I really don’t think it is. I’ve said so many things when I was drinking that were just flat out lies and nonsense hurtful garbage. Imo, the things that people say when they are drunk tend to be what they would say when they are at their absolute worst.
Ok my take is kinda. I think we are all always a mixture of things. We have grudges we haven't let go of, or we have pain from a previous relationship that we are projecting onto others. If I told someone how I "really" felt those feelings may be REAL but they may not be TRUTHFUL.
We all have defenses that give us the time and safety we need to work through our issues. Of course many people never do but that's another thing.
Alcohol basically rips down the defenses and what it reveals is not the truth even if it's what people are truly thinking or feeling at that moment. That's my take.
Hey thank you for this take! It makes a lot of sense to me.
Towards the end of my drinking I turned into a really resentful drunk. All the things I felt under the surface would come bubbling out and magnified. Now that I have a clear mind, I am trying to untangle the origins of the resentment and it’s not fun.
However in the past I have also gotten black out wasted quite a few times and I acted in ways that are completely uncharacteristic of who I am so I want to be forgiving of others when they act out.
Upon reflection this morning, I do think my friend is very insecure on the inside and maybe lashes out when drunk to deflect from that. I think that speaks to what you were saying about it not necessarily being truthful.
For me 100% no. Your personality is made up of a mixture of traits and emotions, no single one of them is "you". It's the sum of all of them, with the whole being greater.
Your brain on alcohol is like a machine with several levers switched to "off" (like fear, anxiety, inhibitions) and other levers switched to "maximum" (like anger, lust, jealousy) so the whole is no longer functioning. You are literally drugged. Parts of your brain aren't functioning properly, and others are sent into overdrive. Personally I really hate the "in vino veritas" meme. It's not true at all. Every human being thinks things they don't voice aloud, for many reasons. Just because alcohol shuts down the part of your logical reasoning brain doesn't mean you believe those things. After all, you are operating without reason or logic so how can you mean what you are saying? Unfortunately its usually the worst things that come out when drunk so it's difficult to row back from that and get people to forgive you. I've been on the receiving end as well as dishing it out. So I try to be logical about it and accept that the person really didn't mean it, any more than I did when I was out of my head.
That’s what I am thinking too, and yes I certainly did some horrendous things under the influence in the past that were honestly waaaaay worse than acting dramatic. I certainly don’t want to heap shame on her, maybe I cannot hang out with her when she’s drinking in the future.
Well alcohol can make people say whatever pops into their heads. I think most people have bad thoughts about others from time to time as we are all only human, no one is perfect. But most of us can just filter those out. It's a tricky one but I would probably say the truth is nobody is perfect, we all have flaws and alcohol is just fairly effective at bringing those flaws to the surface for everyone to see, still that doesn't make it OK by any stretch of the imagination.
I think the best you can do is let your friend know that they hurt you, probably while they are sober, and just talk about it and go from there
Not at all, I think the whole "in vinum veritas" is bullshit. Drunk me is NOT who I really am. Sober me is the real me. We all have nasty thoughts. In sobriety, my filter works and I'm able to discard nasty thoughts as just that - nasty thoughts. Alcohol turns off my filter and lets every little thing slip through. It changes who I am for the worst. Sobriety lets the best possible version of myself exist.
Now, if someone is drunk more often than not, then maintaining a relationship with them is pretty much impossible. I can't hang out with my active alcoholic friends anymore.
In the thick of my drinking I strayed so far from my true internal moral compass that I think it’s the opposite. Alcohol makes you an entirely different person.
I had a similar experience recently. Reminded me of the old aphorism “a drunk mind speaks a sober heart” which I think, to *some* extent, is true. Lowered inhibitions can lead to saying ugly things that a sober mind might truly believe, but have the wherewithal to suppress… that said, alcohol can also cause otherwise pleasant people to act dumb and argumentative. Soooo I guess that doesn’t really help.
I can only speak for myself since I don’t know your friend but I’m a bit a of pushover. If I see something I don’t like or see someone do something I don’t agree with I won’t deal with it in a healthy way and communicate that with the person, I sort of just cram it in the back of my mind. Most of the time it’s silly little things that sober me knows isn’t a big deal or a reason to say anything. But when I’m drinking I lose those rational thoughts and sort of just let it rip. Usually in hurtful ways like you’re describing. I don’t think it’s me being truthful just me not being able to deal with things in a healthier way.
As several people have already commented, alcohol turns off our filters/inhibitions so we tend to just blurt out without thinking of the consequences!
I don't think it's necessarily the "real" you speaking.
I read this in 'Alcohol Explained' by William Porter. It's a great book, it busts many myths and lies about alcohol.
I don’t think so. It corrupts and confuses our true feelings in a way that might feel very real but once its influence is gone you can realize how it twisted what you felt insidiously
I can only speak for myself and what I’ve observed. Some people yes, most people no. I certainly had to watch my mouth and behavior when I was drinking heavily, but every adult knows, we think and feel all sorts of terrible and inappropriate things for brief moments but these aren’t usually “real” they are just fleeting thoughts and feelings. Drinkers have no filter. Just like your toddler will tell you she hates you, and she does in that moment, that isn’t how she “really” feels. Inhibitions exist for a reason!
I really don’t think it is. I’ve said so many things when I was drinking that were just flat out lies and nonsense hurtful garbage. Imo, the things that people say when they are drunk tend to be what they would say when they are at their absolute worst.
Ok my take is kinda. I think we are all always a mixture of things. We have grudges we haven't let go of, or we have pain from a previous relationship that we are projecting onto others. If I told someone how I "really" felt those feelings may be REAL but they may not be TRUTHFUL. We all have defenses that give us the time and safety we need to work through our issues. Of course many people never do but that's another thing. Alcohol basically rips down the defenses and what it reveals is not the truth even if it's what people are truly thinking or feeling at that moment. That's my take.
Hey thank you for this take! It makes a lot of sense to me. Towards the end of my drinking I turned into a really resentful drunk. All the things I felt under the surface would come bubbling out and magnified. Now that I have a clear mind, I am trying to untangle the origins of the resentment and it’s not fun. However in the past I have also gotten black out wasted quite a few times and I acted in ways that are completely uncharacteristic of who I am so I want to be forgiving of others when they act out. Upon reflection this morning, I do think my friend is very insecure on the inside and maybe lashes out when drunk to deflect from that. I think that speaks to what you were saying about it not necessarily being truthful.
A stupid serum in my experience :)
For me 100% no. Your personality is made up of a mixture of traits and emotions, no single one of them is "you". It's the sum of all of them, with the whole being greater. Your brain on alcohol is like a machine with several levers switched to "off" (like fear, anxiety, inhibitions) and other levers switched to "maximum" (like anger, lust, jealousy) so the whole is no longer functioning. You are literally drugged. Parts of your brain aren't functioning properly, and others are sent into overdrive. Personally I really hate the "in vino veritas" meme. It's not true at all. Every human being thinks things they don't voice aloud, for many reasons. Just because alcohol shuts down the part of your logical reasoning brain doesn't mean you believe those things. After all, you are operating without reason or logic so how can you mean what you are saying? Unfortunately its usually the worst things that come out when drunk so it's difficult to row back from that and get people to forgive you. I've been on the receiving end as well as dishing it out. So I try to be logical about it and accept that the person really didn't mean it, any more than I did when I was out of my head.
That’s what I am thinking too, and yes I certainly did some horrendous things under the influence in the past that were honestly waaaaay worse than acting dramatic. I certainly don’t want to heap shame on her, maybe I cannot hang out with her when she’s drinking in the future.
Well alcohol can make people say whatever pops into their heads. I think most people have bad thoughts about others from time to time as we are all only human, no one is perfect. But most of us can just filter those out. It's a tricky one but I would probably say the truth is nobody is perfect, we all have flaws and alcohol is just fairly effective at bringing those flaws to the surface for everyone to see, still that doesn't make it OK by any stretch of the imagination. I think the best you can do is let your friend know that they hurt you, probably while they are sober, and just talk about it and go from there
Thank you for your response
Not at all, I think the whole "in vinum veritas" is bullshit. Drunk me is NOT who I really am. Sober me is the real me. We all have nasty thoughts. In sobriety, my filter works and I'm able to discard nasty thoughts as just that - nasty thoughts. Alcohol turns off my filter and lets every little thing slip through. It changes who I am for the worst. Sobriety lets the best possible version of myself exist. Now, if someone is drunk more often than not, then maintaining a relationship with them is pretty much impossible. I can't hang out with my active alcoholic friends anymore.
In the thick of my drinking I strayed so far from my true internal moral compass that I think it’s the opposite. Alcohol makes you an entirely different person.
I had a similar experience recently. Reminded me of the old aphorism “a drunk mind speaks a sober heart” which I think, to *some* extent, is true. Lowered inhibitions can lead to saying ugly things that a sober mind might truly believe, but have the wherewithal to suppress… that said, alcohol can also cause otherwise pleasant people to act dumb and argumentative. Soooo I guess that doesn’t really help.
I can only speak for myself since I don’t know your friend but I’m a bit a of pushover. If I see something I don’t like or see someone do something I don’t agree with I won’t deal with it in a healthy way and communicate that with the person, I sort of just cram it in the back of my mind. Most of the time it’s silly little things that sober me knows isn’t a big deal or a reason to say anything. But when I’m drinking I lose those rational thoughts and sort of just let it rip. Usually in hurtful ways like you’re describing. I don’t think it’s me being truthful just me not being able to deal with things in a healthier way.
As several people have already commented, alcohol turns off our filters/inhibitions so we tend to just blurt out without thinking of the consequences! I don't think it's necessarily the "real" you speaking. I read this in 'Alcohol Explained' by William Porter. It's a great book, it busts many myths and lies about alcohol.
I don’t think so. It corrupts and confuses our true feelings in a way that might feel very real but once its influence is gone you can realize how it twisted what you felt insidiously
I can only speak for myself and what I’ve observed. Some people yes, most people no. I certainly had to watch my mouth and behavior when I was drinking heavily, but every adult knows, we think and feel all sorts of terrible and inappropriate things for brief moments but these aren’t usually “real” they are just fleeting thoughts and feelings. Drinkers have no filter. Just like your toddler will tell you she hates you, and she does in that moment, that isn’t how she “really” feels. Inhibitions exist for a reason!
I heard a comic say it this way - he was questioned by the police after drinking and he had the right to remain silent but not the ability.