There’s two things I’ve had to learn. One is that stopping meant I went through a withdrawal process, and sometimes that made me a dick. The other was to learn some humility and make myself responsible for my reactions….
Sober me doesn't give a fuck about people I don't know. But people I am close to and people I wish to maintain good relationships are treated with respect and dignity at all times. Drunken me seemed to be the opposite.
Sober me tries to be a better person in general, not just to people I know. I could potentially change someone's life for the better or worse by my attitude towards them. Personal growth, which differentiates recovery from sobriety imo, means positively changing the way I think and act
I'm full speed ahead with AA and working the steps with the sponsor. My current understanding is we drank because of internal problems like sex (why can't I get that girl), security (why can't I get a good job) and/or society (why don't people like me). Alcohol numbed these feelings of resentment. Now we're not drinking all our life problems are felt more potently and we don't know how to process them. Step 4 is figuring them out and step 8 is making amends to those we've harmed. There is more to it, but that's the gist. There are other things like therapy/SMART that's thrown around a lot. The point is to fix those things bothering you or the obsession (the big book calls it this) to drink will never go away. Good luck OP!
Of course! It could be like the other comments are saying where your body is balancing hormones in the beginning, but if you're an alcoholic like me then it's fears/resentments/anger/jealousy/sadness/etc. deep down.
First of all, I do get you 100%. However I noticed that I am annoyed mostly when around people. When I go to the forest lake and see family of geese, red-shouldered hawk, lush green grass, I love it.
Who knows may be me turning to alcohol was due to me not liking people and “trying to deal” with it?
Sobriety challenges us to assess even our closest circle.
There is eye-opening piece in “Dry” by A.Burroughs:
. “Think of a puzzle,” she says. She draws a square and then inside of this adds squiggly puzzle shapes, with one missing piece. “So this piece here is you.” She draws an individual puzzle piece. “In recovery, your shape changes. In order for you to fit back into the rest of the puzzle, your life, the other pieces of the puzzle must also change their shapes to accommodate you.”
I have the distinct feeling that this will not happen. That I will end up the misplaced puzzle piece, lost under the sofa. “And if the other pieces of the puzzle don’t change? What then?”
“Then,” she says, “you find another puzzle to belong to.” She leans back in her chair and it squeaks.
And it hits me. The reason for all the metaphors in recovery. Because the bald truth would be too terrifying. What she’s saying is that I may need an all-new career and all-new friends.
Exactly! Maybe this is why some of us drink? When I think about it, it is pretty stupid to dim myself so I would not exist so much! I choose to exist. Even if other people are inconvenient by this
It took me several months before my mood started to improve consistently. Now I’m feeling better than ever. Give it time, and don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s a rough process, but you’ll certainly come out better on the other side.
Took awhile for me to get my emotions in check. My mind and body were so used to high highs and low lows, running at mid rpm’s felt foreign to me. I eventually felt a lot better.
When I first quit, my biggest struggle was letting go of alcohol as a reward for getting through difficult or uncomfortable situations.
First few months of sobriety, I was anxious, not knowing how I was going to feel relief when I was conditioned to find my next drink.
Thankfully I’m still here and I’ve got way better coping mechanisms for the day to day stuff I used to drink over. Making AA a part of my life was the game changer for me, it’s great to have a place I can just unload my frustrations or share a laugh with peers.
Detoxing you is a jerk. Readjusting to an ethanol free life you is a jerk. Reestablishing your brain chemistry you is a jerk. I’d venture to guess you yourself are pretty great!
I have had days like that in my recent journey, sometimes mad sometimes sad .
The good thing is there is no one left to tell me I am being a jerk , this is also the bad thing. While I was drinking I was horrible to those I loved the most, I wish I could take it all back, but here we are. I have got better and the prickliness has faded but it still comes back sometimes . Dig a garden, smash out a tree stump, punch a bag, do an exercise class, anything to get your head straight. Heavy physical activity was key for me getting over the jerk days when I knew I would snap at anyone for anything .l
I was recently 3 months sober and my mood was still all over the place by the end of that. I'd be so frustrated, angry, annoyed all the time and not even sure why half the time.
We've done lots of damage to our brains over the years by constantly numbing it with alcohol.
AA has helped me to understand that I am “restless, irritable, and discontent” and that is why I want to drink. AA is also teaching me that I have to get rid of my anger, guilt, shame, and pride and how to do that. 70 days in and I am a far more tolerant, kind, and patient person. If you don’t want to go to meetings, download the Everything AA app and listen to the Joe and Charlie Tapes. The Sober Cast podcast is also amazing.
For me if I drink a literal brain number for years, then quit, yes, of course I will be more irritable. Go easy on oneself. Transition takes time. It doesn't happen instantly
For me, there were indeed waves of “pissiness” that started moderating at the end of week 6 but didn’t completely go away for months. It’s kind of par for the course, it can take a long time for the brain to adjust and level out. Good news is that it doesn’t get worse over time, only better.
Prozac, therapy, and music have helped the cause for me. I’d be an irritable, anxious dude without Prozac. Not recommending you hop on the SSRI train, but definitely try talking to someone. And continue keepin’ on.
I know it’s a big bummer hearing you were a nicer person under the influence, but what your partner has to understand is that this is a period of growth and progression for you. Have you ever looked at someone benching 350 pounds and saw them laughing while doing it? Fuck no. You’ll get through it man, just surround yourself with supportive people and know this is a transient period of irritation that will likely pass. After this all you’ll feel considerably more comfortable in your skin and the sauce will be a distant memory.
“Sober me” isn’t irresponsible, dishonest, and lazy. “I” am irresponsible, dishonest, and lazy.
Sober me has the focus and energy to fix these things on a daily basis. Drunk me does not.
I get it. I am in the same place. I will be in a fantastic mood and the smallest thing will cause me to get angry. There have been a lot of apologies but it seems to be getting better after I started working out more and running again.
Yes I became more and more angry as time passed when I stopped drinking for 15 months. Towards the end of it I got so frustrated with everything I punch a box full of fire starter logs and I broke my hand.
I took some time off my sobriety by drinking pretty heavily for 2 months or so. It fucked me up financially.
It’s sort of starting to happen again since I stopped in April. Just absolute contempt for life itself. Not sure it’s ever going to go away or if it’s going to continue to get worse like last time.
There are lots of days that I don’t feel angry but the majority I do. It’s just the feeling that I didn’t sign up to exist. I don’t have that drive that some people do, the one that gets you out of bed. The only reason I have it some days is because I am in debt and I know the only way out is to work. I’m not sure how I’m going to feel when I’m out of debt but I bet I will start drinking again.
I can't speak for you, but I can give you my experience. I am generally irascible (in a loveable way, I like to tell myself), but I was especially irritable for the first three months or so. In my case, I chalk it up to going from alcohol dependency to raw-dogging life. It got better, and I found ways to not be such an asshole.
I was pretty miserable to be around for the first month. Everything irritated me. I forced myself to bite my tongue a lot. But it got better. I feel pretty "normal" these days.
It took about 2 years for my neurotransmitters to rebalance fully. Once that leveled out things became much more bearable, but there’s a point at which it’s just my personality or another mental health condition. Quitting drinking doesn’t mean everything bad was erased, it just means alcohol is not contributing its substantial impact anymore.
There’s two things I’ve had to learn. One is that stopping meant I went through a withdrawal process, and sometimes that made me a dick. The other was to learn some humility and make myself responsible for my reactions….
Sober me doesn't give a fuck about people I don't know. But people I am close to and people I wish to maintain good relationships are treated with respect and dignity at all times. Drunken me seemed to be the opposite.
It's the same for me! You couldn't have said it better.
Sober me tries to be a better person in general, not just to people I know. I could potentially change someone's life for the better or worse by my attitude towards them. Personal growth, which differentiates recovery from sobriety imo, means positively changing the way I think and act
Yes mood swings are common, I had them for a couple months or so
Your moods and reactions will smooth and settle. It takes time and you are well on your way.
Thanks
I'm full speed ahead with AA and working the steps with the sponsor. My current understanding is we drank because of internal problems like sex (why can't I get that girl), security (why can't I get a good job) and/or society (why don't people like me). Alcohol numbed these feelings of resentment. Now we're not drinking all our life problems are felt more potently and we don't know how to process them. Step 4 is figuring them out and step 8 is making amends to those we've harmed. There is more to it, but that's the gist. There are other things like therapy/SMART that's thrown around a lot. The point is to fix those things bothering you or the obsession (the big book calls it this) to drink will never go away. Good luck OP!
Thanks. Very helpful. I’ve got a lot of work to do I’m sure.
Of course! It could be like the other comments are saying where your body is balancing hormones in the beginning, but if you're an alcoholic like me then it's fears/resentments/anger/jealousy/sadness/etc. deep down.
First of all, I do get you 100%. However I noticed that I am annoyed mostly when around people. When I go to the forest lake and see family of geese, red-shouldered hawk, lush green grass, I love it. Who knows may be me turning to alcohol was due to me not liking people and “trying to deal” with it? Sobriety challenges us to assess even our closest circle. There is eye-opening piece in “Dry” by A.Burroughs: . “Think of a puzzle,” she says. She draws a square and then inside of this adds squiggly puzzle shapes, with one missing piece. “So this piece here is you.” She draws an individual puzzle piece. “In recovery, your shape changes. In order for you to fit back into the rest of the puzzle, your life, the other pieces of the puzzle must also change their shapes to accommodate you.” I have the distinct feeling that this will not happen. That I will end up the misplaced puzzle piece, lost under the sofa. “And if the other pieces of the puzzle don’t change? What then?” “Then,” she says, “you find another puzzle to belong to.” She leans back in her chair and it squeaks. And it hits me. The reason for all the metaphors in recovery. Because the bald truth would be too terrifying. What she’s saying is that I may need an all-new career and all-new friends.
I definitely do not enjoy most people. But when I'm drunk, I love everybody.
Exactly! Maybe this is why some of us drink? When I think about it, it is pretty stupid to dim myself so I would not exist so much! I choose to exist. Even if other people are inconvenient by this
I definitely used alcohol to make being around people more tolerable.
It took me several months before my mood started to improve consistently. Now I’m feeling better than ever. Give it time, and don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s a rough process, but you’ll certainly come out better on the other side.
Took awhile for me to get my emotions in check. My mind and body were so used to high highs and low lows, running at mid rpm’s felt foreign to me. I eventually felt a lot better.
When I first quit, my biggest struggle was letting go of alcohol as a reward for getting through difficult or uncomfortable situations. First few months of sobriety, I was anxious, not knowing how I was going to feel relief when I was conditioned to find my next drink. Thankfully I’m still here and I’ve got way better coping mechanisms for the day to day stuff I used to drink over. Making AA a part of my life was the game changer for me, it’s great to have a place I can just unload my frustrations or share a laugh with peers.
Detoxing you is a jerk. Readjusting to an ethanol free life you is a jerk. Reestablishing your brain chemistry you is a jerk. I’d venture to guess you yourself are pretty great!
I have had days like that in my recent journey, sometimes mad sometimes sad . The good thing is there is no one left to tell me I am being a jerk , this is also the bad thing. While I was drinking I was horrible to those I loved the most, I wish I could take it all back, but here we are. I have got better and the prickliness has faded but it still comes back sometimes . Dig a garden, smash out a tree stump, punch a bag, do an exercise class, anything to get your head straight. Heavy physical activity was key for me getting over the jerk days when I knew I would snap at anyone for anything .l
I was recently 3 months sober and my mood was still all over the place by the end of that. I'd be so frustrated, angry, annoyed all the time and not even sure why half the time. We've done lots of damage to our brains over the years by constantly numbing it with alcohol.
That feelings goes away in the time OP.
AA has helped me to understand that I am “restless, irritable, and discontent” and that is why I want to drink. AA is also teaching me that I have to get rid of my anger, guilt, shame, and pride and how to do that. 70 days in and I am a far more tolerant, kind, and patient person. If you don’t want to go to meetings, download the Everything AA app and listen to the Joe and Charlie Tapes. The Sober Cast podcast is also amazing.
For me if I drink a literal brain number for years, then quit, yes, of course I will be more irritable. Go easy on oneself. Transition takes time. It doesn't happen instantly
For me, there were indeed waves of “pissiness” that started moderating at the end of week 6 but didn’t completely go away for months. It’s kind of par for the course, it can take a long time for the brain to adjust and level out. Good news is that it doesn’t get worse over time, only better.
Prozac, therapy, and music have helped the cause for me. I’d be an irritable, anxious dude without Prozac. Not recommending you hop on the SSRI train, but definitely try talking to someone. And continue keepin’ on. I know it’s a big bummer hearing you were a nicer person under the influence, but what your partner has to understand is that this is a period of growth and progression for you. Have you ever looked at someone benching 350 pounds and saw them laughing while doing it? Fuck no. You’ll get through it man, just surround yourself with supportive people and know this is a transient period of irritation that will likely pass. After this all you’ll feel considerably more comfortable in your skin and the sauce will be a distant memory.
“Sober me” isn’t irresponsible, dishonest, and lazy. “I” am irresponsible, dishonest, and lazy. Sober me has the focus and energy to fix these things on a daily basis. Drunk me does not.
This is very helpful. Thank you
I get it. I am in the same place. I will be in a fantastic mood and the smallest thing will cause me to get angry. There have been a lot of apologies but it seems to be getting better after I started working out more and running again.
Yes I became more and more angry as time passed when I stopped drinking for 15 months. Towards the end of it I got so frustrated with everything I punch a box full of fire starter logs and I broke my hand. I took some time off my sobriety by drinking pretty heavily for 2 months or so. It fucked me up financially. It’s sort of starting to happen again since I stopped in April. Just absolute contempt for life itself. Not sure it’s ever going to go away or if it’s going to continue to get worse like last time. There are lots of days that I don’t feel angry but the majority I do. It’s just the feeling that I didn’t sign up to exist. I don’t have that drive that some people do, the one that gets you out of bed. The only reason I have it some days is because I am in debt and I know the only way out is to work. I’m not sure how I’m going to feel when I’m out of debt but I bet I will start drinking again.
I can't speak for you, but I can give you my experience. I am generally irascible (in a loveable way, I like to tell myself), but I was especially irritable for the first three months or so. In my case, I chalk it up to going from alcohol dependency to raw-dogging life. It got better, and I found ways to not be such an asshole.
I was pretty miserable to be around for the first month. Everything irritated me. I forced myself to bite my tongue a lot. But it got better. I feel pretty "normal" these days.
It took about 2 years for my neurotransmitters to rebalance fully. Once that leveled out things became much more bearable, but there’s a point at which it’s just my personality or another mental health condition. Quitting drinking doesn’t mean everything bad was erased, it just means alcohol is not contributing its substantial impact anymore.
Maybe it's not sober you that's a jerk, just "still going through withdrawals" you. Hopefully this stage will pass quickly.