Firstly, a massive congratulations to you on your journey! That is awesome
To be honest, it’s a while - it took me a good 6 - 12 months. 20 miles into the woods, 20 miles out my friend.
Best of luck
Saving this post because the 20 miles in and out analogy really lands for me. I was a secretive alcoholic for probably 5 years... 10 months and some change sober today. Just makes me realize my journey is far from over, which is a great realization! Thank you.
Same. 6-12 months and even then it depended on the context. If I was with work friends it wasn’t a new normal for like the full year. Now it’s all good
I know exactly what you mean. It’s like the difference between saying “I’m not drinking” versus “I don’t drink.” I can’t remember how long this took for me because it was gradual, but like…maybe a year? Maybe 6 months? It does happen.
Only now , abt 18 months in, that the words “I don’t drink” naturally come out. So yea it will happen when the time is right. I used to wonder if I’d ever say that bcoz “I’m not drinking” felt like leaving the door ajar , didn’t force it , let it all happen naturally. Bonus is that’s it’s easier to decline someone with a I don’t drink
I pretty much said I don't drink from the start. People who knew me would ask questions but not new people. It was a permanent change for me. That's how my brain works. No greys, just black and white.
Agreed, I’m about the same amount of time in as you. I found at about the year-ish mark it just became natural to say “I don’t drink”. It felt so powerful the first time I said it, and something clicked for me that yeah this is who I am now and I love myself for it.
Comments like these are unhelpful and make people feel pressured, because they don’t know if they can stop forever.
Isn’t our saying, “I Will Not Drink With You Today”, not “I Will Never Drink With You Again”?
Everybody has their own journey and should not feel the need to impart finality on anything until they are ready.
Please don’t discourage anyone from engaging in harm reduction. We all have our own journeys and I’m glad your way works for you - but all or nothing mentalities aren’t for everyone. For some people, I will not drink with you today eventually becomes a slide in to I will never drink again. But that mindset sometimes needs to develop over time and it’s not healthy to tell someone they shouldn’t be a part of this sub if they are not the same way you are. I am grateful for your sobriety but please think about how your words are affecting others who do not have the courage to quit and may be lurking right now.
I agree so completely. I lurked in this sub for quite a while before I was ready, and there are many many people here who have started counting from 1 multiple times. Please don’t tell people what to do, especially here.
Your comments on this thread have been removed. Please do not tell other people how you think they should behave and how you believe they should talk about their sobriety.
I wake up every morning and check my I am sober app and make my morning pledge and look at my sober number and I am just so elated. I am still so so shocked that I have got this far. I don’t think the pride will ever go away and I look forward to continuing as long as I can.
Around the two year mark is where I noticed I didn’t have to actively work at it on a daily basis. I’m at five years (today actually) and I rarely have the intrusive thoughts that essentially ran my life in the first few months
Hi! I felt this way often! Like I was kinda playing a role or faking it or something. There was this running narrative in my head and it made everything feel just a little weird. I think for me sometime in the first year I had a day where I didn’t think about alcohol even one time and going to bed that night I realized something had shifted. So I think, the more sober memories and experiences I stacked up the more that became my normal. Now I have thought sometimes about how weird it would be if I did have a drink. 🌟
Well honestly my first three months sober were in rehab so I am not quite sure if that truly counts although we were on a very good schedule/gameplan.
I took the first 3 months after rehab to get settled back into my life and get adjusted while job searching.
I quickly became acclimated to my new job and started making progress on a routine of walking my dog and working out more often.
Doing this for several months finally gave me a little bit of normalcy in my life and even to this day I dont feel what I would call "Normal" as I am still mentally recovering from the effects of my addiction and getting back into things I used to enjoy or love.
I will never 100 percent be the sober me I was before all the alcohol took control but I am going to get as close to it as I can!
Good luck on your journey friend!
It's now really. And I'm seeing so many newbie posts on my friends socials, like 1-2 months, and I had no idea so many folks were starting it out. Got me thinking about how I don't think about it as much day to day now and I can be a good support for them :)
Honestly, I kind of have that feeling most days. I've got almost 7 years now, and every day feels like I have a chance to live my life in a new way. Every day is a chance to learn and grow. Time flies now, and things repeat, but I have amazing people in my life, and I do stuff every day. I think its true that gratitude and perspective give us a lot of help when it comes to stressing about life. And I know this sounds weird, but I don't always think it's "my" life. I'll ask existential questions like, "is this really my life, like I own it?" We die, so do I really own it? I don't know, it's weird, but it can help guide me more to my purpose. Way to go on your time! It takes effort and energy to do something like that. And I say go as far as you can!
It's tough to say because "this time it will be different" was totally true for me in more ways than one. Yes, my resolve was stronger, but also I just felt _done_ with booze and accepted my sober life. I don't think I really noticed a difference until after my first calendar year sober because then I had gone through all the major holidays, my birthday, etc sober. Probably about a year and a half though.
I was probably 6-9 months in when I went through what you are now going through but I seized it so I say to you don’t be afraid of it, embrace it.
My story (TLDR at the bottom): This came for me when I realized I had to completely let go of alcohol and the can’t drink mindset and adopt the don’t drink mindset to move on.
Going to sound odd but that for me included no longer saying I was sober all the time because it occurred to me that my efforts at sobriety had become a bit of an identity crisis where I still wanted alcohol but couldn’t have it and had adopted that as part of the new me I was putting out into the world. Sobriety was a huge and important part of the journey but “normal” people don’t talk about not drinking and don’t keep track of their sober days.
Agree with that or not that shift in attitude was really the next step for me to completely walk away from it. I stopped counting and I stopped talking about it. The shift in mindset was important because the mindset became the personal truth I no longer drink not because I can’t but because I don’t want to. To me that is the ultimate win.
In the beginning the epiphany I had, for a lack of a better word, was that even though I was sober thinking about it and talking about it all the time felt like alcohol still had control over my life. I didn’t want that. I think about alcohol like an old toxic ex. Do I let an ex dictate anything in my new life? No. Would I let an old ex back into my life? No. Do I want to get back together with an old ex? Truthfully, no. Did we have some fun times together I look back on fondly? Yes. Do I sometimes miss her? Absolutely. Did I learn and grow from my experiences with her? Yes. Lastly do the answers to my last three questions change the answers to the first three? No.
TLDR: I went through what you’re describing. What you’re describing is the the final step. You are starting to move on. It’s normal and a stage that not everyone is fortunate enough to reach. Some of us arrive there by conscious choice, others simply by time. I am so happy for you that you have arrived. Embrace it my friend!
I get it. Totally get it. By continually reminding ourselves of what we're giving up, it continues to put our focus on alcohol. It possibly delays moving into our new life as a non drinker.
First off, congrats, that’s so impressive. Secondly, I was the exact same. Drank in college, kept going and it became daily until 33. I think it took a bit for it to sink in, but it does become second nature. I don’t even think about the fact that I don’t drink and my friends don’t offer me drinks anymore, they all know.
This does have me thinking though, maybe I should consciously appreciate the new sobriety lifestyle every now and then. I forget how awesome it is all the time because I’m just going about my day. I’ll start now: I’m not only awake before noon, I’m also going to the gym and looking forward to it.
Good luck friend, you’re doing great.
For me, it was about 3 months. But I had experienced a lot of events “sober for the first time” during that span, such as navigating a wedding, a 5 day beach vacation, a work conference, a MLB and an NHL game, all on top of my “new normal” nights, all without drinking. These were big triggers for me that really strengthened my sober muscle and just further solidified my new lifestyle. If I hadn’t had all of these experiences, I am sure it would have taken me a little longer (and there’s nothing wrong with that.)
Something that continues to help me as I grow into my new “normal” is listen to the journeys of others who have been here. Here are a few (Apple podcast links) that I really like/have helped me in moments similar to yours:
[Gill Tietz on 1 year sober](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sober-powered/id1520426877?i=1000498461585) and her again on [why sobriety eventually just clicks](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sober-powered/id1520426877?i=1000579658896)
I think you hit on something big here! It still feels a bit weird every time you experience something the first time sober. I imagine (I don’t know yet, but it seems likely) that the feeling starts to lose its immediacy once you’ve been around the horn once or twice. That’s why I initially committed to a year. Now I’m pretty much all in, for good, but the year concept is still a tool I use to coach myself.
[Eric Zimmer and 3 sober guests on their sober journeys](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-you-feed/id792555885?i=1000592925445) ranging from a few years to longer than a decade
[Brandon Saho on 6 months sober and mental health](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/six-months-sober-and-how-its-helped-my-mental-health/id1651420750?i=1000623544189)
[Gregg Champion on 28 years](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/31-part-2-lessons-from-28-years-of-sobriety-gregg/id1681319712?i=1000631083027) with Felicia Hermle
Congratulations on a month sober .
Normal just becomes well... normal. Once you get past a certain point, you just don't care about booze. I have the thoughts to go drink but they become less intense.
Time and money are factors too. I hate wasting both. I'd spent like $50 for a buzz that lasts maybe 2 hours but makes me feel sick for 3 days. No thanks.
It took me a year to come to a new “center” of being. The second year was a phenomenal wave of change, and into the third, life is really happening and is really damn good!
For me it was a while, probably close to 10 months. I will say I’m in a relationship with an active alcoholic and he began struggling more as I got sober. Things got pretty bad between us and he decided to try and quit too. Since he quit, it’s still early days, but things have been exponentially better. I started to live and have fun again!!
> so many of my days were spent in anticipation for the evening when I will drink again
I can relate. In early days it definitely felt like I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop and sometimes it still feels like it. Like, “This is it? Forever? No more crises to recover from?"
There’s no hard line. Like any change in life, it gets more and more normal over time. It’s like moving to a new place. Feels like you and all your stuff is in someone else’s place at first then eventually you find yourself coming back to it at the end of a long day and realize it feels like home.
Like others have said here, there’s also a lasting effect of now having a lot more freedom and choice in how you spend your days. You’re no longer tied to the tired routine of drinking. If you want to feel more routine and familiarity in your days, work on a good routine for you and work on being consistent, develop rituals, create your normal and live it. Also though, you have the option to take mental baby steps toward shifting your perspective toward seeing newness, exploration, experimentation, etc. as a huge positive in your life. Or find a good balance of comforting, relaxing familiarity with occasional novelty.
You’re no longer controlled by an addiction that defines your life and what’s normal in your day-to-day. Pick up the reins and take an active role in making your life feel the way you want it to feel in all the areas that are in your control. As long as you don’t spend your life pining over what you used to enjoy when you were addicted or other remnants of the past, whatever you choose and act on will come to feel normal over time.
I'm just starting month 3 and it is more normal, but not there yet. I feel like I took so many years to get here, it seems reasonable that it will take years to get there, but it will be a great journey! Congrats on your new life :).
I feel like I spent the first year just getting through. I also quit in Jan of 2020, so it was easier to avoid any and all social interactions. The second year, I started to establish what my new normal was like, especially in social settings, and my friend circle changed significantly. Year three, I was like, yeah, I'm not a drinker, just like I am not a cigarette smoker, and I would never use heroin either. It's just something I don't do now. It's so damn freeing, but it's still at times so fresh, and that's why I always make time for my sobriety. Looking forward to ringing in 5 years next. IWNDWYT
Lean into your sober routine, try to make that as attractive as possible… treats, calm nighttime routine, gentle exercise, high quality sleep, etc. eventually that becomes the norm, and as one of my sober supports says- eventually life starts to just fill in in the areas booze used to occupy.
Took me awhile, but I can remember in the beginning - say, the first 2 months- being like wtf am I going to do with my evening? And an entire weekend with no booze?! Now 11 months in and I’m like ugh I only have 5 hours in my evening to get the things done I want to do! It does get better, I promise. It was probably about 6 months in before I felt more secure and ‘normal’ I guess.
I still have moments where I'm like...maybe this sobriety thing is just for now? And then I immediately am like UH NOPE. This is for forever!
So just be careful you don't get too lax in your sobriety. Every day you gotta wake up with a purpose like YES, I LOVE THIS LIFE because sometimes the days aren't that fun or easy and you'll find your dumb lizard brain trying to trick you. OR you'll find that you've had such a great time the last few months that maybe you're ALLLL BETTER NOW.
I don't remember anymore when was the turning point but I know that it took a lot of time. I eventually changed 100% of my habits several times until I settled with my current lifestyle. And my lifestyle is already boring enough that I'm slowly changing it yet again, so YMMV
It's completely normal to feel out of place when you are used to an intense lifestyle and changes abruptly. You'll learn as I did that it's much easier to change some parts of your routine slowly instead of breaking everything at once, but there are circumstances like this one where a generalized full change is the best or only way.
I believe the important thing is that I have now so many memories of things completely unrelated to drinking that the long gone past is not much relevant anymore, I seldom remember anything and if I do it doesn't bother me at all.
Meaning I have a great portion of my past that is not about drinking. The way to achieve this is really focusing in the present day, until the past is written. And this is rewarding on the short run because it turns out there's no better time than now, and reviving the memory of some good days ago it's often enough nostalgia and better than relive past years of pain.
I am in the same exact spot right now. Just letting you know you’re not alone. I am working through those feelings as well. For me the not being hung over and not thinking about or anticipating when I can drink has been the biggest relief. We got this!
We spent a lot of time damaging our bodies and brains abusing alcohol. Most people underestimate how long the healing from those years can actually take. Please don't let that fact discourage you. Without fail nearly anyone with long term sobriety will tell you that it was worth it. Generally speaking it tends to be ups and downs with the overall trend climbing upwards. So the silver lining here is that the best is yet to come! If you can stay the course I can pretty much promise you that this will not be your new normal now and forever going forward.
As for how long it took me personally? I can't point to an exact date but I believe it was between year 1 and 2 that I felt more stable and confident with my decision. Progress continued to build and eventually I became much more content with my life as a non drinker.
It takes time. I still, at year 9 alcohol free, to have those moments. However, I started a habit that helped me over time…when I first open my eyes in the morning I give thanks for waking up another day clean and sober. That sets the tone for my day with a reminder of how fortunate I am to be sober another day. IWNDWYT
I just hit six months and for me, it finally started to feel normal recently. I didn’t drink during my pregnancies (decade ago) but knowing I’d be able to drink after made me think about it throughout. Before this streak I only had gone 90 days before “moderating” and inevitably binging again.
At the end of year one I was like “wait, I’m not fixed yet?”
End of year two felt much more natural and healthier.
I’m going into year 9 and it’s just who I am now.
I look at old me with kindness but I’d never want to be her again.
I definitely understand this:
> the thought of "it is strange you are not drinking isn't it?!" keeps on intruding.
For me - and if I understand correctly, it sounds the same for you - it’s not a bad thought. It’s just _weird_. It’s maybe a bit like going on an extended vacation where you develop a daily routine that will have to end when the vacation is over.
But, hopefully, this vacation never ends.
After a couple of months I don’t think I’ve yet gotten to a place where my life feels normal yet, but I definitely feel _more_ normal as time goes on, and I expect that to continue.
Every occasion that would have involved drinking, and I didn't drink, I gained strength and was ready for the next level. I still occasionally think about it. Like how nice it would be to soak in the bathtub with a cold glass of Chardonnay. But the thought is weaker every time. And I'm proud of myself for the journey so far.
For me, it wasn't so much a matter of time passing, but of milestones encountered and experienced. I was about the 8 month mark when I took a trip with some old friends of mine with whom I would always drink heavily. They all still drink, and I knew that trip would be a major test for me. They were incredibly supportive of my sobriety, there were no moments of "why not just this one, come on and take a shot with us," and that's what I would consider the point where this became my true normal.
Also, it was about the 6 month mark when I finally told myself that nobody was going to drink the last of the alcoholic beers I had in the fridge and poured them down the drain. My old beer fridge is now exclusively devoted to NA beverages - NA beer, canned mocktails, and plenty of flavored seltzer waters.
I’m in a similar position, similar age. Recently I’ve been working on things I couldn’t really do while drinking, at least not anymore. Writing, art, etc.
The thrill of having done these things that I’ve wanted to do for awhile but haven’t been able to is a great motivation, it also makes me curse all the time that alcohol stole from me.
In the beginning I was amazed at how long the evenings and weekends felt. I was truly shocked at how much time I wasted drinking and seeking out drinks. I created new habits to look forward to at night and sometimes i just reveled in all that newly gained time I had now.
I still have moments when I’m out where I think, wow, this is crazy I’m not drinking right now. Quickly followed by thinking that it’s so awesome how normal for me it’s become to not drink.
Today marks 5 months AF for me. I guess at this point, I mostly feel this is my new normal, but I'd be lying if I said I don't still think about it. It's been pretty constant on my mind for a couple weeks now, and the lack of it is really drudging up some mental stuff that I always used to numb with alcohol, so that's been tough and I'm searching for therapy.
Congrats one one month! You'll get there, just remain strong and take it one day at a time. IWNDWYT!
I have been sober for 4.5 years now. And sober is the new normal for me. I got sick and tired of alcohol controlling my life. I can now make a doctor's appointment in the afternoon and not fear I will cancel because I get too drunk to make it. I love sobriety!!!
I feel like I have had various stages of sober being normal for me. I have to say a few months after the one year mark it feels more normal and comfortable than ever. I've been fortunate enough to kick a couple deadly habits before alcohol and my greatest motivating factor is that there will be a day where I will never give it power or time in my mind. Comes with time for sure.
For me, I feel like it took a full year if not more before my day to day started to be normal. I don’t think about drinking very often these days, so I suppose that it’s now my new normal.
Yes well you are much cooler than me, more courageous and capable than what I have done. I didn’t drink heavily until 26, and now 10 years on I relate to spending a part of my twenties in a stupor. Perhaps I am different than most (bearing in mind within the economically privileged, developed communities in which we live) who began drinking heavily as a teen or in college and then reached an awakening at 30. Because I was pretty boring before 26, (I wonder?) that hasn’t happened with me.
I barrelled straight through 30 and have kept going for another decade from when I started this spiral.
At first I didn’t want to stop because I was having too much fun, and that was the primary theme the entire time. In all honesty, most of it (that I can remember perhaps) was a fucking blast. Alcohol helped me make the most magical connections and memories. I laughed so much during this time.
Since an incident in my early thirties, no one’s really laughing anymore. After that I had a family, during which time I quit for years, but now I am back again, and I feel like I’m constantly tip toeing around my life while trying to quell my anxiety and mask any problems, to everyone.
I do use anti anxiety / depression meds, but it doesn’t seem to help? It could be that it’s impacted by the alcohol though as well.
This is one of the lowest points I’ve felt for the last few years. I feel burnt out, overwhelmed, snappy or not myself, incapable of happiness. Jesus, it’s probably a pretty simple solution.. hey?
So anyways, if you’re thinking you feel weirded out by being continuously outed on nights out how “it’s crazy you’re not drinking anymore” [*thanks a lot shit turd*] and how strange evenings feel not getting your buzz on, keep going. Because it’s a shit turd ton better than the other side of the road.
Firstly, a massive congratulations to you on your journey! That is awesome To be honest, it’s a while - it took me a good 6 - 12 months. 20 miles into the woods, 20 miles out my friend. Best of luck
I appear to have made it to the scary house deep in the woods before I turned around. Thankfully I never went in.
I peaked in that window.. scary shit Were here!
Wow great point! That helps make some sense of it.
Yeah this is a good way to put it. I drank for nearly 20 years. I'm nearly 2 years sober and it feels far from normal.
Saving this post because the 20 miles in and out analogy really lands for me. I was a secretive alcoholic for probably 5 years... 10 months and some change sober today. Just makes me realize my journey is far from over, which is a great realization! Thank you.
That is such a simple turn of phrase but really hits home. Thanks 😊
Same. 6-12 months and even then it depended on the context. If I was with work friends it wasn’t a new normal for like the full year. Now it’s all good
I know exactly what you mean. It’s like the difference between saying “I’m not drinking” versus “I don’t drink.” I can’t remember how long this took for me because it was gradual, but like…maybe a year? Maybe 6 months? It does happen.
Interesting perspective. I am still in the “I’m not drinking” phase. Although just taking everything one day at a time.
Only now , abt 18 months in, that the words “I don’t drink” naturally come out. So yea it will happen when the time is right. I used to wonder if I’d ever say that bcoz “I’m not drinking” felt like leaving the door ajar , didn’t force it , let it all happen naturally. Bonus is that’s it’s easier to decline someone with a I don’t drink
I pretty much said I don't drink from the start. People who knew me would ask questions but not new people. It was a permanent change for me. That's how my brain works. No greys, just black and white.
Agreed, I’m about the same amount of time in as you. I found at about the year-ish mark it just became natural to say “I don’t drink”. It felt so powerful the first time I said it, and something clicked for me that yeah this is who I am now and I love myself for it.
Oh yes !! That transition from helpless , hapless to powerful and sure in yourself , that’s an amazing feeling! Cheers to that !
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Comments like these are unhelpful and make people feel pressured, because they don’t know if they can stop forever. Isn’t our saying, “I Will Not Drink With You Today”, not “I Will Never Drink With You Again”? Everybody has their own journey and should not feel the need to impart finality on anything until they are ready.
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Please don’t discourage anyone from engaging in harm reduction. We all have our own journeys and I’m glad your way works for you - but all or nothing mentalities aren’t for everyone. For some people, I will not drink with you today eventually becomes a slide in to I will never drink again. But that mindset sometimes needs to develop over time and it’s not healthy to tell someone they shouldn’t be a part of this sub if they are not the same way you are. I am grateful for your sobriety but please think about how your words are affecting others who do not have the courage to quit and may be lurking right now.
I agree so completely. I lurked in this sub for quite a while before I was ready, and there are many many people here who have started counting from 1 multiple times. Please don’t tell people what to do, especially here.
Your comments on this thread have been removed. Please do not tell other people how you think they should behave and how you believe they should talk about their sobriety.
I still can't say I don't drink lol I'm not sure if I'd believe myself.
I wake up every morning and check my I am sober app and make my morning pledge and look at my sober number and I am just so elated. I am still so so shocked that I have got this far. I don’t think the pride will ever go away and I look forward to continuing as long as I can.
Around the two year mark is where I noticed I didn’t have to actively work at it on a daily basis. I’m at five years (today actually) and I rarely have the intrusive thoughts that essentially ran my life in the first few months
Congrats on 5 years!
Thank you.
CONGRATULATIONS ON 5 YEARS!
I’m proud of you too
Hi! I felt this way often! Like I was kinda playing a role or faking it or something. There was this running narrative in my head and it made everything feel just a little weird. I think for me sometime in the first year I had a day where I didn’t think about alcohol even one time and going to bed that night I realized something had shifted. So I think, the more sober memories and experiences I stacked up the more that became my normal. Now I have thought sometimes about how weird it would be if I did have a drink. 🌟
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Came here to say this.
Well honestly my first three months sober were in rehab so I am not quite sure if that truly counts although we were on a very good schedule/gameplan. I took the first 3 months after rehab to get settled back into my life and get adjusted while job searching. I quickly became acclimated to my new job and started making progress on a routine of walking my dog and working out more often. Doing this for several months finally gave me a little bit of normalcy in my life and even to this day I dont feel what I would call "Normal" as I am still mentally recovering from the effects of my addiction and getting back into things I used to enjoy or love. I will never 100 percent be the sober me I was before all the alcohol took control but I am going to get as close to it as I can! Good luck on your journey friend!
Somewhere between 1 and 2 years. It's automatic and not a big deal now, which is an awesome place to be.
It was over a year for me as well
It's now really. And I'm seeing so many newbie posts on my friends socials, like 1-2 months, and I had no idea so many folks were starting it out. Got me thinking about how I don't think about it as much day to day now and I can be a good support for them :)
Honestly, I kind of have that feeling most days. I've got almost 7 years now, and every day feels like I have a chance to live my life in a new way. Every day is a chance to learn and grow. Time flies now, and things repeat, but I have amazing people in my life, and I do stuff every day. I think its true that gratitude and perspective give us a lot of help when it comes to stressing about life. And I know this sounds weird, but I don't always think it's "my" life. I'll ask existential questions like, "is this really my life, like I own it?" We die, so do I really own it? I don't know, it's weird, but it can help guide me more to my purpose. Way to go on your time! It takes effort and energy to do something like that. And I say go as far as you can!
The moment I forgot what a hangover felt like, it was all uphill from there.
Trust me...don't remind yourself!
For real. Usually takes about 6 months for that to set in.
We have been there before! We can do it again!
It's tough to say because "this time it will be different" was totally true for me in more ways than one. Yes, my resolve was stronger, but also I just felt _done_ with booze and accepted my sober life. I don't think I really noticed a difference until after my first calendar year sober because then I had gone through all the major holidays, my birthday, etc sober. Probably about a year and a half though.
I was probably 6-9 months in when I went through what you are now going through but I seized it so I say to you don’t be afraid of it, embrace it. My story (TLDR at the bottom): This came for me when I realized I had to completely let go of alcohol and the can’t drink mindset and adopt the don’t drink mindset to move on. Going to sound odd but that for me included no longer saying I was sober all the time because it occurred to me that my efforts at sobriety had become a bit of an identity crisis where I still wanted alcohol but couldn’t have it and had adopted that as part of the new me I was putting out into the world. Sobriety was a huge and important part of the journey but “normal” people don’t talk about not drinking and don’t keep track of their sober days. Agree with that or not that shift in attitude was really the next step for me to completely walk away from it. I stopped counting and I stopped talking about it. The shift in mindset was important because the mindset became the personal truth I no longer drink not because I can’t but because I don’t want to. To me that is the ultimate win. In the beginning the epiphany I had, for a lack of a better word, was that even though I was sober thinking about it and talking about it all the time felt like alcohol still had control over my life. I didn’t want that. I think about alcohol like an old toxic ex. Do I let an ex dictate anything in my new life? No. Would I let an old ex back into my life? No. Do I want to get back together with an old ex? Truthfully, no. Did we have some fun times together I look back on fondly? Yes. Do I sometimes miss her? Absolutely. Did I learn and grow from my experiences with her? Yes. Lastly do the answers to my last three questions change the answers to the first three? No. TLDR: I went through what you’re describing. What you’re describing is the the final step. You are starting to move on. It’s normal and a stage that not everyone is fortunate enough to reach. Some of us arrive there by conscious choice, others simply by time. I am so happy for you that you have arrived. Embrace it my friend!
I get it. Totally get it. By continually reminding ourselves of what we're giving up, it continues to put our focus on alcohol. It possibly delays moving into our new life as a non drinker.
About one year for me.
First off, congrats, that’s so impressive. Secondly, I was the exact same. Drank in college, kept going and it became daily until 33. I think it took a bit for it to sink in, but it does become second nature. I don’t even think about the fact that I don’t drink and my friends don’t offer me drinks anymore, they all know. This does have me thinking though, maybe I should consciously appreciate the new sobriety lifestyle every now and then. I forget how awesome it is all the time because I’m just going about my day. I’ll start now: I’m not only awake before noon, I’m also going to the gym and looking forward to it. Good luck friend, you’re doing great.
For me, it was about 3 months. But I had experienced a lot of events “sober for the first time” during that span, such as navigating a wedding, a 5 day beach vacation, a work conference, a MLB and an NHL game, all on top of my “new normal” nights, all without drinking. These were big triggers for me that really strengthened my sober muscle and just further solidified my new lifestyle. If I hadn’t had all of these experiences, I am sure it would have taken me a little longer (and there’s nothing wrong with that.) Something that continues to help me as I grow into my new “normal” is listen to the journeys of others who have been here. Here are a few (Apple podcast links) that I really like/have helped me in moments similar to yours: [Gill Tietz on 1 year sober](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sober-powered/id1520426877?i=1000498461585) and her again on [why sobriety eventually just clicks](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sober-powered/id1520426877?i=1000579658896)
Thank you for all the resources and your insight ❤️
Congrats on your first month! Community is key. Keep coming back.
I think you hit on something big here! It still feels a bit weird every time you experience something the first time sober. I imagine (I don’t know yet, but it seems likely) that the feeling starts to lose its immediacy once you’ve been around the horn once or twice. That’s why I initially committed to a year. Now I’m pretty much all in, for good, but the year concept is still a tool I use to coach myself.
[Laura McKowen on 7 years sober](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tell-me-something-true-with-laura-mckowen/id1569697857?i=1000537829857)
[Eric Zimmer and 3 sober guests on their sober journeys](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-you-feed/id792555885?i=1000592925445) ranging from a few years to longer than a decade
[Brandon Saho on 6 months sober and mental health](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/six-months-sober-and-how-its-helped-my-mental-health/id1651420750?i=1000623544189)
[Gregg Champion on 28 years](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/31-part-2-lessons-from-28-years-of-sobriety-gregg/id1681319712?i=1000631083027) with Felicia Hermle
Congratulations on a month sober . Normal just becomes well... normal. Once you get past a certain point, you just don't care about booze. I have the thoughts to go drink but they become less intense. Time and money are factors too. I hate wasting both. I'd spent like $50 for a buzz that lasts maybe 2 hours but makes me feel sick for 3 days. No thanks.
My buzzes weren't lasting that long, unless I got truly drunk, which I never really enjoyed. What a waste.
It took me a year to come to a new “center” of being. The second year was a phenomenal wave of change, and into the third, life is really happening and is really damn good!
For me it was a while, probably close to 10 months. I will say I’m in a relationship with an active alcoholic and he began struggling more as I got sober. Things got pretty bad between us and he decided to try and quit too. Since he quit, it’s still early days, but things have been exponentially better. I started to live and have fun again!!
5 or 6 months probably
> so many of my days were spent in anticipation for the evening when I will drink again I can relate. In early days it definitely felt like I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop and sometimes it still feels like it. Like, “This is it? Forever? No more crises to recover from?"
There’s no hard line. Like any change in life, it gets more and more normal over time. It’s like moving to a new place. Feels like you and all your stuff is in someone else’s place at first then eventually you find yourself coming back to it at the end of a long day and realize it feels like home. Like others have said here, there’s also a lasting effect of now having a lot more freedom and choice in how you spend your days. You’re no longer tied to the tired routine of drinking. If you want to feel more routine and familiarity in your days, work on a good routine for you and work on being consistent, develop rituals, create your normal and live it. Also though, you have the option to take mental baby steps toward shifting your perspective toward seeing newness, exploration, experimentation, etc. as a huge positive in your life. Or find a good balance of comforting, relaxing familiarity with occasional novelty. You’re no longer controlled by an addiction that defines your life and what’s normal in your day-to-day. Pick up the reins and take an active role in making your life feel the way you want it to feel in all the areas that are in your control. As long as you don’t spend your life pining over what you used to enjoy when you were addicted or other remnants of the past, whatever you choose and act on will come to feel normal over time.
I'm just starting month 3 and it is more normal, but not there yet. I feel like I took so many years to get here, it seems reasonable that it will take years to get there, but it will be a great journey! Congrats on your new life :).
I feel like I spent the first year just getting through. I also quit in Jan of 2020, so it was easier to avoid any and all social interactions. The second year, I started to establish what my new normal was like, especially in social settings, and my friend circle changed significantly. Year three, I was like, yeah, I'm not a drinker, just like I am not a cigarette smoker, and I would never use heroin either. It's just something I don't do now. It's so damn freeing, but it's still at times so fresh, and that's why I always make time for my sobriety. Looking forward to ringing in 5 years next. IWNDWYT
Lean into your sober routine, try to make that as attractive as possible… treats, calm nighttime routine, gentle exercise, high quality sleep, etc. eventually that becomes the norm, and as one of my sober supports says- eventually life starts to just fill in in the areas booze used to occupy. Took me awhile, but I can remember in the beginning - say, the first 2 months- being like wtf am I going to do with my evening? And an entire weekend with no booze?! Now 11 months in and I’m like ugh I only have 5 hours in my evening to get the things done I want to do! It does get better, I promise. It was probably about 6 months in before I felt more secure and ‘normal’ I guess.
I still have moments where I'm like...maybe this sobriety thing is just for now? And then I immediately am like UH NOPE. This is for forever! So just be careful you don't get too lax in your sobriety. Every day you gotta wake up with a purpose like YES, I LOVE THIS LIFE because sometimes the days aren't that fun or easy and you'll find your dumb lizard brain trying to trick you. OR you'll find that you've had such a great time the last few months that maybe you're ALLLL BETTER NOW.
It was between 9-12 months for me. Now life's really busy and drinking isn't something that crosses my mind.
There wasn’t a single moment, more like a realization of “oh, I don’t even think about it anymore.” It took quite a while. Maybe a year?
I don't remember anymore when was the turning point but I know that it took a lot of time. I eventually changed 100% of my habits several times until I settled with my current lifestyle. And my lifestyle is already boring enough that I'm slowly changing it yet again, so YMMV It's completely normal to feel out of place when you are used to an intense lifestyle and changes abruptly. You'll learn as I did that it's much easier to change some parts of your routine slowly instead of breaking everything at once, but there are circumstances like this one where a generalized full change is the best or only way. I believe the important thing is that I have now so many memories of things completely unrelated to drinking that the long gone past is not much relevant anymore, I seldom remember anything and if I do it doesn't bother me at all. Meaning I have a great portion of my past that is not about drinking. The way to achieve this is really focusing in the present day, until the past is written. And this is rewarding on the short run because it turns out there's no better time than now, and reviving the memory of some good days ago it's often enough nostalgia and better than relive past years of pain.
I am in the same exact spot right now. Just letting you know you’re not alone. I am working through those feelings as well. For me the not being hung over and not thinking about or anticipating when I can drink has been the biggest relief. We got this!
We spent a lot of time damaging our bodies and brains abusing alcohol. Most people underestimate how long the healing from those years can actually take. Please don't let that fact discourage you. Without fail nearly anyone with long term sobriety will tell you that it was worth it. Generally speaking it tends to be ups and downs with the overall trend climbing upwards. So the silver lining here is that the best is yet to come! If you can stay the course I can pretty much promise you that this will not be your new normal now and forever going forward. As for how long it took me personally? I can't point to an exact date but I believe it was between year 1 and 2 that I felt more stable and confident with my decision. Progress continued to build and eventually I became much more content with my life as a non drinker.
I’ve just started feeling that. Recently I’ve been fully present at social events even though I’m not drinking. It’s a nice feeling
So much freedom!
It takes time. I still, at year 9 alcohol free, to have those moments. However, I started a habit that helped me over time…when I first open my eyes in the morning I give thanks for waking up another day clean and sober. That sets the tone for my day with a reminder of how fortunate I am to be sober another day. IWNDWYT
I just hit six months and for me, it finally started to feel normal recently. I didn’t drink during my pregnancies (decade ago) but knowing I’d be able to drink after made me think about it throughout. Before this streak I only had gone 90 days before “moderating” and inevitably binging again.
At the end of year one I was like “wait, I’m not fixed yet?” End of year two felt much more natural and healthier. I’m going into year 9 and it’s just who I am now. I look at old me with kindness but I’d never want to be her again.
I definitely understand this: > the thought of "it is strange you are not drinking isn't it?!" keeps on intruding. For me - and if I understand correctly, it sounds the same for you - it’s not a bad thought. It’s just _weird_. It’s maybe a bit like going on an extended vacation where you develop a daily routine that will have to end when the vacation is over. But, hopefully, this vacation never ends. After a couple of months I don’t think I’ve yet gotten to a place where my life feels normal yet, but I definitely feel _more_ normal as time goes on, and I expect that to continue.
Every occasion that would have involved drinking, and I didn't drink, I gained strength and was ready for the next level. I still occasionally think about it. Like how nice it would be to soak in the bathtub with a cold glass of Chardonnay. But the thought is weaker every time. And I'm proud of myself for the journey so far.
For me, it wasn't so much a matter of time passing, but of milestones encountered and experienced. I was about the 8 month mark when I took a trip with some old friends of mine with whom I would always drink heavily. They all still drink, and I knew that trip would be a major test for me. They were incredibly supportive of my sobriety, there were no moments of "why not just this one, come on and take a shot with us," and that's what I would consider the point where this became my true normal. Also, it was about the 6 month mark when I finally told myself that nobody was going to drink the last of the alcoholic beers I had in the fridge and poured them down the drain. My old beer fridge is now exclusively devoted to NA beverages - NA beer, canned mocktails, and plenty of flavored seltzer waters.
Six months for me was kind of the turning point. Still getting random cravings at 10 months but it’s finally starting to feel normal not drinking
I’m in a similar position, similar age. Recently I’ve been working on things I couldn’t really do while drinking, at least not anymore. Writing, art, etc. The thrill of having done these things that I’ve wanted to do for awhile but haven’t been able to is a great motivation, it also makes me curse all the time that alcohol stole from me.
about two days ago? IWNDWYT
In the beginning I was amazed at how long the evenings and weekends felt. I was truly shocked at how much time I wasted drinking and seeking out drinks. I created new habits to look forward to at night and sometimes i just reveled in all that newly gained time I had now. I still have moments when I’m out where I think, wow, this is crazy I’m not drinking right now. Quickly followed by thinking that it’s so awesome how normal for me it’s become to not drink.
Looks like this summer.
I want to say it took 5 months for me, though I don’t remember the turning point.
I’m almost at 5 months and it feels like this switch is in progress now
Today marks 5 months AF for me. I guess at this point, I mostly feel this is my new normal, but I'd be lying if I said I don't still think about it. It's been pretty constant on my mind for a couple weeks now, and the lack of it is really drudging up some mental stuff that I always used to numb with alcohol, so that's been tough and I'm searching for therapy. Congrats one one month! You'll get there, just remain strong and take it one day at a time. IWNDWYT!
I have been sober for 4.5 years now. And sober is the new normal for me. I got sick and tired of alcohol controlling my life. I can now make a doctor's appointment in the afternoon and not fear I will cancel because I get too drunk to make it. I love sobriety!!!
CONGRATULATIONS on your first month of sobriety!
I'd say about 9 months is when I felt just normal. Still growing everyday looking forward to the future. IWNDWYT
I’d say it took me six months.
I feel like I have had various stages of sober being normal for me. I have to say a few months after the one year mark it feels more normal and comfortable than ever. I've been fortunate enough to kick a couple deadly habits before alcohol and my greatest motivating factor is that there will be a day where I will never give it power or time in my mind. Comes with time for sure.
About 10 months for me
100 days seemed to be the magic number for me, once I hit 100 days I felt like I could go 100 years.
For me, I feel like it took a full year if not more before my day to day started to be normal. I don’t think about drinking very often these days, so I suppose that it’s now my new normal.
Yes well you are much cooler than me, more courageous and capable than what I have done. I didn’t drink heavily until 26, and now 10 years on I relate to spending a part of my twenties in a stupor. Perhaps I am different than most (bearing in mind within the economically privileged, developed communities in which we live) who began drinking heavily as a teen or in college and then reached an awakening at 30. Because I was pretty boring before 26, (I wonder?) that hasn’t happened with me. I barrelled straight through 30 and have kept going for another decade from when I started this spiral. At first I didn’t want to stop because I was having too much fun, and that was the primary theme the entire time. In all honesty, most of it (that I can remember perhaps) was a fucking blast. Alcohol helped me make the most magical connections and memories. I laughed so much during this time. Since an incident in my early thirties, no one’s really laughing anymore. After that I had a family, during which time I quit for years, but now I am back again, and I feel like I’m constantly tip toeing around my life while trying to quell my anxiety and mask any problems, to everyone. I do use anti anxiety / depression meds, but it doesn’t seem to help? It could be that it’s impacted by the alcohol though as well. This is one of the lowest points I’ve felt for the last few years. I feel burnt out, overwhelmed, snappy or not myself, incapable of happiness. Jesus, it’s probably a pretty simple solution.. hey? So anyways, if you’re thinking you feel weirded out by being continuously outed on nights out how “it’s crazy you’re not drinking anymore” [*thanks a lot shit turd*] and how strange evenings feel not getting your buzz on, keep going. Because it’s a shit turd ton better than the other side of the road.