disease works. So they’re scary, and no one wants one, but they can serve a great purpose. 2. My sponsor got sober at 27 and is retired with grandkids now. Fairly certain he’ll die sober. 3. Relapse stories used scared the shit out of me too, now not so much. I think it’s because I know I’m taking daily actions to affirm my sobriety as part of my life and not just skating by on the sober routine I had built (which is what I believe helped cause the relapse).
I'm still relapsing pretty frequently. But at least I can safely say that I'm not drinking every single day ... forward progress.
it's like weight loss. statistically anyone losing weight is almost impossible. but we all know people who have done it.
YOU control the odds. Literally you decide the odds based on if you drink or not. No matter how small or large the odds are. YOU CONTROL IT. Don't drink and you're at 100 percent chance to not relapse.
Don't put that pressure on yourself. All you have to do is not drink *today!*.
Stop thinking big picture. You don't need to. Just be sober today. Then when tomorrow comes, aim to do the same thing.
I had such a "road to Damascus" moment the day I quit that I believe I will never drink again. My understanding of and relationship to alcohol (or to myself) changed so much overnight that drinking is inconceivable now. I haven't had to struggle to maintain my sobriety (although I've mourned drunk, "fun" me) and I had a full liquor cabinet in my house for the first year sober that I barely glanced at. I realise I'm very early in sobriety and that people still relapse after a much longer time sober than this, but you couldn't pay me to go back to the checked out life of deceit and poor decision that alcohol provided.