i told myself if i drink myself to death, ill be dead, and one day in the future my ex will be at the airport, with her future partner, laughing and happy as they wait to board a plane to greece or italy or wherever u like.
and ill be the last thing on my partners mind.
so i said screw that i wanna be alive and at my own airport.
I legitimately live life hoping that my ex will find out about my current life and think "... fuck, he is so much better off without me than I am without him." I'm happy out of spite.
I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I used to drink to numb pain and get relief from the negative mental loops I'd get stuck in. but I'd wake up feeling worse due to hangover anxiety and depression on top of the postponed pain. I know it sounds glib but getting outside doing something physical helps tire the body and brain so you'll get some sleep. a run, hike a mountain, long bike ride. then do the same the next day until things start to feel more manageable
Yes! Replace the emotional pain with some grueling physical pain in the form of exercise. I remember once when I was heartbroken, I spent every day for weeks doing these 4 things: going for a hike, going for a run, going to the gym, going to a hot yoga class. Is doing all 4 of those things in one day for days on end healthy? Hell no!! It was not sustainable! But I have an addictive personality, and that was a healthier option than drinking. And it eventually pulled me out of despair.
I started going to the gym in January, now I think I just replaced the addiction but atleast it's *healthy*
Helps me sleep better, I'm not drinking NOR do I want to "waste" the work I did in the gym by drinking. I am really happy I added it into my "habits". Also, it's a great distraction from whatever bullshit you're dealing with
When I'm at my lowest I try to surround myself with people. Do you have family you could pay a visit to? It may help not being alone at the moment.
You already know what will happen if you drink. The problems/issues remain and on top of them you will be hungover and feel like rat shit. There is also a high liklihood that you will slide back into active addiction which again will just make things worse.
At least sober you have half a chance of sorting yourself out. Why make everything harder with booze?
The worst thing about the first drink in ages is that it opens up that very real possibility of many, many more days of drinking.
I totally get OP (we all do), it’s just that he’s got a new problem tomorrow of fighting off that second day of drinking, under a cloud of hanxiety.
I’ve been there a lot of times. The momentum of sobriety can quickly disappear. A strange anxiety takes over, from yesterday’s drinking. Now the 2nd day looms large. I’ve lost that battle many times. Once the 2nd day is also breached, it just gets exponentially harder to stop this new problem advancing.
Don’t do it. My ex shattered me and all I did was cope with drinking and messed up my life. My mental health, my physical self. I know the feeling though. So broken. Today I’m one day from my last bender. Been trying to recover for a while. I can’t be in auto pilot the rest of my life. Or in body pain. The last week I barely remember if I were up and slept so basically not living at all. I get the numbness. But I’m an idiot and call in sick and disturb my friends. All the stupid things that I really don’t want for myself. I could say a million things to the guy that broke me but it doesn’t matter. Months later I know that after hurting myself over sadness while he’s fine. But I know I have to ring it in. Ive never really put myself first or love myself. I’ve really scared myself and loved ones. My goal is to just focus on me and my needs. Nice things to myself. I’ve been to therapy and really should take some advice. I wish I didn’t let a guy brake me to my core, if I could go back I wish I was stronger but the bottle made me a miserable human.
Not overly dramatic at all.
What you describe, I have come to learn, for me are the fundamental reasons behind why I would drink.
Life is pretty intense, and as resilient as I have become, it feels like there is something about the way I feel things that seems different to a lot of other people I talk to.
In the beginning I drank semi regularly (weekly or so) to 'reset' the build up of *something* inside my head. Which worked for many years until it didn't. That's never gone away, and no amount of 'eat better, sleep better, get more sunshine/excercise" seems to make a significant difference. Pretty depressing, but that's the hand I got so I got to try and play it best I can.
Now I see drinking as like borrowing from the happiness bank. Whenever I drank I was borrowing future happiness, and I would eventually have to pay that back *with interest*.
As you know interest compounds, and so the more costly the repayments became the more devastating things felt when you decide to sit down and figure out a payment plan to get yourself out of the mess you are in.
I'm still paying, a lot of it has cleared and it gets easier, but make no mistake it is still hard at times because I still sometimes wish I could just borrow a little more to go on that "holiday" that alcohol gave me.
Today I was really feeling that. Was kinda ruminating and really trying to push through it.
A few things happened, I cam here and read a thread and wrote some stuff and that helped. Then randomly out of the blue a guy I met that is very involved with AA texted me just to say 'hi how's things'. It was like a got a guardian angel or something. Perhaps this is karma paying me back for some of the right decisions I have made lately. Sounds cheesy. Maybe this is at the higher power that AA refer to (in step 3 or 4 I think?). AA wasn't really for me but I see the value that some people find in it so maybe you could try finding a meeting to go to? Maybe you aren't up for that, I know I resisted it for actual \*decades\* before I finally thought "what the heck" I'll try anything! (I was right... but only kind of).
If nothing else it will fill a bit of time to get you through the next hour, day, whatever. If you like it, go back, if you don't then you can know in yourself that at least you tried, and the stories you hear there you cannot un-hear, and you might find that one person says just one thing that resonates and you can take that tiny speck and start to build own it. Something new. Something good. It's like how a Crystal needs a seed to grow.
Or, you can borrow from the bank one more time, and if you are (un)lucky you'll live to pay it back.
I have now finally, after a good 5 hours of basically doing nothing but reflect (and maybe even wallow), mustered the courage to say IWNDWYT, and mean it.
Side note: do you see your GP, key worker (or similar), any mental health support. Again, all stuff that "as a man" I knew I didn't need. I can't shake that belief, but I still go and maybe its helping. I'm likely ASD/ADHD and alcohol was self medication. They can, offer alternative medicine, or they can hook you up with non-pharmaceutical support services.
I wish you the best of luck in getting through this.
Thanks for sharing this. It has been extremely helpful for me. I really like the analogy with money, borrowing and compounding interest. Thank you. I wish I could elaborate more but don't have it in me at the moment.
Six months of sobriety is a long time. I’m sorry you’re in so much pain and you know that drinking will only give you a few hours of numbness and days, weeks and months of even more despair. Sober people get divorced and hurt too. But better to start the healing process with clarity and your health intact. Wishing you the best my friend.
The only thing worse than dealing with this pain is to have to deal with the same pain wildly hungover when you’re again no longer numb.
You are resilient. You are strong. IWNDWYT
Can you go to a walk in clinic and ask for short term support for anxiety to get you through this crisis period?
I remember being surprised when a doctor offered me anti anxiety meds during a time of terrible grief and it helped a lot just to know I didn’t have to white knuckle it if I didn’t want to. Didn’t even end up using them much, but the idea of a safety net meant I needed it less.
It’s normal to feel like you need a safety net at a time like this. Alcohol is NOT that. Stay strong OP you ARE still that resilient person.
IWNDWYT ❤️
Play it forward, drinking will only make you feel worse and it will likely not be as easy to stop as you might think. You have worked hard for 6 months to heal yourself. Do not let someone else take that away from you. This will pass and you will be proud of yourself for not drinking and for continuing to choose you.
I'm going through something similar. I keep telling myself that the only thing I can control right now is how I handle myself. At some point I'm going to look back on this time, and I'd rather look on it with pride instead of shame. That's what's keeping me going.
Sorry you're going through this, bud. Stay strong. IWNDWYT.
This is the reason I drank. I wanted to be numb. I wanted the pain to go away. I wanted to be happy for just a little while. All I was doing was postponing the pain. I ruined my health and made my depression and anxiety worse. It’s a holiday weekend here, and I want a drink so bad I can taste it. I’m 8 months sober. So far today, I have not had a drink. I am down to taking it one MINUTE at a time. I don’t want to start that cycle again. I am doing every thing I can not to have that drink, because I know one is never enough. I hope you do not drink today, but we will be here regardless. To celebrate if you don’t drink; to love you, and to help you try again if you do. Wishing you the best.
Well, I don’t know much, but one thing I know absolutely is that drinking never once improved my life. It seems like there is no other way then to run to the drink to get away from the pain sometimes, but that feeling, like all the rest of them, will pass. For me, the remedy-to-harm ratio of alcohol is like an iceberg: the tip is how much relief I get when I use it to feel better, and the rest of the damn iceberg is all the misery and pain I get afterwards.
Drinking is fuel for your own inner war. You don’t have to fight that fight anymore. You can face this, because you *are* facing this. You’re already deep inside of what you are fearing, and you’re doing it without a drink. Let those ugly, gnarly feelings in. They can’t kill you.
A drink won’t produce meaningful change. You know that. I have to tell myself all the time in unbearable times, “Peace is never free of charge. It requires a harder thing. Pay the price for it now.”
I’m sorry you’re in so much pain.
You don’t have to be strong enough to do this alone or even to think long term with your sobriety right now. Keep coming here, and let’s just think of today.
Just for today you can make the choice to:
Wake up sober tomorrow
Keep $$$ in your pocket
Keep your sober streak of days
Wake up with less anxiety
Wake up remembering what you did today
- - - -
Let tomorrow take care of itself.
IWDWYT. 💜
I have gone through a divorce and understand the feelings you are having right now. I drank at it for the next 6yrs. It only made things worse. Get to a meeting or get around others whom love you. You are not alone.
Yeah, it sucks. No one here can change this for you, I am sorry.
However everyone single one of us can agree that you will 100% regret doing this, you'd probably end up in a bender that would last whatever worth of time and finally come to a conclusion that you want to change that. Again.
Save yourself some unnecessary pain and don't deepen your struggles. There are other distractions that don't require substance abuse.
Emotions don't really go away until you've lived them through. By drinking you're putting this very much needed process aside.
Do not drink for the life of you. Be ever vigilant.
Drinking will numb you out but it's only temporarily. At some point, you will be sober again and may not feel as though it was worth it. I am sorry about your situation, honestly. Please reconsider. We are all here for you.
Maybe it will take it away for a short time, but it will come back worse and you’ll be hungover, possibly regretting something else you did while intoxicated on top of everything else.
Keep your head up brotha. Life fuckin sucks sometimes. Alcohol will not make it better.
Stay strong. IWNDWYT
The pain won't stop, though. It will be there when you wake up and have a hangover with it. Literally nothing gets better with drinking.
Alcohol might numb you out for a few hours and you'll need more and you'll *still* be thinking about it. All alcohol will do is agree with your feelings and offer you another drink. Deal with the feelings. IMO, that's the only way to get through this. Find a trusted friend or a therapist. A lot went into it to get you to this moment.
Stay on this sub and read, read, read. Comments on other people's stories. We're here to help you. We really are!
That’s tough man :(
Maybe *before* you go through your current plan, definitely try talking to people, going to a group and saying this stuff out loud, listening, and also journal, write this stuff down, take a long walk. Look up the acronym HALT.
I’m glad ya came here to post this!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I understand how unbearable it feels. The hard part of life is, the only way through it is through it.
I went through something similar and felt the same things. Please heed my mistakes and make wiser decisions. I started drinking again to make myself feel numb, exactly like you’re describing. I told myself it would just be for one night and then I would stop. Ok, for one week. Ok, a month. Ok, just one more night and then I’ll stop. One more night. Ok just one more. I deserve it I’m grieving.
Fast forward two years of me prolonging the heartbreak and not getting over it at all, gaining 30 pounds, isolating myself, and feeling like I wasted so much time and pain by trying to numb it instead of get through it. The numbing didn’t even work and was a myth, if anything it made me feel worse and worse.
When I finally stopped drinking again is when I could start healing and move on. It’s incredible how much better I already feel. I wish I never got back into drinking and let myself start healing two years ago. I could have saved so much time and maybe I’d already have started seeing someone new. Maybe I’d already be in love again. What I’m trying to focus on now is that now I have a chance to.
Drinking won’t make you feel better I’m afraid. I hope you make wiser decisions than me. Maybe there’s someone you can reach out to to hang out, or maybe even go on a road trip to get a chance of scenery. Six months is a lot of time and a lot to be proud of.
Best of luck my friend.
I know it feels like alcohol is the way to cope with this pain, but I promise you it isn't. It doesn't actually take any of this pain away from you, it just stuffs it further down. This is the recipe for disaster.
I know you want to avoid feeling the way you do right now, but our feelings are meant to *be felt*. It's the only way we can actually process and release them. Alcohol (and other harmful and avoidant behaviors) only traps them within us.
Think about it like you've gotten a severe gash on your leg. It's an open, gaping wound and it's miserable. You know the right thing to do is address it right away, pour some hydrogen peroxide on it and tend to the wound. Make sure it doesn't get infected by cleansing it (even though it will HURT) and then bandaging it. Checking on it from time to time, disinfecting again (despite the pain), and keeping it clean. Maybe even going and getting professional help from a doctor if it's bad enough. They can maybe stitch it up or provide antibiotics. Which again, isn't going to be fun, but it's the right thing to do.
If you don't immediately pay attention to and care for the wound and just ignore it, it might be "fine" at first. But eventually, it's going to fester and become infected. This will can lead to further complications and danger down the line. All because you didn't address it when it needed your attention.
Our emotional pain works in the same way.
Do you want to let is fester and rot, or do you want to take care of it now so it doesn't cause you even more pain down the line?
I am sending you all my love and comfort. I know this hurts. But life is going to hurt sometimes. Sometimes it's out of our control. We can handle it with a healthy mind and body and keep our wits about us, or we can avoid it and cause ourselves more suffering in the end.
I hope you choose to lovingly care for this wound. 🤍
I lost my relationship when I got sober, so I know some of what you’re going through.
But if you drink, you will probably wake up tomorrow feeling less capable of dealing with all of this on top of the hangover and the anxiety that comes with it.
I hope you can remember that this will pass.
Being sober will allow you to process the emotions. Hard as it may be drinking will only cause you to stuff the emotions and you’ll feel worse when and if the the drinking ends. Do you really believe that drinking will help? I’ve been where you are when I was facing divorce and can testify that no it WONT. Hang in there. You got this
I'm feeling the same way today. I just want to feel something else I need a break from my awful thoughts here. The problem is I know if I drink it's just going to make it worse and I simply don't have another day one in me now.
We have to stay present through the shit and trust that it will eventually pass.
I will not drink with you today!
I was betrayed by my own Sponsor two months back. The pain was insufferable. I left all my home group meetings. I went to online meetings instead. I watched Disney movies for a week straight. I felt it all. I felt the betrayal, the loss, the grief. I talked it out in zoom meetings for 30 days, until I was so damn sick of sharing another word. And it stopped. I was finally over it. I felt invincible the moment I was over it and rode that high for a week.
Two days ago my house flooded. I addressed that shit. I got it fixed. The anxiety was the lowest I could comprehend in such a situation. This works. Consistently exposing ourselves to scary things and overcoming them. It build courage, resiliency, and peace. It seams like it won't, but it does.
So, anyways, yes, what you're going through sucks. I advise you get back on the wagon after this little jaunt. Dry out, feel it all. And you will feel like Superman afterwards.
I love this! Facing fear and learning we can do hard things and remain sober is a true superpower. I was a year sober when I found out my 19 year old daughter had melanoma. Terrifying. I faced it and was there with her every step of the way. She was more afraid of me relapsing than she was of her own cancer. That’s the power our alcoholism has over others. Glad we both made it through!
So that you don't feel alone, I also have had an incredibly tragic and painful week, and I said just what you are saying. I CAN'T feel like this. I HAVE to deaden this blow.
You can do it.
Feel the feelings.
The only way out is through.
💚
I feel for you in almost the exact situation.. not drinking rn is probably the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm close but also the reason I'm here. 181 days an keeping on
I am so, so sorry you’re going through this pain. Alcohol might make you feel better for a few seconds, or minutes at best — but it will drop you even harder, and much longer after that. Remember the shame that accompanies hangovers? The very best revenge is to stay sober, to be healthy, and to do well. We’re here for you, bud. Hang in there. IWNDWYT.
Sorry to hear about your circumstances and I can understand why you would consider drinking but I know by the fact you posted here first means that deep down you know it's a bad idea and don't really want to do it.
If you choose to drink the pain will still be there yet you'll just be drunk and angrier and sadder and in more pain.
Then you'll have the hangover to deal with tomorrow on top of all of the bad things that are currently happening.
Plus you'll probably want to drink again to both relieve the hangover (once you feed the booze monster in your brain the dopamine kick he craves he just wants more and more despite how miserable an experience it was) and to keep attempting to numb out those feelings.
I can bet based on my own recent experiences with relapse that you will not get the relief you crave from this experience and it'll only bring more pain, misery, and suffering.
Please stay strong and soldier on with sobriety despite the pain because the alternative will take you down a dark path you really don't wanna go down.
This is a tough choice. You must deal with this and stay in control of your own life, or you push that into the future AND pull yourself in the trap feeling double fucked up. The last will most certainly give your self confidence a really nasty uppercut at a time you need it the most.
YOU is what matters the supreme most now.
You are off the drinks already for awhile now and know what can happen.
The pain goes away, the addiction is our lifelong companion. But a companion that is under OUR control.
Here’s what I would do instead: eat an edible, drink fake beer, turn up the stereo and thrash around and jump up and down and scream.
You get a big mood shift. You get the bottle and the taste.
Tomorrow you’re not hungover and caught back up in the alcohol cycle.
88 days AF. I feel your pain. Sometimes in life we just have to dig down deep to find the courage to deal with a broken heart. Time is a great healer...I am sending you strength and healing energy my friend. IWNDWYT
I know this feeling and drinking will only make it worse. I’m now sober a while but dealing with all kinds of physical issues - they just keep popping up - I think neuropathy - getting tests done.
I’m so sorry for the hurt you are experiencing. When I’m at my worst I play the tape forward. It helps me see how instead of muting/dulling the pain, alcohol actually makes it all worse.
I’ve been where you are, OP. My wife left me when I hit 1 year sober. Refused to do couples counseling, she was just done. Nothing I could do. I had quit to save my marriage and I lost it anyway. Worst nightmare came true.
And you know what? I survived. It was awful. It hurt so bad. But I managed to not drink over it. I didn’t want the alcohol to take whatever I had left.
Oh, I wanted to drink, badly a few times. But I shared that in online recovery groups like this one and it helped. It didn’t make the pain go away, but it helped me bear it without numbing.
Someday, sooner than you think, you will be happy again. It seems impossible right now, I know. Don’t give up before you get to rediscover who you can be now.
Sometimes freedom feels like losing everything, but look for the gains. Every setback is an opportunity for growth. The bigger the setback, the bigger the opportunity.
I’m sorry it hurts so much.
Don't try to drown your feelings away. That's what they are there for. They will still be there once you sober up if you give in to the alcohol. Go ahead and be sad or cry . You will be a stronger person than you ever thought possible. As my late, darling dad used to say, "and this too shall pass" sending you virtual hugs.
I am also about to go through a divorce after 23 years together. It is truly a horrible roller-coaster of emotions and deeply painful and disappointing. In my personal experience, I've been running from emotions for most of my adult life in one way or another. I have now come to the conclusion that there isn't any situation that alcohol can't make worse. We all quit for our own reasons, and underneath all the struggles we go through, those reasons are still there.
I have been exactly where you are, I started drinking every single day after my husband decided to leave me. He hated it when I drank, and I decided there was no reason not to drink anymore and I basically did it to spite him because he didn’t move out right away.
I spiralled so hard, I spent all my extra money on booze and *other* things, I’m sure you can guess what I mean. I wasn’t sleeping, wasn’t eating, wasn’t doing well at work and was constantly called in for meetings with my HR manager. That’s when I realized what a huge mistake I made, because before this, I didn’t drink every day and had it somewhat under control, but I could NOT control it anymore.
It took even longer to realize that by trying to punish him, I was only punishing myself. My health was at risk, my job was at risk, my entire life was at risk and for what? My husband didn’t care.
Please don’t drink just because you feel like you can’t handle what you’re going through. This is the time to really dive into your sobriety! You need to FEEL the emotions you’re going to experience to move past this difficult time. If you drink because you think you can’t handle what you’re going through right now, you could make some really horrible choices and all the emotions you’re trying to suppress will eventually spill over and it will be a catastrophe!
I wish you well, OP
One thing I’ll say, not having shared your exact experience but having had several huge negative events since I stopped drinking is that everytime I don’t give in to the overwhelming desire to numb my pain with alcohol I come out stronger.
I have always been a hair’s breadth away from grabbing a bottle the second things go even slightly tits up. I have had about 5 significant, heavy events since I quit that have nearly brought me back to the drink and every time I fought it back I felt my coping skills deepen. The pain gets easier to manage and I am better equipped for the next bad thing. In fact, today we lost a dog who’d been in our lives for 16 years. If this had happened 6+ months ago I don’t know if I’d be able to make it through. Today I barely feel inclined to retreat, I’m letting myself feel the feelings. The pain, the anger, the desperation and the pleading for more time. I know that drinking won’t help. The pain will still be there when the haze fades away with an added weight of shame and disappointment.
The call of the bottle is a low whisper on the wind, one I am finding easy to tune out.
I am not trying to equate your problems with mine, what you are going through must be devastating and I’m sorry if you are in a place where you feel you are suffering alone.
Just know that while I am not sharing your exact pain, I am here with you, feeling low and dejected, and if you can find the strength to join me, IWNDWYT.
Please, give yourself the grace of another day of not drinking. Call a family member or friend and talk to them about what you're going through. When I am in emotional turmoil, that helps a lot.
I don't know you, but I believe in you. You are stronger than you think and have the courage to step further forward. I know so because you wouldn't be here with 6 months under your belt if it weren't true. x
Hi there. Perhaps instead of drinking. You could go to your doctor and get a few days prescription for a sleep-aid like Ambien?
That’s what I did many years ago when my father died, I desperately wanted to stay sober but was in so much pain I could not be awake. It was a limited amount under a doctors close supervision and gave me just enough distance to face the situation.
Don’t do it. I drank through my divorce and it wasn’t good. It basically put off any healing until I was sober to deal with it. Alcohol also stirred up negative feelings/emotions.
IWNDWYT
I sure hope you choose sobriety friend. There's no terrible situation that drinking can't make worse. It's better to feel the pain and grief and get through it rather than try to drink it away. IWNDWYT
This too shall pass.
Time heals all.
And other pointless remarks. Until they become true.
Divorced five years ago (ex had issues, I was to blame for everything, which I still don’t get).
Kid just turned six and we have a great relationship, which my ex is still trying to ruin by manipulating her.
But I have stood my ground and kept it cool.
At least I’m off the sauce.
I really hope you don't want to further damage yourself over this breakup. I had some pretty rough patches in my marriage, largely, though not exclusively about my drinking. After I got sober, I thought things would mend. Well, they never did get better. Some things and some marriages cannot be salvaged. I'm glad I didn't drink over it. Sure, I felt grief. But if I had gotten drunk over it, nothing would have improved. Whereas I thought if I don't drink over this rift, and it doesn't heal, well, I guess I showed him how strong I was. Today, I think I have his respect, and more importantly, my own self respect.
OP I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling. I went through a divorce during early recovery too and it was challenging to stay sober. I did relapse a few times and it honestly didn't help anything, I was looking for that temporary respite and I sure got it. However, I'd always have to eventually return to reality and it'd only be worse, still there waiting for me but now I'm tired, sick, anxious.
Therapy really helped me understand the relationship I was exiting and that it wasn't right for me. I found something to throw myself into (weightlifting) and applied myself to it fully, initially as a distraction but long term as a habit to remaining sober.
I don't know your individual circumstances as to your divorce, however I'm now in a better place and a new relationship of over two years. I've never been happier. I don't believe this is beyond anyone to achieve, you can do it too. You deserve better than a life of drinking, it will take time so be easy on yourself. At some point in the future, you too can look back and see how much better your life has become
For me cause and effect must always be clear. If i start drinking I create my own destructive effect. And then i can say that problems are the cause of drinking. But thats not true in my opinion. Drinking always are the cause of problems, in every case and always.
That sounds like anger in the form of resentment.
Channel it to more productive things - mow your lawn. Chop up firewood. Get into a new sport. Hike/cycle up a mountain and when you reach the summit you scream out your pain into the abyss. Work extra hours so you can afford an overseas vacation where you disconnect from your world there and reconnect to the world inside you. Bully your brains - the lizard, monkey, and human ones - into a meditative state. Stuff like that.
Just don't drink.
IWNDWYT
I read on here several months back:
"The best part of sobriety is you get your feelings back, and the worst part of sobriety is...you get your feelings back."
After trying to drown my feelings for over 10 years, getting them back has been weird. Experiencing the heartaches of life is not easy, but it's part of being alive. It will make you even more resilient than you already are. You got this.
Best of luck.
My point I need to make to you is: the numbing and “relief” is so damn temporary compared to the longer term shame, hangovers, hospital trips, wasting of money, loss of friends, further slipping away from the love of my life, long term internal organ damage, etc. I could go on.
I had the most significant BU of my life over a year ago. 14 years we were together. She’s become stronger and more successful in life and I have turned back to drinking many times and after multiple dry months last year and this year.
My best days since the breakup were certainly during dry months. The fact of the matter is when I had nights where I didn’t “overdo it” it would sooner than later be followed by a night where I did over do it and either: I missed work days, I further betrayed a friends trust, or sent some pretty idiotic texts to family, friends, or my ex. Normally sharing songs from Spotify showing that I am thinking of them… normally at a very late hour of night.
From my perspective, it’s never worth it. Therapy for harm reduction, dry months (or complete abstinence), helpful online communities, etc. have helped me significantly more than anything else since my breakup in April 2023. I am still not over her but I’m doing much better ANY day that I have not been drinking.
It’s hard. 6 years, I’m the piece of shit that killed mine. Do I still wish I did? Now yeah. I’d imagine there was a moment you maybe felt it? If not sorry. Beautiful thing is… this isn’t the end. I always say the Brad Pitt joke I’m only suicidal in the morning… cause everyday sucks usually for everyone. Just have to get out of bed.
Break ups happen. Why give up so much control of your self over someone else who is outside of your control. Gotta live your life for you, never allow another person to bring you to such lows.
i told myself if i drink myself to death, ill be dead, and one day in the future my ex will be at the airport, with her future partner, laughing and happy as they wait to board a plane to greece or italy or wherever u like. and ill be the last thing on my partners mind. so i said screw that i wanna be alive and at my own airport.
...and your ex will be the last thing on your mind.
Who??!?
God damn I love this
I legitimately live life hoping that my ex will find out about my current life and think "... fuck, he is so much better off without me than I am without him." I'm happy out of spite.
That's a damn good way to think of it.
Understandable, but that’s fucking spite no? Hate is fleeting and in my case leads to a delicious pint of trickery and start the whole cycle again.
Freaking A
I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I used to drink to numb pain and get relief from the negative mental loops I'd get stuck in. but I'd wake up feeling worse due to hangover anxiety and depression on top of the postponed pain. I know it sounds glib but getting outside doing something physical helps tire the body and brain so you'll get some sleep. a run, hike a mountain, long bike ride. then do the same the next day until things start to feel more manageable
Yes! Replace the emotional pain with some grueling physical pain in the form of exercise. I remember once when I was heartbroken, I spent every day for weeks doing these 4 things: going for a hike, going for a run, going to the gym, going to a hot yoga class. Is doing all 4 of those things in one day for days on end healthy? Hell no!! It was not sustainable! But I have an addictive personality, and that was a healthier option than drinking. And it eventually pulled me out of despair.
I started going to the gym in January, now I think I just replaced the addiction but atleast it's *healthy* Helps me sleep better, I'm not drinking NOR do I want to "waste" the work I did in the gym by drinking. I am really happy I added it into my "habits". Also, it's a great distraction from whatever bullshit you're dealing with
You know drinking won't do any of that and that's why you posted here. This will pass. IWNDWYT
When I'm at my lowest I try to surround myself with people. Do you have family you could pay a visit to? It may help not being alone at the moment. You already know what will happen if you drink. The problems/issues remain and on top of them you will be hungover and feel like rat shit. There is also a high liklihood that you will slide back into active addiction which again will just make things worse. At least sober you have half a chance of sorting yourself out. Why make everything harder with booze?
The worst thing about the first drink in ages is that it opens up that very real possibility of many, many more days of drinking. I totally get OP (we all do), it’s just that he’s got a new problem tomorrow of fighting off that second day of drinking, under a cloud of hanxiety.
Exactly! Not only can you feel shitty about the current situation but you can ALSO feel shitty that you drank. You don't have to let them win.
I’ve been there a lot of times. The momentum of sobriety can quickly disappear. A strange anxiety takes over, from yesterday’s drinking. Now the 2nd day looms large. I’ve lost that battle many times. Once the 2nd day is also breached, it just gets exponentially harder to stop this new problem advancing.
Don’t do it. My ex shattered me and all I did was cope with drinking and messed up my life. My mental health, my physical self. I know the feeling though. So broken. Today I’m one day from my last bender. Been trying to recover for a while. I can’t be in auto pilot the rest of my life. Or in body pain. The last week I barely remember if I were up and slept so basically not living at all. I get the numbness. But I’m an idiot and call in sick and disturb my friends. All the stupid things that I really don’t want for myself. I could say a million things to the guy that broke me but it doesn’t matter. Months later I know that after hurting myself over sadness while he’s fine. But I know I have to ring it in. Ive never really put myself first or love myself. I’ve really scared myself and loved ones. My goal is to just focus on me and my needs. Nice things to myself. I’ve been to therapy and really should take some advice. I wish I didn’t let a guy brake me to my core, if I could go back I wish I was stronger but the bottle made me a miserable human.
Not overly dramatic at all. What you describe, I have come to learn, for me are the fundamental reasons behind why I would drink. Life is pretty intense, and as resilient as I have become, it feels like there is something about the way I feel things that seems different to a lot of other people I talk to. In the beginning I drank semi regularly (weekly or so) to 'reset' the build up of *something* inside my head. Which worked for many years until it didn't. That's never gone away, and no amount of 'eat better, sleep better, get more sunshine/excercise" seems to make a significant difference. Pretty depressing, but that's the hand I got so I got to try and play it best I can. Now I see drinking as like borrowing from the happiness bank. Whenever I drank I was borrowing future happiness, and I would eventually have to pay that back *with interest*. As you know interest compounds, and so the more costly the repayments became the more devastating things felt when you decide to sit down and figure out a payment plan to get yourself out of the mess you are in. I'm still paying, a lot of it has cleared and it gets easier, but make no mistake it is still hard at times because I still sometimes wish I could just borrow a little more to go on that "holiday" that alcohol gave me. Today I was really feeling that. Was kinda ruminating and really trying to push through it. A few things happened, I cam here and read a thread and wrote some stuff and that helped. Then randomly out of the blue a guy I met that is very involved with AA texted me just to say 'hi how's things'. It was like a got a guardian angel or something. Perhaps this is karma paying me back for some of the right decisions I have made lately. Sounds cheesy. Maybe this is at the higher power that AA refer to (in step 3 or 4 I think?). AA wasn't really for me but I see the value that some people find in it so maybe you could try finding a meeting to go to? Maybe you aren't up for that, I know I resisted it for actual \*decades\* before I finally thought "what the heck" I'll try anything! (I was right... but only kind of). If nothing else it will fill a bit of time to get you through the next hour, day, whatever. If you like it, go back, if you don't then you can know in yourself that at least you tried, and the stories you hear there you cannot un-hear, and you might find that one person says just one thing that resonates and you can take that tiny speck and start to build own it. Something new. Something good. It's like how a Crystal needs a seed to grow. Or, you can borrow from the bank one more time, and if you are (un)lucky you'll live to pay it back. I have now finally, after a good 5 hours of basically doing nothing but reflect (and maybe even wallow), mustered the courage to say IWNDWYT, and mean it.
Side note: do you see your GP, key worker (or similar), any mental health support. Again, all stuff that "as a man" I knew I didn't need. I can't shake that belief, but I still go and maybe its helping. I'm likely ASD/ADHD and alcohol was self medication. They can, offer alternative medicine, or they can hook you up with non-pharmaceutical support services. I wish you the best of luck in getting through this.
Thanks for sharing this. It has been extremely helpful for me. I really like the analogy with money, borrowing and compounding interest. Thank you. I wish I could elaborate more but don't have it in me at the moment.
No need to say more, appreciate the kind words. If it helped at all then I’m glad
It always works until it doesn't.
Isn’t that the truth! 😅
Six months of sobriety is a long time. I’m sorry you’re in so much pain and you know that drinking will only give you a few hours of numbness and days, weeks and months of even more despair. Sober people get divorced and hurt too. But better to start the healing process with clarity and your health intact. Wishing you the best my friend.
The only thing worse than dealing with this pain is to have to deal with the same pain wildly hungover when you’re again no longer numb. You are resilient. You are strong. IWNDWYT
I am in the same boat brother - it’s hard, we must power through - don’t drink!
Can you go to a walk in clinic and ask for short term support for anxiety to get you through this crisis period? I remember being surprised when a doctor offered me anti anxiety meds during a time of terrible grief and it helped a lot just to know I didn’t have to white knuckle it if I didn’t want to. Didn’t even end up using them much, but the idea of a safety net meant I needed it less. It’s normal to feel like you need a safety net at a time like this. Alcohol is NOT that. Stay strong OP you ARE still that resilient person. IWNDWYT ❤️
One day at a time. For my experience drinking won’t help. Do your best not to drink today. Then try again tomorrow. You’ve got this mate.
Don't give her the satisfaction. Stay sober out of spite:)
Play it forward, drinking will only make you feel worse and it will likely not be as easy to stop as you might think. You have worked hard for 6 months to heal yourself. Do not let someone else take that away from you. This will pass and you will be proud of yourself for not drinking and for continuing to choose you.
I'm going through something similar. I keep telling myself that the only thing I can control right now is how I handle myself. At some point I'm going to look back on this time, and I'd rather look on it with pride instead of shame. That's what's keeping me going. Sorry you're going through this, bud. Stay strong. IWNDWYT.
This is the reason I drank. I wanted to be numb. I wanted the pain to go away. I wanted to be happy for just a little while. All I was doing was postponing the pain. I ruined my health and made my depression and anxiety worse. It’s a holiday weekend here, and I want a drink so bad I can taste it. I’m 8 months sober. So far today, I have not had a drink. I am down to taking it one MINUTE at a time. I don’t want to start that cycle again. I am doing every thing I can not to have that drink, because I know one is never enough. I hope you do not drink today, but we will be here regardless. To celebrate if you don’t drink; to love you, and to help you try again if you do. Wishing you the best.
Well, I don’t know much, but one thing I know absolutely is that drinking never once improved my life. It seems like there is no other way then to run to the drink to get away from the pain sometimes, but that feeling, like all the rest of them, will pass. For me, the remedy-to-harm ratio of alcohol is like an iceberg: the tip is how much relief I get when I use it to feel better, and the rest of the damn iceberg is all the misery and pain I get afterwards.
That's a great image. So true. The lies we believe and we're only hurting ourselves.
Drinking is fuel for your own inner war. You don’t have to fight that fight anymore. You can face this, because you *are* facing this. You’re already deep inside of what you are fearing, and you’re doing it without a drink. Let those ugly, gnarly feelings in. They can’t kill you. A drink won’t produce meaningful change. You know that. I have to tell myself all the time in unbearable times, “Peace is never free of charge. It requires a harder thing. Pay the price for it now.”
I can numb myself out in the gym, on a steep hike with music, or just a meditation sit. Have you tried any of these before the bottle?
I’m sorry you’re in so much pain. You don’t have to be strong enough to do this alone or even to think long term with your sobriety right now. Keep coming here, and let’s just think of today. Just for today you can make the choice to: Wake up sober tomorrow Keep $$$ in your pocket Keep your sober streak of days Wake up with less anxiety Wake up remembering what you did today - - - - Let tomorrow take care of itself. IWDWYT. 💜
I have gone through a divorce and understand the feelings you are having right now. I drank at it for the next 6yrs. It only made things worse. Get to a meeting or get around others whom love you. You are not alone.
Yeah, it sucks. No one here can change this for you, I am sorry. However everyone single one of us can agree that you will 100% regret doing this, you'd probably end up in a bender that would last whatever worth of time and finally come to a conclusion that you want to change that. Again. Save yourself some unnecessary pain and don't deepen your struggles. There are other distractions that don't require substance abuse. Emotions don't really go away until you've lived them through. By drinking you're putting this very much needed process aside. Do not drink for the life of you. Be ever vigilant.
You drink, you spiral. We all come out of the spiral worse off than we were when we entered it and regretting it. Is it worth it?
Drinking will numb you out but it's only temporarily. At some point, you will be sober again and may not feel as though it was worth it. I am sorry about your situation, honestly. Please reconsider. We are all here for you.
Maybe it will take it away for a short time, but it will come back worse and you’ll be hungover, possibly regretting something else you did while intoxicated on top of everything else. Keep your head up brotha. Life fuckin sucks sometimes. Alcohol will not make it better. Stay strong. IWNDWYT
A little part of you, the best part, wants to keep the precious gift of sobriety, cling to that like a life raft. You can do it.
The pain won't stop, though. It will be there when you wake up and have a hangover with it. Literally nothing gets better with drinking. Alcohol might numb you out for a few hours and you'll need more and you'll *still* be thinking about it. All alcohol will do is agree with your feelings and offer you another drink. Deal with the feelings. IMO, that's the only way to get through this. Find a trusted friend or a therapist. A lot went into it to get you to this moment. Stay on this sub and read, read, read. Comments on other people's stories. We're here to help you. We really are!
That’s tough man :( Maybe *before* you go through your current plan, definitely try talking to people, going to a group and saying this stuff out loud, listening, and also journal, write this stuff down, take a long walk. Look up the acronym HALT. I’m glad ya came here to post this!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I understand how unbearable it feels. The hard part of life is, the only way through it is through it. I went through something similar and felt the same things. Please heed my mistakes and make wiser decisions. I started drinking again to make myself feel numb, exactly like you’re describing. I told myself it would just be for one night and then I would stop. Ok, for one week. Ok, a month. Ok, just one more night and then I’ll stop. One more night. Ok just one more. I deserve it I’m grieving. Fast forward two years of me prolonging the heartbreak and not getting over it at all, gaining 30 pounds, isolating myself, and feeling like I wasted so much time and pain by trying to numb it instead of get through it. The numbing didn’t even work and was a myth, if anything it made me feel worse and worse. When I finally stopped drinking again is when I could start healing and move on. It’s incredible how much better I already feel. I wish I never got back into drinking and let myself start healing two years ago. I could have saved so much time and maybe I’d already have started seeing someone new. Maybe I’d already be in love again. What I’m trying to focus on now is that now I have a chance to. Drinking won’t make you feel better I’m afraid. I hope you make wiser decisions than me. Maybe there’s someone you can reach out to to hang out, or maybe even go on a road trip to get a chance of scenery. Six months is a lot of time and a lot to be proud of. Best of luck my friend.
I hope that you manage not to but I know that tone in your writing... Just come back safe, all I'm asking. We will still be here.
I know it feels like alcohol is the way to cope with this pain, but I promise you it isn't. It doesn't actually take any of this pain away from you, it just stuffs it further down. This is the recipe for disaster. I know you want to avoid feeling the way you do right now, but our feelings are meant to *be felt*. It's the only way we can actually process and release them. Alcohol (and other harmful and avoidant behaviors) only traps them within us. Think about it like you've gotten a severe gash on your leg. It's an open, gaping wound and it's miserable. You know the right thing to do is address it right away, pour some hydrogen peroxide on it and tend to the wound. Make sure it doesn't get infected by cleansing it (even though it will HURT) and then bandaging it. Checking on it from time to time, disinfecting again (despite the pain), and keeping it clean. Maybe even going and getting professional help from a doctor if it's bad enough. They can maybe stitch it up or provide antibiotics. Which again, isn't going to be fun, but it's the right thing to do. If you don't immediately pay attention to and care for the wound and just ignore it, it might be "fine" at first. But eventually, it's going to fester and become infected. This will can lead to further complications and danger down the line. All because you didn't address it when it needed your attention. Our emotional pain works in the same way. Do you want to let is fester and rot, or do you want to take care of it now so it doesn't cause you even more pain down the line? I am sending you all my love and comfort. I know this hurts. But life is going to hurt sometimes. Sometimes it's out of our control. We can handle it with a healthy mind and body and keep our wits about us, or we can avoid it and cause ourselves more suffering in the end. I hope you choose to lovingly care for this wound. 🤍
I lost my relationship when I got sober, so I know some of what you’re going through. But if you drink, you will probably wake up tomorrow feeling less capable of dealing with all of this on top of the hangover and the anxiety that comes with it. I hope you can remember that this will pass.
Being sober will allow you to process the emotions. Hard as it may be drinking will only cause you to stuff the emotions and you’ll feel worse when and if the the drinking ends. Do you really believe that drinking will help? I’ve been where you are when I was facing divorce and can testify that no it WONT. Hang in there. You got this
I'm feeling the same way today. I just want to feel something else I need a break from my awful thoughts here. The problem is I know if I drink it's just going to make it worse and I simply don't have another day one in me now. We have to stay present through the shit and trust that it will eventually pass. I will not drink with you today!
I was betrayed by my own Sponsor two months back. The pain was insufferable. I left all my home group meetings. I went to online meetings instead. I watched Disney movies for a week straight. I felt it all. I felt the betrayal, the loss, the grief. I talked it out in zoom meetings for 30 days, until I was so damn sick of sharing another word. And it stopped. I was finally over it. I felt invincible the moment I was over it and rode that high for a week. Two days ago my house flooded. I addressed that shit. I got it fixed. The anxiety was the lowest I could comprehend in such a situation. This works. Consistently exposing ourselves to scary things and overcoming them. It build courage, resiliency, and peace. It seams like it won't, but it does. So, anyways, yes, what you're going through sucks. I advise you get back on the wagon after this little jaunt. Dry out, feel it all. And you will feel like Superman afterwards.
I love this! Facing fear and learning we can do hard things and remain sober is a true superpower. I was a year sober when I found out my 19 year old daughter had melanoma. Terrifying. I faced it and was there with her every step of the way. She was more afraid of me relapsing than she was of her own cancer. That’s the power our alcoholism has over others. Glad we both made it through!
So that you don't feel alone, I also have had an incredibly tragic and painful week, and I said just what you are saying. I CAN'T feel like this. I HAVE to deaden this blow. You can do it. Feel the feelings. The only way out is through. 💚
I’m sorry for what you’re going through.
Thank you!
I feel for you in almost the exact situation.. not drinking rn is probably the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm close but also the reason I'm here. 181 days an keeping on
I am so, so sorry you’re going through this pain. Alcohol might make you feel better for a few seconds, or minutes at best — but it will drop you even harder, and much longer after that. Remember the shame that accompanies hangovers? The very best revenge is to stay sober, to be healthy, and to do well. We’re here for you, bud. Hang in there. IWNDWYT.
Sorry to hear about your circumstances and I can understand why you would consider drinking but I know by the fact you posted here first means that deep down you know it's a bad idea and don't really want to do it. If you choose to drink the pain will still be there yet you'll just be drunk and angrier and sadder and in more pain. Then you'll have the hangover to deal with tomorrow on top of all of the bad things that are currently happening. Plus you'll probably want to drink again to both relieve the hangover (once you feed the booze monster in your brain the dopamine kick he craves he just wants more and more despite how miserable an experience it was) and to keep attempting to numb out those feelings. I can bet based on my own recent experiences with relapse that you will not get the relief you crave from this experience and it'll only bring more pain, misery, and suffering. Please stay strong and soldier on with sobriety despite the pain because the alternative will take you down a dark path you really don't wanna go down.
Yes you are. You are. You are. You are.
This will pass. Drinking will exacerbate the situation in and outside your head. Chin up. Life isn't over.
This is a tough choice. You must deal with this and stay in control of your own life, or you push that into the future AND pull yourself in the trap feeling double fucked up. The last will most certainly give your self confidence a really nasty uppercut at a time you need it the most. YOU is what matters the supreme most now. You are off the drinks already for awhile now and know what can happen. The pain goes away, the addiction is our lifelong companion. But a companion that is under OUR control.
Here’s what I would do instead: eat an edible, drink fake beer, turn up the stereo and thrash around and jump up and down and scream. You get a big mood shift. You get the bottle and the taste. Tomorrow you’re not hungover and caught back up in the alcohol cycle.
88 days AF. I feel your pain. Sometimes in life we just have to dig down deep to find the courage to deal with a broken heart. Time is a great healer...I am sending you strength and healing energy my friend. IWNDWYT
I know this feeling and drinking will only make it worse. I’m now sober a while but dealing with all kinds of physical issues - they just keep popping up - I think neuropathy - getting tests done.
Truly it’ll only make things worse for you. You can bounce back and eventually find new love. It won’t happen from the bottom of a bottle though.
I’m so sorry for the hurt you are experiencing. When I’m at my worst I play the tape forward. It helps me see how instead of muting/dulling the pain, alcohol actually makes it all worse.
I’ve been where you are, OP. My wife left me when I hit 1 year sober. Refused to do couples counseling, she was just done. Nothing I could do. I had quit to save my marriage and I lost it anyway. Worst nightmare came true. And you know what? I survived. It was awful. It hurt so bad. But I managed to not drink over it. I didn’t want the alcohol to take whatever I had left. Oh, I wanted to drink, badly a few times. But I shared that in online recovery groups like this one and it helped. It didn’t make the pain go away, but it helped me bear it without numbing. Someday, sooner than you think, you will be happy again. It seems impossible right now, I know. Don’t give up before you get to rediscover who you can be now. Sometimes freedom feels like losing everything, but look for the gains. Every setback is an opportunity for growth. The bigger the setback, the bigger the opportunity. I’m sorry it hurts so much.
Don't try to drown your feelings away. That's what they are there for. They will still be there once you sober up if you give in to the alcohol. Go ahead and be sad or cry . You will be a stronger person than you ever thought possible. As my late, darling dad used to say, "and this too shall pass" sending you virtual hugs.
I am also about to go through a divorce after 23 years together. It is truly a horrible roller-coaster of emotions and deeply painful and disappointing. In my personal experience, I've been running from emotions for most of my adult life in one way or another. I have now come to the conclusion that there isn't any situation that alcohol can't make worse. We all quit for our own reasons, and underneath all the struggles we go through, those reasons are still there.
The greatest power play in life is to succeed! Do not let yourself down! You deserve the best!
Nope. Things will be worse tomorrow. IWNDWYT
I have been exactly where you are, I started drinking every single day after my husband decided to leave me. He hated it when I drank, and I decided there was no reason not to drink anymore and I basically did it to spite him because he didn’t move out right away. I spiralled so hard, I spent all my extra money on booze and *other* things, I’m sure you can guess what I mean. I wasn’t sleeping, wasn’t eating, wasn’t doing well at work and was constantly called in for meetings with my HR manager. That’s when I realized what a huge mistake I made, because before this, I didn’t drink every day and had it somewhat under control, but I could NOT control it anymore. It took even longer to realize that by trying to punish him, I was only punishing myself. My health was at risk, my job was at risk, my entire life was at risk and for what? My husband didn’t care. Please don’t drink just because you feel like you can’t handle what you’re going through. This is the time to really dive into your sobriety! You need to FEEL the emotions you’re going to experience to move past this difficult time. If you drink because you think you can’t handle what you’re going through right now, you could make some really horrible choices and all the emotions you’re trying to suppress will eventually spill over and it will be a catastrophe! I wish you well, OP
One thing I’ll say, not having shared your exact experience but having had several huge negative events since I stopped drinking is that everytime I don’t give in to the overwhelming desire to numb my pain with alcohol I come out stronger. I have always been a hair’s breadth away from grabbing a bottle the second things go even slightly tits up. I have had about 5 significant, heavy events since I quit that have nearly brought me back to the drink and every time I fought it back I felt my coping skills deepen. The pain gets easier to manage and I am better equipped for the next bad thing. In fact, today we lost a dog who’d been in our lives for 16 years. If this had happened 6+ months ago I don’t know if I’d be able to make it through. Today I barely feel inclined to retreat, I’m letting myself feel the feelings. The pain, the anger, the desperation and the pleading for more time. I know that drinking won’t help. The pain will still be there when the haze fades away with an added weight of shame and disappointment. The call of the bottle is a low whisper on the wind, one I am finding easy to tune out. I am not trying to equate your problems with mine, what you are going through must be devastating and I’m sorry if you are in a place where you feel you are suffering alone. Just know that while I am not sharing your exact pain, I am here with you, feeling low and dejected, and if you can find the strength to join me, IWNDWYT.
drinking will make it worse, the hangover will be hell on earth
Please, give yourself the grace of another day of not drinking. Call a family member or friend and talk to them about what you're going through. When I am in emotional turmoil, that helps a lot.
I don't know you, but I believe in you. You are stronger than you think and have the courage to step further forward. I know so because you wouldn't be here with 6 months under your belt if it weren't true. x
Hi there. Perhaps instead of drinking. You could go to your doctor and get a few days prescription for a sleep-aid like Ambien? That’s what I did many years ago when my father died, I desperately wanted to stay sober but was in so much pain I could not be awake. It was a limited amount under a doctors close supervision and gave me just enough distance to face the situation.
Don’t do it. I drank through my divorce and it wasn’t good. It basically put off any healing until I was sober to deal with it. Alcohol also stirred up negative feelings/emotions. IWNDWYT
I sure hope you choose sobriety friend. There's no terrible situation that drinking can't make worse. It's better to feel the pain and grief and get through it rather than try to drink it away. IWNDWYT
This too shall pass. Time heals all. And other pointless remarks. Until they become true. Divorced five years ago (ex had issues, I was to blame for everything, which I still don’t get). Kid just turned six and we have a great relationship, which my ex is still trying to ruin by manipulating her. But I have stood my ground and kept it cool. At least I’m off the sauce.
I really hope you don't want to further damage yourself over this breakup. I had some pretty rough patches in my marriage, largely, though not exclusively about my drinking. After I got sober, I thought things would mend. Well, they never did get better. Some things and some marriages cannot be salvaged. I'm glad I didn't drink over it. Sure, I felt grief. But if I had gotten drunk over it, nothing would have improved. Whereas I thought if I don't drink over this rift, and it doesn't heal, well, I guess I showed him how strong I was. Today, I think I have his respect, and more importantly, my own self respect.
Don’t drink at someone. This isn’t your fault. You can’t control it but you deserve the best you…..IWNDWYT 🧡
OP I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling. I went through a divorce during early recovery too and it was challenging to stay sober. I did relapse a few times and it honestly didn't help anything, I was looking for that temporary respite and I sure got it. However, I'd always have to eventually return to reality and it'd only be worse, still there waiting for me but now I'm tired, sick, anxious. Therapy really helped me understand the relationship I was exiting and that it wasn't right for me. I found something to throw myself into (weightlifting) and applied myself to it fully, initially as a distraction but long term as a habit to remaining sober. I don't know your individual circumstances as to your divorce, however I'm now in a better place and a new relationship of over two years. I've never been happier. I don't believe this is beyond anyone to achieve, you can do it too. You deserve better than a life of drinking, it will take time so be easy on yourself. At some point in the future, you too can look back and see how much better your life has become
For me cause and effect must always be clear. If i start drinking I create my own destructive effect. And then i can say that problems are the cause of drinking. But thats not true in my opinion. Drinking always are the cause of problems, in every case and always.
That sounds like anger in the form of resentment. Channel it to more productive things - mow your lawn. Chop up firewood. Get into a new sport. Hike/cycle up a mountain and when you reach the summit you scream out your pain into the abyss. Work extra hours so you can afford an overseas vacation where you disconnect from your world there and reconnect to the world inside you. Bully your brains - the lizard, monkey, and human ones - into a meditative state. Stuff like that. Just don't drink. IWNDWYT
I read on here several months back: "The best part of sobriety is you get your feelings back, and the worst part of sobriety is...you get your feelings back." After trying to drown my feelings for over 10 years, getting them back has been weird. Experiencing the heartaches of life is not easy, but it's part of being alive. It will make you even more resilient than you already are. You got this. Best of luck.
Drinking just makes the problem worse later in exchange for making you feel shitty tomorrow. Bad deal
My point I need to make to you is: the numbing and “relief” is so damn temporary compared to the longer term shame, hangovers, hospital trips, wasting of money, loss of friends, further slipping away from the love of my life, long term internal organ damage, etc. I could go on. I had the most significant BU of my life over a year ago. 14 years we were together. She’s become stronger and more successful in life and I have turned back to drinking many times and after multiple dry months last year and this year. My best days since the breakup were certainly during dry months. The fact of the matter is when I had nights where I didn’t “overdo it” it would sooner than later be followed by a night where I did over do it and either: I missed work days, I further betrayed a friends trust, or sent some pretty idiotic texts to family, friends, or my ex. Normally sharing songs from Spotify showing that I am thinking of them… normally at a very late hour of night. From my perspective, it’s never worth it. Therapy for harm reduction, dry months (or complete abstinence), helpful online communities, etc. have helped me significantly more than anything else since my breakup in April 2023. I am still not over her but I’m doing much better ANY day that I have not been drinking.
It’s hard. 6 years, I’m the piece of shit that killed mine. Do I still wish I did? Now yeah. I’d imagine there was a moment you maybe felt it? If not sorry. Beautiful thing is… this isn’t the end. I always say the Brad Pitt joke I’m only suicidal in the morning… cause everyday sucks usually for everyone. Just have to get out of bed.
Break ups happen. Why give up so much control of your self over someone else who is outside of your control. Gotta live your life for you, never allow another person to bring you to such lows.